No More Nightmares
by Sarah Saint Ives

Ray Kowalski saw the smoke from a distance and stepped on the gas.  He
had been haunted for months, since his return from the Northern
Territories
where he and Fraser had searched for the Hand of Franklin.  They hadn't
found the hand, but their friendship had become much stronger.	

It had been during their cold adventures that Ray had come to realize
that he was in love with his best friend.  And then the horrible
nightmares
had begun. 

Fraser was always hurt, or dying, in a burning building or car and Ray
was powerless to save him.  He was terrified of losing him. 

The smoke was a burning dumpster, and Fraser was no where around.  He
was safe at the Canadian Consulate.  Ray breathed relief, but decided
then and there that the nightmares had to stop.  He had to tell Fraser
how he felt about him soon.  He wasn't certain what the reaction would
be, but it could be no worse than the nightmares. 

He drove to the Consulate and found his friend working at his desk. 
"Hi." he said, smiling when the mountie looked up at him with those big,
blue eyes. 

"Hi." Benton Fraser answered, and returned the smile.  "What's up, Ray?"

"Nothing.  Just stopped in to see you.	That's all.  You wanta come over
to my place after work?" 

Ben nodded and shrugged at the same time.  "Okay."

"Good."  Ray turned to leave.

"Ray?"

Ray paused at the door.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing.  Well, it's *something*, but it can wait until we're alone.
You and I need to talk.  That's all." 

"What time?"

"What time do you get off?"

"In a few minutes.  I started early."

"Oh."  Ray came fully back into the room and closed the door.  "Then
I'll wait." 

Fraser flipped through a stack of papers on the desktop, then raked the
whole pile into a drawer and closed it.  "There.  All finished.  I'm
ready." 

"Why don't you change into something a little less Canadian before we
go?  Put on that blue silk shirt you wore when we went to visit my
parents."

Ben looked down at his red serge and went to change.  "Are we going
somewhere?"

"No.  Just my place.  I just like the blue shirt.  You look good in it."

"Oh.  Okay."  Ben disappeared into another room and returned moments
later dressed in the blue shirt, blue jeans and tennis shoes.  The mountie
stetson was absent. 

Diefenbaker, the deaf, white wolf, got up to join them as they started
out the door.  Ben glanced to Ray to see if the welcome included the
wolf. 

"Hey, Dief." Ray said, rubbing the wolf's head.  "Let's go home, okay,
boy?" 

Smiling, Fraser followed them to the car.

Ray moved a beer bottle off the counter as they entered the cluttered
apartment.  "You know, you don't have to live at the consulate, you know."
he began. 

"I haven't had time to go look for an apartment." Ben said.  His
disapproval
was marked as he peered into the trashcan full of beer bottles. 

"You don't have to look for a damned apartment.  You can stay here with
me!" Ray said. 

"But you only have one bedroom."

"Isn't that enough?"

"I could sleep on the couch." Ben said, glancing forlornly at the
somewhat-less-than-full-length
couch.	"Or I could bring my sleeping bag." 

"No, Ben, you'll sleep with me.  I have a nice big king-size bed in there.
Plenty of room for the both of us." 

Ben bit his lip.  "My new superior is a hard man, Ray.	He would question
such an arrangement." 

"Why do you even have to tell him about it?  Just tell him you're living
somewhere else besides the consulate.  Why do you feel the need to
*explain*
everything?" 

"He's a very demanding man, Ray."

"How demanding?"  Ray was suspicious.

"He wants total dedication from those of us who work at the consulate."

"Then maybe it's time you quit the damn consulate.  You can quit, can't
you?" 

"I...don't know.  I suppose I could.  Ray, why do you want me to live
here with you?" 

"Because I want you to.  That's why."

"I don't understand."

"Don't you miss all those nights, Benny?  Those long, cold nights when
we snuggled up close in the sack and laid there holding each other? 
We had the best talks then.  I've never had talks like that with nobody
else, ever.  I miss that, you know?  I miss being with you like that."

Ben sighed.  "I miss it, too, Ray."

"Share my bed tonight?"

The mountie nodded, swallowing down strong emotions.  "Okay." 

"But first thing, we gotta find something to eat."  Ray went to the
cupboard
and began to rummage.  He came up with a can of dog food.  

"Um, Ray.  That's not my favorite brand." Fraser said. 

"Oh."  Ray studied the label.  "You think Dief will eat it?"

"Yes.  Dief will eat it.  Dief eats everything." Fraser said.

Ray opened the can and emptied it onto a plate.  When he set it on the
floor, Dief approached and began to eat. 

Ray opened the freezer and took out two TV dinners.  He put them both
into the microwave at once, turned the dial to twelve minutes and closed
the door.  Then, he took Fraser's hand and walked to the couch.  "We
got a few minutes to talk.  I got something to tell you.  Something to
ask you.  I want to know what you think about this." 

"About what, Ray?" Fraser asked as he sat down.  

"About moving in here with me."

Fraser nervously rubbed his eyebrow.  "Are you sure you won't get annoyed
with me, Ray?  Have you thought about this?" 

"Yeah.	I've thought about nothing else for the last month.  I want you
here with me so I know you're okay.  I'm always having these nightmares
that something bad is happening to you.  I worry about you all the time.
I haven't been sleeping much, and when I *do* sleep, I have nightmares
about you getting killed!  If you're here with me, maybe I won't dream
like that.  Maybe I can sleep." 

Fraser stared at him.  "I had no idea you were going through such trauma,
Ray.  I'm sorry." 

"It's not your fault."	Ray put an arm around him and pulled him closer.
"But if I can feel you, I'll know you're safe." 

"I'll stay." Fraser said.

"You will?  Really?  What if your inspector doesn't like it?"

"Then I'll quit, Ray.  You're much more important than the job, anyway."

"Good."  Ray leaned over and kissed him lightly on the lips, then very
gently rubbed noses with him.  "I need you here, buddy." 

Fraser closed his eyes.  "Ray, you kissed me." he said softly.

"Yeah.	I did.	You want me to apologize for that?"

"No.  I want you to do it again." Ben said.

Ray smiled happily and kissed him again.  And again.  And again.

end