Stronger Than I Thought 

This is for my fellow listsibs on Serge who politely demanded an eighth
part to this series from Ray's POV. Only too happy to oblige, I've tried
to make it a compromise between a ridiculously happy ending and an
unseemingly dark one. And, yes, this is really the end! 

Stronger Than I Thought 

By: Raven 

Something told me to go see him. Hard to believe that we actually got that
kind of connection. That I could know something's wrong just like that,
for no real reason. Maybe it's just because I've always known to trust my
instinct. 

He didn't even bother to put down the gun when he answered the door at the
Consulate. 

I yelled at him. 

I don't know where the emotion came from, but I refused to have this guy's
blood on my hands. I had enough with my own. 

He broke down. Benton Fraser, asshole extraordinaire, actually started
bawling. That it was his fault I'm like I am. Funny, I always thought it
was the other way around. 

More amazing, though, is that I believed him. I've always believed him, so
why stop now? 

We both did this. I let it happen and he didn't stop it. It's both our
responsibility. But he's not my responsibility. I loved him a long time
ago and now I'm shocked to realise that I hate him. I hate his Canadian
guts bad enough to walk out of the Consulate without a glance back, even
though he's holding that gun in his hands. 

Guess I'm stronger than I thought, but not strong enough. I'll have his
blood on my hands, but I can say better his than mine. 

We both changed. Neither for the better. At least I'm stronger for what I
went through. 

Even though I expect it, I jump at the sound of the gun going off,
shattering the stillness of the night.