Confessions	  Confessions by Adalisa

 Author's webpage: http://members.tripod.com/luxshine/

 Author's notes: English version of Confesiones.

  

 Warning: All the characters belong to Alliance and this story is written
only for enjoyment of the fans. 

 Rated: PG for an implicit M/M relationship. 

 Confessions
 (Ray Vecchio)
 By: Adalisa Zrate. 

 -Since I saw him for the first time, it was always the same... If he
asked for something, I would do it... Well, of course I complained all the
time, but if he had any kind of trouble, I would forget my life and run to
his side. If he said that my suspect was innocent, I believed him... How
could I doubt him? He is the Mountie and everybody knew that the Mountie
was always right! As if I didn't existed. And I really don't know why I
put up with him that long... 'Yes, Ray', 'Wait, Ray', 'Listen, Ray', 'It
only takes a minute to be polite, Ray'.... And what did I do? I followed
his sick game, that's what I did! I almost drowned in a damn security
vault , I jumped to a moving train with his deaf wolf, I destroyed my car
following one of those stupid plans of his! And what did he said? Nothing!
For everybody else it always was 'Thank you kindly', but to me... He
complained when I didn't understood one of his mad ideas! Like that time
in the cars lot... 'I was the one in front of the car, you should warn me
if you're going to change a plan, Ray', Plan? What plan? The man steps in
front of a moving car and I was supposed to guess that that was his
brilliant plan?! 

 -Ray... Why are you telling me all this?- The voice of the woman at his
side pulled Ray Vecchio out of his constant complains, and he eyed her
with some regret. 

 -Stella... this ain't going to work, you know? You, me, here in Florida,
the bowling alley... nothing. 

 -I know Ray... we went a little fast, given the circumstances...My ex was
pretending to be you, you had just come back from a long assignment... you
were wounded... 

 -No! That was nothing... you should have seen when I shoot Benny - Ray's
voice broke a little, and Stella put a hand on the ex-cop shoulder,
offering understanding - For three weeks they didn't know if he would
survive... And even then, he got up, solved an extortion case and was more
than ready to go back to the frozen tundra to rebuild his father's
cabin... After seeing that, I shouldn't retire for this wound... And I'm
not going to. I'll return to Chicago, to my desk, from where I should have
never moved. 

 -Just to your work? 

 -I don't have anything else to return to, darling. I never left my
family, if that's what you mean... I can't do that. And in the precint?
Besides Welsh and Jack I don't think I know anyone else anymore. Hugh! But
he hates me. If he didn't, he would put some decent coffee in the machine
and not the usual crap. But now I won't have to see Fraser with that damn
chamomile tea reminding me that I have to be polite with people. Or wait
for him to finish opening doors for someone else. Did you know that I had
to climb all of Chicago' stairs because if I didn't Fraser would wait
until everybody in the building got into the elevator and our suspect
would disappear? And doors! I began wondering if everybody in Canada had
the hidden dream of working as a doorman, because he was always opening
doors for someone else... He even forced me to do it when he was dressed
as a woman... 

 -You never open a door for me , Ray.- Stella sounded a little angry. 

 -I know... And I didn't want to do it for him either, but somehow...
every time he looked at me with that damn mountie eyes... I... I couldn't
deny him anything. I didn't care if my life was in danger, or that I
became the laughing stock for everybody in the precint... 

 Both were silent after that, Ray immersed in his memories, Stella waiting
for him to continue, hoping that he would see what she had discovered long
ago, when every time they would talk, they ended talking about the same
subject. 

 -I only got really mad with him once... The Bolt trial... I think I
overreacted then, I was angry, depressed... jealous... But I just wanted
to clear everything with him... How could I get mad just because he got
lucky? Because his red serge did a better publicity?... And I was there,
in my living room, when I could almost hear him at my side... For a while
there... I started to discuss with him about old cases, old fights... Real
crazy, right? But that wasn't the only time it happened... After that,
when I was in Las Vegas, alone and afraid to fail, I began hearing his
voice again...I even memorized his stupid inuit stories!... I never
believed they were true, I teased him about them every time he tried to
start one.. but there, in the middle of nothing.. Then they were all I
had. 

 Ray stood up from the couch that he had been sharing with Stella until
that moment, and walked towards the window of the room where they were
staying. His face was more serious now, and Stella couldn't stop herself
from following him. 

 -Ray... a moment ago you were saying you couldn't stand him.... Then
why...? 

 -Is hard to explain...-Interrupted Ray, without looking at her.- Of
course I couldn't stand him! He is the most annoying man in the world! How
could I stand him? But anyway I did everything he asked, without thinking
about it... I shoot my car because he said that it was the only way to
solve a case! And I never asked myself why the hell I never left him
alone, why I never could deny him my help. Not when he looked at me with
that damn mountie eyes of his... Can't you see, Stella? That's the reason
I now this won't work... I can't marry you if... - Ray stopped and looked
at the woman for a second. He took a big breath in, another trick he had
picked up from the Mountie, but even then the volume of his voice dropped
when he could continue.-... if I love someone else... 

 Stella just looked at him, completely confused... Ray knew what he felt
for Fraser?... Then... Her mind was a turmoil of confusion and questions.
Finally, she found the words to talk to the man that had fascinated her
since she meet him.- Since when you have loved him? 

 -Since ever? -Ray gave her a weak smile. - I can't tell you since when...
Thinking about that now, ever since I saw him in the cell, or maybe when
he told me that the dead mountie was his father... By that afternoon I
could recognize him with one look, especially in that red uniform. But I
didn't realized then... it was something... natural? I don't know... The
day I had to leave for Las Vegas I woke up thinking 'Benny comes back
tomorrow' and that was in my mind the whole day... Really stupid, right? I
spend the last two years worrying because Fraser had the attention of
every woman in Chicago, when probably it was just jealousy of them. Then I
knew, and I thought... I remembered all the times we could talk, when we
were alone... Refrigerators, closets, forests in Canada... Hospital rooms.
I was an idiot and actually hoped, I told to myself 'Hey, if Benny chooses
to spend all his free time with him, that means that maybe... maybe he is
interested in you'. But, as always, I was wrong.. and I ruined it. I
couldn't refuse going undercover, but that wasn't the trouble. Our
friendship had survived so many things and I thought, 'So what!, if we're
still friends after I shoot him, what are six months?'. But when I
actually talked to him... when I listened to his voice all the way from
the North Pole... He should have noted in my voice. He didn't got that I
was saying good bye.. .He can recognize the difference between a thud and
a clunk... But don't ask the super mountie to understand when a friend is
saying good-bye! No way, that isn't useful in a case... In Las Vegas, when
I was alone, I began imagining how it would be my return... Benny, myself,
Dief... an invincible team again. And Fraser didn't let me down. As soon
as I got in that hotel he ruined my cover again... At least this time he
didn't call me Detective Armani. But it wasn't the same. When they shoot
me and he went to Canada with your stupid ex. I knew that I wasn't
important to him, I was just one of his friends, someone easy to replace.
Or maybe he just saw me and those weird instincts of his told him what I
feel for him, and he was repulsed. He once told me that he didn't hate me,
that he was envious of my honesty... and I...-Ray couldn't go on. His eyes
were starting to fill with tears, and he didn't want to cry in front of
Stella. He closed his eyes and waited until his breathing was normal
again. Stella thought on hugging him, trying to help him to forget that
particular pain, but she knew that, in the long run, it wouldn't work. So
she simply walked away to pull out a bag. 

 -Stella... What are you doing? -Asked Ray, when he opened his eyes and
saw his pack almost ready. 

 -You're an idiot, Vecchio. Know that?. You can't guess what other people
think just like that. You were away almost a year! How can you know that
Fraser wasn't angry at himself because he put you in danger? -Stella
closed the bag with desition, and threw it at Ray.- Now you're going back
to Chicago, fix your work and then fly to Canada to talk with Fraser, tell
him how you feel, and then you won't spend the rest of your life wondering
what he would have told you. You'll know. 

 Ray just looked at Stella, words failing him. She was right... except in
the 'Tell Fraser how you feel about him' part... he would never got the
nerve for that. But he could talk to him... Ever since Ben had gone to
Canada for his vacation, before Ray went away, they hadn't talked. Ray had
been busy, trying to hide his feelings from Ben, readjusting to his life.
And, of course, Fraser could have thought that Ray was avoiding him. Ray
lowered his head, and began laughing... 

 -Thanks, Stella.- He kissed her on the cheek, as he left the room, bag
and future in hand.- I'll write you so you'll know how everything turned
out. 

 -You better, Ray. Good luck. 

 Two hours later, Ray Vecchio was in the waiting room at the airport,
ready to go home. He hadn't called, because he wanted it to be a surprise
to his family. As he waited, he pulled a photograph from his wallet. It
was an old picture, a little crumpled. In it, he and Fraser smiled,
outside the Consulate. -If you look at me with those blue eyes of yours,
my friend... I think I could tell you the truth. - he whispered, as he got
ready to board the plane that would finally take him home. 

 The End 

 e-mail: marioz@spin.com.mx