by Ratfink
Said we'd be close said we'd work perfectly
Closer than a sister to her baby brother
Closer than a sister to her baby brother
Victor wasn't doing much better. The moment Mac entered the room, his head
snapped up, and their eyes met briefly before he looked away again. It was
somehow comforting seeing him again, knowing what they had shared. He would
have
never thought that this would be the way he would feel about it. After Mac
had
left his apartment, he had started to think about his situation. Mac's
closeness
had scared him. It had been something he hadn't expected to happen. But he
knew
that he would not lose Mac's friendship, and that was all he needed to know
for
now. He wouldn't touch a man again. He had promised himself that, and he
intended to stay true to it. He still couldn't figure out why it had
happened,
but he knew in his heart that it was wrong. That was a path he would not walk
again. Never!
Li Ann didn't notice anything strange in their behavior, and so she simply
said
hi to Mac and checked her watch. Just as she was about to mention that he was
again late, the Director entered the room, so she kept the thought to
herself.
When Mac looked up at and saw the Director's eyes, he knew at once that
something was wrong. She looked at Victor, and in her eyes there was
something
that could only be described as affection. So there was most definitely
something wrong. Vic didn't seem to notice anything and was still intent on
looking at the table in front of him. The Director finally gave him a wake up
call by handing him a letter. Vic took the letter and looked for a sender.
Finding none, he opened the letter and started to read. He looked more and
more
surprised until he finally asked, "What the hell is this?"
The Director was, as usual, pretty vague in answering his question.
"Since I bailed you out of jail, all legal proceedings that have to do with
you
go through me. I guess you know about the rest of this. If you don't mind, I
would like to start the briefing now. Personal questions will be answered
later."
Mac had kept an eye on Vic during this conversation, and he was dying to know
what this letter was about. He also hadn't missed the way Vic had paled while
the Director had talked to him. The briefing went on, but neither Mac nor
Victor
listened to a word that was spoken. Vic kept his eyes and concentration on
the
letter, and Mac his on Vic. The moment the briefing was over, Vic jumped up
and
followed the Director out of the room, and again to the total surprise of Mac
and Li Ann, she allowed her agent not only to stand in her way, but she also
seemed concerned during their talk. When she had said what she had wanted to
say, she dismissed Victor with a wink. He then left without a further word to
her or his partners, who had followed them outside, both too curious to stay
in
the room. They hadn't heard a word that was spoken. Both the Director and Vic
had kept their voices low. They saw Vic leaving the Agency, and both looked
first at each other and then at the Director. They called after her, both
sensing that it would be easier to get an answer from her then from Victor.
At
least this time.
The Director stopped for her agents, which again was such an unusual move
that
Li Ann and Mac started to worry even more. Li Ann was the first one to ask
the
important question, "What was this letter about?"
"I can't tell you that. But I'd say you knew that before you asked me, so why
are you wasting my time with this? If you want to know what the letter was
about, go ask Victor."
"We all know that he wouldn't tell us," Mac exclaimed. He was getting
mad."Did
you see his face? He looked as if he had seen a ghost. We are his partners;
we
ought to help him."
Li Ann agreed, even though she was surprised to hear those words from Mac.
She
knew that Mac liked Victor more than he admitted, but she had never seen him
being this protective towards him. For that matter, she had never seen him
this
protective towards anyone. Not even herself. She suddenly found herself
wondering what was going on between the two men. For the first time really
she
started feeling envious of the friendship they had developped. Maybe even a
little jelous. The Director looked at Mac, surprised, and unlike Li Ann, she
didn't hold back.
"Why Mac, I didn't knew you cared so much. But anyway, I can't help you. I
can
only tell you that seeing a
ghost is pretty much what he has to go through right now. So I advise you
both
to leave him alone for the moment. He needs to work this out alone, and
neither
of you can help him. Now go away and leave me alone; I have better things to
do."
With that she turned around on her heels and left the two agents alone with
their thoughts. Before Li Ann knew what was going on, Mac had already turned
and
was now following Victor. She ran after him and stopped him before he was
able
to walk through the door.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?"
"If she won't tell us what's going on, I will talk to Vic."
"And what do you think he will tell you? I know him. If he wanted to talk to
us,
he would do that. He wants to be left alone. He has these phases."
"You don't know him, Li Ann. There is something going on with him, and it's
worse then the usual. He is hurting."
"Mac, I know you like him, but how come you two are so close all of a sudden?
Last week, you were telling me
that he was a loser, and now you stand here and talk as if he were closer to
you
than anyone else."
Mac realized that he was about to give his secret away, and he didn't want to
lay that burden on Vic's shoulders
as well. So for now, he decided to back off and leave it alone.
“You're right, I'm sorry, I just have a bad feeling about this. We should
leave
him alone though; I am sure he'll come around."
He didn't sound convinced , but Li Ann accepted his apology and already had
her
mind back on the case. She did not notice Mac's longing stare when he saw
Vic's
truck pull out of the parking garage and quickly disappear from his sight.
The letter had been a shock. He hadn't expected to ever hear from her again.
It
was 5 years since he had last seen her. Of course, she had visited him in his
nightmares, but that was something else. He had always
thought that she would be dead by now. She had been so headstrong, so free
spirited that that was the only
way it could end. But he had been wrong. Well, maybe not completely wrong.
What
the letter didn't say was how bad it must have been. Otherwise, she would
have
never taken this step. She loved her brother, and she knew how dangerous he
could be when he was angry. And he sure would be angry now. The Director had
told him that he wouldn't have to go. She would make sure that whatever he
did
decide, he would not get into trouble with the law. That wasn't really the
problem though, and she knew it as well as he did.
Why the hell was she so fucking nice to me? he thought to himself. It's
not as if I'm the one in
trouble here. Leo, Nep, they are in trouble. I'm just a bystander, caught in
the
middle to be exact.
That was when he reached his apartment building and parked his truck. He had
to
think about this. It was
his choice now. Not like 5 years ago when fate had decided for him. He
thought
about it. Would he do the same things again, if he had a chance to change
them?
He would have stayed. He would not have left. He was sure of. He just didn't
knew if he would have stayed for her, or for him. He didn't allow himself to
indulge in this any further, and when he locked the apartment door
behind himself, he hoped he could lock away memory with this as well.
It had been a great day when he had first met him. He always wanted to be a
cop,
and finally he saw a
chance of realizing his dream. A chance to become a cop. God, he loved the
sound
of that word. COP.
"Hey you, can I help you?"
He turned around and faced the man who had asked the question. He saw
brilliant
blue eyes and took in the
tanned skin and the bright smile. Damn, this man is gorgeous! he thought,
and when he opened his mouth to
answer, he was afraid for one second that those were the words that would
leave
his mouth. But thank God, he caught himself and managed to say something a
little more appropriate.
"Well, I am here to apply for the academy. So maybe you can."
"How old are you? You look awfully young to be applying here."
"I am 17 years old, and I'll turn 18 before summer."
He got defensive. He knew he looked younger than he was. How could he not
know?
Every person he met felt the need to tell him so, but he wanted to be a cop.
He
would not allow his looks to get in the way his dream. Before he could talk
himself into a full fledged panic attack,the older man placed his hand
soothingly on Vic's shoulder.
"It's okay, I guess you've heard that. Don't worry though; it won't be a
problem. Sure, you look a
little young, but that's nothing you can't work on. It's all just a question
of
self esteem."
Gratefully Vic looked up at him, and when their eyes met, it was electric.
Before either of them even realized
what was happeng to them, they decided to go get a cup of coffee together.
They
sat down together and started talking. It had been years since Vic had had
someone to talk to, and he enjoyed the chance to share his thoughts with
someone. His new friend was with the police and had been for almost 15 years
now. He loved his job. Other than that, he only loved his sister, who lived
with
him. Their parents died when she was three years old and he was 28. He took
her
in, and she had stayed with him for the last two years. His eyes brightened
when
he talked about her. He laughed when he explained to Vic about their names.
His
parents were originally from Russia, and they named their children in that
manner. His name was Nepomuk and everyone called him Nep, while his sister's
name is Eleonora. She insisted on being called Leo, which was something that
caused a lot of misunderstandings about her gender.
Vic's family wasn't like that, no funny stories he could tell, no love. At
least
not from his parents. His own
sister was too young to understand what was going on, and the way things
were,
he would not see her growing up.
The fights with his father were getting worse, and he knew he would be on his
own should he really decide to
become a cop. So when he heard Nep talking about the life he and his sister
had,
he envied them. While they were talking, time passed quickly and when it was
getting dark outside, they both realized that it was time to go home. When
they
left, Nep took Vic's hand into his, and he didn't let go until they reached
Vic's home. Vic
couldn't help but think that he was really lucky his dad wasn't home yet. He
would be in deep shit if his father
caught him holding hands with another man. He had known that he was
interested
in men for quite some time now, and knowing what his father would say, he
had
kept it to himself. He looked into Nep's eyes again, and what he saw there
made
him shudder. Nep leaned forward ever so slowly and finally captured Vic's
mouth
with his. Before Vic could think about what was happening, Nep pushed him
against the fence, and the kiss grew more passionate. All he could think of
was
the feeling of Nep's tongue stroking his leisurely. His first kiss. Nep put
his
arm around his waist, and he melted into the touch. Years
spent in a house where physical contact was never given or shared had left
him
starving for this closeness.
Nep sensed his need and held him even closer, finally breaking the kiss to
rest
his head on Vic's shoulder.
Safe and wanted for the first time really, he started to cry. His arms went
around Nep's waist as well, and
there they stood. When Nep heard Vic sobbing, he started petting Vic's back
reassuringly.
"It's okay. Whatever it is, we'll work it out. Don't cry, doll. I'll take
care
of you....."
And that's what he did. Thinking of that time, he still felt the warmth of
the
sun on his back and the soft
thud of Nep's heartbeat against his chest. Nep was a good and caring person.
The
unconditional love he gave his sister and his job, he had now extended to Vic
as
well. He was the kind of person that could make everything alright. If you
wanted something, you told him and he would find a way to get it for you. Vic
wanted to be in the Academy—he pulled a few strings, and the thing was
done.
Vic's father pushed him through the wall once too often, and he took him in.
He
never felt or did anything halfway. If you belonged to him, you belonged to
him
entirely. He would do everything for you, as long as he thought it was the
right
thing for you. Both of them had their needs. Nep wanted a lover who looked up
to
him. Someone who was dedicated to him and never doubted anything he said or
did.
Victor needed someone to look up to. Someone who took care of him, made the
decisions for him. They were perfect for each other. They were forming
the family Vic had always wanted.
Leo was different. She wanted her life. She wanted to make her mistakes and
her
experiences. She started to talk back. On her 12th birthday, she threatened
to
leave the house, fighting with her brother the same way Vic had fought with
his
father. Vic tried to help her, but there
wasn't much you could do when Nep's mind was set on something.
So he stood by and watched how Nep broke her. Realizing to his own horror
that
she turned into him. Always scared, always expecting to be punished. He saw
the
mind games Nep played with his sister, understanding for the first time how
these mind games had turned him into the person Nep wanted him to be. It was
too
late though. Too late for him to turn back. What his father's hate had never
done, Nep's love did. It had broken his will. But that was a small prize to
pay
for a lover like Nep. And for a sister like Leo. Whenever Nep was gone, she
slept with him in their bed, neither able to be alone, and there they would
talk. Hours would pass and secrets were shared in whispers that stayed in the
bedroom even when
Nep returned and Leo was back in her room.
She was special and if he thought about it now, he missed her more than he
could
ever miss Nep. The pain of not having her in his life anymore was different.
She
was the only one who had liked him for who he was.
That was reason enough to do what she asked him to. He knew, though that she
hadn't asked him because she liked him. He had given up on her. He had not
fought for her, even though she had looked up to him. He had allowed her life
to
become just as screwed as his was. On the other hand, he could repay her now.
She needed his help, and even though he didn't know exactly what for, he
could
undo some of the wrongs he had done.
Right at that moment he heard a knock on the door. Who could that be? He
was
walking towards the door when
a thought hit him. What if it is him? What if he found you? Only one way to
find out. Open the door!
That's what he did finally, and when the door opened, Mac almost fell into
the
room. He looked nervous and started
talking right away.
"Li Ann told me to stay away. The Director told me to stay away, but wherever
I
tried to go, I just ended
up in front of your door. So when I was standing there, I thought I should
just
leave, but I had knocked before I could turn around. Then I wanted to leave,
but
my feet wouldn't move. So, you can see it's not my fault... Whatever! I
just
wanted to ask you what was going on with this letter, and if I could help
you."
During his little 'I-am-nervous-I hope-you -don't-notice-speech', Vic just
stood
there, looking at him, surprised.
"You like me!" he finally uttered. He looked doubtingly at Mac. "You want to
help?!" Somehow he couldn't believe
this. Sex was one thing, but that didn't mean he cared. But there he was,
nervous about Vic's reaction. He
wouldn't be nervous if he didn't care.
Mac looked at Vic in disbelief. How could Vic think he didn't like him? He
thought that it was obvious that he loved the man. Otherwise he wouldn't have
spent the night with him. Again he felt the sudden need to hold the older
man,
Of course you do, you love him so he took one plaintive little step
towards
him. Vic didn't back away, so he took another step, and another, until they
were
standing chest to chest. Vic still looked at him. He had known this man for
almost two years now, and never, never
had he seen him this vulnerable. This thought finally made him rest his arm
behind Vic's neck, pulling him
closer until their foreheads touched. They rested like that for a while until
Vic's arm crept around Mac's waist, and with an almost inaudible sigh, he
leaned
close and allowed Mac to hold him. Mac couldn't help but think that whoever
did
this to his Vic would have to pay. He just had to find out who had done what.
Just that moment
he felt the barrel of a gun in his back and heard the click of a safety clip.
"Let go of him. NOW."
There's no more little secrets
we haven't yet disclosed
We bore the living daylights of anyone too close
And all our cards at Christmas are written to us both
Count them up, who's got the most
Said that we'd toast beautiful company
Closer than a cat to the child that she'll smother
It's too close for a lover it's too close for a lover
We are each other we are each other
Closer than a secret agent working under cover
It's too close for a lover
We are each other
(Beautiful South—We are each other)
he moment Mac entered the briefing room, he felt like a kid in high school
again, looking forward to seeing his secret love. It was a mixture of
happiness
and depression and, lacking a better word, butterflies in his stomach. Vic
and
Li Ann were already there waiting for him, and the Director was nowhere in
sight. Which,of course, was great because he was late anyway, and he really
didn't want to fight with her again.
