"Damn!" James muttered to himself as he paced through the deserted camp. The smugglers once again seemed to have preternatural instincts as to when the Navy would raid their operation. He wondered if he might have a spy in the ranks. He'd have to pay more attention to some of his junior officers in the future...

One of those somewhat neglected junior officers came charging up to him with all the grace of a three legged mule and skidded to a disheveled halt before him. "Commodore! Come quick! We found something! Lieutenant Gillette said you'd want to see for yourself before we moved anything."

James stared at the youth until he ceased his flailing. "All right, Mr. Stevens. Lead the way." He wondered what had the mid in such high excitement.

Gillette was waiting at the door to what was apparently an underground cellar or storage room. He looked exceedingly smug. He handed James a lantern and stepped back. James gave him a quizzical look and made his way down the ladder. When he reached the bottom, he held the light up, trying to discern what had everyone acting so strangely. Then he saw it. He approached the prone figure and prodded it with the toe of his shoe. It emitted a muffled yelp. His day, no his year had just improved immeasurably. He crouched down in front of the man on the ground, for it was a man, and a very particular man, indeed. One that had occupied all too much of James's time of late.

"Well, well, Mr. Sparrow. Fancy meeting you here." Someone had done a remarkably thorough job of immobilizing the pirate; his arms were lashed behind his back and his ankles bound together and bent up at a rather acute angle to attach to the ropes about his wrists. The best part, though was what they had done with his ridiculous headscarf. It was knotted and tied firmly between Sparrow's lips. James chuckled.

"Aaa-iin. Iish aaa-iin sharrhow."

"What was that, Mr. Sparrow? I didn't quite understand you. Perhaps you should enunciate more clearly."

"Aorring-on. I'm ooing oo ill ooo."

"I'm sorry, Sparrow. I really cannot understand a word you're saying. You really did an excellent job of getting the wrong people angry this time, didn't you?"

"Uhn iii eee! Aorring-on, oo rloody ashtard."

"Not quite yet, Sparrow. I'm enjoying myself far too much." James sat down across from the hog-tied pirate and smiled at him. "I believe I may tell you a few stories of my own, seeing as I can finally get a word in edgewise."

"... and then they made me their Chief. Well, Sparrow, I suppose my fun is at an end. I'll bring you out of here on the condition that you tell me everything you know about the scoundrels who left you here. Do we have an accord, Sparrow?" At Sparrow's resigned nod, he reached over with his dirk and cut the ropes around Sparrow's ankles. He left the ropes binding his arms in place. And the gag, as well.

"iiniish un ying eee, ooo urreee iiaa."

"Such language, Mr. Sparrow. Perhaps when you develop some manners, I'll consider it."

"—leeeesh uhn iii eee?"

"Soon enough. First, we walk back to the Dauntless."

"ot ish aay!"

"Exactly like this, Sparrow. I don't want anyone to miss the sight of you like this. You've humiliated them often enough, it's time you had a turn at it."

After a very long walk back to the Dauntless, and after they were safely ensconced in Norrington's cabin, he finally freed the pirate from the rest of the ropes and the gag. Sparrow rubbed his wrists and worked his jaw around for some time before speaking.

"You know, James, that was low. Even for a naval bastard such as yourself."

"Jack, you do realize that things like this happen to you because you deserve them, right?"

"You do realize that there will be retribution for this, don't you?"

"Of course. I'm rather looking forward to it. However, I seriously doubt that I could ever get myself into anything like the predicaments that you manage to find yourself in on a regular basis." James chuckled again before drawing the pirate into his arms and kissing him thoroughly.

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Read the sequel, The Dangers of Local Flora.