Two Blushing Pilgrims    Two Blushing Pilgrims by Mary

   "If I profane with my unworthiest hand This holy shrine, the gentle
fine is this, My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand To smooth that
rough touch with a tender kiss." - Romeo and Juliet (William Shakespeare) 


 DISCLAIMER: Alliance owns Ben, Julie, Grandma, Grandpa, Buck Frobisher,
and Mark Smithbauer (oh, and the ill-fated caribou). I'm not sure who owns
the 'blushing pilgrims', now that William Shakespeare is dead. 

 Humor/Romance; PG-13; Ben/Julie; Sequel to "Tears of Unknown Origin (aka
Puberty Changes People)" 

 TWO BLUSHING PILGRIMS 

 By Mary 

 I entered the house to find my grandmother firing up the stove. It was
only a little past six a.m., and I could smell that she already had a loaf
of bannock baking in the oven and was starting breakfast. 

 "Ben!" She was quite startled to see me come in from the mudroom. 

 "Morning, Grandma." I gave her a kiss on the cheek as was our customary
routine. 

 "What were you doing outside this early? I thought you were still
sleeping." She felt my cold hands and began to rub them vigorously between
her own to warm them. 

 "Nothin'. Just walking." 

 "It must be twenty below out there. You weren't dressed warm enough. Your
hands are ice-cold. Didn't you wear those new gloves I bought you?" 

 "I guess I forgot 'em." 

 Grandma reached up and touched my ears, then frowned sternly. "You didn't
wear your hood up, either." 

 "I guess I forgot that, too." 

 She dragged me to stand close to the stove and went about fixing me a cup
of hot tea. "What am I going to do with you, Ben? Thirteen years old you
should have more sense than to invite frostbite like that. I oughta warm
your backside!" 

 "It is warm, Grandma," I said, tentatively. 

 "I beg your pardon?" She stopped what she was doing and looked at me with
incredulity. 

 "I mean I'm not cold," I hurried to clarify. 

 "Uh huh." She didn't believe that was what I'd meant. She was quite
well-acquainted with my penchant for smart-aleck comebacks. But I believe
that somewhere, deep down, she must have enjoyed them because she never
took any serious action to correct this behavior -- as long as I didn't go
too far. Grandma handed me the cup of tea, wrapping my fingers firmly
around the mug. "Drink that down while it's hot." 

 "Yes, Ma'am." 

 "Then you'd better go take a warm bath." 

 I spit out the mouthful of tea I had sipped, partly because it was
burning my mouth and partly so that I could debate my grandmother's order.
She sighed to see my bad manners and handed me a cloth to clean myself. 

 "Sorry," I offered softly. 

 "All right, honey. Drink that, then go take your bath. Breakfast will be
ready when you've finished." 

 "I'm taking my bath later, Grandma. Before the dance." Yup, this was the
big day one of the biggest days of my entire life. I was taking Julie
Frobisher to the village New Year's Eve dance. My first official date! 

 "Oh, that's right. The dance is tonight." Grandma looked at me and I
looked at her, trying to hide the fact that this mention of the upcoming
big night was making me feel sick to my stomach. "That explains it." 

 "Explains what?" 

 "Nothing, dear, nothing." She smiled as she set the pot of oatmeal on the
burner. "Why don't you go help your grandfather. He's out at the shed
collecting some wood." 

 "Yes, Ma'am." I gulped the last of my tea and turned to run out of the
house. 

 "Ben!" Grandma called me back. 

 "Yes, Ma'am?" 

 "Fetch your gloves." 

 I averted my eyes nervously then mumbled, "I don't know where they are."
This admission was not going to be well-received. I was expected to take
good care of my belongings. 

 "Have you lost them?" she asked with irritation. 

 "They're around somewhere...I think." 

 Grandma squeezed my face between her thumb and fingers. "There's
absolutely no excuse for this, Benton. If you'd put them away properly,
you'd know exactly where they are." 

 "Yes, Ma'am." This was no time for a cheeky comment. 

 She sighed and I shuffled my feet to see her annoyance. "First thing
after breakfast, you are going to find them. You won't do anything else
today until I see those gloves. Understand?" 

 "Yes, Ma'am," I nodded. I almost asked "What if I can't find them?" but
wisely resisted. I didn't want to know the answer to that question. 

 "Good. You may borrow mine for now. They're on the shelf in the mudroom.
Don't lose them!" 

 "I won't, Ma'am," I affirmed with a hard swallow. 

 She motioned for me to go, so I ran to the outer room to bundle up then
hurried out to the shed. 

 

 I knew I was supposed to be helping my grandpa with the wood, but instead
I plopped myself down on a crate of chicken feed and sighed, resting my
head in my hands as I leaned forward on my elbows. 

 "Well, Benton, what're you doing up so early on this fine morning?"
Grandpa asked cheerily. 

 "I couldn't sleep. Grandma sent me out here." 

 "Oh? That's odd." 

 "Grandpa?" 

 "Yes, Son?" 

 "Grandpa, when is Grandma gonna stop treating me like a baby?" 

 "Is that what you think she does?" 

 "I don't think she does. I know it. She does it all the time." 

 "I see." 

 "I mean, just 'cause a guy can't find his darn gloves right then, doesn't
mean you have to yell at him about it. Do I hafta be perfect all the
time?" 

 "Of course not. Not all the time," he smiled at me. "Grandma yelled at
you, eh?" 

 "Uh huh." 

 "You didn't get fresh with her, I hope?" 

 "No, Sir. It's not fair, Grandpa." 

 "What's that?" 

 "It's not the end of the world if I lose my gloves!" 

 "True enough. True enough. Did you, uh, tell her that?" 

 "Are you kidding? She woulda smacked me!" 

 "Ah, yes. Good thinking." 

 "So how old do I hafta be before she stops treating me like a little
kid?" 

 "She just wants you to learn responsibility." 

 "I know, but, geez!" 

 Grandpa stopped his work and sat down next to me. "She's letting you take
a girl to that dance tonight, isn't she? That's a start." 

 "Yeah, I guess. But she's only letting me 'cause you're all gonna be
there, too. I bet she still won't let me go on a date all by myself." 

 "Wouldn't be much fun all by yourself, now, Son, eh?" he nudged me and
winked jokingly. 

 "You know what I mean!" 

 "Oh, come on, smile. I'm just teasing you. What is this? 'Feel sorry for
Ben Fraser' day?" 

 "Huh?" 

 "You been moping and whining since you came in here. Very unbecoming for
someone who's supposedly all grown up." 

 "Sorry, Grandpa." I sighed and forced a slight smile. I knew he was
right. I was sulking. 

 Grandpa smiled back at me and we sat quietly for a moment. 

 "Excited about tonight?" he finally asked. 

 "I suppose..." Terrified was more like it, but I didn't want anyone to
know. 

 "Ah, I remember my first date. I spent the entire day trying to make sure
everything'd be just perfect. You know. Every hair in place. Suit spotless
and wrinkle-free. Shoes shined till I could see myself in 'em. My dad even
let me borrow his razor and his cologne. Of course, I got a little carried
away with that. I ended up smelling prettier than the girl!" 

 I chuckled out loud at the thought of that. "You had to shave, Grandpa?" 

 "Well, not really. But it made me feel pretty special to pretend that I
did." 

 "Yeah." I grinned, but the smile disappeared quickly as I realized I
still had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, and Grandpa hadn't
mentioned the thing that had me in such a state of anxiety. 

 "I'm the only boy my age who hasn't been on a date, you know." 

 "Really?" 

 "Mark says if I waited any longer it might be too late to start." 

 "Too late?" 

 "Yeah. 'Cause my body's ready now and if I don't use it, I'll lose it." 

 Grandpa went into a choking fit when I said this, and he stood up and
began to pace around me. 

 "You okay, Grandpa?" 

 "Yes. Yes, fine, Benton." He squinted his eyes at me as if he were trying
to read my mind. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" 

 "What do you mean?" 

 "I mean, what are your plans for this date exactly?" 

 "We're going to the dance." 

 "I know. I know. But what, exactly, do you plan to do with this girl?" 

 "I dunno. Dance...and stuff." 

 "What stuff?" 

 "You know, Grandpa. Date stuff." 

 "Look, Son, I want you to talk to me, okay?" 

 "I am, Grandpa." 

 "You don't have to fret. Whatever's said in this room stays between you
and me. It won't be repeated to anyone." 

 "Not even to Grandma?" 

 "Especially not to Grandma. Now, tell me. What kind of ideas has this
boy, Mark, been putting into your head?" 

 I wasn't sure how to answer that. The truth was I had been accumulating
all sorts of fascinating life lessons from Mark, particularly where girls
were concerned. I think that's one of the things that made us such close
friends. Mark exuded self-confidence around girls, and I was eager to
learn as much from him on that subject as I could. 

 My grandmother had, of course, included sexual education in my lessons,
but it was all very scientific. And proper gentlemanly manners had been
instilled in me from day one. Grandma had taught me biology and chivalry,
not how to be a lover. If Dad had been around more, I probably would have
discussed girls with him, but considering how rarely I saw him, it was
difficult to approach him about such an intimate matter. Grandpa was much
more fatherly to me than Dad, even though he tried to be more of a friend
than a father so as not to usurp Dad's rightful role. 

 "Well, um, he says I have to...are you sure, Grandpa? I feel, um, funny
telling you." I was beginning to sweat in that chilly shed. 

 "Don't be silly. This is just what Grandpas are for so young men like you
have someone to tell these things to. He says you have to what?" 

 "I have to, um..." I wriggled in my seat and coughed nervously and
Grandpa sat down beside me and leaned forward on his elbows to listen.
"Mark says a girl wants to, um, see your...your...um..." I blushed and hid
my face. I couldn't say it. 

 "Your...'um'?" It was obvious that he knew to what I was referring. 

 "Yes, Sir. He says it's not a real date if you don't, 'cause the girl
will think you don't really like her, so you hafta...um...show her and
then you're supposed to, um, feel her, um..." My speech became slower as I
watched the expressions on Grandpa's face. 

 "Breasts?" he finished my thought. 

 I nodded slowly. I couldn't believe I was discussing this with Grandpa
and my jaw suddenly felt locked. 

 "Oh, boy!" He exhaled strongly and shook his head in wonder. "So that's
what you're looking forward to tonight?" 

 "Are you mad at me?" 

 "Mad? No." 

 "Every time I think about it, I think I'm gonna throw up." Grandpa
responded by putting his arm around me and caressing my shoulder. "I've
never...I've never shown...it...to a girl before, Grandpa. I swear I
haven't." 

 "I know, Son." 

 "But all the other boys have, so Mark says if I don't I'm not a real
man." 

 "Hold on there, Ben. First of all, how do you know all the other boys
have? Did you ask them?" 

 "No." 

 "Mark told you?" 

 "Uh huh." 

 "Well, you know, it's just possible that he may have been, er,
embellishing." 

 "Why would he do that?" 

 "When I was your age, I knew a boy who loved to talk big like that. I
suspect it made him feel important. And all the kids believed him, too,
because it was fun to believe him. He was a good story teller, and
everyone loves a good story." 

 "You really think Mark was making it up, Grandpa?" 

 "I think it's unlikely that he knows the, er, sexual experience of every
thirteen-year-old boy in town. Don't you?" 

 "So, you mean I don't have to....?" 

 Grandpa shook his head and I let out a huge sigh of relief. 

 "You can't really believe that's what Julie wants from you?" 

 "I don't know. I didn't think so. But how does a guy know for sure what a
girl wants, Grandpa?" 

 "Well, now, that's a valid question, Ben. It's not always easy to know.
But, you know, a guy never has to do anything he doesn't feel ready to do,
regardless of what the girl may want." 

 "Are ya sure? Mark has a girlfriend, so he, um, knows about this stuff.
He's not making it all up." 

 "How Mark and his girlfriend, er, spend their time isn't really any of my
business. How you spend your time, on the other hand, is my business -- to
a certain extent. Do I have reason to be concerned on that front, buddy?" 

 "No, Grandpa. I don't think so. I was, um, worried. I thought I was weird
or something, you know, 'cause I didn't really wanna...you know..." 

 "Hmm." He leaned in close and whispered confidentially, "Have you ever
thought about your girlfriend, uh, in that way?" 

 I was shocked by his question and unsure as to whether he really wanted
an answer. Thoughts of Julie sprang to mind, and I couldn't help but
fantasize about what it would be like to share myself with her in that
way. As my imagination went into overdrive, all the blood in my body was
suddenly re-routed, and Grandpa was aware of my excitement before he even
glanced down at my lap. 

 "Sorry about that," he said sincerely. "But, uh, no, Ben. You're
obviously not weird." 

 "Oh, Grandpa..." I lamented and turned away from him, wishing I could run
away and hide forever. 

 "It's all right, it's all right. That's a completely natural reaction." 

 "But what if...what if that happens...you know...when I'm with Julie?" 

 "Oh, I shouldn't think so. You'll be so concerned with doing and saying
all the right things, I doubt such thoughts will even enter your mind." 

 "It's not my mind I'm worried about. Sometimes, even if I'm
not...thinking about it...or anything...sometimes it...you know..." 

 "It has a mind of its own?" 

 "Uh huh." 

 "Trust me. You'll be fine." 

 I hoped Grandpa would take his leave so that I could be alone, but,
judging from the broad smile on his face, he was enjoying this whole
situation way too much to leave and certainly a lot more than I was. 

 "You just keep that," he gave a nod in the general direction, "...behind
your zipper where it belongs, you hear? You might think, er, showing won't
do any harm, but you can very quickly find one thing leading to another
and before you know it, the whole situation has escalated beyond anything
you had planned." 

 "Don't worry. I'll keep it behind my zipper, Sir." 

 "Good. 'Cause, I imagine if Sergeant Frobisher ever found out otherwise,
he'd have you castrated!" 

 "Castrated?" I gulped. Just the mere thought immediately deadened the
stirring in my loins, and I wondered if I'd ever be capable of arousal
again. But that fear was put to rest the next time I snuck one of the sex
books that Grandma hid in a special spot in the library into my room for a
little undercover investigating. 

 "Ah, feeling better?" Grandpa asked with a grin. 

 I nodded and smiled shyly. "Do you really promise you're not gonna tell
Grandma about this, Sir?" 

 "Not a word," he said as he put a finger to his lips. "We men gotta stick
together, you know!" 

 "Thanks, Grandpa." 

 "Oh, and, uh, one more thing. I understand that this is all, er, new
territory for young men such as yourself, and it helps to talk about it
with your peers, but proper etiquette does demand a certain amount of
discretion when discussing your, er, romances." 

 "Grandma always tells me the most important thing is protecting a lady's
honor. She gets real mad when she sees some of the guys in town being, you
know, kinda rude, to the girls. She says they're showing off and it makes
people think bad things about the girls when they really should be
thinking bad things about the guys." 

 "Hmm, and you certainly wouldn't want anyone thinking anything bad about
your young lady, would you?" 

 "No." 

 "Not to mention your grandma and me thinking anything bad about you?" 

 "Uh-uh." I pondered for a minute then asked, "So I shouldn't tell Mark
about my date?" 

 "There's no need to tell him everything you do -- or don't do. Right?" 

 "Right." I smiled, as I looked forward to driving Mark crazy with
silence. 

 "I'm hungry. You hungry? How 'bout we go see if your grandmother's got
breakfast ready?" 

 

 "Well, why are you both standing there empty-handed?" Grandma scolded us
as we entered the house and removed our coats and gloves. "I thought you
were bringing in some wood." 

 "Oops!" Grandpa replied. "Must've forgot." 

 "Heavens! You're as bad as the boy!" she exclaimed in exasperation.
"Guess he comes by it honestly." 

 Grandpa winked at me and we both broke out in giggles. Grandma was undone
by this, and she marched over to us and grabbed us each by an ear and
dragged us across the room. 

 "Now, get yourselves over to the sink and wash up! Breakfast is waiting."


 Grandpa and I winced and rubbed our ears as we walked in unison to the
sink, avoiding each other's eyes so we wouldn't start laughing again. 

 

 I was still quite nervous about the big night ahead and found myself
unable to eat much of my breakfast. I absent-mindedly played with the
oatmeal in my bowl as if I were a child playing in a sandbox. 

 "The food goes into your mouth, Ben," Grandma broke my daydream. 

 "Yes, Ma'am." But I couldn't stomach the thought of even one mouthful and
continued to push it around the bowl with my spoon. 

 "Benton--" she started to say. 

 "The boy's a little pre-occupied this morning, dear," Grandpa interrupted
her. "I don't think we need to pester him." 

 I turned my head slightly to hide the smile that crossed my face at
hearing Grandpa's words. How many times had I wished I could say those
very words to my grandmother? 

 "Very well. If you're not going to eat, you don't need to loiter at the
table. You can get busy looking for those gloves you misplaced." 

 "Yes, Ma'am," I replied, but I didn't move from my seat. 

 "Well?" 

 "I'm wondering where to look, Grandma." 

 "Where was the last place you had them?" she asked. 

 "On my hands." 

 "After that, smart aleck!" Grandma snapped. 

 "When were they last on your hands, Son?" Grandpa asked. 

 "I don't remember. Oh, wait, yes I do." Grandpa's question had stirred my
memory and suddenly I was certain I knew where to find the gloves. I
hopped off my seat and ran out of the kitchen. 

 "Come back here and excuse yourself, young man!" Grandma bellowed after
me. 

 Sheepishly, I returned to the kitchen and took my seat. "May I be
excused, please?" 

 "Yes, you may." As I got up to leave, she took my arm and stood me before
her. "But the next time you forget your manners, you can expect a course
of remedial instruction. We don't outgrow the need to observe proper
behavior." 

 "Yes, Ma'am. Sorry. I, um..." I squirmed at the tight squeeze she applied
to my upper arm. "I know where my gloves are, Ma'am." 

 "That's fine, but I think they would've waited while you excused
yourself." 

 I snuck a peek at Grandpa to plead for help, but he just shrugged.
"Understood, Ma'am. May I go now?" 

 "Go," she replied, and I hurried away, ducking her swat to my behind. 

 The gloves were right where I thought they'd be. Inside the boot of one
of my hockey skates. I'd stuffed them in there the previous evening after
taking them off when I got home from Mark's house. I ran back to Grandma,
triumphantly holding the gloves out for her to see, hoping she'd be so
pleased at my finding them that she'd excuse my having lost them in the
first place. 

 "Here they are, Grandma. I found 'em." 

 "Where were they?" 

 "Um, in my skate," I confessed hesitantly. 

 "I want you to put your things away properly from now on. Can you do
that, or do I need to supervise you when you remove your overclothes?" 

 "I can do it by myself. Geez, Grandma. I'm not a little kid." 

 "Don't be impertinent, Mister." 

 "I'm not. I'm just telling you you don't have to treat me like a
baby...Ma'am." 

 "I'll treat you like a responsible young man as long as you behave like
one. Okay?" 

 "I do." 

 "A responsible young man doesn't carelessly misplace things, does he?" 

 Grandpa must have known I was on the verge of saying something I'd
regret, because he intervened at just the right time. 

 "Perhaps he does, Grandma," he spoke in my defense. "But perhaps he
learns from such mistakes and never repeats them." Grandpa winked at me
and then I looked back at Grandma to see how she would react to Grandpa's
theory. 

 "What do you say, Ben? Is your grandfather correct?" 

 "Uh huh. Yes, Ma'am." 

 "All right. Good. Then go put those where they belong, please." 

 I hesitated and stared at the floor, shuffling my feet. "Um..." 

 "Um...what, honey?" 

 "May I go outside for a while, Ma'am?" 

 "What are you going to do out there?" 

 "I'm supposed to go to Mark's for a hockey game." 

 "You're going to play hockey on an empty stomach?" 

 "No, on the pond," I answered with attitude, which disappeared quickly
when Grandma grabbed hold of my ear and squeezed. "Ow! Geez, Grandma! I
was just joking!" I put my hand to my ear to shove her hand away then
massaged my ear with my fingertips. "I'm not hungry. Please, Grandma. It's
an important game." 

 "An important one, eh?" 

 "Yes, Ma'am. It'll be the last one before Mark leaves for school in
Edmonton." 

 "I see. All right, honey, you may go. But only for a couple of hours. If
you'd like, you may bring Mark back here for lunch, but after that you'll
have to get ready for the dance tonight." 

 Oh God! The dance! I'd forgotten about that! Although Grandpa had eased
my mind about certain things, I still couldn't help feeling anxious about
my first date. 

 "I'll get your suit ready for you and maybe Grandpa will take you into
town this afternoon to get a corsage for Julie. You need a haircut, too.
I'll do that after lunch." 

 "Can't I get a real haircut, Grandma?" 

 "The haircuts I give you are real, honey." 

 "No, I mean at a real barber shop. In town." 

 "Now, that sounds like a splendid idea!" Grandpa exclaimed, recognizing
my need to feel special on that special day. "I could use a trim and a
shave myself. We'll make a real man's afternoon of it, eh, Ben?" 

 "Is it okay, Grandma?" 

 "Have you saved enough of your allowance to pay for a haircut and a
corsage?" 

 "I got enough. I can use the money Dad sent me for Christmas." 

 "Well, all right. I'll leave you in your grandpa's hands. But no
dawdling. You two are awfully absent-minded today. I don't want you coming
home without the corsage or the haircuts." 

 "We won't. Thanks, Grandma." 

 "You're welcome, honey." 

 "Um, may I be excused now to go to Mark's?" 

 "Go ahead. Just remember what I said. Back by lunch time. If I have to
come after you..." 

 "You won't." I started to leave the room, but Grandma called me back. 

 "Oh, hang on a minute, honey. Take this with you," she said as she put a
large piece of bannock into my hand and I looked down at it with distaste.


 "Oh, Grandma," I whined with a scowl. 

 "Don't 'oh, Grandma' me." 

 "But I hate bannock." 

 "That's okay, because it doesn't hate you. I'm not sending you out to
play without some nourishment. You can eat that on the way to your
friend's house." 

 "But it'll make me sick and then my stomach will be even emptier." 

 "We'll risk it, eh?" 

 "But it's burnt. Look at it." 

 "It is not burnt." 

 "It's hard as a rock." I demonstrated by knocking it against the tabletop
so hard that half of it fell to the floor, and I noticed Grandpa turn his
head with a chuckle. "It'll break my teeth," I argued after retrieving the
bannock from the floor. 

 Grandma's irritation was evident as she took the soiled oatcake from me.
"That's enough, Ben. If I hear one more word of complaint you'll be
spending the morning in your room studying instead of playing hockey," she
warned with a stern glare. "Is that clear?" 

 "Yes, Ma'am," I whispered back and then turned to leave the room, looking
dolefully at the nauseating mound in my hand. At least the mound was half
the size it used to be. "But it'd make a better hockey puck," I muttered
when I thought I was out of earshot. 

 "I heard that!" 

 "Just kidding, Grandma!" 

 

 By late afternoon Grandma and Grandpa were beaming with pride at the fine
specimen of a gentleman they'd made of me. I was a nervous wreck as I
paraded before them in the middle of the living room, pressed and dressed
in my finery, the scent of Grandpa's aftershave trailing behind me. If I'd
thought there was any way I could back out of my date with Julie, I would
have. But my grandma had schooled me well enough to know that a proper
gentleman always honors a promise to a lady. Grandpa handed me the corsage
we'd picked out for Julie, and I struggled to steady my trembling hands as
I held it before me as if it were a holy relic. 

 "That'll be your young lady, Son," Grandpa announced at the sound of a
knock on the front door. 

 My heart pounded inside me as I stood, staring at the door, knowing my
life would never be the same once that door was opened. Grandma corralled
me by the neck and gently but firmly forced me over to the door. 

 "Don't keep her waiting in the cold, honey," she told me with a nudge. 

 "I'm gonna throw up!" I blurted out and ran to the bathroom, dropping the
corsage to the floor. 

 "Benton Fraser!" Grandma called after me, but I couldn't answer as I felt
in imminent danger of being sick. 

 I heard Grandpa calm my grandmother and then welcome Julie and her
parents into the house as the waves of nausea inside me became more
insistent. I ignored the knock at the bathroom door, wishing I could
disappear forever from the planet. 

 "Ben, it's Grandpa. Let me in." 

 "I'm sick, Grandpa." 

 "I know. Let me in." 

 "I wanna be alone." 

 "Open this door, Son," he ordered. 

 I obeyed, unlocking the door and then opening it just a crack. Grandpa
pushed into the room and sat me down on the toilet lid, then took a seat
on the edge of the bathtub. 

 "Take some deep breaths, in and out, slowly," he advised as he soaked a
washcloth in cool water and draped it around my neck. 

 "Grandpa--" 

 "Do it." 

 I nodded and followed his instructions and soon the nausea abated a bit.
I continued the deep breathing as I sat there, leaning forward on my
elbows with my face in my hands. 

 "How do you feel now?" Grandpa asked after a couple of minutes, to which
I shrugged in response. "Any better at all?" 

 "A little, I guess." 

 "Good." 

 I felt him place something in my lap and opened my eyes to see the
corsage. 

 "You dropped this," he said. 

 "I can't, Grandpa." 

 "You can't what?" 

 "Do this. Oh God!" I exclaimed, doubling over again. "Just thinking about
it..." 

 "Don't think about it, Ben. That's your problem. You're just putting all
sorts of scary thoughts into your head which have no basis in reality." 

 "Whaddaya mean?" 

 Grandpa lifted my chin and put a hand around my shoulder. "How long have
you known Julie Frobisher?" 

 "You know how long." 

 "Yes, I do, but apparently you've forgotten." 

 "No, I haven't." 

 "Then why in God's name are you hiding from her in here?" 

 "This is different." 

 "No, it's not. It's only different in your mind. You're the same two kids
who've been playing together since you were little." 

 "But this is a date. We haven't been on a date before." 

 "Forget about the damn date!" 

 My eyes darted toward my grandfather as I heard that directive. He and
Grandma never used such language in my presence, let alone when speaking
to me. My dad sometimes did, but never my grandparents. 

 "Well, have I got your attention now?" he asked as I looked at him
intently. 

 "Uh huh." 

 "Sorry to speak so rudely, Son. I'm not angry with you, I'm just trying
to make a point. Do you understand?" 

 "I'm not sure." 

 "Well, there's one thing you can be sure of." 

 "What's that?" 

 "You have promised to spend the evening with your friend, and if you
don't go out there and greet her and escort her to that dance, then you
are no gentleman." 

 I sighed heavily and looked back and forth between my grandpa and the
door a couple times. "What if I throw up right in front of her?" 

 "That's not gonna happen." 

 "It feels like it is." 

 "I know." 

 "You do?" 

 "I had a first date once, too, you know." 

 "Were you scared, Grandpa?" 

 "Petrified. But my father took me aside and set me straight." 

 "How?" 

 "Same as I'm doing for you now. Same as I did for your dad." 

 "And it worked?" 

 "Of course it worked, smarty-pants! But, if you'd rather, I can send your
grandma in here to deal with you." 

 "No! Please, Grandpa! She'd...she'd be ashamed of me." 

 "Ah, well, you don't want that, do you?" 

 "Uh-uh." I looked at the door for several seconds, trying to work up the
courage to get up and walk toward it. 

 "Just pretend you're taking her to go skating at the pond." 

 "Huh?" 

 "It's any old afternoon and you're going to the pond to meet your
friends." 

 "Oh." I paused then added with a smirk, "Grandma would blister my butt
good if I went skating in my good suit." 

 

 Julie was seated on the sofa, between her parents, as I entered the
living room from behind them. Grandma saw me and announced me before I had
a chance to turn tail again. I greeted the Frobishers from across the
room, but was too tongue-tied to say anything to Julie until Grandpa
pulled me by the arm and brought me face-to-face with my companion for the
evening. 

 "Good evening, Julie," I said shyly. I was very self-conscious with
everybody watching us. 

 "Hello, Ben," she answered with a sweet smile that temporarily made me
forget that anyone else was in the room. After a brief awkward pause, she
held out her hand to me and I took it as she rose to her feet. 

 "Wow, you, um, look very, um, pretty," I whispered to her, feeling the
blush on my face deepening as I spoke. 

 "Thank you. So do you. Handsome, I mean," she blushed back. 

 "Here," I said, holding out to her the wrist corsage. 

 "Help her put it on, honey," Grandma instructed gently. 

 Julie extended her arm and I anxiously slipped the corsage over her hand
and settled it on her wrist. We smiled shyly at each other and then I
touched her cheek with a soft kiss. 

 "Well, then, if we're all ready..." Buck Frobisher said loudly as he
stood up with a start and nonchalantly pulled me a few inches away from
Julie. "If we do it right, we can all squeeze into the truck." 

 The thought of sitting beside Julie in a truck along with her folks and
mine, even for the short drive to the Village Community Center, was enough
to send me into another panic. "Julie and I are gonna walk," I stated
instinctively, not even bothering to ask Julie if that was what she
wanted. 

 "Don't be silly, Ben. There'll be room for all of us," Grandma stated. 

 "I know, but we'd rather walk." It finally struck me that I hadn't
actually asked Julie what she would prefer. "Would you rather walk,
Julie?" 

 "Sure...if you would." 

 "Okay, good. Let's go." 

 "Hold on there, Fraser," Buck stopped us. "I don't know that I want my
little girl trudging through the snow to her first dance. There's no
reason you can't join us in the truck." 

 "There's no reason we can't walk, either, Sir." 

 "Benton, don't be fresh!" Grandma warned firmly. 

 "I'm not, Grandma." 

 "Listen to me, young man," Buck held my shoulder and continued. "I'm the
father, and I say what goes." 

 "But, Sir, you're not my father," I answered as respectfully as possible
while trying to assert my autonomy. "So you can't tell me what to do." 

 "No, but I can!" Grandpa said as he grabbed me and pulled me into the
kitchen. "That's enough of that, Son! D'you hear me?" 

 "Grandpa, you're embarrassing me," I whined. 

 "No, Ben, you're embarrassing yourself, and you're embarrassing your
grandmother and me, as well. You should be ashamed of the performance you
just gave in there." 

 "It wasn't a performance." 

 "Don't sass me, buddy! Your behavior with Sergeant Frobisher was
abominable, and if it doesn't stop, you will find yourself spending the
evening in your room while the rest of us go to the dance. Clear?" 

 "But you have to let me go 'cause I promised Julie." 

 "No, I don't have to let you do anything. You have to do as I say because
I am the alpha dog here. Am I not?" I didn't answer at first, so he
sternly repeated the question. "Am I not, Benton?" 

 "Yes, Sir," I mumbled contritely. 

 "Very well. Now, you are going to replace that scowl on your face with a
smile and go back in there and apologize to Sergeant Frobisher for your
rudeness and then you are going to escort Julie to the car. And that's
final. No arguments." 

 I hesitated, wondering if I should question my grandfather's orders. 

 "And I mean now, Son." 

 "But why can't we walk to the dance? It's not far." 

 "Benton, did you hear what I just told you? I am not going to abide any
defiance." Grandpa was becoming truly angry. 

 "I know, Grandpa, but before, in the bathroom, you said I should pretend
I was taking Julie skating on the pond." 

 "Yes, so?" 

 "We never go to the pond in a car with all you guys watching us." 

 Grandpa gave me a look of recognition then began to massage the back of
my neck. "Are you uncomfortable with all of us around?" 

 "Yes, Sir," I admitted with a blush. 

 "I see." Grandpa thought for a few seconds, then patted me on the back,
said "Stay here" and went back into the other room. He returned almost
immediately with Buck. "Okay, Ben. I believe you have something to say to
Sergeant Frobisher." 

 I was extremely embarrassed by this whole situation and couldn't bring
myself to look at Buck as I spoke. "I'm sorry if I was rude, Sir. I didn't
mean to be." 

 "My daughter will not be going out with anyone who refuses to follow my
rules. I don't care whose son he is. You'd better learn that real quick,
Mister, or you can stay away from Julie." 

 "Yes, Sir," I whispered, then snuck a pleading glance at Grandpa. 

 "Go wait with the others, Ben. I need a word with Buck before we leave." 

 "Yes, Sir." 

 I don't know what my grandfather said to him, but he somehow convinced
Buck to allow me to walk Julie to the dance. So the Frobishers stood
outside the house with my grandparents, watching, as Julie and I made our
way toward town. 

 

 I had figured it would be quicker to take the more direct route into
town, through the woods. And it would've been quicker, too, if it hadn't
been for that caribou. 

 The moon was bright that night, and its reflection off the snow lit our
path through the woods. Not that I needed the light. I was very familiar
with the area, having spent a good deal of my free time on solitary walks.
But just as we were about midway through our stroll, I heard a noise. A
noise I couldn't place. A noise that didn't belong. 

 "What was that?" I stood still, holding Julie's hand, as we both listened
for a few seconds. 

 "What was what?" she asked nervously, gripping my hand tighter. 

 "I heard something before." 

 "I told you we shouldn't have come through here after dark." Julie hugged
my body close to hers, and I responded by wrapping my arms around her to
comfort her. Even through all the layers we were wearing, the embrace felt
so good that I was kind of glad she was frightened. 

 "It's okay, Julie. I do this all the time," I whispered into her ear as I
nuzzled her and breathed deeply of her sweet scent. 

 "Sure. Like that time you told me you knew how to drive a car and then
almost got us killed." 

 "That was different," I explained, lifting my face to look at her, but
still holding her in my arms. "We were just little kids then. And we
didn't almost get killed -- well, unless you count our dads almost killing
us." 

 "Boy, I thought your father was gonna skin you alive the way he dragged
you into the house after we drove into that gate." 

 "He was." 

 "I was so scared. I cried and pleaded with my father to save you." 

 "You did?" 

 "Daddy sent me to my room because I wouldn't stop begging him to do
something. You were so cute wearing that hat. I couldn't bear the thought
of what your dad was gonna do to you." 

 "Yeah, me neither. He didn't, though." 

 Julie rested her head against my chest. "You were so brave. You were my
hero." 

 "I was stupid." 

 Julie laughed and looked up at me, and I was consumed by an overwhelming
urge to kiss her. But I heard my grandmother's voice in the back of my
mind telling me that a proper young gentleman my age didn't give in to
such urges, so I resisted. 

 "I was your hero?" I asked, blushing in the night. 

 "Uh huh." 

 We smiled at each other and, after a pause, I asked "So, um, who's your
hero now?" 

 "It's never changed," she answered softly. 

 I stared at her lips as they shone in the moonlight, smiling up at me. To
hell with Grandma's chivalry, I thought to myself in stronger language
than I would ever speak aloud. Slowly, I lowered my head until our faces
almost touched and we were breathing each other's exhalations. My heart
was racing as I parted my lips slightly and pressed them against Julie's,
my eyes closing in ecstasy at the moment of contact. 

 I didn't really know what to do now that we were kissing. Well, I did but
I didn't. I mean, on the one hand I'd had one code of conduct instilled in
me by my grandmother -- a code of conduct which, I might add, I was
shattering at that very moment. But on the other hand, there were the
lessons I'd picked up elsewhere. I'd witnessed lovers kissing, although,
admittedly, that isn't quite the same as having practical experience.
Actually, until that moment with Julie, my only experience had been with a
pillow. Yes, it was a rather one-sided experience, but as a learning tool,
it was effective in honing my technique and building my self-confidence,
so I was grateful to Mark for introducing me to this little trick.
Especially as I stood there in the moonlit woods, enveloping Julie with my
embrace, savoring her sweet lips. 

 My quandary as I reveled in Julie was how long I should linger over the
kiss and whether I should explore some of the variations which intrigued
me. In the end, I decided that less was the way to go, seeing as this was
our first kiss. So, as I brought that fateful moment to an end, we stood
staring at each other, speechless. 

 "So that's what all that about a strange noise was about," Julie broke
the silence. 

 "Huh?" 

 "You were just tricking me into letting you hold me and, um, kiss me,"
she accused me coyly. 

 "Oh, I'm sorry, Julie," I said with shame, releasing my hold on her. "I
didn't....I wasn't....I mean I thought you wanted...." I stumbled for the
right words. 

 "Relax, Ben," she laughed and took my hands in hers, and I silently
cursed the gloves that came between us. "I'm just teasing you. I did want
to." 

 "You did?" 

 "Of course, silly. Couldn't you tell?" 

 "Um, well, you're the first girl...I mean...um..." 

 "This was the first time you kissed a girl?" 

 "Uh huh. I'm sorry." 

 "What for?" 

 "I don't know." 

 She smiled and moved closer to me. "It was my first kiss, too, Ben." 

 "It was? Really?" 

 "Uh huh. Not counting when we were little. Remember?" 

 A broad smile came over my face as I thought back on those days. "I
remember my grandmother boxing my ear 'cause I behaved improperly." 

 "Good thing your grandmother's not around right now." 

 "It's a very good thing," I agreed. 

 We looked in each other's eyes and didn't have to say anything else. I
pulled her close until our lips met again, gently. It was one of the most
pleasant sensations I had ever known. It just felt so right. I couldn't
believe I had been afraid of spending that evening with her. From the
moment we had met, as young children, I had been at ease with her. I could
have stayed there forever, with her arms snugly around me while her hands
caressed my back and my neck. But then I heard that strange noise again,
louder than before, so I lifted my head to look. 

 "What was that?" Julie asked as she clung to me in fear. 

 "Shh!" I hushed her as I heard the noise yet again. 

 "Ben, I'm scared." 

 "Shh, shh. There it is again. You hear it?" 

 "I don't wanna hear it." Julie hugged me even tighter and I struggled to
retrieve the small flashlight I carried in my parka. 

 I never would have spotted the caribou without the aid of the flashlight.
He was trapped on an icy ledge about seventy meters above us. I was
perplexed as to what he was doing up there in the first place -- perhaps
running to escape hunters -- but I knew I had to help him get down or he'd
die. 

 "Here, hold this," I said, putting Julie in charge of the flashlight. 

 "What should I do with this?" 

 "Nothin' yet. I'll tell you." 

 I started to feel my way up the steep hill toward the ledge, but it was
very icy and more than once I lost my footing and slid downhill, only to
have to start the ascent from scratch. 

 "Maybe we should go for help," Julie suggested after one of my falls. 

 "No, there's no time. He's been stuck up there too long already. Anyway,
nobody'd probably think it was too important." 

 "But how are you gonna get him down? He's too big." 

 "I'll think of something." I paused for a moment to ponder my next
attempt. "Maybe if you helped me. Do you think you could follow me up?" 

 "Um, yeah, I guess so. I can try." 

 "Here, put your arms around my waist and hold on. I'll try not to fall
again, I promise." 

 "It's awful slippery." 

 "Dig your boots in when you take a step like this," I said,
demonstrating. "Kinda sideways so you don't slip back. And don't let go of
me." 

 "Okay." 

 "You sure you wanna do this?" I asked. I could tell she was a bit
apprehensive, but I didn't know what else to do. The caribou was near
death and needed help without delay. 

 "Yes, yes, I'm sure. Let's go." 

 I smiled then slowly began the ascent up the hill. The fact that Julie
had put her trust in me bolstered my confidence and I was sure we could
save the animal together. 

 Eventually, we made it to the landing just below the ledge upon which the
caribou was stranded. I was frustrated to discover that the ledge was too
high for me to pull myself over it and the rocky sides were so icy that it
was impossible to climb without special equipment, which I didn't have
with me at the time. 

 "Now what?" Julie asked with as much concern as I was feeling. 

 "I don't know. There's gotta be a way," I insisted, looking around for
inspiration. As my eyes fell on Julie, I recalled our earlier childhood
reminiscences about the time we drove my father's truck. Julie had been my
legs on that occasion, and I suddenly wondered if she couldn't do the same
this time. "If I could just reach over the edge, maybe I could coax him
down." 

 "Sure, but how're you gonna get up there? The ledge is above us and I
don't see any way to climb up." 

 "There might be a way, if you would help me." I was hesitant to mention
my idea, as I wasn't sure Julie was going to like it or if I really wanted
to make the proposal. There was an element of risk involved, after all. 

 "How?" 

 "The ledge isn't that much higher than I am. If I just got a little
boost, I think I could reach over the edge." 

 "A boost?" 

 "Yeah." 

 "You want me to boost you?" 

 "Well, yes..." 

 "I can't lift you, Ben. You're too big." 

 "You won't have to lift me. Just support me while I climb onto your
shoulders. Once I can reach over the ledge, I'll lean against it so most
of my weight is on the rock instead of on you. Okay?" 

 "I don't know..." 

 "If you don't wanna, I understand. I mean, something could go wrong and
you could get hurt and I would never want that to happen, so if you wanna
forget I ever suggested it, that's okay, I understand." 

 Julie smiled as I rambled apologetically, bringing a blush to my face.
Once I stopped talking, she laced her fingers behind my neck, pulled my
face to meet hers, and teased me with a short, sweet kiss. 

 "Why do I get the feeling you're gonna get us both in trouble before the
night's over?" she said, half-jokingly, with our faces still inches apart.


 I bowed my head and stammered, "It's just, um, the caribou, he's gonna
die. I can't do nothing. I have to try to help him." 

 "Of course you do, Benton Fraser. That's why I love you." 

 "It is? I mean, you do?" I squeaked in disbelief. "You, um, love me?" 

 She didn't answer me. She just grinned a shy, yet sinister, smile which
was torturous to behold. 

 "Because, you know, um, I do, Julie. Love you, I mean," I confessed as my
heart raced out of control. We stared at each other silently until I
worked up the courage to ask, "May I kiss you again?" 

 "Maybe...later. After we rescue the caribou." 

 "Oh, right," I said, backing away from her slightly and feeling guilty
for having thought about kissing when the caribou's plight was so urgent.
"We'd better hurry. You ready?" 

 "As ready as I'll ever be." 

 It was a bit awkward, but I managed to position myself on Julie's
shoulders. She leaned against the rock face as I stretched my arms over
the top of the ledge while straddling my lower body tightly around her to
steady myself. 

 "If my father saw us like this, he'd kill us both," Julie announced with
a touch of irony in her voice. 

 "I'm not hurting you, am I?" I was concerned that I might be squeezing my
legs too tightly. 

 "No, I'm okay. But it's kinda...I don't know...weird...with you, um,
sitting on me like this." 

 "Sorry." 

 "No, it's okay. It's not a bad weird, really. You know?" 

 "Yeah, I know. It feels kinda...weird...for me, too." I couldn't help
smiling to myself. 'Weird' wasn't exactly the word for it. Straddling
Julie was oddly pleasurable to a young boy whose previous contact with any
girl beyond hand holding had been restricted to fantasy. But I kept myself
in check by focusing on the reason we were in that position in the first
place. 

 "Let me know if you want me to, um, move, or anything," Julie said with
obvious embarrassment as she got halfway through her sentence. 

 "No, I think you're okay, just like that. It's probably safer if we don't
move around too much. So we don't lose our balance, I mean." 

 "Good, 'cause I'm not sure I could move if you wanted me to. Not with all
this weight on me." 

 "Oh, I'm sorry, Julie. I'll, uh, press harder against the ledge so I'm
not so heavy." I sprawled as much of my upper body as I could onto the
ledge in an effort to support most of my weight. "Is that better?" I asked
through clenched teeth, straining at the physical effort. 

 "Yes. Do you see the caribou?" 

 "Uh huh. He's facing the other way, though. I gotta get his attention."
With what little strength I could muster without faltering, I grabbed a
handful of snow and tossed it in the direction of the caribou. The
snowball grazed him lightly on the rear flank, startling him, and was
successful in getting the animal to turn until it faced me. 

 "Hello, Mister Caribou," I greeted him in a friendly manner, trying to
calm his obvious fear. "My name's Ben. I won't hurt you." 

 The caribou began to back away frantically and utter sounds of terror. 

 "No! No! Don't be afraid. I'm here to help you." 

 But the animal backed itself further and further up the ledge, into a
corner, where it began to writhe in hysteria, refusing my gentle offers of
help. 

 "Darn!" I cursed in a hushed tone, so as not to frighten the animal any
more than he was already. 

 "What's wrong, Ben?" 

 "He won't come anywhere near me. He must think I'm a hunter." 

 "Well, you tried. If he won't let you help him--" 

 "No, I can't give up that easy. Not yet. If I get up there with him and
he sees I don't have a gun, then maybe he'll trust me. Spot me, Julie. I'm
gonna see if I can pull myself all the way up." 

 "That's too dangerous, Ben. What if you fall?" 

 "I think I can do it as long as I keep leaning forward against the rock.
And if you could maybe push me as I lift myself." 

 "Oh, Ben..." 

 "Could we just try? Please?" 

 "Oh, all right." 

 "Thanks! You're terrific, Julie!" I flattened my forearms against the
rock and strained to pull myself forward to lift the rest of my body over
the ledge. Julie tried to help, but was unsure how to go about it. I
lifted myself off her shoulders so that my lower body hung over the edge.
I knew a little push would be all the help I needed. "Okay, now just give
me a push in the--" 

 Before I even finished my instructions, she pressed her hands against my
rear end and started to shove with all her might. 

 "...yeah, like that. That's good." With Julie's assistance and one last
push to the bottom of my boots, I was soon atop the ledge. I stood up and
began to advance very slowly toward the caribou, speaking reassuring words
while I walked. But the closer I got to him, the more the animal panicked.
It finally got to the point that I had to start retreating because he was
lashing out so violently. 

 I sighed in frustration, but kept talking to the animal, praying silently
that he would soon calm down and accept my help. But he didn't. I could do
nothing but watch from a safe distance as he butted himself against the
corner of the rock where he had trapped himself and frenetically struggled
for escape. Suddenly, he went still and, seconds later, dropped to the
ground. I cautiously approached and knelt at his side. There was barely an
ounce of life left in him. The cold and his frantic struggle for freedom
had taken their toll. After one last whimper, he was dead. 

 "Ben, what's going on up there?" Julie asked moments later upon noticing
that I had stopped speaking. 

 Her words brought me out of my trance and I blinked away a few tears that
had filled my eyes and rose from my crouched stance. "Um, I'll be right
there, Julie." I took hold of the animal's hind legs, and dragged it to
the edge of the rock, below which Julie waited for us. "Watch out down
there," I called to her. "It's coming down." 

 "Wait! You can't just drop it. It's a long way down. It might get hurt." 

 "It doesn't matter anymore. He's dead." 

 "Well, then why are you--" 

 "Look out! Here he comes," I warned, ignoring her question. I was
grateful for the icy surface at that point because it made moving the
caribou a whole lot easier. I pushed against him from behind until he slid
over the edge of the rock to the snowy hillside below. I watched as his
momentum took him to the bottom of the hill and he came to rest at the
spot where Julie and I had shared our first grown-up kiss. 

 I began to back myself off the ledge, but before I was ready to let
myself drop, I lost my grip on the icy rock and fell backwards, landing
atop Julie and knocking her to the ground underneath me. 

 "Are you okay, Julie?" I asked, still lying on top of her. 

 "I think so...except I can't move," she moaned. 

 "Oh no! You can't move at all?" 

 "Not with you lying on me like this." 

 "Oh, God! I'm sorry. I'm so stupid." I quickly disentangled my limbs from
around her and stood up, then offered my hand to help her up. 

 "Ow!" she cried as I pulled her by the hand. She let go and sat back on
the ground. 

 "What is it?" I asked, crouching beside her. 

 "My wrist. I think I sprained it or something." 

 "You mean I sprained it. Darn it! I'm so sorry, Julie." I sat on the
ground, buried my face in my hands and lowered it to my knees. "I've
ruined this whole evening for you. It's a disaster." 

 Julie silently wriggled her body next to mine until we were touching.
With her good hand, she reached over and pried one of my hands off my face
and entwined her fingers with mine. I was still too mortified to look at
her, however. 

 "Ben...Ben, don't be ridiculous. The night isn't a disaster." 

 "Of course it is," I answered back, speaking into my knees. "Look at us.
We can't go to the dance now. We've ruined our good clothes. My
grandmother is gonna kill me when she sees what I did to this suit. You've
got a sprained wrist " 

 "I said it might be sprained. It's nothing, Ben. It's feeling a lot
better already." 

 " and on top of everything, we couldn't even save the caribou." I shook
my head in despair and sighed. "I screwed everything up." 

 "Ben Fraser, stop talking like that right now! You didn't screw anything
up. You tried to help an animal that was in trouble. It's not your fault
that he died or that we can't go to the dance." 

 "But " 

 Julie lifted my hand to her lips and kissed it, and I knew I would never
misplace that glove again. "You're the sweetest person I know. I don't
care if we don't go to the stupid dance. I just want to be with you." She
leaned in and kissed my cheek as I continued to hide my face. 

 Very slowly, I lifted my head and looked at her. "Guys aren't sweet.
Girls are. I mean, you are." I tried to reciprocate her kiss to my cheek,
but at the last second, she turned her face to mine and met my lips with
hers. 

 "Maybe we should go home," she suggested after we finally broke our
connection. "Our folks are probably wonderin' where we are." 

 "Yeah, I guess we better," I agreed, then with a big sigh added, "It's
been nice knowing you." 

 "What's that supposed to mean?" 

 "Well, if my grandparents don't kill me, your father sure will." 

 "Oh, no he won't, Ben. We'll explain what happened. He'll understand." 

 "I think he hates me." 

 "That's silly. He doesn't hate you. He likes you a lot. He's always liked
you." 

 "He hates me when I'm with you. And after this, he's really gonna hate
me." 

 "Don't worry about that. He'd hate any boy I went out with." 

 "Really? Have you, um, gone out with a lot of other boys?" 

 "No, just you. This is the first time my father has let me go out on a
real date. So, you see, he doesn't hate you or he wouldn't've let me go
out with you." 

 "Just the same, you better not let him know I kissed you, or this'll be
our first and last date." 

 Julie blushed and looked down at my hand, which she still caressed with
her gloved fingers. "Does that mean you might want to, um...go out again
sometime?" 

 Now it was my turn to blush. "Er, yeah, if you wanna. I think you're the
nicest girl I ever knew. Um, the prettiest, too." 

 "Where'd you learn to sweet-talk a girl like that?" 

 "From my grandmother." 

 Julie burst into laughter, and I thanked God for the darkness that hid my
crimson cheeks. I'd realized a second too late to stop my words. 

 "That didn't come out the way I wanted it to," I whispered
apologetically. 

 "It's okay," she tried to stop her laughter. "I think I know what you
meant." She watched me squirm as she made several attempts to stop
laughing at me. "I'm sorry, Ben. I'm not laughing at you. That was just so
funny, what you said about your grandmother." 

 "She, um, taught me I have to be a gentleman, but she didn't tell me what
to say to you, Julie. Everything I said was, er, how I feel." 

 Julie finally became quiet. I looked at my hand, where it rested in her
lap, enveloped by her hand. After a brief silence, I used my free hand to
cup her chin and drew her face to mine. I parted my lips a bit wider for
this kiss and allowed the tip of my tongue to caress her lips and the skin
surrounding her mouth. She responded by brushing her tongue to the
underside of my upper lip, but when our tongues met, we both withdrew
quickly, not quite certain we were ready for such intimacy. 

 "Was that okay...um...I mean, did I...um...was that too much?" I
stammered, half with embarrassment, half with excitement. 

 "It was perfect," she admitted with sincere shyness. Julie had never been
overly shy. In fact, she had been the one to initiate our innocent kissing
as children. But she wasn't overly aggressive, either. She just had a
refreshing openness to her, an instinct for revealing to me just as much
of herself as I could handle. So, when she told me my kiss was perfect, I
knew I had gone as far as I dared and as far as she'd hoped. 

 

 "It looks like someone's home," I said with dread in my voice as Julie
and I approached my house. "What do you think the chances are it's just
Grandpa?" 

 "Why do you want it to be him?" Julie asked. 

 "I dunno. 'Cause I'd rather face him first than anybody else, I guess." 

 "Our folks are gonna be pretty mad at us, huh?" she joined in my dread. 

 "Furious, I fear." We had come to a standstill about fifty meters from
the house. 

 "Well, even if we do get grounded for the rest of our lives, I'm glad the
night turned out the way it did. I'll never forget it." 

 "Me neither," I agreed, smiling at her. I wanted to kiss her one last
time before going inside, but I reckoned we were too close to the house.
Someone might see us. Instead, I tightened my grip on her hand, the good
one, and led her to the house. 

 I peeked through a window and saw my grandmother and Buck in the living
room. Grandma was seated on the sofa and Buck was pacing about the room,
looking very edgy. There was no sign of my grandfather or Julie's mum.
Darn! The situation couldn't have looked bleaker! I took Julie around to
the entrance at the mud room, where we quietly removed our boots and
coats. Hand-in-hand, we tiptoed through the pantry and into the kitchen. 

 "George, is that you?" I heard my grandmother call. "Did you find them?" 

 I took a deep breath and went to stand at the entranceway to the living
room, peeking in from around the corner of the wall. "It's not Grandpa.
It's me." 

 "Ben!" she exclaimed with obvious relief. "Are you all right, honey?" 

 "Fine, Ma'am. I'm sorry about--" 

 "Where the hell is my daughter, you little scoundrel!" Buck demanded,
moving toward me angrily. 

 "She's right--" I began, only to be interrupted by Julie, who came up
behind me and took my hand. 

 "I'm right here, Daddy," she answered him. "And don't call Ben a
scoundrel!" 

 "Don't you be talking back to your father like that, missy! You're in
enough trouble as it is! I'll have plenty of words for you, young lady,
when I get you home!" 

 "Sergeant, Sergeant," my grandmother stepped between Buck and us.
"Perhaps we should give them a chance to explain." 

 Buck turned his back to us and took a few steps toward the opposite side
of the room. 

 "Come here, children, and tell us where you have been all evening,"
Grandma directed as she sat back down on the sofa. 

 I nodded to Julie and we walked as one into the room, watching the
expressions of shock on Grandma's and Buck's faces as they noticed our
state of dishevelment. "We're not children, Ma'am," I said respectfully as
we came to stand before my grandmother. 

 "That remains to be seen. You were apparently incapable of escorting your
date to the Village Hall, which is, at best, a thirty-minute walk. And now
you show up here, hours later, looking like that. What happened, Ben? You
know those woods like the back of your hand. Did you have some kind of
accident?" 

 "Not exactly, Ma'am." 

 "What, then? Your grandfather and I have been worried sick, as have
Julie's parents. Did you give a thought to that?" 

 "Yes, Ma'am, I know, but there was nothing I could " 

 "Please don't yell at him, Mrs. Fraser," Julie spoke up. "He was only
trying to do the right thing." 

 "Hush, Julie," Buck scolded. "Let the boy speak his peace." 

 I looked at Julie to offer my unspoken gratitude for her support, until I
heard my grandmother clear her throat. 

 "Benton, what happened tonight? I want to know everything." 

 "Yes, Ma'am." Well, I didn't tell everything, but I did tell all about
the caribou and our efforts to rescue it. When I got to the part about the
animal dying while I watched, powerless to help, I had to drop my head to
hide the tears that were welling in my eyes. 

 "I'm sorry, honey. I'm sure you did everything you could," Grandma
sympathized. 

 "It wasn't enough. I guess I shoulda known I couldn't save him. It was
stupid to even try." 

 "Never be ashamed of doing what you can, Ben. Never." 

 "I thought you'd be mad at me, Ma'am. I worried you and, um, my good suit
is all torn. If I hadn't tried to help the caribou, none of that would've
happened." 

 "No, I suppose not. But is that the most important consideration?" 

 "Whaddaya mean, Ma'am?" 

 "How would you feel if you had left the caribou to die without trying to
help?" 

 "I don't know. I can't imagine doing that, Ma'am." 

 "I can't imagine you doing that, either, honey," Grandma smiled at me. 

 "A dying caribou, eh?" Buck spoke from across the room, with a hint of
skepticism. "And where is this alleged caribou now, young man? Did you at
least bring it home for your grandmother's freezer?" 

 "Um, no, Sir. We, uh, gave it to some Inuit villagers." 

 "Ah, of course." Buck gave me a penetrating stare and came to stand
before me. He obviously still had doubts about my caribou story. "Listen
here, young Fraser. If I find out you have lied about this, you will be
answering to me, Mister." 

 "It's the truth, Sir," I looked him in the eye and asserted. 

 "Daddy, stop that! Ben isn't a liar!" Julie jumped to my rescue again. 

 "Perhaps not, perhaps not." Buck nodded his head up and down as he
continued to look at me with suspicion. "But any young scoundrel who
disappears with my daughter off the face of the Earth deserves my thorough
scrutiny." 

 "You can scrutinize me if you want, Sir, but you won't find out that I
told any lies, 'cause I didn't. I can tell you don't trust me with your
daughter, Sir, but I promise you, I would never do anything to harm her.
I, um, like her, Sir." 

 "You like her, eh?" 

 "Yes, Sir. A lot." 

 "Well, young Fraser, I love her, and so does her mother. We have loved
her for thirteen years now, and we're not about to let some, er, young
rascal come along and lead her down the primrose path." 

 "Down the what, Sir?" 

 "Never mind." 

 "Daddy, Ben is a perfect gentleman with me." Julie and I exchanged
smiling glances, knowing full-well that Buck might disagree if he had seen
us earlier that night. 

 "Is he now?" Buck replied, slapping his hand firmly onto my shoulder.
"Well, you'd better see to it that I never get wind that you've been
anything but a perfect gentleman with my little girl, or I'll throttle the
tar out of you." 

 "Yes, Sir. You don't have to worry. That won't happen, Sir." 

 "Fine, fine." Buck smiled slightly then leaned in to whisper to me while
leading me away from my grandmother and Julie for a private word. "A
caribou, son? You preferred rescuing a stranded caribou to dancing with my
daughter?" 

 My face broke into a wide grin and I whispered back to him, "I guess I'm
not much of a Romeo, Sir." 

 "No, eh?" 

 "I guess we're kinda young." 

 "Kinda young to, er, like each other?" 

 "Oh, no, Sir. I told you I like her a lot. In fact, she's probably my
best friend now that Mark is going away." 

 "Is that so? Best friend, eh? Well, that's splendid, Benton," he said,
massaging my neck. "So, you two are buddies, then?" 

 "Uh huh." 

 "Just what are you two whispering about over there?" Grandma interrupted
finally. 

 "Oh, er, just man-to-man stuff, Mrs. Fraser. Eh, Benton?" Buck answered
with his arm around me affectionately. 

 "Yes, Sir. Man-to-man stuff, Grandma." 

 "I see. Well, Sergeant, you and Julie may as well make yourselves
comfortable until George and Mrs. Frobisher return. There's no sense you
going out looking for them. They could be anywhere." 

 "Thank you kindly, Mrs. Fraser. I imagine they'll check in with us in
short order." 

 "As for you, Benton, it's been a long day. Perhaps you should say
good-night now and go on to bed." 

 "Oh, uh, well, Ma'am, I think I should stay up to sit with Julie. I
promised to be her escort for the night." 

 Grandma stood up and came over to me. As I stood as tall as I could and
looked her in the eye, she smiled, caressed my shoulder, and then kissed
my forehead. "Yes, you did, didn't you? So, why don't you take your young
lady into the kitchen and make yourselves some nice, hot chocolate. I bet
that'll taste good after your adventure tonight." 

 "Yes, Ma'am. That sounds great. Thank you." 

 

 I'll never forget the moment that new year struck. Grandpa and Mrs.
Frobisher had joined us at the house and we were all toasting the occasion
with hot chocolate. Then, as the clock struck midnight, Julie and I took
our cue from the grown-ups. We embraced and wished each other a happy new
year with a kiss. A long one. 

 Suddenly, I became aware of Buck clearing his throat noisily and, as I
opened my eyes, I saw that our folks were all watching us with interest. 

 "So, er, is that how you greet all your buddies, eh, Benton?" Buck asked
with good nature, yet with a hint of seriousness. 

 Julie and I parted lips self-consciously and blushed at the attention we
were receiving. 

 "Um, no, Sir. Er, not all of 'em." Grandpa started chuckling behind me
and slapped his hands onto my shoulders. 

 "Now, Duncan, leave the kids alone," Mrs. Frobisher said as she took his
arm and led him away from us. 

 "Oh, I'm only teasing them, dear," he answered. 

 "Well, then, it's no wonder they didn't go to the dance tonight. They
never would have had a moment's peace with you teasing them all evening!"
she scolded, then kissed him. 

 Julie and I glanced at each other and blushed again as we remembered the
intimacy we had shared, alone in the woods. I noticed my grandmother
eyeing us curiously, so I quickly averted my glance. 

 "Would you like some more hot chocolate, Julie?" I asked, trying to
change the subject. 

 "Actually, I think we should be getting home, Julie," Mrs. Frobisher
announced. "We've all had a tiring night, and I'm sure the Frasers would
like to get some sleep." 

 

 It was very late when I finally got into bed that night, but despite the
hour, I was unable to fall right to sleep. I had a million different
emotions going through me and was confused as to what they all meant. I
wasn't sure who I was anymore. But I knew I wasn't the little boy who had
been lectured by his grandmother that very morning for irresponsible
behavior. And it appeared that Grandma didn't see me that way anymore,
either. I could see it in the way she had looked at me that night as I
related the caribou story. 

 "Come in," I called out as I lay in bed. I have no idea how many knocks
there had been at my door before they finally brought me out of my
reverie. It wasn't that I didn't hear the knocking. It just didn't seem to
have anything to do with me when I was in my own little world with
thoughts of Julie and our evening together. 

 "Sorry, did I wake you, Son?" Grandpa cracked open the door and peeked in
to ask. 

 "No, Grandpa. I was awake." 

 "Ah, good." He came fully into my room and stood beside the bed, looking
out the window. "Beautiful moonlit night, eh?" 

 "Yeah." 

 "No better way to see in a brand new year. Bright. Clear. Peaceful." 

 "Uh huh." I figured Grandpa wanted to talk to me about something more
important than the moon, so I sat up in bed and waited to see what else he
was going to say. 

 "A little chilly for an open window, though," he said, observing the
slightly open window. He didn't shut it, however, but turned his head to
look at me in the dark. "Still listening to the night noises when you go
to sleep?" 

 "Uh huh, sometimes. It's kind of a habit." 

 "Sounds like a nice way to end the day." 

 "Yeah, it is." 

 "Hmm." He looked back out the window and was silent. 

 "Is somethin' wrong, Grandpa?" I finally had to ask out of great
curiosity. 

 "Wrong how, Ben?" 

 "I don't know." I paused, then added, "Did you just wanna talk about the
moon and the night and stuff?" 

 "Mmm," he pondered. "Yes, I suppose...well, no." He turned to look at me
again and I waited anxiously for him to explain. "Your grandmother thought
-- well, she thought you might want to talk." 

 "She did? Talk about what?" 

 He shrugged, then appeared to be waiting for me to speak. Which I didn't.
"So, Ben, how was the big date?" 

 "You know how it was, Grandpa," I replied a little uneasily. 

 "No, no. I don't mean that. How was your date? You know, being with
Julie, alone, just the two of you, just like grown-ups. Was it as scary as
you anticipated?" 

 "No." 

 "No?" 

 "No." 

 "Good." 

 "Um, it was good." 

 "Yeah?" 

 "Yeah." 

 "Good." Somehow, he must have seen the silly smile on my face, which I
thought was hidden by the dark. "Really good?" 

 "Mmm, pretty good," I conceded. 

 "Good." 

 "Grandpa?" 

 "Hmm?" 

 "Do you think Grandma will let me go out with Julie again sometime?" 

 "Ah, it was that good, was it? You want to do it again?" 

 "Well, you know, this date was kinda we never even got to the dance." 

 "Was Julie very disappointed?" 

 "No, not really. She said she wasn't. But it feels kinda like we didn't
really finish, you know?" 

 "I see. So, where do you wanna go on this second date?" 

 "I dunno yet." 

 "Well, I'll tell you, when you think of something you'd like to do, you
come talk to me and your grandmother and we'll see what we can work out,
eh?" 

 "Really?" 

 "Sure. 'Course it'll be up to Julie's parents as well, you know." 

 "I know, Grandpa." 

 "Good. Well, it's late. We all got chores to do in the morning." 

 "Okay, Grandpa. G'night." I lay back down, not at all sure that I was
going to be able to sleep yet. 

 "Goodnight, buddy," he said with a pat to the blankets that covered me.
"Don't stay awake all night thinking back on the day." 

 I smiled. It was comforting the way Grandpa was able to read my mind. I
knew I didn't have to tell him anything. He understood. "Thanks, Grandpa."


 "No problem." 

 

 Needless to say, I was up much of that night. I lay in the dark, a pillow
held snug to my chest, dreaming of that which had been and that which
would be -- someday. 

 

 THE END 

 maryspen@aol.com