Tom was asleep on the couch when he woke up. One instant asleep, the next wide-awake. He scanned the room wondering what had woken him.

"Tom." He heard from the bedroom.

"Chak?" he called back. He threw the covers off and started in that direction, praying it wasn't another nightmare.

He entered the room, which was bathed in the light of a nearby star. Chak was lying flat on his stomach, clutching his pillows to his head and chest. He was covered in sweat, twisting slightly on the bed, the blankets twisted around his hips.

"Chak, I'm here. Wake up, Big Man," Tom said, as he sat gently on the edge of the bed.

Chakotay moaned something. Tom took a chance, thinking Chakotay was starting into another nightmare and hoping to head off the worst, and took his hand.

"Chak, I'm here. Wake up."

As soon as he touched him, Chak's eyes snapped open and his grip became viselike.

"Tom!"

Tom recoiled from the strength with which Chakotay spoke. That was the Commander talking, not Chak. Then Chakotay tightened his hand even more. It was becoming painful.

"I'm here, Commander," he said, trying to extricate his hand from Chakotay's, but he couldn't.

"Tom, don't go." The plea in his voice resonated in Tom's heart. He stopped fighting to get away and took Chak's hand in both of his. He must have been thinking about sickbay again. Tom thought several angry thoughts at Janeway. Would she be so proud of herself now for separating them?

"I won't, Chak, I promise. I won't leave you again."

He watched as Chakotay's eyes slid shut again, but his grip never relaxed. After about five minutes, Tom gave up and leaned back against the headboard, hoping Chakotay let go soon, so he could get some sleep.

Tom woke up the next morning with the worst crick in his neck he had ever experienced in his life. That and a warm body spread across his lower body. He knew it was Chak, and it didn't really matter when compared with the stiffness in his neck. His head was tilted backwards, and he groaned as he tried to lift it. Pain spasmed through his back.

"Ouch," he groaned.

Chakotay shifted, and that was when Tom gasped and froze. He cursed his male anatomy three times over. The effects of having a warm body in his lap for who knew how long and sleeping this way, had him harder and stiffer than he cared to admit. He tried to pick his head up again, and found he couldn't. However, it did nothing for Tom's sense of well being when Chakotay wrapped his arms around Tom's waist and pulled himself closer to Tom. It also forced Tom to shift his neck, wringing another groan of pain from him.

"Chak," he whispered. "Wake up."

"Mmmm," Chak said, as he nuzzled his head deeper into Tom's lap.

Tom hissed in discomfort. He reached down and gently stroked the slightly longer hair. "Chakotay, wake up." He tried not to think of the repercussions if Chakotay decided to wake up at this moment with a full memory. Scrubbing the cargo bays with his toothbrush after scrubbing the hull. Tom's chuckle became a groan of pain. "C'mon, Chak, I need your help here."

There was no response from the warm body wrapped around him.

Then Tom decided to slowly inch his way down the bed. He was pretty sure straightening his neck would be painful, but effective, and he might not wake Chakotay up.

When he was flat on his back, Chakotay, who had grunted in displeasure as his human pillow shifted under him, resettled himself on Tom's chest, wrapping his arms fully around Tom. Tom had very little choice but to wrap his arms loosely around his XO and try to get some sleep. And throw a prayer up that this was not the night either of them decided to have a wet dream.

Tom knew everyone was watching him, but he blessed muscle relaxants and sat down with apparent ease at the helm. He wasn't going to tell anyone he had had to get Chak to bring him the hypo he ordered replicated, when he woke up and still couldn't use his neck.

Tom glanced at the chrono. Fifteen more minutes and he was done with his shift today. He wondered what Greg had decided to do with Chakotay during the morning shift.

"An old Maquis game," Greg had said mysteriously, when he picked the Commander up. "It's great fun and we used to do it all the time, before things got really bad."

Tom wondered what games the Maquis played. He didn't remember any except, 'How to blow up a fuel depot in twenty-five easy, adrenaline filled steps' or 'Backwater planets, how to make contact while dodging phaser blasts' or the ever popular 'How to beat the truth out of a suspected traitor'. Now that had been a fun one, even though Tom had been on the receiving end.

Bateheart came onto the bridge, and stood beside Tom. Tom tried to look up quickly and realized his shot from this morning was wearing off when a twinge shot all the way down his back.

"Ready?" Tom asked.

"Yeah, and after seeing what they were doing with Chakotay, I figured you might like to get off a little early," Pablo said with a mysterious grin.

"What are you talking about?" Tom asked, as he slowly rose from the helm, biting his lip to keep from groaning.

"Just go to the mess hall and be prepared for the worst. What's wrong, Tom? Your back sore?"

"Just a little," Tom said, as he glanced around the bridge and saw grins and smirks quickly wiped off people's faces. "Permission to leave the bridge, Captain?"

Janeway's eyes danced with amusement. "Granted, and Tom, maybe you should see the Doctor about your back."

"If it doesn't ease, Captain, I will."

Tom entered the mess hall and didn't know whether to scream, laugh or cry. Chakotay, Greg and several other members of the Maquis, all covered in various colors of paint were sitting at a table, laughing and eating ice cream.

"Greg, what in the hell?"

"Paintball training," Greg said with a smile. "We used to do it when we had down time. It's a whole bunch cheaper than phasers and Chakotay hasn't lost his edge at it."

"Tom!" Chakotay cried, looking up. "I kill'd G'eg, so I get ice c'eam." Tom's eyes grew wide as he took in the bright yellow paint all over the side of his face.

"You sure did, Chief. You killed me. Not that I didn't get you once or twice, too," Greg responded, with an easy smile.

"Yeah, but you said I was the ruling champion," Chak said with a big grin.

"No one has ever beaten you, Chief, not without cheating and then there was hell to pay for it."

"You mean like when you teamed up on me?" Chakotay laughed, licking his spoon.

Silence reigned in the mess, and everyone was staring at Chakotay.

He glanced around and put his spoon down. "Did I say somet'ing wrong?"

"How did you get even with them, Chak?" Tom asked, moving closer to the table. He glanced at Greg and Gerron, who were still staring at Chak. He wanted to them to stop staring. It was making Chak nervous, and that wasn't good.

"I dunno."

"Did you catch them all separate and then hit them with paintballs?" Tom asked, sitting down and almost slapping his hands on the table to break the staring spell.

"He waited until dinner and altered the guns where they sprayed paint, and he walked in with this bucket full of paint, and sprayed all of us down," Gerron said, turning to face Tom. "We all just sat there covered in paint, while he laughed his ass off."

"Don't mess with me," Chakotay said with a big smile.

Tom had seen that look on a child remembering a secret. Chak had just remembered saying that. He watched Chak and those around him closely.

"That's what he said," Dalby said amazed. "He walked out the door of the mess hall saying that."

There was a murmur of astonished agreement. At first, Chakotay smiled, but seeing people staring at him intensely, he looked down at his ice cream and started fiddling with it. Tom decided it was best to get him out.

"Well, finish up your ice cream, so you can go take a bath, and get that paint off you."

"Do I gotta?" Chak whined.

"Yes, sir, you sure do," Tom said gravely.

"Will you wash my hair tonight, Tom?"

Once more, silence descended on the mess hall. Several people shot Tom looks ranging from anger to surprise. Greg met his eyes and lifted an eyebrow, but Tom couldn't quite determine what the look meant. Visions of his own death danced before his eyes, as he realized Chakotay had just made an easily misunderstood statement to most of his Maquis buddies.

"Uh, sure, Chak," Tom replied. "But...uh...oh never mind."

"I 'member. Wait 'til you're out of the bathroom before I get undressed."

This time, there were snickers from around the room, and Tom knew he was blushing as Greg fixed him with a penetrating stare.

"You done with that ice cream yet?" Tom asked, more shortly than he meant to.

Chakotay leaned back in the bathtub, bubbles all around him, and sighed. He liked baths, they were warm and comfortable, and they felt good. They felt really good. He reached down and wrapped a hand around his shaft. He had gotten used to it getting hard. It did it in the mornings and in the bathtub. Really, really good. He slid his hand up and down himself once. Great was really a better word. This had happened last night, too. And he had discovered if he just rubbed it, it felt even better.

Starting with slow strokes, Chakotay enjoyed himself, but soon he was moving his hand faster. He ran his thumb over the top, into the slit and he gasped, it was so good. He continued until he was breathing hard and suddenly, with a sharp crescendo of pleasure, it spit. Chak let go of himself in a hurry. It had never done that before. He quickly washed himself off, splashing water everywhere.

"Chak? You okay?"

"Uh...yeah. I'm fine, Tom. Don't come in," he managed to say. And as soon as he did, he realized it was the wrong thing to say.

"Chak? What have you done?"

"Nothing," he said quickly, washing himself again. He hoped he wasn't sick or something. It had really never done that before, and he didn't know what it meant. Could he be sick? Should he tell Tom? What if it went off all by itself now? Tom's voice was closer and Chakotay hunted for something to cover himself. He grabbed a towel, just as the door slid open. He tried to look innocent as Tom came into the bathroom.

"Tom, I'm naked," Chakotay squealed, with embarrassed and frightened indignation.

Tom had been considering comming Greg to explain Chakotay's comments when he heard Chak cry out in the bathroom. He listened for a minute and he could have sworn he heard Chak gasp and then water going everywhere. When he had called out and heard that tone, he knew something was up. He started towards the bathroom.

When the door slid open, Tom just kept repeating to himself: Don't laugh, whatever you do, don't laugh." Chak was trying to cover himself with a towel, under the water; he had a bright blush staining his cheeks, and he was breathing hard. Tom had a pretty good idea what had happened, and despite his mantra, keeping a straight face proved to be one hell of a challenge.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," came the all too quick response, in a slightly squeaky tone.

"Are you sure?"

"Mmm hm," Chakotay nodded, and tried to look angelic. He missed it by a long shot. No wonder Tom never got by with anything. Kids weren't nearly as slick as they thought they were.

"Okay, but if you need me, I'm right out here."

"Okay, Tom. Thanks," Chakotay said.

Turning to leave, Tom paused when Chakotay asked very quietly, "Uh...can you get me a dry towel?" Tom glanced back to see Chak peek under the sopping wet towel and then holding the soggy mess up.

Tom winked, dumped the wet towel in the fresher and got Chak a dry one.

When he got into the living area of Chak's quarters, he decided if he could just take pictures, he had enough blackmail material to get him back to the Alpha in style.

When Chakotay came out of the bedroom in his sleeping pants, Tom who was sitting at the computer terminal finishing his reports, realized he would have to get Chak's hair cut pretty soon. It was really strange, but there were times that even through Chak stood a good six feet tall, Tom just saw him as a little boy. He looked again though, and saw the full-grown man, and Tom threw up a prayer to whoever was listening that Chakotay continued to regain his memory.

"Ready for bed," Chakotay said, coming to the desk.

"Okay. You sure you're okay?" Tom asked, a little concerned for Chak. He knew what had happened in the bathtub had probably shaken him up a little.

"Yeah, I'm just a little tired, but did I have fun today. Greg made this great big maze and we had to find each other. I saw Gerron and got him right in the back...blowee...and then, then I saw Ken."

Tom watched Chak's animated face, dimples and childlike excitement. It made him feel good, almost young. He also admitted to himself, that Chakotay was a handsome man, a very handsome man.

"I snuck up so quiet, and at the last second he heard me, but I was ready. Got him twice in the belly."

Tom would have to characterize that laugh as pure evil. He leaned back in the chair as Chakotay acted out his battle royale in the holodeck.

"And finally, it was just Greg and me left. We were hiding and rolling across entrances and everything, and then. I lay down and stuck my head around the edge of the corridor, and there he was. He had his back to me as he walked down the hall, and I was so careful." Chakotay showed how he aimed the gun. "And then, with one shot. Blam right in the head. I nailed him a good one. That's when he started calling me Chief. Why does he call me that? Is it because of my tattoo?"

"No, it's because he has a lot of respect for you, and that's what he used to call you."

"Ya mean like Gerron calling me Cap?"

"Yep, now off to bed with you."

Chak headed for the bedroom, but stopped about halfway to the door. "Tom, who do I get to play with tomorrow?"

"No one, but me. I got tomorrow off. But, you do have to go see the Doc."

Chakotay made a face at him. "Do I gotta?"

"Yep."

"Okay then," he said with a dramatic sigh. He turned towards the bedroom, but stopped in the doorway and turned back. "Tom, what happened today? Why'd everyone stare at me like that?"

Tom felt an instant of fear jolt him. What should he tell Chakotay? He and the Doc had covered this, and so he took his best shot at it. "You had an accident, Chakotay. You were just remembering stuff from before the accident. But it's a good thing."

"If it's such a good thing, why'd they stare?" Chakotay asked, leaning against the doorframe.

"Well, it's kinda shocking. One minute you don't remember and then the next you're acting like you used too," Tom said, standing up and walking towards Chak, vaguely herding him into the bedroom.

"Was I that different?" Chakotay asked, looking up into Tom's face. Tom only saw guileless brown eyes that wanted to know the truth.

"Yes," Tom said truthfully. "But don't worry about it, you'll remember when the time is right." He smiled to ease Chakotay's unease, but Chak never smiled back, in fact, he looked down.

There was a long moment of silence. "Tom," Chakotay began. "I'm having strange dreams."

"Like what?" Tom touched Chak's shoulder and turned him towards the bedroom.

"Like people I don't recognize, and...and...Tom, did I hurt people?" Chak took a few steps, but was avoiding the bed.

"Chakotay," Tom said, trying to think of a way to explain the Cardassian war to someone who didn't even know who the Cardassians were. "We were involved in a war. People get hurt in war, and sometimes, you have to do things you don't want to."

"That means yes, doesn't it?"

Tom nodded. Their eyes locked for a moment, and Tom could see the resurfacing memories were painful. This Chakotay was innocent. Tom had been with the Maquis long enough to know that Chak had had to do some pretty vicious things to keep his crew safe, reprehensible things to this harmless mind.

"I dream things, Tom, and some of them scare me." Chakotay sat on the edge of his bed, looking strangely scared and lost.

"Like what?" Tom asked, joining him there.

"Like you go away."

Tom laughed shortly. Of all the things that Chak had seen and done in the past, he never thought that that would be the thing to upset him. Besides, unless he screwed up again, he didn't think Janeway would separate them again. He put his hand on Chak's shoulder. "Chak, I'm not leaving. I promise."

"But you already did, didn't you?" Chak objected.

"What do you mean?" Tom felt his jaw slip a notch. Chak wasn't talking about sickbay. He was talking about before. His mind raced through the different times he had left. The original flight that had landed him in Auckland, the numerous shuttle flights from Voyager, his stomach dropped as he thought about when they were trying to catch the traitor. Which one was Chak talking about?

"You left in a shuttle. You've done it a couple times, and I always felt bad when you did."

"Angry, more than likely," Tom said.

"No," Chakotay said solemnly. "You left once and something happened and I got mad, but it hurt. I knew you were going to get hurt, and I couldn't help you."

Tom tried to think about anytime Chak had been worried about him, and came up empty handed. What was he talking about? "Chak, are you talking about when we were in the Maquis?"

"I dunno."

Tom pondered this for a moment, wondering how to figure out what he was talking about. "What was everyone wearing? Uniforms like this or were they different."

"Different, and we weren't here."

He interpreted that to mean here was Voyager, and so he must be talking about when they were with the Maquis and there was only one time he had left the Crazy Horse on a shuttle: when he had been caught by Starfleet. It actually made him feel pretty good to think that Chakotay had gotten upset about that. "You got upset when I got caught?"

Chakotay nodded. "And when you left to get Voyager back." Again, sincere eyes met his.

"Chakotay, you wanted to twist my head off my shoulders for making a fool out of you."

"Well," Tom could tell he was trying to explain. "I think I was 'barrassed, but when you were gone...I missed you," Chakotay said, as he clasped his hands in his lap.

Tom was in a quandary, but felt a warmth in his stomach. Chakotay had missed him. But, he didn't know how to respond. He covered Chak's hands. "Well, I'm here now, so don't worry about it."

"Promise?" The hope in his voice once more warmed Tom to his core.

"Yeah, I promise," he said, with a sincere smile. He lifted the edge of the covers and the six-foot child climbed under them.

"Okay," Chakotay replied, as he slid under the sheets. "Uh, Tom. Something happened tonight."

"What?" Tom got the distinct impression Chakotay was stalling his bedtime.

"When I was in the tub, I...uh...was touching myself, and it...it spit stuff out."

Tom tried not to laugh. Watching Chakotay fumble with the covers as he said it, was downright cute.

"Am I sick, Tom?"

"No," Tom said, with a warm smile. "You aren't sick. It's normal. Just not something you should do anywhere but in private...okay?"

"Is it gonna do it all the time now?"

Tom couldn't suppress the chuckle. "No, it won't. Usually only when you touch it."

"So I made it do it?"

"Yep," Tom assured him. "And it's completely natural."

"Okay," Chakotay said, and settled himself under his covers. "Goo'night, Tom."

"Goodnight, Chakotay."

The next day, Tom and Chakotay slept late, ate breakfast and then went to see the Doc. The EMH confirmed that although they were getting some higher brain function, they were also running out of time. If Chakotay didn't start remembering a lot quicker, he was going to lose his memories. They were discussing possibilities, when Captain Janeway commed Tom.

"Tom, report to my ready room."

Tom checked with Chakotay and the Doc, and Chakotay promised to behave for the Doc. Then he headed for the bridge. When he got there he immediately went to the Captain's ready room.

Tom didn't like the feeling he got when he saw B'El and Seven waiting for him, or when the Captain started to explain why she had called him. She explained that there was a small planet they had scanned and that she wanted Tom, Seven and B'Elanna to go closer with a shuttle, scan it, and pick up anything useful. The ship's scanners hadn't picked up anything particularly interesting, but it was on the edge of their range, and so Janeway wanted to check it out. Tom realized with a sinking feeling that Bateheart was on the helm, Gamma was asleep, so he was up as the pilot.

Tom didn't like the feeling he was getting. It would be just his luck to get caught in a gravity well or some shit and be stuck there for days, leaving Chakotay alone. He kept his mouth shut on the grounds he didn't want to piss the Captain off again. And it would probably look like he was shirking, and using Chak as an excuse, besides what were the chances he would hit another gravity well? He commed the Doctor and told Chak he would be gone for a few hours, but he was supposed to stay with the Doc. He was particularly careful not to mention he was leaving the ship.

They took off without a problem, and made their way to the planet. Tom had never followed protocol so closely in his life. He didn't even hot dog with the shuttle. They made it to the planet without mishap, although B'Elanna was looking at him funny. Scans showed only minimal vegetation and no minerals of value.

He was surprised when Janeway ordered them back after they had only made two passes and scanned the planet. Tom was never more relieved of an aborted shuttle flight. He was just as careful getting them back to Voyager. It was a textbook flight, Tom noted as he landed in the shuttle bay.

Once everything was shut down, Tom got commed.

"Ensign, report to sickbay immediately," Captain Janeway ordered.

Chakotay sat in a chair playing a game. He had to put the block in the right hole. It was pretty easy, but he wasn't really happy with the Doctor because he said he couldn't force the blocks in the hole. Chakotay smiled evilly when he remembered the Doctor trying to get the square peg out of the round hole. He'd had to replicate a whole new set for Chakotay to play with.

He finished and looked around. The Doc was in his office talking, but there was no one in there with him. It occurred to Chakotay that he might be talking to Tom, so he moved closer to see who he was talking to.

"Captain, I really don't think sending Ensign Paris on an away mission at this particular moment was prudent."

"Doctor, Tom will be back in a matter of hours. Someone had to pilot the shuttle and with Chakotay off duty, my pilots are limited."

Chakotay felt a cold fear. Tom had left? Tom had left in a shuttle? He moved closer to the Doctor's office.

"I understand that, Captain; however, if something were to happen, it would be extremely detrimental to the Commander."

"Your concerns are noted, Doctor."

"Yes, Captain." Chak heard the Doctor sigh. "I will never understand the human emotions."

"Where Tom?" Chak asked, stepping into the Doctor's office.

"Uh," the Doctor replied, looking up nervously. Chakotay saw him pick up a little round thingy and clutch it possessively. "He's had to do something for the Captain, Commander. He will be back in a few hours."

"Tom gone?" He took several more steps.

"He's just taken a shuttle for an away mission, Commander. He'll be back shortly."

"No," Chakotay said angrily. "Tom said he wouldn't go away again."

"The Captain ordered him too, Commander. I assure you there is no reason to get upset. Ensign Paris will be back shortly."

"No," Chakotay said again, bringing his fists down on the Doctor's desk. "Tom promised he wouldn't go away again!"

The Doctor touched his comm badge. "Uh, Captain, I think we may have a problem."

"Not again!" Chakotay yelled. "He promised he wouldn't leave again!" He swiped his hands across the desk sending everything crashing to the floor. He came around the desk and picked up the chair the Doctor had quickly vacated and threw it across the room. "He promised!"

"Ensign, report to sickbay immediately," Captain Janeway ordered.

"On my way," Tom said, leaving the shuttle bay. He remembered his promise to Chakotay not to leave again, and his stomach twisted. He sprinted for the turbolift. His dread growing with every step he took.

When he entered sickbay, he almost tripped. Sickbay was once more in shambles, but it was Chakotay that immediately caught his attention. For a moment, Tom couldn't think of anything to say. He just slowly approached him, and tentatively reached out to him. Tom felt tears prickle his eyes and his throat tightened as Chakotay crossed his arms and stared at him.

"Lieutenant," the deep voice said.

"Commander?" he questioned, still not believing what his eyes were telling him. "You remember?" Joy filled him. Tom couldn't help but smile as he met dark brown eyes.

"Thanks to your breaking your promise to me," Chakotay said, with quiet smile. Tom was thrilled to see the spark back in Chakotay's eyes, the intelligence and the warmth.

"Sorry, I wouldn't have left, but...Captain's orders. You know how that goes." Tom fought to keep the tears at bay.

"I certainly do, Lieutenant."

"It's ensign now," Tom laughed emotionally. "I got busted down." There was a moment of silence, as Tom took in the sight of the Commander, THE COMMANDER, his mind screamed, standing in front of him. "Oh man, this is great!" Tom quickly swiped at his face, to hide the tears that had escaped his eyes. "Chak, you remember."

Chakotay smiled at him, with just a hint of dimples showing. He nodded.

Tom wanted to dance, but instead he impulsively hugged Chakotay and felt the Commander stiffen for a moment, but then return the hug.

"Tom, thank you for what you did," Chakotay said quietly.

"Not a problem," Tom responded, pulling back. Tom couldn't have stopped smiling if it had meant a firing squad. "Oh, this is great! I didn't kill you!" Anyone could hear the emotions shaking his voice.

"I'm fine, Tom," Chakotay assured him, squeezing Tom's arm. "Captain, Doctor, if you will excuse us, I think the Lieutenant and I need to talk for a while."

"Of course," the EMH said, still smiling.

The Captain nodded and with what looked suspiciously like tears in her eyes, turned away from the two men.

Chakotay gestured towards the door, and Tom light hearted with joy at seeing Chakotay whole, fell into step beside him.

Once they were in the hall, they heard the Captain's announcement that Chakotay was healthy and would be returning to duty shortly.

Tom was staring at Chak as they walked, but Chakotay held his silence until they got to the turbolift. When the doors swooshed shut, Tom started,

"What happened, Chak?"

"Remember I told you I was dreaming?"

Tom nodded.

"I heard the Doctor and Kathryn talking about you leaving and I got...um...upset. It was enough to trigger the memories."

"You trashed sickbay again, didn't you?" Tom laughed.

"Uh, yeah, I did," Chakotay said, with a slight blush spreading across his cheeks. "But at least I didn't hurt myself this time."

"So you remember all of that, too?"

"I think I remember pretty much everything," Chakotay said vaguely.

Tom asked the question that had been eating at him since this entire thing began. "What happened, Chak...er...Commander? How'd you get hurt?"

"You can call me Chak, Tom. I don't mind at all, as long as we aren't on the bridge."

"Okay," Tom began, but the doors opened and they maintained their silence until they made it to Chakotay's quarters.

As they went in, Chakotay paused for a moment as if taking in his quarters for the first time. Then he visibly shook himself and offered Tom something to drink.

"Yeah, that would be nice," Tom said, still staring at Chakotay. He was surprised when Chak ducked his head and turned to the replicator.

"This is rather uncomfortable for me, Tom..."

"Commander, I promise, I won't tell anyone about what happened," Tom said sincerely. The last thing he wanted to do was make Chakotay uncomfortable. He remembered how it had rattled him in the mess hall.

"It isn't that, Tom," Chak said, handing Tom a glass of tea and taking a sip of his own. "It's...it's just the entire situation. I've had about a month of conflicting memories hit me all at once. And except what I was involved in, I don't know what's going on." He sat down on the couch. "I mean the last thing I remember correctly is you and B'El were going out, you were a lieutenant and I was in control of my mental faculties. That all seems to have changed."

Tom smiled, and quickly filled Chak in on the happenings for the last month.

"You broke up with B'Elanna?" Chakotay asked, looking at Tom sharply.

"Yeah, Ch..Commander," Tom explained. He hoped Chak wouldn't get mad at him for it. He knew B'Elanna was like his little sister. "Really, it was more or less a mutual agreement. Well, I had the initial blow up, but after you got lost, we kinda agreed that it was for the best. She's always gonna put her engines first, and I was pretty dedicated to taking care of you, and we both saw that if we really loved each other, we wouldn't have been jealous of each other."

"Are..." Chakotay started, but he stopped suddenly and then looked at the carpet. "Well, now that I'm better, maybe you two can try again."

"No," Tom said, sitting forward. "That isn't going to happen. And it isn't because of you. Taking care of you, showed me I didn't love her the way I thought I did."

"Tom, I was in Sandrine's that night, and I saw you two. You should try again."

"Chak, she will always put her engines first, and I found out that there are things more important to me as well. I won't hurt her that way. We broke up. It was clean, and relatively painless. I would rather be B'El's friend than try to force something. It wasn't there."

Chakotay sighed and put his cup down. He glanced around his quarters and wondered how to deal with the situation. Of all the people to get wrapped up in this mess, Tom was his last choice.

When he had started to trash sickbay again, all sorts of things had rushed into his mind. Everything had rushed to the surface. It had been disconcerting, confusing and, for several moments, incapacitated him.

When the rush had passed, he looked up to see the Doc, clutching his mobile holoemitter to his chest, as far from Chakotay as he could get. Then he heard the doors open behind him, and Tuvok with Greg and two more security officers come in with Kathryn behind them. He turned around, his hands still in fists, still in a rage over Tom leaving again. Greg had slowly stepped forward.

"Chak, it's okay. Tom's on his way back. He'll be here in a few minutes."

"Tom," he repeated, as he tried to sort through the cacophony in his mind.

"Yes, Chakotay," Kathryn said, coming forward as well. "I just called them and told them to come back. I made Tom leave. I'm sorry. He's coming back."

Everything was clashing in his mind. Why was he showing interest in Tom, he had spent years trying to keep it quiet, colliding with memories of sleeping with Tom, holding his hand in front of everyone. Tom promising not to go. Watching the shuttle leave Voyager and Crazy Horse. "Tom's coming back?"

"Yeah," Greg said carefully, moving closer. "Think, Chakotay. The Captain had him take a shuttle to scan a planet. He's okay. He's with B'Elanna and Seven."

Memories of soup and spoons and playing with B'Elanna's ridge conflicted with the drunken anger of seeing Tom and B'El in Sandrine's.

"B'El?"

"Yeah, B'El. She's with Tom. They're both okay. Do you want to talk to them?" Greg said, his hand hovering over his comm badge.

Then his mind started to straighten itself out. "Greg?" He looked around again, and then down at his own clothing. Memories clicked in sequence. It all fell into place. He remembered. Everything made sense. "Greg." It was a statement. He remembered.

"Yeah, Chak," Greg said, standing in front of him. "Do you want to talk to Tom?"

Chakotay looked past him. "Kathryn, Tuvok, Greg." He met his best friend's eyes. "I remember."

There was a collective gasp.

"Chief?" Greg asked.

Chakotay nodded, taking his friend's hand. It was just the way they communicated sometimes. Greg took his hand warmly.

"Are you sure?" Greg questioned.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

Greg started laughing, Kathryn had walked up and touched him and then ordered the Doc to check him out. Tuvok had solemnly welcomed him back and then taken the other two security officers and left. The rest of the time until Tom had gotten back had been spent with the Doc checking him out, and Greg getting him his uniform.

Chakotay sighed and put his cup down. He had reviewed the time he had spent with Tom and realized he hadn't given himself away, but now he had to do the last thing he wanted to. He had to set Tom free. Tom had stayed with him out of a sense of duty. He could see that. He also conceded that to try to force this, even if there was something, it would not last. Chak had learned many years ago, the old saying of letting something you loved go, was so true. He had to give Tom the chance to leave, although he wished he could tell him the truth, but Chakotay suspected Tom would not deal with his revelations well, so he could at least express his thanks.

"Tom, I can't tell you how much what you did means to me. It isn't easy to think of myself the way I was, but...you handled the situation very well." Chakotay realized that wasn't what he wanted to say. "Tom, what I'm trying to say is: even when I couldn't understand what was going on, I knew you would be there for me, and it gave me an anchor. Thank you."

There was a moment of silence. He saw Tom's smile grow slightly dimmer and it made him uncomfortable.

Then Tom broke the spell. "Chak, can I be really honest here. I mean, I know it isn't something we've ever done with each other, but I want you to understand."

"I would love to hear what you have to say," Chakotay said, leaning towards Tom, sitting up straight. He was hoping to change the way things had been between them, and he laid the blame firmly on his own shoulders. He had kept Tom away, not letting him get close.

"Okay," Tom said. "I don't know what the Doc told you, but actually the coma was my fault. I didn't get all the information and just started to treat you and it..."

Chakotay cut him off. The Doc had explained it to him, and he would not allow Tom to carry that misplaced guilt around for the rest of his life. "No, Tom. I was going to go into a coma anyway. The Doc told me about it. True, you aggravated the situation, but you were in no way responsible for me going into a coma or losing my memory. I did it."

Tom looked at him for a moment and blinked. Chakotay almost smiled. He had never been so quick or sincere in his absolution of Lieutenant Paris, and Tom was having some trouble processing that information. Chakotay thought he could see the hope that no one would blame him for this burning in his soul.

"Okay, well I felt responsible. I still do. I spent a lot of time in sickbay with you, and when you were in the coma, all I wanted was for you to scream at me again, to give me that look that said 'Quit goofing off, Paris'."

Chak realized he might be a little too raw for this conversation. The idea that the only thing Tom could look forward too was getting dressed down by him, hurt. Then it occurred to him that maybe Tom wasn't the only one blaming him for Chak being hurt. "No one gave you a hard time, did they?" Chak asked, concerned that his old crew had started back in on Tom.

"No, in fact everyone was pretty understanding. Well, except for B'El and the Captain."

"Kathryn was upset with you?" He thought back through what he remembered and didn't see a reason for her to be upset, except that...Oh, Tom was taking care of him, and he had wanted Tom instead of her. He looked up, and saw Tom's eyes dim a bit. A memory of Tom's eyes so dull when he was in sickbay flashed through his mind. He wondered what had happened that had caused that.

"Hell yes, she busted me back down to Ensign, and then she got mad at me and...well, she locked me out of sickbay."

"Tom," he said with compassion. So many things were leaping around in his mind. He remembered Tom and Kathryn's angry voices and then Tom starting to leave sickbay, but taking the time to take him to the bathroom, and how he had encouraged Chak to keep trying. "I only regained my memory in the last two hours. I haven't really had a chance to sort it all out. What happened?"

"Well, she initially busted me back to ensign when I treated you without knowing what was going on. Then," Tom sighed. "I disagreed with her about letting the crew see you, when you were just starting to talk, and...I said something stupid."

"What?" Chak was angry about why Kathryn had taken his rank over his injury. The EMH had firmly stated that he was going into the coma no matter what. That was the brain's way of dealing with trauma. And that she had continued to harass Tom when he had been the one taking care of him, made him even angrier. He vaguely remembered the argument. He had only been picking up words here and there. He had no idea what the fight had been about. "What did you say that made her so angry?"

"It doesn't matter," Tom said, staring at the carpet.

"Yes, it does to me, Tom. All I remember is angry voices, and then you leaving. What happened?"

"Yeah. I think..." Tom paused, and then it all came out in a rush. "I told her I could get your blood pressure up better than anyone and she got really mad. I just meant I could probably get you to remember quicker because you always got mad at me."

Chakotay thought about that for a minute and again was assailed by conflicting emotions. The pain that all Tom expected from him was anger, amusement at how Kathryn would have taken that statement and then a profound contentment that Tom cared enough to face her down, so he wasn't embarrassed or loose respect. "Thank you, Tom." Then he chuckled. "I see you have found out Kathryn Janeway can get jealous."

"That's putting it mildly, Chak."

"I'm sorry, I interrupted. Please go on."

"Well, I just wanted you to wake up. And when you did, I was there."

"Sleeping in a chair next to my bed, holding my hand," Chakotay said, as the memory came back to him.

"Yeah, and it was great. I just kept watching you make step after step, and it seemed like you were responding for me. Well, maybe I'm way off base, but you spoke to me first, and..."

"No, Tom you aren't off base. It was you. At first, I couldn't remember anything," Chakotay said, sitting back. He remembered how he had looked forward to Tom coming. "All I knew was you and the Doctor being there for me, and you more than the EMH. It was you."

"It was?" Tom asked with a smile.

"Yes," Chakotay acknowledged.

"Good. Well, anyway, you kept making progress and, well, I just wanted to be there, Chak. I wanted to be part of you getting better. Righting the wrong. It felt so good each time you took a step. Like when you spoke or started walking. And then when you left sickbay to find me and then trashed it, I knew I had to finish it. Chak, when Janeway locked me out, I..."

"What?"

"Never mind," Tom said quietly.

"No, you were going to say something. Now, what was it?"

"When you were trashing sickbay, I challenged the Captain on the bridge," Tom admitted sheepishly. "I tried to get her to take it to her Ready Room, but she wouldn't."

Chak's first instinct was to chastise Tom for an open conflict on the bridge, but something in his gut told him to shut up. "What happened?"

"You were screaming you wanted to be let out of sickbay. I asked to speak with her in her ready room. She asked if I was trying for crewman, and I said if that was what it took." Tom fell silent for a moment. "I told her I would give up the helm."

Chak felt his stomach tighten. Tom had voluntarily offered to give up the helm for him. That was the most profound thing Tom could have done. Flying was his life. Chakotay was honestly awed. "Why?"

"Because, when she locked me out, you started to falter. Do you remember that?"

"I think so. I kept asking for you."

"Yeah, and you started to have nightmares, and your speech started to slip and you got uncooperative."

"But...was this before or after you and B'Elanna broke up?"

"After."

"But she was the one who was going to take me to you," Chakotay said surprised. Things were getting confusing again. "She was jea...Kathryn...I don't understand."

"Kathryn locked me out first. Then B'El tried to bring you to me, but you decided to find me yourself when she and the Doc started talking. When you got lost, Greg, B'El and Harry tried to find you, but couldn't. So they came and got me. I went to the Captain, we scanned Voyager for you."

"That's when I was in closet."

"Yeah, and we had just realized you still had voice access, so Tuvok locked you out of the computer."

"And that's why it wouldn't open back up."

"Right." Tom said, sipping his tea. "So, we got you back to sickbay..."

"Now, I remember that. Kathryn made you leave again."

"Yep, and you didn't take it too well."

"Oh, you don't know the half of it, unless someone told you. The EMH sedated me. I woke up and tried to leave again and the doors wouldn't open."

"Okay, so you pitched one hell of an impressive temper tantrum. The EMH called the bridge. I could hear you in the background and..."

Tom looked up and Chakotay knew he was blushing. He took a sip off his tea. "Go on."

Tom smiled lightly. "Well, while Janeway and the Doc were talking, you knocked the EMH off line. I asked to speak to her in her ready room, she took it public. I didn't back off and she gave in." Tom met Chakotay's look. "I went to sickbay, or what was left of it and well, you should remember the rest."

Chakotay watched Tom smile an impish smile. He smiled back.

Then Tom let loose with a stellar smile and said "B'oke." Then Tom started laughing.

Chakotay looked down and knew his blush had intensified.

"By any stretch of the imagination, Chak, were you a strong willed child?"

"I believe my mother used the term spoiled rotten brat," Chakotay said, looking up with a smile and a laugh. "Well, how much do I owe Voyager for the repairs?"

Tom laughed. "You? Janeway tagged me with half the repairs."

"What? That isn't fair. I did the damage, not you. I'll reimburse you."

"Don't worry about it, Chak. It was worth it. For once, I got to dress you down."

Chakotay shrugged and from Tom's response he assumed Tom wasn't upset about it, but he still made a mental note to reimburse Tom. "Okay. So what else happened?"

"Nothing really. From that point on, everyone was behind me. Greg, B'El. Oh, you might want to apologize to Gerron. I think you cost him a pretty penny in replicator rations."

"Gerron? What did...Oh, tag," Chakotay said, with a sheepish expression. Then another memory came flooding back. "Tom, I hit you. Are you all right?"

"You sure did." Tom rubbed his jaw. "What were you dreaming about?" Tom asked, sitting forward.

"I don't know, but don't ever wake me up that way again. I started that when I did a few weeks as a POW. Always make sure I'm awake before you touch me."

"I figured that out, Chak," Tom said.

"Did I..."

"Fractured my cheek and loosened up three teeth, Commander."

"From what you're telling me you were lucky to survive."

"It wasn't that bad, Chak. There were one or two times I got hurt, but seeing you sitting there in uniform, makes it all worth it."

Chak's terminal light started to blink and his comm badge went off.

"Chakotay."

"Chief, it's Greg. Wanted to make sure everything was okay."

"I'm fine, Greg. Thanks. I'll get together with you later."

"Okay. Glad to have you back."

"Thank Tom, Greg. He's the one responsible. And make sure everyone knows it."

"Don't worry, Chief, I already did."

"Good. Chakotay out."

They tried to talk a little more, but soon Chak was being inundated with messages. Tom started to gather up his padds and the clothes he had left there. He was getting ready to leave when Chakotay came up to him.

"Computer, hold all messages." He touched Tom's arm. "Tom, at least let me treat you to dinner. I'm off duty today and tomorrow and longer, if necessary."

"Chak, you don't have to do this. I'm happy you're back."

"I know I don't have to, Tom. I want to."

"Okay. You let me know when. I'll be there."

"How about tomorrow night?"

Tom sat in his quarters, strangely lost. With Chak back on his feet, he didn't know what to do with himself. He looked around his quarters and decided maybe he could catch up on some of the sleep he had been missing. However, when he walked in and saw his bed still in a mess from when Chakotay had slept there, something twisted inside him.

Chakotay sat with Greg, talking.

"No, Chakotay, I don't think he even suspected it."

"I can't believe I did something that stupid. Getting fall down drunk."

"Literally," Greg laughed. "Oh, come on, Cap. We've both been there."

"Yeah, but...shit Greg. What if I had done something stupid?"

"You mean besides running around your quarters naked with him in there."

"Don't remind me," Chakotay groaned.

Greg laughed as his best friend closed his eyes.

"What else did I do?"

"You had a nightmare and he went in. He took your hand and you wouldn't let go, and he fell asleep sitting up. You proceeded to curl up into his lap and stayed there all night."

"Oh no," Chakotay groaned, imagining the worst.

"Nothing happened, Chakotay. Paris didn't do a thing."

"Why did you open up surveillance on my quarters?"

"I wanted to keep an eye on you...and Paris. I wasn't sure he could be trusted, and I wanted to make sure you were okay. You want the tapes?"

"No, I was there, remember. Anything else happen at night?"

"You had the dream, and tacked him a good one. The next night you both slept all night, but that was the night you got soap in your eyes," Greg chuckled. Chakotay pushed him. "The next night was when you grabbed his hand and you slept on top of him, and then you had fun at bath time the next night."

Chakotay just groaned and put his head in his hands. Greg laughed even harder.

"You were so cute, Chak."

"I can hurt you, Greg. Breathe one word of that to anyone and I will see you scrubbing out cargo bays for the rest of your life."

"Okay, okay, Cap. Not a problem, but that was last night, so no, nothing else happened."

"Spirits, Greg. What am I going to do now?"

"Piss by yourself?" He got hit again for that comment. "Hell, Cap, I'll send Gerron his way, and see how he responds. Gerron's good with that type of thing, and I know Paris is not after Tem."

Late that night, Chakotay moved around his quarters. He stared at the table that he had hit his head on. He remembered the pain from that evening and how it had worked out. He shook his head sadly thinking about how the Spirits had an ironic sense of humor. He had nearly killed himself because he thought he had lost Tom, and that very act had brought Tom into his life more personally than he had hoped for.

He turned around and saw the picture. He picked it up. It was right before the war had heated up. They were so young then, so full of life. He stared at B'El and didn't know what to think. Part of him was glad he had a chance with Tom again, and part of him was sad that he might have messed something up for them. He set the picture down, face down. He didn't want to deal with that right now.

He paced his quarters, missing Tom's presence. He touched things, remembering what Tom looked like laid out on the couch, his touch as he had wiped the soap from his eyes, the look on Tom's face when he had walked into the bathroom naked.

Chakotay finally got in bed, still wondering how to deal with Tom.

At lunch the next day, Tom was surprised when Gerron sat down with him.

"Hey, Tem. How are you?"

"Glad I don't have to play tag anymore," Gerron said with a smile.

"Me, too." They both laughed.

"Hey, Tom, I was wondering..." Gerron bit the inside of his lip. "You want to get together some night?"

"As in a date?" Tom asked, surprised. He had never known Gerron was interested in him.

"Yeah."

"Well, Gerron, I appreciate the offer, but...I don't think so."

"Is it because I'm a man?"

"No," Tom said evenly. "It's because I think you're a nice guy, but I just don't think about you that way."

"Oh, okay. Well, I had to ask. No hard feelings?"

"None."

Gerron started to get up and leave. "And Tom, thanks for what you did for Chakotay. We're all really glad to have him back."

"Not as glad as I am, Gerron. I'm almost looking forward to screwing up, so he can scream at me again."

Gerron smiled, and nodded. "I know what you mean, Tom. See you around."

That evening, when Tom got off shift in sickbay, he went to Chakotay's quarters for dinner. He had been thinking about what had happened since leaving Chak's quarters the day before. To be honest, he was a little sad Chakotay had regained his memory. He liked the openness they had shared, and it had made him feel so good when Chak had come to him, and he had really liked being needed. He had also admitted to himself, he missed Chakotay.

He greeted two of the crew who called out to him in the corridors. Tom smiled quietly to himself. They were Maquis. That was the one great thing that had happened, it appeared that he had been forgiven. Tom got on the turbolift with the best feeling inside he had had in years.

When the doors opened, he went to his quarters and changed. Chak had said casual, so he slid on some comfortable pants, and headed for Chak's quarters, wondering what would happen tonight. He expected to have dinner with the Commander, but hoped Chak would show up. He stopped in front of Chakotay's door and rang the chimes.

Chakotay glanced around his quarters one more time to make sure everything looked good. He almost called out come, but changed his mind and opened it manually. The personal touch just seemed right.

"Commander," Tom said, as he stood in the hallway.

"Come in, Tom," Chakotay invited, stepping to the side to let Tom pass through the doorway.

Despite his best efforts to the contrary, his heart rate picked up when he saw those blue eyes. Blue eyes. Chakotay chuckled quietly to himself. Even brain damaged, he had recognized those eyes.

"Something funny, Commander?" Tom asked. Chakotay heard the edge to his voice.

"Yes, in fact there is. When I first woke up, I couldn't remember anything, and I dubbed you blue eyes. I just remembered it."

"Really?" Tom asked.

"Yeah. Seven really threw me for a loop. I woke up and saw her, but I was really tired and at first, you know half awake, I thought you had come back."

"Oh," Tom said quietly, but Chakotay noticed how he looked down slightly and how his voice wasn't quite so bright. It amazed him how much Tom said without saying a word. He was going to have to pay more attention to that. "You couldn't tell the difference? I mean we look just a little different,"

"It took me a minute to see that," Chakotay said, with a quiet smile. "Don't feel too bad about it, Tom. I threw my spoon at her for giving me spicy mater so."

"You threw your spoon at Seven?" Tom asked with a delighted smile.

"Sure did, and I told her to go away," Chakotay explained. "She picked up the bowl and told me it was at the perfect ambient temperature and I always ate my food spicy. I think she was actually confused."

"Hey, that was my personal recipe for tomato soup," Tom laughed. "Took me months to get it right."

"And I knew the difference immediately," Chakotay assured him. The conversation dragged for a moment. "Would you like something to drink?"

"Sure, Commander."

That was the first time Chakotay noticed that Tom kept calling him Commander.

"What's wrong, Tom?" Chakotay asked, as he went to the replicator.

"Nothing, Commander."

"Then how about we drop the rank. You can call me Chakotay, or Chak. I mean you did for how long?" He paused. "What would you like?"

"Whatever," Tom said.

Chakotay went to the replicator.

"Hey, Chak, what had you so mad at B'Elanna?"

Chakotay had just turned around hoping Tom didn't mind his choice in drink. He had always enjoyed a beer with Mexican food and since that's what he had planned on serving tonight, and with the stress levels he was sensing, he thought it would be a good idea. He paused when he saw Tom holding the picture of him from the Crazy Horse.

"Why was I mad at B'El?" he asked, unable to come up with an appropriate response.

"She didn't mean for you to get lost. She was really upset when you were missing."

Chakotay decided to take that route, although it wasn't completely honest, but considering why he was mad at her now had nothing to do with then. "Oh, I know that. It was just...well...I really was scared when I got lost. It's cold down there, and..." He watched as Tom carefully set the picture back up right. "Thanks." He handed Tom his beer and saw the surprised look, but was pleased when Tom took it with a smile.

"How'd you know?"

"I'm a counselor."

"I didn't know you drank," Tom commented.

"Well, after I materialized in sickbay, I thought you might have figured out that I do."

"Yeah, I guess so." Tom moved around nervously. "What got you so upset that night? I've been wondering that since it happened."

Chakotay took a deep breath. How to answer that? He couldn't tell Tom the truth. He had a second chance. No matter how it had come about, he wasn't going to screw it up this time, but when Tom spoke he realized he had paused too long in his response.

"Never mind. It's none of my business."

"No, Tom that isn't it, but it's kind of hard to talk about. When I can talk about it, I will okay?"

"Fair enough," Tom said with a nod. "So, what's for dinner?"

"Do you like Mexican food?"

"Well, yeah, but not really spicy stuff."

"Okay, if you can take the time to save me from Leola Root Stew, I can tone down my burritos."

"Burritos?"

"And enchiladas and Mexican rice and refried beans...." Chakotay said, trying to tempt Tom's palate.

"Do you do sopapillas?"

"With butter and honey," Chakotay said with a devilish smile.

"Bring it on."

They sat back and talked about ship's business throughout dinner. Chakotay watched pleased as Tom relaxed and he started to see the sparkling personality he had gravitated towards during his illness reappear. Then the conversation turned to while he was sick.

"You know the strange thing, Chak. Even though you're the same size you are now, there were times I only saw you as a little boy."

Chakotay tried not to blush. "I feel like a fool for some of the things I did."

"What? Chak, nothing you did was your fault. Actually, I thought you were kind of cute."

Now, he knew he was blushing.

"But like I told you in sickbay, I won't tell anyone about what happened," Tom swore.

"Tom, you did everything you could to protect me, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it." Chakotay put as much sincere gratitude into his voice as he could. Tom would probably never know how much he appreciated what he had done, but Chak would make sure that he would pay Tom back, one way or another.

"Very honestly, Chak, I enjoyed doing most of it."

"Hey, in the mood for something a little different?"

"Like what? Bath time without a major embarrassment for one of us."

Chakotay blushed again. "I think I was the one that was embarrassed more than you."

"Really? How about I go get naked and ask you to come wash me, Chak?" Tom was laughing.

Chakotay let that comment pass. He was not going to hit on Tom tonight. No, right now he wanted to reestablish an open dialogue. "As long as you don't get soap in your eyes, I think I can deal with it," he teased back. They both started laughing.

"Or, the look on your face in bed that night, when you asked if you were sick."

"Stop it, Tom. I have enough to deal with," Chakotay said, trying to control his blush. He hadn't blushed this much since he was a hormone bound teenager.

"Really the funniest was the Doc's tone when you spoke the first time. 'Ensign why are you screaming for me from the bathroom?' I nearly dropped you when you spoke. I was so thrilled."

"I nearly leaped out of my skin when you screamed," Chakotay said, beginning to laugh again. "Or the look on Kathryn's face when I hugged you in the storage closet. You're right, Tom, she was completely jealous. Did I really hold your hand..."

Tom started nodding. "Harry said if you started skipping he was going to lose it. You should have seen the look on Harry, Greg and B'El's faces when they had to tell me you got loose. It was close to the look on yours when I told you off for trashing sickbay. They get me up at three am, and the first thing Harry says is: 'Now, Tom, don't get mad'."

"Not the way to start off a conversation," Chakotay agreed.

"I could have strangled them."

"You should have seen the look on the EMH's face when I started to trash sickbay."

"I heard it!"

They were both laughing hard.

"The EMH told you not to throw it and then the link goes dead. The Captain says 'Doctor?' and Tuvok calmly announces he was off line. If I hadn't been so mad, I would have laughed."

"I couldn't figure out where he had gone. He just disappeared."

Then when I had to pick you up and carry you. God, I almost ended up with my balls in my socks, Chak. You are no lightweight."

"Hey, at least I didn't fight with you."

"We both would have ended up on the floor," Tom said, as his laughter began to die down. He shook his head. "Okay, something different. What did you have in mind, Chak?"

"Oh, I was thinking about a couple games of cards or something."

"I thought you might want to go play Commando Paintball again."

Chakotay looked at him and realized he was being teased again. Then he let his control go a notch, and smiled. "No, but that was fun. We haven't done that since the Alpha."

"Good, you needed some fun, Chak. I don't see you doing that very often."

"Rank has its privileges and its disadvantages."

"Never slowed me down, too much," Tom said, taking a drink off his beer.

"I've noticed that," Chakotay said drolly.

"Hey," Tom said. "I have an idea. I can write another program - Commander Paintball. It can be a companion piece to Captain Proton."

Chakotay gave him a shove for that one. "Only if I get to be the hero in this one."

"Hey, who else could be? You are the Champion - remember?"

"You should have been there on the Crazy Horse when they cheated. I used the ugliest gray-green paint I could find. We wouldn't even paint the ships that color."

"Don't mess with you," Tom said still smiling.

"They cheated. I had to restore their respect," Chakotay said, in full Commander dignity.

"And get even, right?" Tom's eyes were dancing with amusement.

"Well, that too," Chakotay conceded. "Did the Maquis treat you right?" Chakotay asked with concern.

"Oh yeah, Chak. Poor Gerron, I think you really hurt him," Tom said, remembering the way Tem had limped down the hall.

"Most kids wouldn't play tag with me, after the first game."

"I can understand that," Tom said, remembering his own pain the next day. "Don't worry about the Maquis, Chakotay. They were great," Tom said, finishing the beer he had. "In fact, Gerron asked me out today."

Chakotay paused. Greg had told him Gerron had asked Tom out and Tom had turned him down. Not because he was male, but because he wasn't interested. "He did?" Chak asked, feigning surprise. "Well, Gerron is bi. It didn't upset you that he asked, did it?" He also finished his beer and got up to get them another round.

"No, not at all. I was just a little surprised. I knew about Gerron, but I never thought he found me interesting. Actually Chakotay, I have had had men hit on me before."

"Ever taken any of them up on it?" Chakotay asked, placing his order with the computer.

"I've...partaken, but it was never really satisfying for me."

"Really, why not?" He was trying so hard to remain calm, as he picked up the beers and moved back to he the couch.

"That's a little personal, don't you think?" Tom asked.

"If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine," Chakotay asked, kicking himself for pushing. Tonight was not for that. He offered Tom his beer and sat back down.

The conversation lagged for a moment. Chakotay was surprised when Tom almost giggled.

"Will it go off all by itself?" He imitated Chak's concerned voice. Then he started laughing.

"You want this beer poured over your head?" Chakotay threatened, leaning over towards Tom, lifting his beer.

"No, Chak, don't! Okay, okay," Tom said, holding his hands up to ward Chakotay off. When Chakotay backed off, Tom took a long swallow off of it. Then he said very quietly, "The emotional connection wasn't there. I've never had more than a one night stand with a guy and I haven't really ever looked for it actively."

Chak used his best counselor look to hide the smile he felt welling up inside him. Tom wasn't turned off by same sex relationships. "Well, that makes sense. Maybe you just haven't found the right guy yet."

"Chak, I haven't met the right anyone yet."

"I know that feeling," Chakotay agreed, surreptitiously watching Tom.

"The Captain may disagree."

"Kathryn is only fooling herself. Any chance we had at a relationship died after New Earth."

"What happened, Chak?" Tom asked, drinking more of his beer.

"She wouldn't drop rank. She wouldn't let herself be anyone but the Captain. Spirits, she spent more personal time with the monkey than me."

"Monkey?"

"Never mind, Tom. It just ended there. I don't want someone that I feel like I have to salute in bed."

"Well, Chak you sure got something to salute," Tom said off handed, then froze. "I...I...uh, I didn't mean it that way."

Chakotay looked over at him with a very serious face, and then smiled. "Hey, I walked in naked, what should I expect?"

"I thought I was going to die when I had to take you to the head, and when you made that little comment in the mess hall. I thought I was on the Maquis A-list again."

"No. Well, if you had hurt me, probably. But...well, I was hurt...and..." Chakotay gave up stumbling around and went straight to the truth. It wasn't what he wanted, but Spirits they were there. "Tem ain't the only one that's bi," Chakotay said, taking the chance to expose himself to Tom. Then Tom's head snapped up, his eyes wide. Tom hadn't known he was bi. Chak thought all the Maquis had known, but...Spirits, Tom didn't. What a mess. But as Tom continued to fidget, he eased the pressure. "Tom, you never did anything that could even remotely be considered out of line. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"No, it isn't that, Chak. It's just, if anyone else knew what happened, they might not be so understanding. I mean, if I had known...I gave you a bath and slept with you...and..."

"What are you talking about? Tom, you handled me so gently. I mean even the night I slept on you, you didn't do one thing that was out of line."

"Well, Chak it wasn't my...how do you know what I did when you were asleep?"

Busted! He had opened his mouth and said the wrong thing. "I woke up on you, Tom. I mean...I was asleep on top of you and all you were doing was holding me." Now he watched Tom blush. "Tom, you didn't... I'm sorry, Tom. I shouldn't have said anything." Chakotay felt his heart shrink in his chest. He had his answer. Tom wasn't interested.

"I think I need to go, Commander. Thanks for dinner. I'll see you later."

Tom was absolutely mortified. If Chakotay remembered waking up on him, then he remembered the hard on Tom had been sporting that morning. He wanted to die. He had tried so hard to stay professional and have that one thing screw everything up. Damn! He liked Chakotay. He thought he was handsome, and now...now he couldn't get near him for fear Chak would think he had taken care of him just to get in his bed. Damn! And it wasn't until after Chak had regained his memory that he had even thought about him that way. In fact, it wasn't until after Gerron and now it was all a wash. He could never approach Chakotay now. SHIT!

He headed for the door at warp speed, until a hand closed on his arm.

"Tom, stop," Chakotay all but ordered. "What has you so upset? I said you didn't do anything wrong."

"Chak, if you remember waking up, you remember the rest. I think it's best if I leave. Now!"

"Tom, what are you talking about. I woke up. You were holding me against you. Spirits, you couldn't move. What is the..." Chakotay's voice died away. "Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh'. Look, Commander, I didn't mean anything by it. So, I'll say thanks for dinner and take my leave." Then he paused and proudly announced. "That isn't what I meant by it, Chak. I only wanted to see you get better."

Chakotay started laughing. He tried to smother it, and even look away.

"Well, thank you very much!" Tom stated in outrage.

Chakotay looked up and the hurt in Tom's eyes squelched any humor. He reached out again, and touched Tom's arm. "Tom, I understand. It was a morning hard on. I was draped across you all night. What did you expect?"

Chakotay saw something break in Tom at that moment and he wondered what it was. When those blue eyes met his, Chak saw untold legions of pain, and then Tom started talking and Chakotay listened with his heart.

"Chak, I just wanted to be there for you. Help you get better. Not have you thinking I was making a play for you. Hell, Commander, you didn't know who, what, where or when. I would never do that. Never!" Tom's eyes flashed towards the roof. "Why can't anyone understand, I just wanted to help."

As clear as a bell, Chakotay saw it. Tom's part in all of this was truly innocent of guile. He had felt responsible and had taken care of Chakotay because he felt it was the right thing to do. But Chakotay couldn't help but wonder if it had grown into something bigger.

"Tom." Chakotay's tone was soft and full of compassion. "I do understand that. I was there, remember. I never once felt like I wasn't safe when you were around, okay. I don't think you were making a play for me. I hope it became something more than duty for you, because I appreciate everything you did."

"Honestly?" Tom asked, looking directly into Chakotay's eyes, hoping to see the truth he wanted to hear.

"Honestly."

Tom swallowed heavily and Chakotay felt his heart swell again, when Tom said, "I tried, Commander, and yes, it became more than duty."

"I know you tried, Tom. And I know there was nothing else behind your care of me. Spirits, you regenerated my ass with my sleeping pants on," Chakotay said, with a dimple showing, and a wink.

"I nearly dumped you off the biobed, too."

"Yeah, but the important thing is, you didn't." Chakotay softened his stance. "Look, I wanted to say thank you for what you did. I understand, and I will make a full report tomorrow, and believe me, it will only say that Lieutenant Paris did an exemplary job in caring for me, putting aside his own time and resources for my best interests. And, Tom, I hope we can stay friends."

"Thanks, Commander," Tom said. "But it's ensign now, and I hope we can too."

Chakotay felt his chest loosen up when Tom smiled at him sincerely. "No, because I'm going to find out why Kathryn busted you down to ensign and try to get her to restore your rank." Tom looked around nervously, still halfway to the door and Chakotay knew when to let him go. Maybe there was some hope after all.

"I better go. Thanks for dinner."

"You're more than welcome, Tom. Thank you for everything you did for me."

Tom turned back to the door. "Goodnight, Commander."

"Tom, it's Chakotay."