The Old Apartment	The Old Apartment by Innusiq

 Author's webpage: http://synesthesia.cx/innusiq/

 Author's notes: This story was inspired by a lovely snapshop by Shannon;
a Cheerio's commercial and the Barenaked Ladies. 
Comments are always welcomed.

  

 The Old Apartment
 by: Jenny Hill 

 When he opened his eyes, he was startled to find a pair staring right
back at him. This wasn't a normal occurrence but on occasions his days did
begin this way. They were soulful eyes and eyes that knew him probably
better then anyone else. Ray reached out to stroke the face of his early
morning observer. When said observer was satisfied with his morning
greeting, Ray's hand received a proper and sloppy lick. "Yick! I don't
know who's more disgusting you or Benny." 

 Diefenbaker huffed at Ray's reaction to his own morning greeting. He also
huffed because he knew who was the less disgusting between himself and
Fraser. He was an animal after all and it was in his nature to lick
things. He didn't know what excuse his Alpha pack mate had for his own
licking rituals. Huffing again, the wolf turned and headed back to his
spot under the window. 

 Ray stared at his hand not knowing what to do at first then he sheepishly
wiped it on the blanket that covered him. At that same moment, Ray could
feel the body next to him shift. Strong arms wormed their way around him,
pulling his body closer and a warm tongue trailed its way up his neck to
his ear. "Are you sure you don't know?" 

 A smile broke out on Ray's face. "Your wolf is definitely the worst of
you two," Ray replied as he turned around in the embrace to face Fraser.
"Do you know where his tongue has been?" 

 Fraser paused in his response as if contemplating the answer then
replied, "Yes, but do you know where mine has been?" 

 Fraser's playful response was something Ray was just getting use to. Of
course with Ray, Fraser was Benny and in being Benny he was a more relaxed
and playful Fraser than anyone else got to see but there were just day
that it still took Ray by surprise. Offering a devilish smile, Ray
replied, "Oh yeah and I like where that tongue has been." 

 Grinning with a small chuckle, Fraser asked, "Oh yeah?" 

 "Yeah." 

 "Even though it licked a tire yesterday?" 

 "Mmm-hmmm." 

 "And Diefenbaker's paw the day before?" 

 "Mmm-hmmm." 

 "And . . ." 

 Using his own body weight to push Fraser onto his back, Ray stopped that
never ending list of things licked by his own mouth and tongue seeking
Fraser's. Pulling away, Ray concluded. "I believe your wolf's tongue has
many more germs than yours." 

 Brushing the back of his hand against Ray's cheek, Fraser said, "Well
Ray, that is a common misconception. The fact is that there are fewer
germs in a dogs - or should I say wolf's - mouth than a human's. And
furthermore, they also say if you let a dog lick a wound - for example, a
paper cut or scratch - it will heal faster." This information was given
out with more enthusiasm than was truly necessary but that was the way
Fraser always got when sharing his useless knowledge. 

 "Really Benny? I'll have to remember that the next time I get a paper
cut," Ray said as he rolled off his lover. "I still like your licking
better." 

 "Why is that, Ray?" Fraser teased. 

 "You know how to control the drooling. Furface over there seems to think
a bath is required when licking." 

 Fraser chuckled at the comment made. "He does get a little over excited,
doesn't he?" 

 "Over excited? You call his drooling just getting over excited? It's like
Niagara Falls when he's done with me. 

 "But he likes you Ray." 

 "Yeah, yeah, yeah," Ray said in a dismissive manner as he climbed out of
the bed. 

 "Well Ray, he is just a wolf." 

 "You may believe that but I know, somewhere deep down, there is a little
person in there and he's laughing at me." 

 "Ray . . ." 

 "No Benny, you don't see the way he looks at me sometimes. He knows . . .
he knows things that I think I don't even know." 

 "Now Ray, that's just silly." But oddly, Fraser did have to agree with
Ray's assessment because there were day's even he felt that way. 

 Ray ignored that comment and headed towards the suitcase he had
previously packed his casual clothes in. Searching through its contents,
he was having trouble finding what he was looking for. "Damn it." 

 Fraser could sense Ray was agitated even before the curse was said out
loud. It was a difficult time for them both. Not so much difficult but
stressful. Two days ago they had spent the evening moving all of Fraser's
belongings out of the apartment on West Racine. It didn't take to long.
Everything he owned fit in his backpack and his father's trunk. Yesterday,
the majority of the day was used to pack up Ray's own belongings from his
family home. That task took all day and even when the midnight hour hit,
there were still items that hadn't been attended to. Moving was never
easy. 

 " . . . Benny?" Ray called for the third time seeing Fraser was either in
a daze or deep in thought. 

 "Yes Ray?" 

 "Do you know where we put my sweaters?" Ray asked as he slipped on a pair
of jeans. 

 Fraser finally climbed out of the bed and headed to the opposite side of
the room from where Ray stood and opened the suitcase Francesca had loaned
them for their move. "I believe . . . ah, yes, here they are." Fraser
delicately searched for one that he thought suited Ray. "How about this
one?" Fraser turned, offering the dark green sweater to Ray. 

 Ray smiled, knowing why Fraser had picked it out. Fraser like it when
ever Ray wore green. He claimed it brought out the color of his eyes.
"That's fine Benny, thank you." Slipping the sweater on, things were
finally coming to order or as orderly as they could be when a couple was
preparing to move into their new apartment that day. 

 "Are you ready for today Benny?" Ray asked as he closed the suitcase he
had opened and lowered it onto the floor. 

 "Yes Ray, why wouldn't I be?" Fraser asked as he pulled on a pair of
jeans. 

 Ray shrugged his shoulders as he watched Fraser get dressed. "I don't
know. Moving is a big step . . . I know I am a little nervous." 

 Fraser looked up from buttoning his shirt a bit startled at hearing Ray
was nervous. "Nervous?" 

 Shrugging again, Ray said, "Well, not so much nervous . . . but I sorta
have mixed feelings about it." During their conversation, Ray began moving
and stacking boxes into a better order than no order. 

 "Mixed feelings? I don't understand Ray." 

 "Well, this is my home Benny. It's been my home for 30 years. I have a
lot of memories stored in these walls and it's gonna be hard to leave them
behind," Ray explained. 

 Fraser just stared at Ray not knowing what to say. 

 "Ah, I don't expect you to understand. All you had to leave behind was
that rat-trap of an apartment. You're probably glad to be out of there,
finally. I know I'm glad you are." Ray didn't even notice the slight
change in his lover's facial features. He was too busy moving boxes
around. 

 Fraser went from being speechless to total shock at the words Ray spoke.
Ray truly didn't understand. 

 "Hey Benny, cat got your tongue or what? You're awful quiet over there."
When Ray turned to see what Fraser was up to he nearly dropped the box he
held. "What? Are you okay? What's wrong?" Ray set the box down and tried
to approach him but Fraser backed away. 

 "Ah . . . I have to . . . ah, I have to go . . . I have some things . . .
" Not finishing his statement, Fraser grabbed his pack and moved to leave
the guest bedroom of the Vecchio home. Turning in the doorway, he looked
back at Ray but couldn't form the words in his mouth and just left without
saying anything. 

 At that point Ray knew, somewhere between getting dressed and turning to
look at Fraser he had said something wrong but he didn't know what.
Retracing his steps he went over the words he said and in the end, he
collapsed on the bed when he realized just when he had stuck his foot in
his mouth. "Stupid, stupid, stupid. How could I be so stupid." 

 Diefenbaker lifted his head up and looked at Ray. "You, keep your yap
shut." Diefenbaker grumbled and went back to his nap. 

 

 In the time that Fraser was gone, Ray was able to finish packing up the
rest of his personal belongings, load them into the U-haul they had rented
for the move and drove their belongings over to their new apartment. The
rest of his family, which consisted of his brother-in-law, Tony and his
sisters, Maria and Francesca, met him at the apartment to help unload the
boxes and sparse furniture he owned. He made up a pitiful excuse of Fraser
having to work to cover the Mountie's absence and they all bought it. When
the U-haul was empty, Tony volunteered to return it and Ray dropped his
sister's off at home . . . well, their home now. 

 Ray watched his sisters enter the Vecchio family home and sighed at the
thought of returning to the empty apartment. Technically, the apartment
wasn't "empty" but it seemed that way without Fraser in it. 

 A head popped forward from the back seat and was placed on Ray's shoulder
with a sigh of his own. "Yeah, I know Dief but I don't know where he is.
Remember he left this morning without saying a word. How the hell am I
supposed to know where he is?" 

 Diefenbaker huffed his response. "I didn't mean it ya know . . . it just
came out . . . I wish I knew where he went . . . " 

 The wolf's head popped up with a bark. "What?" Another bark was his
response. "What, you know where Benny went?" Two barks in a row was his
answer. "This is great, I don't even know where my own lover is but his
wolf does." Ray shook his head is digust but then looked the wolf in the
eyes and asked, "Where is boy?" 

 The grumble from the wolf had Ray smacking his own forehead. "Why didn't
I think of that? Sometimes . . . " Ray stopped and looked at the wolf
again, deep in his eyes trying to see that small person he was certain was
in there but there was nothing. His own eyes were the only thing
reflecting back in the warm amber ones. "Thanks Dief." Ray gave
Diefenbaker's neck a rub, then he turned to face forward in the Riv and
pulled out of the driveway, heading for the place only Fraser would have
gone. 

 

 It was the longest afternoon to date in Ray's opinion and as he trudged
up the familiar stairs he was thankful that it was finally coming to an
end. He definitely wouldn't miss this building or its watermarked walls or
it's broken elevator or its creaky stairs but he finally realized that
Fraser would. No matter how awful the place was it had been Fraser's home
for three years - probably the longest time he had ever spent in one place
since leaving his grandparent's for the R.C.M.P. and Ray was feeling
sheepish for not realizing that sooner. 

 Reaching the third floor took no time. He had made this trip just about
every day or at least it seemed like every day since meeting the Mountie.
The door at the end of the hallway was open and Ray watched the wolf that
accompanied him brush passed him excitedly and into apartment 3J. Even
Diefenbaker was going to miss this place. Ray was beginning to feel a pang
of guilt enter his chest because he wasn't going to miss it at all. 

 Entering the apartment the way he had every other time - no knock - just
walking through the threshold, Ray was taken back by the eerie emptiness
the confronted him. Next to the door was Fraser's pack, Diefenbaker could
be seen prancing around sniffing the areas that were his "territory" and
at the window was Fraser. If Ray didn't know any better, he would assume
the man he loved was sulking. Ray approached Fraser from behind and
wrapped his arms around the solitary figure. 

 Fraser sighed when he felt the familiar arms wrap around him and the lips
press against his neck. He had spent the entire day here and he didn't
know why. There wasn't anything left that was his. It was an empty
apartment - more so than the day he had moved in. "How did you find me?" 

 Resting his chin on Fraser's shoulder, Ray looked out the window at
Fraser's view. It was growing dark outside and Ray wondered just how long
Fraser had stood in that one position looking at that one scene. Of
course, it could have been all day seeing the man had good practice with
sentry duty. "You're not gonna believe me even if I tell you," Ray said,
tightening his hold on Fraser. 

 The silence that followed troubled Ray and he decided to answer the
question. "Ah, Dief told me." Fraser moved to get out of the embrace and
Ray let him go. "Benny, what happened this morning?" Ray knew what
happened but the question was asked in an effort to get Fraser talking. If
anything, Fraser's silence hurt Ray more than any word he could ever say. 

 Pacing around the empty room, Fraser stopped to look at Ray and began
with what he had been thinking about all afternoon. "Ray, I know this
decision was hard for you to make - to move out of your family home - a
home filled with so many happy memories . . . " 

 "Benny, it wasn't a hard decision . . ." Ray interrupted to only be
interrupted himself. 

 "Please let me finish." Fraser waited for Ray's acceptance of his
request, then he continued. "I know your home holds a special place in
your heart. To leave your family home for the second time . . . I know it
was a hard decision. I have already done that - more than once and it's
never easy but this apartment . . . this apartment was my home, Ray." 

 A pause in words let Ray get in a few of his own. "I know Benny." 

 Fraser looked directly into Ray's eyes and he could see that Ray felt
truly sorry if not a little guilty for what happened this morning. Looking
away and around the apartment as if he could see the memories etched on
the spots they happened in, Fraser continued. "This was my home and it
became our home for a short while. This was where I stuck my roots down in
a foreign land and survived. This was where my friendship with you grew
into more than I could have possibly hoped for." Fraser stopped for a
moment, then began again with a slight blush. "This was where we first
kissed and where we first made love." 

 Walking to a particular spot in the area that was the bedroom, Fraser
stood still with his eyes shut remembering. Without thinking, he said out
loud, "This is where you first told me you loved me." 

 Ray swallowed the lump in his throat. A sentimental Fraser was new for
him but oh so lovely. Closing the gap that separated them, Ray pulled
Fraser into an embrace and whispered into his ear. "I do love you Benny." 

 Fraser released a sigh as he brought his hands up to cup Ray's face. "I
know - I love you too." 

 "I'm so sor . . ." Before the apology could be completed, Ray's mouth was
silenced by his lover's. The intake of air could be felt against Ray's
face as Fraser was trying to taste and smell at the same time. Ray moaned
quietly but it could be felt by both of them. Pulling away and breathing
irregularly, Ray said, "Hey Benny?" 

 "Yes Ray?" 

 "How 'bout we say goodbye to this place properly," Ray suggested as he
removed his jacket. 

 "But . . ." and that was all Fraser got out before what Ray had actually
said dawned on him. "Oh . . . OH! . . . oh . . ." Fraser blushed and
grinned demurely. 

 "Oh, yeah." Ray turned about and headed towards the door. "Hey Furface?
Dief? Out," Ray said as he pointed to the hallway. 

 Diefenbaker got up from his relaxed position and uncharacteristically
followed Ray's directions for once. When he was in the hallway, Ray
stooped down taking the wolf's muzzle in his hand and making eye contact
saying "You stay out here and don't let anyone in, capise?" Diefenbaker
licked Ray's cheek and not even flinching, Ray said, "Thank you." 

 Ray stood up and closed the door behind him. "Now, where were we?" 

 "Ray, you let Diefenbaker lick you," Fraser stated in an astonished tone.


 "Yeah, well, I cut myself shaving this morning and I thought it might
help it heal quicker." 

 Fraser chuckled heartily as the two men came together again. "You never
cease to amaze me, Ray" 

 "Yeah?" 

 "Yeah." 

 

 Outside, Diefenbaker stood staring at the closed door and when he was
certain things were going the way they should, he laid down and placed his
head on his paws. It was going to be a while and he had a duty to do. And
just like a Mountie, Diefenbaker was willing to lay down his life in the
name of duty. 

 Within five minutes, the wolf was sound asleep. 

 The End 

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