Glad and Sorry	Carol Trendall Normal Carol Trendall 2 2
2000-08-25T02:06:00Z 2000-10-07T22:44:00Z 2000-10-07T22:44:00Z 46 19002
108312	 902 216 133014 9.2720	    0 0 		 Disclaimer: This
story is written for the private entertainment of fans. The author makes
no claims on the characters or their portrayal by the creation of this
story. Fraser, Vecchio, et.al. belong to Alliance; the McKenzies and
friends belong to S L Haas and Cat Madden belongs to me. No infringement
of any copyrights held by CBS, Alliance, CTV or any other copyright
holders of DUE SOUTH is intended. This story is not published for profit,
and the author does not give permission for this story to be reproduced
for profit.   Lyrics from Glad and Sorry by Ron Wood (The Faces) used
without permission.     Glad and Sorry   by Carol Trendall   Thank you
kindly for thinking of me If I'm not smiling, I'm just thinking.   Glad
and sorry Happy or sad   When all is done and spoken You're up or I'm down
  Can you show me a dream? Can you show me one that's better than life?
Can you stand it in the cold light of day? Well neither can I.     The
earth took billions of years to develop, humans took millions of years to
evolve, redwoods took hundreds of years to grow and elephants gestated
their young for twenty-four months. All things considered, Ben reasoned,
two weeks was not a long time to wait.   The less reasonable part of his
mind did not agree. The less reasonable part of his mind started at every
footfall in the hall outside his apartment and jumped at every ring of the
consular telephone. The less reasonable part of his mind was sure that a
fortnight was long enough for Phil to consider his ultimatum.   The
reasonable part of his mind told him that she would need more time and he
would wait as long as it took. Before the unreasonable part of his mind
could take issue with that thought, the intercom on his desk buzzed once,
short and sharp, and he leapt in his seat.   A heartbeat later, Constable
Turnbull's tremulous voice came through the speaker.   "Constable Fraser?"
  "Yes, Constable?"   "You have a visitor."   "A visitor?" 'Is it Phil?'
he wondered. 'Has she finally come?'   His thoughts came to a crash
landing when Ray's frustrated voice came through the tinny speaker.  
"It's me, Benny. Ready for lunch?"   It wasn't Phil. Was he glad or sorry?
He couldn't say for certain. He let go of the breath he didn't realise he
was holding, then pressed the speak button, his voice more cheerful than
he felt. "I'll be right out, Ray."        Ray leaned against Turnbull's
desk, suppressing a snigger as the younger Mountie pressed himself against
the wall in order to get as far away from him as possible. 'If only I had
that effect on the perps in this city,' he thought.   Waiting anxiously
for Ben, he schooled his features into a neutral expression. Since their
return from their Grand Canyon vacation, he had tried not to let his
curiosity show. Every time he saw his friend he searched his face for an
indication that the other man had heard from Phil, but so far he had seen
no sign. 'Is today the day?' he wondered.    Ray was in two minds about
it. One part of him would be glad when Phil finally called. He knew then
that, regardless of her decision, Fraser would have his answer. But he
knew another part of him would be sorry when she called, for that would
mean his friend would learn of the child he never knew and that would only
mean more pain.   He rose when Fraser came towards him, hoping his warm
smile hid the way he scanned his friend's face. 'Is today the day you
learned about your daughter, Benny?' he wondered as they exchanged
greetings.       To Phil's immense relief the lobby of the Cambodian High
Commission was empty of press for the first time in two weeks. Compelled,
as she was, to spend her days there she dreaded the morning passage
through camera crews and journalists on the lookout for emotional pleas
and outbursts. But as much as she disliked their presence, she knew it was
necessary. So long as Martin's kidnapping stayed in the news, the American
public would continue to pressure the Cambodian government who in turn
would pressure the Khmer Rouge into releasing the captives.   The staff of
the High Commission had taken good care of her; intervening when the press
throng became oppressive and ensuring she had a safe, comfortable place to
spend her days. She knew the staff by name, even the High Commissioner
himself, who made sure to spend a few minutes with her each day, apprising
her of the situation as it stood. His staff would bring her bowls of soup
in the morning, curry and rice at lunch and in the afternoon, a small
plate of Cambodian sweet treats and a pot of Chinese tea. They would nod
and smile and occasionally express their sorrow but, for the most part,
they left her alone; her only companions the pigeons on the ledge outside.
  Phil had learned a lot about pigeons during her vigil. After two weeks
of staring at them out the High Commission ninth floor window she could
now recognise individuals and was beginning to be able to pick which male
was partnered with which female. She knew the male with one missing toe
was paired with the female with the white head and the female with two
missing toes was paired with the male with brown speckled feathers.
'Funny,' she thought, 'how the unusual ones end up together.' Then she
didn't know why she had thought that.   Her mind had worked that way ever
since she learned of Martin's kidnapping. Without any conscious thought on
her part she would slip from one disjointed thought to another and before
long she would find herself wondering about how M & Ms were made or
something equally as irrelevant. But she was well enough acquainted with
tragedy to know that this was just the mind's way of coping. And coping
was something she did well. Her thoughts slid back to all the things that
had tested her strength: Ben's abrupt end to their relationship, the birth
of her beautiful daughter and, most of all, Lindy's untimely death. She
had lived through all that and she would live through this.    But there
was a whole separate issue that Phil had given little thought to. She knew
the time would come when she would be forced to deal with it and that gave
her mixed emotions. When that time came, Martin would be home and safe and
ready to resume their life together and that would mean finally facing Ben
and saying goodbye forever. One thing would make her happy and the other
sad.   Phil's eyes grew moist as she remembered the promise she had made
two weeks earlier. When Martin was released, and she had no doubt he would
be, she would accept his proposal of marriage and she would be a good
wife. There could be no other way. She would have the memory of the night
spent with Ben Fraser, but it would end there and for that she would
always be sorry.       A day off midweek was a luxury, a day of joy for
Cat Madden. She could do anything she wanted. If she wanted to go canoeing
there would be no one on the lake, if she wanted to go shopping there
would be no one at the mall, is she wanted to stay home and read she
could. But if she wanted company she was out of luck. And company was
something she needed.    When she had learned that Phil was leading Ben's
Canyon trip she had been excited. Although all her efforts to get the two
of them together had failed, fate had stepped in and taken over. She had
waited patiently for the two-week vacation to pass, safe in the belief
that there would only be good news. When Lloyd had called to tell her Phil
was visiting with him and talking of calling off her engagement her heart
had soared. Then the bad news had come.   The man Phil McKenzie claimed to
be in love with, had been captured by the Khmer Rouge whilst working in
Cambodia. Grief stricken, Phil had taken off back to Chicago to maintain a
vigil at the Cambodian High Commission in the hope that her presence there
could do some good. So far there had been no news. Something dark in Cat's
mind told her it was her fault. Her deep desire to see Ben and Phil
reunited had somehow made this happen. It was all her fault.   For two
weeks now Cat had kept her thoughts to herself but now she had to tell
someone. She had to tell someone that although she hoped Martin Stevenson
came home safely, some small, dark part of her wouldn't care if he didn't.
And she hated herself for it.    With her and Lloyd's schedules being what
they were, she didn't expect to see him for at least a week. Sadly, her
dark secret couldn't wait that long. She went to the only other person she
could trust with this knowledge. She went to Jimmy Sunsinger.      
Rebecca Fraser sneaked a glance at the man riding in her passenger seat.
Matt Reynolds was, so far, the only reason for feeling glad about
accepting the Kitimat posting. After hating the place for the first three
months and feeling sorry that she had let Cat and Benny talk her into it,
she revelled in the attention the handsome had heaped on her since they
met. The fact that he looked a little like TJ McKenzie had nothing to do
with it.   Matt smiled at her, his perfect white teeth glowing against the
perfect tan on his perfect face. It was his smile that had first caught
Becka's attention when they met at a rock-climbing club she had joined. At
the time it seemed the best way to meet people. She had nothing in common
with most of her colleagues and they seem disinclined to talk to her
anyway. The bar and club scene was not for Becka either. She had tried
that before and all it got her was a feeling of disappointment. But Matt
had smiled at her across a car park and suddenly the idea of joining the
rock-climbing club seemed like the best one she'd had in a long time.   So
why wasn't she excited about the camping and climbing trip they were
embarking upon? The answer was quite simple, but one that Matt probably
wouldn't have understood. She was worried about her brother.    After what
Cat had told her about Phil McKenzie's fianc, Becka's concern for her
brother had soared and her own mood plummeted. After the serendipity of
the Canyon trip she was certain that Ben and Phil were close to a
reconciliation, but now it seemed it might never happen. So, whilst one
part of her was glad to be in the company of such a fine specimen of man
hood, she was also sorry to be out of touch. She didn't want to miss
anything.   "Are you OK?" Matt asked, reaching across the cabin and gently
squeezing her thigh.   "I'm fine." Becka smiled. "Do you mind if I listen
to the radio? I'm interested to hear if there is any news about the
American doctors in Cambodia."       In the end Ray's curiosity won. He
was Italian, after all, and had inherited the genes that meant he just had
to know everything.   "So, have you heard from Phil?" he asked casually as
he and Ben strolled down the street towards the diner they favoured for
lunch.   "No. But it's only been two weeks," Ben quickly justified.
"She'll call in good time."   Not convinced by his tone, Ray glanced
sideways at his companion and asked, "And you're OK about that?"   When
Ben only shrugged, Ray let it go for a minute and then tried another tack.
"Have you called Cat?"   "Cat?" He seemed genuinely surprised by the
question, jerking his head up to look at Ray. "No. Why?"   It was Ray's
turn to shrug. "No reason. Just thought she might be interested to hear
about your vacation."   Ben knew Cat would be extremely interested in his
vacation, but so far he hadn't had the courage to tell her what had taken
place. A thought hit him suddenly. Did she know already? Suspicion
narrowed his eyes and his next question went for the kill.    "Have *you*
called Cat?"   Caught off guard by the remark, Ray bought himself some
time indicating they should cross the street, then guiding Ben off the
sidewalk onto the road. When he had successfully negotiated a path between
lines of traffic and gotten them both safely to the other side, he hoped
the question was forgotten but one look at his friend's face told him an
answer was still expected.   He waved a dismissive hand in the air. "I
talked to her a week or so ago."   "And?"   "And what? And nothing. Can't
two friends ... catch up?"   "Of course they can, Ray," Ben said
matter-of-factly, "but we're talking about you and Cat."   "And what does
that mean?"   "Well ... "   "Look, Fraser, Cat and I have more in common
than just talking about you."   Ben threw his hands up in surrender. "I'm
sorry, Ray. You're right."   "Sheesh, Benny. You're getting paranoid."  
Ben flinched. Was there truth in those words? He nodded, pursing his lips
slightly. "Enough said."       "Phil!"   Phil dragged her eyes away from
the pigeons she had watched all morning and turned her attention to the
person who had called her name. It was her brother.   TJ moved silently
across the lobby of the Cambodian High Commission, looking unusually
casual in old worn jeans and a white t-shirt, his shoulder length hair for
once hanging loose.    Why was he here in the middle of the day?   "What
are you doing here, TJ?" Phil shifted over, making room for him. "Aren't
you supposed to be at work?"   TJ McKenzie settled onto the black sofa and
raised an accusing eyebrow at his sister. "Aren't you?"   Her eyes slipped
away and focussed once again on the birds outside the window. "You know I
can't work while Martin is ... out there ... I have to be here ... in case
something happens ... I ... I ... "   "You're making yourself sick, Flip,
that's what you're doing." Leaning close, he reached for her hand. "When
was the last time you ate a decent meal? Have you been home today? Have
you talked to Jeff or Mark? And what about Chance?"   Phil sat unmoving
under the weight of her brother's questions. Her hand rested limply in
his. "I'll sit here until there's some news of Martin. I can't go on
leading ... leading a normal life while he's ... "   "You're not the only
one this is happening to. Don't be a martyr." TJ lifted one had to Phil's
chin and turned her head until she looked him in the eye. "You can't just
hope the rest of the world will go away while you wallow in self pity.	 
"There are people who need you, people who care about you. Everyone's
worried. Casey called this morning; I spoke to Lloyd last night, Cat
called a few days ago. Even Trevor wants to know what he can do to help.
Jeff and Mark are doing OK, but they're still worried and it *is* your
business they're looking after. And Rob, well, he could do with the
support of someone who knows what he's going through. Or have you
forgotten that Martin is his friend?"   Disturbed by the truth of his
words, Phil jerked her head away and stared out the window again. "You
don't understand, TJ."   His answer was a long time coming and seemingly
dragged from the depths of his soul. His voice was harder than Phil could
remember hearing.    "Don't I? Have you forgotten that I was on the other
side of the world when Noelle was killed? Oh, Phil, I know only too well
how it feels not to be able to do anything to help someone you love. I
know the guilt you're feeling right now, how it feels to know that you
were laughing and having a great time while someone you love was
suffering. I know exactly how it feels to know that you can't do a fucking
thing about it."   Momentarily silenced by the harshness of her brother's
words, Phil's eyes widened and for a moment she contemplated what he told
her. She remembered only too well the pain he had suffered when Noelle
died. Over the years she saw first hand the damage it did to him, turning
a once gregarious, handsome young man into an empty husk, withdrawn from
the world. Was the same thing happening to her?    When Lindy died she had
withdrawn. Still recovering from the shock of losing Ben, she had chosen
the life of a single parent and before she could grow used to it that,
too, was taken away. But this was different. This time she was not
withdrawing from the world because of low self-esteem or self-pity. This
time she was a confident, successful businesswoman. This time she was a
woman in love. Phil knew she had been right the first time. TJ did not
understand.   Misreading her silence for denial, TJ softened his tone and
quickly squeezed her knee. "I'm just worried about you. You've been here
every day since you got back from the Canyon ... and you haven't even
talked about what went on out there ... "   A knot of panic appeared
suddenly in Phil's stomach. Did TJ know? She was afraid to ask. "Wh ...
what do you mean ... ?"   "Come on, we all know Ben was on the trip."  
Her head snapped up and when she spoke her voice was cold. "This is not
the time or place to talk about Ben. Martin is being held captive on the
other side of the world and ... and ... I ... and ... he asked me to marry
him, TJ. At the airport. Right before he left. When he comes home he'll
want my answer."   TJ sat back in shock at that news. Martin wanted to
marry Phil. It seemed their relationship was deeper than he realised. "I
see," was all he could manage to say.   On hearing her brother's perplexed
tone, Phil's defences dropped. "I'm sorry, TJ. I know you want to help."  
"Let me take you home, Phil. I took the day off to come down here and get
you. Let me help you."   "Maybe it *is* time I went back to work."   "Now
that's the sister I know and love."       "I'm think I'm going to have a
burger," Ray told his friend as they approached their luncheon
destination. "I'm starving."   "I think I'll just have a salad."   "A
salad, Benny?" Ray opened the door and held it, not realising what he had
done. "We walk all this way for a salad? What about a bowl of chilli?
Paully makes great chilli."   "I'm not very hungry, Ray."   Ray rolled his
eyes and gestured him into the diner. "Come on, I don't got all day."  
Something in the distance caught Ben's eye. He squinted in an attempt to
see better. "Ray, I believe that man," he pointed to a lanky blonde man
lurking suspiciously by a car about a hundred yards away, "is trying to
break into that vehicle."   Ray let the door he was holding swing shut.
"Ah, no, Benny, no ... "   Ben took off down the street towards the
fair-haired man, leaving Ray spluttering and mumbling about how hungry he
was. But his police ethics were too deeply ingrained and it wasn't too
much longer before he joined the Mountie in pursuit of the perpetrator.  
It took only a second for the man to realise he had been spotted, turning
and fleeing at almost the same time as Ben began to run. Only a few yards
behind the Mountie ran Ray, one hand working at his belt to unsnap the
catch on his holster and pull his gun free. He shouted for the man to
freeze but the call went unheeded.   As Ben drew closer to the
perpetrator, an immaculately dressed businessman stepped onto the sidewalk
directly in his path. Ben shouted for him to move, but instead the
businessman hesitated for a second, obviously assessing the scene. When he
realised the Mountie was in pursuit of a criminal he, too, set off in
pursuit. As luck would have it, his timing was appalling and he ran right
into Ben's path, not allowing the other man anytime to manoeuvre around
him.   Unable to halt his progress or move in time, Ben and the
businessman collided with a bone-shaking thud, their legs tangling and
collapsing under them. Almost immediately, the businessman rose and
continued his pursuit, leaving Ben collapsed on the sidewalk.   Having
witnessed the whole scene, Ray skidded to halt, hurling abuse at the
businessman disappearing down the street in pursuit of the blonde thief.
Ray dropped to his knees.   "You OK, Benny? Did that asshole hurt you?"  
Ben winced in pain as he tried to sit up. "I'm fine, Ray. He was just
trying to help."   "Lay down. Are you in pain?"   "My back hurts a
little."   "Son of a bitch!" He looked down the street in the direction of
the businessman and the now forgotten criminal. "Stay there, Benny, I'll
call an ambulance." He rose, pulling his cellphone from his pocket,
flashing his badge at the crowd gathering around them.   Ben laid flat on
his back. "I'm fine, Ray. I don't need an ambulance." But the pain in his
eyes told a different story. "Just give me a minute."   Before Ray could
dial a number, the businessman suddenly reappeared, pushing his way
through the crowd. He took one look at the Mountie collapsed on the ground
and his face fell. "Oh, man, I'm sorry. Are you OK?"   "The thief. Did you
catch him?" Ben asked, trying once again to sit up.   "Nah, too quick for
me. I didn't think I could catch him"   "Well, asshole, if you knew that
why the fuck did you try?" Ray stepped into the man's space and gave him a
menacing look.   "Look, I was just trying to ... "   Ray cut him off.
"You're a moron, that's what you are! My partner's injured! I ought to
..."   From his position on the ground, Ben tugged at Ray's trouser leg.
"Ray ... Ray ... Ray! Please? I'll deal with this." He waited until Ray
stepped away, throwing his hands in the air.   Ben turned his attention to
the businessman. "Hello, Sir." He smiled and tipped his hat as best he
could, given his position. "Constable Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian
Mounted Police. Although your intentions were admirable, I was already in
pursuit of the perpetrator and had you not intervened I may well have
caught him. As you can see ..." he indicated his supine position, "I did
not. But all is not lost. You have learned that tasks such as apprehending
criminals should only be undertaken by professionals."   The businessman
shook his head and looked imploringly at Ray. "Should we, like, get him to
a doctor or something? I think he hit his head."   Ray smiled his relief.
Ben was fine. "Nah, he's OK. He's always like this." Dismissing the man,
he smiled down at his friend. "Come up, I'll help you up."   The pain in
his back wasn't too bad, but Ben knew that he was injured worse than he
would admit. He only hoped Ray would not notice. But once again, luck was
not with him.   As Ray led him away, pushing aside the crowd that had
gathered, it took only a few steps for him to notice that Ben was in pain.
  "Whoa, Benny. Let me call an ambulance."   "Ray, I'm OK, really."   "Why
is your face screwed up like that?"   "Alright, it hurts a little. But
I've had worse injuries, you know that."   "And I inflicted at least one
of them."   "I didn't mean that."   "You need to see a doctor." As soon as
the words were out of Ray's mouth a thought hit him like a thunderbolt.
Ben's doctor was Phil's brother! It seemed there was a silver lining to
every cloud.   "No, I don't," Ben persisted.   "Yes, you do!" Ray said,
full of purpose now. "We're going to the hospital." He turned to face the
traffic. "Taxi!"       The midday sun was warm on Phil's back and a part
of her was pleased that TJ had come for her. She glanced at her brother
walking silently beside her.    "What made you come get me today?"   "I
was worried about you. You've been at the High Commission every day. For
all I know you're even sleeping there. I just don't want you to get ... I
don't want to see you lose control."   "Is this how it was for you when
Noelle died?"   "You were there, Phil. You saw how I was. I don't want
that to happen to you."   "I can't help but be worried. I'll be fine once
Martin comes home."   TJ stopped and gripped Phil's arm, making her look
at him. "He might not come home. Have you thought about that?"   Phil's
denial was clear on her face. "That's just ... "   "Just what? Not true?
Ask the families of other people who were kidnapped by the Khmer Rouge and
never seen again. Martin could die, Phil. There's a huge chance these
people will shoot him and we might never find out. His body might never be
found."   Phil's eyes filled. "Don't, TJ. That's not true. He *will* come
home."   "Because you want him to? How many other things that you've
wanted have gone wrong?"   TJ's brutal words hit Phil like a sledgehammer.
Only someone who knew her as well as her brother could cut to the quick in
one short sentence. When she spoke her voice was full of pain.	  "TJ ...
"   "I don't mean to sound harsh. You know I love you. You just have to
face reality."   "Martin will come home - he has to - I promised ... "
Silently Phil started to cry.   "Promised what? What are you saying?"   "I
have to tell you something. You have to promise not to tell anyone and not
to be angry."   TJ saw the distress on his sister's face and ached for
her. Draping a protective arm around her slim shoulders he urged her on.
"Let's go home."    As TJ steered Phil in the direction of her apartment,
a skinny blonde man pushed past them on the sidewalk, almost knocking Phil
to the ground. TJ called him a few choice words and then for a reason he
could not explain, turned to look behind him. Not far away a crowd had
gathered around a man collapsed on the ground. He looked again in the
direction the blonde had disappeared, realising the two were somehow
connected. For a moment he considered pursuing the man, but thought better
of it. His sister needed him now and that was more important than all the
crime in the greater Chicago area.       The lumberyard was barely
recognisable as Cat pulled into the smart new Customer Parking Area.
Stepping out of her vehicle she ran an admiring eye over the improvements
that Jimmy had made since buying the business six years earlier.
Riverhurst Lumberyard was now a thriving, well-stocked place of business.
  It took only a second to find Jimmy. Holding a clipboard in one hand, he
was checking off loads of lumber as they came off a large semi-trailer.
Cat stopped some distance off, not wanting to disturb him at his work. She
smiled as she watched him, his large capable hands reaching out to steady
a load that threatened to tip off its pallet. He waved when he saw her,
said a few words to one of his employees and then headed in her direction.
  Jimmy smiled as he approached her. As he drew close, he held out his
arms and Cat walked into his hug.   "Cathy Madden, what brings you out
here?"   She grinned as he pressed her to his massive chest. "I've got the
day off and I thought I'd catch up and say hi, maybe come out here and
check out the yard."   Jimmy looked around the yard and nodded proudly.
"It sure has changed since the first time you saw it, huh?"   "Oh yeah,"
Cat agreed, letting Jimmy lead her back towards the office. "I was just
thinking about that time while I was waiting for you."   Jimmy grinned as
they reached the office. "You mean the time you turned a young innocent
boy's head and changed his life forever."   "Yeah and then you left me for
another woman and broke my heart." She grinned in reply. "I haven't been
the same since."   Jimmy laughed and turned towards her. "I know you
better than that, little one." He touched her cheek briefly and indicated
that she should wait.    Cat smiled as she watched Jimmy open the door to
the office and speak to his assistant. She admired his easy grace. He was
a man happy with his life.    Jimmy smiled as he joined her again.
Slipping an arm around her shoulders, he led her away from the office,
continuing the conversation as if there had been no interruption. "And
besides, little one, as wonderful as you were then, and still are," he
added hastily, "as soon as I saw Sara I knew she was the only woman for
me."   Cat nodded her agreement. She knew Sara and Jimmy were soul mates.
Just like she and Lloyd. And Ben and Phil. Any maybe even Ray and Casey.  
"You gonna let me buy you a cup of coffee?" Jimmy asked as he steered Cat
out of the lumberyard and towards the diner across the street.   "That's
why I'm here."   "Anyway, Cathy, I hear you've got your own Indian now."  
Cat laughed as Jimmy opened the door of the diner and followed her inside.
"Word travels fast."   "You know us Indians, we love to gossip." Jimmy
chuckled at Cat's expression. "And besides, Lloyd and I are cousins."  
"Jimmy, everyone is your cousin."   They took a small booth and ordered
coffee. When it arrived, Cat stirred a heaped spoon of sugar into her mug
and sipped thoughtfully.   "So what's on your mind, Cathy?"   "Is it that
obvious?"   Jimmy shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe a lucky guess." He sipped his
coffee, watching her over the rim of his mug. "You look about sixteen
today. Lost you look lost. What's wrong?"   It was Cat's turn to shrug. "I
don't know, maybe nothing." Tilting her head, she stared out the window.
"I guess I just needed to see a familiar face."   Jimmy said nothing. He
sipped his coffee and waited.   "Jimmy," Cat said eventually, looking at
him earnestly, "do you think I'm a bad person?"   He roared with laughter.
"What the hell prompted that?"   She sighed and wrapped her hands around
her mug. "Something's happened ... I think I did it."   "You did it? What
do you mean?"   Keeping her eyes fixed on Jimmy so she wouldn't miss his
reaction, she told the story of Phil McKenzie and Martin Stevenson's
kidnapping.   "And how do you think you did it?"   "I don't want Phil to
marry this guy ... I want her to marry Ben. You know how I have this ...
this ... sixth sense ... thing ...it could be what caused it."   "Cathy, I
know you're a bit psychic and I know you and Ben have a really strong
bond, I've seen it myself, but I hardly think you made a group of
guerrillas on the other side of the world kidnap this guy."   "You of all
people know what people can do. Your grandfather was a shaman. You saw
some of the things he did."   "Yes *he* was a shaman, you're not."
Reaching across the table, he squeezed her hand. "If you made bad things
happen every time you *really* wanted something the world would be a real
mess ..." He chuckled. " ... wait ... I think you're right ..."   Cat
laughed with him and then her face turned serious. "It's just that one
part of me is really sorry this happened to Martin and to Phil but one
part of me is glad because maybe ... maybe Ben and Phil have a chance."  
    Becka pulled her Land Rover into a shady spot under a tree. She
grinned at Matt.   "You unload the climbing gear and I'll go tell Earl
we're here."    Matt nodded agreement and smiled his winning smile at
Becka. She blew him a quick kiss and went off in search of the Native
American man whose mountains they were about to climb. She would not climb
without his blessing.   Becka had met Earl Muldon at a market during her
first week in Kitimat. A Gitskan hereditary chief and a master
silversmith, Earl held a stall at the Kitimat market each month. Becka was
a regular visitor to his stall and after her second expensive purchase he
had invited her out to his home to see his workshop and the more unusual
items he kept there.   Although captivated by the exquisite jewellery he
made, Becka had been more interested in the mountains behind his house;
the same mountains the elder watched from the window of his studio as he
worked each day. It reawakened her interest in climbing and she had been
coming once a week to climb a new route and put her skills to the test.  
Becka knew where she would find Earl in his studio. He was working on a
new range of rings wedding rings. From the first time she saw them, Becka
hoped one day she would be asking Earl to make one of his rings for her.
She tried to think about Matt slipping one of Earl's rings onto her
finger, but each time she thought about it, he looked more and more like
TJ McKenzie. So she stopped thinking about it.   She greeted the grey
haired man in his own language and when he looked up from his work he
flashed a broad smile at her, showing off a row of even white teeth.  
"Rebecca! I should have known you'd be out today. The weather is perfect
for climbing."   "Yeah it is," she smiled stepping closer to his bench.
"I'm coaching Matt today. I hope he can make it further than last time."  
The old man chuckled and raised an eyebrow. "You and Matt are spending a
lot of time together."	  Becka didn't miss the suggestion in Earl's
comment. "He's a nice guy," was all she could say. Her words were sincere
enough, but her eyes told a different story.   Earl nodded. He understood.
He hoped one day she would find the man he knew she longed for.   
Embarrassed to have been read so easily, Becka changed the subject by
indicating the silver ring Earl had been working on when she came in.
"What's that you're making?"   "You'll like this one." He swivelled the
jewellers magnifying mirror so Becka could take a look.   Tucking a lock
of hair behind her ear, she leaned forward and looked through the glass.
She sucked in a breath. The ring was lovely. It was wide and had a design
carved into its surface. She recognised it immediately. It was a stylised
wolf, carved in traditional Gitskan style. It made her think of Dief and
that made her think of her brother and she felt suddenly sad.   "Why the
frown?" Earl asked as Becka straightened.   "The wolf reminds me of my
brother."   "And that makes you sad?"  "I'm worried about him. I was
hoping things would start looking up in his life and now I'm not so sure."
  "If the wolf reminds you of your brother, then he must have a wolf
spirit and that means he is strong and loyal. If he's had a hard time,
then there is a reason for it and he will weather it well. Be glad for the
good that is to come, even if he has to learn first about things that make
him sorry."   Becka stared into the old man's dark eyes and wondered if he
had any idea how close he was to the truth.        Cook County General was
as busy as ever. Ray waited impatiently, Ben patiently, until Rob McKenzie
appeared looking harried and gestured for Ben to come into his office.  
"I'll be waiting out here, Benny."   Ben stopped and turned to face his
friend. "Thank you, Ray, but that's really not necessary."   "I'll be
here."   With a short nod, Fraser accepted and let Rob usher him into his
office.     "Take a seat, Ben," the older man said closing the door behind
him.   Nervous for reasons other than medical, Ben spoke softly. "Thank
you for seeing me at such short notice."   Rob leaned against the edge of
his desk and folded his arms across his chest, his face a blank mask.
"I've actually stopped seeing patients for a while, but when Detective
Vecchio called me, he said it was urgent that you were injured in the line
of duty." He gave a tight look. "He is rather persistent."   A little
intimidated by Rob's stern tone he tried to smooth things over. "Well,
yes, you see, I ..."   Rob stopped him before he could tell him anything
further. "He also tells me you've been on vacation lately and that you may
have aggravated your injuries during that trip."   For a moment Ben froze.
Would Rob mention Phil? Did he know what had happened that last night?	 
"Yes, we were in the Grand Canyon ... " He scoured Rob's face for a sign.
"A rafting trip ..."   If Rob knew, he gave no indication. His mind was
obviously elsewhere. With barely controlled irritation, he rose and
indicated the examining table. "Let's take a look then."   While Ben
settled on the table, Rob turned to his desk searching for the Mountie's
file. It wasn't there.	  "Damn it! I forgot to pick up your file." He
scratched his head and stood wavering in the centre of the room for a
second. Waving a hand at Ben he said, "Take off your shirt and I'll go dig
it out."    Rob raced suddenly from the room leaving Ben alone and vaguely
unsettled.    He removed his shirt and waited patiently for the return of
his doctor. It surprised him to see Rob so distracted. During his
prolonged stay in hospital after Ray had shot him, Ben had had the
opportunity to see Rob in action many times and even at his busiest he was
never anything less than the model of efficiency and his bedside manner
never wavered. He hoped nothing was wrong. Before he could ponder it any
further, Rob returned with his file and x-rays.   "Sorry, Ben," he
apologised, sounding calmer this time, "I've got a lot on my mind at the
moment."   Ben smiled and told him it was OK, but he couldn't stop a
question niggling at the back of his mind.    Has something happened to
Phil?   Rob pulled on a pair of latex gloves and moved behind Ben. As soon
as he laid his hands on the Mountie's back, the phone rang. In one move he
tore the gloves from his hand and snatched up the phone. His bad mood of a
few minutes ago was back instantly.   "I'm with a patient," he snarled
into the phone, then dropped it back into its cradle, not waiting for a
response.   Ben jumped at Rob's tone. Never before had he heard the other
man speak like this.   As soon as he saw the startled look on his face,
Rob apologised. Ben brushed off his apology, telling him he understood.  
"It's a difficult time now. One of my colleagues ... a friend is
missing... you may have heard about it ... never mind ... "   Ben eyes
widened. A colleague, a friend. It wasn't Phil. He breathed a sigh of
relief. "I'm terribly sorry, Dr McKenzie. Perhaps I should make another
appointment?"   "No, you're here now. Let's take a look."   As soon as the
examination began, the phone rang again. This time Rob looked at Ben
before answering. Ben indicated that he should take the call. He tried not
to eavesdrop, but one part of the conversation made his ears prick up.  
"I told you I'm with a patient. The only thing I want to be disturbed for
is to hear that Martin is OK."   Ben's eyebrows shot up. Martin? Rob's
friend was called Martin? Phil's fiance was called Martin. Could it be the
same man? Was there more to Phil's story than he knew? Could this be the
reason for her not contacting him? Short of asking the man in the room
with him, the only way he could find out would be to call Cat. It seemed
he wouldn't be able to put that call off any longer.       As soon as Phil
and TJ were through the door of her apartment, Chance came from nowhere,
dashing down the hall and rubbing against Phil's leg.   She laughed and
bent to pick him up. He settled contentedly against her purring loudly.  
TJ smiled at the scene and ruffled his sister's hair. "Go take a seat,
Flip. I'll make you a sandwich. I bought some groceries for you this
morning."   Moved by her brother's thoughtfulness, Phil kicked the door
shut and followed him into the apartment. She reached up and kissed his
cheek. "Thanks, TJ."     It wasn't too long before TJ joined Phil in the
living room with a club sandwich for each of them and a jug of lemonade.
Phil smiled her thanks and set Chance aside while she ate.    "You were
hungry."   "You were right. I haven't been eating properly."   "That's not
helping Martin. You need to keep your strength up."   "I told you, TJ, I'm
fine. Things are a bit ... confused right now. I have to put all my energy
into making sure Martin is OK and then when he comes home we can go back
to normal."   "Ah, Flip, don't do this. Don't ignore reality. You and I
both know he may not come home."   Phil set her plate down and fixed her
brother with a determined stare. "He *will* come home. He *has* to. I
*promised*." Her voice grew rough. "I will make this sacrifice to ensure
that he does and then I will find a way... " Realising suddenly how much
she had unwittingly revealed, Phil stopped.   TJ stared at his sister. He
understood her denial. "This isn't a game, Phil. This is for real. I don't
know what's going on in your head, but you have to accept that this is
*so* out of your control. And what sacrifice? As much as I wish it were
different, there is absolutely nothing that you or me or anyone can do
that will ensure his safety. Don't you see that?"   Her thoughts suddenly
filled with Ben and what she must tell him, her voice was shaky when she
answered. "You don't understand."   "I do. Better than you know."   Her
emotions finally getting the better of her, Phil began to cry. "No. No,
you don't. This isn't what happened with Noelle. This is different."  
"Why is it different? Make me understand, Phil. All I see is my sister
making herself sick because someone she cares about is in trouble. I want
Martin to come home safely as much as anyone, but to he honest, I'm more
concerned about you."   Phil stared at her brother during his impassioned
plea. She knew he worried for her, but he could not understand the things
she felt, she knew that by the things he said.   "I slept with Ben at
Flagstaff." The words fell from her lips of their own volition.   "What!?"
  Phil shot to her feet and paced away from her brother. "You heard. Me
and Ben. We made love. We had sex. We *fucked*, TJ. More than once."  
"Phil!"   She spun to face him, her face twisted with emotion. "Come on,
TJ. Don't tell me you're surprised. Your little sister has a sex life.
Isn't that what you wanted?"   TJ rose slowly, not sure how to ask what he
knew he must. "Did you ...I hope ..."   "Don't worry. We were safe.
Physically, at least."   "What do you mean?"   "There's no prophylactic
for emotions, is there? You can't put a condom on your heart."   Moved
almost to tears by his sister's uncharacteristic harsh words, TJ reached
for her and pulled her against his chest. "What are you saying, Phil?"  
Exhausted and overwhelmed, she collapsed against TJ's solid bulk and
sobbed out the whole story. She told him about the unexpected meeting,
their conversations over the two weeks, Ben's ultimatum and their final
night together. She told him about her visit with Lloyd and how he had
demanded she put an end to the anguish one way or another and the decision
she made on the rock by the swimming hole. As a gnawing fear started in
the pit of TJ's stomach she told him about the promise she had made during
her flight home.   "Dear God, Phil," TJ ground out. His gentle, troubled
sister was prepared to forego her own happiness in the belief that it
would bring Martin home. "It doesn't work like that."   "I made a deal
with God."   Remembering only too well his pain after Noelle's death, TJ
was too skeptical to accept it could be that easy. He prayed that this
time God would be more compassionate. He swayed slightly, rocking Phil as
she cried. He had held her like this so many times in her life and too
many of those times had been related to Benton Fraser. He prayed that it
would stop soon.   "I think you need to sleep," TJ told his sister when
her sobs slowed. "Let me put you to bed."   Phil did not protest. She let
TJ lead her to her bedroom, only vaguely aware of his comment about the
state of the room. She knew it was a mess.   "You've got clothes
everywhere," TJ told her as he pushed her into a sitting position on the
edge of the unmade bed.   "I'm sorry ..." her voice trailed off.   TJ
kneeled in front of her to remove her shoes. "Flip, I don't give a damn
about the mess. It's you I care about, you're normally a neat freak." He
caught sight of the pack she must have taken with her to the Canyon. It
lay abandoned at the foot of the bed, still bulging with the accoutrements
of her trip. "Jesus, you haven't even unpacked."   "I'll do it later,"
Phil promised as TJ slid her sandals from her feet and pulled her into a
standing position.   "You'll have to sleep in the guest room. These sheets
need changing."   Phil didn't protest as TJ pulled her down the hall to
her tiny guest room. She was asleep before he even pulled the covers over
her.       Her conscience not at all eased by the visit with Jimmy
Sunsinger, Cat steered her truck towards the mall in search of some other
distraction. Retail therapy was not normally a theory she ascribed to, but
today she was bored, restless, and just a little bit sorry not to be
working. Anything was worth a try.   Midweek the mall was empty and she
parked right by the entrance. Within seconds Cat was in the heart of the
mall strolling past shops she normally rushed by. She stopped outside a
tiny candy store that sold home made chocolates. This was exactly what she
needed. The aroma drew her inside.   A glass cabinet ran the width of the
store, with three shelves of handmade delicacies that had her drooling.
When the proprietor of the store smiled and offered her a sample, Cat knew
she was lost. As the delicious chocolate melted in her mouth she thought
instantly of another chocolate fan. Phil. A broad smile lit her face and
she began pointing out her selections.   Five minutes later she emerged
with two small boxes of chocolates, one each for her and Phil and an idea
that would occupy her for the rest of the afternoon.   Two hours later she
had collected numerous items ready to be packed and sent off to Chicago.
If she couldn't be there with her, then Phil would at least know that she
was thought of. Armed only with her knowledge of some of Phil's
preferences and her own thoughts about what a woman in distress needed,
Cat had selected her items carefully.    Her first choice was something
lavender. She had hoped to purchase the lavender shampoo that had excited
Phil during her visit to the mall, but the store was out of stock and
could not say when they would have some. She opted instead for bath salts,
scented with real cold pressed lavender oil and packaged into a handmade
papier-mache box, itself a work of art. Next was a pair of soft cotton,
sage green summer pyjamas, with boxer style shorts and button through
shirt top. Cat knew Phil's favourite colour was green and these pyjamas
were feminine without being frilly, just like Phil.   The next item was
one Cat was not so sure of, for it was her taste and she could only guess
that it would bring Phil pleasure. It was CD of traditional Native
American flute music played by a Taos Pueblo man famous for his haunting
style. She found it soothing to listen to at night and hoped Phil would
too.    Next came something that Cat would not normally buy: a small
stuffed animal. It was a polar bear, something close to her heart. Polar
bears had been her parents' subject of study for a great many years. She
hoped it would remind Phil of Canada.   Cat purchased a small cardboard
box to pack it in. It was an impulse purchase because the box was
decorated with columbines. She packed the items into the box, along with
her original purchase of chocolate and filled any empty spaces with fudge
and other sweets and a selection of crystals purchased from an esoteric
bookshop. On top she placed a hunter green silk scarf she found just as
she was about to leave the mall.    With the box sealed, she set off for
the post office where she packaged it into a larger padded one and sent if
south to Phil. When she set off for home, her heart was lighter than when
the day started. She only hoped Phil liked her gift.       Ray wasn't much
good at waiting. Every two minutes he glanced at the door through which
Ben and Rob McKenzie had disappeared. What was going on in there? He had
two worries. First and foremost he was concerned about Ben's back. He knew
the fall had aggravated his back injury and that was not good. In
addition, the bullet in Ben's back, from Ray's own gun, was on the move
and no one could say what long-term damage it could do.   Then there was
Phil. Ray was unsure if he had done the right thing in pushing his friend
to resolve things. If his back was seriously injured and needed surgery,
he would not have the energy to deal with the news Phil had for him.  
Leaning his head back against the pale green wall of the waiting area, Ray
closed his eyes briefly and thought about Ben. In the time they had been
friends there had been so little joy in the Mountie's life. There had been
a brief sign of lightness in his eyes when Victoria had reappeared in his
life. Ray almost smiled as he remembered the day he appeared at Ben's door
asking him if he had a woman inside. When Ben had replied, there had been
a childlike innocence that had touched Ray to the depths of his soul and
warmed him in a way he rarely thought about. But that had been snuffed out
as quickly as it appeared when Victoria had turned on both of them with a
venom Ray had rarely seen in all his years of police work.   He thought he
would never see his friend smile. During Cat's visit over the Holidays,
Ray saw a far different side of Ben and once Cat told him of the young
Benton Fraser that she had fallen in love with, Ray's despair grew deeper,
for the other man's loss went far deeper than he could ever imagine. It
seemed that in the years since he had met Victoria Ben's life had gone
from that of a carefree, ambitious young police officer to a haunted and
withdrawn man.	  But now Ray knew that it was about more than Victoria.
The reason for Ben's sadness was the hole Phil McKenzie had left in his
life.   During their Grand Canyon vacation, Ray saw first hand all that
Ben had lost. The morning after spending the night with Phil, he had been
relaxed and smiling, his body wearing his contentment easily. The
possibility of the two of them reconciling made Ray happy, too. He looked
forward to getting to know the Ben Fraser that both Phil and Cat had told
him so much about.   But there was a bad side to the good. Ray now shared
the knowledge that Cat and Phil had both tried to keep from him. Ben had
fathered a child. How devastating would that knowledge be?   A shiver ran
through Ray and he sat upright, blinking to clear his thoughts. Leaning
forward he clasped his hands together and rested his elbows on his knees.
He glanced briefly at the door to Rob McKenzie's office. 'What's going on
in there?' he wondered. 'Will Benny need surgery?' Before long, his mind
was full of all the things he had learned about the bullet in Ben's back.
He knew the risks. And it terrified him. Was this the right time to be
pushing Ben and Phil together?     It didn't take TJ long to get Phil's
bedroom tidied up. He remade the bed with her favourite sheets; pale
lavender linen. He collected the dirty clothing strewn around the room,
shaking his head and frowning at his sister's state of distress. Never
before had he seen her live like this. Even during the worst of her
despair after her break up with Ben she had never left her belongings like
this.   Between the sheets and clothing, he had almost enough for a load
of laundry. The clothes in Phil's pack would surely complete it. He
reached for the pack and began emptying the contents onto the bedroom
floor. After removing the clothes and taking them to the laundry room, TJ
returned and began to sort the rest of the equipment.   Harnesses, ropes
and the like went into a plastic tub to be cleaned and repaired when Phil
was in a better state. Her notes and files went into her office for
filing. Finally the only item remaining was a large bag of 35mm film
canisters. TJ knew his sister loved to take photos on her trips and one of
the delights for the team members was receiving a trip album personalised
by Phil. She never told her group they would receive it. She would send it
to them a few weeks after the trip. TJ knew she had received many letters
and calls of praise for her albums personalised to each member. Maybe this
was something she should be doing now to keep her occupied. He would take
the rolls of film to Jeff for processing.     After leaving the hospital,
Ray drove Ben to the Consulate. He accompanied his friend to Inspector
Thatcher's office to explain his prolonged absence. All set to chew them
both out, she was silenced when Ray produced a short letter written by Rob
McKenzie. Meg Thatcher pursed her lips when she read it. Her previous
experience with Dr McKenzie had left a sour taste and she did not like
this reminder of her insensitivity. Finally, she sent Ben home for the
remainder of the day.      The late afternoon sun cast long shadows as Ray
left Ben's apartment building. He hesitated for a moment on the sidewalk,
wondering if he should go back upstairs and demand his friend come to his
house for dinner. He didn't like the thought of him being alone at this
time. The thought passed as quickly as it had arrived; Ben was in no state
to deal with the ferocious attention of his sister. Best to leave him
rest.    Ray shrugged and set off towards the Riv. He was too restless and
worried to go back to work. Unlocking the door, he slid into the driver's
seat and dropped his head back onto the headrest. Why did this have to be
so complicated? Why couldn't Phil just give him her answer and let Ben get
on with his life? What was taking so long?    With a resigned sigh, he
started the engine and steered the car into the traffic with no real
destination in mind.        Diefenbaker's nails clipped on the hardwood
floor of apartment 3J. Ben listened to his approach and dropped his hand
to meet the animal he knew would find there. He ruffled Dief's fur and let
his hand hang when the wolf, satisfied with the greeting, wandered away.  
A shiver ran through him and he was suddenly more weary than he could ever
remember being. Moving as if on automatic pilot, Ben lowered himself to
his narrow cot and took off his boots. Then, in an uncharacteristic move
that told of his tiredness, he lay down, still fully clothed, and pulled a
thin blanket over his weary body.   It seemed that sleep, like every other
thing he wanted, was to elude him. Although his body ached and his limbs
lay heavy on the thin mattress, his mind thrummed with energy and that
energy had only one source: Phil McKenzie.   What was he to do? He thought
about what he had learned from Rob McKenzie and wondered if there was a
connection. Was Phil's fianc the man that Rob spoke of? Was this the
reason for her silence?    Or was there more to it than that? In the cold
light of day had she simply decided that contemplating a relationship with
him was too risky?    A thought hit him and his heart suddenly pounded.
Pressuring Phil to give him an answer was the wrong way to handle her. She
was a willful woman and did not take kindly to being told what to do.
Plus, if her fianc were the man Rob spoke of she would surely be in no
state of mind to consider his ultimatum.   Ben slapped a hand to his
forehead. How could he be so stupid? In the way he was beginning to
recognise as the selfishness Cat had claimed it to be, he had made the
demand, thinking only to end his own pain. He had given no thought to
Phil. He had made a mistake and he was suddenly, painfully sorry.   He
rolled onto his side and stared at Dief asleep on the floor, not for the
first time envying the wolf's simple life and easy slumber. Maybe he would
take the pain medication Rob had pressed on him at the hospital.       It
was the early hours of the next morning before Phil awakened. The light
spilling from around the blind illuminated the room enough to show her she
had slept in her spare room. It took a moment for her to recall how she
came to be there.   She smiled when she remembered how TJ had taken care
of her the day before. She knew she was lucky to have brothers like that.
Then her thoughts drifted naturally to Rob. TJ was right: Martin was his
friend and he was suffering too. It was time she shook off her despair and
rejoined the world. She couldn't help Martin any other way.   It was time
to face the demons she had avoided.   First on that list of demons was
Benton Fraser. Phil knew he awaited her answer. She also knew that the
reason she had not given it to him was because the answer she knew she
must give was not the answer she wanted to give.   Flinging the sheet
away, Phil swung her feet over the edge of the bed and headed for the
bathroom. There were other, more pressing, tasks awaiting her and she
suddenly needed to get to her office.       Ray was never a morning person
at the best of times, but today he was worse than normal. He shoved the
door of Chicago's 27th precinct so hard that it slammed against the wall,
causing the desk sergeant to snarl in his direction. Ray ignored him and
stomped up the stairs, irritated by his lack of sleep and his concern for
things that he wished he didn't have to think about at all.    Elaine
beckoning to him as he charged his way through the bullpen's swinging
doors made things immediately worse.   "You're late, Ray," she told him,
fending off his anger with expertise. "Welsh has been bellowing for you
for the last twenty minutes."   "Jeeee sus!" Ray intoned. "Can't a guy get
a cup of coffee before the world starts hassling him?"   The Civilian Aide
opened her mouth to reply, but Welsh beat her to the punch, leaning out
the door of his office. "Vecchio! In here! Now!"   There was no ignoring
the summons. Ray looked imploringly at Elaine who just shrugged and
returned to her work. He straightened his tie and headed towards Welsh's
office.   "You wanted to see me?" he asked innocently, hovering in the
doorway, one hand on the doorknob.   "I wanted to see you half an hour
ago," Welsh snarled at the Detective, "at your appointed start time."
Holding up his hand to forestall anything Ray would have said, he waved
him into the room. "Spare me, Vecchio. Just shut the goddamn door and sit
down."   Ray stepped fully into the room and shut the door behind him.
Only then did he realise that there was someone else in the room. Lounging
on the small sofa, at an angle that had kept him hidden from the other
side of the half glass wall, was a thin, angular, blonde man.   "Hey," Ray
said in grudging acknowledgement of the other man's presence. Something
about this situation was starting to make him uncomfortable.   "Thanks for
gracing us with your presence, Detective Vecchio," Welsh said as Ray
settled onto a chair. "I'd like you to meet Detective Kowalski."   The
blonde flowed from the sofa with a grace that Ray had to admire. He held
out his hand.   "Ray Kowalski."   Ray looked him up and down, taking in
the shapeless jeans sitting low on his hips, the dull, wrinkled grey
cotton shirt that looked like something from a thrift shop and the aviator
sunglasses tucked into the neckline, all set off by the ragged blonde hair
that looked like it had never seen a comb. He grimaced. This guy was no
detective. Grudgingly, Ray shook the proffered hand.   "*Ray* Kowalski?"  
"Yeah?" Welsh challenged, "Deal with it, Detective. You two are working
together on this car theft thing."   "Car theft? What car theft thing?"  
Welsh fixed him with a strong gaze and asked in a voice dripping with
sarcasm, "Tell me, Vecchio, do you ever read the bulletins that go
around?"   Ray gave a look that spoke eloquently of his thoughts.
Detective Kowalski melted back onto the sofa and watched the banter
between the two men with a hint of amusement showing in his eyes.   "As
much as it pains me to tell you this, your arrest rate this year has made
the 27th look good enough for someone up town to finally approve my
request for another detective." He indicated Kowalski on the sofa. "Hence
Detective Kowalski's presence."   Ray's mouth hung open and he turned to
stare at the blonde detective with renewed displeasure. "So you mean him
and me .... " his voice trailed off.   "That's exactly what I mean. Now,
Detective Kowalski has been working on cracking a car theft ring and if
you two can work it together it will mean that we benefit from his work of
the past year."   "But, Sir."   "Can it, Vecchio. It's happening. It's
time you had a partner."   "I got Fraser."   Welsh rolled his eyes. "Look,
Vecchio, Fraser isn't on staff and he's not working here officially. We
never know when the Dragon Lady is going put him on sentry duty. As much
as I like claiming credit for the work you two do together, the reality is
it ain't going to last forever. Now I suggest you and Detective Kowalski
go somewhere and get to know each other. Building Services is bringing up
another desk and the phone line and computer will be working in a couple
of hours."   Detective Kowalski rose and waited for Ray to do the same.
Instead he sat gaping at Welsh.   "What are you waiting for, Vecchio? Go.
You've got a lot of catching up to do on this case."   Lurching out of his
chair, Ray indicated the blonde man should follow him.   "C'mon. I don't
got all day."   Kowalski looked at Welsh, who just shrugged his shoulders.
Eventually he followed Ray into the bullpen.       Ben arrived at work
early. After his restless night and the mild twinge in his back, he was
keen to be occupied. Plus, he needed to make a telephone call. He wasn't
sure what he hoped to learn or even how he would go about asking and he
was not even sure Cat would tell him anyway. He dialled the string of
numbers he knew by heart, not surprised when it answered after the first
ring.   "Hello, Cat."   Several hundred miles to the north, Cat smiled at
the voice she would know anywhere. "I was wondering when I'd hear from
you."   "Didn't you get my letters?" Ben aimed for innocence but didn't
quite make it.   "Yeah, I got your letters," Cat answered, not bothering
to mask her knowing tone, "but I was sure you'd call."   Ben knew his
feigned innocence did not fool Cat, but he continued anyway. "You know I
don't have a phone and I really don't like using the Consulate phone."	 
"So why are you calling now?" Her voice dripped with smugness.   "Well, I
... "   "Ben, I know Phil led your Canyon trip."   'That's it, Cat. I can
always rely on you to cut to the chase', Ben thought as he struggled for
an answer.    "Ah ... yes ... of course you do." He took a breath before
asking his next question. "You've spoken to her then?" Had Phil shared her
thoughts with Cat? Would she give him good news?   "Not for about two
months," Cat said quickly, dispelling any hope that Ben had of getting
answers, "but she did send me a card."   "Oh ...well ..."    Ben's voice
trailed off. He didn't know what to say next, but he need not have worried
for Cat jumped in and addressed the very point that had plagued him for
two weeks.   "Look, I have no idea what went on down there, but I know you
must be pretty confused right now. You just need to give Phil some time."
  "What if I can't wait?" he asked, a note of petulance creeping into his
voice in a way that he only let happen with Cat.   Cat heard his tone and
ignored it as she always did. She wondered if anyone Ray ever saw this
side of his friend.    "You have to. Phil has things going on in her life
... she will call you, Ben."   "Things? What things? I don't understand,
Cat. What is it you're not telling me?"   Cat sighed. This was territory
they had covered before and she did not want to visit again. "I can't tell
you any more. We've had this discussion before. When Phil's ready to tell
you, she will."   When Ben finally ended the conversation with Cat he was
more confused and distressed than he had been before. What was it that Cat
would not tell him? Was Phil in some sort of trouble? What could be more
important than the ultimatum he had given her?	    "Phil! I wasn't
expecting you." Mark set down his first coffee of the day and rounded his
desk to greet his employer. "Did the High Commission throw you out?"   
Since her return from the Grand Canyon two weeks earlier, the BakTrak
employees had grown used to Phil leaving for the Cambodian High Commission
early in the morning and not returning until the end of the day. They saw
her only if they chanced upon her in the elevator.   "No, Mark," Phil
replied a little shyly. "TJ convinced me there really is no point me
sitting in the foyer of the Cambodian High Commission all day. I mean,
that's not going to get Martin released any faster and I'm neglecting my
business and ... and ... you and Jeff have been so great ... "	  "This
isn't just a job, Phil ... "   Phil's eyes misted over. Since her return
and seeming abandonment of her company, Mark and Jeff had been supportive
and patient with her, working long hours to keep on top of everything.  
Phil couldn't answer. Instead, she reached for her colleague and pulled
him into a brief hug.   "So where's Jeff?" she asked as Mark released her.
  "He's at another meeting with Whitneys Stockbrokers." Mark settled onto
the edge of his desk as Phil settled into a chair. "They want to add a
climbing and rappelling leg to their Team Building Package. Jeff's trying
to sound out how serious they are."   Phil frowned. "That means we'll have
to employ a climb leader and we really shouldn't do that until we know for
sure that's what Whitneys want." She enjoyed the opportunity to slip into
her business persona again and leave behind her worries, if only for a
moment.   "Do you want me to start looking for someone?"   Did she want
that? Was BakTrak ready for another employee? Could she afford it? She
hadn't even thought to check BakTrak's finances lately and she hadn't
spoken to her accountant for two months. How did this happen? How did she
get to the point where she had no idea what her own company was doing?  
Mark saw her distress. "I'm sorry, Phil. Now isn't the time to talk about
it. You've got too many things on your mind."   She shook off the growing
panic and sat upright, her face giving nothing away. "No, Mark, I have to
keep on top of things."   "There's a pile of things on your desk I really
need you to look at," Mark said, relieved that Phil was ready to take an
interest again.   "Good," Phil rose, a blank mask snapping into place. She
pointed in the direction of her office. "That's where I'll be if you need
me."       "So, Kowalski, don't think you're going muscle in on my cases
and take the credit."   "I was going to say the same thing to you,
Vecchio. I'm the one who brought this stolen car ring to light and I've
got a year's worth of case notes to prove it. Don't *you* go thinking
you're going to take the credit for it."   Ray muttered something under
his breath in Italian and Kowalski dutifully ignored it.   "I know you and
the Mountie got some sort of crack team thing going on. Every cop in
Chicago is talking about it. I didn't take this transfer to get a piece of
your action. I took it cause the 27th has got the best arrest rate in
Chicago and it's good for my career to work here."   "And why do we got
the best arrest rate? Cause of me. And I ain't going to let you just waltz
in here and mooch off of me."   "From what I hear, your record was pretty
much like shit before the Mountie came along."   Ray cursed long and hard
in Italian, then in English.   "For chrissakes, Vecchio. I didn't take
this transfer to personally piss you off. Why don't you just lose the
fucking attitude and let's do some real cop work."   "Fuck you, Kowalski."
  "Nah. You're not my type. Got a sister?"   Ray gave him a look that
could cut glass, then strode off to the coffee room. Kowalski watched the
Italian lope away from him, shook his head, and wondered why he had taken
this transfer. After a moment he followed.      "Good morning, Elaine,"
Ben greeted the Civilian Aide as he came into the bullpen. Feeling
restless after his call with Cat, he had chosen to come and make his
statement about the chase the day before, rather than leave it to after
work as he had originally planned.   "Hi, Fraser," she smiled in return.
"Are you OK after yesterday's injury?"   "Yes, thank you kindly. I took
some pain medication yesterday and I've had a deep sleep. Today I feel
quite refreshed."   "I'm glad. If you're looking for Ray, he's in the
coffee room."   He tipped his hat. "Thank you kindly, Elaine."   With that
he headed in the direction of the coffee room, Diefenbaker on his heels.
Ben heard Ray's voice ranting at someone as he rounded the corner.   "How
can I run this if I don't see your notes?"   Then came a voice that Ben
did not recognise. "You're *not* seeing the notes and you're *not* running
this, Vecchio. I am."   "Fuck you, Kowalski."   "You already said that.
You got to get some new lines."   Ben appeared in the doorway before Ray
could let fly with a response.   "Good morning, Ray."   "Benny. Thank god
you're here." He flew from his seat, blocking the entrance to the room.
"You're not going to believe what's happened."   Ben looked around Ray,
trying to see whom he had argued with. "Is something wrong?"   "You betcha
something's wrong."   Before Ray could tell Ben the story, the Mountie
caught sight of the fair-haired man at the table. His eyes widened and his
normal cool composure was instantly gone.   He grabbed Ray's arm and
dragged him into the corridor. "Ray, I really must speak to you."   "What
is it, Benny? What's got you agitated?"   "That man in the coffee room.
He's the one I saw breaking into the car yesterday."   "What?" Ray screwed
up his face and ran a hand across the top of his head. "He's a cop,
Fraser."   "I'm telling you, Ray. He's the man I chased yesterday." He
leaned closer and spoke conspiratorially. "I never forget a face."   Ray
studied his companion for a moment. What he said was true. He was rarely
wrong. Did that mean Kowalski was working a case that had seen Ben
injured? His list of reasons for despising the blonde detective had just
grown. His eyes took on a feral gleam and he turned back to the coffee
room where the other man awaited him.   "Kowalski, you asshole, you got
some explaining to do."       "The trip photos are ready, Phil. Do you
want me to pick them up?"   Phil's head jerked up when she heard the voice
of her friend and colleague, Jeff Bowers. She had been so caught up in
trawling through the piles of notes, files and correspondence that had
accumulated on her desk that she hadn't even heard his return to the
BakTrak office.   "Oh, the photos ... " her voice trailed off.	  With all
that had ensued since her hasty return to Chicago, the photos from the
Canyon trip were long forgotten. TJ told her he had given them to Jeff.
Ever efficient and vigilant, Jeff had taken all her trip files and seen to
all the things she had no mind for, photo processing included. After two
weeks of spending most of her days sitting in the lobby of the Cambodian
High Commission and learning more about that country's politics than she
cared to know, Phil was ready for a distraction.   "I'll go," Phil
answered hastily, "a walk would do me good."   "I can go," Jeff answered,
slightly troubled by the faraway look in her eyes.   "No, no, I want to
go."    Phil stepped out from behind her desk gathering up her purse and
new cellphone as she did. She had heeded Rob's advice and purchased the
phone as soon as she had landed in Chicago. Now she carried it everywhere,
ever hopeful of some good news of Martin.   "I have my cellphone," Phil
said, walking into the main reception area of BakTrak and stopping by
Jeff's desk. "If William Stevenson calls, give him the number ... and if
... "   "I know, Phil," Jeff said as he followed her, "anyone from the
High Commission or from Boston."   She smiled sadly, glancing from Jeff to
Mark, who lounged in the doorway of his office. "Thanks guys." Clipping
her phone onto her belt, she left the office.   On the street Phil enjoyed
the guilty pleasure of walking in the midday sun. For the briefest moment
she allowed herself to forget her troubles. For the five minutes it would
take to walk to the photographic shop there would be no Ben, no Martin, no
BakTrak. For that moment she was free.	  She never saw the car that hit
her.       "You were *undercover*?" Ray's voice rose to a shrill register.
"A fact you neglected to mention? What the fuck is your problem,
Kowalski?"   Ray Kowalski leaned back in his chair and look nonchalant. "I
ain't *got* no problem, Vecchio. I was working my case the way I saw fit.
I was wearing the colours. Didn't you see me?"   Ray swallowed. All
plain-clothes cops wore a coloured bandanna to identify themselves to
other cops when they were on the street. Each day the chosen colour was
written in large blue letters on top of the case board in the bullpen. Had
he stopped to check the board yesterday? Had he looked for the colour
before he unclipped his gun as he chased Ben and Kowalski down the street?
Placing his hands flat on the table he leaned over the other detective and
tried to look menacing.   "Hey, asshole," he said, less confidently than
before, "every lowlife scum in Chicago wears colours. Why should I think
you're a cop?"   Kowalski looked up at him through lowered lashes wearing
an expression that made Ray want to slap him.   "Did you know what the
colours were yesterday?"   Ray pushed away from the desk. "Fuck you,
Kowalski."   Kowalski shook his head. "Man, that's getting old. You need a
scriptwriter."   "F ... bite me." Ray made a gesture with one hand. "The
fact is, Fraser got hurt cause of you."   Kowalski was about to give a
reply that was obviously colourful. Ben stepped between the men and held
up his hands.   "Gentlemen, please. Yes, I was injured, but not seriously.
Besides, I am at fault here. I was the one who saw Detective Kowalski and
presumed him to be a criminal. I did not check the colours for the day,
nor did I check to see if the man I was chasing was wearing them." He
turned to the blonde. "Detective Kowalski, I am terribly sorry to have
caused this trouble."   Ray surged between them. "You're *apologising*?
Benny, are you nuts?"   Before anyone could say anything further,
Detective Huey appeared in the coffee room doorway.   "Kowalski, Uniform
is just bringing in a guy that matches the description of your car thief.
Your surveillance team spooked him and he took off in a stolen car.
Ploughed through an intersection and took out six people. They've all been
taken to Cook County."   Kowalski flowed from his seat and slapped Ray on
the shoulder as he headed to the door.   "C'mon, Vecchio, we got witnesses
to interview." He brushed past Ben as he headed out the door. "Nice
meeting you, Fraser. See you round."   Ray snarled and started to speak,
but the look on Ben's face stopped him. "I'll drop you off at the
Consulate, Benny."       At Cook County it took only a few minutes to
locate someone to direct the detectives to the victims. After a hasty
discussion about questions, they separated and set about the task of
interviewing three witnesses each. The both concurred it would be easier
to split the load and work separately.   Ray's first two interviews were
over in minutes. Neither man had seen the car that hit them and could tell
Ray nothing that would help further Kowalski's case. He stopped in the
corridor for a moment to gather his thoughts after the events of the
morning. With his concern for Ben and the sudden assignment of a new
partner, today was not turning out to be one of his better days. He wished
he were anywhere but where he was. The interviews were a waste of time. As
soon as he had his third, he would find Kowalski and high tail it back to
the House. If they were going to be stuck together, there were a few
things he wanted to get straight with the other detective first.   He
pushed away from the wall, straightened his tie and demanded a nurse
direct him to the third victim. She pointed to a small glass walled
cubicle and when Ray turned away she did something else with another
finger that he didn't see.   Already anticipating the results of the
interview, he was talking and flashing his badge as he opened the door.  
"Detective Vecchio, Chicago PD." Without looking up he whipped out his
notepad. "I know you didn't see anything, so let's start with your name."
  "Ray?" said a feminine voice.   At the sound of his name, Ray's head
snapped up, his eyes widening at the sight of the familiar dark haired
woman in the bed.    "Phil? What the hell are you doing here?" The last
time he had seen her was in the Vishnu Room when he had given her the keys
to the room he shared with Ben.   She rolled her eyes and indicated her
bandaged arm and shoulder. "I was wondering that myself. Now I've ended up
with a dislocated shoulder. What I want to know is why this always happens
to me."   Dragging a chair close to the bed, Ray sat down and stared at
the dark-haired beauty on the bed. "I can't believe it."   "That's what I
thought when that wretched car threw me into a trash can."   "But how ...
why ... ?"   "Ray, you're the cop. I think you're supposed to tell me."
She covered her face with her hand and burst into tears. "Why is this
happening to me?"   Phil's sudden mood change had Ray out of his chair and
onto the bed in a heartbeat. He gathered her into a hug and stroked her
hair. "Phil. You're OK. We'll get this guy, don't worry."   She pushed
away and stared up at him. "You're just like all the others, Ray. You
don't understand." She indicated her shoulder again. "This is nothing. You
have no idea what I'm going through."   Completely bewildered and a little
frightened by the look in Phil's eyes, Ray slid back to his chair.   
"Tell me about it. Tell me what happened."   She fixed him with a stony
glare and told him what had taken place since the last time they had seen
each other. Ray leaned forward and took her free hand, his eyes widening
with each new thing she told him. As she neared the end of her story the
door opened and Ray Kowalski appeared in the doorway.   "Hey, Vecchio. I'm
done."	  Ray didn't take his eyes off Phil. "Get out of here, Kowalski."
  "I just want to know how much longer you're going to be."   Ray turned
his head slightly so that he could see Kowalski out of the corner of his
eye. "Fuck *off*, Kowalski."   The blonde held his hands up and withdrew
into the corridor.   Ray returned his attention to Phil. "I don't know
what to say, Phil."   She shrugged and a coldness filled her eyes.
"Nothing to say, Ray. This is my life. Nothing ever goes right for me.
Tell Ben he's better off without me, anyway."   "I will not. Anything you
want to say to Benny you're going to have to say yourself."   Phil said
nothing. She just gave a determined stare that Ray recognised as
unmovable.       Rob McKenzie took the stairs three at a time, thankful
that he had maintained his running regime. His sister was downstairs in
Emergency and there was no time to waste. He located Mark Greene who
pointed him to the room where Phil waited. Skulking in the corridor
outside was a tall, scruffy blonde man. Rob flew at him.   "What are you
doing hanging around here? Get back the Waiting area."   Detective
Kowalski said nothing. He stared at the man before him and fumbled with
his badge. Holding in front of the other man's face he said,   "Detective
Kowalski, Chicago PD. I'm waiting for my ..." he hesitated to say the word
that described the man in the room behind him, " ... partner."   Rob tried
to see into the room. "There's a detective in there?"   Kowalski nodded.
Rob pushed past him and shoved the door open. He was angry and worried and
had a lot to say to the police about the state of crime in the city. His
head was so full of thoughts that he was speaking even before he fully
entered the room.    "I'm Dr McKenzie. This is my sister. What are you
doing about catching the man who did this?" He came to a complete stop
beside the bed; his mouth hanging open when he realised just who sat on
the other side.    "What the hell are you doing here, Detective Vecchio?" 
  Ray saw the other man's stern look and knew its source. He and Rob
McKenzie had never really seen eye-to-eye, right from their first meeting,
although back then he hadn't known it was because of Ben. And now he had
to deal with him twice in as many days.   His lip curled and he bit back
on things he really wanted to say. "My job," he snarled, barely
controlling himself.   Ray rose to his feet and tucked his notebook into
his pocket. He held Rob's eyes for a moment and then turned his attention
to the woman on the bed, flashing her a warm smile.    "I'll be in touch,
Phil."	  He looked over at Rob again and then, because it would annoy him
and because he wanted to, Ray leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.
  He left the room and joined his new partner in the corridor. Out of the
frying pan into the fire, he thought to himself as the blonde pushed away
from the cart he leaned on and sauntered over to meet him. Why is this my
life? Ray wondered as they left the hospital.       "That was completely
uncalled for, Rob," Phil snapped at her brother. "Ray was just doing his
job."   Ray? Rob reached for the chart hanging at the foot of the bed,
flipping the pages angrily. It seemed that Ray Vecchio and hence Benton
Fraser were destined to remain a part of his life and that was something
he could not deal with at this time.   "You seem to be well acquainted
with Detective Vecchio," Rob said making it sound almost like an
accusation.   "Yes, I am." She crossed her arms and glared at her brother
at the foot of the bed. "Ray was on my rafting trip."   Suddenly,
something Benton Fraser had said the day before sense. He had said that he
and Ray were on vacation in the Grand Canyon and Phil just told him that
Ray was on her trip. That meant that Ben was on her trip, too. What was
going on? He asked his sister.   "What do you mean?" Phil's bewilderment
with her brother's odd behaviour was clear. Why was he acting like this?  
Rob let out a long breath and returned Phil's chart to its hanger.
Gripping the rail of the bed with both hands, he leaned forward and stared
at her with eyes Phil had never seen before.   "I mean, you're seeing Ben
while Martin's life is in danger."   Shocked, she sat silent, watching as
the man in her brother's clothes stared at her.   "What are you accusing
me of?" How had he jumped to this conclusion? Did TJ tell him about
Flagstaff? Did he think she was still seeing Ben while Martin was being
held captive?   "Why, what have you *done*?"   Rob's implication made her
gasp. How could he suggest that? She struggled to find words to say what
she wanted. Instead, only tears came.   "Martin loves you. I've known him
a long, long time and I've never seen him react to a woman the way he
reacted to you. What has Ben ever done for you? Got you pregnant and then
dumped you! Didn't even care enough to read your letters. Martin is my
*friend*!"   Phil stared at her brother, crying silently, absorbing Rob's
onslaught. Why was he doing this? For the first terrifying time in her
life all she wanted was to get away from him.   "Martin asked me to marry
him before he left," Phil said softly, but firmly. "When he comes home I
will tell him yes. I haven't seen Ben since the Canyon and I doubt that I
will again." Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she met her
brother's harsh stare and equalled it. "Now get out of here and don't
speak to me unless it's to apologise.   After Rob left the room, Phil took
three deep, calming breaths before ringing for a nurse and demanding to
check out.       It was a quiet afternoon in the Consulate. Constable
Turnbull's shift was finished and Inspector Thatcher had left, saying she
was to attend a meeting, although Ben had overheard her make a beauty
appointment earlier in the day. It didn't matter either way to him. He
enjoyed the rare silence in the big, old building.   With uncharacteristic
abandon he pushed his chair back and swung his feet onto his desk, folding
his hands into his lap. It was a welcome relief to have no pressing work
to attend to. It gave him time to think about things. Of course, it only
took a minute for his thoughts to drift to his visit to the 27th precinct
earlier that day. It seemed Ray had a new partner, a man who was also
named Ray. He frowned. This business of two Rays was definitely set to
become confusing. He would just have to address him as Detective Kowalski.
But then again, maybe he would not be spending any time together with the
two detectives, so the point was moot. Why worry about a situation that
may never arise?    Then a thought struck him. If Ray had an official
partner there would be less opportunity for him to accompany his friend on
cases. Maybe the new Ray would resent his presence, as the old Ray
initially had. But then, maybe the new Ray would grow to appreciate his
input, just as the old Ray had. But did it mean that Ray would have less
time for him in his life? That made Ben sad.    With Becka working in
Kitimat and Cat in Moose Jaw, he had come to value the part Ray played in
his day-to-day life. He knew he and Ray had always been close, but after
sharing the Canyon vacation they had grown closer, more so when Ray
learned the extent of his relationship with Phil. That wouldn't change,
would it?   Not so relaxed any more, Ben dropped his feet to the carpet
and sat upright in his wooden chair. It was important that he address the
situation immediately, before the two Rays squeezed him out. He would go
to the precinct and talk to Ray about it.       An hour of shoving the
less than co-operative stolen car driver around the interview room showed
the two Detectives they would get no information out of him for the time
being. After a brief argument in the hall outside the interview rooms, the
two men finally agreed that some time cooling his heels in the lock up
might make the driver more willing to talk. In silence, they returned to
their desks to finish the paperwork from their interviews at the hospital.
    "How do you want the witness statements filed, Vecchio?" Kowalski
asked sometime later, waving the freshly typed statements in the air.  
Still smarting from their argument in the hall, Ray tilted his chin
petulantly. "*Now* you're asking me what I want?"   Kowalski rolled his
eyes. "For crying out loud, just tell me how you file them!"   "Alphabetic
order under the case number, if that's OK with you."   Kowalski shrugged
and set about his task.   Ray turned back to his computer and continued
typing. After a few minutes he spoke without looking up. "And don't ever
walk in on my interview again, Kowalski."   Although several hours and
another interview had passed, Kowalski knew instantly what the other man
referred to. The way Ray had ordered him out of the hospital room had
raised his shackles and made him wonder what was really going on.  
"Interview?" he scoffed. "Looked to me like you were delivering some
pretty heavy lines."   Ray stared at his new partner. Should he tell
Kowalski how he knew Phil McKenzie? Did he need to know who she was? That
raised another, more important question. Should he tell Ben what he
learned today? Should he tell him about Phil's fianc or about her
injuries? His eyes strayed from the face of the man opposite him and
settled on the other side of the room, looking at, but not seeing, the
other detectives at work.   "Yo, Vecchio. You still in there?"   The smart
assed tone brought Ray's attention back and he muttered a curse in Italian
before returning to his work, leaving his partner to the filing. But he
was unable to concentrate. Thoughts of Ben and Phil and their collected
tragedies imposed themselves on everything he did.   A little while later
Detective Kowalski returned to his chair.   "Filing's done, Vecchio.   
Ray lifted his head, his eyes falling instantly on a pile of photographs
sitting neatly on the corner of his partner's desk. "What about the
polaroids, Kowalski?"   "You didn't tell me you wanted them in there."
Kowalski grinned cheekily, seeming to enjoy pissing his new partner off.
"You just told me to file the witness statements in alphabetic order under
the case number."   Lip already curling in a snarl, he lurched out of his
chair and yanked the filing cabinet open. "Not without the goddamn
pictures, you moron." Reaching for the stack of pictures they had taken at
the hospital, he sat down again and began the task of matching photograph
to statement. He stopped when he got to the one of Phil.   "Something
between you and her?" Kowalski asked casually, his keen eyes missing
nothing.   Ray didn't look up. His thoughts drifted again. "What?"   "You
were holding her hand when I came in the room. Thought maybe she was a
girlfriend or something."   "Or something not that it's any business of
yours Kowalski. She's a ... friend ... of a friend ... " his voice
softened and the words dried up. What words could he use to describe Phil?
  The fair-haired detective shrugged. "Whatever. Just trying to take an
interest. After all, we're going to be spending a lot of time together."  
His cocky persona back in place, Ray jerked his head up and stared at his
partner. "Don't remind me."   Kowalski clapped one hand over his heart and
tipped his head back over dramatically. "I'm hurt."   "Get over it."   The
intercom on Ray's desk buzzed before Kowalski could get a witty retort
out. It was the desk sergeant downstairs.   "Vecchio, I got a Dr McKenzie
here to sign a witness statement."   Phil? Already? Why was she out of
hospital so soon? "OK, send her up," he told the desk sergeant, then
addressed his partner. "Phil McKenzie's here to sign her statement."   A
smug grin crossed Kowalski's face then was gone. "You want to take care of
it?" he asked, not even trying to veil the note of sarcasm in his voice.  
"Yeah," Ray said, pointedly, snatching up Phil's file as the ping of the
elevator sounded. "I'll be in Interview One if you're looking for me."  
"Whatever," he tossed at Ray's departing back.   Kowalski peered out into
the hall, watching as Ray greeted the woman getting out of the elevator.
There was a story there somewhere, but it looked like he wasn't about to
find out anytime soon. So what if his partner had a thing for one of the
victims? He shrugged and returned to his work.       Ray reached to help
Phil as she left the elevator, but she batted his hands away.   "It's just
a dislocated shoulder, Ray."   He remembered how stubborn she could be.
Pointing the way with the file in his hand, he directed her to the
interview room.    "I thought they'd keep you in for observation tonight."
  Phil didn't speak until she was seated in the hard wooden chair that had
last held the man responsible for her injury.    "I checked out."    "Your
brother let you out?" Ray settled on the chair opposite her, not at all
surprised by the strained look in her eyes.   Phil fixed him with the
determined stare he had come to expect from her. "*I* let myself out. It's
just a dislocated shoulder. I've had worse. Rob can be a little
overprotective sometimes."   Smiling a little as he thought of his own
brotherly behaviour, he threw her a tender look. "Yeah, well brothers are
like that."   Phil's face softened and her voice lowered. "I should
apologise for his behaviour, Ray."   He shrugged. Rob McKenzie didn't
threaten him. "Don't sweat it, Phil. Your brother and I have learned to
deal with each other over the past couple of years with Benny's ... well
... " He stopped suddenly, annoyed by his thoughtlessness.   If it upset
Phil, she didn't show it. When she spoke her voice was cool and even. "You
don't have to be afraid to say his name."   "Ah, Phil, with everything
else you got going on you don't need me to add to it."   "Since I met Cat
I've had to learn to deal with hearing Ben's name." She knew that there
was more to Ray's comment, though. She knew that he, like Ben, was waiting
for her to make her decision, but she also knew it was too soon to deal
with it. "I *will* deal with the future, but not today, OK?"   Ray smiled
and squeezed her hand. "Yeah, I know. I don't mean to pressure you." He
pulled back and opened the file he had abandoned on the table. "You came
to sign your witness statement."   He slipped a hand inside his coat,
reaching for the Waterman pen he kept there. The pocket was empty.   "Wait
here while I go get you a pen."   Ray rose and stepped into the corridor,
closing the door on Phil in the interview room. He heard the elevator ping
and turned his head instinctively towards it in time to see a white furry
blur fly into the corridor and come to rest in front of a uniformed police
officer who carried a large donut in her hand. Benton Fraser followed,
obviously apologising to the woman for Dief's behaviour.    "Oh shit!" the
words spurred Ray into action.   He had to stop Ben from seeing Phil. He
cursed again, this time under his breath and then dashed down the corridor
towards his desk. Skidding to a halt, he grabbed at Detective Kowalski's
desk.   "Kowalski, you got to help me. Fraser's coming down the hall. Tell
him I'm not here."   "What?" Kowalski looked up from his work, staring
disdainfully at his partner. "Why? I'm not going to lie for you, Vecchio."
  Ray reached over and grabbed a handful of Kowalski's t-shirt. "We're
supposed to be partners right?" he growled. "Well, partners trust each
other. Trust *me*."   The sounds of Ben's voice greeting other police
officers drifted to them. Kowalski weighed his options. He knew Vecchio's
reputation was clean and his arrest record was good. He had no reason not
to trust him.   "OK, Vecchio. But you owe me."   Ray patted Kowalski's
shirt back in place and, without thanking him, raced away using the back
hallway to the interview rooms. The door was still swinging behind him as
Ben stepped into the room.     "Good afternoon, Detective Kowalski," Ben
greeted the 27th's new addition as he approached his desk.   "Hi, Fraser.
Vecchio's not here." He caught sight of the wolf following faithfully
behind Ben and rolled his chair as far away as he could get. "Holy shit!
Is that a wolf?"    "Oh, yes. How rude of me." He waited until Dief was
seated calmly at his side. "Detective Kowalski, allow me to present my
companion, Diefenbaker."   "D ... Diefenbaker?"   "Yes. He chose the name
himself."   "The wolf chose his own name?"   "Well he *is* rather wilful,
but he *has* been a faithful companion." Ben frowned down at Dief. "Except
for that one occasion ... but you won't do that again, will you?"  
Kowalski shook his head. The Mountie was weirder than any of the stories
he had heard had led him to believe. Not for the first time, he wondered
why he had taken this transfer. A wolf that chose his own name? A man
talking to a wolf like he could understand? Not to mention a partner who
dressed like a pimp and had the vocabulary of a sailor. It was too much.
How would he ever survive this job? And why was the Mountie still here?  
"Look, I told you already, Vecchio's not here."   Clutching his stetson in
front of him, Ben shuffled nervously from foot to foot. "Oh, ah, well ...
I don't suppose you know when he will return."   "No. Didn't say." Looking
back at his computer, he hoped his curtness would make the man leave. But
it was not to be. He cocked his head slightly. "Look, is it something I
can help you with?"   Ben had a faraway look in his eyes. "No. No. I
really needed to speak to Ray."    Kowalski leaned back and assessed the
man in front of him. He wondered briefly if the Mountie had a thing for
his Italian partner. He shuddered. That would be *really* weird. "Well,
maybe he can call you or something?"    "Why, yes, Detective Kowalski."
Ben smiled and straightened slightly. "I would appreciate if you could ask
him to call me."   "You can call me Ray, you know."   "Ray?" Ben's voice
had a nervous edge to it.   "Yeah. It *is* my name."   "Yes. Yes, of
course. It's just that ... well ... it could get confusing."   Kowalski
shrugged. He had no answer to that.    The two men stared at each other
for a moment and then Ben replaced the stetson on his head, nodded once to
the new detective and turned to leave. He assumed that Diefenbaker would
follow. The wolf had other ideas.   Dief trotted to the door through which
Ray had disappeared earlier. Nudging the swinging door open, he headed
down the hall past the interview rooms.   "Diefenbaker!" Ben called after
him, but of course, the wolf did not hear. "Pay and pay and pay," he
muttered softly, following the errant wolf through the doors, expecting to
find him on the trail of someone with pastry. He wasn't.   Ben found
Diefenbaker sniffing at the entrance to one of the interview rooms. Aware
that the wolf would not react to a vocal command, he reached forward and
grabbed his collar, tugging him away. Then he heard something that made
him recoil. He couldn't be sure, of course, but he was certain that behind
the door of interview room two he could hear Ray Vecchio's voice. The
implication of that was too much to bear. He fled the precinct without
waiting to see if Diefenbaker followed.     "Thanks for coming in to sign
your statement, Phil. I wasn't expecting to see you so soon." Ray helped
Phil to her feet and opened the door to the interview room. "I thought
that brother of yours would keep you in the hospital a bit longer."   Phil
swung her bag onto her shoulder and joined Ray at the door. "Rob and I had
a slight ... disagreement ... about what is best for me."   Ray couldn't
be sure, but he thought he saw a flash of hurt in Phil eyes. Given all she
had been through lately he wasn't surprised. Did this mean things were not
going well in Cambodia?   "Is there any news?" he asked, unsure about the
ethics of asking about the man who might take his best friend's place in
her life.   She looked down, avoiding his eyes. "No news."   "I can't tell
you how sorry I am."   When she looked up there were tears in her eyes.
"Not half as sorry as I am, Ray."   Was there a hidden message in that
statement? "If there's anything I can do." He touched her cheek with his
fingertips.   "I might just hold you to that." She smiled sadly and
shuffled out into the corridor.   Ray followed her to the elevator,
waiting until the ping that indicated its arrival on the floor. The
silence between them was weighted with an unspoken question.   "I will
call him, Ray," Phil said sadly, staring at the floor, avoiding his eyes.
"I want to ... "   "I know." Ray wrapped one arm around her and kissed her
gently on the top of her head. "I can't even begin to understand what
you're going through, Phil. You're one of the most amazing women I've ever
met."   She glanced up at him through lowered lashes, a small smile
tugging at her lips. "And would one of the others on that list be called
Casey?" Phil's words were weighted with a message that he could not deny.
  A cloud crossed Ray's face and he pulled away from her. "Don't do this
to me."   She stepped into the waiting lift. "Bye, Ray," she said,
signalling an end to the discussion.   Ray watched helplessly as the doors
closed and whisked her away. When he turned to walk back to his desk he
saw Detective Kowalski staring at him, the curiosity evident on his face.
  Ray scowled and loped back to his desk.   "So, Vecchio, what *was* it
you said to me about partners earlier?"   "What?" Ray dropped into his
chair and pulled a file from a stack on the corner.   "You said partners
*trust* each other," Kowalski drawled, dragging his chair over and
propping his feet on Ray's desk. "That woman is a material witness in *my*
case and *you've* got something going on with her that I think I should
know about."   "I don't got nothing going on with Phil."   "Phil? First
name basis? You got something going on for sure."   Pursing his lips, Ray
stared at the wall for a moment, wondering how he should answer his
partner. What Kowalski said was right and he knew it must look like he had
something going on with Phil. He did owe him some answers.    "OK,
Kowalski, I'll tell you." Ray turned until he faced his new partner
directly. He leaned forward and spoke as if delivering facts to a fellow
investigator, which, in some ways, he was.    "Phil McKenzie and Fraser
have got some history."    Kowalski made a 'so what' motion with one hand.
"Everyone got history."   He thought about all he knew about Phil and
Lindy and rephrased his statement slightly. "*Big* history. And Fraser
doesn't know she's in Chicago."   Detective Kowalski was not impressed.
"And you're telling me this because ... ?"   "Kowalski, you got to trust
me on this. Fraser's had a really tough time the past few years. His
father was murdered." Ray almost smiled. "That's how we met actually. He
came here on the trail of his father's killers and he just stayed."  
Kowalski rolled his eyes and looked bored.   "Anyway, just when Benny's
getting used to being here instead of some hick town in the frozen north
an old girlfriend shows up. It turns out she's a murderer. She's still ...
"   Kowalski's eyes widened. "Wait! You're telling me the Mountie was
doing a perp?"   "Fuck, Kowalski, you sure got a way with words." He
rubbed a frustrated hand over his scalp. "He didn't know she was a
murderer, they met a long time ago ... it's a long story."   "So where
does Dr McKenzie fit into this?"   "It turns out she's the love of his
live and he never got over her."   "So she dumped him ... how come he
doesn't know she's in Chicago?"   "Well until a few weeks ago they hadn't
seen each other for more than ten years."   "So if Fraser only met you a
couple years ago, how come you know all this?"   "Well Cat told me all
about it when ..."   Kowalski interjected. "Cat?"   "Yeah, Sergeant Cathy
Madden. She's Benny's old girlfriend. She came for ... "   "Hold it,
Vecchio ... you just mentioned three old girlfriends of Fraser's. Is this
the same Fraser who told me not ten minutes ago that he couldn't call me
Ray? What the fuck is going on?"   Ray laughed. "I know it doesn't make
sense. Nothing with Benny ever does. He's a good friend, a great cop and
he's had some really bad things happen to him. I'm just trying to stop him
from getting hurt any more. His back injury is acting up and he might need
surgery."   "Back injury?"   "He got shot. The bullet's still in there."  
Kowalski went silent. A shooting injury was something all cops feared. He
would ask no more.   "OK. Vecchio, I get the picture. There's stuff going
on and you're looking out for a friend. I can deal with that."   Ray held
his partner's gaze. It seemed they had reached an understanding. After a
moment they each returned to their work, but neither was really into it.  
  Detective Kowalski, for once, could not concentrate on his case. The
things Vecchio had told him made him very curious. When it became too much
he waited until Ray's attention was elsewhere and then asked Elaine to
show him to the records room.   It took less than ten minutes to locate
the files he sought. What he found in them made very interesting reading.
By the time the files were returned to their cabinet and Kowalski was back
at his desk, he had a whole new respect for his partner and his strange
Canadian friend.       Phil frowned at the sheer number of packets of
photos sitting on her desk. It seemed she had taken almost twice her usual
amount. She remembered running out of film near the end of week one and
scrounging rolls from Carol and the Hunter brothers. She knew the reason
why Ben. A quick scan of the photos would confirm what she already knew he
featured in more than his share of pictures. It suddenly occurred to her
that maybe she should not go through them in her office. She would go
straight to her apartment. She told Jeff and Mark where she would be and
then headed upstairs.     Phil's large oak dining table was the perfect
place to sort the photographs. She started by placing sheets of paper in a
line, each with the name of a team member written in large black letters.
Onto each sheet she placed a copy of the group photographs taken either
end of the trip. Next came the picture of the group leaders and standing
before their respective boats.   From there it was a simple task to sift
through the piles of pictures and select ones that would mean something to
each of the team members. After half an hour, Phil stepped back and
surveyed her handiwork. Each sheet now held a generous pile of
photographs, the largest, of course, being on the sheets that bore Ben and
Ray's names.   Frowning, she rested her hands on her hips and stared at
the piles of photographs. Ben's image haunted her, as it had haunted her
for more than ten years. How long could she deny the connection? She
resisted the urge to look at the photograph of Lindy on the wall by the
table.	  Instead, Phil forced herself to think of Martin and all he had
come to mean to her. She stepped determinedly away from the table, seeking
his photograph on the dining room wall. She could not back away from the
promise she had made. She could not be sorry.   "Oh, Martin," she
whispered, reaching out to wipe a layer of dust from the top of the
picture frame. "I'll do anything to make sure you come home safely."   
Even if it means sacrificing my own happiness.   Tears filled her eyes and
ran down her cheeks. How did this happen? Why was this her life? She
turned away from Martin's handsome likeness as if she didn't want him to
see her pain. Her eyes fell, instead, on the photographs on her table. A
tanned and smiling Ben Fraser looked up at her from the topmost picture.
It was too much.    She ran from the room and threw herself across her
bed, startling the sleeping Chance curled up in the centre. Her shoulder
voiced its complaint at the manoeuvre and began aching in earnest.  
"Damn!" she cursed, uncharacteristically and began to cry again.   When
would this end, she wondered, but the ring of her doorbell stopped her
thoughts.   She dabbed at her eyes with a silk handkerchief Ray had loaned
her and she had never returned. Rising from the bed, she straightened her
clothes and went to answer the door.   Giving a final touch to her eyes,
Phil opened the door, expecting to see Mark or Jeff with something that
needed her urgent attention. The wisecrack she had planned died on her
lips when she saw who stood there.   "Hello, Phil," said the tall, dark
and handsome man she knew so well.   She sucked in a breath, a myriad of
responses whirling in her mind, none of which she knew would ever give
voice to.   "Hello, Rob," she said eventually, trying hard to ignore that
the last words she had spoken to her brother had been in anger.   "Can I
come in?" he asked weakly.   "Of course." She stepped aside, using the
time it took to close the door to try and order her thoughts.   "Can I get
you some coffee?" she asked, following her brother down the hall to the
living room.   Rob nodded wordlessly, his lips pressed together tightly.
He said nothing until Phil returned from the kitchen with their coffee.  
"I've come to apologise, Phil," he said as they settled at opposite ends
of the plush sofa.   She stared into the depths of her coffee. "I haven't
seen Ben since the Canyon, Rob." Lifting her gaze she met her brother's
eyes. "I haven't even spoken to him."   Under Phil's steady eyes, Rob
lowered his head and spoke softly. "It's just that I've been under so much
pressure since ... since Martin ... and when I saw Ray Vecchio in your
room ... you know what I thought."   "Well, you can rest assured that I'd
do nothing to hurt Martin."   "He cares for you."   "As I care for him."  
"And Ben?" Rob asked, risking a direct look at Phil.   "You have no right
to ask that."   "But I'm asking anyway."   "He has a right to know about
his daughter I owe him that, at least."   "You owe him nothing."   "Rob,
you're my brother and I love you, but I disagree with you and I am not
going to fight about it."   "I know it's no excuse, but I am just so very
worried about Martin and I can't think straight anymore." He pressed the
heels of his hands to his eyes and his voice grew weary. "I don't want you
making a mistake."   "You've known me all my life, Rob. Give me some
credit. I don't sleep around, I don't even fool around, I don't cheat and
I'm certainly not going to start now, while Martin is in mortal danger."  
Rob rubbed a hand over his face. "I know, Flip. That's why I'm here. I
know I acted like a jerk at the hospital, you don't deserve that. I'm
sorry. I know you're worried too."   Phil set her untouched coffee down on
the table. "I wasn't sure I would ever forgive you for what you said at
the hospital."   "I don't blame you, I really don't."   "But then I got to
thinking about how much I'd miss you."   Rob reached out and embraced
Phil. This was no time for brother and sister to be fighting. They needed
each other.       "Kowalski said you were looking for me earlier," Ray
said casually as he drove Ben towards his apartment. "Anything wrong?"  
The Mountie stared straight ahead, pouting slightly. "Nothing in
particular, Ray. Nothing to bother about."   Ray made a left before
speaking again. "You came all the way down to the station house in the
middle of the day, Benny. Something must be up."   At his friend's quiet
insistence, Ben perked up. "Well, actually, I did want to speak to you
about something ..."   "Yeah?"   "But you don't seem to have time, now
that you have a new partner and all."   Ray realised suddenly where the
conversation was heading. "Of course I got time, nothing's changed just
cause of Kowalski." He remembered how Cat had said that Ben thought she
wouldn't have time for him once Lloyd came into her life. He would just
have to make sure he was included. No way would he let Kowalski ruin the
best friendship he had ever had. He pulled the Riv into the first parking
space he saw, cut the engine, then turned to face his friend.   "Tell me
what you wanted to talk to me about, Benny."   Under Ray's unwavering gaze
and obvious concern, Ben's paranoia disappeared. Nothing had changed. Ray
was still his friend. He remembered Cat saying something similar. Faced
with Ray's earnest look he couldn't tell him that it no longer mattered.
Instead, when he spoke, words he hadn't really thought about fell from his
lips.   "I'm sorry that I pushed Phil to give me an answer."   Ray's eyes
widened and he scrubbed a hand over his face to hide his surprise. He
thought of his conversation with Phil earlier that day and could only
agree. "Sorry? Why?"   "Phil can be contrary, I don't know if you know
that. I just might have pushed her away."   Ray thought of all he knew
about Phil's life at the moment. How could he tell his friend to wait a
little longer without telling him what he knew?    "Benny, you know that
Phil's a busy woman and she can't just make a decision about the rest of
her life like that." He clicked his fingers. "I mean it's been more than
ten years and you've both changed and ... hell ... you know what I mean."
  "You think she needs time?"   "Time?" Ray's voice trailed away. It would
take more than time to fix the things that were going on in Phil's life.
"Time ... and prayers ..."   "Prayers, Ray?" Ben looked confused. "I
didn't think you were a practising Catholic."   "I'm not," Ray said
softly, desperately wanting to add that when a man's life was at risk
sometimes that was all you could do. "But it can't hurt, huh?" He added a
jovial note to his voice and tried not to think too hard about the things
he dreaded Ben learning about.   "I can pray," Ben said firmly, "and I can
wait."   "Good one, Benny boy." Ray reached across and squeezed his
friend's arm. "Now let's get you home and changed. Ma's made gnocchi
because you're coming and I can't wait."       Phil couldn't bring herself
to work any further on the Canyon photo albums. The piles of photographs
sat untouched for almost a week on her table, taunting her every time she
looked. So she stopped looking.    She steadfastly refused to look as she
gathered up the files she left on her coffee table the night before in
preparation for a meeting downstairs in her office in ten minutes.  
Twelve minutes later she was in her office with Mark and Jeff and the
photos were forgotten for the moment. She scanned a list of discussion
topics and sipped at the coffee Mark made her.   "So Whitney's
Stockbrokers definitely want to add the climbing and rappelling leg?"  
Jeff nodded. "How do you feel about that?"   Phil considered it for a
moment. "I think it's great. With a climb leader we can expand our
repertoire a little. Plus, if we utilise Mark's diving skills we may even
be able to get an underwater leg to these team building packages. We'll be
able to offer a great all round experience for every sort of organisation.
We can even do one-day trips.   "We're going to need more staff, Phil,"
Mark warned, thinking of how his workload would need to be distributed if
he spent more time in the field.   "I've been thinking about that," Phil
putting her coffee down and leaning forward. "As well as looking for a
climb leader, I thought we should consider employing someone who can help
me with the administration load as well as training up to do field work."
  Jeff leaned forward, seemingly excited by the idea. "A younger person? A
graduate?"    "That's right! I was thinking we should hire Trevor as soon
as he graduates." For the first time since learning of Martin's
kidnapping, Phil was excited. It seemed that once again her work would be
the thing to sustain her.   The three colleagues chatted for a while about
various items of business. A few decisions were made, a few were put off
and a few were completely discarded. By the end of the meeting Phil felt
happier than she had in weeks.   "So, is there anything else?" she asked
her employees.	  Jeff leaned cocked his head towards Phil's desk. "I want
to know what's in that package."   "What package?" Phil and Mark cried in
unison.   A cheeky smile crossed Jeff's face. "The one on your desk. The
one you didn't see because you were running so *late* for our meeting. The
one covered in Canadian stamps."   Phil was out of her chair in a second,
with Mark following close behind.   "You'll need help opening that, Phil,
with your shoulder still strapped up like that," Mark told her, reaching
the desk before she did.   Laughing, she slapped his hands away. "This is
*my* package and ... " she pulled it towards her, "it's from Cat ... " Her
voice trailed away. Would the parcel contain reminders of Ben? Did she
want to open it?   As if sensing her sudden change in mood, the two men
made excuses about having things to do and left Phil alone with her
package.   Once the door had closed behind them, Phil drew a letter opener
from her top drawer and slit the tape of the box. She replaced the letter
opener and took a deep breath, flinging the top of the box open with a
gaiety she didn't feel. She almost laughed with sheer relief when she saw
the columbine decorated box nestled into the larger one.    There was a
card sitting on top and she drew it out, fumbling to open the envelope
with one hand. Tears filled her eyes when she read the simple message
penned in Cat's untidy, spidery handwriting,   Phil,   I am truly sorry to
learn about Martin. Whilst I know nothing I can say will make it easier, I
hope the things in this box might bring you a little joy. Call me if you
need anything at all,   Love, Cat   Suddenly sorry that she had thought
the worst, Phil pulled out the columbine box and pulled off the lid to
inspect the contents. Her cries of delight could be heard in the outer
office. Once they knew she was OK, Mark and Jeff settled into the days
work with smiles on their faces.       Things settled into a routine for
Ray and his new partner. They griped at each, called each other names and
both threatened to quit several times at least. Then one night Kowalski
invited Ray to join him for a beer after work.   They got drunk. Mind
numbingly drunk. They told their stories to each other and discovered that
they actually had things in common; ex wives and a passion for classic
cars, although Ray would not concede that Kowalski's ancient GTO was
anywhere near the classic car his Buick Riviera was.   They found a
comfortable level to communicate on and although they would never really
understand each other, it worked for both of them. They even made headway
on a few of Ray's old cases. After the end of a long, tough week together,
Ray grudgingly admitted that he was glad he had a new partner.     During
the week that Detectives Vecchio and Kowalski began to bond, Ben did not
fare so well. Each day seemed to be a rollercoaster ride of emotions; one
day he felt that pushing Phil to answer his ultimatum was the only way to
handle her, the next he was so full of remorse that rising from his bed
was an effort he could hardly bear.    He fared better, though, in his
relationship with the 27th precinct's newest detective. Although to set to
be jealous at first, Ben found Detective Kowalski to be an incisive
investigator with a quick mind and a wit to match. He liked the way the
other man brought out Ray's competitive streak and was pleased to find his
comments on their cases to be welcomed by Detective Kowalski. The
opportunity to participate in even more cases than before meant that when
Ben was alone he had something else to think about other than what was
happening with Phil.     Meanwhile, in Canada the two other women in Ben's
life were going crazy for not knowing what has happening with Ben and
Phil.     Cat arrived home from a long day, weary from pulling a double
shift and slightly peeved that there was still no letter from Ben or Phil.
Phil had sent her a thank you note for her care package, but the few short
lines she had written told Cat nothing. After Ben's phone call more than a
week ago now, she had heard nothing either. Her only hope was that there
would be news of the hostages in Cambodia. At least then she would have an
excuse to call Phil. With a glass of homemade lemonade in hand she headed
for the TV room, in case there was any news.   Cat perched on the arm of
the old leather chesterfield in what had once been her father's office.
She rarely used the television, but since Martin's kidnapping she had kept
it tuned to CNN. She flipped through the channels looking for one that
might have up to date information. When the phone rang she snatched it up
before the second ring. It was Lloyd.   "I'm really glad to hear from
you," she told him, "But I was hoping it would be Phil."   "From what TJ
tells me, Phil has stopped camping out at the Cambodian High Commission.
She's gone back to work now."   "Does she have any news? When did you last
speak to her?"   "Five days ago and there was no news then. We would have
heard if Martin was released."   Cat made a sympathetic sound. "I wish I
could do something. There's no point me going down there, she's got plenty
of family and friends around her and I haven't called because anything I
say would be so ... inadequate."   "I know," he agreed. "I thought of
going to Chicago, too, but I'd probably just be in the way." Lloyd sighed
into the phone. "And anyway, Phil's tougher than she looks. She'll get
through this, no matter what happens."   "I just feel so bad for her.
She's had such shitty luck with men."   There was a moment of silence
before Lloyd replied. "Well, thank you very much."   Cat laughed softly.
"You know what I mean. First Ben and all that stuff ... and now Martin ...
"   "Hey, Cathy, don't go pitying Phil. She's had a good life in between
those two. She hasn't sat at home like a wall flower."   "But, this ...
this is *major*. The Khmer Rouge? Fuck, Lloyd, this guy may not get out
alive and even if he does, who knows what sort of shit's happening to him.
It could be really rough for him and Phil."   "Like I say, Phil's tougher
than you think."   "I can't help but think that maybe ... you know ...
maybe this is meant to be. I mean, I feel really bad for Martin. I've
never met the guy and I want him to be OK." She hesitated a moment, unsure
whether to say what was really on her mind. "I mean, I'm sorry this has
happened, but some part of me is hoping ... well, you know what I'm
hoping."   "Cathy, it's OK. There isn't one of us who cares about Phil who
hasn't thought about it."     Becka flipped through the channels of her
small television. It seemed there was no news of the hostages in Cambodia.
Had the press lost interest? Why didn't someone tell her something? She
had spoken to Cat earlier in the day, but she knew nothing. She called the
Consulate to speak to Ben but Turnbull told her he had left early and was
with Ray Vecchio. The she tried Ray's cellphone but it was switched off.  
"You watching CNN again?" Matt's velvet voice asked from the kitchen,
where he had gone to make coffee a few minutes earlier.   Becka frowned,
slightly irritated. "I'm looking for some news about the hostages in
Cambodia," she called back, peeved that she should have to explain
herself.   He emerged a moment later carrying two cups of coffee. Handing
one to Becka he settled down onto the sofa beside her. "What's this
obsession with these guys? You know one of them?"   Becka sipped at her
coffee before answering. "No ... I'm just concerned, is all." She sipped
her coffee again. There was no use explaining how she came to be so
interested.    Matt sat forward and put his cup down on the coffee table.
He took Becka's cup and set it down beside his.   "I was drinking that,"
she said, a little more angrily than she had meant to.   Matt pulled her
toward him and nuzzled at her neck in a way that only a few days earlier
would have had her babbling like a fool. Tonight it just annoyed her.  
"Matt ... " She pushed at his chest.   "Hey, Beck, why don't we just turn
off the television and have an early night?" Matt tightened his grip on
her and began nibbling at her ear.   For a moment she almost gave in. The
television flickered away and in her peripheral vision she saw a map of
Cambodia flash onto the screen.   "Hey ... stop ... "    She shoved a
confused Matt aside and reached for the remote control, hitting the button
to bring the sound up. By the time the sound was at a level she could
hear, the story was over. As Matt muttered something beside her she
realised that something else was over, too.   Less than fifteen minutes
later, Matt was on the street and Becka was locking her door behind him.
Her brief fling with the handsome climber had given her a few moments of
physical pleasure, but she had the feeling that somehow it was time to
move on to something else and she was beginning to suspect that whatever
that something else was it would not involve the RCMP. Somehow that made
her feel more glad than sorry.       He would not normally interrupt a
business call, but Jeff knew how important the call he had on the line was
to his employer. He asked his caller to hold, pressed a button and shot
from his desk, bursting into Phil's office without even knocking.   "Phil,
get off the phone the Cambodian High Commissioner is on the line."   Phil
stared at the man in front of her desk. After a few seconds she finally
registered why he was trying to tell her.   "Mr Whitney, you'll have to
excuse me. Something urgent has come up." Without waiting for his reply
she dropped the phone onto her desk and disconnected the call. "Is it Dr
Laki?"   At Jeff's sharp nod she snatched up the phone. The Cambodian High
Commissioner would only call himself if there was news. "Which line?"  
"Two."   With trembling fingers, Phil pressed the glowing button on her
phone, knowing that what she was about to learn would change her life
forever, one way or another.   "Good morning, Dr Laki," Phil said,
surprised at how level her voice seemed.   "Good morning, Dr McKenzie. I
have good news for you."   "Is Martin OK?"   "Yes. Dr Stephenson and Dr
Walker were released to Care representatives today. They are both weary
and hungry, but otherwise unharmed."   "Can I talk to him?"   "They are
currently being examined by doctors. Someone from your Government will
advise you when you can speak to your fiancee. Once again I would like to
express my deepest regret for your suffering and ...."   Phil's mind
drifted off, only half listening to Dr Laki's platitudes. Martin was safe.
Martin was coming home and for that she was glad. But now she had to tell
Ben that there could be nothing between them and for that she was sorry.  
  It was 3:12am when the call finally came. Phil knew because she had
placed her clock so that she could see it from where she lay. She snatched
the phone up before it had finished its first ring.   "Phil?" Martin's
familiar voice came down the line.   "Oh, Martin, it's so good to hear
your voice."   "And yours, Phil."   "So where are you? When will they
bring you home?"   "We're at the US Air Force Base. An Air Force plane is
on its way to take us home."   Us? Phil frowned. In her worry she had
completely forgotten that one of Martin's colleagues had also been
kidnapped. "When do you arrive? I'll be there to meet you."   "Well, you
see, Phil. As Anna's family is in Boston, too, we'll be flying straight
there. We both thought we needed to spend time with our families."   "Of
course. I'll book a flight and come over to meet you."   There was a
slight hesitation before Martin answered. "Phil ... some men from the
military, the government, I'm not sure which ... they want to talk to us
first." He hesitated for a moment. "And there will be so many film crews
and photographers there. We won't have time to talk ... you'll hate it ...
and my father can be difficult ..."   Phil was touched. Even after his
ordeal he thought only of her well being. "I've missed you so much and I
was so worried."   "I know. I'm sorry, Phil. This must have been hard on
you. I ... " he stopped speaking and took several breaths that made Phil
worry for his health. "I'll come back to Chicago in a few days and we can
talk then."   Phil knew Martin was right. What they had to talk about
could wait. "I can't wait to see you." She hesitated, wondering if she
should say something. "About what you asked me at the airport ... "  
Martin cut her off. "Phil, we need to talk about that."   "Yes." It came
out a little breathlessly.   "Things happened, Phil. Things you can't
imagine."   "I know, Martin. I can't begin to comprehend what you've
experienced. But I'll try my best to understand."   "I have to tell you
some things and you won't want to hear them."   "Try me. I'm stronger than
you think."   "Phil, some things I'm really sorry about, but I have to
tell you that some of them I can't help but be glad about."   That
confused Phil slightly, but it was late, she was tired and she had no
doubt that Martin's mind was not working as clearly as it normally would.
He probably meant something entirely different. But what did it matter,
anyway? Martin was safe and he would be home soon and she could not be
happier. It wasn't until she had hung up that she realised that Martin's
return also meant she had to deal with something that would make her sad.
    Ray learned about Martin's release as he was having his breakfast. The
tiny television his mother kept in the kitchen was playing Good Morning
America with no sound. When he realised what the over made up and overly
jovial presenters were talking about, he nudged Frannie out of the way and
turned the sound up as loud as it would go. He only caught the last few
sentences, but it was enough to tell him what he wanted to know. The
hostages were on their way home.      Lloyd phoned Cat with the news. She
heard herself say how pleased she was for Phil, but she wondered if she
really meant it. After she got off the phone she went and stared at the
photographs on her wall for a long time and tried to ignore the feeling
that the sky was falling.     Becka watched CNN in bed. After she threw
Matt out the night before she had wheeled her television into her bedroom
and watched it until she fell asleep. She switched it on as soon as she
awoke and saw the story about the release of the Khmer hostages only a few
minutes later. Like Cat, she felt that Martin's release signalled the
beginning of something, but could not think for the life of her what that
could be.     TJ liked to eat his muesli watching CNN each morning. He
said that getting angry aided his digestion. But when he saw the story
about the release of Martin Stevenson and his colleague it had the exact
opposite affect. In fact, he nearly spat his breakfast all over the TV
screen in his excitement. Now both his brother and sister would be able to
get back to normal.     Rob was working the midnight to dawn shift when
the Hospital Director called him. He wasn't sleeping anyway, so why not
stay at work? It took a few seconds longer than normal for the information
to make it through the fuzz of his exhausted mind, but when he finally
realised that Martin was safe and on his way home, Rob calmly thanked the
Director, put the phone down, laid his head on the desk and burst into
heart wrenching tears.     Ben liked to read the newspaper to Diefenbaker.
He believed it was important for the wolf to be well versed in world
politics.    "Fuel prices are on the rise," he told his lupine companion,
"the Olympic games will be held in Sydney, Australia in the year 2000 ...
oh look, this is good news ... the Khmer Rouge has released the two
American doctors ... I'm pleased to hear that, aren't you?"   He looked
over the top of the paper at Dief, not at all surprised to find the wolf
asleep. He shrugged and folded the newspaper onto the table. Invigorated
by something he could not name, Ben rose and headed readied himself for
work. For some strange reason he felt inexplicably glad to be alive.      
Phil barely slept. She dozed a few minutes here and there, but basically
she had spent most of the night on the sofa, staring at CNN and waiting
for a story about Martin's return home. It was 7.00 AM before news footage
of the hostages leaving Cambodia finally hit the air.   Somehow Chance
knew that Phil needed him. He spent most of the night on her lap, purring
loudly.   When Martin finally appeared on the screen, Phil sat forward,
leaning as close as she could. She didn't listen to the voice of the
reporter. All she wanted was to see Martin. The first image was of he and
his colleague, Dr Anna Walker, as they arrived at the US Air Force Base in
a Hummer.    Phil let out a startled cry when Martin climbed down from the
vehicle. He had lost weight and grown a beard. He smiled at one of the
American soldiers and shook hands with the Care agents who had helped
secure his release. Beside him Anna Walker was calm and silent. Despite
their ordeal, they both seemed in good health.	  Phil hoped to hear his
voice, but it was not to be. The next shot was of Care officials leading
Martin and Anna across the tarmac towards the waiting Air Force plane that
would take them home.    For a brief, selfish moment she wished Martin was
flying straight to Chicago, not Boston. He had told her that Anna's
parents were in Boston, too and she, more than anyone, understood the need
to be with family. Tears came to her eyes and she cried with sheer relief.
Martin was safe and he was on his way home.   And if he held his arm a
little too tightly around Anna's waist? A little too protectively? That
was to be expected after the ordeal they had been through? After the hell
they had seen together? That was to be expected, wasn't it?   To be
continued ....       Copyright October 2000 Carol Trendall       Comments
welcome at mullum@tig.com.au       Book 4 All Good Things 1.       Glad
and Sorry 2.       Regrets and Thoughts of You by Cassandra Hope 3.      
Run With the Tide 4.       Prisoner at the Bar by Cassandra Hope 5.      
When the Mountain Moves You 6.       Some Things Never Change by Cassandra
Hope 7.       At Last Love by Cassandra Hope 8.       The Great Victorian
Hunt by Cassandra Hope and Carol Trendall 9.       Reflections on
Loneliness 10.   Romance in Durango 11.   The Rocky Road by Cassandra Hope
12.   Only a Horizon by Cassandra Hope 13.   And Life Goes On 14.   All
Good Things by Cassandra Hope and Carol Trendall