Blessings	Blessings by Kali Sandison

 Author's disclaimer: Standard

 Author's notes: Cunstructive criticism always welcome.

  

 The usual disclaimers apply. I'm only borrowing Ray/Armando from
Alliance. Cass, however is mine. No monetary profit has been made from the
writing of this story. No permission is given to reproduce this story for
profit. 

 A big Thank You Kindly to Della for teaching me about blessings... 

 Blessings
 Copyright, 1999 

 Cass and Armando sat together on his sofa in front of a roaring fire. It
was Thanksgiving Day and they both knew they each had much to be thankful
for. They'd spent most of the day together, meeting early that morning at
the Las Vegas AIDS Hospice and Resource Center. Every year the center put
on a huge turkey dinner for it's clients, staff, volunteers and their
families. Armando had laughed at Cass as she'd donned her hair net and
apron, preparing to serve the hundreds of people who would come. She made
a tart rejoinder about how she, at least, still had hair, which was more
than she could say for some people she knew. Armando realized that when it
came to a war of words, he could never win with her, though it often ended
in a draw. He was feeling generous and so let her have that small victory.


 They'd come back to his home for dinner. Not able to face another slice
of turkey or spoonful of dressing, Cass chose to fix a pot roast with
vegetables. It had always been one of her favorite meals. She had her
father had fought over the onions. And it had been the only way they could
get her brother Christopher to eat carrots. Armando was appreciative of
her cooking, which she didn't understand. As far as she was concerned, it
was just plain Midwest home-style comfort food. It was nothing
particularly fancy, but today, comfort food was what he needed. 

 After dinner, they had taken a short walk outside to watch the sun set.
And now, as they sat staring at the fire, each sipping mug of hot spiced
wine, a comfortable warmth enveloped them. 

 Cass spoke softly, almost as if she didn't want to disturb the silence
that had fallen. "I am so blessed." 

 "Huh?" Armando's thoughts had strayed. While his body was in Las Vegas,
his mind was with the family and friends he'd left back in Chicago. 

 She laughed. "Oh, that's right. You've never been subjected to the annual
count." 

 "Annual count?" 

 "It's a Bartholomew family tradition. On Thanksgiving Day, we always went
to my grandmother's house. All mom's sisters and brothers would be there
with their families. And in lieu of saying a prayer, we had to count our
blessings. So now, every Thanksgiving day, I do my annual count of
blessings." 

 "So you just say how you're blessed?" 

 "Yup. You wanna join me?" 

 "What do I do?" 

 "Well, I'll start and acknowledge a way that I've been blessed. Then you
do one. Then me; then you; then me and well, you get the idea." 

 "Okay, you start." 

 Cass thought for a moment. "I am blessed with friends who share my joys
and sorrows." 

 "I am blessed with you for a friend." 

 Cass blushed lightly. "I am blessed with a family who loves and supports
me even when they don't agree with me." 

 "I am blessed with you for a friend." 

 Cass poked Armando softly in the ribs. "You said that one already. Time
to go to a different one." 

 He tried to smile but couldn't quite do it. "I'm sorry Cass but my
heart's just not into it right now. I'm not feeling particularly blessed
today. I know I should be. I mean, look at me. Look at this place. Look at
the people down at the center today. I have so much and yet..." his voice
trailed off. 

 "You're feeling empty." 

 "How'd you know?" 

 "Just a hunch," she replied using one of his favorite phrases. "I felt
the same way after my brother died. It was very hard to count my blessings
that year. Mom and Dad hadn't reconciled themselves to the fact that
Christopher was gay, let alone that he'd died of AIDS. So I decided not to
fly home for Thanksgiving. Just like you today, I spent the morning at the
center and realized I had so much but that didn't make it any easier." 
 She sighed. She knew what she wanted to say next but wasn't quite sure
how to say it. It was a subject that she'd agreed to not broach with him. 

 "Armando, I know I'm not supposed to talk about your life B.L.V." 

 "B.L.V.?" 

 "Before Las Vegas. But I just want to hazard a guess here." 

 "Cass," he warned. 

 "Please, just listen to what I have to say. I know that you left some
unfinished personal business back east when you moved out here. And for
whatever reason, you can't or won't deal with it. But you've got to. Or
it's gonna eat you alive." 

 "Cass, we've been through this before..." 

 "And I'm not going to press you for any details. I just want to pass
along some advice I was given. Make a plan to tie up the loose ends. Put
the plan in writing and make it as detailed as possible. Then visualize
yourself acting out the plan. And as you complete the steps, go back to
that list and check them off." 

 "I don't know Cass, it sounds like a bunch of new age, pop psychology,
mumbo jumbo." 

 "I know it does. But the mind is very powerful. If you visualize it often
enough and well enough, you'll soon believe that you've done it. I swear
to you visualization does work." 

 "Okay. I'll try it, Cass. But would you please go ahead and count your
blessings. I think just hearing yours will make me feel a little better." 

 "If you say so." She sounded dubious but wasn't going to refuse him. She
began reciting her long list of blessings. He was amazed at the things she
considered a blessing; like the fact that her brother had AIDS because of
all the good things that had happened to her as a result of moving out of
Chicago. Her last blessing caught him totally off guard. "I am so blessed
to have Armando Langostini as a friend." 

 He leaned over and kissed her cheek gently. "Thanks, Cass. I needed to
hear that." 

 She returned his kiss. "And I needed to say it. Now, do me a favor. Say
good night to me and then start working on that plan." 

 "Do you really have to go?" 

 "You know I do." 

 "Do we still have a date Saturday?" 

 "I wouldn't miss it." 

 They stood up and walked out of the living room. When they got to the
front door, Armando helped her on with her blazer. As he settled it on her
shoulders, he turned her around to face him. Her face was dimly lit but he
could see her soft lips smiling at him. 

 "Thanks for sharing your day with me," he said. 

 "It was my pleasure." 

 He kissed her soft lips and felt her arms wrap around him. It was such a
heavenly feeling. He was so happy that she'd given him a second chance. He
really wanted her to stay, to take her to his bed and make love to her all
night long. But he wasn't going to push things again. This time, they were
going to take things at her pace. 

 "Good night, Cass," he said simply as he opened the door to let her go. 

 "Good night, Armando. Get to work on that plan." Her hand caressed his
face as she left. 

 He watched her get into her truck and drive off. He wasn't sure how long
he stood in the open doorway staring down the drive but was brought back
to the present by the chiming of the mantle clock. It was still early;
only nine o'clock. Time enough to start working on that plan. 

 He went to his study and turned on his computer. He opened the necessary
software and started making his plan. The first thing he knew he had to do
was write Benny a letter. He knew he'd probably never send it but Cass was
right. There were things he needed to tell his friend back in Chicago. He
just wasn't sure how to begin. 

 'Dear Benny'. Well that was as good a way to start as any he could think
of. 'I wish I knew where to start with all the things I want to say to
you. Our last phone call was so inadequate. I'm sure that by now, Lt.
Welsh has told you that I'm working undercover for the Feds. I know it
must seem like a joke; me working for the very people I used to mock. But
it seemed like such a good idea at the time. I don't know how long this
job will last. But I'm trying to make the best of it. 

 'The good news is that I've met someone really special. She used to be a
neighbor of yours. Cass Lindsey is her name. She has one of Dief and
Maggie's puppies. Cass is really nice. I'm sure she knows who I really am
(in more ways than one). But she accepts me in this new role. It's hard
not to comment when she talks about her years in Chicago, or tells stories
about you. I want, so much, to tell her my own stories but I know I can't.
Like I said, I'm trying to make the best of it. 

 The main reason I'm writing is to let you know how much I've valued our
friendship. I felt terrible having to leave without saying a proper
goodbye. Maybe that was best because I don't think I could have found the
words back then. Sitting alone out here assuming a new identity has given
me plenty of time to think about things like friends and identity. 

 You've been the best friend a guy could every want. You've been a shining
example of what a good human being should be. You've been there for me
when things were at their worst. And even when we've fought and fussed
with each other, I think it only made our friendship stronger. I could go
on and on but I'm sure I'd just end up repeating myself when you know very
well what I mean. I guess that's the beauty of a friendship like ours. We
don't always have to speak to communicate. 

 Take care of yourself.' 

 Armando re-read the words he had written. The letter was short but to the
point. He'd managed to tell Fraser how much his friendship meant. He
thought for a moment and then saved the file to a disk. He'd send the disk
to his attorney tomorrow and have Tim add it to his "estate" file. Just in
case he died suddenly, he wanted Benny to know now he felt. 

 He looked again at his plan. There were other steps still to be
completed. But just getting this one done made him feel much better. He
smiled and took another sip of his wine. 

 "I am blessed to have family waiting on me back in Chicago. I am blessed
to have Cass Lindsey as my friend. I am blessed to have Nero for a butler.
I am blessed..." 

 The End