Dream a Little Dream of Me   Disclaimers: Ray 'n' Fraser 'n' due
South-ish things belong to Alliance Atlantis. The title is derived from
the song of the same title, by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong.

 Rating: PG. If that. Maybe even G. 

 Summary: In "You Must Remember This" (think way back...before there was a
Ray Vecchio up of hair and so impatient as to actually be able to "die a'
waiting"...somewhere before season 3...), Fraser spills out his pain to a
sleeping partner. What if this was more than a one time thing...and what
if he continues this practice after the Great Ray Switch? Story takes
place right after "Ladies Man".

 Notes: Feedback is food, feed the starving writers. Encouragements or
criticisms can be sent to bluecast@yahoo.com.

 Katapult!! You owe me one now, you whip cracking slave driver!! *g*

 This is unbeta'd, so it may just be chock full of mistakes. I apologise
in advance.Tara Blue
 
 
 Sweet dreams, till sunbeams find you 
 Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
 But in your dreams, what ever they be
 Dream a little dream of me
 -"Dream A Little Dream of Me", Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong
 
 
 "Ray?" Fraser leaned forward in the armchair, speaking quietly. His
partner lay on the couch next to the chair, sock covered feet propped on
the armrest and head turned towards the television blaring away against
the wall. The flickering blue-white light cast by the tv's moving images
played over the angular features softened by sleep. "Ray? Are you asleep?"

 Ray didn't so much as twitch an eyelid. He was dead to the world. 

 Fraser leaned back in his chair, flicking a quick thumb over his eyebrow
while he thought. The noise of the television continued on, providing a
low background buzz to his thoughts. Then he began to speak, his voice low
and even so as not to wake the sleeping man lying on the couch.

 "I know these past few days have been very hard on you, Ray. Believe me,
I know. I saw you getting drawn and haggard, I saw the dark circles under
your eyes grow darker and puffier with each passing day. I know that you
haven't slept since going to talk to Beth Botrelle in the prison. Not
until now, in any case."

 Ray shifted a little, his tear-swollen eyelids twitching a little. Fraser
froze and fell silent until Ray again settled down. Waiting again to make
sure the man was really asleep, the Mountie took the time to gather his
thoughts, organise what he wanted to say.

 "I could see the weight of the guilt resting on your shoulders, even
though you tried to hide it. Try still to hide the guilt that remains.
Maybe it's because I recognise too well the sight of hidden guilt. I spent
years seeing it in the mirror each morning.

 "But I suppose you know nothing about that. I told Ray, Ray Vecchio,
about it once. The, uh, first Ray Vecchio. He was sleeping, too. I...I
think I need to talk some times, and it's easier when I know you aren't
really hearing me. Would you like to hear about it, too, Ray? Would it
perhaps make you feel better to know that you aren't the only one who
makes mistakes?

 Fraser leaned back in his chair, resting his palms face down on his legs,
consciously forcing each muscle in his back to relax. Taking a deep
breath, he continued. "There was a woman once. She robbed a bank in
Alaska, then fled with her partners into the Northwest Territories. The
RCMP were asked to track her down and bring her back. Many of us were
looking for her, but I was the one who found her, half frozen in the midst
of a snow storm. She and I nearly died.

 "She recited a poem to me - "The Windhover", by Hopkins. 'I caught this
morning morning's minion, king-dom of daylight's dauphin,
dapple-dawn-drawn Falcon'. I put her fingers inside of my mouth to keep
from them from freezing. She had the most beautiful voice. She had small
hands. She had hair as dark as her insides, as cliched as that sounds.

 "I loved her, you know. I loved her for a very long time, and carried
around a weight of guilt for turning her in. For, of course, I did turn
her in. You know me, Ray, perhaps better than anyone else has for years. I
am a Mountie, to the very core of me. I turned her in. And she went to
jail."

 Fraser allowed his eyes to drift close as he spoke, still careful to keep
his voice measured. "Then one day she came back. In the middle of the
street, in a light fall of snow, in Chicago. I was eating chicken. And I
still loved her. But she tried to kill me. She tried to kill Dief. She
tried to kill Ray Vecchio. She saw my guilt and used it against me.

 "I understand guilt, Ray. I understand it well. I felt guilty for sending
her to prison. I felt guilty for what she did to Ray Vecchio after she got
out. I felt guilty for what I did to Ray Vecchio for her. I felt guilty
for making Ray Vecchio feel guilty for shooting me. Perhaps he should have
been aiming for me in the first place, but he instead he was trying to
save me from her."

 Fraser smiled sadly, and opened his eyes again. "In time, Ray, the guilt
will fade. It will shrink from the world to a cross to barely a twinge
across your shoulders. Maybe one day it will even go away. I don't know.
Mine hasn't yet.

 "But, no matter what, Ray, I am here. You can always turn to me, for I
will always be here. You are not alone, you need not ever be afraid. I
understand, and I am here."

 Fraser felt much freer for having had his say, as he always did after
talking so openly to his sleeping friend. If the other man had been awake,
Fraser knew he'd have been unable to talk about anything more personal
than an Inuit story with him. Asleep, Ray was safe.

 Fraser stood and gathered up his Serge and Stetson. Pausing, he took half
a moment to pull the blanket that had been tossed over the back of the
couch down and spread it over his sleeping partner. On his way to the
door, he flicked off the television, leaving a room dark and silent in
which the click of the closing door, followed by the solid sound of a
deadbolt being set, echoed loud.

 In the dark, Ray opened his eyes and sat up. 

 Ray had never told his partner what a light sleeper he was. 

 He had never let on that he always woke up with the first soft,
inquisitive 'Ray?'

 Because, always, he was there for Fraser. 

 End.