You know you watch too much Due South when...	Okay, here is another
foray into my sick and twisted mind. I got this idea when I was looking at
a similar list--"You Know You Watch Too Much Sailor Moon When..." You get
the picture. Anyway, I was cracking up so hard over these lists that I
decided to come up with my own! These are just a few of the endless
possibilities--email me if you have any ideas! Enjoy! 

 

 You Know You Watch Too Much due SOUTH When... by Liz Vlahos 

 

 YOU KNOW YOU WATCH TOO MUCH DUE SOUTH WHEN... 

 You dream about painting your car emerald green and calling it "the
Riv"--even if it's a beat-to-hell Ford Escort. 

 You use the phrase "Thank you kindly" so often that your sister and
brother threaten to strangle you the next time they hear it. 

 You can't watch "Providence" without a bowl of popcorn so you have
something to throw at Melina Kanakaredes whenever she appears on screen. 

 The final twenty minutes of your pirated copy of "eXistenZ" is worn to
hell because you've spent god knows how many hours staring at Callum Keith
Rennie in his ever-so-sexy army fatigues. 

 Same thing with the majority of your copy of "Aspen Extreme"--only with
the rather brazen scene of one Paul Gross! 

 You put Smarties or Sprees in your coffee whenever you drink it. 

 You think it's a sacrilege that the local kennel doesn't have any
half-wolf breeds. 

 You find yourself reciting "The Windhover" at every poetry reading your
school holds. 

 You wonder why Paul Gross isn't on the cover of People Magazine as "the
sexiest man alive." (Or Callum Keith Rennie--hey, I like them both!) 

 You find yourself thinking of the Riv in "Burning Down the House" when
the brake axle of the bus carrying your soccer team to a game two states
away catches fire. (THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED! ASK ANYONE AT USF!) 

 You can't eat a steak with out asking your dad (or the waiter) if the
steak is actually beef and not horse. 

 Your feelings toward Beth Botrelle at the end of "The Ladies' Man" were
the sole factor in getting you to sign that petition for a moratorium on
the death penalty. 

 You find yourself giving donuts to your dog. 

 You dread going on field trips with your environmental science class
because you're scared that you'll get hit by an otter. 

 You go from dorm room to dorm room and realize that, in the sea of a
bunch of collegiate Leonardo DiCaprio worshippers, you are the sole person
who was more traumatized by the attack on the Robert Mackenzie than the
sinking of the Titanic. 

 You can't pass a Victoria's Secret in the mall without thinking about
murder. 

 You try not to laugh whenever you hear the name "Steve." 

 You think dark-haired women are nothing but trouble. (My friend Todd can
attest to this--he's been putting up with me for almost four years now!) 

 When your roommate moved out, you decided to turn what was her side of
the room into a due SOUTH shrine. 

 You've found yourself referring to your best friend's tyrant boss as "The
Dragon Lady"--even if the boss is a male! 

 You find yourself seeing if you can say the word "Tuktoyaktuk" five times
fast. 

 You found yourself begging your dad to build you a sweat lodge for your
sweet sixteen--even if he's dead. 

 (Dark-haired women on this one) You find yourself doing your hair like
Victoria or Thatcher--or cutting it drastically short. 

 The Mike Tyson-Evander Holyfield bout brought back some painful memories.


 You find yourself trying to find a safe way to jump out of the window on
the third floor of your apartment building or residence hall. 

 You find yourself fearing for your life if you get pinkeye or chicken
pox. 

 You find yourself threatening to kick other people in the head. 

 You put your student loan money and your work study money toward an
Armani suit. 

 You find yourself saying, "Kiss a cute Mountie for me!" if a friend of
yours is going to Canada. 

 You want to kill Trey Parker and Matt Stone for the "Blame Canada" number
from the South Park movie. 

 You have written the Pope on many an occasion in an attempt to persuade
him to canonize Paul Haggis. 

 You try to persuade your brother--a diehard South Park fanatic--to
boycott the South Park movie. 

 You find yourself humming "Ride Forever" during your midterms. 

 You find yourself humming "Ride Forever" after your midterms. 

 You wasted valuable study time typing up a list of ways you can tell if
you've been watching too much due SOUTH. 

 ---------------------------------------- 

 Wasn't this sick? Feedback and ideas welcome at
pezpusher@hotmail.com--please, don't send me any otters!