Please Hold	 

Standard Disclaimer. I mean, I know what you know, you know, and what
everybody else knows, and all of that is known. Do you know what I'm
saying? Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to
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http://www.learnlink.emory.edu/~sdelcul  Please Hold 

Another ditch in the road 
 You keep moving 
 Another stop sign 
 You keep moving on 
 And the years go by so fast 
 Wonder how I ever made it through  

--Savage Garden, "Two Beds and a Coffee Machine"   It was almost midnight
when his cell phone rang. "'Lo?" 

"Ray?"	

He recognized his youngest sister's voice immediately. "What's wrong?"	

"Oh Ray, I need you."  

Her voice worried him greatly. It was hesitant and unsure. Not qualities
that she usually displayed. "What happened? Are you okay? Frannie - are
you hurt?"  

"Just come."  

"What -" The dial tone didn't hold any answers. Even without his
experience as a cop, he knew that late night calls were usually not good.
Speed limits were suggestions; he had the right of way.  

Pulling up to her cute little box house complete with picket fence, he
reached for the doorbell just as she opened the door. Her face was swollen
from where she'd been crying, and a bruise was forming around her eye.	

"What happened?"  

"My bastard of a husband hit me."  

He saw red. Unconsciously his hands tightened into fists and he turned to
go find Pauli.	

Francesca didn't have to read his mind to know what he was considering.
"Ray, no!"  

He fought her hold. "Let me go!"  

"It's over, Ray. My marriage is over."	

Her tears were the only thing that could have stayed him. Trying to
console her, he sat on the couch comforting her.  

"It'll be okay, Frannie."  

"No, it's not! Look at me, Ray, I'm, I'm, I'm - " Looking in the living
room mirror she sobbed at her reflection.  

Feeling hopelessly inadequate, he pulled her into a hug, ignoring the
tears staining his bright silk shirt. "I promise, Frannie, everything will
be okay."  

"What am I going to tell Ma? She'll never understand."	

"You can't stay with him, Frannie. She'll understand. She didn't say
anything when Angie and I got divorced."  

"I know that. But God, Ray, I can't, this is different. You have to
promise not to tell Ma what happened. I'll tell her he was cheating or
something."  

"She'll understand that. So did Pop."  

"What!"  

Well, he had opened his mouth, whether he intended to or not. "Pop was
cheating on her too."  

"How did you know?"  

"I was the one who had to bring him home for dinner. He wasn't always
playing pool. I hated lying to her about it, but I couldn't hurt her like
that. He didn't deserve her, and Pauli doesn't deserve you."  

"Thanks, Ray. You're a good brother, you know that?"  

"Yeah, yeah. I'm a god."  

Her giggle became an undignified snort and she wiped her eyes and blew her
nose on his handkerchief.  

"Let's go home, Frannie."  

She nodded, and they went home. By the time Ray crawled into bed, it was
two in the morning and he was bodily exhausted. Wearily he pulled the
covers over his head, gamely trying to hide like he had when he was a
little boy. It didn't work. In the morning he went to work and life went
on day by day.	 Have you ever seen one of those perpetual motion things?
That's what I feel like right now. I'm moving all my various parts, I get
up, I go to work, I do my job, I come home. And I go to bed. And wait. 

I don't sleep much. Mostly I wait in the dark for something to happen.
Then it's morning and I can get up and pretend that what I'm doing is
important. And I get up and I go to work and I do my job and I come home.
And I go to bed. And wait. For something.   I'm pulled down by the
undertow 
 Never thought I could feel so low 
 And oh, darkness 
 I feel like letting go 
 With all of the strength and all of the courage 
 Come and lift me from this place 
 I know I can love you much better than this 
 Full of grace 

--Sarah McLachlan, "Full of Grace"