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A very nervous Jim drove over to Blair's apartment to pick him up for dinner. *I don't think this is like a major date or anything. We are just two men talking about senses. I don't think he sees me like that. Yeah, right, Ellison. Face it, you're freaking out.
Jim never saw himself as a person that was a homophobe, but maybe he was. Suddenly he wasn't hungry any longer. In fact, he felt like he would puke if he tried to eat anything. He pulled over to the side of the road and put his head down on the steering wheel. Why was he so frightened? Was it the man/man thing? Was it the fact that he was afraid of the man/man relationship? What would his family think? And Jesus what would Simon and Megan say about this? *God, I've made a really horrible mistake.*
Jim pulled back into traffic and went to the nearest quick mart and called Blair. Finally after about four rings, the answering machine picked up. Jim didn't know if he wanted to leave a message about not showing up for dinner. What is Blair was waiting outside for him? Fuck...
Jim got back into the truck and drove as slow as he could to the address that Blair gave him. If he played his cards right, maybe something will happen, like a terrible car accident. *Ellison, you are such a wuss. Get a grip.
When he finally drove up in front of Blair's apartment building, Blair was sitting on the steps looking lost. Jim just watched him for a while and wondered why he looked so down. Then he saw Jim in the truck and his smile was like Christmas tree lighting up. Jim realized suddenly that he was in major trouble. Blair really liked him and Jim didn't know what to do about it.
Jim got out of the truck and Blair looking up at Jim, smiled shyly. "I thought you weren't coming, Jim. The phone rang about an hour ago, but I didn't want to be let down over the phone. So I didn't pick it up. Was traffic bad? Is that why you're late?"
"Slow down there, Chief. That was me that called you on the phone. I feel like this is going to fast for me. I was scared. But I decided I couldn't just leave you sitting here in case you were actually waiting for me."
"Why did you just call me Chief? And what is the deal? It's better if you dump on me in person?"
"Sometimes I call someone that, if they are a friend. I consider you a friend, Chief. I just want this to go really slow. Could we do that? And I wasn't going to dump on you."
"So dinner is still on? Oh Jim, you won't be sorry. Things will get easier. You wait and see." Blair practically jumped into Jim's truck and put his seatbelt on. Jim got in and put his on and started the motor. The drive to the restaurant was quiet.
Once they arrived at the Restaurant they were seated right away. They just made it in time. Sitting down, they both looked at the menu and Blair finally broke the silence.
"Jim, do you think that I only wanted to have dinner with you because I like you? Because if this is the case, that's not it. I've never dated a guy before, but I wanted to help you with your senses. And I think it would be easier if we were friends. We don't have to be anything more than friends."
Jim stared at him as if he had grown two heads. "Chief, do you always talk this much or this fast?"
"Yeah, I do. Sorry."
"No need to apologize. First of all, I've never dated guys before either. So I think I'm a little scared of this whole new idea. You'll have to be patient with me."
"Jim, I'm a very patient man. I'm a teacher. You can't teach Anthropology if you aren't a patient person."
"Chief, what do you think you can do for the senses?"
"Well, we're going to need to do a lot of work on that. First we have to figure out how to control your senses inside of yourself. I'll have you picture in your mind, a dial of some sort that you can mentally turn up or down when needed. That'll be the first thing. Then I'm going to teach you to relax and meditate."
"And you think that'll help my senses? I don't understand how that would help at all." Jim was getting frustrated and was out of his element. As they were sitting there discussing this, Jim's ex-wife walked over to the table. *Oh for Christ's sake, could anything go right tonight? Hell no, Ellison, this is your life.*
"Hi Jim," Carolyn said with a sweetness that didn't quite make it to her eyes.
"Hello Carolyn," Jim answered, "this is a friend of mine, Blair Sandburg. Also my teacher at the University."
"Well if nothing else, Jimmy," Carolyn said, "it looks really cozy. You two make a very cute couple. I never pictured you as a man that would date his teacher."
Jim just sat there with his mouth hanging open and finally Blair said, "Carolyn, I'm his teacher and he's having problems in the class. I often tutor my students and it's not like he is 18."
If looks could kill Blair would be dead. Dead and cold from the icy look coming from Carolyn.
"Jimmy," Carolyn asked, "does your dad know about you dating a guy? He's not going to be happy. I might have to call him and let him down easy."
Jim didn't say a word to either Carolyn or Blair he just got up from the table and walked out of the Restaurant. Blair just sat there in shock. He had no idea what Jim was doing, but Jim didn't go to his truck. Blair turned to Carolyn and said, "You're truly a bitch and now I understand why he's not with you anymore." As Blair started walking away, she said to him, "You think you might have a good thing, but let me warn you, he's cold as ice."
Furious, Blair turned and said, "Well, I can totally understand how he would be with you, you fucking bitch. I can't believe he ever married you."
"Better than his dad hearing about Jimmy dating fags."
Blair walked out of the restaurant. He could see Jim walking down the street with his shoulders drooping. His body screamed of sadness and loneliness. Blair wanted to take him in his arms right then. But he knew he didn't have a chance now.
Once he caught up to him he said, "Jim, I'm really sorry."
"She's not always such a bitch. I drove her to that point. She wanted a loving husband and I couldn't be that."
"Doesn't excuse the way she just treated you, Jim. No way would it excuse that."
Jim stopped and leaned against a wall of a building in an alleyway. As he stood there he watched Blair looking at him and saw no pity, only tenderness coming from his friend.
"Chief, I'm getting out of your class tomorrow, okay?"
"Good idea, Jim. Can't have you dating the teacher." Blair smiled as he leaned into Jim and pulled on his neck until Jim came down and met him halfway for a kiss. It was a soft tender kiss. Both men were totally surprised.
They both walked back to the restaurant and the waiter led them to the table. He had hoped they would come back. Jim relaxed a great deal as they sat and had dinner. Blair went on to tell him all about the zone outs and how dangerous they were. He needed a guide, per say, to be his back up. Until he could control those senses, he had better not do things without one. Jim sat and listened to everything Blair said, and smiled because he realized it wasn't that bad being in love with a man. *Shit, Ellison, you're falling way too fast and way too hard. What do you mean, you're in love with him? You don't even know him.*
As they were finishing up dinner, Henry Brown walked in to the restaurant. At that same moment, a friend of Blair's walked in. Blair said, "Hang on Jim, I see a friend of ours and a friend of mine. Can I ask them over?"
"Sure, Chief, they can join us. You don't have to ask." Jim smiled a warm smile at Blair as he left the table and met with Henry and Sarah and asked them over.
First Blair introduced Sarah, his teaching assistant to Henry, then to Jim. And then Jim made the intro for Henry. They joined them, even thought Blair and Jim were almost done with their dinner. They all sat and talked, had a great dinner and drinks. Once they were done, Jim picked up the tab and they walked to the parking lot. Jim had stopped halfway with his wine, so that he could be the sensible driver. He asked Henry and Sarah to come with them so he could drop them home.
As they all got into the truck, Jim asked Sarah, "so are you going to tell me where to drop you off, or do I just drop you off at the university?" She smiled at him when she answered, "I'll just go to Henry's place. He's asked me to come for coffee."
Jim smiled into the rearview mirror and caught Henry's eyes. Henry looked happier than he had in years. When they got out, Jim said, "Henry, call me tomorrow and I'll pick you up to go and pick up your truck."
"Thanks Jim." Henry said hurriedly as he rushed to keep up with Sarah.
"So tell me, Blair, is it something we all ate for dinner?"
"What are you talking about, Jim?"
"I'd like to stay the night with you, too." Blair looked over at Jim and saw how nervous Jim was.
"Jim, I don't think we should rush into this. We should go really slowly. We have to be sure this is what you want. No mistakes."
Pulling up in front of Blair's apartment, Jim undid his seatbelt and moved over to Blair and started kissing Blair until the younger man was moaning with need. "Okay, Jim, you win. Would you like to come up?"
"Yeah, Chief, I would. Thanks." Jim undid Blair's seatbelt and they both got out Blair's side of the truck. Walking upstairs to his apartment, Jim kept leaning down and kissing Blair on the lips, neck and anywhere else he could get to. Blair was about ready to jump him right there in the hallway.
Blair opened up his door and they moved inside. Blair could see Jim getting a little nervous now, that they were inside. Outside the apartment they were safe because he couldn't have gone any further. But now he was inside and he'd have to do something.
"Jim, I think maybe we should just lie together and hold on to each other tonight. What do you think of that idea?"
"Chief, I'm okay. I'm a little nervous, but I'll be fine. I really want to be with you."
Blair didn't say anything else, instead took Jim's hand and led him to the bedroom. *Thank god, I changed the sheets this morning,* Blair thought. *These are going to be my favorite sheets.*
Blair started undressing Jim and could feel Jim shaking. Knowing that Jim was scared, he did what the thought would help him. Blair stepped away from him and started taking his own clothes off. Jim stood and watched Blair. Watching Blair strip was indeed a pleasure that everyone should know. But Jim would not like to ever share that pleasure with anyone. As Jim watched he felt himself getting hard as a rock and this excited him even more.
Then taking the cue from Blair, he started taking his things off and before long they both stood in the room naked, their cocks hard and standing up proudly. Jim couldn't help but notice that Blair's cock was the nicest one he'd ever seen. What was even funnier was the fact that Blair was thinking the very same thing, at that very same moment.
Jim started walking over to Blair and took him into his arms. They both lay back on the bed. They were kissing with passion that Jim had never ever felt in his life. Blair got on top of Jim and pushed their cocks together and each time they rubbed, they would both moan into each other's mouths. "Jim, I'm going to come pretty soon if we don't stop." Jim smiled as he said, "Come for me now, Blair." Jim saying his name with passion in his voice was Blair's undoing. He screamed out, "Jim." Jim pushed Blair harder onto his cock and came with a wild scream of his own. "Can I spend the night?" Blair smiled and said, "yeah, I think that would be great."
They cleaned each other off and then before they knew it they both fell asleep in each other's arms. Jim dreamed of his father calling to ask him why he was sleeping with a fag. Another dream was of Carolyn saying she was still in love with him and she wanted to get back together. And finally the last dream was his friends telling him that they never wanted him to come back to work. He woke up sweating with Blair looking at him with concern.
Jim got out of bed, wordlessly and went into the shower and washed the smell off of him. *What the fuck were you thinking, Jim, huh?*
Just then the shower curtain was pulled back and Blair stepped in and put his arms around Jim and said, "Don't pull away from me, Jim. Please don't leave me."
Jim pulled him closer when he heard those words and realized the dreams were just that. Dreams. If folks didn't like what he did with his life, tough shit. He was in love with this man. He knew that much. Jim was damn glad that he had found Blair Sandburg.
After their shower, they both got dressed and sat down at the kitchen table to discuss the shrink that Jim had to see today. Blair said, "Why don't I go with you? He can't discuss this stuff with anyone. So he can hear the truth, what do you think?"
"Yeah, that might work. Would you mind? I know you have classes to teach."
"I'll get someone to cover them for me. We'll get this taken care of and then we need to talk to your boss and your co-workers. It's important that if I'm not along with you that everyone knows what to do if you zone."
Jim leaned over the table and kissed Blair and said, "Well, lets get started then. Call your assistant and ask her to cover for you." As Blair walked by Jim patted his ass. Jim had never done that to anyone. Whether it is male or female. But there was something about Blair. He knew he was in deep already.
After Blair made his phone calls, Jim called Simon to set up an appointment for them for that afternoon. They'd tell Simon and Megan all about this and hopefully Henry and Brian would be there too. Then they could tell everyone at the same time. Simon set up the appointment for 3:00 that afternoon. Jim could tell Simon was dying to know what was going on.
On their way to the shrink's office, Jim was doing a lot of soul searching. He knew he was going to have a lot of things to handle. He knew his dad wouldn't be pleased at all. But that was too bad. He knew that his brother would be okay with it. Jim was a little nervous about how his friends would see him now. Things might change and Jim didn't like changes.
Blair looked over at Jim and watched him as he drove. He knew that Jim was trying to think some things through. Blair put his hand into Jim's hand that was next to his hip. And Jim took it into his, gratefully. This man could calm Jim without a word. *Is this real love, Jim wondered?
Tune in next week.
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Will Jim tell his Dad about he and Blair, or will he keep that for another
year.