Disclaimer: This came out of nowhere in my confused and fevered little brain. It is a musical, where Mulder is being tormented. I freely admit that was inspired by an episode of Xena: Warrior Princess. Yes, I have the sheet music for this (sort of). No, I won’t send it to you. That would be just too much. If you don’t like this sort of stuff, I’m sure that the ‘Back’ button on your browser will save you from the horrors approaching. Oh, and I don’t own any of these characters. I’m just borrowing them for a little storytelling. They are all owned by Chris Carter, Fox, ten thirteen productions, and the rest of the people with the money. I don’t have any. I do, however, have an overactive sexual imagination and a good grasp of how to drive a plot home. Oh, dear, that didn’t come out quite right . . . oh, well.
Click the author’s name above to send comments. Did you ever come up with an idea, and think, “Oh, look, I’ve finally gone ‘round the bend.” Well, this is one of those, and I couldn’t resist. I didn’t even try. Every line was accompanied by the author wailing, “I can’t believe I’m doing this!”
Our story begins not with a man, but with a block of cheese that has been sitting in the refrigerator a little too long. The cheese had first expected to be eaten, but that didn’t happen. Then the cheese expected to be discarded, but that didn’t happen either. Finally, the cheese could stand it no longer. It went bad, and cultivated low company, hanging out with mold and spores. And then it happened: the refrigerator was opened, and the hand reached in and grabbed the cheese. It was dark, so the late night snacker didn’t see the disgusting growth. It was late, so his hands were too numb to feel it. And he had a cold, so he didn’t smell it either. But when he took a bite, he knew that this was some bad cheese. He spat it out, but it was a little too late. He had swallowed some of the cheese on his cracker, and spent the rest of the night delirious and miserable. The cheese, on the other hand, complimented itself on a job well done, and enjoyed the trip out to the trash as only a satisfied bad cheese could.
And now we begin. The scene is, a large brightly colored field with plastic looking daisies the size of garbage trucks, and grass up to Mulder’s knees. Enter Grown up Samantha and Little Samantha. They sing the following.
Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzz!
Mulder is imagining things
Mulder is seeing things
Strange things, wonderful things
While lying still, out today
Out cold on the couch
Mulder:
What? What’s going on? Where am I?
Mulder looks around wildly, and when he has his back to both females, they shove him through a silvery door that appears right in front of him.
Samanthas:
Have fun, Fox!
Mulder falls, screaming, into a dark smoky room. A match is struck and a cigarette lit, and he can now see that it is his office. Or what used to be his office.
Mulder:
You!
CSM:
Me.
Mulder:
What’s going on?
CSM:
You’re having a very detailed visual and auditory hallucination.
Mulder:
How do I know this isn’t some kind of trick?
CSM:
You’re so untrusting, Mulder. That’s why no one likes you except me.
Mulder:
Go to hell, you bastard. Lots of people like me.
CSM:
Not as much as I like you, Mulder. Join me.
Mulder:
What?
I’ve never seen such fire, such need
So I kept you here in my sight
I protected you, led you, guided you.... Supported you....
Once in the darkness I saved you
From the madness that drives you today
Now I am here to ask you
Even though I know what you will say....
Join me! Join me, and be saved
There will be no more fighting
No more questions, no more hurt
Join me and there will be no more danger
No more loss for your heart
You will have rest, you will have peace
You will have answers
Mulder:
What about freedom?
You ask too much
Join me and there will be no more fighting
No more questions, no more hurt
Join me and there will be no more danger
No more loss for your heart
Join me....
Mulder (realizing that he is tempted, screams):
NO!
Mulder turns and runs out of his office, surprised to find that the door leads to Scully’s apartment.
Scully:
Hi, Mulder! Have a seat.
Mulder sits down on the couch, and accepts a glass of lemonade from Scully.
Mulder:
Scully? What are you doing here?
Scully:
Don’t be stupid, Mulder. How could you take a trip through your psyche without seeing me?
Mulder:
You’ve got a point. So, why are you here?
Scully:
Do you trust me?
Mulder:
Of course. You’re my best friend! You’re my partner!
Scully:
Really?
Am I just a woman
Playing your game?
I just watch your back
You get the fame
And you don’t even trust me
Why don’t you trust me, Mulder?
Stop giving me the cold shoulder
I can pull my weight
I could pull yours too
If you would only trust me!
(Guitar solo)
Am I just a woman
Playing your game?
I just watch your back
You get the fame
And you don’t even trust me
Why don’t you trust me?
Why don’t you trust me, Mulder?
Stop giving me the cold shoulder
And trust me!
Mulder is very confused.
Mulder:
Scully, what are you talking about? I’ve never lied to you.... Well, I mean, sometimes I don’t tell you everything, but I trust you! I would never lie to you.
In the darkness outside Scully’s apartment, a hooded figure appears.
Scully:
Really, Mulder? You’ve told me everything?
The walls of Scully’s apartment fade, and Mulder, Scully, and the hooded figure are transported to an empty room. Mulder immediately recognizes it: this is the room where he fell in love.
Mulder:
Uh-oh.
The robe comes off, to reveal the young Alex Krycek, looking very appealing in well-worn black jeans, and Mulder’s Oxford sweatshirt.
Scully:
Everything, Mulder?
Mulder:
Scully! I couldn’t! I mean, we were partners.
Scully:
And after that?
Mulder (lamely):
You were gone. And then after that, I just forgot.
Krycek:
You were too embarrassed, you mean.
Mulder looks at his lover.
Mulder:
What? Of being gay? Scully knows that already. Don’t you?
Scully nods.
Krycek:
No, I mean you were too embarrassed to tell her you were sleeping with the enemy.
Mulder:
You were never the enemy, Alex. I know that.
Scully:
Really? How about when he shot your father? Or my sister? Or attacked Skinner? Or--
Krycek (interrupts her sharply):
I had no choice!
Scully (pointing to Mulder):
No, but he did. And he chose you. Why, Mulder? Why him?
Krycek:
Yes, Mulder. Why me?
Mulder:
I love him.
Scully snorts, and Krycek smiles.
Mulder:
I suspected.
Scully:
How do you expect
To pick up the pieces?
After all that you’ve done
After all that we’ve lost?
Krycek:
I’ll pay the price
When the war ceases
And if we have won
Who cares what we’ve lost?
Krycek/Scully:
Then there’s no choice at all!
Why are we in the game?
Should I lay down and die?
No, that’s no choice at all
Scully:
And if you could choose
Tell me, what would you do?
Krycek:
I would have stayed at his side
I would have told him the truth
Scully:
No, that’s no choice at all
Between love and duty
I don’t agree
But I understand
Krycek:
No, that’s no choice at all
Between duty and love
Krycek/Scully:
There’s no choice at all!
No, there’s no choice at all
Scully turns and walks out of the apartment. Krycek turns away from Mulder, to look at the mirror that has now appeared behind him. He leans against it, not seeing that his reflection is the older Krycek, complete with fake arm and leather jacket. In the mirror, the other Krycek begins going through all the sins of Krycek’s past with Mulder: killing Augustus Cole, talking to CSM, chasing Mulder up Skyland Mountain, shooting William Mulder, watching Melissa Scully get shot, attacking Skinner, et cetera ad nauseam. Krycek holds up a hand to the mirror, finally seeing the images swim by.
The Krycek in the mirror continues killing.
Is this who you love, Mulder?
Am I really what you need?
How can you be happy
When you love someone like me?
If all the worlds were ours, Mulder
We would have no fear
We could live together
No menace stalks us here
If all the worlds were ours
You’d never question me again
But you would have no quest
And what would we do then?
The Krycek in the mirror turns his sniper rifle on the singing Krycek. Mulder tries to warn him, but the singing Krycek doesn’t see him. He has turned and is staring out the bedroom window, seeing all the other worlds where Mulder and Krycek are together.
Was I good for you, Mulder?
Didn’t I give you what you wanted?
When we were with each other
Didn’t you feel less haunted?
The Krycek in the mirror fires, hitting the singing Krycek on the collarbone and snapping the thin golden chain there. The necklace and the ring fall one way, Krycek the other.
Mulder (screams):
NO!
The older Krycek emerges from the mirror, and picks up the song, slightly darker but still recognizable. He sings rather well.
If all the worlds were ours
What good would it be
To question how we live
What more can we see?
This is where we live
This is who we are
This is how the game is played
On this world of ours
Sobbing, Mulder crosses to the fallen Krycek, and cradles him.
Mulder:
Why?
Mirror Krycek:
He was always yours, Mulder.
The Mirror Krycek fades back into the mirror, and the apartment disappears around Mulder, to reveal Skinner’s office.
Skinner:
Are you all right, Mulder?
Mulder:
No, not really.
Mulder lets go of the body and steps away. Skinner gives him a protective hug.
Let me be your haven
Stay here safe in my arms
Let me be your haven
I will keep you from harm
Let me be your comfort
Let me be your guide
Just call when you want me
You have nothing to hide
Let me be your haven
I will do what I can
To hold back the darkness inside you
Just give me your hand
Let me be your haven
We’ll do what is right
I will ride out the storm of your convictions
And return you to the light!
Mulder looks very surprised.
Mulder:
I never knew you felt that way about me. Or is it how I feel about you? Well, of course, I must have, subconsciously, I mean. And there was that time you took me home. Okay, I guess I did know. Really? You like me?
Skinner:
How else could I put up with you? Do you really think those reports you hand in are funny?
Mulder:
Actually--
He is interrupted by the arrival of aliens, landing a UFO in the middle of a cornfield. You may wonder how they moved from Skinner’s office to a cornfield, but that would be a waste of time. Suffice it to say, they are in a cornfield that is now bright with landing ships, army helicopters, and the headlights of thousands of UFO watchers. Skinner steps away from Mulder, who is staring up into the sky and doesn’t notice.
Mulder:
They’re here!
Senator Matheson:
And we are done for.
Mulder:
What?
Matheson:
Co-existence requires some sort of equality, Mulder. We are outclassed. Better that we serve quietly than be erased from the globe entirely.
Mulder:
There has to be some way we can fight them! I won’t just give in!
Matheson (laughing):
I’d love to hear your ideas. Perhaps later, over tea. For now, Agent Mulder--
The first ship lands, and a hatch opens.
Matheson:
Contact!
Contact!
They have found us, and we’re wanting!
We are nothing to them now, just a dot upon a map
We are dying
Contact!
We’re not the greatest anymore!
If we ever were, a theory that I doubt
I could give you hope, but I’d be lying
Contact!
Mulder turns to the watching crowd, and does not see the alien forms begin to emerge from their ships. They all look like Mulder.
Mulder (to crowd):
Join me! We can fight them!
Scully emerges from the crowd to stand next to Mulder.
Scully:
We can use biological warfare.
Skinner returns to Mulder’s side.
Skinner:
It’s our planet.
Krycek joins the group as well.
Krycek:
There’s a vaccine that can prevent them from infecting us.
Mulder, Scully, Skinner, Krycek (in unison):
We can fight them if we work together!
CSM emerges from the crowd to stand next to Matheson, facing Mulder.
Matheson and CSM (in unison):
Fools! If we fight, we die!
Mulder, Scully, Skinner, Krycek (in unison):
We won’t know until we try!
Matheson and CSM (in unison):
Then you’ll die trying, and we’ll still be in power. Don’t you know who we are?
Mulder:
Do you know who I am?
CSM:
Yes.
The crowd moves forward as one, driving back everyone except Mulder. They surround him, forcing away so that they are all Mulder can see. They are the people of his past: his parents, Deep Throat, Pusher, Spender, everyone who has ever crossed paths with Fox William Mulder. They sing.
Or do you just think you’re fighting,
Fighting for those who believe?
Who do you think you’re saving
By breaking the web that we weave?
Do you know where you come from?
Do you know what you do?
Do you know who you are?
Do you know what you do?
Do you know what you’ve done
With your quest for the truth?
Does it make you feel better
To share the pain of your youth?
Do you know who you are?
Do you know what you do?
Do you know who you are?
Do you know what you do?
Mulder realizes that almost everything he’s said in this little drama has been some sort of denial, and that he’s not getting anywhere. It’s time for a little affirmation.
And this is who I love, and this is who I trust
And I will keep on searching, keep on fighting, fight the future if I must
This is who I am! This is what I do!
I have known my love, I have lost my way, but I still want you
This is who I am, this is what I do
You trust me with your faith, I trust you with my life, I’m nothing without you
With each affirmation, another chunk of the crowd disappears until Mulder is left alone with his loves (Scully, Skinner, and Krycek) and his hates (CSM and the rest of the shadowy government people).
This is who I am, this is what I do
I see facts in lies, to myself I must be true
And this is who I love, and this is who I trust
And I will keep on searching, keep on fighting, fight the future if I must!
This is who I am!
Mulder:
And nothing you say can change that.
Mulder finally wakes up, because Scully is splashing water on his face.
“Are you all right, Mulder? You were kinda thrashing around in your sleep.”
Mulder doesn’t answer her immediately, instead choosing to run for the bathroom in one final bout of retching. He notices how clean everything is, even though he knows he has been less than perfect with his aim as he struggled with delirium all night.
“Scully, why are you here?”
“Didn’t you call me, Mulder? It was your cell number. Of course, you didn’t say anything,” she grimaces, “but I guessed from the noises that you weren’t feeling well and needed help.”
Mulder smiles. He only knows one person who would break into his apartment, clean, and call for help without staying to say hello.
“Thanks, Scully.”
Scully rolls her eyes. “Just another night with you, Mulder.”