Life's Insanity     Disclaimer: This story is written for the private
entertainment of fans. The author makes no claims on the characters or
their portrayal by the creation of this story. Phil and TJ McKenzie belong
to SL Haas and are used in this story with her permission. Cat Madden
belongs to me. No infringement of any copyrights held by CBS, Alliance,
CTV or any other copyright holders of DUE SOUTH is intended. This story is
not published for profit, and the author does not give permission for this
story to be reproduced for profit.
 
 Rated R for swearing, adult situations and mild sex scenes - m/f and
original character
 
 Lyrics from Good Company by Queen, Rose Marie by Nelson Eddy and Your
Mind is on Vacation by Mose Allison all used without permission
 
 
 Life's Insanity
 
 By Carol Trendall
 
 Now I'm old I puff my pipe, but no-one's there to see
 
 I ponder on the lessons of my life's insanity
 
  
 Ray Vecchio wore a sad smile as he waved to the dark-haired woman
disappearing through the Departure gate. When she was out of sight he
turned to his friend, Benton Fraser, and clapped a hand onto his shoulder.
Together they stared silently at the gate through which Sergeant Cat
Madden, RCMP, had just disappeared. 
 
 "Well, Benny-boy, I never thought I'd hear myself say it, but I'm kinda
sorry to see her go." 
 
 Ben tilted his head and smiled indulgently at his friend. Neither had he
expected to hear Ray say anything so complimentary about Cat. Until two
days ago he thought they hated each other. He had been pretty surprised
when he'd figured it out. But, then again, his two friends were alike, no
matter how much they denied it. He had grown used to them springing
surprises on him, although this time it had taken him a little longer to
recover.
 
 Evidently Ray hadn't yet figured out that it was obvious to him what had
happened. Ben smiled to himself, thinking that for a detective Ray could
be a little dense sometimes. Absently, he wondered if he should he let Ray
off the hook. The mischievous side of his mind told him no. Now was his
chance to get back at Ray for all the teasing he had suffered. Ben decided
he would act as naive as Ray sometimes thought him to be.
 
 He smothered a smile and answered, "Really, Ray? I thought you and Cat
didn't care for each other?"
 
 Ray shifted uncomfortably under Ben's steady gaze, then suddenly turned
away from the departure gate, heading towards the exit. Tucking his hands
into the pockets of his overcoat, he looked at his feet as he walked,
clearly uncomfortable about his friend's question. 
 
 "Fraser, that's something I need to talk to you about," Ray said in a
tight voice.
 
 Ben saw Ray's discomfort as he fell into step beside him and barely
resisted the urge to laugh. He knew exactly what Ray wanted to talk to him
about, but he couldn't resist a little teasing. He would enjoy telling
this story to Cat later. 
 
 "Talk to me about? Oh, Ray, this sounds serious. What is it?" His voice
gave no hint that he might know what Ray was about to say.
 
 "In the car, Fraser," Ray answered brusquely, picking up his pace. 
 
 After a moment's hesitation and a snicker, Ben followed him.
 
 
 Ray said nothing more until they were in the traffic heading back to the
city. He was very nervous. So long as he looked at the road and not at his
friend, he felt safe. How could he tell Fraser about this? How could he
tell Fraser about him and Cat Madden? He knew how the Mountie protected
her – like he protected his sister. 
 
 Ray clearly remembered his own reaction when he had learned about Frannie
turning up in Ben's apartment and offering herself to the Mountie. Knowing
that Fraser would never take advantage of his sister had been little
comfort. So how would Fraser react to his intimacy with Cat when Fraser
knew about his shady past with women? Plus, he remembered how Fraser had
grilled him about his intentions towards Becka. To make matters worse,
Fraser and Cat had been lovers. That added an extra dimension. Would
Fraser be jealous? 
 
 Ray glanced sideways at his friend, who stared at the road ahead. 'No
time like the present,' he thought to himself. He took a deep breath and
jumped right in. 
 
 "Benny, I gotta tell you about me and Cat..." He looked quickly at Ben
again, his voice trailing off when he saw his friend's clueless
expression. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
 
 "Like what, Ray?"
 
 "That...that.... the big-eyed Mountie look."
 
 "Oh, well, it's just that until yesterday I had never heard you call
Cat...well.... Cat. You see, it's a name that I...that we....well, never
mind. I just never heard you say it before." 
 
 Ray swallowed hard. "Does it bother you?"
 
 Ben made a show of considering the question before replying, then turned
a stoic face to his companion. "No, Ray," he answered honestly.
 
 "Good." Ray nodded his relief and turned his attention back to the road
ahead. Both men fell silent. 
 
 Ben watched Ray compose himself, still managing to resist the urge to
tell him that he knew and that is was OK. "So what do you want to tell me
about Cat?" he asked innocently.
 
 Ray jumped, startled. "Oh yeah. Well, it's about both of us. Me and Cat."
 
 "Yes, Ray?" Ben prompted, his smile never far away.
 
 "We.....um.....we...." Ray waved his right hand around in the air,
struggling to find a word that didn't sound sleazy.
 
 "Slept together.....?" Ben supplied. He smiled to himself. If Cat's
libido was anything like it had been many years ago, she and Ray would
have gotten very little sleep.
 
 Ray looked at his friend in shock, momentarily forgetting that he was
driving, not seeing the intersection they approached. 
 
 "Red light, Ray," Ben said calmly.
 
 "Made love!" Ray shouted as he brought the Riv to a halt. "We made love,
OK?" 
 
 Ray stared at the traffic light willing it to change. The temperature in
the car seemed to have risen suddenly. His mind drifted over the days he
and Cat had spent alone together. Neither his phrase nor Ben's really
covered what they had done. But he couldn't tell Fraser he and Cat had
fucked each other senseless for two days. That memory made him smile. Cat
had turned out to be very different than he had first thought. Ray's
musings caused a stirring in his trousers and he shifted restlessly. 
 
 Ray snapped back to the present when the lights finally changed.
Concentrating on the Riv's smooth glide through its gears, he realised
that Fraser had not reacted to his revelation. He swallowed again. That
was bad. Warily, he turned his head to look at the man sitting next to him
and was surprised to see the Mountie smiling at him. Grinning madly, in
fact.
 
 Ray waved a finger. "You knew didn't you? Cat said you would." His voice
held a note of exasperation. "How did you know?" He knew there was
something between Cat and Ben that was beyond his understanding. He'd seen
it several times during Cat's stay in Chicago. This was one of many
examples. It even scared him.
 
 Ben smiled enigmatically. "Ah, Ray, you see I've known Cat for a very
long time. The look on her face when she came downstairs yesterday is one
I have more than a passing familiarity with." Ben ignored Ray's expression
of surprise and continued, "At first I didn't notice that your cheeks were
similarly flushed. I was anxious to speak with Cat because we had a
...well... a disagreement.... but that's not important. I saw that Cat's
cheeks were flushed and her hair neatly brushed and I realised
that....well, you know what I mean...." Ben coughed, feeling embarrassed.
He'd never used profane language in front of Ray and he wasn't about to
say that Cat called it the 'just-fucked' look. "I had reason to believe
that someone else might have been the cause of Cat's state." 
 
 Ray's eyebrows shot up. "Someone else? Who?"
 
 Ben looked away for a moment. He wasn't about to bring up the TJ issue
because that would be too uncomfortably close to a discussion about Phil
and he had steadfastly refused to tell Ray about her. "Oh, someone I used
to know." He gave a non-committal shrug. "It doesn't matter. I was wrong."
He continued to stare out the window as he spoke. "When you went to make
coffee, Cat touched your arm and I knew then. You don't realise how
familiar you become with a person's intimate gestures." 
 
 Ben's eyes drifted around to Ray, surprised that he had remained silent
for so long. Did Cat tell Ray about their past relationship? Ray seemed
shocked that he was taking it so well. Was Ray expecting him to be
jealous? Ben cleared his throat and reached out a hand to touch Ray's
sleeve.
 
 "Ray, I never really told you much about Cat. You didn't seem interested.
But now things are different, perhaps I should tell you." He stopped and
checked Ray's expression before continuing, "Cat and I were lovers. It was
some time ago now, but we were lovers. There was even a time I thought we
would marry." Still Ray didn't speak. "Did Cat tell you this?" He withdrew
his hand, a little concerned.
 
 Ray searched his mind for an answer, not wanting to tell Fraser just how
much Cat had told him. He wasn't sure how he had expected his friend to
react, but he was not prepared for Fraser's silent acceptance of his
revelation. Was he shocked? Was he jealous? He decided to ease into the
subject gently. 
 
 "She mentioned something about it, yeah." Ray coughed uncomfortably. His
voice softened. "Does this bother you, Benny? I mean that you and
Cat...you know....and now .....me and her...." He trailed off, finding
himself surprisingly embarrassed.
 
 Ben shook his head, anxious to reassure his friend. "Oh no, Ray. By now
you probably realise that Cat is an exceptional woman. She has….. numerous
affairs …….I stopped being jealous of her lovers a long time ago." He
really wanted to tell Ray that if he were bothered by all of Cat's lovers
there would be no time in his life for anything else.
 
 Ray let out a huff of air and shook his head, his relief evident. "You're
full of surprises, Fraser."
 
 Ben smiled and leaned back in his seat. He liked to surprise Ray. His
smile turning wistful, Ben thought about the other things in his past that
would surprise Ray. He shook his head slightly. This was definitely not
the time to be thinking about Phil McKenzie. "So what did Cat tell you
about our past?" he enquired after a slight pause.
 
 Ray looked over his shoulder at the traffic and changed lanes as a way of
stalling. He knew how sensitive Fraser could be about his personal life,
so he wasn't sure how to answer. He certainly didn't want to tell him that
Cat had spared no detail when she related the story of their past
relationship. He decided to equivocate.
 
 "Nothin' much. Except that you were together for a while."
 
 Ben frowned. Cat normally was not so reticent. "Is that all? I'm
surprised."
 
 Ray kept his gaze on the traffic ahead of him. "Yeah well, I guess she
didn't want to tell me about private business."
 
 "I'd like to tell you about it, Ray. If you're interested." Maybe telling
Ray about Cat would help keep his mind off Phil. He touched a hand to his
jacket pocket where he had tucked the envelope with Phil's address. He
definitely needed to think about something else.
 
 Ray grinned to himself. This could be fun. He was curious to see how
different Ben's version of the events Cat had related would be. "Sure,
Benny. I'd like that. You can tell me over dinner. Let's get something to
eat."
 
 "OK."
 
 
 
 "So is this like one of your Inuit stories, Fraser?" Ray asked once he
was settled in their favourite diner with his favourite meal in front of
him.
 
 "What do you mean, Ray?"
 
 "I mean, Benny, will it take two hours to tell?" Ray explained,
impatiently.
 
 The Mountie smiled. "Quite possibly, Ray, quite possibly." 
 
 "Well go on, tell me," Ray prompted.
 
 Ben took a deep breath and sat upright. His mind wandered back through
the years and in a soft, low voice he told the story of how he came to
know Cat Madden.
 
 
 SPRING 1980
 
 Constable Benton Fraser was the only trainee who didn't complain about
being given tasks that others considered tiresome. He knew his chance at
real law enforcement would come. But, for the moment, he was acting as
chauffeur for the elders at Duck Lake Reservation whilst they awaited a
replacement for the community jeep that had been stolen by an escaped
criminal. 
 
 He listened with faint amusement to the argument in the back seat between
Anna Fire Cloud and Henry Wind Soldier. It sounded like part of an
argument that had been going on since long before he was born. He stifled
a smile and was surprised when the man in the seat next to him spoke.
 
 "I've been listening to this for over fifty years, Benton." Calvin
Sunsinger smiled at the young Mountie. 
 
 Ben blushed when he realised he had been caught out. He did not mean to
show disrespect to any Cree elder. 
 
 The old man chuckled. "Don't worry, they make me laugh too. First it was
who had the best horse, then it was who had the smartest children, now
it's whose grandchildren win more trophies at powwows." He turned in his
seat and addressed the pair in the back, "You two sound like children
squabbling over marbles."
 
 Calvin Sunsinger's comments were obviously something to which they were
well accustomed, for both ignored the man and continued their argument.
Calvin shrugged and looked to the front again. He was silent for the rest
of the journey, but he watched Ben with one eye.
 
 One by one Ben dropped the elders at their homes, Calvin Sunsinger last.
Calvin invited him in for homemade lemonade and Ben accepted eagerly.
Although only spring, it was surprisingly warm and he had spent most of
the afternoon in the RCMP jeep. A cool glass of lemonade would do nicely.
Inside his modest home, Calvin served him a plate of fry-bread and a large
glass of lemonade. 
 
 When he was done, Ben thanked the elder and made to leave. As Calvin
walked with him to his jeep, they heard a tiny mewling sound coming from
beneath an old car. As they watched, a very young kitten emerged from
underneath the rusty chassis. Its eyes were barely open and it could
barely walk.
 
 "Oh my, that kitten is too young to be away from its mother," Ben said as
he crouched down in front of the tiny animal. "Is it yours?"
 
 Calvin bent to look. "No, I don't know anyone out here with a cat."
 
 "It's very young, the mother should be somewhere close." Ben searched
around the old car, hoping to find the mother nearby.
 
 Calvin joined him, but they could find nothing. Ben picked up the tiny
kitten and tucked it into his jacket. They widened their search, but after
half an hour they had to admit they had run out of places to look. Ben
knew he should not leave the kitten for Calvin Sunsinger to care for. He
would take it with him, perhaps to the local vet.
 
 "With your permission, Mr. Sunsinger, I would like to take the kitten
back to Moose Jaw."
 
 "Of course, Benton, I am way too old to be looking after something like
that." 
 
 "Thank you sir." Ben looked at the kitten in his jacket. "I think I will
have to take it to a vet."
 
 "My grandson, Jimmy, knows a woman in Riverhurst. She takes care of
animals." Calvin scratched her head, his mind suddenly blank. "I wish I
could remember her name. It's gone right out of my head."
 
 Ben smiled at the old man. "Never mind, Mr. Sunsinger. I'll make sure the
animal is taken care of." 
 
 Ben bid farewell to the elder and left the reservation, heading back to
Moose Jaw with his tiny charge.
 
 Calvin waved to the Mountie as he drove off, then wandered back into his
cottage, still searching his mind for the name of the woman he had
mentioned. He was frustrated at not being able to remember the name of his
grandson's friend, the Woman Who Cares for Animals. He remembered her face
clearly, although it was some time since the young woman had been out to
the reservation. He first met her when she rode out with Jimmy in his
pick-up four years earlier. Calvin remembered her well; her long hair
flying in the wind and the bright, happy smile she favoured his grandson
with. 
 
 Although the woman was several years younger than Jimmy, he knew she had
been too strong for his grandson then. She had a fire in her that Calvin
felt the first time he saw her. But his grandson and the Woman Who Cares
for Animals had both prospered from the relationship and were still good
friends. She had even danced at Jimmy's wedding. Calvin suddenly
remembered something he should have told Benton; the woman was a Mountie
too. He shrugged; it was too late now. Benton was a resourceful young man
and he would see that the kitten was cared for. 
 
 Calvin stepped into his kitchen to collect the glasses and plates from
the table where he had served the Mountie. As he grasped Benton's plate
his head was suddenly filled with messages. He smiled. It had been a long
time since his senses had been this active – not since his dear wife,
Martha, had passed away five years earlier. It seemed that Benton, too,
was possessed of the same fire as the Woman Who Cares for Animals. It was
still on the things he had touched. A wily smile spread across his lined
face. Although Calvin thought his magic days were long gone, he figured it
was worth a try. 
 
 He carried Benton's plate out the door and set it on the ground. With a
grunt, he settled beside it and began scraping a hole in the earth with
his bare hands. Calvin called up the words of an ancient song he had not
sung in many years. As the words flowed from his lips he held images of
Benton and the Woman Who Cares for Animals in his mind. He flicked a
handful of soil across the plate that Benton had touched, then tipped it
into the hole. When he reached the final words of the song, he pushed the
images from his mind into the hole and then filled it quickly. Calvin felt
pleased with himself as he walked back into the house. The Woman Who Cares
for Animals belonged with the Cree Nation, he had known it the first time
he saw her four years earlier. But for now, she and the shy Mountie needed
each other. The woman would return to her Cree family in time. Calvin knew
it, for he had seen her red heart.
 
 
 Sergeant Doug McPherson shook his head as Ben Fraser finished telling the
story about why he was so late in returning. "Well, Ben, the vet will be
long closed now." Sergeant McPherson was amazed at how like his father Ben
had turned out to be – always going that one step beyond the call of duty.
"Unless you want to raise a cat, I suggest you take it out to Constable
Madden in Riverhurst."
 
 Ben frowned and tilted his head. "Constable Madden, Sir?" He couldn't
place the name.
 
 "Yes, she's involved in animal rescue – looks after injured wildlife." He
saw Ben was still frowning. "You must have noticed her, Ben."
 
 "No, I don't believe I have, Sergeant McPherson."
 
 Doug McPherson shook his head and looked at his desk, grinning. "Well,
Ben, you're the only man in Moose Jaw who hasn't."
 
 Ben didn't know what his Sergeant meant by that, but he took the woman's
address and made the trip out to her home anyway.
 
 
 When he reached the home of Constable Cathy Madden, Ben checked the
kitten tucked into his jacket and headed up the steps and onto the wide
verandah. He cast an appreciative eye over the property. It was the sort
of home that he himself hoped to have one day. He knocked on the door and
waited several long minutes. If it hadn't been for the jeep in the drive
and the loud music emanating from the open windows, he would have thought
there was no one home. 
 
 Just as he was about to knock again, the heavy wooden door swung open and
a young woman smiled up at him. Sergeant McPherson was right, he did
remember her. Their paths had crossed at the Academy. She was nearly a
foot shorter than he was, with long brown hair and the brightest green
eyes he had ever seen. Her compact body was barely covered by a short,
thin dress made of a fabric he believed to be batik. It seemed an
insubstantial garment for a cool spring evening, but she showed no signs
of being cold. Now he understood Doug McPherson's comment. Although not
beautiful in the usual sense, she had a style all her own. She was, quite
simply, the most alluring woman he had ever seen.
 
 Ben cleared his throat and spoke. "Good evening, Constable Madden. I
don't know if you remember me, I'm Benton Fraser." He held out his hand
and the woman shook it, smiling brightly at him.
 
 "Yes, I remember. Please, come in, it's a little cool out there." 
 
 Ben nodded and stepped into the hallway, still clutching his left hand
against the kitten buried in his jacket. Constable Madden shut the door
behind him. 
 
 "What can I do for you, Constable Fraser?"
 
 "Sergeant McPherson suggested I come to you. I understand you take
injured wildlife?"
 
 The woman nodded. "Yes I do." She took a step towards him and pointed at
his jacket. "You got something in there?"
 
 Ben shied from the close proximity. He wasn't accustomed to being this
close to woman wearing so little. "Yes, however, it's not exactly
wildlife......." 
 
 Constable Madden stepped forward and grabbed at his lapels, peering
inside his jacket. The suddenness of her movement made him stop in
mid-sentence. Ben blushed when he realised his extra height enabled him to
see straight down the front of her dress. He caught a glimpse of violet
lace. Shocked, Ben looked up and focused on the wall opposite, summoning
up all the skills he had learned for sentry duty. Her breath on his throat
and the heat of her body so close made his heart rate skyrocket. He hoped
she didn't notice.
 
 "Oh my god, this is the smallest kitten I've ever seen. What happened to
the mother?" Constable Madden looked up at him for a long moment and both
stilled. 
 
 Ben watched the muscles in her throat work as she swallowed. He swallowed
too. Finally she looked away and he let out a small sigh. He cleared his
throat again before answering. 
 
 "Well I don't actually know. I found the kitten today whilst carrying out
my duties. I wasn't able to locate the mother." He relaxed a little.
Talking about the kitten helped him focus and get his racing heart under
control. 
 
 Suddenly, Constable Madden plunged her hands into the front of his
jacket, her hands scrabbling against his chest as she tried to capture the
kitten. The unexpected touch made Ben's heart rate rise again and sweat
stand out on his brow. The small woman brushed against him and then pulled
away with the kitten safely in her grasp. She turned away, leaving Ben
gasping and startled at the sudden movement he felt in his groin.
Seemingly oblivious, Constable Madden strode off towards the kitchen. 
 
 "It's only about two weeks old," she said as she went. 
 
 Ben waited for a moment, struggling to control his unruly body. He wasn't
sure if he was supposed to follow or not, but he didn't want to leave just
yet.
 
 "Will it live?" he asked, following her into the kitchen.
 
 Constable Madden smiled reassuringly at him. "Oh yes." She returned her
attention to the kitten. "I don't normally get domestic animals, but I'm a
sucker for cats. I love them." 
 
 When she smiled again, Ben gave up all hope of trying to control his
heart rate.
 
 
 Ben sat on the stool indicated by Constable Madden and watched as she
wrapped the kitten in a towel and pressed it into his hands. He continued
to watch as she raced around the room, gathering together a number of
items on the kitchen bench. She explained the things she would need, but
the words didn't really sink in. She left the room for a moment, allowing
Ben time gather his thoughts. It also gave him time to look around. 
 
 He was seated by an island bench in the middle of a large kitchen
equipped with a large, old-fashioned combustion stove beside a commercial
size modern gas stove. He wondered if a chef lived in the house. Perhaps
Constable Madden's husband? No, he didn't recall seeing a wedding ring.
Boyfriend perhaps? Ben felt an odd emotion that took a while to register
as jealousy. Why did he feel jealous? He pushed the thought away and
looked around at what else he could see from his perch in the kitchen. 
 
 He could see a large, comfortable living room, with three old but
well-loved sofas surrounding a good-sized fireplace. A skin drum rested on
the wall above the fireplace, setting off a collection of artefacts from
several indigenous nations. A staircase led to the upper floor, but Ben
was unable to see where it ended. It seemed a big house for one person and
he was certain that Constable Madden did not live there alone. Before Ben
had time to ponder about Constable Madden's roommate and the nature of
their relationship, she returned with the accoutrements for caring for an
orphaned kitten.
 
 Constable Madden made him tea and together they fed the animal. They
talked, but about what Ben could not say. He was too captivated by the way
she interacted with the kitten. She told him to call her Cathy and Ben was
pleased. He liked the way it sounded rolling off his tongue. A small,
wicked part of his mind wondered what it would be like to whisper her name
into the darkness in the heat of passion. Impatiently he pushed that
thought away, feeling shocked and embarrassed. 
 
 By the time the kitten was fed and toileted and installed in a box under
the stairs in the living room, Ben knew he was grinning like a fool. For
reasons he couldn't fathom, he had lost the power of speech and answered
Cathy's questions in sentences of about three words. When she invited him
to stay for dinner and help her with the rest of the animals, Ben nearly
leapt out of his seat with enthusiasm. He wanted to get to know this
woman.
 
 After dinner she showed him around the property, pointing out nesting
sites of various birds and animals. Ben was impressed with her knowledge
of wildlife and wondered how she knew so much. He hoped there would be
many opportunities for Cathy to tell her story. She showed him the
vegetable garden she had started only this year and told him of her dreams
of self-sufficiency. Ben imagined himself working side by side with Cathy.
She would grow vegetables and he would grow flowers. 
 
 When they returned to the house, Cathy made coffee and together they sat
on the back verandah, looking out at the mountains in the distance. Ben
felt more settled than he could remember. Something about this woman
brought peace to his troubled soul and he was reluctant to leave.
 
 When he finally rose to go at 11.30pm, Cathy accompanied him out to the
front porch. As they said their farewells by the faint porch-light, Ben
knew he would be back. He watched Cathy in his rear-vision mirror as he
drove off. A fire burned in his belly. He wanted her in a way he had never
wanted anyone.
 
 
 The next day Ben went about his duties with only half of his mind
present. The other half was off somewhere doing things with Constable
Cathy Madden. Or rather, doing things to Cathy Madden. Throughout the day
he found himself blushing whenever he thought about what he wanted from
her. He had never entertained thoughts like that before. At the end of the
day it came as little surprise when Ben found himself on the road to
Riverhurst. His unruly body guided his actions.
 
 
 Ben was relieved to see Cathy smiling broadly when she opened her front
door to him. It seemed she was as pleased to see him as he was to see her.
 
 "I thought I would come and help feed the kitten," he said by way of
explanation. "You have so many animals to care for and as I am responsible
for increasing your load, I would like to offer whatever assistance I can
give."
 
 "Oh, Ben, I'm grateful for whatever help I can get. Feeding time is a
nightmare at the moment." Cathy led him through the house to the kitchen
where she had several animals in boxes lined up on the bench.
 
 "Perhaps you can teach me about some of the other animals, so that I can
be of assistance with those."
 
 Cathy regarded him across the bench. "You always so formal, Ben?"
 
 He flushed and looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry, I don't mean....."
 
 Cathy reached across the bench and laid a small hand over his. "Sorry,
Ben, I didn't mean to offend you." 
 
 She held his gaze for a moment and Ben's heart raced. Her hand on his
felt like a brand. It awed him that this tiny woman could affect him so
easily. He had no reply. Eventually Cathy came around the bench and pulled
a box towards them, smiling as she did, effectively covering his
embarrassment. 
 
 "You want to help?" She asked as she reached into the box and pulled out
a bird. "You're just about to learn how to set a broken wing."
 
 
 Over the next few days Ben learned much more than how to set a broken
wing. He learned how to treat a concussed animal, he learned the formulas
for replacement milk for unweaned animals and he learned how to capture an
injured bird. But the most important thing Ben learned as he worked side
by side with Cathy Madden was about himself. Ben Fraser learned that he
was falling in love.
 
 On the fifth evening of their blossoming friendship, Cathy was waiting
for Ben on the front perch. She waved to him as he parked his jeep in its
usual place beside hers. She grinned and stepped off the porch towards
him.
 
 "Hi, Ben," she called cheerfully.
 
 "Good evening, Cathy, " he said as he stepped down from his vehicle. 
 
 Cathy seemed to be inspecting him, in fact, he thought she was standing
much closer than she usually did. He flushed. Cathy noticed. She laid her
hand on his arm and led him into the house and his heart rate went through
the roof.
 
 "I was out at Duck Lake rez today," Cathy said as they walked. "I was
driving the elders around."
 
 "Oh yes. I did that last week." Ben frowned, puzzled as to why she was
telling him this.
 
 "I didn't know you knew Calvin Sunsinger," she said, watching him for a
reaction.
 
 "Only recently. In fact, it was at his house that I found the kitten."
Now he understood. He knew Cathy had grown up in this area. So, it was no
surprise that she was familiar with the locals, as he was with the Inuit
community where he had been raised. Calvin Sunsinger had obviously talked
to her about the kitten. 
 
 "So you know Mr. Sunsinger?"
 
 "Yeah." Cathy nodded as they reached the kitchen. "I used to date his
grandson."
 
 Ben absorbed this information, as Cathy left him to gather the implements
for caring for the kitten. Once again he felt a stab of jealousy and it
made him uncomfortable.
 
 "Oh," he said eventually, his voice small in the silence between them. He
was aware of Cathy's eyes on him as he reached for a small feed dish.
 
 "He said something strange." Cathy's voice took on an odd note and Ben
was suddenly afraid to look at her.
 
 "Strange? How?" 
 
 "He told me he sent me a man." Ben felt Cathy's eyes boring into the back
of his neck. "A Mountie."
 
 A chill ran through Ben and he couldn't speak for several long minutes.
"He sent you a man?" he asked finally in a forced voice.
 
 Cathy stepped in front of him so that he had no choice but to look at
her. "He's a shaman, Ben."
 
 
 In the days that followed, neither Ben nor Cathy made any further mention
of Calvin Sunsinger's words or their significance. Years would pass before
they spoke of it again. The time they spent together was used in learning
more about each other. 
 
 Ben was relieved to learn that Cathy lived in the house with her parents.
She told him they were zoologists who spent most of their year living on a
polar bear research station in Churchill, Manitoba. This led to more
discussions about their lives and soon they realised they had a great deal
in common. 
 
 Their time together began to include more than animal care. They went
canoeing together, they saw movies, and they went for long walks. Much of
their time together was spent in long discussion about the things that
were important to each of them. Cathy told Ben about her life in Moose Jaw
and Ben told Cathy about his childhood in the Northwest Territories. Ben
was sure Cathy was aware of his attraction to her, but was at a loss as to
what to do. As luck would have it, two weeks after Ben met Cathy, Bob
Fraser came to town.
 
 
 Ben rushed past Sergeant McPherson's office. He was running later than he
had planned and he still had to pick up some supplies from the vet before
heading out to Cathy's house. He was shocked when his father's voice
called to him. Ben entered the office and greeted his father and his
Sergeant.
 
 "I didn't know you were coming to Moose Jaw, Dad."
 
 "I'm on my way to Regina, Son. Training starts next week and I wanted to
see you. I hoped we could eat together."
 
 Ben looked at his feet, his stetson clutched firmly in his hands. "Well
actually, Dad, I have other plans."
 
 Bob's eyes widened and a hopeful look crossed his face. "A woman?"
 
 Ben turned a deep shade of scarlet. Sensing his Constable's distress,
Doug McPherson came to the rescue. "Ben's been helping Cathy Madden with
her wildlife caring."
 
 Bob regarded his son with new interest. "Ah Cathy......." he said,
letting his voice trail off enigmatically. Sergeant McPherson nodded in
agreement and Ben looked between the two men, bewildered.
 
 
 Later, when it was time to for Ben to leave, his father walked him to his
jeep. "A word of advice, Son," Bob said, as Ben opened the door.
 
 Ben cocked his head to one side, a habit he had adopted when listening to
his father.
 
 "Cathy Madden is not your average girl, Benton." Bob emphasised his
meaning by shaking his head, then clapping a hand firmly on his son's
shoulder. "If you want this one, you have to make your intentions clear
from the beginning. She is not one to mince words. Reach out with both
hands, Son, or else she'll be snatched out from under your nose." He
leaned close, his voice dropping to a whisper, "Half of the men in the
RCMP have their eyes on her and I know she's looking right back at them."
 
 Ben absorbed his father's advice with wide-eyed innocence. Was his father
really saying what he thought he was? Should he make his intentions clear
to the woman who had captured his mind for the last two weeks?
 
 "Do you hear what I'm saying, Benton?"
 
 He nodded vigourously. "Understood."
 
 Bob squeezed his shoulder. "Good. Now go. We can catch up next time I'm
in town and perhaps there might be three of us eating together?" He winked
at his son, who blushed again and got into his jeep. 
 
 Ben said his farewells to his father and waved goodbye. As he drove
through town he thought about his father's words and agreed that he was
right. It was time he let Cathy know how he felt. But how? It took him a
while to come up with the answer. With a satisfied smile he pulled his
jeep into a parking space at the mall. Inside the florist, Ben was
overwhelmed by the choices, but finally found what he was looking for. 
 
 
 Ben was nervous when he pulled up at the Madden home. The posy of lilacs
he purchased at the mall screamed his intentions from their place on the
seat beside him. Clutching the flowers in front of him like an amulet, Ben
ascended the porch and knocked on the door.
 
 "Good evening, Cathy," he smiled as she opened the door. She wore a
flowing white cotton dress that glowed in the twilight and hinted at the
shape of her body underneath.
 
 "Hi, Ben. Come in." She stepped aside and let him into the entranceway.
 
 "Thank you." Pressing the lilacs into Cathy's hand he mumbled, "For you."
He watched her face for a sign that she was aware of the meaning in his
choice of flowers.
 
 "Thank you, Ben! They're lovely," Cathy cried, reaching up to place a
gentle kiss on his cheek. 
 
 Ben's cheeks coloured and he shifted from foot to foot, but he was well
pleased with himself. Now his intentions were obviously clear. Cathy
surely knew that lilacs represent the first stirrings of love.
 
 
 It had become their routine for Ben to feed the kitten whilst Cathy
prepared their dinner. She told him it gave her a break from caring for
the animals and she loved having the chance to cook for someone else. From
time to time Ben cast surreptitious glances Cathy's way. Did she know how
he felt? Were his feelings returned? Ben felt certain Cathy was attracted
to him, but it concerned him. His experience in this area was sadly
lacking and he did not know what move, if any, he should make. 
 
 From his position on the verandah he could see her in the kitchen. She
danced as she worked. It made Ben smile. Cathy seemed to move constantly
to some silent music, heard by no one except herself. He had never known
anyone like her. His father's words came to mind.
 
 "Cathy Madden is not your average girl ........ you have to make your
intentions clear......"
 
 Ben sat up with a start, waking the kitten that had fallen asleep on his
lap. He would heed his father's advice. Tonight he would kiss Cathy
Madden.
 
 
 Throughout the evening Ben watched the young woman, constantly looking
for the right moment to make his move. After dinner they cleared the
kitchen together. These simple rituals had come to give Ben so much
pleasure. He handed Cathy the last of the dishes and she stacked them in
the dishwasher, slamming it shut before turning to face him. Her face bore
a look that filled him with desire. Now, more than ever he wanted to kiss
her. He smiled, his heart racing so fast that he feared he might faint. 
 
 Cathy took a step towards him and placed her hand on his shoulder. Her
touch burned his skin through the thin t-shirt he wore. When she reached
up and placed a gentle kiss on his lips Ben was sure his heart would burst
from his chest. He didn't know what to do. This was what he wanted, but he
had not expected for Cathy to be taking the lead. He was terrified. For
once he decided to let his body take over. With a whimper, he slid his
arms around the tiny woman's waist and pulled her hard against him,
pressing his lips to hers. When he felt his body surge against hers,
betraying his intent, Ben let her go quickly. Ashamed at what he wanted to
do he fought to find words of apology, stuttering, as he was unable to
fight through the desire he felt.
 
 "Would you like to spend the night?" Cathy asked, pressing against him
again.
 
 The shame burned hotly on his cheeks as his eyes grew wide with shock and
embarrassment. What must she think of him? A man unable to control his
desires. "I...I think ...... I should be going ......." 
 
 He licked his lips, a nervous habit he didn't realise he had, then backed
away uncomfortably. Mentally he berated himself, realising that he
probably sounded like he was desperate to get away from her. Nothing was
farther from the truth. What he wanted to get away from was the alien
urges coursing their way through his body. Cathy deserved more than that. 
 
 "I mean..... it's late....and.....I have an early start tomorrow." 
 
 He backed away to the living room, stopping only to retrieve his stetson
from the coffee table. Cathy followed him. In his nervousness he stumbled
over chairs and tables. At the door he stopped briefly.
 
 "Thank you for dinner. It was lovely, as usual. Good night." 
 
 He opened the door and fled, not looking back as he jumped into his jeep
and headed down the driveway. He did not need to look back to know that
Cathy watched him from the porch, confusion showing on her face.
 
 
 Sleep would not come to Ben that night as he lay on his lonely bed.
Strange and confusing thoughts drifted through his mind. First and
foremost, he was embarrassed that he had left Cathy's home in such a rude
and abrupt fashion. Secondly, he was ashamed that he had let his most
wanton thoughts take over his body. But mostly, he was confused by what he
wanted. He had wanted to kiss Cathy, but when the opportunity presented
itself it scared him. Why? 
 
 Realisation came slowly. He had no experience with women. Apart from the
advice his father gave him earlier that day, no one had ever taught him
what to do in these situations. The girls he had grown up with in
Tuktoyaktuk were certainly different. 
 
 
 The third morning after he ran from Cathy's house, Ben found himself
reading the notice board at the Depot, checking to see which shift she was
working. He did not hear the footsteps approach him.
 
 "Hi, Ben." He heard Cathy say behind him. 
 
 He spun around, eyes registering his surprise. Cathy Madden stood before
him, dressed in her RCMP uniform. The unisex garb did little to hide the
feminine form underneath.
 
 "Oh, um......hello, Cathy," he stuttered, pulling at his collar with his
fingers. "How are you?"
 
 "I'm fine," Cathy answered, stepping right into his personal space. "I
haven't seen you for a few days."
 
 Ben suddenly felt very hot. "No....ah.....I've been rather busy...." he
shuffled uncomfortably. "I'm sorry.....ah....will you excuse me? Sergeant
McPherson will be expecting me."
 
 Cathy smiled at him and he abruptly pushed past her. As soon as he was
around the corner, Ben opened the first door he saw and stepped inside. It
was a broom closet. It only added to his humiliation. He leaned forward
resting his head against the closed door. 
 
 He felt foolish. Why had he rushed off like that? Why had he said
Sergeant McPherson would be expecting him? Why was he so terrified of this
tiny woman? Or was it the effect she had on him that scared him so? She
had offered him what he had coveted for the past two weeks and he was
incapable of dealing with it. Did he need more time? Had he missed his
chance? What could he do?
 
 Several long minutes later Ben emerged from the broom closet. His cheeks
had cooled and he felt in control once again. As he stepped into the
bright corridor he heard a familiar laughter. It was Cathy. He turned in
time to see her disappear out the door, laughing freely as she leaned on
the arm of a colleague, a tall, handsome man with curly brown hair. He
felt a stab of jealousy. He frowned and stalked off to start the day's
duties. Something would have to be done.
 
 All morning Ben worried about what he should do and, after almost asking
the advice of a colleague, he came up with the answer. During his lunch
break he stopped off at the mall and purchased a case of cat food from the
vet. Next he went to the florist and purchased a large bunch of flowers.
As soon as his shift was over, Ben drove out to Cathy's home in
Riverhurst. He knew that if he hurried he could get there before she
returned home. 
 
 He placed the box of food on the doorstep and laid the flowers across the
top, where Cathy would find them as soon as she arrived home. Hastily he
drove away, anxious to leave before she got there. When he was finally on
his way, Ben relaxed. He knew that Cathy would understand the statement
made by the enormous bunch of daisies. Of course she knew that daisies
traditionally meant 'I'll think about it'.
 
 
 If Cathy got the message in Ben's flowers she never said and Ben was too
embarrassed to ask. Their paths crossed from time to time, but instead of
saying what he really wanted, Ben would enquire about the kitten, which by
now bore the name Laura, purely because Cathy liked the name. As the weeks
passed Ben became almost obsessed, so that unconsciously he began to watch
Cathy's every move. He timed his lunch breaks so that he could eat at the
cafeteria, as Cathy preferred to do. He positioned himself at the opposite
end of the room so that he could observe unhindered. It seemed to Ben that
Cathy ate with a different man every day. She flirted outrageously and by
the end of each lunch hour Ben was filled with jealousy. But what to do?
What stopped him from telling this woman how he felt? 
 
 As the weeks went by, Ben continued to buy catfood and drive out to leave
it on Cathy's doorstep. From time to time she would seek him out to thank
him, but always his fear got the better of him and he would dash off
without saying what was in his heart.
 
 Night after night Ben was unable to find sleep. Instead, his mind was
filled with thoughts of the diminutive woman who had captured his
attention. When he least expected it, his errant body would betray his
thoughts and although there was no one in the room to see, his cheeks
burned hotly.
 
 
 A warm summer morning, a month after running from Cathy Madden's home,
Ben made his way to the cafeteria for some breakfast. He was working an
early shift that started at 0700 and breakfast in the cafeteria was
welcomed. As he entered the room he heard Cathy's familiar laughter drift
to him from the direction of the coffee queue. His eyes sought her out.
She stood close to a tall, broad-chested blonde-haired man, seemingly
hanging on his every word. Ben snorted. He knew the man, Martin Lundstrom,
and thought him unworthy of a woman like Cathy Madden. 
 
 He stared at her shamelessly, willing her to look his way. She did,
eventually, holding his gaze for what seemed like an eternity. For a
moment Ben faltered and then Cathy looked away, turning back to Martin
Lundstrom. Ben watched as she placed a slender hand on his arm and leaned
into him, laughing at something he said. His father's words of a month
earlier came back to haunt Ben, "Reach out with both hands, or else she'll
be snatched out from under your nose. Half of the RCMP have their eyes on
her and I know she's looking right back at them." 
 
 Somewhere in Ben's mind a door opened and a galvanising force ripped
through his body. He straightened visibly and walked away. He knew what he
had to do.
 
 
 That night Ben showered and shaved, using sandalwood soap because he
liked its earthy fragrance. He dressed slowly and deliberately, choosing
jeans and a plain white t-shirt, then added his favourite worn denim
jacket as an afterthought. When he was certain everything was just right,
he gathered up the large bunch of jonquils he had purchased that afternoon
and prepared himself for the drive to Cathy Madden's home in Riverhurst.
 
 
 When he was finally parked in Cathy's drive, Ben ran a hand through his
hair to tidy any loose ends, then checked his appearance in the rear-view
mirror. He almost didn't recognise the eyes that stared back at him. His
desire was there for all to see, but for once he wasn't scared by it. He
gathered up the jonquils and headed purposefully towards Cathy's front
door.
 
 
 Cathy didn't seem surprised to see him when she opened the door, Ben
noticed with the small part of his mind that was still thinking
rationally. Cathy's eyes raked over his body with such force that he could
almost feel her gaze. Neither of them spoke.
 
 "Can I come in?" Ben asked eventually, his voice husky with pent-up
emotions.
 
 Cathy shook herself and stepped aside. "Yes, of course." He stepped
inside and she shut the door behind him.
 
 "I don't know why I'm here," he admitted, once she was in front of him
again.
 
 Cathy smiled knowingly. "Yes, you do."
 
 He held her gaze, his face expressionless. Of course he knew why he was
there. He had thought about little else for the past month. But did Cathy
know why he was there? It was the possibility of Cathy giving herself to
the handsome blonde man with whom she had flirted that finally galvanised
him into action.
 
 Silently he handed her the jonquils and waited for her reaction. She took
the flowers, her eyes never once leaving his. Her pupils widened and the
smile she gave stroked his body as he longed for her hands to do. Ben
returned her smile. Clearly she knew that jonquils meant 'desire'.
 
 
 Cathy turned and walked into the living room, a flick of her hand
indicating that Ben should follow. 
 
 "Can I get you something? I'm having a beer."
 
 "Yes. Beer." At that moment he would have accepted anything she offered.
 
 Cathy disappeared into the kitchen and he stepped out onto the verandah
to wait for her. Ben shed his denim jacket, suddenly feeling his body
temperature rise again. Cathy emerged a moment later with their beers. He
leaned against the railing and watched her walk toward him, noticing every
muscle work in her slender legs. She handed him his beer and he took a
sip, his eyes never once leaving hers. Cathy watched him and he felt
himself flush under her gaze.
 
 Cathy's eyes closed slightly and she leaned towards him.
 
 "Cathy....." Ben started, in a voice thick with desire.
 
 She stepped close to him and placed her beer bottle on the railing. Ben
could feel the heat coming off her body and it made him dizzy. His beer
bottle joined hers on the railing. She reached out one hand and placed it
on his chest, then slid it up to his shoulder. Ben moaned softly,
marvelling at the touch.
 
 With a mind of their own, his arms slid around Cathy's slender waist and
pulled her body hard against his. Their lips touched and Ben groaned as
Cathy opened to him, her mouth warm and inviting. Ben knew in his soul
that he had been waiting for this moment for an eternity.
 
 Ben pulled back to look at the woman in his arms, checking her eyes for
the right sign before he spoke. "I'd like to take you up on the offer you
made last time I was here." His voice was strong and confident, full of
promise.
 
 She smiled seductively. "I'd like that."
 
 Newly fortified, he leaned forward and kissed her again. Ben groaned when
he felt Cathy's tiny hand work its way between their bodies and settle on
the bulge in his jeans. He had never met a woman like her. He had never
felt anything like this. His fumbled and embarrassed attempts at teenage
petting had given no hint of the delights he now experienced. What Cathy
was doing to him went way beyond that. 
 
 A wave of panic washed over him. He had never made love to a woman before
and he didn't know what to do. He knew the mechanics, of course, but did
he know enough to satisfy the obviously more experienced woman in his
arms? He would have to tell her, before she noticed his lack of expertise.
 
 Reluctantly, Ben pulled away from Cathy. "Cathy…." he started.
 
 "Mmm?" she asked, nuzzling at his neck.
 
 "I…I…." he stuttered "There's something……uh…." His words were lost as she
nipped at his chest through the fabric of his t-shirt.
 
 Cathy stepped back and regarded Ben through lowered lashes. "Come
upstairs." It wasn't a request.
 
 Ben was glad he was leaning on the verandah rail. He felt weak. He was
unable to move as he watched Cathy collect Laura and her basket from the
verandah and take them into the house. 
 
 Once the kitten was safe inside the house, Cathy came back for him. She
reached over and grabbed his belt buckle, pulling him off the railing and
into her arms. He could do nothing but follow. Cathy's tiny hand slipped
into his and she led him wordlessly through the living room to the stairs.
 
 Ben's heart rate skyrocketed as he mounted the steps. He couldn't believe
that he was really following Cathy to her bedroom. He had wanted this for
weeks - forever. But what would she say when she learned he was a virgin?
Panic hit Ben again and to buy some time to calm himself, he paused on the
stairs. He noticed a small collection of photographs on the wall running
alongside the stairs. He stopped to look at them.
 
 "My parents," she told him when she realised what had caught his
attention. She indicated the wall with a sweep of her arm. "I plan to make
this wall a giant photo album. I don't want my favourite pictures stuck
away on a bookshelf."
 
 Ben nodded his agreement. Cathy pulled at his hand, urging him up the
stairs with eyes full of promise. He didn't hesitate again.
 
 It took a moment for Ben's eyes to adjust to the darkness. The first
thing he noticed was Cathy's untidiness. Her uniform was tossed over the
back of a chair, several books lay on the floor and the closet door was
hanging open. He tripped over a pair of RCMP issue boots as he followed
her across the room.
 
 "Hold it there, Ben," Cathy said. 
 
 He stood where she had left him and watched in the half darkness as she
opened a drawer and removed several candles and a box of matches. When the
candles were all lit and placed around the room, she turned her attention
back to Ben.
 
 With the flickering shadows dancing across her body, Ben thought she was
the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. Her told her so. She thanked
him and stepped toward him. When she was within his reach, Ben grabbed her
wrist and pulled her against him. A deep growl came from his throat as he
kissed her, pressing her against him more tightly than before.
 
 Cathy's hands came up and pressed against his chest and he stepped back.
She pulled at his t-shirt and it took a few seconds for him to comprehend.
The shirt was up over his head before he had the sense to raise his arms
so she could get it off. She was out of her own shirt a second later,
revealing a delicate white lace teddy that left little to the imagination.
He had never seen such a garment. He was awestruck.
 
 Ben watched her, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Cathy still did
not speak. She reached for his belt and Ben panicked again. He clapped a
hand over hers and halted her movements. Cathy jumped.
 
 "I've never done this before," he stated in a cool, no-nonsense tone.
 
 Cathy raised her eyes to meet his. Ben's heart leapt into his throat
while he waited for her reaction. She continued to stare at him for what
seemed like eternity. Slowly, a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.
Ben smiled as well.
 
 "Then I have a lot to teach you," Cathy said in a low sexy voice.
 
 Ben cocked his head to one side. "I'm a fast learner." This time he did
not stop her when she began undoing his belt.
 
 
 
 Ben was sure he had died and gone to heaven. He had never experienced
anything like it. He stared at the dark head resting on his shoulder and
stroked the arm Cathy draped across his chest.
 
 "Oh my," he sighed into her hair.
 
 "Mmmm," Cathy replied in between the kisses she trailed across his chest,
each one lower than the last. Ben was reminded of a cat.
 
 Ben gasped as the trail moved lower down his belly. "Oh my," he said
again.
 
 "Are you OK?" Cathy asked, moving back up his body and smiling at him.
 
 "I'm……a little……overcome….." he responded, mentally kicking himself for
his choice of words.
 
 Cathy's chuckle vibrated against his chest. "I'm not surprised." She
pressed her lips against his chest and began her trail all over again.
 
 "What time is it?" Ben asked suddenly.
 
 Cathy raised up onto her elbows and regarded him. "You gotta be
somewhere?"
 
 "Be somewhere?" Ben mentally kicked himself again. A month before he had
made the mistake of sounding like he wanted to get away from her. He
wasn't about to let it happen again. "Oh no, I just wondered what time it
is. I seem to have misplaced my watch."
 
 Cathy moved away and checked her watch on the chest by the bed, then
rolled back against him. "It's 10 o'clock. Do you have to go?"
 
 A smile spread across Ben's face. He wasn't going anywhere. He reached
out a hand and ran his fingers down her face. A song he knew came to mind
and he sang it to her. He didn't know why he sang that particular song. He
didn't even really like Bob Dylan.
 
 Cathy seemed to like it. She mumbled something incoherent as he pulled
her down for another kiss.
 
 
 It was much later when Cathy pulled away from Ben and regarded him with a
curious eye.
 
 "You're right, Ben," she grinned at him. "You are a fast learner."
 
 "Was I…." He blushed. "I mean, am I….was it…..oh dear…." He stopped when
he saw laughter in Cathy's eyes.
 
 "Don't you dare ask me that Ben. You sound like you're in a B grade
movie." She laughed and ran a hand down his chest. "Did I like it?" Her
hand continued down the length of his body. "What do you think?"
 
 Ben sucked in a breath when she reached a tender part of his anatomy.
Cathy's tiny, clever hands were driving him crazy. His heart rate picked
up and sweat stood on his brow. He watched as a fire lit in Cathy's eyes.
 
 "What about you, Ben?" she asked huskily, her hands working on his heated
flesh. "Did you like it?" His body responded more eloquently than any
words.
 
 
 "I need to eat," Cathy announced much later. "Are you hungry?"
 
 "Starving." Ben smiled at the tiny woman beside him. He had no idea how
late it was, but he was suddenly very hungry. He hadn't eaten dinner and
the physical activity had exhausted him.
 
 "There has to be something in the fridge," Cathy said as she slipped out
of bed. 
 
 Ben watched as Cathy pulled a loose cotton shirt onto her shoulders and
fastened a few buttons. He felt a surge in his loins and was mystified at
the magic this woman had worked on him. They had already made love three
times and his body, it seemed, was ready for more.
 
 "Kitchen's downstairs," she grinned at him as her eyes roved up and down
his body.
 
 "Oh, yes." Ben blushed at his thoughts. He slid out of bed and gathered
up his clothes.
 
 Cathy crossed the room and took the garments out of his hand, grinning
wickedly. "You won't be needing those just yet," she said, stepping into
the closet. 
 
 After a moment rummaging around, she emerged with a length of fabric,
which she held out to him. 
 
 "A sarong," she stated. "You know how to do this?"
 
 Ben shook his head and Cathy reached around him, wrapping the fabric
around his hips and folding, rolling and tucking it in with expert hands.
 
 "There you go. Much better." She smiled as she stood back to admire her
handiwork. 
 
 "Thank you," he answered, fumbling nervously with the folds of fabric and
wondering if he shouldn't tie something in a knot.
 
 "Now let's eat."
 
 Obediently, Ben followed her downstairs, still poking anxiously at the
cloth around his middle.
 
 
 Ben leaned against the kitchen counter and watched Cathy as she rummaged
in the fridge. He loved the way her slender limbs moved and the play of
muscle sliding over bone. The eroticism surprised him. Then there were her
hands. Delicate, expert hands. Hands that had already brought him immense
pleasure. He could resist no longer. He reached out and pulled her against
his chest.
 
 Cathy was nearly a foot shorter than he and her head tucked neatly under
his chin, like they were made for each other. It brought out all sorts of
male instincts that he didn't quite understand. He held her tighter.
 
 Cathy rubbed her cheek against his bare chest. "Mmmm," she hummed.
 
 It was the sound that reminded Ben of a purr and he chuckled as he kissed
the top of her head. "You remind me of a cat."
 
 "A cat?" Cathy looked up at him with wide, dark eyes and he couldn't help
himself. He kissed her again.
 
 "You move like a cat, you purr like a cat. All you need is the tail."
 
 Cathy's throaty laugh reverberated against his body. "Well, Ben, that's
because I was a cat in a previous life."
 
 "Oh," was all Ben could think to say. He kissed her again, long and slow.
When he drew away he continued. "Cathy the cat. That's what I'll call
you." He gave a self-satisfied smile. "Cat."
 
 Cathy laughed and rubbed herself against him. "I like it." Ben's body
responded to her voice. "Make me purr."
 
 Ben's hands came up to tangle themselves in her hair as he kissed her
again. Gently, he tugged her down onto the polished floorboards of her
kitchen. As she tugged at the fabric around his waist, Ben was pleased Cat
hadn't let him dress. She was a wise woman.
 
 "Oh, Cat," he whispered against her throat as he lowered his body onto
hers. The food would have to wait.
 
 
 Ben woke early the next morning. The sun was barely over the horizon. The
heavy warmth lying against him made him start. He was not accustomed to
sleeping curled around another human being. He opened his eyes slowly,
taking in the dark head lying so close to him and the slender body his arm
was draped over. A smile lit his face. He was really here in Cathy
Madden's bed. They had barely slept. A rush of warmth flowed through his
veins as he remembered the night before. He kissed the pale shoulder in
front of him and she stirred, turning slightly to smile up at him.
 
 "Hi," he whispered as a pair of sleepy green eyes raised to meet his.
 
 "Hi," she whispered back. She turned in his arms and kissed his chest
dreamily, running a hand down his belly.
 
 Ben placed his larger hand over hers and halted its progress. "Oh, Cat,
if you do that we'll never get out of this room." He kissed her forehead.
"I have to go home and prepare for work."
 
 Cat grinned sleepily. "It's early, Ben. It's only about 5 o'clock."
 
 Ben turned and looked towards the window. "It's later than you think.
It's about 5.25 am and I have to drive 35km back to Moose Jaw." His voice
lowered and he nuzzled the tiny woman's neck. "I don't want to go, but I
must."
 
 "Oooh, you are such a spoilsport." Cat moved away to let Ben out of the
bed. "Next time make sure you bring a change of clothes."
 
 "Next time?"
 
 "Yes, next time."
 
 "Oh my," Ben whispered as he pulled Cat against him.
 
 
 Sometime later when the sun was higher in the sky, Ben reached over and
checked his watch, which he had eventually located on the floor. He sat up
with a start.
 
 "Oh dear. It's nearly 6.30." He swung his legs over the side of the bed
and stood up. "I really have to go. I'll have just enough time to get
home, shower and dress for work." He rushed around and collected his
clothes from where they had fallen on the floor the night before.
 
 Cat leaned up on one elbow and watched him with an amused smile on her
face. Ben stopped when he saw her.
 
 "I'm so sorry." He kissed her.
 
 "It's OK. I'm sorry I waylaid you."
 
 He sat on the edge of the bed and stroked her hair. "I'm not." Kissing
her quickly, he stood again. "But I really have to go."
 
 After a lengthy farewell at the front door, Ben finally left his new
lover. Feeling happier than he could remember feeling, Ben fought the urge
to break the speed limit on his way back to Moose Jaw.
 
 
 
 Ray stared across the table at his friend, who smiled happily at his
hands. He could see that Ben was lost in his memories. 
 
 "So how come you broke up?" he asked, nervous about interrupting his
reverie. His curiousity overcame his concern and he continued. "I mean, it
sounds like you two were perfect for each other. What happened?" Cat had
only hinted at the reasons she had broken up with Ben. Ray wanted to know
more.
 
 The smile on Ben's face melted into a look of sadness and he tilted his
head and stared out the window. It had started to snow again. He took a
breath and spoke in a soft voice. "You see, Ray, I only stayed in Moose
Jaw to be close to Cat. I always wanted to return to the Yukon."
 
 "So you left?" Ray asked, in between sips of his espresso, trying not to
sound like he was pressing his friend.
 
 "Eventually, yes. As I said, I stayed in Moose Jaw for Cat. During our
relationship we both took several short-term posts in remote areas, but we
were never apart for very long. Then one day Sergeant McPherson, as he was
then, informed me that a two year post in Whitehorse had become vacant."
 
 "And you took it?"
 
 "Eventually, yes."
 
 "Come on, Benny, cut to the chase."
 
 "The chase?" He reacted to Ray's glare of impatience. "Oh, I see." Ben
cleared his throat, a little embarrassed at finally revealing so many
intimate details of his life. He sat back and stared at a point over Ray's
head and told how his relationship with Cat Madden had ended.
 
 WINTER 1981
 Ben waited impatiently for Cat to return home. He had a lot to share with
her. He worked a morning shift and Cat worked the night shift. Even though
he knew she was more than capable of taking care of herself, he still
worried about her driving such a long distance at the end of a shift. In
addition, the cold winds had turned the snowy roads icy, adding to the
danger. He breathed a sigh of relief when he heard her jeep in the drive.
Gently, he lifted Laura from his lap and placed her on a cushion by the
fire then went to greet Cat at the door.
 
 Fifteen minutes later he installed her on the sofa with a mug of steaming
hot chocolate in her hands. Bouncing on the balls of his feet in front of
her, Ben waited for the right moment to share his news.
 
 "Ben, what's up with you? Ants in your pants?" Cat smiled, pulling gently
on his wrist so that he sat beside her.
 
 "Oh, Cat," he grinned at her, "I have some wonderful news."
 
 Cat was caught by his enthusiasm and there was excitement in her voice
when she asked, "What is it?"
 
 "Sergeant McPherson told me today there is an opening in Whitehorse. A
two year post."
 
 "That's great, Ben. Did you tell him you want it?"
 
 "Yes. Yes, I did." His voice dropped to a whisper. "But it means we could
be apart for some time."
 
 Cat shrugged. "We've managed that before. It's fine. I'll get up there
when I can. This is your career and it's something you've wanted for a
long time. I know you haven't been happy in Moose Jaw."
 
 He touched a hand to her cheek. "Oh I've been happy, Cat. Very happy."
 
 "But you'll be happier in Whitehorse."
 
 Ben smiled. "I'll be even happier when you're in Whitehorse with me."
 
 Cat reached out and hugged him. "We'll work it out."
 
 
 Later than night as they lay in the darkness of Cat's bedroom, a question
that had burned at Ben, unasked, came to haunt him.
 
 "There's something I need to ask you, Cat."
 
 "Uh huh?" She turned on her pillow to face him.
 
 "Well, when I go to Whitehorse it may be some time before we see each
other. Depending on where you get posted, it may be as long as a year."
Ben stared at the ceiling, anxious about what he was about to ask.
 
 "And?"
 
 "It's just that you have ……appetites……and I thought …."
 
 Cat cut him off, leaning up on one elbow. "Ben, you're right. We're both
young and I think we should be sensible about this."
 
 Finally he turned to face his lover. "Sensible?" His bewilderment was
clear.
 
 "Yes." Cat kissed his shoulder quickly. "I think we should both be free
to see other people."
 
 Ben could only stare in shock. "Cat…." The words he searched for would
not come. "That's not what I meant…. I thought that ……" He stopped, a
strangled sound in his throat.
 
 "Oh." Cat looked away from him, staring into the shadows of the suddenly,
painfully silent room.
 
 "I wanted to know if you would wait for me," Ben whispered, in a barely
audible, hurt voice.
 
 "Wait for you?" Cat sighed and turned away, a strange stillness coming
into her voice. "Ben, I can't promise you that."
 
 "I see." 
 
 For a long time neither of them moved or spoke. Ben's heart pounded in
his chest and he felt sick. His father's words of two years earlier came
back to him.
 
 "Half the RCMP have their eyes on her and I know she's looking right back
at them." It seems my father was right, Ben thought, somewhat bitterly.
 
 He swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up. "Is there someone
else?" He asked, his voice sounding strangled and thick.
 
 Cat let out a long sigh. "No, Ben, of course not!" Sitting up behind him,
she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I'm just trying to be
realistic. We're only 22, for gods sakes. Are you telling me that if some
pretty Inuit girl made a pass at you, you'd turn her down?"
 
 "Are you telling me I shouldn't?" Ben asked, the bitterness in his voice
surprising them both.
 
 "I'm not telling you anything. What I'm saying is that if you're
attracted to someone, you should act on it. It won't change things between
you and me."
 
 He turned to face her. "Is that what you'll be doing? 'Acting on it'?" He
stood and walked to the window, keeping his back to her. "And I disagree.
It will change things between you and me."
 
 "I won't stop loving you, if that's what you mean."
 
 "Did you stop to think about how I might feel? Love, Cat. That's what
this is about. I love you and I don't want you 'acting on it' with someone
else."
 
 "I see," Cat said as she got out of bed and joined Ben by the window. "I
guess we have a problem."
 
 Ben turned to face her, moonlight shining in the tears on his cheeks.
"Yes, Cat," he whispered in a harsh voice, "I think we do."
 
 
 "Geez, Benny, that's too bad," Ray said. Cat hadn't given him this much
detail about their break up and he could see that it had caused his friend
a great deal of pain. Ray had not expected to hear such a dramatic tale
and his curiousity was aroused. "So what happened then?"
 
 Ben ran a hand through his hair. "Well, I spent a sleepless night in
Cat's guest room." He shook his head and stared into the middle distance,
seeing the room clearly in his mind. "I hated that room for a long time
after that. Every time I went in there I remembered how I felt that
night." He shook his head slightly, thinking it ironic that during his
last visit with Cat, he had spent a night in that same room, just so he
could feel closer to Phil. 
 
 "I mean after that, Fraser." Ray said, a hint of frustration creeping
into his voice.
 
 "Oh yes." Ben cleared his throat and went on with his story. "The next
morning Cat told me she thought it best if we ended our relationship. So I
told Sergeant McPherson to send me to Whitehorse as soon as possible."
 
 "And he did?"
 
 "Yes. A week later I was in Whitehorse." He took a deep breath. "I was
very hurt."
 
 "Yeah I can understand that." Ray scraped a nervous hand across his
scalp. He hadn't expected Ben to tell his story in such great detail.
Truth told, he felt a little embarrassed. But he was still curious about
how Ben and Cat had remained friends, how they had overcome the hurt. "So
something must have happened, cause that was a long time ago and you're
still real close."
 
 Ben looked across the table at his friend and chuckled. "Yes, Ray,
something happened."
 
 
 SPRING 1982
 The Whitehorse depot was noisy and crowded when Ben arrived at work on a
cool spring afternoon. A group of fur trappers had been apprehended nearby
and brought in for questioning. The arresting officers still milled around
the room, calling congratulations to each other and whooping with
excitement.
 
 Constable Deschamps called to him across the room. "Fraser! There's mail
in your pigeon hole." Like everyone else in Whitehorse, Deschamps couldn't
figure out what was going on with Fraser. He kept to himself, seemed to
have no friends, and had never, in the time he since his arrival in
Whitehorse, received mail.
 
 Ben crossed the crowded room and retrieved the letter from his
pigeonhole. Instantly he recognised the handwriting. Like everything about
her, Cat's handwriting was an untidy scrawl. A smile crept onto his face.
Cat always told him life was too busy to waste being neat. It had been six
months since he left Moose Jaw and Cat. This was the first time he heard
from her. He felt an ache in his chest. He still missed her. With shaking
hands he opened the envelope and pulled out the letter.
 
 
 Dear Ben,
 
 I guess you're surprised to hear from me. I thought I should write and
tell you we're about to become parents.
 
 Now that you've picked yourself up off the floor, I should tell you that
it's Laura who is pregnant. I thought she was just getting fat, but I was
wrong. The vet told me this morning that the kittens could come anytime in
the next week or so. Guess I should have had her spayed, but it's too late
to worry about that now. I'll send photos when the kittens arrive. I think
I'll keep them all.
 
 Hope they're treating you right in Whitehorse. 
 
 Love,
 
 Cat
 
 
 Ben read the letter three times before folding it carefully and tucking
into the breast pocket of his jacket. He smiled for what felt like the
first time in six months, his facial muscles stretching into unfamiliar
lines. There was only one thing to do. Laura had brought them together in
the first place and now she would do it again. 
 
 It was easy to convince his Staff Sergeant, Buck Frobisher, to give him
vacation time. Buck, like his father, had grown fond of Cat in the time
Ben had known her. Two days later Buck put Ben on a plane bound for Moose
Jaw with firm instructions to 'sort things out with your young woman'.
 
 
 
 Ben waited on Cat's front verandah. He knew where she kept a spare key,
but he thought it best to wait outside. It didn't take long for Laura to
become aware of his presence, forcing her swollen belly through the cat
door installed by Ben two years earlier. She miaowed loudly and jumped
onto his lap.
 
 "My, my, Laura," Ben smiled, scratching her chin and rubbing her tummy.
"It seems you have been up to no good." Cat was right. Laura looked set to
give birth at any moment.
 
 He leaned back into the chair with Laura settling in his lap, just as he
had sat many times before. Now that he was back in Moose Jaw, it seemed
like he had been away forever. For six months he had refused to
acknowledge his pain, but now he let it come. He missed Cat and he ached
to see her. 
 
 As if sensing his pain, Laura stood and looked at him. Placing her front
paws on his chest, she leaned up and rubbed her head against Ben's cheek.
Ben smiled and, seemingly satisfied, she settled on to his lap again and
went to sleep. Ben stared at the mountains in the distance and wondered
how long it would be before Cat came home. It didn't really matter,
though. He would have waited forever.
 
 Laura was still on Ben's lap half an hour later when Cat's jeep turned
into the drive. He watched as the vehicle approached, waiting for the
moment when Cat would see him. When she did, he stood and placed Laura
carefully on the chair, then stepped off the verandah and walked towards
the car.
 
 Cat pulled up a few metres away. She looked at Ben, unsmiling, before
opening the car door and climbing down. Ben's heart raced. Was coming back
the wrong thing to do? He waited, frozen, as Cat walked towards him. She
stopped in front of him, so close that he could feel the heat of her body.
 
 "You come all the way from Whitehorse with another homeless animal?" Cat
asked eventually, a small smile curling at the corner of her mouth.
 
 "No, not quite...." Ben's voice trailed off as Cat's right hand came up
to rest on his chest. He almost gasped out loud at her touch.
 
 "You got something in there?" she asked, as she had the first night they
met.
 
 Ben lifted his left hand and covered Cat's hand, trapping it in place
over his heart. He smiled sadly. "Yes. Yes, I do. Something injured."
 
 With a gentle sigh Cat laid her head on his chest and Ben lifted his
other hand to hold her in place. A strangled sob fell from his lips as he
held her. Until that moment he had not realised how much he craved the
physical contact. It was a long time before they moved.
 
 "What are you doing here, Ben?" Cat asked after a while.
 
 He let his hands drop, releasing the tiny woman. He hesitated before
speaking. "I got your letter and thought...." His voice trailed off and he
ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know what I thought. I just wanted
to see you.......I......I miss you."
 
 Cat stepped away from him and rested her hands on her hips, looking him
up and down as if seeing him for the first time. He'd lost weight and his
eyes were dark and dull. It looked like the past six months had been hard
on him. She sighed heavily, shaking her head and Ben thought she looked
like a woman weighing her options. Finally, she tilted her head to one
side and gave him a sweet, wry smile. 
 
 "I've missed you too, Ben," she said eventually.
 
 In a heartbeat they were in each other's arms, kissing and hugging as if
their lives depended on it. Then they stumbled towards the door, Cat
fumbling with the keys she fished from her pocket as they went. With deft
movements, Ben snatched them from her hand and released her long enough to
open the door.
 
 Once inside, they moved into each other's arms again with renewed vigour.
With a predatory growl, Ben marched Cat backward towards the sofa, still
kissing her. A small part of his mind told him that he was acting like a
caveman and he pulled back ashamed of his lack of control. In response,
Cat grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled him back against her,
guiding them both onto the sofa.
 
 They made love fiercely, almost desperately, with their clothes half on,
half off. Ben felt like a man possessed, powerless to stop, his desire
fuelled by the words of demand Cat whispered in his ear.
 
 When the storm passed, Ben found himself in a rather uncomfortable
position half off the sofa, with his jeans bunched around his knees and
his shirt hanging from the still buttoned cuff on his left wrist. The
front door was still open. He felt the colour rise on his cheeks as he
lifted his head to look at the woman under him. 
 
 Cat, too, was in a similar stated of undress, her shirt bunched up around
her throat and her uniform pants caught on the boots she hadn't taken time
to remove. Her eyes sparkled with amusement and Ben smiled, his
embarrassment forgotten for the moment. A second later they were both
laughing hysterically and exchanging kisses like they had never been
apart.
 
 
 Ray cleared his throat and began picking at imaginary lint on his
trousers. "Geez Benny, I don't think Cat would like you telling me all
this."
 
 Ben was surprised to see Ray blush for the second time that day. He
smothered a smile as he reached for the sugar bowl, stirring a generous
amount into his tea. He knew Ray had never suspected there were events in
his past like the ones he described.
 
 "On the contrary, Ray," Ben smiled across at his friend, enjoying the
momentary reversal in their relationship. "I'm surprised she didn't tell
you herself." He took a swallow of his tea. "Cat is a woman of few
inhibitions, as I'm sure you discovered."
 
 Ray blushed for a third time under the steady gaze of the Mountie and
then hastily changed the subject. "Yeah, well, you're still not answering
my question, Fraser. What happened?"
 
 "Oh. Oh yes." Ben hesitated for a moment, not really wanting to leave
behind the good memories to go on to the bad. 
 
 
 Before they could regain their composure, Laura let out a loud yowl. She
had followed them into the house and seemingly taken up residence on the
sofa opposite. Cat shoved Ben off her, somewhat unceremoniously, stood and
adjusted her clothes, then raced to Laura's side. Ben sat up and
rearranged his own clothes, watching as Cat tended to Laura. The cat was
uncomfortably treading circles on the sofa cushion.
 
 "I think she's getting close," Cat breathed, tucking her hair behind her
ears.
 
 "Oh my." Ben joined her on the other side of the room, watching as Cat
anxiously stroked Laura's back.
 
 "In the bedroom there's the basket she likes. Bring it down here." Cat's
voice became suddenly businesslike, their intense intimacy of only minutes
earlier all but forgotten. 
 
 Ben got to his feet and went to retrieve the basket, trying desperately
to ignore the faint stab of rejection he felt by telling himself that this
was the very reason he came back. He knew the most important thing at that
moment was to care for Laura. They could deal with their relationship
later.
 
 "Bring some of the animal towels as well," Cat called after him.
 
 Ben collected the requested items from the closet where Cat kept her
animal caring things. Upstairs in the bedroom he paused for a moment,
remembering the many happy nights he had spent in this room. For the
second time that day he wondered if coming back had been a mistake. With a
dejected heart, Ben carried the items back downstairs to Cat.
 
 When Cat had Laura safely installed in the basket on the sofa, she turned
to Ben and smiled. The look she gave him dispelled any sadness he felt.
 
 "I'm glad you're here to share this, Ben," she said, stroking a hand down
his arm. "I think Laura waited for you."
 
 As if in confirmation, Laura yowled again. This time it was a sound full
of pain and anxiety. Cat stroked the feline, whispering calming words of
encouragement. Ben sat back on his heels and watched her movements, the
same cat-like movements that he had fallen in love with two years earlier.

 
 "Can I do anything?" he asked, keen to be a part of what was happening.
 
 "No, just stay here with me. Laura needs us both at the moment." She
reached out and gripped his hand and they settled together on the floor in
front of the sofa.
 
 Sometime later, amidst words of encouragement and tears of joy, Laura
produced her first kitten, a tiny tortoiseshell ball. When Cat looked up
at Ben, there were tears in her eyes. His heart leapt and he hugged her
quickly, tears forming in his own eyes. Cat sent Ben to the kitchen for
some food and milk for Laura and when she had cleaned her firstborn
kitten, they hand fed her.
 
 "Are you hungry?" Ben asked sometime later.
 
 "A little."
 
 "I'll get us something to eat while you stay with Laura."
 
 
 Ben wandered into the kitchen he knew so well. He and Cat had shared many
happy times in this room, preparing meals and caring for animals. He bit
back a sob as he randomly opened cupboards looking for something quick and
easy. A tin on the bench caught his eye and he opened it gingerly, certain
that he knew what it contained. Resting on a plate was a fig cake. He was
touched. Cat knew it was a favourite of his. It was a recipe that required
two days preparation and lots of fiddling with different ingredients and
for that reason Cat did not make it often. He was smiling happily when he
returned to the living room with sandwiches.
 
 "You made a fig cake," he said as he settled on the floor beside her.
 
 Cat looked up from Laura and rewarded him with a winning smile. "I knew
you were coming."
 
 "How?" Ben asked, "Did Sergeant Frobisher call you?"
 
 Laura yowled. It was time for another kitten. Cat smiled at him. "I just
knew."
 
 He knew by the tone of Cat's voice that it was a subject about which she
would say no more.
 
 
 Three hours after Laura's fourth kitten was born, Ben and Cat agreed
there would probably be no more. It was well after midnight. Ben sat back
on the sofa and waited for a sign from Cat. Eventually she held out a hand
to him.
 
 "Come to bed, Ben. It's late."
 
 He took her hand and let her lead him up the stairs, just as he had the
first time, more than two years earlier. Upstairs they slipped wordlessly
into each other's arms. There were no candles this time, just the
moonlight stroking their bodies as they made love with a tenderness that
was missing from their frenzied coupling on the sofa that afternoon.
 
 "Oh, Cat, I've missed you so much," Ben sighed into Cat's hair. He moved
his hand up to stroke the dark head resting under his chin.
 
 Cat shifted in his arms, wrapping herself around him tightly. "How long
are you staying, Ben?"
 
 "I have a week."
 
 "Good." Cat kissed his throat. "Thank you for coming. I'm glad you were
here to share this."
 
 "Me too. Watching Laura produce those kittens is the most wonderful
experience…" he hesitated for a moment, then hugged her more tightly
against him as a rush of warmth spread through his veins. "It makes me
think about what it would be like if we were bringing our own child into
the world."
 
 Cat didn't respond for some time and her silence made Ben quake with
fear. He felt her withdraw emotionally and for the moment he was too
scared to call her on it.
 
 "We have to talk, Ben," she said in a whisper sometime later.
 
 Ben nodded. He wanted to talk too. He had some things he had wanted to
say for a long time. "Yes, Cat. We do."
 
 "But not now. It's late. We'll talk tomorrow."
 
 
 The next afternoon Cat rushed through the front door startling Ben, who
looked up from the kittens he was watching.
 
 "Cat, I didn't hear you."
 
 She grinned and leaned down to kiss his forehead. "Parenthood got to you
huh?" 
 
 He smiled and pulled her down for another kiss. Several minutes later he
let her go again, reluctantly.
 
 "How's Laura been today?" Cat asked, leaning down to lavish some
attention on the animals.
 
 "She's doing well. The kittens are all fine. She's a very attentive
mother."
 
 "I knew she would be," Cat said as she stroked her pet. "How about I make
us something to eat?" 
 
 She stood and turned toward the kitchen. Ben nodded and followed, casting
a quick glance over his shoulder at the cats. Laura would call if she
needed them.
 
 
 It was a warm summer evening and they took their meal onto the verandah
to eat by candlelight, something they had done many times in the past. As
he arranged the salad, bread and plates on the table, Ben smiled to
himself, feeling pleased he had come back. Tonight would be just like the
way it used to be. Maybe better.
 
 
 "Is now a good time to have that talk?" Ben asked later, between
mouthfuls of salad.
 
 "Yeah, I think it is." Cat smiled at him, but there was an edge to her
expression that did not fill Ben with confidence. "Should I start?" When
he nodded, she continued. "Remember how when we first met I told you there
was a bond between us?"
 
 "Yes, of course I do," Ben responded eagerly. "We talked about the
possibility that we have had other lives together."
 
 "I know we've had other lives together." Cat put her fork down and
reached across the table to take Ben's hand. "What we have is very
special. It goes way beyond the here and now. "
 
 Ben leaned closer, excitement colouring his voice. "We were meant to be
together."
 
 "Yes we were, " Cat agreed "It was for a reason…."
 
 Ben slid his chair closer to Cat, cutting off her words. He could contain
his excitement no longer. "Please, Cat, don't say any more," he licked his
lips and ran his thumbnail over his eyebrow nervously. "I need to say
something….well ….actually……it's more of a question……"
 
 "Go on."
 
 Ben gripped both of Cat's hands in his and leaned closer still, then took
a deep breath and spoke, "Cat Madden, will you marry me?"
 
 The silence that followed was deafening. Countless emotions raced through
Ben's body as he waited for Cat's response. The seconds ticked by and he
grew panicky, desperate to hear any sound. His throat was dry and he
swallowed hard, then licked his lips. In despair, he squeezed Cat's hands
tighter.
 
 "Oh my god…." Cat breathed in a whisper.
 
 "Cat….." He leaned closer, feeling her breath on his face.
 
 "Oh, Ben….." Cat's voice was strangled.
 
 "Cat….?" he asked in a voice close to tears. "You're scaring me."
 
 "I had no idea….I mean….I didn't expect this….."
 
 "Is that a yes?" Ben tightened his grip on Cat's hands and moved closer
still so that their lips almost touched.
 
 "Ben, I'm so sorry," Cat's eyes filled with tears.
 
 "Is that a no?" Ben let go of Cat's hands as if burned and sat back in
his chair, the shadows hiding his face from her. Tears welled in his eyes
and he clutched the arm of his chair tightly.
 
 "I can't marry you, Ben." Cat's tears ran freely down her cheeks.
 
 Ben took a deep breath and let it out slowly, his chest heaving with
barely contained emotion. "I see," he rasped through tears of his own.
 
 Cat sighed and spoke in a breathy whisper. "No, I don't think you do. I'm
not saying no for the reasons you think."
 
 Ben started to speak, influenced by the bitterness creeping into his
heart, but thought better of it. He stayed in the shadows and let Cat
speak. He wanted to hear her reasons.
 
 Cat's voice sounded weary. "You see, Ben, I am not the person you are
destined to be with. I'm not the person who will give you what you need. I
am not your soul-mate."
 
 "Are you saying you don't love me?" Ben's question was defiant,
challenging Cat to deny it.
 
 "No." Cat took a deep, shuddering breath. "I love you more than I can
say." She swallowed again, fighting tears. "But you are yet to meet the
person who will love you in ways I can't – who will give you things you
don't even know you need – things that I don't even know you need."
 
 "But you said we were meant to be together," Ben was unable to stop a
bitter edge creeping into his voice.
 
 "We were, but that time has passed," Cat's voice wavered and she began to
cry again. "This hurts me too, Ben." With a heart-wrenching cry, she
lowered her head and sobbed.
 
 Ben listened from the shadows, absorbing what Cat told him. For the
moment he was unable to offer her comfort, although his arms longed to
hold her. He needed some time to come to terms with his feelings – to come
to terms with the assertions Cat made. 
 
 He didn't fully understand how she knew the things she knew and she never
bothered to tell him. For more than two years he had trusted her
completely and he knew her instincts were always right. So why then did he
hurt? He shook his head, pushing the thought away. He had instincts of his
own and he knew their time together was not at an end. It was that
instinct that made him slip off his chair and kneel at Cat's feet, pulling
her into his arms.
 
 They held each other, sobbing for a long time. So long that Ben's knees
began to ache. Slowly he got to his feet and tugged at Cat's hand to join
him. 
 
 "Please," he whispered in a voice deep with need. "Hold me."
 
 Cat let Ben pull her to her feet and into his arms. He felt numb and
didn't know what to say. He let Cat rock and sway him until an urgency
started somewhere in his belly. He debated with himself for a long time
before speaking.
 
 "I …I want ……I need to….make love to you…." Ben said as he pressed his
lips against Cat's throat.
 
 She pulled away from him, her hands gripping his upper arms tightly.
"Ben… I meant what I said before."
 
 "Please, Cat…" Ben didn't know what made him want this so badly, just as
he didn't know what made Cat eventually say yes. Leaving their unfinished
dinner on the table, Ben and Cat went upstairs.
 
 
 Ben cradled Cat in his arms and for a long time neither of them spoke.
His body still tingled from their lovemaking and he didn't want to break
the spell. Finally, it was Cat who broke the silence. 
 
 "We shouldn't have done that, Ben."
 
 "Why not?" his voice was strangled, fearing further rejection.
 
 He felt Cat's body lift in a sigh. "Because of all the things I said.
Because I can't give you what you want."
 
 "What is it you think I want?" he asked, defiant once again.
 
 Cat shrugged. "Commitment, marriage, babies – happy ever after."
 
 What Cat said was true; he longed for all those things. He glanced around
the room before replying. "What is it that you want, Cat?"
 
 "Love, Ben. That's all I want." She pressed her lips tenderly against his
shoulder. 
 
 "I love you," Ben insisted, pulling his lover closer against him.
 
 "I know," she responded sadly. "And I love you. It's just that you want
something I can't give you and I want something that's not fair of me to
ask from you."
 
 Ben's heart pounded in his chest. He knew what Cat wanted, without
asking, but something perverse in the back of his mind shouted at him to
make her say the words. "I should be the one to decide whether it is fair
of you to ask something of me, not you. Why don't you tell me what you
think it's not fair to ask?"
 
 "No, Ben...."
 
 "Tell me, Cat," the insistence in Ben's voice surprised them both.
 
 The compact body in his arms lifted again in a long sigh. "Love. No ties,
no strings, no expectations, no questions. Just your love." The unspoken
part of Cat's statement rang in Ben's ears as clearly as if she had said
it, "and the love of others."
 
 It was a while before Ben could respond to Cat's statement. He knew what
she wanted, she had made it clear six months earlier. He needed to make a
decision quickly, before she sent him away again. He took a deep breath,
holding it momentarily before releasing it in a huff. 
 
 "I've thought about what you said." Ben ran his hand through Cat's hair
as a diversion to stop the panic rising in him. "I don't want to lose you.
Perhaps what you said six months ago is right – we are both too young. We
shouldn't be tied down yet." Ben groaned inwardly at his use of cliché,
but continued nonetheless. "There can still be a place for you and I."
 
 Cat raised herself onto her elbows and stared at him, incredulous. "Do
you know what you're saying?" Ben nodded. "I'll be seeing other people.
Are you OK with that?"
 
 Ben pulled Cat to his chest before he answered. He didn't want her to see
his eyes. "Yes, Cat. I'm comfortable with that."
 
 
 Ray blushed again and looked around the diner for the waitress. When he
caught her attention he ordered more coffee and then ventured a look at
his friend. 
 
 "Jesus, Fraser. Did you really say that? Were you…..you….really OK about
that? I never thought you'd accept something like that."
 
 Ben fixed him with a stony glare. "I lied, Ray."
 
 "You lied?" Ray scratched his head in disbelief. "You lied?"
 
 "Yes, Ray. I lied."
 
 "Why?"
 
 "It's simple, Ray. I was faced with a choice. Either I accepted Cat's
terms for a relationship, or I would lose her."
 
 "But couldn't she tell you were lying?"
 
 Ben nodded. "Yes, I think she could."
 
 "So how did you get around it? I mean, what happened?"
 
 "Well, it was some time before I realised the truth in Cat's words." Ben
sighed and stared out the window, remembering how he felt the first time
he set eyes on Phil McKenzie. Reflecting back, he realised that in that
instant he finally understood Cat's words. His heart swelled with love at
the memory. Right now he loved Cat more than ever. Loved her for having
the strength to be honest with him. Although not realising it at first, as
he gazed at Phil McKenzie that first day he knew he had met his soul mate.
He knew he loved Phil before he knew her name. 
 
 Ray screwed up his face. "Aw, come on, Fraser. Don't leave me hanging
like this. How did you handle it?"
 
 Startled, Ben turned back to Ray. "Oh. Yes." He cleared his throat and
continued. "I stayed with Cat for that week and then I returned to
Whitehorse. You see, Ray, I was sure Cat loved me and I convinced myself
that sooner or later she would come to her senses and accept my proposal."
 
 "But she didn't." Ray smiled.
 
 Ben returned the smile, looking wistful. "No, she didn't. For several
years I held the hope she would change her mind – but you know the rest."
 
 "No I don't, Benny. You keep changing the subject."
 
 "Ray, I did tell you that this story could quite possibly take two hours
to tell."
 
 "Yeah, yeah. Just get on with it." He signalled to the waitress for more
coffee, although he'd had way too much already.
 
 Ben stared at the waitress as she crossed the room. "Two months later I
went back to Moose Jaw."
 
 "To see Cat?" Ray addressed the waitress. "Another espresso. Fraser?"
 
 Ben shook his head and waited for a moment until the woman walked away.
 
 "Essentially yes." He swallowed. "Sergeant Frobisher called me into his
office one morning and told me that there had been an incident in
Churchill, at the research station where Cat's parents worked. Apparently
six scientists were working on an ice-shelf when it gave way. At that time
none of the missing were identified, but Cat's parents names were on the
list. So, I called the RCMP in Churchill and they told me that six bodies
had been recovered, but were still unidentified. At that point, no
relatives had been contacted. Sergeant Frobisher gave me permission to go
straight to Moose Jaw." Ben looked out the window, remembering that awful
day.
 
 
 SUMMER 1982
 "Cathy's parents have been positively identified, Ben." Sergeant Doug
McPherson picked up the wire from Churchill and handed it across the desk.
"I'm glad you're here."
 
 Ben read the paper that gave the list of the dead. All six scientists had
fallen into the icy waters of Hudson Bay and been swept to their deaths by
the current. A lump rose in his throat as he contemplated the horror of
their deaths. He prayed they had died quickly.
 
 "This is terrible," Ben whispered, sadness gripping his heart as he
wondered how Cat would handle it. Although Ben had only met Cat's parents
on three occasions, they had gotten on well. "Would you like me to tell
her?" he asked, looking up again.
 
 "I'd like you to be here when I tell her." Sergeant McPherson smiled
sadly at the younger Mountie. Ben nodded and then took a seat by the desk.
 
 The two men fell silent and waited for Cat to return to the Depot. There
was no need for conversation. Sometime later a knock sounded at the door
and Cat's head appeared around its edge. She greeted Sergeant McPherson
first and stepped into the room. A second later she noticed Ben. 
 
 "Ben!" she cried, rushing to his side. "What are you doing here?"
 
 "Hello, Cat…" he said in a voice filled with pain as he rose to his feet.
 
 "Cathy, please sit down." Sergeant McPherson came out from behind his
desk, indicating the chair Ben had just vacated. 
 
 "What's going on, Doug?" she asked, a note of panic hitting her voice as
she looked between the two men.
 
 "I have some bad news." He took a deep breath. "It's your parents, Cathy.
I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, but they were involved in an
accident….an ice floe collapsed….their bodies have only just been
recovered."
 
 "No…oh dear god no…." Cat reached out to grip the back of the chair, the
colour draining from her face. She looked like she was about to faint.
 
 "I'm so very sorry, Cathy." Sergeant McPherson whispered, but she didn't
hear him. She stared open-mouthed at Ben.
 
 Ben moved forward and swept Cat into his arms, cradling her head against
his chest. She collapsed into his arms and, unable to hold her up, Ben
sank to the floor taking her weight on his thighs. He pulled her onto his
lap and held her like a child while she sobbed into the folds of his
shirt. Gently, he kissed the top of her head and rubbed soothing circles
on her back, but Cat was too shocked to notice. It didn't take long before
Ben's tears joined Cat's. Neither of them noticed Sergeant McPherson leave
the room.
 
 
 Ray swallowed hard. "Oh, Benny, I'm so sorry. Both of you have lost your
parents in such tragic circumstances. I had no idea." It seemed the bond
between Cat and Ben went far deeper than he had imagined. For the second
time that night Ray found himself wondering why they had not married. It
seemed to him that they were meant to be together.
 
 "Yes, it was terrible. Cat's parents were.... eccentric, to say the least
and, despite the fact that they saw each other only once a year, they were
very close. Cat was devastated. I almost had to carry her to the car that
day." Ben traced circles on the table with his teaspoon, remembering
vividly the events he described. "When I got her home, I put her to bed.
She wouldn't eat. She didn't want to talk about it. I was terrified.
Finally, I got into bed with her and held her all night whilst she cried."
He looked up at Ray again. "It was then I realised there was a shift in
our relationship."
 
 "A shift?" 
 
 "Yes. At first I didn't realise what was happening. But then I started
thinking of Cat like I thought of Becka. Suddenly I felt like a big
brother. Cat had no family left and she needed me in a way that I hadn't
thought about before. I became her family."
 
 "So you fell out of love?"
 
 "No. On the contrary, I loved her more than ever."
 
 "You're not makin' much sense, Fraser," Ray said with a hint of confusion
in his voice. If what Fraser said was true, their bond had grown stronger
since Cat's parents' deaths. To his way of thinking, if you loved someone
you didn't let them go. A wave of guilt hit him suddenly. What about
Casey?
 
 Ben shrugged imperceptibly. "We never talked about the nature of our
relationship again. Foolishly, I thought if I didn't ask too many
questions, it wouldn't touch me. If I didn't hear the words, it wasn't
happening. For several years I maintained my facade. I learned to accept
Cat's terms by denying they existed. We would visit each other a few times
a year and the time we spent together was as it always had been. We would
make love with a ferocity that still astounds me today. But, I never told
Cat how much I longed for her between those visits. I thought it wise not
to ask what she felt – or did – during the time we were apart. If I ever
thought about her, um, her ... other lovers... my thoughts always
disappeared as soon as she was in my arms again." Ben looked at his hands,
slightly embarrassed. "Not a satisfactory way to live, I know." 
 
 Just like his life now, Ben thought, somewhat bitterly. It had been a
long time since he had held anyone in his arms, a long time since he had
slept curled around someone he loved. He shut his eyes briefly, trying to
ignore the longing he felt for someone to hold him. No, not someone –
Phil. Not a satisfactory way to live.
 
 "Surely Cat knew how you felt?" Ray's voice caused Ben to look up.
 
 Ben nodded. "Yes, I'm certain she knew. She knew me too well not to." Ben
straightened in his chair. "Cat was always a little – aloof – emotionally
after she turned down my marriage proposal. It was some years before I
could admit that I knew she hid a part of herself from me."
 
 Ray looked away from Ben. His thoughts raced. Cat and Ben continued to be
lovers for several years. Ben had just told him plainly. Did that mean
they were still lovers? Did Ben still feel the same way about Cat? This
was turning out to be a stranger relationship than he first imagined.
"What about now, Benny?"
 
 "Now?" Ben turned an ingenuous face to his companion.
 
 "Yes, now." Ray blushed again. "Do you still....." he waved his hands in
the air.
 
 "Oh." It was Ben's turn to blush. "No, Ray. Not for many years." Twelve
years to be precise. Not since he met Phil McKenzie. "There was a time
when I came to learn the true meaning of what Cat had said to me. You see
Ray, um, I, um, I ....met someone..... someone with whom I shared
something.......special."
 
 "You met someone? Your soul-mate?" Ray asked, his mind full of the image
of Casey Sinclair. His own soul mate. Why was he thinking about Casey?
 
 Ben looked at the table again and re-commenced drawing circles with his
teaspoon. The sound of metal on the wooden table top whispered
meditatively to him, like a mantra, taking him back to the time he first
saw Phil, his true love. He remembered clearly that day at Miller's
Crossing. He remembered the look in Phil's eyes and how she had held his
gaze for an eternity. He remembered following Phil along the trail that
day, thinking about Cat and all the things she had told him. 
 
 Much later he would look back and discover he had found two loves that
day. His abiding, passionate love for Phil McKenzie and a new, equally
eternal, but now more fraternal love for Cat Madden, for she had loved him
enough to make him wait for his soul mate.
 
 Ray watched as Ben dragged the spoon across the timber tabletop,
wondering what he was thinking about. "So what happened to her?" he asked.
 
 Ben looked up, startled. "What happened to her?"
 
 "Yeah, her. This woman you mention. What happened?"
 
 Ben's heart suddenly leapt into his throat. For a long time he had
refused to tell Ray about Phil and he wasn't about to change his mind now.
Searching his mind for an appropriate response, he gave what he hoped
looked like an ambivalent shrug. "Sometimes things don't go as one plans,
Ray." Ben hoped his answer was sufficiently ambiguous to deter Ray from
asking more.
 
 Ray frowned at his friend. He remembered Fraser talking in his sleep
about a woman in his past he regretted breaking up with and he remembered
Cat telling him that Ben's heart belonged to someone else. If this
mysterious woman was Fraser's soul mate, why weren't they together? What
happened to keep them apart? Had his feelings for Cat gotten in the way?
Was there more to the story than Fraser let on?
 
 "But if you love someone, Benny, you don't let them go without a fight."
 
 Ben stared, unmoving, at his friend for some time. What Ray said was
right. How could he tell him that he had thrown away the love of his soul
mate for Victoria? He knew well enough what Ray thought of his involvement
with that woman. Feeling backed into a corner, he used the only way out he
could see.
 
 "Like you did with Casey?" he asked, his face expressionless.
 
 Ray bowed his head and looked at his hands. "Aw, Jesus, Fraser. What do
you expect me to say to that?"
 
 "Touche?" Ben supplied. 
 
 When Ray looked up he saw the sparkle of amusement had returned to his
friends eyes. He downed the last of his coffee and said, "C'mon, Benny,
let's get out of here."
 
 
 Ray cast a glance at the man riding in his passenger seat. He could see
that Ben was caught up in his memories. He wasn't surprised. The Mountie
had revealed more about himself in this one conversation than he ever had
before. Ray looked back at the road, his mind carried away with his own
memories. Why did someone else's love life always make him think of his
own? These days everything seemed to make him think about Casey.
 
 Ben watched the passing scenery without really seeing it. The occasional
flash of bright clothing or Phil shaped woman would catch his attention,
but then his eyes would de-focus and he was lost in his memories again. 
 
 His chest ached - his heart, to be more accurate. He hadn't thought about
his relationship with Cat for many years. Well, not in that much detail
anyway. It surprised him that the memory of his pain was so sharp. What
did that mean? Ben sighed. For so long now he had been caught up in his
pain over Phil, that he forgot there was a time when he loved someone else
- wanted to marry someone else. 
 
 Ben fiddled with a thread on his jacket. He'd have to see to it when he
got home. Sighing, he stared out of the window once more. Did he still
have feelings for Cat? Of course he did. He loved her in a way he loved no
one else. But it wasn't the stuff that made a marriage work. Or was it? He
had confused love enough times in the past that it was easy to question it
now. 
 
 He thought about Phil. What did he really feel for her? He thought about
Victoria and how he thought he had found love with her. No, he was
definitely not a good judge of what constituted love. With a huff, Ben
pushed that thought to the back of his mind
 
 Ray looked at Ben again. He had stared out the window for most of the
ride. Was he thinking about Cat? Ray smiled to himself, certain his friend
was indeed thinking about the woman he had so recently gotten to know.
Although he hadn't liked Cat when they first met, he later came to accept
that she was a good friend to Fraser. Ray knew she had stuck by him for
many years. Later still, when he became her lover, Ray realised just how
special she was. But now, seeing her through Ben's eyes, he began to
wonder how the Mountie could have ever given her up. They seemed to have
an exceptionally strong rapport. 
 
 Cat and Ben had both told him that she had been the one to end their
relationship, but he still couldn't understand how Ben could let her go
that easily. If he didn't know better, he would have blamed Victoria, but
both of them had told him there was someone else before Victoria. Ray
shook his head. It was that mysterious woman from Ben's past that no one
would tell him anything about. She seemed to be the missing clue in what
had turned out to be a strange puzzle. With a sigh, Ray turned onto West
Racine and pulled up outside Ben's apartment block. Ben didn't move. 
 
 It took a moment for Ben to realise the vehicle had stopped. He turned to
Ray, his eyes wide, as if caught doing something he shouldn't. 
 
 "Yo, Fraser," Ray joked, covering the silence. "For a minute I thought
aliens had come and sucked out your brain."
 
 "I'm sorry, Ray. I was just thinking …." Ben looked away. "I was thinking
about Cat going to the Edge of the Earth. Does she know about you and
Casey?"
 
 It was Ray's turn to look startled. "Casey….?" For a moment he was struck
by panic. Would Cat tell Casey about their relationship? Surely not. Why
did everything these days lead back to Casey?
 
 Ben interpreted Ray's concerned expression. "You need not worry about
Cat. She is the model of discretion."
 
 "Oh, I know…… I was just thinkin' about Casey as we drove up…." He
stopped. There was no need to say anything further. Fraser understood.
 
 "Ray, don't you think it's time you called her? Maybe even went to see
her?"
 
 "You know I can't do that, Fraser."
 
 "Why not?"
 
 Ray slapped his hand against his thigh, feeling frustrated. "I just
can't! Can we drop it?"
 
 Ben looked shocked but his voice was full of concern. "Well Ray, I just
don't want you to end up like the song." 'Or like me.' He added silently.
 
 "What are you talking about? " Ray asked, irritation starting to show.
 
 Ben cleared his throat and sang. "Now I'm old I puff my pipe but no-one's
there to see. I ponder on the lessons of my life's insanity."
 
 "I don't know that song, Fraser." Ray dismissed him with a wave of his
hand. "I know another song – your mind is on vacation and your mouth is
working overtime." Ray sang in a tuneless voice that made Ben smile.
"You're nuts, Benny."
 
 Ben frowned and considered Ray's comment. Admittedly, there were times
when he questioned his own sanity – especially lately. "Quite possibly,
Ray. Quite possibly." He turned a winning smile on his friend. "Well,
thank you for taking Cat to the airport."
 
 "No problem, Fraser." Ray's voice became gentle. "Thanks for sharing your
story with me. It means a lot."
 
 The two men smiled and after a moments silence, Ben stepped out of the
vehicle and let Dief out of the back seat. Cooped up in the car all
through dinner, the wolf took the opportunity to dash into the shadows and
relieve himself. Ben and Ray said their goodnights and Ben headed for his
building.
 
 Ben waited while Diefenbaker relieved himself in the shadows behind a
pile of trashcans. He felt a little guilty about leaving him in the
Riveria for so long, but for some strange reason he had needed to tell Ray
his story, or rather, some of his story. He had purposefully left out the
most important part. He would never tell Ray about Phil. Ray didn't need
to know just how screwed up his love life really was. Finally, Dief
emerged and they trod the stairs to apartment 3J in silence.
 
 Ray watched as Ben called to Dief and then led the animal into the
building. He was still in shock about all the things Fraser had revealed
that night. Did his friend still care for Cat? Ray had no answer, but he
knew that his friend would be thinking of someone that night. Perhaps it
would be the Mystery Woman? 
 
 Regardless of whom Fraser would think of, Ray found his thoughts drifting
consistently back to the same woman. Casey Sinclair. For about the
hundredth time that day he wondered why everything he did, said, or
thought eventually filled his mind with images of the one woman he could
not have. The woman he would not let himself have. Not even the three days
he had just spent with Cat could make him stop thinking about Casey. With
an irritated grunt, he started the car and headed home. 
 
 
 Without turning on any lights, Ben crossed the room and sat on the edge
of his bed. The sadness that filled him was not like the usual, empty
chill he felt. Reliving his relationship with Cat in such great detail had
reawakened some other, long forgotten pain and it took him by surprise.
For the moment, the pain of losing Phil receded to the back of his mind.
He shed his leather jacket and tossed it onto a nearby chair, then kicked
off his boots and lay back, closing his eyes as he did. 
 
 Something strange percolated at the back of his mind as he lay on his
bed; it came rushing to the fore with great force. It was so simple he
wondered why he never realised it before. He laughed aloud. All the years
of obfuscation about his feelings for Cat had coloured his perception of
reality. Perhaps they were still affecting his thoughts. Perhaps he was
really still in love with the petite dynamo he had come to take for
granted. 
 
 He sat up with a start. Yes, that was it. After all, Cat had never
married either. They were meant to be together, as he had said all those
years ago. Perhaps it was time they both stopped searching for something
they couldn't have and made a life together. Smiling into the darkness,
Ben thought about all the reasons to back up his hypothesis. They were
both 36, getting to the time where it would be too late to have children.
They already knew everything there was to know about each other. It was so
very simple. 
 
 He got to his feet and removed his clothes, folding them carefully and
placing them on the trunk beside his bed. When he slid between the crisp
sheets of his lonely bed, he was still smiling. He would call Cat as soon
as she returned home and discuss his thoughts with her. It never occurred
to him that destiny could have something else planned for them. He slipped
into a peaceful sleep, his mind full of images of the woman he loved. In
the morning he would wonder why every time he dreamed of a small dark
haired, green-eyed woman who smelled of patchouli in his arms, she always
became a taller but equally dark haired woman with soft brown doe-like
eyes, a crooked smile, and hair that smelled of lavender.
 
 
 Bob and Caroline Fraser observed their sleeping son from the other side
of the room. Bob turned to his wife. "Well dearest, it looks like you will
have to have another of your talks with Phil."
 
 Caroline nodded her agreement. "It really is proving to be more difficult
than I thought. They are both so stubborn."
 
 "Yes, they are." Bob chuckled. "Not that I would complain if Benton were
to marry Cathy......"
 
 "But she is not 'the one'." Caroline finished for her husband.
 
 "And I have other plans for Cathy."
 
 "So that's what you were up to, Robert Fraser? I heard you mention her
name when you were speaking to that woman the other day."
 
 "Martha Sunsinger? Oh yes. It was her husband that got Benton and Cathy
together in the first place. Those Cree have more spells than the
Inuit....." Bob chuckled again. "Let's leave him be, Caroline. At least he
is sleeping tonight." He took his wife's hand and led her away. "We have
work to do, my beloved."
 
 "That we do, Robert."
 
 Bob whistled a tune that he had heard somewhere, then he chuckled again
when he realised what it was. "That son of ours certainly knows his music.
Let's see, what was it he was singing earlier?" Bob hummed a few more bars
and then sang, "Now I'm old I puff my pipe, but no-one's there to see." He
hugged his wife. "We'll see to that, won't we?" Caroline smiled back and
he continued. "I ponder on the lessons of my life's insanity." Bob laughed
heartily as he and Caroline faded into the night. "Yes, Benton, that's for
certain. Life's insanity."
 
 Ben turned in his sleep, his mind full of mixed images, but all of them
were of the same woman. Tall, dark-hair, brown eyes and a crooked smile.
And his dream-catcher made certain that every one of them was captured.
 
 
 All comments welcome at mullum@tig.com.au
 
 Nothing Lasts Forever (Book 2 of the Ben and Phil Saga)
 
 1.Nothing Lasts Forever 
 2.Of Second Chances by Carol Trendall 
 3.Winter in America is Cold by Carol Trendall 
 4.Lavender Memories 
 5.Distractions by Carol Trendall 
 6.No Aphrodisiac by Carol Trendall 
 7.Life's Insanity by Carol Trendall 
 8.Standing on the Edge by Carol Trendall 
 9.Of Past Regret and Future Fear by Carol Trendall 
 10.A Summoning of Things Past 
 11.Three Parts Dead 
 12.A Job Well Done 
 13.Touchstones of Character 
 14.But For the Night 
 15.Tangled Webs 
 16.Suspicions 
 17.Chasms of the Mind (with Carol Trendall) 
 18.Outskirts by Carol Trendall