Discovery	Discovery by Courser

 Author's disclaimer: All characters and concepts are property of Alliance
Communications. No infringement is intended, so please don't sue me. I
don't have anything you'd want anyway.

 Author's notes: Written some time ago, this is my first foray into the
slash arena. I extend my thanks to Manna LaDroit, who acted as both mentor
and supportive beta-reader. And yes, I'll continue writing het stories as
well

  

 Discovery 

 By Courser 

 Warnings: NC-17 slash 

 Pairings: Fraser/Vecchio (the real one) 

 Spoilers: None (well maybe a little one for Victoria's Secret) 

 Fraser and Vecchio walked into the small room. They'd been assigned to
stakeout and Vecchio, currently on Lieutenant Welsh's good list, had
snagged the jacuzzi. The rest of the team had been assigned to other areas
in and around the bathhouse, but he'd gotten the plum for him and Benny.
They could have just as easily been assigned to stand in the bitter cold
outside, camouflaged as drunks, or worse. 

 Jack Huey's snitch had gotten a tip that Tony Simone, up and coming hard
guy, was going to order a hit on Jimmy McKenna, the right hand man of the
well-established O'Reilly crime family. Simone had scheduled a meet with
the hit man for 9:00 this evening in the steam room. If all went well,
Simone would pass the hired killer the key to a locker at the bathhouse
where a packet containing the specifics on the target and partial payment
had been stashed. 

 The simple plan was to allow the meet in the steam room to take place and
arrest the professional when he tried to access the locker. Timed
correctly, they should be able to take down Simone and his goons, as well
as the hit man himself, safely and quietly. Since it was Huey's snitch, he
was going to take down Simone leaving the steam room, with Welsh grabbing
the hit man at the locker. Fraser and Ray were to sit tight in the private
room ready to assist should things get rough. 

 White ceramic tile covered the walls, cedar benches at right angles along
two of them. A stack of fluffy white towels had been left on a low table
next to a curtained alcove. Ray was dressed in one of his better suits
while Fraser was wearing his typical off duty clothes consisting of boots
and jeans topped with a flannel shirt and leather jacket. 

 Fraser took in the large, deep tub full of steaming water. 

 "I was unaware that communal bathing was customary in this urban
environment.' 

 "Think of it as a sweat lodge, kinda." Ray walked over and turned a knob,
activating the jets, making the water boil "It's great for sore muscles,
relaxing, god, I love these things." 

 "Aahh. Similar to a hot mineral spring, then." 

 "Yeah, I guess." Ray replied as he shed his overcoat, jacket and tie as a
concession to the warm humid atmosphere, hanging them on the pegs set into
the wall. He kept his gun and cell phone close to him. Fraser, for his
part, shed his leather jacket and heavy flannel shirt, stripping to his
long sleeved henley. Unarmed, Ben sat on the bench closest to the door,
getting the drop on anyone who entered it and providing Ray the
opportunity to get a shot. Ray took the bench directly opposite the door. 

 "So, there a lot of hot springs up in the Yukon, Benny?" Ray asked. 

 "Not a lot, no, but there are some. Most of them have religious
significance for the Inuit. Places of spiritual purification" Ben began,
and as Ray had predicted, launched into a rather long old Inuit tale
involving ancient deities and creation. He found that he enjoyed listening
to his partner's voice, the warmth and humidity lulling him into a more
relaxed state. 

 He leaned back against the tiled wall, stretching his long legs in front
of him. Fraser, though he still appeared to be attentive, leaned back on
his bench as well, lower legs remaining at a precise right angle to the
upper, hands clasped in front of him when they weren't being used to
illustrate a point. Letting Ben's quiet voice lull him, Vecchio reflected
that Ben used his hands quite a bit in speaking. Not as much as an
Italian, he thought with a smile, but more than was usual. He found he was
watching Benny's hands as much as he watched his face. Actually his hands
were often more expressive, fingers twitching and entwining as he talked. 

 The cell phone beeped and Vecchio picked it up immediately. 

 "Vecchio" 

 "Yeah, great...and Simone?...Perfect...Thanks Lieu." 

 "Mr. Simone was apprehended?" Ben asked. 

 "Yep, and Welsh took down the hit man. I'm officially off duty." 

 Ray stood and began stripping off his clothes, starting with the buttons
on his shirt, pulling it out of his trousers. Fraser watched Ray undress,
just a bit confused. A little flutter rose in his chest as Ray unbuckled
his belt and dropped his trousers. He'd carefully schooled himself against
the unresolved feelings he harbored for his partner. He hadn't been
attracted to a man since high school and that had been entirely in the
realm of fantasy. As he'd matured, he'd dismissed it as a form of hero
worship and forgotten about it after his first experience with a woman. 

 Until, that is, he'd come to Chicago and been partnered with Ray Vecchio.
It was only in the dark hours of the night that he'd dare acknowledge the
infatuation, only to bury it again with the dawn. He watched, unknowingly
licking his lower lip, as Ray carefully folded his pants and dropped his
shorts, naked as the day he was born. Ben took in the finely made man
before him, unmoving, hands carefully folded in his lap as Ray turned
towards him. Ray's shoulders looked broader, tapering to narrow hips, a
sprinkling of hair on his chest, diminishing to a thin line descending the
midline of his torso to a dark patch at his groin. Without changing his
point of focus, Ben took in the sight of his partner. He'd had other
opportunities, of course, but he'd always been careful to avert his eyes.
Besides which, the sight of another man urinating was hardly very
interesting. This was different, somehow, more intimate. 

 "Benny, whatcha waitin' for? Come on you'll love this, I promise." 

 Ben was hesitant to follow suit, an unaccustomed shyness rising in him,
though he was at a loss to explain why. He'd never really felt any
reluctance around men before, but suddenly he was very aware of his own
pale skin, his lack of body hair, often a sign, though an incorrect one,
of male virility. In comparison, Ray seemed a paragon of male secondary
sex characteristics with his darker skin, sprinkling of hair and even his
thinning hairline. <Well,> he thought as he bent to unlace his boots,
<it's not as if this is a contest> and chastised himself for his
infatuation with Ray, knowing that any physical interaction was entirely
out of the question. 

 Ray stepped into the tub, somewhat surprised at Ben's reluctance. <It's
not as if he grew up with a brother or anything> he explained to himself,
thinking that probably very few people had ever seen him naked outside of
his mother. <And Victoria> he added to himself, remembering the painful
episode. For a moment he entertained the thought that Fraser might be one
of those guys who only made love in the dark, so even she would have only
a memory of how he felt. <Better not go there, Vecchio> he reminded
himself, reprimanding himself for the direction his thoughts were taking
him. 

 Ben pulled his shirt over his head, carefully folding it before placing
it on the bench, while Ray watched the play of muscles across his back,
his gaze drifting to the scar right above his waist. He closed his eyes,
regret twisting inside him, remembering how Ben had stepped in front of
the bullet a fraction of a second after he'd squeezed the trigger.
Remembering him lying on the platform, pale and shaking, reciting some old
poem. 

 He shook himself to rid himself of the haunting vision, opening his eyes
to see Ben dropping his jeans, then his shorts, still facing the wall.
Ben's skin was almost as pale and flawless as the tile and Ray's gaze
drifted from the short dark hair on his head, over the smooth skin of his
back down to the curve of his ass. Ray found he wanted to squeeze those
perfect cheeks, stroke the slender hard thighs. Ben was not nearly so
angular as Ray expected him to be. 

 In one smooth move, he turned around, a slight flush unmistakable even in
the muted light. Ray felt a surge of affection for the man before him, his
eyes widening slightly. Ben's eyes met his, almost in challenge, as he
walked toward the tub. His chest was well muscled, the grooves of his ribs
visible, his torso smooth to just below his navel. Below the cut of pelvic
muscles, rising from a thatch of dark curls, his penis was well,
different, in a way that Ray couldn't quite place. As Ben drew closer, Ray
finally realized that Ben was uncircumcised, the foreskin hiding all but a
tantalizing glimpse of the head of his cock. He also couldn't help
noticing that Ben was semi-erect, blood swelling the shaft just enough to
be noticeable. Ray smiled broadly as he returned his gaze to his friend's
face. 

 "C'mon in, the water's fine." His voice quiet, far more seductive than
the casual words implied. 

 He thought he saw Benny's cock twitch in the moment before it was
submerged in the turbulent waters and his own flesh throbbed in response. 

 "Indeed it is, Ray." He was much relieved that Ray hadn't been
discomfited by his semi-hard state, evident by his inviting smile. That
voice was so...intimate, that he'd responded instantly, growing harder
still. Ben positioned his back directly in front of a pair of jets and
closed his eyes in pleasure. 

 "Mmmm. Oh, this really does feel good." His voice low, throaty, vibrating
from the impact of the jets pounding his back 

 Ben's dark lashes fluttered against his fair skin, and Ray recognized the
trust placed in him. 

 "Told ya, didn't I?" His own voice was sultry, foreign to his own ears. 

 "Hmm, mmm." 

 Ray closed his eyes, musing to himself, occasionally sneaking a glance at
Benny, across from him. He'd always wondered a bit about what he'd look
like out of that stifling uniform. He so rarely even wore casual clothes.
His face was so young looking, must be the cold. But, sweet Jesus, his
body was beautiful. His fingers were aching to touch the smooth skin of
his chest, and his... Ray couldn't believe that he was getting hard
thinking about another man's cock. 

 He'd always had a rather minor curiosity about uncut men. Oh, he'd
occasionally get a glimpse of one now and then, but hanging around in
men's restrooms was, well, highly inadvisable, especially for a Chicago
cop. It was somehow fitting that Benny was in a completely natural state.
He wondered if that's why Fraser'd been a little reluctant to shed his
clothes, knowing that he was different, more than the fact that he'd been
somewhat erect. Even Benny's gotta know that it happens. It's like the
thing has a mind of it's own sometimes. 

 Ben was aware that it happened sometimes. But not like this. Yes, he'd
gotten hard when he was feeling particularly aggressive and occasionally
in the presence of his commanding officer, when she gave him a
particularly harsh dressing down. That was a physical response to the need
to dominate. But this was about his partner. The sight of him disrobing,
so unconcerned, as if he did this every day of the week. The sight of Ray
standing there had.....affected him, his most private thoughts suddenly
brought to life. The desire to taste him, intoxicating. Ben was already
completely familiar with his scent and could have picked him out of an
entire room of men, blindfolded, by his smell alone. It was out of the
question. He wouldn't compromise their friendship on something
so.....selfish. 

 Ray wondered if Benny would mind if he asked him about it. The guy was
incredibly forthcoming about some things, extremely closed about others. 

 "Hey, Benny" he started, surprised that the words had actually left his
mouth. 

 "Yes, Ray" 

 Ray opened his eyes and watched Ben's face closely. 

 "I couldn't help but notice...I mean I've always kinda wondered..." he
broke off, unsure of how to continue. 

 "About what?" Ben's eyes opened and met his, eyebrows raised. Ray knew
that he wasn't as naive as he looked. 

 "Well, about, uh..." and Ray directed his gaze at the water over what he
surmised would be Ben's lap. 

 "Oh, that." His voice a tad high pitched, looking down at himself, but
otherwise seemingly nonchalant, "I was born in the Yukon, delivered by a
midwife, hundreds of kilometers from medical facilities. Not to mention
that circumcision isn't routinely practiced in Canada." 

 "I kinda figured that. I was, uh, wonderin', well, what it's...like, you
know?" Ray asked, his face earnest, unspoken emotion glittering in his
green eyes. 

 Ben smiled at him, eyes bright, "I don't have any comparative reference,
Ray, any more than you do. I'd show you except, uh, it's not in its
norm..." 

 "That's what I mean, Benny" He interrupted. 

 "Oh. Oh well, I suppose, if you're sure you, er..." While he'd thought
about Ray in this way, he wasn't entirely sure of what his intent might
be. He knew where he wanted it to lead, but would Ray follow? 

 Ben put his hands on the rim of the tub and effortlessly lifted himself
up, sitting at the edge, his feet dangling in the roiling water. Ray
watched the water sluice from his body, down his chest and belly, his eyes
finally resting on Benny's cock, harder now, but still less than fully
erect, the head just beginning to peek out from its sheath. Ray felt like
he was falling, his stomach in his throat, lightheaded enough that he
reached out for the closest solid object, Ben's thigh, looking up at his
slight intake of breath. Ben looked down at him, a wry smile on his face
and took Ray's hand in his. 

 Ray moved not a muscle, lost in the hunger of those bottomless eyes as
Ben pressed his lips to Ray's palm, then drew his tongue across the
center. The sensation raced up his arm to implode in his chest as Ben then
placed it on his cock, folding the fingers around the base of the head,
pulling back slightly. Like a rare flower, the head was exposed, expanding
under his hand with a palpable rush of blood. Ben let out a long breath,
his fingers clenching on Ray's before guiding them both forward, then back
and taking his hand away completely. This time a drop of fluid appeared at
the slit and again he felt faint, though this time he didn't wonder why,
since his own cock had come alive, one of the water jets now caressing it
gently. 

 "Jesus...Benny? You okay with this?" his voice almost failed him, throat
parched and tight. 

 "I wouldn't have agreed if I weren't Ray." Quiet, but confident, no
longer shy. 

 Ray grasped the base of Ben's rigid penis with his free hand, squeezing
slightly, while he worked the foreskin over the head, varying the
pressure, trying to find the right rhythm and sequence. Ben moaned quietly
as he watched his friend stroke him, the head now glistening in the soft
light. Ray was torn between watching Ben's cock and his face. He wanted,
needed to break that perfect composure, to hear him cry out in pleasure,
breathless with passion. Ray changed his hand position, playing his
fingers along the shaft, gliding the tips over the sensitive underside of
the head, slick and wet. 

 "Oh god...yes, Ray...oh...yes." 

 He smiled and squeezed again, the head swelling under his hands. He
wanted to let it build with his own arousal, the water currents softly
stroking his length. 

 Freeing one hand, he reached out and stroked Ben's chest, skin smooth and
hot, then pinched one nipple between his fingers. He was rewarded by a
breathless groan, Ben's cock surging against him. He trailed his hand
down, briefly combing through the damp curls, past his other hand, still
working relentlessly, to the soft sac below. Balancing it on the tips of
his fingers, stroking the tender globes with his thumb, Ben let loose a
long whimpering moan that sent fire down Ray's spine, making him harder
still. 

 "Benny, do ya wanna come? Do you think ya can do that for me, huh?" 

 Panting, he nodded his head emphatically, "Uh huh." Eyes closed, tongue
between his teeth, Ray didn't think he'd ever seen a more beautiful sight.
Hand pumping faster now, he continued to stroke his balls with the other.
A series of moans gradually rose in both pitch and volume as he felt Ben's
cock expand, then explode, sending semen spurting into the air, landing on
both of them. Ray wasn't entirely sure he hadn't come himself for a
moment, the sense of wonder and satisfaction overwhelming. But the jets
were still massaging him in a maddening way. He gave Ben a few strokes to
bring him back to earth, blue eyes meeting his with a still unquenched
fire. 

 "Thank you kindly, Ray. That was...remarkable." He jerked his head to the
left, then the right, his neck muscles popping with the release of
tension. 

 "But you know, while I'm quite familiar with your scent..." he dropped
back into the water, taking Ray's hand in his again, "I've always wanted
to taste you." 

 Ray didn't back away as Ben advanced on him. Putting his hands on either
side of his head and bending to bring his mouth close to Ray's neck, he
drew his tongue across the sensitive skin there. Ray sighed, leaning into
the sensation. Ben's tongue traveled up his neck, detouring behind his
ear, then down his jaw line, stopping short of his mouth. Pausing a
moment, Ben looked into Ray's eyes and finding only affection and need,
gently brushed his lips several times before stroking them with his
tongue. Just as he was beginning to wonder if his kiss was welcome, a hand
grasped the back of his head, pulling them together, Ray's mouth opening
under his. Their tongues and teeth collided, fighting, challenging each
other for position. Ray's hand snaked around his back, grabbed his ass,
kneading it with his long fingers as Ben felt Ray's cock, rock hard
against his belly. Breaking the kiss with regret, Ben broke away. 

 "So, how do I taste?" Ray asked, grinning. 

 "Well Ray, my...investigation, isn't quite complete. I think I need
to...explore further." He motioned for Ray sit on the edge of the pool,
taking an appreciative look at his full, hard penis. 

 "Explore away, Benny, don't mind me." He said, leaning back on his arms.
Stepping between Ray's thighs he sampled his chest, nipped at his nipples,
his mouth trailing down his body, finally lapping up the pre-cum at the
tip of his cock, savoring it, before taking the head into his mouth. He
sucked slightly, stroking his tongue across the cleft under the head. 

 "Oh, sweet Jesus, mother of god..." Ray moaned. 

 Ben stopped and looked at him. 

 "Would you prefer I go slowly or..." 

 "Christ, I don't care, just keep doin' it... Please, Benny, I'm dyin'
here." His eyes were dark, breath ragged as he pleaded. 

 Ben nodded as he took Ray into his mouth again, picking up where he left
off, deepening his descent with each stroke. Ray balanced himself on one
arm, threading his free hand in Ben's hair, not pushing, just to maintain
contact. Ben soon discovered that he was unable to take in the full
length, inexperienced at this as he was, so he wrapped a hand around the
base of the shaft, moving it in conjunction with his mouth. 

 "Jesus, Benny, what the ::fuck:: are you doing with your tongue...oh
god!" 

 Ben was grateful for the monologue, unable to concentrate on his
partner's face as he worked. Unsheathing his teeth, he gently dragged them
up the shaft, careful not to nick the sensitive head, laving it with his
tongue. Ray shuddered, fingers tightening on his scalp. Ben loved the feel
of Ray's cock in his mouth, pushing at his throat, the skin so silky and
smooth, the way the head pulsed against the roof of his mouth as he
stroked it with his tongue. 

 "Oh god, yes...just like that, oh yeah..." 

 Ben remembered what Ray had done to him and brought his left hand between
Ray's legs, spreading them wider. Finding the lightly furred testicles, he
stroked them a couple of times before lifting them and stroking the spot
behind them, while applying more suction to his cock. 

 "Oh Christ, Benny...Stop, stop" Ray's hand pulling at his hair. 

 "Ray, what's wrong?." Disappointment in his voice. 

 "Nuthin's wrong. I'm gonna come. I don't wanna come in your mouth"
Panting, he was bringing his own hand around to finish the job, but Ben
stopped him. 

 "I thought that was the point, Ray. Please." 

 "You actually want me to come in your mouth?" Ray asked incredulously. No
woman he'd known had ever allowed that. Ben's answer was an eager nod,
eyebrows raised, excitement plainly evident. 

 "If you're sure..." but his qualification was cut off by his gasp as Ben
resumed sucking and stroking, lavishing all his attention on his cock.
Tonguing the head, his left hand continued it's insistent massage behind
Ray's balls. He looked up at Ray, blue eyes meeting green and the sight of
his cock sliding in and out of Ben's mouth sent him over the edge. 

 "Oh, Jesus fucking Christ...ooooohhhh, ::fuck::" 

 He felt Ray's balls lift and tighten, then a warm jet struck his throat.
Closing it off to avoid choking, he held his breath, as his partner's cock
throbbed against the roof of his mouth. He continued rubbing his tongue
under the head until Ray begged him to stop, then pulled away, swallowing
and catching his breath. 

 Ray, struggling for breath, watched him through slitted eyes. Ben
gathered him into his arms, close to his heart and eased Ray back down
into the water, wanting, needing to kiss him, but hesitant, not knowing if
it would be welcome, considering what he'd just done. As if he understood
the need, Ray nuzzled Ben's neck with his long nose, his tongue lapping at
the hollow above the collarbone, until Ben couldn't take it anymore and
captured the roving mouth with his own. Tentatively, he stroked the lips
with his tongue. To his surprise and joy, Ray's mouth opened to his touch
and suckled greedily on his tongue. Eventually Ray broke the kiss, his
need for air momentarily surpassing his need for Ben. 

 "Jesus, Benny, where'd you learn t'do that, huh?" 

 "Learn to do what? Kiss?" Ben thought it a rather basic skill. 

 "No, give head like that" 

 Ben looked puzzled for a mere moment, like he was accessing some inner
database. 

 "Ah. The fellatio. Well, I've read some extremely graphic descriptions,
and combined with..." He began what Ray could only assume was a fairly
lengthy explanation. 

 "Books Benny? Don't tell me you learned ::that:: from some book in your
grandmother's library!" Was there anything this guy hadn't learned from
books? 

 "All right." He gave Ray a smile and looked slightly chagrined. 

 "So you've never done that before." 

 "No Ray." 

 "Anyone ever done it to you?" 

 Ben arched his eyebrows and smiled, nodding. 

 "A man?" 

 "No, Ray." 

 "A woman." He should have known. "Victoria." 

 "Well, yes, among others." Now that they were intimate, Ben felt safe
revealing a little more of himself. 

 "Others? Other than Victoria?" Ray had somehow assumed that she'd been
his first, considering Ben's attraction to her. 

 "Not many. A few." A very few, he thought to himself, remembering fondly
the woman who'd answered his questions with her body. 

 They sat for a moment, looking at each other, neither entirely sure of
what they'd just shared. 

 "Have you ever...?" he sounded uneasy, vulnerable somehow and wouldn't
meet Ray's eyes. 

 "With a man, you mean? No, Benny." He searched for Ben's eyes, but he
wouldn't look at him. 

 Ben nodded in confirmation of his own suspicion. He knew that Ray would
be horrified, ashamed of what they'd done, after they left this room. 

 "I'm sorry Ray." He offered quietly. 

 Ray's eyes opened fully and he sat up a bit straighter. He wouldn't let
his friend shoulder the sole responsibility here. 

 "For what Benny? For makin' me feel better than I have in months? Years
maybe?" He reached out, finding Ben's hand under the water, squeezing it. 

 "Are you sure? What about...later?" 

 "How 'bout we worry about it then, when the time comes?" He slid into
Ben's lap, water supporting much of his weight, straddling him, face to
face. 

 Ben's hands reached around and stroked Ray's bottom, smooth and hard,
while Ray kissed his face, eyes, ears, anything he could reach. After what
seemed like a small eternity, Ray's mouth finally settled on his, Ben
drawing Ray's tongue in his mouth, sucking and stroking it with his own.
His hands were busy as well, having found the ring of muscle at Ray's
center, tightening even further at his touch. Gently stroking, making no
attempt to breach him, Ben was rewarded by a low moans uttered into his
mouth. Slowing, then stopping his attentions, Ben asked softly: 

 "Ray. Ray." 

 Ray's eyes were huge. 

 "Yeah Benny?" His voice a low rumble, almost inaudible. 

 "Would you come back to my apartment with me?" Ben asked, voice like
velvet. >>
 Ray pulled back, seeking his eyes. Saw need, love and fear reflected in
their blue depths. He'd always thought Benny's eyes expressive, but they'd
always reminded Ray of glacial ice, passion imprisoned in their depths.
Now they burned with a flame that might immolate them both with its
intensity. 
 He couldn't have refused even if he'd wanted to. "Sure, I'd like that." 

 He got up and pulled himself out of the tub. Ben stood as well, shaking
himself a bit, while Ray dripped his way to the towels. He used one on
himself, then took two to Fraser, now out of the water as well. He draped
one over Ben's head, scrubbing at the short thick hair. When Ben's hands
rose to complete the job, Ray gently wiped the moisture from the porcelain
skin, stealing kisses along the way. He couldn't get enough of Benny,
wanting to crawl inside his body for about a month. 

 Ben finally halted his ministrations with a caress and they parted and
dressed, buttoning their coats against the bitter Chicago cold. 

 The Rive came to life with a twist of the key. 

 As he pulled into traffic, Ray said, "We gotta make a stop on the way." 

 "Ray, are you sure?" Ben asked quietly 

 "Yes I'm sure, we need...stuff." 

 "Understood. But what I'm asking is, do you want this?" he paused, drew a
breath, "Do you want me?" 

 "Jesus, Benny, yeah, I want you and the sooner, the better." Ray replied
heatedly but keeping his eyes on the road. 

 "Ray, I don't want to pry, but do you have any experience with...this?"
He hoped that at least one of them did. 

 "One thing, kinda close. Ange and I, well, we weren't doin' too good, but
we were tryin' to work it out, ya know? Anyway, she goes to this party
with some of her girlfriends, comes home with, uh, these little beads on a
string, right? So the next weekend we're foolin' around and she sticks
these beads up my ass. I was a little curious, ya know? I mean what the
hell, we're married, right? Anyway, later on, we're goin' at it and just
when I start to come, she starts pullin' those beads outta my ass. Christ
Benny, old Mrs. Antonelli, our next door neighbor almost called the cops,
I was screamin' so loud." 

 "Really?" Ben was grinning at the thought of making Ray scream like that.


 "Jesus, I couldn't move for an hour, I swear. Ange went around with a
shit-eatin' grin for a week." 

 "What about Mrs. Antonelli?" Ben couldn't resist. 

 "Ange told her I was movin' the bed and dropped it on my foot." 

 "Aahh, I'll have to remember that." 

 Ray parked in front of a drug store and ran in while Ben waited in the
car. When he emerged a few minutes later, he carried a small bag. Getting
in, he handed it to Fraser and drove to the apartment as quickly as he
could, the need to touch him growing by the minute. Ben opened the bag and
looked inside, knowing full well what he would find. Anticipation and no
small amount of trepidation coiled in his stomach. They managed to get up
the stairs, close and lock the door before coming together and wrestling
off their clothes, throwing them in a heap on the floor. Seeing the two
men together, Deifenbaker whined and sought out a safe corner from which
to watch the festivities. The last time The Man had smelled like this,
he'd been shot and almost killed. 

 Ray and Ben, free of their clothing, explored each other with abandon. At
first Ben laid over Ray, their cocks sliding together as Ben licked and
nipped Ray's neck and shoulders, the man writhing beneath him. Growing
impatient, Ray flipped them over and held Ben's arms over his head as he
stroked his hand down Ben's chest, over the rise of his ribs, until he
held Ben's cock in his hand. He gave it a long squeezing stroke and Ben's
moan made him release his hands and put it to his mouth. He tentatively
stroked it with his tongue, tasting the moisture weeping from the head,
finding it pleasant and craving more. Ray took it into his mouth, closing
his lips around it, sucking gently and slid it in and out of his mouth
experimentally. 

 "Oh god...Ray..." Ben gasped tightly. 

 Ray had decided for both of them that Ben would do him first. He knew he
didn't have the patience to take it slow this first time and he couldn't
bear the thought of hurting him. He knew that Ben would be gentle, that'd
he have to talk Benny through it, but the idea excited him. He wasn't so
sure that Ben would tell him if he was hurting, so the decision was made.
His goal was to get Ben so hot and horny that he wouldn't question Ray's
decision. 

 Ray felt Ben's cock swell in his mouth and took it deeper, closing his
teeth on the shaft, squeezing gently, feeling the blood rush between his
teeth. His own cock jumped in response, Ben's hand closed over it and he
moaned into the flesh in his mouth. Ben arched his hips up, seeking more
of Ray, gasping, his face radiant. Ray slowed his movements, wanting to
draw this out. Once they got started, it would be over far too soon. Ray
pulled away from his cock, lapping at the head a couple of times for good
measure. 

 Ben reached over the side of the bed, extracted the bag from his jacket
pocket and found the tube of lubricant. Rolling Ray onto his side, he slid
down his body, until his mouth found Ray's cock once again. Starting
slowly, he took in only the head as he applied lubricant to his fingers,
then sliding the side of his hand down Ray's cleft, found the hard knot he
sought. The cock slid in and out of his mouth, while his fingers kept the
same cadence across Ray's anus, gently rubbing at first, until he felt it
relax. He tongued the underside of Ray's cock as he carefully worked his
finger into the hot orifice. Ben probed until he found the small gland
behind the front wall and massaged it, holding back with his mouth
momentarily. 

 "Fuck! Oh, god Benny, I want you so bad!" He was torn between wanting to
impale himself on Ben's finger and thrusting into his mouth. 

 "Not yet." Ben carefully enunciated around the cock in his mouth, adding
a second finger to the first, starting a slow thrusting motion with his
hand. 

 Ray moaned and pushed back on the fingers tormenting him, then cried out
as Ben engulfed the head of his cock. Ben finally folded a third finger
into the other two and pushed into Ray again. A fine sheen of sweat broke
out over Ray's body as he tried to choose between two pleasures. Ben's
fingers twitching inside him were a promise of things to come, while his
mouth was sending waves of fire through his veins. 

 "Jesus, Benny, fuck me. Please." Ray panted, his voice high with
unreleased tension. 

 "I'm not sure that..." Ben asked, letting Ray's cock fall from his mouth.


 "Just do it, for god's sake! Come on." Ray reached out and found the
condoms, tearing one open then reached behind him for the lube. Putting a
drop in the tip, he urged Ben forward and rolled it on, then drew himself
up on his knees. As much as Ben wanted this, dreamed about it even, if he
was honest with himself, he held back, suddenly afraid. What he was about
to do would almost certainly hurt Ray, even if only momentarily. He
reached out and stroked the soft skin presented to him, so inviting and
trusting. So perfect. 

 "Come on, Benny, please. I want you inside me. Now." He pushed back
towards Ben, who applied lube to the condom, stroking himself in the
process, then applied a bit more to Ray. 

 Using one hand to guide him and the other on Ray's hip, he pressed the
head of his cock against the hot, tight muscle. Ray pushed back hard,
wanting Ben inside him regardless of his own discomfort. 

 "Steady, Ray." Ben admonished, wanting to make this as easy as possible. 

 "Fuck that! Come on, push." He growled. 

 Smiling a little at Ray's impatience, Ben did push, the head of his cock
now inside, while Ray let out a high-pitched cry. 

 "Ray! I'm sorry, are you all right?" Ben asked quickly, though he didn't
withdraw, waiting for Ray's body to accept him. He was almost overwhelmed
by the feel of the body grasping his, hot and tight, and gave voice to a
whimper. 

 "I'm fine...fine Benny." Ray panted, beads of sweat standing out on his
back and shoulders. "More, give me more." 

 Gathering what little control remained to him, Ben slowly worked his cock
deeper until Ray had taken his full length. 

 "Oh, Ray...god, you're so tight." Ben moaned, rocking gently as he looked
down, seeing himself wedged to the hilt in Ray. 

 "Christ, you feel so good, Benny. Come on, stroke me." Ray told him, his
voice tight and strangled. 

 Feeling him relax a bit, Ben drew out, then pushed again and Ray moaned
appreciatively. Fighting hard to keep the pace slow, not wanting to hurt
Ray, he slowly stroked in and out a couple of times before leaning over
and resting his weight on Ray's back. 

 "Am I too heavy?" Ben breathed into his ear as his hand reached around
and caressed Ray's straining cock. 

 "God no, come on Ben, do it, let go." 

 Ben continued to stroke Ray's cock as he began to plunge deeply into him,
his control slipping. It took only a few strong, deep thrusts before Ray
cried out long and loud, semen coating Ben's hand, Ray gripping his cock
tightly. Ben whimpered again, loudly, before drawing back, then driving
into Ray twice before coming himself, his own cries echoing around the
walls of the room. When he finally recovered himself, Ben rolled them over
onto their sides, still buried deeply and wrapped his arms around Ray's
body, slick with sweat and come. 

 "Oh Ray, Ray, Ray. Are you all right?" Ben mumbled softly, exhausted and
spent. 

 "Yeah Benny, I'm great. Hope your neighbors don't call the cops, though."
Ray chuckled a little and Ben felt it reverberate through his still
sensitive cock. Putting his hands between them he withdrew and disposed of
the condom, wanting nothing between them as they recovered. >> For a long
while, they lay quietly, Ray held safe within Ben's arms, his large
callused hands absently stroking his cooling skin. It had been so long,
years perhaps, since Ray felt so safe and secure. Ben's breath whispered
past his ear, its steady cadence suggesting that he'd dropped off. He'd
always been the one to do that, he smiled to himself and didn't begrudge
Ben the luxury, his own eyes sliding closed. 

 Some time later, Ray awoke, alone and chilled. He sat up quickly,
alarmed, but before full panic could set in, the door opened and Ben
slipped in, clad in sweatpants and t-shirt, his skin still glowing and
damp from a recent scrubbing. Noticing Ray's concerned look: 

 "Sorry Ray, I didn't want to wake you." 

 "S'okay, Benny. When you weren't here, I uh... I think I should clean
up." Ray indicated his less than pristine state. 

 "Let me get you something to wear." Ben rummaged in a drawer of an
ancient dresser, coming up with another pair of sweatpants and a RCMP
t-shirt and handing them to Ray, along with a clean towel. 

 Not wanting to contaminate the clean clothes, Ray donned only the
sweatpants, keeping them low on his hips. Ben had watched him dress from
his position by the dresser looking sleepy, disheveled and completely
irresistible. Ray walked over to him, reaching out to stroke Ben's face. 

 "You're so beautiful, anyone ever tell you that?" Ray told him, something
close to awe in his voice. 

 "No, Ray," Ben replied, dropping his eyes self-consciously. 

 "Well you are. The most beautiful man I've ever seen." Ray leaned over,
gently brushing Ben's lips with his own, not demanding or intrusive, but
merely caressing. 

 "Thank you" was all Ben could say as Ray stepped back and left the
apartment. 

 Ben busied himself with hanging up Ray's suit and picking up his own
discarded clothing. He moved slowly, almost leisurely around the apartment
while waiting for Ray to return. Deifenbaker approached him and Ben sat
down on the bed and scratched the wolf behind the ears. Deif vocalized his
pleasure, the sound somewhere between a whine and a moan and ended on a
questioning note. 

 "Yes, well, I'm aware that it's a rather unconventional choice, but I
believe it's quite a sound one." Ben explained to his friend. 

 The wolf groaned. 

 "I wouldn't be so sure of that. If you don't stop stealing food from him,
he just might consider shooting you." Then added quickly, "Of course I'm
kidding. Ray likes you... No, really, he does." Ray appeared as if
summoned by their conversation, scrubbing at his head with the towel. 

 "Ya gotta move someplace that has a shower, Benny, a tub just isn't the
same." Ray said, then noticed Ben sitting on the bed with Deif at his
feet. 

 "Is he okay? He's not upset is he?" he asked, unsure of how to deal with
a jealous wolf. 

 "Oh, no, I was just telling him that you're fond of him." Ben explained,
"It might help if you told him yourself, Ray." 

 If someone had told Ray that during the course of this evening, he'd have
mind-blowing sex with his best friend, not once, but twice, only to end up
reassuring an insecure wolf, he'd have taken him directly to the closest
hospital for a psychiatric hold. 

 "Yes, Deif, I like you fine. I like you best when you're not stealing
from me. Okay?" He looked from Ben to the wolf and back again. 

 Deif walked over the braided rug and lay down, a soft moan escaping him
as he made himself comfortable. 

 "Apparently so." Ben observed, then searched out Ray's eyes. "Will you
come to bed, Ray?" 

 "Yeah Benny." Ray pulled the shirt over his head, then took Ben's hand,
urging him to stand. 

 They stripped each other's clothes off again, slowly this time, tenderly.
Ray got into bed first, followed by Ben, who shut off the light next to
the bed. For a few moments they just lay there, side-by-side, neither of
them used to sleeping with another. 

 Ben broke the awkward silence. "Could I...hold you, Ray?" 

 "Yeah, I'd like that." Ray turned towards Ben, as Ben turned to him. 

 They lay there for a moment, face-to-face, breathing each other's breath,
unable to find a comfortable place for their arms. Ray tried to slide down
so he could tuck his head under Ben's chin, but his feet hung off the end
of the bed, while Ben's head bumped the wall. 

 "Um, perhaps if you turn your back to me." Ben suggested. 

 "Oh, okay." Ray rolled over, followed by a considerable amount of
flailing about as they readjusted the blankets. When they finally came to
rest, Ben's left arm was draped over Ray's chest, their legs entwining as
they molded to each other's bodies. Releasing tandem sighs, a few minor
adjustments were made. 

 "Ray, are you comfortable?" 

 "Yeah, I am, actually." Slightly surprised to find himself relaxing into
the warm body behind him. 

 Ray closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but as content and comfortable as
he was, he couldn't quite drop off. He thought of something Ben had
alluded to at the bathhouse 

 "Benny?" 

 "Yes, Ray." He answered the voice in the dark, close to his ear. 

 "Who was your first? I know it's kinda personal, but..." Ray couldn't
explain why he wanted to know, but he did. It did seem like essential
information for lovers to share. 

 "My first? I'm not sure I understand" 

 "First woman you slept with, Benny." 

 "Ahhh. Her name was Sharon." Ben answered, his voice softening on her
name. 

 "Yeah...and?" Ray needed to know all about it, but oddly, he didn't feel
jealous, just an overwhelming need for Benny to share this with him. 

 "And, I was 19, taking my training at the Depot. She was a college
student at the University. I had, uh, taken quite a bit of ribbing over
the fact that I hadn't known a woman...in that way, and I...decided, that,
well, it was time for me to gain that experience. I wasn't entirely sure
how I should go about finding someone...appropriate, but in the end, she
found me. Anyway, she took me back to her apartment and over the course of
the evening, she, uh, initiated me." Ben stopped, knowing Ray would want
more detail. 

 "How'd it go?" He prodded. 

 "I was very fortunate. I soon confessed that I wasn't...experienced, but
she was patient and kind. She showed me the kind of touch women enjoy, how
to kiss and caress. Let me explore her body and taught me how to relax and
enjoy the pleasure she gave me" 

 "She did all that in one night?" 

 "Of course not, Ray. I saw her for several months." Ben explained. 

 "Did you love her, Benny?" 

 "In a way, yes. But more out of gratitude for what she'd given me. It
wasn't until later that I discovered how skilled she really was." 

 "Skilled? Really?" 

 "Yes. Her oral technique was incomparable. I admit that I used those same
techniques on you. I'm happy I was able to...please you so well." Ben
finished. 

 "Oh yeah. You got real talent there." Ray observed. 

 A long silence stretched out between the new lovers. 

 "Irene was my first." Ray finally offered. 

 "Irene Zuko?" Ben was surprised. 

 "Yeah. It was our secret and I've never told anyone, not even my priest,
until now." His voice was quiet, haunted. 

 "Her old man was a brutal son of a bitch. He'd smacked her around for
seein' me before, but she wouldn't let him stop her. She was afraid he was
gonna marry her off to some goon and told me that she wanted to know what
real love was like before that happened." Ray's voice was soft and sad as
he continued. 

 "She didn't want to lose her virginity to a man like her father. We were
16 when we planned it. Her folks were outta town and there were only a
coupla guys around the house and when it was late, I climbed up that vine
outside her window. She had these curtains all around her bed, like a
tent, and when I crawled inside, Benny, it was like another planet. I'd
done my part and bought a couple of condoms from the vending machine at
the gas station. We both wanted it so bad, but we never figured it'd be so
hard. I was 16, what did I know?" 

 "Hard? In what way?" Ben asked. 

 "I hurt her Benny, and even though she told me it was the only way, I
still feel bad about it. I mean we both were just fumbling around in the
dark, the blind leading the blind. I mean, I had, like, no control, I felt
like an animal, and when it was over, we just held each other and cried." 

 "I'm sorry, Ray. But I do think that you gave her what she wanted. She
wanted to give that gift to someone who would cherish it, as you have." 

 "You ever take someone's virginity, Benny?" Ray asked, his voice still
full of remorse. 

 "Only yours, Ray." Ben whispered into his ear, followed by a feather
light kiss. 

 Ray was about to protest, then understood Ben's meaning. 

 "I hadn't thought about it, but I guess you're right. Thanks, Benny." 

 "For what? I believe I should be the one thanking you." 

 "No, I never thought it could be like that, you know? God, I still can't
believe how you make me feel." 

 "I know what you mean, Ray, I feel the same way." Ben's voice so soft he
wouldn't have heard it if the words hadn't been spoken into his ear,
followed by what felt like the flick of a tongue. 

 Ben woke to the sensation of Ray's cock pressed tightly against his rear,
an arm thrown over to trail over his chest. It was a warm, welcome
feeling. In his solitary existence he'd rarely been awakened by a lover.
Flexing his back, Ben rubbed against the hard length and was rewarded with
a sleepy moan from his partner. Ray's hand now trailed down his belly,
fingers waltzing through the dense patch of pubic hair, before tickling
the shaft of Ben's hardening penis. The heated flesh jumped in response,
seeking the source of the sensation while Ben released a loud moan. Ray
smiled into the skin against his cheek, then trailed his tongue up and
down his spine as Ben shuddered, gasping his pleasure. 

 "Ray, please...I want you inside me." His voice low, rough with need. 

 "Easy, Benny. Let's take it slow and easy." Ray whispered with relief. 

 He wanted to make this good for Ben. He had to take his time and hoped
that he'd be able to make it as easy as possible for him. He looked around
for the things he'd need, then moved away from Ben, pulling him onto his
back, then flipped the blankets away. Ray gazed longingly at the long hard
length, a large crystalline drop gracing the head. He had to swallow hard,
his hand drifting to his own flesh, squeezing it to quiet the insistent
throbbing. Ben watched Ray's beautiful cock swell at the sight of his own
and his arousal climbed higher. Ray touched his finger to the fluid, then
took his finger into his mouth, eyes closing as he tasted Ben's essence,
then touched him once again. Ray played with the foreskin, lubricating it
with more of the precious fluid, sliding it around the engorged cocked,
while Ben whimpered in appreciation. 

 "God! Ray, that feels so good, oh, yes," 

 "You like that, huh? How about this?" Ray asked as he bent and tongued
the slit, then sucked the head into his mouth. 

 "Aah. Oh my! Yes!" His back arched as he pushed towards Ray's mouth. 

 Ray took his mouth away, then gathered the extra pillows and blankets,
rolling them up. He had to watch Benny's face as he made love to him, had
to see his responses to better gauge his own. He cued Ben to lift his hips
off the bed and shoved the rolled up bedding under them, then got back to
work. Taking Ben into his mouth again, he stroked his tongue on the
underside, fingers fondling Ben's balls and the tender spot behind them.
Ben sighed and moaned, drawing his legs up, allowing Ray free access.
Replacing his mouth with a hand, Ray began to lick his testicles, taking
first one, then the other gently into his mouth, laving them with his
tongue, then moving on to lick that special spot, probing at it, while Ben
trembled under his touch. Ray didn't stroke Ben's cock, but squeezed it in
time with his tongue-strokes. 

 Moving into unknown territory, Ray pulled back a moment to orient
himself. His eyes found Ben's dusky opening and taking a deep breath,
dropped his head and tentatively reached out with his tongue. Ben cried
out in surprise and his body tightened in response, but Ray continued his
journey, his tongue stroking all around the knot of muscle. Ben began to
relax and Ray slowly stroked his cock, his thumb drawing circles around
the swollen head. 

 Ray pulled away for a moment, found the lubricant and applied a small
amount to his fingers, then bent and took Ben's cock into his mouth again.
He loved the feel of the cock in his mouth, the foreskin retreating before
his lips, the taste of Ben on his tongue. 

 "Oh Ray, please, please," the sound of Ben pleading with him almost
caused Ray to rush, but he took his mouth away just long enough to reply. 

 "Easy, Benny, all in good time, I promise." 

 Ray returned Ben's cock to his mouth, slowly sucking and tonguing while
he found Ben's center with his hand, stroking across it with his slick
finger. Soon, Ben was moving against his finger and Ray gently worked it
inside the tight passage. 

 "Ray! Oh, god, Ray." His voice tight, pitched higher with tension. 

 Taking it as a positive sign, Ray moved his finger inside Ben, crooking
it forward to find his prostate as his mouth kept cadence on his cock. 

 "Ooh, that feels good, so very good." Ben groaned before lapsing into
wordless moans. 

 Ben was so tight, Ray was somewhat reluctant to try two fingers, but
making sure of the lubrication, he pushed his fingers inside, this time
Ben actively pressing against them. Ray looked up at Ben's face, his brows
furrowed with concentration as he arched up into Ray's mouth, then down
onto his fingers, panting slightly with the effort. Ray's balls ached with
need at the realization that Ben was fucking himself on his hand, in his
mouth. Ray had to pull away to pant. 

 "Benny, god, you're incredible, you know that?" Ray's cock bobbed for
attention and he stroked it, oh so tempted to try to gain entry already. 

 "Ray, I need you Ray. I need you now." Ben told him, sounding almost
commanding. 

 "Not yet, Benny, soon. Real soon 'cos I can't take it much more." 

 Ray made sure a condom was nearby and used a bit more lubricant on his
fingers before gradually working three of them into Ben. He watched with
fascination the way Ben's body accepted his with apparently little
discomfort. He stopped moving his hand and desire ripped through him like
a whirlwind at the sight of Ben stroking himself on his fingers. 

 "Jesus, Benny, I got to have you." Ray gasped, looking down at his own
weeping cock, a ribbon of pre-come dripping down his thigh. 

 "Take me Ray. Now. Take me, make me yours." Ben panted, reaching down to
stroke his cock. 

 Ray ripped the condom packet open with his teeth and put it on, then
added some additional lube. Ben made to roll over, but Ray stopped him
with a hand on his hip. 

 "No, stay there, Benny, I got to see you." 

 Ben settled back down to the heap of bedding and drew his feet up. Ray
moved into position, guiding Ben's knees closer to his chest. Ben reached
up to hold them, finally understanding Ray's intention. Ray tried to
steady his trembling hands as he positioned the head of his cock against
Ben's center. Blue eyes locked with green and Ray pushed, but didn't gain
entry. Pain registered momentarily on Ben's face, but passed quickly. Even
so, Ray wondered if he should continue. 

 "Again." Ben breathed, as he concentrated on relaxing, pushing down
against Ray just a bit. 

 Ray took a deep breath and pushed, harder this time as a strangled cry
escaped Ben. The head of his cock had penetrated the tight ring of muscle.
Ben had an unfocused look in his eyes and Ray saw that his erection had
flagged considerably. 

 "Benny, stay with me, carol, please," like Ben, the night before, he
didn't withdraw, but held stationary, his cock steadily pulsing with his
heartbeat. At the sound of Ray's voice, Ben refocused and smiled at Ray. 

 "Oh, Ray, I'm with you...like never before." He whispered and Ray felt
him relax around him. 

 "Benny... you feel...so good." Ray panted as he began a rocking motion,
steadily deepening his thrusts until Ben had taken his entire length. 

 Ray pulled Ben's knees forward until his feet were back on the bed, then
took Ben's cock in his hands again, stroking the head and shaft with
practiced hands. As it regained its former stiffness, Ben began to push
against him, seeking more stimulation. 

 "Please Ray, more... I need more." Ray had never seen him like this. Hard
and soft at the same time, pleading for contact. 

 "Whatever you want..." 

 Ray tried to move in and out of Ben while stroking his cock at the same
time, but just couldn't maintain the right rhythm. 

 "Here, let me." Ben said as he replaced Ray's hand with his own. 

 Ray thought he was in some erotic version of heaven. He was able to
concentrate on the way Ben's body had accepted his, the feel of Ben's
muscles as they contracted around his cock as he pleasured himself.
Watching Ben's hands on his cock, he was able to detach himself a bit,
maintaining a little more control. Ray pulled out enough that the head of
his cock would rub against Ben's prostate and his response was electric. 

 "Oh, god, Ray!" Ben cried out as he arched his back to maximize the
contact, his hand stroking his cock faster now. 

 Ray paused a moment to apply some lube to Ben's cock and Ben smoothed it
over, moaning in appreciation as Ray resumed his thrusts. Ben pumped his
cock steadily as Ray moved inside him, his own urgency growing. 

 "Oh yeah, Benny. Fuck... you feel so good, so tight." 

 Ray's words urged Ben to new heights, his head thrown back, hips angled
to accommodate Ray's strokes. Ben's hands worked his cock, one on the
shaft, the other sliding over the glistening head, his voice growing
hoarse with his cries. 

 Ray grabbed Ben's hips and pumped into him as quickly as he dared,
pushing Ben over the edge. Ben let loose a howl and Ray was rewarded with
the sight of Ben's come shooting from his cock in long steady streams. The
feel of Ben's body spasming around his, clasping him, made Ray want to
thrust hard and deep, but he wanted Ben to see him, know him. 

 "Benny, oh...Fuck, I need to, I gotta..." Ray gasped, hoping Ben
understood what he meant. 

 "Let go Ray, let it go." He heard Ben say. 

 He hadn't realized that his eyes had shut in concentration and bliss, but
it didn't matter now. Ray finally gave in to his instincts and thrust
deeply into Ben, once, twice and he felt Ben tighten around him again. 

 Ben watched Ray abandon all reason, enjoying the aftershocks created by
Ray's deep penetration. Ben consciously tightened his pelvic muscles,
intensifying his own sensations as much as it triggered Ray's explosive
release. 

 "Ahh! Benny..." the rest unintelligible as Ray's entire body shuddered in
orgasm and Ben felt its pulse at the point where they were joined. 

 Ray collapsed over Ben, sweaty and depleted. Ben felt energized and
exhausted at the same time, his limbs reluctant to obey his commands yet
twitching occasionally with aftershocks. Eventually they managed to
disengage and rearrange the blankets, Ray wrapping himself around the
larger man's body. 

 "Benny, you okay?" 

 "Yes, Ray. I'm fine," he answered in an unsteady voice, wanting to say
more, offer words of appreciation perhaps, but unable to make any sense of
his scattered thoughts. 

 Ben felt as if the world had shifted, just a bit. Some things that had
been crystal clear to him were now a little blurry and others had been
brought into sharp focus. A puzzle piece had finally snapped into place.
He would have liked to explain it to Ray, but the words simply wouldn't
come, his head filled instead with abstract fragments. He realized that
his breath was hitching in his chest and wasn't terribly surprised to find
that he was crying. 

 Ray held the shuddering body tightly, fighting tears himself. He'd fucked
up. He wasn't sure exactly how, but somehow, somewhere he had. The single
most moving experience he'd ever had and it had come from abusing his best
friend. He tentatively reached down and checked Ben for blood, but his
hand came back untainted. 

 "Jesus, Benny, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...," Ray's voice cracked with
emotion 

 Ben was startled out of his own self-examination by Ray's apology. 

 "No, Ray, there's nothing to be sorry for. I, I, I don't know how..." Ben
took an uneven breath, trying to pull himself together enough to make some
kind of explanation. 

 "I pushed you into this, I know I did. God, I'm sorry." Ray didn't even
seem to hear him, lost in his own self-recrimination. 

 Ben turned over until he faced Ray, his eyes almost emerald with unshed
tears. 

 "Ray. Ray. Look at me Ray, please." He asked. 

 Ray reluctantly met the bottomless blue of Benny's eyes, found no fear or
sadness there. 

 "Ray, I don't know how to describe how you made, make, me feel. I don't
have...anything to compare it to. What I feel is so powerful it's, it's,
well, it's overwhelming." Ben stopped, sucked in a deep breath. 

 Ray was somewhat relieved, but still didn't understand quite what was
going on. 

 "Yeah, I know what you mean." Well, he did and he didn't. 

 He tried to remember exactly how he felt after Benny had made love to
him. It all was rather blurry. 

 Ben tried again to explain. 

 "Ray, I've never experienced anything remotely as intense as, as...you,
inside me. I was helpless Ray. In those moments, Ray, I was completely
under your control." Ben tried again, breathing more evenly now, his
scattered thoughts regrouping again. 

 "Oh? Really? Is that a good thing?" Ray asked, hoping for his own sake
that it was. 

 "Yes, Ray." Ben tenderly kissed him, then continued, "I'm not accustomed
to...not being in control. It's a very hard thing for me to relinquish it
to anyone - even you. But once I did, have...Ray, it was...indescribable."


 Ray took a moment to think about Ben's words, absorbing them, a smile
dawning on his lips. He'd rocked Benny's world. He'd actually done it and
Ben had allowed him to. He showered Benny's face with tiny angel kisses. 

 "I'm glad, Benny, I really am."