Above all else Standard Disclaimer. They're (deep breath) not (inhale, exhale) mi-(dammit seven years of therapy I can do this.) MINE! They're MINE I tell you. All MINE. Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to sdelcul@mail.com or visit http://www.members.xoom.com/dueSou. Makes more sense if you read On Duty, and Off Duty first. Consider this one for Vix, who always has something nice to say. Above all else There is no duty we underrate as the duty of being happy. --Robert Louis Stevenson "And so she said, 'I saw him first.' And I said, 'All's fair in love and war.' And do you know what she did? She had the nerve to- Ray? Are you listening to me?" He blinked. "Hm? Yeah. 'Course." "Anyway, she had the nerve to accuse me of - " Her voice faded as he returned to his daydream. He escaped into his fantasies, ignoring the stop signs he normally hid behind. "I crashed the Riv." "That's nice, Fran." She glowered at him, but he didn't notice. "It's a worthless piece of junk." "Uh huh. You're right." If looks could kill, that one would have decimated populations. "I had sex with Benton." She grinned sourly at his double take. "You did not." "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. What would you know about it?" "I- Never mind. Look, I'm sorry I wasn't listening okay?" "Fine. But you have to hear what she said to me- she said that I - " He poured himself a cup of coffee and drank it staring out the window. "Ray? Ray. RAY!" "What!" "Geez. Who pissed in your cereal this morning?" "Nobody. What do you want?" He asked exasperated. His tone worried her. She'd never heard him sound so - tired. "Never mind, 's not important." She looked at him closely. She could see his jaw muscles tighten with strain, his hand trembling as he tried to keep still under her glance. "Are you okay?" "I'm -" He cut off. "Fine. I'm fine." "No, you're not. What's up?" "Nothing." "And I'm the Queen of England. What's up? You look like you've been up all night." She took a closer look. "Actually, you look like you haven't slept in a month. It's late, why don't you go to bed?" "I'm fine." "No, you're not. Come on, you always listen to me when I've got men trouble." He laughed at that. "You always have men trouble." "So what is it? Women trouble? Don't give me that look. I'm perfectly willing to spend half the night yelling at you until you tell me what's wrong." "No, I'm not having women trouble." He replied honestly. "I'm fine." That was a lie, and she wasn't fooled. "So you're a big man, is that it? Too macho to admit you might have a girl problem?" "I'm not being macho-" "Oh please. You always say that - " "Listen Frannie, why don't you just go to bed?" "You think no one will notice. You go around, pretending, hoping that no one will look too closely and see that you're just a hypocrite. If you would just swallow your pride, you'd realize that you aren't fooling anyone. You're miserable. Fine. If you want to be Mr. Moody, go right ahead. Don't come to me for help." She stomped out of the room, pissed. "Great." He muttered to himself. "Another relationship I messed up." His coffee was cold. He had just made another pot of coffee when there was a knock at the door. Surprised, he let Fraser in. "What's up?" "We need to talk, Ray." "No, we don't, Fraser. We're fine. I'm fine. Just - fine." But that was a lie, because he couldn't just say, hey Fraser, I need a hug, could he? No, it didn't work like that. How it would go was that he'd set it up like it was any other reasonably normal night. And if it wasn't what he wanted, who was he to complain? "You haven't called me Benny in days." "What are you talking about? Of course I have." "No, you haven't. Not since-" "Fraser-" "See? I'm sorry. I thought we could handle this." He turned and walked out before Ray could stop him. Upset, he didn't get up when Frannie came back into the room. "Ray? Is something wrong with Benton?" "Uhm, why do you ask?" "Well, I just saw him leave. He didn't even respond when I flirted with him." "Just because he doesn't feel that way towards you doesn't mean there's something wrong with him. Maybe you're just not his type." He was becoming rather good at this obfuscation stuff. Too bad. "He seemed upset. I've never seen him like that." He didn't know how to respond to that. "You know what, though? I wish he was happy, even if it wasn't with me." She shrugged. "What do you mean?" "He deserves to be happy, Ray. Everyone does. Even you." "Thanks, Frannie." He couldn't resist hugging her tightly. "You're welcome. I think." "I love you, you know." She had a wonderful smile. "Hmph. I guess I love you too." Grabbing his keys, he went after Fraser. Benny. "I did it again. I messed up. I'm sorry. All of my rescues are gone. Benny. It's up to you now. If you can pretend that you're forgiven me, can we go back? Please?" "Ray, I can't pretend to forgive you-" He grabbed Ray's arm desperately to stop him from leaving. "-because there's nothing to forgive." Ray made an attempt at speech. "I understand that you have to take care of your family first. It's part of what I love about you. You always put others first." "I can't do it anymore. I can't be everything for everybody. Not even you." "I love you, Ray. I want you to be happy." "I am, Benny. Or rather I will be as soon as Ma knows. When everything's out in the open - I'm not hiding you anymore." To hell with the consequences. I need this. "Ray- you don't have to tell her." Ray stopped him. "Yes I do. I don't want to hide you, and I've never lied to Ma before. Not about the big stuff." "Would you like for me to come with you?" "Would you?" "Certainly." Since the children were in bed, the revelation came quickly and quietly. Frannie fainted, Maria muttered, and Ma accepted the news rather calmly. Overall, it was neither the best response nor the worst. But it was enough. Finally they would fulfill all the promise of their meeting in Las Vegas. They would be together forever. He's asleep finally. I don't want to go to sleep. From where I am, I can hear his heart beating. I can hear his breathing, soft and quiet. I love watching him even though I know that if he was awake, it would bother him. That's why I watch him at times like this, when it won't bother him. Sometimes I can't believe that he's here. In my life, in my bed, in my arms, and most especially in my heart, for good. This time, Ray won't be getting up early to leave. Fraser smiled, and went back to sleep.