Been back a couple of weeks, outward signs of the turmoil they had
been through fading, but inward signs of upset were obvious   edstedsm
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0		     As far as I know there are no spoilers for Due South,
but there are plenty for previous 'Layers' stories. This story is a sequel
to 'Leaving Las Vegas in 34 Pieces'  TEASER: Renfield and Kerri suffer the
physical and emotional pain of their experiences in Las Vegas when
Renfield goes in search of the truth    All original due South characters
are the property of the geniuses who created them. No infringement of
copyright is intended. No profit is made or expected from this story.
'Someone to Watch Over Me' was first posted to RSY and racinestreet.
Please do not reprint or post to any other site without my express written
permission. 'Someone to Watch Over Me' is June 2000.   Someone to Watch
Over Me by Shirley Russell mailto:robsure@earthlink.net   Prologue   
Marriage. What a curious institution. One in which a person can go from
the heights of ecstasy to the depths of despair within the span of a
heartbeat or the swing of a person's fist. Curious.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   Kerri Ann Hurst had been married to Constable
Renfield Turnbull, RCMP, for exactly two weeks. As she stood at the
kitchen sink in their apartment above the bookshop, Kerri couldn't help
but compare the time she and Renfield had spent prior to their wedding day
to the myriad of events that had happened since that fateful day.  
Immersing her hands in the soapy dishwater, she didn't even realize the
water was far too hot, her mind cast back to a time fourteen days ago. She
smiled as she remembered the vision of Renfield in a tuxedo that was not
only years out of date, but also far too short for a man of his height.
And dear, sweet, misguided Ray, trying so hard, and failing so miserably
at giving them a storybook wedding.   And the honeymoon! Kerri almost
laughed out loud when she thought of the first time that she and Renfield
had seen that room! She squeezed her eyes shut tightly as she attempted to
block the images of what else had happened in that room. She took a deep
breath and squared her shoulders, she would not think of that! She would
not!   The day that they had spent with their friends in Las Vegas had
been such a wonderful time. Meg and Benton had relaxed enough in the
presence of their friends to actually enjoy themselves, and Ray,
correction, Stan had been so repentant he about fell over his own feet
being nice to them. As she remembered he hadn't made one derogatory remark
about Canadians the entire day! Of course, he was outnumbered.   She had
thought that the first day of their marriage was just the beginning of a
marvelous life with Renny. Or so she had thought. All that had changed the
moment Ren Laurier had come crashing through the door of their motel room.
  The first two weeks of their life together had been about as far from
marvelous as it was physically possible to get. In fact, Kerri thought of
them as her own personal, private hell.   ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   The
night they arrived home from Las Vegas, having been married barely 48
hours, Renfield and Kerri were both at a point far beyond both total
mental and physical exhaustion. They had both slept fitfully on the plane,
but it had done little to ease the weariness they felt down to their
souls.   Neither was in any condition to offer much comfort to the other,
so Stan became their mother hen. Once in the apartment, he made them both
eat something, Kerri never did know what it was, and then saw to it that
Renfield got Kerri settled in bed. He tried his best not to look, but Stan
could not help but see the mass of scrapes and bruises revealed by the
nightgown that Renfield helped her into.    'God,' he thought, 'that jerk
really did a number on her.' Her arm was bruised from her shoulder, under
the bandage, all the way down to her wrist. Stan could see purple marks
around her wrist that could only have been made by the fingers of Laurier.
He winced as he saw bruises around her neck revealed by the cut of the
nightgown. He'd taken a few beatings in his day, and knew she had to hurt
like hell. His heart went out to her as he studied the cuts and bruises on
her face. Stan loved many things about Kerri, but until this very moment
he had not realized what he loved most: her strength. She had made it
through all of this without one word of complaint.    Stan gave them some
privacy and ventured into the living room. One thing he didn't like about
Kerri was her neatness. How the hell did they ever find anything in a room
where everything was put away? Stan jumped as Renfield came up behind him.
  "That was quick. She asleep already...?"   Stan watched as Renfield
collapsed onto the sofa. "Not quite."   "Ya shoulda stayed with her 'til
she...You okay man? Yer lookin' pretty beat yerself. You shoulda just
climbed inta bed with her. I could sack out on the couch, in case ya need
anythin'."   "Thank you, Ray, ah, Stan, but no. We'll be fine." Stan had
no way of knowing that Renfield had plans for the couch. It was where he
intended to spend the night.   "Yer sure? I don't mind, 'n you guys might
need somethin'."   Renfield got up wearily and started down the stairs,
Stan's cue that it was time he left. "Thanks for...everything...we
couldn't have gotten through this without your help." Stan frowned at the
lack of emotion behind Renfield's words.   "Promise you'll call if ya need
anythin'?" Stan was extremely worried about his friends. Days later, he
would remember that Renfield never did promise. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
They had all returned from Las Vegas vastly changed from when they had
left. As Kerri thought back on it now, even then Renfield had been
solicitous, but...distant. She remembered Meg and Benton leaving the
airport with Ray, to see that he got home safely. The poor man was
completely distraught over Sheila's death. And the other Ray, now forever
to be referred by the name he hated: Stan, had assigned himself the task
of seeing to her and Renfield's needs.   She awoke their first morning
home, actually it was more like early afternoon, to find that Renfield's
side of the bed had not been slept in. She panicked, and would have jumped
up to search for him, but she found she could not move without extreme
pain. She ached from head to toe, and her arm felt as if someone had tried
to pull it out of its socket. She sighed as she remembered someone had.  
She found if she took it very slowly, and used only her legs to propel
herself in the right direction, she could at least move a little. She
hesitated to call to Renny, he'd been through enough, and she was sure her
appearance would scare him to death. Finally though, when she had
exhausted herself and only accomplished a slight shift in her position,
she called for help.   "Renny? Are you there? I need a little assistance
here, I can't seem to get up." He was by her side in an instant, helping
her to her feet. It wasn't until he had her settled on the sofa that Kerri
realized he hadn't spoken or even made eye contact with her.   "Renny, are
you okay?" She spoke to his back as he retreated into the kitchen.   "I'm
well. I made you some soup, I think you should have something to eat.
Don't try to come in here, I'll bring it to you." He brought soup and
crackers to her, and without another word went back to the kitchen. Kerri
ate the meal in silence.   Several minutes later he came back to take the
bowl from her. When he turned toward the kitchen Kerri, could no longer
remain quiet. "Have I done something to upset you?"   "Of course not," he
responded without looking at her. He hesitated only briefly before
returning to the kitchen.    Kerri was determined not to let this rest, he
was upset with her and she had to know why. She fought back the searing
pain in her shoulder and struggled to get up.   "What in heaven's name are
you trying to do?" Kerri was shocked by the anger in his voice.   "I'm
trying to come into the kitchen to talk to you! Can't you leave whatever
is so engrossing in there and visit with me for just a minute?" She was
surprised at pleading tone in her voice. "I..." Her voice cracked as she
fought back the tears. "I miss you. We...we need to talk about all that's
happened. We need to talk to your father...that is, you need to talk to
your father."   "You're in no condition to talk about anything. And as for
my father...it will be a long time before I even consider speaking to him.
Stop struggling before you hurt yourself further. Get some rest and we'll
talk later." Apparently he'd finished with whatever he'd been doing in the
kitchen because this time when he left the room he went into the bedroom.
He was also apparently finished with her.   Kerri settled back in to the
sofa with a huff. How dare he tell her what she was or wasn't! As soon as
the thought entered her mind she dismissed it. They had been through
enough the last few days without her sinking into anger or self-pity. She
may have been suffering some physical pain, but Renny was suffering too,
and his pain was more than just surface bruises and scrapes, his pain went
all the way through to his heart.    Kerri rested her head on the back of
the sofa and made a determination. There was no way in hell she would let
her pride get in the way here. Renny needed her more now than he ever had
before and she would not let anything, or anyone, even Renny, get in the
way of her helping him. She remembered a time, not so long ago, when Renny
had insisted on helping her, even though she thought she didn't want his
help. He had been right then, and she was right now. She smiled as she
fell asleep on the sofa. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   Kerri was awakened by
the sound of hushed voices coming from the direction of the stairs. It was
dark, indicating to her that she had slept the day away. She moaned
slightly as she tried to move, and the voices quieted. She jumped slightly
as she realized that someone was sitting near her in the darkness.
"Renny?"   "No, its Meg. I'm sorry if I startled you. Ben is here too. We
stopped by to see how you're feeling, but Renfield says you've slept all
day. Are you feeling better?" Kerri's heart was warmed by the concern her
friends obviously felt for her. The fleeting thought that she wished Renny
felt the same concern was dismissed almost before it had formed.   "I'm
really sore, but other than that I think I'll survive. What is that
wonderful smell?"   "Renfield's been cooking again, I think." Even in the
darkness Meg could see the bruises on Kerri's face and she cringed.  
"That bad, huh?"   "I'm sorry, I didn't mean...that is, it's not too bad."
  "The hell you say." Kerri tried to smile but found it hurt far too much.
"I haven't looked in a mirror and from the look on your face I don't think
I want to." Kerri sighed, "I'll heal Meg, but I'm not so sure about Renny.
He's, he's just so stoic about all this, I can't even imagine what he's
feeling, and I get the definite feeling he's not going to tell me."  
"That's part of the reason we're here. I think you and Renfield need some
time off, to heal and to have a real honeymoon, one that's NOT arranged by
Vecc...Kowal...Stan. Ben is talking to Renfield about it right now."  
Arguing would have been a more appropriate description. Fraser could not
understand the younger Constable's reluctance to take time away from work.
Especially since Kerri obviously needed tending to. He had to assume it
had to do with some misguided sense of duty.   "Constable...Renfield, you
need to forget about the Consulate, and be more concerned with
Kerri's...and your...healing. You need to take some time, please don't
make me order you?"   Renfield looked toward Inspector Thatcher, kneeling
on the floor next to Kerri, but he could not bear to look at his wife. He
silently nodded his consent to taking two weeks off from work, a place he
longed to go, just to get out of this oppressive apartment. He had no idea
how he would survive the next two weeks.    Renfield did manage to sleep
in the same bed with Kerri that night, but he still could not bear to
touch her. Each time she reached for him he moved away, and when she
moaned in her sleep he made no attempt to comfort her. As great as he knew
her pain to be, he knew his was greater. He could offer her nothing,
needing every ounce of strength he possessed to keep from losing his
sanity.   From the first moment he had seen Ren, Renfield had felt his
sense of self slipping away until, at this very moment, he had absolutely
no idea who he was. The terrifying part of it was he wasn't sure he wanted
to know. He couldn't love Kerri, he couldn't care for his friends, and God
help him, he couldn't bear the thought of ever seeing his father again.  
Just as when Melanie had died, all he had was his work. And now Constable
Fraser and Inspector Thatcher had taken that from him. How would he
survive this insistent pain without his work to hide in? As he lay next to
Kerri that night his soul screamed for the answer.   Kerri and Renfield
spent the next several days in much the same manner, Kerri trying
everything she knew to get through to him, and Renfield becoming more and
more distant. He did manage to see to it that she got to the doctor that
week, but Kerri never did know if he cared about her prognosis, and if he
did care he never showed it. She needed so desperately to comfort and be
comforted but Renfield was just not able to accept or offer any
consolation. By the end of their first week back from Las Vegas Kerri was
at her wits end. She had tried everything she could think of, begging,
pleading, crying and praying, but nothing reached him.	  Her bruises were
fading, but a broken heart was rapidly taking their place. Finally, when
she could think of nothing else to do, a desperate Kerri called Renny's
father. She gave him just the briefest of details, telling him only that
Renfield was in trouble. Mr. Turnbull caught the next plane for Chicago.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   Kerri had closed the bookshop with a "See you
after the honeymoon" sign prior to their leaving for Las Vegas. The sign
still hung in the window when Robert Turnbull arrived that Friday
afternoon. With a growing sense of trepidation, he knocked lightly on the
door.   Robert had been through many hard times with Renfield, from the
death of Elizabeth, his wife, and Renfield's mother, to the deaths of
Melanie and Meghan. He knew that Renfield needed him now, and it scared
him to find out why. Being his father, and his friend, had not always been
easy, but Robert loved his son and would stand by him, no matter what had
happened.   When Kerri answered the door he had to control a gasp. "Kerri,
what on earth happened? Has there been an accident? Has Ren been hurt?" He
was barely able to control the panic in his voice.   Kerri hurried to
reassure her father-in-law as she gave him a welcoming hug. "No, Robert,
Renny's not hurt. I'll let him tell you about what happened. It's not
good, Robert. It's something that's not going to be easy." Kerri took a
deep breath. "He doesn't know you're coming, and I don't think he's going
to be happy to see you. But the two of you have to talk, and I didn't know
what else to do. He may never forgive me, but dear God, I had to do
something."    Finally having someone's arms around her caused Kerri to
break down. Robert's panic grew as Kerri sobbed in his arms. "Honey, what
is it? What's happened to..."   "What the hell are you doing here?"
Renfield appeared at the foot of the stairs and stared, disbelieving at
his wife and his father. "Well?"   Kerri's hand shook as she wiped her
tears away. "I asked him to come, Renny. You need to talk to him, give him
the chance to explain. Please, Renny, give him a chance..."   "You give
him a chance. I've got nothing to say to him, or to you for that matter!
Both of you just leave me alone!" He turned and ran back up the stairs.  
"Kerri, I think you'd better explain what's happened." Even though he
wasn't sure, Robert had a terrible feeling he might just know what this
was about. He just couldn't admit it to himself, not after so many years.
  "I can't tell you Robert, Renny needs to do that." She took his hand and
led him up the stairs, praying she had not driven the man she loved
completely away.   They found him in the kitchen. Robert almost smiled at
the sight, seeing his son in the kitchen warmed his heart. From his
earliest years Ren had loved to work with his mother and father in the
bakery or in the kitchen of their small Vancouver home. What ever was
wrong, they could work it out. There was no one in the world that knew Ren
better, or loved him more. They could certainly work this out.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   "Ren, I don't know what's happened, but you have
got to talk to me. I'm your father and I love you. Please, tell me what's
happened?"   There was very little emotion save sarcasm in Renfield's
voice as he turned on the man he believed he no longer knew. "I just
discovered I have a brother, a twin brother, that's what's happened! But
you'd know all about that, wouldn't you...Dad?" He laughed softly. "I
really don't know if I should call you 'dad'. Are you my father, or is
some unknown son of a bitch the one who really sired me?"   "Renfield!"  
"Well, what the hell am I supposed to think?" As the angry words poured
forth they became louder and louder. "You lied to me all my life, you and
Mum, or is that a lie too? Who is my mother, Robert?"   Robert's words
were soft, as he tried to make them as comforting as he could. "We always
meant to tell you, and when you were old enough to understand we would
have. But then Elizabeth...died...and I just could never find the words."
He hesitated just briefly, "have you seen him? Ren? I've always
wondered..."   "Oh, yeah, I've seen him all right. I killed him. Shot him
with the gun he was threatening to use on Kerri. You saw the bruises, he
did that to her. He..."   Robert staggered backwards as if Renfield's
words had hit him like a physical blow. "He's dead?" Robert whispered.
Renfield thought he might have seen tears in his father's eyes as the
older man fell into a chair, but he really didn't care.   "Yes, he's dead!
He probably would have killed both of us if I hadn't stopped him! Answer
me, why didn't I know about him, and who the hell am I?"   Robert sighed
deeply, and if Renfield had been looking closely enough he would have seen
the man age ten years before his eyes. "Well? Answer me! What have you
kept from me all my life?"   "Renny, please. Can't you see how you're
hurting him? Please, give him a chance..."   Renfield turned his anger
away from his father and directed it toward his wife. "A chance? You mean
like the chance he gave me to know that I had a brother? Or the chance he
gave you to know how to protect yourself? Or the chance you gave me to
tell you I didn't ever want to see him again?"   "Renny, you're not making
any sense."   "This whole thing doesn't make any sense! God Kerri, please
stop interfering! This is between my father and me! Please just leave us
alone!" When Kerri did not move, Renfield shouted at her, "get OUT!"   All
the blows that Ren had rained on her did not hurt Kerri one tenth as much
as just those two words shouted by Renfield. And it hurt her even more to
know that he meant them. She left the room without another sound.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   When Robert was finally able to compose himself
enough, he addressed his son. "We never meant to hurt you, Ren, just the
opposite, we loved you so much, both of you." Robert stared out the window
as his mind traveled back in time more than thirty years. When he began to
speak again, his mind was no longer in the room, and he was no longer
fifty-four years old. He was a young man and the year was 1966.   "I
graduated from high school in '65 and your mother Elizabeth - was a year
behind me." Robert smiled at the memory. "We had been in love ever since
we first met, when we were just barely teenagers. She was such a pretty
girl, all the boys fought for her attention. I remember how proud I was
when she chose me."   "My mother had all kinds of big plans for me...for
Lizzy and me. She'd been running the bakery single handedly since my dad
died, and she was planning to turn everything over to me, now that I was
old enough, or so she thought."   "I had always been rather adventurous,
and I somehow got it in to my head that I had to see the world." He
laughed as he remembered himself as a young man. "At a time when so many
young American men were contemplating going north, across the border into
Canada, to avoid the draft, all I could think about was heading south. I
was supposed to start college in the fall, but just didn't have it in me.
Sometime around the middle of November I just took off, left a mother who
desperately needed my help and a beautiful young girl who loved me, and
went to San Francisco. Lizzy cried and my mother begged, but I was
undeterred. I headed across the border in a rather disreputable VW bus
that I had painted with peace signs and 'California or Bust' all over it.
I let my hair grow and wore love beads around my neck and tie dyed shirts
and a Nehru jacket. I thought I was really cool. I landed in the middle of
Haight-Asbury. Peace, freedom, free love and all the drugs anyone would
ever need."   Robert's mind had traveled back in time and he failed to
notice the shocked look of disgust from his son.   "I camped in Golden
Gate Park, avoiding the 'fuzz', as we called them, and ate in soup
kitchens for almost a month before I met Marie." He sighed at the memory.
"She was French but had grown up in Quebec, and was very dark and
seductive. I was completely mesmerized by her dark hair and bright blue
eyes. I remember she was tall, taller than I was, and very imposing. I had
never met anyone like her before. We were compatriots, two lost souls in a
foreign country." He hesitated, lost in his memories for a few moments,
"she was a painter, and painted some of the most bizarre things I had ever
seen. I told myself I loved her work, and convinced myself that she was a
great talent. She lived in a commune off Haight St and through a drug
induced haze invited me to join her. I jumped at the chance, San Francisco
nights can be awfully damp. Anyway, I moved in with Marie, and Sunshine,
Twilight, and Frank, and a cast of ever changing characters."   "The place
was a dump, with trash everywhere and all kinds of organic food rotting in
the refrigerator. We slept on a bare mattress thrown on the floor of the
second story landing, people stepping over us at all hours of the night.
Marie painted murals on the walls of our landing and I even tried my hand
at poetry, writing it on the wall, too." Robert laughed to himself; having
completely forgotten Renfield was listening. "It's a good thing I didn't
have to make a living at it, I couldn't write my way out of a paper bag.
The whole 'scene' was great fun, for about three months. When I finally
realized I wanted more out of life than war protests, college sit-ins and
rock concerts, and that I missed my mum and Lizzy, I told Marie I was
going home. As I remember, all she was concerned about was that I give her
the tickets to the Monterey Pop Festival that someone had given us in
exchange for an ounce of marijuana."   "I didn't ever love her, in fact as
I think back on it now, I'm not sure I even liked her that much. She had a
mean temper, and was subject to some pretty violent rages. But there were
times she could be so sweet and loving, and genuine." Robert shuddered,
still oblivious of the existence of his son. "I went back to Vancouver,
anxious to take over the family business, but even more anxious to win
back the love of Lizzy. To my amazement she was right there, just waiting
for me to come back. I spent the rest of her life trying to make up for my
stupidity." Robert came back to the present just long enough to confront
his son. "She loved me, and you, with all her heart. She couldn't have
loved you more if you were..." ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   The anger in
Renfield's eyes caused Robert to hesitate, but he had started the story,
and would see it through to the end. "Lizzy and I got married right after
she graduated from high school, we were young, but very much in love, and
anxious to start our lives together. Mum turned the business over to us
and we settled in to...well, it might be considered mediocre by today's
standards, but we were very happy with the life God had given us."   "Then
one day, several months after we were married, Marie showed up on our
doorstep... with two tiny babies, two boys, my sons. The prettiest darn
babies either Lizzy or I had ever seen. Marie was furious when she found
out I had gotten married, I guess she thought I'd marry her and help with
you and your brother."   "Marie had named you Ren and Renfield." Robert
smiled yet again at the memory. "Ren was sleeping soundly, but you were
screaming your lungs out. I think Lizzy fell in love with you the moment
she pulled you out of the basket Marie carried you in, and I think the
feeling was mutual. The second she took you in her arms you stopped
crying. She was the only one who could ever do that." Robert looked to
Renfield, hoping for a glimpse of a smile as his son thought of his
mother. He was extremely disappointed that the anger was still there.
"Marie decided to leave both of you with us, she didn't have a job, and
with no family to help her, I think she was desperate. Plus, I really
believe she didn't love you. I'm sorry to tell you that son, but she just
did not seem to bond with either of you."   "Lizzy was so excited, I
couldn't help but love her even more. She was willing to take in the
children of her husband and another woman. I doubt that there was anyone
else alive that would have done that."   "We decided to let Marie stay
with us for a couple of days, just so she would be sure. But she just got
angrier and angrier, and began shouting at Lizzy. She'd been with us less
than twenty-four hours when I told her she would have to leave." There
were tears streaming down his cheeks as he ended his story. "She left in
the middle of the night, and took Ren with her. Lizzy was devastated, we
both were."   Robert pleaded with his son, "Renfield, you have to know, we
searched for years trying to find him. Do you remember Michael Green?"
When Renfield made no attempt to respond Robert continued, "he was around
the house a lot when you were little. He was a private investigator I
hired to track down Marie. He never found any trace of her."   "Our hearts
were broken that we couldn't have both of you. I've always thought that
she took Ren out of spite, just to get back at us for being so happy, and
loving you so much..." Robert ran out of words and the strength to say any
more.   Renfield turned away from the man sitting before him and walked to
the window that overlooked the alley. Staring at, but not seeing, the
parking lot below, he struggled with the disgust that was building in him.
Finally, when he could no longer control himself, he spun around to face
his father.   "So, Dad, what you're telling me is that my brother and I
were the unwanted by product of a loveless, drugged-out relationship
between a bitch of a woman and a man who would screw anyone just to get a
warm place to sleep?" Renfield spat the words at his father. Robert was
across the room in two strides and slapped his son resoundingly across the
face. Stunned into silence, both men starred at each other for several
seconds before Renfield started to laugh. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   "I was
wrong when I asked if my father was some unknown son of a bitch." Renfield
stopped laughing and could only whisper, "it seems that I am the son of a
bitch."   Kerri stood at the head of the stairs with tears streaming down
her cheeks. She had hurried back up at the first sound of shouting, just
in time to witness her beloved father-in-law strike her husband.  
"Renfield! Your mother was a lovely woman who loved your father very much,
you told me so yourself. You can't..."   "Shut up, Kerri. This is none of
your concern. This is between my father and me." Renfield directed all his
anger and disgust toward his wife, and shocked Kerri into silence.  
"Renfield, please don't speak to Kerri that way! You're upset with me, and
rightfully so, but please don't take it out on her, she's only trying to
help." Kerri could see the tears in Robert's eyes as he pleaded with his
son. "I'm sorry that all of this has happened, Son. I'm sorry that you
didn't know that we never told you about Ren." Robert returned to his
chair, an old and beaten man. "But I'm especially sorry that he turned out
to be..."   Renfield raced across the room and grabbed Kerri by her
injured arm. Failing to notice her wince in pain, he dragged her to stand
in front of his father. "He turned out to be a son of a bitch, just like
his twin? Is that what you're sorry for? That he did this to Kerri? Look
at her! Your son did this and a whole lot more! I can hardly stand to look
at..."   Renfield stopped himself before he said the words he could never
take back, but Kerri and Robert both knew what he was about to say. Right
then and there Kerri realized why Renny had been treating her the way he
had. He had told Stan he was worried that every time she looked at him
she'd see Ren, but that wasn't it. Every time Renny looked at her he saw
Ren, and the evil that possessed the man that Renny believed was just like
him! Dear God, Renny was afraid that he might become just like his
brother!   "Kerri, could you please take me back to the airport? I don't
think Renfield wants me here any longer, and I have said all that I can
say." Robert, more hurt than angry, grabbed his bag, but hesitated before
he started down the stairs, "Ren, Elizabeth was your mother. From the
moment she met you no one on this earth could have loved you more. You do
a grave disservice to her memory if you believe any differently. Her
deepest sorrow in this life was not being able to love Ren in the same
way." Robert sighed deeply when Renfield failed to acknowledge his words.
"Goodbye, Son."   Kerri drove Robert to the airport in silence. Neither
one of them spoke a word until they arrived at the curb in front of the
Air Canada terminal. Before Robert opened his door he turned to Kerri.
"Ever since he was a small child Renfield has felt things more deeply than
other men. I used to worry some about the way he hung around the house so
much. He always had friends, but I think he always felt a little insecure
in other's love for him. Maybe that came from the way Marie treated them
from the very first, I don't know." Robert stared out the windshield of
her car for several moments before continued, "Honey, please be patient
with him? He needs you desperately right now. He's doing the same thing he
has always done when he's hurting, pushing away those he loves the most. I
think he's afraid that his pain will cause you to stop loving him, and he
couldn't stand that. I've seen him upset before, especially when Melanie
died, but he wouldn't let any of us near him. It's the same way now, he's
angrier than I have ever seen him, but you've got to stay with him.
Please?"   Kerri smiled at the man who she loved as much as she had her
own father. "I'm not going anywhere, Robert. I tried to keep him away once
when I was hurting, but he wouldn't let me. Now it's time I returned the
favor. I love him too much to let him shut me out." Kerri spoke the words,
but wondered if she had the strength to see them through.   "Call me if
you need me? And I'll be on the next plane back." Robert gently patted her
sore arm, "I am sorry about what Ren..."   Kerri cut off his words with a
soft kiss on his cheek. "There's a lot of healing that is going to have to
happen here, but you raised a wonderful son, Robert. Don't ever lose sight
of that." Robert smiled at Kerri and exited the car.   By the time she
returned to the bookshop Kerri had convinced herself that everything was
going to be all right. Renny knew the whole story now, and had to know
that his father and Elizabeth loved him. What ever had happened to Ren was
a result of his upbringing, just as the dear, remarkable man Renny had
become was a result of the love he received from his parents. Kerri found
herself almost feeling sorry for Ren, he was cruel, but what kind of
cruelty had he been subjected to?   She took a deep breath as she let
herself into the shop. It wasn't going to be easy, but they would make it,
the foundation of love they felt for each other would sustain them. She
glanced around the shop briefly, and spotted Dickens cowering under the
mystery shelf. She was about to call to him when she heard the floor above
her creak. "Come on you silly pup, you're part of this family too. We've
got to start working on putting things right around here." As she hurried
up the stairs, Kerri didn't notice that Dickens remained firmly entrenched
under the shelves. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   As she reached the top of the
stairs, Kerri heard a drawer slam in their bedroom. Not wanting to startle
him, they were both still rather jumpy; she called out to him as she
crossed the living room. "Renny?" There was no reply. "Renny?"   Kerri
stopped dead in her tracks in the doorway. With a growing sense of dread
she tried to get his attention. "Renny, what are you doing?" She was
terribly afraid she already knew the answer.   "What does it look like I'm
doing?" He replied as he shoved another shirt into his duffel bag.   "It
looks like you're packing," she whispered.   "Give the lady a cigar! Hit
the nail on the head with her first attempt."   "Are you going somewhere?"
She was afraid she was losing her voice.   "Isn't that what people are
usually planning when they pack a bag?" His reply made her questions sound
like they were totally stupid.   "Of course, it's just that...I...I didn't
know...I mean...you didn't tell me...you were going anywhere." Kerri felt
as if the floor beneath her feet had slipped away and she was floating,
about to fall.   "Well, I'm telling you now." He slung his bag over his
shoulder and made for the door as if to mow her down.   "Renny, please,
where are you going? You don't have to leave, we can work this out..."  
"Damn it Kerri, stop treating me like a child! You - all of you - treat me
as if I was a small boy! I am not a child, and..."   "Renny, I never
meant..."   "No? You weren't getting you way around here, unhappy with the
way I was treating you, so what do you do? You call my father! God, of all
people! Renny won't play nice Robert, come and see if you can talk some
sense into him."   "That's not why..."   "Yeah right! Tell me exactly what
you thought when you saw me packing!"   "I don't understand."   "The hell
you don't! The first thing you thought was you'd get Stan, or better yet
Fraser, over here to stop me! And if that didn't work, you'd get them to
come after me, bring the errant little boy home, where you could show him
the error of his ways!" The more Renfield shouted the quieter Kerri
became. "Huh? Didn't you?"   Kerri knew that no matter what she said he
would believe what he wished. So she told him the truth. "It crossed my
mind to ask Benton for help, yes."   "Well, thank you at least for being
truthful. Now would you please get out of my way?"   "Renny, please..."  
"There it is again! Every time you call me that it sounds like you're
speaking to a six-year-old! 'Can Renny come out and play?', 'Renny, can I
ride your bike?', 'Renny, got your homework done yet?'."   "Listen to
yourself, you sound like a small child!" Kerri had to close her eyes and
take a deep breath to keep from losing her temper. "Please, please, don't
go like this," she pleaded. "At least wait until tomorrow. Sleep on it,
I'm sure you'll see things differently then."   "Just because you can
never bear a child, doesn't mean you can treat me like one!"    Kerri
could not utter another sound, Renfield's words having sucked all the air
out of the room.   If he regretted what he had said it didn't show on his
face, but his shouts quieted dramatically. "Kerri, please step aside. I do
not want to have to push you out of the way. I need some time to think."
As Kerri moved to let him pass he turned back to her, "but I promise you
that if you send Stan or Fraser, or my father after me you will never see
me again."   Kerri did not move for several minutes after the front door
slammed shut, the bang it made sounding eerily reminiscent of the shot
that killed Ren. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   Kerri stood stock still for
several minutes, just staring at the head of the stairs, where she had
last seen Renfield. After standing for those minutes, she stood even
longer, just staring, without really seeing anything.   When she finally
came back to herself, she slowly took in the room around her, as if she
thought if she searched hard enough she would see him, sitting in his
favorite chair, or working in the kitchen. She didn't feel a thing,
numbness having wrapped itself around her shoulders like a protective
blanket. It was only when Dickens whined and nudged her leg with his cold,
wet nose that Kerri at last returned from her stupor.   "Well, I guess
it's just the two of us for awhile, huh, boy?" Her words were soft and
emotionless as she scratched her canine companion lightly on the top of
the head. The numbness continued to grow however, and surrounded her heart
as she walked slowly to the kitchen. There were dishes to be washed and
things to be put away, so she set about straightening up. Everything had
become very surreal to her, and she felt as if she were a player in an old
movie, everything around her having changed to black and white.   It took
her much longer than usual to finish cleaning the kitchen. Not only had
her world become a black and white movie, it also played in agonizingly
slow motion. Every movement she made, every step that she took she watched
as if someone else were pulling her strings.   When she had nothing left
to do in that room, she moved, unaware of exactly how, to the other rooms
of the apartment. She ran her hands over the hard, smooth surface of the
tables and the soft, nubby fabric of his chair, trying to feel his
presence. She picked up the daily newspaper from the floor, holding it to
her nose, in a vain attempt to catch his scent.   She floated into the
bathroom, where she ran her hands over his towel. Closing her eyes she
breathed in the fragrance of his Mountie issue soap, and could almost
imagine he was standing in the room with her.   At last, in the growing
darkness, Kerri moved in to their bedroom, where she stood motionless
again. She wasn't really thinking about anything, her mind having become
as numb as her heart. Dickens followed her, and made an unsuccessful
attempt to bring her out of her daze, but she had long since become
unaware of his presence.   This room too, had become the continuation of
her black and white, slow motion movie. As she looked around the room,
once again searching for Renfield, the Laura Ashley comforter and shams,
the braided rugs, even the Queen Anne furniture that had belonged to
Renfield's mother, all of it had turned to shades of gray. With one
exception.   Kerri finally moved to the closet. In his haste to leave,
Renfield had left the door to his side open, and had left one thing
hanging there, the tunic of his red serge dress uniform. In the world that
had gone colorless for Kerri, the red of the tunic shone like a beacon in
the darkness.   She slowly removed the tunic from its hanger, and buried
her face in the scratchy wool.   More than the newspaper or even the soap,
this tunic smelled of Renfield. As she held it to her she could feel his
arms around her and imagine she was standing there with her head resting
on his chest.   It smelled of soap and leather, and of sweat and Old Spice
cologne, all the things that made up his essence. She kept her face buried
in it for a very long time.   When the crushing weariness from almost of a
week of physical and emotional pain finally overcame her, Kerri took the
tunic and went to their guestroom. She hugged the body of the jacket to
her chest and wrapped the sleeves around her. She then curled up with the
tunic on the small bed and slept that way for the rest of the night.  
~~*~~*~~*~~   While Kerri slept, wrapped in his uniform tunic, Renfield
walked the streets of Chicago. There was no purpose in his direction, and
he made no attempt to actually reach a destination, he just turned left
out of the bookshop and started walking.   Once upon a time he had been
the master of blocking out unwanted thoughts. This night he took up the
practice again, and thought only about the squeak of his boots just as
they touched the sidewalk, the laughter of the people he saw and the
smells from the restaurants he passed. He tried his damnedest to keep all
thoughts of Ren Laurier, his father, and Kerri as far from his mind as he
possibly could. The farther he walked the more he accomplished his goal,
until, by the middle of the night, thoughts of those he once knew or loved
were completely shut out of his mind. He was once again the happy,
carefree, clueless Mountie that Kerri had met just a little over a year
before.   In the early morning hours Renfield finally fell asleep on a
park bench, listening to the birds and the breeze rustling through the
trees. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   Renfield may have been successful in
blocking all unwanted conscious thoughts, but he could not control his
dreams. He startled two joggers and a paperboy on a bike, as he awoke with
a shout. It took him several minutes of sitting on the bench to control
the terror that had awakened with him, caused by the nightmare of seeing
himself lying in a pool of blood in Armando Langoustini's foyer.   The
dawn air was cool but Renfield was soaked with perspiration. After several
minutes his body still trembled uncontrollably, and his mind was racing.
As if on overload, the thoughts of Ren's death, his father's lies and
Kerri's betrayal came flooding in, in such a torrent, he felt that his
head just might explode.   When he could no longer stand it, he jumped up
and started walking again. When walking didn't ease the pain in his head,
he stashed his duffel in a locker at a downtown bus station, grabbing out
shorts and his Nikes, and found the nearest high school track. He ran and
ran, round and round, faster and faster, in a vain attempt to outrun the
demon thoughts that kept constant pace with him.    Finally he collapsed
from the heat and exhaustion, still unable to escape the torment in his
mind. He fell to the ground with his hands clamped to either side of his
head, writhing from the pain of the thoughts he could not out distance.  
Two elderly men, out for their mid-morning constitutional, witnessed
Renfield's collapse and ran to help. "Are you all right, Son?" One of the
men was carrying water and offered Renfield a drink. "Bad headache?" The
young man seemed slightly dazed and both men were alarmed at the redness
of his face.   "I just...just pushed myself a little...little too hard, I
guess. Thank you kindly for your concern, gentlemen, I think I'm okay
now." The two men helped the larger man to his feet.   "Are ya sure, you
look a little woozy. Ya got any family ya want us to call?"   Renfield
sighed heavily as he straightened up to his full height. "No...I...I
don't...don't have any family." He was astounded that as soon as he spoke
the words the pain in his head disappeared.   "My house is just across the
street, why don't ya come over and sit in the shade on the porch for a few
minutes?" Both men were reluctant to let the young man just walk away.	 
"No, really, I'll be fine. Thank you for your kind offer, but I will be
fine. I shouldn't have tried to run in this heat. I'm not used to it."  
"Where ya from?"   "I'm Canadian...but...I live in Chicago now."   "Ah, I
thought I heard an accent! What brings ya to our neck of the woods?"   "I,
uh, I'm a Constable in the RCMP. I'm posted at the Consulate, downtown."  
"You must get homesick for the cold and snow. Even snows in the summer up
there, doesn't it?"   Renfield smiled slightly. "Not everywhere." Talking
to these men took his mind off his troubles for a moment, and he was
grateful.   "I got a friend that lives in Ontario. Name's Bill Jamison.
Don't know him, do ya?"   Renfield smiled again. "No, I'm sorry I don't.
I'm from," he hesitated briefly, realizing he wasn't exactly sure where he
was from, "that is, I lived in Vancouver, British Columbia."   "Whoa,
that's way out on the West Coast, right? I can't keep your states
straight."   "Joe, they got Provinces up there, not states."   "Sorry, no
offense." Joe was only slightly embarrassed at not knowing much about his
neighboring country to the north.   Renfield laughed softly. "None taken.
But someday you should visit Canada, it's a beautiful country."   "Might
just do that," Smitty said, but thought there was still way too much of
his own country he hadn't seen. "If you're doin' okay, we'll be on our
way."   "Thank you kindly, gentlemen, your concern means a great deal to
me."   Joe and Smitty continued on their walk, Joe commenting on how
polite Canadians were.   "They're polite all right, but that young man's
in trouble. Did ya see the ring on his finger? And he said he didn't have
any family. I'll just bet he was tryin' to run away from some biddy of a
wife."   "But he was runnin' in circles."   "You ever tried to get away
from Abigail? Circles is just about right!" Both men laughed and continued
on their way.   Renfield watched as the men walked away. He stood on the
grass and looked around him, at the high school, mostly deserted for the
summer, and the working class neighborhood of Chicago's inner city. The
realization was very slow in coming, but within a few minutes Renfield
realized he was homesick. He was homesick for just the sight of Canada,
and to stand on Canadian soil. He also realized what he needed to do.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   Kerri took Renfield's threat very seriously.
Believing what he said, and fearing she might never see him again, she did
not call Stan, Benton, or even Meg for help. And because they all believed
Renfield and Kerri were on their honeymoon, none of their friends
attempted to contact them. Oh, Stan wanted to crash the "party" a few
times, but Fraser just gave him his shocked 'that's a really unwise idea'
look and Stan thought better of it.   Neither friend admitted it to the
other, but Fraser and Stan were both very concerned about Turnbull and
Kerri, especially Turnbull. They both remembered well the goofy, clueless
Mountie that he had been prior to meeting Kerri, and the terrible tragedy
in his past that had pushed him into being that way. They could only pray
that Kerri's love would sustain him through this latest tragedy.   But,
because their friends respected their privacy and kept their worries to
themselves, Kerri endured the pain of a slowly healing body and Renfield's
desertion alone. She never left the bookshop, afraid someone would see the
bruises or ask her about her husband. There was little food in the
kitchen, and when it ran out she just stopped eating. For the first four
nights that he was gone, Kerri slept wrapped in his tunic. She spent her
days wandering around from room to room, in a loneliness-induced daze that
protected her from coming completely apart. She had also taken to wearing
the tunic as she moved aimlessly around their apartment.   Just now she
wandered around in the children's reading room, in the glow of the early
afternoon sun, barefooted, and wearing just her nightgown and Renfield's
tunic. She hadn't come in here since he left, knowing instinctively that
the pain of it would be more than she could bear, but today she could not
resist the need to be even closer to him. He had loved this room more than
any other in the whole building, and he had made it his own. He read to
the children every Saturday, and would have done so every day of the week
if it had not been for his other 'job'. Renfield was in his element here,
Mr. Mountie with adoring children at his feet.   Kerri moved around the
room slowly pulling out books he had read to the group, running her hands
over the pages and hugging the volumes to her chest. As he had since the
minute Renfield slammed out the front door, Dickens hung on Kerri's heels,
occasionally giving her a comforting nudge with his nose, but as she had
done since Renfield left, Kerri ignored the pup's existence.   Ignoring
Dickens' existence proved to be Kerri's undoing. As she moved aimlessly
around the room she failed to notice that he had plopped himself down in
her path. She tripped over his body and fell head long onto her not yet
healed shoulder. She screamed as she landed on the floor, almost passing
out from the pain, and then she began to cry.   Kerri had not cried when
Renfield left, the numbness keeping her sheltered from the worst of the
pain. As the time he was gone increased, so did the numbness, until she
felt very little. But just a couple of tears from the searing pain were
all it took to open the floodgates. She sobbed into Dickens' fur as she
lay on the floor, writhing from the pain, not in her shoulder, but from a
broken heart.   Kerri cried and cried. Just as Renfield had pushed himself
ever harder around the high school track days before, Kerri's tears pushed
her to the brink of exhaustion. But unlike Renfield, Kerri had no one to
help her up or to offer assistance. She lay, sobbing, in the same spot
well into the night. When the tears finally subsided she fell to sleep,
without ever moving from the floor next to the shelves of Renfield's
children's reading room. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   Kerri was awakened by a
wet tongue licking her face. When she tried to move she found she was
almost as stiff as the first morning after Ren beat her. But this time she
did not have Renfield to help her up. After a few minutes of agonizingly
slow movements, she was finally able to grab the bookshelves and pull
herself up.    Getting to her feet unaided was just the first of several
small victories that Kerri would experience on this day. The tears she
shed on the previous afternoon had served to wash the daze away, and allow
her to make a determination. Renfield had been gone a very long time now,
and had not contacted her. She was finally able to accept the fact that he
was not coming back.    The bookshop was scheduled to reopen tomorrow, and
she would need to get on with the business of living. She took a deep
breath and with only minor physical pain ascended the stairs to her
apartment. She told Dickens to be patient, she was out of dog food and
would have to make herself presentable before she could even think about
appearing on the street. She was no longer worried if others knew Renfield
was gone, he was due back at the Consulate in a couple of days, and then
everyone would know.   She stepped into the shower and let the hot water
wash over her. She hated the idea that her friends and neighbors would
pity her, but she'd be damned if she would wallow in it any more. Renfield
had chosen to live his life without her, and she would accept that and get
on with hers. She'd just have to spend a lot of time and energy teaching
herself how not to love him.   The water washed away so many things. The
dirt from her body, of course, but also the essence of Renfield that hung
around her. She stepped out of the shower feeling almost a new woman.
Dickens whined as she took the time to dry her hair and apply makeup over
the fading bruises around her eye. "I know you're hungry, so am I. How
about if I go to Desmone's and get us some spaghetti and meatballs? Debbie
will let me in early, and you can have as many meatballs as you want." The
silly dog turned around in circles in delight. "I guess that would be a
yes."   When she was finally sure that her appearance wouldn't frighten
anyone, Kerri let herself and Dickens out the back door of the bookshop.
As he ran to do his business on the grassy area across the alley, Kerri
knocked on the back door of the restaurant.   "Kerri! It's good to see
you've finally come up for air. I was wondering if I'd need to send in
some sustenance, the two of you must have burned an awful lot of
calories." Debbie laughed at Kerri's obvious embarrassment.   Kerri eluded
Debbie's questions as best she could. "Actually, could I get some
spaghetti and meatballs to go? I need to get right back..."   Debbie
grinned at her. "I'll just bet you do! If I had a man that looked as good
as yours I'd 'get right back' too." Debbie nudged Kerri in the arm, but
missed the tiny wince of pain from her friend. "Here ya go. Remember, if
you feed him, don't do it in bed, it can be kind of messy," Debbie leered
at Kerri, "hmm, but then again..."   Kerri grabbed the food and hurried
away. "Thanks, Deb."   'My, she really is in a rush. Newlyweds!' Debbie
smiled as she closed the door.   After a shower and a late breakfast of
spaghetti and garlic bread, Kerri felt much better. She took a long walk
with Dickens and the fresh air and exercise helped her body and spirit.
She was still desperately lonely, but knew now that she would survive
without Renfield. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   Renfield's learning to survive
without Kerri had come much easier to him than her learning to survive
without him. He was finally able to put all thoughts of her out of his
mind, even while asleep.   After his eventful morning at the high school
track he went back to the bus station, grabbed his duffel bag and boarded
the first bus he could find heading in the right direction. That direction
was east, and a little north. He was going to Canada, by way of Detroit.  
It took forever to get from Chicago to Detroit, but the time it took to
get over the border seemed like an eternity to the man thirsty just to
drink in the Canadian atmosphere. Once through customs, the bus stopped
near Windsor. Renfield had never been to this part of Ontario, but was
anxious just to stand on the ground of his native country.   He was
overwhelmed with disappointment at seeing that the terrain here looked
very much like, well like the US. His part of the country afforded
magnificent vistas of towering mountains and azure blue lakes, islands off
shore and a breath-taking coastline. Windsor looked disappointingly like
Detroit. Not that there was anything wrong with Detroit, but it was the
US. The homesickness he felt was intensified by disappointment.   Renfield
left the bus in London, and rented a slightly seedy motel room on Oxford
St. As he walked the London streets, he found that his homesickness
continued to grow. London was a nice enough town, not like Detroit or
Windsor, but very much like other medium sized towns... in the US.   
After a couple of days in London, Renfield convinced himself that if he
got deeper into Ontario he would certainly feel better. This time he
rented a car, a mid-sized they said, that turned out to be a little less
that adequate for a man of his size.   He had gotten as far as Woodstock
when he saw the sign for Niagara Falls. On a whim, he turned toward the
QEW highway. It was late in the afternoon when he arrived at the Falls.
There was a lot of traffic and hundreds of tourists milling around, but he
was able to find a parking place fairly close to a fantastic view.   The
wind was strong, and the mist enveloped him as he took in the impressive
sight. The sunlight and the mist created the largest, most vibrant rainbow
he had ever seen. It was so beautiful, starting above the Falls on the
American side and stretching across the Horseshoe Falls and down into the
mist. For just the briefest of moments he thought how much Kerri would
love to see this. He pushed the thought out of his mind in a rush, and
continued his solitary observation of the panoramic view before him.
Families passed by and people of all ages skated, jogged and walked along
the path that meandered next to the street.    Dozens of couples strolled
arm in arm, posed for pictures or stood embracing with the Falls as their
backdrop. Renfield had neglected to consider that he had come to the
honeymoon capital of the world. He tried to move away from the loving
couples, but the more he tried the more he was surrounded by physical and
emotional displays of love.   When he could no longer bear it, he hurried
toward a sign that read 'Behind the Falls Tour'. He bought his ticket and
walked on to an elevator that took a large group of people down several
stories. When the doors opened they were deep underground, with the
deafening roar of the falls very close. Renfield walked through the dim
corridors until he came upon a sight that stopped him in his tracks.   At
the end of a short tunnel-like corridor was an opening to the back of the
falls. The fascinating thing was that the water wasn't falling, it was
churning, like a cauldron, before the opening. Renfield was put in mind of
the line from MacBeth 'Double, double toil and trouble; fire burn and
cauldron bubble.' He had never seen such a sight, and he was mesmerized.
He stared at the water, churning at the opening, almost as if it was the
gate to hell.   He couldn't help himself. He had to compare this sight
with the emotions that would whip up inside of him, if he gave them the
chance. Rather that being excited by the sight, as all the other tourists
were, Renfield felt an all encompassing weight move across his soul. He
left the 'Behind the Falls Tour' much subdued.   Exiting the building he
was greeted with a rain shower, falling from a completely cloudless blue
sky. All the people on the sidewalk were laughing and dancing in the rain.
The wind had shifted and the heavy mist from the Falls was now coming down
all around them. The rainbow had also shifted positions and now came down
very close to Renfield's feet. Far from filling him with the joy and
wonderment obvious in the other tourists, Renfield felt a crushing sadness
that he had no one to share this special moment with.   He stayed at the
Days Inn that night, wishing away the thoughts of Kerri that crept into
his mind like the mist from the Falls. ~~*~~*~~*~~   Renfield spent the
next couple of days wandering around the town of Niagara Falls. He felt
physically ill most of the time now. He blamed it on the water; everyone
got a little ill when they drank unfamiliar water. But, if he had analyzed
it objectively, he would have seen that keeping his emotions under wraps
as he had was proving to be his undoing. All that turmoil had to find an
outlet, and physical illness was how it was manifesting itself in
Renfield. He did admit to himself that he was sad, and still very
homesick, but he just didn't know how to deal with it.	  On his third day
in Niagara he walked up the hill, away from the tourist center, toward the
business district, and stumbled across RCMP Headquarters. He assumed,
correctly, that this post was home to the officers that manned the
US/Canadian border crossing. He sat on a bench across the street and
stared at the building. And then he had an idea. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
Renfield drove up Parliament Street in Toronto, through the Cabbagetown
District, with an address clutched in his hand. It had been so incredibly
easy to get; of course he had her correct name, Marie Laurier Brock, his
mother.   Renfield knew in his heart he had not come to Canada in search
of his biological mother. He was certain of that. But he also knew that
the homesickness he felt would be eased, if not erased completely, as soon
as he met her. He drove by the apartment house several times before he
finally marshaled the nerve to look for a place to park. The nearest place
was almost a mile up Parliament, at the corner of Alicia. He parked the
car and began the walk toward the home of the key to his past.  
Parliament was a fascinating street. Once upon a time it had been the
commercial center of the working class poor neighborhood of Cabbagetown.
In the last few years however, the neighborhood around Parliament Street
had been discovered by artsy, creative, classy young Toronto families. The
row homes had been renovated and the gardens had been landscaped. The
homeless and drug dealers had been run out of the park and the
neighborhood made safe for young, well to do mothers to push their
carriages and strollers along the sidewalks. Evenings would find young
families, with their BMWs and SUVs left parked on the street, strolling
through the park and down along the river. Artists perched their easels
along the path that ran the length of the river, and they visited with
joggers and skaters as they passed.   Renfield saw none of this as he
walked toward his mother's apartment building, however. Parliament Street
itself had changed little since the working class poor lived there. It was
populated with every type of restaurant known to man, from Greek to
Mexican and Indian to Irish. There were Chinese laundries and an Italian
florist. A Thai grocer and a Brazilian run variety store. There were also
homeless sleeping in doorways and trash on the sidewalks. Parliament was a
microcosm of the world, all within ten city blocks.   The address Renfield
sought was at the south end of Parliament, in a section of Cabbagetown
that the yuppies had yet to discover. It was nothing more than a tenement.
He had to step over two drunks, several discarded mattresses and piles of
trash before he could get to her door. By the time he got to the right
apartment it was almost dark outside and almost completely dark in the
hallway. He stood there for a very long time, just staring at the door,
having lost the resolve he had made just this morning in Niagara Falls.
Eventually Renfield realized he had nothing to lose, so he knocked on her
door.    The response was painfully slow in coming. He could hear muffled
sounds coming from inside the apartment, and heard someone move to the
peephole in the door. A muffled voice muttered something he could not
hear, and then the door opened against the security chain.   "What do you
want?"   Renfield spoke to the door. "I'm looking for Marie
Laurier...Brock. I'm, ah, she's, that is I would like to see her. I
understand she lives here. Is that true?"   The door closed and stayed
closed for several long moments. Finally he heard the sound of the chain
being drawn back, and the door slowly opened. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~  
Kerri reopened the bookshop right on schedule, but without Renfield. She
was relieved that none of their friends showed up for the event. Actually,
it wasn't much of an event, but she was very glad that she finally had
something to occupy her mind.   A few weeks before they left for Las
Vegas, Kerri had hired a new clerk to help her, and he was actually
working out very well. Lance Gregory was a graduate student at
Northwestern and anxious for the work. He took to Kerri and Renfield
immediately, thinking them to be fascinating people. Kerri thought Lance a
thorough, dependable employee, the exact opposite of every other clerk she
had hired and fired.   Lance showed up right on time that morning, anxious
to get back in the swing of things. He congratulated Kerri and asked after
Renfield. He was concerned about the fading bruises on her face, but only
mildly curious that Kerri avoided answering questions about her husband
and her honeymoon. Lance just assumed that Kerri was reluctant to discuss
her personal life with her employee, and left it at that.   Toward the end
of the workday however, Lance was becoming concerned about Kerri's
behavior. He noticed that she winced whenever she tried to pick up
something with her right hand, but that wasn't what bothered him. She just
seemed so detached. Several times he noticed that as he spoke to her she
didn't seem to be listening, and twice she asked him about something that
they had already discussed. He didn't know much about female things, and
was unaware that she was unable to bear children, so Lance wondered if
Kerri might be pregnant. Fortunately, he was discreet enough not to ask.
Lance just decided to mind his own business and help Kerri as much as
possible. Over the next several days, Lance would become very protective
of Kerri.   Just a few minutes after she locked up that first night, she
was brought back downstairs by insistent knocking. She raised the blind
prior to unlocking the door. She sighed as she opened the door. "Hello,
Detective Vecchio. Sorry, Lieutenant."   Ray smiled broadly at her. "How
bout just calling me Ray? Can I come in?"   "Oh, my, of course. I'm sorry,
you just took me by surprise."   Ray frowned as he walked past her into
the building. "Everything okay?"   "Of course."   "I'm sorry to bother
you, but I need to talk to Turnbull. It's really important. You guys are
done with the honeymoon, right?"   Kerri wanted to laugh out loud, oh
yeah, the honeymoon was definitely 'done'. "Yes, I went back to work
today. But, uh, Renfield's not here right now..."   "I can wait, if he's
gonna be back pretty soon." Ray hadn't been a detective all these years
for nothing. Something was wrong here. "Kerri, is Turnbull okay?"   "As
far as I know, yes."   "Are you sure? What I've got to tell him is
probably gonna make him feel a little better."   Kerri wasn't quite sure
why she was stalling, Renfield was due back at work tomorrow, and she had
to assume he wouldn't show up, so all their friends would know soon
enough. It was just so hard to admit that her marriage had failed, after
only two days. That seemed like something that happened in Hollywood, or
somewhere. Well, she might as well get it over with...   "Ray, Renfield's
not here...because, because he's left me."   "Kerri, that's not even
funny..." As quickly as he'd said the words he realized she was serious.
"God, what's happened?" He took her hand and gently drew her into the
tearoom, where they both sat down. "Kerri?"   "He's been gone over a week.
I don't know where."   Ray was surprised that she wasn't crying, he
certainly felt like it. "Why? Kowalski said you guys were goofy about each
other, and even I could tell how head over heels you to were in Las Vegas.
Things like this don't happen to people who love each other." Ray took her
hand in his, "what happened?" he whispered.   "Ren Laurier."   "God, the
evil still exists! The man died, but the spirit lives on. I'm so sorry!"
'Hey wait a minute', "why didn't Kowalski or Fraser tell me? You guys are
my friends too..."   "They don't know. No one knows except you."   "You've
been here, by yourself, all week and didn't tell anyone?" Ray was suddenly
very angry. "You were beat up and he walked out on you? That son of a
bitch!"    "Ray! He was very upset and confused..."   The hurt look on
Kerri's face caused him to immediately rethink his anger. Ray could tell
that she might not want to admit it to herself, but only a woman deeply in
love would jump to her man's defense this way. Ray would have to enlist
the aid of Fraser and Kowalski to straighten all this out. He'd been away
a long time, but he could see that Turnbull and Kerri were meant for each
other.   "I'm sorry bout callin' him a SOB. What can I do to help?" Ray
smiled at her again.   Kerri sighed deeply. "Just having someone to talk
to has helped a lot. Thanks." She frowned for a moment. "What was it you
wanted to tell Renfield?"   "I'm not supposed to tell any one, but you
look like you could use some good news. Promise me you won't tell anyone,
not even Thatcher?" Kerri nodded in agreement and Ray began to smile. "I
know Turnbull blamed himself for Sheila's death, but she's not dead!
Laurier didn't kill her, that's one thing the jerk couldn't do."   "Oh,
Ray, are you sure?" Kerri whispered.   Ray beamed at her. "I saw her
today. She's off to another undercover assignment, but she had to see me
to let me know, she's OKAY!"   Kerri was so excited she jumped up and
threw herself into Ray's arms. "Oh, Ray this is wonderful news! I'm so
glad you told me! Sheila was...is such a terrific lady." Her smile faded.
"You're right, Renfield would have liked to have known."   Ray said good
bye to Kerri and left the bookshop. He was on his cell phone practically
before he pulled into traffic. Fraser and Kowalski needed to know about
this ASAP.   ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   "So you're the other one. They
still call you Renfield?" The woman who answered the door laughed at the
tall man with disdain. Renfield recognized her immediately. He didn't know
her of course, but he'd seen her before, everyday of his life, when he
looked in the mirror. Her hair was gray, and her face full of lines, but
her eyes were the same bright blue, her nose had the same long, straight
line and she had the exact same chin. And her height, well he'd always
wondered where his height came from, now he knew.   "Yes, my name is
Renfield. Why do you say 'still'?"   She laughed even harder. "Because
Renfield was a joke! Robert's family had a thing about names that began
with 'R' and the asshole read Dracula while we were together. It was a
JOKE! Ren was my father's name, and Renfield went with it so well. I sure
as hell didn't think he'd leave it that way."   She lowered herself into a
chair, without so much as motioning for him to be seated too, so Renfield
remained standing.   "How'd you know where to find me?" Renfield hated to
admit it to himself, but he could tell she was none too happy to be found.
  "I traced you through Ren."   "You know Ren? You as much of a loser as
that good for nothing brother of yours?"   "I'm sorry, but Ren is dead.
He, uh, died in Las Vegas, a few weeks ago."   Marie didn't miss a beat,
"good riddance!"   "He was your son! How can you say such a thing?"   "He
was nothing but trouble from the day you both were born. I've always
wished I'd taken you, or better yet, left both of you with the asshole and
his prissy little wife."    Renfield felt as if the rug had been pulled
out from under him. "So you didn't take him because you loved him?"  
Marie laughed hysterically, a laugh that Renfield had heard before, in
Armando Langoustini's foyer. "Love? Honey, ain't nobody gonna to love me,
and I gotta return the favor." She sized up 'the other one'. "You didn't
answer my question. You amount to anything?"   Renfield hesitated. "My
wife and I own a bookshop in Chicago..."   "God, you're married? Got
kids?"   Renfield sighed. "No...she's not able..."   "Thank God! Brats,
all of them. You and your poor excuse for a brother, all of you. How I
hate kids."   Renfield didn't know what else to say. Then he remembered
something his father had told him. "My father told me you were an artist,
so am I." He sounded like a little boy trying desperately to impress his
parent. He failed.   "Ever sell anything?" He shook his head. She stood up
and stretched to her full height. "Then, honey, you're a painter, not an
artist. There's a difference." She took a long, hard look at 'the other
one'. "Danny and I always told Ren he was the loser, and that I should
have taken you. Looks like we were right."   Renfield was at a loss as to
what to say now. He looked around the shabby room. Stained wallpaper and
peeling paint. Faded abstract paintings he assumed were hers. Tattered
furniture and worn rugs. This is what his life would have been like if she
had chosen to take him instead of Ren.	 "Danny was your husband?"   Marie
was lost in thought for a moment. "Son of a bitch that he was. Ren killed
him. He was beating me, but that was nothing new, did it a lot of times.
Ren wasn't protecting me, don't get any ideas that he had any chivalrous
thoughts. He just figured he'd get away with it if he were protecting his
mommy. I guess it worked. Got me off the hook with the SOB anyway. I guess
I should be grateful to Ren for that at least." She frowned as she shook
off the past. "What do you want with me, anyway?"   "I...I...just wanted
to...to...meet you...I guess. I don't really know..."   "You came all the
way from Chicago and you don't know why? You're as nuts as Ren was."  
Renfield felt an overwhelming pity for Ren. To grow up with two such
people must have been intolerable. And it had almost happened to him. He
was suddenly extremely sorry for the horrible things he had said to his
father.   "I'm sorry to have bothered you."   "Going back to the little
woman?" Her sarcasm disgusted him.   "I'm going back to my posting at the
Canadian Consulate." The pride in his voice was unmistakable.   "You work
at a consulate?" She laughed. "What are you, the janitor?"   "I'm a
Constable with the RCMP!"   "You're a COP? Get the hell out of my place!"
She shouted at him. "There is no way I've got a son who's a COP. You
bastard, get out!"   Renfield was more than happy to oblige. Slamming the
door behind him he knew that Marie Laurier Brock had been right about one
thing, she didn't have a son who was a cop, he could never consider her
his mother. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   Kerri sat in the tearoom with her
head buried in her hands for quite awhile after Ray left. Well, for better
or worse, now everyone would know. She just wasn't sure how she felt about
it. On the one hand, she wouldn't have to hide from them any more, or
stall or be evasive. But on the other hand, having everyone know just made
his being gone all the more...final. Kerri finally decided it didn't
really matter how she felt, the situation was no longer under her control.
She laughed to herself, kind of like how it was with Renfield.   Kerri
wasn't surprised that within thirty minutes there was another knock on the
front door. She was surprised at who was there, or more precisely, who
wasn't there. When she raised the shade Benton was standing on the
sidewalk, alone.   "Ray called, and I had to come by to see how you are,"
he said as she let him in. Once inside the shop, Fraser turned to study
her face very closely.   "Yes, the bruises are almost gone. Actually, I
don't think anyone would even notice them any more." Kerri sighed, knowing
full well that that was not what Benton had come to see her about.   "I
didn't mean to stare, sorry. But that's not what..."   Kerri knew how hard
it was for Benton to talk about personal matters, and was actually touched
that he would put aside his discomfort for her. She decided to accept his
gesture of friendship, and let him off the hook. "I know, Benton, you're
here because you're concerned about Renfield."   "And you. Would you tell
me what's happened? Ray just said that Turnbull left, and you don't know
where he is."   "That's about the size of it. He had a horrible fight with
his father and...me, and then he left. That was well over two weeks ago."
  "May I ask what you fought about?"   Kerri smiled at her friend. He was
her friend too, and not just because of his relationship with Renfield or
her relationship with Meg. "After we came home from Las Vegas he... well,
he wouldn't come near me. He withdrew farther and farther, until I felt I
had no other choice, I called his father. I know now that he will never
forgive me for that. Robert came to see us, and Renfield just blew up. He
said some awful things to Robert, and to me."   Fraser sighed as he ran
his thumbnail across his eyebrow. "I was afraid he'd have trouble handling
Laurier's...death. To shoot a man, whether in self defense or not, is
never an easy thing for any God fearing person, but to have that person be
your brother, twin brother, is almost unthinkable."   "I think he felt
like he had killed himself. He was so confused and, and scared, and I just
couldn't reach him." Kerri was horrified that she was close to tears. She
had cried enough, she would NOT cry again.   Fraser also saw the tears
forming and his heart went out to her. "You told Ray you don't know where
Turnbull went?"   "I have no idea." She laughed quietly. "He sure didn't
go to his father." Kerri looked into Fraser's concerned eyes, "I'm sorry I
didn't tell you before, but Renfield threatened...he threatened to never
come back if I sent you after him. He accused us, all of us, of treating
him like a child." Fraser recognized Kerri's habit of biting her lip to
keep from crying. In the time he had known her he had seen that gesture
countless times. He had hoped that after Turnbull gave her the bookshop he
would only see it stemming the flow of happy tears. "Did I do that,
Benton? Treat him like a child?" She asked softly.   "I've never seen you
treat Turnbull with anything but love. That's what's so amazing about your
relationship with him, you both respect each other so much. I'm sure he
didn't mean any of what he said." Fraser was a master at hiding what he
felt, so Kerri was not able to see the doubt in his mind.   Kerri tossed
her hair over her shoulder and pursed her lips. "Respect or not, he's not
coming back. I'm smart enough to figure out at least that much."   Fraser
was stunned, the thought that Turnbull would never come back had not even
crossed his mind. "You can't know that, Kerri. He'll come to his senses,
he always has."   "I can't count on that. I won't count on that. I am
doing the best I can at getting on with my life. A life without Renfield."
  "When Stan gets back from the conference in Florida we could take some
time to look for him?" But Fraser knew that finding Turnbull and
convincing him to come back were two entirely different matters.   "I know
you would be able to find him and I firmly believe you would make it look
easy, but don't look for him on my account. I know he no longer loves me,
I've accepted that. I don't know if I could stand to see him, knowing how
he feels..."   "But how do you feel?"   "I really don't know. Renfield
chose to stop loving me, but he didn't give me the same option. I suppose
a part of me will always love him, but the biggest part just can't stand
the pain."   "What will you do if he comes back?" Fraser would bet, not
with money mind you, but he'd bet she hadn't thought about that.   Kerri
turned away from him and walked toward the back of the shop. "I'll just
have to cross that bridge when I come to it. But it's a moot point,
because he's not going to come back."   Fraser could tell from the set of
her shoulders as he followed her that Kerri firmly believed what she had
said. This was far worse than he had imagined. "You can't be sure
that...What's going on in here?" They had come to the back of the
building, and entered the children's reading room.   "I'm moving the
children's books to a smaller area, and putting in video tapes. My
distributor says that it's a great way to make more money. What do you
think?"   Fraser had to stop himself before saying what he really thought.
She was eliminating Turnbull from her life...no, he had already done that,
and she was just trying to deal with it.   Fraser had some graphic
memories of the things that had gone on in this room. Seeing Turnbull
reading 'A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court' dressed as Merlin
the Magician brought a smile to his face. He would forever have etched in
his mind the vision of Turnbull reading 'Peter Pan' to the children. The
image of Renfield Turnbull in green tights was...well, it was worth
forgetting.   "Are you sure this is what you really want to do?"   Kerri
was immediately defensive. "Yes! I don't have a second income to help run
this place on now, and I..." her voice cracked, "I need the money."  
Fraser felt an almost uncontrollable desire to take her in his arms, but
resisted the urge. He just wasn't sure what to do.   Kerri realized Fraser
was not in favor of the changes she was making, and felt she needed to
change the subject. "Where's Meg?"   'Of course!' Fraser thought, 'Meg
will know what to do to help Kerri. They've become such good friends.'
Unfortunately..."She's in Ottawa. Inspector Meers called her to testify
regarding one of her former superior officers. She won't be back for
several days."   Kerri was extremely disappointed not to be able to talk
to her friend, but she'd survive. She was getting very good at surviving.
  "May I help you with any of this?"   Kerri was again touched by Benton's
concern. She was proud to call him her friend. "No, thank you. I'm pretty
much done for the day. I still get awfully tired." Seeing his concern she
hurried on, "but I'm much better. My shoulder is still a little sore,
especially after I fell..." Oh damn, she hadn't meant to tell any one
about that!   "You fell? Did you aggravate the injury? Did you see a
doctor? When...?"   "I'm fine, Benton. I just tripped over Dickens. He's
been very solicitous since...for the last few weeks, and he just got in my
way. Please, I will be fine. Lance is here during the day, and I have
plenty to occupy myself in the evenings. I'll be fine." Fraser followed
her to the front door. "Don't tell Meg about any of this, please? She's
too far away to do anything, and she'll just worry..."   "I'm sorry Kerri,
I'm afraid I can't do that. Meg will have to know, because if he doesn't
report for work tomorrow, Constable Turnbull will be AWOL."
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   Renfield left the path and walked across the
neatly manicured grass. The markers lay flat against the ground, but he
knew where he was going. This place, down the hill and right under the elm
tree was only just a few rows away from Melanie and Meghan. He'd always
wondered if they were together now, his mother, his wife and his daughter,
a grandmother, a mother and a daughter. God, how he missed all of them!
But today he was here to talk specifically to his mum.   He found the
stone in the grass and stared at the inscription before laying flowers
next to it. He knew it was silly, to come here to talk to her, but he felt
so close to her here and he always had.    "Hi, Mum. It's been a long
time, I know, but I had to come to say I'm sorry. For the briefest time I
forgot how much you loved me and how much I loved you. I found out about
Marie Laurier and Ren and I was very angry with you and Dad for not
telling me." He hung his head at the admission. "I understand now why you
never told me, it was to protect me from being hurt. Just like you always
did, huh? You were protecting me. I'm sorry I forgot that. You are the
best Mum any son could ever ask for...and I...I miss you." He sighed as he
told her the rest. "Kerri's never going to forgive me for the way I
treated her. She tried to help me and I turned on her. Why do I always do
that, turn my anger toward the one's I love the most?" He hung his head
and shuffled his feet. "I'm sorry Mum, please forgive me?"   He closed his
eyes and prayed for a moment before he walked away with tears in his eyes
and a smile on his lips. He knew beyond any doubt that his mother forgave
him. ~~*~~*~~*~~* He had spoken to his mother, now it was time to speak
with his father. Renfield stood on the sidewalk outside the house where
he'd grown up. For the first time in his life he was unsure whether or not
he would be welcome here. He stood for the longest time, memories flooding
in upon him, bringing with them lightness to his soul, and tears to his
eyes.   He took in the wide porch with the hanging baskets of pink and
white geraniums. He could never remember their names, but his dad knew the
variety of every plant in his garden. The wicker rocking chairs needed
tending to. They usually had a fresh coat of paint by this time. His dad
obviously had other things on his mind. The garden needed weeding too. It
was unlike his father to ignore his garden.    Renfield remembered as if
it were yesterday when he had tripped over his big feet and fallen off the
porch. He couldn't have been more than four at the time, and he cried
hysterically as the blood poured from his chin. He remembered his mum
scooping him up and holding him close as his father drove them to the
hospital. He had cried for his mum as the nurse tried to take him from
her, and his mum had refused to let him go. She held him tightly as the
doctor put stitches in his chin. He remembered vividly, when it was all
over, asking her why she was crying too. She had told him that when he
hurt she hurt too, and that's what being his mum was all about, sharing
the good stuff and the bad stuff.   He remembered just as easily a time he
had yelled at her. They were standing on the porch with his friends and
she wouldn't let him go off and play before he had finished his homework.
It was shortly before she died, so he must have been about twelve, and he
thought he knew everything, he was certainly smarter than his mother was.
He smiled as he remembered her interceding for him with his dad when he
had failed history that year. And he remembered the long evenings during
that summer when, after working in the bakery all day and fixing dinner
for him and his dad, she had helped him to catch up with his studies.  
Renfield hoped that his father loved him as much as his mum had, and could
be as forgiving as she had been. For the first time in his life he knocked
on the front door, rather than just walking in.    If his dad was
surprised to see him, Renfield did not see it on his face. "Hello, Dad.
May I please come in?"   "I told you along time ago you'd always be
welcome here, Son." Robert held the door open, both to his home and to his
heart, and let his son walk in.   Renfield walked to the center of the
living room and stood with his back to his father. "I've made a real mess
of things, haven't I?"   Robert smiled as he tried to lighten Renfield's
mood. "It wouldn't be the first time." When his son didn't turn to face
him, Robert continued, "Son, I made the biggest mistake." He walked up
behind his son and put his arm around his shoulders. "I'm sorry we never
told you about your brother."   Renfield turned to face his father, and
before he knew it his father held him in his arms. Just as he had for most
of Ren's life, Robert comforted his son. "It's going to be okay now, the
anger has passed. Things can start to return to normal." When Renfield did
not respond, Robert continued, "things can return to normal?"   "The
things I've done...the things I said...you must be so ashamed of me..."  
Robert pushed his son to arm's length and looked him in the eye.
"Renfield, sit down. I know I've told you this before, but it bears
repeating, especially now." Robert made sure that his son was comfortable
before he began to say what he knew Renfield needed to hear. "When my
grandfather came to this country he wanted nothing more in life than to
leave a legacy to his children and his children's children. The only thing
he knew was baking, so he did the obvious. When he died he left the bakery
to my father and my Uncle James. When James was killed in North Africa
during World War II my father never missed a beat, he took over the
business and he and my mum ran it until the day he died."   "Then my mum
ran the whole thing single handedly until I was old enough to take it
over. Only I didn't want to do it, I had to see the world, just like my
Uncle James, I thought I wanted to be more than the son of a baker. It
took me awhile, but I finally realized that I couldn't change who I was.
Being the son of a baker...being a baker, was, and is who I am, and it's
been a pretty darn good life, and has been something I am proud of."
Robert tried to smile at Ren, but his son wasn't looking at him, but out
the window at the yard where he had played as a child. "Renfield, the
point of all this is that we all have choices to make. When you chose to
be a teacher, and then later to join the RCMP I was very proud of your
choice. I was disappointed at first, sure, but being my son doesn't mean
you have to be what I am. You chose you're path and I'm proud of the
choices you've made. I have never been ashamed of you in your entire
life."   Robert smiled at the sheepish grin from his son. "If you can
forgive me for keeping the truth from you, I can certainly forgive you for
the things you said. It's time we moved on..."   Renfield moved from where
he was sitting to stand and stare at the yard. When he turned back to face
his father there were tears in his eyes.   "Ren, what is it?"	Renfield
hung his head and shuffled his feet, just as he had done at the cemetery
earlier in the day, and the year he had failed history. "Renfield?"  
Mortified at breaking down in front of his father, Renfield tried to
quickly dry his tears. "I...I was so upset, I took it all out on Kerri. I
said some awful things to her...before I left."   "You left her?" Robert
was flabbergasted. Renfield just nodded. "Dear God, Renfield, when?"  
"She didn't call you? I was sure...but no, I threatened...dear God, Dad,
she'll never forgive me for what I did." He looked like he was about to
lose him composure again.   "How long have you been gone?"   "Over two
weeks."   "And you haven't talked to her?"   "No, Sir."    "Where have you
been?"   "Among other things, I...I tracked down Marie Laurier...Brock."  
Robert was rendered speechless, and Renfield saw him pale considerably. He
helped his father to a chair and ran to the kitchen to get him a glass of
water. Robert drank down the entire glass before he could speak. "After
all these years, you...you found her? We searched everywhere...we wanted
so much to have both of you with us, we tried so hard to find them. How
did you..."   "It wasn't hard to track her down, Ren was an escaped felon,
she was listed as his next of kin. I'm sorry, Dad, I had to meet her. I
thought she would love me, I needed her... needed her to tell me about my
brother. I thought..." He hung his head in shame. "I don't know what I
thought."    When Robert made no attempt to reply, Renfield could tell he
had hurt him very deeply, again. "I went to see Mum today."   "You went to
the cemetery?" Robert whispered. "Why?"   "To apologize...and to tell her
I love her, and that she was...and is, the best mum a son could ever have.
Remember how she loved red and white carnations, the ones that smell like
spice? I took her some." Renfield hesitated, "I need to tell you the same
things I told her. I'm sorry Dad, for the things I said, and for the way I
hurt you. I should have never done..."   Robert just shook his head in
dismay. "You may physically resemble Marie Laurier, but some times you are
so much like me, so much like all of us, its scary." Renfield wrinkled his
brow in confusion. "One thing the Turnbull men all have had in common is
the women we choose to spend our lives with. I never knew my grandmother,
but my mother was one of the strongest women I have ever known. Lizzy was
even stronger, and loved me in spite of myself. She loved you as much as
if you were her own." Robert laughed softly to himself, "and I have never
been prouder of you than the day I met Kerri. You know, of course, that
she is the only woman in the world for you? None of us, my father, me or
you would have amounted to a hill of beans without them."   "I can forgive
you for the things you said to me, but I can never forgive you if you let
her get away. She is the only one who is blameless here, and the one who's
been hurt the most. You have got to go back to Chicago and win her back.
Lizzy came back to me, Kerri has to come back to you." Robert's intensity
surprised Renfield. "I've tried to teach you to be your own man, and I've
never tried to direct your path, but," Robert pushed his son toward the
door, "and this is an order, get out of here and go to her. Do you want me
to call her and tell her you're okay?"   Renfield smiled at his father's
offer. Two weeks ago he would have thought he was being treated like a
child. Now he knew his father offered his help only out of love. "Thanks,
Dad, but I need to handle this myself. I appreciate the offer though."  
Robert watched his son drive away. "Lizzy, he really needs you. You were
always the one who could get through to him. It's been more than twenty
years and he still needs you, we both still need you, honey," he whispered
as he closed the door.	 ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   Kerri awoke the morning
after Benton's visit knowing she needed to make a change. More than just
clearing out the reading room, she needed to treat herself to...something.
Once upon a time that something would have been chocolate, but this
circumstance called for something a little more drastic. As she got ready
to open the shop she spotted a magazine cover and knew exactly what that
something was.   She had another...errand downtown anyway, so she made the
appointment. She left Lance in charge and set out on her adventure. After
her appointment with Stanley Perdue, she dried her tears and proceeded to
Spa Paradiso Salon and Day Spa, where she'd made an appointment for 'the
works'.   Kerri hadn't treated herself to such a luxury in...well, she'd
never treated herself to such a luxury, so it was about time. It was with
only minor trepidation that she entered the spa at her appointed time.
~~*~~*~~*~~ Claude, the hair stylist, had asked her three times if she
really wanted to do it, and all three times she had been sure. Now that it
was done, well, she wasn't so sure any more. But what was done couldn't be
undone. Like it or not, Kerri would have to live with yet another life
changing decision.   As she left the spa Claude shook his head. "It's has
to be divorce, death or turning fifty. Those are the only times women want
to make a change like that. She sure isn't fifty, so someone must have
left her, or died. I tried to talk her out of it, I really did. But she
was determined. It does look okay doesn't it?" He turned to his companion
for a comforting word.   Carlos took him in his arms. "Your work is always
manifique! Tres manifique!" Claude was vastly relieved. ~~*~~*~~*~~ By the
time Kerri returned to the shop it was almost closing time. She hesitated
as she walked through the back door. Dickens bounded toward the sound of
the door opening but slid to a halt upon seeing her and growled. Lance was
close behind.   "I'm glad you're ba...back! Detective Kowalski has been
waiting for you for an hour, and he's about to drive me nuts!" Lance liked
Kerri far too much to make any further comment.   Stan came toward the
storeroom at the first sound of Kerri's voice ready to yell at, or comfort
her, he had yet to decide which. As soon as he saw her he decided. "What
the hell have you done to your hair?" Her beautiful, long blonde hair was
now almost as short as his, and was bordering on being...pink. It was the
most god-awful thing Stan had ever seen.   "Nice to see you too, Stanley.
I got it cut. I wanted a change. I thought..." Kerri burst in to tears and
ran up the stairs.   "Oh, that was real good, Mr. Tact. How could you say
something like that to her?" Lance was about three steps behind Kerri when
Stan grabbed his arm.   "No, I'll go. I'm the one who opened my big mouth
and inserted my foot - again." Why the hell was he always saying the wrong
thing to her?   Stan found Kerri on the bed in the guestroom, crying her
eyes out. He hesitated to enter, he'd had fantasies about her in this
room, and it scared the hell out of him, but he just couldn't bear to see
her cry.   "Kerri, I'm sorry. I didn't mean ta hurt yer feelins. It just
took me by surprise, that's all." He sat on the bed next to her and tried
to pull her into his arms.   "It l...looks aw...awful," she sobbed.   Stan
laughed. "There's not one thing bout you that 'looks awful'. Yer the most
beautiful woman I've ever met. Pink hair 'n all."   Kerri sat up, sniffed,
and wiped her eyes. "It's not pink, it's supposed to be strawberry
blonde."   Stan touched her bangs. "Sorry, honey, it's pink."   His grin
was infectious and Kerri began to chuckle softly. "It is, isn't it? I
really just wanted something a little different..."   Stan grabbed some
tissues and dabbed her eyes. That's when he saw the tiny scar at the
outside corner of her eye. He frowned briefly and then grinned again.
"Well, ya certainly got different."   He watched her for several moments
before continuing. "Honey, why didn't ya call me? I coulda helped. I
promised ta look out fer you guys, 'n I blew it."   "He didn't want
anyone's help, Stan. He...just didn't want anyone around, even me."  
"Fraser said ya don't want us ta find him?" He was having an awful time
getting past her very short, pink hair.   "It wouldn't do any good. You
can't force him to come back, and I don't want him to come back here."  
That's what Fraser had said, but Stan still didn't believe it. "Kerri,
look me in the eye 'n tell me ya don't love Turnbull."   She looked
straight at him. "It doesn't matter what I feel, he doesn't love me. And
you know as well as I do it takes two. I've been through a lot these past
few weeks too, and I do not have the strength to hold up both ends of this
relationship. So, to answer your question," she paused only briefly, "no,
I do not love Renfield, at least not enough to try any more." Kerri got up
and left the stunned Kowalski alone. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   Renfield
returned to Chicago totally unaware of all that had happened while he was
gone. He hadn't been in touch with anyone, at first because he didn't want
to see, let alone speak, to any of them, and later, much later, because he
was ashamed of what he'd done. He promised himself he would spend the rest
of his life making it up to Kerri. He had to smile, his dad had done much
the same thing with his mum.   He came to stand in front of the dry
cleaners across the street from the bookshop shortly before closing time.
He desperately wanted to run in there right this minute, but knew he
needed to wait until the last customer was gone.   While he waited he let
his mind wander back to the days before he had bought the building. Mr.
Murphy had talked about retiring ever since they had known him, and Kerri
loved the bookshop so much. When she had gotten sick, and been so terribly
depressed, it had seemed the most natural thing in the world to buy the
place for her. They'd been happy there, and Renfield was determined that
they would be again.   He smiled as he remembered the day he'd presented
it to her. There were few times he could remember that he'd been able to
render her speechless. It had tickled him to death to see her face, and
hear the applause from the spectators on the sidewalk. She had even loved
that silly puppy. Yes, he was determined that they would be happy there
again.   Renfield saw Lance preparing to lock the front door, and
proceeded to cross the street. He was confused because he knew Lance had
seen him, but he locked the door anyway. Renfield was forced to knock on
the door of the building he owned, and he was not pleased.   A response
was very slow in coming. Finally, after he knocked a second time, Lance
let him in. "What do you want, Mr. Turnbull?" Renfield was shocked at the
anger in Lance's voice. He was normally a rather mild mannered man.   "To
begin with, I live here, and I would like to see my wife. You can leave
now."    "I'll wait for Kerri to tell me to leave, if you don't mind."  
"Lance, are you talking to Dickens again?" Kerri called from upstairs.  
"No, there's someone here to see you. I won't leave until you come down."
Lance shouted the words up the stairs, but they were meant for Renfield's
ears.   They heard her coming down the stairs, moving noticeably slower
now than in months past. "Who's here..." She stopped dead with one foot
still on the bottom step.   "Hello, Kerri," Renfield was so glad to see
her it caused him physical pain to restrain himself from sweeping her into
his arms.   "I think you can go now Lance," she whispered.   "Are you
sure? I can stay if you need me...for anything."   Kerri turned to him and
smiled. She knew exactly what he meant, and she loved him for it. "No,
I'll be fine. Really, go home and enjoy your evening."   "Call me if you
need anything...any help." Lance really didn't want to go, and even
thought about calling for help. "You want me to call Detective Kowalski?"
He whispered to her as she let him out.   "No. I'll be fine. I promise to
call if I need anything. Thanks, Lance. Goodnight."   Before she had
finished locking the door Renfield came up behind her. "You cut your
hair," he whispered.   "Yes." 'At least it's not pink anymore,' she
thought.   Renfield had no idea that it was already a sore point with her,
so he continued, "I've always liked it long."    "Well, I needed a change,
and you weren't here to consult."   He realized he'd said something he
shouldn't, and tried desperately to remember the eloquent speech he'd
prepared for this moment. He couldn't remember a word. Then he noticed the
mess in his reading room.   "What's happened here?" He was alarmed.  
"Renfield, why are you here?"   He didn't know what to say. Kerri had
never been so cold toward him. "I live here," he whispered.   Kerri's
reaction surprised him. She just stared. He thought he saw fear in her
eyes momentarily, and then resignation.   Without a word she turned and
went back up stairs. Confused, Renfield followed. He stood in the doorway
to their bedroom and watched as she pulled out her old suitcase and
started to pack. "Kerri, why are you packing?"   "If you're going to move
back here then I have to find another place to live."   "This is your
home..."   "You own the building."   "But I gave it to you, you know
that..."   "No Renfield, I don't know that. And you are the sole owner,
according to Stanley Perdue."   "What? You went to see our attorney? Why?"
  "I had to know what my options were. Since you own the bookshop and the
apartment, apparently I have very few." She continued to pack as Renfield
stumbled over his words.   "This bookshop was always for you, I never
meant it for just me! I gave it to you. It's in my name because I wanted
to surprise you. This is your home, Kerri, please don't leave. We can work
something out..." This conversation sounded eerily familiar.   Kerri
stopped packing long enough to look at him. She desperately wanted to stay
here, she loved this place so much. But to stay this close to Renfield was
more than she could stand. They could not both live here. She would have
to figure something...   Renfield interrupted her thoughts. He was
standing near the closet, frowning at the uniform hanging there. "Kerri,
what happened to my tunic? It looks like someone slept in it."   "Someone
did. I was lonely and you weren't here." Kerri shrugged her shoulders and
admitted the truth matter-of-factly. "I needed you to hold me and you
wouldn't, so I slept with it. As simple as that. I'll get it cleaned
tomorrow."   Dear God! He'd known he'd hurt her, he just hadn't realized
how much. He'd been right when he had told his dad she'd never forgive
him. "God, Kerri, I'm so sorry. I never meant..."   "I'm going to bed
now."   "Kerri, it's only 8:00. Maybe we could talk a little bit?"   "I've
been sleeping a lot lately." Without another word she left the room and
went into the guestroom. It was then Renfield realized she'd been sleeping
on that horribly uncomfortable little bed, obviously avoiding their bed.
If he'd had a gun at that moment he would have shot himself for how he'd
hurt her. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   Kerri awoke the next morning to the
most wonderful aroma. For a brief moment she was back in time several
weeks, and Renny was cooking her breakfast. But when she turned over in
the horribly lumpy bed she remembered. Renny had left her, and would never
cook breakfast for her again. Renfield had come back to the bookshop, but
this would never again be their home.   She got up, showered, and got
ready for work. Walking into the kitchen she ignored the poached eggs with
asparagus and lemon dill sauce and pemeal bacon, her very favorite
breakfast, and grabbed a granola bar. She also ignored the man who had
prepared them.   Lance showed up, on time as usual, without one question.
Kerri silently blessed his discretion. Their morning was uneventful,
rather busy, but nothing they couldn't handle. Kerri was grateful that
they were busy enough for her to keep her mind off her problems. By
lunchtime she was famished. The granola bar she had eaten four hours
earlier had long since worn off, and she was anxious to get upstairs and
find something to eat.	  She smelled the familiar aroma before she was
halfway up the stairs. Tomato soup and grilled cheese, the same lunch he
had fixed for her when he'd brought her home from Meg's after her
miscarriage. Renfield was trying hard to make up with her, but Kerri found
she didn't care. She grabbed a banana and went back to work without even
noticing Renfield's crestfallen look.   Kerri and Lance worked late that
night, Kerri not wanting to venture upstairs, and Lance not wanting to
leave her alone. Finally she could no longer deny that she was completely
done in. "Lance, don't you have a life? Why don't you go home and get some
rest, or better yet, find a girl and have a nice dinner somewhere?"  
Lance was touched that she could be concerned for him when so much was
wrong with her own life. "My life is here, among these tomes..." He
couldn't finish the sentence before they both laughed. It was so good to
hear Kerri laugh. "I'll stay here as long as you need me."   "I don't need
you - go home!" She smiled at the young man, "thanks for your concern. I'm
sorry that you have to be involved in all this. You're help is certainly
worth more than I'm able to pay you."   "Ah, but the experience is worth
it." Lance laughed again, as he headed for the door. "Call me if you need
anything." He glanced at her arm just briefly, but Kerri caught the look.
  Dear God, no! "Lance, you don't think Renfield was responsible for the
bruises I had?" Kerri was horrified that anyone would think that Renfield
was capable of such a thing, and from the look on Lance's face she
realized that's exactly what he thought. "Oh, no! He would never do such a
thing! We...we just ran into some, some trouble in Las Vegas. Please, you
have to believe me, I don't want you to think that of Renfield."   Lance
still wasn't too sure. He'd seen the way Kerri had reacted to seeing her
husband, and put two and two together. "You wouldn't lie just to protect
him?"   Kerri had to think about that a moment. Would she lie to protect
Renfield? She had to admit to herself that she wasn't sure. "I don't know.
Someday maybe I'll tell you about what happened in Las Vegas, but I want
you to know that none of it was Renfield's fault. What's happened since,
well, he just had a lot of things to deal with, and he didn't do it very
well."   Lance was convinced, but just barely. If he saw any more evidence
of abuse he'd have to report it...but all their friends were cops, so who
the heck would he tell? Kerri locked up behind him, and left a slightly
confused grad student standing on the street.   Kerri trudged up the
stairs to their apartment, only vaguely aware of the aroma from the
kitchen wafting her way. At the top of the stairs she was greeted with one
of Renfield's fairyland table settings and chicken caruso, the very first
meal he had ever cooked for her. She saw him standing by the table, ready
to pull a chair out for her, with a hopeful look on his face.   Kerri
proceeded to the guest bedroom and prepared for bed, giving the look of
profound hurt on Renfield's face only a passing glance.    Renfield stared
after Kerri as she closed the bedroom door behind her. He still had not
had the opportunity to apologize to her for how he had treated her, and he
knew now he would probably never get that opportunity. He had no one to
blame but himself. He had left her, after all. Being more concerned with
his own feelings, he had walked out on her, leaving her alone to suffer
the pain of her beating. He'd even warned her not to ask for help from
their friends. He deserved no more from her than he was getting, but it
was killing him. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   Renfield spent the rest of the
evening staring at the moon shining in their bedroom window. He tried his
best not to think of the first time he and Kerri had made love, in the
moonlight in his old apartment, but it was impossible to resist the moon's
magnetism. He had been happier then than at any other time in his life. He
thought back to the day that he had met Kerri and how he'd fallen in love
with her almost from that moment. She was so beautiful and she had chosen
him! Chosen him over Constable Fraser! It still tickled him to think of
it.   Dear God, he'd hurt her so badly! She had to forgive him. He had to
convince her to forgive him, he just didn't know if he could ever forgive
himself.   Just as Kerri avoided their bed, Renfield couldn't bear to
sleep there either. He chose to sleep on the floor. In preparing for a
night's sleep he opened his drawer in their dresser to put away his watch.
What he found there told him that he would never be able to convince Kerri
to forgive him.    On their wedding night she had told him she would never
take them off, that they symbolized their love, and as long as she lived
she would never remove the rings he had given her. But there they were,
tossed carelessly in his drawer.   He took the tiny rings into his large
hand and squeezed them until they cut into his flesh. Never in his life
had he felt so lost, so completely desolate. Kerri had done everything she
could, short of ordering him off the premises, to show him she didn't love
him any more. Well now he knew, and now he accepted it. Heaven help him,
now he accepted it.   He took the rings into the kitchen and found a pen
and paper. He wrote her a short note and then grabbed the still packed
duffel bag and left their home.   He was back to walking the streets of
Chicago, but this time he had a destination. He knew where he could find a
place to sleep in the comfort of familiar surroundings and a place to bury
his pain. He headed for the Consulate. ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   Bright
and very early Monday morning Meg arrived for work. Since Ben had moved in
with her she found she rose very early. While he took Diefenbaker for a
walk, she got an early start on the day's business. Inserting her key in
the lock, she was extremely surprised to find the door already unlocked.
Her surprise at finding the door open was nothing compared to the surprise
that awaited her once she was inside.    Startled by her early arrival,
Constable Turnbull snapped to attention, upending his chair in the
process. They stared at each other of several seconds without speaking.
Meg was at once thrilled that he was back unharmed and in one piece, and
furious that he was back unharmed and in one piece. How dare he be okay
after they had worried about him so much! She had actually lost sleep over
his disappearance!   "It's nice of you to grace us with your presence,
Constable. Pick up your chair!" She continued in to her office and slammed
the door.   Meg marched across the thickly padded carpet of her office and
plopped down into her chair. How dare he! At least he could have had
amnesia, or been in a coma, or hit by a bus! How dare he leave them all,
especially Kerri, hanging like that? 'Oh my God,' she thought, 'does Kerri
know he's back?'   Well, she had to do something about him. He'd been AWOL
for a week; he couldn't possibly expect her to ignore what he'd done. But
she had to be careful here. Discipline for insubordination was one thing,
but she could not discipline him for hurting her friend.   After fretting
about what she would do, and allowing herself enough time to calm down,
Meg summoned Turnbull.   "Well?"   "Excuse me, Ma'am?"   "What have you
got to say for yourself?    "Pardon?"   "Where have you been? Do you
realize you have been AWOL for a week? I hope you don't think I can ignore
what you have done just because I am friends with your wife...with Kerri?"
  Turnbull was horrified. "Oh, no Sir! I would never expect special
treatment because... because..." He could not go on.   "So, are you going
to tell me where you have been? I assume you have a legitimate
explanation." 'Please give me something, some excuse, some reason to let
you off the hook', she thought.   "No, Ma'am."   "What do you mean 'no'?"
  "I have no excuse."   "You realize an official reprimand will be placed
in your personnel file, and that appropriate disciplinary action will be
taken?"   "Yes, Sir."   "I will be in touch with Ottawa regarding this
matter, Constable."   "Yes, Sir."   "Dismissed."   Turnbull was almost to
the door when Meg called to him softly, "Renfield, is everything all
right?"   He wanted to laugh. "Not really," he answered without turning
around.   "Is there anything I can do?"   Renfield hesitated with his hand
on the doorknob. He thought about his response for several seconds. "Well,
actually there is. Since Constable Fraser is no longer living here, I was
wondering if...if I could...stay in the back office...for awhile."   "Is
that what you want?" Meg whispered.   This time Renfield did laugh. "Not
really, but it's obviously what Kerri wants."   'Dear God!' "Of course,
Renfield, you may stay here as long as... as necessary."
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~     Insistent pounding on the door brought Kerri
down the stairs in a rush. It actually scared her that someone would be
pounding on her door like that. Dickens was apparently very upset too, if
his insistent barking was any indication.   "Shh, it's okay boy. Someone
just doesn't realize that we're closed on Sundays." She drew back the
blind, and was greeted with the most outlandish outfit she had ever seen.
She didn't notice the woman's face, her eyes instantly drawn to the
multi-colored kaftan she wore. It reminded Kerri of something she had seen
in pictures and movies from the 1960s, garish tie-dyed fabric in primary
colors. The woman wore enough silver on her wrists to supply the US Mint
for a month. There were various stones imbedded in the silver, turquoise
being predominate. Kerri's eyes drifted to the woman's neck, where she
wore even more silver, chains with all manner of symbols hanging from
them.    When she recovered from her initial shock, Kerri looked at the
woman's face and immediately opened the door. As the woman rushed passed
her in a huff, Kerri was almost overcome with the smell of musk that hung
over the woman and extended out at least ten feet in all directions. Kerri
had let her in because she recognized her instantly; this woman was
Renfield's mother.   While the woman sized up her surroundings and Kerri,
Kerri finished studying the outlandish outfit and the woman who wore it.
She wore a turban on her head almost completely concealing her gray hair.
Kerri wondered if this woman had gotten stuck in a time warp, and thought
the date was somewhere around July 1...1967.   Kerri was shocked at
herself for being so rude, and was about to introduce herself, when the
woman started barking out orders. "I want to see him!"   "I beg your
pardon?"   "The other one, the twin, the joke, Renfield! Where is he?"  
The woman's tone immediately put Kerri on the defensive. "And you are?"  
Renfield's mother looked at Kerri as if she didn't have a brain in her
head. Kerri was used to such looks, usually from men, who thought because
of her face and figure she must be a 'dumb blonde'. They all sorely
underestimated Kerri.    "Who I am is not of your concern. I want to see
Renfield!"   "I am the proprietor of this shop and if you have business
here, you have it with me!" Kerri did not like this woman one little bit,
and intended to make her earn every piece of information she wanted.   "I
am Marie Laurier."   "Is that supposed to mean something to me?"   "I am
Renfield's mother!" She hesitated, "God, what a joke of a name! Where is
he!" It was more of a demand than a question.   "Renfield is not here. If
you wish to see him, leave a message and I will ensure he gets it." Every
word the woman said infuriated Kerri even more. And this was her
mother-in-law! Good God!   "And who are you?"   Kerri tried to calm
herself. "My name is Kerri Turnbull. Renfield is my husband."   "God, the
loser's wife! No kids right?"   "Right," Kerri whispered.   "Hate kids,
got the dregs with the two I had. Speaking of which, when's he gonna be
back? Didn't come all this way to wait."   "Did Renfield know you were
coming?" Kerri doubted that very much.   "Nah," Marie laughed, "last time
I saw him he was high tailing it out of my apartment. Threw the bastard
out. Mountie, indeed!"   Kerri's heart broke for Renfield. "Why would you
want to see him then?"   "Ren's dead. Need 'the other one' to help me out.
Figure he's gotta have some money, owning a business 'n all."   Kerri felt
an overpowering need to protect Renfield well up inside of her. Now she
had her answer: yes, she would lie to protect Renfield. "He doesn't own
this business, I do. He's not here because I threw him out. We're getting
a divorce. As to him having any money, Mounties make very little salary,
especially with as little seniority as he has. He taught school prior to
joining the force, taught small children, six and seven year olds. He
loves children, especially small ones, a great deal." Kerri smiled to
herself as she saw Marie react to her statement. Marie was disgusted.
Good!   "A Mountie and a teacher? God, he can't possibly be my son!" Marie
started to smile. "Threw him out, huh? Good riddance! Just like I told
him, he and his good for nothing brother aren't worth a thing. Too bad
though, wasted all that money getting here." She was lost in thought a
moment. "You keep it up, honey, don't take him back. You keep this
business and get as much alimony, or whatever they call it here, as you
can. All men are sons of bitches!" Marie left the bookshop with a
flourish, almost closing her kaftan in the door.   Dickens growled at the
retreating woman. Kerri scratched his head and agreed with him, "you got
that right!" Kerri was amazed at how perceptive the pup had become.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   Kerri thought about Renfield's mother for a very
long while after she flew out of the bookshop. It was very hard not to,
the 'fragrance' of the woman lingered long after she was gone. What a
totally disgusting woman! She frowned deeply, all that woman needed was a
broom! What a witch! She felt rather sorry for Ren, what must it have been
like, growing up the son of someone who obviously didn't love you? No
wonder he hated women! Kerri found that she could almost forgive him for
the way he treated her, not quite, but almost. She would never be able to
forgive him for the way he treated Renfield, however. And she would never
be able to forgive Marie for the loathing she didn't hesitate to voice
regarding Renfield.   As she thought about Marie it hit her like a ton of
bricks, Renfield had been to see her, and she had treated him just like
she had treated Ren, with contempt. 'Poor Renny, er, Renfield,' she
thought, 'all he wanted was a mother's love. And all he got was contempt.'
Kerri's heart broke for him.   Then she realized what she had done. She
was no better than Marie was, Renfield had come home, anxious to make
amends with her in any way he could and she had rejected him. Sure he had
hurt her, but what had the 'minister' asked her not a month before, 'til
ya both die'? Obviously she hadn't meant what she'd promised.   Kerri felt
the sky open and love for Renfield rain down upon her. She had been so
wrong, they both had been wrong. She had promised Robert that she wouldn't
let Renfield push her away, and then she turned right around and pushed
him away. Kerri wasn't sure what she was going to do, but she knew she had
to do something, and quickly.   She grabbed her keys, and ran for the
door. Then she remembered and ran to the alley.   She had thrown his note
away, without ever reading it. She searched through the trash like a mad
woman, knowing it was still there, somewhere at the bottom. She had to
know what he'd written to her. More than anything in her life, she had to
know!   Finally she found it, wadded up and smashed against an empty soup
can. Her hands shook as she tenderly smoothed out the crinkled paper. It
read -	  'Dear Kerri, You will never know how sorry I am that I hurt you.
I will never forgive myself for the way I treated you, and I know now that
you will never be able to forgive me either. I have no excuses to offer,
only my profound apology. These rings are yours, even though you may never
wear them again, I want you to have them. They represent so much more than
just love, they represent the commitment I made to you long before we ever
went to Las Vegas.   I pray that someday you might wear them again. I will
wait for you forever, and longer.   Renny'   More than any other part of
the note, the signature got through to her heart. She ran up the stairs
and grabbed her rings. She then ran down the stairs, through the shop and
out the front door before Dickens even had the chance to run after her.
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   Since returning to duty barely a week before,
Renfield had worked day and night, accomplishing an amazing amount in his
effort to keep busy. Inspector Thatcher and Constable Fraser were
astonished that so much quality could accompany so much quantity from the
man.    Fraser did notice that Turnbull had become rather clumsy again,
but sympathized. Love, especially the unrequited kind, could make a man do
some very peculiar things, he knew. He just shook his head and shrugged
his shoulders as he watched Turnbull trip UP the stairs while carrying a
stack of freshly laundered towels. Fortunately the towels broke his fall,
otherwise Turnbull would probably have broken some vital body part. Both
Meg and Fraser were eternally grateful that the assorted crockery around
the Consulate seemed to be safe, for the time being at least.    To those
who knew him only as a casual acquaintance, there seemed to be little
change in Constable Turnbull, but to those who knew him well, especially
Meg, Fraser and Stan, the changes were profound. He was no longer the
happy, forever smiling, personable young Constable that they found so
infuriating - and so endearing. He was still pleasant to be around but
they all noticed how disconnected he seemed, living but not participating
in the world around him. Oh, he smiled when necessary, but only when
necessary, and never with conviction.   None of his friends seemed to know
what to do about the situation. In a vain attempt to cheer him up, Ray
asked him to come to a hockey game with him, Fraser and Kowalski.   
"Thanks, Ray, but I think I'll just catch up on some work here this
evening."   "Come on man, life goes on, ya can't hide here forever." Ray
could tell he'd overstepped his bounds with his new friend. "Sorry, buddy.
I know this is a big mess, I just wanna help."   "Understood." Turnbull
answered a ringing phone and effectively ended the conversation.   Early
that evening Renfield was alone in the Consulate, trying his best to bury
himself in mounds of paperwork. He had the fax machine cranking out
reports from Ottawa and the copy machine humming printing reams of
handouts for Inspector Thatcher's next quarterly budget meeting.   He was
pleased with the progress he was making, but slightly concerned that he
might run out of work before he was exhausted enough to fall into a
dreamless sleep. It was just about this time that the 'low toner' light
lit up the control panel of the copy machine.    "Drat!" Knowing that he
was more all thumbs than usual when it came to warning messages on this
blasted machine, Renfield dreaded having to change the toner cartridge,
but if he wanted to continue working...he went to the supply closet to
find a cartridge.   The fax machine and his computer printer were working
overtime as he returned to the cramped, stuffy copy room with the toner.
He spent the next several minutes doing battle with the cartridge, the
cartridge wounding him mortally, if the black toner all over his hands and
face was any indication.   "Drat!" He slammed his palms down on the
infernal machine and hung his head in despair. He was about to admit
defeat when a small, soft hand, wearing his grandmother's wedding rings
reached around him and rested on his arm.    "I'd...I'd like to help
you...if you'll let...if you want me," Kerri whispered above the noise of
the machines.   Renfield exhaled deeply. It was several seconds before he
could make his mouth work to form a response. "I...I just can't do
this...this without you. I need you...I need your help..." He had to
concentrate on keeping his breathing even, for fear of hyperventilating.  
"I know," she sighed. "I tried...I was...I'm just not...damn!" She had to
close her eyes and take a deep breath before she could find the right
words. "It seems that whatever happens to us we can handle it a whole lot
better together than we can separately."   Kerri was still standing behind
and slightly to his side when he turned and gathered her into his arms. 
~~*~~*~~*~~   "It's not exactly 'ice' hockey, they play it on
rollerblades. Kowalski, I told ya Fraser's a hockey snob." Ray was feeling
pretty good to be needling Benny again. "So what if it's not on ice, it's
still hockey. Lighten up, Benny. We'll pull Turnbull outta there and then
we'll be on our way."   Stan and Fraser both saw the car as Stan pulled
his GTO up to the Consulate. "Hey, Frase, that's..."   "Yes, it is, that's
Kerri's car." They parked next to the Playboy Pink '65 Mustang
convertible, yet another thing Stan loved about her. Fraser was fond of
telling him he liked her car more than he liked her. Stan knew that to be
untrue...well, sort of untrue. It was a really fine specimen of American
automotive technology, after all.   "Ya think we otta go in an see if they
need our help?" Stan asked as he drooled at the sight of the car.   
Vecchio laughed out loud. "Turnbull can be kinda goofy at times, but I
don't think he needs our help, at least not in that department!"   "That's
not what I meant, 'n you know it!"   "I think Constable Turnbull and Kerri
are perfectly capable of reconciling without our assistance." Fraser
didn't say so, but he was very anxious to find a phone where he could let
Meg know about the most recent 'Turnbull' development, in private. "Why
don't we just proceed with our plans for the hockey game?" Although he
could simply not imagine how anyone could play hockey on rollerblades.  
~~*~~*~~*~~   While their friends were outside the Consulate discussing
rollerblade hockey, Renfield and Kerri were inside holding each other as
if they would never let go. Kerri had her head buried against his t-shirt
listening to his heartbeat, and Renfield rested his cheek against the top
of her head, reveling in the feel of her in his arms.    Finally, when all
the machinery stopped and the room was quiet, and Kerri was covered in
almost as much toner as he was, Renfield asked the question he had
convinced himself he would never be given the opportunity to ask. "Kerri,"
he whispered, "may I come home?" ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   They held hands
but didn't speak during the short ride home, afraid to break the spell.
Renfield had no idea what had caused Kerri's change of heart and he didn't
care. All he cared about at this moment was the feel of her hand in his
and the glorious proximity of her body.   They left a trail of clothing
from just inside the front door, up the stairs and across the living room.
Dickens jumped up and down when he saw Renfield, but as he took a second,
closer look he decided to take up residence under the shelves in the
travel section. He'd seen them this way before, and had learned a long
time ago that when they acted like this they didn't want him around.  
Halfway across the living room, Renfield swept her into his arms and
carried her the rest of the way to their bed. He laid her down and looked
deeply into her eyes. He had to hesitate momentarily to convince himself
that this wasn't another dream, he was really home, really in their bed,
and really held her in his arms.   There were so many things he needed to
do to put things right, so many things he wanted to say, but at this
moment he could think of only three words. "I love you," he whispered.  
Those three words were just what Kerri needed to hear. She drew him down
on top of her and sighed deeply into his kiss. Renfield tried desperately
to be gentle with her, not wanting to hurt her any further, and always
aware that he was so much larger, but Kerri would have none of it. She
touched and teased him until he was completely lost. Their lovemaking was
passionate and quick, hot and completely overwhelming for both of them.  
In her arms Renfield was at last home and once again certain of who he
was. Kerri no longer doubted his love and reveled in his passion. Elvis
had said it over a month ago, 'they was now one'. It had taken them longer
than most couples to begin their married life, but they were now on the
right path.   As Kerri dozed, Renfield propped himself on his elbow and
watched her sleep. Even though the late afternoon heat had invaded their
room like an unwanted visitor who had overstayed it's welcome, he rejoiced
in the warmth of her body, so close to his. He wore the biggest smile he'd
had in, well, since their wedding night. So many things had gone wrong
since then, but now he had the chance to make them right. As he watched
her he couldn't help but touch her hair. He knew she'd cut it as an act of
independence from him, and that he was to blame. He swore to himself that
he would never tell her how much he hated it.   But there was so much more
to her than her appearance, he'd learned that about two minutes after
they'd met. He smiled more deeply as it occurred to him yet again, they
were back together, forever. He ran the back of his hand gently over her
cheek and gloried in the softness of her skin. Yes, there was a lot more
to her than physical beauty, but she certainly was as beautiful a woman as
he had ever seen. He ran his fingers across her cheek and over her
forehead, and laughed to himself when she crinkled her nose in her sleep.
  He kissed her gently on her forehead. "Lord, thank you for bringing us
back together," he whispered. "I love her so much, I know I could never
have survived without her."   It was then that he noticed it, a tiny
v-shaped scar at the outer corner of her left eye. He went cold all over
as he realized how it had gotten there. Ren. It broke his heart to see her
lovely face marred even in this small way by the evil that that man
represented. He felt the tears forming in his eyes as he touched the tiny
mark.   As he despaired over the scar Kerri opened her eyes and smiled at
him, then sighed as she interpreted the look on his face. She touched his
cheek and smiled again. "It's not that bad, it's really not," she
whispered.   "It looks...looks like a tear drop. Ren did this."   She
shifted her position slightly to face him. "Renny, Ren is gone. He passed
through our lives and left more marks than just this little one. But we've
survived it. Let's just think of this little scar as our outward mark of
victory over the evil and sadness that consumed him. I don't blame Ren any
more, we both need to forgive and...not forget...it will take a long time
to forget, but just move on."   Renny didn't look like he was convinced,
so Kerri set about persuading him with tiny kisses on his neck. When he
started to voice his objection she smothered his words with her mouth.
After the briefest of moments Renfield decided to agree with her. 
~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~   Sometime during the night, Kerri reached for
Renny and found that he was not there. A moment of panic overwhelmed her,
but then she heard a movement from across the room. Turning on her side
she saw him, staring out the window, his body barely illuminated by the
dim glow of the street light below.   Kerri smiled deeply as she watched
him, the man she loved, standing naked in the soft light. As she allowed
herself the pleasure of just drinking in the image of him, Kerri was
reminded once again that she loved more than just the heart and spirit of
Renfield, she also loved his body. The very first thing she had ever
noticed about him was his size. He was well beyond average height, with
broad strong hands and large feet. Her smile deepened, his feet caused him
to be rather clumsy at times, a quality she found terribly endearing. But
his occasional clumsiness belayed the overall power of the man. She could
see the definition of the muscles across his back, and down his thighs. He
possessed the kind of strength that could snap a smaller man in two, but
his was not a violent power, to be used in force. Renny was as gentle a
man as she had ever known. For all the brute force that his brother had
possessed, Renfield was a gentle giant. Oh, he could certainly intimidate,
and subdue when necessary, but unlike what Lance had believed, he could
never physically injure another person in anger.    He shifted his
position slightly, presenting her with a fine view of him from the front.
Then her smile really deepened. Yes, she loved Renfield's body. She knew
Marie Laurier Brock to be many things, but she had certainly produced a
fine specimen of adult manhood.   Kerri frowned slightly when she heard
him sigh. Without a moment's hesitation she hopped out of bed and went to
him, putting her arms around his waist and drawing him close to her. She
pressed her head against his chest and listened to the thundering of his
heart.   They stood that way for several minutes, holding each other
tightly, safe and secure in each other's arms. Finally Kerri felt him
inhale deeply, a shuddering breath that troubled her. Not wanting to
lessen her hold on him, Kerri whispered into his chest, "Renfield, what's
wrong?"   "I'm just so grateful that you want me back. I was so wron..."
His words were cut off by the pressure of Kerri's fingers over his lips.  
"You don't need..."    He stared deeply into her eyes as he removed her
fingers and kissed them lightly. "Yes, I do. Please, let me say this?"
Gazing into her eyes he didn't know if he could say it, words seemed to be
failing him at the moment. "The things I did...the things I said... God,
Kerri, the things I said to you...I didn't mean any of it. Meeting Ren,
learning about my past, it just scared the hell out of me. I know that's
no excuse, but I just didn't deal with it very well. I have to know, have
to hear you say that...that you to forgive me..."   Kerri was reminded yet
again why she loved him so very much. "I forgive you, but..." she stood on
her toes and kissed him lightly, "you have to know that I'll make you
pay..." she kissed him a little more deeply, "and pay..." the kisses
became increasingly most insistent, "and pay..." until her last words were
muffled by a kiss so deep and intense that she could no longer speak.  
Renny swept her into his arms and carried her to their bed. 'Yep,' Kerri
thought, 'I love his spirit, but boy, I sure love his body too!'   He laid
her on there bed and sat next to her. He had the strangest look on his
face, one that Kerri had never seen before. It didn't concern her, she was
just curious. "Renny, what is it?" She whispered as she ran her hands over
his chest.   He took her hands into his and stared deeply into her eyes.
She felt that he was seeing all the way into her soul. When he finally
spoke the love in his voice caused her heart to soar.   "Do you remember
that night in your hotel room, shortly after we met, when...when you
showed me how much you loved me?"   Of course she remembered, it had been
one of the most beautiful moments of her life. She wondered why he would
bring that up...uh, oh. "Yes..."    He leaned over her and kissed her brow
as he whispered, "it's time I responded in kind..."   Dickens was about
halfway up the stairs, figuring that it was about time that they let him
in to sleep at the foot of their bed, when he heard Kerri giggling. He
humpffed back down to plop himself under the travel shelves, knowing full
well that it would be a very long time before they paid any attention to
him again.    Epilogue   It would probably be a point of conjecture, to
anyone who might care to ponder on it, as to whether or not Renfield and
Kerri would have seen the two female figures standing in the mist below
their bedroom window. Of course Renny and his bride weren't the least bit
interested in looking any place other than into each other's eyes, but if
they had been looking they probably would not have seen the women staring
at them.   "You know we really shouldn't be watching this. It's...it's..."
  "Gratifying?"   "That's not exactly what I meant, and you know it!" The
taller of the two women smiled as she sighed. "Your son hurt my Kerri
rather badly, Elizabeth."   "Yes he did, but she has a kind heart and she
loves him very much, and knows how much he loves her. She is the perfect
choice for Ren, and vice versa. He's needed someone who could see him for
what he really is for such a long time. My death, Melly and Meggie, and
now the truth about Ren and that awful woman, Ren has had much more to
deal with than most men."   Mary could only agree. "It's taken some time,
but through all of it he's become a better man. Kerri was so lonely for
such a long time, and now she's happy, happier than I have ever known her
to be. Maybe those who have known great sadness are the only ones who can
truly know great joy. " Mary sighed and slowly shook her head. "I missed
almost all of her life. Oh sure, I could watch, and even direct when
absolutely necessary, but I feel like I missed so much."   "We both missed
out on a lot. I was there, but how I would have loved to have held little
Meggie in my arms the day she was born, or give Ren a great big hug of
pride. I would have loved for Melly to have known that I thought she was
so good for him...and I would love to tell Kerri that she is the best
daughter-in-law a mother could ask for."   Mary smiled at Elizabeth.
"We're very fortunate that we've been allowed to watch over our children
all these years. And very fortunate that we were able to bring them
together. They're still going to have to be watched very closely, but I
think they will be okay now."   "I hope so. At times it has been very hard
to watch Ren suffering. I've often thought that if I had lived he would
have been able to withstand the other tragedies in his life a little more
easily." Elizabeth laughed softly. "Listen to us, we sound like two old
women, and actually we are both younger than our children!"   "Well, maybe
chronologically, but we have a special depth of wisdom that only passing
to the other side can bring."   Renfield's mother snickered. "So, you're
saying that we're wise?" She thought about that for a minute. "I've seen
some over here that have given their children some pretty bad direction!"
Both women laughed in agreement. "But, I do have to say that your idea to
nudge Ren into buying the bookshop was inspired."   Mary returned the
compliment. "And the way you contrived to get Margaret and Benton out of
the way so Renfield could meet Kerri without outside interference, well
that was brilliant! So, yes, we are wise."   Both women laughed as they
turned to look, one last time, at the window of their children's bedroom.
"It's been awfully hard for them to get to this point, but they are very
fortunate. Not only do they have us, they also have wonderful friends that
will stand by them, no matter what."   "Meg and Ben are the best two
friends they could ask for. But I'm not so sure about Ray, that is, Stan.
He worries me."   Kerri's mother was shocked. "Elizabeth! Stan is so cute,
and he truly cares for them..."   "My point exactly. He's a little too
taken with my son's wife for my taste."   Mary had never actually voiced
it, but she had been mildly concerned about the same thing. "I've got it!
Stan's lonely, and we aren't going to have much to do from now on, Lord
willing, let's find a special friend for Stan! If we could get Renfield
and Kerri together, and, more importantly, keep them together, we can
certainly find someone for Stan."   "You're on. It may take all of our
combined wisdom, but I'd do anything to keep him away from Kerri!" Mary
frowned at her companion. "Okay, if you insist, I kind of like Stan too.
He's been there for Ren so many times I've lost count." Elizabeth shrugged
her shoulders. "All right, let's find Stan a lady." Mary didn't say it,
but wondered if a lady was what Stan would really want.   Mary walked to
the back wall of the bookshop and gently patted the brick. "Love well, my
children, your mothers are keeping watch."   Mary and Elizabeth left their
children and disappeared, arm in arm, into the mist.   The End