Author's Note: This one is for Ella, who thought it would be amusing.
(email: clarko@ucalgary.ca) Oct. 1999 

 Disclaimer: With sincere apologies to Mary Shelly, who is probably
rolling
in her grave. 

==========================================================================

The Monster of Dr. Frankenstein
by Okotoks Clark

Cast of Characters
Dr. Frankenstein: Raymond Vecchio
His Lovely Assistant: Elaine Besbriss
Igor: Diefenbaker
The Monster: Benton Fraser

Scene: It is a dark and stormy night. Lightning flashes outside the large
stone windows of the laboratory inside the Castle Frankenstein. Each
bright bolt lights up a laboratory filled with mechanical curiosities,
magnetic coils and glass beakers. There is a table in the centre on which
is placed a white sheet that covers the MONSTER. FRANKENSTEIN and the
ASSISTANT, wearing white lab-coats, are stading nearby. IGOR is sitting
on the floor, his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. Thunder
rumbles
in the distance, then crashes directly overhead, rattling the building
to its very foundation. Everything in the room shakes violently. A beaker
falls off the counter and smashes on the floor. 

FRANKENSTEIN: (laughs maniacally) Perfect, a perfect night!

ASSISTANT: (rolls her eyes and says mechanically) Doctor, the storm is
directly overhead. 

FRANKENSTEIN: Excellent! One final touch... Igor, fetch me a brain! 

IGOR: (whines and looks at him, cocking his head to one side)

FRANKENSTEIN: (sternly) Now!

IGOR: (sulks over to a shelf and looks at the labelled jars. Realising
he can't read, he whimpers and grabs a jar, passing it to the ASSISTANT)

ASSISTANT: (takes the jar, and pets Igor on the head) Good boy! Thank
you. You're such a sweetie! 

FRANKENSTEIN: (imaptiently) Please!

ASSISTANT: (sarcastically) Yes, Doctor. (she holds the jar out to him)

FRANKENSTEIN: (grabs the jar's squishy contents with gloved hands and
holds it triumphantly above his head, laughing. Lightning flashes,
illuminating
his face macabrely with pale light and grotesque shadows. He moves towards
the body on the table, with only its head exposed. He inserts the brain,
then snaps his fingers.) 

ASSISTANT: (sighs, mumbles) Like a slave... (she hands FRANKENSTEIN a
needle and thread and he sews the MONSTER back together) 

FRANKENSTEIN: There! It is nearly complete! Connect the diodes!

ASSISTANT: (goes about her work languidly, talking to herself) A little
recognition is all I ask. A simple 'please' would suffice. (she hooks
up the last diode) Finished, Doctor. 

FRANKENSTEIN: Marvelous! Now, at my word, Igor, throw the switch! 

IGOR: (attempting to grab a large lever between his paws, barks in
response)

(The lightning strikes and lights up the laboratory and the magnetic
coils hum and spark to life as the lights in the laboratory dim and die.)

FRANKENSTEIN: (screams) Now! NOW!!!

(IGOR throws the switch. The diodes crackle with bright blue electricity
and the body beneath the sheet shudders. As the commotion dies down,
the body lies still, and the lights come on again.) 

FRANKENSTEIN: (excited) I've done it! (he throws off the sheet to reveal
the handsome, shabbily dressed MONSTER, who sits up, blinks and looks
around) I've created life!!! 

ASSISTANT: (staring appreciatively, mumbles) And how!

IGOR: (makes a noise and raises an eyebrow)

FRANKENSTEIN: My wonderful creation! (paternally, to MONSTER) How do
you feel? 

MONSTER: (rubs his eyes and looks at FRANKENSTEIN) Very well, thank you
kindly. 

FRANKENSTEIN: (gapes and blinks incredulously) What ... did ... you ...
say? 

MONSTER: (politely and simply) I said I am feeling fine. Thank you for
asking. 

(FRANKENSTEIN keeps gaping)

ASSISTANT: ('accidentally' drops the jar. It shatters on the stone
ground.)
Oops! Silly me! (she bends down and starts picking up the broken shards)

MONSTER: Oh dear. Here, let me help you with that. (He climbs down off
the table and starts picking up the shards of glass carefully) 

FRANKENSTEIN: (wailing) It can't be!!! It can't possibly be! How could
it have gone so terribly wrong? I've created a, a ... /Canadian/! (he
falls to his knees and starts sobbing, his head in his hands.) 

MONSTER: I seem to have upset him.

ASSISTANT: Don't mind him. He'll get over it. So... (looks up at him
expectantly) what are you doing tonight? 

MONSTER: Um, well... (clears his throat) I ... ouch! (he looks down at
a bleeding finger that has been cut by a shard of glass) 

ASSISTANT: Oh you poor thing! Here, let me help. (she takes the MONSTER's
hand and starts fussing over his injury.) I know just how to fix that
up. And then we'll have to get you out of those clothes! Somehow I think
red would suit you. And I know this cozy little place in town... it's
not much, but the locals are friendly... (she escorts him out of the
room) 

FRANKENSTEIN: What have I done? (He continues sobbing on the floor, IGOR
rubbing his nose against him in an attempt to comfort him.) It wasn't
supposed to be like this! 

(Lightning flashes dimly and thunder roars in the distance. Fade to black.
END)