No Aphrodisiac     Disclaimer: This story is written for the private
entertainment of fans. The author makes no claims on the characters or
their portrayal by the creation of this story. Phil and TJ McKenzie belong
to SL Haas and are used in this story with her permission. Cat Madden
belongs to me. No infringement of any copyrights held by CBS, Alliance,
CTV or any other copyright holders of DUE SOUTH is intended. This story is
not published for profit, and the author does not give permission for this
story to be reproduced for profit.
 
 Rated R for swearing, adult situations and mild sex scenes - m/f and
original characters
 
 Lyrics from No Aphrodisiac, by the Whitlams, used without permission.
 
 No Aphrodisiac
 
 By Carol Trendall
 
 There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness
 
 Truth, beauty and a picture of you
 
 Ray Vecchio was easy to spot in the crowded airport. Dressed in a stylish
grey suit, he held a darker grey overcoat draped over one arm. He stood a
head taller than most of the people around him. Even Cat Madden had to
admit he was a striking man. She almost wished she liked him. 
 
 She took a deep breath and headed towards him. It was never easy dealing
with Ray and Cat needed to mentally prepare herself. Ray saw her at the
same time and waited while she approached.
 
 "Hello, Ray." She smiled at him. "It's nice to see you again." Cat held
out her hand and Ray shook it, mumbling a greeting at her. "Thank you for
meeting me, it really wasn't necessary. I could have caught a cab." 
 
 She was grateful. Everyone in the western world seemed to have come to
Chicago for Christmas and Cat knew the taxi queue would be miles long.
 
 "Fraser asked me to," Ray responded curtly. "I'm here because he asked me
to." 
 
 He reached out his hand to take her pack but Cat picked it up first, not
wanting to trouble him any further. It was clear she was inconveniencing
him just by being there.
 
 "It's OK, I can carry it."
 
 "Yeah, I forgot, you're one of those independent types...." Ray turned
and started to walk out of the building. 
 
 Cat stared after him in amazement, shaking her head. It seemed that no
matter what she did it was sure to be wrong. Eventually she followed him
to the green Buick Riviera parked outside. 
 
 Ray opened the trunk and Cat threw her pack in before Ray could offer to
do it for her. He moved around the car and bent to unlock the passenger
door.
 
 "You wanna do this?" he asked in a sarcastic tone. 
 
 Cat sighed. She had tried to be civil but it looked like she was wasting
her time. "You know, this is one of the reasons I'm glad I was born
Canadian. At least we have manners."
 
 "And not much else," Ray threw at her as he walked to his side of the car
and got in. 
 
 Cat stared at the space where Ray had just been, took a deep breath, then
opened the car door and got in. 
 
 Once they were in the traffic making their way to the consulate, Cat
turned to face Ray. 
 
 "Ray, let's be honest with each other...."
 
 "Suits me," he answered, looking at the road ahead.
 
 Cat stared at the dashboard as she spoke, "I know we don't really get
along, but we're stuck with each other. So, I think we need to make an
effort." She looked at Ray again and continued in a firm voice, "For Ben."
 
 Ray threw a look of distaste her way. "Benny's my friend. I ain't gonna
do nuthin' to hurt him. How we get along is up to you."
 
 Cat opened her mouth to speak, but decided it would be more prudent to
say nothing. The conversation was in danger of going round in circles. Ray
was truly the most infuriating man she had ever met. 
 
 She sighed and rested her head back against the headrest, closing her
eyes as she did. Now that she was away from Canada, Cat just wanted to
relax. She didn't want to think any more. Ignoring Ray seemed a good place
to start. 
 
 Ray let out a long breath and relaxed his shoulders. He didn't know why
he found this woman so annoying. After all, she had known Fraser for the
better part of twenty years and he knew how discerning the Mountie was.
She must have some good points. 
 
 He sneaked a sideways glance at Cat and saw she had closed her eyes and
was resting her head back against the seat. Fraser had mentioned she was
coming to Chicago for a rest and, now that he could study her without
danger of being yelled at, he had to admit that she did look tired. He'd
noticed her drawn look as she strode through the airport earlier. 
 
 He looked back at the road for a second and then sneaked another look at
his passenger, who appeared to be asleep now. Not really pretty, he
thought to himself, but attractive nonetheless. His gaze drifted over soft
brown hair that fell past her shoulders and full, almost pouting lips. Ray
shook himself. What was he thinking? This was Sergeant Cathy Madden of the
Cutting Remark, almost a match for the Dragon Lady and that meant 'don't
even think about it'. 
 
 
 
 "Turnbull, this is not what I asked for!" Inspector Thatcher's voice
drifted down the corridor as Cat and Ray stepped out of the elevator.
 
 "That's the Dragon Lady's dulcet tones you hear. I don't know how Benny
puts up with her. I wanna pop her every time I walk in the building." Ray
spoke naturally to Cat before he realised what he was doing.
 
 "Thatcher?" Cat asked, eyes widening with interest.
 
 "You know her?"
 
 "Unfortunately, yes." Cat's tone gave away her feelings about the woman.
 
 Ray turned and half-smiled at her. 'So she hates Thatcher as well', he
acknowledged as they rounded the corner to where the woman herself stood.
That, at least, is one good point.
 
 "Afternoon, Inspector!" Ray called in mock joviality as he and Cat strode
past her towards Ben's office.
 
 "Detective Vecchio," Thatcher replied in a monotone, without looking up. 
 
 At first Cat thought to ignore the other woman and not greet her, but her
naughty side got the better of her.
 
 "Hello, Inspector," Cat spoke in her 'addressing the troops' voice. 
 
 Meg Thatcher's head snapped up when she heard the voice. Only Cat saw the
panic flit across her face.
 
 "Oh, um, hello, um..... I'm sorry..." Meg made 'I don't remember your
name' motions with her left hand.
 
 Cat stepped closer. "Madden, Cathy Madden." The air between the two women
bristled with electricity.
 
 "Yes, of course." Meg smiled briefly, then shifted uncomfortably and
stepped backwards. "How are you, Constable?"
 
 "Fine, thank you." Cat gave her a saccharine smile. "And I've been a
Sergeant for six years." 
 
 "Of course." Meg looked at her like a cat approaching its prey and leaned
a little closer. "Where is it you're posted?" 
 
 Ray looked back and forth between the two women, faintly amused by their
word play. When Cat implied that she and Thatcher did not get on, he
hadn't expected this. 
 
 "Moose Jaw."
 
 "Of course." Meg shot Cat a victorious look. "It's a small post, isn't
it?"
 
 "15 Constables, 5 Sergeants." Cat smiled and gave Meg a look that was
even more victorious. "But it is in Canada." 
 
 Meg Thatcher shifted her weight from side to side, stalling, obviously
trying to change the subject. "So what brings you here?"
 
 "I'm on vacation. I'm here to spend the holidays with Ben."
 
 "Fraser? I had no idea you knew each other." 
 
 Cat wondered how Thatcher expected her to believe that. There was no way
Meg could have forgotten that night in Regina over 16 years earlier. Ben
refused to talk about what had happened that night, but Cat and Bob
laughed about it for years afterwards. The memory still made her chuckle.
But now was not the time. Cat smiled at Meg, playing along with her.
 
 "Oh yes, we've known each other for about 17 years now. We're more like
family really. I was posted with his father."
 
 "Yes, of course." Meg breathed a sigh of relief, realising that Cat was
not going to bring up that night. "What was his name?"
 
 "Fraser, Bob Fraser." Cat fought the urge to say something wiseass, like
Donald Duck or Mickey Mouse. She wondered how stupid Meg Thatcher thought
she was. Cat doubted that she could have forgotten Bob Fraser or that
fateful night in Regina.
 
 "Yes, of course."
 
 Ray chuckled to himself as he watched Cat and Meg's display, thinking
that if he didn't dislike them both so much he might have been turned on.
Eventually he spoke, "Sorry to interrupt old home week ladies, but Benny's
been off duty now for...." he checked his watch somewhat overdramatically,
".....seven minutes. Do you think we can get a move on?"
 
 Meg and Cat muttered farewells at each other then Ray led the way to
Ben's office.
 
 "So she hates you too?" Ray asked, a grin threatening to spread on his
face.
 
 "Oh yeah, she hates me big time."
 
 "Sounds like you two got a history?"
 
 "We've got a history alright..... it's a long story."
 
 Ray was thinking that maybe it was a story he'd like to hear some day.
Instead he said, "Let me guess, it takes exactly two hours to tell?"
 
 Cat looked at him, thinking that not only was he infuriating, but he was
crazy too. It wasn't until much later, when she stopped thinking about how
much she disliked Ray, that Cat realised he had been referring to Ben's
habit of taking two hours to tell a story.
 
 
 An hour later, Ray dropped Cat and Ben at his apartment, but refused to
come up with them. Cat was relieved; she'd already seen more of Ray than
she cared to.
 
 "I see you redecorated," Cat said, entering the apartment that had barely
changed in the year since she was there last.
 
 "Well I did buy an armchair..." Ben's voice trailed off as he caught
sight of Cat's grin. "Are you mocking me?"
 
 "Never," she grinned in reply, tossing her pack onto the aforementioned
chair.
 
 Ben's eyes twinkled as he approached her, holding out his arms for a hug.
"You and Ray are more alike than you realise."
 
 Cat threw him a look of reproach, softened by a gentle smile and stepped
into his outstretched arms.
 
 "It's nice to be here with you, Ben."
 
 He kissed the top of her head. "And it's nice to have you here in my
apartment. You know, I wouldn't have been offended if you chose to stay in
a hotel."
 
 Cat pulled back and looked at her friend, "I want to stay here with you.
But...."
 
 "Ah, but...." Ben teased her.
 
 "But, I'm not sleeping on that dreadful plank you call a bed. I want the
bedroll on the floor." She put up a hand to stop his protest. "I've
brought my sleeping bag and I'll use the bedroll. I'll be very
comfortable."
 
 Ben cast her a serious look. "Well, it's probably a good thing, Cat. You
know you have a tendency to take up a lot of bed. You'd probably only fall
out anyway...." He was smiling broadly by the time he finished speaking.
 
 "May I remind you, Ben, the only time I fell out of bed, you fell out as
well." Cat grinned at her friend and watched as he too remembered that
night. "And neither of us were asleep."
 
 Ben threw back his head and laughed. He remembered well the night to
which Cat referred. A very active bout of lovemaking had bounced them both
out of bed and onto the floor. Cat joined in his laughter. Eventually he
took her hand and led her towards the bed. When they sat side by side he
spoke, "In all the years I've known you, Cat, I have never seen you look
more exhausted. Are you ill?" There was no other way to broach the subject
and Ben didn't try to find one.
 
 "Ill?" Cat looked surprised. "No, I'm fine, Ben. Do I look that bad?"
 
 "No, you're as beautiful as ever." Cat smiled, if anyone else had said it
she would have laughed. "It's just that you seem....."
 
 "Tired, Ben. I'm tired, that's all," Cat finished for him. 
 
 The expression on her face stopped him from asking any more questions.
Cat was one of the most stubborn people Ben knew, next to Phil. He quickly
shuffled that thought to the back of his mind. Why was he suddenly
thinking of Phil? 
 
 
 
 "Ben there really isn't any need to walk me all the way. I am capable of
finding my way around, or have you forgotten that I'm a Mountie?" Cat
teased her friend the next day as they left the Consulate and headed
towards the mall where she had arranged to meet Phil McKenzie. All morning
she'd tried to deter Ben from escorting her, but he was adamant.
 
 "I know you can find your way around, probably better than anyone in this
city, in fact. But I am concerned about your safety." Ben slipped into
protective mode. "You see, Cat, I've lived here for two years now and I
know the dangers of these streets...."
 
 "There it is." Cat pointed when she saw the sign. "I'll be fine now,
Ben." She cast a nervous glance in the direction of the mall they
approached. "You go back to work and I'll see you tonight." 
 
 They were only a short distance away from the building. Cat fervently
hoped that Phil was already inside.
 
 "You will come to the Consulate to meet me afterwards, though won't you?"
 
 "Yes, yes of course." Cat tried to hurry him on his way.
 
 They said their goodbyes and Cat watched as Ben crossed the street and
headed back to his office. Behind her, a taxi pulled to a halt. A tall,
slender woman carrying a green woollen overcoat and a briefcase leapt from
the taxi and dashed towards the entrance. She caught sight of Cat as she
did so.
 
 "Cat!"
 
 Cat turned in time to see Phil wave at her. Cat gave a final, nervous
look in Ben's direction, but he was too far away to hear the call. She
smiled and rushed to greet her friend.
 
 "Phil. It's good to see you." The two women hugged, laughing all the
while.
 
 "I'm sorry I'm late, Cat, but my meeting went much longer than I
thought."
 
 "It's OK, I just got here."
 
 "I'm starved. Let's eat. There's a great place just inside."
 
 
 "So is the reason you're in Chicago 'Top Secret'?" Phil grinned at Cat as
she tucked into a plate of pasta. 
 
 Cat smiled nervously. She had already lied to Phil about the reason she
was in Chicago and she didn't like doing it. She justified it by reminding
herself she was doing it for Ben and Phil. She had told Phil there was
something she had been asked to take care of at the Consulate and left it
at that.
 
 "Something like that." Cat groaned inwardly, thinking it sounded pretty
lame. She would have to do some creative thinking about what else she
would tell Phil.
 
 Phil waved her fork. "Well, it doesn't matter anyway. You're here. I'm
just glad I have a chance to spend some time with you."
 
 "Me too. I'm lucky you can fit me into your schedule."
 
 "Well I have you to thank for that. Since you sent Mark to me, my life
has suddenly become so much easier."
 
 Months before, when Phil told her about the extra work BakTrak had picked
up, Cat had sent her friend Mark Kehr, an oceanographer, to see her. Phil
was impressed and hired him immediately.
 
 Cat smiled. "Lucky I did. Otherwise you may not have had any time for me
at all."
 
 Phil smiled at Cat's reference to the increase in her workload since the
development of Jeff Bowers 'Team Building' packages.
 
 "There's always time for you, Cat." Phil's expression changed to a smirk.
"Will you be seeing TJ?"
 
 Cat grinned back. "You bet." 
 
 Phil smiled. TJ had told her that he and Cat would not be pursuing a
relationship, but a sister could always hope. 
 
 "You should join us for dinner Christmas Eve."
 
 Cat shifted uncomfortably. Ray's mother had already insisted that she and
Ben join the Vecchio family for dinner on Christmas Eve.
 
 "Well, actually, someone at the Consulate has already made plans for me
Christmas Eve," Cat replied, pleased with her ingenuity. She wasn't even
lying. 
 
 Phil shrugged. "Christmas lunch then? We're having it at Rob and Beth's
this year."
 
 "Oh, I don't know....." Cat was a bit alarmed. How would she explain it
to Ben? "This is a time for families, Phil. I don't want to be any
trouble."
 
 "It's no trouble. We'd love to have you. Unless the Consulate has
something better planned for you?" Phil teased, "They've probably got you
in some fancy hotel, with hot and cold running waiters and you prefer that
to a quiet McKenzie family lunch...." 
 
 "Phil, I hardly think any McKenzie family gathering would be quiet......"
Cat teased back.
 
 "Well, maybe quiet isn't the right word.....Come on, Cat, what do you
say?"
 
 Cat looked across the table at Phil's crooked smile and couldn't say no.
She'd figure out something to tell Ben.
 
 
 When lunch was over, the two women went shopping. With no arm-twisting,
Phil was able to convince Cat to visit a lingerie store she had
discovered. Since Cat had introduced Phil to the joys of fancy underwear,
she had visited the store regularly. It also wasn't hard to convince Cat
to buy herself a few new items of lingerie. 
 
 Now that Cat had agreed to Christmas lunch with the McKenzies, she had
some extra shopping to do. With Phil's assistance she selected gifts; a CD
by a modern classical composer for Rob and a turquoise silk scarf for
Beth. She already had gifts for Phil and TJ nestled safely at the bottom
of her pack. 
 
 It was well past four o'clock by the time they finished and Cat knew Ben
would be concerned. Phil insisted on dropping her at the Consulate by taxi
and Cat couldn't find a way to refuse. 
 
 When they pulled up, Cat checked surreptitiously to see that Ben wasn't
on sentry duty. She relaxed a little when she saw Turnbull's face. The two
women said their goodbyes and Cat hurried out of the taxi, eager for Phil
to be on her way. She didn't know when Ben might appear. 
 
 Phil waved at her from the back seat. Cat returned the wave as the taxi
pulled away and then spun around to enter the Consulate. She was startled
to see Ben coming down the steps towards her.
 
 "Ben!" Cat hoped he hadn't noticed her waving at the taxi.
 
 "Cat. I'm glad you're back. I was beginning to worry."
 
 "Sorry. The time just got away from me." She held up her bags of shopping
as evidence.
 
 "You're here now." He smiled. 
 
 Cat wondered how she was going to survive her vacation. She had been in
Chicago for a mere 24 hours and already Ben and Phil had had two close
shaves.
 
 
 Cat was nervous about Ben's choice of restaurant. The route took them
dangerously close to Phil's apartment. After two near misses in one day,
Cat was beginning to wonder if coming to Chicago was a wise decision. She
was supposed to relax, but instead her heart pounded and her palms were
sweaty. She found herself constantly scanning the faces of people on the
sidewalk and steering Ben away from anyone who was even vaguely
Phil-shaped.
 
 "I assure you, Cat, it is worth the extra walk." Ben smiled at her as
they walked. "The food is excellent, the servings hearty and the price
very reasonable. Ray and I eat here regularly."
 
 Cat relaxed a little. If Ben ate there regularly and hadn't run into Phil
so far, the chances of it happening tonight were slim. "As long as they
don't serve that greasy fried shit, I'll be happy." 
 
 Ben frowned at Cat's language, but didn't say anything.
 
 
 Cat was unable to relax during dinner. Twice she saw someone whom she
thought was Phil and her heart leapt into her throat. She was making
herself crazy. Ben stared at her throughout the meal, wondering what was
going on. He didn't miss Cat's nervous, distracted behaviour. 
 
 It wasn't until they were preparing for bed that Ben pressed her. "You
seem so distracted, Cat. Are you sure you're OK?"
 
 Cat crossed the room and hugged him. "I'm fine, Ben. I've only been here
for one day. I haven't had time to relax yet." She smiled at him and moved
away to the bedroll.
 
 "Are you still concerned about Marchand?"
 
 "No, not really. He's going to be fine." For a moment Cat stopped, then
she sighed and sat down on the floor. Ben sat on the bed and watched her.
"So much has happened this year, Ben. You wait, I'll be a different person
soon."
 
 He smiled at her, but he was not convinced. There was more to Cat's moods
than she was letting on.
 
 
 At midnight Cat found herself wide-awake. She turned her head and looked
at Ben, who was deep in sleep. She had watched him sleep so many times
over the years and never had she seen him like this. Even in slumber he
did not look happy. She wondered how often he dreamed of Phil these days. 
 
 With a deep sigh, she turned over. It wasn't right that she was the one
awake worrying about Ben and Phil. She curled into a foetal position and
willed herself back to sleep.
 
 A pretty child wearing a scarlet dress stepped carefully across the
floor. Her long dark hair swept across her face as she kneeled down close
to Cat's head. Dief looked up for a moment, wondering whom the nocturnal
visitor could be. The child looked his way and smiled. Dief felt safe. He
rested his muzzle on his paws and fell asleep. 
 
 The child leaned over Cat and whispered in her ear, "Please help me." 
 
 Cat groaned and turned over.
 
 "You know what you have to do," the child said.
 
 "No. I can't," Cat mumbled.
 
 "You must help me mend the bond that was broken."
 
 "I can't. I've tried." Cat spoke out loud. 
 
 Ben stirred in his sleep.
 
 "You have to try harder," the child persisted.
 
 "Phil is too stubborn," Cat said, turning over again.
 
 Ben rolled over onto his back, suddenly awake. Did he hear Phil's name? 
 
 "You have to do this. I cannot rest until the bond is mended."
 
 Something about the child's voice scared Cat and she screamed out loud.
"No!"
 
 Ben sat upright when he heard Cat cry out. He was at her side in a
heartbeat.
 
 "Cat!" He shook her gently. "Wake up! What's wrong?"
 
 Cat's eyelids shot open and she stared at him with unseeing eyes.
 
 "Cat, please. What happened?"
 
 She started to shake and Ben gathered her into his arms. Cat burst into
tears. Ben sat on the cold floor and pulled her to his chest, rocking her
gently as he did. "It's just a dream. You're safe," he whispered into her
hair.
 
 "I'm sorry, Ben." Cat said into his chest. "I keep having bad dreams."
 
 "It's OK."
 
 Cat's heart pounded. She couldn't tell Ben about her dreams of his child.
All she could do was let him think she was having faceless nightmares. Ben
continued to rock her, whispering soothing words into her hair until she
stopped crying.
 
 "Now what's going on, Cat?" Ben asked gently, once she calmed down.
 
 Cat had her answer prepared this time. It wasn't exactly a lie, just a
stretching of the truth. "I've had bad dreams for some time now. They
started around the time of the Beaudoin incident. Remember I told you
about the child?"
 
 Ben nodded. Cat called him on Mr Mustafi's phone the day after Nicola
Beaudoin was taken to the hospital. He remembered how rattled she sounded.
Maybe that's all it was about. 
 
 "You would tell me if something was wrong?" Ben asked.
 
 Cat pulled away from him and smiled. "Of course I would. I'm OK, really."
 
 Ben wasn't convinced. He reached behind him and pulled the blankets off
his bed. "I'll lay here with you until you go to sleep." 
 
 Cat started to protest, but Ben pulled her to him again and dragged her
back to the floor. She gave up and let him fold his long legs protectively
around her. Ben's solid warmth at her back soothed her and soon they were
both sound asleep. 
 
 On the other side of the room the child in the scarlet dress surveyed the
scene. 
 
 Bob Fraser appeared suddenly. "Lindy, there you are. Come away at once,"
he said firmly to the child.
 
 "But Grandpa...." she protested.
 
 "We must go slowly, child. Cathy will do what she can. Your father and
mother are very stubborn people." He took her hand and led her away.
 
 
 Cat's second day in Chicago proved to be a much easier one. After the
near misses with Ben and Phil the previous day, followed by a restless
night, she was relieved. 
 
 Over the days leading up to Christmas Eve, Meg Thatcher, possibly
motivated by Cat's presence in Chicago, made sure that Ben worked as many
hours as possible. Cat used this to her advantage where Phil and TJ were
concerned and spent her days with them whenever she could. There was even
one evening where Ben agreed to help Ray with a case, leaving Cat free to
have dinner with TJ and not have to make up a story to tell Ben. 
 
 Cat managed to make it through the final three days before Christmas Eve
without Ben and Phil's path crossing as dangerously as they had on that
first day.
 
 
 
 Silvia Vecchio greeted her guests at the door. She was curious to see the
woman Benton Fraser was bringing to Christmas dinner with her family.
Whilst Ray hung their coats in the closet, Ben made the introductions. Mrs
Vecchio greeted them warmly and Cat, aware of the older woman's scrutiny,
was pleased with her choice of outfits. She was dressed simply in a black
turtleneck sweater and slim fitting pants, with a silver Navajo pendant
around her neck. Her shoulder length hair was pulled neatly into a french
braid and tied at the end with a black bow. Mrs Vecchio smiled approvingly
and ushered them into the living room.
 
 Seated around the room were Maria and Tony, and of course, Francesca.
Again Ben made the introductions. When Francesca sidled up to Ben, Cat bit
back a smile. She had heard about Ray's ebullient sister, but nothing
could have prepared her for the real thing. Francesca was barely dressed
in a skin-tight scarlet velvet dress that left little to the imagination.
It plunged dangerously low in front and when she sat down, rode up to
reveal a substantial amount of thigh. Cat wasn't averse to showing a
little thigh. In fact, she loved Francesca's dress and owned similar
outfits herself. Cat thought Francesca an attractive woman, but she knew
that Ben's terror of Ray's sister far outweighed any attraction he might
feel.
 
 When they were finally seated around the dinner table Francesca made sure
she was next to Ben, leaving the only seat for Cat on the opposite side of
the table. This did not go unnoticed by Mrs Vecchio, who laid a firm hand
on her daughter's shoulder.
 
 "Francesca, I'm sure Benton wants to sit next to Cathy." 
 
 Before Francesca could reply, Cat spoke. "Oh, I'm fine here Mrs Vecchio."
The look Ben shot her made her instantly regret speaking. She knew Ben did
not want to sit next to Ray's sister.
 
 "No, I insist." Sylvia addressed her daughter, "Francesca!" 
 
 Francesca rolled her eyes and moved around the table to swap seats with
Cat, shooting her a challenging glance as she did so. 'Will the whole
evening be like this?' Cat wondered as she and Francesca settled into
their new seats.
 
 Finally, Mrs Vecchio took her seat and signalled to Ray to pour the wine.
When everyone had a glass in their hands, she rose to her feet and waited
until she had the attention of everyone around the table.
 
 "I want to make the toast, Raymondo," she announced, like a true
matriarch.
 
 "Sure, Ma." 
 
 She raised her glass in the air and said, "I'd like to drink a toast to
not being alone for the holidays. To being with someone you love." 
 
 With her glass, she indicated to Cat and then to Ben. The rest of the
table muttered their toast and sipped at their wine. Ben blushed. Cat was
touched. She knew Ben had spent his first Christmas alone in Chicago and
for the Vecchio family to include them both this year warmed her heart. 
 
 Feeling the tingle of someone's gaze, Cat noticed out of the corner of
her eye that Francesca cast menacing looks in her direction. She turned to
face her, smiling broadly until Francesca looked away. Cat turned her
attention to Mrs Vecchio and complimented her on the fine spread she had
prepared.
 
 "Well don't just look at it, eat up!" Mrs Vecchio responded. 
 
 The family, all at once, began grabbing at dishes and heaping things onto
their plates, all talking together. 
 
 "Benton, try the polenta, I made it." Francesca stood and leaned across
the table to help Ben to some polenta, artfully displaying her cleavage.
Blushing furiously, Ben had difficulty finding somewhere to look that
wasn't attached to Ray's sister. 
 
 "If you lean over any further, Frannie, he's gonna get more than polenta
on his plate," Ray snapped at his sister. 
 
 Cat hid her smile behind her napkin, meeting Ray's eyes as she did. He
looked away, not wanting to share her mirth.
 
 "You're a pig, Ray." Francesca pouted at her brother as she sat down
again.
 
 "Francesca!" Mrs Vecchio spoke softly, but her warning was evident. 
 
 For a while Francesca was silent. Ben found Cat's hand under the table
and squeezed. She gave him a sideways smile and squeezed his hand in
return, wondering how he would get through the rest of the evening.
 
 
 Silvia Vecchio was the perfect hostess. The meal was delicious and she
kept the conversation flowing easily, reining Francesca in every time her
flirtation became too blatant. The performance made Cat chuckle to herself
on several occasions. The fact that every other member of the family
ignored Francesca made Cat realise that this was a regular occurrence. In
all the years she had known Ben, Cat had never seen him blush so
frequently and consistently. She rescued him when she could, but Cat had
to admit that Francesca Vecchio was good. She knew more ways to offer
herself than even Cat would have thought possible. 
 
 When the main course was finished and it was time to clear the dishes
away, everyone lent a hand in taking them to the kitchen. On her way into
the kitchen, Cat found Francesca pressing Ben up against the bench in a
pretence at reaching something behind him. Ben's hands were full of plates
and he was unable to reach the item she sought.
 
 "I'm sorry, Benton, it's just behind you. The black sugar bowl."
Francesca pushed further against him
 
 "Ah...I ...." Ben stuttered, turning a beet red. 
 
 Cat narrowed her eyes and leaned around the pair, snagging the black
sugar bowl that Francesca sought. She pressed it into the other woman's
hand.
 
 "Thank you so very much." She glared at Cat just as Mrs Vecchio entered
the kitchen. 
 
 Cat smiled at her. Francesca turned on her heel and stomped back into the
dining room. 
 
 "Ah, Benton, let me take those plates from you." Mrs Vecchio wasn't
stupid. She knew what had happened. "Cathy, dear, please take the dessert
into the dining room. Benton and I will stack the dishwasher."
 
 Cat took up the dessert and carried it back towards the dining room,
feeling perversely victorious at having beat Francesca at her own game. As
she rounded the corner, she caught the tail end of a conversation between
brother and his sister.
 
 "Well why did you invite her then, Ray?"
 
 "I didn't. Ma did. Take it up with her."
 
 "You better make sure you sit next to her this time."
 
 "Yeah, yeah, as long as you promise to shut up."
 
 Cat made a noise and instantly the conversation ended. A second later,
the rest of the Vecchio clan flowed into the dining room, carrying the
dessert bowls and cutlery. Everyone resumed their seats and Ray sat down
next to Cat as promised. Ben shot Cat a look of despair when he realised
he had been out manoeuvred. The only remaining chair was next to
Francesca. Mrs Vecchio glared at her daughter as she served the dessert,
but Francesca was too busy rubbing up against Ben to notice. Mrs Vecchio
returned her attention to Cat, slapping a large portion of dessert in
front of her.
 
 "You're a good healthy eater, not like my daughters. I keep telling them
'if you don't eat you don't sh....."
 
 "Ma!" Ray cut his mother off in time to stop her completing the graphic
proverb.
 
 "It's true, Raymondo!" Mrs Vecchio waved her spoon at her son.
 
 "Well, I only take small portions because I'm watching my figure,"
Francesca responded, casting yet another nasty look Cat's way.
 
 "Yeah, someone's gotta," Ray mused under his breath.
 
 Cat bit back a chuckle. Francesca should have seen that one coming.
 
 "Ha! Watching your figure. Look at Cathy. She has a big appetite and she
has a lovely figure." With that she thrust a large serving in front of her
daughter. 
 
 Cat smiled sweetly at Francesca. 
 
 Mrs Vecchio addressed Ben next, "So how come you've been hiding Cathy
from us all this time Benton? I never even knew you had a girlfriend."
 
 "Oh, Cat and I aren't ......" His voice trailed off as he realised the
error in his admission. 
 
 Francesca didn't miss a thing. She looked at Ben and then across at Cat
and without breaking eye contact, moved her chair closer to the Mountie.
 
 "Oh, I'm sorry, how presumptuous of me." Mrs Vecchio gave Cat her full
attention, smiling broadly. "So you're single?"
 
 "Yes, I guess I am," Cat replied, somewhat tentatively, wondering what
Francesca's response might be. She needn't have worried; the younger
Vecchio woman was not listening to anything Cat said. 
 
 Mrs Vecchio only nodded at this new piece of information. She didn't
speak. She was too busy making serious eye contact with her son.
 
 
 As the evening drew to a close and the group moved to the living room,
Mrs Vecchio came and sat by Cat on the large overstuffed sofa.
 
 "I want to say something to you, Cathy." She smiled a maternal smile, "I
think you should come and stay in my house."
 
 "Oh, Mrs Vecchio, that's a lovely offer, but I couldn't possibly impose."
 
 "Call me Silvia," she patted Cat's hand, "and it's not imposing."
 
 "I'm fine at Ben's place......." 
 
 "No you're not. Listen, Francesca and I are going to Florida for a month
in two days time and Maria and Tony are going to New York to visit Tony's
family. The house will be empty, except for Ray, that is. He has to work.
You can stay in my room where you'll be very comfortable. I've seen
Benton's apartment and I think you would be happier here."
 
 "Mrs Vec..... Silvia, that's very generous but..."
 
 "No buts, I've decided." 
 
 Cat gave up. A part of her was relieved. She was finding it difficult not
to reveal to Ben and Phil that their heart's desire was only a few blocks
away. This would be much easier.
 
 "Thank you, Silvia, I'd be delighted to take you up on your offer."
 
 Silvia Vecchio smiled happily to herself. Somewhere in the back of her
mind she was already planning the wedding of her only son.
 
 
 During the drive home, Cat sat in the back seat and Ben in the passenger
seat.
 
 "Hey, I'm sorry about my sister," Ray spoke into the cool night air.
 
 "Well, she did have her hand on my leg all through dessert, Ray," Ben
replied.
 
 "I don't mean you. You know what you're letting yourself in for every
time you set foot in my house." He looked at Cat in the rear vision mirror
and jerked a thumb over his shoulder, "I meant her."
 
 Ben turned in his seat to look at Cat, who stared at the back of Ray's
head open-mouthed. She hadn't expected the apology. A minute passed before
she could get any words out.
 
 "Oh, that's OK, Ray, I've been insulted better than that before."
 
 "Yeah, I can believe that," Ray replied, realising that he himself had
said more insulting things about Cat than his sister had.
 
 "Now, Ray, you promised...." Ben scolded.
 
 "Sorry." Ray snorted, "I guess I better get used to it, now that you're
gonna be living in my house."
 
 "Ray, if it makes you uncomfortable, I'll stay with Ben."
 
 "No, no, don't worry about me. I'll be workin' anyways." Ray was already
planning to ask for extra shifts. Hell, he'd even work unpaid overtime if
it kept him away from The Sergeant.
 
 
 Things worked out well for Christmas lunch and Cat didn't have to tell
lies to anyone. Cat's presence in Chicago, coupled with Meg Thatcher's
bitterness over the failed relationship attempt with Ben, combined to make
the Inspector more obstructive than usual. Thatcher saw to it that Ben was
rostered to work Christmas Day, leaving Cat alone. Cat declined an
invitation from Silvia Vecchio, insisting that she would not intrude on
the Vecchio clan any further. 
 
 Phil invited Cat to join her for breakfast on Christmas morning. It would
be the first time since Cat's arrival in Chicago that they could spend
uninterrupted time together. Later in the day Phil would drive them out to
Rob and Beth's place.
 
 On Christmas morning Cat packed her gifts into a small leather backpack,
donned her coat and snowboots and set out on foot to Phil's apartment. She
welcomed the chance to walk knowing that it would save her any anxiety
over possible close shaves between Ben and Phil. 
 
 
 Phil pulled Cat into her apartment and hugged her, wishing her Merry
Christmas. The aroma of baking muffins filled the room and Cat sniffed the
air appreciatively.
 
 "Do I smell muffins?"
 
 "You bet." Phil grinned as she hung Cat's coat. "Blueberry." 
 
 Phil led Cat down the hall and into the living room. "Welcome to my home,
Cat."
 
 Cat glanced around the room, taking in the tasteful furniture and
decorations. "It's lovely, Phil."
 
 "Thanks. I've been very happy living here." Phil pointed towards the
kitchen. "I'll go get the coffee. Have a seat, I'll be back in a minute."
 
 Phil disappeared down the hall, leaving Cat alone in the living room.
Cat's eyes wandered around the room. She liked what she saw. The living
room was large, decorated in a style that was feminine without being
fussy. Just like Phil, Cat thought. The deep windowsills provided a
perfect place for contemplation and Cat could imagine Phil sitting there
on rainy afternoons. 
 
 She smiled as she wandered around the room touching her hand briefly to
Phil's collection of memorabilia. There were several pieces of tribal art
that made Cat chuckle quietly. TJ's influence, she was certain. A large
tapestry caught her attention and she crossed the room to inspect it more
closely. It was a mountain scene. 
 
 "Do you like it?" Phil asked as she re-entered the room with a tray laden
with coffee and cups.
 
 "Yes. It's very detailed."
 
 Phil smiled unassumingly as she poured coffee. "I made it."
 
 Cat turned to smile at her. "What a talented woman you are." She returned
her attention to the tapestry to inspect more closely her friend's
handiwork. 
 
 "That's Thunder Basin." Phil said softly, looking up briefly at Cat, then
continued with her preparations.
 
 Cat turned to face her again. As she watched at Phil she remembered what
she knew about Thunder Basin. It was the place where Phil saved Ben's
life. And where Ben lost his heart. 
 
 Phil turned away and began pouring coffee. Cat noticed the year
embroidered at the bottom. 1985. 
 
 Cat accepted a large mug of coffee from Phil. She took a large sip and
sat down on the sofa Phil had indicated earlier.
 
 "That seems to be the only evidence of Ben's presence in your life," Cat
said, gesturing over her shoulder to the tapestry on the wall behind her.
 
 Phil flushed and sipped at her coffee, keeping her eyes averted. "Thunder
Basin is about more than Ben," she said, somewhat defensively.
 
 "It's still the only connection to Ben I see," Cat countered.
 
 Phil got to her feet and crossed the room to her piano. "Take a look at
this." She pointed to a photo in a simple silver frame sitting atop the
piano. It was one of many.
 
 Cat followed her friend across the room and inspected the photo. It was
Lindy; taken the day she was born.
 
 "What more evidence of Ben's part in my life do you need?" Phil asked,
without the trace of the bitterness Cat expected.
 
 Cat's hand flew to her throat as she sucked in a breath. Phil was right.
To anyone who knew Ben, his presence in Phil's life was evident. If ever
there were doubt in anyone's mind about Lindy's paternity, this picture
would remove it. Looking for a way to change the subject, Cat cast her
eyes over the other pictures on the piano.
 
 Immediately Cat recognised a picture of Phil with the Rocky Mountain
Rescue Team. It was the same as the picture on Cat's wall. Amongst the
others she noticed a picture of Phil and TJ with what appeared to be the
Grand Canyon in the background. When her eyes reached a picture of Phil
with a rather handsome man, Cat raised questioning eyebrows. 
 
 Phil smiled. "That's Travis. An old boyfriend." She laughed at the
curious look on Cat's face. "Forget it, Cat. He married Carol." She
pointed to a picture of herself with another woman. Phil indicated the
dark-haired woman in the picture. "Remind me to tell you that story some
time."
 
 Cat saw Phil's eyes change and knew that she would not be any more
forthcoming. She continued her perusal of the photos. There was several of
Lindy taken at different stages throughout her all too short life. Each
one sent a stab of pain through Cat's heart. Eventually her eyes sought
out a picture of Phil with another handsome man, this time dressed in a
Rocky Mountain Rescue uniform.
 
 "Who's this? Another boyfriend?" Cat grinned at her friend.
 
 "Well as a matter of fact, yes. " Phil laughed in reply. She looked at
her hands and her voice turned serious. "I dated Jason for a while after
Lindy died. He was partly responsible for keeping me sane. He was so good
to me, even though he knew I couldn't give him what he wanted." Phil's
voice lowered to almost a whisper. "I hurt him. I still feel bad about
it."
 
 Cat leaned over and squeezed Phil's hand. "Phil, you do what you have to
to survive. You suffered enough pain without blaming yourself for hurting
this guy. Besides, I'm sure he knew the situation."
 
 Phil smiled sadly at Cat. "When I told him I couldn't see him any more,
he told me he knew all along he wasn't the one I wanted. I felt like a
heel."
 
 Something inside Cat smiled. It seemed she wasn't the only one telling
Phil it was obvious she wanted someone else. She wondered if Jason ever
guessed whom it was that Phil had wanted then. Who she still wanted now.
But now was not the time to go there. 
 
 Cat continued to look at the photos. There were several of Phil and her
brothers and two shots of Rob and Beth with their children Douglas and
Tracy, one taken when the children were small and the other more recent.
There was also a picture, obviously many years old, of TJ and a beautiful
woman with long light brown hair.
 
 "That's Noelle," Phil answered Cat's unasked question.
 
 "She's lovely," Cat sighed in reply. Now she understood TJ's pain. The
woman in his arms was not only beautiful, her eyes were filled with warmth
and laughter and she was clearly very deeply in the love with TJ. "TJ
looked so happy," she said eventually.
 
 "Yes, he was. But you know the story." Phil reached over and picked up a
photo of herself with TJ and Rob. "Look at this picture. This was taken
about a year after Noelle died. TJ wasn't coping very well, so Rob and I
took him to Montana for a vacation. Beth's family has a place up there, so
we thought it would do him good to be surrounded by people who love him."
Phil pointed directly at TJ's image. "But look at his eyes." 
 
 Cat inspected the photo Phil held. TJ's eyes looked blank and dull. He
smiled at the camera, but the smile did not reach his eyes. His pain was
so evident that Cat was shaken. TJ looked like he was dead.
 
 Phil put the picture down and indicated another, more recent. It was one
Phil had taken of Cat and TJ during the time she had stayed in Cat's home.
"See the difference?" Phil asked. 
 
 Cat had to agree that TJ did, indeed, look markedly different in this
more recent picture. She was well familiar with the smile he wore. When
the picture was taken, they had been lovers for three days and it looked
good on both of them.
 
 "You put that smile there," Phil stated.
 
 "Yeah, well, TJ put a smile on my face as well, Phil," Cat said with a
smile. Phil smiled too. Nothing more needed to be said on that subject. 
 
 There were many more pictures adorning the piano top and Cat quickly
scanned them. "What about the rest of these pictures? Are they all old
boyfriends?" She teased.
 
 Phil rested her hands on her hips. "Now you're a fine one to talk, Cat."
She chuckled at the look of surprise on the smaller woman's face. "You've
got more pictures of old boyfriends on your wall than I'll ever have."
 
 Both women laughed. Phil waved her hand at some of the other pictures.
"These are mostly Beth's family. I took them at their property in Montana.
We all go up there every year to spend a week together." Phil tilted her
head and looked at Cat. "You'd really like it there. I go there whenever I
need to be alone. The cabin I usually stay in is right near the river and
it's so peaceful. In fact, Beth's sister is a writer and she used to go
there all the time." The tone of Phil's voice changed and she looked sad.
"Actually, she's moved there permanently now. She had some….some bad
things happen and she feels much safer there."
 
 Cat noticed the sad look on Phil's face and thought of her own anxiety
and the worry caused by the close shaves since arriving in Chicago. "Maybe
that's where I should have gone for my vacation." She laughed.
 
 Phil laughed. "Next time you need some peace, it's the place I suggest."
Phil's eyes grew bright. "There's one more picture I want to show you.
This one is kind of special." She reached across and selected a photo in a
driftwood frame. 
 
 Cat could see it was of Phil and a man, but she didn't recognise him.
Suddenly the oven timer rang.
 
 "Oh!" Phil exclaimed. "The muffins! I nearly forgot." With that she put
the picture down and grabbed Cat's wrist, pulling her in the direction of
the kitchen. "We have to have these while they're still hot."
 
 Suddenly forgotten, the picture Phil had wanted to show Cat lay face up
on the piano, its subjects staring up at the ceiling. Cat promised herself
she would look at it after breakfast. It seemed important to Phil. She
glanced quickly at the picture as Phil dragged her away, but couldn't make
it out. If she could she would have seen Phil laughing in the embrace of a
handsome dark-skinned man, his long black hair flowing almost to his
waist.
 
 
 "I'm really glad we got this time alone, Cat," Phil said, as the two
women tidied the kitchen after their large breakfast. "Come have a seat in
the living room. I want to give you something."
 
 Cat grinned. She had been waiting for this moment. "I have something for
you too, Phil." 
 
 Phil led Cat back to the sofa and left her whilst she collected a small
package from her room. Cat used the time to remove Phil's gift from her
backpack. When Phil returned she pressed a small parcel into Cat's hand
and Cat handed her parcel over. 
 
 For a moment there was silence as each woman carefully peeled away the
wrapping to reveal its contents. Cat found a small velvet pouch. She
glanced at Phil briefly before opening it. Inside she found a beautiful
malachite pendant, dangling from a braided leather strap.
 
 "Oh, Phil, it's beautiful." Cat cooed, looking quickly at her friend
before fastening the pendant around her neck.
 
 Phil didn't reply. She was staring at the gift in her hand. For a moment
Cat thought she had chosen wrongly. After all, she knew it was possible to
buy dream catchers in any store in any city in the USA or Canada. 
 
 Cat felt a sudden need to explain her choice. "This is no ordinary dream
catcher, Phil," she said hastily. "It was made by a friend of mine. She
chose the stones for you and she tanned the hide herself. It's completely
personalised for you."
 
 Phil held the item in front of her. The ring of the dream catcher was
covered with a strip of sage green suede. Caught in the gut web were
several items; a small piece of amber, a piece of amethyst, a bone from
the wing of a small bird, a small pouch of herbs and a piece of turquoise.
Dangling from the bottom on three leather thongs was a collection of
feathers. The longest contained the largest feather.
 
 "And a feather from a golden eagle......" Phil whispered in a voice that
was barely above a whisper, as she stroked the large feather.
 
 "So you won't forget where you belong." Cat responded. She doubted that
Phil heard the depth of meaning in her voice. When Phil looked at her
there were tears in her eyes and Cat breathed a sigh of relief. Phil liked
her gift. 
 
 Cat remembered her trip a month earlier out to the reservation where her
old friend Jimmy Sunsinger lived with his wife, Sara, and their children.
Sara Sunsinger had a reputation for making fine dream catchers and Cat's
request was a special one. She needed two dream catchers. Cat explained
her requirements and Sara understood immediately. A few days before she
left for Chicago, Cat drove out to the rez and collected the items she
ordered. It was Sara's idea to add the golden eagle feather, so neither
recipient would forget where they belonged. Cat hoped that Phil would soon
find out for herself that a similar dream catcher hung above Ben's bed.
For the time being, at least, their dreams of each other would be
captured. 
 
 When Cat and Phil left for Rob and Beth's house an hour later, Phil's
dreamcatcher was in place hanging by her bed and Cat's malachite pendant
hung around her neck, proudly displayed for all to see.
 
 
 The McKenzie Christmas lunch was all Cat imagined it to be and more.
Gifts were exchanged, eggnog was served and an enormous quantity of Beth's
fine cooking was consumed, all accompanied by lots of laughter. 
 
 In a quiet moment, Rob pulled Cat aside and asked if she was staying with
Ben. When she told him she was, he enquired about Ben's health and whether
Victoria had been apprehended. Cat told him Ben had recovered physically,
but the emotional scars still needed work. She said nothing about
Victoria. She didn't hold back, though, when she told Rob that only his
sister could make Ben whole again. Rob had no comment, but Cat noticed his
eyes drift to rest on his sister, playing with his children on the far
side of the room.
 
 Phil rushed away at 4pm. "I'm singing in the choir tonight and I have to
go home and change," was the excuse she gave to Cat. "But don't worry, TJ
will take you home later."
 
 Cat was sure she saw a smirk cross Phil's face, certain that this was
another ploy at getting her and TJ together. She didn't mind too much, she
was having a good time with the rest of the McKenzie clan anyway. The only
problem would come when TJ dropped her off, but she would find a way
around that.
 
 
 Later that evening, TJ brought his Pathfinder to a halt on West Racine
where Cat directed him, a full block away from Ben's apartment. 
 
 Cat turned a winning smile to TJ. "Thank you again for my gift." TJ's
gift to Cat was a tiny matchbook sized sand-painting depicting Grasshopper
Girl, the deity who gave the Navajo the ability to speak.
 
 "I thought it seemed appropriate," he smiled and reached for her hand. "I
can't thank you enough for your gift." 
 
 Cat smiled. As soon as she had seen it, she knew it was the perfect gift
for TJ. Cat's gift to TJ was a collection of poetry by DH Lawrence like
the one he had admired at her house. She recalled how he had read some of
it out loud to her in bed. 
 
 "I thought you should have a copy," she smiled at him. She could still
recall the poem TJ read her;
 
 A woman has given me strength and affluence.
 Admitted!
 All the rocking wheat of Canada, ripening now,
 has not so much strength as the body of one woman
 sweet in ear, nor so much to give
 though it feed nations
 
 "And I'll think of you every time I read it," TJ said warmly.
 
 "I hope so," she smiled at him. With a sigh, Cat gathered up her things
and stepped out onto the street. TJ was right behind her.
 
 "I'll walk you to your door, this isn't a safe neighbourhood."
 
 Cat turned to him and grinned, "I'm fine, TJ. I'm a cop, remember?"
 
 The handsome man shook his head and began to list his reasons for walking
Cat to her door. Looking over his shoulder, Cat caught a glimpse of red on
the other side of the street. She knew it was Ben, making his way home
after working at the Consulate all day. She swallowed hard and wondered
what to do. TJ was still talking about how unsafe the streets were. Ben
would see them both soon and that was a bit more than Cat felt capable of
explaining at the moment. 
 
 Thinking quickly, she grabbed the lapels of TJ's overcoat and pulled him
close, pressing her mouth against his in a searing kiss. She pushed TJ
against his car, so that she could watch Ben's progress down the street as
she kissed him. Finally when Ben entered his apartment building, Cat
reluctantly pulled away.
 
 "Oh wow!" TJ grinned at her.
 
 She grinned back at him. "Go home, TJ, before I forget we decided to be
just friends."
 
 They stepped apart. Eventually they said their goodbyes and TJ got back
in the car and started the ignition. He held Cat's gaze for as long as
possible as he pulled away from the kerb. 
 
 When TJ's car was out of sight, Cat crossed the street. She stopped and
took several deep breaths before she headed up the stairs. She didn't want
Ben asking about what had made her so flushed and excited. He already
thought she had men stashed everywhere. She was relieved that Silvia had
insisted she stay in the Vecchio home. All of this close contact was
beginning to take its toll. 
 
 
 Ben was inspecting the dream catcher hanging over his bed when Cat walked
into the apartment. He turned to her and rewarded her with a broad smile.
 
 "Cat!" He crossed the room and swept her into a hug. "Thank you, it's a
magnificent dream catcher."
 
 "You like it?" Cat smiled against his chest.
 
 Ben pulled away and looked at her. "I love it. It's unlike any other I've
seen."
 
 Cat moved away and shrugged her backpack off her shoulders. "That's
because I had it made especially for you." 
 
 Ben turned back to his inspection of the dream catcher. 
 
 Cat slipped out of her overcoat and hung it in the closet, calling from
its depths, "Sara Sunsinger made it. All the items were collected by Sara
and chosen with you in mind." She came out of the closet. " She tanned the
hide herself and made the catgut.... everything is handmade." 
 
 Similar in size to the one given Phil, Ben's dreamcatcher was bound in
strips of tan-coloured suede. The web contained a similar selection of
items: a piece of moonstone, a piece of garnet, a tooth from a wolf, a
flat whispering stone and finally a small bag of herbs containing a spell.
Like Phil's dreamcatcher, Ben's had three leather thongs of varying
lengths; each tied at the end with a collection of feathers. On the
longest was a large, pale feather.
 
 "I can see that. I'll be sure to thank Sara when I see her next. This is
magnificent." Ben smiled, his fingers briefly touching each item held in
the web of the dream catcher, slipping finally to the feather suspended
from the bottom. "A feather from a golden eagle....." His voice trailed
off.
 
 "So you don't forget where you belong." Cat stated, more firmly than she
had with Phil.
 
 Ben turned around and held Cat's gaze long enough for her to see that he
was thinking about where he belonged. Cat's words hung between them. Ben
thought about where he belonged. There was a time when he would have said
he belonged in Canada, but now he wasn't sure that even there he would
feel fulfilled. He didn't want to admit to himself what he feared was the
truth. He was afraid that there was only one place he belonged and that
place couldn't be found on a map. Why did he feel like he belonged with
Phil McKenzie? Ben smothered a sigh and reached over to collect a
plain-wrapped parcel from his trunk.
 
 "I have a gift for you," Ben said in a quiet voice. He handed the parcel
to Cat.
 
 Cat opened the wrapping and was startled at what she found inside. It was
a cap, but unlike any she had seen before. It was covered with tiny
coloured stitches, sewn in swirling designs all over the crown. Not much
larger than a yarmulke, the delicately embroidered cap was folded in two.
Cat unfolded it and placed it on her head, dropping the wrapping to the
floor.
 
 "I love it, Ben. It's so unusual."
 
 "It's Afghanistani." Ben came closer and adjusted the hat on Cat's head.
"It suits you. Perhaps you'd like to wear it to church tonight."
 
 "Church?"
 
 "Yes." It was Ben's turn to step into the closet. He unbuttoned his red
serge tunic and slipped it onto a hanger. "Ray and his family have invited
us to join them for Christmas Mass tonight. A visiting choir will be
performing Christmas songs. I'm told the choir is exceptional. I'm looking
forward to hearing them sing."
 
 "Choir?" 
 
 At the mention of the word, Cat's interest sparked. Phil had mentioned
she was singing in a choir tonight. Was it possible this was the same one?
Cat pushed the thought away. There must be hundreds of churches and choirs
in Chicago. When Ben stepped back into the room he was dressed in jeans
and a plain green flannel shirt.
 
 "Yes, Cat. A choir. Will you join us? Ray will be here soon....."
 
 "Yes, yes. Of course I'll come." Cat chuckled to herself. She didn't
often attend church, but with a choir it might be enjoyable. It was even
worth tolerating Ray's company.
 
 
 Silvia Vecchio saved seats near the front of the church for her family.
In true matriarchal style, she nudged everyone into the places she wanted
them to be. Francesca was seated to Silvia's left and Cat to her right.
Ray sat on Cat's right, with Ben next to him. Silvia managed to place Ben
and Francesca at opposite ends of the pew, something the younger woman was
not happy about. 
 
 Francesca leaned forward and pointed to Cat's new cap. "Nice hat," she
said in a sarcastic voice that told Cat she didn't like it.
 
 "Thank you, Francesca." Cat smiled. "It was a Christmas gift from Ben."
 
 Francesca sat back and pouted. Nothing more was heard from her for a
while.
 
 
 Cat enjoyed the service more than she expected. She even understood some
of the Latin. She looked around Ray at Ben, who looked happier than she
had seen him since arriving in Chicago. When the choir started, he closed
his eyes, a gentle smile settling on his face. 
 
 After several hymns, the choir shifted to traditional Christmas songs.
Silent Night was performed by a quartet, two male and two female voices.
One of the voices seemed oddly familiar to Ben. He opened his eyes and
turned in his seat, trying to catch a glimpse of the perfomers, nudging
into Ray as he did.
 
 "Fraser!" Ray's voice was sharp, though barely a hiss.
 
 Ben's heart raced, he knew that voice. He was sure it was Phil. He
twisted in his seat again, trying to look over his shoulder, but Ray
elbowed him again.
 
 "Will you stop!"
 
 Cat leaned forward to see what the problem was, concerned by the tone in
Ray's voice.
 
 "But Ray....." Ben protested, but trailed off when he saw Cat's worried
face. He smiled faintly to let her know he was OK. Excusing himself, he
pushed past the others and headed towards the back of the church. 
 
 Cat looked around, trying to figure out what had agitated Ben. "Ray,
what's wrong with Ben?" Cat demanded, gripping his arm.
 
 Ray rolled his eyes and pulled out of her grasp. "I don't know," he
whispered harshly.
 
 Cat frowned and looked towards the back of the church, trying to see
where Ben had gone. She squirmed in her seat, picking up on the anxiety
Ben felt.
 
 "What is it with you two?" Ray snapped at her.
 
 Cat glared at Ray, not bothering to answer. The song came to an end and
Cat used the time to push past Ray and follow Ben to the back of the
church. When she reached his side she dragged him into a quiet corner.
 
 "What's wrong, Ben?"
 
 "I....I thought I heard a voice I knew in the choir." 
 
 Cat shuddered suddenly. "Who?" Could it be?
 
 Ben shifted his weight and said, somewhat reluctantly, "Phil." He looked
at his feet as a blush stole across his features. "It's silly, I know." He
looked through to where the Vecchio family sat. "And now I've embarrassed
you in front of Ray's family. I'm sorry."
 
 "You didn't embarrass me, Ben." Cat touched his arm gently. "But we'll
stay here until the choir finishes so we don't disturb anyone else." 
 
 Cat held Ben's hand as they stood at the back of the church. They were
unable to see the choir from their position. Cat noticed Ben's eyes close
as he concentrated on the voices. Cat listened, but she had never heard
Phil sing. She could not distinguish her voice amongst them. She hoped
that when the choir finished she might at least catch a glimpse of Phil,
just to satisfy her curiousity.
 
 When the next song was over, Francesca Vecchio barrelled down the aisle
towards them. With a threatening glance in Cat's direction, she launched
herself at Ben, pushing him hard against the wall.
 
 "Oh, Benton, I was so worried," she breathed, stroking one hand down
Ben's chest. "I thought you were sick or something." Cat snorted with
vague amusement as Francesca continued, "Of course, I'd give up my time to
nurse you back to health. No matter how long it takes."
 
 It took Ben the duration of Francesca's speech to find his voice. "Thank
you, Francesca, but I'm fine." He struggled to disentangle himself from
Francesca's hands. "I'm sorry that I worried you." Ben cleared his throat
and looked pleadingly at Cat for help. "I.....ah.....I remembered
something......"
 
 Francesca still clawed at Ben. Cat was about to reach over and haul her
bodily off Ben, when Silvia Vecchio beat her to it.
 
 "Francesca! It's time to leave." Silvia looked apologetically at Cat as
she gripped her daughter's elbow and steered her away. 
 
 As parishioners milled around them, Cat realised that the choir had
finished and people were beginning to leave. During the flurry caused by
Francesca, the choir had left without being seen by Ben or her. 
 
 When Ray finished arguing with his sister, he turned his attention to Ben
and Cat. "What is it with you, Fraser?" 
 
 "I'm sorry, Ray. I thought...." 
 
 "Can it, Fraser," Ray snapped, turning on his heel. "I'm taking you
home." 
 
 Cat and Ben exchanged a glance and then followed after Ray. A wry smile
pulled at Cat's mouth. "You know, Ben, I know the perfect way to stop
Ray's sister from throwing herself at you."
 
 He turned expectant eyes to his friend. "How?"
 
 Cat waited while Ben held the church door for her and then followed her
onto the snow-crusted path leading to Ray's car. "Sort things out with
Phil."
 
 That wasn't the answer Ben wanted to hear and for a moment he was
dumbstruck. "Cat...." he warned, his voice trailing off as they approached
the Riv where Ray waited impatiently.
 
 "Let me call her, Ben." 
 
 "No, Cat." Ben stated in a voice that indicated the end of the
conversation.
 
 
 Three days after Christmas, Ray collected Cat and her belongings from
Ben's apartment. The three of them drove in silence across town. Ben was
pleased Cat was staying in the Vecchio home, although he was concerned
about her being in such close proximity with Ray. Their bickering seemed a
permanent feature of any time they spent together. 
 
 Ray was irritated by the thought of Cat in his home, but knew better than
to defy his mother. He'd just spend more time at work. For Cat it was the
lesser of two evils. Keeping Ben and Phil from running into each other was
proving harder than she had anticipated.
 
 
 In the days after Christmas Cat kept to herself. Ben continued to work
the ridiculous hours set by Meg Thatcher and Ray tried his best to stay
out of her way. Cat spent her evenings alone with Ben, sometimes at the
Vecchio home, sometimes out at movies or diners. They talked a lot, but
not about the things Cat wanted to discuss. But she was a patient woman.
 
 
 Snippets of conversation drifted across the hall to where Cat was
dressing in Silvia's room.
 
 "Ray, I simply cannot wear that shirt."
 
 "Why not, Fraser? It's a beautiful shirt."
 
 "It's orange, Ray."
 
 "Not all of it."
 
 "Most of it."
 
 Cat could hear Ray's frustrated sigh across the hall. "Well which shirt
do you want to wear, Benny?"
 
 "The white one, Ray."
 
 "The white one?" Cat smiled when she heard Ray's voice raise an octave.
 
 "The white one."
 
 Cat turned her attention back to selecting her own outfit. She knew when
Ben invited her to join Ray and him at the Chicago Police Department New
Years Party he would argue with Ray about what he would wear. At least she
had talked him out of wearing the red serge. By the time Ray got involved,
Ben had already agreed to buy a new suit for the occasion. It was a simple
black suit, but Ben let Ray take him to his tailor. 
 
 Cat had to admit that Ray had chosen well. The suit was stylish and
flattering. The problem came with the shirt. Ray bought Ben a shirt in a
geometric pattern in oranges and yellows, insisting it would go well with
the black suit. Ray was sure he could convince Ben to wear it instead of
the utilitarian white one the Mountie bought for himself. 
 
 When the conversation across the hall escalated to danger point, Cat
intervened, calling out from her room.
 
 "For gods sakes, Ray, let him wear the white shirt. It doesn't matter." 
 
 "I guess it doesn't matter if he wants to look like a waiter," Ray called
in reply. "Just for once Benny, can't you be a little adventurous?"
 
 Cat's eyes took on a mischievous gleam. She walked to her door and called
across the hall to Ray, "Now, Ray, you haven't seen the sequined thong
he's wearing under that suit."
 
 She heard Ben's gasp and Ray's bark of laughter from the other side of
the hall and was in no doubt as to the colour of Ben's face. Cat slipped
into her dress and waited for Ben to come and scold her. In record time,
he appeared in her doorway, straightening his tie.
 
 "Now, Cat....." he started.
 
 "So what do you think?" Cat stepped out of the closet and twirled around,
letting Ben see her dress from all angles. 
 
 Ben ran his eyes up and down, taking in the tiny piece of black velvet
adorning Cat's body.
 
 "Is that all?" Ben squeaked
 
 "What do you mean 'is that all'?"
 
 "Surely you're wearing something else?"
 
 "Coat, scarf, hat, gloves...it's winter. Of course I'm wearing something
else."
 
 "I mean, is there another part to your outfit?"
 
 "Oh, so you think it's too much?"
 
 "Too much? No, no, more like too little."
 
 "Oh give me a break, Ben." Cat turned back to the closet and reached for
her overcoat. 
 
 Ben rushed across the room to help her put it on. "I'm merely concerned
for you, Cat. Perhaps you shouldn't wear something
so......so.....revealing. This is the Chicago Police Department. It's not
like Canada. I think you'll find the men here are very different." 
 
 As if on cue, Ray's voice came from the hallway, "Come on, come on. We're
gonna be late."
 
 Cat glared at Ben, holding up her hand as if to signal the end of the
conversation. "Ben, I'm fine. The dress is fine. This is what I'm wearing.
End of story." 
 
 "But, Cat...." He wore a look of frustration. 
 
 Cat cut him off, "OK, let's ask Ray." 
 
 Cat stepped into the hallway in front of Ray. Ben groaned. She unbuttoned
her overcoat and held it open. "What do you think, Ray?"
 
 Ray looked her up and down. This was the first time he had seen Cat in
anything other than pants or jeans and frankly he was taken by surprise.
"Ah....exactly what I am being asked my opinion of?" he asked tentatively,
sure that if he gave the wrong response, she would probably hit him.
 
 "The dress, Ray. Ben thinks its too......revealing."
 
 "Ah, well, at the risk of getting my face slapped here, I have to say it
looks great."
 
 She turned to Ben. "See!"
 
 "Cat, I just don't want people to think that you're a......." He blushed
and looked at the floor.
 
 "What, Ben? What?"
 
 "Well, that you're......that you're......a......." He hesitated and
cleared his throat. "A strumpet," he finally stammered.
 
 "A strumpet!" Cat and Ray exploded together, before bursting into fits of
laughter. They looked at each other, then back at Ben.
 
 "Benny boy, no-one says strumpet." Ray slapped his friend on the back.
 
 "Why, Ray?" He wore an innocent look.
 
 "Oh lighten up man, you've seen my sister wearing less than that." 
 
 Cat turned questioning eyes to Ben and watched as he turned a deep shade
of red. She'd ask him about that later.
 
 Ray continued, "She looks great. Come on, let's go." 
 
 Ray gently steered Ben down the stairs, leaving Cat to collect her things
and follow behind. She wondered what had just taken place. 
 
 Ray, for his part, was anxious to get moving. The sight of Cat in a black
dress that fit too well in some places and not well enough in others
caused stirrings in parts of his body that he had never thought could
happen with this woman. 
 
 
 The party had just gotten underway when they arrived. Ben was very
formal, introducing Cat to Lieutenant Welsh, who shook her hand; Elaine,
who smiled and was her usual charming self; and Jack Huey, who looked at
Fraser with raised eyebrows that showed his surprise at seeing the Mountie
with a woman. 
 
 The group from the 27th Precinct was gathered around a large table off to
one side of the room. It wasn't close enough to the dance floor to
interfere with conversation at the table. Gallantly, Ben held the chair
out for Cat and sent nervous glances around the table when she removed her
coat. When no-one's eyes popped out, Ben sat down, not at all reassured.
He still thought Cat was underdressed.
 
 "Drinks? Who wants what?" Ray asked as he stood over them.
 
 "I'd like a glass of champagne please,Ray," Cat answered.
 
 Ray nodded and gestured to Ben. "And what about you, Radar? Grape Nehi?"
Everyone at the table laughed. 
 
 Unfamiliar with the reference, Ben stared at his friend. "I beg your
pardon, Ray?"
 
 "Forget it, what do you want to drink, Fraser?"
 
 "Oh, I'll have a glass of champagne also, Ray."
 
 "Champagne? You?"
 
 "Yes, Ray." Ben replied, wondering why Ray looked at him like that.
 
 
 By the time Ray returned with the drinks, Cat had slipped into easy
conversation with the group from the 27th Precinct.
 
 "Fraser tells me you're a Mountie, too," Welsh said, leaning back and
sipping at his drink.
 
 "Yes," Cat smiled across the table. "Ben and I graduated the same year."
 
 "So are you a super cop, too?" Welsh asked, with just a hint of irony. 
 
 Cat noticed that Ben blushed. She smiled, it was clear that Welsh held
Ben in high esteem, even if he was afraid to show it. So typical of men
his age, she thought to herself. 
 
 "There's only one Ben Fraser. I'm just a regular cop." Everyone chuckled.

 
 Elaine turned her attention to Cat. "I'd like to talk to you about your
experiences Cathy," the young woman said eagerly. "I'm training to be a
cop myself and there aren't too many woman around I can talk to."
 
 "Well, Elaine, my experiences aren't all that exciting. My post is very
average. Ben's sister, Becka, would have far more interesting things to
tell you."
 
 "Fraser's sister works in a very specialised area," Huey countered from
Cat's right.
 
 "That's right, Cat. Becka works in a specialist field," Ben agreed. "I
think Elaine would like to hear about your 'average' post."
 
 Elaine nodded. "That's right, Cathy. I'm not looking to win any bravery
medals. I just want to learn how best to serve my community. There aren't
very many role models."
 
 "Yeah and the only other female Mounties Elaine's met haven't exactly
been good examples." Welsh said. The titter around the table indicated
that everyone knew exactly which female Mountie he was talking about.
 
 Cat smiled and looked at Ben. He looked at his hands. Even though his
attempt at a relationship with Meg Thatcher hadn't worked out, he was not
comfortable with people putting her down.
 
 "I take it you know Thatcher?" Welsh asked eventually.
 
 Cat opened her mouth to reply, but Ray cut her off, speaking for the
first time since he sat down. "The Sergeant knows The Dragon Lady. She
told me they've got a history....." He stopped when everyone at the table
stared at him.
 
 Ben whipped his head around to look at Cat, wondering when she had
provided Ray with that piece of information. As far as he knew, his two
friends rarely spoke to each other and only then when they had to.
Eventually, all heads turned to look at Cat.
 
 "A history?" Huey asked, leaning towards her. "Sounds intriguing."
 
 Ray warmed to the discussion. "Oh yeah, I just bet it is. You shoulda
seen them go at each other at the Consulate."
 
 Ben's eyes widened with surprise. Cat hadn't mentioned a confrontation
with Inspector Thatcher.
 
 "Ooh, this sounds like a story I'd like to hear," Elaine cooed
conspiratorially.
 
 Cat saw Ben's look and in deference to his fondness for Thatcher, she
tried to change the subject. "Well, it was a long time ago. We were both
very young and I didn't handle the situation very well."
 
 Ray leaned across the table towards Cat. He was definitely starting to
enjoy this. "So you're saying that Thatcher handled this situation better
than you?" he asked, a challenging grin spreading across his face.
 
 "No, Ray," Cat smiled through almost clenched teeth. "What I'm saying is
that the manner in which I responded was not very mature." She spoke in a
precise, clipped manner.
 
 "What did you do? Pop her one?" Welsh asked, the grin on his face showing
that that was exactly what he hoped she had done.
 
 "No....I......" Cat stopped and looked at Ben. A distinct red colour was
spreading up his features. Cat didn't know why he was embarrassed; he
wasn't even there when it happened.
 
 Ray interrupted Cat's thoughts. "But what you're saying is that The
Dragon Lady is more mature than you?" He was enjoying this way too much.
 
 "No, Ray," Cat almost hissed at him. Ben reached over and rested his hand
on hers, effectively halting her reaction to Ray. The rest of the table
noticed the antagonism between the pair and for a moment no one spoke.
 
 "Cathy, I think you should just tell the story, before you and Ray tear
each other's heads off," Welsh said with a note of amusement in his voice.
 
 "OK, OK," Cat sighed. "I'll tell you, but I warn you, it's not very
complimentary."
 
 "Does it involve otter swinging?" Ray asked, sarcastically.
 
 Cat ignored him and sipped at her champagne before starting her story.
Ray leaned back in his chair, not wanting to seem to eager to hear the
story she had to tell. He would never let on, but since the first day The
Sergeant arrived, he had been eager to hear about her past clash with The
Dragon Lady. 
 
 
 CHRISTMAS EVE 1980
 Cat arrived in Regina at 4pm. She went straight to meet Bob Fraser. She
hadn't seen him since she passed through Regina on her way to Labrador
eight weeks earlier to fill in for a Constable who was on maternity leave.

 
 Cat and Ben agreed to meet in Regina and spend Christmas with Bob and
Becka. Ben was coming in from the Yukon. She hadn't seen him since he went
to Inuvik three months earlier, so it promised to be a happy time
together. The visit also coincided with the final exams of a specialist
diplomatic group that Bob had trained for the last three months, of which
Becka was a part. Neither Cat nor Bob knew what time Ben would arrive as
planes from Inuvik were notoriously delayed in winter, so they agreed to
meet at Shamrocks, a bar near the Academy, where Bob traditionally treated
his students to a celebratory Christmas drink.
 
 When Cat entered the bar, Bob and Becka called out to her and then led
her over to the bar to buy her a drink. Liam Phelan, the good-humoured
Irishman who owned the bar, remembered her well from her visits during her
time at the Academy. 
 
 "So, Cathy, will you be dancing tonight?" Liam asked, his Irish lilt
hinting at good times past.
 
 Becka raised her eyebrows and looked at Cat, who laughed and replied, "I
couldn't possibly, Liam. My partners in crime aren't here. I can't dance
alone."
 
 Liam chuckled, "Look again." He indicated over his shoulder to where a
group of men and women in Mountie uniforms gathered around a table
laughing and very obviously enjoying themselves.
 
 "Well, well...." Cat mused as she eyed the group. Fate had brought her
together with a group of women from her training days. She knew all of
them had opted for posts close to Regina, but she hadn't expected to see
them in the bar tonight. Much less, she hadn't expected them to be part of
Bob's training group.
 
 "Oh, Cathy, that's a wicked gleam I see in your eye." Bob chuckled,
wrapping one arm around her shoulders and hugging her quickly as Liam
slapped their drinks onto the bar.
 
 Bob and Becka led Cat across the crowded room to the group Liam had
indicated. They were huddled around a long table, talking loudly and
animatedly. As they approached, a woman disengaged herself from the group
and leapt towards Cat, throwing her arms around her in a tight hug.
 
 "Cathy Madden! What a surprise."
 
 Cat hugged her back. "Sherry, you're the last person I expected to see."
Sherry Turner was still the same tall, dark-haired beauty Cat remembered,
with sparkling eyes and a mass of curls that framed her perfect features.
Cat cast her eyes around the rest of the assembled mob and greeted most of
them by name.
 
 Bob grinned, a warm smile spreading across his face, "Looks like I don't
need to introduce you, Cathy."
 
 The others agreed and shuffled along so Bob, Becka and Cat could join
them around the table. Of the group there was only one person she didn't
know; a woman with shoulder length dark hair setting off what should have
been a beautiful face. Something didn't seem right to Cat; the woman's
eyes were dark and moody and didn't sparkle like the eyes of the other
women at the table. Bob introduced her as Constable Margaret Thatcher. 
 
 Bob headed off to the bar to buy the promised champagne, leaving Cat with
Becka and the rest of his group of students. Constable Dan Brody, a man
Cat had met in Toronto two years earlier, snagged an extra chair and
pushed it into place between himself and Margaret Thatcher. Margaret eyed
her suspiciously, but Cat shook it off and went back to catching up with
the rest of the group.
 
 The conversation flowed easily around the table and Cat was pleased that
she had come. She hadn't expected tonight to be a reunion and it made her
very happy. Dan flirted with Cat, but she fended off his interest with a
look of non-comprehension that she had learned from Ben. Margaret Thatcher
was heard to ask on several occasions what was so special about Cat.
Unseen by Cat, Margaret continued to look at her with evil eyes. Sometime
later Sherry enlightened her.
 
 "Margaret thinks you're hitting on her man," the dark-haired woman told
her. "She's been after Dan for the last six weeks. You think she'd realise
by now he's not interested. I bet she thinks you're making moves..."
 
 "Well I'm not." Cat mentally kicked herself for not figuring it out.
 
 "Oh, I know it," Sherry laughed. "With a guy like Ben, why would you even
look at another man." Sherry's laugh trickled away and her voice turned
serious as she cast a look in Margaret's direction. "She's got strange
ideas. Just be warned."
 
 Cat smiled and hugged her friend. "Thanks for the warning. Let's move to
the other side of the table."
 
 Cat and Sherry moved their chairs to the other side of the group and
continued with their conversation. Cat looked at Margaret across the
table, thinking that she was really quite beautiful. Why didn't anyone
like her? 
 
 A little later, after Cat told a very funny story about a tough redneck
she had rescued from a housespider, one of the members of the group, Peter
Brieholt, called out, "You're so funny, Cathy. I wish I'd been there!"
 
 Cat shrugged and got to her feet. It was her turn to buy the drinks. She
brushed past Margaret's chair as she moved around to group to get to the
bar. She was startled to hear the woman speak in a stage whisper. 
 
 "Well, I don't know what you all find so great about her. She's not even
pretty....." 
 
 Cat rushed away quickly, momentarily struck dumb with the audacity of
this woman. She was not at all surprised to find Bob at her side. 
 
 "I'm sorry, Cathy," he whispered. "I'll make her apologise."
 
 "No, Bob. It's not worth it." Cat shook her head. "What is that woman's
problem? She's made comments like that all night."
 
 Bob shrugged. "She's a strange one, so competitive." He said quietly,
"She can't stand the thought of not being the centre of attention. She's
just jealous, ignore her." Bob glanced over his shoulder at the woman who
now wore a smug expression. He shook his head. "She was the only one of
the group I had a problem with. She thought she knew everything."
 
 "She's a bitch." Cat stated.
 
 "That she is, Cathy. Now you just go back to that table with your head
held high and don't let her get to you."
 
 A wicked gleam made it's way to Cat's eyes, "Oh no, Bob. If you think I'm
going to let her get to me, you are sadly mistaken." She straightened
visibly. "She'll be sorry."
 
 Cat and Bob collected the drinks and carried them back to the table.
Becka grabbed Cat's wrist as she took her seat again, her eyes showing her
concern. She had heard what Margaret said and although she knew Cat to be
resilient, she was still concerned.
 
 "It's OK," Cat mouthed to Becka. 
 
 Cat swept her twinkling eyes around the table to Sherry and watched,
amused, as the taller woman's eyes took on the same wicked gleam. They
each recognised the message the other sent.
 
 Cat and Sherry sipped at their drinks and chatted, waiting for the right
moment. If Margaret Thatcher thought Cat was seeking attention, by the
time she and Sherry finished she would not know what hit her. They would
show her what being the centre of attention was all about. 
 
 Ten minutes later, a driving rock number came on the jukebox and Cat
turned her eyes to meet Sherry's.
 
 "I think they're playing our song, Sherry."
 
 "I think they are, Cathy," the lanky beauty replied.
 
 Together they got to their feet, and with deliberate slowness, approached
the bar. Liam Phelan, the aging Irishmen who had owned the bar as long as
anyone in the RCMP could remember, grinned. He knew what was about to
happen. He cleared a section of the bar and two men got off their stools
and shifted out of the way. 
 
 As Cat and Sherry approached, Liam grinned and said, "It's good to have
you two back. No-one, and I mean no-one, has danced on my bar since you
left Regina."
 
 Cat and Sherry smiled and accepted help from the two Mounties who had
moved their stools. Once on the bar, the two women looked at each other
and counted out loud to three. On the same beat they began to sway and
gyrate along the cleared space of the bar. The people in the bar clapped
and shouted words of encouragement. When the song ended and segued into
Nutbush City Limits, two more women from Bob's group joined Cat and
Sherry. 
 
 The four of them danced in unison until the strains of Time Warp were
heard. Another woman and two men from the group, one of whom was Dan
Brody, joined them. When the song ended, the group panted with exertion
and the crowd clapped and shouted louder than before. 
 
 Cat leapt down to get a drink, leaving the rest of the group to continue.
She was parched. As she approached the table, it didn't surprise her in
the least when Margaret fixed her gaze and said, "I think it's a brazen
display and you should be ashamed of yourself."
 
 Cat looked at Bob and they both shrugged. Bob loved it. He thought it was
great to see people having such harmless fun. Besides, the rest of the bar
patrons seemed to enjoy it, too. He said as much.
 
 Margaret snorted. "I don't mind people having fun. But I think she is
behaving like a tramp." Margaret indicated Cat with an indignant shake of
her head. 
 
 Becka spoke up in Cat's defence. "You're just saying that because you're
too uptight to have fun yourself. You don't like it when someone else
does."
 
 Margaret's eyes grew dark as she addressed Becka. "This has nothing to do
with fun." She snorted in Cat's direction again. "She's been flirting with
every man in the room. And not content with that, she has to flaunt all
she has by dancing on the bar." She fixed Cat with a stony glare. "I
wonder who you'll be going home with?"
 
 Becka opened her mouth to speak, but Bob laid a hand on her arm and leapt
to his feet. "That's enough, Margaret. For your information, Cathy will be
going home with my son. She's my future daughter-in-law."
 
 Margaret sat back in her chair as if slapped. She knew she had made a
faux pas of the first order. It did not bode well to get on the wrong side
of your instructor.
 
 Cat smiled gratefully at Bob and Becka and the others at the table.
Putting her glass down, she motioned toward the bar. "I'm going back to
have some more fun."
 
 Becka leapt to her feet. "I think I'll join you, Cat."
 
 Bob shook his head in resignation and was heard to mumble something about
his only daughter dancing on a bar and where he went wrong.
 
 With a final, triumphant smile, the two women headed towards the bar to
join the their friends.
 
 "Thanks, Beck." Cat smiled and gave Becka a quick hug before they climbed
onto the bar together.
 
 Becka grinned back, her smile so like her brother's. "If Dad wasn't here
I would have slapped her."
 
 Cat, Sherry and Becka danced on the bar with an ever-changing group of
Mounties, male and female, for another fifteen minutes or so. None of them
knew what went on back at the table, but Cat was shocked when Sherry
nudged her and pointed out a group of Mounties helping Margaret onto the
other end of the bar. Cat and Sherry shrugged at each other and kept
dancing. Neither of them noticed Dan Brody approach the bar and whisper
into Liam's ear. The music changed abruptly from rock to a slower, sexier
rhythm.
 
 Not surprisingly, the two guys were the first to get down. After another
number, two of the women got down, leaving Cat, Sherry and Becka at one
end and Margaret at the other. Margaret gave them a nervous glance. When
she realised no one else seemed to be stopping, she continued dancing. 
 
 The next song was a slow, sexy number that hinted at strip music. Cat
grinned wickedly at Sherry and Becka and began to gyrate her hips in a
seductive manner. The trio looked over at Margaret who began to do the
same. The next song got sexier and Cat began unbuttoning her shirt. 
 
 Sherry looked over at her and shook her head. "You're not....." she
yelled incredulously as she continued to dance.
 
 Cat nodded in reply and looked across at Margaret, who eyed them
suspiciously. The crowd went crazy as they realised what was going on. Cat
unbuttoned her shirt and slipped it off, tossing it into the crowd.
Sherry's shirt followed. Becka's shirt joined theirs shortly after. 
 
 The three women continued to dance, watching as Margaret nervously
unbuttoned her shirt and slipped it off her shoulders too. It seemed
Margaret was attempting to upstage them. Cat wasn't concerned. She had on
many layers. She was sure Margaret would call it quits before too long. 
 
 By now the four dancing women had the attention of the entire tavern,
most of whom had gathered near the bar, clapping enthusiastically. Bob
Fraser stood at the back of the room, shaking his head and hoping that
Benton wouldn't arrive until after this spectacle was over. 
 
 Cat, Sherry and Becka continued to strip off layers, with Margaret
copying their actions each time. The crowd loved it. Cat and Sherry even
got assistance from two men in undoing and removing their boots, which
they kicked into the crowd. Liam spent the entire time running around the
bar collecting the women's discarded garments with a patience that
suggested he had done it before. 
 
 Cat, Sherry and Becka continued to remove their clothes until the three
women finally danced on the bar in their thermal underwear. Margaret did
the same until she too danced clad only in her thermals. Cat's were red
and black striped, but still thick thermals, Sherry's were white, dotted
all over with tiny pink flowers, Becka's were plain red and Margaret's a
delicate lavender. 
 
 Sherry raised questioning eyes to Cat, who answered by raising her arms
and making moves to remove her top. 
 
 "This is where I quit," Sherry laughed. Dan Brody helped her off the bar
and stood by her protectively, while they watched to see what Cat, Becka
and Margaret would do next.
 
 Becka glanced across at Cat and realised the other woman had no intention
of stopping. She weighed her options. She could continue to dance, or she
could get down. She cast her eyes quickly around the room and, seeing the
worried look on her father's face, decided to get down. Plus, she knew
there would be trouble if Ben arrived and found his sister and his
girlfriend both dancing in their underwear. She could almost picture the
look of shock on his face. He'd probably need an ambulance. With the aid
of a handsome young Mountie, Becka climbed down and gathered up her
clothing. This was Cat's show.
 
 Cat pulled her top over her head and, for a moment, the crowd was silent.
She tossed it into the air and the crowd gasped. Underneath she wore a red
velvet teddy trimmed with white fur, like one of Santa's helpers. She had
bought it a week earlier as a Christmas surprise for Ben, with tonight's
reunion in mind. Now half of Regina was seeing it before he did. The
applause was thunderous. 
 
 A titter washed through the crowd. Margaret's arms were caught in her top
as she tried to remove it. She wavered on the bar with her thermal
underwear covering her face. Unaware, Cat continued to strip.
 
 Unable to see, Margaret staggered two steps, still struggling to remove
her top. Before anyone could come to her assistance, she stepped off the
bar and fell into the arms of a very drunk Mountie. She screamed,
struggled out of the startled man's arms, yanked her top down, then ran to
the ladies room. Some people stared in horror, but the members of Bob's
group roared with laughter. Several were doubled over. Becka had tears
streaming down her face.
 
 Meanwhile, at the other end of the bar, the crowd encouraged Cat to
finish. She finally stripped off her leggings and tossed them to Sherry.
Now that she had seen Cat's undergarments, Sherry was the loudest in her
encouragement. Cat strutted the length of the bar, proudly showing off her
Santa's helper teddy. The crowd went wild and hooted in appreciation.
 
 Bob Fraser pushed his way through the crowd and collected Cat and
Sherry's clothes from Liam, then shoved them into Sherry's arms. Now that
his daughter had put her clothes back on, it was time for Cat to do the
same. He stood in front of Cat and grabbed her wrist.
 
 "Young lady, you best get down before Benton gets here. There's no
telling what he'll do if he sees you like this."
 
 Cat grinned cheekily down at Bob. "You don't like my outfit?"
 
 "Don't like it? Oh, Cathy if I was thirty years younger, you'd be in big
trouble," he grinned at the young woman. With a grunt, he grabbed Cat
around the waist and pulled her onto his shoulder. Lifting her off the
bar, he set her down on the floor in front of him. "But I'm not certain
that my son will feel the same way." He kissed her cheek and then nudged
her in the direction of the ladies room. Cat led the way with Sherry in
tow; her arms still full of their clothes. "Hubba hubba," Bob muttered to
the group of men that watched appreciatively as they went.
 
 
 "What happened to Margaret?" Cat asked, once they were inside the ladies
room pulling on their clothes once again.
 
 "You mean after she fell off the bar?" Sherry asked, struggling to get
the words out without laughing.
 
 "What?"
 
 Sherry laughed. "Yeah, she fell on some drunk guy, I don't know his
name."
 
 "Oh my god!" Cat cried, clapping a hand over her open mouth. "Then what
happened?"
 
 "Oh she ran out of here like a demon. She barely managed to put her
clothes on."
 
 "Oh shit, Sherry. Should I feel bad?"
 
 "No-one held a gun to her head, Cathy." 
 
 The two women looked at each other for a moment and then both burst out
laughing.
 
 When Cat and Sherry emerged from the ladies room several minutes later,
they were met by thunderous applause. They made their way back to the
table and sat down. 
 
 A minute later Liam joined them with an ice bucket and a bottle of
champagne. "On the house. You girls single handedly increased bar sales in
the last half hour." They grinned and poured the champagne. 
 
 Becka raised her glass at Cat and Sherry. "You two are crazy! It appears
that you've done this before."
 
 Cat and Sherry exchanged a guilty glance. "Well, during our time at the
Academy we did end up dancing on the bar nearly every Friday night,"
Sherry confirmed.
 
 Cat grinned. "But we never took our clothes off before."
 
 Becka sipped her champagne and grinned at the other two women. "Now
Sherry I might believe, but you, Cat, now that's another story."
 
 Cat didn't respond, she just sipped at her champagne and settled back to
enjoy the rest of the evening. Margaret Thatcher wasn't seen again that
night.
 
 It wasn't long before Ben arrived. Sherry saw him first and nudged Cat,
pointing towards the door. She smiled broadly when she saw her handsome
lover, still dressed in his uniform. In a heartbeat Cat was on her feet,
flying across the room. She leapt into his arms, hugging him tightly. 
 
 Cat's exuberance still surprised Ben, even though they had been together
six months. After she kissed him thoroughly, Cat led him to the table
where his father sat with his sister and group of students.
 
 "Lucky bastard," They heard a man say as they made their way through the
crowd.
 
 Ben turned questioning eyes to Cat, but she only smiled and kissed his
cheek.
 
 
 "I'm never gonna be able to look that woman in the eye again!" Welsh
exploded between bouts of laughter.
 
 Cat smiled, she hadn't expected the 27th Precinct's collective dislike of
Meg Thatcher to be so intense. She made a mental note to drop Sherry a
line and tell her about her recent encounter with Meg Thatcher.
Ironically, Sherry had married Dan Brody three years after she danced in
her underwear with Cat and Becka.
 
 Ben didn't speak. Even after all these years he remembered that night
clearly. He remembered the way the Mounties in the bar had slapped him on
the back in congratulations. Eventually, Cat told him what happened. He
had to admit that he had been pleased when he finally saw her Santa's
helper teddy. But, even now, the thought of Cat barely dressed in a public
place made him anxious and over-protective.
 
 "Is that the way you settle all your personality clashes, Cathy?" Huey
asked. "Because if it is I'd like to start a fight with you right now."
 
 Everyone roared with laughter, even Ray, who had been noticeably silent
since Cat finished her tale. He had to admit that The Sergeant seemed to
be an odd mixture of toughness and femininity. He thought it no surprise
that Elaine would look to someone like The Sergeant as a role model. But
he'd never tell her that.
 
 The rest of the New Years Party was fun. Cat danced with anyone who asked
and, to Ben's constant worry, there seemed to be many. Try as she might,
Cat was unable to get Ben to dance with anyone except her. She reminded
him he had danced with someone else at a costume party not too long ago –
someone who reminded him of Phil. When he turned sullen, Cat left him to
his own devices and proceeded to enjoy the company of the Chicago Police
Department.
 
 
 It was very, very late when Ben took the Riviera keys from a tipsy and
obstreperous Ray. The drive home was almost in silence. Ray fell asleep in
the car and woke up only when Ben brought the vehicle to a halt in the
Vecchio driveway and then only to complain about the mistreatment of his
car. Cat left Ben to manhandle Ray into the house and went to bed.
 
 
 New Years Day was subdued. Ben, who had slept on the sofa, was the first
to awaken. He had coffee and muffins ready for Cat when she came
downstairs. Ray emerged after lunch, nursing a mild hangover. They didn't
speak much.
 
 In the late afternoon, Cat suggested they take Diefenbaker for a walk.
She had been in the house with Ray for too long and was keen to get away.
Together, she and Ben took a bus to his apartment, where Cat fed the wolf
whilst Ben showered and changed.
 
 Cat lay on Ben's narrow bed whilst she waited for him to return from the
bathroom. She looked forward to a long walk in the snow. The park would be
nearly empty on a day like this and Cat hoped she could use the time to
talk to Ben about Phil. Cat cast her eyes around Ben's apartment while she
waited, her eyes finally come to rest on the dreamcatcher hanging over her
head. She realised that this was the first day that Phil McKenzie had not
dominated her thoughts.
 
 
 Over the next few days, Cat spent a lot of time away from Ben. Inspector
Thatcher still assigned him longer hours than anyone else. Although this
angered her, it did give her the opportunity to spend time with Phil. She
even managed to fit in lunch with Elaine. The downside was that she saw
way too much of Ray during this time. She took to staying in bed until he
had left the house. She would then have breakfast and go out for the day.
She tried to have lunch with Ben, but it wasn't always possible. They
were, at least, able to spend most evenings together. Most of these
evenings were pleasant. Until Ben pushed Cat to her limits.
 
 
 Cat looked at her friend, incredulous. "I can't believe you said that,
Ben." 
 
 "Cat, please." 
 
 Ben pushed open the cinema door and held it for her. She pushed past him.
He shook his head then followed her out onto the street. Cat stalked away,
angrily shoving her hands into her pockets. He hurried to catch her. For a
small woman she walked fast. 
 
 Cat fumed. The movie they had just seen was about love gone wrong. A
couple that had been in love in their teens were separated for reasons
beyond their control, then reunited ten years later after both experienced
disastrous marriages. The couple should have lived happily ever after, but
at the last minute, the woman had a change of heart and dumped the guy.
She left him waiting at City Hall where they were to be married. The movie
ended with the man renouncing love and declaring his celibacy. He never
heard from the woman again. 
 
 Ben told her it reminded him of his situation with Phil. At first Cat
thought he was referring to the way he had ended his relationship with
Phil. But, further discussion led Ben to say that Phil had hurt him, just
as the woman in the film had hurt her lover. 
 
 Cat tilted her head to stare at the man walking beside her. Ben was her
oldest and dearest friend and she had forgiven him many things over the
years, but this was getting close to her tolerance level. Maybe she was
jumping to conclusions. Maybe she had misunderstood.
 
 "Tell me once again, Ben, how you think Phil has hurt you. Just so I can
understand."
 
 "Well, Cat," Ben sighed. "You say that Phil still has feelings for me,
yet she has made no attempt to contact me."
 
 Cat gripped his sleeve and pulled him to a stop. Turning to face him she
said, "And you have made no attempt to contact Phil, either."
 
 Ben licked his lips nervously. "Well, that is true. But I wanted to be
sure my call would be welcomed. I have seen no indication of that and I
must, therefore, draw my own conclusions."
 
 "And your conclusion is that you are the one who has been hurt!" Cat
snapped, poking her finger into his chest.
 
 "When you told me that you and Phil had met and become friends, I was
filled with all sorts of hope. I thought there might be a chance that I
could regain what I had lost all those years ago. But six months has
passed, Cat……" Ben paused then continued, his voice filled with
hopelessness, "…and Phil has done nothing. The pain is too much. I have to
learn to live without love." Ben's tone was patient, like he was
explaining something to a child.
 
 Cat stared at Ben, her mouth open. She couldn't believe what she had
heard. What about Phil? What about Phil living without love? What about
Lindy living, albeit briefly, without a father?
 
 "Love is something you have to work for, Ben. If you want a second chance
with Phil, you have to do something about it. That is if you really want
it. Do you Ben? Do you really want a second chance? Or are you afraid that
Phil might forgive you?" She turned and strode off, not waiting for Ben's
reaction.
 
 He caught up to her. "Are you OK, Cat? You seem a little....tense...."
 
 "I'm just hungry," Cat said, through clenched teeth as she headed in the
direction of the diner they had chosen for their supper.
 
 
 Most of Cat's anger dissipated during her meal, leaving a fine layer that
added to the core of anxiety she had felt for many months now. They didn't
speak much. By the time they headed to the Vecchio home, Cat had pushed
her feelings back enough to carry on a conversation with Ben.
 
 "Are you still angry with me, Cat?" Ben asked as he followed her up the
stairs to Ray's front door.
 
 "No, Ben, I'm not angry with you. I don't have the energy to be angry any
more." 
 
 She slid her key into the lock and opened the door. The sounds of men's
voices came to them from inside the house. It sounded like a party. 
 
 "Ray's poker game." Ben answered Cat's raised eyebrows and then fell
silent. 
 
 They stepped inside, shaking the snow from their shoes. In silence they
removed their overcoats and hung them in the closet. Cat turned towards
the kitchen, but Ben's hand on her arm stopped her.
 
 "Cat...." His voice was soft. 
 
 She looked away from him and when she spoke he could hear weariness in
her voice. 
 
 "Look, Ben, I don't want to talk about it. I'm stunned that you think
Phil was the one who hurt you. I'm not going to rehash the past with you,
particularly not in this house. But, it seems to have slipped your mind
that it was you who broke up with Phil in the first place and I don't
think I need to remind you why." She looked at him, pointedly, then
continued, "I don't know what's going on inside your head, but Phil has
done nothing to hurt you. She not only had to deal with losing you, she
had to deal with....." She broke off suddenly. 
 
 In her mind Cat could clearly see Phil handing her the picture of Lindy
all those months ago. She could see the pain in her features and she
closed her eyes and swallowed before speaking. She had been too close to
saying too much. Tears came to her eyes.
 
 "Ben, you don't know what you're saying. Let's just forget you said it."
Her voice wavered as she spoke. 
 
 Ben was shocked by Cat's emotional response and reached out to hold her,
but Ray suddenly appeared in the doorway. 
 
 "I thought I heard you two." Ray pretended he didn't see the tears in
Cat's eyes. "Benny, wanna join us for a game of poker?" 
 
 "Ray, you know I don't...." Ben protested.
 
 Cat stepped away from Ben and smiled brightly up at Ray. "I do and I'd
love to join you."
 
 "You? Ah......" Ray looked over his shoulder towards the dining room,
then gave a defeated shrug. "I guess it's OK."
 
 "Good." Cat smiled. She pushed past the two men and headed towards the
poker table. 
 
 In the dining room she smiled at the assembled mob. Huey, Welsh and
Jackson from Narcotics all welcomed her. They had taken a liking to Cat at
the New Years Party, but were surprised she was going to play poker with
them. Cat took a seat opposite Lt Welsh, who was holding the undealt pack
of cards.
 
 "Deal me in." She grinned at Welsh, who promptly did as he was bid. 
 
 Ben groaned and looked at Ray. "Ray, ah, you might be, ah, how can I put
this?" Ben looked towards Cat and shifted from foot to foot. "Ray you may
be sorry you let Cat join you."
 
 Ray took his seat at the table again. "Nah. I ain't never met a woman who
could beat me at poker."
 
 Ben just smiled and pulled up a chair at the far end of the table. He
wanted to keep an eye on the proceedings.
 
 
 Two hours later Cat had most of the chips in front of her and the men
were barely holding their own. 
 
 Welsh threw his cards on the table. "That's cleaned me out." He pushed
his chair away from the table and helped himself to another whiskey from
the sideboard. He grinned at Cat in admiration. "Where the hell did you
learn to play poker like that?" 
 
 Ben answered for her, "My father."
 
 "What?" 
 
 All eyes turned to look at Ben, who turned to Ray and shrugged. "I tried
to tell you, Ray."
 
 Ray was clearly astounded. "You learned to play poker from a Mountie?" 
 
 Cat chuckled and leaned back in her chair, grinning wickedly at the men
around the table. "I sure did and I can tell you that the last time I
played poker with Bob Fraser he was sorry he'd taught me so well."
 
 "What, you take the shirt off his back?" Huey asked with a smirk.
 
 "Literally." 
 
 The men all laughed. Ben groaned loudly. "Oh, Cat, you're not going to
tell that story are you?"
 
 Cat ignored Ben's protest and told the story of the last time she played
poker with Bob Fraser.
 
 
 THE YUKON, 1994
 
 Buck Frobisher dealt a round of cards, trying to look dignified, which
was difficult considering he wore nothing but his stetson. He fumbled the
cards and dropped them. Bob Fraser stood up to collect them, but sat down
again, remembering at the last minute that he too was buck naked, save for
his stetson. Constable McLaughlin, sitting to Cat's left, got up to
retrieve the lost cards. He, at least, was still wearing his underwear.
 
 "Give those cards here. I'll deal," Bob said, smugly. "Not only are you
an incompetent poker player, Buck, you can't deal either." 
 
 Buck sneered. "Well, Bob, if I'm such a bad poker player, perhaps you can
explain how it is that you are wearing the same amount of clothing as me?"
 
 Bob Fraser snatched the cards from Buck, ignoring the barb, and dealt
them to the six people around the table. All six players picked up their
cards and inspected them carefully. Constable Brody threw all five down
and immediately asked for another hand. Constable Lemieux and Constable
McLaughlin took two. Cat took three. Bob and Buck kept the hands they were
dealt. 
 
 After a few minutes silence, the players looked speculatively around the
table at each other. Brody was the first to lay his cards down. He had
three threes. McLaughlin followed immediately with a pair of aces; Lemieux
three sevens; and Buck, three nines. When it was Bob's turn he looked
pretty smug. He laid a pair of queens and three kings on the table with a
flourish.
 
 "Beat that, young lady," he said to the still nearly fully clothed Cat. 
 
 Cat said nothing, her face a true 'poker face'. One by one she laid out
her cards - four twos. Bob spluttered. Climbing to his feet, he suddenly
remembered he was naked, again just at the last minute. 
 
 Flustered, he whipped the stetson off his head and held it in front of
him. "Now just a minute...." 
 
 Everyone laughed.
 
 Cat grinned at him lazily. "Lose the stetson, Bob." 
 
 He sat down again. "Cathy is this anyway to speak to a superior? You've
been like a daughter to me. What would Benton say?" He flashed a winning
smile at her. "Surely we can make some sort of deal?"
 
 Cat chuckled and leaned towards him. "Deal? What sort of deal are you
talking here, Bob? You offering to be my slave?"
 
 Ray, Huey, Welsh and Jackson laughed so hard they could hardly speak. Ben
turned rosy cheeked with embarrassment.
 
 Huey couldn't help but ask, "So did you make a deal, or did you send
Fraser Senior and Frobisher out into the snow with nothing but their
stetsons?" 
 
 Cat smiled wistfully. "I was always going to let them get away with it,
but Bob was such a joker. A few weeks earlier, when we first arrived in
Inuvik, I met the new recruits, all of Bob's cadets. There was this one
guy, Nicholas Lamont, who was too good looking for words. I made a comment
about how well this kid filled out his jodhpurs and Bob teased me about it
for weeks. He told me that if I didn't hold him to his poker debt, he'd
have Lamont transferred to my command. Bob said I might be able to teach
Lamont something and I know he wasn't referring to police skills."
 
 Everyone tittered with amusement, except Ben. "Cat, I can't believe you'd
let my father do that!" 
 
 "It was a joke, Ben. He always had silly jokes like that with me." 
 
 "And did Lamont get transferred?" Welsh asked, still chuckling
 
 Cat's expression changed and she looked at the wall behind Welsh's head
as she spoke. "Less than two weeks later Bob Fraser was dead." 
 
 Suddenly all laughter ceased and the room fell silent. Ray hung his head,
remembering the day he met Fraser and the 'dead Mountie' comment he had
made and regretted ever since. Tears threatened to spill from Cat's eyes.
Ben reached over and silently squeezed her hand, lost in his own sad
memories. 
 
 Several long minutes passed and then suddenly everyone was on their feet,
making noises about going home. Huey offered to drop Ben home and within
fifteen minutes all the men had left, leaving Cat and Ray alone in the
Vecchio house. Ray moved around the room collecting empty bottles and
glasses.
 
 "I'll help you, Ray." Cat moved to the other side of the table and began
collecting things as well.
 
 "Thanks," Ray said in a hushed tone, smiling gently at her from the other
side of the room. 
 
 Cat smiled back, shocked that there had been no barb in Ray's reply.
 
 
 In the kitchen Ray took the glasses and plates from Cat and stacked them
into the dishwasher in silence. Cat watched him for a while and noticed
that his features seemed to have lost some of the hardness with which she
had become so familiar. 
 
 Eventually he spoke, "You and Benny's father were close?"
 
 "Yeah, I knew him before I even met Ben."
 
 "He never talks about him." Cat raised her eyebrows in surprise at the
comment and Ray continued, "Not like you did anyway. He talks about his
journals and things his father taught him, like some sort of super-hero.
You made him sound real."
 
 She looked over at Ray, who shut the dishwasher and leaned against the
counter watching her. 
 
 Smiling sadly, her vision blurred as she remembered her old friend. "Some
people would argue Bob Fraser was a super-hero." Shaking herself, she
looked at Ray again. "You would have liked him, Ray." 
 
 Suddenly Cat turned and filled the kettle to make tea. Tears threatened
and she didn't want Ray to see. Her voice caught in her throat. "I've
often wondered how father and son could be so different and how I could
love them both so much." 
 
 She thought about the things Ben had said to her earlier that night and
wondered what Bob would have said to his son. That thought undid her. The
tears Cat had fought all evening finally filled her eyes and hastily she
turned and opened the cupboard to look for the tea. She stared at the
inside of the cupboard for ages, unable to see through her veil of tears.
Eventually Ray reached over her head, picked up the tea and put it in her
hand.
 
 "Thanks," she mumbled, still keeping her back to Ray. No matter how civil
he had been to her, she would not let him see how upset she was. She heard
Ray behind her as she fumbled with her tea making.
 
 "You and Benny have a fight earlier?" 
 
 Cat sighed, it appeared that Ray had overheard their conversation in the
hall. "No, not really a fight. We just...Ben has some stupid idea in his
head about something that happened a long time ago." She stopped and
poured boiling water into the teapot. "I don't know why he thinks like
this...after all that's happened..." Cat gave up the fight to stop the
tears from trickling down her cheeks.
 
 "Is this about Victoria?" Ray's voice wavered with barely controlled
anger.
 
 "Sort of... not directly....it's complicated...oh shit..." Cat buried her
face in her hands. 
 
 Spinning around she made for the doorway, trying to get out of the
kitchen before she said too much. She knew Ben did not want Ray to know
about Phil. 
 
 Ray grabbed her arm and stopped her. "If Victoria is involved, I wanna
know about it," he growled at her.
 
 She pulled her arm away and glared at Ray. "Do you think I'd let that
bitch get her hooks into him again? If she was back you'd know about it."
Cat calmed slightly, but the tears still came. "This
is....before......it's....oh god...." She had gone too far now. Many
months worth of stored emotions poured out of Cat as she dissolved into
tears again. 
 
 Ray panicked for a moment, then he gathered Cat into his arms and pulled
her to his chest. The simple gesture moved her more than she thought
possible and she sobbed into Ray's sweater. After a short hesitation Ray
began making soothing noises and stroking Cat's hair. Eventually she
calmed down and pulled away, embarrassed.
 
 "I'm so sorry, Ray..."
 
 "It's OK." His voice was calm, "Just tell me how this involves Victoria."

 
 Cat sighed again. Ray was not going to let up on this. "It's not her
directly, Ray. If it was that simple I could deal with it." Ray handed her
a silk handkerchief from his pocket and she wiped her eyes. "For nearly
twelve years I've dealt with what that woman did to Ben's life. And now,
just when I thought it was over, I'm beginning to realise she's screwed up
his mind so much that he's thinking things that Ben Fraser shouldn't be
thinking."
 
 "But she hasn't come back? Benny's not hiding anything from me?"
 
 Cat was warmed by Ray's concern for his friend. "Believe me, Ray, if
Victoria were to come back, you'd be the first person I'd call. You're the
only person who has as much reason to hate her as I do." She added
silently, 'And neither you nor I have as much reason to hate her as Phil.'
 
 "You got that right." Ray shifted uncomfortably, wondering how to handle
Cat now. "Are you OK?"
 
 "Yes. I guess it got too much for me. I'm sorry for my outburst. Thank
you."
 
 "It's OK." 
 
 They looked at each other uncomfortably for a moment and then Cat said,
"I think I'll go upstairs now." She smiled and backed away. "Goodnight"
 
 "Goodnight." 
 
 Ray watched her go, wondering what it was that could cause the normally
tough Sergeant Madden to fall apart. With a shake of his head he dismissed
the thought and decided it was time for bed. 
 
 On his way out of the kitchen Ray noticed that Cat had left her tea
behind. At first he thought maybe she didn't want it but then, deciding he
had offered so little in the way of comfort, the least he could do would
be to take it up to her. 
 
 He carried the mug carefully up the stairs towards his mother's room.
When he got to the doorway the sight that met his eyes caused his hands to
shake. The door was half-open and through the gap he could see Cat
undressing. She had slipped off her jeans and sweater and stood dressed
only in a lilac lace teddy. Such a sight, in his mother's bedroom no less,
shocked him to the core. 
 
 Ray took a deep, calming breath, trying not to think of the last woman he
had seen in his mother's room. There was no comparing Casey and The
Sergeant. He stepped away from the door, backing up to the top of the
stairs. 
 
 Nonchalantly he called out, "Hey, you left your tea in the kitchen. I've
brought it up." 
 
 When Cat appeared in the doorway she wore an oversized t-shirt and smiled
gratefully at him. "That's very thoughtful of you, Ray. Thank you kindly."
She took the mug from him.
 
 "You're welcome." He backed away to his room. "Goodnight." 
 
 Ray slipped into his own room and hurriedly shut the door before she
could wish him goodnight. 
 
 Cat sipped her tea and closed the door to her room, surprised at Ray's
thoughtfulness. She never expected to see this side of his nature. 
 
 In his room Ray undressed quickly and got into bed. He lay on his back
staring at the ceiling for a long time. Sleep would not come. The image of
Sergeant Catherine Madden, RCMP, standing in his mother's bedroom clad
only in a lace teddy, had burned itself into his mind.
 
 
 Cat jabbed impatiently at the elevator button. She had been restless ever
since she got out of bed and she wanted to fix things now. After Ben's
assertion of the night before, she knew it was time to stop being subtle.
Time was running out. Something had to be done. 
 
 Once she made the decision to give Phil her ultimatum, Cat was full of
purpose and she was not going to waste any more time. Her instinct told
her this was the only option left. With an intolerant huff she turned
around looking for the stairs that would lead her to BakTrak's office.
 
 Cat strode into BakTrak wearing a look of such determination that only a
fool would ignore it. Jeff Bowers opened his mouth to greet her and offer
to call through to Phil, but when he saw the expression on Cat's face he
thought better of it. He recognised a woman on a mission. Instead he
mumbled hello and then buried his head in his work.
 
 Phil was hunched over her computer, working frantically and didn't hear
Cat enter. Had she forgotten their lunch date?
 
 "Phil, its time for lunch." Cat stood in front of Phil's desk with her
hands on her hips. 
 
 Phil looked up at her guiltily, checked her watch and then shuffled some
papers on her desk. "I'm sorry, I lost track of time. I'll just finish
here." She turned back to her computer and saved the file she was working
on. 
 
 Cat tapped her foot while Phil finished with the computer and then
gathered her coat and hat. Cat almost dragged her to the elevator. 
 
 Jeff turned to Mark Kehr, who entered the main part of the office just as
the women left.
 
 "Was that Cathy I just saw dragging Phil out of here?" Mark asked.
 
 "Yeah," he let out a whistle. "I don't know what's going on, but I don't
think even a fully armed tank could have stopped her."
 
 Mark chuckled. "Cathy's like that. She might be only be five feet two,
but she's tough. I once saw her drag a guy out of his truck. He was huge,
about six foot six, three hundred fifty pounds. She had him crying for
mama in no time flat." He looked at the door through which the two women
had just disappeared. "I don't know what's going on, but Phil doesn't
stand a chance."
 
 
 "You're serious aren't you?" Phil stared at Cat in surprise, once they
were seated in a nearby restaurant.
 
 "Yes I am, Phil. I'm not going to let you do this any more, not to me and
not to yourself." Cat emphasised her seriousness by jabbing a finger into
the table as she spoke. "Either you admit that you still have feelings for
Ben and let me arrange for you two to talk, or you prove that you don't
care about him and never, ever mention his name to me again."
 
 "Oh my...." Phil was shocked, she had never heard Cat so determined. 
 
 How did she really feel? Phil wasn't sure any more. She had to admit that
she was a little hurt that Ben hadn't tried to locate her. Surely if he
still cared about her, he would have made some effort to find her? The
fact that he hadn't led Phil to believe that he didn't care. So, her
feelings were irrelevant. After all he had done to her and after all this
time, Ben was still able to hurt her and that made Phil angry.
 
 "Think about it, Phil, this is important. I care about you." Cat leaned
across the table and placed her hand over Phil's. She watched as a range
of emotions paraded across Phil's features and for a moment she thought
maybe she had been too tough on her. 
 
 Suddenly Phil sat back and fixed Cat with an equally determined glare.
"Benton Fraser!" she stated, angrily. "There, that's the last time you'll
ever hear me say that name!" 
 
 Now it was Cat's turned to look shocked. This was not the response she
expected. "You don't have to answer now, Phil. Think about it for a
while."
 
 "No, I've decided." A strained smile appeared on Phil's face and she was
overcome by an odd calm. "Simple really, don't know why I haven't done it
before. In fact, I think we should celebrate. I'll order champagne." Heart
pounding and palms sweating, why did she have this sudden urge to drink?
She looked around the restaurant. "Waiter!"
 
 Cat sighed and rubbed her hands over her face. She had not counted on
Phil's stubbornness.
 
 
 
 "I'm sorry I can't make dinner, Ben. Something's come up." Cat looked
anxiously across the near empty restaurant to where Phil was trying to
dance with the waiter.
 
 "Oh, I see." 
 
 Ben's voice was non-committal, but Cat knew he was thinking the worst.
"No, Ben, it's not what you're thinking. I haven't picked up a man." 
 
 Phil was singing to the waiter now.
 
 "Oh I didn't for one minute assume you had." He hesitated. This was odd
behaviour for his friend and her voice sounded strange. In the background
he could hear a woman singing an oddly familiar song and he frowned at the
phone. "Are you alright, Cat?" 
 
 "Yes, yes I'm fine. I'm sorry, I have to go. I'll call you later." Cat
hung up and raced across the room to rescue the waiter. 
 
 At the Consulate, Ben stared at the phone in his hand. Cat couldn't call
him later, he didn't have a phone. Maybe he should stop by the Vecchio
house later in the evening just to check that everything was OK. What was
it about that voice in the background that was so familiar?
 
 
 TJ and Cat manhandled Phil into bed and tucked the blankets around her
chin. She was asleep before they even got to the door.
 
 "Thanks for coming and collecting us TJ. I couldn't get her into a taxi."
Cat said once they were in the living room.
 
 "No problem." He laughed. "It's been a while since I've seen my sister
that drunk. I feel sorry for the waiter."
 
 Cat laughed, "Don't worry, I tipped him good."
 
 "She's stubborn isn't she?"
 
 "She sure is. Do you believe she'll never mention Ben's name again?"
 
 "Do you?"
 
 "Not for one minute." Cat smiled and looked towards Phil's room. 
 
 TJ chuckled, "Me either. Come on, I'll take you home."
 
 
 
 "Nice house," TJ said as he escorted Cat up the path to the Vecchio home.
"It's a damn sight better than that last place they had you in."
 
 Cat smiled to herself, wondering what TJ would think if he knew Ben lived
in the neighbourhood he described. "Yeah, it is," she agreed.
 
 "Who lives here?"
 
 Cat was relieved that Ray wasn't home. She figured he was probably with
Ben. "Oh, a friend of someone at the Consulate." She unlocked the front
door and turned to face TJ. "Do you want to come in?"
 
 TJ wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "You mean for coffee?"
 
 Cat whacked his arm playfully. "I told you. We're just friends."
 
 "You sure know how to break a guy's heart, Cat."
 
 "Yeah, yeah." Cat grinned in reply.
 
 "Anyway, I guess I need to get back and check on Phil." TJ shrugged his
shoulders in mock defeat.
 
 "Well, thanks for bringing me home, TJ."
 
 "Thanks for taking care of my sister."
 
 They said their goodbyes. TJ turned and walked down the path to his car. 
 
 Suddenly Ben appeared on the path in front of TJ. 
 
 "Oh, Jesus." Cat cursed out loud. She hurried down the path to where the
two men stood face to face.
 
 "Hello, Ben." TJ's voice was low. He wondered what Ben was doing in
Chicago. Was he part of the same Canadian contingent that brought Cat to
Chicago?
 
 "Hello, TJ." Ben replied. His mind raced. What was TJ doing in Chicago?
Why didn't Cat tell him she was seeing TJ? What was going on with them?
She had led him to believe they would not be pursuing a relationship.
 
 Cat placed a hand on Ben's arm. "Ben, would you mind waiting for me
inside." 
 
 Ben nodded expressionlessly at TJ and moved up the path and into the
house. 
 
 Cat turned to face TJ. "Oh god, I'm sorry...."
 
 He looked in the direction Ben had gone. "You should have told me Ben was
in Chicago."
 
 Cat ran a hand through her hair and sighed. "Rob asked me not to." 
 
 "Rob knows?"
 
 Cat nodded. "Ben was in hospital last year and Rob was his doctor."
 
 "Last year? How long has he been here?"
 
 "Three years."
 
 "Oh shit, Cat....what do we do now?"
 
 "For gods sakes, don't tell Phil."
 
 "No way."
 
 Cat cast a nervous glance towards the house. "I don't know what I'm going
to say to Ben."
 
 "I'm sure he's got a lot of questions for you." TJ smiled and squeezed
her hand.
 
 
 
 "So TJ is why you couldn't make dinner tonight?" Cat heard Ben's voice
from the living room as she entered the Vecchio house.
 
 "No." Cat stepped into living room, hesitating before crossing the floor
to sit down next to Ben. "But I did ask TJ to help me with a situation
that arose."
 
 "And this wasn't something I could have helped you with?" There was a
bitter edge to Ben's voice that surprised them both.
 
 "No." 
 
 Ben sighed and leaned his arms on his knees, bowing his head. "TJ works
at the Field Museum, doesn't he?"
 
 "Yes," Cat admitted. "He's Curator of Aboriginal Artefacts."
 
 "I see." The tonelessness of his response was worse than any angry words
he could have said.
 
 "I'm sorry, Ben...."
 
 "You should have told me, Cat." He got up and paced across the room,
fighting the anger and hurt welling up inside him. In the back of his mind
he wondered why this upset him so, but he pushed the thought away.
 
 Cat looked down at her feet and spoke in a low voice. "Rob didn't want TJ
to know that you were in Chicago. Plus Phil asked me not to tell you where
she was. Based on that, I figured it meant I shouldn't tell you TJ was
living in Chicago."
 
 He turned to face her. "Is TJ the reason you came to Chicago?"
 
 "No!" Cat snapped her head up to look at Ben. "I wanted to spend some
time with you." 
 
 Ben didn't answer. Instead, he walked over to the window and peered out
onto the street. Could he believe that? Did Cat really come to Chicago to
spend time with him? Up until a few minutes ago he would have believed it
without question. Now he wasn't so sure. He spoke in a soft voice full of
pain that made Cat feel sick with guilt.
 
 "I came here to check that you were OK." Ben looked at her over his
shoulder. "I was worried after you called today."
 
 His thoughtfulness touched her. Cat smiled weakly, tears filling her
eyes. "I'm fine." 
 
 "Yes I can see that." Ben walked over and collected his stetson from the
coffee table. "I'll be going now." 
 
 He turned and headed to the door. His heart thudded in his chest. He
couldn't believe that Cat would hide something like this from him. He
could not escape the feeling of betrayal welling inside him.
 
 Cat followed him. "Ben..."
 
 He stopped at the door and gave her an odd, pained smile. "Goodnight,
Cat." 
 
 He opened the door and left without another word. Cat watched him go.
There was no point trying to say anything. He was just as stubborn as
Phil. Tears spilled from her eyes and she slammed the front door.
 
 "Shit! Shit! Shit!" she yelled into the empty hallway. She kicked the
wall but it did no good, so she headed upstairs to take a bath.
 
 
 
 Cat was pulling on a pair of soft woollen leggings when she heard the
unmistakable sound of Ray's Buick Riviera in the driveway. She pulled on a
sweater and checked her appearance in the mirror. The last time she saw
Ray she was crying and she didn't want him to think that was all she did. 
 
 Cat made her way down the stairs in darkness, surprised that Ray hadn't
turned on any lights. She had definitely heard him come inside. As she
neared the foot of the stairs Cat made out the shape of Ray Vecchio
sitting on the bottom step, head buried in his hands.
 
 "Ray?" she called out softly. 
 
 Startled, he looked at her over his shoulder. "I...I didn't hear you." 
 
 Ray's voice wavered and something about his tone scared her.
 
 "Are you OK?" Cat stepped around him and leaned over to turn on the lamp
sitting on the hallstand. 
 
 Looking back at Ray, she saw a large quantity of blood on his clothing.
"Jesus Christ, Ray, what happened?" She dropped to her knees in front of
him and tore at his overcoat trying to see underneath. 
 
 He grabbed at her hands and stopped her. "It's OK. Not my blood." 
 
 Cat sat back on her heels and let out a heavy sigh. "Thank god. Are you
OK?"
 
 "Yeah, I'm OK," Ray answered wearily, as he stood and removed his
overcoat, revealing the full extent of his bloodstained suit underneath.
He gave a bitter smile as he spoke, "Looks like I've ruined another suit
and, the funny thing is, Fraser wasn't even involved this time."
 
 He slipped out of his jacket and held it in his left hand. He started at
it for a moment before bowing his head and leaning on the banister,
exhausted.
 
 "What happened?" Cat asked gently.
 
 Ray took a deep breath and released it slowly before answering. "Bust
went wrong." He looked again at the jacket in his hand. "And I've wrecked
another fucking suit." 
 
 Cat stood close behind him and gently pulled the jacket from his hand.
"Ray, get out of these clothes and take a shower. You'll feel better
then."
 
 He hesitated and then nodded.
 
 "Give me your shirt." 
 
 Without complaint, Ray unbuttoned his shirt and slipped it off his
shoulders, handing it to Cat without even looking at her. She took it and
watched as Ray started up the stairs.
 
 "Ma's got something in the laundry room for blood..." his voice trailed
off.
 
 "It's OK, Ray, I can fix your shirt. The jacket will have to go to the
cleaners tomorrow, but I can fix your shirt." 
 
 Ray nodded meekly and continued up the stairs. Cat took the soiled
clothing into the laundry and took care of it, just as she had promised.
 
 
 Cat was making tea when Ray came into the kitchen dressed in grey sweats.
She was a little surprised. She had never seen him in anything so casual.
 
 "Thanks for taking care of my clothes."
 
 "No problem. Can I get you some coffee?" Cat turned to see Ray collecting
ice from the refrigerator.
 
 "No, thanks. I need a scotch." He headed back to the living room. 
 
 Cat thought for a moment and then switched off the kettle. "I'll join
you," she said to Ray as she followed him into the living room. She'd had
a pretty bad day too. 
 
 "Ice?" Ray asked without looking at her.
 
 "Neat."
 
 He poured a large measure and handed it to her, then threw himself down
on the sofa.
 
 "You ever shot anyone?" he asked inspecting the contents of his glass. 
 
 Cat sighed and joined Ray on the sofa. So that's what this was about.
"Only once, and I was sick about it for days." Cat sipped at her scotch
and waited for Ray to continue.
 
 "Well this was worse." He looked up at her, eyes shiny with unshed tears.
He took a large mouthful of scotch. 
 
 Cat didn't speak, she waited for Ray to talk. 
 
 "I've been tailing this dealer for months, a low-life kid. Today he was
gonna lead us to his Mr Big. Shoulda been a textbook bust." Ray rubbed one
hand over his face. "But as soon as the kid realised I was a cop he put a
gun in his mouth and.....and he.....he....blew his fucking head off." Ray
swallowed the rest of his drink.
 
 "Oh god, Ray, I'm so sorry....." Cat trailed off. She could think of
nothing to say that didn't sound trite. 
 
 She shifted uncomfortably. Cat and Ray weren't exactly close. In fact,
until yesterday, they barely had a civil word to say to each other. It
worried her that he was exposing himself to her like this. Tomorrow he
might hate her even more for seeing him in this vulnerable state.
 
 "Do you want me to call Ben?" 
 
 Ray got up and poured another drink. "No, he doesn't need to know about
this. I'm fine." 
 
 Ray sat down again and sipped heavily at his scotch. 
 
 Cat wondered if she was going to have to watch someone else get drunk
today. 
 
 Ray was surprised to find himself speaking so freely to this woman. After
last night, when she burst into tears, he realised she wasn't the
hard-hearted bitch he thought her to be. Ray found it oddly comforting
that she was sitting on the sofa, drinking scotch with him and sharing the
events of his day. He hadn't talked to a woman like this for a long time.
Not since Casey.
 
 "Have you eaten?" Cat asked eventually.
 
 Ray snorted. "You joking? I was in debrief for six hours. They wouldn't
even let me pee."
 
 "Let me get you something to eat then." Cat was on her feet flying to the
kitchen before he could protest. This was the only comfort she could think
to offer Ray that wouldn't put him at a disadvantage.
 
 
 Forty-five minutes later Ray wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
He never suspected Cat could cook like this. If his mother found out,
she'd have them married off so fast their heads would spin.
 
 He smiled at her. "Only my mother's matriciana is better." 
 
 Cat was taken aback. Coming from an Italian son, but more importantly
from Ray Vecchio, this was lavish praise indeed. "Thanks, Ray. " She
smiled back. "You feeling better now?"
 
 "Yeah, thanks."
 
 Cat stood up and began clearing the dishes away. Ray watched her from the
kitchen table.
 
 "You're different than I thought....." he started, but broke off with a
shrug of his shoulders.
 
 Cat turned to face him, a faint smile on her lips. "You mean I'm not as
much of a bitch as you thought?"
 
 Ray looked embarrassed, "Well....."
 
 "It's OK, Ray. You're not what I thought you were either."
 
 They looked at each other smiling, as if seeing each other for the first
time. As Ray held her gaze Cat felt desire build and it shocked her. Could
she actually feel desire for Ray Vecchio - a man who gave the appearance
of hating women with an opinion? 
 
 Ray let his eyes sweep over Cat. He liked what he saw. He shifted in his
seat to stifle the stirring in his groin. Could he actually be attracted
to a woman like this? 
 
 
 
 Cat's first visit the next day was to Phil, who looked worse for wear.
Phil opened the door of her apartment and groaned when she saw Cat.
 
 "I'm so embarrassed," was her greeting as she ushered Cat inside.
 
 Cat chuckled at the other woman. "You were rather amusing though, Phil." 
 
 "I told you I wasn't much of a drinker, Cat. Now you know why. I tend to
lose control of my actions and do things I regret." Phil recalled a
particularly embarrassing incident that had happened several years ago. At
least she hadn't performed a strip tease for the waiter! "I haven't
changed my mind." 
 
 Cat was disappointed. "I know. TJ told me you asked him to take your box
of Ben's memorabilia."
 
 "I think it's for the best. I'm over the shock of knowing that he knows
you and I are friends. And I think… no, I know that he's out of my system
now." 
 
 Cat smiled at Phil, but in her heart she knew Phil was not telling the
truth.
 
 
 
 The greeting Cat got from Ben at the consulate later in the day was not
so warm. He looked up from his work as she entered his office.
 
 "Hi, Ben."
 
 "Hello, Cat." 
 
 Cat shut the door and sat down. 
 
 "Inspector Thatcher prefers that I keep the door open..." he warned her
with a patronising look. He had been waiting for this visit, and now Cat
was here, he allowed the hurt and anger he had suppressed all day to
resurface.
 
 "I don't care." Cat secretly hoped that Thatcher would come and give her
an opportunity to lose her temper. She too had suppressed anger and hurt
all day. "I want to talk to you about last night."
 
 "There's nothing to talk about, Cat." Ben looked down and continued with
his work. "You shouldn't have hidden the fact that TJ is in Chicago from
me. Quite frankly I feel rather hurt."
 
 Cat let out a huff of air and sat back in her chair. Ben refused to look
at her. 
 
 "You know, Ben, your attitude over the past couple of days is pretty
strange. First of all, you tell me that you've worked Phil out of your
system because she's hurt you so badly. And then you get upset with me for
not telling you that her brother is in the same city." 
 
 Ben rolled his eyes and looked up at her, laying his pencil on the desk
with a long-suffering sigh. "It's not about TJ. It's about the fact that
you hid something from me. After all these years, after all we've been
through, you don't trust me."
 
 "Oh for gods sakes, Ben, it's got nothing to do with me trusting you. I'm
honouring the request someone else made. How would you feel if I gave Phil
your address after you'd asked me not to? Someone else trusted me."
 
 Ben listened to his friend speak, then answered. But his answer made Cat
think he had heard an entirely different set of words than the ones she
had spoken. 
 
 Ben felt a stab of perverse pleasure at being the one to inflict pain for
a change. 
 
 "All the woman in my life have eventually hurt me, Cat. First Victoria,
then Phil .....and now you. It seems that the only woman I can trust now
is Becka."
 
 Cat stared at him open-mouthed, too stunned to speak. After what seemed
like an eternity, she got to her feet feeling very shaky. Ben did not
move. 
 
 "Fuck you," she said, then turned on her heel and left. She didn't start
to cry until she was two blocks away from the Consulate. 
 
 Ben didn't look up as Cat left. When he heard the door slam behind her he
sat back in his chair and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. He
wondered why the only way he could deal with his emotions was to inflict
pain on the ones he loved.
 
 
 
 Cat paced in TJ's office while his secretary went off to find him. The
birdlike woman eyed her suspiciously. Cat wasn't surprised. She knew she
must look frightful. She was thankful she wasn't wearing mascara. Cat
looked up when TJ entered the room.
 
 "Whoa, Cat, it looks like you're not having a very good day," TJ said
gently, crossing the room and taking Cat into his arms. 
 
 She accepted the hug and tried not to cry again. "You can say that
again."
 
 "Let me guess, this has something to do with last night?"
 
 "Got it in one." Cat moved out of TJ's arms and sat down on the edge of
his desk. "Ben's pretty pissed off with me and he said some things that
hurt a bit. I needed to see a friendly face."
 
 TJ smiled and sat down next to her. "Just for the record, I understand
why you didn't tell me. I'm not pissed off with you." Although he had only
known Cat for a relatively short time, he knew he could trust her
completely. He wondered what it was about Ben Fraser that could encourage
the trust of the two strongest women he knew. Was there something in this
man that was unable to deal with strong women and took pleasure in cutting
them down?
 
 Cat laughed, "Thanks, TJ."
 
 "So, does this mean I have to go and beat the shit out of Ben on your
behalf?" TJ asked, his voice tinged with laughter.
 
 "No need, I'm thinking of doing it myself." 
 
 They both laughed and Cat felt infinitely better than she had five
minutes earlier. TJ patted Cat's hand and stood up. 
 
 "Come on, I'll give you a ride home. The weather report said a snowstorm
is brewing and you'll have a hard time getting a taxi."
 
 "It's OK. I'd rather take my chances."
 
 TJ smiled and shook his head. 'Strong and stubborn,' he thought.
 
 
 The falling snow was heavier than expected and a cold wind blew from the
lake. Cat hugged her coat around her body and wished she had taken TJ up
on his offer of a ride. The weather had taken a very sudden turn. She knew
there wasn't much of a chance of getting a taxi so she continued to walk.
Cat knew it would take at least half an hour. The walk would do her good.
She wanted to work out some of the hurt and anxiety she felt. 
 
 The snow continued to fall and Cat grew more miserable. Ten minutes
later, when she heard the familiar purr of a Buick Riviera beside her, she
was relieved. As she got in the car and greeted Ray she realised that a
week ago he would have been the last person she wanted to see. 
 
 As Ray smiled at her and talked about his day the thought occurred to Cat
that a week ago he wouldn't have stopped to pick her up. 
 
 "I called Benny and invited him over for dinner, but he said he wanted to
be alone tonight." Ray looked at Cat expectantly, as if she might be able
to shed some light on their friend's behaviour.
 
 "Oh yeah?" she replied, trying to keep her voice calm.
 
 "You see him today?" Ray stuttered a bit, obviously not yet comfortable
with asking Cat about Ben. "I mean, he sounded weird. Is he OK?"
 
 "Ben's being an asshole," Cat replied in a stoic voice, eyes focussed on
the road in front of them. 
 
 Ray looked over and noticed for the first time that Cat had been crying.
"What's goin' on?" he asked in a gentle voice. 
 
 Cat knew that a week earlier he would have asked 'what did you do to
him?' She took a deep breath and turned a brilliant smile in Ray's
direction. "Things aren't working out the way I'd hoped and I'm just
feeling tired and emotionally drained." 
 
 Ray looked at her briefly, wanting to ask more, but thought better of it.
He returned his attention to the road and spoke again. "And hungry I hope.
I cooked up a storm and now Fraser's not coming. There's enough to feed
you and me for a week." 
 
 Ray was confused by what he saw happening between Ben and Cat. He knew
they had been friends for a long, long time and friends sometimes argued.
But this seemed different. There was a lot more going on than either Ben
or Cat was willing to divulge. He and Cat had never been close, or even
friendly, so he didn't expect to get answers from her, but Fraser was a
different story. He would press Ben when he saw him next.
 
 
 Cat mounted the stairs as Ray hung his overcoat in the hall closet. He
looked at Cat with concern. "Are you OK?"
 
 She stopped on the stairs and smiled warmly at the man below. "I've had a
bad day, but give me ten minutes to shower and change. When I come back
down, I expect you to have poured me a glass of that cheap Italian wine
you drink."
 
 "Cheap wine? I'm insulted." Ray laughed. "It's fine wine from the old
country." 
 
 
 Cat sipped at the deep red liquid in the glass Ray handed her and closed
her eyes, savouring the taste. He was right. It was fine wine. When she
opened her eyes again Ray was watching her. 
 
 "You gonna tell me what's goin' on with you and Benny?" He couldn't stop
his curiousity. Ray wanted to know how someone like Ben could upset
someone as resilient and headstrong as this woman.
 
 "Ah, Ray, it's too long a story. But, I will tell you this, sometimes
that sweet and oh so nice Mountie we know and love can be as big a jerk as
anyone else." Ray's eyebrows shot up. She continued, waving her hands at
him, "We'll sort this out soon enough. We've been through worse." Much
worse, Cat thought to herself, remembering the time Ben told her about
Victoria.
 
 "OK, OK, I won't ask." Ray returned his attention to the stove. 
 
 Cat tossed the salad, the only thing Ray would let her do. Their
relationship had changed so quickly. She knew she had treated him poorly
in the past. She felt the need to make amends.
 
 "I wasn't very nice to you the first time we met, Ray. I'm sorry."
 
 He answered without turning around. "It's OK. Neither was I." He gave a
particularly energetic stir to the pot and then continued, remembering the
night The Sergeant had charged into Cook County making demands. "I was so
worried about Benny, then you stormed in and started ordering the doctor
around. I didn't know what to think." 
 
 For a moment Cat remembered that time in the hospital. "And all I could
think was 'who is this pushy Italian who's claiming to be Ben's
next-of-kin'." She remembered her own fear. She was embarrassed when she
thought about how she had spoken to Rob. Her thoughts strayed from Rob to
Phil and a wave of sadness washed over her. All of her attempts to help
her friends had been disastrous. 
 
 Ray's voice brought her attention back. "I was so suspicious. You know,
everyone I'd met from Fraser's past had hurt him and most of them had
tried to kill him. Even his own sister. I had no reason to think you were
any different." He faced Cat. "He never mentioned you, not once. But I
guess I shouldn't be surprised. I didn't even know he had a sister until I
met Becka."
 
 "That's the way he is, Ray. I thought you'd know that by now."
 
 "But even now, he rarely talks about you. I don't know anything about
you. I don't even know how you met." Ray chuckled to himself as he pulled
dinner plates from the oven. "I bet he saved you in the middle of a
blizzard somewhere in the Yukon. Yeah, probably in that place he grew up
...... Runamukluk.... that's it."
 
 Cat laughed with Ray. "Actually it was spring and Ben appeared on my
doorstep."
 
 "On your doorstep? Now this I gotta hear."
 
 "Ah, Ray, it's a long story."
 
 "I got all night." 
 
 Cat shrugged and refilled their wineglasses as Ray piled two plates full
of chicken cacciatore. When they were seated at the dining table Cat told
Ray the story of how Ben Fraser had entered her life.
 
 
 SPRING 1980
 Cathy Madden stood at her kitchen bench making a batch of protein rich
gruel to feed the injured long tailed weasel residing in her the room that
had once been her mother's office. A knock sounded at the door and she
cursed under her breath. It was probably someone with another injured
animal. Since she became involved with animal rescue several years
earlier, she had come to fear spring. It was the time of year that all
wildlife carers loved and dreaded in equal measure. With a sigh, she put
down her mixing spoon and headed to the front door, fully expecting to
find one of her neighbours bearing a squirrel that had been hit by a car
or a young bird fallen from its nest.
 
 Instead, Cathy found a tall, very handsome man in a Mountie uniform. His
face was familiar. A name quickly popped into her mind. Their paths had
crossed at the Academy. She noticed he was holding his left hand against
his woollen jacket as if sheltering something underneath. When he spoke,
Cathy looked up from where his hand rested on his jacket, to a pair of
clear blue eyes that she was sure could be dangerous. The Mountie smiled
at her.
 
 "Good evening, Constable Madden. I don't know if you remember me, I'm
Benton Fraser." He extended his right hand and Cathy shook it, returning
his smile.
 
 "Yes, I remember. Please, come in. It's a little cool out there." He
nodded and stepped into the entranceway as she closed the door behind him.
 
 "What can I do for you, Constable Fraser?" Cathy mirrored his extreme
courtesy.
 
 "Sergeant McPherson suggested I come to you. I understand you take
injured wildlife?" 
 
 "Yes, I do. You got something in there?" She pointed to where he still
held his left hand against his chest.
 
 "Yes, however, it's not exactly 'wildlife'......" Fraser stopped in
mid-sentence as Cathy reached over and grabbed his lapels and looked
inside his jacket. 
 
 "Oh my god, this is the smallest kitten I've ever seen. What happened to
the mother?" Cathy looked up at him and for a second they both stopped.
'Yes, those eyes are definitely dangerous,' she thought to herself as she
tore her eyes away from his. 
 
 Fraser cleared his throat before speaking again. "Well, I don't actually
know. I found the kitten today whilst carrying out my duties. I wasn't
able to locate the mother." 
 
 Cathy plunged her hands into the front of his jacket. Fraser sucked in
his breath as her hands fluttered against his chest. Cathy removed her
hands and the kitten from his jacket and he let out the breath he was
holding as she stepped away.
 
 "It's only about two weeks old," Cathy said as she headed towards the
kitchen. 
 
 Fraser waited for a moment, then followed her into the kitchen. "Will it
live?" he asked.
 
 "Oh yes." She smiled up at him reassuringly and then turned back to the
kitten. "I don't normally get domestic animals, but I'm a sucker for cats.
I love them." She smiled at him again. 
 
 Cathy leaned over and grabbed a small towel from a kitchen drawer. She
wrapped the kitten in the towel and handed it back to Fraser. She pointed
to a stool.
 
 "Here. Hold him for a minute while I get a hot water bottle and prepare
some food." 
 
 A few minutes later Cathy returned with a small box, a hot water bottle
and a tiny dropper. She placed the items on the bench and filled a kettle
with water.
 
 "Can I get you some coffee? Or tea?"
 
 "Yes. Whichever you're making. If it's no trouble."
 
 "You can have either."
 
 "Tea, please. Thank you, Constable Madden." 
 
 Cathy wondered if he was always this polite. "Oh, it's Cathy, please.
Constable makes me feel so official." 
 
 He nodded his relief. "Cathy is much nicer."
 
 "Thanks. Now what do I call you? Benton?"
 
 "My friends call me Ben. Only my father calls me Benton."
 
 "OK, Ben. By the way, I know your father. I spent six weeks with him in
Regina during my cadetship. He's almost legendary."
 
 
 While the kettle boiled Cathy mixed a batch of a mammal milk formula
provided to wildlife carers by the local vet. She prepared a box with the
hot water bottle wrapped in old, soft towels and placed it on the bench
between them. She then made the tea and swapped Ben a mug of tea for the
kitten. When the bottle was prepared she offered the tiny teat to the
kitten who, after some false starts, began sucking hungrily. 
 
 Ben watched in fascination as the tiny animal kneaded the towel in which
it was swaddled, its face a study in rapture. Cathy cooed and talked to
the animal as it fed and Ben became fascinated by the way the pair
interacted. By the time the kitten had finished, Ben was grinning happily.
 
 Once the animal was toileted, Cathy installed it in the box, nestled in
amongst the towels. She put the box in a quiet spot in the living room.
Ben still grinned. The effect was not lost on Cathy. She invited him to
help her feed the rest of the animals and then stay for dinner. To Cathy's
delight, he accepted eagerly. She looked forward to getting to know this
handsome man.
 
 After dinner she took him on a tour of the property. He was curious about
many things, but his politeness would not allow him to ask those
questions. Cathy observed him during the course of the evening. Her sixth
sense told her there was more to this man than met the eye. Although, what
met the eye was more than enough! She couldn't tell what it was, but she
knew, without doubt, that Ben Fraser would feature prominently in her
life. 
 
 Ben left, reluctantly, at 11.30pm. Cathy stood on her front porch and
watched the taillights of his battered old jeep disappear down the
driveway. Her sixth sense told her they were connected in some, strange
way. She hadn't seen the last of him. She knew it. 
 
 The next evening, about half an hour after she arrived home, Cathy heard
a car in the drive. From upstairs, she peeked out her bedroom window to
see Ben Fraser climb out of his vehicle. It was just as she had expected.
 
 Ben came every night for two weeks. Initially, he said he wanted to help
with the kitten and learn about the other animals in Cathy's care. But,
after the first few days it was apparent he enjoyed Cathy's company as
well. They found they had many common interests. Ben was fascinated when
she told him her parents were zoologists. The house where Cathy lived
belonged to her parents who were currently living on a scientific research
station conducting a study of the local polar bear population. 
 
 After the first week they stopped pretending their only interest was the
kitten, which Cathy named Laura on the spur of moment one warm evening.
Eventually, the time they spent together began to include more than caring
for the kitten. Cathy found herself more and more attracted to the tall,
blue-eyed man who had entered her life. 
 
 Cathy was not accustomed to men with his inherent shyness. She began to
despair of Ben Fraser ever making a move on her. Although only 20, Cathy
was experienced in the ways of the world and had had her share of lovers.
At 16 she lost her virginity to a young Cree man who worked at the local
lumber yard and delivered the Madden family firewood. Her second lover was
a musician eight years her senior. He rode a large, noisy motorcycle and
Cathy's parents had strongly disapproved of him. He had fascinated Cathy
with his devil eyes and mesmerising voice as he sang to her, "Ooh baby
you're lovin' is so mean, how did you get to be 25 at 17." The memory of
it still made her shudder with pleasure. 
 
 After two weeks of Ben's visits and still no sign of any romantic
interest, Cathy decided it was time to take things into her own hands. The
next evening, when Ben arrived at his usual time, she was prepared.
 
 
 Cathy smiled and took a final look in the mirror as she heard Ben's car
in the drive. Satisfied with what she saw, she pulled a cotton summer
dress over the white lace teddy she wore and went downstairs to greet her
guest.
 
 Ben stood on her doorstep, clutching a bunch of lilacs. "Good evening,
Cathy."
 
 "Hi, Ben, come in."
 
 "Thank you." He handed her the flowers. "For you."
 
 "Thank you! They're lovely." She smiled and reached up to kiss his cheek.
He flushed and looked uncomfortable. Cathy wondered if Ben knew that
lilacs were believed to represent the first stirrings of love. 
 
 Ben took Laura onto the verandah and fed her while Cathy prepared a meal.
She watched him from the kitchen as she cooked, trying to decide the best
way to handle this shy man. She was certain the attraction was mutual, but
it surprised her that Ben had done nothing about it. She would have to
keep a close eye on him tonight. 
 
 During their meal Cathy watched Ben carefully to make sure that she had
read his signals correctly. By the time they were clearing away the dinner
dishes, she was convinced it was time to make her move. With a satisfying
slam she shut the dishwasher and turned it on, then turned to Ben and
smiled. He smiled back, looking at her with those eyes still as dangerous
as they were the first night they had met. 
 
 She stepped towards him and reached one hand up to his shoulder, placing
a gentle kiss on his lips. Ben made a small, whimpering sound and pulled
her to him, pressing his lips against hers. It was a clumsy kiss and he
let her go quickly. She eyed him for a second, taking in the flush on his
cheeks and his speeding pulse. It was a good sign.
 
 "Would you like to spend the night?" Cathy asked, in a sultry voice
 
 Ben's eyes widened then he stepped away from her. "I...... I
think.........I should be going." He licked his lips and shuffled
backwards uncomfortably, realising that he sounded like he wanted to get
away from her. "I mean.....it's late......and ......I have an early start
tomorrow."
 
 He continued backwards through the living room now, stumbling over things
as he went. Cathy followed him, wondering what made him so nervous. What
had she done wrong? In the living room he collected his hat.
 
 "Thank you for dinner. It was lovely, as usual. Good night." 
 
 He opened the front door and fled, leaving Cathy confused. She watched
his taillights as they disappeared down her drive, wondering how she had
misread his signals.
 
 
 Cathy didn't see Ben for three days. She ran into him at the Depot one
morning as he read the notice board.
 
 "Hi, Ben," she said casually, wandering up to him. 
 
 He turned to face her and Cathy's first thought was that he looked like a
deer caught in someone's headlights.
 
 "Oh, um, hello, Cathy." He pulled nervously at his collar with his
fingers. "How are you?"
 
 "I'm fine, I haven't seen you for a few days." Cathy stepped into his
personal space, just to see what reaction she would get. 
 
 "No, ah, I've been....rather busy...." He shuffled his feet. "I'm
sorry.....ah....will you excuse me? Sergeant McPherson will be expecting
me."
 
 Cathy smiled and let him step around her. She'd just had a conversation
with Sergeant McPherson in the corridor and she knew he was on his way to
the cafeteria for a coffee break. 
 
 
 That night when she got home Cathy found a box of cat food on her
verandah. Perched on top of the box was a large bunch of white daisies.
Cathy grinned to herself as she carried the box inside. She suspected that
Ben knew that white daisies traditionally mean 'I'll think about it'.
 
 This went on for several weeks. Whenever their paths crossed at work, Ben
made excuses and rushed off. On more than one occasion, whilst in
conversation with a colleague, Cathy would feel a tingle in her spine and
know that someone's eyes were on her. When she turned around she found Ben
watching her intently from a distance. She wasn't sure what it meant. A
few more times Cathy found boxes of catfood on her doorstep, but there
were no more flowers. She was confused by the mixed messages. Somewhere in
her heart Cathy knew that Ben would figure in her life, but it seemed as
though the controllers of their fate had neglected to tell Ben.
 
 A month after the disastrous kiss in her kitchen, Cathy wondered if she
should give up on the handsome but shy Mountie. Benton Fraser wasn't the
only good looking man in the RCMP and some of the others were beginning to
pay her a lot of attention. In the cafeteria one morning Cathy was
flirting outrageously with a colleague - a tall, broad-chested man with a
shock of blonde hair and not much in the way of intelligence. She felt
eyes on her again. It was the familiar tingle she had come to associate
with Ben Fraser. When she turned around he was watching her from the other
side of the cafeteria. He held her gaze for a moment then turned and
walked away. Cathy returned her attention to the blonde man and continued
to flirt. If Ben Fraser wanted her, he would have to come and get her.
 
 That night it was way too hot to eat. Cathy pulled a beer from the
refrigerator and stepped out onto the back verandah to enjoy the cool
evening breeze. Laura followed her on unsteady legs. She was becoming more
adventurous every day. Cathy had already decided to keep the purring ball
of fur. After playing with Laura for some time, Cathy thought she heard a
sound in her driveway. Her ears pricked up. Was that Ben's jeep? Or was
she imagining it? She listened, but all she could hear was the blood
pounding in her ears. A minute later a knock sounded at the door and she
leapt to her feet and flew to answer it.
 
 She stopped in the middle of the living room and took three deep breaths.
She didn't want to seem too eager. When she finally opened the door the
sight that met her eyes made her blood pressure rise. Ben wore a white
t-shirt, an old denim jacket and a look that could only be described as
hungry. Cathy would remember the fire blazing in his blue eyes for the
rest of her life. A muscle twitched in Ben's cheek as they contemplated
each other.
 
 "Can I come in?" he eventually asked, his voice huskier than she
remembered.
 
 "Yes, of course." She stepped aside, feeling a little light-headed. She
was right the first night they met, those eyes were dangerous.
 
 "I don't know why I'm here." His arms hung by his sides and he barely
moved. 
 
 She smiled at him. "Yes, you do." 
 
 He looked at her without smiling then handed her a bunch of jonquils that
she hadn't noticed before. That didn't surprise her, she wasn't sure she
even knew her own name at that moment. Cathy smiled as she took the
flowers. All doubts about whether or not Ben knew the meaning of flowers
were pushed from her mind. Depending on which school of thought you
followed, jonquils could mean 'affection returned' or 'desire'. Either
way, the message was clear and he was there, in her living room, in all
his masculine splendour. Her heart raced. 
 
 Cathy smiled and walked into the living room, indicating that he should
follow.
 
 "Can I get you something? I'm having a beer."
 
 "Yes. Beer." Ben's reply was almost a monotone, like he would have
accepted anything she offered. 
 
 Cathy went into the kitchen for the beer. When she returned he was
waiting for her on the back verandah. He had shed the denim jacket and now
leaned against the railing. Cathy thought she had never seen a more
appealing man. She handed him the beer and he took a sip, his eyes never
once leaving hers. She regarded him over the rim of her beer bottle as she
drank. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were startling in their
clarity. He smelled faintly of sandalwood and Cathy found herself leaning
closer to breathe in the scent, her eyes half-closing in ecstasy.
 
 "Cathy....." his voice was husky.
 
 She stepped closer, setting her beer down on the railing. Ben's barely
touched beer joined hers. He stood, unmoving, as she placed one hand on
his chest and slid it up to his shoulder. His arms went around her waist
and he pressed their bodies together, his mouth seeking hers. Ben's mouth
was warm and very inviting. It wasn't the nervous kiss they had last
shared. Cathy realised she had been waiting for this long before he
appeared on her doorstep with a kitten tucked into his jacket.
 
 "I'd like to take you up on the offer you made last time I was here," Ben
whispered into her ear. His simple statement held no trace of the
self-consciousness Cathy had come to expect from him. Her lips curled into
a smile. 
 
 "I'd like that." He kissed her again.
 
 
 A while later Cathy checked that Laura was safely inside the house. She
then led Ben by the hand up the long sweep of stairs that led to the upper
floor. He paused on the way up, noticing three small photographs on the
wall that ran along the stairs.
 
 "My parents," she answered his unasked question. "I plan to make this
wall into a giant photo album."
 
 He nodded and followed Cathy up the stairs.
 
 In the bedroom Cathy lit several candles and turned to Ben, who stood
stock still with his hands hanging by his sides. She wondered if he was as
nervous as she was.
 
 "You.....you look....beautiful....," he said in a low, gentle voice.
 
 "Thank you." Cathy smiled and moved towards him again. 
 
 Ben made a low groan and pulled her into a tight embrace. She couldn't
believe this was the same man who had run from her home terrified a month
before. He stepped back. Cathy helped him pull his t-shirt over his head
and then removed her own. Ben looked at her, a flush showing on his chest.
'Oh my god, he is the sexiest man I have ever seen' Cathy thought to as
she looked at him. She reached for the waistband of his jeans and his hand
covered hers, stilling her movements.
 
 His expression was serious. "I've never done this before." 
 
 Cathy looked up at the beautiful vision before her, not quite believing
what she had heard. "You've never.....?" 
 
 Ben shook his head. 
 
 The two of them looked at each other for what seemed like an age. Slowly
they began to smile at each other.
 
 Cathy grinned lewdly. "Then I have a lot to teach you." 
 
 "I'm a fast learner," Ben replied, equally as lewdly. 
 
 Cathy reached for him again and the lessons began.
 
 
 "Oh my," Ben sighed as he rolled onto his back.
 
 "Mmmmm," Cathy hummed in reply, snuggling into the crook of his arm. He
was a good student.
 
 "Oh my," he said again.
 
 "Are you OK?" Cathy planted a kiss on his chest and smiled up at him. 
 
 "I'm ......a little......overcome....."
 
 She chuckled. "I'm not surprised." She was a little overcome herself.
 
 "What time is it?" 
 
 "You gotta be somewhere?" Cathy asked, leaning up on one elbow and
tracing circles on his chest.
 
 "Be somewhere? Oh, no, I just wondered what time it is. I seem to have
misplaced my watch."
 
 She rolled over and checked her watch on the chest by the bed, then
rolled back against Ben. "It's 10 o'clock. Do you have to go?"
 
 He smiled and ran one finger down the side of her face. He began to sing,
"Throw my ticket out the window, throw my suitcase out there too. Throw my
troubles out the door, I don't need them any more, cos tonight I'll be
staying here with you."
 
 "Oh my," Cathy whispered as Ben pulled her down for a long, soul reaching
kiss.
 
 
 Cathy peered into the fridge looking for something tasty to feed her new
lover. It was well past midnight and neither of them had eaten dinner.
They were both ravenous. She shut the fridge and reached for the bread
bin. Sandwiches would have to do. 
 
 Ben watched her intently from the other side of the kitchen, taking in
every move she made. Unable to resist any longer, he reached over and
pulled her to him. Nearly a foot shorter than Ben, Cathy's head tucked
neatly under his chin as she fitted herself against him. 
 
 "Mmmmmm," she hummed, rubbing her cheek against his bare chest. 
 
 Ben chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "You remind me of a cat."
 
 "A cat?" She looked up at him with wide eyes. He kissed her.
 
 "You move like a cat. You purr like a cat. All you need is a tail."
 
 Cathy gave a throaty laugh. "Well, Ben, that's because I was a cat in a
previous life."
 
 "Oh," he said, before kissing her again. Eventually he continued, "Cathy
the cat. That's what I'll call you. Cat."
 
 Cathy the Cat rubbed her feline-like body against him to show she
approved of her new name. Ben kissed her again, then lowered her to the
kitchen floor. The sandwiches would have to wait.
 
 
 
 "So you two were an item after that?" Ray put his knife and fork down and
leaned back in his chair.
 
 "We were in love." Cat smiled, remembering those heady days of her youth.
 
 "Did it last long?" Ray asked, his voice mellow.
 
 "Almost two years. Then things changed."
 
 "Victoria?"
 
 "No that happened a long time later." Cat sighed and looked at her empty
plate. "There was so much out there that I wanted to experience......it
was me.....I broke up with Ben. "
 
 "You?"
 
 Cat fixed Ray with a sardonic stare. "Put it this way, Ray. Can you count
all your lovers since you were 21 on one hand?"
 
 Ray snorted. "No." He nodded his understanding. "But Benny can?"
 
 "Exactly. I was 22. I wanted more. The world was suddenly full of good
looking guys and I wanted them all. Any Ben, conveniently, was about to
take a posting elsewhere."
 
 Ray shook his head. "Half the women in Chicago would think you're nuts
dumping Fraser for some other guy."
 
 "I didn't dump him, Ray. Ben wanted something I couldn't give. I wanted
something he couldn't give. I wasn't going to lie to him." Cat grinned.
"And it was guys....plural."
 
 Ray chuckled in surprise. "And you stayed friends?"
 
 "More than friends. I know you're Catholic and you probably don't agree,
but what Ben and I share goes beyond the present. He and I have been
through other lives together."
 
 "Yeah, I've heard him talk about stuff like that before." A smile curled
the corners of Ray's mouth, "and for the record, I'm not a practising
Catholic." They smiled at each other and Ray continued, "So after you and
Fraser broke up, what happened?"
 
 Cat thought about Phil and all she knew and closed her eyes briefly
before speaking. "He met other women, had other romances....." She trailed
off, hoping her answer was enough.
 
 "And you? There's been no man in your life since Fraser?" Ray asked the
question casually, like the answer wasn't important. But it was. At that
moment he wanted to know everything about the woman opposite him.
 
 Cat reached across the table and picked up Ray's empty plate, smiling all
the while. "There have been many men in my life since Ben." 
 
 Ray smiled at that, his curiosity aroused. "I mean no-one special?"
 
 Cat smiled enigmatically. "Oh, Ray, they're all special." 
 
 She stood up and took the empty plates into the kitchen. Ray hesitated
for a second, smiling to himself and then followed her. Cat was playing
with him and he liked it. This time more than just his curiosity was
aroused. 'Wonder if there's room for one more?' he thought to himself as
he entered the kitchen. 
 
 Cat put the plates down and wheeled around to face him, hearing his voice
as clearly as if he had spoken aloud. 
 
 "You flirting with me, Detective?" she smiled too.
 
 Ray nodded in affirmation. "Yeah," he grinned, "hard as I can."
 
 After only a moments hesitation they stepped toward each other. Reaching
out to cup Cat's face in his hands, he leaned down and kissed her. Cat
thought it was the sweetest kiss she had ever received. 
 
 Ray released her eventually and spoke in a husky voice. "Just so you
don't misunderstand my intentions."
 
 "Heaven forbid," Cat whispered in reply, then reached up for another
kiss.
 
 
 Before too long Ray took Cat by the hand and led her upstairs. He paused
outside his bedroom door and turned to Cat, kissing her quickly.
 
 "It's been too long. I hope I remember what to do." 
 
 "I hear it's like riding a bike," she grinned in reply.
 
 Ray laughed low and sexy and said, "I never had a bike." 
 
 "We'll improvise," Cat answered. She let Ray pull her into his bedroom.
 
 
 
 Cat lay curled in the crook of Ray's arm, her head resting on his chest.
After all that had happened in the last few days she found herself
relishing the soothing embrace. It had been months since Cat had lain skin
to skin with anyone and the sweaty tangle of their limbs was comforting to
her. 
 
 She raised her head and looked at her dozing lover. His face was relaxed
into a sweet smile and his long dark lashes rested again flushed cheeks.
Ray had one hand tangled in Cat's hair while the other rested on his
chest, the long elegant fingers splayed out for her inspection. She
couldn't believe that the man with whom she had just made love was the
same man she had met and taken an instant dislike to over a year earlier. 
 
 As she watched, Ray's eyes fluttered open and he smiled gently at her.
Without a word he lifted his hand and pulled her down for a long, slow
kiss. Neither of them noticed the heavy snowfall outside turning into a
blizzard.
 
 
 On the other side of town Ben stood at the window of his apartment,
dressed only in his longjohns. He shivered with cold and bent to retrieve
his blanket from the bed. Wrapping the blanket around his body, he resumed
his place by the window, watching the falling snow cover the grubby street
with its whiteness. The sadness he felt would not leave him and, as if to
punish himself, he tossed the blanket to the floor, letting the goosebumps
rise on his skin. He had been cruel to Cat and now he regretted it. Dief
sat down at his feet and looked up at him. Ben thought he saw accusation
in the wolf's eyes.
 
 "I don't know why I said what I did," he said to the wolf.
 
 *Woof*
 
 "No, I know she didn't tell me about TJ because she thought she was
protecting Phil."
 
 *Whine*
 
 "You're right, Dief. Cat has done nothing to hurt me. God knows, she's
only ever tried to help me. It's Phil who has hurt me the most."
 
 *Woof, woof*
 
 "Of course you don't understand, Diefenbaker. The relationships between
people are much more complicated than relationships between wolves." 
 
 Dief glared at him. Sometimes his human was so thick. 
 
 "For you, Diefenbaker, it is simple. You meet a lady wolf, you fall in
love and that's that. For humans it is much, much more complicated." 
 
 Dief regarded his packmate with disdain. To him it looked pretty simple
for humans too. They meet a nice lady human, fall in love and that's that.
Dief knew that if his packmate went to the Lavender Woman it would be
simple with her. She was the right one. But, if his human was going to
insist that the Lavender Woman had hurt him, then so be it. Dief had never
met her and he knew his packmate had survived without her for many seasons
now. So no matter how ridiculous it seemed, he would accept his human's
explanation. 
 
 The Cat Woman was a different story though. He knew her very well and he
liked visiting her. She was the only one of his human's friends who didn't
care if he slept on the bed and she always had fresh, tasty food for him.
Plus, there were the cats. He would miss Sheila and Bella if they didn't
visit the Cat Woman any more. He wasn't sure what was going on with his
human any more. This was just another example of his strange behaviour of
late. Something had to be done.
 
 *Whine. Woof*
 
 Ben looked down at Dief, surprised. He thought the wolf had gone to
sleep.
 
 "You're right, Dief, I should apologise to Cat. I'll ask Mr Mustafi if I
can use his phone."
 
 
 
 "I'm sorry, Benton. The blizzard has taken out all the phone lines. I'll
let you know as soon as the phone is working again." 
 
 Ben smiled at the man, stifling his disappointment. "Thank you kindly, Mr
Mustafi. Goodnight."
 
 He returned to his apartment to be met by Dief, who still looked at him
with accusing eyes.
 
 "The phones will be working again soon, Diefenbaker. I'll call her then."
 
 Dief sighed. I'll make sure you remember he said to himself and settled
down to sleep.
 
 
 
 The mug of hot chocolate warmed Phil's hands as she sat by the window in
her bedroom, staring at the snow gathering on the ledge. She took a sip
and savoured the taste. She'd added sugar this time, not something she
usually did, but her hangover had left her drained and the sugar helped. 
 
 She tapped her fingers on the mug, feeling a little restless. What she'd
told Cat was not true. She wasn't ready to let go of Ben Fraser yet. She
needed to call Cat and tell her, before Cat told Ben that she did not want
to see him again. Feeling slightly panicked, she quickly deposited her mug
on the windowsill and reached for the phone. The line was dead. Her heart
rose into her throat. 
 
 "Oh no!" she said to no one in particular. Chance raised his head and
looked at her from where he slept on Phil's bed.
 
 She started to pace, growing more anxious by the minute. What if Cat has
already told Ben? Suddenly a thought struck her, if the phones were down
Cat couldn't call Ben either. She relaxed and sat back in her armchair,
gathering her mug again. 
 
 After a moments thought, Phil stood up and brought the phone over to the
windowsill where she could reach it easily. She'd keep checking. The phone
lines would be working again soon. She'd call Cat then.
 
 
 
 "We're snowed in!" Ray told Cat as he handed her a steaming cup of
coffee.
 
 "What?" Cat took the coffee and shifted over as Ray got back into bed
with her.
 
 "Haven't you looked out the window? Phone lines are dead and the weather
guy on the radio said this is a record snowfall. Been snowing all night."
He grinned at her. "Guess we didn't notice it."
 
 Cat grinned back. "Guess not."
 
 "So, we're stuck here until the weather settles down enough for the
snow-plows to come out." Ray's grin grew mischievous. "Any idea how we're
gonna pass the time?"
 
 "Oh, I'm sure we'll think of something."
 
 
 
 Ben waited until 8am before knocking on Mr Mustafi's door. He fervently
hoped the phone lines had been restored during the night. They were still
out. With a disappointed sigh he returned to his apartment, ignoring
Dief's accusing stare. Maybe when the snow eased he would try and make it
to Ray's house on foot. After all, he had travelled in weather far worse
in the Yukon.
 
 
 
 Phil put the phone down. She couldn't believe the lines were still out.
Surely modern technology could find a way around these situations. She
sighed and sat down on the sofa. No sooner had she settled before Chance
jumped onto her lap, purring loudly and rubbing his head against her.
 
 "It's a sign, Chance," she said, scratching under his chin. "I was right
the first time. I never want to hear Ben Fraser's name again." Chance
rolled onto his back, begging Phil to rub his belly. "I don't know why I
didn't figure it out earlier. The weather stopped me, just as I was about
to make a big mistake. That was a close one, my precious little ball of
fur. Someone up there is looking after me." Phil picked Chance up and
pressed him against her cheek for comfort, wondering why she still felt so
low.
 
 
 
 "Cat?" 
 
 Cat looked across the lunch hastily pulled together from last night's
leftovers. This was the first time Ray had used Ben's name for her. "Yes?"
 
 "I...I just wanted to check that you're OK with this." He gestured from
himself to her.
 
 "You and me?" she asked, not sure what Ray was asking.
 
 "Yeah. I mean we never talked and it just sorta happened and I don't want
to give you the wrong idea.....I mean ....we.....this isn't...." Ray
blushed wildly.
 
 Cat understood. In her experience men were never comfortable with
situations like this. She leaned over and squeezed his hand
affectionately. 
 
 "It's OK, Ray. I'm good at this. We both know this isn't about forever,
or true love or anything like that. It's just because we both need
someone. Right now that's all I'm looking for." She could feel Ray's body
relax through his hand. 
 
 Ray shook his head, once again surprised by Cat Madden. "How did you and
Benny ever think you could have a relationship?"
 
 She shrugged. "We were twenty years old when we met, everything was
possible then." They laughed together. "Besides, I knew I wasn't Ben's
destiny. His true love was still to come." 
 
 "Victoria?"
 
 Cat screwed up her face. "Hell no. Ben's heart belongs to someone else." 
 
 Ray's eyes widened and he leaned across the table and spoke in a
conspiratorial whisper. "You know, last year, when our plane crashed and
we were stuck in Montana, I heard Fraser call out in his sleep. Sometimes
he called for you, but he also called out for someone else. I always
wondered about it. He never said her name. He told me there was a woman in
his past and that he was sorry he'd broken up with her. He never talks
about it." Cat stared at him, eyes wide in surprise. "And I guess you
won't tell me either?"
 
 "No way. I'm sorry, Ray, but that's something Ben will have to tell you.
But I will tell you this, she was....is.... a very special woman. I know
he still loves her. " Cat's eyes changed and Ray heeded the warning in her
voice. "When you meet your soul-mate you'll understand."
 
 Ray looked down at his meal again. Cat watched emotions flicker across
his face. Perhaps he already understood. Perhaps he had already met his
soul mate. Her intuition told her that there was far more to Ray than he
was prepared to admit, things that he did not wish to share. She let him
be and turned her attention back to her meal. 
 
 Ray wondered if Ben had told Cat about Casey. He sighed. The very thought
of Casey brought an ache to his heart. He understood about soul mates well
enough. There would be no other love for Ray. It seemed both and he and
Ben were destined to carry the pain of lost love. 
 
 Cat looked up at Ray after a while. His prolonged silence surprised her,
making her wonder anew at what was in his mind. Eventually Ray looked at
her and the pain in his eyes was clear for Cat to see. Like Ben, Ray too
nursed a broken heart. Somehow he had lost his soul mate. For an all too
brief moment Ray let her in enough to know his hurt. Cat wondered who the
woman was.
 
 "I'm thinking that I'll go home as soon as the airports reopen," Cat said
sometime later.
 
 "Home? But I thought you were staying another week?"
 
 "I was, but I think it's time I left. You know, when I originally planned
this vacation I thought I might just take my sleeping bag and tent and not
tell anyone where I was going. But instead, someone suggested I come to
Chicago and it hasn't been the visit I thought it would be." Cat made a
mental note to say a few choice words to Bob Fraser, should he ever be so
unwise as to visit her again. After all, this had been his idea.
 
 "Maybe you shouldn't go home then," Ray suggested. "Go somewhere else."
He knew exactly where Cat should go. There was only one place to go to
heal.
 
 Cat laughed. "Ray the place I need doesn't exist. I want a warm bed in
the middle of nowhere, with no phones and no one to distract me. I want
good food, good wine and peace. I want to sleep and I want to be alone." 
 
 Ray grew excited. "I know just the place."
 
 "You do? Where?" Cat asked suspiciously. Ray did not seem the type to
know about remote holiday destinations.
 
 "The Edge of the Earth," Ray announced triumphantly. 
 
 A tingle ran up Cat's spine and she didn't know why. "The edge of the
earth?" she asked, frowning.
 
 "No, the 'Edge of the Earth'," Ray replied, adding the quotation marks
with his fingers, just as Casey had done all that time ago. "You know,
that place where Benny and I ended up in Montana. He went to stay with you
afterwards."
 
 "Oh. I remember now. It's called Edge of the Earth?" Ray nodded and Cat
continued, "Ben never told me that. What was the woman's name who took
care of you?" Cat paused then continued, "I remember, Casey Sinclair."
 
 "Y... yeah," Ray stuttered, thinking how strange it was to hear her name
from the lips of a woman he had just made love to. "I can call."
 
 "Ben said I would like the place. Tell me more about it."
 
 Ray told her all about the time he and Ben spent at Edge of the Earth. He
told her about Joseph and Emily, about the cabins, the river and even how
Casey had locked them in the basement until they talked. By the time Ray
finished, Cat was convinced that a week in this delightful place was just
the thing she needed to give her the relaxation she sought. Cat agreed to
allow Ray to call Joseph as soon as the phones were working again. A sense
of peace settled over her once she made the decision. She knew that this
final part of her trip would be good for her.
 
 
 
 "Keep your eyes closed," Ray warned Cat as he led her up the stairs and
into his bedroom later that evening. "OK, you can open them."
 
 She did so and sucked in a breath. Every flat surface in the room had
candles on it and the glow they made in the room was beautiful.
 
 "Oh, Ray..." she whispered.
 
 "There's more." 
 
 He took her hand and led her into the bathroom. The tub was full of
steaming scented water and surrounded by more candles.
 
 "Oh, Ray," she whispered again, tears stinging her eyes. 
 
 He smiled a sweet, gentle smile at her and untied the sash of her
bathrobe. He kissed her gently and pushed the robe from her shoulders.
 
 "Just because you and me aren't about forever, doesn't mean we can't make
it special," he whispered as he helped her into the tub. 
 
 Tears trickled down Cat's cheeks as Ray shed his robe and slid into the
warm water with her. Her heart filled with tenderness and affection as she
regarded the naked elegance of Ray Vecchio. Cat realised just how much she
had underestimated this man. It had been a long, long time since a lover's
tenderness had made her cry and she wondered if the woman who had so
obviously broken his heart knew what she was missing.
 
 
 
 "So, tell me about her, Ray." Cat said later, turning onto her side and
looking at Ray.
 
 "Who?"
 
 "The woman you're in love with." Cat watched the flush rise on Ray's
cheeks.
 
 "How did......What woman?" Ray looked at Cat and then up at the ceiling.
 
 "C'mon, Ray....."
 
 Ray turned his head on the pillow and gave her a sad smile. "Am I that
obvious?" 
 
 Cat nodded her head and smiled back.
 
 "I'm sorry, Cat. That's bad isn't it?" Ray's voice was tinged with guilt.
 
 "No, Ray," she responded gently.
 
 Ray swallowed and looked away uncomfortably.
 
 "What happened?" 
 
 Ray looked back up at the ceiling and pillowed his head on his hands. "My
mother told me it's bad form to talk to the woman in your bed about the
woman you're in love with." 
 
 Cat laughed, deep and throaty. "Your mother told you no such thing." 
 
 Ray laughed. "Well, it was something like that." He turned his head to
look at her again, "Why do you want to know anyway?"
 
 "I thought maybe it was something you might want to talk about. You don't
have to tell me."
 
 Ray sighed and looked away again. "It just feels kinda....you know....
funny."
 
 Cat smiled. "Then don't tell me." 
 
 Ray was silent for a moment then suddenly leaned up on one elbow. "Her
name is.... it doesn't matter what her name is. I met her a while ago. She
had some...some bad things happen to her…." A lump of panic rose in Ray's
throat as he thought about Casey and all that she had suffered. "And we
can't .... I can't….a relationship won't work." He averted his eyes from
Cat's and his voice dropped to a whisper. "I let her down." Ray felt the
familiar stab of guilt that always accompanied his memories of Casey's
ordeal. He had failed her. There was no way he could ever make it up to
her. "She's moved away now and I don't know if I'll ever see her again. I
don't know if she'll ever .... ever ..… let's just say it ain't gonna
happen and I'm having problems with that." 
 
 "Ray...."
 
 "That's all I'm gonna say, it's past." He smiled down at her, pushing his
pain to the back of his mind. "Besides, I shouldn't be talkin' when I've
got a beautiful woman in my bed." Ray reached for Cat and kissed her with
a fierce passion. For the moment, at least, he was happier than he had
been in a long while. Since the day he walked away from the hospital - the
day he walked away from his soul mate.
 
 
 
 The next morning the phone lines were restored. Ray placed the call to
Joseph. Joseph told Ray that Cat was very welcome and he would personally
collect her from the airport. Cat made a call to the airline and changed
her flights, then Ray called Joseph again and gave him the details. When
that was done, they went back to bed.
 
 
 The shrill sound of a cellphone disturbed the stillness of Ray's bedroom.
Reluctantly he dragged himself away and searched for the source of the
noise.
 
 "Fucking cellphones," he growled as he found it, switched it off, threw
it on the floor and turned back to the bed. "Now, where were we?"
 
 "About here..." Cat answered as her hand moved across his body.
 
 
 
 Ben put the phone down and smiled faintly at his neighbour. "No answer.
Thank you kindly for the use of your phone Mr Mustafi."
 
 "Perhaps the Detective's phone is not working yet, Benton."
 
 "You're right, Sir. In fact, I think I'll go over there. It appears to
have stopped snowing."
 
 
 
 Ben was relieved to see Ray's car in the driveway as he approached the
house. He wondered how his two friends had fared stuck together alone in
the same house for two days. He should have been there. Ben shuddered to
think of the things they must have said to each other. Cat, he knew, could
handle being snowed in. But Ray was a different story; he simply wasn't
trained for it. Then there was the matter of his last conversation with
Cat. He was sick with guilt over the way he had treated his oldest friend.
At the door he hesitated. What would he say to Cat? Would she speak to
him? Had he damaged their friendship forever? Ben was filled with
trepidation as he pressed the doorbell.
 
 
 The ringing of the doorbell finally forced its way into Ray's
consciousness. He sat up suddenly, pulling the covers off Cat as he did
so.
 
 "Shit!" he yelled. "That's the doorbell."
 
 "It's Ben," Cat said calmly as she swung her legs over the side of the
bed.
 
 "How do you know?" Ray cast his eyes over the floor for something to
wear.
 
 "Trust me, I know," she answered calmly as she collected her clothes from
the floor and began to dress. 
 
 Ray dragged some clothes from the closet and hastily pulled them. "What
do we say? What are we gonna tell him? Are we gonna tell him anything?" A
look of panic crossed Ray's face as the doorbell rang again. 
 
 Cat sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her boots on. She turned
to Ray and smiled. "Ray, Ben knows me inside and out. We won't have to
tell him anything. He'll know."
 
 "Oh Jesus..." Ray muttered as the doorbell rang a third time.
 
 "Just answer the door, Ray." 
 
 Cat nudged Ray towards the door. When he was on his way down the stairs,
she quickly straightened the bed and tidied the room. She heard Ray let
Ben in and exchange a greeting as she entered the bathroom to splash cold
water on her face. When she was satisfied she looked presentable, she
headed down the stairs to greet her friend.
 
 
 
 Ben watched as Cat walked into the living room. Her cheeks were flushed
and her features soft. She moved with a soft fluidity that he was all too
familiar with. What had Cat called it all those years ago? The
'just-fucked' look. Did she have a man upstairs? Was it TJ? A surge of
panic hit him. After all, his reaction to TJ's presence in Chicago had
caused their estrangement in the first place.
 
 "Hello, Ben," Cat said as she approached him. 
 
 "Hello, Cat," Ben said in a voice that made her feel his sadness and
regret.
 
 "I'll go make some coffee," Ray spluttered, aware of Ben and Cat's need
for some privacy.
 
 Cat's gaze slid from Ben to Ray, who smiled at her tenderly. Ben noticed
that Ray's face bore the same satisfied softness as Cat's. 
 
 "Thanks, Ray," Cat smiled, touching his sleeve gently as he left the
room. 
 
 Ben's eyes widened in surprise. Things had obviously changed in the last
two days. He would ask Cat about it later, right now they had more
important things to discuss.
 
 
 "I've come to apologise, Cat, " Ben told her once they were alone. "What
I said to you was unforgivable."
 
 Cat perched on the arm of the sofa. "Oh, Ben, I don't know what's going
on with you lately. I thought once Victoria was out of your system you'd
be back to normal." 
 
 He hung his head and turned away from her, too ashamed to meet her eyes. 
 
 "I can forgive the things you said to me. I understand that. But this
business about Phil hurting you is just too much. I don't know how you
could think that." 
 
 Keeping his back to her, Ben whispered in a barely audible voice, "Maybe
that's the only way I can deal with Phil at the moment."
 
 "Ah, Ben...." she whispered in reply, coming up behind him and resting
her cheek on his shoulder blade. "You have to do something about this. If
you have feelings for Phil, for gods sakes own up to them. If you tell me
you don't care about her, I won't press you. But you have to promise to
let it go. You can't keep doing this to yourself." She hesitated for a
moment before continuing, "Or me."
 
 Ben shrugged under her cheek. "You're right, Cat. I've been exceedingly
selfish about this." He turned and fixed her with a determined glare, "I
won't mention her again."
 
 Cat backed away and resumed her seat. Ben was being stubborn and she
didn't have the strength to fight him any more. If he was going to deny
the fact that he still loved Phil McKenzie, then so be it. After all, Phil
too had insisted she would never mention Ben's name again. Maybe she was
wasting her time trying to get them together when they both so obviously
didn't want it. 
 
 Ben waited for Cat's reaction to his assertion that he would never
mention Phil again. Momentarily flustered when it didn't come, he had
expected more of her persuasive arguing. She gave up too easily this time.
What was that about? He sat down next to her. What had happened since her
saw her last?
 
 "I'm leaving tomorrow night," Cat said eventually, staring at her hands.
 
 Ben whipped around, a shocked look on his face. "But you have another
week."
 
 "I know, but I think it's time I left. I need some time alone."
 
 "Because of me?"
 
 "It's because of a lot of things, Ben." Cat gave him a weary smile. 
 
 It was true. There were so many things that led to this point - Ben,
Phil, Lindy, Marchand, even Victoria. A week alone would do her good. Her
only regret was leaving Ray. The past two days were truly memorable. Cat
smiled. Ironically, the one person she was sorry to leave was the one
person she had been reluctant to see in the first place.
 
 "What things? Tell me, Cat." Ben turned sideways and took Cat's hand in
his.
 
 "Ben....this whole mess started with things that were told me in
confidence. You've learned a few of those things, but there is more." She
looked at him with pleading eyes. "Don't press me, Ben. I don't want to
get into that again."
 
 With perfect timing, Ray called out from the kitchen, "I'm coming back.
Do I need a gun?" 
 
 Ben smiled at Cat and kissed her hand as Ray barrelled into the room,
bearing a tray laden with coffee cups and cookies.
 
 "I didn't hear any screaming, so I thought it was safe to come back." Ray
grinned at Cat and Ben on the sofa. 
 
 Impeccable timing, Cat thought to herself. She could have kissed him.
Later she would kiss him.
 
 Ben let go of Cat's hand and watched the exchange of smiles between his
two closest friends. Why was Cat leaving?
 
 "Benny, I thought the three of us could have dinner at Garibaldi's
tonight. You know, a farewell dinner what with Cat leaving and all." Ben's
eyebrows shot up at Ray's use of his name for his friend. Things had
really changed. 
 
 Ray misread the look and said, "She didn't tell you? Geez, man, I'm
sorry."
 
 Recognising Ben's surprise at their new familiarity, Cat spoke up, "No, I
told him alright. He's a bit surprised."
 
 "So what do you think?" Ray asked eagerly.
 
 Ben and Cat exchanged glances. He liked this new development. Spending a
night with his two best friends not at each other's throats would be a
pleasure indeed.
 
 
 Cat's farewell dinner was an enjoyable affair for all concerned. Ben was
most pleased to see his two friends enjoying each other's company so
freely. It was a fitting end to Cat's visit.
 
 Cat stepped out of the Riv and hugged Ben goodnight. He said his
goodnights to Ray and then turned away. Cat watched as Ben disappeared
into his apartment building. Although they had patched things up, she
still felt sad for him. He still believed that Phil had hurt him and
nothing she could say would change his mind. Silently she slid into the
car.
 
 "Hey," Ray's voice was gentle. She turned to look at the man in the
driver's seat. The lights glowing from the Riv's dash softened his
features. "C'mere," he said, reaching his arm out to pull Cat close. She
slid across the seat into his embrace. He kissed the top of her head.
"I'll take care of him," Ray reassured her.
 
 Cat smiled and rested her head on Ray's shoulder. He started the car and
headed home.
 
 They barely made it inside the front door before Ray was tearing at Cat's
clothes. They both knew this would be the last night they spent together.
They left a trail of clothes that went from the top of the stairs to Ray's
bedroom.
 
 Ray made love with a fierce intensity, as if this might be his last
chance at passion. Every time Cat was about to drift off into sleep, Ray
woke her, pulling her close against him and whispering sweet words of
Italian into her ear. Cat could only guess at the meanings, but the warmth
of his tone told her all she needed to know. It had been a long time since
Cat felt this cherished. A part of her mind wondered about how much more
intense Ray would be if he were saying these words to the women that she
knew they were meant for.
 
 
 Cat told Ray she had some final shopping to do – a gift for Silvia
Vecchio. She lied. Her thank you gift for Silvia's hospitality had been
wrapped and stored in a drawer in her room for a week now. She went to
Phil McKenzie's apartment.
 
 
 Cat sipped at her coffee and set the cup down. Chance leapt onto her lap
and demanded she stroke him. Bella's kitten had grown into a fine animal
and Cat was pleased that he lived with Phil. Phil had already expressed
her disappointment at Cat's sudden departure, but she understood. She
didn't like to be away from home for too long either.
 
 Cat looked up from the cat in her lap and held Phil's gaze. "Phil, I'll
ask you this one more time and then never again. If your answer is no I
will never mention Ben's ...... " Cat stopped suddenly as Phil leapt to
her feet and paced around the room.
 
 "Give him my address," Phil said, running her hand through her hair
nervously.
 
 "What?"
 
 "Give him my address." Phil turned to face Cat, a strange look on her
face. "Tell him where I am, then we'll see if what you say is true. Then
I'll know how much he really wants to talk to me."
 
 Cat hadn't meant to make Phil so defensive. But...an opportunity was an
opportunity and Cat wasn't about to let it pass. "Have you got an
envelope?" she asked calmly.
 
 "Yes, why?" Phil frowned.
 
 "Give me an envelope, a piece of paper and a pen."
 
 Phil took a BakTrak envelope and letterhead from her desk and handed it
to Cat. Cat lifted Chance from her lap and leaned over the coffee table.
She put envelope and paper down and wrote Ben's address on the paper,
along with the phone number of the Canadian Consulate. She then folded the
paper in two, put it into the envelope, sealed it and handed it
triumphantly to Phil.
 
 "This is Ben's address. I'll leave this with you and you can do with it
what you will."
 
 "Cat," Phil's voice wavered, "don't do this to me."
 
 "If you don't want it, throw it away." 
 
 "Cat....that's not fair."
 
 
 Ray dropped Cat and Ben at Departures and went off to park the Riv. They
took Cat's bags inside and checked in her luggage, then waited in a
coffeeshop for Ray to join them. This was the first time they had been
alone since the previous afternoon when Cat had announced she was leaving.
Now was the time for Ben to raise what had been on his mind since then.
 
 "So you and Ray......?" Ben asked, gesturing with his hands and not
looking at Cat.
 
 "Yes, Ben. Me and Ray......." Cat copied Ben's hand gestures. 
 
 Ben nodded his understanding and cast his eyes around the airport so he
didn't have to make eye contact. Discussing Cat's love life made him
uncomfortable.
 
 "And is this something that is likely to continue?"
 
 Cat tried to keep the smile from her voice. "No, Ben." 
 
 "Ah..."
 
 Cat sighed and looked at her friend. "This is one of those times when two
people need someone.... you know how it is..... sometimes these things
happen ….. sometimes people get lonely."
 
 Ben turned to face her. "You know I've never understood that, Cat." He
took a breath and smiled at her. "But I understand that it works for you."
He looked away again, embarrassed. "I assume you've discussed this with
Ray?"
 
 A smile played at Cat's lips. Ben's concern touched her. "Yes, we
discussed it."
 
 "And Ray feels the same?"
 
 "Ray and I are in complete agreement."
 
 "So you haven't hurt Ray in anyway?"
 
 "No, Ben."
 
 "And you?"
 
 "No, Ben."
 
 "And you both agree?"
 
 "Completely." 
 
 Ben nodded, a slight frown on his forehead. "I've never heard you mention
loneliness before." He turned to face her again, his concern visible. "Are
you lonely?"
 
 Cat felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. Did she say lonely?
"Yes....no......maybe. I don't know any more." It was Cat's turn to look
wildly around the airport lounge. "Something's missing and I don't know
what it is." Why was she saying these things?
 
 "I don't mean to interfere, but...perhaps it has something to do with
your lifestyle." She had had more than her share of lovers, something he
usually preferred not to dwell upon, but it worried him, nonetheless. Ben
was embarrassed again. "I mean....maybe you should consider having just
one man in your life. Perhaps if you settled down with the right
person....." His voice trailed off when he saw the look on Cat's face.
 
 "I was going to say something similar to you," she answered, dryly.
"Perhaps you should settle down with the right person." 
 
 Ben looked back at her, clearly surprised at the suggestion. She reached
into her bag for the envelope she had placed there earlier and handed it
to Ben, who took it from her gingerly.
 
 He turned it over in his hands. "What's this?" 
 
 "Phil's address and phone number." She watched, blank-faced, as Ben's jaw
dropped. "She told me to give it to you." 
 
 Ben's heart missed a beat. For a moment he was happier than he had been
in a long time. Here was his chance. With a frown he pushed the thought
from his mind. He still had to do all the work, why wasn't Phil coming to
him?
 
 He held the envelope out to Cat. "No!"
 
 "If you don't want it, throw it away."
 
 "That's not fair, Cat."
 
 "You've got to end this somehow. Ben. Either you throw that envelope away
and never think of Phil McKenzie again, or you call her, write her,
whatever. But you have to deal with it. End this somehow, Ben." Cat's
voice took on a serious note, "For the sake of your sanity."
 
 Before Ben could protest further, Ray appeared. "Sorry I was gone so
long, I had to park in the next state." Ray expleted as he joined them at
the table.
 
 Ben quickly tucked the envelope into the pocket of his jacket.
 
 
 
 When the boarding call for Cat's flight was announced, Ben looked at Ray
and Cat and stepped away. 
 
 "I'll just check on Diefenbaker...." He cleared his throat
self-consciously and then turned away, walking a short distance from them.
 
 Cat turned to Ray and smiled warmly. "Ray....."
 
 "Hey, don't get all mushy on me." He cut her off, grinning. 
 
 She shook her head, still smiling. "Are you the same man I made love with
last night?"
 
 A sheepish grin spread across Ray's face, making his eyes twinkle. "That
was different. I wanted to say goodbye properly."
 
 They both laughed and stepped wordlessly into a tight embrace.
 
 "I'm not good at this," Ray said into Cat's hair. "I don't know what to
say."
 
 Cat squeezed him gently and then pulled back to look into Ray's hazel
eyes. "It's OK, Ray. We said all we needed to say last night."
 
 "Yeah.....I guess so." Ray shuffled nervously and scratched at his head.
"I won't forget this."
 
 "Me either," Cat said softly, reaching for Ray's hands.
 
 He smiled softly in reply. The sadness that Cat had never noticed until a
few days ago was clear in Ray's eyes. She kissed his cheek.
 
 "Ray, I know you don't want to talk about this woman in your past, but
something tells me it's unfinished business. If you love her, don't let
the past get in your way."
 
 Ray cleared his throat. "It's not that simple, Cat......"
 
 Cat held up her hand to stop him. "It is. Think about it." She deftly
changed the subject. "Maybe you should take a trip up to Canada some time.
You're always welcome. I've got a big house."
 
 Ray grinned. "Maybe I'll do that."
 
 They smiled at each other then together they walked to where Ben waited
for them. Discreetly, Ray held back, allowing Ben the same privacy he had
shown a moment earlier.
 
 Cat stepped towards Ben and he opened his arms to her. She stepped into
his embrace and they held each other for several long minutes. As she
pulled away, Cat patted at his jacket, where she knew the envelope
containing Phil's address was secreted.
 
 "Call her, Ben."
 
 "I can't do that."
 
 "So that's your final word?" 
 
 Ben nodded. Cat sighed, her resignation resonating. The two friends
stared at each other for a long, silent moment.
 
 "I hope you find what you're looking for at Edge of the Earth," Ben said
gently.
 
 Cat flinched. It seemed an odd thing for Ben to say. Plus, his words had
a strangely familiar ring to them. She cocked her head to one side and
frowned. "What do you mean, Ben?"
 
 Ben gave an embarrassed shrug. "Well, you seem to be so worried about
something......then you said you were lonely....." He looked at his hands.
"I don't know how to help you any more."
 
 "Call Phil," Cat stated firmly.
 
 "I can't, Cat."
 
 She took a deep breath then let it out slowly. "Then I don't want to talk
about Phil with you any more."
 
 Ben looked at her, clearly shocked. Before Cat could reaffirm her words,
the final boarding call for her flight was heard. Ray and Ben accompanied
her to the final gate. After final farewells and hugs, Cat turned and
walked through the doorway that would take her to her plane. She stopped
and turned to face both men, now both lovers. Staring at them one last
time the thing that struck Cat the most was that they were both lonely.
 
 
 Cat stared out the window as the plane carried her away from Chicago. A
flutter of excitement rippled through her belly and, just for a moment,
she wondered where it came from. She dismissed the thought as the plane
levelled out and the captain's voice told the passengers they could remove
their seatbelts. 
 
 She reached under the seat in front of her, where she had placed her
small pack. She drew a novel from its depths and opened it to her
bookmark. After five minutes, she slammed the book shut. Barbara
Kingsolver was her favourite author, but this book was too close to home.
The main character had returned to her hometown and by chance met up with
her childhood sweetheart; man who was unaware of the child he had fathered
when they were both teenagers. Now, many years later, with the child long
dead, the couple had a second chance at a relationship. Only the woman's
stubbornness and fear stopped them from healing their loneliness. Cat
jammed the book back into her pack. She tried to fill her mind with
something else. Unbidden, a question Ben asked at the airport came back to
her.
 
 "Are you lonely, Cat?"
 
 Why had he asked her that? Why had she said she was lonely? She wasn't
the lonely one. Ben was lonely, Phil was lonely and now it seemed that
perhaps Ray, too, was lonely. And, like the woman in the book she was
reading, all three were letting fear and stubbornness keep them away from
their chance at happiness.
 
 She let out a huff and yanked her headphones out of the seat pocket. Why
was she even thinking about it? All three of her friends had made it clear
they didn't want her to interfere. With a sigh of frustration, Cat plugged
in her headphones and searched for something to listen to - something that
would stop her mind from working. She found a soft rock station. Cat
closed her eyes and leaned back against the seat. It was time to let fate
deal to her friends whatever it chose.
 
 Cat watched the clouds as they passed her window, letting the soft
strains of music in her ears lull her into a gentle peace. She found
herself humming along. 
 
 "There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness. Bare feet like a tomboy and a
crooked smile…." The voice in her ear sang. 
 
 Cat's attention picked up. It sounded like the song was describing Phil.
For a moment her mind was full of an image of the other woman. She could
see Phil exactly as the song said.
 
 "There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness. Truth, beauty and a picture of
you…"
 
 Cat's eyes widened and something in her relaxed. Suddenly, the worry she
had felt for months fell away. She was trying too hard. She knew what to
do. Nothing. It was clear to her that Ben and Phil still loved each other.
Perhaps all she needed to do was let nature take its course. Each now knew
where the other was. Maybe if she left them alone they would find their
own way back to each other. After all, Cat knew from experience that, like
the song said – there's no aphrodisiac like loneliness.
 
 
 All comments welcome at mullum@tig.com.au
 
 Nothing Lasts Forever (Book 2 of the Ben and Phil Saga)
 
 1.Nothing Lasts Forever 
 2.Of Second Chances by Carol Trendall 
 3.Winter in America is Cold by Carol Trendall 
 4.Lavender Memories 
 5.Distractions by Carol Trendall 
 6.No Aphrodisiac by Carol Trendall 
 7.Life's Insanity by Carol Trendall 
 8.Standing on the Edge by Carol Trendall 
 9.Of Past Regret and Future Fear by Carol Trendall 
 10.A Summoning of Things Past 
 11.Three Parts Dead 
 12.A Job Well Done 
 13.Touchstones of Character 
 14.But For the Night 
 15.Tangled Webs 
 16.Suspicions 
 17.Chasms of the Mind (with Carol Trendall) 
 18.Outskirts by Carol Trendall