Souther Than The Great White North 

Hi! this is a corny little play I wrote! It is a crossover of due South
and indirectly of the Mackenzie brothers from SCTV! It's an attempt at a
comedy, and is full with terrible jokes. I love both shows! At the end,
there is a comment made about a show! Please note, that the comment is
only in there for a laugh! Hope ya like it! Ya, ya, ya! Due South is
copyright of Alliance and Bob and Doug Mackenzie and The Hoser Christmas
song, is copyright of...I'll have to look into that one. 

Written By Kelly Fox 

Souther Than The Great White North 

A Due South/Hoser Crossover! 

C- Hello and welcome to this episode of Souther Than the Great White
North, But Still in the North!
 K-Yeah! Hey, Erin, is that Due South of the Great White North?
 C- Take off eh!
 K- So, I'm Kasey Mackenzie and this is my cousin Celine! You may know our
father's Bob and Doug Mackenzie! They had their own t.v. Show called THE
GREAT WHITE NORTH! They retired and we took over their t.v. Show, but we
had to change the name of it because we moved South.
 C- Any ways, today we're going to talk about Christmas, seeing as it's
like December and Christmas is coming soon, eh? So, to start off, I have a
pop quiz for Kasey!
 K-A quiz? You never told me that there was going to be a quiz! I didn't
have time to study! (panicked)
 C- That's why they call it a pop quiz! Does everybody want me to give
Kasey this quiz? Good! Kasey- what are the twelve days of Christmas?
 K- That's easy! There's Christmas, Christmas Eve, that wrestling day, New
Year's day, New years Eve. Let's see, there's 4 Saturdays and Sundays,
 C- That's 9...
 K- ...and then there's those three other days, which I believe they, call
the MYSTERY Days!
 C- You're so smart, eh! So Kasey, do you know what you want for
Christmas!
 K- Yep!
 C- Good, any ways Next....
 K- Wait a minute hose head, I haven't told you what I want for Christmas
 C- I only asked to be polite! I really didn't want an answer! It was a
hypochondriac question.
 K- Hypothetical
 C- What was that eh?
 K- Hypothetical. You said it was a hypochondriac question. I believe you
meant to say it was a hypothetical question!
 C- Well thank-you kindly Madame Encyclopedia!
 K- I think you mean dictionary and, you're welcome!
 C- Take off Hoser!
 K- All right, getting back to what I want for Christmas, I would like to
express it to you in the form of a song! All I want for Christmas...
 C- Are your two front teeth!
 K- No! The dentist put those in last week! See! He did a good job, eh!
Anyhow, if you'll help me out Hoser, I'll tell the audience what I want
for Christmas! Ready?
 (Sung to the tune of the twelve days of Christmas) 

 1. Mountie from the t.v.
 2. named Ray
 3. Riv's
 4. Pounds of Bannock
 5. Stetson hats
 6. Copies of each EP.
 7. Visits from Ben's dead dad
 8. Armani suits
 9. Pounds of Back Bacon
 10. Dress Uniforms
 11. Wolves named Dief
 12. seasons of Due South
 

C- Are you finished?
 K- What?
 C- I want to know if you're finished! There aren't many shopping days
left until Christmas, and these people want ideas on what to buy for their
loved ones and the only thing you've told them is that you want to Boink
the Mountie!
 K- Well, you don't have to be so mean to me?
 C- Take off!
 K- No, you take off! (fighting, Erin realizes the camera is still
rolling)
 C- We're still on you hosehead!
 K- Right! So, what do you suppose we do?
 C- Well duh! These people need ideas for what to to buy for Christmas!
 K- The Hoser Christmas song?
 C- Precisely!
 K- O-k! I'll start! And for those of you who know the words, you can sing
along too!
 

 1. Beer (In a tree, start at verse 4)
 2. Turtlenecks
 3. French Toasts
 4. Pounds of Back Bacon
 5. Golden Toques (What Was that ending again? I keep forgetting)
 6. if 2-4's
 7. of smokes
 8. Books (Whew! This should only be the two days of Christmas! Its two
 much for us! O-k! Let's Just skip to day twelve! Welcome to day
 twelve...uh...uh!)
 

C- So we hope we have given you lots of ideas for what to get your gift
people. Anyway, that is the end of our show! Merry Christmas!
 K- Wait, I just thought of what else I want for Christmas
 C- If it has anything to do with your obsession for Due South, I swear
it'll be all aboard for fun time and I'll kick your ass all over this
room!
 K- I'm going to tell your mom that you're so mean to me!
 C- Kelly, my mom is American, if anything, she'll just kick your ass
herself!( Kelly starts to cry) I'm sorry! What did you want for Christmas?
 K- I want doughnuts! You can get me doughnuts on the first day or the
fifth day! You should get them for me on the twelfth day, because for some
reason if you get twelve on the twelfth day,they're stupid and they count
wrong and you end up with more than what you pay for!
 C- Really! You know What I want for Christmas? I want a chainsaw! Then I
could cut your face off and never have to see your ugly face again! (Runs
over and pushes Kasey over! She falls)
 K- Ow! I broke a nail! You wouldn't happen to have a nail file or
something on you?
 C- Sorry! I left my make- up kit in my other pants!
 K- Take off, eh!
 C- That's it! Come here! (Chases her, when he almost catches her, they
both stop, turn to the audience and say...)
 K & C- Merry Christmas and Good Day Everybody! (They resume to chase each
other off stage and beat each other senseless!)
 

The End! 

Happy Holidays Everybody! 

E-mail: frasersgal@hotmail.com