Lex studied his lover, sleeping next to him peacefully and wondered, not for the first time -- Why does he stay? Why does he love me? Slipping further down into the comfortable cotton sheets, his naked chest the only thing exposed to the chilly February air in the room, Lex contemplated his life so far. It was something he liked to do on sleepless nights; it calmed him down and gave him time to evaluate his successes and failures before falling asleep.

Lex liked to revel in his successes and thoughtfully contemplated his failures. At night these thoughts seemed somehow appropriate -- for a Luthor. Sometimes Lex felt like a vampire, sitting in the dark, going over every aspect of his life in detail, picking and choosing his thoughts like a vampire picked his victims. Many a psychologist had told him he had leanings towards obsessive-compulsive disorder because his mind raced just before sleep, constantly plotting and obsessing. For others this diagnosis would have been correct, but for Lex it wasn’t. It was just his nature, he liked to think.

First, in the grand scheme of things, he'd been born a Luthor -- to most people that would have seemed like a big advantage. Power. Wealth. Prestige. To Lex it was a birthright he loathed, something he hadn't asked for and did not want. No amount of money could make up for the pain of being Lionel Luthor's son.

No, his life was what his father had wanted for his only surviving son; Lex's only choice was to follow his father's orders. Who knows what might have happened to him if Julian or Lucas had lived and Lionel had taken an interest in grooming them to be the next Luthor heir.

In actuality, Lex would have preferred to have been a scientist rather than a business mogul and future CEO of LuthorCorp. He'd have given anything -- all the money he'd ever had -- to have a normal life and a loving family: mother, father, and baby brother. But fate had stepped in and taken that all away with his mother and Julian's deaths.

Years later when Lex had found Lucas, Lionel's illegitimate son, Lex believed that finally he would have another soul on this Earth who would understand what hell it was to be a Luthor. He had always wanted a younger brother. Who cared if Lucas was his half-brother? Lex wanted to feel close to another person, to love and be loved in return, unconditionally. But Lucas hadn't wanted a relationship like that and so Lex was left alone again. When Lucas had been killed in a car crash only two years after Lex found him -- killed after driving drunk and running his new Lamborghini into a tree -- Lex had realized his family was cursed. Cursed it seemed to be alone in life and in death. Lionel hadn’t seemed fazed by Lucas’ death, only pressuring Lex to ‘live up’ to his Luthor name even more after the tragedy.

Thinking back even further, the most defining moment of his life had been after the passing of his mother. It seemed that any ounce of humanity that Lionel Luthor had ever possessed had disappeared, leaving Lex to become a pawn in his father's game of life. The "Never forget you are a Luthor!" had become his father's adage, the saying becoming a constant in Lex's early life.

Lex's mind flashed quickly through his lonely childhood. The meteor shower, which had made him even freakier than just being Lionel Luthor’s son, was only a small part of those childhood memories, but one of the more unpleasant ones. His teenage years had been fun; out from under Lionel's iron-thumb, Lex had rebelled in his British boarding school and enjoyed life to its fullest. That was until Lionel had pulled the rug out from under him and removed him after one particularly nasty incident with the headmaster's daughter.

College had been next. Lex had wanted to study Chemistry and Astronomy, but his father made it known in no uncertain terms that "Luthors aren't meant to be scientists!" So, he quickly changed his major to Business and settled in for four boring years at Princeton before heading home to Metropolis to join LuthorCorp.

That had lasted all of a year.

Then, what he liked to think of as his ‘real’ life had begun, almost six years ago, in a small town in Kansas: Smallville. Lionel had sent him there as a sort of punishment for his shameless behavior in Metropolis and to work his way up the business ladder. "It will prepare you for the day when you take over LuthorCorp, son," his father had told him the day Lex found out he was being banished to some redneck town for his latest indiscretion.

That particular debacle had been caught on videotape and made the rounds of the tabloids -- in the form of still pictures. Banishment to Smallville had been his punishment, not for participating in the event, but for getting caught. Lionel only had cared that Lex had been caught.

The event in question featured William Scott Vanderbilt III or Tripp as he was more commonly know and his sister, Muffy ("the twins," as they were known in social circles). They had treated Lex to a night of alcohol, drugs and sex....in that order. Tripp, it later turned out, was an amateur filmmaker and had videotaped the entire encounter in all its glorious and debauched detail, with Lex being the "meat" in the Muffy and Tripp sandwich.

Thieves had later stolen the tape during an apartment renovation. When the thieves realized what a gem they had, they sold the original copy to a porn distributor who quickly put the Lex Does Metropolis video into the hands of every pornography store in Metropolis. The video broke all sales records for that year. Lex was a star, and Muffy and Tripp took a long vacation in the French Alps, courtesy of their own disgusted parents.

But not everyone in the ‘scandal’ had suffered. Apparently, the guy who had distributed the video made such a killing on the tape that he soon retired to a small farm in northern Kansas   -- a millionaire. Lex hadn't been as lucky when Lionel found out. No, Lionel had been livid. He had gone on and on about the Luthor's image until Lex had nearly fallen asleep during the tirade.

Personally, Lex thought the tape showed his best qualities -- that his ass and mouth were multi-talented, but Lionel had disagreed, which is why he had been summarily banished to Smallville.

Lex had thought he would go to Smallville, spend a year there running the 'crap factory' as he called it, keep his nose clean and go back to Metropolis ready to take his place at his father's side in LuthorCorp. Boy, had he been wrong.

His life had changed in an instant with an encounter on a bridge and nothing had prepared him for the shift. Literally running into Clark that day on the bridge had altered everything -- all his perceptions of his future were gone in the instant he had awakened on the riverbank with an angel breathing life into his lungs. Lex had felt the connection immediately -- hell, he had all but panted after Clark like a bitch in heat for over four years, until it seemed Clark finally understood the real reason Lex Luthor had stayed in Smallville -- and it wasn't for Lana Lang's coffee. No, Lex had stayed, messed up all Lionel's glorious plans for one reason: he was in love and lust with Clark Kent.

Which in a strange way is how I wound up here. Six years later, with a small-town farm boy in my bed and in my life. Smallville had provided many unexpected surprises, the best one being Clark Kent. I never saw him coming.

It had taken too many years for Clark to see that Lex loved him. Wanted him. It was right after Clark had graduated high school and moved to Metropolis to attend university that Lex realized he might have a chance with the other man. No longer was Lex restricted to hiding his true feelings, afraid of upsetting the conservative people of Smallville. No, in Metropolis, Lex could let go and touch Clark as often as he wanted to. And he did.

And finally one night, after clubbing till the wee hours and returning to Lex's penthouse, Clark had finally gotten on the cluebus and during one intense moment between the two men, leaned over and whispered into Lex's ear, "You ever going to kiss me, Lex? Or do I have to do all the work in this relationship? I know you want to..."

Lex hadn't needed any further encouragement and had quickly pulled Clark into his arms and kissed him senseless. Over the next several hours, Lex had poured all his longing into loving Clark. He used every trick he had ever picked up from all his previous lovers, into making Clark scream in pleasure over and over again, until the younger man had passed out from one too many orgasms, his body overloaded by the intense emotions.

Using many years of frustration and past memories of jacking off to Clark's face, Lex licked, sucked and stroked the younger man into near exhaustion. He had four years to make up for, except this time instead of just fucking someone for fun or to piss his father off; this time Lex made love with someone he truly cared for.

It was then that Lex knew his real life had truly begun. Everything before that had been insignificant to loving and being loved in return by Clark. His failed marriages seemed to fade into the background, no longer important in his mind. Finally, he had found someone who understood him -- flaws and all -- and despite all that loved him. Unconditionally. Desiree and Helen hadn’t really loved him, only used him. Clark was different.

Now, a year later, Lex knew he was the luckiest bastard on the face of the Earth. Clark Kent loved him. He had publicly declared that devotion and commitment to Lex by moving out of his dorm room and into the Luthor penthouse six months ago.

And two months prior to that move, Clark had told his parents that he intended to spend the rest of his life with Lex, loving him. Martha had taken the news calmly per her usual demeanor, while Jonathan was still working on accepting the fact his twenty-one year old son was gay, let alone involved with a Luthor. Lex hoped Jonathan would come around, but if he didn't, Lex knew that was the other man's loss. Clark was his soulmate and nothing could separate them, not even Clark's father's prejudices.

A sleep-filled voice broke Lex out of his deep reflection. "You’re going to break something, Lex. Stop thinking and go to sleep. We have an early day tomorrow."

Lex looked over to his bed partner and saw a half-awake Clark looking up at him, concern filling those beautiful eyes. Always the caregiver, aren't you, Clark? Even when I pushed you away, hurt you. Then, married other women in an effort to deny my feelings for you. What did I do to deserve you?

Responding to Clark’s remarks, Lex said quietly, "It’s nothing, love. Go back to sleep."

Suddenly Clark’s hand found his face, stroking his cheek slightly in a soft caress. Lex leaned into the touch, savoring the contact. Kissing Clark’s open palm, Lex again said, "Really, it’s nothing...just having some trouble sleeping."

"Your nothing woke me up." Sleepy green eyes smiled at Lex, daring him to explain the real reason he was sleepless.

"Well, now that you are awake, I know something that would definitely put me to sleep...with your help, of course," and then Lex leaned over and took Clark's mouth in an intimate kiss.

With a throaty sound of pleasure, Clark opened his lips and Lex's tongue entered, making gentle sweeps into the moist inner recesses. Lex heard Clark groan and he deepened the kiss even more, pressing his advantage.

But just as easily, Clark surprised him and broke the kiss, pushing Lex back a little in their embrace, panting out, "You don't play fair, Lex. I know you too well. Now tell me what's wrong."

Hearing the ‘I'm not kidding here, Lex’ tone of his lover's voice, Lex realized that trying to seduce Clark wasn't going to work this time. Bowing his head in defeat, Lex then snuggled closer to Clark's warm body, nuzzling the lean line of the younger man's nape. "Truly, it's nothing. I was just thinking about how my life really started the day I met you."

Clark's only response was to pull Lex tighter in his arms and kiss his head gently, without words assuring Lex that he loved him. So Lex continued, "Up until that point my life had no meaning...I was empty inside and out. Then, you saved me that day by the river and everything changed."

Sighing, Clark murmured softly, "No, Lex we saved each other." Pausing, Clark stared deeply into his lover's eyes and said, "I thought we were beyond this by now. I may have saved you that day, but every minute of every day since that moment, you've saved me time and again. We've fulfilled that destiny you spoke of. We did that. Not me by myself. Why don't you trust yourself enough to admit that? Can't you see-"

Lex interrupted Clark's next words by moving from Clark's embrace to lift his body up, leaning on his right elbow so he could look down into his lover's face and taking his other hand, Lex placed his fingertip over Clark's lips to silence his next words.

"You are amazing, you know that? How could I have saved you? Almost every person in Smallville has you to thank for one time or another you helping them. Lana. Pete. Ryan. Bryon. Hell, even my father. Clark, you're the real hero in this scenario. I just follow in your footsteps."

"That’s not true," Clark insisted passionately. "I would have gone insane without you by my side this last year. You've helped me with my powers, showed me that I'm not some strange alien freak. You loved me without question. You did that, Lex. You. No one else has ever been as accepting of me and my ‘gifts,’ well, except my parents," Clark whispered fervently under Lex's now stroking fingers.

"But what did I do before that, Clark? I had you investigated. I kept a room in the mansion dedicated to you and my hypothesis about your origins. Why? Because I needed to know about you, every aspect about you. I was fanatical at finding out your secret," Lex's voice broke as he remembered his overwhelming obsession to find out the truth about Clark, no matter what the cost.

But Clark destroyed that notion with his next words, "And what did you do when you found out my secret, Lex? Did you kidnap me and hold me hostage to do experiments on your alien boyfriend? No, you found every shred of evidence of my unique abilities and had them destroyed, including the photos and videotape Lionel had. You protected me, Lex from the moment we met on the bridge right up to today, you’ve been loving me and protecting me. What else do I have to say to make you understand how much I love you...but more importantly, how much I trust you with my secret?"

Looking down into Clark's warm eyes, Lex found himself drowning in the concern and love he saw there. What was in the past was in the past. Lex knew deep down he had changed. Whether it was due to Clark or not, he was a different man. Lionel hadn’t won in the end. He may be a Luthor, but this Luthor was loved and because of that love he had hope for his future. A boy from Smallville had made that possible.

Shaking off the memories that haunted him -- the room in the mansion, the stockpile of green meteorites in a vault at LuthorCorp -- he slid down and pressed Clark into the mattress. His lover's acceptance of the embrace was immediate. Here, in their bed, there were no secrets, no lies between them, only the truth. In this sacred place, no one could come between them.

Lex tasted every available space of Clark's skin that was exposed, licking and sucking the bronze beauty of it. He paused every few seconds to take Clark's mouth in a passionate nibble, then moved back to map Clark's body with his hands and mouth.

His lover's response was to spread his thighs and wrap his arms around Lex's neck, urging Lex silently to move their lovemaking to the next level. Lex rewarded that trust by slipping his hands under Clark's waist and cupping his ass, placing his burgeoning erection against his lover's portal.

Clark moaned, "Please, Lex. I need you...in me!"

In return, Lex kissed Clark, his tongue mimicking the ultimate act they would soon be engaged in. Lex knew Clark was ready, the body under him bucked and writhed in pleasure, waiting to be penetrated. After two years of being lovers, Lex did not have to prepare Clark as much as in the beginning. No lubrication was really needed, Clark's alien physiology provided all the wetness Lex needed to complete the act. Lex had always been a considerate bed partner and fucking someone dry had never appealed to him, but Clark’s body always knew when it was ready -- as they had discovered over time.

"Now," Clark whispered harshly, grinding his body against Lex's to prove his point.

Not wanting to make his lover wait another minute, Lex gripped Clark’s hips and pushed. At the same time, he captured one brown nipple into his mouth and suckled. Hard. Clark screamed out in delight and Lex pushed further into his lover's body. He surged inside Clark, thrusting and pumping at first gently, later with harder strokes designed to hit Clark’s prostate. Normally a middle of the night lovemaking session was slow and sweet designed to seal the already solid bond between them -- but not tonight. Tonight's loving was rough and passionate and Lex wondered why.

But that thought left Lex's brain as quickly as it came when he felt Clark tighten his long legs around his back and his lover's short nails dig into the skin of his back. Then, Clark bit his shoulder -- hard  -- and Lex lost all control. His body grew flushed and hot, and then he began to slam into Clark's all too willing body. By now both of them were drenched in a fine sheen of sweat and needed completion.

Clark bucked under him and Lex's hands found their way into Clark's hair. This action made Clark moan louder, "Pleaase...please."

The broken sounds urged Lex on, thrusting harder and faster. It was at that moment that Lex could feel the spasms begin in Clark as his seed spilled between their bodies. Clark had fallen over the edge of passion and Lex could feel it beckoning him also, but he wouldn’t surrender -- yet. Gripping his lover’s hips, he thrust hard. Fast and as deep as he could get into his lover's body.

Branding Clark forever.

Mine.

The word overtook his consciousness and clouded his brain. Mine! Only when he had screamed the word aloud, did Lex allow himself to fall into the abyss...

Moments later, as Lex felt himself come back down to Earth; he looked down into the sated eyes of the man below him. Clark had that 'just fucked' look on his face that Lex so loved to see and Lex felt the love well up within him. He pulled out of Clark's body and fell on top of Clark's broad chest, totally exhausted, but happy.

Softly he said, "I love you, Clark."

Clark's reply was instantaneous, "I love you too, Lex. Now go to sleep. All’s right with the world now." Sleepy eyes closed and strong arms pulled him close and Lex was finally at peace tonight. No more racing thoughts or worries. Just a warm feeling now coursed through his body; Clark's loving always had that effect on him. Making love to Clark had always calmed and soothed his tortured soul.

And as he looked down into Clark's sleeping visage, Lex knew he would move heaven and Earth to keep this man by his side forever. Call it an obsession, call it a fixation...but Clark Kent was his life now. And nothing that had come before Clark mattered now. Only their life together was important. And with that thought lingering in his head, Lex finally closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep, memories of Clark's loving in his head and all lingering doubt washed away by one fact:

Lex Luthor had love and deserved love.

This was his greatest success.

Author's Notes:  I'd like to thank a few people who really helped me with this story during the initial writing faze: Lisa, my Starsky & Hutch friend who read and edited it one Media West and gave me some remarkable suggestions. Solo, who did a quick beta and Jenny Shipp who edited this for me prior to it being published in the I Can't Stand to Fly zine.

Many thanks to all of these wonderful ladies. (If I've left anyone out, please forgive me, my memory isn't wasn't it used to be). I credit all of them with helping me win that writing award, as the story wouldn't have been half as good without their invaluable input!