The Way That I Love You    The Way That I Love You by Iris Gray

 Author's webpage: http://victoria.tc.ca/~wy236/fic.html

  

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 The Way That I Love You 

 Ray Vecchio was not a happy individual. He had recently admitted to
himself - though not to any other human being - that he was in love with
his partner, and best friend, Benton Fraser. His best friend who happened
to be a man. 

 Ray had tried to convince himself that the way he felt about Benny was
brotherly love. His real brother was estranged from the rest of the family
and Ray missed him. But no, the way he felt about Fraser was definitely
not brotherly. His heart - and parts of his body lower than that - told
him differently. //I am definitely a sick man// Ray told himself. Yes, to
be entirely objective, one could see that Fraser was very attractive. But
he was a man. Ray didn't get attracted to other men. Not that he would
admit, anyway. He was an Italian Catholic cop. Triple overkill as far as
being macho was concerned. It was true that the church had softened its
stance on homosexuality in recent years. Now they said that having
feelings for members of the same sex was not sinful, but acting on those
feelings was. Ray didn't know why that concerned him - he'd done things
that the church disapproved of before, such as divorcing his wife, Ange. 

 Then he'd tried to convince himself that maybe being in love with Benny
was not such a bad thing. They were close friends. They enjoyed each
other's company. They could almost read each other's minds when they
worked together. Ray's family liked Benny. Ray probably spent more time
with the Mountie than he did with his family, actually. He knew that he
enjoyed Benny's company more than that of any of the women he'd dated. But
his sister Francesca was in love with the Mountie herself, and his mother
was very traditional. The news that her son was in love with another man
would not sit well with her, Ray was sure. 

 What concerned Ray most was what Fraser's reaction would be if he ever
found out that his best friend was in love with him. The Canadian seemed
so innocent sometimes. Ray wasn't certain how much of it was real and how
much was an act. He didn't want to frighten Benny. Nor did he want to lose
him as a friend. 

 Well, he couldn't sit here obsessing about it all day. He had work to do.
He turned back to the papers littering his desk. Suddenly the lieutenant's
voice boomed across the squadroom. "Vecchio! My office! Now!" //I am
obviously doomed not to get any work done today// Ray said to himself as
he responded to the summons. "Yeah, lieutenant, what is it? I'm kinda busy
right now." Then he saw the look on Welsh's face. Whatever he had been
called for was serious. 

 "Vecchio, get your ass over to County General ASAP. Constable Fraser has
just been taken to the Emergency room. He's in critical condition." Ray
thought he felt the blood drain from his body. He wasn't certain if his
heart was still beating. Benny was in the hospital? In critical condition?
"What - what happened?" he stammered. The lieutenant sighed. 

 "He was the victim of a severe beating. Looks like it came from some
members of the Zuko family." 

 Ray felt sick. He had a long association with the Zuko family, and he
wasn't particularly proud of the way he'd behaved last time he'd
encountered Frankie Zuko. Someone had planted a bomb in Ray's Riviera, and
instead of killing Ray, it had killed Detective Louis Gardino. Zuko had
been the prime suspect in the bombing, and Fraser had risked his
reputation - and his relationship with Ray - to prove that Zuko had been
set up. At the time, Ray had believed himself in love with Frankie's
sister, Irene, which made the situation even more volatile. Vecchio's
obsession with his childhood nemesis had caused him to ignore all the
evidence Fraser had discovered that led away from Frank Zuko. In fact, Ray
had treated his partner pretty badly. It was not until Irene Zuko was
dead, and Benny had stayed with Ray at the hospital to comfort him, that
he had realized just how badly. Yet Benny had never said a word about it.
Why would Frank Zuko pick on Benny now? It had been Benny who had proved
him innocent of the bombing. If Zuko really was behind this, Ray would
kill him. He was surprised at how calmly he came to that decision. Then he
realized Welsh was still talking. 

 "Vecchio, stay away from Frank Zuko. Go be with your partner. There's
plenty of cops here who have no love for the Zuko family. We'll get him.
Now go." 

 Ray broke every traffic law in Chicago getting to the hospital. On his
way he thought of the numerous times Fraser had been there for him. The
time he had pulled Ray out of the trunk of a car submerged in Lake
Michigan. The time he'd jumped on Ray and covered Ray's body with his own
when Suzanne Chapin was firing at him (though Fraser had later pointed out
that she had deliberately missed). The time he'd deliberately had himself
sent to jail in order to protect Ray, who had been sent there for contempt
of court. Had Benny been the victim of some twisted vendetta Frankie Zuko
had against Ray? He knew that Benny would do anything for him, even risk
his life, and if he'd thought that Zuko was coming after Ray...He didn't
even want to think about it. If this incident had anything to do with him,
Ray would never forgive himself. He had a hard enough time living with the
fact that he had shot Benny, albeit accidentally. All the times he'd
teased Benny about women, accusing him of not knowing anything about the
opposite sex, and it had turned out that Fraser had a woman in his life
after all - she just turned out to be the Psycho Bitch From Hell. 

 After what seemed like forever, Ray arrived at the hospital. Sliding down
the corridor to the nurses' station in the ER, he was greeted by an
obviously pregnant nurse who introduced herself as Carol. When he inquired
about Fraser, she asked, "Are you family?" "Yes!" Ray answered hotly, then
added, "At least, I'm his next of kin. He doesn't have any other family.
I'm legally entitled to make decisions. Where is he? Can I see him? How is
he?" Ray had the feeling he was babbling but couldn't stop himself. 

 "I'll take you to him," Carol answered. "Doctor Corday is just about to
take him into surgery. We'll know more about his condition after that."
She escorted Ray into an exam room where Benny was lying on a gurney,
ready to go to the operating room. Ray swallowed hard and stifled a gasp
when he saw Fraser's condition. Every visible part of his body was covered
in bruises. His eyes were swollen almost completely shut. Ray wanted to
cry. Instead he moved to Ben's side and took his hand. "Benny? Can you
hear me?" he asked, trying as hard as he could to keep his voice sounding
normal. 

 "R..Ray?" came a whispered reply. "Have to....to..tell you..." 

 "Sssh, Benny, you don't have to tell me anything right now. Save it for
later. They're gonna take you to surgery. You want to save your strength."


 "Important...tell you...before it's too late..." Fraser continued. 

 "Benny, there won't be any 'too late', okay? You're going to surgery and
I'll be right here waiting for you when you come out. There'll be lots of
time for you to tell me anything you want to after that." Seeing the
orderlies coming to take Fraser to the OR, Ray leaned over and gently laid
a kiss on his friend's forehead. *Hell, I'm Italian, nobody will think
anything of my kissing my best friend* he told himself. He then whispered
in Benny's ear, "I love you, Benny. I'll see you soon." He wasn't sure,
but he thought he felt Fraser squeeze his hand slightly in response. Then
they took him to surgery, and Carol showed Ray to the waiting area. 

 After he had been waiting for a short time, Ray saw someone approaching
the waiting room. It was Frankie Zuko himself, accompanied by two of his
'associates.' Ray's first impulse was to pound the mobster's head in, but
he knew he couldn't take the two goons as well, so he would have to remain
calm. "What do you want, Frankie?" Vecchio asked. "Come to see the results
of your work? Maybe to finish it?" 

 "Vecchio," said Zuko, "I know that the two of us will never be friends,
but Irene loved you, God knows why, and the Mountie proved I didn't blow
up your car. I owe him. It wasn't me that had him beaten. I want to find
out who did, just like you do." 

 "Say that I believe you, which I'm not sure I do, who would do this and
lay the blame on you?" asked Ray. 

 Zuko threw up his hands. "I don't know. I have enemies. Does he have
enemies?" 

 "Fraser? Enemies? You've gotta be kidding. Everybody loves him. Even the
people he arrests like him. Why would *your* enemies go after Fraser?" 

 Frank thought for a moment. "They weren't necessarily after him, Ray;
they were after *you.* And me. They figured if they could make it look
like I did this to him, you'd come after me. If you actually killed me, my
people would make short work of you. And if you came after me and I got
you first, I'd go to jail for a good long time for killing a cop. Either
way, both of us would be out of the way." 

 Ray nodded. "I hate agreeing with you, Frankie, but I think you're right.
It makes sense. But who could want both of us that badly?" 

 "It has to be someone inside my organisation. Outsiders wouldn't know the
history between you and me. I'll send some of my people to do some
sniffing around." 

 "Frank, if you find out who did this to Fraser - would you let me take
care of them? I want to get them just as much as you do, even more, but
Benny would want them dealt with the legal way." 

 Zuko sighed. "All right. But not for you - I'll do it for him. Like I
said, I owe him." 

 Vecchio nodded. "Thanks, Frankie." 

 Zuko didn't say anything as he turned and walked away. 

 After an eternity, Carol returned, telling Ray that Fraser was out of
surgery and in recovery. "Doctor Corday will be by in a minute to give you
an update on his condition," she added. "Ah, here she is now." An
attractive redheaded woman appeared. "Detective Vecchio? I'm Elizabeth
Corday, Deputy Chief of Surgery. I operated on Constable Fraser." 

 "How is he?" Ray asked, trying to hide the fear and anxiety he was
feeling. 

 "Extremely lucky, as a matter of fact. He has a few broken ribs, but none
of them pierced his lungs. There was some internal bleeding, but we were
able to take of it quite easily. He had a ruptured spleen which we had to
remove. His nose is broken. He has a concussion, but it is not as severe
as we feared at first. We will keep him under close observation for the
next few days, however; if he shows any signs of brain damage we may send
him across town to Chicago Hope - they have one of the best neurosurgeons
in the country. He has several defensive injuries, including a broken
wrist. Will you need this information for your police report?" 

 "Doctor, right now I'm here as Benny's best friend, not as a cop. You'll
probably be contacted by one of the other detectives at the 27th in a day
or two. All I want to know is, will he be okay?" 

 "Barring any unforseen complications, yes, I think he will be. He is very
strong and in excellent physical condition," replied the doctor. 

 "Can I see him?" asked Ray. 

 "Yes, but not for long. He is still unconscious and likely will be for
some time. Remember, he just had major surgery," said Corday. "I will take
you to his room." 

 Doctor Corday took Ray to Fraser's room, reminded him not to stay too
long, and left. 

 "Hey, Benny, it's me. I'm back," Ray said softly to the sleeping figure
of his friend. "The doc doesn't want me to stay too long, but I promised
I'd be here when you got out of surgery. I want you to know that I will
find the guys who did this to you. I'll bring them in. I wish I could do
to them what they did to you, but I know you don't want that. So I'll do
my best to keep it legal, go by the book, okay? Don't worry about
anything. I'll take care of Diefenbaker. I'll run interference with the
Dragon Lady 'till you're better. And if there's anything you need, just
tell me, okay? But you concentrate on getting better. Hunting bad guys is
gonna be tough without you there to taste everything." 

 Ray gently brushed his fingers through Ben's hair. "I don't know what I'd
do if anything ever happened to you, Benny. I can't imagine you not being
here. " //I don't *want* to imagine you not being here// he added
mentally. 

 A nurse approached and told Ray that he shouldn't stay much longer. He
considered arguing, but he wanted to fetch Diefenbaker, and also start
working on finding Ben's attackers. He nodded and the nurse left. "I have
to go now, Benny, but I'll be back as soon as I can. " He squeezed
Fraser's hand. "I love you," he whispered, then left. 

 On his way home, he stopped at Fraser's apartment to pick up Diefenbaker,
then went to the precinct. Detective Huey met him as he entered. "Ray,"
said Huey, "we got the guys that beat up Big Red. They've confessed. They
said that they work for Zuko." 

 "Doesn't that strike you as just a bit too easy, Jack?" asked Ray.
"Mobsters don't just walk into a police station and confess." 

 Huey looked as if he hadn't considered that possibilty. Ray went into
Welsh's office. "Lieutenant," he said, "Frank Zuko is being set up, and
whoever is doing it wants me to go after him. That's why they sent those
guys to get Fraser." 

 "Detective, that is a very interesting theory," replied the Lieutenant.
"How about providing some proof?" 

 "I'll get it, sir," said Ray. "Whoever's behind this won't get away with
it." 

 "If you say so, Vecchio. But be careful. I don't want to get a call
saying that you're in the hospital next." 

 "Don't worry about me, sir," said Ray. Welsh shook his head. "I always
do, Detective." Ray grinned and walked out of the office. He wondered if
Huey would let him talk to the suspects. He walked over to the
interrogation room. As soon as Diefenbaker saw the two men through the
one-way glass, he started barking and growling. "They're the ones, eh,
Dief? All right. I'll get them. They won't ever hurt Fraser again. Not if
I have anything to say about it," Ray assured the wolf. He knocked on the
window and Huey emerged. "Mind if I talk to these guys - unofficially?" he
asked. The detective frowned. "Ray, you know what Welsh said." "Welsh said
for me to stay away from Frank Zuko. Do you see Frank Zuko anywhere?" Huey
relented and Ray entered the small room, Diefenbaker close behind him. 

 "All right, fellas, listen up. You know and I know that you don't work
for Frankie Zuko. You will tell me who you really work for, or I will let
the wolf here - " he indicated Diefenbaker, "rip your throats out." Dief
stepped forward and growled menacingly to prove Ray's point. 

 "How do you know we don't work for Zuko?" one of the men asked, showing
some bravado he probably didn't feel. 

 "Because if you did, you wouldn't have said anything. You'd have kept
your mouths shut out of fear that your boss would have you permanently
silenced if you didn't," Ray explained. Just then his cell phone rang.
"Dief, keep an eye on these bozos," Ray told the wolf as he stepped into a
corner of the room and answered the call. It was Zuko. "I have a lead,
Ray. It isn't one of my guys after all. It's a peep named Sal Modigliani -
small-time hoodlum from the neighbourhood who had a crush on Irene. Went
out with her once or twice and she used to complain he wouldn't leave her
alone after she broke things off. From what I hear, he blames both of us
for her death." Ray wasn't surprised to hear that. He'd blamed himself for
Irene's death - when he hadn't been blaming Frankie - for a long time. It
had been Fraser who had finally convinced him that laying blame was futile
- it wouldn't change anything, and it wouldn't bring her back. Irene's
death had been a stupid, tragic accident, and that was all. "Do you have
any proof, Frank? Something I can take to my lieutenant?" 

 There was an audible pause from Frank. "Let's just say I can get some. It
may not be strictly by- the-book, though." 

 "Will it stand up in court?" Ray asked. 

 "Yes. I'll run it by my own lawyers first before I hand it over to you.
I'll make sure Modigliani doesn't get away with this, Vecchio. For Irene's
sake as well as for your Mountie." 

 "Okay, Frankie. Thanks." There was no reply from Zuko before he ended the
call. //When did Fraser become *my* Mountie?// Ray wondered. He turned
back to the two men that Dief was currently menacing. "Guess what, fellas?
That was Frank Zuko himself. He says you don't work for him, and since we
don't have anything to prove you do, I guess we'll have to let you go.
Frank's dying to meet the two of you, and we've provided him with your
names and a full description of the both of you, you know, to see if it
rang any bells. " The two men turned pale. "Or, you can tell us everything
you know about a small-time gangster named Modigliani. " Ray paused to let
that information sink in, then he added, "Or, I could just leave you alone
with the wolf. See, he doesn't like it when people hurt his friends, do
you, Diefenbaker?" Dief barked and growled some more. 

 It didn't take long for the two men to spill everything they knew. Huey
took copious notes and sent some uniformed officers to pick up Modigliani.
"I don't know what you said to them, Ray, but we've got everything we need
to lock up them and their boss for a good long time." 

 "I owe a lot of it to Diefenbaker," Ray replied. He wasn't going to
mention Zuko's involvement. He probably wouldn't need Frank's 'evidence'
after all. Lt. Welsh approached Ray and Huey. "Gentlemen, it is almost
dawn. I suggest the two of you go home and get some sleep. Take the day
off. You both deserve it, and Vecchio, your mother has called me about a
dozen times already wanting to know when you'll be home, and I don't feel
like putting her off any longer." 

 "Understood, sir," said Ray. "Tell her I'm on my way and I'm bringing the
wolf." 

 "Vecchio," said Huey, "are you going to see Big Red today?" 

 "Yeah, I am, why?" 

 "Tell him I hope he gets well soon, will you?" 

 Ray smiled. "Sure will, Jack," he answered. 

 "Give your Mountie my best regards as well, Vecchio," added Lt. Welsh. 

 "Okay, Lieutenant. See you tomorrow." Ray left the precinct, again
wondering when Fraser had become 'his' Mountie. Were his feelings for his
partner that obvious? 

 After he'd showered and shaved, and fed Diefenbaker, Ray was back at the
hospital. He was pleased to see that Fraser was awake and alert. He was
also happy that he could tell Fraser that he had succeeded in catching the
men who had hurt him, and that he'd done it without breaking any rules.
"So, how are you feeling, Benny? Does it hurt?" he asked. 

 "Yes, Ray, it does," Fraser answered. 

 "Any idea when they'll spring you from this place?" 

 Ben frowned. "The doctors are concerned about the fact that I live alone.
They are reluctant to release me if I have no one to 'keep an eye on me'
as they put it." 

 "You can come home with me, Benny. I'll keep an eye on you," Ray said. 

 "You have to work, Ray." 

 "So, then my Ma will look after you. You know how much she enjoys feeding
you. She'd be overjoyed to have you around." 

 "As would your sister," said Benny. If he hadn't known better, Ray would
have thought the Canadian was being sarcastic. "Ma can keep Frannie in
line, Benny. Just say you'll do it, or I'll get Ma to come and persuade
you herself." 

 "Very well, Ray," said Fraser with a smile. "And thank you." 

 "You're welcome, Benny. What are friends for?" 

 "Ray, may I ask you something?" 

 "Sure, Benny, what is it?" asked Ray. 

 "Just before I was taken to surgery you said something to me. I believe
you said that you love me. Did you say that?" 

 //Uh-oh. I thought he was already unconscious when I said that. Damn. I
hope I didn't scare him or anything.// "Uh, yeah, I guess I did say that.
You're my best friend, right? Friends love each other, so why shouldn't I
say it?" 

 "There is no reason why you shouldn't say it, Ray. I was
merely...curious. Indeed, you are my best friend." 

 "Good," said Ray. "Then we understand each other." 

 "Actually, I am not certain that I do," said the Mountie. 

 "Not certain that you do what?" asked Ray, confused. 

 "Understand you. Are you saying that you love me as a friend? Only as a
friend?" 

 Ray opened his mouth to affirm that yes, that was the way he loved Benny,
but then he saw the look in Fraser's eyes and he stopped. The blue eyes
that met his showed pain and longing, even disappointment. "No, Benny. Not
as a friend. I'm...I'm in love with you, Benny. That's how I love you." 

 Ray was rewarded with a brilliant, relieved smile from his partner. "And
that is the way I love you also, Ray." 

 Ray hardly dared believe what he was hearing. "Do you really, Benny? You
love me? I never knew." 

 Benny reached for Ray's hand and held it tightly. "I do, Ray. I love you
very much. I am only sorry I did not tell you sooner. In fact, it was what
I was trying to tell you in the emergency room." 

 Ray leaned forward and kissed Fraser directly on the lips. They stayed
like that until Ray detected a wince coming from his friend. "Did I hurt
you, Benny?" he asked, suddenly frightened. 

 Fraser smiled and gingerly touched his nose. "I am afraid my nose is
broken, Ray, and while kissing you is definitely enjoyable, I must ask you
be a bit more careful." 

 "But there isn't a cast or anything on it," Ray observed. 

 "No, the doctor said that as long as it remains straight, I will not need
a cast." 

 "I'm sorry, Benny," said Ray. 

 "It's not your fault, Ray. You were not aware of my injury." 

 "It is my fault. The goons who attacked you were working for a guy who
went after you to get to me. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be here." 

 "Ray, Ray, Ray. You mustn't blame yourself. You had no way of knowing
that Mr. Modigliani blamed you for what happened to Irene, or that he
would target me. I know that you would never allow me to be hurt if you
could prevent it." 

 "How do you always know the right thing to say, Benny?" Ray asked. 

 "It is only the truth, Ray." 

 Ray kissed Benny again, being careful this time to avoid his nose. "The
truth is that I love you, Benny. With all of my heart. Forever." 

 "And I love you, Ray. Forever." 

 END 

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