control	Story occurs shortly after Strange Bedfellows, so minor
spoilers for the episode.  PG-13 for some mature scenes and language.
Thanks to Mary Ann as always for her continued support and for Bonnie and
Jen for their wonderful feedback on my writting. 
  

By Amethyst 
 feedback please!!! JUST STAY CALM 

 
 
 

         Stanley Raymond Kowalski awoke in the hospital, he felt as though
he had been turned inside out, shaken over an old fashioned washing board
then rolled back right side in again. He was nauseous, his throat hurt.
His head pounded and he was trembling. He followed the IV tube from his
arm to the liquid sack above him and blinked rapidly to focus his eyes. 
         How had he ended up here? Last thing he remembered was taking
some sleeping pills to get back to sleep at his apartment. Had he taken
too many? He tried to remember but it was a bit of a blur and his head
hurt with the effort. He turned his head and noticed a red form by the
window. 
         "F...Frase?" he croaked and the Mountie turned, his blue eyes
dark with concern as he approached the bed. 
         "Ray." He breathed relief. "Are you all right? You scared me so."

         "H...how did I get here, Fraser?" Ray inquired and the Mountie
told him. 
         "Why did you do it, Ray?" Fraser demanded and Ray stared at him
confused. 
         "Do what, Buddy?" 
         "Try to commit suicide." Fraser returned and watched the blonde's
eyes widen in horror. 
         "What?" he demanded outraged. "I...I never...I just took a couple
a sleepin' pills, Fraser, it was an accident!" 
         "Why did you take the pills Ray?" Fraser asked and Ray sensed he
did not believe him. 
         "I haven't been sleepin' real good." He admitted quietly,
deciding not to elaborate on the reason,  Fraser did not need to here more
of Ray's whining about his ex-wife. It had been nearly a week since the
incident with the Alderman yet Ray couldn't get passed his feelings for
Stella. "I had a nightmare last night and couldn't get back to sleep so I
took a couple of pills to help. Dat ain't against da law Fraser and I did
not do it on purpose. If I was gonna off myself den I'd just blow my
brains out, not do it slowly." 
         "I am afraid the doctors are concerned that it was not an
accident, Ray." Fraser frowned. 
         "Com'ahn Frase, ya gotta believe me." Ray insisted grabbing hold
of the Mounties's tunic and pulling him down to eye level. "I ain't da
suicide type. It was just an accident." He thought back to try and
remember how many he had taken but came up blank. "I swear I did not do
dis on purpose." A thought suddenly occurred to him. "Oh Jeeze, did you
tell Welsh? My folks? Please tell me my job ain't down da toilet Fraser?" 
         "I haven't spoken to anyone other than the doctors here, Ray."
Fraser assured; finding that he did actually believe the detective had
only taken too many pills accidentally. The door opened and a small woman,
with soft auburn hair and hazel eyes entered.  She wore a long white coat
over her blue slack suit and held a chart in her hands. She immediately
addressed Fraser. 
         "You'll have to leave now, Constable I have to ask Detective
Vecchio some questions." 
         "He stays." Ray insisted as he met Fraser's gaze intently. The
detective was terrified for some reason to be left alone, Fraser could see
it in his steal blue eyes that flickered with barely contained anxiety. 
         "As you wish, Ray." Fraser returned watching Ray reluctantly
release his grip on his tunic and allowing him to straighten up, though he
remained close by the bed, 
         "If it will make you feel more secure..." the Doctor began and
Ray groaned in frustration. 
         "Don't start dat crap." He ordered angrily. "I ain't insecure I
just want him here, he's my partner and whatever you gotta say can be said
in front of him." 
         "You are very angry right now aren't you, detective?" she asked. 
         "Damn right I..." his eyes narrowed as he sat up further in the
bed with Fraser's assistance. "Oh no you don't, yer not gonna screw wit my
head. I ain't always angry, I ain't suicidal and I love both my folks so
ya can stop yer text book anaylizin' right now." 
         "I don't recall saying any of those things." The doctor pursed
her lips. "Why are you so defensive?" 
         "I don't trust doctors." Ray stated coolly. "And before ya start
askin' why and how far in my past does dat go, pretty damn far, so just
leave me alone and gimmie a release form so I can get outta here." 
         "I cannot do that, Detective." She stated calmly. "You are under
forty eight hour observation." 
         "Fer what?" 
         "We pumped your stomach and found an alarming amount of sedatives
inside, along with the fact that your partner found you unconscious in
your apartment, so why do you think you are being watched?" Ray winced,
that was why he felt like he'd been through the ringer, a stomach pump, he
was glad he had been unconscious then. 
         "I took a couple pills to many." He deflected, though he couldn't
imagine he'd swallowed more then three, even half asleep, and that
shouldn't be enough to warrant their concern. "I couldn't sleep and maybe
I wasn't entirely awake when I took dem, but dat doesn't make me
suicidal." 
         "Why couldn't you sleep?" 
         "Don't you ever have nights when ya can't sleep?" he demanded and
she nodded. 
         "Occasionally." She admitted calmly. "But I don't ingest half a
bottle of sleeping pills to get back to a normal sleeping pattern." Ray
stared at her in shock. 
         "Half...!" he sputtered. "I...I took two maybe three! Where da
hell ya get off sayin' I took half a freakin' bottle?" 
         "Constable Fraser found the bottle in your hand and you on the
floor, Detective." The doctor informed. "And judging by the milligrams we
found in your system it substantiates his concern that you overdosed."
Ray's eye narrowed on the Mounties's accusingly and Fraser found himself
taking a step back reflexively. 
         "I was worried, Ray." He insisted quickly in the face of his
friend's anger. "It looked...you were unconscious and the bottle was there
I...I had to bring it with me to show them what you had taken." Ray
continued to stare at him in betrayal and disbelief. 
         "Why were ya even dere, Fraser?" he demanded. 
         "Ray I am sorry if I misjudged the situation but you've seemed
upset since the night we saved your ex-wife's from that bomb and..." 
         "Shut up Fraser!" Ray screamed at him. "You just shut yer
stinkin' hole! Ya don't know nothin' about me and Stella so just shut it!"

         "Ray please I am sorry I..." 
         "Yer sorry!" Ray repeated furiously. "Ya butt in ta my personal
affairs where ya don't belong, come ta my home when ya weren't invited,
den set me up fer da freakin' psycho ward 'cause I was feelin' a little
lonely earlier?" 
         "Ray I never meant..." Fraser tried again but Ray had turned away
from him, his jaw tightened in anger. 
         "Get outta here, Fraser." He hissed and Fraser bit his lower lip
contritely. 
          What had he done? Ray was right, he had no business going there
after the detective expressed the need to be alone, but he had been
worried about his partner. Ray had seemed sullen and moody all week and he
couldn't help but be concerned at all the time the detective was spending
alone. If Fraser hadn't shown up Ray might have died, whether it was an
accident or not. Couldn't the detective see he had just been trying to
help? 
         "Let's leave him be, for now, Fraser." The Doctor suggested, her
heart going out to the Mountie. "Everything will seem better in the
morning." Fraser looked like he wanted to say more, his Stetson clutched
anxiously in his hands, but then he nodded and moved with her toward the
door. 
         "Can...would you like me to bring you anything, Ray?" he offered
quietly and Ray shook his head, his hands now covering his eyes as if
shutting out his surroundings would somehow make it go away. 
         "You've done enough Fraser." He retorted and missed the
Mounties's wounded expression. 
          "I...I'll be back tomorrow then." He offered but Ray didn't
respond and Fraser left with a heavy heart. 
  

         Ray bolted awake and stared around disoriented, then remembered
where he was and settled back against the sheets of the uncomfortable
hospital bed. It had taken him awhile to doze off after Fraser had left,
the nurses checked on him every hour and he was past getting annoyed with
their watchful eyes and disapproving posture. He'd made a few obscene
gestures to the orderlies, but tried to maintain his decorum with the
female nurses. Only one nurse, a tall young man with red hair, had
actually ventured inside and that was to inject something into his saline
bag, a sedative apparently that Dr. Barry had ordered to help him sleep,
and he practically took her head off. Why would they give him more
sedatives, after a supposed overdose? Where was the logic in that? 
         Besides, what the hell did they think he was going to do, he was
in a hospital, aside from jumping out the window there weren't a whole
hell of a lot of ways to kill yourself. He supposed he could stab himself
repeatedly with his IV needle or attempt to smother himself with his own
pillow, but where was the romance in that? Not that suicide was romantic,
but death always held a certain romance for Ray, the way a person died,
not the act itself. He shook his head and purged the dark thoughts from
his mind; he was in enough trouble as it was. 
         He leaned over and switched on the small lamp, then picked up the
remote control and turned on the television set above him. He flipped
through the channels and finding nothing interesting, switched it off
again a moment later. God he was tired, and he was restless at the same
time. Lying in this bed was boring him to death, and giving him entirely
too much time to think, so he decided he'd get up and find his clothes, he
wanted out of here. He had just started to pull out his IV when a petite,
dark-haired nurse appeared and shot him a menacing look. 
         "If you pull that out after all the trouble I went through to get
it in you I will stick you some where much more sensitive next time." She
warned and Ray automatically left the tube alone and sat back. She smiled
brightly then entered and checked his vitals and the amount of solution he
had left in the bag above him. "You should be asleep anyway." 
         "I'm not tired." He lied. 
         "You look tired." She challenged calmly. 
         "Go pester someone else will ya?" he demanded grumpily. " The
Florence Nightingale act doesn't do it fer me." 
         "Good." She returned as she adjusted his covers. "Because I'm
about as far from Florence Nightingale as humanly possible." Ray grunted
as she wrapped a black Velcro bag tightly around his arm and pressed a
button on the machine behind him. He felt the bag tighten until his arm
and fingers began to tingle from lack of circulation, then it slowly
started to ease off as it recorded his blood pressure and she stuck a
thermometer in his mouth. 
         "Do I look like a Christmas turkey to you?" he demanded as she
continued to poke and prod him with her instruments. She was pretty, he
had to give her that, her hair was pulled back from her face and secured
under her little white cap, but Ray couldn't tell in the dim lighting if
it was a chestnut brown or a really pretty auburn. 
         "I don't know, but you do look about half baked." She teased and
he glared at her. She removed the thermometer, recorded the reading on his
chart and clucked her tongue deliberately. "You've got a fever Mr. Grinch.
Do you feel nauseous or dizzy?" 
         "Nah, I'm just hunky dory." He growled, refusing to admit that he
felt both. She nodded and noted it in his chart. 
         "Mr. Grinch feels hunky dory, got it." She returned sweetly, her
violet eyes twinkling merrily, as she hooked his chart on the end of the
bed. "Can I get you anything? A drink, some crackers, a book on manners?"
Ray was going to say something sarcastic again but he realized his throat
was incredibly dry. 
         "I'm a little thirsty." He admitted quietly. "I'd like a glass of
water please." 
         "Good God in heaven!" she proclaimed dramatically. "Yes Lord, he
can be taught, he wasn't completely raised by wolves." 
         "Are you gonna get me something to drink or not?" he demanded
angry at her teasing. 
         "Oh, right away oh Great Grumpy one." She assured backing toward
the door and bowing slightly as she smiled. "Don't go away I shall return
promptly with your refreshment sire." Ray scowled then felt a grin tugging
at the corner of his mouth. What a character she was. 
         He sighed and settled back more comfortably on his bed, raising
the head so he could sit up a little better. No, he hadn't been raised by
wolves, but his partner owned one. Thinking of Fraser again made him both
angry and melancholy at the same time, so he put that out of his mind as
well. He was just cranky to be in the hospital, especially with the given
circumstance of what brought him here. 
          Suddenly a heavy wave of nausea hit him and he barely made it to
the bathroom in time, dragging his IV pole with him. He felt a firm hand
on his back, making long smooth circles to counter the effect of his
ragged breathing and trembling body, then a moist cloth was pressed
against his flushed face. 
         "Okay now?" the nurse asked and Ray nodded weakly. Glad at least
the hospital gown he wore wasn't one of those tie in the back garments
that wound expose him if he moved too quickly. Her strong hands continued
to soothingly caress him until he was able to stand and she helped him
back to the bed. She pulled his covers up around him and helped hold the
glass of water she had brought him, for his own hands were shaking too
much to grip it properly. 
         "Thank you." He whispered hoarsely as he settled back against the
pillows. "I...I don't know why I did dat." 
         "It's your body telling you it needs rest." She confirmed.
"You're exhausted and whenever your body gets run down that way, you're
more susceptible to side effects such as vomiting, fevers, shakes,
fainting and fatigue. It's telling you it needs time to recover." 
         "I feel like crap." He sighed and she smiled again. 
         "I imagine you do." She agreed. "But you'll feel better after you
get a good rest." 
         "Don't want to sleep." He muttered. "Keep havin' bad dreams." 
         "Well, you can't go on not sleeping just because of a few
nightmares." She insisted. "You'll only make yourself worse." 
         "Doesn't matter." He refused wearily. "I can't sleep without
dreaming, unless I take pills to help me and I can't take da pills anymore
because dat's how I ended up here." 
         "It will get better." She offered softly and he shrugged. "Would
you like a magazine or something to read?" He shook his head. 
         "I just want outta here." He stated. "I hate people thinkin'
I..." he met her gaze firmly. "I swear I didn't do dis on purpose. I don't
know how all dose pills got in ta me, I only took a couple, I'd never take
more dan dat, not even if I was half asleep. 
          "I believe you." She replied and he regarded her suspiciously
for a moment, but found only the truth in her eyes and she smiled again.
"You're entirely too disagreeable and obnoxious to be that depressed." He
chuckled gratefully. 
         "What's yer name?" he found himself asking and she looked shy for
the briefest moment before answering. 
         "Ashley." Ray smiled. 
         "Dat's pretty." He murmured. "I'm Ray Ashley." He held his hand
out to her and she shook it warmly. "Nice ta meet ya." 
         "You're not such a Grinch after all." She commented and he ducked
his eyes, ashamed of his earlier behavior, but she just patted his hand.
"I'll be in later to check on you. Ring the desk if you need anything." He
nodded and she went out. 
  

         Ray sat in his vehicle over a high back wood's bridge, he had
gotten put of the hospital just a week before and there was something he
needed to do. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed the Consulate.
Fraser answered on the first ring. 
         "Ray?" he asked anxiously, obviously waiting for the call. 
         "Yah, it's me." Ray assured. "I forgot to call." 
         "Are you at home?" 
         "Yah, I'm gettin' ready for bed right now." He could hear the
relief in his partner's voice. 
         "That's good, Ray." He said. "You need the rest. I'll see you
later then." 
         "Yah, see ya Benton, buddy." 
         "Ray?" Fraser's voice called before he could disconnect. Ray put
the phone back to his ear. 
         "Yah?" 
         "Sweet dreams." 
         "Yah, you too." Returned Ray quietly. " Good-Bye Fraser." Ray hit
the end button on his phone then let it drop from his hand. He sat there
and revved the engine for a long time, feeling the power of the GTO
beneath him as it roared like a well-fed lion. He loved this car; he
helped his dad build this car. He smiled sadly; Damien Kowalski would
probably skin his son alive for putting so much as a nick in the fender or
a chip in the paint. 
         It was better this way. He never meant to hurt any of them he had
just wanted to be left alone. As he cursed himself and berated his
behavior, his foot pressed harder on the accelerator. It would be better
if he'd never been born-he would never have met, married and disappointed
Stella, he would never have gotten involved with the whole Vecchio
scenario, and never met Fraser. He glanced toward the sky alight with the
brightest stars he had ever seen as the faces of those he knew and loved
flooded his memory. His parents, Stella, Fraser, Francesca, Welsh, Hewy
and Dewey, Turnbull and Thatcher. All of them were foremost on his mind as
he released the brake and slipped the gear into drive. 
         "Sorry Dad." He sobbed as the car shot forward and plunged
through the wooden rails of the bridge down toward the dark depths that
awaited him. 
  

         Ray shot up in the hospital bed screaming and the same nurse that
had checked his vitals earlier rushed into his room. 
         "Ray!" she called, grabbing his flailing arms, before he tore out
his IV needle and speaking to him in a calm and soothing voice. "Ray,
you're okay. It was just a dream." He finally shook of the last vestiges
of the nightmare and met her concerned gaze. 
         "Jesus!" he whispered, unable to control his trembling as she
pulled him into her arms. "Oh God what is wrong wit me?" His voice sounded
so scared and forlorn, even to his own ears, that it only made him shake
more. 
         "You just had a nightmare." Ashley assured holding him. "You're
okay now." Ray shook his head and pulled back, gasping for breath that he
couldn't seem to catch. 
         "Dey're gettin' worse." He whimpered grabbing his hair and
pulling in frustration, needing the pain to ward off his fear. "I can't
stop 'em and I...dey're so real." 
         Ususally his dreams were just about loosing Stella when he was in
this state, he missed her and his min was reminding him how lonely he was,
but this time he had dreamed of killing himself, of committing the actual
act he was sitting here accused of. Was it just his subconscious reacting
to the days events or did he really have suicidal tendencies? Had he
overdosed intentionally? Was he going over the edge finally? 
         "Stay calm, Ray." She ordered. "Tell me about your dream it might
make you feel better." 
         Ray sat up slightly and opened his mouth to tell her, but then
promptly closed it again. What if she told someone else his dream, like
the doctor or the hospital shrink? What if they just added it to their
suspicions that he was suicidal? He knew how people like that could mess
with a persons head, twist things around so it looked really bad. 
         "N...no I...I don't wanna talk about it." He refused and she
sensed him closing himself off from her. "I...just leave me alone will ya?
I just wanna be left alone." Ashley masked her hurt well, she was used to
maintaining a calm and uninvolved exterior, but she worried that something
was terribly wrong. 
         "Sure." She replied easily backing away. "I'll let you rest then.
Call me if you need anything." Ray refused to reply, just continued to
stare at the wall in defiance. 
  

         Fraser entered the hospital later that day, having just gotten
off work and he hoped Ray would be in a better mood and that they would
release him today. He didn't really believe his friend and partner had
tried to kill himself, that simply wasn't something Ray would do and
Fraser cursed himself for ever thinking the detective would. He had just
been so worried about the depressed state his friend had been in after
leaving Stella's and when he found Ray later that evening, unconscious on
the floor of his living room with the pills in his hand he...he paused
suddenly. 
         That didn't really make sense now did it? If Ray had truly been
trying to kill himself, why would he do it in his living room and not back
in the bedroom? By the same token, if he had only meant to take a couple
of pills to sleep, why then hadn't he returned to bed and waited for them
to work? Something was wrong here but Fraser couldn't put his finger on
it, not yet. Perhaps after he spoke with Ray he would be able to deduce
more then mere speculation. 
         He reached Ray's floor and started down the hall toward room 305,
startled when a young nurse came bolting from the room followed by a
dinner tray. He quickly hurried forward and assisted the frazzled nurse,
who was trying to gather the food from the floor with shaking fingers. 
         Another nurse walked up, observing the situation grimly. Fraser
placed her at just around 5'6" if that, rather plain, with a round but
pretty face, dark hair and petite stature. Her one remarkable feature were
her eyes, which were an intense violet and sparkled like amethysts under
long thick lashes. She looked tired but determined as she snatched another
tray off the mobile cart and stalked into Ray Kowalski's room, followed
quickly by Fraser, who remained just inside the door. 
         "Listen here, Grinch." The woman warned slamming the tray down on
the table next to the detective. "If you throw one more thing I will
personally give you the biggest enema I can find so you will be strapped
to the toilet for a week!" 
         "I don't want food I want out of here, now!" Ray demanded
angrily, though Fraser noticed his partner made no move for a repeat
performance with the new tray. "I've been observed now get the doctor in
here and have me released!" 
         "I'm going to have you released into the atmosphere if you don't
calm down!" the nurse threatened. "You've been terrorizing our staff all
day and I've had enough. You'll be released when the doctor says you are
released and not before." Ray seemed to calm somewhat; enough to look
harried by her declarations. 
         "I want to go home." He almost whined. "I don't want ta be here,
Ashley, dey think I'm a candidate fer da funny farm." Ashley's face
softened somewhat. 
         "You aren't proving them wrong by throwing tantrums, Ray." She
reminded. "I know you want to be out of here, but the doctors have to do
their job, as long as that takes and you have to relax and not give them
anything to worry over." 
         "I'm tryin'." He vowed shaking his head. "I just feel really
weird about bein' here. I don't like hospitals." 
         "Ray?" Fraser interrupted and they both turned to look at him. He
was almost glad at the relief that swept over his friend's agitated
features at the sight of him, perhaps Ray was no longer angry with him.
"May I come in?" 
         "Yes!" the detective encouraged eagerly, waving him inside. "Yah,
com'ahn in. Please fer God's sake come in." Fraser stepped up to the bed
and nodded politely to Ashley as he removed his hat, Good lord he felt
like a giant next to her. Ray quickly made the introductions. "Ashley, my
partner Constable Benton Fraser. Frase, my nurse, Ashley, da only one
keepin' me sane at da moment." Ashley shook the Mounties's hand. 
         "Hello." She greeted. 
         "It is a pleasure to meet you, Ashley." Fraser returned, since
Ray had not offered a last name for the woman. He turned to Ray. "Are you
still angry with me, Ray?" 
         "What?" Ray looked startled for a moment then shook his head.
"No, no. Never Buddy. I wasn't...well I was kinda pissed, but you know me
I'll get over it. It wasn't yer fault, ya probably saved my life, it's
just...dis isn't exactly the greatest position ta put me in Frase." 
         "I understand and I do apologize, Ray." Fraser replied quickly.
"I was hoping I could talk to you about that actually." 
         "Sure, Buddy, sure." Ray agreed, he was just so happy to see a
familiar face to help him forget his fears of the hospital he would have
stood on his head and spit quarters if Fraser had asked him to. 
         "I'll let you boys talk." Ashley offered, removing the lid off
the food tray and arranging the table across Ray's lap pointedly. He
grinned at her. "I go off duty in a couple of hours, I'll check back on
you." She waved her finger at him. "Eat your dinner and be good." 
         "Yes'em." Ray promised and even picked up his fork and ate a
portion of his potato to show his compliance. She nodded to them both and
left. Once she was out o sight Ray pushed the tray away in disgust. 
         "You did promise her you would eat, Ray." Fraser reminded and
received a glare for his efforts. 
         "Don't start Fraser, I ain't in da mood." He warned as the same
nurse from last night entered to once again inject his saline with a
sedative. Ray glared at him as well and was ignored, then once he was gone
he turned his attention back to Fraser. "So, what do you need to know?" 
     "Well, Ray." Fraser began pulling up a chair next to the bed and
leaning back in a more comfortable position, looking as relaxed as a
perfectly postured Fraser could look, Ray supposed.      "On the way here
I found myself wondering about the scene at your apartment last night. Do
you remember where you were when you took the sleeping pills?" 
         "I Did. Not. Take. Dat many of 'em on purpose Fraser." Ray
insisted. "I only took a couple." Fraser tried to calm his friend's
anxiety. 
         "I understand that, Ray." He assured. "I was just curious if you
remembered where you had the pills stored and where you were when you took
them?" Ray leaned back against the raised portion of his bed, which
offered him an upright but slightly slouched appearance. 
         "I had dem in my medicine cabinet in da bathroom." He stated
firmly. "Dat's where I keep all dat stuff." He shrugged. "I woke up, went
to the bathroom, took a couple with a glass of water and went back to
bed." 
         "But you don't remember how many you actually took, Ray?" Fraser
inquired as delicately as he could and watched the anger rise in his
friend's face once more. 
         "No, I do not remember how many I took I was still half asleep,
Fraser." He explained exasperated. "But I know I didn't take a whole
freakin' handful fer cryin' out loud!" 
         "Why did you bother to get the pills if you were still almost
asleep, Ray?" Fraser asked. He wasn't trying to make accusations, just
find out the truth. Ray growled in frustration and folded his arms across
his chest, regardless of the IV needle in his arm. 
         "I had a nightmare." He stated slowly and Fraser could see he was
trying to reign in his temper. "I knew I wouldn't get all da way back to
sleep after dat, I never do, so I took a few pills, two maybe three, a few
not a half a bottle." Fraser's brow was wrinkled in concentration. 
         "What did you do with the pills after you had taken them, Ray?" 
         "I..." Ray paused and unfolded his arms with a frown. "I guess I
put 'em back in da cabinet, I don't really remember, Fraser." 
         "Do you remember going out into the living room at any time after
you took the pills?" Ray's expression turned thoughtful and the Mountie
could tell he was trying to recall the previous night's events. "Perhaps
to get the water?" Ray thought a moment longer then shrugged. 
         "I dunno, Frase." He admitted. "I have a cup in da bathroom I use
ta rinse my mouth after I brush by teeth, I coulda used dat or I might
have gone to da kitchen. I don't remember." Fraser nodded. 
         "But you do remember waking up and walking to the bathroom and
getting the pills?" 
         "Yah, pretty much." Ray agreed. "And I do remember goin' back to
bed at some point after I took dem, why?" 
         "Well, Ray." The Mountie began. "I found you in the living room
on the floor with the pill bottle in your hand. Yet you don't remember
going to the living room and you clearly remember going to bed at some
point." 
         "I know I went back ta bed Fraser because I tripped over
somethin' when I went back into my room, and slammed my knee against the
bed frame." 
         "What, Ray?" 
         "Huh?" 
         "What did you trip over, Ray?" Fraser amended and the detective
shrugged. 
         "I dunno, it was dark, I didn't bother ta turn da light on when I
got up." He replied. 
         "Did you look, Ray?" 
         "Look at what, Fraser?" 
         "Whatever you tripped over?" 
         "I...no I don't think so, my head hurt and I think I just climbed
back in bed." Ray returned. "What does it matter what I tripped over,
Fraser, I remember going back ta bed, not goin' out and layin' on my
livin' room floor." 
         "Hmmm." Fraser mused and Ray shot him what could be an angry
glance but the detective's features had already started to soften. 
         "I hate dat, Fraser." He informed in a much lower tone than what
he had been speaking in. 
         "What Ray?" Fraser responding automatically as Ray slid further
down into the bed and stiffled a yawn. 
         "Da hmmm thingy." Ray explained drowsily. 
         "Ray?" Fraser asked scowling. "Ray are you all right?" 
         "Tired, Fraser." The detective murmured sleepily. "Dey give me
stuff ta...doctor's orders fer...but I don't gotta..." Ray's eyes closed
and in seconds he was sound asleep. 
         Fraser frowned at his friend's sudden lack of energy, then shook
his head. The detective had been through a stressful few days, and he had
earned a rest. Fraser decided to wait around until Ray awoke again so they
could talk some more and rose to call Turnbull and ask him if he would
mind taking Diefenbaker for the evening. Turnbull of course was delighted.

  

         "Detective Vecchio." Dr. Barry called, startling the Mountie who
had been snoozing in the chair beside the bed. She offered him a warm
smile then gently shook the detective awake. 
         "Hey Doc." Ray murmured, immediately becoming more awake in her
presence. "Can I go home now?" 
         "How did you sleep, detective?" she inquired with a small smile
and he shrugged. 
         "Pretty good." He admitted sitting up further. 
         "Are you feeling any better?" she inquired cordially. "Any more
nightmares?" Ray frowned, Ashley must have reported his night terrors, but
then that was her job. 
         "No, none." He assured quietly. "So can I go home now?" 
         "One more night, Detective." She stated and watched him scowl.
"You will be able to leave tomorrow afternoon, providing you have no more
episodes." 
         "Episodes?" Ray demanded. "What does dat mean?" 
         "Well, waking up screaming for one." The doctor reported, "Which
obviously indicates something is deeply troubling you, whether you decide
to discuss it or not, and no more raging tantrums." Ray flinched. 
         "Look, I didn't mean ta..." he began automatically, cursing his
own temper for getting the best of him. 
         "I understand your frustration, Detective." She assured quickly.
"But you must understand ours as well, we have to do what we think is best
based on the behavior presented to us. Right now I am afraid you are
showing signs of manic depression, furious and out of control one minute,
calm as you please the next." 
         "I just want to go home." He protested. "I'll be fine if you'll
just let me go home." 
         "You can go home tomorrow if you do well the rest of tonight,
Detective." She explained again. "I'll leave you to your company, however
visiting hours are over in thirty minutes." Ray swallowed the growl in his
throat until after she had left the room. 
         "Dey're gonna drive me nuts, Fraser." Ray stated anxiously.
"Dey're tryin' ta make me crazy, so dey can keep me here and examine me
and..." 
         "Ray, you're being paranoid, stop it." Fraser insisted calmly.
"They are just doing what they are trained to do. Ashley is right, they
can't keep you if you don't give them anything else to be concerned
about." 
         "Dey can't keep me after fourty-eight hours anyway, Fraser, not
without probable cause or my signature on a piece of paper waivin' my
right to chose if I wanna be admitted or not." 
         "Then you have nothing to worry about." Fraser acknowledged. "You
will be out of here tomorrow one way or the other." Ray remained silent
for a long time. 
         "What about Welsh?" he sighed. "He's gonna find out about dis
when I don't show fer work tomorrow." 
         "Tomorrow is only Saturday, Ray." Fraser reminded easily.
"Leftenant Welsh gave you three days off because of our additional duties
to your ex-wife and Alderman Orsini earlier the week. You won't be
expected back to work until Monday at the earliest." 
         "Yah." Ray agreed softly. "Fergot about dat, just all kinda
messed up y'know?"  He stopped talking as the nurse entered to check his
saline drip, which was almost empty. He offered the detective an
encouraging smile this time, as he quickly changed the bag and once again
injected the prescribed medication. 
         "Another sedative?" Ray commented annoyed. 
         "Dr. Barry wants you to stay calm, Sir." The nurse told him and
he grunted. 
         "If I were any calmer I'd be in a coma." He retorted, but he just
smiled again, then asked if he was finished with his tray, which he
indicated he was and he left with it. "God dis is drivin' me...." 
         He paused suddenly and his eyes narrowed suspiciously on the
Mountie, who had settled back into the chair after the nurse had left.
Fraser looked interested in what Ray was about to say, too interested for
the detective's liking. He'd have to watch what he was saying from now on,
no sense giving them more ammunition. 
         "You were saying, Ray?" Fraser prompted, curious when the
detective had not finished his sentence. 
         "Nothin' Fraser." Ray returned quickly. "I wasn't sayin' a thing.
Why are you still here?" 
         "I was going to request your permission to return to your
apartment, Ray?" 
         "Why?" 
         "To see if I can discover a clue as to what happened last night,
the portions you don't remember." Fraser offered and watched his partner's
face darken. 
         "You stay away from my place, Fraser." He growled causing the
Mountie to be taken aback by the threat carried in his friend's voice.
"You've done enough damage bringin' me here." 
         "Ray I am only trying to help..." Fraser protested but Ray cut
him off angrily. 
         "I don't need yer kinda help!" Ray snapped and Fraser stared at
him in shock. He had seen the detective upset with him, frustrated and
even angry with him, but the hate reflected in Ray's eyes toward him
wounded him to the core. "You stay away from my place and you stay away
from me! You hear me? Stay away! All of you just stay the hell away from
me!" 
         Ashley entered, having just come off her shift and frowned at the
tension in the room. Fraser looked positively lost and Ray was obviously
furious for whatever reason. 
        "What is your problem now, Vecchio?" she demanded, since he seemed
to respond better to her bullying then sweet cajoling. She couldn't hide
her shock when he swore at her. 
         "My name's not Vecchio!" he hissed, his whole body quivering with
anger, his eyes were cold and venomous. "Get out of here and leave me
alone ya stupid bitch!" She barely avoided the pitcher of water he threw
at her and Fraser quickly moved to her side. 
         "P...perhaps we should leave and allow him to calm down." He
suggested though he sensed something was terribly wrong with his partner.
This behavior was beyond normal, even for Ray and he was concerned he may
have misjudged the situation once again. However, Ashley just shook him
off and stalked up to her patient, not about to be bullied. 
         "What in the hell is wrong with you?" she demanded gripping his
shoulders, managing to hold him still despite his struggles, and Fraser
thought her upper body strength must be incredible. "I thought you wanted
to get out of here? They'll lock you up for sure if you keep this up?" 
         "You'll tell them!" he accused. "Just like before you'll tell
them. Yer all against me!" 
         "No one is against you, Ray." Fraser denied gently, stepping up
to the bed. "Why would you think that? We only want to help..." 
         "No!" Ray sobbed twisting his head from side to side frantically.
"It's me...I...I can't stop da dreams I can't....just leave me alone! I
just want to be left alone I just want to..." Ray caught himself in his
partial hysteria, he had been about to say he wanted to die. He paled
visibly and both Ashley and Fraser were instantly aware of his sudden
change. 
         "Ray?" Fraser encouraged, placing a hand on his partner's shaking
shoulder. "Talk to me, Ray. What is wrong? What are you feeling?" 
         "I...I don't know." He whimpered, his eyes showing desperation
that Fraser found it painful to look into. "I feel...I feel weird Fraser,
like I'm not me anymore like I..." His face clouded over again in a
frighteningly morose expression. "Leave me alone! Let me go! Let me die!" 
         "No Ray!" Fraser refused adamantly, exchanging a worried glance
with the nurse. "Something is terribly wrong. This isn't Ray talking,
he's..." Fraser couldn't put words to what he was trying to explain, he
only knew this man was nothing like his brave and devil-may care friend. 
         "Being a police officer is very stressful." Ashley offered kindly
as she released Ray and pressed the call button on the bed. Ray was
shaking and starting to stare off into space, perhaps hallucinating. 
         "This is more then stress!" Fraser snapped, then immediately
looked contrite. "Please, we have to find out what is wrong with him, this
is not normal behavior..." 
         "Of course not." Ashley confirmed as the male nurse appeared and
Ashley quickly requested a sedative for the detective. "That's why he's in
here, to be observed so they can..." 
         "He was just given a sedative." Fraser remarked with a frown and
she cast him a surprised look. 
         "When?" she demanded, surprised. 
         "About twenty minutes ago." Fraser replied and Ashley scowled in
disapproval, even as the nurse reappeared with the medication. "He was the
one who administered it." 
         "Did you give Detective Vecchio an unscheduled sedative, Nurse
Rawlins?" she inquired and the man shook his head. 
         "Oh no, ma'am." He denied quickly to his superior. "The shot was
scheduled by Dr. Barry." 
         "I don't remember Dr. Barry prescribing sedatives for this
patient." Ashley charged. "He's under suicide watch, why would they be
giving him sedatives? They can't observe him if he's asleep all the time."
Nurse Rawlins lowered his eyes. 
         "I'm just doing what the Doctor ordered, ma'am." He assured
reluctantly. "I was told to give him a shot every three hours in his
saline solution." 
         "Then I'll have to take it up with Dr. Barry." Ashley decided,
waving the sedative the taller nurse offered her. "No. Go place a call to
the Doctor, see if we can catch her before she leaves for the day."
Rawlins nodded and hurried out as Ashley turned to Fraser. "He's new, he
may have misunderstood, but I'll get it worked out." The Mountie nodded
and turned his attention back to Ray, who did seem calmer now, but was
still staring off into space. 
         "Ray?" he called gently and frowned when the detective didn't
respond. "Ray? Ray? Ray!" 
         "Stella." His friend whispered, paying no heed to Fraser's
commands. "Don't leave me Stella. I can't live without you, sweetheart." 
         "Who's Stella?' Ashley demanded with a little more force then
Fraser thought necessary, perhaps the nurse liked Ray as more than a
patient. 
         "His ex-wife." He supplied. "He has been having a difficult time
dealing with their divorce." 
         "He still loves her?" 
         "Very much so, yes." 
         "Enough to die if he can't have her?" Ashley countered and Fraser
scowled. 
         "I do not like what you are implying." He stated, his posture
becoming rigid beside her in defense of his friend. "Ray does love Stella
deeply but he is not suicidal over her or his job." Fraser released a
breath of exasperation and moved toward the window. "I never should have
brought him here." 
         "He would have died if you hadn't." Ashley reminded gently. "And
I am not implying anything, I'm only trying to get to the truth. There has
to be a reason why he is behaving this way. You say it isn't normal for
him, but it isn't normal for anyone, that's why we call it mental health
disorders." 
         "Ray does not have a disorder!" Fraser denied almost angrily,
though his voice had not risen from it's usual passive tone and his face
was a stone mask of impartiality. "Something has happened to him that was
not his doing and I intend to find out what." He slapped his Stetson back
on his head and headed out. 
  

         Despite his partner's adamant demands that Fraser stay away from
the apartment, Fraser went anyway, requesting the landlady let him inside
so he could look around. He told her that Ray was in the hospital and
needed some personal belongings brought to him, which she accepted, as she
was the one who had let him in the previous morning when he sensed
something was wrong. 
         Fraser checked out the bathroom and the bedroom first. He lay on
the bed for a moment, trying to put himself in Ray's place then walked
through what Ray claimed to remember. He rose from the bed and went to the
bathroom for the pills. Fraser opened the cabinet and glanced inside,
retrieving a bottle of Tylenol to take the place of the pills. 
         Then Ray claimed he used a glass of water to swallow the pills,
so Fraser glanced down at the small plastic rinse cup, which held Ray's
tooth brush, toothpaste and razor. Assuming that Ray was still half asleep
as he had claimed to be, Fraser doubted the detective took the time to
pull the items out, get the drink, and then put the items back into the
cup before returning to the bedroom. Which meant he must have gone to the
kitchen for a drink, so Fraser walked out of the bathroom, through the
bedroom and into the living area. 
         He paused where he had found Ray, laying face down and bent to
see if he could notice anything amiss. He had been too concerned about
getting his friend to the hospital that night to look at anything else
thoroughly. He found nothing, so he proceeded into the kitchen. It was
there that he spotted the almost empty, individually sized juice bottle
sitting by the sink. 
         Fraser couldn't see Ray drinking that much juice just to get a
few pills down, but then the detective might just have been thirsty. He
found no other glasses or the like to constitute Ray had used something
else to swallow the pills with, so he went with the assumption the
detective had used the juice. 
         He turned back around, still carrying the pill bottle with him
and headed back toward Ray's room. Only Ray didn't get to his room he had
ended up on the floor. Yet the detective was adamant that he had gone back
to bed, because he claimed he had tripped on something and hit his knee on
the base board of the bed. 
         Fraser returned to the room and surveyed the area around the bed,
he saw nothing that the detective might have tripped over, which only
compounded his suspicions. Either Ray did trip over something and it had
been removed before Fraser had arrived, or Ray was lying about going back
to bed. How else had he ended up in the living room, still holding the
pill bottle with over a dozen sedatives in his stomach? 
         Fraser dropped onto the bed puzzled. He was missing something he
had to be. The scene was not fitting the crime, so to speak. He really did
not believe Ray intentionally tried to kill himself, even if that had been
his initial concern. Once Fraser really thought about it he realized that
the idea was preposterous. Ray Kowalski was not suicidal, despite all the
evidence being offered to the contrary. 
         He allowed himself to fall back onto the mattress as he searched
his brain for a solution. What wasn't he seeing? There had to be something
that the Mountie hadn't considered yet. He reviewed the conversations he
had with Ray since the incident. 
         "I woke up, went to the bathroom, took a couple with a glass of
water and went back to bed. I know I went back ta bed Fraser because I
tripped over somethin' when I went back into my room, and slammed my knee
against the bed frame." 
         Ray had specifically remembered taking the pills with a glass of
water, yet Fraser only found the juice on the counter. Ray could have been
mistaken about what he drank of course, he had only been partially awake,
but Fraser didn't think the detective had made a mistake. 
         "What, Ray?" 
         "Huh?" 
         "What did you trip over, Ray?" Fraser amended and the detective
shrugged. 
         "I dunno, it was dark, I didn't bother ta turn da light on when I
got up." He replied. 
         "Did you look, Ray?" 
         "Look at what, Fraser?" 
         "Whatever you tripped over?" 
         "I...no I don't think so, my head hurt so I think I just climbed
back in bed." Ray returned. "What does it matter what I tripped over,
Fraser, I remember going back ta bed, not goin' out and layin' on my
livin' room floor." 
         Ray had said his head hurt when he climbed in bed, not his knee,
but why would his head hurt if he was taking pills to sleep and not for a
headache? On impulse Fraser slid off the bed and peered under it. At first
he didn't find much under the darkened interior, other than a couple of
socks, a baseball bat, a magazine and a mess of dust bunnies, but then his
hand touched something round and hard just beyond the corner of the bed.
He pulled it out and stared at the small plastic cup in his hand, Ray's
rinse cup from the bathroom, the other cup had just been used for storage.

         He stood and stared hard at the item, trying to place why it
would be under the bed. Perhaps Ray had taken the water back to the
bedroom to finish drinking and accidentally dropped it on the floor, in
his half slumberous state. He may have gone to the kitchen to retrieve a
towel to soak up the spill, which would place him in the living room at
some point. 
         He rose to his feet, found Ray's duffel bag and tossed a few
pieces of clothing and some toiletries inside, then retrieved his hat and
headed out of the apartment with the bag and cup in his hand. He had to
talk to Ray again, even if the detective did tell him to stay away from
the apartment, he had to try and get his friend to fill in the gaps as
much as possible. 
         When Fraser arrived at the hospital, he was promptly told that
visiting hours were over by a nurse that had been on when he first brought
Ray in the night before. Fraser tried to explain that he was just bringing
the detective a change of clothes but the nurse informed him the patient
was sleeping and wasn't to be disturbed. Fraser briefly wished Ashley were
here, he would have liked to ask what Doctor Barry had told her about
Ray's treatments. 
         Finally he was forced to agree with the nurse and he wandered
back the way he had come, however the moment she left the desk, he sneaked
past and found his way to the detective's room. He didn't like breaking
the rules but he had to see Ray. The detective was indeed sleeping, but he
did not look the least bit restful. His face dripped with a heavy sheen of
sweat, his hands kept curling and uncurling into fists and his eyes moved
rapidly under their closed lids in a fretful dream state. 
         Fraser heard someone coming and quickly hid in the closet, where
he could still see Ray if he left the door cracked slightly. A nurse
entered and checked Ray's drip, then retrieved a cloth from the washroom
and wiped the perspiration from the detective's face. He cried out
desperately in his sleep and she clucked at him soothingly. 
         "Sssh, now." She offered softly. "It will all be over soon." Ray
seemed to quiet again and she dropped the cloth on the small table beside
the bed then pulled the injection from her pocket and pressed it to the
tube of his IV instead of the bag itself. "Everything will be alright
again soon." She left the room and Fraser waited until he could no longer
hear her footsteps before stepping out to gaze down at his friend. 
         "Another sedative?". 
         "Dr. Barry wants you to stay calm, Sir." 
         "If I were any calmer I'd be in a coma." 
         "My name's not Vecchio!" 
 Fraser frowned in concern as their words sounded in his head from earlier
that day. 
          "He's under suicide watch, why would they be giving him
sedatives? They can't observe him if he's asleep all the time." 
         "Dey're tryin' ta make me crazy, so dey can keep me here and
examine me and..." 
         "Ray, you are being paranoid, stop it." Fraser insisted calmly.
"They are just doing what they are trained to do. Ashley is right, they
can't keep you if you don't give them anything else to be concerned
about." 
         "One more night, Detective. You will be able to leave tomorrow
afternoon, providing you have no more episodes." 
         "Yer all against me!" 
         "No one is against you, Ray." Fraser denied gently, stepping up
to the bed. "Why would you think that? 
          "I feel...I feel weird Fraser, like I'm not me anymore." 
         Fraser caressed his partner's fevered brow and bit his lower lip,
a feeling of helplessness engulfing him. What was going on? What was wrong
with his friend? He shook his head, placed Ray's bag on the chair and
quietly left before he got caught there after hours. 
  

         Ray awoke sometime after midnight to find himself strapped to the
bed. Panic set in before he was even fully awake and he started yelling to
be set free, just as Ashley came on duty. She heard his screaming from
down the hall and followed the nurse and a large orderly as they hurried
to the detective's room. Ray saw the syringe in the woman's hands. 
         "No." he whimpered immediately quieting. "Don't put me out I just
woke up." He couldn't stand to go back into the terror that sleep brought
him. "I just wanna be free, get da straps off me." 
         "What's going on?" Ashley demanded of the night nurse, as she
stepped from behind them into Ray's sight. He cast her a pleading look. 
         "Take 'em off, Ashley, please?" he implored. "I...I can't stand
bein' tied down, please take 'em off." 
         "Why is he restrained to the bed?" Ashley asked the nurse, who
still hadn't answered her. 
         "He was thrashing about so badly in his sleep we had to tie him
down. We were afraid he'd fall out of the bed and hurt himself." She
insisted firmly as Ashley moved to quickly started removing the straps. 
         "Get the other side for me Albert." The large, black man quickly
complied, moving opposite her and with large mammoth hands, that Ashley
knew to be incredibly soft and gentle, he released Ray's legs. 
         "What about his shot?" The night nurse huffed. 
         "I'm here so you are relieved, Nurse." Ashley commanded. The
other woman scowled, but knew better to countermand the smaller nurse,
Ashley was a head nurse, it wouldn't do to get into an argument with her. 
         "Fine." She decided handing the syringe to her superior. "You
deal with him then." Ashley glared at her then released the final strap
that held Ray to the bed. The detective bolted upright and started to
slide over the bed. 
          "Ray where...?" He barely made it to the bathroom before he
started vomiting again. 
         "Dis ain't right Miss. Ashley." Albert muttered as they helped
Ray to his feet again and offered him some water to rinse out his mouth.
"He don't look so good. Been tossin' and turnin' like he be havin' bad
dreams, cryin' out and shakin a lot." 
         Ashley liked the giant orderly, who had the body of a wrestler
and the tenderness of a child. He was quiet for such an enormous man and a
little slow, but she could always count on him to take good care of the
patients when she wasn't here. 
         "I know it's time for you to go, Albert, but would mind sticking
around a few minutes and giving me a hand?" 
         "Sure thing Miss. Ashley." He agreed readily, as she knew he
would. "Ah'm real worried 'bout him." 
         Ashley nodded and moved to observe the sweat soaked sheets of
Ray's bed as Albert supported Ray with a large arm around the slimmer
man's waist. She quickly stripped them off and requested Albert settle Ray
in the chair then fetch clean sheets and a new IV needle since Ray had
ripped his out in his hurry to get to the bathroom. 
         "Ray?" she asked gently, for the detective had slumped in the
chair and closed his eyes, a new sheen of perspiration already showing on
his face. "Talk to me, Ray. Tell me what's going on?" 
          "Wanna go home." The detective murmured, obviously still not
quite himself. "Lemmie go home, Ashley, please?" 
         "I can't Ray." She denied sympathetically as Albert returned and
promptly began to make the bed. "Dr. Barry says maybe this afternoon
if..." 
         "If I'm good." He sighed. "I know, but I've been good. I...at
least I think I have. My...I'm lossin' pieces here, Ashley and I don't
understand why." 
         "Sssh." She soothed as Albert finished preparing the bed then
moved to help Ray back over too it. "It will be okay, I promise." 
         "Miss Ashley's right, Sir." Albert confirmed quietly as they
settled Ray back in the bed and pulled the covers over him. "She always
keeps her promises. She'll fix you up real good." 
         "Albert," Ashley began as she pulled the new IV from the sterile
package. "Why don't you go get Ray some juice for his throat?" 
         "Sure thing, Miss Ashley." The orderly agreed eagerly.
"Maybe...maybe somethin' sweet too, make him feel better?" She smiled and
nodded, watching him hurry out before turning back to her patient. Ray's
hand over hers stopped her from going in further with the needle. 
         "Don't." he requested quietly and she noticed his eyes were still
slightly dazed over. "Leave it out, please?" 
         "Ray I have to..." she began and he shook his head. 
         "Just fer awhile." He pleaded. "I don't want to go back ta sleep,
please Ashley? I can't go back ta sleep, not yet." 
         "It's just saline, Ray." She assured. "I'm not putting a
sedative..." 
         "Da other nurse put one in before it..." 
         "What if I change the bag?" she suggested. "Then there won't be
anything but the solution in it?"   He frowned hesitantly, then nodded and
she left to retrieve a new pouch. She returned a few minutes later with
Albert right behind her, holding a bottle of juice and a jelly doughnut he
had purchased from the machine in the break room. 
         "This okay, Miss Ashley?" he asked her cautiously. "Wit his bad
stomach and all?" Ashley had watched the detective's eyes light up at the
treat in the orderly's hands and she bit her lip to keep from smiling, so
she could give them both a disapproving stare. 
         "He's seen it now, may as well give it to him." she sighed in
mock annoyance and Albert grinned and handed the items to the grateful
detective, while Ashley finished inserting his new IV. 
         "Thanks, man." Ray offered the orderly kindly as he took a bite
of the doughnut and closed his eyes in delight. The larger man smiled
shyly. 
         "M...my name's Albert." He offered grinning. 
         "I'm Ray, Albert." The detective offered extending his free hand
to the orderly, a little alarmed when Albert's hand practically engulfed
his, though the handshake was both firm and gentle at the same time. 
         "Nice to meet ya." Albert returned pleased that he had made a new
friend. "Yur really a Det...Dete...Detective?" Ray had watched the man's
concentration at getting the word out and smiled encouragingly. 
         "Sure am." He replied. "Wish we had some guys like you on our
team." 
         "Really?" Albert brightened visibly and his chest puffed up even
larger, if that was possible. Ashley smiled at Ray, thinking the detective
had just made a friend for life. 
         "Albert, you can head home now." She offered and watched
disappointment stretch across the giant's face. "Or, if you want the over
time, you can stay another couple of hours, it's up to you." 
         "Ah'd like to stay, Miss. Ashley." He pounced quickly without
hesitation. "If it's okay." 
         "Fine." She confirmed calmly. "Then I'll need you to go watch the
front desk while I take care of our patient, okay?" He nodded and headed
out. 
         "Hey Albert!" Ray called and the man turned back. "We'll visit
later, okay?" A grin broke across Albert's lips and he nodded eagerly
before finally leaving the room. "He seems nice." 
         "Albert is a sweetheart." Ashley confirmed as she impulsively
reached to wipe the icing sugar from Ray's chin, with a napkin. He smiled
at her and she looked away, before settling back into her nurse's mask.
"Drink your juice and I'll be in to check on you later." 
         "Ashley?" he called suddenly, just as she reached the door, and
she turned to face him. "I'm not crazy and I ain't suicidal." 
         "I know." She assured. "You'll be out of here later today, I'm
sure." He nodded, though she saw uncertainty in his eyes, before she turn
and left the room. 
  

         Although visiting hours did not start until nine, Fraser showed
up just a little after seven  later that morning, in hopes Ashley would be
working and allow him to fudge past the rules this once. She smiled when
she saw him walking toward the desk and glanced back down the hall toward
the detective's room. 
         "Gee, you're a little early, Constable." She commented, her
violet eyes glittering with amusement. "Just couldn't wait until regular
visiting hours to see him?" Fraser removed his hat, and wiped his palm on
his jeans almost nervously. 
         "Ah...yes, well I...I rather hoped..." 
         "That I would let you in to see him anyway?" 
         "That was what I had...or rather I would like..." She watched him
caress his brow with his thumb, obviously the man, as good looking as he
was, had no clue about how to handle women. 
         "Just this once." She decided, letting him off the hook and
watching relief spread across his face. "He's been doing very well so far,
at least since I came on duty at three." 
         "Thank you kindly, Ashley." He offered politely. "May I...may I
speak to you for a moment later, if you have time?" 
         "Sure." She agreed, moving from behind the desk, and once again
making Fraser feel like a giant next to her. "I'll just walk you down, Ray
already has some company." 
         "Oh?" Fraser inquired curious as he followed her down the hall.
They paused in the doorway, where the detective and Albert were playing
cards across small mobile table over Ray's bed. 
         "Aw, yer a natural, Al." Ray was saying. "I've never enjoyed
lossin' but yer pretty darn, good." The orderly brightened with pride then
noticed the their two visitors and quickly stood. 
         "Good Morning, Ray." Fraser greeted stepping inside. 
         "Hey Fraser." The detective greeted casually, his color had
returned somewhat and he seemed much more relaxed then the last time that
they spoke. He quickly introduced Albert and the Mountie shook his hand. 
         "You should probably head home now, Albert." Ashley suggested
glancing at her watch. "You've been here long enough I think." Again the
orderly looked disappointed, but he also looked quite tired as well. 
         "Ashley's right, Al." Ray enforced kindly. "Ya look beat. Go get
some shuteye, ya earned it. If I ain't here when you get back you just
come by the precinct to visit, ya remember where I told ya it was?" 
         "Yah, Ray." The giant confirmed proudly. "I remember and I even
wrote it down. Ya really mean it? I can come see where ya work?" 
         "I'll give ya da tour, Buddy." Ray promised. "Show ya were we
keep all da bad guys and everything."  He winked at Fraser. "I'll even
introduce ya to Fraser's wolf." Albert beamed at him delighted and finally
took his leave. Ashley shook her head at Ray. 
         "Now what are you going to do when he shows up there looking for
you?" she demanded, she knew how some people said one thing while in the
hospital then conveniently forgot it once they were released, she didn't
want to see Albert disappointed. 
         "Give him da tour, like I said." Ray replied without hesitation.
"Fraser'll hold me to it, he's my witness." 
         "I must say you seem much better this morning, Ray." Fraser
remarked and Ray grinned as he set the cards on the bedside locker and
moved the table out of the way. 
         "I feel better, Buddy." He confirmed. "Now, if da Doctor will
just get her ass in here so I can be released I..." 
         "Ray, watch your mouth." Ashley reprimanded. He shrugged and
grinned at her. 
         "I can't help it, I wanna get out of here." 
         "Well, I'll let you two visit then." She allowed and waved as she
went out. Fraser smiled at his partner and settled in the chair next to
him. 
         "I was hoping you would allow me too ask you some more questions,
Ray?" he requested hesitantly. "I...I know you told me to stay away from
your apartment but I wanted to see..." 
         "When did I say dat, Fraser?" Ray demanded catching the Mountie
in mid sentence. 
         "I...why yesterday, Ray." He reminded puzzled. "You told me to
stay away from the apartment and from you actually, you were quite
irrational." Ray stared at him for a long moment, then shrugged. 
         "Must be da stress a bein' here." He dismissed. "I don't remember
sayin' dat but if you say so." 
         "Ray, what do you remember about our conversation yesterday?"
Fraser inquired curious. 
         "Well, ya came in after I had my..." Ray curled two fingers on
both hands in the air to extenuate quotation marks. "...tantrum. We talked
about what happened da night I supposedly overdosed, da doc came in said I
might get out today and den ya left, though I don't really remember ya
goin' I musta fallen asleep." Fraser frowned and rubbed his chin
thoughtfully. "Why, Fraser? Was dere more dat I should remember?" 
         "Ray..." Fraser began cautiously, his partner's moods had been
erratic and unpredictable the past couple of days, more so then what was
usual for the detective, so he didn't want to trigger another outburst.
"You...you have been under considerable stress lately and...well...." 
         "Before I die of waitin' Fraser." Ray retorted, though Fraser
could hear none of the anger in his voice that had been evident yesterday.

         "Ray the doctors may have cause to be concerned..." 
         "What? I told you I didn't.." 
         "Ray please don't get upset again I..." 
         "I'm not upset, Fraser." Ray denied and immediately fell calm
again. "I'm just confused. How can ya say dey're right about me tryin' ta
kill myself? I didn't!" 
         "No, Ray." Fraser amended quickly. "I did not mean about that, I
was speaking of your recent behavior. It has been explosive and bordering
on paranoia, not at all like you. Perhaps there is something causing your
inconsistent and mutable reactions." 
         "Are you sayin' ya think I'm crazy, Fraser?" Ray demanded, though
again there was no anger in his tone, just disbelief. "I'm not crazy
Frase." 
         "I do not believe you are crazy either, Ray." Fraser
acknowledged. "I am merely trying to get to the bottom of what is causing
your current behavior." Ray stared at him silently for a long time. 
         "What did you want to ask me?" he finally asked and Fraser was
glad for the change in venue. 
         "I found this under your bed." He explained pulling the plastic
cup from his pocket. "Is this what you took the pills with?" Ray nodded. 
         "Yah, dat's my rinse cup." He supplied. "I got some water from
the tap and took da pills den went back ta bed, like I told you." 
         "You didn't drink any juice or anything, Ray?" Fraser asked and
the detective shot him a strange look. Nurse Rawlins entered with Ray's
medication. 
         "I just said I took 'em wit water, Fraser." He reminded firmly,
as he barely glanced at the nurse this time, when he injected the
solution. "Ya goin' deaf?" Fraser found himself watching the nurse
suspiciously. 
         "Did you give Detective Vecchio an unscheduled sedative, Nurse
Rawlins?" 
        "Oh no, ma'am. The shot was scheduled by Dr. Barry." 
         "I don't remember Dr. Barry prescribing sedatives for this
patient." 
         "No, Ray. I heard you the first time." Fraser finally replied
obviously preoccupied and waiting until the nurse left before continuing.
"Did Ashley speak with your Doctor about the sedative's Ray?" 
         "I don't know." Ray replied unconcerned. "Dat's da first one I've
gotten since I woke up, so maybe. Ashley let me off it fer awhile." 
         "Hmmm." 
         "Yer doin' it again, Fraser." 
         "Sorry, Ray." 
         "Why ya keep askin' about da water?" Ray asked and Fraser
momentarily moved back to their previous conversation. 
          "I found an empty bottle of juice on your kitchen counter and
wondered if you had perhaps gotten up to get a drink later." 
         "No, I didn't." Ray denied. "I went to bed. I was tired and I
wanted to sleep, which was why I took da damn pills." 
         "Did you drop your cup Ray?' Fraser inquired and again received
an odd look from the detective. 
         "What?" 
         "Your rinse cup, did you drop it at any time?" Fraser explained.
"Perhaps that was what you tripped over." Ray's gaze turned thoughtful. 
         "I...I don't think so I...no wait, I..." he shook his head as
though trying to clear his thoughts. "I hit my head I...I might have
dropped the cup...I don't know." 
         "When did you hit your head, Ray?" Fraser demanded, remembering
that the detective had mentioned his head hurting but that he had hit his
knee on the bed. 
         "What?" Ray looked at him dazed and Fraser grew concerned again
that something wasn't quite right here. 
         "You mentioned before that you hit your knee but not your head,
Ray." He pressed. "When did you hit your head?" 
         "After." Ray returned, obviously finding it difficult to
concentrate on speaking, Fraser noticed the detective's eyes had stared to
cross a few times. 
         "After what, Ray?" 
         "After I took da pills." Ray replied drowsily and Fraser worried
of a sedative working as fast as this one seemed to. On impulse he stood
and moved to the other side of the bed, clamping two fingers over the
lower end of the IV tube and preventing any further solution from getting
into Ray's system. 
         "Ray, did you trip on something or fall from the injury to your
head?" 
         "I...tripped...fell...dunno." Ray cast him a drowsy but
frustrated look. "Fraase.....Frase someone...a noise...someone...Gotta
get... my gun...I..." Ray's eyes closed and he drifted off. Fraser cursed
silently and released the tube as he stared down at his friend. What was
happening to him? He needed to speak to Dr. Barry about releasing Ray, for
some reason Fraser had the incredible urge to get his partner away from
this hospital. 
  

         "We can talk in the lounge."  Ashley commented when Fraser
approached her shortly after he'd watched his friend's restless sleep.
Fraser followed her into a private area and waited until she had closed
the door before speaking. 
         "I am worried about Ray." He informed directly. "I do not think
he took those pills willingly, at least not all of them." 
         "Look, Fraser..."the nurse began automatically, trying to
maintain a neutrality she did not feel.    "No one likes to think their
friends want to kill themselves, it is a very..." 
         "No." Fraser refused surprising her by no longer hiding behind
his polite façade; he didn't have the time. "I believe there may have been
someone else in Ray's apartment and perhaps even forced him take the
pills." 
         "I would think a person would remember someone shoving pills down
their throat Fraser." She deflected. 
         "Not if he was disoriented both from sleep and a blow to the
head." The Mountie countered and Ashley frowned. "I just now asked him and
he remembered there being a noise in his apartment, he said he had to find
his gun. Ray would not need his gun unless he sensed someone was there." 
         "When did he tell you that?" Ashley demanded. 
         "Just a few moments ago, before he fell asleep from the sedative
the nurse gave him." 
         "Fraser he could have been disoriented." She explained. "He may
not have known what he was saying. Your partner has been going in and out
of coherent thought for the past two days, doesn't that tell you
something?" 
         "Yes, it tells me that something is happening to Ray that
shouldn't be." Fraser decided firmly. "Ashley I am worried about him.
Something is terribly wrong here. If Ray was attacked in his apartment and
forced to take pills, it would explain why I found him so conveniently in
the living room with the bottle in his hands, yet he doesn't remember
going in there." 
         "He doesn't remember because he took to many pills, Fraser." 
         "How many cases do you know of people attempting suicide without
making certain preparations?" Fraser demanded. "There was no goodbye note,
his apartment was the same as it always was, nothing was packed up or
ready to be given away, there were no momentos lying about where he might
have been reminiscing..." 
         "Not everyone makes a big deal, Fraser." Ashley insisted. "Some
people just decide one day they can't take it anymore and they jump off a
freaking roof top. I am not a psychiatrist and I have no clue what makes
one person jump and another hold out for another day, no one does." 
         "Ashley please," Fraser beseeched her and she could see he was
truly serious about the scenario he was describing. "Something is not
right with this. Did Dr. Barry ever explain why she had ordered Ray to be
kept sedated?" 
         "I never got to speak with her." Ashley denied reluctantly. "She
had all ready left for the day, but considering Ray's behavior it was
probably a good thing..." 
         "I don't think Ray's behavior has anything to do with Dr. Barry's
suggestion of suicidal tendencies." Fraser refused. " Ray was fine until
he started getting sedated. He even said he no longer felt like himself
and he has had bouts of confusion and paranoia..." 
         "That is all conclusive to Manic Depression, Fraser." Ashley
explained. Fraser paused and regarded her quietly. 
         "Do you think Ray is Manic Depressive, Ashley?" he finally
inquired. "You saw him when he was first brought in and you saw him today
with Albert after he had not been sedated for a time, did you not notice a
difference?" Ashley lowered her eyes from the Mounties's scrutiny and
folded her arms across her chest defensively, much like Ray Kowalski often
did. 
         "Why did you allow Ray to remain awake without sedation for so
long, Ashley?" Fraser inquired quietly. 
         "He asked me to." She finally admitted softly. She hadn't been
able to refuse the blur green eyes that had pleaded with her, the firm
hands that had touched her or the torment in the detective's voice.  
"I...he was afraid to go back to sleep and so I...I let him stay awake for
awhile." 
         "You know something is happening to him, don't you?' Fraser
challenged just as softly. "You know we have to stop it before he does
loose his sanity." Ashley hugged herself harder then nodded slowly. 
         "I don't know what we can do, Fraser." She whispered. "I can't
disobey orders and..." She turned to him and there was fear in her eyes,
not for herself but for Ray. "They strapped him down to the bed last
night, it...he was terrified when I got here. He threw up and was running
a fever, yet none of that is noted in his chart. Albert said he was that
way most of the night and no one did anything for him but give him those
damn shots." Fraser nodded, he had suspected something like that from what
he had witnessed while in the closet. 
         "We have to get him released, Ashley." He stated. "He can't stay
here any longer. If someone was at his apartment and tried to kill him and
make it look like a suicide, they may very well be receiving help from
someone here at the hospital to keep Ray from talking." 
         "It...it's just so far fetched." Ashley murmured hesitantly. "I
can't believe any of the people here would intentionally harm a patient." 
         "It is all we have to go on for the moment." Fraser returned
grimly, not liking the fact that it was he who had started all this by
bringing Ray and the damn pills in here to begin with. He shook his head,
he would make it up to his friend later, right now they had to get him out
of there. "Will you help me, Ashley?" After a moment she nodded
reluctantly. 
         "How...what do we do?" 
         "When will Dr. Barry be on duty?" Fraser asked and Ashley glanced
at her watch. 
         "Less then an hour, but surely you don't think she is involved?"
Fraser tilted his head decidedly. 
         "We can rule out no one at this point, Ashley, except possibly
Albert." Ashley nodded. "If my suspicions are correct however, the good
Doctor will attempt to keep Ray longer and if that is the case, we will
then put our plan into action." 
         "What plan?" Ashley inquired and Fraser didn't miss a beat. 
         "I don't exactly have one at the moment, but I am sure it will
come to me." He admitted, slightly chagrinned and she almost smiled. 
  

         "Constable." Dr. Barry greeted as she walked into the room, where
Fraser stood by the window, watching his partner sleep. "You are here
early. Visiting hours..." 
         "I brought some things for Ray." He explained indicating the
duffel bag he had brought in last night. "The nurse allowed me to remain
so I could speak with you about Detective Vecchio's condition." 
         "Certainly." The doctor returned calmly as she glanced over Ray's
chart and frowned. "Hmmm, that isn't good. It says they had to strap him
down last night for his own safety due to a violent fit." 
         "He must have been having nightmares again." Fraser confirmed
watching the Doctor closely. She sighed and placed the chart back on the
bed, then moved to check Ray's vitals. 
         "I was hoping to release him today." She commented, sounding
quite regretful. "I can't understand what is causing his trauma and he
won't tell anyone." 
         "How can he?" Fraser demanded, still in his neutrally passive
tone. "He is asleep most of the time." 
         "He does seem to be sleeping quite a bit, doesn't he?" she agreed
as raised Ray's eyelids and shined her pen light in for a quick glance.
"Perhaps we didn't get all the drugs out of his system." 
         "Or it could be the sedatives that are issued him every three
hours." Fraser returned quietly, again there was no threat or accusation
in his voice just truth. Dr. Barry glanced at him startled. 
         "What sedatives?" she demanded. "He shouldn't be on any
medication for at least seventy two hours, until we can be sure whatever
drugs we did not manage to pump out are out of his system." Fraser
blinked, he had not expected her answer to vindicate her so quickly. 
         "You mean you didn't issue Ray to be sedated every three hours?"
he inquired curiously and she shook her head. 
         "I don't know how they do things in Canada Constable." She
defended indignant. "But in this country you don't pump more drugs into a
body you just emptied drugs from." Your partner is on a suicide watch,
that means we observe his behavior on a normal basis, without the
influence of drugs or outside forces." 
         "I...forgive me, Doctor." Fraser amended quickly. "We were
informed by Nurse Rawlins that Detective Vecchio was to be given a
sedative every three hours by your order. I suspect that is what may be
causing Ray's irrational behavior and nightmares. 
         "I don't know any nurse Rawlins Constable." She denied. "So how
could I give an order to someone I have never met?" 
         "It seems there has been a misunderstanding then." He decided.
"Perhaps if you will release Detective Vecchio into my care I can..." 
         "I can't release him, Constable." She denied. "Not until we know
what is wrong with him." 
         "There is nothing wrong with Detective Vecchio other than what is
being done to him here." 
         "Are you insinuating that someone in this hospital is
intentionally trying to harm your friend, Constable?" the Doctor inquired
annoyed. "I assure you we are trying to help him. let me remind you that
you brought him to us with the assumption he had tried to kill himself,
now you accuse us of not taking care of him in the manner he should be
cared for?" 
         "I did not mean to imply anything." Fraser assured quickly before
she ended up having him escorted from the hospital, he would be of no help
to Ray then. 
         "I think you should go now Constable." She stated calmly. "I will
do what I can for your partner, but your continued interference will no
longer be tolerated. Fraser knew fighting her on the matter would only
make himself look worse so he did the only thing he could do, he left. On
his way out, Ashley stopped him and pulled him into a supply closet. 
         "Well?" she demanded. "What did she say? Is it all a conspiracy
to hurt Ray?" 
         "Dr. Barry claims no knowledge of ordering Ray to be sedated." He
replied grimly. "I believe she is innocent of any wrong doing, which means
our perpetrator must be Nurse Rawlins." Ashley frowned. 
         "He's already left for the day." She stated chewing on her nail
thoughtfully. "But if Dr. Barry claims she didn't order the medication no
one should be sedating Ray anymore." 
         "However, if the culprit we are looking for truly wants Ray out
of the picture, that is not going to stop them." Fraser offered and she
nodded dismally. 
         "Well, what should we do then?" 
         "Since we have no idea who the person might be and Ray is already
in bad shape, perhaps we should try and get him away from here first and
deal with the culprit later." 
         "I agree." Ashley confirmed. "I get off in another three hours, I
can keep an eye on Ray until then and just before shift change maybe we
can sneak him out of here, everyone tends to converge in the lounge for a
quick chat and patient updates." 
         "Try to keep him from being sedated so he is more alert." Fraser
suggested and she nodded. 
         "There's a fire exit on the south side of the building." She
continued. "We may be able to get him out through there without anyone
noticing." 
         "This will probably ruin your career Ashley." Fraser reminded
suddenly and she shrugged. 
         "I was thinking of changing my field anyway." She replied with a
grin. "Besides some things are just more important." Fraser agreed and
together they started to plan. 
  

         Their plan went off without a hitch later that evening. Ashley
had attempted to keep the detective alert throughout the day, but Ray
pretended to sleep whenever anyone else was around. Just to be sure, she
had disconnected his IV from the tube, though it appeared to still be
connected to his arm, it was in actual fact dripping into a bed pan
underneath the bed, hidden by the covers. 
         A few minutes before shift change she entered Ray's room and
helped him get dressed in the clothes Fraser had brought him, then plumped
his bed with pillows to make it look like there was still a patient lying
in it. Dr. Barry wouldn't be making rounds again until close to dinner
time, so they didn't have to worry about her checking in on Ray. 
         They sneaked into the stairwell, which was luckily just down from
Ray's room, and Ashley supported the still weak detective down the three
flights to the main floor. They met Fraser at the south entrance and piled
into the GTO, headed for Ray's apartment. 
         "Thank God." The detective sighed, allowing the Mountie to drive
and sitting back in the passenger seat. "Thanks Buddy, I didn't think I
was ever gonna get out of dere." 
         "Well, it was partially my fault you were in there, Ray." Fraser
returned. "Without Ashley's help we would have never gotten you out
without having to obtain a warrant and then no telling what might have
happened to you." 
         "I just don't get it, Frase." Ray sighed, smiling his thanks at
Ashley in the back seat, who was watching them quietly. "Why can't I
remember dat night in my apartment? And why have I been freakin' out so
much? Dere's gaps in my memory dat shouldn't be dere, even from da
hospital." 
         "I am sure we will find out soon enough, Ray." He assured.
"Ashley obtained a sample of the solution that was in the bag before she
issued you a new one this morning, we can have the lab run tests on that
and whatever might still find in your blood stream." 
         "Ya think dey were druggin' me?" 
         "It is a good possibility, Ray. You were very erratic in your
behavior and it would account for some of your paranoia and nightmares." 
         "But who, Fraser?" Ray demanded as Ashley leaned forward and he
felt the familiar cold barrel of a gun placed up against his neck. 
         "Shouldn't you be asking yourself why, Detective Kowalski?" she
inquired calmly as Fraser glanced back at her in alarm. "Why would some
one go to all this trouble to make you look like a loony tunes?" 
         "O...okay, den, why, Ashley?" Ray managed to ask, slipping into
cop mode automatically and forcing his fear back. He couldn't believe his
luck, he had been going to ask the pretty nurse to date him and now here
she was holding a gun to his head, where was the justice? His life sucked.

         "Just keep driving, Fraser." She warned when she noticed the
Mounties's discreet decrease in speed. He pressed down on the accelerator
again. "Toward the lake if you please and thank you kindly." 
         "Why Ashley?" Ray asked again, softening his tone. "I thought ya
were startin' ta like me, I really was likin' you." 
         "Thanks, but no thanks." She retorted pushing the gun further
into his flesh in warning. "I've heard what happens when you really like
someone. You follow her around, make her feel sorry for you, invade her
privacy when she is with another man." Ashley shook her head. "No Ray,
that kind of attention I can do without." 
         "Tell me what ya want, Ashley." Ray requested, trying to get on
the same page as the woman holding the gun on him. Where was all this
coming from? What was she talking about? The only person he followed
around was...Stella? "I...dis is about da Alderman, ain't it?" 
         "He isn't an Alderman anymore, detective." She reminded coldly.
"You stole that from him, just like you stole the woman he loved away. He
hadn't loved anyone that much since my Mother and you ruined what
happiness he could have had. You just couldn't stay away from your bitch
of an ex-wife could you? You were probably laughing at him the whole time
she was betraying my father with you." 
         "Ray is not responsible for Alderman Orsini's incarceration,
Ashley." Fraser stated as he pulled into the darkened area of lake front
and she ordered him to stop. "I am the one that overheard his plans and I
informed the detective of wrong doing. Ray was only doing his job." 
         "Shut up!" she snapped at him. "Give me the keys, Fraser." Fraser
hesitated. "I'll blow his freakin' brains out right here!" Fraser handed
her the keys after offering Ray a steady glance. "Get out of the car." 
         Fraser stepped out and she slid over the seat behind the wheel,
keeping her gun trained on Ray and her eyes on Fraser. She closed the door
and hit the electric locks, as Ray watched a shadow come from behind his
partner. He tried to shout a warning but the Mountie was already falling
forward from the blow to the head that came from behind. 
         "Now." Ashley continued keeping her eyes trained on Ray and
flicking the overhead light on so she could see him better. He blinked at
the sudden brightness, but returned her gaze unflinching. "Let's finish
this shall we?" 
         "Why are ya doin' dis, Ashley?" Ray reasoned, trying to appeal to
the woman he met at the hospital, the one who had been so kind and
understanding to him. 
         "I was the one in your apartment that night, Ray." She commented
and waited for his show of surprise, impressed when he didn't even blink.
"I hit you over the head, or rather my friend did." She indicated the man
outside, which Ray suspected was nurse Rawlins. "And then when you finally
woke up I shot you with a drug that increases the power of suggestion so
you so you would do whatever I told you to. I told you to swallow the
pills and you did." She laughed. "You'd be surprised what you did for me,
Ray, you obeyed my every command." She moved forward and brush the gun
against his thigh. "Pills take a long time to work sometimes, should I
tell you what we did while we waited, Ray?" 
         Ray couldn't help the flush that rose in his cheeks at her
suggestive tone and he didn't really want to know what he had done, or
what she had forced him too do under her influence. However he doubted his
opinion mattered at this point. 
         "I can see why your ex-wife chose you over my Father." She
replied her weapon moving up across his knees to settle between his legs
and he willed himself not to react. "You are a much better lover than my
father ever was." He couldn't hide his shock that time, her words had been
too unexpected and she just laughed at him. 
         "Ashley..." he began his heart going out to her. No wonder she
was so screwed up if that bastard Orsini had molested her. 
         "You know, I even placed some hypnotic suggestions, just in case,
though I never expected the Mountie to find you and bring you to my
hospital, it was a stroke of luck don't you think? This way everyone will
think you just went over the edge and you have practically a whole staff
of doctors and nurses to testify to your instability." 
         "Ashley we can talk about dis..." Ray began but she cut him off
and pressed the gun harder into his groin, causing him to flinch
uncontrollably. 
         "I'm done talking." She decided rather calmly. "I've done nothing
but talk to counselors and shrinks and everyone who wanted to be my friend
so long as Daddy was around to pay the bills. I could make you kill your
friend out there." Ray paled but did not look away from the violet eyes
that at one time held such warmth and laughter, only seemed lifeless and
cold now. 
         "You were da one makin' me freak, weren't ya?' he realized and
she gave him a smug smile. "It wasn't anythin' in da sedatives, it was
you." 
         "Well, the sedatives were highly concentrated and they kept you
from saying to much to your partner, then asleep or awake, all I had to do
was say the trigger word and you became so scared and paranoid it was
almost comical, even in your dreams." She admitted arrogantly, but her
smile faltered slightly and Ray caught the brief regret in her eyes. "Only
I hadn't counted on..." 
         "On fallin' in love wit me?" he guessed, hoping he hadn't just
signed his own death warrant. She tossed him a startled look then quickly
raised her ice walls again. 
         "It would have been easier if you had just died." She commented
vaguely. "Much easier then drawing it out like this. I hated seeing you go
through that Ray, but I had to do it, you understand that don't you?" 
         "Why did ya bother keepin' me off da sedatives fer awhile?" he
demanded. "Why did ya bother ta help me at all?" 
         "So you would trust me, of course." she shrugged. "But now you
have to die and..." 
         "I don't want to die, Ashley." He whispered and reached up to
caress her cheek. "I don't want you ta die, can't we work dis out?" 
         "What makes you think I'm going to die?" she inquired arrogantly,
though she didn't move away from his touch, she reminded him of who had
the upper hand with another thrust of her weapon. 
         "If you kill a cop you'll get da chair, baby." He stated gently.
"I don't want dat." 
         For a brief moment he saw the real Ashley behind her violet eyes
and he took the chance by leaning closer and pressing his lips to hers.
God help him if he was misreading her, because he wasn't looking forward
to the sudden castration she threatened him with. Her eyes flickered
closed and she returned the kiss with a soft sigh as Ray's other hand
moved slowly toward the gun between them, or rather between him. 
         "NO!" she suddenly cried, pulling back abruptly ripping the gun
back to aim directly at him, as he tried not to think of the pieces of
flesh she had probably just removed with the violent movement.     "You're
trying to trick me, just like all the rest!" 
         "Ashley, I'm not." He assured, lying through his teeth naturally
but hey what are ya gonna do, this was his life and possibly Fraser's she
was fooling with here. 
         "I'll say the words!" she cried. "I'll make you kill your partner
and then yourself, I will I'll make you do it!" 
         "Why use that crap?" he demanded angrily. "I'll do whatever ya
ask, ya know dat, I always have, haven't I?" He didn't know if she really
did have such power over him that he would try to kill Fraser, but
obviously she had gotten him to overdose so that was something to be
concerned with. 
         "You...you'd kill Fraser if I asked you too?" she asked startled
and he shook his head. 
         "No, I won't kill anyone but I...I'll go away with you." He
offered. "We can just leave all dis behind and start a new life. No one
needs to know and we can be far away from yer father and my ex-wife and da
Mountie'd never find us." Ray could see her indecision, choosing between
her heart and her sick little mission of revenge. "It would be great,
Ashley. Just me and you and...and maybe we could take Albert and we could
kinda be like a family." 
         "Leave Albert out of this!" she demanded angrily. "He isn't part
of this." 
         "He is part of dis Ashley." Ray insisted finding her weakness and
hating himself for preying on it. "Dey'll think he helped ya wit all a
dis. He'll feel guilty when he finds out I'm dead and yer da one who
killed me." 
         "They won't know." She refused adamantly. 
         "They will know." Ray challenged. "In the end the truth always
comes out Ashley, you can't hide from it and you can't run away from yer
crimes, you'll end up payin' for 'em in da end." God he was starting to
sound like Fraser now, he must be getting desperate. 
         "I can't trust you." She declared but Ray could see he almost had
her convinced. 
         "You can trust me, baby." He assured. "Me and you...we're two of
a kind, we both lost someone who meant a lot ta us, but we could be dere
for each other, help each other." He reached for her again and she leveled
the weapon at him more prominently, so he pulled back. "Won't ya even give
Mr. Grinch a chance, Miss Nightingale?" 
         "I...I want to." She admitted faltering. "I do love you Ray I
never wanted to hurt you or Fraser but I...I can't stop doing the things I
do." 
         "I can help you stop." He assured offering her his hand. "Give me
da gun, Ashley. Take da first step into a new world dat ain't so scary."
She shook her head. 
         "I've done terrible things." She whimpered, unwilling to release
her weapon yet. "You'll take me to jail and I won't be a nurse anymore." 
         "We can work all dat out, Ashley." Ray assured, just a little bit
further and he'd have her. She started to nod, even as a tear slipped from
her eye. 
         "We...we just need to...to stay calm." She almost sobbed and Ray
had started to agree until he felt the fear and uncertainty rising within
him. 
         "God Ashley, don't..." he began but the hysteria had already
started working it's devilment and he started shaking. "Don't...stop
looking at me dat way! Leave me alone! Why won't you just leave me alone?"
Ashley released the door locks and Ray immediately scrambled to freedom,
just as Fraser groaned and lifted his head from the ground. He saw his
partner backing away from the small nurse, a familiar fear in his blue
green eyes. 
         "Ray!" Fraser called and immediately started to rise, only to be
held to his knees by Rawlins and a gun to his temple. "Ashley don't do
this please! Ray has done nothing to you he..." Ashley glanced back at the
Mountie, and waved the larger man back, allowing the Mountie to stand,
even as she started to hand the gun to the agitated detective. 
         "He's the one causing your pain, Ray." She stated pointing to the
kneeling Mountie, and he could hear the tears in the young woman's voice.
"He's turning everyone against you, you have to stop him or the nightmares
will never end." 
         "I want dem to stop!" Ray cried even as he leveled the gun at his
partner with shaking hands. "I can't take it anymore. Why won't you leave
me alone?" 
         "Ray, it's me Fraser." The Mountie tried to reason, not
understanding what control Ashley had over his friend but trying to appeal
to the Ray Kowalski that he was sure was still listening. "You don't want
to do this. It's Ashley that is making you feel this way. There is nothing
to be afraid of." 
         "NO!" Ray screamed as Ashley continued to urge him on, insisting
Fraser was the demon that had to be vanquished for Ray to regain his
sanity. "Yer lyin' yer always lyin'! You tell 'em ta stay away or I'll
kill you! I'll kill you all!" 
         "There is no one after you, Ray." Fraser assured keeping his
voice calm and neutral. "It is all a trick, none of what you see or feel
is real. I am a Mountie I cannot lie." There was a brief flicker of
acknowledgement in the detective's frantic eyes but then it was gone. 
         "Kill him, Ray." Ashley demanded. "Then they'll all go away and
stop hounding you, you won't be scared anymore and you can live in peace."

         "I want to be left alone." Ray whimpered, his hold on the gun
becoming steadier, which only increased the Mounties's concern. "I just
want you to leave me alone 
         "Ray, we are a duet." He stated. "I'm nothing without you and you
are nothing without me. We are partners, I think you are attractive, you
think I am a freak." Fraser was babbling now, saying anything he could
think of to reach his friend in whatever dark hole Ashley had put him. "I
talk too much and tell you Inuit stories that you don't want to hear but
listen to anyway because you are my friend and..." 
         "Shut up!" Ray screamed at him, so close to the edge now that
Fraser was beginning to fear for his life. Suddenly he locked his gaze
with the detective, he had to have faith that his partner would not shoot
him. 
         "Then do it, Ray." He allowed quietly. "Go ahead and shoot if you
think it will end your suffering. I don't want you to suffer Ray, I don't
want you to be afraid or hurt. I love you Ray, and if shooting me will
give you back your sanity then please do it, do it now for the love of God
and come back to who you are." 
         Ray Kowalski faltered, Ashley continued to egg him on, the man
behind the Mountie was raising his gun to do the job if the detective
failed to. Fraser still saw the stark fear, the rage and suspicion in his
partner's eyes but he realized it was all up to Ray now. If the detective
could be reached he would have been by now. 
         "W...what did you say?" the detective finally asked confused,
again his aim wavering and Fraser could see he was fighting the evil that
possessed him. Rather than repeat his entire monologue, he caught on the
one phrase that might matter most to his friend. 
         "I love you, Ray." He repeated and saw the recognition in his
partner's eyes finally, before they clouded over once again in a
frightened haze. "Come back to me Ray. Be my partner again and my friend."

         He blinked and tried to remain calm when he saw Ray's arms steady
and his aim become more certain as he focused the weapon. Fraser met his
gaze, refusing to look away, not allowing one shred of doubt to creep into
his heart. He flinched slightly when the shot rang out, and when he
realized he had not been hit; he turned in time to see his assailant
dropping behind him. 
         Ray sank to his knees, the gun still firmly in his grasp, resting
between his thighs, the battle was not yet won. Ashley had started moving
away but Fraser had caught her by the collar and moved back toward Ray,
who was rocking back and forth, crying in desperate despair and staring
entirely to intently down the barrel of the gun. 
         "Take it off him!" Fraser demanded angrily of the nurse and she
shook her head. Fraser twisted her arms behind her painfully; he had no
time for niceties. "Say whatever you have to say to bring him back!" 
         "I won't!" she cried struggling against him. "Kill him Ray, he's
the cause of your pain." 
         "Don't let him die because of your hatred, Ashley." Fraser
pressed. "He's a good man, he does not deserve this." The nurse was
adamant. "Take it off of him or I swear you will join him in whatever hell
you've convened him in." 
         "I'm already there." She whispered as the tears slid down her
cheeks and she slid to her knees. She crawled over to the detective and
Fraser watched her carefully. "He just needs to go to sleep." She stated
shakily as she pulled a syringe out of her pocket. Fraser quickly knelt
and captured it, not trusting her and Ray freaked at their sudden
closeness and started screaming, curling into a ball and cradling the
weapon that would end his misery. 
         "There is another way." Fraser insisted, refusing to let her
inject the detective with anything. "Do it, Ashley. Don't let the sins of
your father become your sins too." She wiped at her face and nodded in
defeat. 
         "L...Listen." She managed quietly and Ray stopped shaking.
"Sleep." Ray went totally limp and Fraser moved to take the gun away from
him. 
  

         Ray awoke in his own bed the following morning, under his own
covers and he struggled to remember what had happened. How had he gotten
here? Was being at the hospital just a dream that seemed real and Ashley
just a figment of his guilt over Orsini; not that he cared about that blow
hard, but he had hurt Stella unintentionally by being so gung-ho after the
Alderman. He shook his head slowly and groaned at the headache that
thundered through his brain. 
         He felt something warm and furry next to him and glanced down to
find Diefenbaker watching him quietly as he lay beside him. Ray
automatically reached out to scratch the wolf's ears and the animal
crawled a little closer to rest his chin on Ray's chest. 
         "Where ya been boy?" he murmured as Fraser, dressed in his
traditional red serge appeared in the doorway. 
         "Good morning, Ray." He greeted with a small smile. "Feeling
better?" 
         "Frase...what da hell happened? How did I get here? Where..." 
         "Relax, Ray." The Mountie commanded as he entered the room and
handed Ray a cup of coffee, complete with Smarties. "We'll talk more
later." He'd explain everything to Ray after work, about Ashley's
incarceration. "I have to get to work and there is someone here to see
you." 
         "Work..." Ray bolted up in the bed, almost spilling the coffee. 
         "I have already spoken with Leftenant Welsh, Ray." Fraser
continued calmly. "You have the rest of the day off and he is fully aware
of the situation." 
         "What situation, Frase?" Ray demanded. "I can't remember..." 
         "You will, later." Fraser assured as he signaled for Dief and the
wolf jumped off the bed to follow him toward the door. "You have a
visitor." Ray sat up further in bed and started to throw his sheets back,
he still wore his jeans and T-shirt that he had worn from the hospital, so
at least part of it was real. 
         "Hello Ray." Stella Kowalski greeted stepping inside the room as
Fraser exited and watching her ex-husband freeze half in half out of the
bed. 
         "S...Stell." He murmured in disbelief, then finally made his body
cooperate and moved from the bed. She smiled and walked toward him, into
his embrace and he knew he must be dreaming because this couldn't possibly
be real. But she smelled like Stella, felt like Stella, if this was a
dream he never wanted to wake up. 
         "I'm glad you're okay, Ray." She sighed against him and he felt
his heart flip over in his chest. *I even placed some hypnotic
suggestions, just in case. * 
         "W...why are ya here, Stell?" he croaked, shaking his head to rid
himself of the voice that seemed to haunt him and unable to hide the
disorienting and emotional effect Ashley's words and Stella's presence was
having on him. She smiled up at him and cradled his face tenderly. 
         "Fraser called and told me what happened." She explained.  "I
wanted to come by and make sure you were alright. After all, it's my fault
you ever got involved with Frank." He shook his head remorsefully. 
         "I...I shouldn't have been followin' ya Stella I..." *All I had
to do was say the trigger word and you became so scared and paranoid it
was almost comical, even in your dreams. * Ray squeezed his eyes shut,
trying to block out the words and Stella mistook his expression for sorrow
and regret. 
         "Ssssh, it's okay." She assured. "I forgive you, this time." she
gave him a pointed look when he finally met her gaze again and he almost
smiled.  "After all you did save my life, more then once I might add, and
kept me from making a terrible mistake." 
         "Alderman..." he murmured quietly and stepped away from her. "I
am sorry Stell I...I know I didn't like da guy but I...I couldn't help...I
mean if you weren't involved wit him I..." 
         "You wanted there to be something wrong with Frank and luckily
for you there was." She supplied calmly, though her eyes narrowed
slightly. "Luckily you had the Mountie to lend truth to your jealousy,
don't you think?" 
         Ray remained silent, how could he answer that without admitting
he had been every kind of fool? Besides, it didn't matter what he
apologized for or admitted to, he couldn't help feeling the way he felt
about Stella, and he knew he'd just screw up with her again because of it.
Fraser had been the one to make the connection to Orsini and Ray owed him
big time for that. *I could make you kill your friend out there.* 
         "Why...why'd ya come here, Stell?" he asked quietly and she
shrugged. 
         "Just because we're not married anymore doesn't mean I can't
still care about you, Ray." She insisted. 
         "I love ya Stella." He stated, always falling back on the one
thing he could admit to her without hesitation. She smiled and stepped up
to him again, reaching to caress his cheek. 
         "And I love you." She confirmed watching his eyes brighten in
gratitude. "But we can't be together, Ray. We tried and it didn't work." 
         "We...we could try again we...I'd be different Stella I promise
I..." *I can see why your ex-wife chose you over my Father You are a much
better lover than my father ever was.* Ray swallowed the moan of despair
that rose within him. He'd betrayed Stella, whether he could remember it
or not, and he the guilt of his actions threatened to over take him.
Stella had no knowledge of his inner turmoil and she pressed on, chalking
his tormented expression up to his longing for them to be together. 
         "Ray, it wasn't just you it was both of us." she explained
gently. She wished things could be different, but she knew they'd only
make things worse and each other miserable. 
         "I can't..." he turned away, hating himself for showing weakness
in front of her, but what else could he do, he could only feel what he
felt and try to deal with it as best he could. They were meant to be
together, why couldn't she see that? They could make it work if they
tried, he knew they could, he'd longed for it and now he had betrayed her.

         "Ray?" She touched his shoulder, feeling the tension building
inside. "Ray we can still be close friends can't we?" 
         "S...Stell I'm kinda tired." He murmured, unable to look at her
for fear she would see the truth in his eyes. It made no difference that
they were divorced or she may have been having an affair with Orsini, Ray
loved her and wanted to remain faithful to that love. In his heart he was
still married to Stella. 
         "I'll let you rest then." She offered quietly, pulling away and
Ray felt as though he took all of the warmth and feeling in his body with
her. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay." He nodded but didn't turn
around. "I guess I'll just show myself out then." 
         "Stell I..." he began, as he leaned with one fist against the
wall and his mind screamed what his voice could not. I love you! Don't
leave me. Stay! Stay and keep the demons away. Let me love you Stella, I
don't deserve it but please let me. "Thanks fer comin' by." He finally
continued and Stella nodded disappointed. 
         "I'll see you later, Ray." She offered softly and went out. Ray
waited until he had heard his front door close quietly before he put his
fist through the wall where he was standing. 
  

         Ray walked into the 2-7 precinct two days later, and headed for
his desk. He had woke up just a little after five that morning, from a
nightmare that he could neither describe or explain. As he had become more
awake the dream had started to fade, as did and the panic and sense of
helplessness he had felt during it. 
         It had only been three days since his time spent in the hospital
and Ashley Jones Orsini had been incarcerated for the crimes against him.
He thought he would feel better with it all over, but his nightmares
continued, though not as intense, and the over all feeling of
powerlessness he seemed to have just wouldn't go away. 
         He had quickly showered, dressed in blue jeans, his favorite
brown polo with white and navy stripes on the collar, and a dark brown
sports coat. He had meant to pick up coffee and a doughnut on the way, but
there had been a line up at his usual spot so he had just headed into the
station. 
         Now however, either from the lack of caffeine or because of his
sleepless night, he had a pounding headache. He tossed his coat over the
back of his chair, rubbed at his temples with one hand for a moment,
hoping the pressure would decrease the pain, then he absently flipped
through his messages. 
         "You look like crap, Bro." Francesca Vecchio offered sweetly and
he glared at her, too miserable to even notice her tight fitting, open
necked blouse and black mini skirt. 
         "Thanks." He muttered as he sank into his chair and she perched
on the corner of his desk, obviously having nothing better to do. "Did you
need somethin' Frannie?" 
         "No, but you do I bet." She retorted and held out her hand,
revealing the small bottle of Tylenol that was nestled there. He smiled at
her gratefully and accepted them as she also offered the bottle of juice
she held. "Here, if ya don't mind drinkin' after me." He took the juice
and set it on the desk as he opened the bottle. Francesca hopped down and
hurried to answer her phone at the desk up from his.. 
          Ray shook a couple of the painkillers into his palm then reached
for the juice just as a piece of memory attacked his senses. He couldn't
breath, he couldn't...something was lodged in his throat and...*one pill,
two pills, three pills, four. Five pills, six pills, seven pills,
floor*...the mocking voice echoed around him and he turned to find the
source of it but there was no one close to him that could have said it. He
looked back at the pills in his hand and the juice bottle, his headache
growing steadily worse. *What do we do now? I'm gonna have some fun, you
clean up out here. * Ray started to shake as he continued to stare at his
now trembling hand, unaware that his right had was slowly squeezing the
juice bottle he held until he distantly heard a crackling sound and a far
off cry. 
         "Ray!" Hewy had been passing by and had stopped to stare at him,
curious as to why the usually lively Detective was sitting so still all of
a sudden. "Be careful!" Ray glanced up at him dazed as he came back to
reality, then looked down at the blood flowing from his hand where the
shards of glass had cut him. 
         "Ow." He managed as he dropped the bottle and the pills into his
trash basket while Hewy pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and
automatically moved to wipe at some of the blood on his co-workers hand.
Ray flinched and pulled back, noticing there was still glass protruding
from the flesh of his palm and a couple of his fingers. 
         "What's going on?" Welsh demanded as he and Francesca walked up,
having heard Hewy's exclamation. He glared at Ray's hand, as the detective
absently started to pull the glass out, only to have Francesca step in and
finish for him. "Detective, is there a problem here?" 
         "No." Ray returned quietly, his voice sounded a little too
passive to the Lieutenant. "I...I cut my hand." There was a note of
disbelief in his voice and Welsh frowned even more. 
         "Miss. Vecchio, take yer accident prone brother to the kitchen
and rinse off his hand then soak his head while yer at it." Francesca
grinned. 
         "Gladly Sir." She agreed as Welsh continued. 
          "Hewy find someone to drive him to the hospital, he'll need
stitches." Ray's head bolted up and Welsh saw real fear in his eyes. 
         "No!" he refused. "I'm fine, just leave me alone." He pushed away
from the three of them and headed for the men's bathroom. 
         He could rinse his own hand off, he wasn't a baby and Frannie got
most of the glass out, so there was no reason to go to the hospital. He
continued his reasoning as he threw back the door and stalked over to the
sink, running his hand under the cold water and grimacing as it started to
hurt like a sonofabitch. He didn't hear Welsh enter, he was concentrating
on checking his palm for any more glass, now that the blood was out of the
way. 
         "Are you alright, Ray?" the Detective's quietly gruff voice
inquired and he was surprised when the detective jumped slightly. 
         "Fine." Ray scowled, his attention remaining focused on his hand.
"Just a scratch." Welsh moved forward with the first aid kit and plopped
it down on the counter next to the sink. 
         "Mind if I have a look then, since ya won't go to the hospital?"
he requested, though Ray wouldn't really call it a request, more like an
order with a question mark. 
        He shook the remaining moisture from his throbbing hand and turned
toward his commanding officer. Welsh examine it thoroughly before applying
antibiotic cream to the wounds, then taping a few heavy pads of sterile
gauze over the wounds, which were mainly in Ray palm and before bandaging
it. During the process Ray remained uncommonly quiet, not making a sound
even as the cream stung his wounds and the bandage made his hand throb
more. 
         "You wanna tell me about it, Detective?" The Lieutenant finally
asked as he closed the kit and watched Ray turn to face the mirror and
pretended to check his hair with his good hand. 
         "I told ya, Lieu, I cut my hand."  Ray replied and started toward
the door, only to have Welsh catch his shoulder and turn him back. 
         "You always go around breakin' bottles in yer hand, Ray?" the
larger man demanded. "I know how much strength it takes ta break a bottle
that way, Detective and I don't see ya doin' it accidentally." Ray
shrugged, not quite meeting the Lieutenant's intense gaze. 
         "Guess I wasn't payin' attention." He replied with a shrug, not
willing to admit that he didn't remember why he had been gripping the
bottle so severely. It was something about the Tylenol, but he couldn't
remember what, probably just his mind playing tricks on him after all that
had happened. Welsh looked like he wanted to discuss it further, but
finally he decided to let it go and released Ray's arm. 
         "Try harder next time." He warned and Ray nodded, then turned and
left. Ray headed to the kitchen to grab a coffee and heard the distinct
clicking of heels behind him. He turned expecting to fins Francesca but
was surprised to see Assistant State's Attorney Stella Kowalski instead. 
         "Hello Ray." She greeted coolly, and then her eyes dropped to his
bandaged hand and her tone grew immediately softer. "What have you done to
yourself now?" 
         "Ya know me, Stell." He shrugged grinning. "I just love kickin'
heads and takin' names." She shook her head at his deliberate ruse to
direct her away from the real story of his injury and glared at him in
disappointment. 
         "Ray." 
         "I cut my hand, okay?" he sighed, wishing she didn't have such
control over him at times, she made him feel like a kid getting caught
lying by his mother.  "No big deal." 
         "How did you cut it?" 
         "What does it matter?" he demanded, suddenly resenting her
intrusion in his personal affairs. "Did ya want me fer somethin' or ya
just here ta torment me some more?" He saw the hurt flicker across her
face and he was immediately contrite. "I...I'm sorry Stell I..." 
         "I need to talk to you about testifying against Ashley Jones
Orsini." She stated, once again under a cool film of indifference that he
had watched her use in the courtroom so often. Part of him wanted her to
keep treating him that way, then he didn't have to think about betraying
her the way he had, the rest of him wanted to drop and kiss her feet and
beg for forgiveness. He sighed and started to count off how many ways one
guy could screw up. "Perhaps we can speak in here?" she indicated one of
the interview rooms and Ray shook his head. 
         "I'm kinda busy right now, Stell." He refused. "I just got in and
I haven't even had da chance ta get my daily's ta Welsh or..." 
         "I'm sure Lieutenant Welsh will understand if you spare a few
minutes to go over your case, Ray." She insisted firmly and he stared at
her surprised. 
         "What case?" he asked. 
         "Against the woman who tried to kill you, Ray." She reminded
impatiently. "Ashley..." 
         "I...I can't testify against her Stell." He refused and started
headed for the kitchen again; he really needed that coffee. 
         "Ray you have to testify against her." Stella insisted hurrying
after him. "She tried to kill you. Without you, we only have Fraser's
account and it won't be enough. You're..." 
         "I can't do it because I don't remember, Stell!" Ray snapped
suddenly then turned his back to her as he poured himself a cup of coffee
with trembling hands. He really wished his body would stop having fits
without consulting him, it was becoming embarrassing. "Want some coffee,
Stella?" 
         "No Ray, I don't want any coffee." She retorted annoyed. "What
don't you remember?" 
         "Any of it." Ray stated and immediately felt his stomach drop in
remorse. He hated lying to Stella, he could never do it very well, and she
always saw right through him. He raised his cup to his lips, keeping his
back to her, knowing if he turned to look at that beautiful face, those
shining eyes and sweet, sweet smile he would back down and do whatever she
asked of him. 
         "You don't remember anything?" she accused, the disbelief obvious
in her voice. "You remembered enough to give a statement when you and
Fraser brought her in." 
         "I...I mean I...remember leavin' da hospital and her bein' in da
car wit us, but...I don't really remember anythin' after dat, Stell." He
insisted. "M...most of what I know is based on what Fraser told me." 
         "Ray." Stella's voice grew softer and he could sense her moving
closer to him, smell the intoxicating sense of her perfume. 
          Don't touch me, he pleaded silently. If you touch me I'm lost.
But his prayer's went unanswered as a moment later he felt her tiny hand
on his arm and he closed his eyes at the intense effect her touch had on
him. God I love you Stella, why can't that be enough? 
         "I don't... don't remember, Stell." He pressed, even as he
allowed her to turn him around to face her. "I swear, she...she hypnotized
me somehow I..." 
         "Then we'll just hypnotize you again to find out...." Stella
began and was surprised when Ray pushed away from her, almost violently. 
         "No!" he refused. "No Stella, I won't do it." He folded his arms
across his chest defensively as he leaned against the wall closest to him,
his coffee forgotten. She understood his fear and she tried to explain as
gently as she could. 
         "Ray, it will help you remember and..." 
         "No!" he repeated and she heard almost a hysterical cry in his
voice before he seemed to calm himself before her eyes. He stood up,
unfolded his arms and reached behind her for his coffee. "You can't make
me do dat, Stell." 
         "Ray I could get an order from the judge..." she began, the
lawyer in her automatically trying to regain control of her case, but she
realized her mistake when she saw his eyes darken almost to the color of
wood smoke. "Ray I...I didn't mean..." 
         "You do what ya gotta do, Counselor." He offered tonelessly. "Ya
can supeona me or put me in jail fer contempt of court if ya want, but I
will not be hypnotized by yer order, a judge's order or anybody else's,
you got me?" 
         "Ray I didn't mean..." she began but he had already turned on his
heel and was walking away. She hurried after him, hating the fact that he
was making her chase after him through the station. "Ray you are being
unreasonable about this. Don't you want Ashley to pay for her crimes?" 
         "Know what I want, Stella?" he demanded, stopping in the middle
of the hallway and turning back to her, forcing her to almost slide to a
halt to avoid smacking into him. "I want you, dat's all, just you. If I
can't have dat, ta hell wit everything else." He turned and was walking
away again and this time she could only stare after him in shock. 

         Fraser glanced over at his partner, as they waited for their
suspect to show up at the bar across the street. They had been sitting
there in the GTO for almost five hours, on a tip that a man they suspected
of robbing a convenience store and killing the clerk would eventually
show, as it was his favorite hang out. Ray had not said much all day,
other then to tell Fraser about the case or inquire as to the Mounties's
health and life at the Consulate. Mundane things really, nothing very
personal and Fraser could sense something was really bothering the
detective. 
         When Fraser had asked him about cutting his hand, Ray had laughed
it off, but Fraser found out from Hewy and Francesca what had happened,
though neither understood what had triggered it. Ray was looking entirely
too pale and signs of exhaustion were evident in his usually vibrant form.

         Fraser suspected that it had to do with the past week with Ashley
Orsini and the suggestions the young woman had placed on Ray. Although the
nurse, in trade for leniency during her incarceration, had claimed to have
removed the hypnotic suggestions he'd placed over the detective, Ray's
behavior still seemed slightly erratic. He wasn't afraid or paranoid as
Ashley had caused him to be, but the detective got a disturbing look in
his eyes at times that worried the Mountie. 
         Ray was touchier then normal, snapping at people one moment then
acting almost unbearably shy and quiet the next. Fraser noticed that Ray
had finished all the backlog of paperwork that had been on his desk and
his In tray had only one case, which was the one they were currently
working on. The detective's usual assortment of junk and toys that
littered Ray's desk had all been put away and the desk was kept clean. 
         At Ray's apartment Fraser and quickly noticed that although
nothing looked out of the ordinary, the place was immaculately clean, even
the coffee table that was usually solid with mug rings had been polished
to a shine. Ray's magazines had been piled by the trash box, his bed made
with clean sheets and a comforter, and there was not so much as a cup in
the dish strainer or sink. 
         All of Ray's CD's had been alphabetized, the miscellaneous papers
and bills that usually cluttered the detective's desk had been
straightened and put away as well. Fraser did not consider his partner a
complete slob, despite Ray's claims to the contrary, but even Fraser did
not keep things as organized and clean as Ray now seemed to. 
         When Ray showed up, clean shaven, with his hair slicked down and
back, instead of it's usual untamed style, wearing clean, pressed jeans
and a collared shirt four days in a row, Fraser knew something was off.
Ray wouldn't admit to it of course, just comment he was going for a new
look then quickly change the subject. Rather then comment that his friend
seemed bordering on obsessive-compulsive, Fraser allowed it to drop. 
         "Okay, dat's it, Frase." The detective sighed as he stretched in
his seat. "I'm done'ski. Dery're closin' in less dan an hour and Sorrenson
still hasn't showed." 
         "I agree, Ray." Fraser replied, not really wanting to any longer
either, his legs were cramped from sitting to long and he couldn't seem to
keep his mind on their assignment anyway, he was too worried about his
partner. "Why don't we grab a pizza and head back to your apartment?" 
         "Yah, sure, buddy." Ray agreed starting the engine and glancing
around before slowly pulling away from the curb. "Let's not get take out
though, I'll cook something." Fraser's expression caused Ray to chuckle.
"I can cook, Frase, I just usually choose not to." 
         "I did not mean to imply anything negative about your culinary
talents Ray." Fraser quickly assured and Ray grinned. 
         "Well, ya haven't tasted my cookin' yet, so reserve dat fer
later." He teased and Fraser smiled, Ray almost sounded like himself
again, so perhaps it was just a matter of time to get over what had
happened to him. 
         "Have you been sleeping well, Ray?" he asked, hoping the
detective might finally be in the mood to talk. "You seem quite
exhausted." 
         "No, I'm good, Buddy." Ray returned automatically as he always
did. "Just y'know...stressin' a little over dis thing wit Stella." 
         "What thing, Ray?" 
         "She wants me ta testify at Ashley's trial but I told her I'd
suck as a witness cause I don't remember most of what happened." 
         "Did she suggest an alternative route against Miss. Orsini, Ray?"
Fraser inquired and Ray hesitated for a long moment before answering. 
         "She wants me ta get hypnotized, Fraser." He admitted quietly.
"Ta help me remember." 
         "Perhaps it would..." Fraser encouraged then quickly shut up as
Ray shot him a dangerous look. 
         "No, Fraser." He refused firmly. "I'm not lettin'...I ain't doin'
it." 
         "But Ray, it may help..." 
         "I said no, Fraser!" Ray exclaimed forcibly, his grip on the
steering wheel tightening dramatically. "No body is gonna mess wit my head
ever again, ya got me? No one! It ain't happenin'. I don't care what
reason Stella's got fer me to do it, I don't care if da survival of da
world depends on it I. Am. Not lettin' someone f**k me up worse." 
         "Worse, Ray?" Fraser inquired quietly, regarding his friend
intently. "Are you...are you still having problems, Ray? Are you..." 
         "Drop it, Fraser." The detective warned as they pulled into the
parking lot of his apartment building. "I don't wanna talk about it, not
to you, not ta a jury...no one, got it?" Fraser nodded and stepped out of
the car, pulling the seat forward so Dief could jump free. The trio walked
in uncomfortable silence up the stairs to Ray's apartment and Fraser could
see the tension vibrating from his partner's body. 
         "Um...spaghetti okay, Fraser?" Ray inquired as he tossed his keys
on the counter automatically, as Fraser had seen him do many times before,
then he watched Ray pick them up again carefully and put them in his
jacket pocket, before hanging the jacket in the closet next to the front
door. 
         "That would be fine, Ray." Fraser assured as he set his Stetson
on the bar and pulled off his own leather jacket, which he also hung in
the closet. "Can I help?" Ray nodded as he pulled a pot from one of the
lower cupboards. 
         "Um...yah, grab the sauce from da fridge, I made some up
yesterday and I'll start da pasta." Fraser did as requested as Ray filled
the pot with water and set it to boil. Ray retrieved a saucepan and
accepted the container of spaghetti sauce the Mountie offered him and set
that next to the pot of water to heat. 
         "Shall I put on some music, Ray?" Fraser suggested, hoping some
tunes would relax his partner as it usually did, and the detective nodded.

         Fraser walked over to the stereo and selected a CD, then placed
it into the player and hit play. He nodded satisfied, as the soothing
sounds of Sarah McLachlan piped through the speakers and turned back to
ask Ray if the music was adequate. He was startled to find his partner's
entire body racked with a terrible, uncontrolled shivering as Ray gripped
the counter for support. 
         "Ray?" the Mountie demanded hurrying over to his friend but the
detective only grunted and did not seem to be aware of him. "Ray what is
it? What is wrong?" He placed a hand on Ray's shoulder and was shocked
when Ray tore away, stumbled backwards and scrambled across the tile,
curling up against the cupboards with his arms wrapped around his knees
and his head lowered remorsefully. 
         "I love Stella." He whimpered as he started to rock back and
forth, and tears glittered in his blue green eyes. "Please I love Stella,
I don't want this...I love Stella..." Fraser stared at his friend in
horror, then on instinct he rushed over to shut off the stereo, guessing
the music had triggered his partner's strange reaction. By the time the
Mountie bounded back to the kitchen, Ray was wiping the tears from his
face and rising to his feet. 
         "Ray?" Fraser asked concerned, watching the detective return to
the stove to set the pasta in the boiling water. "Are you alright?" 
         "Sure Fraser." Ray replied after clearing the remainder of his
tears from his throat. "How are you?" 
         "Ray? What happened?" Confused by his friend's oblivious reaction
to what had just occurred. 
         "Well, da water boiled so I thought..." Ray began, his voice once
again normal and Fraser frowned. 
         "I don't mean the spaghetti Ray I mean what just happened to
you?" Fraser insisted watching Ray closely now. He was surprised when his
friend shrugged and moved to stir the sauce. 
         "I dunno." He returned entirely too easily for Fraser's liking.
"Happens sometimes, weird stuff...don't remember really." 
         "Ray, was it the music that triggered your reaction?" 
         "What music?" Ray asked puzzled as he walked over to set the
table for their meal. "Ya haven't put any on yet." 
         "I did, Ray." Fraser contended. "Just a moment ago and when I
looked you were shaking and close to tears. I tried to touch you and you
cowered in the corner, muttering about Stella and crying." 
         "Oh." Ray replied as he straightened their silverware on the
place mats with infinite care. 
         "Oh?' Fraser repeated confounded, what on Earth was the matter
with his partner? "Ray don't you find that odd?" 
         "Ya want Parmesan cheese wit yer spaghetti, Frase?" Ray inquired
moving past the Mountie once again and reaching above the stove to
retrieve the item. "I like a little on mine." Fraser reached out and
caught Ray's arm as he started past him once more and was shocked when the
detective shrugged him off violently. "Don't touch me! I never said ya
could touch me, so keep yer hands to yerself." 
         "Ray!" Fraser exclaimed, immediately retracting his hand. "What
in the God's name is wrong with you?" 
         "Back off!" Ray warned, his entire posture posed for violence.
"Dis is my home, my life mine! You just back off or I'll kick yer head all
over dis room. I'm in control here, you got me, not you, me I'm..." Fraser
watched his partner pale visibly, as though finally realizing what he was
saying, the Ray turned away slowly and placed the cheese on the table.
"I...I'm sorry. I..." he shook his head miserably and Fraser's heart went
out to him. "I don't know what's wrong wit me lately I...I just..." 
         "Ray." Fraser began gently, remaining where he was, rather then
risk another outburst by touching the detective or getting too close. "I
suspect you may be having flashes from when you were under Ashley's
influence." Ray shrugged, though his body still radiated tension. 
         "I...yah...maybe dat's it I...I dunno." He agreed quietly, as he
gripped the back of the chair closest to him. "But I don't...I don't
remember what she did, Fraser I...I can't...dere's no...no..." 
         "You were under hypnotic suggestion, Ray." Fraser explained
gently. "You would not be expected to remember, that is what made it so
easy for her to control you." Ray nodded and picked at one of the place
mats. 
         "Yah, I was a real wimp." He muttered angrily. "She played me fer
a fool alright." Fraser frowned, not liking where his friend's way of
thinking was headed. 
         "Ray it wasn't your fault and you were not a wimp." He insisted.
"Very few people can actually resist hypnosis, especially when they are
unaware that it is even happening." 
         "I bet you could." Ray stated, as he dropped into the chair
closest to him defeated." 
         "Ray, why are you blaming yourself for something you had no
control over?" Fraser asked settling in the seat across from the
detective. "Ashley is the one at fault, not you." 
         "I bet she wouldn't been able to force you ta do anything." Ray
continued, cut off in his own misery and pain, his eyes clouded over with
anger and remorse. "She wouldn't a' made you overdose on pills
or...or...or fuck her." 
         Fraser swallowed his shock and bit down on his lip to keep the
gasp that arose from escaping. Ray had not told him much of what happened
between he and Ashley in the GTO, while Fraser was unconscious, other then
being held at gunpoint. At the time the Mountie had not pressed him, but
obviously the woman had made a reference of being with the detective
sexually and now he at least understood some of his friend's horror. 
         "Ray." He began cautiously and noticed the detective refused to
raise his eyes to meet the Mounties's gaze. "Ray whatever happened is not
your fault and she may even have been lying to force a reaction from you."

         "She didn't have to force, Fraser." Ray muttered. "She just had
ta say da words, whatever word she picked outta her sick little mind, and
I was her freakin' slave." He shook his head then lowered it onto his
folded arms. "Catch da spaghetti will ya?" 
          Fraser blinked startled at the change in conversation, then cast
a glance at the stove and saw the water boiling over. He stood and quickly
took care of it, dumping the pasta into the strainer Ray had placed into
the sink, then lowered the temperature on the sauce and covered it until
they were finished talking. 
         "Ray, perhaps these...episodes or flashes you are having is just
your mind trying to recall what it wants to remember." Fraser suggested as
he settled back in his chair. "Hypnosis may be able to help do that
and..." 
         "I don't want ta be hypnotized again, Fraser!" Ray exclaimed
rising and pushing back from the table so quickly the chair flipped over
backwards against the wall. "I don't want ta know, don't you understand? I
don't care what she did to me, it's done and over and..." 
         "Ray obviously you do care or this would not still be affecting
you so much." Fraser reasoned also rising and following his partner to the
living room, where Ray and slumped down onto the sofa and was now holding
his head in his hands. "I understand your wariness of being subjected to
hypnosis again but this time you would be the one in control." 
         "I was never in control." Ray whispered miserably. "I'm
completely outta control, Fraser. I...I can't even...I'm tryin' real hard
to get back to where I was....but no matter what I do, what I try ta take
charge of, I don't have any power over myself any more, my mind or my
thoughts. She still has it, It's all Ashley, Fraser, all her and I'm none
of me anymore." Fraser lowered his eyes discretely for a moment, as the
reason for all of Ray's recent obsessive neatness fell into place. He
reached across and placed a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder, relieved
when it wasn't shrugged off. 
         "Ray, the only way to put an end to her control is to remember
and to do that you will have to be hypnotized again." 
         "No." Ray refused and Fraser could hear the tears in his voice.
"I can't Fraser. I don't trust...I can't let anyone...what if dey...I'm
afraid buddy." 
         "That is perfectly understandable considering what you have been
through, Ray." He assured kindly. "But allowing yourself to go on like
this will just end up destroying you further. Please, let me help? Perhaps
I can hypnotize you? I've read many books on the subject and I have
hypnotized myself several times." Ray lifted his head and his eyes held a
touch of amusement. 
         "How ya hypnotize yerself, Fraser?" he demanded curious. "Why
would ya even want to?" 
         "Well, Ray." Fraser began. "Often it aids in remembering
something you wish to retain or it may only be..." 
         "Ferget I asked." Ray retorted and lowered his eyes again. "I...I
dunno Fraser, you'll probably tell me ta bark like a dog or somethin'." 
         "I would never do such a thing, Ray." Fraser denied hurt. "You
are my friend and my partner, I would never wish to embarrass you in
anyway." Both men were silent for a long time and Fraser waited for Ray to
be the first to speak. 
         "I...I have ta think about it." He finally admitted. "I..I don't
think I could...I mean I trust ya Fraser I do but..." 
         "I could go first, Ray." He offered, believing that Ray really
did need this to be whole again, and if placing himself in the detective's
hands under hypnosis was the only way to win the trust that had been
stolen from his friend, Fraser would do so willingly. 
         "I don't know how ta hypnotize anybody, Fraser!" Ray exclaimed
baffled. "Jeeze, just talkin about dis is givin' me da creeps." 
         "I could put myself under but still respond to your commands,
Ray." Fraser explained calmly, hoping the detective would understand why
he was offering to hand over such control. 
         "You'd do dat, fer me Frase?" Ray demanded surprised and Fraser
didn't hesitate in his answer. 
         "Certainly. I trust you, Ray." 
         "Ya trust Vecchio, Fraser." Ray amended quickly. "Not me, ya
hardly know me." 
         "Ray, regardless of your assignment I do trust you, Stanley
Raymond Kowalski as my partner and my friend." Fraser insisted and Ray
offered him a shy, thoughtful look, before staring down at the floor
again. 
         He thought of Fraser coming to find him in the crypt that day. Of
course, it had been to clear Vecchio and Welsh, but the Mountie stuck with
him, even when Ray informed him he wasn't going back until he got Ellery.
He remembered Fraser defending him to Stella and almost smiled, not many
people took on his ex-wife and lived to tell about it. Fraser had even
intentionally opened the car door into Orsini's groin, because the
Alderman was being obnoxious and Ray had actually thanked the Mountie,
touched that his partner would be rude for him. 
         Maybe Fraser did trust Ray, but Ray still wasn't sure if he could
reciprocate. He had allowed the Canadian to lead him into situations he
would normally no better then to avoid, but that was in the pretense of
being Vecchio. The Italian had trusted Fraser implicitly so Ray had to,
yet...maybe his trust of the Mountie did go beyond what his assignment
required. 
         He had felt a connection with Fraser that first day, beyond
anything he had ever felt with anyone before, but did that connection
involve trust or just a very real desire to be as close to such an
amazing, Champion of Justice as Vecchio had been? Was it envy or something
deeper? Did he just like the way Fraser made him feel, as part of a team
and in their own little world of crime fighting, a special kind of hero? 
         "Ray?" Fraser asked softly 
         "O...Okay Buddy." Ray finally allowed, raising blue green eyes to
meet deep cerulean ones. Fraser was his partner, his friend. Ray did trust
him. "You...you can hypnotize me. I...I can't go on like I have been." 
         "Would you like me to go first, Ray?" Fraser offered and the
detective shook his head. The idea was tempting, he might learn some
things about the Mountie that his partner would never reveal willingly,
but then he would be just as bad as Ashley for taking advantage. 
         "No, just...just do me." He shook his head and released a shaky
breath. "I have ta know, Fraser. I have to know all of it or I'll go
crazy." Fraser nodded but could still see the fear and uncertainty in his
friend's tormented eyes. 
         "You will be in control at all times, Ray." He assured. "I will
give you an exit word that will allow you to stop it at any time and..." 
         "Will...will dat keep me from revealin' stuff?" 
         "It may halt your memories yes, but..." 
         "Den don't do it." Ray refused. "If...If I have a way out I may
not get through it, Frase, y'know?" Fraser nodded. Ray was worried he
would not have the courage to continue if he knew he could put a stop to
what he was experiencing at any time. 
         "I believe you will go through with it, Ray." He stated firmly.
"You are a very brave and determined man, I don't think you would allow
yourself to stop remembering just because the memories are painful. I will
give you an exit word and you will use it when you feel the need to, I
will not do this without that option for your own sake, Ray." 
         "I...I guess you know best." Ray muttered reluctantly, then
offered his friend a shaky smile.         "Thanks." 
         "Shall we proceed then?" Fraser suggested as he pulled a pen from
his shirt pocket. 
         Ray took a deep breath and tried to quell his trembling, he
couldn't understand himself why this terrified him so. It was Fraser,
Fraser was his friend and he was safe with him. His mind knew that, yet it
wouldn't let go of the fear. 
         He bolted suddenly from the sofa and started to pace like a caged
tiger, running his hands through his hair, shaking his arms and hands out
as though they were asleep and he was trying to awaken them. Fraser
watched him patiently and waited, knowing the detective would settle again
when he was ready. 
         "I can't do dis, Fraser." He refused desperately. "I want to but
I...I just can't...settle." 
         "Perhaps if we eat first, Ray." Fraser suggested. "Then when you
are more relaxed when can try." 
         Ray nodded immediately and moved to the stove to rinse the
spaghetti and start piling it and the sauce on the plates. Not that he
felt like eating but it was giving him something to do. Fraser seemed to
understand his restlessness and he was grateful for that. They settled at
the table, Ray even put a small portion in a bowl for Dief, then the two
men ate quietly. 
         Afterwards they did the dishes, again Ray needing something some
thing to keep busy, until finally there was nothing left to clean or do
but settle on the sofa and try to relax. Fraser offered to tell Ray a
story, commenting that it put most people to sleep and Ray chuckled
nervously. 
         "It ain't da story so much as yer voice, Frase." He suggested. 
         "My voice, Ray?" Fraser inquired surprised. "What is wrong with
my voice?" 
         "Nothin'." Ray assured grinning.  "Ya just...ya got dis
really...I dunno nice, soft monotone voice that... well it's kinda
soothing, like rain fallin' out side yer window or da steady hum of a
river flowin'." Ray shrugged embarrassed to have gotten so wishy-washy.
"Ya got a nice voice is all, Fraser." 
         "Thank you kindly, Ray." Fraser returned sincerely, believing
that his partner truly was a poet inside as the detective had once
claimed, despite his gruff exterior. "I believe that is the nicest
compliment I have ever received." Ray shrugged and Fraser detected a
slight rise in the color of his friend's cheeks, so decided to move on
without further embarrassment. 
         "Welcome, I guess." He muttered 
         "We should probably record this Ray, just in case." Fraser
suggested and at first ray looked ready to refuse, then he nodded and told
Fraser there was a small tape recorder in the drawer his desk. Fraser
retrieved the item then set it on the coffee table until they needed it. 
         He started speaking softly and evenly to Ray, telling him a story
about a hunter and a caribou. 
        When he sensed his friend was truly relaxed, or perhaps half
asleep, he entered gentle suggestions into his voice and requested Ray
watch the item in his hand. Ray tensed a few times, and Fraser could see
his inner struggle, even as the detective continued to watch the shiny
silver pen in Fraser's fingers. The Mountie continued speaking, assuring
Ray that he was still in control and that no one there would hurt him. 
Finally the detective was under enough that Fraser could try and help him
recall those things he needed to an the Mountie switched on the reorder.
He offered the word blue as an exit word, in case it became too much for
his friend, and he suggested that despite what he might recall, Ray was to
remember that he was safe and that no one could hurt him, it was all in
the past. 
         "I am going to take you back, now Ray." He offered and gave Ray
the date of reference as to how far in the past they were going. "You have
woken up from a nightmare and cannot get back to sleep. Tell me what you
are doing?" Ray's voice followed in slow steady tones, though he sounded
as tired as he might have been that night. 
         "I need to sleep. Can't even concentrate and I feel like crap.
Gotta get up in da mornin' and pick up Fraser for breakfast. I been
neglectin' him lately, too busy wallowin' in my own self pity over Stell,
but I'll make it right. I'll go pick him up and den we're gonna spend da
day together, just me and him, no pretendin' ta be Vecchio." Fraser
smiled, pleased that Ray had intended on seeing him that morning and
seemed to look forward to their time together as much as he did. 
         "What do you do next, Ray?" he asks and the detective sighed. 
         "Better get da damn pills, I'll never get back ta sleep if I
don't and I really wanna be my best wit Frase tomorrow." 
         "Where are the pills, Ray?" 
         "Bathroom, medicine cabinet, second shelf next to da band-aids." 
         "What do you do next, Ray?" 
         "Get outta bed and go to da bathroom. Ow! God damnit!" 
         "What happened Ray?" Fraser asked concerned, though he kept his
voice soft and neutral. 
         "Stupid friggin' chair, fergot it was dere." 
         "What did you do, Ray?" 
         "Hit my freakin' knee! God dat hurt." Fraser nodded, connecting
that portion with what Ray had told him in the hospital, so it hadn't been
the bed but the chair that he had tripped over. 
         "Go on, Ray. What do you do next?" he encouraged. 
         "Go to da bathroom, turn on da light, get da pills." 
         "How many do you take?" 
         "Two and I get a drink of water ta take back to bed wit me, I'm
kinda thirsty." 
         "Then what happens Ray?" 
         "I turn out da light in da bathroom and go back in my room
but..." Ray paused and Fraser leaned closer, watching him intently. 
         "What is it, Ray?" 
         "Da chair." Ray whispered as though worried someone might hear
him. "I...I moved around it but I still hit it, it wasn't in da same
place." Fraser watched him stiffen and cock his head that told the Mountie
Ray was listening for something. "Someone's here. I think someone's in da
apartment. I gotta get to my gun and..." He broke off again and Fraser
interrupted. 
         "Is someone there, Ray?" he inquired. "What is happening." 
         "My head hurts!" Ray groaned. "I think someone hit me. My drink,
I dropped the cup and it rolled under my bed, I can see it there, next to
my baseball bat. If I can just get to my bat I ... I feel so
strange...dizzy and da window, da sky looks brighter den before, like da
sun's comin' up. But it can't be because it was pitch dark a minute ago."
Fraser frowned and assumed that Ray must have been unconscious for awhile
after the blow to his head. 
         "Who is in the room with you, Ray?" 
         "A woman, I...I can't make out her face, it's dark and someone
else, a guy maybe." Ray blinked a couple of times. "Dey turned on da
lights, hurts my eyes fer a minute and...oh, she's kinda pretty." 
         "Describe what she looks like, Ray." 
         "Tiny, petite, pretty, dark hair great violet eyes and she's
smilin'." 
         "What happens next, Ray?" 
         "I wanna ask what dey want, wanna get up off da floor, but I
can't move. Whatever dey shot me wit is makin' me feel real heavy, like
I'm holdin' a two hundred pound weight on my chest. She's talkin' to me,
real slow and soft, still smilin'." 
         "What is she saying, Ray?" Fraser asked. 
         "Dat I gotta listen to her, dat whenever I hear da words 'stay
calm' I'll be afraid, and think people are out ta get me and I wanna get
away from dem so bad I'd rather die den been near dem." 
         "What else, Ray?" 
         "Dat I listen only to her, I do whatever she tells me to." 
         "What does she tell you to do, Ray?" 
         "I don't want to listen to her, she's crazy, but my body isn't
cooperating. She tells me ta get up and I do. She's given me da sleepin'
pills and a bottle of juice. Dey must a got from my fridge. I don't want
to take 'em. She's crazy! She wants me to kill myself, but I can't stop
it. She's puttin da pills in my mouth and givin' me da juice and I'm
swollowin' dem one by one. Da guy is chantin' from behind me, some kinda
nursery rhyme, he's laughin' and chantin'." Fraser watched Ray's face
become desperate. "I can't stop it! Sweet Jesus! Oh God I've lost count!
Da bottles half gone and she's still given' 'em to me. I'm gonna die and I
can't stop it. Fraser! Where are you when I need you?" 
         "I'm right here, Ray." Fraser offered, trying to hide the tears
in his voice over his friend's torment, berating himself for ever
listening to Ray and leaving him alone when he knew the Detective was
lonely and upset. "You're safe Ray, you're okay, you didn't die." He
waited until the detective calmed a bit then continued. "What happened
next, Ray?" 
         "I feel okay, don't feel really sick or anything, not like I
thought I would after takin' so many pills, not even tired really, just
sort of floating kinda like." 
         "Where are they, Ray?" Frase asked. "What are the man and woman
doing now?" 
         "She told da guy ta put my juice back in da kitchen and clean up
da mess." 
         "What mess?" 
         "Dunno, didn't see. I'm still in da bedroom." 
         "What does the woman do, Ray?" 
         "She's smilin' at me still, but...it's cold, like she hates me
but likes me too. I don't understand. I just want to pick up my phone and
call Fraser tell him ta call an ambulance fer me before I die but she's
movin' me ta da bed and now we're layin' down." Again Fraser watched his
friend's face contort in misery. "No! Don't do dat! I don't want dat,
leave me alone! Ya got no right!" 
         "What is she doing to you, Ray?" Fraser asked, hating that he
needed to ask the question for Ray to proceed further. 
         "She's touchin' me and kissin' me. I' m tryin' ta resist but I
can't. Whatever she tells me I do, I don't have any control over myself
anymore and she's makin' me take her clothes off and kissin' her." Fraser
bit his lip as he watched tears trickle down from Ray's tightly closed
eyes and wished he could remove the pain for his friend, but Ray had to
see everything as it was or he would never conquer his fears. 
         "What else, Ray?" he asked, his voice much huskier now as he
attempted to keep his own tears and emotional distress at bay. "Tell me
what else she is doing." 
         "I don't want dis! I want Stella! I'm faithful to my wife. Please
stop, make her stop someone make her stop!" 
         "Ray." Fraser tried to pull his friend back out of the misery and
fear in which he was surrounded. "This is the past, you are safe now. No
one is hurting you or forcing you to do anything." Ray's breathing slowed
slightly, his eyes opened, but the tears didn't stop coming. "Tell me what
she is doing now. 
         "She's pissed." Ray continued quietly, with just a thread of fear
in his voice now. "She's touchin' me but I'm not aroused. I'm kissin; her
and touchin' her like she says but I hate it and she's tryin' everything
to get me ready but it isn't workin'." Ray's voice got so desperately
quiet and sounded so forlorn that Fraser was tempted to bring him out of
the misery now and back to the present before he suffered any further. "I
want Stella, I try ta tell her but my voice isn't workin' and I'm startin'
ta feel really sleepy. Oh Stell, I'm sorry baby, I'd never cheat on ya, I
only want you, I don't know what's happenin' to me." 
         "Ray..." Fraser began again but the Detective continued as though
he had not even spoken. 
         "I don't want ta die. Why are dey doin' dis to me? I don't even
know dem." He stiffens slightly.    "Aw Christ! Now he's watchin' us and
she wants me ta touch myself fer her. Ah...God! I'm doin it! Whatever she
says I do I can't stop it! I'm gonna be sick. Just let it end Lord, let me
die now if dat's da plan but please just make her shut up and leave me
alone." 
         "What are they doing now, Ray?" Fraser implored quietly. 
         He was blushing over his friend's shame and embarrassment,
wishing for a moment that the detective had shot Ashley that night instead
of Rawlins, just so she would be gone forever from their lives. Fraser
couldn't imagine how it would feel to have someone control him like that
and how Ray must have suffered physically and mentally. The closest he
came was Victoria, but in the end Fraser had managed to get out from
beneath that woman's hold. 
         "She's gettin' dressed." Ray replied, his voice a little steadier
now. "She tells me ta get dressed too, but da guy has ta help me because
suddenly I ain't movin' so good. Now she's sayin' I won't remember
anything. My head hurts and I'm just ta crawl back on da bed until I go to
sleep, da pill bottle's in my hand. I can almost feel her letting go of my
mind and da first thing I think of is to get to da phone, but she's
unplugged da one by my bed. I hear 'em leavin' and I can't let 'em get
away. I manage ta get off da bed and find my gun in da drawer." 
         Fraser listened amazed, with all that the detective had gone
through, plus the effects of the drugs in his system. 
         "I...I gotta stay awake, can't go to sleep or I'll die. I make it
to the living room, but my arms are like lead and I can't hold onto my
gun. I'm fallin' can't stand up anymore and she's standin' over me,
laughin'." Ray's face became angry. "She's laughin' at me, da bitch! She's
tryin' ta kill me and she thinks its funny. I grab her on my way down and
we fall together. Da guy comes over and I manage some how to trip him, his
legs go out and he hits da floor hard, think it knocked him out." 
         "What about the woman, Ray?" Frase encouraged pleased that Ray
had at least put up a fight, despite his handicap. 
         "Got her pinned, she's cursin' me and tryin' ta get away, but I
tell her she's under arrest. She's clawing and kickin' and bitin' me and I
hit her and she goes still. If I can just get to da phone I'd be okay, but
my heads buzzin' like a bee hive and my legs don't wanna work right ta
support me. She says something to me, as I'm crawlin' to da phone, and I
drop almost flat and can't move. She tells me ta sleep but I won't, I
gotta stay awake, I have to or I'll die. I look at da clock on da wall and
I think it says a little after six. I know somehow dat Frase will know I'm
in trouble and will find me.  Fraser will come lookin' fer me. He always
does, even though I told him not to come by because I wanted time alone
yesterday, I know he'll come anyway because he's my partner and my friend
and he's so damn nosey!" Fraser almost smiled at that. "I gotta stay
awake, I want to listen to her and sleep, I'm so tired, but I keep my eyes
open. Dey give me da bottle a pills again and leave me on da floor. I
can't stop 'em from leavin' all my energy is goin' into stayin' awake. Fer
Frase, I gotta stay awake until Fraser comes. I gotta..." 
         "Ray you are back in your apartment." Fraser allowed, feeling Ray
had suffered enough. "It is the present and you will remember all that you
have seen and heard. You will no longer feel the effects of the pills and
you will no longer be subject to the will or voice of Ashley Orsini, the
woman who was in your apartment that night. Any and all suggestions she
may have implanted are now gone. The feel of her hands on you are gone, it
is a distant memory and it will cause you no more grief or feelings of
guilt. You are in control." Ray's eyes closed again and he became peaceful
and relaxed. "On the count of three I will snap my fingers and you will
awaken, feeling refreshed and fully in control of yourself and your mind.
One. Two. Three. " Snap! 
         Ray's eyes opened and he looked at Fraser startled, for just a
moment before his vision became clear again. He raised his left hand and
touched the tears on his face in wonder, then looked back at the moistness
reflected in the Mounties's eyes. 
         "You okay, Frase?" he asked, his voice calm, with only a thread
of uncertainty. 
         "I am fine, Ray." Fraser assured sniffing suspiciously and moving
to turn off the recorder. "Do you remember everything?" 
         "Most of it, I think." Ray admitted quietly. "I...I guess I did
need ta remember but I...somehow I wish I hadn't y'know? I feel...I felt
so helpless, Frase, so...out of control. I never wanna feel dat way
again." He smirked. "At least I didn't...she didn't make me...we
didn't..." He left it unsaid, Fraser knew what his friend meant with out
having to hear he words anyway. 
         "That is understandable Ray." Fraser assured. "However I believe
you managed to maintain a good deal of control in the situation
considering the circumstances." 
         "Yah right." Ray scoffed, rising and moving to grab them both a
soda. "She played me like a puppet Fraser and I let her..." 
         "Ray, letting her is not even a consideration." Fraser denied as
he took the drink and waited for the detective to settle next to him
again. "You behaved remarkably well I believe for what she put you
through. Despite her hypnosis and attempted assault on you, you did not
react to her demands." 
         "Fraser I did everything she told me to!" Ray reminded
frustrated. 
         "Yes Ray you did." Fraser agreed calmly. "Yet in most cases a
hypnosis victim will feel and think whatever he or she is told by that one
individual. Your body and indeed part of your mind obeyed her words, but
you did not give her what she was asking for. You held yourself back from
being aroused because you love Stella." 
         "Dat wasn't me..." Ray protested but Fraser continued. 
         "It was you, Ray. It was a part of you that she could not
control. She could not change how much you loved your ex-wife. You
retaliated and fought back as much as could be expected and more so, Ray.
You did not go lay still in your bedroom, you still attempted to capture
them despite your feelings of helplessness, your shame of what they had
done and indeed the effects of the medication you took. You refused to
sleep when she commanded you to, which I am grateful for because you must
have only drifted off a few minutes before I arrived and that is what
saved you." 
         "Yah I...I guess she wasn't totally in control den, huh?" Ray
agreed slowly and Fraser nodded. He reached a hand out and placed it over
Ray's. 
         "I am very proud of you, Ray." 
         "F ...fer what?" 
         "For having the courage to survive such a nightmare and then
forcing yourself to relive it. You never used the exit word I offered,
though I would have the moment she had started making me take the pills,
personally." 
         "Nah, yer stronger den dat, Fraser..." Ray began modestly and
Fraser or once refused to allow the detective to deflect the attention
from himself. 
         "No Ray. I am very much a person of discipline and control, I do
not believe I could have handled things a well as you have, nor do I
believe many others could either. Despite her hold on you, you attempted
to talk Ashley out of shooting you and...Ray, She ordered you to shoot me
and you wouldn't." Ray's eyes widened, for Fraser had not mentioned that
part to him. 
         "W...when was dis?" he demanded paling visibly at the idea of
almost killing Fraser. "Fraser quickly explained  the events of that night
once Ray was out of the car Ray shook his head in disbelief. 
         "I'm sorry Buddy I..." 
         "Ray, there is nothing to be sorry for." Fraser assured quickly.
"You fought her then as well and refused to meet her demands. You could
have killed me easily, I was unarmed and there was no where I could hide,
but you didn't, you shot Rawlin's  instead, who was behind me." 
         "M...maybe I just missed because I didn't have my glasses on."
Ray reasoned and Fraser shook his head. 
         "No Ray, you missed on purpose, I firmly believe that." He
gripped Ray's shoulder firmly. "Do you realize that was the second time,
since we have met, that I owe my life to you, Ray? The first time you took
a bullet for me." 
         "I was wearin' a vest, Fraser..." Ray protested as he always did.

         "Yes, but this time neither of us were wearing vests and it was a
threat to your own sanity to go against Ashley's demands. You saved us
both, Ray, why can't you see how strong that makes you, how very brave?"
Ray sat quietly for a minute then he looked over at Fraser. 
         "Frase?" he finally said softly. 
         "Yes, Ray?" 
         "I think dis really strong and brave guy needs a hug from his
best bud." Ray admitted and Fraser smiled, offering him the embrace they
both craved without hesitation, and couldn't help dropping a tender kiss
into his friend's hair. Ray pulled away with a shy grin and shook himself
a little. "No kissin' now, we ain't dat close." 
         "Understood, Ray." Fraser chuckled and both men stood, ready to
face the world, and all it's evils, together 
  

         Ray stepped out of the courtroom with Fraser close behind and
stopped to get a drink from the water fountain. His mouth was dry from
talking, but at least Ashley Jones Orsini would be put away for a very
long time, thanks to his and Fraser's testimony. Ray was wearing a dark
gray suit and he had tried not to cringe at the lustful looks Ashley had
shot him in the courtroom. She was a pretty screwed up kid, alright, but
they said she would get psychiatric care while inside so maybe she would
eventually be okay. 
         He was glad that the sexual assault had not come out in the
trial, he knew he had Stella to thank for that, though he shuddered every
time he thought of her listening to the tape Fraser had made of him.
Still, it was done and over with and Ray felt better. Stella had
relinquished her hold on the case as prosecuting attorney to allow a
fellow lawyer to continue, knowing she had a conflict of interest, but
Stella had trained the other woman well. She knew Ray reacted better to
female lawyers then he did male lawyers who liked to get up in his face,
and the defense hadn't stood a chance. 
         "Ray!" a deep, familiar voice sounded behind him and he turned to
see Albert coming toward him. 
         Ray frowned, not knowing how to react to the man, since he would
no doubt be upset over Ashley and Ray's part in her incarceration. A man
that large one did not want to piss off. Ray was surprised however when
Albert walked up and pulled him into a bear hug that lifted the slimmer
man off the floor. 
         "H...hey, Al." Ray offered, hoping this wasn't the beginning of
being crushed between the man's huge arms, but Albert softly lowered him
then reached to hug Fraser, who smiled, despite bein' lifted off his feet
for the embrace. 
         "Yur boss said Ah could find you here." Albert stated happily.
"Ya did say Ah could come see ya, right and so's Ah did but ya wasn't
there and..." 
         "It's is wonderful to see you again, Albert." Fraser offered
kindly. 
         "Can ya show me the tour now, Ray?" The large man encouraged
hopefully. "Ah'll be real good and ever so quiet, like a mouse Ah'll be
and..." 
         "Al..." Ray began confused. "Ain't ya mad at me fer what I done
to Ashley?" 
Albert shook his head. 
         "Oh no, Sir." He denied quickly. "Miss Ashley...she's my friend,
she's still my friend and they say Ah can visit her as much as Ah like,
but she did bad things and peoples gots'ta be punished when they do bad
things." He shook his head sadly. "She needs me now, Miss Ashley does,
she's not thinkin' right, slow like me sometimes, Ah don't always think
right either, so's I'm gonna be there and help her like she helped me." 
         "That is very admirable of you, Albert." Fraser offered kindly
and the large man grinned shyly. 
         "Aww...gotta take care of yur friends, Ah don't got so many,
gotta be careful of da one's Ah got, keep 'em close." Fraser slapped the
man's back companionably. 
         "Well, I sincerely hope you will consider us your friends as
well, Albert." He offered and Albert beamed in delight. 
         "Oh yes, yur both my very good friends, fur always and forever I
hope." 
         "Sure thing, Buddy." Ray replied, finally joining the
conversation as Stella approached. "How about we all go fer an ice cream
and den I'll take ya back to da station fer a tour." 
         "Ray," Fraser reminded in disapproval. "It is only ten O'clock in
the morning." 
         "Never to early fer ice cream, buddy." Ray deflected easily as he
winked at Albert. "Right Al?' The larger man nodded eagerly as Ray's gaze
settled on his ex-wife. He removed some money from his wallet and offered
it to the Mountie. "I think da place across da street is open Frase, take
Al on over and I'll be dere in a bit." 
         "Certainly, Ray." Fraser agreed, having also spotted Stella. He
greeted her, and then he and Albert walked off as Ray continued to stare
at his ex-wife. 
         "You did well, Ray." She stated and he nodded and lowered his
eyes. He couldn't look her in the face knowing what she had heard on the
tape. "Ray I...about what...what Ashley did." 
         "I really don't wanna talk about dat." He murmured but The Stella
would not be dissuaded. 
         "I understand that but I have to say this, Ray." She pressed.
"Would you at least look at me, please?" He slowly met her gaze and she
saw the shame and uncertainty there. "Ray there...there is no reason for
you to feel guilty over what happened, certainly not over me. We are no
longer married and..." 
         "I know dat, Stella." Ray retorted and moved to stand by the
window, folding his arms across his chest defensively, a posture he
usually adopted when he was about to hear something he wouldn't like. "Ya
keep remindin' me, how can I not know dat?" 
         "Ray I'm only trying...." She sighed and moved closer to him,
putting a hand on his arm, tenderly. "All I am saying is that it's okay if
you...if you wanted to be with someone else. You can't just cut yourself
off from any other intimate relationship because of me, Ray." 
         "Did I say dat was what I was doin'?" he demanded. "I never said
I was doin' dat, Stella. You sure as hell aren't so..." He paused and saw
the hurt and regret reflected in her eyes. "I suck." He sighed and she
almost smiled. "I'm sorry Stella. Ya know I don't say dis stuff to hurt
you...or...maybe I do, I dunno." 
         "I hurt you so it's only fair." She replied quietly. 
         "No no, Stella." He refused quickly, earnestly. "I don't want ta
hurt you, two wrongs doesn't make it right. I just..." he blinked and
lowered his eyes again. "I just wanna be wit you so much, Stell. Dere's a
hole in my heart and I can't fill it wit anyone but you, can't ya
understand dat? I love you." 
         "I love you." She returned softly. "But we..." 
         "I know we can't be together." He muttered frustrated. "Stell,
I...I'll accept dat part of it, if it's what makes you happy, but don't
ask me ta go out and fall in love wit someone else, because it just ain't
gonna happen." Stella reached up and caressed his cheek, longing for what
the once had. 
         "Oh Ray, I wish things could be different for us, but I don't see
how." She offered and he nodded resigned. 
         "I know, baby, but I can't help feelin' da way I do." He
reciprocated her touch. "I love ya Stella. Always will and...no matter
what I hope...I hope ya can come ta me when yer in need of...of a friend
or whatever else ya might want, cause ya know I'll give it to ya." 
         "That would be using you, Ray." She whispered, even as they moved
closer and he groaned desperately, his arms folding around her of their
own volition. 
         "Use me, please!" he offered and she couldn't help the giggle
that escaped her. "Any way ya want me, any way I can have ya, I'm all
yours, Stell. Forever." 
          They were so close to kissing, she could feel his breath upon
her and it would be so easy to give in to the moment. Finally she pulled
back. 
         "You know, we...we never got to have our breakfast date." He
glanced down at her surprised. "I...you said it was dumb but..." 
         "No." he retracted quickly. "I was an asshole fer sayin' dat. I
never meant dat I...I just...I was upset Stell about you and Orsini, I
never meant it was...I'd date ya any time of da day, ya know dat." She
brightened and hooked her arms through his. 
         "How about treating me to an ice cream, Detective?" She suggested
and he smiled. 
         "Double scoop?" he offered and she nodded, moving leaning her
head against his arm for a brief moment, before moving away again. Ray
shyly offered his hand and she coiled her fingers through his, just like
when they were kids. 
         "With sprinkles." She insisted firmly and he grinned. 
         "Yer wish is my command." He returned as they went to join Fraser
and Albert across the street. 

The end. 
  

visit my WEB page