Let This Story Have an End	  Disclaimer: This story is written for
the private entertainment of fans. The author makes no claims on the
characters or their portrayal by the creation of this story. Fraser,
Vecchio, et.al. belong to Alliance; the McKenzies and friends belong to S
L Haas and Cat Madden belongs to me. No infringement of any copyrights
held by CBS, Alliance, CTV or any other copyright holders of DUE SOUTH is
intended. This story is not published for profit, and the author does not
give permission for this story to be reproduced for profit.
 
 Let This Story Have an End        
 
 by Carol Trendall
 
 I love you too much to ever start liking you 
 so let's just let this story have an end. 
 I love you too much to ever start liking you 
 so don't expect me to be your friend. - Lobo
 
 If he were quick, no one would notice his absence. It would take only a
few minutes to make the call, then he would return and no one would know.
Slipping silently away from the party, Ray made his way to the room he was
to share with his best friend, checking the corridor for other team
members before closing the door behind him.
 
 Ray felt certain that in the next few hours events would be set in motion
that would change Benton Fraser's life forever – regardless of whether he
and Phil McKenzie renewed their relationship of so long ago. He knew that
Fraser would soon learn of the child he had unknowingly fathered and when
that happened he would need the support of those who loved him most. 
 
 Fumbling with his electronic organiser in the dim glow from the desk
lamp, Ray pressed a few keys, trying to remember what he had filed the
number under. He smiled when he found it – under C for Cat.
 
 
 A ringing phone that wakes you from a deep sleeps often means bad news.
For an off duty police officer it almost certainly does. That thought was
uppermost in Sergeant Cathy Madden's mind as she disentangled herself from
the long-haired man sleeping beside her and reached a hand over the side
of the bed, grappling for the cordless phone she had dropped there in the
late afternoon several hours earlier. 
 
 Next to her, Lloyd Hope didn't even stir, but that was no surprise. In
the nine months they had been together he had grown used to phone calls
that took Cat away from what was already a limited amount of time spent
together. 
 
 Accustomed to out of office hour phone calls and already guessing at what
this one meant, Cat didn't even bother to open her eyes as she answered.
 
 "Cat?" A familiar voice said at the other end of the line, surprised at
her sleepy tone. "What are you doing in bed this early – wait I *don't*
want to know."
 
 At hearing Ray Vecchio's voice her eyes flew open and she was suddenly,
violently awake. She sat up, pulling the sheet off Lloyd. 
 
 "Ray? What's happened?" Why was Ray calling her? He was supposed to be on
vacation with Ben. All sorts of thoughts filled her mind. Had something
happened? "Aren't you supposed to be in the middle of the Grand Canyon?"
she whispered, panic creeping into her voice. "Is Ben OK? What's wrong?
Where are you?"
 
 "Calm down, Cat," Ray fended off her questions with expertise.
"Everything is fine. I didn't mean to wake you."
 
 "Fuck that, Ray. What's happened?"
 
 "There's something I think you should know." 
 
 "What? What should I know?"
 
 Lloyd stirred and rolled to face her, opening his eyes slightly to check
if she was OK. Cat mouthed an apology and kissed his forehead, nodding to
reassure him that she was fine. She told Ray to wait and then slipped from
the bed, laying a firm hand on Lloyd's arm, telling him to stay put. With
the phone cradled on her shoulder, she collected her robe from the back of
the door, slipped it on and headed out of the room.
 
 In the hallway she resumed her conversation. "Sorry 'bout that, Ray," she
said as she headed down the stairs to the living room where she could
speak without fear of awakening Lloyd any further. 
 
 Ray chuckled. "Sorry about disturbing you. I didn't think you'd be in bed
– I mean *asleep* this early."
 
 Cat laughed, her panic of a moment ago forgotten. "So what is it you
think I need to know and why aren't you with Ben?"
 
 "I am with Benny. Well, not right now. The canyon trip ended today and
we're back at the hotel. There's a farewell party going on downstairs and
I don't know what's going to happen but I thought you should hear about
it."
 
 "What the hell does that mean, Ray?" If Ben was OK, did this have
something to do with Phil? 
 
 "Does the name Phil McKenzie mean anything to you?"
 
 "Ray, if you're asking me like that then you know damn well it does." So
it did have something to do with Phil. But what? Did she and Ben have some
sort of confrontation? Did Ben know about Lindy? "Question is, Ray," she
said her calm voice giving away nothing of the turmoil going on in her
mind, "just what does it mean to you?"
 
 "Oh, nothing much," Ray answered nonchalantly. "My best friend's
ex-fiance, mother of his child. A few things like that."
 
 Cat went cold. She sat down suddenly. Ray knew far more than she would
ever have expected. "How did you find out about that?" Her voice was tight
and almost squeaked.
 
 "Phil told me."
 
 "*Phil* told you?" How did that happen? Cat knew how hard it was for Phil
to talk about Lindy. Just what exactly had happened on this trip?
 
 Ray waved her off with a professional tone she was sure he used on
suspects. "Long story. She didn't mean to tell me – it was an accident.
Let's just say it was one of those moments." His tone gentled to something
Cat was more familiar with. "Jesus, Cat, I don't know whether to be pissed
at you for not telling me or feel sorry for you for carrying this
information around all this time." He took a breath and lowered his voice
until he sounded in pain. "I just wish you had said something. I could
have helped."
 
 "How, Ray?" Cat ground out, running a hand through her hair in
frustration. "I nearly made myself sick trying to help."
 
 "Yeah, well it makes a lot of sense about what was going on at Christmas.
I know Phil lives in Chicago."
 
 Cat closed her eyes and lay back against the sofa, remembering Ray
overhearing her argument with Ben. He had seen the strain between her and
Ben first hand and now he knew why. 
 
 "You weren't supposed to get involved in this."
 
 Ray's voice was loud in Cat's ear. "Benny's my best friend, I had to get
involved. I've been worried sick about him for months now. Fuck, I'm
stupid. All this time I thought he was screwed up because you wouldn't
marry him and now I find out it's because he's carried a torch for someone
else for twelve years." Ray's voice lost its shrillness and grew sad. "And
you knew."
 
 "And you wouldn't know if fate hadn't conspired. Why do you think Ben
hasn't talked to you about this before?" She didn't wait for his answer.
"He's ashamed, Ray."
 
 Cat heard Ray sigh at the other end of the line. "But he had a child,
Cat. A child he doesn't know about." His voice raised again. "What the
fuck am I supposed to do with that? How can I hide that bit of
information?"
 
 "So you're going to tell him?" This time Cat's voice rose to panic pitch.
 
 "No. Phil swore me to secrecy. She said she would tell him when the time
was right."
 
 Cat nodded in the dim evening light. Phil had said the same thing to her.
"Now you know how I've felt for the last year." She took a deep breath and
changed tack. "So what happened? Is Ben OK?"
 
 "Look, he tells me he's fine." He took a long shuddery breath. "But he's
been screwed up for so long now, I've forgotten what 'OK' is for him. I
just wanted you to know that Phil was on the trip. Just in case one of
them really flips out."
 
 "Thanks, Ray." There was no point in mentioning she already knew about
the trip, Ray would only want to know why she hadn't told him.
 
 "So what do we do from here?"
 
 "I think this is something they're going to have to sort out for
themselves. God knows, I've tried, but it's way past the point where I can
help." She hesitated before continuing, wondering if this was the time to
start with Ray about his situation with Casey. "And I think there are
other relationships you could be spending your emotional energy on."
 
 Ray turned thoughtful and just a little sad. "Ah, Cat – I just … can't …"
 
 "You've seen what happened to Ben …"
 
 Ray's sudden discomfort was impossible to hide. "Look, Cat, I gotta get
back to the party before Benny misses me …"
 
 Well used to Ben's obfuscation over the years she heard Ray's ruse and
let him get away with it. There would be time to deal with that later.
"Thanks for clueing me in about the trip, Ray. I'm sorry you got dragged
into all this. I know it's not easy."
 
 "Benny's my best friend."
 
 "I know."
 
 There was nothing more to be said. Ray and Cat now shared a secret they
both had to carry, waiting for the fateful day it made itself known. Until
then they would remain united by their knowledge, ready to give comfort
when needed. They said their goodbyes. Cat pressed the disconnect button
and dropped the phone onto the sofa.
 
 For a long time she stayed motionless on the sofa, staring into the
shadows. She had a feeling that things would get a lot worse for Ben
before he and Phil found their way back to each other. After a while she
headed upstairs. Lloyd was to catch a 6am flight home and it was suddenly
important that she didn't miss another moment with him.
 
 
 After the heat of the Grand Canyon, early morning in Pincher Creek,
Alberta seemed chilly to Phil McKenzie. For a moment she regretted her
hasty departure, still clad as she was in the light pants and top she had
worn for the farewell party the night before. Twisting in her seat, she
reached behind and rummaged in her bag for a sweater, shrugging into it
without much thought as to whether it matched what she already wore.
 
 A tinny voice sounded in Phil's ear. "Three Niner Five Echo Sierra,
you're cleared for an overnighter. Proceed to hangar C12. Enjoy your
stay." 
 
 She adjusted the headphones she had nudged getting into her cardigan.
"Thank you, Control. Over and out." 
 
 With deft movements she steered her small Cessna Centurion towards the
designated hangar, wondering for a moment if she was doing the right
thing. The decision to run to Pincher Creek and to Lloyd seemed like a
wise move when she had hurried from Ben's bed long before sunrise. Now
that she was here she wasn't so sure.
 
 
 Lloyd Hope yawned and fumbled with his keys, dropping them twice before
finally unlocking the front door of the small cottage he called home.
Still yawning, he stepped inside leaving the front door open to let some
air in to the rooms that had been closed for the three days he had been in
Moose Jaw with Cathy Madden. He tossed his pack through the open door of
his bedroom then headed off to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee,
cursing the 6am flight that had dragged him from Cathy's bed earlier than
he cared for.
 
 With the coffee finally brewing, Lloyd found a sunny spot on the back
verandah to wait for it. His early morning start and lack of sleep
eventually took its toll and before long his head dropped back against the
wall and he slipped into a deep sleep, his mouth dropping open to let out
a ragged snore. So deep was Lloyd's slumber he did not hear the coffee
maker's beep of completion, nor did he hear the car that pulled up behind
his jeep or the calls of the woman that travelled in it.
 
 
 The front door was open, so Phil stepped inside calling out for Lloyd as
she went. There was no reply. In the hallway, she peered into his bedroom,
but the bed was not only empty, it was neatly made. The guest bedroom
opposite was empty also. 
 
 Still calling for Lloyd, she continued down the hall past the empty
bathroom finally coming into a large room the full width of the house that
served as kitchen, dining and living rooms all in one. Frowning, she moved
to the kitchen area, noting the freshly brewed pot of coffee. Lloyd had to
be nearby. Looking around, she saw the open back door and headed through
it. Lloyd's loud snores alerted her of his whereabouts before she saw him.
 
 Phil smiled lovingly at the man asleep on the verandah, his head leaned
back against the wall of the cottage. Not surprised that her calls of
greeting had not awakened him, she leaned forward and shook him gently,
stopping him in mid snore.
 
 "Lloyd," she said quietly. "You can't possibly be comfortable in that
position."
 
 The dark-skinned man slid abruptly into wakefulness, peering up at his
guest through sleepy eyes.
 
 "Phil," he mumbled, struggling upright. "What the hell are you doing
here?"
 
 Phil straightened and folded her arms over her chest. "What am I doing
here?" she repeated, nervously moistening her lips, suddenly unsure what
to tell her friend. "Question is, Lloyd Hope, just what are you doing
asleep on the back verandah at 8am?"
 
 Sitting up now, Lloyd rested his elbows on his knees and his face in his
hands, stifling a yawn. "I just got home."
 
 Phil raised an elegant eyebrow at him. "You just got home?"
 
 "Don't look at me like that, Phil," he grinned, reaching out to grab her.
"I've been with Cathy for the last few days and I caught a 6am flight
home."
 
 "Oh," she answered, letting Lloyd tug her onto his lap. "I thought maybe
you had taken to going to all night dance parties or something like that."
 
 "I'm too old for that," he said, hugging the long, lean woman on his lap.
"Now cut the crap and tell me why you're here. I know you're supposed to
be in the Grand Canyon and I know Ben Fraser was on your trip."
 
 Phil sighed and leaned into his embrace. "How do you know that?"
 
 "Cathy told me." Lloyd kissed her hair and stroked a hand down her
suddenly trembling back.
 
 "Oh great." Phil pressed her face into Lloyd's chest. "And how does Cat
know?"
 
 "By accident. She called to speak to you and Mark told her you were
leading the trip. She already knew Ben was on a BakTrak trip."
 
 Phil pushed away and looked at Lloyd, a hint of anger showing in her
brown eyes. "Well why didn't she tell me?"
 
 Lloyd shrugged. "I guess she figured you'd find out. It is your company,
Phil. And anyway, you'd left by the time she found out."
 
 She pouted and rose to her feet, abruptly changing the subject. "Didn't I
see a pot of coffee in the kitchen?"
 
 Lloyd nodded and Phil spun on her heels and went into the house. Lloyd
rose to his feet, stretched, yawned and followed her inside.
 
 Phil busied herself with the coffee, automatically reaching for Lloyd's
favourite coffee cup, fine bone china with a hand painted design that he
had bought at a flea market for fifty cents. She remembered the first time
she saw it and how she had pointed out that it was, in fact, a teacup.
Lloyd had smiled patiently and poured himself a cup, then grinned at her
over the rim as he drank it. Even now, years later, it still amazed her
that such a big man, with such big hands, could comfortably drink from
such a fine cup. She filled the cup and turned to hand it to him.
 
 He accepted it and waited while she poured her own. With steaming mug in
hand, Phil let Lloyd lead her outside onto the verandah once again.
 
 "So do you want to talk about what happened with Ben?"
 
 "No," Phil answered, waving off his concern. "It's … there's … nothing to
talk about."
 
 "So what are you doing here?" 
 
 "You don't want me here?"
 
 "Phil," he placated. "You're welcome in my home anytime, you know that."
He leaned forward and placed a hand over hers. "I've known you for a long
time and never have I known you to arrive unannounced. Add that to what I
know about the canyon trip and I can't help but think there's something
you might want to talk about."
 
 "No, there's nothing," Phil answered, a little too quickly to be
convincing. "I just wanted to take some time out before I went back to
work. Two weeks in the Grand Canyon takes a lot out of you and it's been a
while since I led a trip, plus I had no time to prepare. You know
normally, I go into a bit of a training regime before I do a trip, but
this time, well this time I had no notice, I just had to fly straight out
there and take over. I didn't even get time to go over the participant
list before I got there, so I knew nothing about the group and I had to
learn about them as we went. It was all very stressful. I didn't even have
time to think about Ben, he was just another passenger who had paid good
money to do this trip and I had to make sure he had a good time just like
everyone else. It could have …."
 
 "Phil …" Lloyd interrupted her stream of consciousness. "Why are you
here?"
 
 Her eyes widened. "Weren't you listening to what I just said?"
 
 "What I heard was a lot of babbling. You weren't actually saying
anything."
 
 Phil's mouth hung open for just a moment and then she flew to her feet
away from Lloyd's knowing eyes. She banged her mug onto the railing and
looked out across Lloyd's vegetable garden then over to the mountains in
the distance. 
 
 "I went to his room last night," she said eventually.
 
 "I see."
 
 Angry with herself and frustrated with confusion she whirled to face her
friend. "I don't think you do, Lloyd. I don't think you understand at
all."
 
 "Walela …" he began, rising from his chair and stepping towards her.
 
 Phil's raised palms stopped him. Her eyes blazed with something he could
not name, but suspected it might be fear.
 
 "I seduced him, Lloyd. I climbed into his bed as bold as you can be and I
made love to him – I let him make love to me. I wanted it – I wanted him."
Her voice faltered.
 
 Lloyd stood where she had stopped him, desperate to do something for her.
She turned away and spoke again so softly that it took a moment for her
words to register.
 
 "I still want him."
 
 "My sweet Walela," Lloyd whispered into her hair as he moved behind her
and wrapped his arms around her. "That's not bad. You love him."
 
 Phil spun in his arms and faced him with pained eyes. "I had planned to
accept Martin's proposal. He's over there in Cambodia … doing God's work …
and I'm here doing … " her voice trailed off and softly she began to cry.
 
 Lloyd pulled her against him and pressed her cheek to his chest. "Ssh,
Walela, it's OK. You've done nothing wrong."
 
 "I have, Lloyd," she sobbed into his shirt. "It might not be official yet
and I might not have a ring, but I am engaged to be married to Martin."
 
 "But you said yourself you haven't given him an answer yet. You said he
wanted you to think about it."
 
 "I had made up my mind. I knew." Phil pulled away and leaned against the
railing, lowering her gaze she spoke quietly. "And now it's all over."
 
 Lloyd shifted around and settled against the railing beside her, staring
out into the distance. "So you and Ben … ?"
 
 "I don't know." Phil pushed away from the railing and paced to the other
end of the verandah. "I just know that I can't marry Martin. Even if
nothing more happens between me and Ben, I can't marry Martin. Not after
this."
 
 Lloyd said nothing. There was nothing to say. He had known that Phil
would never love Martin the way she had loved Ben – the way she probably
still loved him. It was a relief that she made this discovery before she
married Martin. One day when all this had passed and was but a distant
memory, he would tell her how he thought it odd that no one had ever met
Martin Stevenson, but for now he would say nothing. He would give her what
she came for.
 
 "If you don't love Martin then it's best if you don't marry him."
 
 "I never said I didn't love Martin." Phil turned her back to Lloyd and
paced to the opposite end of the verandah. "Why is that just when my life
is getting back to normal, Ben Fraser appears and throws it all up in the
air. Why did he do this?"
 
 A faint smile tugged at the corners of Lloyd's mouth. "I don't think you
can place all the blame on Ben. You told me yourself that you seduced
him."
 
 "But why was he on the trip in the first place? I think he did it
deliberately. He must have known that BakTrak is my company."
 
 "How's that? How could he know that? I know your name isn't on the
brochures."
 
 "But it's on public record that I own the company. He could have looked
it up."
 
 Lloyd nodded agreement. "Yes, he could. But not everyone checks into the
legal details of the companies they purchase goods and services from.
And," he struggled to hide his grin. "You weren't booked to lead the trip
anyway. Surely if he wanted to see you he would have just come to your
office."
 
 "Well, yes, I guess you're right. After all, Cat did tell me that she
gave him my address and phone number nine months ago. "
 
 Lloyd smiled and reached for Phil's coffee cup, abandoned on the verandah
railing. "How about I get us another cup of coffee, then I'll go to work
and you take a nap and we can talk when I get home." He headed towards the
kitchen and then hesitated. "You are planning on staying the night, I
presume?"
 
 Phil nodded. "My plane is in the public hangar at the airport and I
picked up an el cheapo rental car. I was hoping I could stay a day or
two."
 
 "Of course you can. Does anyone know you're here?"
 
 "No and I'd like to leave it that way for a while. No one will start to
worry for a day or two."
 Lloyd smiled in acknowledgment and then leaned down and planted a gentle
kiss on Phil's forehead before going off to get the coffee.
 
 
 It was curiosity, pure and simple, that had Ray up early and waiting in
the breakfast room long before Ben and Phil. He chose a table next to the
window so as not to be obvious, but then positioned himself so that he
would have a clear view of the happy couple as they arrived for breakfast.
 
 And happy they would be, Ray had no doubt. After all these years, finally
getting the chance to spend the night together – how could they not be?
 
 As he ordered coffee and smiled at the bored waitress, Ray caught sight
of his reflection in the window and realised that his shit-eating grin
made it look almost as though he were the one who had spent the night with
a woman. That thought amused him so much that he didn't notice Ben until
he was almost across the room and at his table – alone.
 
 Concern wrinkled his forehead in a frown as Ben slid into the chair
opposite, but the Mountie's smile and cheery greeting as he reached for a
menu smoothed it again. Ray remembered that Phil had frequently been a
late riser during the trip and added to that the realisation that perhaps
she and Ben had chosen to come to breakfast separately for the sake of
appearances.
 
 "So how are you this morning, Benny boy?"
 
 Ben looked up from the menu and the clear, open expression on his face
was one Ray thought he would never, ever see on his friend.
 
 "Never better, Ray. Thank you for asking." He returned to his perusal of
the menu, leaving Ray staring. 
 
 'Well, well,' Ray thought to himself, 'Phil must be one hell of a woman
to put a smile like that on a man's face.' Unbidden, thoughts of Casey
came to mind and he realised just how long it had been since he had awoken
with such a smile. Saddened suddenly, he dropped his eyes to the plaid
tablecloth, only looking up when the waitress arrived with his breakfast.
 
 Ben did not notice Ray's mood shift, engrossed as he was in delivering a
large breakfast order to the same waitress.
 
 "That's a lot of food, even for you, Fraser," Ray said as she walked
away, thankful for any distraction that took him away from his thoughts.
 
 "I'm hungry, Ray," Ben said, simply, ending that line of conversation.
 
 'I bet you are' Ray thought to himself, hiding his chuckle as he tucked
into his breakfast.
 
 By the time Ben's breakfast was delivered, Phil had still not arrived.
The breakfast room slowly filled with the other members of their group and
Ray busied himself searching their faces, assuming that Phil had slipped
in unnoticed and he would find her amongst one of the other groups. 
 
 But he could not see her.
 
 "Benny ...."
 
 Ben looked up from his meal. "Yes, Ray?"
 
 "Phil – where is she?"
 
 "She left." He returned to his eating.
 
 "She *left*?"
 
 "Yes, Ray."
 
 "But what ... " Ray scratched his head and frowned. "I mean ... "
 
 Ben averted his gaze and spoke in a low voice. "I must thank you for what
you did last night, Ray."
 
 "You mean with the rooms?"
 
 "Yes." Ben lifted his head and met Ray's eyes again. "It means a great
deal that you would do that for me." He blushed and dropped his gaze
again. "Phil and I ... I think there is a chance that things might work
out ... it was a special night, Ray."
 
 Ray scratched his head in confusion. "But you said she left."
 
 Ben nodded. "Yes, she needed to go home and ... think."
 
 "And?"
 
 "We'll talk soon." Ben reached for his coffee cup, his body language
signalling the end of the conversation.
 
 Ray sat back in his chair and stared at his friend. The Mountie seemed
relaxed, almost carefree, a state he had not seen in recent times. He had
no idea what had taken place and it was obvious Ben would not tell him,
but given the difference in the other man's demeanour since leaving
Chicago, Ray just had to trust that things were improving. Before he had a
chance to think further, a voice from across the room roused him from his
thoughts.
 
 "Ray! Ben! Good morning."
 
 Travis Hunter made his way across the room towards them, holding Ben's
eyes long enough for Ray to see that the two men both knew something he
didn't. 
 
 
 Ben stared up at the man approaching the table he shared with Ray and
swallowed hard. He could tell instantly by the look in his eyes that
Travis knew what had taken place the night before. He watched helplessly
as the fair-haired man leaned casually on the back of an empty chair, a
grin on his face that was too close to smug for comfort.
 
 "So how was your final night?" Travis asked, his innocuous tone giving
away nothing.
 
 Ben glanced down at the remains of his breakfast, grateful when Ray
interjected and told Travis that he had slept like a baby.
 
 "Glad to hear it. And you, Ben?"
 
 "Very well, thank you for asking." 
 
 Still staring at Ben's bowed head, Travis told them both to make sure
they added their names and addresses to the contact list making its way
around the room and was about to say something else when a voice over the
intercom interrupted.
 
 "Dr McKenzie, please contact reception, there is a long distance call for
you."
 
 Ben's head jerked up and he met Travis' steady gaze.
 
 "I'd best go tell them Phil left early this morning," Travis said,
holding Ben's eyes.
 
 "Yes," Ben muttered softly, looking into his food again as the
fair-haired man strode off.
 
 Ray looked from Travis' retreating form to the bowed head of his friend.
"So what was that all about, Benny?"
 
 "Nothing. Nothing at all." He waved his head and made a strange face. "I
imagine that Travis drove Phil out to the airstrip this morning."
 
 Ray absorbed that piece of information, realising that Travis probably
knew far more about what had taken place between Ben and Phil than he ever
would. 
 
 "You can talk to me you know, Benny. I *am* your friend."
 
 "Yes, you are, Ray. You're my best friend," he confirmed, "and when there
is something I need to talk to you about, I can assure you I will."
Reaching for his coffee cup, Ben swallowed the contents and smiled at Ray.
He pushed back his chair and stood up. "Now I think it's time we packed
and got ready to go home. We have a lot of people to say goodbye to."
 
 After a momentary hesitation Ray stood also, muttering words of
agreement. He followed his friend through the breakfast room, wondering
how he had lost control of the conversation and how he could find out what
was going on. Looking at the strong, square shoulders of his friend, a
thought struck him. Cat would tell him.
 
 
 Cat wiggled in her seat as she put the finishing touches to an all staff
memo about the carparking area. At that point in time it was the last
thing she cared about. Her fingers itched to pick up the phone and dial
the Canadian Consulate in Chicago, but she knew it was no use, Ben would
not be there for at least two more days. From what Ray had told her the
night before, she knew they would arrive home tonight. She would call him
then and see if he could tell her anything further about Ben and Phil.
 
 There was no point in calling TJ. He would know nothing until at least
that night when Phil returned to Chicago. But there was nothing stopping
her from calling and leaving a 'just touching base' message on Phil's
machine. She worked hard to keep the smug tone out of her voice when she
did.
 
 
 "Shouldn't you call someone? TJ or Rob at least, and let him know where
you are?" Lloyd asked as he handed Phil her second cup of coffee.
 
 She blew on her coffee before sipping it. "No, it's OK. I'm not expected
back in Chicago until tonight. No one will miss me until tomorrow.
Besides, I like the idea of being ex communicado today."
 
 Lloyd shrugged and stepped off the verandah to wander amongst the rows of
vegetables planted in his garden.
 
 "Whatever you think best, Phil." He sounded unconcerned.
 
 She frowned at the tone in his voice and followed him into the garden. "I
won't be tricked into it, Lloyd."
 
 Lloyd didn't answer. He squatted amid his beans and pulled several grubs
from the leaves, muttering at them under his breath.
 
 "It's up to you, whatever you think best." Lloyd rose again and headed
back to the house. "I have to go to work."
 
 "All right!" Phil called out to his retreating form. "I'll check my
messages and if there's anything urgent I'll call TJ."
 
 "Whatever," Lloyd answered, his back to Phil so she wouldn't see his
smile of victory.
 
 
 "Can I come with you?" Phil asked a little later when Lloyd re-emerged in
his Forest Ranger uniform and his hair hanging in a neat braid down his
back.
 
 He laughed. "I think you'd be bored, Phil. I've got to do the rounds of
the fire platforms today. They have been looked at for a week."
 
 "But I'd love to follow you around while you check fire platforms, Lloyd.
It's what I live for." Phil's cheeky grin was rewarded with a mock stern
look.
 
 "You can only avoid this so long, Phil. Promise me that we'll talk about
this Ben issue tonight."
 
 "After dinner?" She cocked her head and gave a coy smile.
 
 Lloyd rolled his eyes. "OK, after dinner." He reached over and whacked
her rump playfully. "If you're coming with me, get out of those fancy
clothes and into something you can climb a tree in." 
 
 Phil laughed and dashed off to change.
 
 "And don't forget your swimming costume," Lloyd called after her.
"There's a swimming hole out by Tower 6 where I usually take a dip." He
gathered his pack and headed out the front door. "I'll wait in the truck."
 
 When Phil joined him several minutes later she was dressed in shorts and
a sleeveless cotton shirt with a pair of sturdy leather boots on her feet
and a big grin on her face.
 
 "You didn't call your brothers, did you?"
 
 "You have to get to work. I didn't want to keep you waiting."
 
 Lloyd shook his head affectionately and started the truck. He knew there
was little point in pressing her further.
 
 
 With their luggage stowed in the bus that would take everyone to the
airport, Ben cast his eyes over the group with whom he had spent two
weeks. Travis chatted with the geologists, Carol and Ray talked about
food, Josie and Matt helped load the remainder of the luggage into the bus
and Terry and Kim handed out copies of the contact list collected earlier
that morning. An interesting and varied group, Ben told himself. Amongst
them were people he hoped to see again - the Hunter brothers and their
wives in particular, not to mention Phil McKenzie. But there were others
whose company he did not care for.
 
 Mara Taylor chose that moment to appear in front of him, standing far
closer than was necessary. He never wanted her attention in the first
place and now, in the light of what had happened with Phil, it was even
less welcome than before.
 
 "We haven't had any time alone, Ben," she said, looking up at him through
lowered lashes, "but how about a farewell hug?"
 
 Ben shifted back slightly. He remembered Ray's advice to tell Mara to
'fuck off'. He knew he could never bring himself to say those words, but
now he was prepared to say something less polite than he normally would.
He took a deep breath and prepared his answer. Before the words could
leave his lips, Ray stepped in and swept Mara into his arms.
 
 "I'm hurt, Mara. What about me? I'll gladly give you that hug." 
 
 He whirled the young woman around, ignoring her yelp of protest, giving
her some of her own medicine. He winked at Ben over her shoulder, then
slapped his hands onto her butt and squeezed. Mara squealed and Ray let
her go, laughing as the woman dashed off.
 
 Before Ben could admonish him, a voice in his ear made him spin around in
surprise. It was Travis.
 
 "I know it's none of my business, Ben, but if you hurt Phil I'll come
looking for you." 
 
 Ben opened his mouth to protest, but no sound would come.
 
 Travis continued. "But all that macho stuff aside, it's been great having
you on this trip and I hope we get to see each other again soon."
 
 Finally Ben was able to speak. "Thank you, Travis." He dropped his head.
"I can assure you that I have no intention of ..."
 
 "Like I said, Ben. It's none of my business." Travis glanced up at the
bus driver, who was busy trying to get the attention of the group. "Looks
like it's time to go." Travis held out his hand, smiling warmly at Ben.
 
 Ben shook the proffered hand, trying to convey his intentions without
words. He hoped that Travis saw his sincerity. The other man just smiled
and wandered off to farewell the rest of the group. 
 
 After a final round of handshakes and hugs, everyone piled onto the bus
and set off to the airport, only do have another round of hugs and
handshakes as they separated for flights home. It wasn't until they were
checked in and waiting to board their own flight that Ben and Ray could
really talk.
 
 "It was a great trip, Benny."
 
 "Yes it was, Ray."
 
 They both knew that this trip had changed their lives. The things they
had learned had brought them closer. With thoughts of Lindy in his head,
Ray knew the things that Ben still had to learn would put their friendship
to the test. His task now was to make sure he remained strong so that when
his friend learned of his child it would draw them even closer rather than
drive them apart. He knew, also, that he would need Cat's help to do it.
 
 
 "You think they'd give you air conditioned jeeps," Phil complained as she
climbed into the oven like interior of Lloyd's vehicle.
 
 Lloyd scribbled some final notes into a book and tossed it onto the seat
between them. "That's why we're going for a swim." He started the engine
and steered the jeep onto the dirt track that would take them to the
swimming hole.
 
 "About time, too." Phil fanned herself with her hat. "It was hot in the
Grand Canyon, but at least I wasn't trapped inside a metal box."
 
 "Don't worry, Phil. A swim will fix it."
 
 Before long they rolled to a stop in the shade of a large tree. Lloyd
pointed to a track that led between two large boulders. Dragging an old
towel from the back seat, he dashed out of the car with Phil on his tail,
keen to immerse himself in the cool water.
 
 "This is lovely, Lloyd," Phil told her friend as they drew level with the
water hole nestled at the base of a tiny canyon.
 
 It was a small swimming hole no more than 30 feet across, created by what
appeared to be a rockslide down a slope that had effectively dammed the
small creek that fed it.
 
 "Yeah, it is and fortunately not too many people know about it."
 
 Unbuttoning his shirt, Lloyd slipped it off and tossed it over a low
hanging branch. Settling on a rock, he leaned down to pull off his boots.
 
 "Is that a love bite, Lloyd?"
 
 Jerking upright again, he slapped a guilty hand to his throat. "Where?"
 
 Phil's silver laughter filled the small canyon. "I'm only teasing. But I
love that guilty reaction."
 
 Lloyd rose and reached for her in one graceful glide. "That deserves a
dunking."
 
 Laughing again, Phil sidestepped her friend and shimmied out of her
clothes in a split second. 
 
 "No thanks, I'll do it on my own."
 
 Before Lloyd could get to her, Phil climbed onto a rock and jumped into
the beckoning water. He laughed as she slipped below the water, emerging a
second later spluttering and yelling.
 
 "It's cold!"
 
 Lloyd laughed again. "It's good for you."
 
 Phil muttered something unintelligible and tried to climb onto the rock
from which she had leapt. Her foot slipped and she fell back again, to the
sound of Lloyd's delighted laughter.
 
 "Help me out, I'm cold!" she called to him.
 
 Lloyd knelt down and held out his hand. Phil gripped it and he started to
pull her from the water, letting go of her just as she was about to climb
up beside him. When she emerged from the water again calling him something
he didn't catch he laughed again.
 
 "Dammit, Lloyd," she cursed. "I'm cold, I want to get out."
 
 At Phil's firm curse, Lloyd knew instantly that something was wrong. As
Phil trod water in the deep waterhole, he realised that the sounds he had
mistaken for laughter were, in fact, tears.
 
 "Oh god, Phil," he said, leaping into the water beside her and drawing
her into his arms.
 
 She gripped Lloyd's shoulders and pushed her face against his neck,
sobbing raggedly as he carried her from the water. Laying her on a
sunwarmed rock, Lloyd stroked a lock of hair from her forehead and settled
beside her.
 
 "What's this about, Phil? What happened?"
 
 Phil sobbed against his shoulder and he rocked her until she was calm
enough to speak.
 
 "I'm sorry. It's just the shock – the water was so cold and it scared me.
I remembered a day in the Canyon when Ben nearly drowned. The water was
cold and I was terrified. I could have lost him for good."
 
 "But you didn't and now you're here with me and you're safe – Ben's
safe."
 
 She pushed away from Lloyd and sat up again. "I'm sorry, Lloyd. The shock
of the cold water just scared me"
 
 "You said that." He moved to sit beside her. "You're just a bit
emotional, Phil and it's OK. After all these years, this is bound to be a
tough time for you. Go easy on yourself and go easy on Ben. The worst is
yet to come. Don't forget there's something you've had years to deal with
and he hasn't."
 
 Phil bowed her head and in a voice barely above a whisper said, "Lindy."
 
 Lloyd nodded. "Stay with me as long as you need to, Phil, but know that
none of this will get better until you and Ben deal with the past and
finally, finally leave it there."
 
 Phil said nothing. She rose and gathered the clothing she had abandoned
in haste, pulling it on over her wet swimming costume.
 
 "What about Martin?" she asked eventually.
 
 Lloyd sighed and twisted the silver bracelet he had worn since his teens.
"That's not for me to say. Only you know how you feel."
 
 She stuck out her lower lip and pouted as she only dared with Lloyd. "You
think this is easy?"
 
 Lloyd rose and reached for his shirt and slipped it onto his shoulders,
not bothering to button it or tuck it into his wet pants. 
 
 "I know it's *not* easy and I'm trying to support you as best I can." His
voice softened and he pulled Phil into his arms once again. "You've got to
stop this. All of us who care for you can't watch you go on like this
forever. Let it end." He kissed the top of her head and whispered against
her hair. "Either marry Martin or don't but let the Phil and Ben story
have an end, Walela. Let it end."
 
 Phil rubbed her cheek against the soft cotton of Lloyd's shirt and
sighed. She knew he was right and she knew what she had to do. As soon as
Martin came home she would tell him. In her heart she knew that no matter
what happened with Ben, she could not marry Martin.
 
 "Come on, Walela, I'll take you home."
 
 Phil let Lloyd lead her back to the jeep and drive her back to his
cottage. After a hasty lunch he left her there to rest while he returned
to work.
 
 
 The day went so slowly that Cat almost thought time had come to a
complete stop. After the hectic pace of the summer season, she knew the
RCMP should be pleased for the break, but these crimeless days were
excruciatingly slow. Plus, with nothing else to occupy her mind she became
obsessed with finding about what had happened between Ben and Phil after
Ray's phone call the night before. Sighing, she checked her watch. Ray
wouldn't be home for at least another three hours. She would just have to
wait. 
 
 Through the half glass wall in her office she watched the activity in the
main part of the office. Constable Dixon was taking details from an
elderly woman who claimed to have had plants stolen from her front lawn.
His demeanour and obvious disinterest reminded her so much of Ray Vecchio
that she chuckled aloud. That chuckle became a full laugh as Constable
Marchand strode into view proudly carrying an armload of old case files. 
 
 He had taken it upon himself to re-order the archive filing system and
had been at it solidly for three days now. When he had come to her
requesting permission to do so, Cat had been amazed. He had always
reminded her of Ben, but watching him now as he went cheerfully about a
task that she herself had avoided for many months, she wondered wickedly
if Robert Fraser had ever known Will Marchand's mother. She laughed even
louder.
 
 She was still laughing when her phone rang.
 
 "What's so funny?" Lloyd asked as Cat got her greeting out around a
laugh.
 
 "Oh nothing much," she answered, settling back in her chair and lifting
her feet onto the desk. "So you got home OK?"
 
 "Yeah, I did. But I've got an unexpected visitor."
 
 Curiosity made Cat's voice raise a notch. "Oh? Who?"
 
 "Phil turned up this morning. She flew straight up from the canyon."
 
 Cat dropped her feet to the floor and sat up straight. "Phil? Why? What
happened? Is she OK?"
 
 "She's fine. Just a little bit spooked by whatever happened out there."
 
 Cat whistled. "I bet she is. Did she tell you anything?"
 
 Lloyd thought about how much he should tell Cat, but figured she would
find out anyway. "Not much. It seems she and Ben got to spend a bit of
time alone last night. I don't know what was said or what happened, but
she high tailed it out of there this morning and came straight here. She's
running scared."
 
 Concern for her two friends softened Cat's voice. "Oh, Lloyd, that's
awful. I wish I could do something. She must be a mess."
 
 "Yeah, she was pretty upset today, but she's at my place sleeping now."
Lloyd's protectiveness showed in his voice. "She said she'll talk about it
tonight."
 
 "Let me know if I can do anything."
 
 "I think maybe you should call Ben. He's probably a mess, too."
 
 "I won't be able to reach him until he gets to the consulate tomorrow."
 
 Lloyd took a moment before replying. "There's something else..."
 
 Lloyd's tone unnerved Cat slightly and she leaned forward in her chair, a
little nervous about what she might learn. "What?"
 
 He sighed before answering. "Phil's talking about calling off this thing
with Martin."
 
 "Oh god, this *is* serious then."
 
 "Sounds like it, doesn't it? I told Phil no matter what she decides she
has to put this story to rest."
 
 "Yes. Yes, she does," Cat answered absently, her mind suddenly racing,
filling with possibilities of what she could do to speed things along.
"Can we do anything?"
 
 Already anticipating Cat's thoughts, Lloyd spoke firmly. "No, I think we
have to leave them alone to sort it out themselves." His voice softened.
"But I think we both have to be prepared for this to get worse before it
gets better. Phil has always said she would tell Ben about Lindy and I
think that time is getting close."
 
 The panic that had been with her for the last year rose again. She had
tried not to think about what would happen when Ben learned of his dead
child, but she knew she had to deal with it now and be strong for her
oldest friend. Her eyes filled with tears and her voice shook as she
spoke. "Oh, Lloyd, I've worried about this ever since Phil told me about
her daughter."
 
 "It will be OK." Lloyd's voice was tender. He shared Cat's concern. "You
know they have to end this somehow – sooner or later.
 
 "For both their sakes."
 
 "Yes, for both of them."
 
 
 It was late afternoon when Phil finally roused from the deep sleep she
had dropped into after her emotional outburst at the swimming hole.
Running a hand through her hair she wandered out to the kitchen to see
what food she could rustle up in Lloyd's cupboards. She hadn't cooked for
him in ages and the prospect of doing it now filled her with pleasure.
 
 The cupboards were pretty bare, but Phil managed to toss together an
impressive pesto sauce. The garlic and basil came fresh from Lloyd's
garden but the pine nuts were a little old. She found them in a jar at the
back of the cupboard. 'No telling how long they've been there' she thought
to herself as she poured them into the blender, hoping they would still
taste OK.
 
 When the sauce was finally blended and taste checked, Phil sealed it into
a jar and set it on the bench beside a pack of spaghetti also from the
back of the cupboard. She prepared a green salad, again with leaves and
tomatoes fresh from Lloyd's garden. When that was stowed in the
refrigerator, a quick look at her watch confirmed she had plenty of time
to take a shower before Lloyd returned. 
 
 Just as she was about to head off to the bathroom, it suddenly occurred
to her that she had not checked her messages. Unless she wanted to be
henpecked, she knew she would be wise to do so before Lloyd came home. She
reached for the kitchen wall phone, not at all sure she was ready to make
contact with the outside world.
 
 Phil dialled the string of numbers that accessed her voicemail and waited
while the automated voice told her she had four messages. 
 
 The first was from Rob. His voice was calm and non-committal, asking that
she call as soon as she got home because he needed to talk to her. His
brotherly concern warmed her and she made a mental note to tell him how
much she appreciated him.
 
 The second was from Cat. The barely contained curiosity in her voice made
Phil smile. Although Cat asserted she was just 'touching base', Phil was
in no doubt as to the purpose for her call. She knew she would have to
plan her comments carefully before she returned Cat's call.
 
 The third call was a man's voice – one she did not recognise. She frowned
at the New England accent.
 
 "Philippe McKenzie?" the man said tentatively. "I've been trying to reach
you for days. This is most peculiar. I can't think what sort of woman
would go running off out of town at a time like this." 
 
 Phil frowned harder, confused by the message. Who was this man and what
did he want?
 
 "This is Dr William Stevenson, Martin's father. Really, this is no way
for a young woman to behave."
 
 Martin's father? What did he want? Had something happened to Martin? And
what did he mean about her behaviour? Phil began to resent the patronising
tone in the man's voice.
 
 "It really is essential that I speak with you. Call me immediately you
return from wherever it is you've tripped off to."
 
 Phil wavered between anger at the implication that she was up to
something improper and concern for Martin. She scribbled down William
Stevenson's phone number and waited for the final message, not sure how
worried she should be.
 
 The final message made up her mind. It was from Rob.
 
 "Phil, goddammit, it's about time you got a cellphone. Call me as soon as
you get this message. It's urgent. And think about that cellphone."
 
 A wave of blind panic hit Phil. Something was wrong. Something had
happened to Martin. Her heart pounded and her hands shook as she took up
the handset and began to dial her brother's number.
 
 
 
 "Oh dear, Ray," Ben said, his voice full of concern, "it appears we've
missed quite a bit of news in the two weeks we've been in the Grand
Canyon."
 
 "Oh yeah?" Ray's eyes did not leave the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit
Edition. In fact, his eyes had not left the magazine since he had yanked
it from the hands of the flight attendant ten minutes earlier.
 
 "Yes. There has been an energy crisis and electricity has been rationed
in some cities."
 
 "Is that so?"
 
 "Oh look, a group of American women is attempting the first all female
ascent of Mt Everest."
 
 "Really?"
 
 Ben tutted and shook his head. "Latest statistics show that three out of
every four households in Chicago have at least one hand gun."
 
 "You don't say."
 
 "My, how tragic. A former Australian Prime Minister, who is now the head
of the Australian branch of Care, is negotiating for the release of two
American doctors taken hostage by the Khmer Rouge."
 
 Ray slapped his magazine down on his knee and jerked his head up.
 
 "Look, Fraser, " he said a little too loudly, causing several passengers
to stare. "This flight is only so long and I have to give this back at the
end ... " he waved the magazine to emphasise his point. "If you don't mind
..."
 
 "Oh, yes, of course, Ray. Sorry."
 
 "Thank you." Ray ostentatiously lowered his tray table and spread the
magazine out, smoothing it carefully and making soothing noises at the
creases.
 
 Ben sneaked a glance at Ray's magazine, his eyes widening in shock at the
photo spread of scantily clad women. 'What does that have to do with
sport?' he wondered. After a moment he returned his attention to his own
newspaper, eager to learn what else had taken place during their trip.
 
 
 "I don't understand, Rob." Phil's voice wavered as she tried to make
sense of what her brother had just told her. "How did this happen?"
 
 "Sit down, Flip." Rob's voice was gentle as he told her again what he
knew. "The Care compound was ambushed by the Khmer Rouge and three
hostages were taken. One of them, a cook, was released after a few hours
but the other two are still being held. They've been moved to Khmer
headquarters."
 
 "Martin?"
 
 "Martin," he confirmed.
 
 "Dear God, no," she whispered, leaning heavily in the kitchen bench as
the magnitude of the situation finally hit her. "Oh no."
 
 "I'm so sorry, Phil. I wish I didn't have to tell you over the phone."
Rob's voice was strained with emotion. "I've been trying to reach you
since this morning."
 
 Silent sobs wracked her body. How could this have happened to Martin? She
opened her mouth to speak but could not find the words.
 
 "I know you're probably thinking the worst, Flip, but there is hope."
Rob's swallow was audible over the long distance line. "This Australian
guy, Malcolm Fraser, is in negotiation as we speak. He's the head of Care
in Australia and he's negotiated several other hostage releases with the
Khmer Rouge before. Everyone is very positive."
 
 Rob's words did nothing to allay her fears. She remembered vividly the
news images of Pol Pot's Killing Fields and knew exactly what the Khmer
Rouge was capable of.
 
 "But, Rob," she whispered, "this is the Khmer Rouge ... "
 
 "I know, Flip, I know." Rob's voice shook. "We just have to pray ..."
 
 A sudden thought hit Phil like a blow and she gasped, pressing a hand to
her throat. She thought about her conversation with Lloyd earlier that
day. She had planned to tell Martin she couldn't marry him. This was her
punishment.
 
 "It's my fault ..." 
 
 "Of course it's not your fault, Flip." Rob's voice took on a note of
disbelief. "How could you even think that? Martin knew the risk he was
taking."
 
 "You don't understand – it *is* my fault." A vivid image from the night
before filled her mind and she was instantly sick to the stomach. "I have
to go." 
 
 Rob suddenly forgotten, she slammed the phone back into its cradle and
raced for the bathroom, dropping to her knees in front of the toilet,
retching violently.
 
 When the waves of nausea stopped, Phil struggled to her feet. Leaning
heavily on the basin she splashed cool water on her face. Lifting her eyes
she stared at her reflection.
 
 "It's my fault," she told her image. "I was with Ben when Martin was ...
oh god ..." She pressed her hands to her face and wept.
 
 Confusion reigned in Phil's mind. She didn't know what to do next. Then
she remembered the call from Martin's father. Maybe he could tell her
more. She splashed more water on her face and then ran back to the living
room where she had left Dr Stevenson's number.
 
 With shaking fingers she dialled the number. When a very proper male
voice answered she introduced herself, aware that she sounded far more
composed than she felt at that moment.
 
 "Ah, the very elusive Philippe McKenzie," Dr Stevenson's curt voice
sounded large and intimidating in her ear. "I've been trying to reach you
for days. Your office told me you were unreachable."
 
 Phil's heart sank. She had been enjoying her trip with friends old and
new whilst Martin was in mortal danger. "Yes, I'm sorry. I was on a
rafting expedition in the Grand Canyon."
 
 An audible snort caught Phil by surprise. 
 
 "My son is on the other side of the world risking his life and you're
taking a vacation!"
 
 Startled again by the tone of the man on the other end of the line she
hesitated before answering.
 
 "I wasn't on vacation, Dr Stevenson, I was actually leading a geological
rafting expedition."
 
 Dr Stevenson snorted again. "It doesn't matter what you were doing. You
should have been at my son's side. A doctor as busy as Martin relies on
the support of a devoted woman."
 
 "Dr Stevenson, I ... "
 
 "You have no idea how embarrassed I was when I had to tell the media that
I didn't know where my son's fiance was. If you want to be a doctor's wife
you shouldn't trip off on your own flights of fancy. And what sort of job
is this for a woman, Miss McKenzie."
 
 Phil was shocked. So far, Martin's father had made no mention of his
son's kidnapping. He seemed only to be concerned with the image he
presented. She disliked him instantly. And how dare he question her. Her
anger warred with her concern for Martin.
 
 "It's *Dr* McKenzie and it's not a *job*, Dr Stevenson. It's my *career*
and my *business*, but I think it's a moot point when we really should be
concerned about Martin's wellbeing."
 
 "Well, I never ... "
 
 "I understand you're under pressure. It's a shock to me, too. Please just
tell me what you know and what I can do to help."
 
 After a few additional remarks about Phil and her behaviour, Dr Stevenson
told her what he knew but was unable to give her any further news. He
launched into another tirade about her behaviour.
 
 "Dr Stevenson," Phil interrupted. "What you think of me and my business
is of no interest to me at the moment. I need to find out how I can help
Martin. Please call me if you hear anything further." For the second time
that day she hung up on someone.
 
 For a moment Phil floundered. In the face of what had happened to Martin,
all thoughts of Ben were gone from her mind. All she could think of was
helping Martin. She had no idea whom to contact for more information. She
had no idea what she could do to help. The only thing she did know was
that she could not sit around Lloyd's house waiting for someone to do
something. As she stood wavering in the middle of Lloyd's living room, a
thought occurred to her. There was a Cambodian High Commission in Chicago.
She had to go home. 
 
 
 Ray closed the taxi door behind him and turned to his friend. "So, Benny,
you sure you don't want to come home for dinner? You've got no food in
your rathole and you know Ma will have made lasagne." 
 
 "Thank you, Ray, but no. I really do need to get home and rest. I have to
prepare for work tomorrow. If you could just have the taxi driver drop me
off." Ben settled into his seat and secured the safety belt.
 
 Ray smiled affectionately. He knew his friend was keen to be alone. He
had much to think about. "Whatever you say, Benny."
 
 Ray leaned forward and gave the directions to the taxi driver and the
taxi pulled into the Chicago traffic. It was late afternoon by the time
they came to a stop in West Racine.
 
 Ben hauled his pack onto the pavement and shut the trunk of the taxi.
Leaning against the door he smiled at Ray, still sitting in the back seat.
 
 "I want to thank you, Ray. These two weeks have meant a great deal to me
and that you were there to share it – well, it means a lot."
 
 Ray stared into the earnest eyes of his friend and thought about what he
had learned from Phil. The past two weeks had allowed him to see a side of
Ben that he had never previously known about. He would carry the secret
Phil had shared and he would be there for Ben when he, too, learned of his
daughter. A lump formed in his throat and he shifted his hand to squeeze
Ben's where it rested on the door.
 
 "Meant a lot to me, too, Benny."
 
 Fraser nodded and stepped away. "I'll see you tomorrow, Ray."
 
 Ray said goodbye and told the taxi driver his next destination. From the
sidewalk, Ben watched until the taxi disappeared around the corner. When
he turned to go into his apartment it was with a sense of lightness and
hope that he had not felt for many years.
 
 
 There was, quite simply, no time to waste. Pushing aside her emotions,
Phil hastily tossed her clothes into her bag. She checked her watch. Lloyd
would be home in just over half an hour. She could not wait. She dashed
out a note on the back of an envelope and left it on the kitchen table,
then hauled her bag to the cheap rental car in the drive. Without looking
back, she took off for the airport, driving much faster than she would
normally.
 
 At the airport, she spread her maps on the counter and hastily plotted a
course home, daring the operators there to refuse her. They approved her
flight plan instantly, only slightly troubled by the wild look they saw in
her eyes. As soon as she had her plan registered, Phil strode off to
refuel her aircraft and prepare for the journey back to Chicago.
 
 
 In the privacy of his truck, Lloyd sang along to the Classic Hits radio
station he favoured. Phil and Cathy had teased him about his predilection
for 70's music, both women preferring their music less commercial. He
laughed out loud, looking forward to spending his evening with Phil. They
had a lot to talk about. 
 
 Turning into his street, Lloyd was surprised to see Phil's rental car
missing from his drive. He was confused when he saw the pesto sauce and
spaghetti in the bench. He was stunned when he found Phil's hastily
scribbled note on the table.
 
 Lloyd,
 
 Something major came up. I have to go home and sort it out. Thanks for
everything, you know I love you.
 
 There was no signature, but a rough drawing of a hummingbird sat below
the words.
 
 Lloyd frowned, wondering if Phil had seized the opportunity to run home
and take care of business as a way of avoiding dealing with the Ben issue.
Then he spent several minutes wondering about her state of mind and
whether or not she should be flying. Then he gave up. Phil was a grown
woman and he had no reason to believe she was anything other than capable
of handling herself. He had to stop coddling her. 
 
 At least she had prepared food before she left. Still not sure whether to
be worried or not, Lloyd put a pot of water for the pasta on the stove and
then went to change out of his sweaty uniform.
 
 
 The phone on the wall taunted Cat as she prepared a salad with the last
of the greens fresh from her garden. Summer was over and there would be no
more vegetables until the following spring. But it wasn't vegetables that
were uppermost in her mind. By now Ray and Ben would be back in Chicago
and so far she had heard nothing. Doubly frustrating was the knowledge
that Phil was with Lloyd and he knew how anxious she was to learn what had
taken place between Ben and Phil. Why didn't someone call her?
 
 
 Alone for the first time in two weeks, Ben took the opportunity to enjoy
a moment of peace before he collected Diefenbaker from Willy. When the
wolf came home they would have to have a long talk. But what would he tell
him? 
 
 Until that moment he had not fully contemplated the reality of the
situation he found himself in. He had told Phil that she had to make a
choice – all or nothing. Had he pushed her too far? What if she chose to
walk away from him? Could he handle that? 
 
 Sadly, Ben realised that he loved Phil far too much to be able to accept
anything other than a full commitment from her. If that was not what she
wanted, well, he had survived this long without her. Surely he could
manage the rest of his life? He knew that very soon, one way or another,
there would finally be and end to the Ben and Phil story.
 
 
 Waiting in line in line for her turn to take off, Phil did the only thing
she could. She prayed. And she made a deal with God. 
 
 She thought about the promise she had made to Lloyd only a few hours
earlier. When she told him she would put an end to the Ben and Phil story,
she had meant something entirely different than she did now. Now she made
an entirely new promise to God.
 
 "Please bring Martin home safely. I'll be a good wife."
 
 The Ben and Phil story would end, but not as either of them had hoped.
Phil didn't notice the wetness on her cheeks until she was airborne. 
 
 To be continued ...
 
 
 Copyright May 2000 by Carol Trendall
 Comments welcome at mullum@tig.com.au
 
 
 Second Chances (Book 3 of the Ben & Phil Saga)
   On a Collision Course—Redux by Cassandra Hope
  Second Chances by Cassandra Hope
  A Cop, a Mountie, and a Dory by Cassandra Hope
  Canyon Interlude by Carol Trendall
  Rhyme of a Not-so-Ancient Mariner by Cassandra Hope
  Down the Valley of the Shadow by Cassandra Hope
  The Heart Remembers by Cassandra Hope
  You Call This Lucky? by Cassandra Hope
  Ghost of a Chance by Cassandra Hope
  The Soul of a Friend by Cassandra Hope
  'Spuds' McKenzie by Cassandra Hope
  A Taste of Paradise by Cassandra Hope
  Nemesis by Cassandra Hope
  By Day and Night by Cassandra Hope
  Crossroads by Cassandra Hope
  Letting Go by Cassandra Hope
  Let This Story Have an End by Carol Trendall