Part Three

With a table close to the edge of the balcony, they enjoyed the best view the restaurant had to offer. Christian watched his partner skillfully relieve the lobster of its meat, fascinated by watching Sean apply all his concentration on the most efficient and least destructive way of opening the shell. Dressed in a pair of khakis and a loose-fitting white shirt open a few buttons without a t-shirt underneath, Sean looked sexier than Christian remembered seeing him look for years. He wasn't all fastened up with a tie, or buried under two or three layers of clothing. Suddenly, Christian found himself questioning what kind of idiot he was for having turned down the chance to delve into Sean's most intimate of places, to possess him like no one else had, or would.

"Did I dribble melted butter on my shirt or something?" Sean asked, wiping his mouth with a napkin. Christian was busted, but he didn't mind.

"I like looking at you. Watching your hands while you treat that lobster like one of our paying customers to ease the meat out of it."

"Is that what I was doing?" Sean asked, amused.

"It also occurred to me that I was an asshole to you earlier."

"No, you weren't. You were honest, and after all the years I've spent playing games in a relationship, I'd rather be hit between the eyes with the truth, even if I don't like it."

"And I was thinking that I was also an idiot, because instead of sitting here with a napkin in my lap to cover the beginnings of a hard-on, I could be back at the house making love to you."

"You've got a...thinking about..."

"I'm sorry about the way I reacted earlier." Christian laid his hand, palm up, on the table, and smiled when Sean's immediately slipped into it without any hesitation or inhibition. "You offered me something amazing, and I threw it back at you. Sometimes I hurt people, and I don't know why. It's like there's something in there that makes me want to do it. I hate that I did it to you."

"Deep down, the child who had to live through all of that is still there, and still angry and hurt and scared. He's part of you, Christian, and it's not your fault. Then with what happened with Nanette Babcock–you have every right to be angry, and you need to let that out sometimes."

"I felt angry then, when I first thought about it, and I was afraid if I touched you when I felt that way, that I'd hurt you...that somehow, I'd end up taking it out on you."

"You wouldn't have done that," Sean said, squeezing Christian's hand. "You love me, and I trust you. We just needed to slow down and take a step back."

"What do you say we get a doggy-bag and get out of here?"

"I'm good with that," Sean agreed, smiling.

"You look really good tonight," Christian said, still not releasing his hand, enjoying the way Sean looked a little uneasy and embarrassed with the compliment. Sean wasn't really dressed up, not even as much as Christian was in a pale yellow shirt and white pants. Sean was on vacation, and he'd apparently vowed to himself to leave his dress clothes at home.

"I think I'm pretty under-dressed, actually," he said, looking around.

"I'd rather see you pretty undressed."

"Check please," Sean said, gesturing at the waiter. "I think that can be arranged."

********

Christian turned on the stereo in the master bedroom, and selected a few CDs to load. With soft music filling the room, he went into the bathroom, hoping the owners had a few candles on hand to go with the fireplace and the wine. He wasn't disappointed. In the linen closet were some small white votive candles in glass holders. He arranged them around the bedroom and lit them, then smoothed up the bed they'd rumpled earlier.

Sean was downstairs, following the instructions to set the security system for the night. Though both men were reveling in the fact they no longer had to look over their shoulders, they figured they owed it to the owners to maintain their practice of setting the security system each night. Christian had been happy for the chance to set up a few things to make the night special, and he was just turning out the lights–all but a small reading lamp in the corner–when Sean walked in and stood, surprised, in the doorway.

"I thought we should have a little atmosphere."

"That's why you wanted me to set the alarm, huh?" Sean asked, smiling as he took in the romantic atmosphere.

"Busted," Christian admitted. He moved toward Sean, surprising him by pulling him close and swaying a little to the music.

"I'm not much of a dancer," Sean said, and Christian chuckled.

"That's why I'm leading."

"This feels good," Sean said softly, resting his head on Christian's shoulder. They stayed that way a long time, just moving together to the quiet strains of the music, until Christian's hand strayed between them, starting to unbutton Sean's shirt. Sean responded by pulling Christian's shirt free from his pants, his own fingers moving swiftly down the front until the shirt was open.

Christian pushed Sean's shirt off his shoulders, moving in to kiss his neck, running eager lips along his collar bone and out to his shoulder as the shirt fell to the floor. Christian moved his arms long enough for Sean to divest him of his shirt, and after a long kiss, reached for the button on Sean's pants. He was still while Christian opened the pants and pushed them down, then Sean kicked them and his shoes aside. The heat of desire was rising between them now, and they quickly removed Christian's pants, then sent shoes, socks and underwear into a tangled heap in the corner.

Falling on the bed together, Sean was content to relax and let Christian take the lead. He trusted his partner completely, and was ready for him to take their lovemaking in any direction he chose.

Christian rubbed and pinched Sean's nipples, remembering how he'd responded to that stimulation before. But his mouth traveled lower, trailing maddeningly light kisses on the insides of Sean's thighs, smiling as the sensations made Sean moan and keep his legs spread to give him easy access. He looked at Sean's partially erect cock, and all he saw was part of Sean–a sensitive, needy part of him waiting to be loved and pleasured. This wasn't someone who wanted to control him, or someone who would ever hurt him. This was his soulmate, the one person he would always trust, who never let him down.

He took Sean in his mouth then, and Sean gasped his name, a half sob, half moan of pleasure. If they were going to make love all the way tonight, he wanted Sean relaxed and languid in a post-orgasmic haze, when he'd be less likely to tense up.

Sean raised up on his elbow and reached down to caress Christian's hair, expressing in a look of pure love what it meant to him that Christian was doing this. Christian held a finger up to Sean's mouth, which he took the cue to take in his mouth, wetting it. While he kept up the suction on Sean's rapidly responding cock, he reached under him and circled his tight opening with the saliva-slick finger. Sean bore down on the fingertip, seeming eager for the sensation of being penetrated, if only slightly. Christian was surprised when Sean urged him to stop sucking.

"If you keep that up, I'm going to come first. I want to come when you're inside me."

"I thought you'd be more relaxed."

"It was beautiful, Christian, but I want to come because you're in me."

"I'll get the stuff." He leaned down and kissed Sean's belly, then went to his overnight bag and was back a moment later with a condom and a tube of gel. Sean shifted on the bed, pulling his knees up to expose himself. "Rest your legs on me." He guided Sean's legs until the backs of his calves were on Christian's shoulder. He grabbed a pillow and stuffed it under Sean's lower back to make the position more comfortable and easier to hold. "I'm going to make this good for you, partner," Christian said, noticing a little nervousness in Sean's expression.

"I know," Sean replied, smiling.

"Relax. You'll just feel my finger." Sean nodded, but he had that dreaded look of worried concentration on his face. "Have you ever had anything in here before?" he asked, easing his gel-coated finger just past the entrance.

"Just for my annual physical."

"Hopefully this'll be a little bit more fun than that." Christian slowly pumped Sean's cock while he slid his finger deeper inside, still afraid that his cock would be a painful intruder in this tight channel that seemed challenged by just his finger. "You don't have any idea how much I love you," he said, looking deeply into Sean's eyes. "Or what it means to touch you here, like this."

Sean swallowed, his eyes filling.

"You're the reason for everything good in my life," he added, moving his finger around a bit now, stretching a little more. "Tell me how it feels, love," Christian asked softly, and Sean's lips parted slightly, but he didn't speak. "Is it feeling good yet?"

"It's good," Sean responded, his voice strained.

"You're going to feel something really good in a minute, so just relax a little more for me, okay?"

Sean nodded, and his body seemed to be losing some of its initial tautness. Christian angled his finger just so, and rubbed over the little nob he'd been looking for. Sean groaned and arched his body at the pressure on his prostate.

"When I'm in you, I'm going to aim for that sweet spot, make you come for me."

"I want you," Sean gasped, then cried out when Christian brushed his prostate again.

"Easy, tiger. We need to relax you just a little more." With more gel, he eased two fingers inside the tight channel, just enough to make sure Sean was stretched, relaxed, and well lubricated. He had large hands, and forcing multiple fingers into his partner's body was most likely just going to make him more uncomfortable than the actual sex would. Sean endured the stretching, but seemed impatient with it. Before he broke the mood with too many preliminaries, Christian withdrew his fingers and rolled on the condom, coating his sheathed cock with a liberal amount of gel before lining it up with Sean's center.

"Don't brace yourself, partner. Just relax and bear down a little while I'm pushing in." Christian thought he was probably more afraid than Sean as he made the first effort to slide into the tight, virgin passage. His worst nightmare was that it would hurt Sean, or upset him, or God forbid, make him bleed.

"Slow," Sean muttered, his fingertips brushing Christian's thigh, not quite able to reach him. "It's even bigger than it looks," he managed, smiling, his breathing labored.

"Shh. Relax. I'll wait right here until you tell me," Christian said, praying Sean would tell him soon, because the pressure on his cock was incredible, and the urge to thrust was nearly overwhelming.

"More," Sean urged, finally, and Christian pushed in farther until his balls touched Sean's buttocks, and they were joined.

"Talk to me, Sean."

"It hurts a little right now. I just need a minute."

Christian gently stroked Sean's cock, renewing its flagging interest in their activity.

"Try moving a little," Sean said, and Christian did so gratefully, though his motions were very slow and gentle. He rubbed Sean's belly, knowing his muscles were probably cramping. "Feels good," he muttered. "Thanks," he added, covering Christian's hand where it rested on his stomach with his own.

"Easy, love. Just breathe and relax. You're doing great."

"So are you," Sean said, smiling. "It feels good now. It's okay. Just make love to me."

Christian began a slow, gentle thrusting motion, stroking Sean's thigh soothingly with one hand, the other hand still on his shaft, encouraging it to full hardness. The pressure on his own cock was exquisite. Hot, slick, tight, and most importantly, Sean. He was inside Sean, making love to him, and everything seemed to make sense. This was the man he admired, pursued in college, emulated, and loved above all else in his life. What he'd never been able to see as anything more than a way for two–or more–bodies to make each other feel good suddenly made sense. All the talk of intimacy and love and the beauty of sexual union resulting from love was now more than just pretty stories designed to encourage premarital virginity. It was reality. The physical sensations were incredible, and the emotional closeness he felt to Sean was unlike any other feeling he'd ever experienced. They were one physically and emotionally. This is what sex was supposed to be, why God made his creatures capable of making love.

He became a little more aggressive, aiming for Sean's prostate. He felt his own orgasm on the horizon, and he wanted Sean to be there with him. The were soon shouting together, crying out each other's names along with the other garbled half-words that tumble out in the heat of ecstasy. Sean came, and Christian gasped and moaned at the squeezing his cock received from the spasming muscles of Sean's body. When he came, it was explosive, unlike any other climax he could ever remember.

As the tides of their pleasure cooled and receded, Christian turned his attention back to pampering his lover and making him comfortable. He reached out a hand, and Sean took it, their fingers lacing. He eased out of Sean's body, feeling a little squeeze of his hand as he left the stretched opening empty and a little shell-shocked from the first time. He quickly disposed of the condom, relieved not to see any signs of blood.

"Easy, partner," he reassured, slipping the pillow out from under Sean and easing his legs back down to the mattress. It was surprising to him how much he wanted to hold Sean and take care of him in the sleepy afterglow, when so often before he'd been annoyed by having to engage in what he thought of as "post-coital amenities" to appease one of his partners.

Sean was precious, and what he'd given him was so precious that it felt sacred. He gathered Sean in his arms and held him, wanting to say so much, and yet unable to find any words that were enough. Instead, he just started kissing Sean's hair, his forehead, his ear, anything he could reach without dislodging their embrace. He felt Sean's answering kisses on his neck and chest as they rested there together, guarding the precious silence between them that said more than words could have. As they gave in to their bodies' wish for sleep, they didn't relinquish their hold on each other.

********

Sean was a little too warm, but in a good way. His back felt tired, and more intimate places felt sore, but that was in a good way, too. He smiled when full awareness came back, and he thought about what they had just shared. Christian was sleeping soundly, his breathing deep and even beneath Sean's head as it rested on his hair-dusted chest. The mingled scent of their bodies and the lingering traces of inseparably blended colognes were strong, physical evidence that they had been one physically as well as emotionally. Their arms were still firmly around each other, even after their bodies had settled into position to sleep.

He indulged in just looking at Christian, allowing himself to think of him that way, to let himself think his lover was handsome and desirable. It felt good to let that attraction loose, to not have to censor it and force it to fit into an objective, socially acceptable evaluation that his partner was a good-looking man and leave it at that. He'd found Christian sexy as hell since the first time he'd seen him back in college. His tall, broad frame, dark hair, sense of style and grace, and irrepressible charm and sensuality had never really been lost on Sean. But Christian could have his choice of beautiful women, and Sean wasn't gay. At least, that was the admonition he'd used to scold himself for almost twenty years.

Now, the labels didn't seem to matter, and after sampling as many beautiful women as he could manage in the time allotted, Christian had chosen him. And there was no more insincerity or games or deceptions in bed. They weren't without their problems, but their problems were shared with the same openness they'd shared their bodies earlier that night.

Christian's hand moved up to Sean's head, ruffling his hair gently.

"You're thinking too much," a sleepy voice said.

"They're all good thoughts."

"I guess that's okay then," Christian said through a yawn.

"I was thinking about how lucky I am to have you."

"You're not the lucky one, Sean." Christian shifted onto his side, making it easier for them to share the kisses that followed. "I've loved you for so long. Sometimes I can't believe it when I wake up and you're finally where you belong. With me."

"I think we needed to go through the things we did to get here. Neither one of us were ready to admit anything to ourselves back in college."

"And then we met Julia."

"If we hadn't met her, hadn't both loved her, Matt and Annie wouldn't be here. I can't regret that."

"Neither can I. I just regret how much...how many times you've been hurt because of it."

"We were both getting hurt because we weren't where we belonged. We were both trying to make lives work that didn't."

"How do you feel? I didn't hurt you, did I?" Christian asked quietly, anxiously.

"You left a lasting impression, let's put it that way. But I feel great. I think I need to work on strengthening my back muscles at the gym a little."

"That's my fault for folding you in half," Christian said, though his voice held a trace of humor.

"I liked it that way. We could see each other."

"I needed that," Christian admitted.

"I know," Sean responded, smiling. "So did I," he added. "I was a little scared when we actually got around to the big moment, but I knew you'd take good care of me, and you did."

"I've been thinking about the champagne chilling in the little refrigerator. If it's Dom Perignon, I'll know we've died and this is heaven."

"We could take it down to the beach and watch the sunrise."

"We'd have to put clothes on for that."

"How about the tub?"

"Now you're talking. It's my personal goal to spend as much of this weekend naked with you as I can manage," Christian said, kissing the end of Sean's nose.

After filling the tub and adding some bath oils Christian found in the cabinet, they turned on the gas log in the small fireplace and slipped into the warm water. It was a deep tub, deep enough for them to be submerged to their chests.

"Well, it's not Dom, but I'd still argue this is pretty close to heaven," Sean said as he poured the champagne.

"To finally finding what we didn't even know we were looking for," Christian said, holding up his glass.

"To the future, and facing whatever it holds, together."

They clinked glasses and took the first drink.

"Is your back still bothering you?" Christian asked, setting his glass aside.

"It's nothing major. Just a little stiffness."

"Turn around and lean on the tub. I'll work a few of the kinks out for you."

"Champagne and a massage. Definitely heaven."

Sean turned in the tub and rested his folded arms on the edge. He sighed with contentment as Christian's large, gentle hands began their massaging motion over his shoulders and then started working their way down his back.

"You seem to know what you're doing," Sean said, trying to focus on Christian and banish the memory that was crashing in on him at a time when it was least welcome.

"I dated a masseuse," he replied. At Sean's little snorted laugh, he added, "I'm serious. She taught me how to give a good massage." Christian kept working, but then his hands stilled when he felt Sean tremble a little. "Sean?" he probed softly, resting his hand on Sean's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Sean said, his voice shaky. "It's just...been so long since someone's done that for me."

"It's okay. Come on, turn around." Christian pulled gently on his shoulder, and Sean willingly moved into his arms. He wasn't really crying, but the tears were right there at the surface. If anyone was a candidate for the occasional full body massage to vainly attempt to relax him, it was Sean. As much as Christian had always cared for Julia, he found himself wondering about what Sean's life with her had been like if she'd never noticed that. When Sean developed the anxiety-induced "yip" that kept him from operating, Christian had assumed Julia was probably trying everything to ease Sean's tension.

"I went to Megan when my neck was bothering me, remember?"

"It was my bright idea. Yeah, I remember." He rested his head against Sean's, holding him close. "Is that what you were thinking of just now? Why you were upset?"

"I was there."

"I don't understand."

"When Megan committed suicide." There was a long pause. "I helped her."

"How?" Christian tried to process that image, and the horror of Sean keeping that to himself all this time took his breath away.

"She was going to do it anyway...take an overdose of pills. I refused to be part of it at first, but in the end, I loved her too much to abandon her. So I made sure she took the pills with milk, to coat her stomach so they wouldn't make her sick. And I brought the plastic bag..."

"You were with her when she did it?"

"I held her hand until the end. And then I just sat there. I don't even know how long. She died just after the sun went down, and it had been dark a long time when I finally left." He was quiet a moment. "I should have told you."

"You told me now." Christian was quiet a moment. "You asked me back then what I thought about suicide. I know how personal a situation that was, between you and Megan, but I would have been there for you. Damn it, Sean, I wish you'd said something. Someone should have known what you were really going through."

"I didn't think I'd ever feel that kind of love again. I thought it was over for me. And then things changed with us, and it's given me hope again. I'm happier than I've ever been, Christian. It was just the massage that brought back a memory I didn't expect–even though it felt amazing."

"You're always strung so tight--Julia never gave you a back rub when you were tired or tense?"

"Things haven't been great between us for a long time."

"I give free massages on demand to preferred customers," Christian quipped, trying to lighten the mood a little. Sean pulled back and picked up his glass, taking a drink of the champagne.

"I didn't know what you'd think of me if you knew I'd helped Megan kill herself. Truth is, I don't know what I thought of myself for doing it. Part of me didn't want her to suffer or be alone, but the other part of me just screamed out that it was wrong. And I was losing so many hours we could have spent together before the end... I didn't know what to do, and neither choice felt right."

"That's when you take a friend into your confidence," Christian said gently, taking Sean's hand.

"If you'd been involved, it would have put your license at risk, maybe even meant jail time if we were caught. I couldn't drag you into that."

"Nobody should have to mourn something like that alone, and nobody should have to go through it alone, either."

"You don't think I'm a hypocrite? Or worse–a murderer?"

"I think you loved her too much to say no to her even when it went against everything you believed. If you're guilty of anything, it's loving too deeply, and no one should suffer for that."

"Well, I guess I killed the mood, didn't I? I seem to be good at that."

"No, you didn't kill any mood. I thought the warm bath might loosen up your muscles a little, and I was dying to try out this tub. So let's enjoy it and relax."

"Would you hold me for a while?" Sean asked, looking at his champagne, seeming a bit embarrassed to ask.

Christian took the champagne glass and set it on the edge of the tub next to his own, then took Sean in his arms and held him, feeling his own heart ache when he thought of what Sean had gone through essentially alone. Christian had gone to the memorial service with him, and had tried to be there for him in the days that followed, but he'd gotten wrapped up in his own problems with Gina and her pregnancy, and they'd both struggled with the Escobar Gallardo situation. He hadn't honestly given much thought to the toll each thing took on Sean until now. Gallardo threatened Sean's family, nearly destroyed his life...when they'd met the drug lord in the diner, it was Sean he threatened physically.

Of course, Sean hadn't had his dick shot full of Botox, either, so maybe they'd both paid their dues with Gallardo. But ironically, through all the difficult things they'd weathered together, they'd gone off their own separate ways to deal with the aftermath. Christian had always backed off a bit, telling himself that Sean had Julia, and finding his own solace by bedding some willing woman and pushing the pain or the anxiety or the sorrow aside. Now it seemed he'd been kidding himself; Sean didn't have anyone to comfort him or support him or be attentive to his needs, and he didn't screw his way to happiness with other women. He'd strayed once in seventeen years, and suffered bitterly for it.

That kind of loneliness for someone as good as Sean just wasn't fair, and it wasn't ever going to happen again.

********

After a lazy day of swimming, lying in the chaise lounges by the pool, and enjoying some light snacks on the patio, they donned shorts and tank shirts long enough to go to the grocery store they'd noticed on the way to dinner the night before. While the realtor had sweetened the deal with some gourmet snacks and the champagne, more substantial food was missing, and the thought of preparing a meal together seemed like a nice ending to a relaxed day.

"Remember the last time we went grocery shopping together?" Christian asked, and Sean shot him a look, as they were in the meat aisle at the time.

"That takes ham off the menu," he responded, then smiled. "How about steaks? There's a nice grill out back. We could grill outside, maybe do some shish kebabs?"

"I make a wicked Greek salad."

"Why don't you get the ingredients for that and I'll grab us the meat and vegetables–"

"Because we're doing this together. This may be one of the few times we do anything domestic together. I don't want to miss it."

"Julia always did the shopping, so other than picking up the occasional extra item on the way home, I'm not too used to this, either."

Sean picked up a couple of nice cuts of meat for the kebabs, and after Christian nodded his approval, tossed them in the cart. They spent a considerable time in the vegetable section, choosing the items for the shish kebabs and the salad Christian planned to make.

"We need rolls," Christian said, looking at their cart. "This looks like dinner for an Atkins convention."

"And dessert."

"That's easy. Strawberries and whipped cream. The ultimate sex dessert."

"The ultimate sex dessert is when you can't stand sitting at the table any longer and you do it on the floor in the kitchen."

"Whoa, you learn something new about your partner every day."

"I never said it ever happened to me. I just said that would be the ultimate sex dessert," Sean replied, chuckling.

"On this vacation, anything is possible."

"I've been thinking about the house," Sean said as they headed back to the produce section to find some choice strawberries. Christian snagged some whipped topping on their way.

"Me, too. What have you been thinking?"

"That having a place like that with you would really make me happy, and if we were commuting in together, the drive might not even be that bad. We could stay in town on really late nights. When Annie's with us, I could leave earlier to drive her to school and one of us could pick her up and bring her to the office until we went home. We'd just have to be sure we didn't keep her there for a late night. One of us would have to leave around dinner time to take her home."

"Then it's settled. I'll call the realtor and put a down payment on it."

"On a lease, Christian. You'd have to lease it in your name for now, and once everything's settled with the divorce, we can buy it together."

"What convinced you to see things my way?" Christian asked, putting his hand on the side of the cart to stop it in an aisle with no other customers.

"This is impulsive, risky, unorthodox...but I'm so damn happy right now, I don't care. I want this, and I'm sick and tired of being afraid to take what I want. There's no reason not to do this. It's not even unusual that I'd spend time out here with you given the proximity to the beach–the whole 'bachelor pad' thing."

"I thought you didn't want to be in the closet."

"Only until the divorce is final. Then we can put an announcement on a billboard as far as I'm concerned."

"Gee, if I'd known you'd finally agree to billboards, I'd have had sex with you a couple years ago."

"Asshole," Sean retorted, grinning as he started pushing the cart down the aisle again. "I just need to get through the divorce with as much of my assets intact as possible. Give Julia's lawyer the scoop that we're a couple, and God knows what they'd do to me in a settlement, let alone the stink they could make about custody arrangements for Annie. Matt'll probably be eighteen soon, so I'm not as worried about him."

"Given his reaction when he thought he'd walked in on something, I don't think he's going to buy us a toaster and wish us well for the future."

"We'll have a talk with him when the time's right. With Annie, too. I want the kids to understand what our relationship is, and how we feel about each other. I just don't want our practice to suffer from the divorce."

"What about Julia? How do you think she'll handle this?"

"I really don't know," Sean responded, heading toward the check out lane.

"You don't sound too concerned."

"She hasn't wanted me for a long time, so I don't see why she should be upset someone else does."

"I feel sorry for Julia, actually. I think she's going to realize what she's lost one day. I don't feel sorry enough to let her have you back, though."

********

Sean monitored the progress of the steaks and kebabs on the grill while Christian made the salad. There was a nice breeze off the ocean, and they planned to eat their meal outside while watching the sunset. For the first time in years, all the practical concerns about something he was doing that felt good couldn't seem to stifle the joy inside him. There was the divorce, custody issues, settlements, the practice, their patients, their staff, society in general...

Sean smiled, flipping a steak on the grill, more concerned with its condition than all the anxieties that lay beyond the front gate of their beach retreat. For these moments of emotional freedom and exhilaration, for the warm and incomparable feeling of being completely loved, wanted, and treasured, he would always be grateful to Christian no matter what happened to them out in the real world. As he carefully turned the kebabs, he realized that if he were struck dead that moment, he couldn't possibly be any happier if he'd lived to be a hundred.

Christian brought the salad outside, and Sean indulged in watching his movements, drinking in the sight of him in his black shorts, red tank shirt, and bare feet, wondering how he could look so elegant in such a casual setting. He smiled when Christian turned away from where he'd set down the salad, catching Sean in his long gaze. He moved toward Sean, sliding his arms around him from behind.

"It's amazing how you can know someone for twenty years, and then you make love together and it's like you've never seen them before," he said.

"I can't get enough of looking at you," Sean admitted, smiling. "I thought I was nuts."

"We probably both are, but at least we're in it together." He kissed Sean's temple. "Those look pretty good to me, unless the chef feels the need to keep tinkering with them?"

"They look fine. Grab the plates, will you?"

"You got it." Christian went inside and got the dinner plates, holding them while Sean served the steaks and kebabs with their chunks of mushrooms, onions, zucchini and brightly colored peppers. "So do you think our hosts or the realtor stocked us up with the good wine?" he asked, pouring two glasses as they sat at the table on the patio, overlooking the ocean.

"My guess is the realtor. It's all part of creating the perfect experience for the guests, so they turn into buyers."

"Have you been thinking about this?" Christian asked, taking Sean's left hand, fingering the wedding band still on his finger.

"We can't be open about our relationship until after the divorce."

"After the divorce," Christian added.

"You really want to wear my ring, and me to wear yours? Wedding rings?"

"Why does that surprise you?"

"Because when we first talked about this, you didn't seem to want anyone to know."

"I didn't envision buying a house with you, either, but right now, it seems like the only thing to do."

"We might not be able to tell the world just yet," Sean said, slipping his hand free of Christian's grip, then removing his wedding band, "but we don't have to make love while I'm wearing a ring for a marriage that's been over for years." He set the ring on the table.

"That was a big step," Christian said sincerely, having noticed that even after Julia was determined to divorce him and had set hers aside, Sean didn't take off his ring.

"It's time to make a break with the past. This weekend has shown me what the future could hold, and I don't want anything in the way of living that future fully." He held his hand out again, and Christian took it, bringing it up to his mouth to kiss the spot where the ring had been. The gesture moved Sean deeply, and he swallowed, looking away a moment.

"It's been a while since somebody made you feel special, hasn't it?" Christian ran his free hand over Sean's back in a light rubbing motion.

"Sometimes it's hard for me to believe I'm enough for you. I didn't even blame you when you weren't sure about giving up women, when you were thinking about us as something casual and open. Just because I couldn't handle that idea doesn't mean I didn't understand it."

"It just took me a little longer to realize that this was it, and there wasn't anything I needed from anyone else. It wasn't because you weren't enough." Christian smiled. "Spending time like this with you, just being together–today's been one of the best days of my life," Christian said cheerily, and Sean knew him well enough to know it was the truth. "You want us to have this house, you're thinking about wearing a ring when the timing's right, and we still have two more days out here away from everything. I've got no reason not to be happy."

They enjoyed their meal, sitting close together at the table, sipping wine and occasionally feeding each other from the shish kebabs or the Greek salad.

"How about taking the rest of the wine and the strawberries and whipped cream upstairs?" Sean suggested.

"Mm, nice idea. Whipped cream always has so many interesting possibilities."

"On second thought, maybe we don't need the strawberries," Sean quipped.

Stretched out on the bed, the dessert sat ignored on the night stand while the two lovers kissed passionately, then turned their attention to stripping off the few pieces of clothing coming between them. Sean pulled Christian's tank shirt over his head, trying to reach for the shorts as Christian interfered with his reach to bare the upper half of Sean's body, tossing the tank shirt in the air with the panache of a stripper. They embraced again, fevered kisses keeping their mouths occupied while their hands groped for each other's shorts, tugging them down and kicking them out of the way.

Sean rolled them so he was on top of Christian, their rapidly hardening cocks rubbing together, their shared moans and gasps of pleasure in symphony with the light creaking of bed springs. Christian toyed with the erotic thought of watching Sean ride him, writhing in pleasure above him while he was impaled on Christian's cock. Not wanting to pressure Sean into that so soon after his first time, he stifled the image and concentrated on the warm lips on his and the feeling of Sean's naked body rubbing against his, eager and passionate.

"I want you inside me," he said, bracing his hands on either side of Christian, raising up so the angle of their friction changed, became more intense.

"You don't have to do that. It's not fair to you–"

"It's not fair to me if I want it that way?"

"I'm not ready to return the favor."

"Nobody's keeping score. If you don't feel like doing it that way tonight, we can do something else."

"Only an idiot wouldn't want to make love to you that way," Christian said, running his hands up Sean's arms until he framed his face with them. "I don't want to keep taking from you without giving anything back."

"You don't think I get something out of it? I'm not that selfless, and I'm definitely not that good an actor."

"I was fantasizing about watching you riding me, and then you offered–it was like you read my mind."

"Where'd you stash the goodies?" Sean asked.

"Night stand drawer, where else? Handy in case of an emergency," he quipped. Sean grabbed the lube and the condoms, tossing them on the bed before lowering himself again so they could kiss and hold each other, rekindling the heat that had settled a little while they talked.

"You're going to need this," Sean said, handing Christian the tube of gel.

Christian squeezed some on his finger and while he kept Sean's mouth busy with deep, hungry kisses, he gently probed Sean's center, spreading the lube and stretching him a little, loving the reaction he got as Sean groaned into their kisses and rubbed his hard cock more aggressively against Christian's.

"I've got a better idea." Christian dislodged their hold on each other for a moment and stuffed a couple pillows behind his back so he was sitting up in bed. "I want to hold you and kiss you while we're making love," he said, underscoring his statement with another kiss. Sean just smiled, happy to oblige.

Sean began to really respond to Christian's probing finger, their humping getting more frantic the longer the internal stimulation went on. Christian smiled at the unabashed cry of pleasure as he found and rubbed Sean's prostate. Sean was rock hard and breathing heavily when he rolled the condom on Christian's rigid cock and added some of the slippery stuff. He moved into position, and slowly lowered himself on the large shaft.

Christian watched him with fascination, not wanting to miss a single emotion as it flashed across Sean's features. The initial discomfort of adjusting to the stretching, the determination to complete their union, and finally, the relief at being fully joined. Christian had fantasized about wild sex and watching Sean riding him, but at the moment, all he wanted was to hold Sean, feel their hearts beating together, and increase the intimacy of this most intimate act.

Sean loved the feeling of Christian's arms around him while the large cock slid slowly in and out of his body. He was a little tender from the night before, but Christian was taking it slow, concentrating as much on their tongues sliding together in each other's mouths as he was on the motion of their bodies. Christian's hands were moving up and down his back, stroking him and relaxing him. Their body heat was making their skin slick, and Sean began his own rhythmic movements to sate his aching cock, rubbing it against Christian's belly. His hands went into Christian's dark hair, holding him in place for more aggressive kisses. From there, he ran his hands down to Christian's nipples, pinching and rolling them between his fingers without ever breaking the contact of their mouths.

Christian angled his strokes a bit harder and deeper, and Sean gripped his shoulders and rode the waves, his flushed face showing his pleasure. Christian aimed for Sean's prostate, loving the way it made Sean cry out and buck against him. He ran his hands up and down Sean's sweaty sides, encouraging him to move faster, to ride the cock that was sliding in and out of him more rapidly now.

"Oh, God," Sean gasped, and Christian raised both his hands and met Sean's palm-to-palm, their fingers lacing. Sean squeezed tightly, almost unable to take the intensity of the prostate massage he was getting, but shuddering and writhing and shouting half-words and attempts at Christian's name. When he came, he cried out, his whole body jerking in reaction. Christian couldn't get enough of the wanton display of unabashed pleasure, and as Sean's intensity quieted a little, Christian moved faster, his strokes jerky and uneven as he came, the sight of Sean's body vibrating in response almost as erotic as the physical completion that finally reached its natural conclusion, leaving him regretful that he couldn't have kept that moment of climax going on forever.

They lay there together a long time, relaxing and letting their bodies cool down and recover.

"So that was it," Sean mumbled, his voice sounding almost intoxicated.

"What?"

"The ultimate sex dessert," he replied.

"How'd it compare to strawberries?"

"I couldn't compare that to anything," Sean said, his voice serious as he raised up enough to look into Christian's eyes. "I love you."

"I love you, too. I love every inch of you. God, the way you made me come..."

"It was like this was the first time I ever came."

Christian carefully eased out, noting Sean's slight indrawn breath. He reached down and rubbed up and down Sean's crack, a finger sliding into the slick, loosened hole, rubbing gently as they shared lazy kisses.

"Mmmm. Feels good," Sean whispered, resting his head on Christian's shoulder and just enjoying the internal massage as an end in itself. He was stretched and a little sore, and too spent to get going again, but the slick finger felt good, filling an opening that felt too empty without some part of Christian in it.

Christian kissed Sean's forehead as he slowed the motion of his finger, and slowly withdrew it, rubbing Sean's back in long, gentle strokes. Sean kissed Christian's neck and chest, nestling under his chin, their legs twining together. They let themselves drift, knowing they could wake up at any odd hour and have each other again.

The strawberries sat forgotten on the night stand.

********

When Christian opened his eyes, he was disappointed to find himself alone in bed. In the past, it had often been a blessing to wake up without having to go through the awkward amenities with someone he had absolutely no interest in once the night's passion was over, but now he felt utterly robbed to wake up without Sean in his arms where he belonged in the morning.

"Sean?" He leaned up on one elbow, realizing now that he was hearing the shower running in the bathroom. In a moment, Sean emerged from the adjoining room, surprisingly dry, and naked.

"I thought we could try out the shower. I have an idea. Are you willing to play along?"

"We're both naked and you mentioned a shower. Why wouldn't I play along with that?"

"Because there's one rule you won't like."

"What's that?" Christian paused, sitting on the side of the bed.

"No sex in the shower."

"You're seriously taking the fun out of this, Sean."

"You'll have to trust me."

"No sex?"

"All the feeling up you want, since we're going to wash each other, but no sex."

"Feeling up in the shower is still worth trying," Christian said, grinning, standing up and approaching Sean. "I still get to kiss you, don't I?"

"Anytime you feel like it, unless we're in the middle of a consult or something," he added, smiling.

"Party pooper." Christian kissed him deeply, pulling Sean into his arms. When they parted, they went into the bathroom and stepped into the oversized shower stall, under the spray of both shower heads. There was a bottle of herbal shower gel on the small shelf in the shower wall, and Sean used it to work up a lather on Christian's chest before relinquishing the bottle to his partner so he could mirror the gesture. As their hands traveled downward, Christian smiled wickedly.

"You still sure about that 'no sex' thing? Somebody looks like he's not on board with that," he added, lingering on the job of spreading lather over Sean's partially erect cock.

"I'm still sure. I have plans for you," Sean said. "Trust me."

"I do," Christian protested, still smiling. "I'm just not sure I like wasting this opportunity."

"Oh, it won't be wasted," Sean said cryptically. "Turn around." He paused as the smile completely left Christian's face.

"What for?"

"So I can do your back. Unless you want to do mine first," he said, holding out the bottle of shower gel.

"Sean, I'm not ready for this."

"I wouldn't try anything you weren't ready for. Trust me."

"I do. I didn't meant to make it sound like I thought you were going to do something I didn't want. I know I don't have any right to hold out on you. God, you've let me do you twice now, and I'm still–"

"As long as we're making love and we're happy, who cares who did who when? I just have an idea I think will make you feel good, and I just want a chance to try it. If you don't like anything I do, just tell me, and I'll stop."

Christian took one last look in Sean's eyes, then nodded, and turned around. It took most of his self control to stay in that position, facing the tiles, knowing there was a man behind him with a semi-erect cock. He reminded himself that man was Sean, and he had nothing to fear from his best friend.

Soapy hands were massaging his shoulders, moving down his back, gentle and unhurried, determined to relax him, even when that seemed impossible. He let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, feeling some of the tension drain out of his taut muscles. He trusted Sean, and that trust was what held him still while Sean's hands washed his ass and thighs. When Sean's hand briefly moved between his cheeks, it was soapy, and the motion was gentle and almost clinical in its proficiency and avoidance of breaching the tight ring of muscle. Sean was doing what he said he was going to do–washing him.

"Your turn," he said, handing Christian the bottle and turning to face the tiles. Christian moved up behind him, fitting his body along Sean's back, kissing his cheek.

"I love you."

"I know. Always remember I love you, and don't be afraid of what I do. I won't betray your trust."

"I know that. It's just hard for me."

"If it makes you feel any better, speaking as your doctor, I wouldn't be comfortable with you having full-fledged anal sex right now. I'd advise waiting another week or so, just because of the internal repair we had to do. You'll be fine–you are fine–but just to give the healing plenty of time before putting any stress on the same tissue."

"I feel like a selfish prick–being relieved that you just handed me a guarantee you won't do to me what I've done to you twice already."

"I've loved and wanted everything you've done to me since we became lovers. I'm not a delicate, shy little virgin girl. If I didn't want you to do something, you'd hear about it. Now wash my back before I turn into a prune."

Christian was only too happy to oblige, mapping every muscle and line of Sean's shoulders and back with slick hands, amazed at how erotic the act of bathing without sex could actually be. It was so intensely intimate and so frustrating at the same time that it built a slow burn of desire that would soon need to explode and be sated. It didn't help that Sean was groaning and flexing his back muscles a little at sensation of the massaging hands.

When he finished, they shampooed each other's hair, something both found more amusing and messy than erotic as they tried to keep soap out of their eyes while doing an even halfway decent job on each other's hair. Both men were aroused by the time they toweled off, but Sean was insistent on following his plan through to completion. He smoothed up the sheets a little and put one of the pillows in the middle of the mattress.

"Stretch out on the bed, on your stomach, with that pillow under you."

Christian looked at the bed, then back at Sean.

"I don't understand."

"You told me that anytime someone had touched you anally, it had been painful and horrible. I give you my word I'm not going to hurt you, but I want you to know that something can touch you there and it can feel good."

"You just said you didn't think I should have anal sex yet."

"Who said anything about anal sex? I know it's asking a lot, but just trust me. If you don't like anything I do, just tell me and it stops."

Christian eyed him for a moment, not sure he wanted any part of this experiment, but Sean's sincerity and commitment to the idea convinced him, and he forced himself to stay calm as he lay on the bed, making sure the pillow was under his hips, raising his ass to a slightly more accessible angle. That was the part that made him nervous. He didn't want anyone to have that access.

"Try to relax. Trust me," Sean said again, his weight dipping the mattress next to Christian. Sean opened a bottle of something, and there was a light scent of vanilla in the air. He rubbed his hands together and began massaging Christian's muscles in earnest now, starting at the shoulders and working at relaxing the knots there.

"Don't be afraid of me, Christian. I want you to feel good, not afraid or hurt." Sean kept massaging, his hands moving down Christian's back, approaching the base of his spine, finally lingering near his tail bone. He skipped Christian's ass completely, moving to the backs of his thighs. "Spread these a little for me?" he asked, and Christian complied, satisfied now his fear of penetration had been an absurd one.

Then he felt it, a sensation he didn't expect from the man he'd always teased about being uptight and bordering on prudish. Sean's tongue was starting behind his balls and making its wet way upward, lingering at the entrance to his body. Sean's hands were on Christian's hips, but he wasn't pulling at the cheeks or exposing the opening. Instead, he'd buried his face there, between the taught cheeks, only his tongue probing Christian's center.

He wasn't sure if it was the amazing sensation, or the idea that Sean was doing that for him, but the experience was making him incredibly hard. The hot, wet tongue was poking slowly and gently at his opening, barely penetrating him, but paying homage to the sensitive nerve endings there. Christian was in the position he feared the most, that had the most horrible memories associated with it, and someone was touching him there, and it felt good. He was trusting someone to have full access to his body with little way to prevent a sudden and unwelcome penetration, and that trust was paying off with a sensation he'd never experienced before. A sexual experience he could honestly say was a first. And it was with Sean.

"Sean, damn it, that's so good," he said, voluntarily spreading his thighs a bit wider, trying to make it easier for that talented tongue to probe deeper. Somehow, Sean managed to move his tongue in a bit farther, darting it in and out, mimicking the actions of a much larger body part.

Part of Christian wanted something larger than a tongue, anything to increase the sensations, but another part of him only relaxed because he knew it wasn't physically possible for Sean to go any deeper than he already had.

"Mmm." Sean made a humming sound, and the vibrations were as wonderful as the thought that Sean was actually enjoying this. Christian humped the pillow, looking for some release for his pent up arousal. Sean pulled the pillow out of the way, and Christian moved up on elbows and knees. Sean never missed a beat with the probing tongue as he pumped Christian's cock and fondled his balls.

"Oh, God," Christian gasped, not sure if he wanted to rock back toward the tongue or thrust into the pumping hand. It didn't matter anymore, because he was coming, and coming hard, crying out, covering Sean's pumping hand until he was spent. As he lay there, breathing heavily, he felt a lighter touch at his sensitized opening–Sean kissed him there before moving up on the bed next to him. The love in that gesture nearly broke his heart in two. He pulled Sean into his arms and kissed him, paying homage to that wonderful mouth that had just made him feel pleasure in a place he never thought he could feel pleasure. A mouth that had found the one and only thing he'd never done with anyone else, and made him believe that being under someone else's control in the position he feared most could be a good thing. He didn't even try to hide the tears that thought evoked. He just held Sean tight and whispered in his ear.

"Thank you."

Sean squeezed him briefly, then relaxed the embrace a little. No more words were needed.

Christian moved back a little then, urging Sean onto his back. He stroked Sean's cock a few times to renew its interest, and then engulfed the head in his mouth, letting his tongue tease the opening, trying to remember everything he liked about a blow job so he could try it on Sean. At first, he didn't want to attempt doing more than just sucking near the top. He'd never been with a man voluntarily before Sean, but he waged an internal battle over whether that should mean that he shouldn't make love to Sean a certain way if he knew how based on those involuntary experiences. Sean had given him everything. He hadn't held a single thing back from him in the name of defending his "manhood" or not putting himself in a submissive role.

Sean lay there, relishing the sensations of Christian's mouth on him, gripping the sheets and trying to think of the last AMA convention he'd attended to keep from thrusting. He cried out in pleasure and surprise when Christian deep-throated him, his hand going to Christian's hair, stroking his head in a silent thank you as the wonderful sucking and stimulation continued.

"I'm coming," he gasped, trying to warn Christian to release him, but his partner didn't stop. As Sean came with a shout, Christian sucked him dry of anything he had to give, finally releasing the spent cock, kissing the side of it gently. "I was...trying to warn you," he gasped.

"I wanted to do it that way," Christian said, leaning on his elbow, stretched out on his side next to Sean. "I love looking at you when you come, and then right afterward, when you're all flushed and relaxed," he said, his hand running lightly over Sean's chest.

"Nobody's ever made me feel like you do. Part of me is so glad we finally did this, and the other part is pissed off we didn't do it sooner."

"Just means we have twenty years' worth of screwing to make up for," Christian said with a broad smile and a flex of his eyebrows. Sean laughed, pulling him down for more kisses.

********

Being back at work was even better than Sean pictured it would be. Not only was there comfort in routine, and the return to it, but everything seemed new and better since the change in his relationship with Christian. His partner had spent the earlier part of the morning negotiating the lease on the beach house, a thought that made Sean grin like a lovesick sap for no good reason at occasionally inappropriate moments. His whole body remembered special moments from their weekend, and responded at equally awkward moments. He couldn't remember being this infatuated with anyone in life, and had never expected to find that kind of passion now.

He was making his final notes on the chart of the patient who had just left when there was a light knock at the door, and Julia poked her head inside.

"Linda said your patient had left," she said.

"Come in, sit down," he said, standing.

"You look...good," she said, smiling, looking confused as if she couldn't quite pinpoint why he looked good.

"Thanks. I feel good, actually," he said, sitting down as she sat in one of the chairs across from his desk.

"I won't beat around the bush, Sean. I want to file for divorce, but my lawyer advised that we all get together and talk about the division of everything and custody before filing the papers. He said it's easiest if we can just file them as 'uncontested,' with all the details already settled."

"I don't know as I have that much time before my next appointment, Julia," Sean said, a thread of sarcasm in his voice. "Do we just handle this ourselves or with our lawyers present?"

"I don't want this to be ugly and drawn out. We've lived together all these years, raised children together...it seems like we could settle this amicably without squaring off across a table with lawyers."

"What are you proposing?"

"I want full custody of Matt and Annie, with liberal visitation rights for you. I think I should have the house, and I'd like you to pay part or all of my tuition for med school, and of course, college for Matt and Annie. I have to talk to my lawyer about exact figures. I want half our cash and stock assets. And I want to keep my car."

"Is that it?" Sean asked, shaking his head. "That house has a mortgage, Jules."

"When I said I wanted the house, I meant I wanted to live in the house and the mortgage would be your responsibility."

"I see. So I should hand over half of our cash and stock assets, make the house payments, pay for your tuition, and give up my kids? Maybe you'd like me to throw in my left nut to sweeten the deal?"

"There's no need to be crude about it, Sean."

"You want to clean me out and take my children away from me, and you're calling me crude?"

"If you agree to those terms, I'll leave the practice alone. Otherwise, my attorney advised me I could sue you for half your interest in McNamara/Troy."

"Then you're blackmailing me out of my children and a hefty chunk of my income by holding my livelihood hostage?"

"Call it whatever you like, but those are my terms. I'm going to start living my life on my terms, beginning now. I want what's best for Matt and Annie, and what's best for me."

"Just screw me, is that it?"

"You obviously need time to think this over and discuss it with your own lawyer."

"I would have been fair to you in this divorce, Julia. I fully intended to give you the house and your car, and we could have worked out a custody agreement. But you want to clean me out."

"Oh, no, Sean, I haven't proposed cleaning you out. Going after my chunk of this place would be cleaning you out. I could probably get everything I've asked for, plus that."

"Do you really think so, Julia? You feel you're so completely blameless in this situation that a judge is just going to strip me of all my assets so I'm essentially working to put you through medical school and buy some macaroni and cheese for my dinners?"

"Sorry, looks like I came at a bad time," Christian said, halfway in the door. "I thought you were between consults. Hi, Julia."

"Christian," she said curtly, rising. "I was just leaving. Think about what I said, Sean."

"You do the same," he said as he rose briefly to acknowledge her departure.

"That looked nasty," Christian said, sitting in the chair Julia had occupied.

"She wants the house, her car, half our cash and stocks, and for me to pay her way through med school, and finance the kids' college."

"Did she want a pound of flesh to go with that?" Christian asked, and Sean smiled.

"I offered to toss in my left nut, but she didn't appreciate the humor."

"She can't have your left nut. I have prior claim on both of them, remember?"

"Well, they're the only thing that's safe, then," he said, chuckling. "She wants full custody of Matt and Annie, with 'liberal visitation'–whatever the hell that adds up to. If I hand over my kids and most of what I've got, she'll leave the practice alone."

"So the practice is what she's holding over your head."

"Absolutely."

"Nothing's in writing yet, is it?"

"No. She said her lawyer told her it would be easiest if we could negotiate all this before filing the papers."

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course, I do."

"I mean completely, no questions asked, all or nothing?"

"What are you driving at, Christian? I love you, I want to spend my life with you. I trust you with all I am."

"Sell me your share of the practice for a manageable price–something I can swing and still lease our house. If I own all this, she can't touch it, and you can get yourself a decent deal."

"I wouldn't be part owner anymore. I'd work for you?"

"I guess on paper that's how it would look. I didn't think of it that way. I thought of it as hiding the goodies. Maybe you can get out of it with giving her the house and sharing custody. Or splitting everything, including custody. If she can't threaten you with the practice, it declaws her."

"I don't know, Christian. My whole life's tied up in my interest in this place."

"Who would you rather have moving in on your share–Julia or me? Julia's not a surgeon. What the hell does she want with an interest in this practice other than to suck a good fourth of our profits right off the top? If we're together, what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine. We'll split our profits like we always have, share our decision-making. Nothing will change except some paperwork that will keep this practice where it belongs. Between us."

"We've butted heads on some pretty significant issues over the years. Just the fact we're life partners doesn't change who we are and how we look at things. I think our shared ownership of this place has been a good balance. You know damn well there have been times if I didn't own half of this practice, you'd have overridden my decision on something or done it your own way."

"If I give you my word I won't operate that way, you still don't trust me?"

"It's not about trust. It's about...dignity. I love you with all my heart, but I don't want to be your dependant. I don't want to depend on you for the roof over my head and the food on the table and the money in my pocket. This is my professional life, Christian. And what happens if you have a legal problem? If someone sues you for something? We could lose everything."

"If someone sues me for malpractice, we're both going down anyway. What else would they sue me for?"

"I don't know what someone might sue you for. All I know is that I don't want to lose everything I've worked for."

"You wouldn't be losing it. But if you see it that way, there's not much point in talking about this anymore." Christian stood up and headed for the door.

"Would you want to do this if the situation were reversed?"

"Absolutely, because I trust you completely. You having it is as good as me having it. It's obvious that feeling's not mutual. My mistake." Christian strode out the door, closing it firmly behind him.

"Shit," Sean said, sighing. He glanced over at the picture of Julia that sat on his desk. He grabbed it and tossed it in the bottom drawer of his desk, slamming it. He knew what medical school would cost, and he knew what the payments on the house and the property taxes would cost. Child support would be exorbitant–it always was if the husband was remotely affluent or successful.

All that was just filler to keep from thinking about the real issue–his refusal to hide his share of the practice with Christian. Christian just didn't see things his way in so many areas when it came to running a business. There was a side to Christian that was cold and lethal when he made up his mind, and Sean couldn't banish the image of that side of him coming out and exercising his legal ownership of the whole practice.

He didn't think Christian would steal his profits or his interest in the practice, but he questioned his partner's ability to allow Sean to continue to have a full, equal vote in all matters when Sean would be, on paper, just an employee, and their styles could be so divergent.

Deciding he couldn't completely reconcile the issue before he sought out his partner to reconcile with him, he checked his watch, relieved that he had at least half an hour before the next appointment. He knocked on the door to Christian's office, and at the curt "come in," he opened it a little and looked in. Christian was sitting behind his desk, but he wasn't actually doing anything, just staring into space.

"We need to talk."

"We really don't, Sean. I think we settled the issue."

"No, we didn't." Sean entered the office and closed the door behind him. "I love you, and if this practice is going to destroy that, I'll sign the damn thing over to you free and clear because I don't want it without you in my life the way we are now."

"So now you think I'm after your share of the business?"

"No, but I'm telling you that you come before the business. You come before anything. I just want that clear before we talk about this any more."

"I'm not trying to get your share of the practice. I was trying to protect it. If Julia gets her way, she'll be helping herself to a hefty chunk of our profits and putting her two cents' worth in on how we should run things here."

"I know that." Sean sat across the desk from Christian. "This situation sucks no matter how you look at it. I want you to understand that this isn't about not trusting you. What we have is the most precious, wonderful thing that's ever happened to me, and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that."

"How would this do that?"

"When we were talking about splitting up the practice, it was compared to a divorce. We're never going to end up legally married unless a whole lot of things change in this country in our lifetime. But this practice–it's both of us together. It's a tangible, legal, living entity that's something like our child and our marriage would be. A part of both of us, legally intermingled. It's a symbol of everything we've been through and...and casting our lots together for the future. I don't want to sign over my half of it, I want to fight for it as a whole, because it means more to me than the paper it's written on."

Christian got up and walked around the desk, sitting in the other visitor's chair opposite Sean.

"I'm sorry I reacted that way." He took Sean's hands in his. "I don't like the idea myself. I just don't want us to lose what we've worked for all our lives. If dissolving the partnership on paper is going to upset you that much, then it's not the thing to do. But I think I might know what is." Christian squeezed Sean's hands gently before getting up and retrieving his Blackberry from the desk. "You know Tony Mendoza, the guy who used to have the boat slip right next to mine?"

"Sure."

"He went through a really messy divorce, but his lawyer was amazing. He said she did a great job for him, and he ended up with half the house, half of all the assets, his boat, and shared custody. Seems his wife wasn't lily white, either," Christian added, grinning. "I'll give him a call, find out his lawyer's name, and we'll go see her. Sound like a reasonable idea?"

"I don't know, Christian. A messy divorce isn't what I want. I don't think it's what Julia wants, either."

"No, Julia wants you to hand over everything quietly. Sean, wake up. This isn't about love, it's about winning. That's what divorces are about. Julia's already lawyered up and is ready to take you for all you're worth. I'm not happy that what I thought was our little family is getting ripped in shreds this way, but you sitting back and getting screwed over isn't going to make it any better."

"You're right. If you can get her name, we'll go talk to her."

"Good. By the way, the realtor's drawing up the lease agreement. I'll be signing first thing in the morning, as soon as the owners accept my terms."

"You're sure they'll accept?"

"Janine was sure they would," Christian said. At Sean's inquisitive expression, he added, "The realtor."

"Oh, right." Sean tried to fight the image of Christian throwing a sexy blond realtor in a tight business suit on her desk and having hot, screaming sex instead of calmly going over lease terms.

"She's an attractive woman, but she's married." Christian winked at him as he continued looking up Tony Mendoza on his Blackberry. "And so am I," he added, looking up at Sean with all the love in the world.

Sean swallowed, a little floored by that statement. He stood up, intending to leave the office, but instead moved over to where Christian stood, as if carried by legs that had a mind of their own.

"Do you mean that?"

"As soon as your divorce is final, I'm still serious about rings." Christian leaned over and kissed him, and despite everything Sean himself had preached about staying professional at work, he clung to Christian and deepened the kiss, unable to let this moment pass without acknowledging all it meant. When they parted, both were smiling.

"I should, uh, go get ready for Mrs. Masters," Sean said. "Saggy tits."

"Think you can cope with that one on your own, partner?"

"You just concentrate on finding that lawyer." Sean left the office, feeling much better, unable to help smiling at Linda, the appointment secretary, and even the pharmaceutical salesman who stopped him in the hall to expound on the virtues of one of his latest products. Mrs. Masters' breasts were sagging like wet sandbags, but even that couldn't dampen Sean's mood, and the aging socialite left the office elated with her surgeon's optimistic and cheerful manner.

While he was in the break room getting a cup of coffee, even the song on their music system made him move a little with the beat as he stirred his coffee.

"You're in a good mood today," Liz said, amused at Sean's nearly jubilant demeanor, especially since Julia had looked like a storm cloud when she strode through the reception area after leaving Sean's office, and not an hour earlier, Christian had retreated into his office and slammed the door. Now Sean was subtly moving his hips to the music while he got his coffee, something Liz couldn't ever remember seeing happen in her entire career at McNamara/Troy.

"Yes, Liz, I'm in a great mood. It's a beautiful day, The Carver is in custody, my partner's back to work and healthy, and the patients are flowing in at a nice cadence to get things back in the black again. Why wouldn't I be in a good mood?" he asked, smiling.

"Well, if Julia hadn't looked so unhappy when she left, and if you weren't minus a wedding ring, I'd say you were in love."

"You would, huh?" Sean asked, trying to stifle a grin as he took a drink of the coffee.

"Is there somebody new?" she asked, smiling. "Sean, I know you're not officially divorced, but if things are heading that way for sure, and you're finding happiness with someone else, I'd be really happy for you. I'm a feminist, not a sadist," she added.

He paused a long time, wanting so badly to blurt it out, to acknowledge what was happening between Christian and himself, but stopped, realizing it could completely destroy his divorce case.

"Sometimes acknowledging something's over and looking to the future is a good thing," Sean said. "I loved Julia...I'll always love her. She's the mother of my children and I wasn't unhappy with her when I first realized how unhappy she was with me. But things have just kept disintegrating, and neither one of us is happy, so it's time to move on."

"That's how I felt when I finally broke up with Jan. I loved her, but it just wasn't allowing me to be myself, to live life fully. We wanted different things. I hope everything goes well for you, Sean. I really do."

"Thanks, Liz."

"How is Christian doing? I know he's recovering well physically, but–"

"It's a long road to recovery from a trauma like that, but I think he's handling it well."

"Good. I wasn't trying to pry or pressure him or make him uneasy when I talked about counseling. I know our society doesn't treat its male sexual assault and abuse survivors very well, and I don't like to see anyone lack the support they need because of their gender."

"Well, I can't argue with you there. In the limited experience I've had dealing with male rape or abuse victims, they're very hesitant to discuss their injuries, even with a doctor."

"Maybe your experience, and most doctors' experience, is so limited is because so many don't report it or seek treatment."

"I wouldn't argue with that. But I think Christian is doing all right. I've done my best to be there for him."

"I don't doubt that," she said, smiling.

"I better get going. One more consult before quitting time. Hang in there, Liz. We'll have more patients for you to put under in no time."

"Thanks, Sean, that's very reassuring," she replied, deadpan, still a little puzzled by Sean's jubilant demeanor in the face of what would probably be a messy divorce.

********

Meredith Stanford was a statuesque woman in her late fifties with upswept gray hair. Dressed in a conservative dark business suit and heels, accented by obviously expensive and tasteful pearl jewelry, she simply radiated credibility. She kept her reading glasses on a fine chain around her neck, and now placed them on the bridge of her nose to begin taking notes.

"First of all, I hope you don't mind being on a first name basis, Sean. I find it puts my clients much more at ease."

"That's fine, Meredith," he replied, smiling.

"It's fine with me, too," Christian added, flashing her his most charming smile.

"Of course, it's your choice to have your partner here, but these are going to be very frank conversations, so if there's anything you'll be uncomfortable talking about in front of him, now is the time to decide that. I need to know every embarrassing dirty secret about your marriage that you're praying no one ever finds out."

"That's cheery. No, I don't have anything to hide from Christian."

"The single worst enemy of any court case–criminal or civil–is the surprise your client doesn't tell you about because he's too embarrassed, horrified, or thinks it will get him in trouble. This is a confidential relationship, just like you have with your patients. Obviously, if you tell me you've murdered ten women and buried them in your crawl space, I might feel compelled to break the confidentiality, but aside from something of that nature, I don't care how depraved or disgusting you think it is, tell me about it. If we're lucky, it won't come up. If it does, I'll have a strategy."

"I can live with that," Sean replied.

"Now, according to what your partner said when he made the appointment, your wife is going after essentially everything, with the exception of your practice, which she'll go after if you don't give her what she's asking."

"That's it in a nutshell, yes."

"How concerned is your wife with appearances?"

"She's concerned. She has a lot of friends she wouldn't want to have gossiping about her, knowing all the details of our marriage."

"That's in our favor, then."

"She also knows that our business is based largely on reputation, so a scandalous divorce probably won't do McNamara/Troy any favors, either," Christian added.

"True, and that's working against us. But let me tell you something, Christian. A scandal may hurt your business temporarily, but Julia getting a twenty-five percent interest in it will probably hurt it about the same, bottom line. Only the scandal fades, but co-ownership can be forever."

"She has a point," Christian said, looking at Sean, who nodded.

"This is often somewhat difficult for my male clients, but I'm going to ask you to do some homework for me. I want you to relive your marriage–in fast forward, obviously–but I want you to document everything your wife's ever done that you remember that you could put in one of these categories." She paused while Sean opened the leather portfolio he had with him, and was poised to take notes on the legal pad inside. "Domestic violence, including physical abuse of you or the children."

"Julia never hit the kids. I won't paint a picture of her that isn't accurate just to get a better settlement."

"You said she never hit the kids. Did she ever hit you?"

"No, of course not."

"Sean, if you were Pinnochio, your nose would have grown a foot."

"A couple of times when she's gotten really angry, she's thrown something at me. The last time she did it, I ducked, and it didn't hit me."

"But the first time it did hit you?"

"We were having an argument, and she picked up a framed picture off a table and threw it at me. I was so startled and it happened so fast that I didn't move, and it caught me right here," Sean said, gesturing at his cheekbone area."

"Is that when you said you slipped on one of Annie's toys and hit your face on the coffee table?" Christian asked.

"That was five years ago. How did you even remember that?"

"Because it sounded like bullshit when you told me, but I couldn't figure out how else it could have happened."

"She threw something at you again?"

"A couple years ago, when we first talked about the problems we were having. She threw a cup at me, and I ducked, and it hit the wall."

"Where would it have hit you if you hadn't ducked?" she asked, taking furious notes.

"My face or my head, probably."

"This was a good-sized cup?"

"Yes, a coffee mug."

"Those are heavy objects, Sean. We're looking at a potential felony assault charge."

"I don't want Julia arrested for something that didn't even hurt me. Besides, she's a great mother to the kids."

"Anything she's ever done that wasn't so stellar as a mother? It can be tiny, but sometimes that's all it takes."

"Julia's a good mother. I'm not going to malign her that way."

"She's perfect? The Carol Brady of Miami?"

"What about the gerbil?" Christian asked.

"She was under a lot of stress, and it was a knee-jerk thing to do," Sean said.

"What did she do?" Meredith asked, interested.

"Annie's gerbil got out of its cage, and Julia had a terrible time trying to catch it and clean up after it. When she caught it, she flushed it down the toilet."

"Live?"

"I guess so," Sean said. "The plumber found it, and reported it to the police. I paid a five thousand dollar fine so she didn't have to attend an anger management class."

"Sounds like she could use one. So, we have two incidents of domestic violence against you, one with an injury that we can document with a witness, and a case of animal cruelty documented by a police report and payment of a fine. Any infidelity?"

"Not while we were married."

"Julia and I slept together once while she was engaged to Sean," Christian said. "I'm Matt's biological father."

"My son, Matt. He's a senior in high school this year."

"When did you learn about this?" she asked.

"Last year."

"So you raised this boy for what, seventeen years, before she told you he wasn't yours?"

"She didn't know herself until she had a paternity test done."

"I see."

"Well, here's one of the things you need to know. I was so...angry and betrayed and...out of it when she told me. I lost it. I grabbed her and pushed her against the wall. I had my hand on her throat," Sean said, gesturing at his own neck.

"Did you choke her?"

"I didn't squeeze. I didn't want to choke her. I don't know what I wanted to do. I just wanted her out, gone. I was out of my mind. I left the house and went to the office and beat the hell out of Christian."

"He slugged me a few times, but it wasn't serious. And I have no plans to say anything about it."

"Were there any witnesses to either incident?"

"Liz saw you come after me," Christian said.

"And your encounter with Julia?"

"No, no witnesses."

"Did you bruise her?"

"No."

"Did she go to the hospital?"

"Not that I know of."

"Has she told this story to others, about the assault when she told you about your son?"

"I don't know. No one else has mentioned it to me."

"Okay. This is a good start."

"You should tell her about the miscarriage," Christian said gently, laying his hand on Sean's arm.

"It was a miscarriage, not a crime. Why bring that up now?"

"Because you said yourself she intentionally put the pregnancy at mortal risk by going to that class."

"This is something I need to hear more about, Sean," Meredith said.

"We were having a lot of problems, and I had been living in a hotel for a few nights, but I came home. I wanted to work things out. Julia and I argued, and it got pretty heated, and we ended up having sex. I'm pretty sure that's the time that got her pregnant, but I'm not positive."

"Could she call it rape?"

"I can't see how. She was as hot as I was. It probably wasn't a good idea, but it wasn't rape. If she'd pushed me away, I'd have backed off. She pulled my shirt off herself, and there was no sign of resistance."

"Tell me about the pregnancy."

"Julia was wearing a diaphragm, but it didn't do the job. She got pregnant just as she was starting back to college. There were complications with the pregnancy and she needed to stay in bed, or at least off her feet, for the duration of the pregnancy. I was making the arrangements for paternity leave, hiring another doctor to fill in for me for at least three months, so she could go on with school after the baby was born. She went to one of her classes to take an exam, and she miscarried. One of her friends from college drove her to the hospital, and she called me from there."

"That doesn't sound like a very maternal thing to do," Meredith said. "If we get a conservative judge, you might just win the war with this."

"We're just sitting here finding fault with Julia. We haven't talked about my affair yet."

"He had the affair after the miscarriage and while the marriage was disintegrating," Christian said.

"Are you still involved with this woman?"

"She died shortly after we met," Sean said, swallowing. "She survived breast cancer, but after the reconstruction, the cancer came back, and she...committed suicide while we were seeing each other."

"I'm sorry," Meredith said. "It's apparent that was a very difficult situation for you. Was she a patient?"

"Yes. Which is against everything I ever stood for, or tried to enforce in the office."

"Okay, this is a downside, but you're not a saint, and neither is your wife. Sean, go home and do this on your own. Do it with Christian, if that helps. But only talk to people you can take absolutely into your confidence, because anyone who's likely to go back to Julia or repeat something they've discussed with you is going to be a major problem for our case."

"I don't want to spread this around. I would only be talking with Christian about this." He paused. "There's something else that no one knows." He looked at Christian, who nodded. "Christian and I...we've been best friends since college, but in the last few weeks, we've...we started a physical relationship. It's more than that, though–"

"We're in love and I'm leasing a house for us, but I'm doing it in my name so it doesn't leave a paper trail that could hurt the divorce case."

"Well, that's more than a minor footnote, gentlemen. That same conservative judge that would condemn Julia for the miscarriage would probably not give you custody because of your relationship with your partner."

"We don't plan on taking out any ads in the paper or coming out until the divorce is final," Sean said.

"If you hide that during custody negotiations, don't think she won't come back at you later."

"Matt will be eighteen soon, and probably away at college next year. I'm primarily concerned about Annie. Julia's a good mother, and I know Annie will be okay with her. I just don't want to lose my connection to my daughter, or have her grow up with negative feelings toward me because I'm not around enough to defend myself."

"Go home and talk this over. The other areas I was looking for were infidelity, sexual deviance, any criminal background, substance abuse, financial irresponsibility, and here's the big one that men seem to have trouble coming up with–emotional or psychological abuse or cruelty. Did she belittle you sexually? Did she say things meant specifically to hurt you? Did she emasculate you in her remarks or her behavior?" Meredith paused as Sean took notes, looking more miserable by the moment. "Men dismiss a lot of little hurts that women remember, nurture even. You have to remember the little hurts and humiliations, and put as many down as you think of. We'll edit them later. Just write down anything you think of, even if it seems ridiculous. We're painting a picture, and any good painting relies heavily on its details."

"This is going to get ugly, isn't it?" Christian asked.

"Uglier than you think it will. But there's some material here to work with."

"What about my faults? The things I've done that she could use against me?"

"That was part two of the homework. Be hard on yourself and list everything you think made you a less than perfect husband."

"Do you think her initial demands are unreasonable?" Sean asked.

"The custody arrangement is unreasonable since you haven't demonstrated any signs of being an unfit parent. The financial end of it is definitely attractive from her perspective. If she leaves the practice alone, it's not unrealistic that she could get all this, but we also have a chance to fight her. For example, you don't have to pay to put her through medical school in order for her to get marketable job skills. If you're paying for her housing, and you agree to pay for her to complete her bachelor's degree, for example, there's no reason she can't then be expected to get a job to support herself and Annie, with the help of child support, of course."

"That sounds a little more reasonable than what she's asking," Sean said.

"Work on your list. See my secretary on the way out and set up a follow up appointment. Meanwhile, we'll engage a private investigator to keep an eye on your wife."

"Seriously?" Sean asked.

"If she parks by an expired meter, we'll have a record of it. This is war, Sean. Don't think of it as anything less, or we'll lose."

********

"I was thinking maybe we should go to my place tonight," Christian said as they pulled out of the parking lot in front of the attorney's office, joining the flow of traffic.

"You feel ready for that?"

"It's been a long time since it happened. I'm back to work, I'm going on with my life, and facing that place is part of it. It's where I live, where my belongings are. I have to at least face it."

"Maybe I should just give Julia what she wants and let it go. I can make more money if she's not taking part of the practice."

"At least make the list for the lawyer and we'll go to the follow up appointment. Let Julia stew for a while."

"Maybe one of us has to love Annie enough to make this as smooth and as private as possible. It's not her fault that we couldn't cut it. I don't want her putting up with all the gossip from her friends who repeat what their acid-tongued mothers say about all the scandalous skeletons in the McNamara closet."

"Annie's going to have to put up with a certain amount of that because of us. This isn't a good situation, Sean. Everybody's going to get hurt. Whether that means you should lie down and let Julia walk all over you in the settlement is another whole discussion." Christian looked over at Sean, sorry to see the same worried expression that was usually on his partner's face. "Let's put all this aside for a couple hours. We'll pick up something good for dinner, go to my place and see what comes up," he said, grinning devilishly at the double entendre.

"Okay. Chicken okay with you?"

"Something mild from the Chinese place?"

"Yeah, that sounds good."

With their take-out Chinese in hand, they walked in the front door of Christian's apartment for the first time since before he'd been attacked by The Carver.

"Seems weird being here again," he said. "It's like being home and...not."

Sean set the food on the table, then rejoined his partner where he still stood, just inside the door.

"You probably have more stuff at my house now than you do here," Sean commented. "I should ask Fishman about getting the photo back." He gestured at the table where the photo of the two of them had sat. It was the one Nanette Babcock had placed in Christian's room at the house she was using. Christian didn't answer; he was already walking into the bedroom, staying a safe distance from the bed.

Sean joined him there, looking at the neatly made bed and pristine room. Christian's cleaning lady had been in more than once since the attack, and everything was as tidy as ever.

"It's like nothing ever happened here," he said, approaching the bed, looking around. "I loved this place when I first moved in. Now I'm not so sure I ever want to stay here again."

"We can go back to the house. You don't have to prove anything by staying here."

"In a way I do. If I can't stay in my own apartment, in my own room, she's won. No matter how many years they put her away for, she still has power over me."

"Why don't we have dinner and then decide where we want to stay tonight?" Sean suggested.

"Sure. I could eat," Christian replied, and they went to the dining room table to open up the packages and have their meal.

Neither conversed much, Sean preoccupied with the meeting with the divorce lawyer, and Christian unsettled by being back in a home that didn't feel like home anymore. Still, he felt compelled to prove something to himself, to face the ghosts head on. After all, Sean would be in the bed with him. How bad could it be?

"There's no shame in going back to the house and forgetting about this for tonight," Sean said, taking Christian's hand where it rested on the table. "You're doing great. You don't have to feel compelled to conquer everything at once."

"I need to conquer this. It's in the back of my mind like this dark cloud hanging over everything. I need to prove something to myself. It's that sense that there's something still after me and I'm just running away from it. I think that comes from the fact that I am–I'm running away from the memories of what happened here."

"Then we'll face them together."

"Just like we'll face the fallout of the divorce. It'll all work out. We'll still be together, and we'll still be working together. It's going to be okay."

"I'm glad you're sure of that."

"I'm sure of us. The rest of it will work itself out." Christian squeezed Sean's hand, noticing Sean hadn't eaten more than a few bites of his food. "Do what you feel is right about the settlement. I won't think any less of you if you give Julia what she wants–if that's what you really feel you should do."

"I don't know what to do."

"Why didn't you tell me the truth about that cut and bruise on your face?" Christian asked, and Sean frowned a moment before realization dawned.

"Julia was embarrassed, and she felt awful that it hit me. She was angry and things got out of hand. It was just...easier to let it go at that."

"It's not okay that she hit you."

"She didn't hit me. She threw something and it hit me. And it was a long time ago. Nothing we need to be dredging up now."

"You should try to eat a little more," Christian said.

"I'm not hungry. I should work on that list for Meredith."

"I'll clean this up."

"Thanks," Sean said, smiling a little as he went into the living room, tossing his sport coat over a chair, sending his tie to join it. Toeing off his shoes, he sat on the couch and picked up the portfolio containing his legal pad and sat there, staring at it, trying to go back in time and dig up every little hurt or insult, everything Julia had ever done that made her a less than ideal wife.

He wrote a few notes like "Matt's Paternity" or "Jude" or "Faked Orgasms" before turning the page and deciding to concentrate on his faults instead.

"Not home enough."

"Emotionally distant."

"Megan O'Hara."

"Sex with Doll."

He felt tears burning behind his eyelids, and he rubbed his eyes. Megan was reduced to one more 'fault' on a list, and he'd forced himself to remember being lonely and angry and anguished enough to have sex with a giant rubber doll. His stomach churned what little food was in it, and he laid the pad aside.

"Your next appointment isn't for two days. It'll wait until tomorrow," Christian said, sitting next to him on the couch.

"I just want it done. I want to sign the papers and make it go away."

"What do you really want from a settlement, Sean?"

"The practice, intact. By the time she hits me with child support and medical school tuition and house payments and taxes and insurances, and takes half all our liquid assets–which never totally recovered after the whole mess with Gallardo–I won't be able to afford to put in my half for the house, and I'm always going to be running like Frisky the gerbil on a wheel, trying to make enough to pay the bills but never getting ahead. I've got Matt's college taken care of, but that's assuming we use the assets I had planned for that, for that purpose, and they're not part of what's split in half. By the time I put Julia through med school, I'll have to be ready to pay for Annie's college."

"Divorce is an expensive business," Christian said, putting his arms around Sean, encouraging him to lean back against him. "The practice is a moneymaker. We'll just take whatever we need to pay off Julia off the top every month, and we'll use what's left."

"That's not fair to you."

"If one of us were a woman, we'd be talking marriage, right?"

"Right," Sean said, the first hint of a smile on his face Christian had seen since talking to the lawyer.

"And when you're married to someone, you don't do this 'yours' and 'mine' shit. It's 'ours.' Together, we can afford to pay her ransom demands and get you free."

"I have to think about it. Part of me feels absolutely...pussy whipped to hand over that much to her. Then I think about all the crap we'll have to throw at each other in open court, and what Annie's going to hear that she really shouldn't at nine years old..."

"Why don't you have Meredith draw up a counter offer? Shared custody, setting aside a portion of the liquid assets for Matt's college as planned, and maybe for Annie's, too, before splitting everything. Let her have the house and pay her tuition and child support, of course. But make sure things like spending money and store credit cards are her responsibility. In other words, take care of the kids, and support Julia in a nice house with her tuition paid, but make sure she doesn't spend you into bankruptcy."

"I think I should talk to Julia alone, without lawyers. Put a counter offer on the table."

"Do you want me to be there?"

"Yes, but I think it would send a message I don't want her getting just yet."

"That massage you gave me at the beach house felt pretty good. Think you might like one of those tonight?"

"In a little while, I'd love it. Right now, it just feels good to sit here with you."

"No matter how much money Julia gets out of you in this divorce, she's still the loser. I have you." Christian tightened his hold on Sean.

Sean felt a couple tears roll down his cheeks, and he brushed them away, resting his hands on Christian's, where they crossed over his mid section. He savored the contact, and basked in feeling loved and wanted and treasured. Suddenly, what Julia got in the settlement looked as petty as the list of faults and miseries he'd tried to compose. Maybe Christian was right, and this settlement was a ransom for his freedom. Just like poor, twisted, deformed Nanette Babcock had used their love for each other to try to wrest what she wanted from them, Julia was threatening their joint practice to force him into paying her off. Bitter women using love against someone to get what they thought they wanted.

********

Oiled hands worked the knots out of Sean's neck and shoulders. The hot shower had started him on the road to relaxation. Now, a sweet, spicy scent filled the air as Christian put his large, gentle hands to good use, making Sean forget anything but releasing his anxiety...and feeling the first stirring of passion.

"What's that scent?" Sean asked, his voice muffled by the pillow his face was partially buried in.

"Vetyver. It's an Asian grass."

"I like it."

"It smells great on you." Christian kissed the back of his head.

Sean was silent, just absorbing the wonderful feelings of the massage as his skin absorbed the scented oil. His thoughts briefly traveled to Megan and that first fateful massage she'd given him, but he found there was little room for thoughts of anything but Christian's hands on him, and the fact they were both naked, together, and had finally found the connection they'd both been looking for all this time.

Christian's hands traveled down to his buttocks, massaging them as he had Sean's back, then moving on to his thighs, and finally his calves, and even his feet.

"Turn over," Christian urged softly, touching his shoulder. Sean happily complied, looking forward to whatever Christian had in mind for his front, since his back hadn't felt that good in years. His cock was at half-mast, and Christian's hands moving slowly but surely up his legs was causing it to harden even more.

Christian leaned over and licked Sean's nipple, then did the same to the other, just teasing them with his tongue. Sean moaned and writhed a little at the stimulation, especially when Christian added suction, working each little nub until it was pebble-hard. Then he ignored Sean's cock, and moved down, pushing Sean's thighs upward toward his chest. Sean was a little surprised Christian was planning to penetrate him, but he didn't really mind. He was relaxed, and the way Christian made love to him sated his physical needs, but also fed a deeper emotional hunger that couldn't seem to get enough of being the object of such utter passion and adoration. Holding his knees, he waited to feel an oil coated finger slide inside him.

Instead, a hot, moist tongue was there, teasing the opening. Then Christian sucked him there, and Sean cried out, surprised by the intensity of the pleasure and the unexpected suction. Christian slid his tongue in and out, mimicking the motion his cock would make. He grasped Sean's erection and pumped it, keeping the dual sensations going until Sean shouted his name, grabbing at the sheets, his legs resting on Christian's shoulders while he rode the waves of his orgasm. When it was over, Christian moved up next to him, pulling Sean into his arms.

Sean fought to open his eyes, the relaxation of the massage and the mind-blowing sex having put him into a lethargy unlike any he could remember.

"Shh. Keep your eyes closed and let yourself go." Christian cuddled him close and kissed his closed eyelids.

"What about you?" Sean slurred, knowing he was barely getting the words out.

"I'm fine. Go to sleep," he urged, and Sean couldn't fight it any longer. He drifted off to sleep, unable to connect to the faint unease in his mind that told him to stay awake, that Christian needed him.

********

Christian lay there with Sean's body warm and heavy against him, and concentrated on that feeling. On the fact Sean was with him, that he wasn't alone. He knew that facing his demons here with Sean in his arms was cheating; by right, he should stay here alone, prove to himself it was just a room, just a bed, nothing more. What happened here didn't have a life of its own, and it couldn't hurt him. Not anymore.

He glanced around the shadowy room, reluctant to close his eyes. His hand went up to his cheek, feeling the fine line there, realizing how lucky he was not to be grotesquely scarred. Still, he remembered the icy hot blaze of pain across his flesh...and the terror and violation of that...thing pounding in and out of him, tearing him, making him bleed...

He forced himself to close his eyes and keep them closed. Sean's breathing was steady and reassuring, as was the leg that hooked over his as Sean slept, and the mumbled words that sounded like something loving that Sean said in his sleep. Unable to fight the fatigue, and reassured by Sean's presence, he dozed off to sleep.

********

When Christian woke, Sean was asleep on his stomach next to him. He focused on the pale, smooth flesh of Sean's ass, and before he knew what he was doing, he was on his partner, ramming in and out of him, ignoring Sean's pleas for mercy, pounding in and out of his ass until his cock felt lubricated. When he looked down, Sean's blood was shiny on his cock as it plunged back inside--

********

Christian's scream and sudden jolt upward dislodged Sean from his resting place, nearly throwing him to the floor. Bathed in sweat and breathing like a tractor, Christian was shaking almost uncontrollably.

"It was a nightmare," Sean said, carefully laying a hand on Christian's shoulder. He jerked, looking at Sean with wild eyes.

"I hurt you!" he said.

"No, you didn't. It was a dream, Christian. I'm fine, I'm right here. We were sleeping and–"

"And I attacked you."

"No, you didn't."

Christian pushed Sean down on the bed and turned him over, leaving Sean startled by the gesture and afraid he was going to have to fight off an attack. Instead, Christian very gently parted Sean's cheeks and examined him, almost clinically.

"You didn't hurt me. You didn't penetrate me at all tonight, except with your tongue."

"Shit!" Christian got up out of bed, then grabbed a vase off his dresser and hurled it the length of the room. "Shit!"

"Christian, calm down, it's okay." Sean got up and approached his partner.

"I woke up, and you were on your stomach, and I just...attacked you and you were bleeding..." Christian's composure was faltering. "I made you bleed, and you were screaming..."

"You had a nightmare."

"But what does that say about me? About what I want to do?" Christian demanded through tears.

"It says you were traumatized, and nightmares rarely make sense."

"Why would I dream about attacking you?"

"Because we had sex, and this is where you were attacked. Maybe because you went to sleep without really getting any, and you were semi-aroused, and it all just blended together. It doesn't mean anything bad about you or about us. It was a bad dream."

"I don't want to sleep here," Christian said, his voice still broken.

"We'll throw on some clothes and go to the house," Sean said, sliding his arms around Christian, hugging him as he put his arms around Sean.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"I know you don't. You haven't. Come on. Let's get dressed and we'll go back to the house and get some real sleep. Our first consult isn't until ten."

"Okay. I just want to get out of here."

"I know. We will."

********

Once back at the house, both men wearily plodded upstairs to the master bedroom, tossed their

clothes aside and climbed into bed, coming together in the middle of it.

"Do you think I'm losing my mind?" Christian asked.

"No. I think it was the first time you confronted the scene where it all happened. I was out like a light, so that wasn't much help."

"I wanted you to get some rest. You had a lousy day."

"We'll stay here until we can move into the beach house. You getting rid of your place and me handing this over to Julia will make perfect sense for why we end up staying together. It'll work out. I think it's time we both had a chance to sleep without a bunch of ghosts in bed with us."

"I should be able to sleep there."

"We can keep forcing the issue, or we can let it go. Would seeing Nanette Babcock again help?"

"Why the hell would it?" Christian asked.

"See her for the pathetic, disfigured, weak person that she is. We saw that, and we know it, but maybe you need to see her again. Maybe that would make you feel more at ease with the memories. Make her less of a monster."

"I know she's not the monster. I'm not afraid of her. I just can't get rid of the memories long enough to sleep when I'm in that room."

"We don't need to solve it tonight. Go to sleep. We'll worry about it in the morning." Sean leaned up and kissed him. "I love you."

"I love you, too. I'd never hurt you."

"If I didn't trust you, I wouldn't be here." Sean settled in for sleep, and was glad to feel Christian's body relax next to him.

********

Sean took another sip of his coffee, checking his watch for the third time. Julia seemed to be taking her time, making sure she was fashionably late for their lunch appointment. Finally, he saw his soon-to-be ex-wife making her way across the dining room, and he stood up, pulling her chair out. She was dressed in slacks, a blouse, and a jacket, looking casual and yet businesslike.

"I'm sorry I'm late. My class ran longer than I expected," she said, sitting down. Sean took his seat again, and forced a slight smile.

"How is it going? Your classes, I mean."

"There have been a lot of distractions this semester," she said. "All in all, it's going well."

"I'm glad. So when do you take the MCAT's?"

"Not until after next semester. Sean, let's just cut the small talk. We both know why we're here, and you asking me a lot of polite questions about my college classes isn't going to deflect that."

"I don't want to deflect it, Jules. I want it settled as much as you do." Sean paused as the waitress approached the table, and they both ordered salads, the food very secondary to their discussion.

"You've given my terms some thought?"

"Yes, and I've discussed them with my lawyer," he said. At Julia's surprised expression, he added, "Did you think I was going to go through this without representation?"

"No, I–I thought we were discussing it between us for now."

"You have a lawyer, Julia. And we are discussing it between us. That's why the lawyers aren't here."

"Why don't we lay our cards on the table."

"Fine. I have a counter proposal for you."

"I told you what my terms were, Sean. I have enough ammunition to fight for them. Or have you forgotten Megan O'Hara, your tacky little fling with Kimber Henry, or grabbing me by the throat and throwing me out of the house?"

"No. But you seem to have forgotten your propensity for throwing things at my head, flushing your daughter's pets down the toilet, inducing a miscarriage through senseless carelessness, or letting me raise a son for seventeen years who isn't mine." At Julia's shocked expression, Sean added, "There are no saints at this table, and frankly I'm in no hurry for our daughter to have to sift through a lot of unpleasantness about both of us that she's not old enough to handle."

"You're blackmailing me with Annie? Good God, Sean, that's low, even for you."

"I'm not blackmailing you. I'm asking you to think about her. If we take the gloves off and fight this out in open court, do you think for one minute she's not going to hear this stuff? I don't want that to happen. I think nearly eighteen years of marriage should have left us capable of figuring out how to dissolve it without turning it into a three-ring circus."

"What are you proposing?" she asked, pausing as the salads were set in front of them.

"Shared custody of Annie. The details can be hammered out by the lawyers, and I'm willing to be as flexible as is reasonable in determining a schedule that's best for her, but gives us both an equal influence in her life."

"An equal influence? Sean, you didn't have an equal influence when we lived together. You were never home!"

"No, Julia, I wasn't. I was busy making the living that supported that home, all the advantages for the kids, your classy wardrobe, and a few other amenities for my family. That doesn't give you the right to take the last child I have left away from me. You didn't want the child we were going to have together, Matt is Christian's son–Annie's all I have left, and you're not taking her away from me. Period. Shared custody, or I get up right now and head for my lawyer's office."

"Don't threaten me, Sean."

"Don't take my daughter away from me. I'm not letting her go without dragging you into the fight of your life, and don't think for a minute I won't do it."

"Let's move on to the rest of your terms," she said, taking a drink of her water, though her hand appeared to shake a bit.

"Prior to splitting the assets, we set aside the funds earmarked for Matt's college, and we set aside an additional sum to cover Annie's college. Whatever's left, we split 50-50."

"There won't be anything left. Someone liquidated large portions of our assets to pay off a drug lord."

"Keep your voice down. That same 'someone' also worked his ass off to restore most of what we lost, and I don't recall you suffering any ill effects from that whole mess."

"It would be a shame if the police found out about that, wouldn't it?" she taunted. "Now, what are the rest of your terms, Sean?"

"Now who's blackmailing whom?"

"If you want a dirty fight, Sean, I can give you one."

"I want a fair settlement that lets us both get on with our lives. Shared custody, the kids' college funds secured, and then we split the investments and liquid assets 50-50. You can have the house, and I'll make the mortgage payments and pay the household bills until you finish medical school, which I'll also pay for, in addition to child support for Annie. Once you graduate, you assume responsibility for any living expenses above and beyond Annie's child support."

"That's not much of a deal, Sean. What do I get paid for my suffering, or my silence?"

"All our equity in the house, a free ride through med school, and a nice child support deal for Annie, because I don't want her lifestyle to suffer for this. And, of course, your car and all the contents of the house, with the exception of my personal effects and the contents of my home office. I'm not prepared to pay for frivolous luxury items on credit cards, however."

"What about the practice?"

"The practice is off limits. That's my deal. No fight, no mess, no ugliness. We have the lawyers negotiate the fine details, sign the papers, and go our separate ways."

"I need to think about this."

"I want you to. I hope you think about it carefully."

"You should, too, Sean. I could get you thrown in jail."

"For what? We were threatened by a drug lord who demanded a payoff. We paid him to save our lives. What is it you're going to have me jailed for? Protecting you? Because you were his favorite person to threaten to keep me in line." Sean's heart was pounding. He had to maintain the bluff, make Julia think there was nothing more sinister beneath the surface of the whole Gallardo situation than what she already knew. "Besides, having me in prison means the kids have to visit me there, and neither one of us wants that."

"This is all very neat and tidy for you. You pay me off for a few years, and then once Annie is grown up, you're completely free, as if you never had a family."

"What do you want from me, Julia? Blood? To ruin my entire life so I can't move on? You don't want me anymore, so why not let me go? I'm willing to do everything necessary to help you get your fresh start. Pay for your housing, pay your tuition, provide your car. All I'm asking is that when you're a doctor, and you've completed your education, you stand on your own two feet and take responsibility for your own life. You've been insisting you wanted a career, that you didn't want to be a 'Stepford doctor's wife.' But yet all I see you doing is trying to hold onto that by finding a way to guarantee that I'll be supporting you forever. You had that life, Jules, and you threw it back in my face and let me know how much you hated it, and for that matter, how much you hated me. Now you're free–this is what you wanted. But freedom has a price tag on it–responsibility. You wanted to change your life, and I support you in doing that, and I will literally support you in doing that. But when you've got your new start, I want mine, too."

"I'll talk this over with my lawyer and get back to you." Julia said, standing, as Sean did the same. "That apartment is cramped and definitely not the environment I want to raise Annie in. If we're in agreement the house is mine, then I want to move back into it as soon as possible."

"Nothing's settled until we have it signed officially. When we reach an agreement, I'll do my best to be out of the house in a timely manner. Annie's welcome to come and stay with me anytime in the meantime."

"Don't you mean you and Christian? He's still living there, isn't he?"

"Yes. I'm there by myself, and there's plenty of room. He needed some time to recover before going back to his place."

"I'll call you after I meet with my lawyer." She turned and walked out of the restaurant, and Sean sat down again, ignoring his untouched salad and thinking about Julia's parting comments about Christian. It unnerved him that she'd zeroed in on their living arrangements, and was hopeful there was no more to her remarks than simple observations.

********

"Hi, it's me. Is our two o'clock there yet?" Sean asked Christian, calling from his cell phone on the way back from lunch.

"She's been here since one-thirty. How'd it go with Julia?"

"I don't know yet. She said she'd talk it over with her lawyer, but she didn't flat out refuse it. She mentioned the fact we're living together at the house, but I'm not sure it meant more than just an observation, because she wants the house as soon as possible."

"Once the deal is finalized."

"That's what I told her. I said Annie was welcome to stay with me whenever she wanted, and that's when Julia brought up the fact you've been staying at the house. Why that matters, I have no idea."

"Unless she thinks I'm having wild orgies with women there–or worse yet, that we both are."

"Maybe," Sean responded, smiling. "Imagine her surprise."

"Imagine everyone's. You want me to take Mrs. Silverstein on my own?"

"What is she having done?"

"The appointment sheet says rhinoplasty."

"Yeah, go ahead. I can join you once I get there. I should be there in about fifteen minutes."

"See you then."

"Did I mention today that I love you?"

"Not within the last few hours, and I was feeling neglected. I love you, too, so get that great ass of yours back here on the double."

"Your wish is my command," Sean replied with a chuckle, breaking the connection.

********

Julia unlocked the door and walked into the house, the emptiness of it striking her the way it always did since she and Sean separated. She paused in the kitchen, remembering so many breakfasts prepared there, the kids at the table before school. Sean reading his newspaper. She thought about that a moment, the image of their family in her mind, and wondered if she'd made the right choice.

Sean made the choice. He had the affair. Then he chose not to forgive me for Matt...for one time I was unfaithful before we were married. And yet his friendship with Christian barely faltered. I was banished to a cheap apartment while they went on as if nothing ever happened.

Resolving she had every right to feel as angry and bitter toward Sean as she did, she went upstairs to Annie's room and looked through the dresser for the blouse her daughter wanted to wear for school pictures the next day. After finding it, she carefully slipped it into the tote bag she'd brought along, and picked out a couple other items she thought Annie might want.

As she left the room, she paused at the doorway of the master bedroom. The bed was unmade, which surprised her a little. Sean was nothing if he wasn't tidy, and on the occasions a housekeeper wasn't coming in, or she hadn't done it herself, Sean made the bed. She approached it, not exactly sure what drew her there. Sitting on the edge of it, she looked around the room. So many years of her life were tied up in this house and her marriage to Sean. It was strange to think of ending that chapter completely, to think it had all been reduced to acrimonious negotiations about custody and assets. But Sean was right about one thing–this was what she wanted, to be free.

She frowned a little as an unfamiliar scent tickled her nose. Leaning toward the sheets a bit, she picked up on a sweet, spicy scent that didn't resemble any of the soaps or colognes she recalled smelling on Sean. The bed was in a lot of disarray for just one person, sleeping on one side of it.

Shaking her head, she stood up. This was pathetic. So Sean had someone in his bed last night. She'd slept with Kevin several times in the recent past, too, so why should it bother her that Sean slept with someone? She was about to leave the room when she noticed something on the night stand, the one near what once was her side of the bed. Walking over to it, she paused when she saw it was a man's watch. She picked it up, surprised to see that it wasn't one of Sean's–at least, it wasn't one he'd worn while they were together. It did look familiar, though... Her eyes widened when realization dawned. The watch belonged to Christian, which probably meant the scent in the bed belonged to him, too.

No, this is insane. Christian is the most rabidly heterosexual man who ever lived–and Sean may not have been the world's best lover, but he certainly isn't gay. She went across the hall to the guest room. It was empty, the bed neatly made, though some of Christian's things were there.

"Mom?"

"Matt! You startled me!" She spun around to see her son standing in the hall behind her. "I just came by to get a few things for Annie. What are you doing here?"

"I came over to see Dad and Uncle Chris, but it looks like they're not home yet. The door was unlocked. Something wrong?"

"No, nothing. I was just leaving. Are you having dinner with us tonight?"

"Sure. How about Mexican? Let's go out for a change."

"That's a nice idea."

"What's that?" Matt pointed at Christian's watch, which Julia didn't even realize she was still holding.

"I noticed it on the floor, and I didn't want it to get broken," she said, laying it on the dresser in the guest room. "Let's go pick up Annie at the Epsteins' and go get some of that Mexican?"

"Sounds great. I'll meet you at the restaurant–I have my car out front."

"Oh, okay. Pablo's?"

"I'll be there."

After they left the house, and Matt was pulling out of the driveway, Julia sat in her car a moment, staring straight ahead. She knew there had to be an explanation for what she'd found. The image in her mind just wasn't coming together right. It just didn't make sense.

********

Christian walked into Sean's office and locked the door. Grinning lecherously at his partner, he announced, "Linda just went home, the office is empty, our last consult is done. Ever done it on your desk before?"

"That's a nice thought, but we can't risk it here."

"Unless someone breaks down the door, there's no risk. Hey, come on, turnabout's fair play. You got me so hot this morning I forgot my watch. I've been looking for clocks everywhere I went today because of you."

"So I owe you something, is that it?" Sean joked, playing along.

"Absolutely, and now's the time to settle accounts," Christian teased, moving around the desk as Sean stood. With a sweep of his arm, Christian cleared the desk of all but the computer.

"Are you nuts?" Sean asked, momentarily angry at the disarray until Christian grabbed him and in a swift, skilled move that took Sean totally off guard, pushed him back on the desk and pounced on him, kissing him aggressively while he pulled impatiently at Sean's blue lab coat, sending buttons flying.

Sean was a little stunned by the passionate onslaught, but it didn't take him long to become an active participant, tearing at Christian's shirt while Christian was unfastening Sean's pants. With Christian's hand grasping Sean's cock, pumping, Sean was as eager to get his pants off as Christian was.

"Hand lotion?"

"Uh, what?" Sean looked confused, annoyed to be distracted from the hand job he seemed to be enjoying as an end in itself.

"In your desk, do you have any?"

"Bottom right," he gasped. "Oh, that feels good," he said, throwing his head back. "Ouch, shit, I just about broke my goddamn neck!" he complained, as his head had met with nothing but air as it hung over the edge of the desk.

"I'll make you forget all about your neck in just a minute," Christian promised.

"Do you keep those things up your sleeve or something?" Sean asked, referring to the condom Christian was rolling into place. Christian just grinned wickedly, expertly maneuvering the hand lotion to coat himself. Pushing Sean's thighs up, he slid a slick finger inside him, spreading the lotion and relaxing him a little.

Sean's heart was pounding, and he couldn't remember being this hot before. He was naked from the waist down with his legs in the air, his chest bared, and yet he was still wearing what was left of his shirt and his lab coat, and Christian was nearly fully dressed except for his open shirt and open pants.

As Christian slid inside him, it was a little harder to adjust at this frantic pace. All their lovemaking had been gentle and unhurried up til now. Sean knew that wasn't Christian's usual style, and now that he had a little more confidence himself making love with a man, he was ready for something a little wilder. This definitely qualified.

The brief discomfort was quickly obliterated by the pleasure, and Sean heard himself making noises he didn't even realize he was making as Christian gave his prostate a workout, shouting and sweating and pumping for all he was worth. Sean gasped and arched as Christian grabbed his ankles, holding his legs exactly where he wanted them. The eroticism of the move combined with the undeniable and unstoppable physical onslaught was too much for Sean, and let out a howl unlike anything he'd ever heard come from his own throat before, his cock spurting and pulsing as Christian spared one hand to milk it, his own face a mask of pleasure as the contractions of Sean's muscles squeezed him and drove him to his own climax.

When it was over, Christian braced himself with his hands on either side of Sean's shoulders, their bodies still joined, Sean's legs wrapped around his back. He leaned in so they could kiss, and Sean found the strength in his arms to wrap them around Christian and prolong the contact, despite their bodies' protests at the uncomfortable positions.

"I wish I had a camera," Christian said, smiling.

"Thank God you don't," Sean responded, chuckling. "It's not that this isn't great, but my neck's about shot and my back is killing me."

"Sorry if I broke anything," Christian said.

"I don't think anything's broken, just a little twisted."

"I meant from your desk." Christian eased out of him, guiding his legs down as Sean sat on the desk, feeling not only a little sore, but utterly ridiculous, his bare ass on the top of his desk.

"Oh, that," Sean responded, shifting a little and then standing. "Anything you broke, it was worth it," he added, looking for his pants.

"I just had to have you. I've been thinking about it all day." Christian pulled Sean into his arms. "I can't get enough of you." He started kissing Sean's neck, pushing the open shirt and lab coat off his shoulder.

"Hey, slow down," Sean admonished, smiling and pulling back. "Let's take this party home where we can really relax."

"I'm relaxed. I just came. We haven't tried the floor yet."

"And we're not going to tonight." Sean broke their contact assertively, but gently. "The cleaning crew comes in after seven, remember?"

"What time is it now?"

"Six-thirty."

"You win," Christian conceded, kissing him one last time. "That was great, love. Thank you."

"It wasn't a totally selfless gesture," Sean said, slipping back into his underwear and pants while Christian fastened up his own clothes and started picking up the items scattered on the floor. "I like it when you call me that," he admitted quietly, smiling.

Christian walked back around the desk to where Sean was standing, and laid his hand against the side of Sean's face.

"I wanted to say something special to you. I know it was hard and fast and without a lot of preliminaries, but I love you so damn much it takes my breath away, and I always want to be sure you know that."

"It's taking me some time to get it through my head that when you could have any woman you wanted, you want me the way you do. I'm over forty, male, and I'm not exactly the most exciting guy in the world."

"You are to me." They kissed then, the contact slow, gentle, and unhurried, a sharp contrast to their frantic lovemaking minutes earlier. "Let's clean this up so we can get out of here."

********

Sean drove into the driveway of the McNamara house, and a moment later, Christian's Ferrari pulled in behind him. Sean had some bills piled up he needed to pay, and neither man really minded the idea of not facing night terrors at Christian's place for one more night. Sean went into the master bathroom to take a shower and change, while Christian did the same in the guest bathroom. Though the thought of showering together was always a pleasant one, both men were ready to just relax for a while, and if they'd showered together, that was an unlikely outcome.

With a towel around his waist, Christian left the guest bathroom for the adjoining bedroom. He found some comfortable clothes he planned to wear for the balance of the evening, and as he was about to start changing, noticed his watch sitting on the dresser.

"Sean?" He went to the door of the master bedroom, which Sean had left open. He had just changed into a pair of old khakis and one of his favorite blue shirts, which still hung open. "Did you put my watch on the dresser in the other room?"

"No, why would I do that?" Sean didn't seem to be paying much attention to him as he buttoned his shirt.

"Someone did."

"Maybe you did this morning. You said you forgot it."

"I took it off in here last night, and I never picked it up this morning, or I would have been wearing it all day."

"I'm sure there's an explanation. One of us obviously picked it up and set it in there. I don't remember doing it, but maybe I did."

"You're not that forgetful, Sean. If you don't remember doing it, you probably didn't. I know I didn't. Someone else has been in the house."

"That's a big leap just because your watch is somewhere you don't remember putting it."

"I know where I last saw it. On that night stand," he said, pointing at it.

"What do you want me to do about it, Christian? I don't know how it got on that dresser. Maybe it levitated."

"This isn't funny. I'm telling you, someone's been here. And whoever they are, they know I spent the night in this room."

"Because your watch isn't where you thought you left it? I think you're overreacting."

"Goddamn it, Sean, I know where the hell I left my fucking watch!" he shouted. Sean stared at him a moment, as if stunned by the outburst.

"Okay, someone moved your watch. Maybe the maid was here."

"She doesn't do beds?" he asked, gesturing at the unmade bed.

"Matt and Julia have keys, so it had to be one of them, then."

"What about Nanette Babcock? Do we know for sure she's behind bars?"

"They had her in the criminally insane unit at the county hospital for her psych evaluation last I heard. I can call out there and ask if she's still there."

"Might be a good idea to eliminate the possibility."

"Okay," Sean agreed. "I'll check on that."

"So is this bill-paying thing a private activity, or you want some company?"

"I always want your company," Sean said, stealing a kiss as he passed Christian on his way to the hall.

Sean called the county hospital and after cutting through some red tape, finally learned that Nanette Babcock was still under lock and key there, completing her pre-trial psychiatric evaluation. Slightly reassured by that, Sean worked on sorting the mail and paying the bills while Christian sat on the couch in Sean's home office, reading the newspaper.

Enjoying the quiet companionship, Sean didn't find catching up on household paperwork to be all that boring or tedious. He was surprised when he came across an envelope with Annie's childish scrawl of his name and the address. He opened the envelope and found a handmade booklet with a photo of him glued on the cover. There was a note on lined notebook paper tucked inside it.

"Dear Daddy,

At school they had us make books about our heroes. I picked you because of the way you fixed Uncle Christian's face, and because you do that for other people, too, and make them look better. Mommy said I could send it in the mail so you'd be surprised. Can I come home and stay with you for a while? I don't want Mommy to be sad and lonely, but I want to come visit you.

Love,

Annie"

Fighting tears, he looked at each page of the little book, where Annie had painstakingly printed her justification for choosing her father as her hero, and why what he did was so important. He was startled to feel Christian's hands on his shoulders.

"Julia must have really racked up a balance on the credit cards," he joked, referring to Sean's teary-eyed state. Thankful for the levity, Sean laughed.

"Annie made this at school. I never would have thought I was a hero to either one of my kids."

"Annie's a smart little girl. She knows what you do is important, and she also knows there's never been a time she needed you that you weren't there. She knows you love her, and she loves you. No amount of fighting in a divorce is going to change that."

"She wants to come home for a while. I want her to stay here if she wants. I know it'll put a cramp in things for us right now, but I can't say no to her."

"Of course you can't. I love Annie, too, remember? It'll be great having her around. We'll just have to behave ourselves and make sure we schedule some recreation time for when she's in school."

"I get the feeling Julia didn't see the note," Sean said, handing it to Christian.

"She doesn't want to hurt Julia's feelings."

"It feels good to know she misses me. I knew she missed her mother when she was here, but to be honest, I didn't think she'd miss me very much staying with Julia."

"In case you haven't looked, Annie is a lot like you. She looks like you, she's serious minded like you, smart as hell–she takes after you a lot, Sean. It makes sense she'd miss being with the parent who's most like her."

"I'll give Julia a call and ask her if Annie can spend a couple weeks here."

Sean dialed the number while Christian returned to his paper.

"Hello?"

"Julia, it's Sean. I just got Annie's book in the mail. Is she there?"

"Actually, she's doing a sleep over at a friend's house tonight," Julia said.

"Oh. I'd like to have Annie come back home and stay with me for a while. I miss her."

"I guess getting the book in the mail reminded you of that?"

"I never forget it for a minute, Julia."

"Is Christian still staying with you?"

"Yes, why? You know he's crazy about Annie, and she loves being around him." He glanced up at Christian, who was watching him over the top of the paper.

"I just want to be sure I'm not bringing my daughter into a swinging bachelor hang-out with porn stars and swimsuit models wandering around at breakfast time."

"I'm flattered, Jules. I didn't think you had that high an opinion of my sexual prowess."

"I was more worried about Christian."

"Thanks for clearing that up," Sean retorted, sarcastically. "I can pick Annie up after school tomorrow, take her to the office for a couple hours and then home. She always likes visiting with Liz and Linda and doing some of my secretarial work," Sean said, smiling.

"Tomorrow isn't good. Maybe next week. Kevin wants to take us on a weekend outing to Disney World. It's the first time we've really done something like that, and I want Annie to be here. She's looking forward to it."

"Okay. I'd still like to see her right away. How about if I take her out for lunch tomorrow? The kids have what, forty-five minutes? That should be enough for a burger and fries with her old man."

"All right, Sean. I'll send a note with her that you're taking her away from school for lunch. I really need to get back to my studying."

"Sure. Goodnight, Julia." He hung up, then stared at the phone. "Kevin's taking them to Disney World."

"How sickeningly paternal of him," Christian said, setting the paper aside.

"If it was Julia who was here earlier, she'll be back."

"Eventually, I suppose she will."

"I mean she'll be back tonight. Annie's at a sleep over, and you know she isn't going to be able to let it go that she found your watch next to my bed, and no signs of a second bed being slept in. She has keys, and knows how to disarm the alarm. I'd be willing to bet a year's profits she'll be back tonight."

"To see if we're sleeping together?"

"She'll want to know before letting Annie come back here. I think we should be prepared."

"So I should plan on sleeping in the guest room tonight?"

"Let's try it. If she doesn't show up, so be it. If she does, she'll feel like an idiot and figure there was a logical explanation for the watch."

"She'll come back after custody of Annie when she once finds out the truth, even if you have a custody agreement."

"I know that. But as long as we're not exposing Annie to anything more explicit or depraved than any other married couple expose their children to, a judge can't really deny me the right to spend time with my daughter because my significant other is male."

"Unless she paints a horrible enough picture of me, which wouldn't be too hard to do. I haven't exactly led a celibate lifestyle."

"Maybe not, but we're together now, and that shouldn't matter. We're in a committed relationship, and I'd happily argue with a judge that it's a more loving, healthy, cohesive example of couplehood than Julia and I ever were during Annie's lifetime."

"If my moving out would be a better idea, I'll do it. I don't want to mess up your chances to be with Annie. I love that Matt is my son, but I hate what it did to you. I don't want to come between you and your daughter."

"You won't. You're both vitally important in my life, and I don't want to live without either one of you. We'll work it out somehow."

********

To Part Four