Never    This is a missing scene to the episode Call Of The Wild Part
1, so naturally, there're spoilers. This is not a fixit story, I'm just
telling ya what happened from Ray's (Kowalski) POV and my speculation on
what might be going on in his mind. Anyway, a big huge THANK YOU to the
most wonderful (if not a bit slow ^_^) beta reader anyone could wish for.
Thanks Sama! Warnings: Spoilers for part one of Call Of The Wild.
Disclaimers: Not mine and I'm not making any money here, as a matter of
fact, I have none ($$) and it'd probably be unwise to sue. I'm sure the
first thing your lawyers told ya would be "Go for the ones with big
money". Since I'm not one, with big money, leave me alone. Thank you
kindly.  June 99 ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ Never
 by Eugenie Chua "Ray." "Ray??" What the hell're you talkin' about,
Fraser? "Ray Vecchio." "Ray Vecchio??" I looked at the guy at the door and
then back to you and suddenly, I understood. This was the real Ray
Vecchio, this man in front of me, this was the real Ray Vecchio, not the
imposter with experimental hair. This was the real deal.  I could swear
that Vecchio's eyes were about to pop out their sockets when he saw ya
with yer silly grin, then Muldoon turned up. He got suspicious about
Vecchio and at that moment, I knew that the only way Vecchio could get
outta the mess you put him in was to kill us.  I seriously didn't know
what to expect when he pointed the gun at us in that bathroom. I know that
Armando Langoustini would have no trouble pulling the trigger, but I
wasn't sure about Vecchio. The Vecchio a year ago wouldn't have pulled the
trigger, that much I was sure. But this man, how much of him was still
Vecchio, I didn't know. I saw the look in your eyes, the way you looked at
him with complete trust. It hit me then, right between my eyes, we were
gonna get outta this alive. I trusted you, and if you trusted him, that
means I had ta trust him, too, if you get what I mean. That was also the
moment I decided that I hated the guy. I know, it's totally, absolutely,
nutty, and illogical, but who ever told ya I was logical? Mister Instinct
here, remember? Anyway, Vecchio was pointing the gun at us, you were
looking at him with so much trust, I'd decided that I hated him, and he
pulled the trigger... The bullet hit the wall behind you and you faked a
fall. I got the idea and copied your moves. Vecchio left and said
something to Muldoon and by the time his goons got in, we were ready for
them. Man do I which I had a camera with me when I saw the looks on their
faces!	"So, you're me," he said. "And you're not you." I snapped back.
Lame, I know, but what was I supposed to say? "Welcome back and here's
your life"?!  I wish it was that easy. Somewhere along the line, his life
became my life. His friends became my friends, his family became my family
and his...partner became my partner...mine... It's actually all your
fault, Fraser. You made me so comfortable living this life, his life that
now that he's back, I don't feel like giving it back to him. Because
giving his life back would mean giving you back to him. You were part of
this package labeled "Vecchio's Life" that was handed to me for temporary
care, and now that he's back, I've gotta hand it back. You were part of
his life, not mine. There was nothing in my life... *** "You ever feel
like...uh...you don't know who you are? Like...uh...if you weren't around
somebody, or that somebody wasn't around you, that, uh, you wouldn't be
you? Or, at least, not the...the you that you think you are? Um...you
ever...you ever feel like that?" "Never." Well, that's easy for her to
say! "Me neither," I replied. Frankly, that's just a shit load of B.S
'cause that was exactly how I was feeling right now. Just who the hell am
I? That Ray Kowalski who took the assignment a year ago was gone. Poof. No
longer exists. The Ray after that was who he was because of a certain
Mountie that came along with the assignment. Now that the assignment's
ending, the Mountie would be going too. So, just what the hell am I
supposed to do now? Damn you Fraser! This is all your fault! Making me so
comfortable with this life, with his life and...and...and going back to be
his partner like the past year'd never happened, like you've never heard
of the name Stanley Raymond Kowalski! Damn you! And Vecchio too! For
waltzing back in here, expecting me to hand everything over to him at a
blink of an eye! Damn you all! Sigh. I know Vecchio's a good cop, or the
Feds wouldn't have chosen him for the job. But that doesn't mean I can't
hate him. Come to think of it, I think I hate you too, Fraser. I hate you
for going back to work with him, for leaving me with the Ice Queen, for
going back to Vecchio and...for going back to Vecchio... If I'll have you?
Just what sort of question is that?! Aren't I supposed to be the one
askin' it? Of course I'll have you, you...idiot! There was no need for you
to ask, Fraser. There never was and never will be.  Never.   THE END. Love
it? Hate it? Let me know here!