This is part of a series regarding the adventures of Thatcher and Fraser
at Disney World. The due South characters belong to Alliance, not me.
Disney World belongs to some huge publicly owned conglomerate, not me.
This is not an advertisement for the "Mens Warehouse" - I am merely a
victim of exposure to too many radio commercials. As with the other parts
of this series, brand names and logos are used with self-indulgent
abandon, but for no commercial benefit by me.  

RATING: G  

 

Adventures in Mouseland - Shopping  

D-Day Minus 4 1800, by Pin 

 

The past week had been a whirlwind of preparations, between finishing the
work at the consulate and preparing for the trip. Fraser had read the
information packet several times, as well as reviewing the material
available on the Internet, before finally accepting that he was going to
need Ray's assistance in preparing. A shopping expedition was required.
Having survived the morning's session on the seminar accommodations,
Fraser hoped that Ray would have fulfilled his need to torture his friend
about the upcoming trip.  

Hope may spring eternal, but some wells never run dry. Ray had more than
adequate opportunities to continue his campaign. On the way home that
evening, Fraser finally summoned the courage to broach the subject with
his friend. 

"Ah, Ray, I've been reviewing the seminar literature, particularly the
schedule of events . . . . " He got no further. 

"Yeah Benny, so when do you and the Inspector have your breakfast with
Mickey and Donald Duck. Hey, I want a picture of you with Huey, Dewey, and
Louie. It would make the Duck Boys die of envy!" This trip was providing
unlimited fodder for Ray's imagination, the products of which he was more
than willing to share. He hadn't even started on the idea that the two
most serious people he knew were staying in the Gorilla Compound. That was
going to take a little time to fully develop. 

"Yes, well, there is no indication on the schedule of breakfast with
Disney Characters, although there are several unnamed special event
blocks, particularly in the evenings."	

 ~ Oh Dear. ~ Fraser knew he had stepped in that one. Here was a man who
could navigate his way through the thickest Canadian forest with nothing
more than a compass and his finger stuck in the wind, but who could not
avoid the conversational minefields of discussing this trip. 

"Special Evening Events! Well I can sure think of several events for you
and the lovely Inspector. I have to ask you, something. I know you guys
don't carry guns here, but what about handcuffs?" The Vice Pool tickled
the back of his mind and he couldn't' resist.  

Fraser looked at him quizzically for a moment and then put the two images
together. Zingo! But still only 8.5 on the Mountie Blush-o-meter. What
Fraser recalled with full sensory load was being handcuffed to the
Inspector and then fishing for a hairpin in her bosom. He had somehow
failed to relay any of these events to Ray. By some serendipitous turn of
events, his survival instincts had kicked in before his inclinations
toward candor could become suicidal. 

"Ray! Inspector Thatcher and I would never use police equipment in such an
unprofessional manner." Fraser could effect such a tone of shock that it
tickled Ray to even hear it. In some ways, Ray knew he shouldn't be giving
Benny such a hard time, but it had been so long since he'd had the
opportunity. Fraser was such a straight up guy. This was just too good to
pass up and he couldn't resist. 

"Okay, Okay Benny, don't get all hot and bothered, at least not until you
are with the Dragon Lady. What's the problem?"	

"Well. We have been directed to wear only civilian clothes, and it appears
that there is at least one dinner requiring . . . " 

"CLOTHES! Oh, God, Benny, does this mean that I am finally going to be
able to take you shopping for CLOTHES! Oh, this trip is an answer to more
than one of my prayers. Get ready Dief, we are going SHOPPING!!!" Making a
U-turn in the middle of the block, Ray careened down the street toward the
biggest shopping mall in Chicago." 

  

 "Okay Benny, gimme the list. We don't have a lot of time and this is the
wrong season for even trying to get some of the things you'll need." Ray
grabbed the list from Fraser's wilting hand.  

They had arrived unscathed at the shopping mall, but Fraser knew that his
time in the barrel was far from over. Until now, he had been able to ward
off Ray's many previous attempts to get him to expand his wardrobe. He
couldn't see the need. He had his uniforms for all work-related events,
and blue jeans and flannel shirts or tee shirts seemed to have sufficed
for everything else. Ray, the die-hard clotheshorse had been mightily
frustrated at not being able to convince him to break into new areas
sartorial of splendor. Clearly, this had resulted in a pent-up demand for
shopping, which suddenly had the possibility of being purged. Ray was in
Nirvana; Fraser suspected that he was on the boat dock for the River Stix.


"Okay, Benny it looks to me like you need something to wear for at least
one group dinner, as wells as stuff to wear during the day, and probably
at least one swim suit. My God, do you even own a pair of trunks? I mean,
do you guys go swimming in Canada, or do you just jump fully clothed into
ice floes when the mood strikes?" Sometimes Ray's ignorance about Canada
could be quite stupendous. Ray appeared to have forgotten that Fraser had
managed to save both of them when they had gone over the waterfall after
their plane was hijacked that time. 

"Ray, of course I did own swimming trunks, all recruits are issued
swimming gear as part of their uniforms. Unfortunately, they went up with
most of the rest of my belongings when the apartment was burned. So,
unfortunately, no, I no longer own swimming trunks." The destruction of
his apartment was still something of a sore point with Fraser, which Ray
didn't like to poke at too much. 

"Okay Benny, so you need shorts, trunks and something to wear at night.
Oops, something to wear to dinner. Who knows what you will wear at night,
what with the lovely Inspector just in the next room." Chuckle, chuckle,
Ray was having tremendous fun. Fraser was hoping it would all go away. 

"So, Benny you got any ideas about this evening stuff? I was thinking that
you really can't swing some of the more innovative styles that I kinda
like. I just don't think they'll work for you. You need a certain
'something' to make them really cook. I'm thinking that you should go with
the classic, tried and true, 'Joe College' look." Fraser had absolutely no
idea of what Ray was talking about. He only hoped that Ray would not
suggest something that would be so bizarre that Fraser would think that it
would be more appropriate for Halloween.  

"Yeah, I think for you we are talking blue and beige - blue blazer and
khaki slacks. You'll see; it will look good. Of course, you are going to
have to accept the idea that the only red you may be wearing will be
little stripes in your tie. " Patting his buddy on the back, he led him to
the "Men's Warehouse" where he knew he could get just the right stuff, and
have it tailored and ready to go in time. Ray handed Fraser over to the
salesman with the list and then sat back. They were even able to find some
shorts on sale in their Atlanta store and get them shipped to Chicago in
time.  

 "Now Benny, we gotta talk about The Hat." Ray had to be careful here,
since he knew that Fraser and the Stetson was right up there with Fraser
and Diefenbaker in terms of special attachments. Messing with 'The Hat'
was real dangerous territory. On the other hand . . . . 

"What about my hat, Ray?" Fraser was not comfortable with Ray even
mentioning his Stetson, since deep down, he thought he knew where this
conversation was going. Fraser might have experience gaps, but nobody said
he was stupid. Well, they only rarely said it to his face. 

"Fraser, let me ask you something - is your Stetson part of the RCMP
uniform?" Ah, Ray was going to attempt logic, the rational approach -
unfortunately this was not a rational situation. 

"Why yes, Ray, the Stetson is part of the Mounted Officer's uniform."
Fraser was at least two steps ahead on this one, he hoped. Although, you
never could tell with Ray, he had a capacity for trickiness that could
have unexpected results. 

"So tell me Benny, what other kinds of headgear do the Mounties wear. I've
always been curious. I mean it seems to me that there have to be some
kinds of situations in which 'The Hat' might not work too well." 

"Why Ray, I don't recall any situation in which my Stetson was not more
than adequate to meet the challenge." Fraser said with utmost gravity. 

Ray could come up with at least 16 situations that flashed through his
mind, at least 4 of which fulfilled the Vice Pool criteria. He fought with
all the strength he could muster to not give into the hysterics dancing
like bumblebees on his tongue. While he thought he might burst a blood
vessel, he triumphed!  

"However, in addition to the Stetson, approved head gear includes the fur
hat, which we do not have to discuss, and a baseball cap." OOPs! Ray could
barely contain his glee, a viable alternative. 

"Now Benny, this presents some options that you might want to consider,
given the Florida environment. . . ." Ray knew that this argument was
going to take a while. He knew it was going to be a big issue when Fraser
mentioned that the Stetson would act as the perfect sun protection. Big
Trouble! 

And they hadn't even gotten to the issue of shoes, sunglasses. Yee Gods,
what Ray did for his best friend. He better be getting brownie points for
heaven on this one. 

By the time Fraser boarded the plane, he was at least ready with the right
clothes and accessories.  

Of course that was the only facet of the trip that he had a prayer of
being ready for; and it was pretty much the least important part, too. 

 

This just covered more of the background details. The adventure has hardly
begun.