Advice And Its Aftermath    

m/m situation and sex. Rated R. 

Disclaimer: I didn't create these characters, but they keep on possessing
me and making me write about them. It's not permanent though - I'm fine
now and so are they. Suing me would be a useless exercise. The rand/dollar
exchange rate is terrible, and how are you going to get to me from across
the ocean? :) 

This story is a companion story to "Questions", which I posted about two
weeks ago. It's on the archive if you haven't read it. I would suggest
reading it before you tackle this one, but hopefully this story makes
sense even if you haven't read the other one. Comments would be greatly
appreciated, as it was only comments and nagging from other people that
made me write this story in the first place! 

 ADVICE AND ITS AFTERMATH 

By T'Mar 

When she arrived at the clinic at 7.30 in the morning, Dr. Carol Thompson
found an early arrival waiting. And no average early arrival at that. Many
of her early arrivals would be teenage girls who panicked after going too
far the night before, or people worrying over whether they were using the
right, er, 'protection'. But when she looked at this guy - tall, the
bluest eyes she'd ever seen, dressed casually in jeans and a flannel shirt
that made her want to drool on her shoes - she knew somehow that he was
*not* her average early arrival. He was standing there quite calmly, a
beautiful white dog at his side. All that was lacking was a white picket
fence in the background and a couple of children to play with the dog. 

"Hi," Carol said to him, "been waiting long?" 

"Since 7am," he replied, and Carol just barely managed to prevent herself
from fainting that the sound of his voice. Boy, but he was *gorgeous*. 

"Well, I'm usually the first one here. I open up most weekdays. Come on
in." 

Benton Fraser, RCMP, followed her into the clinic. Getting up the courage
to come here had been difficult, especially when he'd considered what he'd
have to say to anybody he encountered if he wanted to find out certain
things... But since Ray persisted in his refusal to be specific about why
he wouldn't do certain things in bed, Fraser had felt he had no choice. 

It had only been a few weeks since the pair had discovered these feelings
that they had for each other. Fraser had had the feelings all along, but
he'd never admitted them... not until that day when Ray had shoved him
into the bathroom, made him face the mirror, and tried to explain just why
it was that women seemed so eager to cooperate as witnesses when he was
the one asking the questions. And after that... things had progressed
pretty smoothly. Fraser was certainly happy. They'd told Ray's mother,
Lieutenant Welsh, Elaine... and if he wasn't mistaken, a few people had
guessed at his and Ray's new relationship. Mister Mustaffi, certainly, had
guessed, but had been diplomatic enough not to say anything. Fraser knew
he knew, though, because one day when Mr Mustaffi's sister had brought a
large amount of food left over from some church outing she'd cooked for,
that food had found its way into his apartment. "For you and Detective
Vecchio," Fraser's neighbour had said. "I can't eat it all. But you two
will have supper for weeks with this!" The food had lasted six days, not
weeks, but it had been delicious... 

Fraser was brought out of this memory by the sound of the woman's voice.
"Sir?" 

He looked up. He was, somehow, now standing in her office. Diefenbaker was
munching on... it seemed to be a cookie the woman had given him. Fraser
wished he could have left Diefenbaker at the apartment, or with Ray, but
Ray had been on a stakeout and he'd neglected to close the window, so here
his wolf was. 

"Oh, dear. I apologise." 

"Would you like to have a seat and tell me your..." She'd been about to
say problem, but this man did not look like he had any problems at all.
Unless his problem was being followed by hordes of drooling woman... 'Stop
that!' she admonished herself, and forced herself to continue.
"...business?" 

Fraser looked at the chair, then at her. He didn't know why, but he'd been
expecting a male doctor. And somehow, the fact that it was a woman made it
easier. Men were quicker to condemn... although anybody working at such a
clinic probably was immune to embarrassment or harsh judgements by now
anyway. So Fraser sat down. 

Carol smiled at him. She wanted to ask him to let her guess at what he was
here for, but that wasn't how counsellors here were supposed to work. You
asked sympathetic questions and provided guidance, medical advice or free
condoms, as needed. But if she were to guess she would think that he
either had a friend, sister or daughter who had been too embarrassed to
come herself. "You can start anytime," she said in her most sympathetic
voice. 

The man got that patented deer-in-the-headlights look. "Er... yes. Well.
I'd like some... medical information." 

Carol waited, but he didn't continue. "Sir, you're going to have to give
me more information than that." 

"Yes. Of course." Fraser stopped. How did you say something like this to a
perfect stranger? "I'm in a very happy relationship," he said, lowering
his voice, even though no one else had arrived at the clinic yet. 

"Uh huh..." 

"With a man." There! He'd said it! 

Carol wanted to smile so badly her face ached, but she managed to keep the
same expression. "And?" Let the person tell you what they needed, that was
how you did it. 

"In our professions this isn't something that one discusses, but my...
partner..." Fraser didn't like that word much, but he didn't like 'lover',
and 'friend' seemed not to convey the relationship. Anyway, he'd been
Ray's unofficial partner in police work for years, so that word worked in
that context, and that was the context he thought of it in. "He said he
has worked on certain cases that make him reluctant to..." He trailed off,
then began again. "You know, opening this clinic by yourself in the
morning isn't very safe. If you keep medical equipment here you could be
targeted by gang members or..." 

"Sir!" 

Fraser stopped talking. 

"You can lecture me on safety when you've finished what you came here to
ask." A cop, he had to be a cop, she thought. Yet somehow he didn't have
that haggard or cynical look that most Chicago cops had... And if he were
a cop, he'd know that she had reached an agreement with the gangs who
operated near this area... 

"Yes." Fraser's eyes fixed on a point slightly above her head. Such blue
eyes... "I've read... things. About male..." 

"Intercourse?" 

Fraser's eyes met hers briefly. "Yes." He stared over her head again. "And
R... er, my partner, refuses to do... some of them." 

"I need the particulars, Sir." 

"Of course. The particulars." But even as he said it, Fraser knew he could
never, never say it. Not to her, not to anybody. He hadn't even been able
to say it to Ray, not using the necessary words. How he wished the Inuit
had a story to cover this. But try as he might he couldn't think of one.
He stared over her head for a while, then shook his head. "I don't think I
can say it." 

"That's okay, I get that sometimes. Shall I... guess? You can just nod if
I get the right one. We're talking making love, right?" 

A nod. 

"Oral?" 

A shake of his head. 

"Anal?" 

Nod. 

"Okay. That wasn't so hard, was it?" 

"Yes, it was," said Fraser, inexplicably smiling at the woman. He guessed
it was because he was so grateful she hadn't made him say it. 

Carol smiled, glad she had been able to relieve some of the tension. She
gave the dog another cookie. "What a beautiful dog. And friendly." 

"He's a wolf, and he'll be friendly to anyone who'll give him junk food.
His hunting instincts are getting dull." He looked down at Diefenbaker.
"You're getting soft." Dief looked away. "He's deaf too. This is his way
of ignoring me." 

Now Carol smiled widely. She'd badly needed to. "I think he's gorgeous."
'Not as gorgeous as his owner, but...' "Sir, now that we've established
*what* your partner won't do, can you tell me *why*?" 

"He won't tell me. All he'll say is that he's worked on cases and heard
testimony that makes him refuse. And he said something about blood and
pain not being on his agenda, whatever that means." 

"Can't you guess?" 

"I can, but I think he might be overreacting. He's worked on rape cases,
you see." 

Well, his partner had to be the cop, then. She wondered what business this
gorgeous man with a wolf for a pet was in. Carol got up and took down a
medical tome. She opened it and passed it to him. "He might very well be
overreacting, but he has reason to." 

Fraser's eyes went very wide when he had a look at what was in the book.
But Carol could see him reading everything carefully, no doubt storing the
information for future reference. Finally he passed the book back. "I
see." 

"It's really your choice, Sir. But I wouldn't recommend forcing the issue
if your partner is against it." 

"Thank you." Fraser stood up and held out his hand. But Carol wanted to
keep him there a little longer. Those eyes were hypnotic, especially when
the light hit them just right... they became transparent, and so
beautiful... 

"Perhaps you'd like to hear some other ways in which you can... pleasure
each other. I'd be glad to help." 

Fraser sat down again. "That's a very good idea." 

"I'll get you some literature and talk you through it, okay?" 

"That'll be fine." 

She got up and went into the outer office to get the necessary pamphlets. 

Dief whined. "No, we're not leaving yet," Fraser told him. Now that he had
his information, he *did* want to leave. But he also wanted to know
everything he could... then he could surprise Ray... *Whine* "You just
want another cookie," he told the wolf as the doctor came back in. 

"Here you are." She handed the pamphlets to him. "The first one is pretty
self-explanatory, but I can help you if you find it confusing... Some
people never have the courage to ask these things. I'm glad you did." 

Fraser looked at the first pamphlet. "It's quite understandable. Thank
you." 

The other two required a bit of talking through. Although there were lots
of times when Carol expected a question, none came. "You don't have any
questions?" she asked when she was finished. The guy hadn't taken his eyes
off the pamphlets the entire time - now he looked up. 

"I don't think so." He rose. "Thank you kindly..." He trailed off, wanting
her name. 

"Carol. Dr Carol Thompson." 

"Carol." She wished she could ask his name, but it was generally frowned
upon. Anonymity was important to some people. So instead she petted the
wolf and gave him another cookie. "And what's your name, huh, boy?" 

"Diefenbaker," said Fraser. 

That got a quizzical look, but Carol said nothing. She held out her hand.
"Good luck, Sir." 

"Thank you," Fraser said again, and left the office. 

He walked back to his apartment and collapsed against the wall once he got
inside, breathing hard, releasing all the tension from the effort it had
taken to do that. Then he put the pamphlets in a folder full of cooking
recipes and instructions on caring for your pet. Hopefully anyone who came
into his apartment wouldn't think of looking there for pamphlets on...
well, sex. But he had to keep them - he wanted to show Ray. *After* he'd
surprised him, of course. 

Ray was very pleasantly surprised, too. 

It was almost six weeks later that the inevitable happened. There was a
homicide right outside the clinic. Ray was sent to interview the only
person who'd been there at the time: the head counsellor, Dr Thompson. 

"So, Doc, you didn't see anything?" Ray asked. 

"No. I *heard* shouting, and then a gunshot. When I came out the killer
was gone." 

"And you knew it was a gunshot because...?" 

"This isn't exactly the safest of neighbourhoods. I've heard gunshots
before." 

"Ah." Ray thought for a minute. It was amazing that this doctor would be
here by herself so early in the morning - she had said she heard the shot
just after 7 am. "You aren't afraid, working in this neighbourhood?" 

"No. I have... sort of an arrangement with the elements here." She didn't
want to say more. Ray guessed she either paid protection or provided
services somehow. But not illegal services - this woman didn't look like
the kind of person to do that. 

"So if you have this arrangement... why would somebody kill someone right
out front?" 

"I don't know, Detective." 

"And you didn't know the victim?" 

"No. I know many gang members and residents here. I didn't know her." 

This didn't make much sense to Ray, but he figured he'd get Fraser to come
out here and give him a hand. Of course. But he still had to interview the
dead woman's family and friends... 

As Ray drove back to the site of the shooting, he was telling Fraser about
the case. "Parents don't know a thing. Kept going on about how she was
such a nice girl. Guess we've heard that one before. Boyfriend has an
alibi. Witness heard but didn't see anything." 

"And you're taking me to the scene for...?" asked Fraser. 

"Come on, Benny, you know why. Maybe you can sniff something out that the
rest of us missed." 

Fraser smiled, looking at Ray with that lovelight in his eyes. Ray had
such faith in him sometimes. "I'll do my best, Ray." 

Ray looked only briefly at Fraser because he was driving, but that same
lovelight was in his eyes. "I know you will, Benny." 

They arrived at the scene, and Fraser's behaviour suddenly became...
different. "Are you sure you can't do this without me?" 

"What?" 

"Ray..." But Ray was already getting out of the car. Fraser was forced to
get out as well. "I don't think this is a good idea." 

"What isn't a good idea, Benny?" 

Fraser opened his mouth to reply but just then the door of the clinic
opened and he bolted around the side of the building. "Benny...!" Ray
yelled. What had gotten into his friend now? He looked down at
Diefenbaker, who hadn't moved. In fact, he was staring up at the woman
who'd come out of the clinic. Strange behaviour for him. 

"Ah, Dr Thompson." 

Carol smiled. "Hullo, Detective Vecchio. Back again so soon?" 

"Yeah, well, it never hurts to double-check the crime scene." 

A whine startled them both. "Diefenbaker!" said the doctor. "Hullo, boy.
What are you doing here?" She looked up at Ray. "Is he with you?" 

Ray was beginning to have that feeling... the 'run-like-hell' one. But of
course he couldn't. "No, he belongs to a friend." Please let that be
enough to say. 

The doctor's expression didn't change. She patted the wolf on the head.
"And what is a nice wolf like you doing at a place like this?" *Whine* She
straightened up. "All right, I'll get you a cookie. Don't go away." And
she excused herself and went back into the clinic. 

Ray sprinted round the side of the building where he found Fraser standing
there. Not looking at anything, not sniffing anything, not tasting dirt or
anything, just standing there. "I get it, Benny," he said. "She's the one
you asked for advice, am I right?" 

"Yes, Ray. I didn't want her to... I mean, you... I..." He really had no
clue what he was trying to say. 

But Ray knew anyhow. "I get it, Benny, but it's too late. Your wolf blew
your cover." 

Fraser looked around, as if noticing for the first time that Dief wasn't
with them. "Oh, dear." 

"Yeah, 'oh dear'. I think the damage is done, Benny. We might as well just
finish what we came here for, okay?" 

"Yes, Ray." 

They walked back to the front of the clinic together. The doc was there,
feeding cookies to Diefenbaker. 

"Carol," said Fraser. 

"Hi again," she replied. So he was a Mountie. No wonder he had that
perfect posture... 

"I see you know each other," said Ray. 

"Well, not really," Carol said quickly. 

"I'm sorry!" Fraser said suddenly. "I'm Benton Fraser..." 

"RCMP, I recognize the uniform." 

"Yes." Pause. "Ray asked if I could help him check the crime scene." 

"Please do. I'll be inside. When you're finished stop for coffee if you
want." 

"Thank you kindly," Fraser replied, and went right to work. 

Carol went in so as not to embarrass the poor guy further. She wondered if
he realised just what a cute shade of red he'd turned. 

As Fraser knelt down, stood up, looked around, sniffed things, Ray walked
alongside. "That wasn't so bad, Benny." 

Fraser looked up from where he was crouched. "Not so bad? Ray, she
*knows*." He wasn't sure if he was embarrassed for himself or for Ray. 

"She knows about you, Benny. She might not realise... well, you know." 

But she was looking through the window at them, and she did indeed know.
She saw how Ray was looking at Fraser - when he bent down to get a closer
look at the little bit of blood still left on the sidewalk, when he
sniffed things... She smiled. It was romantic, really. They looked very
happy together. 

Fraser really didn't want to stop for coffee after he was finished - he
didn't want to go back in that office and be reminded of the things he'd
confessed in there - but of course it would be impolite to refuse her
offer. So they went inside. 

There were a few people waiting outside, but the doctor motioned them into
her office. "My colleagues will look after them, don't worry," she said,
heading off Fraser's impending question. She handed them the coffee and
gave Dief yet another cookie. 

"You're spoiling him," Fraser said. "I'll never get him to hunt again." 

But she only smiled. "He's lovely - worth spoiling." 

And Fraser couldn't disagree there. 

Since this was more of a social situation and she wanted to help, she
said, "So, are the two of you..." She didn't need to say more because Ray
choked on his coffee. 

"Yes," said Fraser. 

"Don't worry, I won't embarrass you. I really only wanted to say I think
you're both very lucky. And I'll be glad to help if you ever need it."
Fraser heard her tone and remembered some of the pictures and text in that
medical book. He knew what she was trying to say. 

"Thank you..." he began. 

Ray looked like he just wanted to be *out* of there... perhaps because he
did. "Benny, I think we should go now." He wasn't being very polite
towards the doctor, but the thought that she knew what he and Benny did
behind closed doors was just too much. 

"Yes, Ray. Oh." He turned back to Carol. "The evidence outside indicates
that what happened is probably exactly what you heard: the girl was
fighting with someone, and he killed her. I don't think it's
gang-related." 

"Now we just have to find him," said Ray. 

"Please do. I don't need my patients fearing for their lives. This area is
dangerous enough as it is." 

The pair went out. 

Fraser and Ray were eating at Ray's mother's house. Ray hardly ever stayed
there anymore. Not that he liked Fraser's place better, except for Fraser,
that is, but his mother had asked them not to do anything in the house
when she was home. They managed sometimes when the family went out, but it
was easier just to stay at Fraser's place. 

Ray had yet to tell his sister what was going on. He'd told her he had to
work a different shift now, which was why he was hardly ever home anymore,
but he knew he couldn't keep up with that story for too long. His mother
had told Maria and her husband, and while they hadn't exactly taken it
*well*, there hadn't been any screaming or insults hurled. In Ray's
opinion this was a *good* thing. And Maria had told him she saw no reason
to say anything to the kids. They were still too young and wouldn't
understand. Ray was to act like he always did around them. And Ray could
live with that. 

But Francesca... she might be a problem. He sometimes woke in the night
having dreamt that Francesca was advancing on him with a large pair of
scissors... and she wasn't planning on giving him a haircut, either. 

Ray felt Fraser watching him, and looked up to see a smile on his friend's
face. "What?" 

"Is it that nightmare again, Ray?" For some reason that Ray couldn't
figure out, Fraser was highly amused by that nightmare. Maybe because he'd
never had a sister of his own. 

"What nightmare?" Ray's mother asked. She was the only one home - the
others were all out for the evening. 

Ray went just a bit red. "About Frannie. What she'll do if she finds out."


"She has to know," Ray's mother agreed. "But maybe it can wait for the
right time, you think?" 

"Yeah," agreed Ray. He began to talk about the case, then, and their
theory that a jealous boyfriend - or at least a jealous *male* friend -
had killed their victim. The boyfriend had an iron-clad alibi. But some of
the girl's friends had indicated that there might have been someone
else... It was worth checking out. 

They finished their food, kissed Ray's mother on the cheek, and headed out
- to bump into Frannie as she got home. 

"Hi, Benton! Ray. Boy, being a volunteer is a lot of work!" 

Fraser looked at Ray quizzically. "Something new," Ray said. "Seems
Frannie has decided she need to rack up 'goodness' points or something.
Unless there's a hunk down at the church?" 

Actually, there was, but Frannie didn't want to say anything. The reason
she'd volunteered was that *he* had told *her* she was cute in passing one
day, and Frannie just wanted to see if maybe... 

Ray was headed out, and Frannie only now noticed this. "Ray? Where're you
going?" 

"To take Benny home." 

"What is it with you lately?" she asked. "You're *always* taking him home,
and I never hear you coming in. And don't give me that 'new shift' story.
I was at the precinct today and Elaine said nobody changed your shift. So
are you coming home at odd hours or what?" 

Fraser and Ray looked at each other. This was the opening they had been
waiting for. Ray decided to just say it, and get it over with. "No, Fran.
It's because sometimes I don't come home." 

Frannie looked confused. "What?" 

"I stay at Benny's place, okay?" 

She looked from Ray to Fraser and back. "Why would you want to..."
Stopped. Thought. Then, "Are you trying to tell me... What I'm thinking
can't be the answer." 

"What are you thinking, Francesca?" Fraser asked gently. 

Frannie turned to Ray. "Why do you stay over there, Ray?" She looked him
right in the eye... And when Ray's eyes locked with Fraser's, she knew.
"Oh my G-d! It is true!" 

"What?!" Ray almost yelled. 

"The two of you. You're having an affair!" 

Ray studied his sister. She didn't look mad, really, or shocked, or
disgusted. Just... surprised. Very, very surprised. "It isn't an affair,
Frannie. We love each other." 

Frannie swallowed and turned to Fraser. "Is that why... I mean, you never
took an interest in me... Because you were in love with *him*?" Ray
cringed at the way she said 'him', and Fraser pondered on what to say.
He'd never taken an interest in Frannie because... well, he just hadn't.
She wasn't really his type. But he knew that to say that would hurt her
terribly, so he just said, "Yes." It wasn't really a lie. He'd been in
love with Ray forever, it seemed, he just hadn't noticed it for a long
time. 

Frannie turned to Ray and smacked him on the shoulder. "And when did
*this* happen? Does Ma know?" 

"It was a while back," he said. "And yeah, Ma knows." 

Frannie fixed Ray with her best *look*. "Ray, are you gay?" 

Why did people keep asking him that, Ray wondered. His first instinct was
always to say no. What did that mean?? Maybe all it meant was he didn't
think of himself that way. He knew he didn't fit any stereotypes. He
looked at Benny. "I dunno, Fran. I loved Angie once. I love Benny. That's
all." 

"What about you, huh, Benton?" 

"There have been many studies on the sexual preferences of people,
Francesca. Many of them show that very few people are one hundred percent
'straight' or 'gay'. In fact, the spectrum is very broad. Therefore,
asking a question like that implies..." 

Before he could say anything more, brother and sister both said, "Quiet!" 

Fraser looked confused. "I was simply trying to answer your sister's
question, Ray." 

"That answers your question, doesn't it, Frannie?" 

By the way Ray was looking at her, Frannie realised she'd better reply in
the affirmative. "Yeah, I guess it does." 

"Then we're outta here. Come on." And Ray grabbed Fraser by the arm and
pulled him out of the door. 

As they headed down the steps, Frannie could still hear Fraser. "...But
the statistics might prove illuminating, Ray..." 

"Benny, shut up, okay?" 

Frannie smiled, thought, 'G-d, why am I *smiling*?' and went into the
house. What a waste of a good man, she would think later. And then amend
itto *two* good men. And she would never think of what they might do in
bed. Never. And if she hadn't found a new hunk to chase, maybe she would
have been angrier. Maybe. But what the heck, this was the '90s. 

The pair were in Fraser's apartment, just sitting at the table, talking...
about that doctor. "She wants to help, Ray." 

"Yeah, I heard. But I don't have to like it, okay, Benny?" 

"Ray..." Fraser looked deeply into his friend's eyes and then away again.
This made Ray realise that *something* was up. 

"What?" 

"We've been... happy... since I asked her advice... haven't we?" 

"Yeah..." 

"...Satisfied, I mean?" Fraser was looking down at the table. 

"Yes, Benny. You know that." And then Ray knew what Fraser was going to
say. He still didn't want to hear it, but... 

"I'm still curious, Ray." The way in which he said it made it impossible
for Ray to misunderstand what he was curious about. 

"Benny, don't do this to me." 

"Ray, I don't want to do anything to you. I just want to know. Just once,
I want... I want you to make love to me." Now he did look in Ray's eyes. 

"It'll hurt, Benny. I'm never gonna let myself do anything to hurt you."
But even as he said it, Ray knew he'd lost the argument. His refusal was
hurting Benny more than anything he could do physically. 

"We'll be careful. I know you will. And... Carol said she'd help. She
meant it, if..." 

"I know what she meant, Benny. She's a doctor, patching people up is her
job!" 

"Ray..." Maybe this wasn't worth it, if it scared Ray so. But Fraser
wanted to know... even if it only happened once. 

"All right!" yelled Ray. "Just once! But then I want to know, too." 

"Ray, you don't..." 

"That's the condition, Fraser." *Fraser*. He didn't want to do this, he
really didn't. But he wanted Benny to know *everything*... even if only
once. He loved Benny that much. 

"If you're sure, Ray." 

"Of course I'm not sure! But I'm not gonna do this by halves, Benny. It's
all or nothing." 

"All right." Fraser stood up. "But... not tonight. I'm tired." 

"Yeah, me too, Benny." He meant emotionally more than physically. 

"We should get some sleep, Ray." 

"I know." 

But they didn't go to sleep right away. "Benny... what's your thought on
the case?" 

Fraser shifted position to he could look into Ray's eyes. "I think our
original assessment holds up. The victim had a boyfriend no one knew
about, and when she came to the clinic, he killed her." 

"Why the clinic, Benny?" 

"If I were to guess, I'd say for... medical advice." 

"Obviously medical advice. But what kind?" 

Fraser averted his eyes now. "Like what I asked? Or contraception?" 

"Abortion?" Ray asked. 

Fraser looked at him again. "Maybe. Do you have the autopsy results?" 

"Not yet." 

"If what you say is correct, all you have to do is find out who she was
seeing, and you'll have the killer." 

"Uh huh." Ray closed his eyes. "We can do that tomorrow, I think." 

"Yes, Ray. Tomorrow." Fraser snuggled closer to his friend, and went so
sleep. It was a peaceful, almost dreamless sleep. Poor Diefenbaker, who
had eaten one cookie too many, wasn't so lucky. 

Ray ran up the stairs in the Consulate. "Bingo! Benny, we have our
suspect!" 

Fraser, who'd been standing at the top of the stairs arguing with
Turnbull, turned. "A boyfriend?" 

"Yeah. One of her friends finally gave in. And we got the autopsy results,
too. You were right. Looks like she wanted advice on whether or how to get
an abortion." 

"So, you think this boyfriend didn't want that, and killed her?" 

"Yeah. I'm on my way to pick him up. Wanna come along when I question the
guy?" 

Fraser turned slightly as his superior's office door opened. "Er..." 

Ray turned to Thatcher. "Inspector, I really need Benny's help on this." 

Thatcher just turned a steely eye on Fraser. "When does your shift end,
Constable?" 

"An hour, Ma'am." 

"You'll be here an hour and a *half* earlier tomorrow." 

"Yes, Ma'am." And he followed Ray down the stairs. 

It was exactly as they had anticipated. Boyfriend kills girlfriend who
didn't want his child. Very old story. The guy confessed. Actually, it
seemed that he'd *needed* to confess. "I loved her," he kept saying, "but
I couldn't let her do that." 

"Seems to me that what you did was kinda... stupid," Ray said during the
interrogation. "You killed her, you killed the kid too. So now you have no
one." 

"I loved her," was all the guy said. 

Ray looked at Fraser. Fraser said gently, "Did you plan to kill her?" 

"NO! We argued; I had a gun - that neighbourhood isn't safe. She laughed
and told me to kill her! She laughed and said either way, my child..." He 

started to cry. "She kept telling me to do it. I loved her..." 

"We understand you loved her," Fraser said. "Do *you* understand you'll go
to jail for this?" 

"Yeah. But I don't care. Life without her isn't worth living, anyway." 

Later, when the guy had been processed and they were on their way back to
Fraser's apartment, Ray said, "I know how that guy felt, Benny. When he
said that life without her wouldn't be worth living. That's how I feel
about you." 

Fraser only said, "You *are* my life, Ray. Before, all I had was my
uniform and my duty. I thought it was enough. I was wrong." Ray could
*hear* the emotion in the Mountie's voice. 

"Tonight, Benny. Tonight, you show me. Any way you want, okay?" Ray knew
his voice wasn't much steadier. 

And all Fraser said was, "Thank you, Ray." 

They were hardly in the door of the apartment when Fraser began to undo
the buttons on Ray's shirt. Jacket off, shirt off. Belt buckle... Fraser
bent down to undo it, his head tilted up so he could look into his
partner's eyes. 

As soon as that was done, Ray began to undo the red tunic. He'd gotten to
be an expert over the last couple of months. Undershirt off, suspenders...
boots... pants... He smiled when he looked down, and drew Fraser against
him, feeling Benny's need, letting Benny feel his. "I do want you, Benny.
I've wanted you since that first time..." 

"So why, Ray?" Fraser moved against him, their skin-contact making every
sensation seem heightened, urgent, almost unreal. Except it *was* real.
And Ray didn't even try to control his breathing. Fraser wasn't bothering
to control his... 

"I was scared, Benny. Still am. But... I'll do this for you. I love you,
and I want to know, too." 

"You said only this once." Fraser moved against him again, suggestively.
It took all Ray's self-control not to let go right there. 

"I... oh, G-d, Benny... I meant that. But tonight, let's pretend no one
said anything... there's no tomorrow, just tonight... just now." He
stepped back slightly and moved towards the bed. 

Fraser sat down, then opened the bedside table, producing... 

"Where the hell did you get that?!" Ray almost yelled, staring in wonder.
*Lubricant*??? He couldn't imagine Benny *ever* going into a store and
buying that, not where other people could see. But then, he hadn't been
able to imagine Fraser discussing his sex life with a stranger, either. 

"Carol gave it to me, Ray. When we were at the clinic that last time. I
think she guessed..." 

"Yeah, yeah, Doctor Wonderful!" 

"She *is* a good person, Ray." 

"I know, Benny. Gimme that." The look in Fraser's eyes was unmistakable as
he handed it over, and lay down on the bed. 

Ray lay down next to him, initiating a kiss. All Fraser's heat flowed into
him as he tasted him... he could feel the love, taste it almost, as he
explored Benny's mouth, as Benny explored his, as their hands touched each
other all over. Benny's skin was so smooth... "I need you, Benny, I need
you so much," he said when they finally surfaced for air. 

"Then take me, Ray." 

"How do you want to do this?" 

Fraser kissed him - just a quick kiss - and then turned away, lying on his
side. Ray knew from reading the pamphlets Fraser had gotten that this was
the easiest and safest way... at least for the first time. And last, he
told himself. 

"Make love to me, Ray. Now." 

He couldn't resist that command. The lubricant was on his fingers then, as
he carefully, oh so carefully, worked them into his friend. Fraser gasped,
and he stopped immediately. "Benny?" 

"Don't stop, Ray. It's just... unusual." 

"Okay." Ray kissed Fraser's neck and proceeded, until it was all done. But
fingers were one thing... "Last chance to back out, Benny," he said. And
at the same time he was hoping Fraser *wouldn't* back out. He couldn't,
not now. 

"Never," responded his friend, his voice only a harsh whisper. 

Ray used the lubricant on himself, then moved towards Benny, feeling the
way with his fingers, then replacing them with that part of himself that
needed to be inside the person that he loved. Slowly, so slowly in fact
that Fraser moved in anticipation. But he wouldn't rush; this had to be
perfect. No blood and pain for Benny. None. But finally Benny's body gave
way without tearing, and he was where he had to be. "Benny, you okay?" 

"Yes, Ray. I'm fine. I'm more than fine. I love you." 

"I love you, Benny." 

"Ray... touch me." 

Ray reached his hand around and touched Benny's erection, the left-over
lubricant on his hand making the sensations even more erotic. And when he
heard Fraser sigh softly, Ray moved, slowly at first, then with more
urgency, keeping the same rhythm with his hand, listening to the soft
noises Fraser made. "Bennnnny..." he moaned at last, feeling Benny's
release on his fingers just before he went over himself, into that world
of sensation where no one but the two of them existed... 

He must have fallen asleep, because he woke to the wonderful feeling of
lips kissing his throat... chest... stomach... "B..." He tried again.
"Benny..." 

Fraser looked up and smiled with such... love... - not just love,
satisfaction, that was it - in his eyes that Ray was momentarily
speechless. "You fell asleep," he said. 

Ray now remembered their bodies disengaging... remembered snuggling up
against Fraser's back mumbling words of love... and then this. "Yeah, I
guess I did." 

"You were wonderful, Ray." 

"I didn't hurt you?" 

"No. I needed that, Ray. You have no idea how much." As he spoke he kissed
his way back up his friend's torso again, to lie on top of him, looking
down into those wide, stormy eyes that he loved. 

"Why, Benny?" 

"I don't know. All those other times we made love... they were wonderful.
But I never felt that our souls were touching, not fully." 

"And now you have?" 

"Yes. Now you'll always be part of me, no matter what happens, no matter
if we never do this again. Just as I am part of you. I do feel part of
you, now, Ray. What happens to you happens to me." Ray lifted his head up
then, to initiate another kiss, and it was just getting intimate when
Fraser pulled away. "Ray... we don't have to..." 

"What, Benny?" 

"You don't have to, Ray. Nothing can change what has happened between us,
what I feel. I don't have to..." 

"Make love to me, Benny? You're saying you don't want to?" 

"Not if you don't want to, Ray." 

"But I do want to." And he did. The detective was surprised at himself. If
what Benny had experienced was really that profound, then he wanted to
experience it as well. He wanted Benny to be part of him, inside him, so
that they both would know. He looked into those sky-blue eyes. "I know
you'd never hurt me, Benny. Make love to me." 

Fraser moved to the side. "All right." He grabbed the lubricant. "Thank
you, Ray." Those eyes... oh, those eyes... Ray felt he might drown in
them, as cliche' as that was. You could drown in Benny's eyes... Fraser
kissed him then, and it was as if he didn't need air, just Benny. His
hands touched Benny, just absorbing the feel of him, pulling him to him,
feeling his arousal, wanting this. 

"Make love to me, Benny. Now." As he said it he moved onto his side, his
back facing his partner. And Benny took his hand, so that Ray's palm
covered the back of his own hand, as he smeared the necessary lubricant
onto his fingers... their fingers, actually. And he brought his hand down,
still linked with Ray's, to touch Ray in the most intimate of places. 

Ray could feel what Benny was doing to him, both from inside and because
his hand was right there... "Benny... oh..." Finally, Benny moved his hand
away, putting more lubricant on Ray's hand, then touching Ray's hand to
his own erection. 

Ray couldn't see, but he didn't need to. Just feeling what they were doing
was enough to send him spiralling dangerously close... "Now, Benny. Do
it... do it now. I don't think I can hold on... much longer." 

Fraser let go of Ray's hand and moved into position behind him. Then, with
the same agonizing slowness that Ray had displayed, Fraser worked himself
into his friend... and just stopped there, just for a minute, absorbing
the sensation. It felt good... Physically it was wonderful, but
emotionally... it was profound, as he had known it would be. He'd never
thought to feel this, to be part of the person he loved this way, and now
it was. Even if they never did this again, it would stay with him forever.
He felt Ray's hand reach for his, and together their hands covered the
detective's flesh, Ray's enclosing his own. 

And then Fraser moved, against and into Ray, still unable to believe that
this was really happening, trying to stay in control for as long as he
could, to imprint every sensation into his brain. And then Ray's hand over
his own moved, indicating that he wanted things to move a little faster.
Fraser caressed Ray faster even as he moved faster, and then he was
falling into light with Ray, drawing Ray after him, feeling Ray's
completion as if from a distance, feeling them become one... 

Ray drew deep breaths even as he felt Benny's movements slow... And then
Benny tried to move away, but Ray grabbed his hand. "No. Not yet." 

"Ray?" Fraser sounded confused, and slightly worried. 

"I just want to... you were right, Benny. About that soul stuff. I feel
it, when you're with me, inside me. And I know I'll always feel it." He
let go of Fraser's hand, and felt an unaccustomed sense of loss when the
Mountie was no longer within his body. He turned around and kissed Fraser
with all the passion he could muster: a hard, hot kiss. "You were so
right, Benny, so right," he said. 

"I love you, Ray," was all his partner could manage. 

"And I love you, Benny. I always will. And I'll always feel you with me,
just as you said." 

"Yes," said Fraser. "We don't *need* to do this again, it'll be with us
forever." 

They were looking deep into each others' eyes, each others' souls. 

"But we will do it again, Benny. Not tonight, or tomorrow, or next week...
But we will. When we need it, need this, again." 

"You have my heart and soul, Ray," Fraser said. "And I know I have yours.
That's all I'll ever need." 

"Too true, Fraser," Ray mumbled, feeling perfectly tired, not fighting it.
What they had done *had* been tiring. "I love you so much." His eyes
closed. 

Fraser looked down at his sleeping friend... partner... lover... and let
all the joy he felt come to the surface. He cried with release, with
relief, with happiness... Then he fell asleep as well, safe in the arms of
the one person who would love him always. 

THE END