A Mountie On Line One	A Mountie On Line One A Due South / Frasier
crossover (Rated G) by Antonia Gray 

Settled comfortably behind his microphone, latte in hand, Dr. Frasier
Crane's calm is about to be shattered by a certain red-suited Constable.
Blissfully unaware, he turns to his producer and says... 

Frasier: "Okay Roz, who's our next caller?" 

Roz: "On line one, we have Benton. He's having a few problems with his
partner." 

Frasier: "Hello, Benton. I'm listening." 

Benton: "Good day, Dr. Crane. I'm calling because as an officer sworn to
uphold the law, I feel I should be able to place my life in the hands of
my partner with nary a quiver. However, lately his behavior has become
surly, unenthusiastic, and I'm afraid to say, downright contrary." 

Frasier: "Well, I can certainly see your problem. A partner unwilling to
rush headlong into mortal danger on your behalf is surely a justifiable
cause for concern. Have you tried speaking to him about your feelings?
Perhaps through direct confrontation, you could reach the cause of your
partner's ambivalence, and come to some sort of understanding." 

Benton: "That's a fine suggestion Dr. Crane, but my partner is apparently
way past the talking stage." 

Frasier: "Now Benton. If approached in the correct manner, no one is
beyond the talking stage." 

Benton: "Oh, I've tried, Dr. Crane. I've sat him down and tried to get to
the root of this unprovoked resentment, but when he glares back at me with
that hard blue eye, and that soft brown one, I just know he's not even
bothering to read my lips-" 

Frasier: "Pardon me, Benton. What was that about reading your lips? 

Benton: "Oh, they say he can't possibly read lips, but he can if he wants
to. Frankly, Dr. Crane, I'm starting to wonder if a small bribe would be
in order, if that's what it'd take to restore the equilibrium between us.
I wouldn't be the first time, either." 

Frasier: "Now be careful what you say, Benton! Remember you're on the air,
and this talk of bribery among police officers could put you on very thin
ice...." 

Benton: "He saved my life once, when I fell through some thin ice. Never
let me forget it either. And to be perfectly honest, Dr. Crane, someone
who has been, um, how may I put this delicately? In flagrante delicto on
the air is in no position to make moral judgements." 

Frasier: "Point taken. But we're not talking about me here." 

Benton: "Correct. But however reluctant I am to resort to such crude
methods of persuasion, I do feel a well placed bribe is in order to
restore harmony. I'll have to give in to his silent demands, and procure a
bag of liver treats on my way home tonight." 

Frasier: "I'm confused, Benton, as to exactly where liver treats fit into
this equation. Are you saying your partner would rather be bribed with a
bag of liver treats than, say, a suitcase full of unmarked bills?" 

Benton: "What would a wolf want with money?" 

Frasier: "A wolf? Your partner is a wolf?" 

Benton: "The one in question, yes....Oh my. Didn't I make that clear?" 

Frasier: "As mud. Well, that's about all we have time for. Benton has
admirably demonstrated a facet of psychology on the show for us today. So
often we already know the answers to the questions that plague us, we just
have to be willing to dig deep into our psyches, and and act upon the
basic truth we find there- however odd it may be. Benton, finally, may I
recommend Mr Waggly's Liver Snaps, my father's dog loves them. Thank you
for your call." 

Benton: "Thank you kindly, Dr. Crane."