Open Arms	Open Arms by Innusiq

 Author's notes: I heard the song "Open Arms" by Journey one day and had
to write a story for it.

  

 Open Arms
 by: Jenny Hill 

 Lying beside you, here in the dark
 Feeling your heart beat with mine 

 How many nights he had wished it was like this, him laying in bed,
feeling content, complete . . . could this be happiness? If so, it's the
first time he had felt it. This feeling could easily be mistaken for
anxiety. If he let his mind wander too far, his heart would begin racing
due to the thoughts going through his head. He feared it was all a dream
but he knew better. They had been together for six months now and yet,
every morning, he had to pinch himself in order to believe it was all
real. 

 Fraser turned to look at his lover's sleeping form in the dark. He had
been up for quite a while so his eyesight had already adjusted to the
darkness in the room and he could make out his lover's features a well as
a cat could. Being careful not to wake him, Fraser turned onto his side,
propping his body up on one elbow and gazed down at Ray. He was a
beautiful specimen of the human body, even if Ray didn't believe it
himself. His body was long and slender, elegant is the word that popped
into Fraser's mind. His whole body was elegant from his fingertips to his
toes and Fraser relished in the act of exploring the slender man's body
but not now. Now was the time to let his lover sleep while he enjoyed the
view. 

 Fraser began concentrating on the rise and fall of Ray's chest and became
mesmerized by it. Before he knew it, he was breathing in time with his
lover and when he lightly placed a hand on Ray's chest, he could feel his
lover's heart beat in time with his own. It amazed him how insync their
lives had become, always knowing what the other wanted, needed and giving
before even being asked. 

 He gently scooted closer, laying his head on Ray's chest. Fraser closed
his eyes and concentrated on that heartbeat, breathing insync with Ray.
Fraser's mind was so far away he didn't feel the arm of his lover wrap
around his back and Ray's other hand took hold of Fraser's, that had been
resting on his chest. 

 Softly you whisper, you're so sincere
 How could our love be so blind 

 Ray called Fraser's name but he didn't hear him. Gently, he called again,
"Benny?" This happened frequently, him waking up to find Fraser's head
resting on his chest almost in a trance like state. He knew Fraser wasn't
sleeping, how? He just knew and when Fraser finally moved, turning his
head to look at Ray, Fraser said what he always said, "I'm sorry if I woke
you." 

 The truth is, when they slept, they slept together and when they were
awake, they were awake together. Usually it was one or the other that woke
up first and normally that one was Fraser but once one of them was up, it
wasn't long before the other was too. Ray smiled down at his lover and
said what he always said, "Nah, I just got tired of sleeping," and that
caused a smile to spread across Fraser's lips. Fraser placed a kiss at the
center of Ray's chest while at the same time Ray kissed the top of
Fraser's head. 

 "Where were you a minute ago?" Ray asked as the arm that was wrapped
around Fraser's back moved and the hand attached to said arm was stoking
its finger's through Fraser's hair. 

 Fraser laid his head back down onto Ray's chest and sighed, "I was just
thinking, that is all." 

 Even though they were lovers, connected to one another in the most
intimate of ways, Fraser still had problems knowing how to express himself
without having the information pulled out of him. "What were you thinking
about?" Ray was now fully awake and ready to tackle a 'Fraser'
conversation. 

 "I was thinking about how lucky I am." 

 "Don't you mean how lucky we both are?" Ray asked adjusting his head to
look at his lover's face. 

 Fraser took a moment to think about that comment for a before turning his
head to look at Ray as well. "I guess so . . . I mean I know that I'm very
lucky to have you as my friend and lover," Ray shivered at the word lover
coming from Fraser's mouth, "You have given me more than I can thank you
for: love, companionship, devotion, family . . . and me . . . well,
there's not much for me to give you that no one else couldn't give you . .
." and Fraser fell silent, his eyes averting Ray's huge shocked ones. 

 "Benny, what are you saying? Don't you realize all that I have given you
anyone could have too! Love, companionship, devotion, family . . . you can
get that from anyone. Heck even Dief can give that all to you." 

 "But I only wanted them from you." It was said so quietly, Ray would have
missed it if it hadn't been said in the quiet of the night. 

 "Oh, Benny, you have given me more than you can imagine and I can't ask
for anything else," Ray said as he moved his arm to wrap around Fraser's
back again and gave him a gentle squeeze. 

 "What?" 

 "What, what?" 

 Fraser sighed at Ray's blatant obtuseness. "Ray, you know what I mean."
Fraser could feel a suppressed chuckle from his lover. "What have I given
you?" 

 "Hon, you have given me the most precious gift there is to give another
person and the fact that you have given it to me means more than you
probably even realize. I know how hard it is for you to express your
feelings and I know how hard it was for you to let yourself love another
again." Even though it was dark in the room and Ray couldn't see it, he
could feel a flush spread over Fraser's body. "I am probably the luckiest
man in the world because you love me. I can't believe it took us so long
to figure out that we were meant to be together but I am glad we did. I am
straying from the question though . . . What have you given me? It's so
simple you are probably gonna kick yourself for not seeing it but you gave
me your heart Benny and that's all I ever wanted and needed." 

 His heart? Fraser never saw it and as Ray said, he was kicking himself
for not realizing it but then again, to Fraser, Ray always had his heart
even before they admitted their love for one another. He didn't have a
choice in the matter, it just simply belonged to Ray. 

 We sailed on together
 We drifted apart
 And here you are by my side 

 When Fraser originally came to Chicago, they were an unlikely pair from
the start. One so polite, so handsome, so selfless and the other so crass,
so gangly looking, so judgmental, the people around them wondered how they
could be friends without killing each other. Even they themselves held
reservations on their friendship but they stayed together. For all the
opposites in their personalities, there were equal similarities. They both
held family as number one, both had estranged dealings with their fathers
and both held their emotions close to their hearts, afraid to admit any
caring less their feelings be trampled on. Oddly enough, their unofficial
partnership caused a bond to grow. Before they knew it, they were best
friends, risking their lives for one another without a second thought in
the matter. No friendship goes smoothly though and theirs was tested more
than once. 

 Victoria was the first test. She rocked the boat causing waves of
undetectable heights until it was too late. Up until her arrival in
Chicago, Ray and his family were Fraser's life. They were the only people
who he cared about and who cared about him. When she hit town, it was the
first time Fraser had a choice in life or at least he thought he had a
choice. Should he remain alone or have someone to care for him, to love
him, for him to love. It should have been an easy decision but he didn't
really have a choice now did he? 

 By the time she was through with him, he was worse off than when he
originally arrived in Chicago fourteen months prior but this time, it
wasn't just him treading in the water. Ray was there too. Both men were
fighting to stay afloat. 

 Before Victoria, Fraser always seemed like the strong one between the two
friends and Ray was willing to admit that fullheartedly. He was Super
Mountie wasn't he? Helping little old ladies cross the street, holding
doors open for every citizen in the Greater Chicago area, jumping onto
moving vehicles to help a perfect stranger, that's what a Super Mountie
did right? Ray, well, he never really helped a little old lady cross the
street (unless it was his mother). Only out of guilt did he hold doors
open for complete strangers and never, NEVER once did he jump onto a
moving vehicle for the good of a case, unless you counted the train but
that was still a touchy subject for the Italian. That just wasn't what
made a good Chicago first grade Detective. So sure Ray would agree that
Fraser was the stronger man of the two but after the Victoria hell, Fraser
would disagree with such an assessment, for Ray was the one still standing
by his friend after said friend nearly left him in the lurch. Ray was the
one trying to pull his friend out of the depths of hell and back to
reality. Ray was the one that never gave up. 

 The next trial their friendship withstood began with the death of a close
friend, Detective Louis Gardino. Who could have predicted the twisting,
turning road that would lead to a second death, the death of Ray's
childhood sweetheart Irene Zuko? No one, for it had started out as these
things always did, a simple rivalry between good and evil and as always,
the innocent get hurt, one way or another. 

 Who were the innocent, weren't they all? Louis, Fraser, Irene, all people
who never asked to be part of the war but they were all part of it before
it even began. Ray could kick himself now for what he did to Fraser. He
was blinded by the hate, blinded so much that he couldn't see what the
hate was doing to him, to them. The hate was like the darkness that was in
Victoria, all consuming. Once it had a hold of him, there was no getting
away from in until it ran its course, no matter who was in the way. 

 Ray knew better than to not trust Fraser for Fraser always seemed to be
right or at least near to it but he couldn't let it go. He was willing to
do anything in order to get Zuko, even if it was to ignore the obvious,
Ray had to have him, make him pay for the death that should have been
Ray's own fate. 

 In the end, Fraser was there for him and that is something Ray believed
he didn't deserve but accepted none the less. It was just natural for
Fraser to be there for Ray and for Ray to accept his support. That's just
the way best friends should be. They weren't perfect, they had proven that
fact more than once in their acquaintance and would continue to prove it
in the future but always, in the end, they would still be by each other's
side, loving and caring as only they knew how. 

 So now I come to you, with open arms
 Nothing to hide, believe what I say 

 "I love you." It was said so quitely, he almost missed it. 

 "What?" 

 "I said, I love you Ray," Fraser repeated what he said with a little more
confidence. He was standing at one end of the apartment with Ray at the
other, pacing. 

 "What are you saying, like a best friend, right?" Ray stopped and
regarded his closest friend from a distance. Fraser looked heartbroken and
he had been that way for quite a while now. This conversation wasn't
making any sense. 

 "No." A simple answer, that opened and even more complicated subject. 

 "Like a brother, you love me like a brother," Ray said, grabbing at
straws. 

 "No Ray . . . perhaps if I restated what I said you would understand."
Fraser crossed the room to Ray's section, as if the room had been divided
and when he was standing right in front of him, he began again. "Ray, I am
in love with you." Ray stared back at his friend with the most confused
and yet beautiful eyes. Fraser had to bite his lip to keep from telling
him that too. 

 "You're in love with me?" Ray's eyes began to crinkle at the corners as a
laugh took control of his body. "This is rich . . . my best friend, the
best looking man in the Greater Chicago area for that matter, thinks he's
in love with me." Ray continued laughing. 

 "I don't find this an amusing subject Ray. This is very serious," and the
look of Fraser's face reiterated that point. 

 "I'm sorry Benny, it's just . . . ironic, that's all." Ray was trying
very hard to gain control now. 

 "How is it ironic?" 

 "I don't know, it just is. You're this handsome, polite, do-gooder and
me, well just look at me. You know what my mannerisms are like and
do-gooding just isn't in my nature. You and I are polar opposites." Ray
moved away from Fraser to the other side of the spartan apartment. 

 "Do you not love me?" The words Fraser spoke stopped the Italian in his
tracks. 

 Ray turned back around. "What?" 

 "Ray, you heard me. Do you not love me?" The look Ray saw in Fraser's
eyes was the look he could never say no to. 

 "Benny, I love you . . . just not in that way . . . I mean how do you
know you love me like that? Can't you just be confused with the brotherly,
best friend love?" Ray was trying anything to get out of this. 

 "Ray, I may be a bit naive in life but I do believe I can tell when I'm
in love and with whom." 

 "How long have you supposedly loved me?" 

 Fraser contemplated the question, as if any answer could be the right
answer. "The only word that comes to mind is forever." 

 "Benny, how can you be doing this to me, to us?" Ray was pacing now, it
was the only thing that was keeping him calm and he really wasn't that
calm. 

 "I don't believe I've done anything to either one of us." Fraser was
being so patient and he knew he had to be in order to get through to Ray,
if that was possible. "Ray, I just felt I had to tell you this before I
left, you can understand that right?" 

 "Why? Why is the fact that you're going on vacation mean you have to
divulge your deepest feelings to me? Why did they have to be this?" Ray
stopped pacing and he was running his hands over his scalp. What a mess
they were in. 

 "Ray . . . I needed to tell you. It's been hard keeping these feelings
bottled up . . . I mean . . . I thought once I told you I could get passed
it all." Fraser was hurt by Ray's reaction to his confession but he really
didn't expect anything more or less from the man he considered his best
friend. "I won't demand anything from you . . ." 

 "That's good cause it's not gonna happen," Ray said harshly. 

 Fraser eyes flinched at the comment and his heart stopped. Why did this
have to be so painful? "I know Ray . . . I thought if I told you now, we
could have a break from one another with my vacation and when I returned,
we could get back to normal." 

 "Normal? How the hell am I suppose to look at you the same way? How do I
know when you're looking at me you're not undressing me with your eyes?" 

 "For God's sake Ray, I'm not a pervert. I am still your best friend . . .
aren't I?" The thought never occurred to Fraser that this could be the
last straw. That this could be the farthest Ray could be pushed before
giving up. He was willing to give up a sexual relationship to keep Ray's
friendship but he was not willing to lose Ray's friendship for nothing. 

 Ray was quiet for a moment, thinking through their conversation. Fraser
was his best friend and strangely, he couldn't imagine a life without him
in it. First off, Ray's family would kill him if he disassociated himself
from the annoying Canadian, their adopted Mountie and his wolf. Secondly,
they had withstood more trying times than finding out his best friend was
gay. There was Victoria, Ray shuttered at the thought. There was Frank
Zuko and the nightmare surrounding Louis and Irene's deaths. No, he was
not willing to give up this man just because he happened to love him. Ray
looked Fraser in they eyes and he could see the fear hidden deep within.
"Benny," Ray gave Fraser a smile, "you will always be my best friend. I'm
just a little shaken up by this revelation of yours, ya know?" Fraser
nodded his head in relief. "Listen, I'll take you to the train station
tomorrow and when I pick you up on your return, we'll sit down and discuss
this again, after all our nerves have settled. Is that agreed?" 

 Fraser gave Ray a shy smile, "Yes Ray, thank you." 

 So here I am with open arms
 Hoping you'll see what your love means to me... Open arms 

 "You understand that I will be in touch?" Ray asked, not believing he was
even doing this. Fraser didn't deserve to hear about it this way. He
deserved the truth from the one he loved. 

 "As a friend?" Fraser asked as innocent as Ray envisioned he looked. 

 "Yeah Benny, as a friend." Ray hung up the phone and his own heart broke
for he knew when Fraser returned from his vacation, that would be the
state of his own heart. In one posting, Fraser had lost a father, gained a
best friend, a family, love and lost his love. How much is a guy suppose
to withstand before he broke? Please God, watch over him. 

 Ray had learned one thing in the time that Fraser was gone on his
vacation and that one enlightenment thrilled and scared him all at once.
Ray had learned that he, too, was in love with his best friend. No one
would understand their feelings for one another, theirs was a forbidden
love. Forbidden by his family, friends, church, society, it would never
work. 

 The undercover assignment had been in the works for months but the time
as to when the plans were to be put into play were kept a secret. It was
just Ray's luck that the week Fraser decided to leave for a little rest
and relaxation was the same week the wheels of the plan were placed in
motion. Ray had yet to decide if it was his good or bad luck but he didn't
hesitate in going. He ran quicker than a road-runner and he only hoped
Fraser would forgive him, could forgive him. 

 Living without you, living alone
 This empty house seems so cold 

 Ray shivered as he walked through the cold mansion that was to be his
home for the next who knew how long. It wasn't a physical cold but an
emotional cold. He was alone, truly alone for the first time in his life,
for the first time since he met Fraser. 

 Why did he do this? This was nuts. There was someone back in Chicago that
loved him, HIM. No matter what he looked like, what he said or what he
did, Fraser loved him and would probably love him forever and what did he
do? He ran, ran from his salvation quicker than the snap of a finger. He
could have pulled out of the assignment. They weren't holding a gun to his
head, he had a choice but he just couldn't say no. Why? Well, that
question was easy to answer. He couldn't say no because that is something
Benton Fraser, R.C.M.P. wouldn't do. If Fraser gave his word, his word was
worth gold and Ray had given his word. Even though at that point, his word
wasn't worth gold, he would make it worth gold this time and hopefully
Fraser would be waiting for him when he returned, if he returned. 

 No, he would return, he had to. Fraser lost too many people he cared
about in his short life and Ray refused to be added to that far too long
list. He would make it through this and when he returned, he would tell
Fraser just how he felt and when he finally gets to hold him as only a
lover should, only then all will be right in the world. They will love
each other for eternity and beyond if that's possible. 

 Wanting to hold you, wanting you near
 How much I wanted you home 

 The meal had been nice and it was good to get to know his new partner.
Stanley Kowalski seemed like a good man and Fraser was looking forward to
their undetermined future together. If anything, he was thankful for this
man risking his own life to protect the identity of Ray Vecchio. Fraser
sighed to himself causing Diefenbaker to nuzzle up against his leg. "It's
all right Dief, everything's going to be just fine." Fraser only wished he
could convince himself of that fact. 

 Closing his office door behind him, Fraser sighed again. This isn't where
he wanted to be living but it would do. He really didn't need much more,
did he? A place to rest his head at night. A shower to clean himself each
morning. A place to hang his uniform. Not much more needed except wanting
to hold the one he loved. Wanting the one he loved home but that just
wasn't in the cards this time. 

 They were suppose to be discussing the possible, no, the definite change
in their relationship. The fact that Fraser was undoubtedly in love with
his best friend and how they were going to get through that change.
Fraser, himself, was prepared for the sacrifices he would have to make:
unrequited love, suppressed feelings, the one he desired being within arms
length and not being allowed to touch him. Fraser would sacrifice all just
to remain friends with Ray for his friendship meant more to him than a
sexual relationship any day. Obviously though, Ray wasn't as strong a man.
Instead of remaining to sort through the mess, he fled to an even more
dangerous situation. Why? 

 Fraser sat down in his desk chair, slumping his head into his hands
resting on the desk and began sobbing. 

 "Stop that," the figure in the corner said as it walked out from the
shadows. 

 "Go away," Fraser commanded, not looking up. 

 "It's not going to do you any good moping around here." 

 "What would you know?" Fraser straightened up to look his father in the
eyes, tears staining his cheeks. 

 Fraser Sr. flinched at the look on his son's face. The last time he'd
seen his son in such a state was when that Victoria woman had reeked havoc
on his life. She wasn't worth the pain and suffering but he knew this man
was. "Son, not all is as it seems." 

 A seditious laugh escaped Fraser. "Thanks Dad for those words of
enlightenment. Once again you have made everything so much clearer, I
don't understand how I didn't see it before." The comment was made
sarcastically as Fraser rose from his desk and walked to his closet. 

 "There is no need to use such a tone with me Son." Fraser Sr. was walking
back and forth in front of Fraser's desk, hands clasped behind him. "I'm
just saying you don't know the whole story, you can't if he's not here to
tell you his side." 

 Fraser had removed his leather jack and shirt when he turned to look at
his father. "I think he's made his side of the story fairly clear. I am
here. He is not. How much more clearer could he make it?" 

 "Son . . ." 

 "No Dad, it's not like my friend just left me, you do relize I love him?"
Fraser turned back around to finish undressing for he was extremely
exhausted and wanted to end this day as quickly as possible. 

 "Yes Son but we don't need to talk about our feelings right now," Fraser
Sr. stammered. 

 "Dad, I told him I loved him, was in love with him and now he's gone.
What does that say to you?" Fraser turned back around waiting for his
father's response. 

 "Well . . . it could mean many things . . . you just can't assume
anything without talking to him. It wouldn't be fair to him, to either of
you." 

 "And how long am I suppose to wait to hear his side of the story?" Fraser
asked as he grabbed his bedroll to spread out on the floor. 

 "You said you loved him, correct?" 

 "Yes." 

 "How long will you love him?" 

 Fraser sighed, "Forever." 

 "Well son, that is your answer then," Fraser Sr. concluded as he
disappeared. 

 Fraser crawled into his bedroll feeling defeated for he knew his father
was right and no matter how long Ray was gone, he would wait for him, love
him and worry about him until he returned. Even if Ray couldn't handle the
change in their relationship, Fraser would still continue to love him for
there was nothing else he could do. He was made to love Ray Vecchio and
that was that. Diefenbaker curled up next to Fraser and both Mountie and
wolf sighed, one last time before sleep claimed them. 

 But now that you've come back
 Turned night into day
 I - need you to stay 

 When Ray did return from the undercover assignment, all did not go as
either of them thought. A full year had passed and a lot had happened to
both in their time spent apart. Fraser learned he could live on his own,
could survive but it didn't mean he still didn't need Ray. Ray learned he
could be like Fraser, stick his neck out for the good of others with
nothing in return and after the hell he'd been through, he needed Fraser
more than ever. 

 So, when Ray did return, it shouldn't have been a surprise to either of
them that there was no time to discuss what they should have discussed a
year ago, before Ray fled on the assignment. There was a criminal to
catch. The murderer of Fraser's mother and far be it from Ray to keep the
Mountie from getting his man. Ray waived Fraser on, understanding what
Fraser needed to do, keeping his feelings to himself for fear if he
divulged them, Fraser wouldn't leave. 

 When Fraser left, Ray was certain he wouldn't be returning. Fraser was
going home, where he belonged, where he longed to be his whole stay in
Chicago. Why wouldn't he remain in the Territories after the capture of
Muldoon? So Ray did the only thing he could do and that was to run again
for he couldn't remain in a city that reminded him daily of his missed
opportunity. Everytime he would go to work and look at the guest chair
next to his desk, he would be reminded of his unofficial partner who would
never be seated there again. Every time he passed the donut shop he
patroned, he would be reminded of the wolf who would never steal his jelly
donuts again. Every time he would lay in bed at night he would think of
the body that should by laying next to his that was not. 

 Ray had to leave for his sanity and what better way to go than under a
lie. So he left, letting people believe he and Stella Kowalski had stuck
up a love relationship and fled to Florida. The one place that he'd always
wanted to go but just never quite made it. 

 The one place that he was certain would never be able to remind him of
Fraser, except it did. 

 Fraser, he decided to stay in the Territories just as Ray assumed he
would. He couldn't return to Chicago, not if there was no chance for him
and Ray. He had only remained there until Ray returned in order to settle
the issue untouched between them but when Ray returned, he didn't seem too
interested in discussing that so what was the point. The Territories,
that's where he wanted to be all along anyway, right? The cold crisp air,
snow for miles, caribou, the northern lights, what more could a person
want. He was home after all where he belonged, with a friend, to go on an
adventure that would be a change of pace for the both of them. 

 And after they find the hand, well, if they find the hand, what then?
Fraser wouldn't think about that at the deciding moment. He would only
worry about the what ifs when the time came and until then, all he would
think about was the Hand of Franklin, the reaching out one. The only
problem, when it was late at night and he was left alone with his
thoughts, the Hand of Franklin wasn't in them. He thought about Ray, no
matter how hard he tried not to, he did anyway and it was because he would
love Ray forever and forever was a long time. 

 Deep down though, it wasn't what either wanted. When they both saw each
other standing on opposite sides of the door to hotel room number 2409, it
was like the darkness that their days had become brightened and they knew
they could go on living. They wanted to stay. They wanted each other to
stay but as with life, what you want isn't always what you get. 

 So now I come to you, with open arms
 Nothing to hide, believe what I say 

 Fraser was the first to return to the windy city and it was no surprise
to himself that he would find himself back there either. After he and Stan
both decided the search for the "Hand Thingie", as Stan referred to, was a
hopeless adventure, they called it quits and parted on their separate
ways. Ironically, it was Stan who was staying in Canada, hooking up with
Fraser's sister Maggie and the only place Fraser knew to go was Chicago.
When they had closed the Muldoon arms smuggling case, Fraser had been
given a promotion so, seeing that Inspector Thatcher had transferred out
of Chicago, vacating her post as Chief Liaison Office of the Chicago
Canadian Consulate, Fraser couldn't pass up the opportunity. 

 It wasn't long before Ray heard of Fraser's return and he couldn't help
but be curious as to why the Mountie, his best friend, had returned to the
city he hated in the first place. There really wasn't anything in Florida
holding Ray down, a bowling alley and that was it, so Ray did what he had
to do. He sold his half of the business to Stella, who was grateful for
the offer and he returned to the city where he belonged if only to settle
the unspoken ties that bound him to Fraser. 

 Fraser wasn't surprised by Ray's return either, it was as if they were
drawn together like the positive and negative points of a magnet. What did
surprise Fraser was his inability to talk to Ray about his feelings
towards the Italian, was and soon to be cop. What a difference two years
could make. When he had returned from his vacation two years ago, he was
ready to discuss the situation but now, things seemed to be going smoothly
for them. They were still best friends and they fell into their usual
routines as if they had never been apart. He didn't want to disrupt the
simplicity of it all. If this is what Ray wanted, he was happy with it
just as it was. 

 It had been a month since his return and Ray was getting frustrated. If
anyone, he was certain Fraser would be the first between the two of them
to broach the subject that he left open two years ago but it was looking
like Ray was going to have to make the first move. If he hadn't, they
might have been stuck in the stalemate forever and seeing Fraser was a
stubborn man, forever wasn't an understatement. Ray returned to Chicago
with a purpose in mind and that was to claim the person he loved, whether
he was too late or not. 

 Ray pulled the Riv up to park in front of Fraser's apartment building,
which was located in a slightly better neighborhood than the one that had
been on West Racine. That was one perk of the job promotion Fraser
received, more money. Not that Fraser really cared about the money but Ray
was able to talk him into a better apartment in a better neighborhood that
he, himself wouldn't even mind living in. Ray was even able to talk Fraser
into locks, go figure. 

 Speaking of perks, perk number two to Fraser job promotion and him being
the Chief Liaison Officer at the Canadian Consulate, no more red serge
sentry duty and no more red serge on a daily basis for that matter.
Although, where Inspector Thatcher was more likely to wearing dress suits
and the like, Fraser still preferred the brown serge uniform which suited
Ray just fine because he did look much better in that color anyway. 

 "Thank you for driving me home Ray. You really didn't have to you know? I
am perfectly capable of walking the ten blocks," Fraser said as he opened
the passenger door and exited the vehicle, pulling the seat forward to let
Diefenbaker out. 

 "Ah Benny, you say that just about every time I drive you home. I want to
okay? I know you have two legs and are perfectly capable of walking home.
This is just what a friend does for another friend, all right?" Ray looked
at Fraser as Fraser ducked his head back in to regard his friend. 

 "Yes Ray, I'm sorry. I do thank you anyway." Fraser smiled. "Would you
like to come up?" 

 Ray didn't hesitate in answering. He turned the car off and said, "Sure,"
then exited the vehicle himself. 

 As they were walking to the building, Fraser said, "You know, I still
can't believe you got another one." 

 "I know but when I saw her, I couldn't pass her up. Isn't she a beaut
though?" Ray asked as he and Fraser turned back around to look at the Riv.
She looked just like the last three and if you didn't know about what
happened in the past, you would think she was still the first one. 

 "You know, Stan and I are truly remorseful about the last one . . ."
Fraser said in an attempt to apologize. 

 "Benny, that is water under the bridge. The main thing is that you, Stan
and Dief were all right. That's all that matters." Ray smiled and placed
his arm around Fraser's shoulders. "Come on, let's go." Ray didn't dare
tell Fraser he wanted to discuss something with him. If he did, he was
sure the Mountie would skirt around the issue and would not have invited
him up as he always did. 

 Once they were in the apartment, Ray was still amazed at the changes
Fraser had gone through. It was no longer a spartan apartment that he
lived in. There was furniture, appliances that ran on electricity and yes,
even a television. Diefenbaker padded over to his spot under the window,
resting in the dying sunlight. Ray walked over to the window opposite
Diefenbaker and stared out, wondering where he was going to start this
one. 

 "Would you like anything to drink Ray, pop, coffee, tea?" Fraser offered
as he took his brown uniform belt and jacket off. Fraser disappeared into
the bedroom to hang the discarded garments up. 

 "No thanks Benny, I'm fine." Ray watched the people on the sidewalk below
walking home from work, school, the grocery store. This neighborhood was a
much safer one and Ray was thankful Fraser was living here. He didn't
worry as much as he had when his friend lived at the old apartment. 

 Ray was so engrossed in watching the people below that he didn't hear
Fraser walk up behind him. "What are you looking at?" Fraser asked,
peaking over Ray's shoulder. 

 Ray could feel Fraser's breath across the side of his face and a shiver
ran the course of his spine at the closeness of his friend's body. Ray
tried to speak calmly and it was an effort to just do that. "Nothing, just
admiring the neighborhood." Ray turned to move away from Fraser. 

 "Is everything all right Ray?" Fraser turned himself to watch Ray retreat
to the other side of the room. 

 "Benny, we have to talk." Ray rushed at getting the words out, afraid he
would clam up and they would go another day without discussing the
undiscussed. 

 "All right Ray, what about?" Fraser asked as he leaned back against the
window. 

 Ray let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding then took deep
breath releasing that too. "About us." 

 "What about us?" Fraser sounded so innocent, so clueless, Ray wasn't sure
if he should go on but he knew he must. It would kill him to remain silent
one more day. 

 "Benny, I don't know if you've realized it or not but since we both
returned to Chicago, we really haven't had a heart to heart talk about
things we should have talked about long ago." There, he said it. He just
hoped Fraser understood it. 

 "Yes Ray, I have realized that but I really wasn't sure if you wanted to
talk about it now. I mean, all that is passed and a lot has happened since
then. Things aren't the same, are they?" Fraser didn't want to pull his
feelings out one more time just to have them trampled on and he prayed Ray
would just leave it. 

 "What do you mean things aren't the same?" Ray was now getting annoyed. 

 "You and I have been through so much in the past two years, what could
discussing this matter now have to do with our futures?" 'Please Ray,
don't do this,' was all Fraser was thinking. 

 "It has a lot to do with our futures. Don't you agree that in order for
us to move on we have to resolve certain issues from our past?" Ray was
challenging Fraser. 

 "It all depends on the issues in question." 

 "Okay, obviously I'm the one who is gonna have to start this since you,
Mr. Stubborn Mountie are just being so . . . stubborn . . . okay," Ray was
pacing in his section of the room. Diefenbaker's head moved back and forth
with his movements. "When you left for vacation, I had no idea that I
wouldn't be here on your return. I meant it when I said we would discuss
things when you got back but other things came up . . ." 

 "The assignment," Fraser deduced. 

 "Yeah, the blasted assignment. It had been in the works for months before
then. I wasn't allowed to tell anyone about it until the time came for me
to leave and even then, I really couldn't tell much. You were suppose to
be here when I left or at least I was hoping you were, then I could have
given you a proper goodbye instead of some cryptic phone conversation. God
that was stupid." Ray stopped pacing to look at Fraser and he was just
staring back at him. "I was trying to tell you but I guess you didn't get
it." 

 "Our telephone conversation was a bit odd, I have to agree but once I got
back to Chicago and Lt. Welsh informed me of your departure, I understood
the conversation better. I know you did your best to prepare me and I
thank you for that." Fraser was trying to ease Ray's guilty conscience. 

 "You're thanking me for abandoning you?" Ray asked. 

 "What else could you do Ray? Refuse to go? Stay behind just because you
couldn't say goodbye to me?" 

 Ray looked intently at Fraser and replied forcefully, "Yes." 

 Fraser pushed himself off the windowsill and moved to sit at the kitchen
table. "Ray, come on, you know you couldn't have done that. I wouldn't
have let you." 

 "You wouldn't have let me? Who said you would have had a choice in the
matter? Is it because that just isn't something you would have done?" Ray
asked has he sat down at the table across from Fraser. Fraser didn't
answer. "Benny, you have to quit putting your standards on everyone else.
I don't have to live up to them ya know?" 

 "Ray, I never expected you to, I don't expect you to now. What are you
saying? You left because of me? To prove you could meet my standards of
living?" This time it was Ray who didn't respond. "Ray . . ." 

 "Listen Benny, all I'm saying is that after you told me you loved me . .
. that you were in love me . . . after you were gone, I thought a whole
heck of a lot about that. That's all I could do was think because when you
were gone, my life was much pretty non-existent. So, while I was thinking,
I came to realize that you are a pretty important part of my life and
without you . . . well, without you I'm only half a person. Remember the
time I told you alone, we're incomplete but together we are better than we
are separately?" Fraser nodded his head. "Well, it's true and I know I
totally contradicted my words with my actions by going on that undercover
assignment but my hands were tied." 

 "Ray, what are you trying to say?" Fraser could tell Ray was nervous by
his babbling. 

 "Benny, I love you and I'm in love with you. I discovered that when you
were on vacation but then the assignment called and I knew I had to go
because that is what you would do. I know I owed you an explanation or
just a simple goodbye, don't worry about me but I couldn't. I had to go
because I knew if you were in my shoes, you would have chosen the same
fate." Ray was resting his head in hands by the time he was finished and
he couldn't believe how exhausted this conversation was making him. 

 Fraser was beaming with pride at this point. Ray loved him and that was
all that matter at that moment. "Ray, I understand. I'm flattered that you
felt you had to prove yourself to me but you never really had to. I have
great respect for you and you have always met any standard I have set for
you." 

 Ray's head popped up and he asked, "You've set standards for me?" 

 "Well, I don't have a list of things but you have never let me down."
Fraser reached across the table and took hold of Ray's hands, "Ray, I love
you very much. In fact, I never stopped loving. You know Ray, when I
returned from my vacation, I was devastated that you were gone. That
sounds pathetic I know..." 

 "It's not pathetic Benny, it's just being human." 

 "Well, I thought for sure you didn't want to associate with me knowing
that I loved you. Someone had told me to wait and hear your side of the
story . . ." Ray cut Fraser off. 

 "You discussed this situation with someone?" Ray was astonished. 

 "Ah . . . well . . . sort of . . ." 

 "Benny?" 

 "Nevermind that, getting back to the point, I asked this person how long
I should wait for you and he asked me, if I love you and of course I
responded yes. He proceeded to ask me, how long would I love you and I
answered, forever. That's when he said, 'Well son, that is your answer
then.'" Fraser was glad he listened to his father. 

 "Who ever that was, he's a very wise man." 

 Fraser smiled and agreed, "Yes Ray, yes he was." 

 So here I am with open arms
 Hoping you'll see what your love means to me... Open arms 

 Their relationship didn't start off as easy as other lover's do. The
first fact being they were both men and not the supposed normal couple or
at least what most people saw as being normal. Secondly, suppressed
emotions caused a comedy of errors, people leaving, people returning and
people leaving again but now they were finally together as they were
always meant to be. 

 It was now Ray's turn to be awake first. The sun was just beginning to
shine its tendrils through the window across the room and the light
shining on his lover's pale body was breathtaking. There was a slight
chill coming in from the early morning air blowing through the window that
Fraser had left open a crack. Ray pulled the blanket tighter around
himself and laughed at the fact Fraser was half uncovered without a care
in the world. 

 The last six months had been the best of Ray's life, it was all worth the
wait. There were still days he didn't believe he deserved the love of the
man lying next to him but he had it and he wasn't about to refuse or give
it up any time soon. Ray had Fraser's love, Diefenbaker's devotion and the
love and support of the most wonderful Italian family a man could ask for.
The day couldn't be any more perfect but wait, is that a flickering of his
lover's eyes? 

 Fraser lightly turned over onto his side, facing Ray and slowly, his eyes
flickered open. One look and the most beautiful smile Ray had ever seen
spread across Fraser's face. It was a smile that radiated love and yet it
looked slightly shy. "Good morning Ray." 

 Ray stretched, wrapping the covers around Fraser and himself, then
wrapped his own arms around Fraser. "Mornin' Benny." Ray leaned closer and
planted a warm, satisfying kiss on his lover's mouth. 

 "You're in a good mood already . . . it's not even six o'clock." Fraser
teased as he wrapped his own arms around Ray's slim waist. 

 "Let's just say you haven't ruined a suit yet so today is still a good
day," Ray joked. 

 "But Ray, we haven't even gotten out of bed yet," Fraser said seriously. 

 "I know and that's probably why I'm still in a good mood. You haven't
been able to get anywhere near my clothes yet." Ray gave Fraser smiled
that showed he was teasing then kissed him on the forehead before settling
down in the comforting embrace of his lover. "I like this Benny, getting
up early, not having to go anywhere, enjoying each other's company . . ."
Ray sighed. 

 "I would have to agree with that point Ray." Fraser remained still for a
moment enjoying the closeness of Ray's body. "Ray, why are you up so
early?" 

 Ray shrugged in the embrace. "Dunno, I just woke up. I guess I was
anticipating you waking up yourself, which you did." 

 "Oh," Fraser pulled Ray closer to him. "I love you Ray." 

 "I love you too Benny." Both men remained in the tight embrace until they
fell back asleep together and even then they didn't let go