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A Pirate's Needs
BY: Helkh*** "What have I told you?" "Many things, O sage pirate." "Don't look at me like that. Just.. don't." "Oh, Jack. Come on." "Forget it, mate." "Why should I?" "Because you can't work a boat to save your life. Or mine. I'd rather not have my hand lynched because you can't keep a grip on that bloody rope, 'sank you." "But I don't -" "You join the crew if you're on this ship, not sit around on your duff and squeeze lemons on the food." "I can do -" "Nothing. Exactly. Now get off me decks." "Jack, this is hardly fair." "'Jack, this is hardly fair.' Stop wheedling at me, you damned woman." "Why won't you let me stay?" "I told you." "I'm not as strong as a man, fine. But I'm faster." "At what? Fainting and falling overboard?" "Not if you're putting me up against Will." "Y'have a point, there." "Exactly. Now, if you don't mind, I'll go to the forecastle and -" "Oh, no. You're staying with me." "Let go of me!" "Can't do that. He's part of the crew. No reason to let them take their fun with you." "How crude!" "I didn't deserve that. I really didn't deserve that. That stings, that does." "What do you have against this, you stupid man?" "Y'burned my rum, you stupid woman." "You don't love.." "The Black Pearl? Course I do. Don't be silly." "You do, don't you?" "Didn't I just say that?" "Not the bloody ship! HIM!" "Well, I can't say I'm in love with the sails, but.." "Jack." "What?" "You would make a very obtuse woman." "A'course I would. About that rum you owe me?" "I owe you nothing. And I take that back. You are a very drunk, flatchested, obtuse woman." "What's with the 'are'?" "I can see why he likes you.." "Are ye gone mad?" "Don't pull that Stupid Pirate Captain stunt with me. You don't really talk like that. I can see right through it." "Curses. She's found me out." "Look. Just indulge me a little. I won't kill him or cut any important bits off." ".. Well. I guess that makes it alright." "He left me, damnit! Left me for you and this damned ship!" "Wait a moment. This ship ain't damned anymore." "I don't care! I'm going to hurt him!" "You realise he came aboard to escape you, Elizabeth, my dear?" "Yes. Let me by." "Alright. Just keep to your word. I want at least a torso and mouth left." "So he can give you he -" "Right, move along now. WILL! Get down here." "He's ship's boy, right?" "Yes." "Guess he needs his hands. Do you mind if I put them in a jar?" "Sure. Just pickle them first. Don't want any nasty smells in my cabin." "In rum, right?" "You read my mind." >< - >< Some time later.. "Swann, you astonish me." "I should." "That was some fine cleaver work there. Ever thought of taking up the sword?" "I've thought of taking up as a pirate." "Well, alright then. You can stay. Just, there might not be any living with Will now that you've.." "Cut his legs and arms off?" "Aye. Something like that." "Don't worry. You've got the rest of him for your bed." "My thanks, milady. He might not forgive me for letting you at him.." "Well, there isn't much he can do to stop you if you get in the mood for that sort of thing, is there?" "Tha's true." "Well, if he's too much trouble, I'll cut off his head for you." "NO!" "The one on his shoulders.." "Oh. Right, then." |
