Disclaimer: Children, what are you doing in here? You're too young for this stuff. It features entertaining graphic sexual descriptions of men and women doing terribly erotic things to each other, not to mention more annoying cameos. If you don’t like that sort of stuff, or know you are too young for it, I’m sure that Sanrio will entertain you more than long enough to make you forget about all these naughty things.
Oh, and I don’t own any of these characters. I’m just borrowing them for a little storytelling. They are all owned by Chris Carter, Fox, ten thirteen productions, and the rest of the people with the money. I don’t have any. I do, however, have an overactive sexual imagination and a good grasp of how to drive a plot home. Oh, dear, that didn’t come out quite right . . . oh, well.
Send comments to address above. I admit it, I love Hello Kitty and PickeBicke. Remember, this is fiction. Suspension of disbelief, okay, kids? But yes, there really is a porn movie about a blond naif named Candy in Hollywood.
“Sasha, come help me. I can’t figure out what to do,” growled my uncle. He was staring angrily at the board, as was the man who smoked those terrible Morleys.
I walked up, pleased that they turned to me in times like this. I was young, I liked being needed. I’m good at seeing the way out of sticky situations. Call it skill; call it a survival sense; call it luck. I looked over the four levels of the table, eyeing the pieces. “What are you trying to do?”
The tall, old man took a deep drag on his cigarette. “We need to immobilize this piece.” He pointed it out to me, and I instantly saw their problem.
“That’s quite a constellation,” I said, referring to the surrounding pieces, all ranged to protect or observe, but leaving no room for an attack. I picked up the piece in question, trying to get a better feel for it.
“It’s a magus,” said my uncle. “We need him, and we can’t let him get hurt.”
“Are you trying to turn him?” They didn’t answer. Good enough. I shrugged, and read the magus’ qualifications from the bottom of the playing piece. Then I checked the pieces around him. To the right and the left, there was a knight and a wolf, who couldn’t get any closer to the magus then they were now without a major catastrophe. Behind him, there was a ghost, who could only protect and not interact; above and behind him, there was an observer, who couldn’t interact without losing his powers; and a guardian, who could only protect, was covering the rest of his sphere. I looked over the remaining pieces they could play, and the other moves they had available. “You want to immobilize him, right?”
Both men nodded.
“Add a prince,” I said smugly.
“What?” demanded the smoking man. He didn’t see it.
I picked up a playing piece from the side of the board, and set it to ‘prince’ mode, and added the necessary qualifications. “Declare to the guardian that you’re going to add a prince.” I moved the guardian back, making room in the magus’ constellation for the new piece. “Play your prince,” I said, adding him to the board as I spoke. “But, the prince is a higher rank warrior than the knight, so he gets to be the magus’ swordarm, and the knight has to retreat or turn.” I moved the pieces, and even though I was fairly certain that they both saw it now, I continued. “Play a Call, and remove the knight.” The old man smiled, and my uncle nodded. “Turn your prince, and now the magus has a hole in his constellation. He has to retreat or turn, but he can’t retreat, since he is still surrounded, and he can’t turn because he his ghost is still controlling his loyalty. He’s caught, until one of the other pieces in his constellation retreats or turns.”
“The magus is immobilized. Perfect,” smiled my uncle. “Thank you, Sasha.”
I grinned. “Anytime, sir.” I bowed politely to both of the older men, and left the room.
I didn’t remember that the pieces I’d been so blithely manipulating were humans until I found the assignment in my room. I’d just been made the prince.
Mulder woke up to the entirely unexpected pleasure of a talented and eager mouth working on his cock. He opened his eyes, and focused blearily on the dark head bobbing up and down between his legs.
“Alex?”
The skilled tongue on his cock moved to the head, where Mulder could clearly see Alex’s shining green eyes. Without bothering to answer, Alex went back to the all-consuming business of getting Mulder to come in his mouth.
Mulder gave a warning groan, then reached down, to hold Alex’s head in place. Alex moaned in encouraging pleasure, and the resultant sensation drove Mulder right over the edge. Alex lapped carefully, cleaning Mulder’s cock and balls of every drop of salty, sticky come.
Mulder sighed in ecstatic release. “Good to see you, sweetheart.”
Alex smiled. “I was in town, taking care of a little business, and I thought I’d stop by and say ‘I love you,’ in the best way I know.”
“Oh.” Mulder tried to wrap his mind around that concept, and failed. “Are you free for dinner?”
“Sure! I’ll even cook.” Alex settled himself comfortably on top of Mulder’s body, his hands still between Mulder’s legs, gently caressing Mulder’s cock.
Mulder smiled. He hadn’t seen Alex at all in the two months since they had made up, and had been surviving only on postcards and letters and the inevitable tapes. “Great. Do you want to sleep here?” Mulder couldn’t take his eyes off his sexy, graceful beloved. Alex was nibbling on his lower lip, and gently rocking his hips over Mulder, not actively trying to get himself off, but clearly at a state of arousal that he wouldn’t be able to deny for much longer.
“You don’t have a bed, Mulder.”
Mulder moved his hands, pulling Alex up a bit so that Mulder could cup his delicious ass. “Never knew you needed one, Krycek.”
“What? You expect me to sleep on the kitchen floor?” teased Alex.
“You expect to sleep?” Mulder shot back. Mulder started applying light pressure, rubbing his stiffening penis against Alex’s straining sex. Alex closed his eyes, and exhaled sharply. “Didn’t think so.” Mulder thrust upwards, letting Alex ride his hips. “Do you really need a bed? Do you want me to rent a hotel room for the night?”
“Would you?” Alex half-whispered, half-whimpered, as he tried to reach the zipper of his jeans.
Mulder smiled to himself. “Of course I would. All you have to do is ask.” Alex had finally reached his zipper, freeing his raging hard-on to heavenly contact with the warmth of Mulder’s flesh.
“In a bed, Mulder. I want you in a bed.” Alex’s voice was husky, and so low Mulder could barely hear him.
But they were so close, Mulder could read his lips. Hell, if he reached up, he could probably taste the words on Alex’s moist, slightly parted lips. “And what do you want me to do there?”
“God, Mulder, you are such a bastard,” his lover hissed. “Why do you always have to play these games with me?”
Mulder trailed his long, elegant hand up his lover’s body. He slid his hand into the neck of Alex’s shirt, searching until he found the fine gold chain that he had set there. “Hi. I’m the alpha male. Wanna fuck?” Alex growled hungrily, and dove down to receive one of Mulder’s lush kisses, his pose of reluctance utterly betrayed by his body’s helpless thrusting against Mulder. “I’ll take that as a yes,” Mulder whispered as soon as Alex let him up for air.
Alex pulled away, his groin wet and sticky against Mulder’s skin. “If you want to,” he grinned weakly.
“Anything to get you naked, love.” Mulder pushed back Alex’s shirt, and dropped a deep kiss on his shoulder. “Anywhere, anytime.”
“Any cost?” Alex smiled.
“How about that bed and breakfast down on Charter Street?” Mulder offered.
“Ooh, nice. We can go shopping before dinner. Maybe rent a movie or something -” at Mulder’s eager grin, Alex frowned. “Not that kind of movie, you pervert!”
Mulder waggled his eyebrows. “And that isn’t even my best feature.”
Alex leaned closer, and smiled into his lover’s eager eyes. “No, that would be your mouth.” He planted a teasingly light kiss right next to Mulder’s lips, and whispered, “your soft, luscious, obsessed mouth.”
“Don’t tease,” Mulder whispered dangerously. Alex practically purred, responding exactly the way Mulder knew he would. He ground his pelvis harder into Alex’s body. “Or you might get more than you bargained for.”
“I hope so.” Alex smiled. “I certainly hope so.”
“So, what did you come down here for?”
With a laugh, Alex gestured towards a battered backpack in the corner. “I had to drop off some research. I’m doing a project, collecting data for a linguistics professor.”
“Why?”
Alex shrugged. “It pays. And it gives me a good excuse to travel to weird, out of the way places. Almost no one questions a travelling student.”
Mulder looked askance at him. “You’re in school?”
Alex grinned. “Yep.”
Mulder shook his head. “Good hiding place, I guess.” He kissed Alex again, wetting the other man’s lips with the tip of his tongue. He could feel Alex shiver against him, and pulled his lover closer. “Have you learned anything?”
Alex smiled, and bent his head down to whisper in Mulder’s ear. “I learned that after ten days alone in New Zealand, I literally would have given anything to have your cock inside me.”
Mulder turned, dropping Alex to the floor, and pounced on him. Alex grabbed him, pulled his pants down to free Mulder’s reanimated cock. Mulder stayed still, enjoying Alex’s frenzied hunger. Alex wriggled out of his own clothes, kicking off his shoes and pants in preparation.
Mulder reached down, and spread Alex’s legs. “Stay like that. I wanna watch you.” He moved a stray pillow to rest underneath his lover’s body. “Don’t want rug burn, now do you?”
“I honestly don’t care, Mulder, just fuck me, please,” Alex begged. He leaned back and raised his legs as far and as wide as he could. “Now.”
Mulder rubbed his penis in the come from Alex’s earlier orgasm. “If I want your sweet little ass rosy and bright, I’ll do it myself.” He moved forward, thrusting the head of his thick cock into Alex.
Alex shrieked, in equal parts of pain and ecstasy. He cried out in Russian, words that Mulder vaguely understood to be encouragement. Mulder spat into his hand, and lubricated the rest of his cock the best he could before thrusting again. Alex was writhing underneath him, clearly in pain and clearly in no mood to stop. Mulder worked himself slowly in and out of his lover’s body.
“Open your eyes, beautiful. Let me see you,” commanded Mulder softly. Alex stared into his eyes, and whispered in faint, husky Russian, pleading to be taken by his own sweet master. Mulder understood that much, at least, having had Alex shrieking and begging for that very thing more than a few times before. He leaned down and kissed Alex deeply, and when Mulder pulled away from the kiss, he started pounding into his lover’s body the way they both wanted him to. Short, hard strokes that made Alex throw his arms around Mulder’s neck for balance.
Alex buried his face in Mulder’s neck. Mulder’s cock filled him, soothing the hunger and loneliness of the past months. “More,” he whispered, and Mulder obliged him, switching to long, drawn-out strokes that let Alex feel every inch of his hardness. Mulder moved his hand down, to pump Alex’s stiff cock, wickedly using a erratic rhythm to keep his lover thrashing wildly in his arms.
Finally, Alex could take no more. He came, screaming, into Mulder’s skilled and masterful hands as Mulder continued the forceful fucking.
Mulder laughed, delighting in the power he had over Alex. “Oh, I missed you,” he sighed. Mulder pulled back, and then pounded into Alex as hard as he dared. Gasping, Alex pulled him closer, and urged him on with soft cries and incoherent whimpers. Mulder came after a few more hard strokes, and collapsed into Alex’s welcoming arms.
“Mmm,” Alex sighed in satisfaction. “That was just what I needed.”
Mulder pulled Alex to him for a hungry kiss instead of answering.
After about forty seconds of the solid, possessive kiss, Alex pulled away. “Let me finish my report before we leave, so we can drop it off on the way. Then I’ll be glad to tend to all your earthly needs,” Alex grinned.
“Sure,” Mulder agreed, and let Alex sit up.
“Do you have anything to eat?”
Mulder smiled. “I thought you wanted to work?”
“I meant food, Mulder. You’re such a pervert.”
“I think we already went over that.”
Alex rolled his eyes, and walked into the bathroom to clean himself off. Mulder just pulled up his pants and sprawled on the couch, waiting for Alex to return.
Alex re-entered the living room, to see Mulder suggestively arrayed on the couch, with his cock, half-hard, obtrusively stiffening as Alex’s bright green eyes stared at it.
“Uh, Mulder, stop.”
“I have no control over this particular reaction to you, I’m afraid.” Mulder spread his legs apart even farther, and Alex turned away in self-defense.
“I’m just gonna finish this. You can sit there if you want to.”
Mulder smiled to himself. “Right, sweetheart,” he muttered under his breath.
Alex opened his backpack, and pulled out a laptop and some papers. He started to arrange himself to work on the floor.
“Wouldn’t it be easier if you just sat up here?”
“No, see, I intend to finish this report. You are sitting on the couch with your dick hanging out and planning to jump me.”
Mulder sighed ostentatiously, and zipped up his pants. “There.” Alex looked at him suspiciously. Mulder picked up the folder he’d been reading when he fell asleep, flipped to the third page and pretended to start reading.
After a short internal debate, Alex got up and sat down on the couch next to Mulder, but not too close. Mulder flipped a page, and laid a hand to rest on Alex’s leg. Alex looked at him, but Mulder didn’t move until Alex finally gave up and started typing.
Then Mulder began slowly caressing Alex’s thigh, letting his hands wander up and down.
“Stop,” Alex demanded. “Mulder, just let me finish this.”
“I will,” promised Mulder, but continued to run his hands over Alex’s thigh.
“Stop it!”
“Okay, okay.” Mulder pulled his hand away, and waited a whole thirty seconds before leaning over to kiss Alex on the cheek.
“Will you knock it off? I am never going to get this done if you don’t leave me alone!”
Mulder put on his best repentant face, then waited until Alex was deep into his reading and kissed him again, despite Alex’s feeble attempts to bat him away and keep reading at the same time.
“I’m almost done,” he promised. “Just give me a few more minutes, okay?”
“Okay,” Mulder grinned. He waited, then leaned even closer than before, and licked the underside of Alex’s nose.
Alex screamed and shot to his feet. “EWW! Don’t do that! That’s disgusting!” He cupped his hands protectively around his nose.
Mulder collapsed to the floor in laughter.
“What is wrong with you?” Alex demanded. Mulder continued to laugh hysterically. “Mulder, is there any part of my body that you won’t stick your tongue into?”
“Apparently not,” giggled Mulder.
“That is totally gross, Mulder.” Alex went into the bathroom to clean Mulder’s spit out of his nose, and Mulder continued to snicker.
Mulder waited until Alex returned before firing his final shot. “Mmm, Krycek snot, yummy and wholesome!” he barely managed to gasp out the whole thing before breaking down in laughter again.
“Yuck, Mulder, disgusting,” cried Alex, and hurled a pillow at his lover. He saved his file and shut down his computer.
“Does that mean you’re ready to leave?” asked Mulder eagerly.
“Yes,” sighed Alex.
Mulder looked over the papers one more time before putting them into a flat iron box, and locking them away. Then he put the box back at the bottom of his fish tank, and poured more sand over it. The fish continued to stare at him. “Don’t worry, I’ll give you more food in a minute.” When the tank’s appearance was restored, Mulder relaxed and fed his fish.
The phone rang. Mulder picked it up. “Mulder.”
It was the call he’d almost stopped hoping for. Mulder grabbed his keys and his jacket, and left for the hospital.
I opened the door. There was a tall, grey-haired man who smelled like stale cigarette smoke, and strangely enough, roses, as if he'd just walked through a garden. I didn't recognize him. “Can I help you?” I said shortly. Never encourage visitors, just answer their questions and get back to work, especially if you want to graduate before the next millennium.
“You look just like your father, Sasha. Or do you go by Alex now?”
I wasn’t ready to go home. But I went, because I was raised to be obedient.
I stayed because I was afraid.
I will not cry, thought Mulder to himself. He tightened his arms around himself, as if trying physically to hold himself together. I am doing the right thing, the only thing I can do, he thought. On the muted television, Candy looked shocked and horrified as the casting director showed her to the casting couch, but Mulder was totally oblivious to the trials and tribulations of the very blond and naive Candy in Hollywood.
The phone rang. Mulder swallowed hard, and picked up the phone. “Hi, sweetie. How are things?” said a cheerful voice, only slightly muffled by the static of thousands of miles.
“All right, I guess,” said Mulder softly. This was going to be hard.
“You don’t sound all right. Are you okay?” The voice at the other end paused, but Mulder didn’t answer. Transatlantic static filled the line for a second before he spoke again. “Are you going to be able to pick me up at the airport?”
Mulder thought about the terrible phenomenon of hypothermia, of being so cold that your body can no longer function. Your body temperature drops so low that the water in your cells turns to ice, bursting the cells from within. “I don’t think I’m going to make it.”
“Oh,” he said, disappointed. “Working?”
“No.” Mulder took a silent breath, trying to find the strength to say what he meant. There was more silence.
“What’s wrong?”
I’ve hurt him, I can tell, thought Mulder. Suddenly, he wasn’t so sure that he was doing the right thing. But I have to do this, I have to, don’t I? he wondered.
“Mulder? Are you there?”
“I’m here, Alex.”
“So, talk to me. I didn’t call the States to listen to you breathe at me, not today.” Alex was annoyed, but trying to hide it.
Mulder swallowed hard, his throat had suddenly become quite dry. “Scully’s back.”
“Is she okay?” asked Alex nervously.
“She’s going to be fine. Actually, she’s been back for about a month. We’re going back to work on Monday.”
“That’s great, isn’t it?” The distance wasn’t enough to keep Mulder from hearing Alex’s fear and confusion. “I mean, she’s going to be okay, that’s good, right?”
“We’re going back to work, Alex. On the X-Files. I don’t think...I don’t think it would be a good idea if we saw each other any more.”
“What?” Alex’s voice was like ice, and it ripped through Mulder. He could hear Alex take a deep breath at the other end of the line.
“I can’t, Alex. I can’t do both at once,” whispered Mulder. Alex screamed something at him in what sounded like Spanish, but could have been Russian for all Mulder knew. He only spoke dead languages. He waited for the tide of Alex’s anger to pass, then continued in the same soft whisper. “What did you expect, Alex? That I would keep dating a wanted fugitive forever? Or only until I was called to a crime scene to find your chalk outline on the floor?”
Again, silence and static. Then a dial tone. Mulder hung up the phone on his end and let himself sink to the floor. Candy had put on a strap-on dildo, and was sodomizing the casting director, but was still very confused. Mulder didn’t see it; he was staring at the phone. “Oh,” he moaned in despair. “Oh, Alex.” The first tear fell. “Run away, Alex, and don’t come back. Please,” Mulder prayed aloud. Mulder buried his head in his hands, and missed all the rest of Candy’s adventures.
“I’m fine, Mulder. Or at least I would be if you would stop hovering,” snapped Dana.
Mulder shrugged. “What did you expect, Scully? That I would immediately slip back into ignoring you all the time? I need to adjust. Just give me a little more time,” he pleaded.
Dana smiled. Who could refuse Mulder’s puppy dog eyes? She certainly couldn’t. “All right, Mulder. I’ll prove it to you.”
“Huh?”
Dana just smiled, and continued typing on her laptop. Mulder shook his head, and went back to his work. Suddenly Dana stood up. “I’m going to drop off some papers at Skinner’s office. Wanna come?”
“Sure.” Dana smiled in a way that made Mulder wonder if he’d just played into her hands. He shrugged, and followed her to the elevator. “What are you dropping off?”
“You’ll see.”
She was up to something, Mulder was sure of it. But he followed her anyway.
“Agent Mulder, what’s the sleaziest thing you’ve ever done to pick someone up?” demanded Dana.
Mulder pretended to consider. He knew exactly what it was, and he knew this evil Dana would approve. “I once wore a wedding ring for two months, and used it to pick up people who thought they would be safe with a ‘married’ man.”
“No way!”
Mulder smiled, and took another shot of his scotch. “That’s not the worst part: when I took it off, I was flooded with invitations from people in the office who wanted to help me get over my ‘divorce.’”
Dana erupted into a peal of rich laughter. “That’s wonderful! I mean, terrible! Mulder, how could you!”
“Okay, my turn,” said Mulder. “A. D. Skinner: Truth or Dare?”
Skinner tried to look annoyed, but Dana chose that moment to stand up and walk in front of him, heading toward the bar in a way that banished most thoughts other than the basics of survival and procreation. “Dare,” he said rather absentmindedly.
“Really?”
Skinner realized what he had just said, but decided to go with it. “Yes, Agent Mulder. Do you have a problem with that?”
Mulder shook his head. “Okay, just let me think.” He took another shot, and then it came to him. “I dare you to bench press Agent Scully. Is that the right word?”
“What?”
“Did I hear my name?” yelled Dana from across the room.
“What exactly do you want me to do?” demanded Skinner indignantly.
“Pick up Agent Scully and show off how strong you are.”
“I don’t think she’d let me.”
Mulder smiled. “That isn’t my problem, is it?”
Meanwhile, Dana had come running back to the couch. “Did I miss anything?”
She caught the glint in Mulder’s eyes. “Not really,” he said too sweetly, and then she felt two strong hands on her waist, and she stiffened just in time to be lifted high into the air above Skinner’s head, and settled screaming on his shoulders. Her shrieks of surprise turned to joy, as she reveled in her perch, then a brief wail of mock despair when Skinner returned her to the ground to a round of applause, instigated by Mulder. Skinner took a bow, then returned to his seat.
Dana giggled, and sank into the couch between Skinner and Mulder. “My guys, talking ‘bout, my guys!” she wailed. Then, laughing, she called over the rest of her followers. “Okay, class, let’s take a poll!” Skinner tried to stand up. “I have to leave now.”
Dana extended one voluptuous leg, then the other, into Skinner’s lap. “The hell you do. Sit down, bad couch! Trying to leave just when I’m getting comfortable.” She rearranged herself, with Skinner’s reluctant help.
“Okay, who here thinks Skinner, Mulder, and I could have a torrid affair without anyone knowing about it?”
Dana was oblivious to the horrified glare of her superior officer and her partner as she counted votes. “Well, guys, it appears from public opinion that we could get away with it if we were careful. Of course, you know that most people in the office think we already are,” said Dana sweetly.
“I need another drink,” muttered Mulder.
“If you have one more drink, Agent Mulder, I will be forced to handcuff you to this couch for the safety of the nation.” Skinner looked perfectly serious, despite having Dana curled comfortably across his lap.
“Oooh,” purred Dana. “What an image.”
Mulder considered. “Maybe later.”
“My turn,” said Skinner. “Agent Mulder, where is the strangest place that you have had sex?”
Mulder began thinking, and continued to think for a very long time. “The J. Edgar Hoover Building.”
“Not the Pentagon?”
“It kind of loses its thrill after the second time.”
“Where in the Hoover Building?”
Mulder stared at his empty glass. “Do I have to tell you?”
“Yes, because I don’t believe you could’ve had sex anywhere in the building without everybody knowing about it. Unless you had sex in my office. You’ve never had sex in my office, have you?”
Mulder didn’t reply.
Skinner sat up. “When? How? With who?”
“I’m not gonna answer that,” said Mulder softly. “So, what are the rules? Do I just drink now?”
“But-” A look that Mulder didn’t want to see crossed Skinner’s face. He knew, and just realized that Dana and probably the rest of the office didn’t. “Yeah, I guess you drink now.”
Followed by: Party Rules V: Never Let Agent Mulder Get Drunk