Disclaimer: This story is written for the private	 

Disclaimer: This story is written for the private entertainment of fans.
The author makes no claims on the characters or their portrayal by the
creation of this story. Fraser, Vecchio, et.al. belong to Alliance; the
McKenzies and friends belong to me; Cat Madden belongs to Carol Trendall
and is used with permission. No infringement of any copyrights held by
CBS, Alliance, CTV or any other copyright holders of DUE SOUTH is
intended. This story is not published for profit, and the author does not
give permission for this story to be reproduced for profit. 

  

"Spuds" McKenzie 

by Cassandra Hope 

(Copyright March 1998)	

"...the sound of time working here in the birthplace of monuments the
beginning of temples...GRAND CANYON made by the liquid snake...a gorge so
deep the sky is narrow as a line of blue thread."  

Phillip Wofford 

  

"How about it, Spuds? You game for another day?" Travis leered at Phil
over his coffee cup. 

Phil rubbed the aching muscles in her arms then slowly inched to her feet.
Groaning dramatically, she complained to the small group around the
morning coffeepot, "I can barely walk. My arms and legs ache. My butt is
one solid bruise and you ask me if I want to do it all over again?" 

Travis winked when he caught her eye. "I've got some Bud in the bottom of
the Glen Canyon. That'd loosen you up a bit." 

Phil's eyes grew large at the mention of Travis' stash of beer. "No
thanks, Travis. I have no desire for a repeat performance of that little
escapade!" 

"Escapade?" Ben's ears perked up. 

Too late Phil realized she'd opened a can of worms. "It's nothing, really,
Ben. Just one of the small incidents that happen on each trip." She
stumbled over the words in her haste to allay his suspicions. 

Maybe it was the haste in which the words tumbled forth or the panicked
look on her face, whatever it was, Ben knew he was onto something. 

Even Ray sensed there was more to it than Phil let on as the group around
the fire erupted into laughter--all except Phil, Ben, and himself.
Curiosity piqued, Ray stared at Phil as she stretched, trying to limber
her aching muscles. "What little incident?" 

Travis gasped for breath then nudged his brother. Phil turned a baleful
eye on the duo. "Don't you dare," she threatened. 

"Dare what?" Ben's raised eyebrows accentuated his question. 

Terry blew on his coffee then smiled over the rim of the cup at Phil. "I
don't think Phil wants me to reveal her penchant for skinny-dipping."  

"Skinny-dipping? Phil skinny-dips?" Ray's jaw dropped in amazement. 

"I most certainly did not!" Phil cast a desperate glance around the fire
at the faces turned toward her. The knowing grins plastered across their
faces sent a momentary shaft of doubt through her. "At least I'm almost
certain I didn't. TJ said I passed out before I..." her voice faltered at
the smirks passed between the Hunters. "TJ wouldn't lie to me. Carol back
me up on this." 

Carol grinned then wagged her head. "Don't look at me, Phil. As I
recall..." 

Travis interrupted her, "As I recall, you weren't far behind her." He
shook his head in amazement. "I've never seen two women strip as fast..." 

"Travis! That's enough of that!" Phil towered over the Hunter brothers
daring them to reveal that 'incident' from their common pasts. 

Travis raised his hands in surrender then glanced over at Ben. "Sorry,
Ben, I'll have to tell you that little story some other time," he grinned
unrepentantly at Phil, "sometime when Spuds isn't here to threaten me!"  

Ben grinned back. "I'll take you up on that, Travis." He enjoyed the
friendly banter between the small group around the morning fire. Phil's
taste in friends was always enjoyable. Ben found that he liked Travis and
Terry and their wives. He would miss them when this trip was over. He
glanced over at Phil as she settled back onto the ground. She radiated a
vitality that drew him like a magnet and his body ached for her touch. He
would definitely miss her. 

By this time the rest of the participants were stirring and several
approached the group around the fire. "What's so funny?" Dave McMillian
asked. 

"Nothing, Dave," Phil answered. "These characters were just assassinating
my good reputation." 

"What reputation?" Travis joked. 

Phil rolled her eyes. "The one I had before you opened your mouth!" 

"As I recall, Spuds, you were the one who brought up that subject." 

"Yeah, and you're gonna make damn sure I never forget about it." 

"Nope." Travis grinned candidly at her. "It's just another colorful
episode here in the Canyon--a lot like you and Lava Falls." 

"Gee thanks for reminding me of that one!" Phil chuckled as she hung her
head and shook it. * * * 

After a breakfast of ham and cheese omelets and fresh melon slices, Phil
took her place near the dories and addressed the group. "Let me read
today's excerpts from Powell's journal then we'll negotiate Tapeats and
make our first stop at Deer Creek Falls, about 2 miles downstream." 

The group gathered by the dories to resume their journey down the river.
Phil waited a moment then began reading.  

August 22--We come to rapids again, this morning, and are occupied several
hours in passing them, letting the boats down, from rock to rock, with
lines for nearly half a mile, and then have to make a long portage... 

We have made but little over seven miles today, and a part of our flour
has been soaked in the river again.***	

"All right, folks. Today we will be traversing a major stretch of the
Canyon. We will make stops at Deer Creek Falls, Kanab Creek, and
Matkatamiba Canyon. This will be one of our quieter days on the river." 

"And just what does that mean?" Ray asked sarcastically. 

Phil smiled at Ray and motioned with her head toward the riffles that
marked the beginning of Tapeats. "After Tapeats Rapid we will have several
stretches of relatively calm water." 

"I thought you said yesterday that we'd hit Upset Rapids today," he
pointed out. 

"I did, Ray, and we will. It's just that this stretch is what I call a
lazy sucker stretch." 

That had everyone's attention. "Sucker stretch?" Ray expressed the
question on everyone's mind. 

"Yeah, sucker stretch. The rapids, except for Tapeats and Upset, are
relatively minor. It lulls you into thinking that the river has calmed
down and you can handle anything it throws at you." She shrugged
diffidently but her I-know-something-you-don't-know smile was back in
place. 

"Which is actually a sense of false security?" Ben could read Phil's body
language quite well. 

Her features became more animated. "Correct, Ben. Past Havasu Creek, where
we'll spend tomorrow, the Colorado enters the volcanics. And shortly after
that comes Lava Falls. A meaner rapid, I have yet to see." 

"Or negotiate in a boat," Travis muttered a little too loudly to be
accidental. 

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead and remind me, Travis." The group gathered around
Phil chuckled. A well-established fact by now, everyone knew of Phil's
past confrontations with Lava Falls. 

"Maybe we should hold a wake or something for Phil," Matt Hamm, one of the
geologists, suggested. 

"Actually, I think we should sit on her and pour beer down her throat
until she loosens up," Travis whispered to Ben. 

Phil spun around and pointed a finger at him. "I heard that, Travis. There
will be no--and I repeat--no repetition of that incident." 

"I don't blame you, Spuds. It would be almost impossible to top that
performance." 

Carol and Josie burst out laughing and Phil turned to stare at the pair.
"Carol, I'm surprised at you. From what I recall, you didn't handle the
situation any better than me." 

Carol grinned and snuggled closer to her husband. "That's true, Phil, but
look what it got me." The look she shared with Travis was full of the love
they had for each other. 

Seeing the look shared by Carol and Travis, Phil's eyes slid to Ben. The
smoldering flame she saw in his eyes startled her. She quickly averted her
eyes as a quiver surged through her veins. She should be thinking of her
future with Martin not dwelling on her past and the promises made years
ago. Yet, his nearness kindled feelings of fire and set her heart pounding
to a primeval rhythm. How could she possibly handle these last few days? *
* * 

"Ben, since there are several calm stretches on today's agenda, why don't
you plan on piloting the Glen Canyon through some of them?" Travis spoke
to Ben as they climbed aboard the dory. 

Ben's face split with a smile of genuine pleasure. "Thank you kindly,
Travis. I'd enjoy that."  

"Okay. If today is gonna be so damn easy, why not let me try my hand at
steering that damn boat?" Ray stumbled to a stop realizing what he'd just
asked. 

Travis grinned wickedly at Ray. "Think you can handle it?" 

"Now, Ray. Do you think that's wise?" Ben cautioned. 

"Why not, Benny? If you can do it and Phil can do it, why not me? It would
give me something to think about other than wondering when you were gonna
dump us in the river." 

"What's going on here?" Phil asked as she settled into her seat beside Ben
in the stern of the dory. 

In the driest tone of voice imaginable, Ben replied, "Ray is going to
pilot the Glen Canyon today." 

"Really?" She grinned past Travis to Ray in the bow. Giving him a
thumbs-up, she shouted, "I think that's great!" 

"Phil!" Ben groaned as he helped Travis cast off the boat and handed the
oars to him. 

Tapeats and 135 Mile Rapids receded behind the small flotilla of boats as
they entered the Granite Narrows. Here the canyon walls squeezed the river
into the narrowest passage of the entire length of the Canyon. The black
walls towered over the tiny boats as if to remind them of their
insignificance in the nature of things. Each twist and turn of the river
seemed to draw the walls in closer.  

"Okay, Phil, how much longer do we have to wait for these wall to close in
completely and these dinky little boats can't get through?" Ray called
from the bow. 

""Ray, these walls will never quite close in that much." Phil scratched
her head, then continued, "At least they hadn't the last time I was here."


"You certainly don't instill much confidence in me," Ray grumbled before
turning back to watch the walls narrow even further. 

Soon the roar of falling water reached their ears. Plunging over 100 feet
into a red rock alcove where mists clouded the waterfall, Deer Creek Falls
formed a plunge pool only a few feet from the Colorado River. The dories
stopped and the group separated into two. Phil led a small group up above
the falls to the source of Deer Creek. The rest of the group spent some
time splashing around in the pool at the base of the waterfall. 

This time, however, Phil did not have to worry about Ray or Ben
accidentally pushing her over the edge. The edge this time was much too
steep and the drop too long. Besides, Mara was doing her best to make sure
that Ben was otherwise occupied. 

"Phil, you know he's not going to say anything to her," Ray commented as
he and Phil paused to watch the others catch up with them. They watched as
Ben stopped and stood quite still before turning to offer a hand up to
Mara who had lagged behind. "Although, I don't think I've seen him this
ticked off in quite a while." 

"This next portion of the trail is quite narrow, Ray. Maybe I can help Ben
a little bit with his problem." 

"I don't think that is going to be enough to discourage her."  

Phil nodded her head in agreement before calling to the Mountie, "Ben?
Could I borrow you for a moment?" 

Ben glanced quickly at Phil when she called to him. If she asked him to
jump off the cliff beside the trail he would gladly do that just to get
away from his 'thorn-in-the-flesh'. Extracting his arm from Mara's
clinging grasp, he threaded his way past Jim Trexler and Kim Walker. Mara
followed on his heels. "What can I do for you, Phil?" he asked as he
pushed past Ray. He did not see Ray straddle the trail preventing Mara
from following. 

Phil, on the other hand, saw exactly what Ray had done. She gave him an
imperceptible thumbs-up and was rewarded with a flash of Ray's brilliant
grin. "Ben, I thought you might like to lead us through this next
section." Ben's eyebrows rose a fraction. Glancing over his shoulder he
caught sight of Mara's stormy features behind Ray's back. Comprehending at
last, he nodded his head and said, "I would greatly appreciate the
opportunity to do that, Phil." As he passed by her he whispered, "Thank
you kindly." Phil smiled crookedly and imperceptibly nodded her head. 

Ben led them up the trail through the narrow defile that defined the
course of Deer Creek. No one questioned the need for a single-file
approach although Mara grumbled a bit about her position in the middle.
Even when the trail widened, Mara still found it impossible to get past
the Italian and the leader of this excursion. Finally, the group reached
the headwaters of Deer Creek. Much as Thunder River had originated from
springs high on the cliff wall, Deer Creek, too, originated from a spring
that spouted its flood from the canyon wall opposite the trail.  

Phil pointed toward the continuation of the trail up the narrow canyon.
"If you ever have a chance to return here, this trail will take you over
the ridge and into the Tapeats drainage. In fact, it will take you to
Thunder River. It will also take you into some of the backcountry of the
canyon--areas that see very few visitors." 

"Have you hiked this backcountry?" Ben asked. 

"Some of it but not all. That's something I plan to do eventually. I was
going to do some hiking last year but I..." 

"Fell down a mine shaft and broke your ankle?" 

Phil chuckled. "I guess Cat told you that story?" 

"That and much more." 

"Do you ever get the feeling that she's trying to interfere in our lives?"
Phil asked as she gazed into his face. 

Dropping his eyes, Ben nervously twisted the tail of his T-shirt. "All the
time, Phil, all the time," he finally answered. He lifted his eyes when he
heard her chuckle. 

"We're just going to have to do something about that, Ben, don't you
think?" 

"What did you have in mind?" He asked as he casually looped her arm in his
and turned them back down the trail. 

"I don't know yet," Phil mused as she rested her other hand on his arm,
"but I'm sure that between the two of us we can come up with something." 

Suddenly feeling 100 pounds lighter, Ben laughed. It was a carefree laugh;
one he'd not had in a long time.  

Ray grinned to himself as he continued to run interference for Ben. He was
a bit startled when Mara sidled up to him and hissed, "Don't think I don't
know what you're doing, Ray. I've got eyes." 

Ray grasped her arm as she pushed passed him. "If you've got eyes, Mara,
then why don't you use them? Can't you tell that he's not interested in
you?" 

"That's 'cause you and that...that..." 

"Watch what you say," Ray growled. 

"That woman don't give him a moment's rest. No one else has a chance to
get close to him with you and her around. How do you know he's not
interested? Has he said so?" 

"Of course not. He's too polite to do that." 

"So you don't know. Just like I thought. Just 'cause I'm not interested in
you doesn't mean that you need to spoil it for your friend...if he is your
friend," Mara sneered. 

"He's more of a friend that you will ever know, Mara. Take the hint and
leave him alone." 

"Or what?" 

"Or you're going to get hurt." 

"Is that a threat?" 

"No, but when he finally tells you to fuck off you're going to realize
everything I've said is true." 

"If he's so polite, he won't tell me that." 

"That's not the point, Mara. Does he have to tell you that to get you to
leave him alone?" 

"Yeah, he does." Mara wrenched her arm from Ray's grasp and vanished down
the trail on the search for the elusive Mountie. Ray sighed running his
hands over his face. 'Why does Benny collect these nutcases?' he asked
himself as he started back down the trail as well. 

Ray caught up with Mara and was pleased to note that Jim and Kim made an
effective barrier between Mara and her prey. He was also pleased to note
that Ben and Phil seemed to be hitting it off quite well today. Maybe
things were looking up at last. * * * 

Continuing on down the river, the dories negotiated Doris, and Fishtail
Rapids. In the intervening stretches, Ben piloted the Glen Canyon, finally
heading toward shore above Kanab Rapid. Beaching above the rapid, Travis
grinned at Phil, she grinned back. Their hands flashed out and an intense
game of 'rock, paper, scissors' ensued. The activity drew Terry and Josie
as well as the other boatmen and they quickly clustered around the Glen
Canyon cheering on first Travis then Phil. 

"Damn!" Phil muttered as she lost the second of three tries. The gathered
boatmen laughed and shouted. "Can we try this again?" she pled. 

"Pay up, Spuds," Travis chortled as he climbed out of the dory and
strutted his best imitation of a victory dance.  

"Damn!" Phil muttered again as she settled into the stern and removed her
shoes and then her T-shirt revealing a bright green swimsuit top snuggly
clinging to her figure. 

Ben gaze dropped from her eyes to her shoulders to her scantily clad
breasts. His eyes widened and he quickly drew his attention back to Phil's
face. Never allowing his eyes to drop below the level of her chin, he
cleared his throat nervously and asked, "Phil, do you mind telling me
what's going on?" Ben's eyes again wandered south as she stood and placed
a bare foot on the gunwale of the dory. His gaze raked over her slender
body; her ragged shorts emphasizing a narrow waist that flared into
agilely rounded hips tapering to long lithe thighs. It was a purely
sensual experience, and Ben felt a familiar shiver of awareness. 

Turning to answer him, Phil screeched as Travis and Terry grabbed her and
lifted her above their heads. Ron and Brian grabbed her legs and the four
men ran toward muddy effluence of Kanab Creek. Carol and Josie sat on the
gunwale of the dory and laughed until tears streamed down their faces. 

Concerned, Ben shot out of the dory with Ray right behind him. They
followed the men to the muddy waters of Kanab Creek. The rest of the group
followed along sensing something was about to happen. They watched as the
four men sat Phil gently down in the waters of the Kanab about four feet
from shore. 

"Guys, be gentle!" She raised her hands in a plea. 

"Oh, we'll be gentle, Spuds!"  

The group on the bank watched horrified as the four men harvested handful
after handful of gooey mud from the creek bottom and smeared it all over
Phil's body. When all but her head was covered, Travis motioned for the
group to step back. 

Phil breathed a sigh of relief. She had not looked forward to washing mud
from her hair. The mud already ran down behind the scrap of bathing suit
and she didn't quite like the feel of it oozing down between her 'buns'
and sliding out the legs of her shorts. It looked like the guys were going
to spare her the final insult of having to wash mud from her face and
hair. Her relief was premature. 

Travis winked at her then turned to the group on the bank. "Would anyone
like to finish the job?" 

The words were barely out of his mouth before Ray was scooping mud into
his hands. Phil's eyes widened but it wasn't Ray she watched. Ben, too,
now carried a large glob of mud in his hands. 

Hoping to forestall the inevitable, Phil bargained, "I think you should
know, Ben, Ray...if you put that stuff on me it makes you fair game for
the rest of it." 

Ray stopped with his hands above her head. A large glop dripped onto her
hair. "Rest of what?" 

Phil motioned with her hand to where Terry, Travis, Ron, and Brian were
wrestling in the mud. They were now covered, head to toe, in the brown
stuff they had lathered so thickly on Phil. At the questioning glance of
Ben and Ray, the group stopped wrestling and watched in return. The smiles
plastered on each face were starkly white against the brown of the mud. 

"You mean, if I smear this mud on you, I'll end up like that?" Another
glop or two of mud splattered onto Phil's head. He nervously swallowed
slowly. Did he really want to end up like that? He stared back at the
group of mudslingers not liking what he saw. He did not see Phil's
surreptitious movements as she scraped liberal quantities of mud from her
body. 

"I don't think I want to get involved..." Ray started as he turned his
attention back to Phil. He was met with a handful of the mud as Phil
smeared it down his cheeks and across his forehead. 

"Too late, Ray." Phil chuckled at the startled look in Ray's eyes and his
futile attempt to retreat from the muddy swarm that flowed toward him. 

"I'll get you for this, Phil!" he called as he was pulled down into the
muddy waters of the creek. 

Phil turned to stare at Ben and the handful of mud he still carried.
"Well?" 

Ben cleared his throat then glanced to where Ray was rolling in the mud
with Brian. He caught a glimpse of Terry as he wrestled with...was that
Josie? And Travis and Carol? Ben turned and watched as most of the group
from the dories stripped and waded out into the mud. The only person still
not involved was Mara. 

Mara motioned wildly with her arms. "Hurry, Benton. We can get away from
this mess and let the children play with their mud pies." She swayed her
hips suggestively. 

Ben's eyes grew wide and he stumbled back into Phil. Grabbing hold of him
to keep from falling, Phil smeared liberal quantities of mud on Ben
wherever her body touched his. 

"Sorry, Ben." But she grinned wickedly at him anyway and stepped back.	

Ben stared at Mara on the shore beckoning him and Phil in the mud grinning
at him. He stared at the mud in his hands. He closed his eyes and chose.
In a single fluid motion, he spun about and dropped his cargo onto Phil's
head. He stooped and grabbed another handful and rising, spread it across
Phil's face. 

Sputtering, Phil wiped the mud from her face. The wicked smile was wiped
from her face but it settled into her eyes. She put a hand out and placed
it flat on Ben's chest. He never saw the leg that snaked around his. He
only felt the gentle shove that sent him sprawling backward into the mud
of Kanab Creek. The next thing he knew, globs of mud from Phil's hands
were raining down on him. He watched her scoop another handful and turn to
him. He was ready. He grabbed her about the waist and rolled her into the
mud. Their eyes joined and time seemed to halt.  

Phil stared up into Ben's glacier blue eyes, tingling at the electricity
of his touch. A delightful shiver of wanting ran through her. He was even
more stunningly virile than she'd remembered. An undeniable magnetism
built between them. 

Ben was conscious of where his warm flesh touched her. His hands explored
the hollows of her back and he relished the occasional jolt of his thigh
brushing her hip. For a long moment he stared down at her a question
burning in his eyes. When she didn't push him away, he lowered his face to
hers. Before their lips could touch a mud missile hit him from behind. He
glanced sideways in surprise searching for the laughter. 

As if the action of the mudball had released her, Phil scooted away from
Ben's embrace. What was she thinking? Almost allowing him to kiss her? In
public? Had she no thought for how that would look? She was almost engaged
to Martin. Her face was flushed with embarrassment and anger at herself. 

Ray scooped another handful and shaped it into a ball. Casting a regretful
look back at Phil, Ben's shoulders heaved in a slight shrug then he
grinned as he surreptitiously scooped a handfull of mud from the
streambed. Poetry in motion, he pivoted and flung the mudball at his
friend. Phil scooted further out of firing range and watched as Ben and
Ray bombarded each other with mudball after mudball. 

A loud shriek pierced the general free-for-all and all eyes searched for
the source. More than one of the mudslingers cheered as Bruce and Steve
swooped down on Mara and bodily carried her to the stream. Hurling
invectives at the two men, Mara was summarily deposited into the general
melee. Phil chucked when she noticed both Ray and Ben join the others in
initiating Mara with mud. Finally, everyone stepped back revealing a
figure that little resembled the sultry vixen that had made a general
nuisance of herself the whole trip. Mara stood straight as a ramrod, her
fists clenched at her side. Phil couldn't tell if she was rigid with anger
or on the verge of tears. 

Deciding to give the girl a break, Phil climbed to her feet and,
approaching Mara, grasped her hand and led her down the creek to where it
flowed into the Colorado. Moving out of the muddy effluent, she sank into
the clear water of the river pulling Mara with her. She rinsed as much of
the mud as she could from her body, clothes, and hair. Mara did the same.
When Phil was satisfied she no longer resembled an initiate at an
aboriginal rite of passage; she waded to the dories and waited for Mara to
join her. 

Sputtering angrily, Mara asked, "Why did they do that? I hate getting
dirty and they know that!" 

"Getting dirty kind of goes with your research, doesn't it?" Phil quipped
as she dropped down to sit on the side of the Glen Canyon. 

"Not like that, it doesn't!" 

"They probably didn't want you to feel left out." 

"Left out, my ass!" Mara sneered, "They're just mad 'cause I told them I
was interested in men not boys." 

"Men?" Phil quirked an eyebrow questioningly. "Men like Ben Fraser?" 

Mara stared defiantly at Phil. "Yeah, men like Benton." Phil gazed
steadily back. As the silence between them lengthened, Mara was the first
to drop her eyes. 

"You're barking up the wrong tree, Mara. Ben isn't like that." 

"Like what?" 

"Ben isn't the kind of man to rob a cradle. To him you're just a child--a
spoiled, self-centered child--but a child nevertheless." 

"I'm not a child!" 

"Then don't act like one." Her tone was coolly disapproving. 

"I don't act like a child," Mara huffed as she towered over Phil. 

Catching the look in the girl's eyes, Phil rose to her feet. "No, Mara,
you're right. You don't act like a child. You act like a bitch in heat."
Mara's eyes narrowed as her face twisted in anger. Her hand swung up but
Phil caught it before it connected with her face. "Don't try that again,
Mara, or..."  

Mara's eyes widened as she yanked her hand away from Phil's grasp. Taking
a step back, she stared in surprise at the normally placid leader of this
group. 

Phil blinked several times as she drew in a deep, cleansing breath. "I'm
sorry, Mara, that was totally uncalled for. I don't usually lose control
like that." 

"You're in love with him, aren't you?" Mara said, softly and mockingly,
her hands clenching and unclenching at her side. Phil again traded stares
with the girl. Again, it was Mara's eyes that dropped first.  

"It doesn't matter what I feel or don't feel for him. You've already
formed an opinion and nothing I can say or do will change your mind."  

"You're damn right about that!" 

Phil shrugged her shoulders expressively. "I'm sorry, Mara." 

"For what?" 

"The letdown you're setting yourself up for." 

"We'll see about that!" Mara spat at Phil then spun on her heels and
hurried back in the direction of the creek and the rest of the group. 

Phil collapsed back onto the edge of the dory. Burying her face in her
hands, she chided herself for loosing control of her actions and, most
especially, her tongue. When had her attempt to help the girl devolved
into a verbal sparring match? Why had she felt this overriding desire to
deflect Mara's attention away from Ben? Whatever the reasons behind her
attempt, it had failed miserably.  

Sighing helplessly, Phil reached behind her and retrieved her camera from
its place in the Glen Canyon. Only then did she return to Kanab Creek and
the mudslingers. 

Mara stood well off to one side. At Phil's approach, she turned her back
on her. Phil shrugged dismissively and settled onto the bank of the
stream. Her ill humor slowly ebbed away as she shot picture after picture,
finally concentrating on Ben and Ray. She watched as they helped each
other from the mud and raced each other to the river. As if that was a
signal, the remaining members of the group singly or in pairs headed
toward the river as well.  

Phil followed and snapped pictures of people trying to remove Kanab mud
from their bodies and clothing. Not surprisingly, her camera seemed to
focus most often on a certain pair of men washing the mud from their
bodies. The sight of those two clad only in their ragged shorts sent
shafts of heat through her. 'Stop that, Phil!' she scolded herself but she
continued to watch until her guilty conscience made itself felt. She
turned from them and, closing her eyes, strove to draw forth an image of
Martin. Why were the images of Ben so vibrant and Martin's so faded.
Gradually, the remaining members joined Ben and Ray and soon everyone was
restored to a semblance of order. 

Settling back into the dories, Ray called to Phil, "Now, what the hell was
that all about?" 

Pushing the encounter with Mara to the back of her mind, Phil grinned and
answered, "That was your initiation into the elite order of mudslingers,
Ray." 

"Mudslingers?" 

Travis chuckled, then called over his shoulder, "It's like the ceremony
that's held when a person first crosses the equator. When someone makes
their first trip through the canyon, they get initiated at Kanab." After
Travis pulled the Glen Canyon through Kanab Rapid, he turned to Ray and
motioned with his head to Phil. "We always pick an 'old-timer' to be the
first one initiated. This year, Spuds won that honor!" 

"Yeah, Travis, its such a great honor to stand there and let everyone
smear stinky mud all over my body. And, pray tell me, why did you dump
that mud down the back of my shorts?" 

Ben perked up. "The back of your shorts?" 

Phil nodded. "Then he grinned and patted my butt. I could feel the mud
squishing in places I'd rather not think about! And then it oozed out and
ran down my legs." Phil squirmed as she remembered the feel of the mud on
her posterior and legs. Ben stifled a laugh. "Are you laughing at me,
Ben?" 

"No, of course not, Phil." But when he caught Ray's eyes from the bow he
couldn't hold it any longer. He leaned against the gunwale and laughed.
For some reason, the image of mud oozing down Phil's butt onto her legs
struck him as funny. Or maybe it was the sense of release that he'd
experienced as he'd wrestled in the mud with Ray. He'd never done
something like that before, always mindful of his grandmother's injunction
that 'cleanliness was next to godliness'. Or maybe it was just the
experience of being here with Ray and Phil and having the time of his
life. Whatever it was, it expressed itself by uncontrollable laughter. 

"Travis?" Phil asked as she regarded Ben. 

"What, Spuds?" 

"I think I need your help." 

Travis nodded his head. "Can do, Spuds." He carefully placed the oars in
the dory then stood and stretched. Locking eyes with Phil, they waited
until Ben leaned over the edge and gasped for breath. With a concerted
heave-ho, Travis and Phil flipped Ben out of the Glen Canyon into the cold
water of the Colorado. 

Ben came up sputtering. Grasping the side of the dory he stared at its
occupants, each laughing at his predicament. He turned as he heard the
approach of one of the other dories. 

"What happened?" Terry called. 

"Ben tripped and fell out of the boat!" Phil replied then began laughing
again. 

"That's not what it looked like to me! Why don't you ride with us,
Benton?" Mara extended her hand. 

The look of panic on his face as he turned to the group in the Glen Canyon
was enough to start them laughing again. Ray came aft and helped Travis
pull Ben back into the dory. Settling himself in the stern he glared at
Phil, Travis, and, finally, Ray. He called across the distance that
separated them from the Grand Canyon, "Thank you, Ms. Taylor, but I
believe I'll stay right here." 

"Chicken!" Ray mouthed at the Mountie and flapped his arms. The others
just laughed. 

Taking a deep breath, Travis strove for control. Finally he spoke to Ray,
"While you're up, Ray, why don't you take over the piloting?" Travis
offered him the controls of the dory. 

"It's about time!" Ray complained as he took over from Travis. 

"I'm sorry if it seemed like I was avoiding your turn, Ray. I just wanted
to give you a long stretch of calm water. It's about 4 miles to the next
rapid at Matkatamiba." 

Ray settled into the cockpit as Phil moved forward to take over Ray's seat
beside Jack Sloan. Taking the oars in hand, he steered the small boat down
the river. 

"Ray, I'm impressed!" Travis joked. 

"What?" Ray asked with a decided smirk in his voice. "Did you think I was
asleep all those times you showed Fraser how to do this?" 

"I didn't think you were interested."  

"Well, you thought wrong." Ray grinned to soften the sharp words. Truth be
told, he enjoyed steering the dory, but he would never tell Benny that. He
was surprised by how responsive the small boat was. It also helped that
the river was in a good mood. In what seemed like record time, the
flotilla approached Matkatamiba Rapid. A meager 1 in low water, the rapid
passed before Ray even realized. 

"Congratulations, Ray!" Phil called from the bow. 

Ray halfway turned in the cockpit to smile at Phil. "For what?" he asked
as he continued to ply the oars. 

"For negotiating your first rapid!" Phil blew a kiss to Ray noting the
darkening of Ben's visage as she did so. 

"My what?" 

"That rough water we just went through was Matkatamiba Rapid." 

"You're kidding me! That was a rapid?" Ray stared at the rippling water
behind them. 

"Not all rapids are terrors like Crystal or Hance. Some are real wimps,"
Travis answered from his place beside Ben in the stern. Ray smiled in
accomplishment and angled the dory to the shore in the wake of the other
crafts. The small group spent an hour or so climbing in Matkatamiba
Canyon--wading its creek and climbing its narrow channel to a serene,
restful amphitheater. 

"This is spectacular, Phil." Ben beamed with pleasure as he lounged beside
Phil. "The climb up the 'slickrock' little prepares you for this site." 

"I think that is one of the things I love about the Canyon. There are so
many gems, like Matkatamiba and Thunder River, hidden away from casual
view. To really get to know the Canyon and its beauty is a lifetime
effort. I've been coming here for over seven years and I am still
discovering new things." 

"Tell me more." Ben's voice, deep and sensual, sent a wave of awareness
through her. 

"Yeah, tell me more, Phil." Ray dropped to the ground on the other side of
Phil and stretched out his lean frame. Covering his eyes with an arm, he
waved his hand in the air. "I just know you've got some little anecdote
about this area to share with us. Sheesh, Phil, you're almost as bad as
Benny and his Inuit stories!" 

"Uh...thank you, I think." Phil glanced sideways at Ben and caught his
indulgent smile. "Okay...let me see...an amusing anecdote about this
area..." A mischievous smile settled onto her face and was reflected in
her eyes as she winked at Ben. She turned her attention back to Ray.
Waving her arm, she indicated the amphitheater and the further depths of
the canyon. "This area is considered sacred by the Havasupai." 

That got Ray's attention. "Sacred? As in sacred burial grounds?" 

Phil shook her head. "No, Ray. There are no Havasupai burial grounds here
in Matkatamiba. But...you know what they say about sacred ground?" 

Ray replaced the arm across his eyes. "No. What do they say about sacred
ground?" 

"They say that it's not wise to trespass on sacred ground." 

"And just what the hell does that mean?" Ray once more dropped his arm and
stared at Phil. He could see Ben on the other side of Phil, silently
chuckling at his expense. 

Ben controlled his mirth and answered Ray's question. "It means that
strange things happen to those unfortunate souls who happen to trespass on
sacred ground. The Inuit believe..."  

"I don't wanna hear it, Benny." Ray spoke to Phil as he motioned with his
shoulder. "Isn't it bad enough that I have to listen to his Inuit tales
without you encouraging him?" 

"I'm sorry, Ray. I was just telling you one of the 'amusing anecdotes' of
the river like you asked." 

Ray waved his hand in the air. "Okay, okay. I give up. Just remind me the
next time I ask a stupid question like that." 

Phil grinned as she nodded her head. Ben simply grinned. They turned their
attention to the others of the group that had made the climb to the
amphitheater. The flow of water from Matkatamiba Creek had eroded a narrow
chute through the rock. Bruce and Steve as well as Dave McMillian were
using their bodies as dams. Mara moved from one to the other sporting a
bikini that made Phil blush. It soon became evident that the two students
weren't her true interest.  

"Benny, that...that child is posing for you," Ray snarled as he leaned
closer. 

"Posing? In what way, Ray?" 

"Ben, even I can see what she's doing," Phil sighed in exasperation.
Evidently their little chat had had no effect on Mara's behavior. "I
certainly hope she puts something on soon or she'll have a sunburn where
it will really hurt!" 

"Ouch!" Ray joked. 

When Mara started in their direction, Phil calmly suggested that they
might be ready to leave. Ben and Ray readily agreed, rising to their feet
and giving Phil a hand up. The three of them headed back down not waiting
for Mara who called for them to wait while she found her clothes. 

"Can we move a little faster, Phil?" Ray asked as they approached the
sinuous canyon they'd followed on their way up. Phil nodded her head and
entered the narrow cut and began the slither back down to the river. Not
far behind them, Mara clambered with the others of the group following
behind. 

Back at the river, Travis approached Phil and quietly drew her aside.
After some animated discussion, the two joined Ray, Ben, and Jack in the
Glen Canyon. 

"What was that all about?" Ray asked. 

"Oh, nothing, Ray, nothing," Phil answered as she settled into the cockpit
and slipped on her borrowed pair of gloves. 

Ray watched in horror as Travis stretched out in the bow and covered his
face with his hat. "You're not gonna let Phil paddle the boat again, are
you?" 

From the depths of Travis' hat a chuckle was heard. "I just thought that
since you and Ben had a chance to pilot the boat, Spuds should get one,
too. Besides, she needs to work out some of the stiffness from yesterday."


"Okay, I can handle this. I survived yesterday. I survived Benny. I can
handle this." Under his breath he began his now familiar chant. "I'm
picturing myself near a stream. Birds are singing in the crisp, cool
mountain air. No one knows this secret place. I am in total seclusion from
that place called the world. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall
fills the air with a cascade of serenity. A gentle breeze rustles through
the trees. I can easily make out the face of the person whose head I'm
holding under the water." Only this time it was Phil he pictured.  

Phil listened half-heartedly to Ray's words, finally centering her
attention on him after the head under water litany. Somehow she knew whose
head it was and it wasn't Ben's. She'd have to think of something
appropriate with which to pay him back. 

Ray settled into the stern of the dory beside Ben. "Just so's I know
what's going on...when do we hit Upset?" 

Ben watched Phil's devil grin spread across her face as she answered Ray,
"Oh, in about two miles, Ray."	

"Two miles?" He grabbed Ben's arm and shook it. "What is it with the women
in your life? Why do they want to kill me?" 

"Now, Ray, not all the women in my life have tried to kill you. Cat
didn't." Ben gave Ray a knowing look coupled with a sly grin. 

Ray blushed and, glaring at the Mountie, replied, "You should know better
than that, Benny. You've been on the receiving end of one of her
'sessions'!" 

Ben felt the color rising in his cheeks and, clearing his throat, he
murmured, "Point taken, Ray, although I wouldn't necessarily say that she
was uh...um...trying to kill us..." His voice trailed off. 

"Yeah, but what a way to die!" Ray chuckled. 

Ben grinned idiotically back at Ray. The grin died as his gaze swept
across Phil who was listening intently to their conversation and grinning
just as widely. 

She nodded her head. "Yeah...Cat worked TJ over, too." 

"TJ?" Ray asked. 

"My brother." 

Striving to divert the questioning in different direction, Ben stated, "As
I maintain, Ray, not every woman from my past has tried to kill you or do
you bodily harm." 

Ray really wanted to know more about Phil's family and how they seemed to
be intimately acquainted with Cat. Staring at Phil, he asked of Ben,
"Yeah? Name one." 

"Inspector Thatcher." 

That caught Ray's attention. "The Dragon Lady?" 

"The Dragon Lady?" Both Ray and Ben turned startled eyes to Phil as she
laughed out loud. 

"Yeah, Benny's boss. She's a real hardass." 

"Now, Ray..." Ben tried to stop Ray's tirade. 

"I tell you, Phil, if looks could kill, both Benny and me'd be dead by
now." 

"That bad?" She bit her lip to stifle a grin. 

"Worse!" 

Seeking to change the topic yet again, Ben asked, "Did you know that Phil
used to be called the 'Ice Queen'?" 

Phil choked on her laughter. "I haven't been called that in years." 

"The Ice Queen? Tell me." Ray wondered how anyone could equate Phil with
ice. Now, Thatcher was a different story. 

"It's a long story, Ray. It takes approximately..." 

"...two hours. I've heard that before." The three friends laughed at the
reference to Ben's habit of taking two hours to tell a story. 

Soon the distant murmur of approaching whitewater reached them and the
dories pulled to shore above Upset Rapid. Rated a 3 in high water, Upset's
rating soared as the water level dropped to its low water rating of 8. 

"You are going to take us through Upset, aren't you?" Ray asked Travis,
the plea evident in his voice. 

Travis grinned and shook his head. "Nope, Spuds is gonna do the honors." 

Phil eased up next to Ray and, batting her eyes, leaned against him. "Ray,
I'm hurt. Didn't I prove to you yesterday that I could handle a dory?" 

"Oh, I'm confident that you can handle the boat. I'm just not sure whether
or not you won't dump us just for spite." 

"Who? Me?" Phil put on her best wide-eyed, innocent look. 

"You don't fool me in the least, Phil. I'm used to that wide-eyed Mountie
look. And I know from experience that it usually means we're in big
trouble." 

"Now, Ray. We're not in trouble." 

"Not yet, we aren't!" 

The dories lined up in preparation to entering the rapid. The Glen Canyon
was last in line. Each dory watched the others negotiate the whitewater
and cheered at each successful attempt. Phil aimed the Glen Canyon toward
the tongue and entered Upset.  

Confronted simultaneously with a giant wave in front and one from the
right, Phil was forced to choose. She plowed directly ahead. The right
wave lifted and tilted the dory steeply to the left. She slid toward the
gunwales, one oar dangling, and her legs in the air. From the stern Ben
pulled her back. Without missing a beat, Phil backed them away from the
looming canyon wall, screaming "Bail! Bail!" Everyone grabbed a bailing
bucket and fought to lighten the swamped dory. 

Gathered with the other dories at the base of the rapid, Phil leaned on
the oars and grinned at Ray then Ben. "That wasn't so bad now was it,
Ray?" 

Ray scowled at Phil refusing to answer. Instead he said, "I suppose now
that you're gonna say something about trespassing on sacred ground." 

"Well..." 

"I don't wanna hear it." Ray buried his face in his hands. Honestly, he
didn't know if he would survive this trip. Next time it was California,
not the middle of nowhere with a group of deranged geologists. He shot a
glance through his fingers at Ben and Phil as they chatted on about Ray's
unflappable skepticism. Silently he chuckled to himself. Ben and Phil were
having a great time at his expense. There was little indication of the
wariness that was evident during the early parts of the trip. Maybe there
was hope for them after all. 

Phil exhaled a long sigh of contentment. This trip was one of the best
she'd experienced. Looking at Ben, she knew it was his presence that made
it so. What if it was Martin instead of Ben here? Would she feel the same?
Somehow she couldn't picture Martin participating in the mud wrestling nor
being content to let her wield the controls of the dory. In fact, the more
she thought about it, the less she could picture Martin rafting the Canyon
with her. Strange how these differences had not mattered before. 

The small flotilla pulled ashore below Sinyala Rapid and set up camp.
Tomorrow they would continue the 4 miles to Havasu Canyon where most of
the day would be spent. Travis, Ray, and Ben gathered some fishing rods
and headed down the river to try their hands at catching trout. The men
fished for over an hour catching enough to feed the entire group.
Satisfied with their catches, Ray volunteered to carry the heavy stringers
of fish back to the camp. Waving good-bye, Ben and Travis laid their rods
aside and settled onto the bank to enjoy the peace and quiet of the
Canyon. 

Ben absentmindedly picked up a rock and threw it into the river. He
regarded Travis who had lain back on the ground apparently settling in for
a nap. "Travis?" Ben asked. 

Travis lifted the edge of his hat and gazed up at the Mountie. "Something
I can do for you?" He watched Ben glance away. Something was bothering him
and Travis had a good idea what it was. "What do you want to know, Ben?" 

Ben shifted his eyes away from Travis and stared across the river. He
tossed another rock. How could he ask Travis what he wanted to know? How
could he ask the man seated beside him to tell him about the woman they
had both loved? Yet...he wanted to know everything he could about what had
happened to Phil in the intervening years--even if that included the
details of another love. He cleared his throat. "Could you tell me about
Phil? I want to know what happened to her in the years since I last saw
her." 

Travis smiled to himself. That Ben wanted to know more about Phil was a
good sign. Last night, Carol had revealed the true extent of Ben and
Phil's relationship and how Phil still loved Ben--even though she would
adamantly refuse to admit it. Now, Ben was asking questions about Phil's
past. Travis knew exactly what Ben was wanting--information on the short
relationship he'd had with Phil. "What exactly do you want to know, Ben?" 

Ben inhaled slowly, held it for a moment, and then let the air whoosh
slowly from his lungs. This was harder than he'd expected. Drawing back
into himself, he pondered the question. What exactly did he want to know
about Phil? Everything, but he doubted that Travis would oblige him with
all the details of their relationship. Settling for the answer to a
question that had plagued him since the beginning of this trip, he asked,
"Why do you call Phil, Spuds?" 

Travis laughed. "That's an easy question to answer, Ben. You just have to
be careful that Spuds doesn't hear you tell that story," he said, clearly
surprised by the question. 

"Well...Phil isn't here and you did promise to tell me when she wasn't
around." 

"I did, didn't I?" 

"Yes." 

"Well, in that case..." Travis launched into the story of how Phil
McKenzie became Spuds McKenzie. * * * 

May 1993 

"Tell me, Travis, do you often run trips through the Canyon with such a
small group of people?" TJ tugged on one side of the dory as Travis tugged
on the other. Together, they soon had the Columbia beached near the
confluence of Havasu Creek and the Colorado River. 

Travis stood and stretched. Wiping the sweat from his brow, he grinned at
TJ. "We always have a trial run before the regular season starts. Frankly,
TJ, I had my doubts about us being able to even have a season this year." 

"Why?" TJ scratched idly at an itch. 

Travis anchored the dory to a large rock, then rose slowly to his feet.
"One of our regular pilots was involved in a car accident and he won't be
able to do anything for several months, much less pilot a dory." 

TJ pulled his cap from his head and, rolling it into a cylinder, stuffed
it in his back pocket. "Don't you have back up pilots?"  

"We lost one of our back up pilots to a rival enterprise." Travis grinned
and winked his eye. "She married into the business." 

"Oh." 

"Yeah. Then we had another pilot decide to finish his degree this summer
rather than next fall. I tell you, TJ, if Phil hadn't expressed an
interest in becoming a pilot, this trip would have been much later in the
season." 

"So...that still doesn't explain why such a small group."  

Travis motioned to the group now setting up camp. "Terry and I like to
traverse the Canyon at the beginning of the season to see what's happened
over the winter. Any and all of our pilots are invited to come along.
Terry and Josie, Hank, Brian, Lydia, and Curt are all regular pilots. When
Phil joined us, we decided that this trip would be a good opportunity for
her to learn the ins and outs of the river. She asked if she could invite
a couple of friends along and we said okay--so she invited you and Carol
to fill out the dories." He cast a glance to where Phil and Carol were
helping unload the other dory. "I'm glad she did." Travis cocked his head
and grinned at the tall, dark haired man beside him. "Why? Are you having
second thoughts?" 

"Nope. I just didn't think it was economical with such a small group and
no paying passengers." 

Travis shrugged matter-of-factly. "Money has nothing to do with it, TJ.
This trip is for us. It's one of the perks of river running. We do this
even when we don't have any passengers." 

"Well, I can certainly understand why. Although, if Flip goes off on one
of her geology tangents once more I'll probably push her out of the boat."


Travis shared a laugh with TJ. "Phil tells me that you work for the Field
Museum in Chicago. She said you were interested in Native American
cultures." 

"That's true and that's partly why I decided to accept her invitation.
Aside from the fact that I've always wanted to raft the Canyon, I wanted
the chance to visit some of the ruins within the Canyon." 

"So that's why you were so...so..." 

"Obsessed?" TJ grinned unabashedly. 

"Well, I would have said interested." Travis grinned back. "Anyway, that
explains why you were so interested in Nankoweap at the beginning and all
the rock paintings we've passed." 

TJ nodded his head. "Nankoweap is just one of the fascinating remains of
the Anasazi in the Canyon. Plus there are literally thousands of
petroglyphs and pictographs throughout the canyon." 

Travis snorted. "I could tell. You're about as animated talking about that
rock art as Phil is when she starts in on her rocks." 

A wry smile played across TJ's face. "That bad?" 

Travis grinned widely and nodded his head. * * * 

"Well, what do you think?" Phil nudged Carol and indicated the two men
standing beside the Columbia. 

"Nice, Phil. Very nice." Carol's eyes swept over the two men--TJ, tall,
dark, and dangerously handsome, and Travis, tall, lighter-headed, and
equally handsome. 

"Is that all you can say?" Phil stood with hands on hips, shaking her
head. "I will admit that I'm prejudiced where TJ's concerned, but I happen
to think he's one handsome devil." 

"And Travis isn't bad either," Carol commented. 

Phil's eyes strayed to the two men. "Well, you have me there, Carol.
Travis is also too good looking for words. Maybe I should change my mind
and marry him." 

Carol turned a startled eye to her friend. "Marry?" 

"Yeah. Travis asked me to marry him a couple of years ago. I turned him
down, but now..." Phil bowed her head before raising it to Carol. "I don't
know, Carol. I really like Travis but..." 

"But?" 

"Is it enough to base a lifetime commitment on?" Her eyes sought Travis
once more. 

"Phil?" Carol's voice was full of gentle concern. 

"Hmmm?" Phil glanced back at Carol. 

"I think you already know the answer to your question, don't you?" 

Phil shook her head. "No, Carol, I don't. I'm tired of being lonely.
Surely there's someone out there that can make me forget..." Phil stopped.
Why did memories of Benton Fraser continue to invade her mind--especially
when she was involved with another man? 

"Forget who, Phil? The man you really love? The one who broke your fucking
engagement?" 

A long moment passed before Phil nodded her head. "I just can't seem to
get him out of my mind." 

Carol studied her friend. "Don't you mean your heart?" 

Phil shook her head. "No. I stopped loving him years ago. I just can't
seem to find someone to replace him." 

"Maybe you're trying too hard." 

"Maybe...or maybe I should reevaluate some old decisions--like the one I
made with Travis. I can't think of a better way to spend the rest of my
life than leading trips through the Grand Canyon." She swept her hands out
in a grand gesture. 

"Maybe...maybe not. Before you make any kind of decisions that will affect
your future, be sure you know what it is you want. Don't settle for second
best simply because you're tired of waiting for Mr. Right to come along." 

"You're right as always." Phil shrugged her shoulders. Maybe Carol was
right and she just needed to wait for someone to come along who could
erase Ben's images from her mind. Linking arms with Carol, she pulled them
in the direction of the lunch preparations. "I just get lonely sometimes."


A tinge of sadness settled into Carol's voice. "I know the feeling, Phil.
I get lonely, too." 

"You?" Her voice rose in surprise. "I bet half the male population of
Sydney camps on your doorstep." Phil frankly assessed her friend. Tall and
willowy, Carol had a wealth of dark hair that framed an oval face with
eyes closer to black than brown. There was both delicacy and strength in
that face. 

Carol shook her head, an escaped curl falling over her forehead. "Nope.
Oh, I've dated several men--even contemplated marriage, but the right
bastard just hasn't come around yet. Besides which...a doctor has fucking
little time to herself!" 

"In that case, let me tell you about this really great guy I know. He's
single, devastatingly handsome, and has a really great brother and
sister." 

Carol stared down her nose at her friend. "Phil, are you trying to set me
up with your brother?" 

Phil coyly batted her eyelashes. "TJ? Now whatever gave you that idea?" 

"Well, to begin with I've noticed that he and I are the only non-pilot
type people here. I've also noticed how you keep pairing us up--in the
dory, doing chores, sitting around the campfire..." 

Phil covered her mouth with the fingers of her right hand. "Am I that
obvious?" 

"Well, yes you are." 

Chuckling openly, Phil admitted, "TJ's a great guy and you two would make
a great couple." 

"You're an arsehole, Phil." 

"A sister can hope, can't she?" 

Carol laughed then turned her attention back to the two men under
discussion. "Maybe I should uh...get better acquainted?" Mischief played
in her eyes as she wandered over to the dory and the two men. The two men
watched her approach with appreciation evident on their faces. "TJ, could
I get you to help me with my tent?" 

TJ grinned and dropped the oar he was holding. "Sorry, Travis, nothing
against you personally, but I think I'd rather help Carol than you." 

Travis returned the grin then shook his head. "I don't blame you, TJ. I'd
rather help Carol than me any old day." 

Resting a hand on the creamy expanse of her throat, Carol murmured,
"Gentlemen...you flatter me." 

"You bet we do!" The smile in Travis' eyes contained a sensuous flame. 

Phil watched TJ help Carol set up her tent. It looked like they were
enjoying each other's company. She smiled. Maybe Carol was the one who
would finally help TJ recover from the loss of his fiancée, Noelle. 

"You look like the cat that just ate the canary," Travis commented as he
joined Phil near the Rio Grande. 

Phil chuckled then graced Travis with one of her crooked smiles. Motioning
with her head, she said, "I've got my fingers crossed..." She held up both
hands with fingers dutifully crossed. 

Travis' eyebrows rose. "TJ and Carol?" 

"Yeah. TJ's too great a guy to be alone. I keep hoping he'll meet the
right girl." 

"And you supply him with appropriate choices?" 

Phil grinned at Travis. "Isn't that what sisters are for?"  

Travis snorted. "I don't think sisters have a monopoly on that!" 

"Has Terry been playing matchmaker for you?" She glanced over to where
Travis' brother was helping his wife set up the cooking stove. 

Travis stared at his family as well. "Terry and Josie. They think I should
settle down." 

"Well, shouldn't you?" Phil glanced sideways at him. 

Travis turned serious eyes on her. "The one woman I asked turned me down."


Phil vividly remembered Travis' proposal and how much she longed to
comply, but the memories of love with a certain Mountie intruded and she
found herself thinking more of Ben than Travis. Even when she consciously
blocked him from her thoughts, his memories crept insidiously back in. How
could she commit herself to Travis knowing that it was really Ben she
wanted? It had been almost two years since she regretfully declined his
proposal. Two years of being alone with her memories of Ben Fraser. Two
years of haphazard dating--trying to find someone, anyone, who could
finally blot Ben's memories from her mind and body. No one had come
remotely close--except Travis. Maybe she was being too picky. Maybe she
needed to give Travis another chance. Maybe if she tried harder. 

Phil placed a hand on Travis' arm. "I'm sorry, Travis. I made a mistake.
Maybe..." 

Travis clapped his hand over Phil's. "No, you were right, Phil. I thought
I would be heart-broken over you, but I'm not. You were right when you
said we weren't meant for each other." He grinned then lifted Phil's hand
and planted a kiss on the back of it. "We could've had some great times,
though." 

Almost in a panic, Phil responded, "We still could, Travis." 

Travis stared into Phil's eyes seeing the panic there. "What are you
saying, Phil?" He gently cradled her hand. 

"I...I..." Phil pulled her hand from his and ran it through her hair. "I
don't know, Travis. I guess I was hoping that you...that we..." 

"...could start over? Pick up where we left off?" he asked in a low,
composed voice. 

Phil bowed her head and pursed her lips before nodding. 

Travis cupped her face in his hands then lifted it to peer into her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Phil. But...is that what you really want? What about that guy
from your past? The one that hurt you?" 

Phil jerked away from Travis' hand and gasped, "How did...who...TJ?" 

Travis nodded. "We've talked a bit about you." 

"He's gone, Travis, and he's never coming back. Why can't I find someone
to replace him?"  

A half-smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "Probably 'cause you still
love him." 

"Love him?" Phil asked angrily. "I hate him, Travis. I hate him for what
he did to me. I hate him for leaving me when I needed him. I hate him
because his memories won't leave me alone. I...hate...him." Phil dissolved
in tears. 

Travis quickly scooped her into his arms and let her cry herself out.
Smoothing her hair down, he planted a kiss on the top of her head. "It's
all right, Phil." 

"No, it isn't, Travis. If it was all right, I'd be happily married by
now--not alone and lonely." 

"You're not alone, Phil. You have your friends and family. And, if I'm not
mistaken, your family is about to prove that!" 

Phil shifted in Travis' hold and watched TJ stalk toward them, thunder in
his expression. She sniffed then chuckled. "I see what you mean. TJ the
Inquisitor approaches." 

"Should I be afraid?" Travis joked back. 

"Only for your hide!" Phil chuckled again then reluctantly slid from
Travis' embrace. Hands trailing down each other's arms, they eventually
stood at arm's length. "So, I guess this means there can be nothing
between us?" 

"We'll always be friends, Phil. But more than that?" He paused. "I think
you already know the answer to that." 

Phil nodded then turned to TJ as he joined them. "Hi, TJ, are you and
Carol ready to hike up to Mooney Falls?" She smiled brightly at her
brother but he could still see the evidence of her distress. 

He reached for her all the while casting wary glances at Travis. "Are you
all right, Flip?" 

"I'm fine, TJ, as always." She glanced at Travis before patting TJ on the
chest and stepping back from him. "Travis and I were just rehashing some
old memories." * * * 

The campfire cast a rosy glow on the people gathered around its warmth.
Terry strummed his guitar and serenaded the group with his
less-than-melodious voice. No one objected. By now those that had not
retreated to their bedrolls were well past the discerning or caring stage.


Travis had opened his stash of beer. 

TJ's hand gently landed on Phil's arm as she reached for another beer.
"Don't you think you've had enough, Flip?" 

Phil closed her eyes then hissed through clenched teeth, "Chill out, TJ.
I'm not a little kid anymore."	

"Then don't act like one." He paused, waiting for her attention, before
continuing, "This isn't like you, Flip. Is something bothering you?" 

Seeing the concern in his eyes, Phil bit back a sharp retort. She glanced
away before centering her attention on her brother once more. Sighing
deeply, she said, "Nothing that hasn't bothered me--or for that matter,
you--before." She popped the tab on the can of Budweiser then toasted her
brother. "To old hurts, new hurts, and the long lonely years in between." 

Understanding at last, TJ raised his own can. "To Noelle." 

Phil touched her can to his. "To Ben." They both took a deep swig from
their cans then settled back against the log that acted as a backrest. 

"We're a pair, aren't we?" TJ asked long minutes later. 

Phil nodded her head, her hand creeping out to grasp TJ's. They sat in a
companionable silence watching the others in the group. TJ no longer tried
to stop Phil's continued drinking. He stopped counting after three. Maybe,
for just this one evening, Phil deserved the oblivion of too 

much drink. Sometimes the benefits outweighed the penalties. He glanced
sideways at Phil and chuckled sympathetically. 

"What's so funny?" Phil asked. 

"You're going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow, Flip." TJ took
another swig from his can. 

"Probably. But right now I don't care." She giggled then smothered it with
her hand. 

"Now you tell me what's so funny?" 

Phil shrugged. "Nothing. I just felt like laughing." She unbuttoned the
top two buttons of her blue chambray shirt. "Looks like it's gonna be a
warm night tonight." 

Phil watched Terry and Josie from across the fire and sighed. Even after
three years of marriage, they still acted like newlyweds. There was no
doubt in her mind about what would take place in their dory tonight. A
stab of jealousy shot through her followed by a wave of loneliness.
Reaching for another beer, she tried to drown those thoughts and the
memories that caused them--memories of passionate lovemaking with Ben.
But, Ben wasn't here and he never would be. Why couldn't she leave him
behind and go on with her life? Why couldn't Travis be the one? 

She shifted her gaze from Terry and Josie to Travis and Carol. Why did the
sight of the two of them laughing and talking together upset her so much?
She drained the can of beer and reached for another. 

"Flip?" 

"I'm all right, TJ. Really I am! Just a little warm." She undid the
remaining buttons and removed the shirt. The firelight flickered on the
pink T-shirt beneath. 

"Next time don't wear so many layers!" TJ folded the shirt Phil had
carelessly discarded. He watched Phil become more inebriated with each
passing swallow. At least she was a 'happy' drunk. Too bad tomorrow would
be so hard on her. But, then again, maybe she would learn a valuable
lesson. Phil had never been much for drinking, preferring a soft drink or
fruit juice to alcohol. Tonight, though, she had tossed back enough beer
to make her teetotaler's head swim. Her hangover would be a beaut. 

Terry and Josie stood. "We're calling it a night. See you all tomorrow."
Terry casually draped his arm over Josie's shoulders and the progress of
her arm about his waist showed beneath his shirt. 

Bidding goodnight to the departing Hunter's, TJ watched Travis and Carol
rise from the other side of the fire and join them against the log. His
eyes swept up and down Carol's body, her shorts and shirt hinting at the
curves beneath. Maybe he should make the effort to get to know her better.
Maybe friendship could blossom into something more--like it had for Phil
and Ben--like it had for Noelle and him.  

"What are you two being so gloomy about?" Travis asked as he dropped down
beside TJ. Carol settled beside Phil. 

"Gloomy? Who's being gloomy?" Phil giggled then leaned over and whispered
in TJ's ear, "Are you gloomy?" Influenced by the alcohol, she overbalanced
and sprawled across TJ's lap.  

"Flip!" TJ exclaimed in horror as Phil's face landed in his crotch. He
felt the giggles shake her body as she tried to right herself, her hands
settling onto various parts of his anatomy, some more private than others.
Finally, she stopped and rolled over to stare up at the sky. She laughed
uncontrollably. 

"Flip, you're drunk!" 

"Am not. I'm in complete control of my actions at all times I am. I'm in
control..I am..." Phil's brows drew together. "What...what am I?" 

"You're drunk!" TJ slid his hands beneath Phil's shoulders and, aided by
Carol, hauled her back to a sitting position. 

"Gee, thanks, Carol, TJ. You know what?" Phil swayed toward TJ. 

He caught her before she could end up face down in his lap once more. "No,
what, Flip?" 

"I feel all warm and fuzzy and...and...I don't know..." 

Carol laughed as they sat her back against the log. "Phil, you are really
pissed! You're going to be sorry tomorrow." 

"You're such a spoil sport, Carol. Where's your sense of adventure? Why
don't you sing us a song?" Phil waved her finger in Carol's face. "I'll
help you." She began singing,  

Dinah, Dinah, show us your legs 

Dinah, Dinah, show us your legs 

Dinah, Dinah, show us your legs 

A yard above your knees.  

Phil stopped singing. "You're not singing, Carol." 

"Phil, you don't want to sing that song."  

"Why not? You taught it to me." 

"Yeah, but you weren't supposed to repeat it!" 

"Why not?" Travis and TJ asked. 

"Yeah, why not?" Phil giggled and dropped an arm around Carol's shoulders.
"Sing it with me." 

Carol looked at Phil's flushed face and at the grinning faces of TJ and
Travis. "What the hell! All right, Phil, let's sing it." Carol had had her
share of beer, too. Together, they began singing,  

A rich girl wears a ring of gold 

A poor girl a ring of brass 

The only ring that Dinah's got 

Is the one around her...  

Phil never had a chance to finish the verse. TJ clamped his hand over her
mouth. Carol, however, did. Travis rolled on the ground, clutching his
sides as Carol continued singing several more verses of the dirty ditty.
Phil struggled with TJ's hand, finally getting him to remove it when she
indicated she couldn't breath. 

"Flip, I'm surprised at you!" he scolded. 

"Oh, chill out, TJ. You're such a potty pooter." Phil brushed at some
imaginary dirt on her arm.  

"Potty pooter?" Travis laughed again. 

TJ glared at Travis. "You're not helping, Travis!" He spoke to Phil,
"You're the one who should chill out, Flip. Don't do something that you'll
regret tomorrow." 

"Me? Chill out?" Phil paused and thought that over. 

TJ watched the wheels click somewhat erratically behind her bemused brown
eyes. He saw the light go on in her brain. 

"You're aboslutely right, TJ. I need to cool off." She struggled to her
feet and weaved in the direction of her dory. 

"Thank goodness!" TJ exclaimed as he watched Phil stumble then right
herself. He shook his head then turned back to Travis. "I have never seen
her drunk before! I was afraid I was going to have to put her to bed
before she did something stupid." 

"I think you're a little late, TJ." Travis smirked then pointed behind TJ.


TJ glanced over his shoulder to see Phil shedding her jeans then her
panties. She then headed toward the river. 

"What a marvelous idea!" Carol volunteered then stood and began stripping.


TJ jumped to his feet torn between his desire to watch Carol strip and his
need to stop Phil before she finished. "Damn!" He raced to where Phil
struggled with her T-shirt. "Flip!" he called as he approached his sister.


Phil spun about and spied her brother barreling down on her. She threw her
T-shirt in his face and laughingly eluded his attempts to catch her. 

"Philippe Henry Sheridan McKenzie! When I catch you, you're in deep shit!"


"You gotta catch me first, TJ!" She sprinted for the river with TJ in
close pursuit. 

He almost had her when he was pushed from behind. Splashing face down in
the water, he rolled to see Carol, as naked as Phil, shout, "Tag, you're
it!" then splash away from him. 

Travis gave him a hand up and the two men stared at the sight of two naked
women cavorting in the moonlit waters of the Colorado.	

TJ groaned and ran a hand over his face, embarrassed for his sister. "What
do you suggest?" he asked Travis. 

"I'll tackle Phil if you can catch Carol." 

TJ started to agree then suddenly pictured Phil's mortification when she
sobered up. As much as he would love to capture the lovely Carol, he knew
he needed to save Phil from further embarrassment. "No, you catch Carol
and I'll handle Phil." 

Although normally agile, Phil's reflexes were slowed by the alcohol. TJ
tackled her and held on as she sputtered from her dunking. She hiccuped
and clung to him as they regained their footing. "TJ, I don't...I
don't..." Phil began then rolled her eyes and passed out. Her limp weight
sent them both back into the water. 

"Flip, what am I going to do with you?" TJ smoothed the wet hair from her
face. He shifted her weight to one arm and removed his shirt with the
other. Wrapping it around her, he gathered her in his arms and carried her
to her dory, rolling her in her bedroll. He gathered her wayward clothes
and tossed them in the boat with her. He turned back to the river and
witnessed Carol and Travis locked in a passionate kiss, Travis' shirt
covering her nakedness. A deep sigh escaped from him. * * * 

"So that's how you caught Carol?" 

Travis grinned. "I was attracted to her from the beginning. But, watching
her, then holding her in my arms, I discovered that I didn't want anyone
else to ever see her like that again. I thought it was just my normal male
urges but when she went over the side in Lava Falls, something clicked. I
didn't know what it was until she went back to Australia. I felt like a
part of me was missing." 

"So what did you do?" Ben was very familiar with that same feeling. 

"At the end of the summer season, I flew over to Sydney and proposed. We
were married at sunset at Angel's Window on the North Rim." Lost in
memories, Travis paused. Guiltily, he smiled at Ben. "After the ceremony,
we rafted the Canyon on our honeymoon."  

Ben's spirits plummeted. He and Phil had discussed similar plans for their
honeymoon. 

Travis noticed Ben's sudden melancholy. Not for the first time he wondered
why Ben and Phil couldn't mend their broken relationship. They seemed
perfect for each other. And, if he was the one from Phil's past...he could
understand why she had refused his own proposal. It was all too evident to
anyone with eyes that Phil still cared for Ben. But what did Ben feel?	

Ben carefully shuttered his feelings away behind his veneer of politeness.
"So, how did Phil become Spuds?" 

Shaking his head slightly, Travis laughed and replied, "When she finally
roused the next morning, she was sicker than a dog. She barely remembered
anything about her little moonlight swim. Carol wasn't much better.
Anyway, Phil vowed never to drink again and begged someone to put her out
of her misery." 

Ben chuckled then motioned for Travis to continue. 

Travis joined Ben's laughter. "I tell you, Ben, after we told the others
about Carol's and Phil's nocturnal activities, I thought she was going to
slit our throats. She swore up and down that she would never do something
like that. TJ and I just smiled back at her. To this day, I don't think
she really remembers all that happened." 

"The name?" Ben gently reminded. 

"Oh, yeah, Carol gave her that name. You see...Phil was too sick to pilot
through Lava Falls, so I took over for her. She lay in the stern and puked
over the side every once in awhile. She was really sick!" 

"Motion sickness?" 

"Yeah, the motion of the river plus the hangover really got to her. Carol
was a real lifesaver. She had some nausea medicine and that helped a
little bit. But when we hit Lava Falls, Phil was too sick to hike around
so we bundled her up good in her lifejacket and Carol and Terry held onto
her as we went through." 

"I take it they didn't make it?" 

"Nope. Somehow Terry and Carol lost their hold on Phil and she went
sailing over the side. All I saw was her legs and Carol flying through the
air. From what Carol's told me, Phil grabbed her as she went over." 

Ben smiled. "So Phil really has never made it through Lava Falls?"  

"Not in a boat, she hasn't." Travis' smile deepened into laughter. "That
girl has an intimate acquaintance with every rock, hole, slot, shelf,
roostertail, standing wave...you name it, Spuds has been through it."  

"So...the name?" 

"Sorry, Ben. I keep forgetting." He grinned again. "We finally got Carol
and Phil to shore. The cold water snapped Phil out of her hangover and
after shucking her lifejacket, she shook herself like a dog. Then Carol
piped up with the fact that she smelled like a dog, too. Said she reminded
her of those old Budweiser beer commercials that had the dog for a
mascot." 

Recognition glimmered in Ben's eyes. "I seem to recall seeing something
like that." 

"Anyway, Carol said something about how Spuds McKenzie--that was the dog's
name--was too smart to end up like Phil." 

"Spuds McKenzie?" Ben's smile slowly stretched ear to ear. 

"Yeah." Travis grinned back. "So we sort of adopted that name for Phil.
You know, sort of a reminder that she's human, too." 

Ben nodded his head. "No wonder she doesn't want anyone to know how she
got that name." 

"Yeah, and you better not tell her I told you. I do value my hide!" 

"My lips are sealed." Ben drew his fingers across his mouth in a zipping
motion then he reversed his motions. "I'll have to tell Ray, though." 

"Just so's Spuds doesn't know." 

"I promise not to reveal my source of information." * * * 

Carol and Josie made swift work of the trout Ben, Ray, and Travis had
caught. Dinner that night consisted of pan-fried trout, onion rings, green
beans, and a fresh green salad with sliced tomatoes. Josie worked her
magic with the dutch ovens and produced a lemon mousse for dessert. 

After dinner, Phil took Dave McMillian aside. "Look, Dave, I need to talk
to you about something that happened this afternoon." 

Dave studied the way Phil shifted from foot to foot. Nodding his head, he
asked, "Does this have something to do with the snit Mara has been in most
of the day?" Guiltily, Phil nodded her head. "What did you say to her?
She's been stewing all day and making remarks that border on insolent." 

"I'm really sorry, Dave, but I tried to diffuse the situation that seems
to be building between Mara and another member of this excursion." 

"Ben?" Phil's knee-jerk reaction was all Dave needed to know. "I reckon I
should be the one apologizing for Mara's behavior, Phil. I had no idea she
would act like this. Back at the university, she's one of the most
levelheaded students I know. If I'd known she was like this in real life I
would have had second thoughts about including her in this study." 

"Don't think that, Dave. I'm sure she's quite capable of handling the
research. It's just too bad that she hasn't been able to adjust to living
in such close proximity of someone with Ben's looks." Dave cocked an
eyebrow and Phil felt the need to explain. "Ben and I have know each other
for a long time. Everywhere he goes, it's like this. In a way I can
understand the women but I also know that Ben doesn't encourage any of the
attention he gets. In fact, he's quite embarrassed by it all." 

Dave nodded his head in understanding. "I'll have a talk with Mara for
what it's worth, Phil." 

"Thanks, Dave, and again I'm really sorry about this." 

"Don't be, Phil, there's always one bad apple in the bunch. I'm just sorry
that it had to one of my students." 

Later, Ben and Ray sat on the opposite side of the fire from Phil. The
guitar appeared and Dave surprised the group by demonstrating a
familiarity with the instrument. Instead of passing the guitar, Dave took
requests and the evening evolved into a series of sing-a-longs. 

Mara half-heartedly participated in the singing. She cast glances between
Fraser and Phil wondering not for the first time if she was out of line
here. 'No,' she told herself. If she admitted that then her ex-boyfriend,
no make that ex-creep, would be right. She had already wasted too much
time on that slimebag. Glancing again at the Mountie, she wondered what it
would be like to be treated with respect, to feel safe and loved. That
ex-creep had only treated her like an object that he owned. At first his
possessiveness had made her feel loved but soon the possessiveness turned
to abuse. After a particularly vicious beating she'd finally wised up and
left the bastard. Now she simply wanted a relationship that was as far
from her former one as a person could get. The Mountie was just the right
kind of man for her--the kind of man to give her what she wanted. Why
couldn't he see that? She knew what she wanted, now she had to make him
understand that she could give him so much more than that dried up prune
of a woman, Phil McKenzie. 

Phil watched Ben and Ray across the fire. Evidently Ben was telling Ray
one of his infamous Inuit stories. However, he seemed to be enjoying this
one. That in itself was strange since Ray had vehemently stated his
dislike of Ben's stories. If it wasn't an Inuit tale then what was Ben
telling Ray? She caught several glances from the men then, after a
startled look of disbelief, Ray's eyes jumped to hers. Phil sent a
questioning look at Ray but he buried his face in his hands and laughed,
his shoulders shaking. 

What was going on over there? Somehow Phil didn't think Ben nor Ray would
tell her. Somehow she didn't think she really wanted to know. 

Soon the group broke up and each made their respective ways to their own
beds. "Goodnight, Spuds," Ray called to Phil. 

Spinning around, she caught Ray's coy smile. Ben stared at some point
above and beyond her head. She wasn't sure if the rosy hue that spread up
his neck into his face was caused by embarrassment or by the flickering
light of the fire. 

"Spuds?" Phil asked of Ray. 

"Yeah...Spuds." Ray wiggled his eyebrows. 

Phil buried her face in her hands. Peering at the two men over her
fingers, she closed the distance between them. "What do you mean by
'Spuds'?" 

Ray chuckled then said, "Benny told me how you got your name." 

Ben could easily visualize Phil in his mind. Although, he had never
watched her cavort naked in the moonlight, he could well imagine her doing
it. So well in fact that his desire for her flared. He centered his eyes
on the shadowy outline of the distant canyon wall and sought to regain
control of his errant thoughts. If he didn't look at Phil maybe he could
succeed. 

Phil stared at Ben. He refused to meet her eyes. "And just where did you
learn that?" 

Ben cleared his throat then shrugged. "A reliable source, which shall
remain confidential, told me." 

"Travis," Phil muttered under her breath. 

"I neither confirm nor deny that allegation, although Carol, Terry, and
Josie, as well as Brian, all have knowledge of that particular episode." 

"Are you saying that they all told you?" 

"No. I'm only saying that you shouldn't jump to conclusions without
ascertaining all the facts." 

"And what would those facts be, Mr. Mountie?" Phil jabbed a finger into
Ben's chest. 

Startled, Ben dropped his eyes to meet hers. "Um...that perhaps
uh...perhaps you should um... avoid alcoholic beverages?" 

Ben's face was hidden in shadow so Phil was unable to read his eyes.
Still, his strangled explanations didn't quite ring true. What was going
on in his mind? She stepped back a pace or two and clasped her hands
behind her back. Rocking on her heels, she softly asked, "Wherever you
heard that story, would you please not repeat it? It's not something I'm
proud of." 

Ben nodded his head, and then Ray did, too. "For you, Phil. I'll keep
quiet." 

"Thanks, Ray." She stepped up to him and planted a quick kiss on his
cheek. She heard Ben's sharply indrawn breath and darted a glance at him.
He had turned and the dying firelight flickered across his face. Naked
desire burned in his eyes. 

An eternity passed in the moment their eyes were locked. Phil broke eye
contact first. "Goodnight, Ray, Ben. I'll see you in the morning." Phil
turned and it took all her willpower to walk away. * * * 

Journal entry: 8 September 1997  

Today was truly a day of revelations. I was pleasantly surprised by Ray's
actions today. He proved to be a competent pilot. I am sure it surprised
him as well. This is something that I feel I will need to remind him of
frequently when we return to Chicago. 

Chicago. The longer we are here within the confines of the Grand Canyon,
the further away from reality Chicago becomes. I do not look forward to
returning there. I miss the wide-open spaces of the north. I miss the
solitude and peace of the North Country. I will miss Phil. 

Phil. I now know how and why the Hunters call her Spuds. In some ways I
wished I had never asked Travis for that information. I cannot remove the
images of Phil his story created from my mind. I find myself hoping for a
repeat of that episode knowing that the chances of it occurring are slim.
The images of Phil, a naiad emerging from the waters of the Colorado, are
burned into my consciousness. I feel queasy with the desire that burns in
my body. I long to quench my flames in her moist depths knowing full well
that the chances of that are slim if nonexistent. 

I listened to Travis recount how he discovered his love of Carol. How
could I tell him how my own story paralleled his? I, too, discovered after
my love was gone how much I had lost with her departure. I, too, found
myself incomplete. However, he embraced his love and basks daily in her
warmth. I turned my back on mine and endure a chilling numbness in my
soul. I turned my back on Phil. 

But she is here and I wonder if I can reach the woman that I once loved.
Does the Phil McKenzie that vowed to love me forever still exist? That
question gnaws at my emotional core and I must know the answer. I must
know if there is a second chance for me...for us. 

There is little time left for me to discover the answers to my questions.
I must make the best use of the time that is left to me here in this Grand
Canyon. I must not let Phil leave before I... 

Before I do what? Most likely make a fool of myself but for Phil's love I
would gladly do that. I have already played the fool for too many years.
Only a fool could be content to live on the outskirts of life. Only a fool
would not reach for his dreams. Only a fool would let this opportunity
pass. Am I that much of a fool? I pray not.  * * * 

To be continued (?) 

***Excerpted from 'First Through the Grand Canyon' by Major John Wesley
Powell 

Copyright March 1998 by Cassandra Hope 

Comments are welcome at baktrak@earthlink.net 

  

Second Chances (Book 3 of the Ben & Phil Saga)	On a Collision
Course--Redux Second Chances A Cop, a Mountie, and a Dory Canyon Interlude
by Carol Trendall Rhyme of a Not-so-Ancient Mariner Down the Valley of the
Shadow The Heart Remembers You Call This Lucky? Ghost of a Chance The Soul
of a Friend "Spuds" McKenzie