The Clash
"Upon a crust of snow
So while they waited for Faramir, the twins, Sam and Glor, they sat at their
lockers and alternatively brooded and read the cheap paperback to each other.
Legolas frowned as he grabbed the book and smoothed the rumpled cover, his
hand resting lingeringly on the photo of the Sharpe actor that he secretly
thought looked like Boromir.
He had told Boromir that when he had been really high on cheap weed and
feeling sort of romantic back in grade ten. He didn't know if Boromir still
recalled that dusky and hot night, nor if he recalled the comment. But he did.
Looking up from the book, he caught Aragorn''s penetrating gaze and sighed
irritably. It looked like Aragorn was in the mood to play psychiatrist and
confessor today and he really wasn't in the mood for it. The whole thing was so
raw and tentative that he knew that if he did, he''d probably start bawling
right then and there.
He knew what Aragorn was getting at, but he really didn't feel like talking
about it, since it was like a thorn in his heart that pained him horribly when
he thought about Faramir.
Two weeks and nothing had happened between the elf and Boromir''s brother.
They lived in the same house, but they might as well have lived in different
continents, if Faramir''s behaviour was any indication.
Oh sure, he was as loving and polite as could be to Legolas. But it was the
kind of politeness that could have been extended to just anyone off the street.
Cold and perfectly extended, it made Legolas shudder with suppressed rage and
tears.
Had he meant so little to the boy that he was being tossed away like a doll
that has worn out its usefulness? Did the prospect of having a child so
abhorrent to him?
Even though Faramir was the most important thing in his life, there was no
way that he''d destroy or give up the child that he was carrying.
It was a part of him that he knew he wouldn't be able to harm no matter what.
His child. He knew that it would be terribly hard to raise a child by himself
and especially when he was still finishing high-school, but he was willing to do
it. No one was going to tear him from his child.
Not even Faramir. Not even if it meant losing him.
He bit his lip and looked down at the cover of the novel again. Sharpe still
looked up at him from the book, clad in his green uniform holding his beloved
rifle.
''Boromir wouldn't have asked you to give up the child if it had been his,''
he thought as he noticed the forest green of the uniform jacket, the blonde hair
and the stern look on the actor''s face.
The minute that he thought it, he tried to quickly push it away. He felt
guilty having even thought it, since he was still in love with Faramir and
Boromir was with Aragorn still.
But it was still there. A hidden desire brought to light as he looked at the
actor''s picture. He shook his head and looked up at Aragorn to see if his
thoughts had somehow been flittering all over his face.
But Aragorn wasn't even looking at him. He was staring off in space, leaving
Legolas to breathe a sigh of relief as he began flipping the dog-eared pages of
the book.
''What the hell?'' he asked himself, feeling slightly uneasy as he half-read
the words on the pages he was flipping.
He bit his lip harder. He wasn't falling for him. He wasn't! Even though
Boromir was providing him a shoulder to cry on, a pillar of strength to hold
onto when he was feeling overwhelmed; he wasn't falling for Sebastien.
Nope. Nu-uh. There was no freaking way that he was...
Even though he did have really nice green eyes and he let him wash and braid
his hair and cuddle up to him when he was feeling a bit down...
Shit. He had fallen for him again.
He sighed. Why was everything so fucken complicated for them? Why?
Mid-December...
Psychiatrists mean well. Really. I think they do.
But in my case, I really don't see the point. I'm fine. I think. I don't
really see the need to spill my guts to a total stranger regarding my state of
mind.
Nor do I want to. Whatever I'm feeling right now, it's my business, thanks.
No one at this freaking place understands the need to keep things to
yourself. If you do, No one is going to hurt you with that information that they
have gotten their hands on.
I think that is why I'm actually starting to write in this journal. At least
a book can''t blab its owner's secrets, thank god.
I don't think I have ever been one to brood over myself. Nor, do I think,
have been one for a lot of heavy-duty self introspection.
So the idea of me writing a journal seems terribly out of character for me.
But the psychiatrist they assigned to me has decided that it would be a good way
to get everything in perspective. A way to look at all that has happened in the
last few weeks and to somewhat make sense out of the events and my feelings
about them.
Hmm. How do I start? It's not easy to put down all the things that are
swirling around like mad demons in my head at any given time. If I try to grasp
one, the other seems to bleed into it until I am so confused I don''t know
whether I was thinking about school, Estel, Legolas, Faramir or myself.
The Psychiatrist just tells me to try. Write anything that comes to you, she
says. Okay. Fine.
It's not like I''m going to let anyone else read this.
I'm scared. I'm sad. I'm bored. I'm angry and I'm worried. I hate this fucken
place.
Fuck. That was so stupid.
Later that day...
I spent most of my day in the stupid lounge, rotting my brain with staring
out the window and having smoke after smoke with the other bitter residents of
this facility.
I swear. When I finally get out of rehab, I'm never touching another
cigarette. Being here had completely taken the amusement out of smoking. It's
like a fucken occupation here. You smoke cause it''s the only way to actually
get out and have some fresh air without a nurse breathing down your fucken neck
about staying out.
Yeah. Like exactly what am I going to do here? Run away? Ha ha. Bad joke.
Yeah. I'm still relying on a wheelchair. My legs aren't broken anymore, but
they're useless all the same. Guess I''m a cripple now. I can somewhat feel some
stuff, But I can''t even move them an inch.
The doctor says it''s a good sign, but I am just tempted to tell him to shove
his clipboard up his ass and stop poking me all the damned time.
Shit. I can''t believe I actually wrote that down.
The cripple part.
Thursday..
They say the first step to facing something is to admit it. Heh. Did that.
So it looks like I''m not going to be walking for a long time now. If ever.
So what happens now?
That's the part that freaks me out. I''m defenceless now. No way to escape
things anymore. Not to mention the fact that I have to rely on everyone for a
lot of things now. So much for being independent.
Goodbye Scholarship. Goodbye English league. Goodbye life.
Goodbye Aragorn.
Saturday
I think the more that I am in this place, the more I sound like a pathetic
whiner. It''s starting to disgust me. Even though I may have the right to bitch,
it''s getting aggravating to be doing it this much.
I guess I'm slowly losing it. The loneliness and the hospital atmosphere of
this place is killing me here. The empty walls and the ennuiÖÖ I want to go home
at least!
If I can't be like I was before, than that's all I ask. I miss my room. I
miss mom. Dad. Lee. My brother, (Even though I feel like kicking his narrow ass)
Lembas. The Chibis. And Aragorn.
God. I miss him. More than anything else. I miss him.
Things are all so fucked up now. I don't know what to want or need. I don't
know what to think.
We''re growing apart. I didn't want to see it. But the cracks are showing
very plainly now. He''s drifting away from me. Or maybe I'm drifting away from
him and there is a dreaded thought that keeps coming back assuring me it''s
going to be the end soon.
Monday
It seems that I am assured to be the fate's punching bag for the rest of my
life.
Not only is my relationship with Aragorn falling apart, I am totally
indifferent to it.
In fact, I'm glad that we are slowly heading towards that great conclusion.
He won''t have to put up with a frigid cripple like me any longer and I
won''t have to make his life miserable any longer.
He might say that he will stand by me. That he will share all that's going to
happen because of the accident.
He might be able to do it right now, but how bout ten years of it? Twenty?
How bout a freaking lifetime?
I love him. But he isn''t that strong. He is tough. I could gather that from
what Legolas told me about his home-life and the whole thing with his parents.
But he isn''t that tough to have to deal with all the shit that being with a
cripple entails. He''d break and I don't want to be responsible when and if that
happens.
I won't! I won't have him destroy himself over me! I can't have it! I won't!
And I'm not strong enough to carry both his baggage and mine.
And I hate to admit this, but Legolas is also playing a part in the decision.
I'll never betray Aragorn.
Never.
Shit! How the hell did it happen again?
Wednesday
So why am I falling for Legolas again? I don't understand it.
The first time, I think it was an awakening for both of us. A chance to
explore in a safe setting if you will. It turned into something afterwards.
Then Casey came along and calmly and systematically destroyed me. I know
that if it hadn't been for the stomach turning nightmares and the memory of
having Casey's dick shoved down my throat until I threw up cum, and the pain and
blood mixed with cum down the backs of my thighs plaguing me every night; we
could have maybe had a fighting chance to stay together.
Just maybe. I really can't be optimistic when I am jsut trying to be
objective about it.
argrhegdshgr. I don't want to think about that. But I guess the vitriol in my
mind demanded that be written.
Yeah. I guess that can kind of put a fucken crimp in your love life. Well,
exactly how can you have a love-life if you''re cringing from your lover's
touch? Or you keep the room dark cause you think the darkness hides you better
in case he wants to attack?
Yeah. To say that I was disturbed was to put it mildly. I guess also that
trying to kill yourself the night after you consummate a relationship is also
bad manners, right?
Yeah. Well, suffice to say that things went downhill from there. We broke up
and I was alone for a long time.
And now that I look back on it, I regretted not ever working stuff out
between us.
See, when I see the way we used to be, I feel bad. Namely because it feels
like we were just together because we were afraid to be apart.
I know that at the beginning we meant something to each other. I know that we
could have been different people if we had clung onto each other tighter.
But afterwards, when things were over, it just seemed like we were together
simply because we were too scared not to be alone without each other.
And that makes me wonder. Are we falling for each other in order to comfort
each other? Or are we doing it because we are seeing something else that we
missed before?
Is it because we can comfort each other better than anyone else could do it?
Are we stronger together than we are apart?
Legolas stared out the window, his pen tapping his notebook as he tried to
organize his thoughts and actually get some work done on the mini-essay that
Elrond had assigned them.
Even though it was due next week, Legolas had no fucken clue what to write
about. Sighing in frustration, he looked over the topic sheet once again.
He had been having trouble concentrating on his assignments ever since he had
come to the realization that he was in love with Boromir yet again. He had tried
to ignore his emotions and be nothing more than a supportive friend to him, but
the more time he spent with his friend, the harder it was for him to tell his
heart to shut up. Just like it was getting harder to stop the memories of stolen
kisses and hands roaming over his body under the cover of trees in a breezy
summer night.
"Think of the topic. Think of the topic," he fervently told himself as he
forced his mind to focus on the stark black writing in front of him rather than
think about haunting green eyes and kisses tasting like sweet limes on a hot
summer''s day.
But try as he may, he was stuck. None of the topics appealed to him and he
nearly wept in frustration at the writer''s block that was pressing down on him.
He never had experienced this problem before and it was driving him nuts.
It was bad enough that he had to worry about his emotions, but having the
extra burden of worrying about school work made it even more intolerable.
He was tempted to let it all go to hell, at least until his emotions were
more stable and Boromir was better, but the minute that he thought that, he knew
that it was nothing more than a cop-out on his part. He couldn't use that as an
excuse for not doing his work. Besides, he knew that if he didn't do the work,
he''d regret it later.
Rubbing his eyes, Legolas then looked at the sheet again. Then looked at the
clock in the library.
Plenty of time before Estel and Galadriel expected him home. And he was sure
that Boromir wouldn't mind the company. Although he might be a bit ticked that
he skipped out of most of his classes that day.
Deciding on his course of action, he packed up his stuff, gathered up his
jacket (on loan from Boromir) and literally ran out of the library.
The early afternoon was utterly miserable. It was sleeting and the snow was
piling up in the streets in large drifts that made walking around a terrible
nuisance.
They were even harder for a small hobbit to manoeuver through. Every
snow-pile looked as tall as a mountain to him and a lot of the time he was
getting cold and soaked as he climbed through them, but he barely noticed his
soggy coat and mittens.
He was going to see his Boromir and that was all that mattered at that
moment. Not the cold, or wetness. Or the scolding that he was bound to get from
Galadriel and Celeborn when the school called them to let them know he had snuck
out in the middle of recess.
No. Nothing mattered except seeing Boromir.
Pippin missed him terribly and blamed himself for the accident. If he hadn't
thrown that ball at Merry, Boromir wouldn't have been hurt. He''d still be there
with him, teaching him how to throw a ball and take him sledding instead of
being locked up in that building and in that wheelchair.
""He wouldn't have missed my birthday," he whispered to himself as he trudged
along the cold ground.
Although they had brought a cake over to the rehab centre Boromir was staying
in, to Pippin it hadn't been the kind of birthday that he had been secretly
hoping to have.
His birthdays had always come and gone with little or no fanfare, consisting
of his mother buying him a cheap happy meal at MacDonald''s and a toy from
Goodwill wrapped up in a plastic bag. If he was lucky, he would get something
from the clearance rack at some discount outlet.
He didn't have much hope for a different kind of birthday when he and Merry
had been taken to the Lothlorien's. He expected for the day to be ignored and
for life to go on as usual.
He had been pleasantly surprised then when Faramir presented him with a
nicely wrapped present before breakfast and strawberry pancakes when they
finally made it downstairs.
The day would have been complete, he mused, if Boromir had been these to give
him the birthday bumps like he had promised before everything had gone wrong.
But all that had been there from him was a brightly wrapped book and a goofy
card with the message:
"Happy birthday chibi. Hope you grow to see over the coffee-table this year.
Love Boromir."
Pippin smiled at the memory and paused briefly in his trudging to place his
hand over his chest. That had been the first card that he had ever gotten from
someone and the fact that it had been his Boromir that had given it to him made
it twice as precious to him. So he had gotten a teacher to laminate it and punch
a hole in it so he could loop a cord around it and wear it next to his heart.
Sometimes, if he was missing him badly, he would pull it out and stroke it
until he fell asleep, getting a small bit of comfort from it when he couldn't
get it from the man himself.
He would have relied on that trick to comfort himself today. Especially after
what happened in art class with that shit head Mark Masen.
It hadn't been his fault. Honestly. He just wanted to tell him where to shove
it after he had made fun of his drawing, calling the dog he drew a piece of shit
with four legs.
He had told him to shut up and that had seemed to work. Except that Mark had
a big mouth and was calling Boromir a fag.
"Take it back!" Pippin had demanded angrily.
"No. My brother Casey told me it was true. And my brother doesn't lie." Mark
had taunted back.
"He''s lying!" Pippin had insisted forcefully, his hand clutching his maths
book tightly.
"My brother doesn't lie. Boromir is a fag, just like my brother says! A fag!"
That had been the last straw for Pippin and the maths book had swung out and
met Mark''s face with a satisfying smacking sound that made everything come to a
screeching halt in the class.
Mark had begun to cry just before the bell for recess had rung. Between the
crying, the bell and the sudden pandemonium, Pippin was able to make his getaway
to the coat-room, grab his coat, Tuque and backpack and get out of there before
he got into more shit than he was already in.
But once he had walked about three blocks away from St. Patrick's, it had
suddenly hit him that he really had no place else to go.
He was about to give up and go back to school when he realized that when a
building in the distance caught his eye.
Frowning, he stared at the pale blue building as he tried to figure out why
it had caught his attention. He walked a few steps to the right until he could
finally see a sign and realized why it was familiar to him.
"Our Lady Peace Rehabilitation Centre," he read out loud, then smiled to
himself. Of course! That was were Boromir was staying!!
Smiling, he then decided to make the trek there. Boromir would be able to
comfort him and give him advice. He may even be able to help him figure out how
to best beat that shit-head so that he'd shut his yap once and for all.
That had been about an hour ago. Before the sleet had begun to fall and make
it harder to get to OLP, as Boromir had called it.
Sighing, Pippin looked up. Just three more blocks to go, he told his
cold-numbed feet and weary legs. Just three more blocks to go.
So intent was he on his goal that he didn't notice the person he barrelled
into when he was jumping over yet another snowdrift.
"Oof!" The person exclaimed as he was hit by the small hobbit, the impact
sending them both into the snowdrift in a tangle of arms and legs.
"Sorry!" Pippin called out in apology as he straightened himself out. "I'm so
sorry!"
"It's okay!" A familiar voice breathed out as they tried to straighten
themselves out. "Really!"
The shuffling stopped though when the taller person reached over and pulled
Pippin's Tuque off of his head.
"Pippin?" Pippin looked up and his mouth fell open in shock.
"Legolas?"
"What are you doing out of school?"
Boromir was sitting in bed reading a Dragonlance novel and watching the snow
as it drifted past his window. A small frown graced his features as he read and
occasionally, he would reach down and massage a sore thigh muscle or a sore spot
that he knew would most likely turn into a bruise.
"Fucken weather," he muttered sullenly as he watched the big, fat feathery
flakes float past his window.
Usually, he loved watching snow fall since it signalled the advent of
Christmas, one of his favourite holidays. Even though he was a terrible cynic
and held no illusions of what humanity was really like, he secretly felt that
Christmas was the only time that humans would come close to being somewhat civil
and joyful to one another.
But right now, he was far from feeling that way. Physical therapy often put
him in one of the bleakest moods possible.
Not only did he get humiliated by his clumsy attempts to move, no matter how
hard he and the therapist tried, they remained just that. Attempts.
"As if," he snorted to himself as he flipped a page in his book. He could
barely feel his lower body, never mind walk. They told him to be patient and
wait before he became convinced that he wasn't going to walk ever again, but
Boromir was getting tired of waiting for something that he was now positive
wouldn't happen ever again.
He had written that much in the journal he kept irregularly and was trying to
come to grips with that eventuality. He wasn't an optimist by nature and he was
steeling himself for the worst, lest the blow break him. That had been the only
way that he had managed to survive for so long and still stand up after
everything had been thrown and lost.
If he had let himself hope, he would have gone mad a long time ago. That was
something that he couldn't afford to do, since he had people to be strong for.
He was never truly free from responsibility and he wasn't about to free himself
from his obligations. That would be dishonourable and he would place himself in
the same role as his despised father, something he vowed he would never do in
his life even if it killed him.
"Life would be easier without morals," he muttered to himself before flipping
yet another page of the pretty thick novel. He was just reading the story to
kill the boredom that dogged him in the afternoon hours right after lunch as he
waited for the company of Aragorn, his brother, and most importantly, Legolas.
Legolas. The name made Boromir pause in his angry reading and look out the
snow once again.
"Much easier," he thought sourly, putting the book down and frowning deeply.
His thoughts seemed to be full of him lately. His mind preoccupied with the
feel of soft silk under his fingertips, the feel of Legolas skin and the way
that the elf would draw closer to him when he touched his hand or his shoulder.
He also recalled the way that his own body would immediately heat up whenever
Legolas would do so much as brush against him. Or when the elf decided that
Boromir needed his hair washed and would take care of the task himself, nearly
making Boromir practically come in the process.
He laughed mirthlessly when he thought about that. At least his body still
reacted to that kind of stimuli, thank god. If his dick was gone, then he''d
really be tempted to hang himself from the nearest telephone pole. It was bad
enough not being able to play soccer. But not to have sex? Yeah, that be living
death indeed.
His amusement faded though, when his thoughts strayed back to Lee.
It was wrong to feel that way about his friend. Very wrong and he had tried
to quash those emotions, especially when Aragorn had been around. But lately, it
had been harder and harder to manage it. His body practically sang for the elf
and there was simply no power on heaven and earth that would have stopped him
from feeling that way.
But the feeling was balanced with an overwhelming sense of guilt, since he
was, for all intents and purposes, Aragorn's boyfriend. And he was damned if he
was going to hurt the other man.
It didn't seem to matter through, since Aragorn himself was pulling away from
him in his own way. And he seldom seemed to come at the same time that Legolas
did either. His visits, it seemed, came later on in the afternoon, almost edging
into the early evening when the visiting hours were over.
They also appeared to be with company. He seldom appeared alone anymore and
Boromir felt both guilt and relief over this, since it cemented the suspicion
that him and Aragorn would be splits-ville as soon as they either got the
courage to admit it and voice it out-loud.
Did he regret it? Yeah. On one level he did. Estel was all that he had ever
hope for in a partner. Loyal, caring, kind. If things hadn't happened as they
had right now, they probably would have taken it to the next level and
permanently sealed their relationship.
Aragorn was his soul-mate. He was bound to him by some inexplicable thread
that he didn't understand. Nor did he care to. He just wanted to cling on to it
for as long as he could, but as his attraction to Legolas grew, the hold on the
thread was slipping even more and more.
He closed his eyes then as he recalled the words, stark and black in his
notebook.
"I''ll never betray Aragorn."
He laughed mirthlessly at his own hypocrisy. He had meant the words when he
had written them. He honestly had. But as the days passed, the further away he
was moving from those words. He had to take some kind of action lest he end up
betraying himself and his ideals for a pair of impossibly brown eyes and long
golden hair and hurting Estel.
"You suck," he said as he looked up at the ceiling. "You really suck."
He shook his head and was about to immerse himself yet again into the tale of
dragons and evil deities when a small, curly-haired bundle bounded onto his bed
and into his lap.
"Boromir!!" The bundle squeaked out his name, making Boromir wonder if he his
loneliness had finally gotten the better of him and he was hallucinating Pippin
jumping up and down on the bed.
The hobbit sure seemed real enough. He weighed enough, that was for sure. And
he sure had the wet dog smell that all little boys had in the winter. But his
suspicions weren't dispelled until he saw a tall, blonde elf standing in the
doorway with a strange gleam in his coffee-brown eyes.
"Someone is glad to see you," Legolas commented, his voice gentle as he came
into the room and sat down behind him on the only empty and dry spot on the bed,
which was right behind Boromir.
Boromir stiffened slightly when he felt the bed shift under the elf's slight
weight as he settled down right behind him.
"Are you? Are you? Are you glad to see me?" Pippin asked, bouncing up and
down and getting Boromir''s blankets and track-pants damp as he did so.
Boromir winced at the hobbit weight on his legs and at the cold clamminess of
his trousers, but he knew that he wouldn't have it otherwise. The pain was good,
right? It meant something, right? He had been on the verge of going nuts and the
sight of Pippin and Lee in his room and the unexpected sensations in his
crippled legs had saved him from that fate at that moment.
"Yes!" Boromir exclaimed as he reached over and embraced Pippin tightly. "I
was nearly going mad here! Of course I''m glad to see you!!"
He kept the knowledge of his pain to himself. He knew Lee would understand
it, but Pippin wouldn't. In all probability, if he was told of that, Pippin''s
guilt was bound to resurface and that was the last thing that Boromir wanted.
Pippin needed to be happy, in Boromir''s opinion. He had suffered enough in
his small life and the heavy burden of guilt didn't need to be added to his
small shoulders. Besides, despite the despair he faced in the middle of the long
darks nights when sleep wouldn't come; he knew that if he had to do it over
again, he would. Pippin and Merry had somehow wormed their way onto his list and
he was going to do everything that he possibly could to keep them safe and
happy.
As he realized that, a tight pain made something in his chest clench. The
pain was so intense that it nearly made him cry out loud. He did want to. Truly
he did. But he kept the emotion in check and instead settled for snuggling the
hobbit closer to his chest. His hobbit, his mind corrected automatically.
He had been so caught up in the emotion that he had failed to listen to the
alarm bells that were going off in his head at the proximity of a certain
pregnant elf behind him.
"Even me?" Lee asked, leaning closer to Boromir as he spoke and wrapping his
arms around him.
Boromir''s mouth went dry when he felt his friend''s arms around him. He was
pretty stunned, to say the least, since Legolas never just touched him that
casually. Ever since he found out that Casey had raped him, he had never touched
him unless Boromir gave him a sign of some sort.
To have him just give him such a casual embrace made Boromir''s head reel.
Not with discomfort or fear, but with a sense of warmth and need. So much so
that the alarms in his head abruptly died out. It felt to him that the feel of
Legolas' arms around him was just right. No one else's touch felt that
way to him before or after the rape. It was very strange that it felt that way
right now. Had it always been that way? Did he ignore the signs earlier?
He swallowed and turned his head so that he was able to look into Lee's brown
eyes, which were wide and open, letting him glimpse every emotion that was going
through the elf at that moment.
Uncertainty. Then hope. Which was then followed by the look. The one that he
recalled seeing only once before in those dark brown eyes.
He hadn't been able to say no that night in the bushes in Yohji''s backyard
and he knew that he wasn't going to be able to resist him right now.
Leaning back, he then tilted his head and looked into Legolas' eyes before he
reached up and cupped the elf''s delicate jaw in his hand before pulling his
face closer to him and kissing him.
Legolas made a soft noise when Boromir''s lips met his. A noise of
contentment, Boromir was relieved to note when Legolas pressed himself against
Boromir''s back and his lips opened up further to deepen the kiss. Which Boromir
did despite the crick in his neck and the lapful of babbling wet hobbit.
Although it was a terribly uncomfortable and unromantic situation, Boromir
didn't want it to stop. He had missed the softness of Lee''s lips. The rich
taste of them, like cinnamon and vanilla all blended into one was like getting a
taste of heaven at that point. He was sure that if he died, there wouldn't be
any sensation that could either come closer or repeat what he was feeling right
now.
"Um..What are you doing, you gowk?" A husky female voice asked, making
Boromir tear away from Legolas so fast that he was later surprised he hadn't
given himself whiplash when doing it.
Boromir gulped and nearly cried when he saw who it was that had spoken to
him.
"Celebrian!!" The elf smiled at Boromir's strangled voice when his brain had
finally fuzzed out enough to realize who the tall female elf with the red and
blue spiky hair and black trench coat standing at the door was.
The elf smiled at them, a small glint of amusement in her grey eyes as she
did so.
"Celebrian?" Legolas asked, quickly scooting away from Boromir while vainly
trying to look as composed as possible.
He knew he hadn't fooled Celebrian when she winked at him as she took her
hands out of the pockets of her red plaid pants and flipped him the bird just
like she used to before she had gone to Montreal to study at McGill.
"Yeah. What? Was I gone for so long?" Celebrian asked as she bounded into the
room and leapt at Boromir. Seeing the signs, Legolas had wisely reached out and
pulled a confused Pippin out of the way before he got crushed in one of
Celebrian's famous glomps.
"Gowk! I've missed you!" she exclaimed as she hugged him tightly, careful not
to cause her gowk any more pain than he had already experienced.
"So did I, Celly," Boromir replied once he was released. "I didn't expect you
to come before Christmas though. Aren't you still in school?"
Celebrian nodded. "Yeah. I would have come the same day that I got the news,
but I had a freaking paper to write and projects and the like. That was why I
didn't have time to read any of the emails you guys sent me. Mea Culpa and I
apologize. Stupid Profs." She shook her head, making the spikes shake slightly.
She loved her university and counted herself lucky on having received the
Simon Fraser Award to study history at one of the most prestigious universities
in Canada, but she missed the closeness that she had once shared with Boromir.
They could and often would talk about anything under the sun at all hours of the
night. It wasn't rare to have them greet the dawn after a night long
conversation. She had been one of the reasons why Boromir had adjusted so well
at the Lothlorien's and she had always been thankful that he had chosen to open
up for her.
She was also the reason why he was so into punk, since his first taste of the
music had been from listening to her Clash and NOFX albums whenever they had
been busy doing homework, talking or practising putting makeup on. These lessons
had later on included Legolas, who ended up taking them to heart once he had
become a sworn friend of the Denethorsons, a requirement that left him with a
wide scar across his wrist.
"God! I was frantic! But my professors, being the asses that they usually are
wouldn't let me take the time to travel out here til now. I've finished their
papers and the finals, so they can just go fuck themselves until the next
semester as far as I''m concerned!!"
She spat out before reaching out and ruffling Boromir''s head with sisterly
affection.
"You've been good?" She then asked, reaching out and stroking his hair
lightly.
"Yeah. I have. It's been a good year so far. How bout you? How are things at
McGill?"
"Fairly good. Just one more year and I have my degree. Then it's off to Spain
for a season. Things have been good. How's Faramir?"
Boromir swallowed as his mind raced to find a suitable enough comment to
placate his sister.
"He's umÖÖ been good too." Boromir finally said, hoping that was a
satisfactory answer.
Celebrian nodded slowly, telling him that he was eventually going to spill
the beans. He knew he would have to, but he would try and delay that event as
long as possible. He wasn't going to say anything right then and there.
Especially when Pippin was there.
At the thought of the little hobbit, Boromir''s green eyes widened in
embarrassment and disbelief at how rude he had been to him and Lee.
"Celly, did mom tell you about the chibis, Pippin and Merry yet?" He asked
his sister.
She shook her head.
"Uh. No. Is that Merry?" She asked, turning to look at the silent hobbit that
was now clinging to Lee and looking at her with suspicion that made her wince,
since it reminded her so much of how her little brothers used to have that look
on their faces when they used to look at her.
"It''s Pippin. Merry is his older brother. And the elf behind him you know,
right?"
"Hi Chibi- Pippin." She called out, waving to the hobbit who rewarded her
with a shy smile.
"And yes, I do know who the elf is. After all, I did catch you necking in
your room whenever my freaking Bad Religion and Satanic Surfers went missing."
She replied tartly. "So you guys finally decided to finally to take it out of
the closet or what?"
Boromir opened and closed his mouth before casting a desperate look at
Legolas, who seemed as if he had just been turned to stone. No great help in
that quarter, it seemed.
"Did I just mention something that wasn't supposed to be said?" Celebrian
asked softly, realizing her blunder just a little too late. Boromir bit his lip
and wouldn't say anything to his sister. He looked at Legolas once again before
he cast a small look at Pippin before returning his gaze to Lee.
"If you don''t mind, I want to get some coke and chocolate," Legolas
announced before grabbing Pippin''s hand and walking towards the door. But
Pippin balked slightly at being dragged out.
"Am I going to get some too?" he asked his blue eyes dark with suspicion at
Legolas' motives. He knew that he was being shunted aside, and that was okay, he
guessed. Boromir and Celebrian were brother and sister and they hadn't seen each
other in a long time. Fine. He didn't care. He did care if he was going to be
lied to in order to get him out of the way.
"Yes. I wouldn't offer it otherwise," Legolas replied soothingly, knowing
full well how Pippin''s mind was working.
"Okay," Pippin replied and let himself be dragged along.
"We''ll be back in a while," Legolas called over his shoulder before taking
the hobbit out of the room.
It was quiet for about two seconds before Celebrian verbally pounced on her
brother.
"Out with it then. What the hell is going on between you and Leaf?"
"Something that shouldn't be happening at all," Boromir replied, his voice
harsh.
"Oh? It sure looked like you guys were enjoying that thing that shouldn't
have been happening."
"Yeah, well, we shouldn't have. Not when I''m going out with Aragorn and
Legolas is going to have Faramir''s kid!!" Boromir returned forcefully.
Celebrian's mouth fell open and she nearly fell over backwards at the
announcement.
"Jesus Fucken Christ!! You guys have been busy!!" she yelled out when she got
over the shock of Boromir's outburst. She then looked at him and thwapped him
over the head. Hard.
"What the hell was that for?!?!" Boromir yelled as he rubbed his sore head.
"If you''re going out with someone and Lee is knocked up then what the hell
are you guys doing sucking each other''s faces? Christ Boromir!! Didn't I teach
you better than that?" Celebrian demanded angrily.
Sure, she loved her little brother. But infidelity was something that she
couldn't condone in any way shape or form no matter who did it. Hell, she'd get
on the case of Jesus Christ himself if she ever caught him doing shit like that.
And if he didn't want to get a freaking charley-horse, he''d better start
explaining and explaining well.
"Okay. Well. This is going to be hardÖÖ Um. Well. Faramir broke up with
Legolas when he found out about the baby. See, we didn't know that Lee could
have them, so it was a surprise. A big surprise, considering that they found out
the day I woke up. Faramir acted like a prick and they broke up."
Celebrian shook her head and sighed heavily. "Were you guys like deaf when I
told you how to use condoms when you''re having sex or what?"
"Considering that they fucked in the photo-lab at school, I''m sure that they
didn't have any condoms handy at the time," Boromir replied dryly, making his
sister smirk despite herself.
"Oh, so they were in there to see how things developed, right?"
Boromir groaned at the horrible pun his sister made. Trust her to do
something like that when they were having a serious discussion.
"I know. I know. I''m sorry. But still. Didn't you guys remember anything I
taught you?"
"I think Faramir didn't and besides, we were all working on the assumption
that sex with Lee wasn't going to cause any side effects that would show up
after eleven months and called him ''mama." Boromir reminded her.
"Yeah. Considering that Sindarian Elves are rarer than a straight stage
actor, yeah," Celebrian agreed, thinking of half of the men she had dated from
McGill''s drama department.
"But why? That still doesn't explain why the hell you''re playing tonsil
hockey with him and not your boyfriend," she told him as she began to play with
the safety pins that were holding her T-shirt closed across her chest. "I mean,
aren't you happy with him, you gowk?"
Boromir shut his eyes. Yeah. He had been happy with Aragorn. Blissfully
happy. He loved him. Totally and utterly. But the accident had changed all of
that.
Whether he wanted to admit it or not, it had. And he cursed himself for not
being strong enough to withstand the hopelessness and the distance that he was
putting between himself and Aragorn, but he couldn't stop it. He was in limbo
and he had no way of knowing whether he''d be able to crawl out or not. And he
knew that he was failing everyday. Just a little at a time, but he was failing
and he wasn't sure what would happen once he finally collapsed.
"I was. When everything was fine. But it''s not anymore. I can't hold it all
together, Celly. Even though life was so bad before hand."
He shook his head, recalling the poor childhood, the era spent on the street,
the homes before the refuge that was the Lothloriens arrived.
"With the group home. And at school and then the whole thing with Casey, I
made it. I could dream about going away and playing soccer and making a life.
But now, it''s all gone and I love him, but I can't live with him."
He took a ragged breath before he continued to spill all the thoughts that
had been swirling inside of his mind all those weeks since he had awoken to his
bitter fate.
"And Legolas? How does he tie in all of this?" Celebrian asked, her brows
furrowed as she waded through the torrent of emotions that her little gowk was
unleashing on her.
Boromir closed his eyes at the question. He had asked himself that exact same
thing earlier and he had yet to find his answer to it. He had tried. Lord knew
he had tried to. But it was elusive.
The only thing that he was sure of was that Legolas was the only one that
could lend him some strength right now. Just like he had done when he had been
fifteen.
"He needs me. And I need him. A whole lot. I can't go through this without
him."
Celebrian nodded. She understood that need to have someone to share that need
with.
"But don't you have Aragorn to be with you? I'm sure that he would be able to
help you with all of this," Celebrian reminded him, her voice quiet as she
spoke.
Boromir shook his head before laughing a small, bitterly cynical laugh.
"I can''t force him to live through this. Sure, he may be able to stand it
for this time. But what about later on? What if he gets tired of being my fucken
nurse? Or what if he breaks? I can''t have that happen to him, Celly! I love
Aragorn, but if he breaks, I won''t be able to live with myself!! I can''t let
him break! I won''t see him break!!"
Boromir was shaking by the time he finished talking. He closed his eyes and
took a deep, shuddering breath. He was so tired now. So very tired.
"It''s okay." He heard Celly say before she wrapped her arms around him and
began to rock him back and forth. "It''ll be okay."
Outside the room, Aragorn collapsed against the wall, his legs having given
out on him.
The three red roses fell from his nerveless hand and hit the floor, all but
forgotten.
He was too stunned to do anything after over-hearing what Boromir had told
Celly. Raising his hand, he then slowly dragged it down his face as he tried to
stave off the tears that were still pouring down his face all the same.
Boromir was falling away from him now. He was leaving just like his mother.
Just like his father.
He had been a fool to think that Boromir would be different. That things
would be different once they had worked things out. That they would stay
together for the rest of their lives.
Once again, fate was laughing in his face and ruining his life yet again.
"I knew I shouldn't have trusted him," he whispered to himself. "I shouldn't
have trusted him"
"I shouldn't have loved him."
by Jim Morrison
Chapter XIII
Tuonela
I'll lay my broken frame
What steel and iron won't take
I'll give in winter's name
No good a sullen soul no use a simple knave
No groom for brides of plaited hair
This man old and lame."—Amorphis
o nothing is changing at all," Aragorn
stated as he sat leaning against his locker, a Sharpe novel in his hands as he
and Legolas waited through an unintended spare. Mr. Tsukiyono had been called
away on urgent family matters and had let them go, since that was the last block
before dismissal that day.
