(football pep talk -- more of a monologue than a song ...)

Just remember what I taught you -- that football is like making love to a really beautiful woman. You can't always score, but when you do, it makes all the trying worthwhile.

Now, children, we've got to handle the ball better. You got to hold your football like you would hold your lover. Gently, yet firmly. You wanna be both nurturing and clinging at the same time -- oh yeh -- just like making sweet love to the football -- being naughty with the football -- mmmm -- spank it -- ever so gently -- spank it.

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