herotwo	Standard disclaimers. Due South and all characters herein
belong to Alliance. . .  Snipit of In My heart belongs to Rod
Stewart.Thanks to Linda for beta reading, I appreciate it. Beta you than
me :)  As always, many thanks and blessings to Mary Ann, Ruthie and Bonnie
for continuing to inspire me. Sequal to An Intimate Quandary. Part two of
Holding out for a Hero. Rated NC-17 for M/M/ Slash/ and graphic sexual
scenes, in part to illustrate Ray and Fraser's growing relationship.
Sorry- my sex Muse has run amuck! Never had that happen before!  

HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO II 

By: Amethyst 

  

        Fraser held onto Bonnie's hand as they stepped out of the jeep and
moved toward the small plane that had just landed. The pilot was an
acquaintance of theirs and he waved as he helped the Kowalskis down the
mobile steps. 

         Fraser noticed the  nervous, rigid way that his partner stood as
he watched his Father step out and then his Mother. The expressions
flickering across Ray's face made Fraser smile and tears prick his eyes 
simultaneously. 

        When Barbara Kowalski caught sight of her son she started running
with her arms outstretched and Ray laughed and met her half way. He caught
her up in his arms and whirled her around, surprised at the tears of joy
stinging his eyes. God he had missed them more that he ever thought
possible. 

        "Oh Stanley!" Barbara cried when he set her back on her feet and
she reached up to cradle his face with the tenderness only a Mother could
have. "You get more handsome every time I see you." She ran her hands over
his arms and torso, appreciatively. "Look at you! You finally put on some
weight. Oh it's wonderful, Stanley, simply wonderful." She threw her arms
around him again, as the tears streamed down her face. "I've missed you so
much, sweetheart. Why did you have to move so far away?" 

        "I'm sorry, Mum," he croaked emotionally, blinking at his own
tears. "I've missed you too, very much." 

        They continued to hold each other as though afraid if they let go
the spell would be broken and their meeting would be a dream. Finally, a
hand on his shoulder alerted Ray that he had waited long enough. He
released his Mother, slowly and turned toward his Father. 

"How're you doin' Son?" Damien greeted, gruffly. The older man's eyes were
also suspiciously bright as he extended his hand to Ray. "Hair looks
good." 

        Ray released an ironic chuckle and glanced sheepishly at Fraser,
who smiled at him. "Thanks, Dad," he returned shaking his Father's hand.
Both men stepped back again, almost immediately, as though uncomfortable
at their sudden proximity. 

        "Benton!" Barbara cried and held her arms out for a hug from the
Mountie. 

        Fraser smiled and bent to embrace her, warmly. "Hello Mrs.
Kowalski." 

        "Oh stop such nonsense!" she pinching his arm affectionately.
"Call me Barbara honey, or Mum if you like. Why you're practically family
to our Stanley, so you're kin to us." 

        Fraser was touched by her acceptance. "Thank you kindly, Barbara.
How was your trip?" 

        "Oh, I think we'll need a couple of drinks before we get on that
subject," Damien chuckled and Ray smiled nervously as he rubbed at his
ear. "How are you, Fraser?" 

        "I'm well, Sir," Fraser returned shaking the man's hand. "It's a
pleasure to have you both here." He turned to the girl beside him. "This
is Bonnie, she's staying with us for a little while until my sister Maggie
returns from an assignment in Yellowknife." 

        "Your sister is also a Mountie, right?" Barbara confirmed, then
smiled and extended her hand to Bonnie before Fraser could answer. "It's
very nice to meet you, Bonnie, what a pretty name." 

        "Hello," Bonnie returned quietly and reached a searching hand out
for Ray, who was beside her instantly. "It is nice to meet you." 

        Barbara frowned and pulled her hand back, after it had been
ignored by the child. 

        "Bonnie's blind, Mum," Ray supplied, gently, moving to caress the
child's hair, protectively. "But don't let that bother you, she's awfully
good finding things she's not supposed to." 

        Bonnie lowered her head shyly, a ghost of a smile on her tiny
lips. She had found Ray's stash of candy the other day and confronted him
about lying to her that he didn't have any. He teased her about getting
caught with her hand in the cookie jar and explained that he put them in
his coffee. Besides they were chocolates, not peppermints. 

        "Oh, well...I'm sure we'll all have a nice visit then, Bonnie,"
Barbara amended, quickly. "I hope having two old folks around won't bother
you too much." 

        "No, I collect antiques," Bonnie reported and Ray's eyes widened
in shock as Fraser struggled not to laugh. Damien and Barbara also found
her candor amusing. 

        "I like old things. Or...at least Mama and I used to collect
them." She turned toward Ray who stood beside her. "May we go now?" 

        "Yah, sure," he agreed and set her hand on his arm. He turned to
his folks. "The jeep is over here, we'll stay in town over night then head
to the cabin tomorrow." 

        "Have you eaten, Mr. and Mrs. Kowalski?" Fraser inquired as he,
Ray and Bonnie settled in front with the older couple in the back with
Diefenbaker. "There is a very nice place in town to eat if you would care
for something." 

        "Do they serve alcohol?" Damien inquired and Fraser nodded. 

        "I believe so, yes," he agreed, remembering how many beers Ray had
at the family style pub. 

        "Then pitter patter, let's get at 'er, Son," Damien encouraged.  

________________ 

        After a good meal and a pitcher of beer to loosen the tongue,
Damien told them all about their adventure to Canada. They had almost
missed their plane because Barbara forgot one thing or another three
different times and they had to drive back to the house to retrieve it.
Then they missed their connecting flight in Ottawa, but the flight
attendants had been very helpful and managed to get them on a separate
flight to Tucktyuktuck, where they climbed aboard the small supply plane
to meet Fraser and Ray at the air strip here. Damien had to admit the
scenery was beautiful and that Canadians did make a good beer. 

        Barbara's attention was divided between the young girl beside her
and her son on the other side. She did almost everything one handed, as
she kept a firm grip on Ray's hand throughout their meal. Ray didn't seem
to mind and since he was right handed he had no difficulty eating or
drinking while she held onto his left. 

        Ray limited himself to only two beers, despite his father's
encouragement to drink with him, since Fraser declined. He didn't want to
have something inappropriate slip out during the conversation, like his
feelings for Fraser, for instance. He wasn't sure how his parents would
handle that, and so he and Fraser agreed that they would be careful to try
and avoid showing anything more than friendship for each other. 

        Fraser watched the family scene, fondly as Barbara and Damien
started spinning tales of their son as a youngster and Ray was forced to
listen with patient embarrassment. Even Bonnie was interested and she
smiled a few times, though quickly covered it with her napkin. 

        "Okay," Ray decided having heard enough on that particular
subject. He stood and extended his hand to his Mother as the band started
playing an old time waltz. "May I have this dance?" 

        Barbara giggled and quickly scooted her chair back so she could
rise with him. He led her out to the small floor and pulled her into his
arms, much like Fraser had seen him dance with Stella that time on the
boat, when she was dating Orsini. Barbara seemed so short next to her son
that Fraser couldn't help think how cute they looked. Ray was smiling at
her and she was practically glowing. 

        "So are you and Raymond going to be keeping young Bonnie, then?'
Damien inquired, completely missing the magic of his son and wife dancing.


        Fraser hid his irritation and turned his attention back to the
older man.  "Until my sister arrives back from Yellowknife, yes." 

        Damien smiled at Bonnie, forgetting she couldn't see him. "And how
do you like living with these, two, young lady?" 

        "They are both very good to me," Bonnie replied. 

        "And what do you do all day while they're off chasing criminals?" 

        Bonnie frowned. "They are with me," she stated, puzzled. "I go
where they go." 

        "Ray and I haven't had an assignment in a few months, Mr.
Kowalski," Fraser explained. "We won't be taking any while Bonnie is with
us." Then, to assure the girl she was not a burden to them. "We want to
enjoy the time we have with her and everything else can wait." 

        Bonnie lowered her head, shyly, but seemed pleased with the
comment. 

        "I heard the pilot call my boy Stan earlier, is that what he's
going by now?" Damien snorted, too much liquor making him disagreeable. "I
wish he'd make up his mind, Ray, Stan, Kowalski, Vecchio, it's a wonder he
can remember who we are." 

        This from a man who calls his son one name while his wife calls
him something else all together. Stanley, Raymond, it was no wonder his
partner was so confused some of the time. 

        "Ray graciously agreed to be addressed as Stan while my partner
Ray Vecchio and his wife were here a few weeks ago, to prevent any
confusion as they have the same name," Fraser allowed, carefully. "Dexter,
the pilot, was probably calling him Stan to tease him. Ray only allows
Mrs. Kowalski to call him Stanley and you to call him Raymond, Sir, so I
don't feel it should make a difference what he goes by as long as you
remember that he is your son, don't you agree?" 

        "So how far out is this cabin of yours?" Damien inquired, changing
the subject. 

        "Approximately four and a half hours by jeep, five and a half by
dog sled." 

        "Is that what we'll be ridin' in a sled?" Damien demanded. 

        "No, I have my sister's SUV to take us in," Fraser returned,
calmly. 

        "Oh, what a shame," Barbara commented as they returned to the
table and she caught the last piece of their conversation. "I wanted to
ride in a sled like Stanley has. I never have you know and I thought it
would be quite and adventure. What a shame we won't be going in one." 

        Fraser smiled at her as Ray wandered off out of sight. "I'm sure
we can accommodate you, Mrs. Kowalski," the Mountie assured, catching her
frown and quickly ammending his address. "I mean, Barbara." 

        She smiled forgivingly as Fraser continued. 

        "We have the sled and team at the cabin, Ray or I would be happy
to take you for a ride if you like." 

        Barbara beamed at him. "Oh that would be lovely! Won't that be
fun, Damien, swishing around on the slopes like our Stanley has." 

        "Yes, love, lovely," Damien returned affectionately, his love for
her obvious. 

        This was a woman, that was openly treasured by her husband and son
and Fraser thought it was wonderful. He was quite taken with Barbara
Kowalski himself and he could see where Ray got his incredible energy and
soft heart. Now, if only the Father and son could see eye to eye, what a
great family they would have. Fraser wondered what it would be like to be
a part of such a family, although he had Maggie and now Ray, he couldn't
help want the family he did not experience growing up. 

        "We also have a horse, did Ray tell you?" he inquired, warming to
her instantly. "Do you like to ride, Barbara?" 

        Barbara put a hand to her chest anxiously. "Oh, no!" she
exclaimed, appalled. "I'm scared to death of them. I was so worried when
Stanley wrote and told me he rode one every day, I'm always afraid he'll
fall or the horse will throw him." 

        "Malaki is a very gentle and well trained animal," Fraser
explained gently. "Ray handles him very well and is fast becoming an
expert rider." He indicated Bonnie. "Even Bonnie has ridden him, haven't
you Bonnie?" 

        Bonnie nodded as Ray suddenly appeared behind her and whispered in
her ear. 

        "You're having way too much fun, kiddo," he teased the quiet girl
and she almost smiled. "Stop it right now and eat this ice cream I brought
you." 

        Bonnie's face brightened as she accepted the bowl and spoon from
Ray.  "Thank you," she whispered, shyly and demurely scooped up a spoonful
of the delicious chocolate treat. "You first please?" 

        Ray accepted the offering and patted her shoulder, affectionately.


        "Now the rest is yours, eat up." 

        Bonnie nodded and did as she was told. 

        Ray settled next to his Mother again, who was watching him fondly,
and reached for his beer. He made a face, chocolate ice cream and warm
beer did not mix. He put the beer back down and waved at the waitress. 

        "Coffee?" the woman guessed, since that was what he usually
ordered. 

        "Anyone else want one?" Ray inquired and they all accepted, so he
ordered a round for the table. 

        Barbara launched into another forgotten story about her son and
Ray groaned in defeat and hung his head in his hands, even as he watched
his Mother devotedly. __________________ 

 

        "Weeeeeeeeeee!" Barbara Kowalski cried as Fraser pulled the sled
to a halt outside the cabin. He grinned and pulled back the wraps to help
her out. 

         She had awoken early that morning and found Fraser and Stan were
already up. Fraser mentioned he was going to take the team for a quick run
and she insisted on going, before her husband had even risen from the bed.


        Damien opened the front door and stepped out. 

        "Have a good time did you, love?" he inquired, tenderly as she
clapped her hands together, then turned to give Fraser a bear hug. 

        "Oh it was so much fun, Damien, you should try it!" she exclaimed
moving to kiss him good morning. "Benton started off going very slow, but
I kept telling him to go faster, didn't I Benton?" She continued before
the Mountie could reply. "So we went faster and faster and oh it was
glorious! All that snow was like a big cloud behind us and it was simply
exhilarating and Benton handled the sled very well," She turned to Fraser.
"You really did, very well indeed I was impressed." Back to her husband.
"Not that I know anything about handling a sled but I think he did very
well and it was just wonderful!" 

        Fraser shook his head, he was out of breath just listening to her,
but her husband just took his wife's babbling in stride. 

        "Maybe another time," Damien returned as Fraser unhitched the team
and he drew her into the warmth of the cabin. 

        "Where's Stanley and Bonnie?" she inquired as he helped her off
with her coat and gloves. 

        "I think he's out in the barn somewhere," Damien replied. "The
girl went for a walk with the wolf or something." 

         Barbara frowned. 

        "You think?" she demanded. "How long has he been out there?"
Damien shrugged. "What time did you get up?" 

        "About an hour ago, you've been gone a good while." 

        "I was having fun and Benton was showing me the area," she
explained. "You've been up an hour? What have you done with Stanley?" 

        "I haven't done anything with him," Damien scoffed. "I told you
he's out in the barn." 

        "Didn't you even say good morning to him for heaven's sake!" she
exclaimed in exasperation and poking him in the chest with her finger.
"You are here to bond with your son, Damien Robert!" 

        "I said good morning to him," he defended. "We had a cup of coffee
together, he asked if I wanted breakfast, I told him I wanted to wait
until you got back and then he went out to the barn." 

        "Why didn't you go out there with him?" she asked. "Maybe he could
use help doing...whatever he does out there." 

        Damien shrugged again. "I figured if he wanted my help he would
have asked me for it." 

        "Oh! You're impossible!" Barbara exclaimed, frustrated. "The both
of you are two peas in a pod!" She stormed toward the bedroom. "I'm going
to wash up then make breakfast, go ask your son what he would like to
eat-or can't you do that either?" 

        Damien flinched as she slammed the door. He sighed and grabbed his
coat off the hook. His son and the Mountie walked around without a coat on
half the time, but it was too cold for Damien to do that-even just to walk
the few steps to the barn. 

        He hurried down the cabin steps and across to the building that
housed the animals. He pushed the barn door open, stepped inside and
quickly closed it again as that North wind was hard on his old bones. 

        "Raymond?" he called when he didn't see his son right away. "Are
you in here Son?" 

        "Yah, Dad," Ray's voice responded, a little higher than normal.
"I...I'm in the loft, what did you need?" 

        "You're Mother wants to know what you want for breakfast." 

        "Any...I don't care, whatever she makes is f...fine." 

        Damien frowned and moved closer to the ladder leading up to the
loft. "Raymond are you okay, you sound funny?" 

        "I'm fine just...cleaning up- the dust and stuff gets to me," Ray
called down. "Was that all?" 

        Damien was quiet for a moment. "Did...did you need any help out
here, Son?" 

        "No, no-I'm almost done, really. I'll be inside in a minute." 

        Damien shrugged and left. He'd told Barbara Raymond hadn't wanted
his help, but she wouldn't listen. 
  

        Fraser released the breath he had been holding the moment the barn
door closed and he started giggling. Ray slapped at him, his heart in his
throat and tried to roll away and reach for his jeans. 

        "Hey!" The Mountie protested, grabbing his partner around the
knees and tripping him, so that he fell back atop the hay they were laying
on. "It's impolite not to finish something you started." 

        "You started it!" Ray protested even as the Mountie's naked body
covered his again. "I'm just an innocent bystander here!" 

        "Hmmm," Fraser agreed, grinding their bodies together, intimately.
"You don't strike me as the innocent type." 

        Ray ignored the barb and made a half-hearted attempt to push the
Mountie off of him. "God Fraser, my Dad almost caught us, com'on, this is
too weird!" 

        "You sound like a teenager afraid to get caught necking by his
parents, Ray," Fraser scolded, continuing to kiss his way down Ray's body.
"You're a grown man." 

        "Who they think is heterosexual, Fraser!" Ray reminded and tried
to ignore the anticipation rising within him. "Uhhhhh...we...we agreed
Fraser we....hmmmm...we should stop and....ahhhhh." 

        Fraser was doing that thing to his cock again and Ray's body was
taking on a will of it's own. When the Mountie licked at his hole again he
moaned in a mixture of distress and pleasure. His head twisted from side
to side in a silent denial, even as he rose to meet his partner's invading
mouth. 

"Oh Christ!" Ray whimpered. "Oh fuck why does that feel so good?" 

        Fraser smiled and continued what he was doing, as he wrapped a
hand around Ray's shaft and started to slowly stroke him. Fraser inserted
first one finger then a second, rotating it with the lubricating juice of
his saliva. Ray's legs spread further apart in silent invitation. Fraser
moaned in anticipation and rose to press his errection against the
opening. 

        "I...I can't, Fraser!" Ray cried in a panic when he felt the
Mountie's cock so close to the barrier, his eyes filled with torment and
confusion, "I'm sorry, I...I'm not ready!" 

        "Then do me, Ray," Fraser whispered as he crawled up and claimed
his partner's mouth urgently. "I'll go first, please, Ray. I want to make
love so badly." 

        After a few brief moments, which seemed like an eternity to
Fraser, Ray nodded and the Mountie sighed in relief and gratitude. 

        "Show me," Ray pleaded. "What do I do?" 

        Fraser wasn't at all sure about that himself, but he could figure
out the mechanics. He moved down again and took Ray's cock in his mouth,
while he reached behind and prepared his opening with his own fingers.
Moments later, they were both gasping for breath at the sensations that
rocked them and Fraser quickly positioned himself over Ray's throbbing and
now well lubricated organ. 

        He lowered himself slowly; despite the desire to just thrust
downward. He didn't want to tear himself badly or hurt Ray, so he forced
himself to go painfully slow. When he felt Ray's cock penetrating him he
thought he would pass out with pleasure. So far there was no pain and Ray
seemed okay with what was happening. 

        Ray was gripping Fraser's hips tight enough to leave bruises there
tomorrow, but Fraser didn't seem to care. Part of it was fear, wanting to
stop what the Mountie was doing, but another part of him, the part that
Ray had long since lost control over, was pushing the Mountie further down
on his cock. 

        "Oh God!" he croaked, and threw his head back in ecstasy. It was
so hot and tight, even better than his first time with Stella.
"Does...doesn't that hurt, Ben?" 

        "No," Fraser whispered, shaking his head and Ray opened his eyes
to look at his partner. 

        The Mountie seemed entirely caught up in the joining of their
bodies. The column of his throat was exposed by his head leaning back too
far. The veins on his temple stood out from the exertion of going slow and
his lips were parted in desire.  Sweat glistened on his pale skin and his
expression held the sweetest rapture. Ray had never seen anything more
beautiful. 

        "It feels...wonderful," Fraser finally managed to finish as he
took Ray completely inside him. "Oh God! Oh God Ray, please tell me this
is okay? Tell me you like this too." 

        Ray did like it, more than he ever thought possible. The hot,
tight pressure against his cock was intoxicating and his whole body was
trembling with pleasure. 

        "Yah," he moaned, finally. "Oh yah, Ben, I like this-God help me
this is...I love this." 

        "Then move, Ray," Fraser whispered, urgently as he bent from the
waist to claim Ray's mouth in hungry exploration. "Fuck me, Ray, please!" 

        Hearing the usually moderate Mountie use those words sent Ray over
the edge and he started to move, slowly at first, afraid he might hurt his
partner. Soon, the exquisite feel of being inside Fraser overwhelmed him
and he started to thrust faster and faster until they had to break their
kiss in order to breathe. 

        Ray rolled them over, so he was positioned between Fraser's legs
and could sustain better balance. He continued to thrust into the Mountie
as Fraser grabbed his own swollen cock and started pumping it to match
Ray's rhythm. 

        "Ahhhhhhh!" Ray exclaimed as he felt his orgasm mounting. "Ben
I...I think I'm gonna.....ommmmmmiiiiigggoooddddd!" 

        Fraser came the moment he felt Ray's seed fill him and cried out
in pleasure. 

        Ray pulled out and collapsed to the side of Fraser, breathing
heavily and trembling. 

        "Sweet Christ!" he croaked as Fraser also attempted to catch his
breath and calm his raging body. 

        "Thank you, Ray," he offered, softly, when he could finally speak.
"That was...incredible." 

        "Welcome," Ray muttered and Fraser smiled at his friend's
inability to function for the moment. 

        Finally, they both started to move and quickly cleaned up as best
they could and dressed. They both headed down the ladder and Fraser pulled
Ray back to pull the hay from his hair. Ray grinned and tried to
straighten his partner's clothes. 

        "Damn we look guilty," he decided and Fraser chuckled and tossed
an arm around his shoulders. 

        "We have nothing to be guilty about, " he assured and led his
partner to the cabin. "We're in love." 

        Ray smiled and dipped his head and followed his partner out of the
barn. The met Bonnie and Diefenbaker coming toward them. 

        "Hello, Bonnie," Fraser greeted, as they waited for her by the
door. "How was your walk?" 

        "Diefenbaker found these for me," she explained when she reached
them and holding out the handful of wildflowers. "I thought all the
flowers died in the fall." 

        "Not always," Fraser allowed smiling, as he opened the door. 

        "Ray?" Bonnie asked and  reached for him. 

        "Right here," he assured, grasping her hand as they stepped
inside. 

        "Will you give these to your Mother?" 

        "Why don't you give them to her, she's standing three steps from
the kitchen table, in front of the stove." 

        Bonnie nodded, gave him her light jacket and released Dief's
leash. She walked over to Barbara Kowaski and spoke her name. Barbara
turned and Bonnie presented her with the flowers. 

        "How lovely!" the older woman exclaimed, in delight and gave
Bonnie a hug. "Thank you sweetheart, they're beautiful." She smiled at her
Son as he and Fraser approached. "Do you have something we can put them
in, Stanley?" 

        "I don't know, " Ray returned, calmly. "Have a look in the lower
right hand cupboard Bonnie." 

        Bonnie moved to the selected area and found an old, but clean milk
bottle. She straightened and offered it to Barbara, who was standing next
to her. 

        Barbara smiled at Ray, impressed at the young girl's awareness and
filled the bottle with water to  place her flowers in. She set them on the
table where Damien was seated. 

        "Oh, Stanley, that reminds me, would you go into the bedroom and
bring me out that yellow shopping bag, please?" 

        Ray nodded and went to do as she requested. 

        Fraser stepped up to her and smiled. "May I assist you with
breakfast, Barbara?" 

        "No no," she shooed him away affectionately and checked on the
slices of french toast she was frying. "You and Stanley made dinner last
night, so I'll cook breakfast." 

        Fraser nodded and settled into one of the chairs, opposite Damien.
Bonnie walked up and scooted onto his lap. He picked up her Braile cards
that were on the table and the two began a game of solitare. 

        "Here ya go, Mum," Ray offered, returning with the bag. 

        "Thank you, honey," Barbara smiled as she set the bag on an empty
chair and started to sort through it. "I brought some gifts for you and
Benton, from Chicago." 

        "You didn't have to do that, Barbara," Fraser frowned, but the
older woman just waved a dismissive hand at him. 

        "How can I not come see my baby boy and not bring him a present?"
she chuckled, smiling at Ray, fondly. "Remember when you were little,
sweetheart, every time I went away to visit your cousins or aunts and
uncles I had to bring you back a gift." 

        "Mum, I was a little kid then, I'm not anymore," Ray reminded,
tolerantly. 

        She patted his cheek. "You'll always be my baby, Stanley," she
insisted, then returned her attention to the bag. "Ah, this is for you,
Benton, I hope it fits-I wasn't sure about your size." 

        Fraser accepted the beautiful white and red knitted sweater, in a
star burst pattern around the collar. 

        "This is beautiful, Barbara," he stated, impressed. "Thank you
kindly. Did you knit this yourself?" 

        "That's all she's been doin' since she decided we were comin'
here!" Damien chuckled. 

        Barbara tossed him a smile and returned to her bag. "Try it on,
Benton-if it doesn't fit I brought my yarn with me and I can adjust it." 

        Fraser allowed Bonnie to slip from his lap and stood to remove his
blue flannel shirt. He pulled the sweater on over his T-shirt, delighted
that it was a perfect fit. 

        "Here," Barbara offered him matching mits, a scarf and cap. "These
will keep you warm." 

        Fraser laughed and accepted them, graciously. He was touched by
her generosity, as he hadn't had anyone make him anything like this since
his grandmother passed away. 

        "Stanley, these are for you," Barbara offered her son a similar
set in dark greens and gold. 

         Ray smiled at her and moced in to kiss her cheek. "Thanks Mum." 

         "Bonnie, honey," Barbara caught the girl's hand. "I'm afraid I
didn't have much time after Stanley told me you were staying with him but
I did make you these little boot socks to keep your feet warm and a pair
of mittens." 

        "Thank you very much, Ma'am," Bonnie returned as Fraser helped her
pull off her ankle boots and try on the socks. She smiled at how warm they
made her feet. 

        "And here, Stanley," Barbara continued, pulling out a decorative
tin. "These are for everyone." 

        Ray imediately knew what they were and crowed his pleasure as he
reached for the tin. 

        "You have to try this, Fraser," he insisted as he pulled off the
cover. "It's called Divinity and I gaurentee it will melt in your mouth." 

       Fraser accepted a peice and popped it in his mouth. "Oh my!" he
exclaimed, impressed as teh sweet confection litterally did melt in his
mouth and tanatalize his tastebuds. "Oh, that is good." 

        "Here, Bonnie," Ray offered selecting a piece and handing it to
her. 

        She smiled and accepted it, graciously. 

        Barbara smiled as Ray finally popped a piece of the delecious
treat into his own mouth and rolled his eyes in appreciation. 

        "You always did have such a sweet tooth, Stanley," she teased as
he tossed an arm around her shoulder and kissed her cheek. 

        "Only for your baking, Mum," he assured her. His eyes met Fraser's
and gazes acknowledged they were both thinking about sharing the treat
later in a very intimate way. 
   

___________________ 

        "Stanley!" Barbara called from the back door. She had been outside
with Bonnie. "Come here, we have something to show you." 

        Ray set his book down on the kitchen table and rose. He and Fraser
had convinced his Father to play a game of cards after breakfast, and then
Fraser took him out to the shed behind the cabin to show him the old truck
of his Father's. Ever on the look-out for a new project, Damien started
puttering around with the automobile as Bonnie and Barbara went for a walk
outside. 

        "What is it, Mum?" he asked, stepping just outside the doorway. 

        "Now Bonnie!" Barbara cried and moments later, Ray was bombarded
by snowballs on either side. Realizing he had been set up, Ray could do
nothing but try and shield himself with his hands and laugh in surprise. 

        They had built a small snow bank right in front of the door and
Ray now tripped over it in an attempt to get away, even as his laughter
rang through the air. 

        "He's over honey!" Barbara called. "Let's get him!" 

        The mound of snow at Ray's feet had been a way for Bonnie to find
him, and the moment her boots hit it she dove atop him, along with
Barbara. Ray only made a half hearted attempt to get away from them as
they tried to shove snow down his shirt. 

        "Fraser!" he shrieked in between his giggles. "Help! I'm being
attacked by munchkins!" 

        Fraser and Damien hurried around to the front of the cabin and
stared in surprise. Damien could only scowl, but Fraser joined the tirade,
he walked over and tried to rescue his poor snow covered partner. Barbara
Kowalski boldly reached around her son and hauled the Mountie off his
feet, continuing to throw snow at him as Bonnie was doing to Ray. 

        Fraser managed to get a grip on the girl's waist and pulled her
off of Ray and over on top of him, laughing when she squealed and squirmed
to escape. 

         "Fraser, she's laughing!" Ray declared in shock as he shook the
snow from his hair. 

        Fraser grinned happily and allowed Bonnie to escape. 

         Ray caught her and pulled her down with him, tickling her. 

        "Is this what it takes?" he teased her through her laugher. "I
gotta get beat up to get ya to laugh? Huh? Is that it, Missy?" 

        "I love you, Ray," she giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck
and hugging him hard. 

        Fraser rose and helped a grinning Barbara to her feet as Damien
joined them to regard the two left in the snow. 

        "You...Bonnie, why did you say that?" Ray asked, his heart was
beating so fast it was physically starting to hurt. 

        "Because it is true," she stated solemnly. "And you love me,
because you save me and take care of me, like my Mama and Papa did,
right?" 

        Ray nodded and pulled her close again. "Oh yeah, "he assured,
softly. "I love you, Bonnie and I will take care of you for as long as I'm
allowed to." 

        Barbara sniffed suspiciously as Fraser knelt next to them. 

        "Bonnie, you know you may not be allowed to stay with us, don't
you?" he asked, wanting her to understand the situation and not be
disappointed later. 

        "I know, because you are two men and there is no woman to care for
me," she agreed, and reached for him. "But I love you as much, Benton. If
I stay or go, I will never forget you and Ray. I will never stop loving
you and Ray. Is that okay?" 

        "That's better than okay, Bonnie," Fraser accepted and returned
her hug, as Ray wiped discretely at his eyes. "That's a gift from
Heaven-just like you."	

_________________ 

 
 

         Barbara opened the door of the barn quietly and stepped inside.
She noticed her son spent an awful lot of time out here and she couldn't
see what all he could be doing. 

        Fraser had fixed a nice lunch of chicken and rice. Afterwards, he
settled down to play cards with Bonnie, using a special deck. Damien
booked off to take a nap and Barbara had gone with him, but found she
couldn't sleep. She left the bedroom and her sleeping husband, waved off
Fraser's offer to assist her with anything and went in search of her son. 

        "Stanley?" she inquired, as she cautiously approached the stall
that housed the large black Arabian, where her son stood. 

        Another horse, a deep brown thoroughbred was in a connecting stall
and was munching on the oats that Ray had just given her. That was
Maggie's horse, Ray had told her. 

        "I thought you were gonna take a nap, Mum?" Ray returned as he
finished saddling the animal. 

        "I...I was but I couldn't sleep," she explained and took a
startled step backwards when Malaki sneezed and clopped around in the
stall, anxious to be free for their ride. "Oh...are...are you going out
on...on him, honey?" 

        "Yah, I like to take a ride in the after noon, when it's nice," he
replied, pulling saddle straps tighter and adjusting the equipment level
on the horse's back. 

        "Oh...oh Stanley I wish you wouldn't..." Barbara admitted, putting
her hand to her throat, worried. 

        "I've ridden hundreds of times, Mum," Ray assured, trying to calm
her. "It's okay, I bet even you could ride..." 

        "Oh no!" Barbara refused with a nervous giggle and taking another
step back. "I'm an old dog you can't teach new tricks too, honey." 

        Ray smiled and stepped out of the stall. "Com'on, you'll like it.
Stella was here a couple of weeks ago and she had a blast riding Malaki.
I'll go real slow, I promise-I'd never let anything happen to ya, Mum." 

        Barbara reached up to cradle his face. "I know you wouldn't,
Stanley," she agreed, and cast a cautious glance at the horse. "Are you
sure he's tame?" 

        "Mum, Diefenbaker could ride this horse," Ray chuckled and she
smiled. "So you'll ride with me?" She nodded. "Greatness!" 

        She stepped back quickly. "Oh...not right now though!" she laughed
nervously. "Maybe...maybe you should ask your Father if he would like to
go?" 

        "He's sleeping," Ray returned, quietly. 

        "He's slept long enough and I'm sure he would enjoy it." Barbara
touched his arm endearingly, sensing her son's doubts. "He was telling
Benton how much he liked the look of your horse, called him a fine animal
and everything." 

        "Malaki's Fraser's horse, Mum, and Dad will say no ...." 

        "I'll just go get him," Barbara decided and headed off. 

        Surprisingly Damien agreed to go, but only if Barbara went with
them. She needled him about being afraid to be alone with their son, but
Damien didn't comment. He had ridden before, much to Ray's shock, so
Fraser agreed to saddle Morningstar for him. 

        Barbara talked her way out of going and the two men set off. 

        Ray kept to a trot, in deference to his father, and led the older
man to the few scenic areas that were located along Fraser's property. He
explained that the land was a sanctuary for wild life, to cover the tense
silence that was usually between them. 

        "You hunt much up here, Stanley?" Damien inquired as the rode. 

        "Yes, Sir," Ray replied. He was surprised by the question, his
Father usually didn't ask him much of anything. "When we need the meat,
not for sport, though." 

        Damien nodded "You must be a good shot then, hey?" 

        Ray shrugged. "I can hit my mark most times," he lowered his eyes,
sheepishly. "When I remember to wear my glasses." 

        Damien chuckled. "You were always bad about that, Son," he agreed.
"Always conveniently leavin' 'em somewhere so ya wouldn't have to wear
them." 

        Ray nodded and adjusted his sun glasses, in deference. He didn't
mind wearing them anymore. 

        "Fishin' must be good up here then?" Damien asked. 

        "Oh yah!" Ray agreed, eagerly. "I was never much for fish before,
I mean I liked fishin' just didn't care to eat it." 

        "Yah, I remember," Damien nodded. 

        "The fish they get here is mostly a white fish, real good,
especially halibut and cod." Ray smirked. "I think it's because the
water's cleaner than in Chicago-makes everything tastes better." 

        "When ya comin' home, Son?" Damien demanded quietly, keeping his
gaze toward the horizon. 

        Ray dipped his head and then raised his eyes to look everywhere
but at the man beside him. 

        "I don't know," he admitted. 

        "Your Mother misses you." 

        "I miss her too." 

        "Then come stop this nonsense and come home," Damien insisted. 

        Ray glanced at him, startled. "This isn't nonsense, Dad," he
protested. "This...I like being here. I needed a break from all the crap
in Chicago...all the bad stuff..." 

        "Which I warned you about when you said you were gonna be a cop,"
Damien interceded, gruffly. 

        Ray sighed in frustration. "I'm not talkin' about just work, Dad,"
he stated. "I...there was too much...there were too many memories there,
like Stella and...and I just wanted to do something....different and
exciting." 

        "So, you had an adventure. Now it's time to grow up and take care
of your responsibilities, son." 

        "What responsibilities, Dad?" Ray demanded, confused. "Stell's got
a new husband and we had no kids. Anyone could take my place at work and I
don't have anyone else to worry about but you and Mum. You guys spend most
of your time traveling, so why should I stay in Chicago?" 

        "It's your home." 

        "Maybe...maybe this is my home now," Ray confessed before he could
stop himself. 

        Damien was quiet for a long time and Ray watched his father's jaw
harden in anger and disappointment. 

        "Your Mother wants you to come home," he stated, flatly. 

        But do you? Stan wanted to scream at him. Do you give a damn one
way or the other? He shook his head-it didn't matter because he was
staying here with Fraser. 

        "I'll try to come for a visit..." he offered and Damien barked at
him. 

        "A visit! Chicago is your home, not this Godforsaken place! You're
an American, Raymond!" 

        "I know who I am!" Ray insisted, "I'm not a child off on summer
camp, this is my life here, I'm a grown man and..." He lowered his voice,
respectively. "Living here doesn't change who I am, Dad. It's just..." 

        "I thought you were some kind of fancy horseman, there, Son?"
Damien inquired, changing the subject before the conversation became too
personal. "Let's see how you handle that animal." He spurred Morningstar
into a fast gallop and left Ray behind. 

        Ray stared after him with exasperation and respect then quickly
followed.  

________________ 

        Barbara sat on the sofa, with her bag of knitting and watched Ray
teaching Bonnie how to dance. Fraser and Damien were having a game of
chess and Diefenbaker was curled up at Fraser's feet. 

        Ray had put on some soft music, that carried a moderately easy
beat for Bonnie to follow. He had been so happy she had finally opened
enough to laugh that when she asked him to teach her to dance he had been
eager to do so. 

        His touch was ever present on the young girl, to give her balance
in her world of darkness. He would hold either of her hands, or offer a
light touch on her arm or shoulder, to guide her when they danced apart to
the faster rhythm. Bonnie stumbled a few times or lost her step, but Ray
just caught her and they would start again. 

        She was giggling at her own efforts, especially when she would
step wrong and accidentally knock into her dance partner. Ray would tease
her about having to charge for the lessons if she continued to abuse him,
then continue. He would spin her under his arm, move either in front of
her or behind to show her the pattern of steps. 

        Barbara watched them, affectionately, her knitting needles
clicking away with her barely having to glance at them. 

        "I am dancing!" Bonnie exclaimed when she performed a series of
steps exactly right and Ray applauded her. 

        "You certainly are, sweetheart," Barbara smiled. "You dance simply
beautifully." 

        "Ray is a good teacher, yes?" 

        "The best," Fraser called from his position at the kitchen table,
missing the frown that Damien tossed at him. Fraser's affection showed in
his voice and he was very proud of Ray's patience with the young girl. 

        Bonnie nodded and reached for Ray. "You will teach me to jiggle
now?" 

        "To what?" Ray laughed. 

        "To jiggle..." she made a few jerky movements. "Is that not
right...to dance like that." 

        "Jive!" Ray chuckled. "I don't know if I remember how to do that,
Bonnie-that's a pretty complicated dance." 

        Bonnie frowned, disappointed. "So I cannot learn that dance,
then?" 

        "No, no," Ray assured. "We can try, just another time, I'll have
to sit down and figure out how to teach you. It's a series of really fast
steps, and I don't even know if I remember them all. But we'll try, I
promise." 

        That seemed to satisfy Bonnie and she stifled a yawn. 

        "I think it is my bed time," she decided maturely. 

        They had all had a long day and the sun had set hours ago. 

        "Would you like me to come and tuck you in, honey?" Barbara
inquired in Motherly fashion. 

        "No thank you," Bonnie declined politely, then turned toward Ray,
whose hand she still held. "Will you come in when I am ready?" 

        Ray was surprised that she wanted him to tuck her in, at eleven he
didn't think girls liked that sort of thing. 

        "Um...sure," he agreed. 

        "And Benton," she instructed. "So I may say good night." 

        Oh, okay, now Ray understood. Bonnie wished Barbara and Damien a
good night then Ray watched her walk to her room, Diefenbaker appearing
beside her. Less then five minutes later she called that she was ready. 

        Fraser and Ray exchanged a curious glance and the Mountie rose to
follow Ray to Bonnie's room. They pushed the blanket aside and stepped
over the threshold, the lamp from the other room leaving enough light for
them to still see the girl sitting in her bed, with her night clothes on.
Dief was already curled up at her feet. 

        "Sweet dreams, Bonnie," Fraser offered, bending to receive her hug
and kiss good night. 

        "Good night, Benton," she returned, hugging him hard and smiling.
"Thank you for letting me stay with you." 

        "You're very welcome." 

        Bonnie held her arms out for Ray, who traded places with Fraser. 

        "Night, kiddo," he said gently, touched that she would want to
kiss both of them good-night-she hadn't done that before. Perhaps this was
a break through. 

        "Good night, Ray," she returned and kissed his cheek. "Ray,
you....you are very good to me. You and Benton both, I...I wish I could
stay with you always." 

        Ray hugged her again. "Me too, Bonnie," he whispered, honestly.
"You're the sweetest girl I've ever met, I'd like it if we could be
permanent, but..." 

        "I know, " she sighed. "People would not let me stay because you
and Benton love each other." 

        Fraser and Ray exchanged a startled glance. 

        "You...you understand about that, Bonnie?" Ray asked, surprised. 

        "Yes, my Mama and Papa had friends that loved each other like you
and Benton," Bonnie explained. "She said it is good to love others, no
matter who they are, because love can never be a bad thing." 

        "You're Mother must have bee  a very wonderful and inspring woman,
Bonnie," Fraser offered kindly. 

        "And...and it doesn't bother you, Bonnie?" Ray inquired. "Me and
Fraser...like that?" 

        She shook her head. "I cannot see you with my eyes, but I can hear
the love you have for each other." She smiled shyly. "I can hear the love
you have for me. That is why I would stay. I do understand why people will
not let me, Mama said that is called ignorance." 

        Ray smiled and pulled the covers over her as she snuggled down
with Diefenbaker. "You are a very intelligent young lady, Bonnie," he said
and she beamed with pleasure." He reached over to pet the wolf as well.
"Don't let her have any bad dreams, Boy," he instructed and Dief moved
closer to Bonnie protectively. 

        Bonnie smiled and wrapped her arms around him as Stan and Fraser
rose and left the room. 

  

        Later that evening, Barbara Kowalski quietly tiptoed out of the
bedroom and moved toward the kitchen for a glass of milk. Her stomach was
a little upset from eating too much of the delicious meal her son had made
for supper. He and Damien had been quiet when they returned from their
ride and Barbara wondered if they had quarreled. She doubted it. Stanley
usually went out of his way not to argue with his Father. Still, she
wondered what they had talked about and her husband would only say that
Stan and he had a nice chat and a good ride, but nothing more. 

        She pulled out a small cup from the cupboard filled it half full
with milk from the cooler. She drank it down, then quickly washed up the
cup, dried it and put it back in the cupboard. She headed back toward the
bedroom, but paused to glance over at the two sleeping forms in the living
area. 

        She couldn't see how sleeping in those bags could possibly be
comfortable, but both her son and Fraser were sound asleep. She couldn't
resist walking over and kneeling down behind her son, as he lay on his
stomach with his head on his pillow, turned away from her. 

        "Such a darling boy," she whispered, unaware that she had awaked
Fraser the moment she had stepped out of the bedroom, but the Mountie
awarded her privacy by keeping his eyes closed. "Oh Stanley, when did my
baby boy grow up to be such a fine and handsome man? You make me feel old.
You don't need me anymore and that takes getting used to, sweetie." She
sighed and caressed Stan's hair with a feather-light touch. "I miss you so
very much, Stanley." 

        With another sigh, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "Sweet
dreams, honey." She smiled down at him fondly, then carefully stretched
over her son to kiss Fraser's cheek as well. "You too, Benton. Thank you
for taking such good care of my son." 

        Fraser waited until he heard her footsteps return to the bedroom
then opened his eyes and touched his cheek where she had kissed him. He
smiled and turned toward his partner, who was still sleeping soundly,
unaware of his Mother's confession.  

______________ 

        Damien opened the door of the bedroom the following morning and
stepped out. He halted in shock at the vision of his son in a deep,
passionate embrace with the Mountie, and they were kissing. 

        "Raymond!" he barked in outrage and both men broke apart,
startled. 

        Ray's's eyes widened in horror but Fraser could only lower his
gaze discretely. 

        "Dad!" he croaked. "I...I thought you were still asleep." 

        Damien Kowalski looked past his son's frantic expression to the
Mountie behind him. "What the hell have you done to my boy, you Canadian
son of a bitch!" 

        Fraser met the man's gaze, calmly and remained silent. 

        Ray stepped forward. "Dad it's not like that I..." He stumbled
backwards from the force of the blow his Father delivered across his
cheek. 

        Fraser caught him and took a step toward Damien Kowalski angrily,
but Ray waved him back and wiped the blood from his lip. 

        "It sure as hell looks just like that, Raymond," Damien stated,
angrily. "What's he done to ya, Son? How could ya let this happen? I know
you were upset about Stella, Raymond but this is insane!" 

        "Dad, this isn't about Stella," Ray insisted, his expression
filled with torment. "Please let me explain it's..." 

        "How dare you invite us here while you're havin'...." Damien
gestured rudely at Fraser. "While you're havin' him for Godsakes!" 

        "Damien what is going on?" A sleepy-eyed Barbara inquired from the
doorway of the room. 

        Damien glanced back to her, blocking Ray from her line of vision.
"Get your things, Barbara, we're leaving." 

        "What?" she exclaimed, surprised. "Damien what on earth is going
on?" 

        "No!" Ray refused adamantly and moved toward his Father,
determined. "I don't care what you think but you're not gonna take my
Mother away from me again. I'm not gonna let ya do it, Dad, I'm not!" 

        "Now see here...." Damien blustered, surprised that Ray was
standing up to him. This was the second time his son went against him, the
only other time was when he joined the police academy. "We won't stay here
in this...this den of sin one minute longer! We're leaving. Barbara get
you things together I said." 

        "Mum!" Ray cried, trying to see his Mother, but his respect for
his Father, and perhaps a small measure of fear that the man would strike
him again, made him unwilling to push past the older man to get to her.
"Mum let me explain, don't listen to him, please!" He wiped at the tears
that had started streaming down his cheeks and actually dropped to his
knees to plead with his Father. "Dad, don't do this, please. I'm begging
ya! Don't go away and leave me alone again! Mum stay, please don't let him
take you from me!" 

        Damien was surprised when his wife physically shoved him out of
the doorway and rushed toward her frantic son. She bent to her knees
before him, wrapped her arms around him and tried to calm his fears. 

        "Hush, baby," she soothed rocking him gently in her arms. "Mum's
here, sweetheart-I promised I'd never leave you again and I meant it.
Don't cry, Stanley, Mum's here." 

        "Don't go," Ray sobbed as he clung to her tiny frame, which was
much stronger than it looked as she supported him easily.  "Please, Mum- I
love you, don't leave me again. I'm sorry I moved so far away. I'm sorry I
joined the academy and screwed things up with Stella. I'm sorry for
everything I did to disappoint ya, and for bein' damaged, but please don't
leave like this. Not again, please not again." 

        Fraser blinked at the tears in his eyes and tried to contain his
fury for Damien Kowalski.  Ray had never indicated that his parent's
initial abandonment of him after he joined the police academy had scared
him so terribly. 

        Now, because Fraser had been unable to resist giving Ray a good
morning kiss, the same thing was threatening to happen. Ray would be
abandoned by his parents a second time, the two people he loved more than
anything else in this world. 

        "You've misunderstood the situation, Mr. Kowalski," he insisted,
coolly. "I was merely demonstrating a technique known as 'buddy breathing'
to Ray. It's a tool used widely in cases where people are in danger of
drowning. I was simply showing him how to perform it because our next
assignment may involve a good deal of underwater retrieval and I did not
wish to shock him should the need arise to use the procedure. As you know,
your son is not the strongest swimmer." 

        Ray raised his watery gaze toward the Mountie, surprised that he
was willing to lie to protect Ray's reputation in front of his parents. 

        "That's a load of crap!" Damien barked. "I know kissin' when I see
it and you two were awfully damn close to be performin' some kind of first
aid!" 

        Barbara caught her son's face in her hands and turned him back to
face her. "Is that what this is about, Stanley? Were you and Benton
kissing?" 

        Ray's eyes again moved toward the Mountie. Fraser's gaze seemed to
encourage Ray to agree and continue the lie, but Ray couldn't, no he
wouldn't lie to his Mother about what he felt for Fraser. That would be
betraying the love he felt for both of them. He took a deep breath and
nodded, unable to force the words past the baseball sized lump in his
throat. 

        Barbara released her son and Ray fell back on his heels with a
groan of despair. Barbara walked up to Fraser and slapped him hard across
the face. "That's for lying!" she decided angrily. "My Stanley told me you
never lie. I won't have you start to protect him and I won't stand for
being lied to by anyone, even a Mountie. Is that understood." 

        "Yes' ma'am," Fraser returned, quietly. 

        "Are you and my son in a relationship?" 

        "Yes ma'am," Fraser replied, glancing at his partner,
remorsefully. 

        "Is it sexual?" she demanded. 

         Fraser refused to answer, his gaze locked on Ray, who had finally
risen to his feet in defeat. He wouldn't lie, but he wouldn't betray his
partner either. 

        "Yes," Ray admitted quietly, surprising them both. "I love Ben,
Mum." He glanced at his Father and flinched at the look of disgust the
older man shot him. "I'm sorry Dad, but I do. I...I was screwed up after
Stella, I admit that. But...this is different and I...I'm happy with Ben,
being...being like this." 

        "He's corrupted you, Raymond," Damien insisted, angrily. "Hauling
you out here in the middle of nowhere, forcing you to depend on him. Don't
you see it was all a part of his nefarious plan." 

        Ray released a chuckle of disbelief. "Dad, Fraser doesn't have a
nefarious bone in his body. He's the most honest, kindest, warmest, naive
when it comes to people, person I have ever met. He finds the good in
everybody, Dad, like he did with me. He...he even found something in me
worthwhile, that he thought was good and...and special." 

        "You are good and special, Stanley," Barbara stated, frowning. 

        Ray shook his head. "No, Mum. I...I never felt that way...I...I
never liked myself until I met Fraser and I...I started becoming a better
person." 

        "There was nothing wrong with the way you were!" Damien insisted,
gruffly, perhaps surprised at his son's confession. " 

        "There had to be, Dad!" Ray exclaimed. "Don't ya see? Stella left
me, even my own parents didn't want to be around me. How could there not
be something wrong with me?" 

        "Stanley it wasn't like that..." Barbara protested but her husband
interrupted, angrily. 

        "At least you weren't a god damned faggot! 

        Fraser watched the stricken look that passed over his partner's
face and the urge to physically strike Damien Kowalski became even
stronger. 

        "I don't care what you call me," Ray muttered. "C...call me a
queer or a fag or a pervert, whatever ya want but I'm still your son and I
can't stop feelin' this way anymore that I could cut off my own arm!" 

        "The Mountie's confused you...." Damien protested. 

        "No, he's opened my eyes, Dad," Ray insisted and looked at Fraser
with eyes shimmering with love and tears. "Everyone always wanted to leave
me, even my family. Fraser's done everything he could to stay with me, he
gave up his other partner and best friend for me. He...he's put his life
on the line for me more times than I could count and always, always stood
up for me in front of everyone else, even Stella and no one stands up to
Stella." 

        "So he took advantage of you when ya were in a vulnerable state,"
Damien retorted, determined to show his son the error of his ways. "He's
tryin' to take all he can from ya..." 

        Ray shook his head and glanced around the cabin affectionately. 

        "Fraser opened his home to me, Dad. He let me arrange it the way I
wanted, so I would feel comfortable here. He didn't have to do that,
that's not the act of a selfish person, or a person that has some hidden
plan. Everything I am I owe to him. Everything I feel...even the way I
feel about myself is due to his love and friendship and I won't deny that
I feel the same for him. Not for you and Mum, not for anyone-not anymore."


        There was a long moment of silence then finally, Barbara nodded
and walked back into the bedroom without another word. Damien shot Fraser
an accusing glance then followed and closed the door behind them. 

        "Ray, I'm so sorry," Fraser offered, moving toward his partner. He
was only mildly surprised when Ray took a step backwards and avoided him. 

        "Not your fault," he refused, wrapping his arms around himself and
shaking his head. "My fault, Fraser-I shouldn't have...I should have been
straight with them." He gave a self depreciating chuckle at his words.
"Yah, I should have been straight with them all right-oh God what a screw
up." 

       "Ray you're not a screw up," Fraser insisted angrily. He thought
they'd gotten past Ray blaming himself for eerything that happened under
the sun. "This was just bad timing. I'm sure once your Father calms down
he'll accept this side of you and..." 

        Ray shook his head. "No, no, Fraser, you don't know my Dad.
He...he holds on to this kind of stuff. When...when you disappoint Damien
Kowalski by God he makes sure you pay for it." He shivered as though a
sudden chill had swept through his body and he folded his arms closer. 

        "What is happening?" a groggy Bonnie inquired from the doorway of
her room. 

        "Bonnie, go back into your room and get dressed," Fraser insisted,
gently. "I'll be in to explain in a moment." 

        "Ray sounds strange, is he okay? I thought I heard him crying." 

        "I...I'm fine, Bonnie, do...do as Fraser said, honey," Ray
requested and Bonnie did as she was told, with Dief returning inside the
room with her. 

         Ray's teeth was chattering but Fraser suspected it was from fear
and not from cold, since the cabin was reasonably warm. "F...first I...I
drop out of school and throw his h...hard work for my c...college
education back in his face, t...then I fail with my m...marriage and
n...now..." 

        "Ray?" Fraser asked, concerned as he watched his partner's hands
continue to massage and grip his chest. "Ray, calm down..." 

        "Ben," Ray whimpered as he raised fearful eyes toward his partner.
"I...it hurts, Ben I think...I think I'm havin' a heart...." 

        He dropped so suddenly that Fraser was actually shocked immobile
for an instant. 

        "Ray!" the Mountie cried in alarm and rushed forward to
immediately. Having heard the noise of Ray's body hitting the floor,
Damien and Barbara bolted from the bedroom. 

        "What's happened to him!" Damien demanded as Barbara cried out for
her son and rushed to his side. 

        "He's having a heart attack," Fraser stated, grimly. He placed two
fingers at Ray's neck and shook his head, before ripping open Ray's shirt
and beginning CPR. "No, Ray. Stay with me, please!" 

        "Stanley!" Barbara cried as she watched the Mountie work to save
their son.  

_________________ 

 

        Fraser watched over his partner, diligently for the text two days.
They had been in luck that a rescue chopper had been near by retrieving
some lost hunters when the S.O.S emergency came over the radio. Fraser had
actually snapped at Damien to use the instrument to call for help, while
he continued to try and resuscitate Ray. His fear turning to anger in an
instant when he looked at the man who had caused his friend and lover so
much turmoil. 

        Damien Kowalski had been stunned immobile as he stared at his son
lying on the floor, possibly dead. Barbara was beside herself and could
not leave Ray's side, as she gripped her son's hand so tightly her
knuckles turned white. 

         Bonnie exited her room, dressed and with Diefenbaker walking
beside her. She moved easily to the desk that held the radio and found the
switches that were required to transmit. Ray had showed her the instrument
the first day she had arrived, in case she ever needed or wanted to talk
to someone in town. Fraser was very proud of the young girl's ability and
diligence in the face of adversity. 

        Damien had been unaware that he had been holding his breath until
he saw Raymond's chest finally begin to rise and fall on it's own. He had
turned his attention to the Mountie that had breathed precious life into
his son and was startled and slightly ashamed to see the usually
infallible Mountie was crying. 

        Fraser had allowed a single tear of relief to escape down his pale
cheek as he smoothed a shaky hand over his partner's brow. Ray was still
unconscious, and that could be a bad sign, but at least he was breathing. 

        The chopper could be heard outside, moments later and they all
piled inside the large rescue craft. They were flown to one of the larger
towns, that had a good hospital and Fraser called Ira to inform him of the
situation the moment Stan had been wheeled into ICU. 

        Now, hours later, he sat beside his partner's bed, he had not
moved other than to go to the washroom or get a coffee to keep himself
awake. Ira and Jayad had driven up and were in and out of the room
regularly, while trying to make sure that the Kowalskis and Fraser got
rest and something to eat while they waited. 

        Damien had not spoken since Ray's heart attack and he hardly came
to see his son at all, unless Fraser had left the room for a few minutes.
Instead, he remained in the waiting area outside with the two natives.
Barbara spent most of her time in the room with Fraser, only leaving to go
to the bathroom or take a short nap to recoup some of her strength. 

        Fraser had plenty of time to think about all the things he had
done wrong that could have caused his partner's heart attack. The doctor
had said that Ray was quite healthy for someone his age and he had found
no abnormalities that might have caused the heart attack. It was rare that
someone had a heart attack when they were healthy and had no significant
condition to relate the attack to. 

        Ray had not complained of any discomfort, but then, Ray usually
kept his ailments to himself until they became almost life threatening.
The Doctor has asked if Ray had been experiencing any chest pains or
physical discomfort before the attack, but Fraser had not known of any.
However, the Doctor also assured that there had been incidents of athletes
dropping dead of a heart attack, with only stress and exhaustion being the
noticeable factor. 

        Ray was not an athlete and he had not seemed exhausted, but he had
been under considerable stress and for that, Fraser accepted the blame.
There were so many things he could have done differently but didn't. To
begin with, he never should have invited Ray to stay in Canada with him
after their quest for Muldoon. Fraser had known then that he was in love
with Ray, but his friend had seemed so lost and lonely, what else could he
do but continue their partnership anyway possible? Besides, Fraser would
not trade their time together for anything. 

        Secondly, he should have insisted that Ray and Stella stay in
town, instead of with them. He knew that Ray did not get along with Ray
and that his partner still had feelings for his ex-wife.  He was sure that
Ray would have understood, but manners had forced Fraser to invite them to
stay, despite Ray's misgivings. However, he also knew that if he had
settled the Vecchio's in town, he and Ray would have needed to go with
them so Fraser and Vecchio could visit. Fraser could have limited Ray's
contact with them, but then his partner would have felt left out and hurt.


        Then, poor Artemis was killed and Ray lost his beloved pet that he
had worked so hard to train and care for. Fraser didn't know what he would
ever do if he lost Dief, and he had come close a few times. Ray's grief
from the hawk's death ran deep and yet Fraser forced it aside and insisted
they see to Stella and Ray, first-it was only polite since they were their
guests. 

        Of course, when Ray started to suspect, through the comments of
others, that what he felt for Fraser was more than friendship, Fraser
shouldn't have played the innocent and confused Ray more. He had been
cowardly and evasive and that only seemed to increase Ray's misgivings
about what he might be feeling. Fraser had been scared to admit what he
was feeling, he was sure that Ray was just looking for a way out and so he
continued to offer it to him. Yet, this only increased Ray's frustration
and Fraser could only imagine his partner's confusion at being intimate
one minute and asked to leave the next. 

        Pressuring Ray to accept Bonnie into their home had also added to
stress level. As well as the little girl was doing with them, Ray was
obsessing about not being able to take care of her, of doing something
wrong and he was over exerting himself trying to relieve some of Bonnie's
sadness and grief. Fraser also knew that he should have listened to Ray
and not invited the Kowalski's to come for a visit. However, the joy that
Ray must have felt at seeing his parents again was unrivaled and Fraser
could not easily dispel his decision to have them come to Canada. 

        All of this, everything that had happened to put a strain on Ray's
emotional well being was due to Fraser's upbringing of being the polite
and perfect host to any and all whom needed him. His cursed his etiquette
and impeccable manners had gotten in the way of what was best for Ray and
he almost lost his partner because of that. Fraser decided he would not
allow such a thing to happen again, manners be damned. He would do
whatever was best for Ray and no more would he put his friend's feelings
aside to perform how etiquette demands. 

        "Benton," she inquired as she entered the room, holding two
coffees from the cafeteria. "Here, honey." 

        Fraser accepted the cup gratefully and sat up straighter in his
chair. Mrs. Kowalski had been wonderfully supportive of her son and Fraser
during this time and he was grateful to her. 

        She smiled and settled on her son's bed, setting her own coffee on
the locker beside it so she could hold Ray's hand. 

        "He always looks so peaceful when he sleeps," she commented,
wistfully. "Just like an angel, really. But, I always knew he had the
devil in him, such a mischief maker he was." She smiled. "He kept us on
our toes when he was younger, that's for sure, but we only loved him more
for it." 

        Fraser smiled and stared into his cup. "He loves you both very
much. He only ever wanted to protect you from anything unpleasant." 

        "I know, I think he has always been like that, even when he was a
boy he'd try to deal with bullies or his learning disability on his own to
avoid telling us anything that he thought might upset us. " Barbara shook
her head. "Do you know we never knew there was any trouble with he and
Stella until she called to tell us they were getting a divorce-Stanley
never said a word." 

        "I wasn't aware that Ray had a learning disability," Fraser
commented, curious. 

        Although, he had always suspected his partner might be slightly
deficient in the area of grammar and literature, it was not overly
important enough to Fraser to learn why. Every now and then Ray would make
a comment or say a paragraph that would make the most prestigious scholar
proud, so Fraser was sure his partner was not illiterate. Either way, he
accepted Ray as he was and he didn't expect everyone to be as well
educated as he had been. Ray was just as intelligent without a vast
vocabulary and a million facts imbedded in his brain. 

        "Well, I wouldn't call it a disability, and we certainly didn't
think of it as a disorder when he was young," Barbara explained. "But
nowadays so many things about children and the types of problems they
experience have been properly explored and I've realized that Stanley had
what they now call Attention Deficit Disorder." 

        "Ahh," Fraser agreed-he had noticed that himself. 

        Barbara sighed. "It was almost impossible for him to keep his mind
on something, he had a terrible time in school, always day dreaming.
Damien told him he was lazy and he needed to try harder and stop fooling
around." She shook her head as she reached up to caress Ray's cheek and
her voice weakened to a guilty whisper. "We never knew it was a real
condition...so we pushed him harder than we should have. Damien called him
stupid and complained about having a damaged son, but he didn't mean it-he
was just frustrated that he thought Stanley wasn't trying his best." She
smiled. "Stanley proved he wasn't stupid though, he graduated at the top
of his class at his academy for the police department-Stella told us so." 

        Fraser nodded. Now he understood the reference Ray had made during
their adventure with the Henry Allen. I may be damaged but I'm not stupid,
was what Ray had told him and Fraser hadn't understood what he meant at
the time. He didn't see Ray as damaged in any way. 

        "I would have liked to have been there but Damien...." Barbara
shook her head again and continued to caress her son's pale face. "I never
knew, Benton. I honestly never knew our leaving had hurt him so badly-he
never let on. He always sounded fine when we called him. I'm fine, he'd
say. Stella's great and doing really well. We both couldn't be happier
he'd say." She shook her head, disappointed. "But, everything wasn't fine.
He felt like we abandoned him and on top if that he was having such
problems with Stella." She snorted, ironically. "You know, for someone
with a law degree, Stella is not a very smart woman. She could never see
how much Stanley was devoted to her. She was a fool." 

       Fraser couldn't agree more, but he chose not to comment. "You
couldn't have known," he offered kindly, refering to her misplaced blame,
willing to forgive her at least, but not Ray's Father. "As you said, Ray
doesn't like to tell you upsetting news." 

        "Is that why he didn't tell us about you and he, Benton?" she
inquired, finally locking her gaze on him. 

        Fraser shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "I...I don't know.
This...situation between us is recent-for Ray anyway. He...he has only
admitted how he feels the last few weeks, I believe he is still trying to
find a place where he is comfortable." Fraser caressed his brow, agitated.
"It has been a stressful few weeks for both of us, but I never imagined
Ray would have a heart attack because of it. He's so young." 

        "Tell me what my son won't, Benton," Barbara requested, quietly.
"I...I know you're loyal to him and don't want to betray him, I can
appreciate that-but I want...I need to understand him. Stanley isn't at
all who I thought he was, and I...I'm not saying I don't still love him
because of that, but I...I have to know who he is before...in case he..." 

        Fraser nodded, understanding why she could not voice the tragic
words. He was afraid of losing Ray as well. He didn't want to betray his
partner, but he needed to share his feelings, his fears with someone who
loved Ray as much as he did. He recalled how the few pieces of
conversation that Ray had with Stella, the parts about her friends making
passes at him, how their divorce had hurt him, and mostly how che kept
insisting he had changed. Fraser wondered if Ray had let anyone know him,
the real him, as Fraser knew him. 

        He began to speak, slowly, in halted words of what he knew about
Stanley Raymond Kowalski. His voice became smoother and clearer as he
talked about Ray taking a bullet for him their very first day. He told her
about Ray's obsession for Ellery and his guilt and compassion over Beth
Botrell that had caused him to find a way to set an innocent woman free.
He told her about Ray's three citations of bravery and how Ray had put his
life and reputation on the line more than once to save the cover of a man
he barely knew. 

        Fraser told her of his partner's torment over the loss of Stella
and his bravery in the face of adversity. He told her of their adventures
on the Henry Allen and of the time Ray had driven a motorcycle through a
glass window to save him. He reported on Ray's low self esteem and his
unwillingness to view himself as anything but a Chicago Flat foot with
experimental hair. He was no hero, he was just doing his job. 

        Fraser stressed how much he admired Ray's passion for police work,
how he seemed to get personally involved in each and every case. How he
would neither sleep nor eat until he had brought someone to justice for
the crime, because he cared so much, regardless of the tough, uncaring
posture he hid behind. He told her of Ray's unconditional loyalty to those
he worked with and considered his friends, such as Elaine, Francesca and
Welsh. He told her how Ray once trained a young boy to be a boxing
champion to give him a shot at a good life outside the ghetto. 

        Finally, he spun the tail of their times searching for Muldoon and
later, the hand of Franklin. How Ray had conquered so much adversity and
physical challenges in the name of justice and adventure. His devotion to
Artemis and her children, his rescue of Bonnie and acceptance of the girl
into their home. His acceptance of Fraser and the Mountie's feelings.
Ray's willingness to put all other things aside in the name of love and a
shot at happiness. 

        When he was finished, his voice was hoarse and Barbara had fetched
him a glass of water from the pitcher beside Ray's bed. She was wiping at
her tears and when Fraser finished his water, she bent to embrace him. 

        "Thank you, Benton," she whispered, gratefully as Fraser returned
her embrace. 

        "Are...are you going to abandon him again, Ma'am?" Fraser couldn't
help but ask, when the finally parted. "Please don't hold my feelings for
Ray against him. I...I'll step out of the picture if it will mean you'll
remain close to him." 

        Barbara was touched by the Mountie's willingness to sacrifice for
her son. How much he must love her Stanley to give him up. "But, if he
feels the same for you, what difference would that make, Benton?" she
asked. "He'll feel just as miserable if you abandon him." 

        "I...I can make him want to go back with you. I...I can do
something that will make him hate me and...." 

        "I told you no more lying, young man," Barbara insisted, firmly,
then she smiled. "There won't be any need for all of that, at any rate. "I
have no intention of ever causing Stanley that much pain again." She
scowled. "Even if it means choosing between my husband and my son."  

_________________ 

         Damien stood staring out of the window of the hospital waiting
room. He still couldn't believe Raymond had actually had a heart attack.
He was so young! People his age didn't have heart attacks! That awful
sound of their son falling and Fraser crying out to him, while Damien and
Barbara were in the bedroom, would forever haunt them. 

         Barbara had just started to lay into him about treating their son
so abominably, she'd had to retreat to the bedroom before her anger and
confusion betrayed her. She didn't like to get angry in front of their
son, she had always left the room. Too late they realized that her
departure must have triggered Raymond into thinking that she was leaving
him and he'd panicked beyond anything either of them could imagine. 

        Damien remembered when he had suffered a mild heart attack, when
Raymond was only eight. His son had gotten in yet another fight at school
and had been trying to explain what had happened, when the attack hit. The
doctors had explained it was a blocked artery and that it could be taken
care of with exercise and a special diet, and of course, minor surgery. 

        However, Damien noticed a change in his son after that. The boy no
longer confessed his sins as readily as he once did. Anytime something
happened, Barbara and Damien had to find out from someone other than their
son and that only increased their frustration. Raymond became loathe to
tell them any kind of bad news, and Barbara insisted that Damien's attack
had frightened their son so badly that he became over protective of them.
They'd found out about the academy from a neighbor and had to physically
confront Raymond about it. 

         Now, his son lay unconscious in a hospital room, with tubes and
wired attached to him, from the same condition that Damien had suffered
and the older man finally understood how his son's fear could cause such a
drastic break down in communication between them. 

          Damien really had never thought that his feud with his son would
have affected Raymond so very badly. He had certainly never meant to hurt
him, he was just angry with Raymond dropping out of school. He kept
thinking that if he held out, Raymond would come to his senses and realize
that Damien had been right. 

         However, his son graduated the police academy, married Stella in
a small wedding that neither he nor Barbara attended and went on with his
life. Damien had assumed that meant Raymond was not bothered by his
father's disapproval. This sparked resentment in Damien, so that he
convinced Barbara to move to Arizona. 

         He had intentionally hurt his son where he was the most
vulnerable, by moving away where Raymond couldn't see his Mother or talk
to her every day. The two still spoke on the phone, Barbara called their
son often, but Damien knew it wasn't the same as having her close and he
had used that to gain an advantage over Raymond. 

         After almost six years of this behavior, Damien realized that
Raymond wasn't going to change his mind and stop being a cop. He and
Raymond started to talk a little when he called, just polite, inane
conversations that were meaningless and filled with tension. Nothing like
the way they used to. They used to spend hours talking about cars and
baseball and any sort of hobby things, but as Raymond got older, Damien
felt they had less and less in common and never knew what to talk about.
When he and Barbara moved away, the rift between him and his son grew
wider. 

        Raymond never talked to them about his work or the trouble he was
having with Stella and Damien was riddled by guilt.  Added to their son's
over protective nature, Damien realized; he had damaged the closeness that
they had always had with Raymond, by moving so far away. When Raymond was
a boy, he used to tell them everything. They were both tormented by the
fact that they no longer knew who their son was and that created an even
thicker barrier between them. 

         Damien didn't know how to talk to his son; he didn't understand
the way Raymond's mind worked. The boy had made such bizarre and drastic
changes in his life, even before he had met the Mountie, Damien just
couldn't comprehend what made him tick. Naturally, he didn't expect
Raymond to stay the way he was as a child, but he never expected his son
to change so much as a man. 

         All he ever wanted was for Raymond to be happy. Damien knew that
he became easily frustrated and exasperated with his son, because he
couldn't understand or communicate with Raymond properly.  Raymond seemed
to have the same problem, neither or them seemed capable of intelligent
speech when they spoke to one another. 

         Damien was getting older and he was thinking back on all the
wasted years that could have been spent with his son. He had worked hard
for most of Raymond's childhood, they did things together, but not often
and there was a lot that Barbara was able to share with their son that
Damien had not had the chance to. Then, when Damien finally had the time
to spend with Raymond, his son was infatuated with Stella and had no time
for him. 

        He used to imagine what it would be like to just call Raymond up
and say, let's go fishin' son, or 'let's get that GTO purring like a
kitten. He had always intended to give the car to Raymond, but that had
gotten carried away in his anger as well, until they finally returned to
Chicago on Barbara's insistence and Damien had offered it as a peace
offering. 

        He had looked forward to spending time with Raymond then, but his
son was partnered with the Mountie and living the life of another man-so
they couldn't see each other often without endangering Raymond's cover.
Damien had heard through the grapevine what a fine officer their son had
become and he became proud of his boy. Many times he had been on the verge
of asking his son if he might be allowed to ride with him some time-to see
what all Raymond did, but he had always chickened out. 

        Barbara was right, he was a coward, afraid of looking bad in front
of his own son. He knew he had disappointed Raymond, but he didn't know
how to go about fixing it. Now, he was frightened that he might not have
another chance. He sniffed as tears filled his eyes at the idea he might
loose his son, even if Raymond did wake up and get better. 

        "Mr. Kowalski?" a soft voice called and he turned toward Bonnie,
who was seated on one of the chairs with Diefenbaker beside her. 

        "Yes, little one?" he returned, clearing his throat and walking
over to her. Raymond's two native friends had retreated to the cafeteria
for something to eat, leaving Bonnie alone with him. 

        "Ray isn't going to die," she confirmed and he gasped at her
insight. He settled on the chair beside her and steeled himself from the
urge to cry. 

        "And how do you know that?" he demanded, gruffly. 

        "Because, Ray is a hero-and hero's don't die this way," Bonnie
surmised, reaching her small hand forward in search of his. She found it
and folded their fingers together. Damien's hand almost completely
engulfed hers. "And because he has so many people that love him." 

        Damien stared down at her, shocked and saddened that someone so
young should be so mature. 

        "Is that so?" he returned gruffly. "Know that much about it do
you?" 

         Bonnie nodded. "I know that Ray and Benton are the closest thing
to angels God could find to send to me. I had been praying for someone to
help me and Ray appeared, to answer my prayers. He came to me and gathered
me into his arms. He said a prayer for my dead parents and when he spoke
to me, I knew I would be safe. We flew to the top of a mountain and I
found more angels waiting for me. They took care of me and helped me find
my way." 

        "I...I think you're confused," Damien murmured, blinking away the
tears that had been inspired by her touching words. 

        She squeezed his hand and he was sure she was looking straight at
him. "No, you are confused. You have sight but you cannot see. Ray and
Benton are both heroes and heroes don't die in hospitals from heart
attacks. God would call them home in the way that they have lived, with
bravery and glory." 

        Damien sniffed again and squeezed her hand back. "I think you're
right, little one," he agreed, emotionally, recalling all the things his
son had survived in the past. "And I think they're damn lucky you came
into their lives." 

        Bonnie smiled and lay her head on his shoulder. "It will all work
out," she promised. "Ray promised to teach me to dance a jive, he will not
break his promise." 
   

________________ 

 

         Fraser glanced up as the nurse entered the hospital room. Barbara
had left about an hour ago to get some sleep, unable to keep her eyes open
a moment longer. The sun had set long ago and twilight was upon them. 

         "I'm afraid visiting hours are over, Constable Fraser," she
stated, firmly, but with a familiar coyness in her hazel eyes. "I'd be
happy to set you up a bed or whatever you need in the other room. 

         For once, Fraser found the blatant flirtation annoying. 

         "No thank you," he refused and turned back to watch his partner. 

         The nurse frowned, puzzled. "You can't stay here, Sir it's
against..." 

         Fraser rose and growled at her. "No means no! I am not leaving so
get out of here and leave us alone!" 

         She stared at him shocked and hurried out, no doubt to find the
doctor or to find somewhere quiet to faint it the wake of the usually
polite Mountie's anger. Fraser smirked, surprised to find how good that
had felt. 

         "That wasn't very nice, Fraser," a weak voice commented from
behind him and he whirled around, surprised. "What's up with you, didn't
take you're polite vitamins today or what?" 

         "Ray!" he exclaimed in delight and moved in to hug his friend
ferociously, before planting quick, affectionate kisses all over Ray's
face, careful not to dislodge his breathing apparatus. "Oh Ray I'm so glad
you woke up. I was so worried!" 

         Ray released a throaty chuckle and gave the Mountie a weak push
backward with the arm that was not connected to the IV beside him. 

         "Let a guy breathe, Fraser," he grinned as Fraser smoothed his
hair back from his face and continued to stroke Ray's cheek. 

         "How do you feel?" 

         "Like I just had a heart attack," Ray retorted and Fraser
grinned, delighted that Ray felt well enough to be sarcastic. "Did I
really have a heart attack, Fraser?" 

         Fraser nodded and quickly explained what the doctor had said.
Then he paused. "I should go get him, he'll need to check you over
and...." 

         Ray caught his arm and pulled him back. "Later, he can poke and
prod me in a minute. I wanna talk to you first." 

         Fraser nodded and sat on the bed next to him, folding his fingers
through Ray's. 

         "Did...did they go, Fraser? Am I an orphan again?" 

         Ray's attempt at levity did not impress the Mountie. 

         "No, they're both still here, Ray," he returned, caressing Ray's
forehead with the tips of his fingers. "Shall I go get them?" 

         Ray shook his head, slowly and released a shaky breath. Fraser
knew he was close to crying again and his heart went out to his partner. 

         "It's going to be okay, Ray," he promised, gently. "I promise it
will. We'll work this out, somehow I..." 

         "No, it's okay, Fraser," Ray assured and managed a small grin.
"I'm a mess here, I think I'm goin' through menopause or something-don't
pay any attention to me." He squeezed Fraser's hand." Must be my feminine
side comin' out now that I've been successfully 'outed'.  Ira would be so
proud." 

         "Ray," Fraser scolded, even as his lips tugged upward in a smile.
"Stop thinking that way. There are plenty of homosexuals or bisexuals," he
added pointedly, "that do not loose their masculinity just because they
fall in love with a man. I certainly don't feel less of a man because I
love you." 

         That had to be something, Fraser was definitely a man's man all
right, Ray decided. "Yah, whatever," he sighed. "But, if either of us
start pickin' out china patterns or wearin' Maggie's clothes, just shoot
me will ya?" 

         "Well," Fraser pursed his lips. "The china I'm really not into,
you know I lead a simple life-but as for the women's clothing...." 

         Ray stared at him. "Somethin' ya feel you should tell me, buddy?"


         "I'll tell you all about it later," Fraser promised, dropping a
teasing kiss upon his partner's lips. He grew serious. "Ray...about your
parents...I can..." 

          "Fraser, no," Ray refused, guessing what the Mountie was about
to offer. "I...if they leave they leave I...I can't do anything about
that, but I want to stay with you, no matter what, okay?" 

        Fraser nodded. 

         "So, am I okay then?" Ray asked quietly, reverting to their
earlier topic of his health. 

         "The doctor says you're in perfect health, near as he can tell,"
Fraser supplied. "He attributes your attack to stress and no physical
condition, as bizarre as that sounds." 

         Ray shook his head. "I stopped thinkin' of things as bizarre
after I met you, Fraser." 

         Fraser smiled, then grew serious. "Had you been having any chest
pains, Ray?" he demanded. "Were you feeling any discomfort?" 

         Ray shrugged. "No, a little heart burn, real tired a lot-but I
figured I was just wearin' myself out thinking too much." 

         "Why didn't you tell me?" Fraser cried, frustrated. 

         "I didn't think it was serious, Fraser, take a pill!" Ray
retorted, then closed his eyes for a minute until the spots cleared from
his vision. "What did the Doc say about me? I gotta go on a special diet
or anything?" 

         "No, " Fraser returned, allowing the change in topic. "He did
have one restriction." 

         "Yah, what's that." 

         "He said you have to give up coffee, Ray." 

         Ray stared at Fraser as though he had lost his mind. "Are you
unhinged? What the hell kinda doctor is this guy? What..." 

         "Ray!" Fraser laughed. "Calm down I'm only joking!" 

        Ray glared at him then grinned sheepishly. "That was mean,
Fraser." 

        "I'm truly sorry," Fraser offered, gently. "I'll make it up to
you. I'll buy a dozen kegs of every flavor of coffee I can find so you'll
always have plenty on hand." 

        "That'd be cool," Ray agreed. 

        "I'll also find you a dozen gallons of your favorite ice cream and
as many twinkies as I can purchase and..." 

        Ray laughed. "Fraser! I just had a heart attack, not my tonsils
out." 

        "I just want you to be happy, Ray," Fraser pressed. "I want to
make you as happy and as comfortable as possible." His eyes narrowed,
meaningfully. "And I never want you to do this again." 

        "I never want to do this again!" Ray retorted grinning, then
tilted his head at the serious expression of his partner. "I'll do my
best, but I am happy, Fraser," Ray insisted and winced. "Though not real
comfortable at the moment." 

        Fraser was immediately concerned. "Are you in pain, Ray? Should I
call the doctor?" 

        Ray shook his head and relaxed again, rubbing at his chest with
his free hand, since Fraser still held his other one. "No, not pain,
just...sore." He smirked. "Guess I got a few bruises from my heart tryin'
to break through my chest cavity." 

        "Did it really feel like that, Ray?" Fraser asked curious. 

        "It was pretty intense, Fraser," Ray admitted. "I gotta tell ya,
I'd rather be shot at, run over and tossed onto an ice field than feel
somethin' like this again. I didn't know what was gonna kill me first, the
heart attack itself or the shock that I was actually having one." 

        "You shocked me as well, Ray," Fraser admitted, leaning forward to
kiss Ray's brow, uncaring of who might see them. "I was afraid I'd lost
you." 

        "Must have been a toss up of who was more scared," Ray teased. "Me
or you, buddy." 

        "Ray, I...I'm very sorry for everything that...I've done so many
things wrong and I never meant to...." 

        Ray squeezed Fraser's hand reassuringly. "It's okay, it's a good
thing, really. I...I'm glad we got things out in the open now." He
smirked. "Besides, it's nice to know you're not perfect, ya can screw up
just like the rest of us." 

        They stared at each other for a long time, until finally Fraser
spoke. 

        "I love you, Ray." 

        Ray's expression showed he was both surprised and impressed by the
confession. He knew it was not easy for Fraser to admit to such things
aloud. 

        "That hard to say, Ben?" he teased. 

        "Damned near impossible, Ray my friend," Fraser returned. 

        Ray released a shocked bark of laughter. "They say it gets easier
with practice, buddy." 

        "Let's try it, shall we?" Fraser encouraged and leaned closer to
place another kiss on Ray's forehead. "I love you, Stanley Raymond
Kowalski." 

        Ray grinned and blinked feeling light headed again. 

        "I love you," Fraser said again with a kiss to Ray's cheek. "Hmmm,
it is getting easier. I love you," another kiss to his opposite cheek.
"Look at that, barely a tremble now. I love you." A kiss on Ray's chin.
"God, I do love you, Ray." 

        Ray was ready when Fraser met his mouth and raised his head to
accommodate. When they finally parted, Ray smiled at him. 

        "You sweet talker you," he said in a feminine voice and batted his
eyelashes outrageously. 

         Fraser sputtered with laughter and hid his face in Ray's chest.
Finally, he regained his composure and raised his gaze to his partner's
again. "Well?" he asked impatiently. 

        "Deep subject," Ray agreed and Fraser released a growl of
exasperation. 

        "Ray!" he cried tormented and Ray grinned. 

        "I love you, Ben," he returned finally and Fraser returned his
smile relieved. He surprised the Mountie by reciting the same words in
five different languages. 

        "Ray!" Fraser exclaimed in delight. "I didn't know you were multi
lingual." 

        "I'm not," Ray replied calmly. "That's the only phrase I
know-Jayad was teachin' em to me, to impress ya." 

        "Impress me?" Fraser smiled, surprised. 

        Ray nodded. "Yah, isn't that what you do when ya like someone,
find a way to impress 'em?" 

        Fraser was touched. "Oh, Ray," he sighed. "You haven't stopped
impressing me from the first day I met you." 

        Ray lowered his eyes shyly. "Go on," he tossed back. 

        "No, it's true Ray, honestly." Fraser insisted and Ray met his
gaze, his eyes dancing in amusement. 

        "No, I mean go on, Fraser, do tell." 

        Fraser laughed. "Fool," he decided. 

        "Freak," Ray retorted. 

        Fraser leaned in for another kiss. "Your freak," he stated and
claimed his partner's mouth in an exotically tender kiss. 

        "Okay, well...I gotta take a nap, I think," Ray decided suddenly
drowsy. "You...you stay right here though okay? Don't go anywhere." 

        Fraser squeezed his hand and nodded as his partner's eyes closed. 

        "I'll be here," he promised. 

        He realized Ray must be worn out indeed, he had not asked once
about when he was going to be released, which was usually his first
question. Ray hated hospitals. ___________________ 

        Ray dreamed of Artemis again, the hawk had grown during her time
away into a beautiful phoenix sized creature, that held Ray in the crook
of her soft, feathered wings. Ray felt warm and comfortable and above all
safe in her arms. She was picking through his hair like she used to,
possibly looking for strands to add to her nest. Ray smiled and cuddled
into her, wishing that he could see the glory of her flying the blue skies
over their cabin again. 

        His eyes fluttered open, then closed again, even as he became more
awake. He slowly realized that the cradled warmth of his dream remained
and he suspected it was Fraser holding him. He was shocked when his
Father's voice sounded above him. 

        "What have I done to ya, Raymond?" Damien Kowalski whispered as he
continued to play with his son's hair and hold him against him. 

        Perched on the bed, with his back to the head board, he had pulled
Ray into his arms, careful not to dislodge the IV in his son's hand. The
breathing apparatus has been removed, now that Ray was doing better. The
Mountie and Barbara had gone to get a coffee, they were both relieved that
Ray had woken up, even if Barbara hadn't gotten to talk to their son.
Damien had slipped inside and felt his heart breaking as he stared at his
son's pale, still form. 

        "You're still so young, boy, ya got your whole life ahead of you,"
he continued. "I only want ya to be happy, you mean everything to your
Mother and me. I've been a fool to not trust you in the past. I was the
stupid one, Raymond, not you. I'm so sorry I've screwed things up between
us, but I...I just don't know how ta talk to ya anymore. Ya know so much,
you're so smart and brave, much more than you're old man. What could we
talk about anymore?" 

        Damien sniffed suspiciously and continued to stroke his son's
head. He continued speaking, unaware that his son could hear him. 

        "Now I've gone and turned ya gay, because I wasn't a better Father
to you." 

        Ray would have laughed at the idea if his Father didn't sound so
tragic. 

         "I don't know if I could get used to you and the Mountie,
Raymond," Damien continued. "That's askin' an awful lot of you're old man.
I mean...I'm set in my ways and I think it's wrong." He sighed. "But
Stella was wrong for you too, son. I never told you because I knew how
much ya loved her, but she could never give you what ya needed,
Raymond-she just wasn't the right one." 

        A page sounded outside in the corridor for one of the doctors to
report to emergency and then it was quiet again. Damien continued. 

        "How can ya have a heart attack, Raymond?" he demanded, his voice
thick with tears of disbelief. "Jesus Christ! You're still just a boy." He
sniffed again and tried to regain control over his breaking voice. "No, I
know you're a man, but you'll always be my little boy, Raymond, I can't
help thinkin' that way. You still got no business havin' a heart attack,
Son. I'm sorry I caused ya so much trouble and pain." 

        Ray wanted to open his eyes and speak up, end his Father's
torment, but something held him back, and so he waited and listened. 

        "Your Mother said she'd leave me, Raymond," Damien stated,
quietly. "Can you believe that? She said she's walk out of I didn't start
talkin' to ya and actin' like a real Father to you. That's why we came
here, son-she wanted us to bond or some foolishness." He sighed again and
Ray could feel his Father's hands trembling against him. "But, I don't
know how to do that, Raymond. You're like some other man's son-I can't see
any of me in ya." 

        I'm just like you, Dad, Ray wanted to tell him. I have all of your
stubborn pride and stupid macho attitude, and it almost cost me Fraser
because I was afraid you'd think less of me as a man. I hold onto things
long after their dead and gone, like I did with my marriage, just like you
do with everything, Dad. 

         "You're brave and foolish and impulsive and caring and dear God
you're heart's like cotton," Damien stated. "Ya got all of your Mum and
none of me, Raymond and I can't see what we could have in common other
than cars-and I think you only humor me with that nonsense." 

        I don't know what you like! Ray cried silently. How can we find a
common ground when you never talk to me. I don't know who you are or what
you expect of me anymore. All you have to do is talk to me, Dad. Tell me
something you like, go with me to a hockey game, accept that I can make my
own decisions, is that really so hard? 

        "So...I guess you'll be wantin' us to leave when you wake up-well,
me anyway," Damien concluded. "I won't take your Mother away, Son, I'll
never do that again." He rose carefully and moved off the bed, laying Ray
back on the pillows. "I just realized, your Mother always picked out all
your gifts, I don't even know what size shirt ya wear or what your
favorite color is." He sniffed again and left. 

        Ray opened his eyes and stared at the door as it slowly swung
shut. He carefully sat up and wiped at his tears with shaking fingers. He
started to massage his chest again, but this time, it was a different kind
of pain, he was feeling. He pulled his knees up, wrapped his arms around
them, and rested his head there.  

________________ 

        "Leave it!" Ray insisted, exasperated as Jayad moved to plump his
pillow a third time. "Christ! I'm okay, leave me alone!" 

        "My, my aren't we the patient from hell?" Jayad retorted mildly. 

        He and Ira had invited them all to stay at their home over night,
before making the long trip back to the cabin. Ray had been released from
the hospital and it had been a two and half hour drive back to their
village. The Kowalski's were quiet but grateful for the offer. The Doctor
had agreed to release Ray as long as he went straight to bed and rested
when he got to where they were going. Ray was not good at taking orders,
especially from Doctors. 

        Jayad, delighted to have a house full of guests was the perfect
host, but Ray was finding the native annoying and was getting grumpier by
the minute. Jayad's sweet temper refused to be offended and he continued
to fuss over the American. 

        "I don't want to sleep!" Ray insisted and started to rise from the
bed. "I'm not tired and..." 

        "You get back in that bed, young man!" Barbara insisted, having
heard the commotion from the kitchen and hurrying in. 

        "Mum, I'm fine!" Ray insisted, so happy they were still here he
couldn't help but smiling at her. 

        "The Doctor made Benton promise that you would rest," she
reminded, walking up to him and smacking his arm, affectionately. "In the
bed now." 

        Jayad giggled in delight as Ray did as he was told. "Oh I like
her, Ray," he teased and Ray glared at him. 

         Barbara pulled the covers up over her disgruntled son and offered
him a patient smile. "You don't have to sleep but you have to stay in bed,
for a little while at least." She caressed his cheek. "I don't want to
ever take the chance of that happening again, Stanley, now please, do as I
ask okay?" 

        "Yes, Ma'am," Ray returned, contritely, He knew his attack had
scared everyone, especially his Mother. "But I'm bored." 

        "I can read to you, Ray," Bonnie offered from the doorway, on the
arm of Fraser. "If you are not to tired." 

        Ray immediately moved over on the bed and Fraser led the girl
inside and helped her climb up next to his partner. "I'd love to have you
read to me," he assured as she opened one of her books. 

        "Once upon a time...." she began and Jayad exchanged an amused
grin with Fraser and Barbara. "There was a beautiful and kind princess." 

        "And her name was Bonnie," Ray whispered and Bonnie smiled and
cuddled against him as her fingers continued to move across her book. 

        The others left them to continue and retreated to the living area.


        Ira was playing chess with Damien and Jayad had fetched tea for
Fraser and Barbara. 

        "How's grumpy?" Ira inquired, mildly. 

        "At the moment he is being enchanted by Bonnie," Fraser supplied,
smiling. "Ray can't help wanting to get up and move about, he isn't very
good at staying in one place very long." 

        "He was always like that," Barbara sighed, wistfully. "So full of
energy...what an exhausting child he was." She smiled as she sipped her
tea. "I remember one time, I tried to get him to sit still in a chair for
five minutes. He was off of it in less than two. When I scolded him for
disobeying me you know what he said?" 

        Jayad leaned forward, intrigued. "What?" 

        "He said he couldn't possibly sit still for that long because the
earth was always spinning and when he sat still he got dizzy." 

        Fraser chuckled and Jayad and Ira smiled. 

        "But it makes sense," Barbara insisted, grinning. "I mean, I could
hardly refute what he said, could I?" 

        "What else did he do?" Jayad encouraged, eager to learn more about
their usually modest friend. 

        Barbara thought for a moment. "Well, there are so many
things...Oh! One day, he decided to run away from home when he was
five..." 

        "Six," Damien corrected quietly, but did not look up from the
game. Everyone glanced at him surprised, then turned back to Barbara, who
was smiling at her husband. 

        "That's right it was six," she confirmed. "Anyway, Stanley got it
in his head that he should run away, I think it was because we wouldn't
let him stay up to watch Johnny Carson or something, just as silly.
Anyway, he announced he was running away and went to his room to pack.
Damien went with him, helped him pick out some clothes and folded them for
him." 

        "You were helping him run away!" Jayad giggled, glancing at the
older man, appalled. 

        "Well, I figured if he was that serious about it, the least I
could do was make sure he had what he needed," Damien explained, quietly. 

        Barbara's eyes were twinkling merely as she continued. "Stanley
picked up his little case, which was almost as big as him, and set off
outside." 

        "He didn't!" Jayad gasped. 

        "Oh yes," she insisted. "He was quite determined. He walked all
the way to the end of our driveway then sat on the snow bank." She
chuckled. "It was the middle of winter and I kept telling Damien to go and
bring him back in before he froze to death, my poor baby." She shook her
head. "Stanley sat out there for a good hour, while we watched him from
the window. Finally, he came back inside and Damien confronted him,
reminding him that he was running away from home." 

        "Was he crying and wanting his Mom?" Jayad guessed,
affectionately. 

        "No, he wanted to know when one of us was going to drive him to
the bus station." 

        Everyone in the room laughed in delight, even Damien smiled at the
memory. 

        "Hey!" Ray's voice came from the bedroom. "I was too young to
drive myself!" 

        This caused everyone to laugh harder as Barbara rose to check on
her son. She stepped inside the room and smiled at him. 

        "Mum, stop tellin' stories about me-I won't have any friends
left!" 

        She laughed. "Then go to sleep and you won't have to listen to
them," she suggested and he groaned. 

        Bonnie giggled and cuddled into him, her story had been forgotten
and her eyes were drifting closed. ___________________ 

 

        Ray's eyes opened the moment Fraser had stepped inside the room.
Bonnie was curled up against him, sound asleep. 

        "Hey you," Fraser whispered, carefully crawling up the inside of
the bed to settle next to them. He glanced over his partner at the
sleeping girl beside him. "She's out for the night, I think." 

        Ray nodded and tilted his head back to receive Fraser's kiss. 

        "Everyone gone to bed?" he asked quietly, not wanting to disturb
Bonnie. Fraser nodded. "Good, how'd my Mum look-not too tired, right?
She's not worryin' or anything?" 

        "Stop worrying so much about your parents, Ray," Fraser sighed.
"They were taking care of themselves long before you came along." 

        "Yah, I know I just...I just worry." 

        Fraser smiled and pulled out a Kit Kat bar from his pocket. "Here,
I managed to smuggle in some contraband for you." 

        Ray's expression brightened and he released a quiet cry of
delight. "You're so good to me," he said accepting the treat, then placing
it on the table beside the bed. "I'll have if for breakfast tomorrow." 

        "You're incorrigible. " 

        "That's what my Mum used to say." 

        Fraser grew serious as he lay his head next to Ray's on his
pillow. "How do you feel?" 

        "Tired," Ray admitted, sheepishly. "Like I got no energy. Just
sitting here talkin' to Bonnie damn near put me out." 

        "The Doctor said you'll be like that for a few days," Fraser
supplied. "That sort of attack is a strong shock to the system, but you
should be okay and back to your old self in no time." 

        "I think I dozed off a few times all ready," Ray agreed. "So-did
Mum tell ya all my dark childhood secrets and now you don't love me any
more?" 

        "No, I love you even more," Fraser promised and kissed him
tenderly. He linked his fingers with Ray's. "Don't ever do this to me
again, Ray. Please talk to me when you are stressed or feeling out of
sorts." 

        Ray nodded. "Don't you worry, buddy I never want to go through
that again-ever." 

        They lay silently for a long time, comfortable just being together
and each trapped in their own thoughts. 

        "Fraser?" 

        "Hmmm?" 

        "Ya think....I mean if no one else claims her...not...not that I
don't want her to have family come forward but...but...do you
think...maybe...." 

        "I'll talk to Maggie about shared custody of Bonnie, Ray," Fraser
promised and Ray sighed in relief, glad the Mountie could understand what
he was trying to say. 

        "Do you think it would be a problem, I mean because we're...
together?" he asked. 

        "I don't know-we'll have to explore that venture when we get to
it." 

        Ray nodded and smiled. He had someone who loved him, and now he
might even get to have a child too, he wondered if someone could die of
happiness? 

        "You're in my heart, you're in my soul," he suddenly started to
sing in a quiet, unsure voice and Fraser sat up slightly, surprised.
"You'll be my breath should I grow old. You are my lover you're my best
friend, you're in my soul." 

        Fraser smiled and Ray's voice grew stronger, but remained low so
he wouldn't wake Bonnie. He paused a moment and then repeated the chorus
of the love song. He glanced back at Fraser, shyly and was startled by the
tears glittering in the Mountie's eyes. 

        "Is my singing that bad?" he teased, unsure again. 

        "Your have a beautiful voice," Fraser stated, his own voice thick
with emotion. "I've always loved it and that's a beautiful song, Ray." 

        "Then what's wrong?" 

        Fraser smiled and bent to kiss him. He pulled back and smiled
again, his eyes full of love. "You just reminded me why I love you so
much, that's all." 

        Ray seemed pleased with the answer and cuddled backwards against
him. ____________ 

 

        Barbara tiptoed downstairs toward the kitchen. Her throat was
desperately dry and she needed a glass of water. She passed Stanley's room
on her way and paused in the doorway. Fraser must have gone in to keep him
company and fallen asleep atop the covers, holding Stanley in his arms. 
The Mountie's arm was across both Stanley and Bonnie, holding them
protectively. Diefenbaker was streached out at the foot of the bed. 

        Stanley was sound asleep, his head resting next to Fraser's on the
pillow, with Bonnie curled up in front of them. Barbara had never seen a
more perfect couple or a more precious family scene. 

        It wouldn't be easy getting used to her son wanting to be with
another man, but it was obvious that the love between them was strong and
could survive any obstacles fate might throw their way. Stanley could not
have picked a better partner, at any rate. She had never seen her son so
happy and healthy as he was with Fraser, and although she didn't
understand how they could be attracted to each other sexually-nor could
she question it. 

        She had been serious when she told the Mountie that she would not
abandon her son again. Not when she was finally getting to know the man he
was. She'd have to work out something with them, so they could spend more
time together. She had to admit, she liked being here, her arthritis
seemed much better and the air smelled so fresh and clean that it gave her
added energy. Maybe they could visit during the summer months or
something. Since, they had the trailer, they wouldn't need to stay in the
cabin and Fraser and Stanley could still have their privacy. 

        She pulled the heavy afghan from the rocker inside the room and
carefully draped it over them both. She softly kissed both her young men
goodnight, added a tender kiss for the girl that might soon be her grand
daughter, then tiptoed out.  

_______________ 

 

            Ray awoke the following morning to the plesant sensation of
someone nuzzling his neck. He opened his eyes and regarded Fraser, still
streached out atop the covers next to him. Imediately he started to panic.


        "Everyone is gone, Ray," the Mountie assured as he kissed his way
down Ray's throat. Jayad and Ira took Bonnie and your parents into town
for some sight seeing and shopping." He pressed against his partner
invitingly. "We've got a couple of hours, do you feel up to a shower?" 

        Ray grinned. "Yah, a shower would be great," he agreed, and
started to push the covers back. 

        Fraser rose and helped him to stand, giving him a brief hug,
before taking his hand and leading his friend to the large bathroom that
the house offered. Ira and Jayad had designed the home themselves and the
shower was probably Ray's favorite part. It was a large marble tile room
with shower nozzels on three sides of the stall so you almost every part
of you was hit with steaming hot water. 

        He and Fraser disrobbed, switched on the water and stepped
inside.Fraser grabbed the soap and started to lather every part of his
partner's slick body. Ray did the same with him and soon they were both
slick and soapy and rubbing against each other. 

        "Ray," the Mountie warned though unable to resist continuing the
action. "You're still recovering and shouldn't...." 

        "I feel fine, Fraser," Ray assured, caputuring Fraser's mouth in a
deep kiss. an 

        The Mountie responded hungrily. He'd been thinking about their
time in the barn, he wondered if Ray wanted to do that again and to show
his eargerness he allowed his hands to roam down over Ray's ass,
invitingly. 

        "What do you want, Ray?" Fraser moaned, pressing against his lover
urgently. 

        "I want you, Ben," Ray whispered, and squeezed Fraser's ass. He
allowed his fingers to drift toward Fraser's opening. "Wanna make love to
ya, Ben." 

        "I want to make love to you, Ray," Fraser admitted, shivering
slightly in pleasure when Ray carefully inserted a finger. "Let me do you,
Ray, please? I'll be very careful and if you start to feel faint you need
only tell me and..." 

        "Do whatever ya want, Ben," Ray permitted and was only slightly
surprised when the Mountie bent to take him in his mouth. Ray adjusted the
shower head so his partner wouldn't drown then rolled his head back in
pleasure. His fingers spilled thrugh Fraser's thick hair, encouraging him,
though the Mountie was just as eager to give Ray what he wanted. 

        Fraser rose suddenly and captured Ray's mouth. Ray wrapped his
arms around the Mountie and returned the kiss fervishly, even as he felt
Fraser's hand roam across his ass and tease his opening. He tried not to
tense, but he couldn't help it and Fraser sensed his fear. He stopped and
started to pull his hand up again, but Ray caught it and lowered it bakc
in position. 

        "It's okay," he assured, shakily through their kiss.
"Just...mmmmmm....do it, Ben." 

        Fraser nodded and turned Ray to face the wall, before dropping to
his knee again. He spred his partner's legs and heard Ray gasp as he
licked at his hole. Ray placed his hands against the wall to brace himself
as Fraser continued to use his tongue and fingers to prepare his partner.
With his other hand he reached around to grasp Ray's errection and fondled
him. 

        "Ahh, Ben!" Ray cried, his head dipped low so his forehead was
almost touching the wall. He shamlessy pushed back against the intrusions.
"Hmmmm....uuhhhhh...Ben.....God that feels so.......hmmmmm..." 

        Fraser rose, and inserted a third finger into Ray's hole, smiling
when the detective pushed back against them eagerly. 

        "Do you like that, Ray?" he whispered as he kissed Ray's neck and
shoulders. He had suspected if his partner could just get passed the fear
of being penetrated by another man he might enjoy it and it seemed he was
right. 

        "Oooooohhhh!" Ray gasped when Fraser managed to hit that one
particular spot he was looking for. "God! What...what was that?" 

        "I beleive it is called your prostate." 

        "Hmmmm, feels...feels good, Fraser." 

        "Are you ready for me, Ray?" 

        "I...uhhhh..I don't....just....yes, yah, okay, Ben, okay now." 

        Fraser carefully pressed against Ray's opening, feeling him tense
as he knew he would. Carefully, he pushed inside, each time his partner
tensed he would pause until Ray relaxed and his ass adjusted to the
intrusion. Finally, he was all the way inside and Ray was moaning in
desire. 

        "Ohhh, you were right," he whispered, passionately. "Oh God,
Fraser you were right this is....God!" 

        Fraser felt Ray's ass tighten around him and he almost lost
complete control. He manged to compose himslelf and slowly started to
move. Ray fell back against him, his head rolling across, Fraser's
shoulders as he gasped with each gentle thrust. Ray started to push back
against his partner, which excited Fraser more and he started to thrust
faster. Soon, Ray was bracing his hands against the wall for support and
matching his partner's deep thrusts. Fraser seemed to hit that one special
spot almost every time and Ray was hard as a rock without the Mountie even
needing to touch him. 

        Fraser was practically growling Ray's name as he the fucked the
American with wild abandon. He reached around to grasp Ray's errection and
that was all it took. Ray came in a shudering explosion and Fraser quickly
followed. 

        Ray grabbed for something to support him as his legs gave out
under the tremendous onslaught of sensations, but Fraser's arms around his
waist managed to keep him upright until he could get his bearings. 

        "Are you all right, Ray?" Fraser asked concerned that they had
gone too far in Ray's weakened state. 

        "I...I will be," Ray assured, though he still couldn't stand.
"Just...just can't...hmmmm, help, Fraser." 

        Fraser managed to turn off the water with one hand, while
continuing to support his partner with the other. He stepped out, pulling
Ray with him, then, regardless of their dripping state, he carried Ray
back to the bedroom. 

        "Uuuuhhh," Ray groaned as Fraser gently laid him on the bed then
hurried back to the bathroom to collect their clothing and a few towels. 

        "I'm so sorry, Ray," he offered, quickly as he closed the bedroom
door and carefully started to dry himself and his partner. 

        "Chill out, Ben," Ray chuckled weakly as he grabbed the towel and
slowly rubbed it down his body. "Nothin' to be sorry for. That
was....fantastic!" 

        "But you're still weak, Ray," Fraser reminded as he quickly
scrubbed his naked body with the towel to collect the remaining moisture.
"I should have waited I..." 

        "You should shut up and com'ere, Fraser," Ray insisted, tossing
the towel across his hips and extending his hand toward his partner. 

        Fraser moved forward and Ray pulled him down onto the bed. Fraser
was shocked, as their bodie's touched, to find Ray was completely hard
again. 

        Ray grinned. "See, not so weak," he teased as he pressed against
Fraser invitingly. "Watchin' you dry off's a real cool fantasy, Fraser,
even better in the flesh." He pressed against him again. "I'm all for the
flesh part, buddy." 

        Fraser smiled and rose enough that they could both climb under the
covers. Perhaps he had misjudged his partner's stamina. 
  
  
  

 ______________ 

 
 

        "So it's settled then," Barbara decided as they stepped out of the
jeep that had driven them to the air field. "We'll drive up in June and
stay at least a month." 

        "You're welcome any time," Fraser assured as he accepted a hug
from her. "And Ray will try to make the trip to Chicago for Christmas." 

        "We will make the trip for Christmas," Ray corrected firmly. "You
me and Bonnie, hopefully." 

        That would be wonderful," Barbara agreed before they started to
argue again. 

        Damien hadn't said very much during their last day in Canada and
while Barbara made plans to get together with her son again soon. 

        Fraser sensed the older man's disapproval and continued to omit
himself from any plans that involved going to Chicago to stay with the
Kowalski's. 

        Ray was being just as stubborn to include Fraser. It seemed his
attack had finally put things into perspective and he started to realize
that he couldn't protect his folks from all the bad things that happened
in life, nor could he allow his Father's disapproval to ruin the love he
had found with Fraser. He had found the skin he was comfortable in and it
belonged to a blue eyed Mountie with a tender heart and winning smile. 

        "My baby!" Barbara cried as Ray hugged her goodbye. They had left
Bonnie with Ira and Jayad who were taking her shopping with some of the
money Fraser had given her from the trust they received. 

        "I love you, Mum," he whispered trying to exude all the love he
had for her into the tender embrace. "I wish I could put you in a bottle
and wear you around my neck so you'd always be safe and close to my
heart." 

        Barbara chuckled and gave him an extra-special squeeze. "Oh,
Stanley, I'm here anytime you want me, baby. But, you don't need me
anymore, you're a man now." 

        Hearing his Mother, finally admit that he was an adult filled
Ray's heart with joy and a tinge of sadness. "I'll always need ya, Mum,"
he promised. "I'll never stop needing you, please don't think that. I
couldn't get up in the mornin' without knowin' I could call you or write
to you and you'd be here for me." 

        "I love you, Stanley," she sobbed and hugged him harder. "It's so
hard to leave you again." 

        "I'll see you in two months, Mum-I promise." 

        She smiled and finally released him, wiping at her eyes with a
handkerchief from her purse. 

        Damien stood, waiting for his wife, and refused to meet his son's
gaze.  When the Kowalskis had arrived back at Jayad's yesterday afternoon,
it was Damien that had opened the door to the room where his son was
supposed to be sleeping and found the two men under the covers together.
They had both been asleep and, at first, Damien had been infuriated, but
then he took a moment to really look at his son and noticed how very happy
and peaceful Raymond appeared, even in his sleep. He had left and closed
the door quietly behind him, informing his wife that Raymond was asleep
and she shouldn't disturb him. 

        "Good-bye, Dad," Ray offered, trying to hide the tremor in his
voice. "Have...have a safe trip home and...and call us when you get there,
okay, we'll be at Ira's." 

        Damien nodded and put his arm across Barbara's shoulders, as his
wife cast her son a sympathetic glance. They turned to head for the plane
waiting; Fraser had already placed their bags aboard. 

        Fraser placed a supportive hand on Ray's shoulder as his partner
watched his parents climb the stairs to the plane that would fly them away
again. 

        "Gray!" Ray suddenly shouted over the roar of the planes engine,
and his parents turned back, startled. "M...my favorite color...it's
gray." He pulled his shades off to directly meet his Father's surprised
gaze. "And... I wear a thirty four...or...or a large." 

        Fraser and Barbara were obviously baffled by Ray's confession, but
Damien Kowalski had paled and reached out to grip the rail of the stairs. 

        Fraser could feel Ray trembling beneath his touch and there was a
desperation in his partner's eyes, that left the Mountie confused and
breathless. 

        Damien started down the steps, slowly and Ray met him half way,
their uncertainty obvious as they faced each other. Finally, Damien spoke.


        "Mine too," he whispered softly, looking at his son with shinning
eyes. "Gray's my favorite too." 

        "Oh Dad," Ray sobbed and wrapped his arms around him. 

        Damien held the trembling man in his arms, surprised to find how
very good it felt to actually hold his own son. Immediately, he became
protective and started to rub his hands up and down Ray's back, in
comfort. 

        "There, there," he soothed. "It's okay, Son. We...we'll be okay." 

        "I love you, Dad," Ray confessed, still unable to release his
Father. He had waited so long for this, to be held like this by the man
that he held so much love and respect for. "I'm sorry for being such a
disappointment to you and Mum." 

        "Nonsense!" Damien scoffed, pulling back and gripping Ray by the
forearms, shaking him lightly. "Don't you worry about what I think or what
anyone thinks, Raymond. You just be who you want to be, you're much braver
than I could ever be, so you just take that and run with it." He smiled
and Ray's heart melted. "I'm not sayin' it will be easy, but we...we can
do this, right? We've faced bigger challenged than this, hell we built the
GTO from scratch and look'it 'er-we can make it." 

        Ray could only sniff and nod. 

        "That's my boy," Damien decided proudly, then patted Ray's cheek.
"No, you're no boy, but you're my son, and a fine young man. We'll see you
and Fraser at Christmas, bring the girl, we'll do it up right." 

        "O...okay," Ray agreed as his Father stepped back. He willed
himself not to reach for him as Damien turned and returned to his wife's
side. 

        Barbara was crying and she hugged Damien when he reached her. They
turned and waved at Ray and Fraser, who waved back, then they boarded the
plane. 

        Ray with Fraser's arm around his shoulders and watched the plane
taxi down the run way and lift into the sky. He turned to the Mountie, and
wiped at his face. 

        "How would ya feel about a June Hand-fasting, Ben?" 

        Fraser's expression was priceless and Ray started to laugh. His
amusement was short lived as Fraser answered the question with a
mind-blowing kiss. 

        "Wow!" Ray teased as they both turned to watch the plane disappear
high into the clouds. "So, Fraser....um....just curious, but all those
times in Chicago-ya coulda had your pick of women, why...why didn't
you...you know?" 

        Fraser smiled and pulled him closer. "I guess I was just holding
out for a hero, Ray," he replied. 

        Ray laughed and pushed away to do a little dance, indicating the
Mountie follow. "Then take me to bed or loose me forever, Mountie." 

        Fraser released a tempting growl and hurried after his partner as
Ray broke into a run for the jeep. 
  

The end. 

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