by Ratfink
Eight tracks and music taste aside.
And it most definitely did not include any such time as this. Vic had been gone
now for almost three weeks. Soon it would be a month and still there was no word
of how long the separation would last. He still remembered the night they said
good-bye as if it was yesterday. He could still smell the unique scent of his
partner on himself and see the haunted look when he told him he loved him.
Vic wasn't ready to talk. Not willing to allow Mac inside so easy. He didn't want
to lose him though. Leo and Mac needed almost two hours to convince Vic that he
needed help.
Professional help.
When he finally accepted they were faced with a new problem. They all knew that
Nep would not stay in the background and he would try to persuade Vic to stay
away from the trial. And he would try other things that Mac didn't even want to
consider, since he was barely able to control the urge to hunt down the man who
had hurt his partner.
They finally did what seemed to be best at the moment. They asked the Director
for help. Actually Leo asked her. She went to the Agency the next morning and
came back with the surprising proposition from the Director to use an old Agency
hideout for Leo and Vic while the trial was on. This way they would be able to
stay away from Nep and he would not be able to find them, even if he tried. A
psychiatrist would work with Vic and this way they could be sure that everything
was under control and for Vic's best. Mac had been more then surprised that the
Director would do such a thing. He knew that they were one of her best teams -and
there were most certainly other teams- but he never thought she'd really care.
She told him that she only did it because she wanted to protect her investment in
Victor's training. The psychiatrist was in her debt, so it wasn't really
inconvenient for her. Mac saw her different from that time on. She did care, and
one day, he would use this knowledge to against her. Just payback for all the
times she had made his life hell. Not now though, since he felt she had saved Vic
from his past and that deserved his best behavior in return. So that was settled.
Vic was with Leo......somewhere, and they were safe. Still, he missed him. But he
knew it was for the better this way.
The Director approved of his new 'enthusiasm' for work, since he really didn't
want to spend anytime alone at home anymore and Li Ann seemed to be quite glad
that Vic was out of the picture for now. He had the distinct feeling that she had
some trouble accepting the fact that he and Vic were Lovers. If they still were
when Vic came back. She wouldn't talk with him about it though, so there was
really nothing he could do. And if he was honest to himself, he couldn't really
bring himself to care too much about her strange behavior. Somehow along the line
of falling in love with Victor he lost all kind of shyness about it. He knew that
some people -like Dobrinsky if his green face as the Director talked to Mac about
Vic was any indication- considered a same sex relationship as Vic and he had it
as something disgusting. A few years ago -pretty much a few weeks ago—this
would have bothered him immensely. But now, feeling what he felt for Vic it was
simply of no importance for him anymore. He promised himself that he would brag
with the older man on his side, as long as Vic would allow it. Maybe even a
little bit longer.....
It had been a long day. He and Li Ann were recruited by the director to do some
surveillance on one of the agency members, to find out if they had a leek there
somewhere, and they had spent the entire day following him around. This guy
seemed to be so full of energy that it was pretty exhausting just looking at him.
Keeping up with him through his daily routine was more than Mac ever wanted to
endure again. And he meant ever. On top of it all, Li Ann had been moody and
testy the entire day and he was sick and tired of putting up with her attitude.
He had the suspicion that whatever was eating her had to do with him and Vic and
he felt the need to talk with her about it. Mostly because he knew if they
wouldn't, he would probably try to strangle Li Ann if she said one more time
"Whatever'. So he had invited her out for a coffee and surprisingly, she had
accepted. It seemed as if she too wanted to talk with him. It still was up to him
to make the first step and so he did. In his usual sensitive and correct kind of
way.
"Okay, spill it." Well, it was a beginning....
"What do you mean 'spill it?' She feigned surprise. Two could play this game.
"I don't know, you seem unnerved by something and I would like to know what it
is."
"It's nothing....really. Well, maybe it is something. It's not your problem
though, and I don't want to talk about it."
"It is my problem Li Ann. You've been like this since the night Vic left with Nep
when you were there, and I am frankly.....I am sick of it. If you can't stomach
the idea of me and Vic being together like we hopefully will be when he comes
back we need to talk about it."
"Why, it's not as if one of you cares what my feelings are in this game anymore.
My ex boyfriend an my ex fiancée are making out while I am there, and you think
it wouldn't bother me?"
"Making out? What the hell are you talking about? It's not as if Vic and I were
together then. Sure, we had had sex once, and it was incredible but we are not in
a relationship yet, and we weren't then."
"Mac, I don't want to hear about your sex life.....that is so sick."
With those words she was off the chair and out of the restaurant before he even
had a chance to tell her that he was sorry. He knew he shouldn't have been so
harsh with her. But then again, she shouldn't have been so harsh to call whatever
was between him an Vic sick. It was everything but.
When he came home, he was more than tired. Every bone in his body was aching and
the worst part of it was that he knew it would stay like this for a while longer.
He really needed an ally now. Someone to smirk at him and make everything better
with just one touch. Hell, who was he kidding. He didn't need an ally. He needed
Vic, and the longer this ordeal stretched, the more aware he was of his
dependence on the older man. Gosh, he really needed some sleep now. Something to
keep him from thinking. It was too exhausting anyway. He was just waiting for a
snort while he thought that, but nothing came.
"Well, who cares anyway..." he mumbled while taking off his shirt and shoes.
Before he reached the bathroom to dwell under a long hot shower, he had lost his
pants on the way and gave himself an answer to his question.
"You do, Mac. You do!"
No one noticed the man that was sitting in his car, waiting for the dark to
settle in and for the lights in the window he was looking up to. When they came
on, he knew it was time to do what he came here to do. He just didn't know if he
had the guts for it. But then again, it wasn't as if this was really his decision
anymore. It was as if everything he did could not stop the pain he felt inside
and he would not back off now when he was so close to an answer. Not because he
was scared anyway. He was not a coward. He would confront whatever he was feeling
and then.....
Who was he kidding anyway. This was not about confronting his fears anymore. It
was about missing someone so badly that it was a constant physical ache that he
planned to lose tonight. With the only person who was able to ease this pain.
The object of his affection.
He just hoped that this object was still interested in welcoming him home. He had
been so fucked up and now he didn't know anymore if he had pushed away the one
person that meant so much to him. He took one more long breath and stepped out of
the car. Before somebody could see him he melted into the shadows and escaped
into the building where he was hopefully still waiting for him. His movements
were steady and betrayed his inner turmoil, but his hands shook as he waited for
the elevator to take him home. Home to the one he loved. To the one who hopefully
loved him too.
The door was locked but he had expected nothing less. He was surprised at how
easy it was for him to pick the lock, since he thought his partner would be more
careful with his own life. One could never know where there were enemies that
needed to be locked out. He was grateful though that he was able to slid into the
apartment unseen, cocking his head slightly to listen. Everything was calm now.
The lights were out and he was pretty sure that his prey was fast asleep. Slowly
and quietly he crossed the room with no sight for anything but the bedroom door,
which he reached with a few steps. Slowly opening the door he finally saw him.
The figure that—even in the dark and under the covers—took his breath away.
For he knew what was behind this figure, knew the soul living in the body and
knew that everything the other person was, was the answer to any prayers he ever
had. The protectiveness the other man had showed when being confronted with his
past was nothing short of amazing for him. Never had there been anybody
protective of him. He had always been the one to protect, but now he was looking
forward to giving up control, without losing a part of himself.
Then he finally did what he came for. He slipped out of his jacket and his pants
and walked towards the sleeping men only in his boxers and T-shirt. Arriving at
the far side of the bed he hesitated for a brief moment before a magic spell
seemed to lead him forward and he followed the unspoken request of his own heart
and crawled into the bed as well. He spooned up behind his partner and kissed his
neck before allowing his eyes to shut and his mind coming to rest. Lulled by the
warmth inside his arms he snuggled closer and sighed the younger mans name.
"Mac!"
Whatever it was that had allowed him to sleep through one night, he was grateful
for it. He hadn't been able to rest completely while Vic wasn't there and he had
needed it badly. He came awake slowly and felt so warm and peaceful that he
refused to open his eyes yet. Nothing there for him to see. Nothing as good as
this feeling of being held by........
What the hell.....
Now he had to open his eyes and what he saw there shocked him to the core and
left him feeling even warmer. His partner, his friend, his love was finally where
he belonged and he was in these arms that he had missed so much that it had hurt.
While turning around to look at his unexpected bedpartner he had moved away a bit
from said partner who didn't appreciated this fact one bit. Without coming awake
he gravitated towards the missing warmth like a heat searching missile and the
frown only left his face when Mac gave in—it had never been so easy to give
into something—and wrapped his arms around Vic's waist to gather him close. Mac
had to grin when Vic snuggled even closer, his head resting comfortable on Mac's
chest and his leg covering Mac's. That for him was paradise. Whatever Vic was
doing here, he couldn't bring himself to care. The only thing important to him
was right now, that he was here. The rest would fall in place. Now, that they
were finally united again. He was sure of this.
Unaware of the person that was watching with the help of modern surveillance
equipment Mac gave Vic a loving kiss on the head and closed his eyes once more to
go back to sleep. She turned her head while turning of the screen and said to no
one in particular, " So, he did come back. Everything seems to be according to my
plan then." Her words sounded cold, controlled, but the smile on her face while
looking at the picture she held in her hands was sincere and heartfelt. She would
make sure everything would work out.
He wasn't too sure what it was that woke him up. Could have been the soft lips on
his mouth, the tongue seeking entrance or maybe it was the overwhelming feeling
of these talented hands stroking and petting every part of his body at once as it
seemed. Whatever it was, it was heavenly. He opened his mouth, welcoming the soft
tongue that started invading his mouth as thoroughly as possible. His arms came
around his partners body, feeling the broad shoulders, the muscular back moving
under his touch and he knew that he had made the right choice with coming here.
This was where he was supposed to be.
They both knew they wouldn't last. Soon there touches became frantic and their
desperation took over their last working brain cells. Without any effort they
moved together as one. Their groins rubbing together and their mouths never
leaving each other for even one second. Mac used his hands to bring Vic even
closer to his body. Every sigh and moan that left Vic's mouth was the
reaffirmation that he had him back. That the man he loved had returned to him and
that for the first moment since this all had started both of them were willingly
participating. He felt Vic's hands kneading hiss ass cheeks and knew that he
couldn't hold it much longer. The sensory overload of having Vic in his arms
again and doing the things he had fantasized about was too much for him. Without
leaving Vic's tempting lips he came in his boxers. His partner, who in return
rubbed himself frantically against Mac, felt the younger man's come through the
cloth and moaned into Mac's mouth one more time as he came as well. In an
unspoken agreement they both remained in each others arms, holding onto each
other with all their might; not willing to let go so easily and not willing to
break the spell with words. Mac felt Vic's tears warm and salty on his shoulders
but he knew that it were tears of joy and he was not scared anymore. Not for
himself and not for his partner. Finally he had to say it. He feared Vic's
reaction even more now, than the first time he had said it, but it was as if he
was bubbling over with emotions and he could not remain silent anymore.
Vic, who felt his partner tense knew what Mac was worried about. Coming here had
been hard because of the words the younger man tried to hold in now, but
ultimately he understood that he just had to try. Nothing could stop it now
anyway and his feelings would not change if he said the words or not. It was far
too late to turn around and he was even more scared of losing the man that became
so sacred to him in the short time span they had known each other. So he was the
one to break down the walls he had been building for so long. The final leap of
trust. His trust into Mac that he wanted to give him. So that for once, Nep would
not win.
"Mac.....I know what you want to say, and don't...." he felt the younger man's
face fell and hurried to continue. "....Let me say it first. I....I love you!" He
expelled the breath he hadn't recognized he was holding and wallowed for a second
in the feeling of freedom this admission gave him. Freedom this man had given
him.
Mac's face lit up and a grin spread on his face. He nuzzled Vic's throat am
mumbled in between kisses he spread all over Vic's throat an face, "I never
thought I would hear you say that. I love you, Vic. Welcome home."
e was going crazy. No doubt about it. Everywhere he went he saw him. He couldn't
concentrate, he didn't eat or sleep anymore, he was rude to everyone around him
-well, that was nothing new- and a general pain in the ass. Even Li Ann had given
up all hope of cheering him up, and the Director simply ignored his mental
state-nothing new there either. He knew he was overreacting; knew that it wasn't
as bad. He knew that Vic would come back. It just drove him crazy that he didn't
know when and that there was no way of contacting him. He missed him dearly.
Gotten so used to having him around every day that he couldn't imagine doing
something without having him by his side. He couldn't work well when Vic wasn't
there as his back up and he gave up on having something remotely like fun when
the older man wasn't there to share it with him. He remembered all those times
when he insulted Vic; remembered the fun they had doing the most unfunny things
in the world, like being on a stakeout. How could he have been so blind not to
see what was right in front of him for so long. How could he have hoped Li Ann
would chose him above Victor when the only important choice was his to make. He
had made it now. He had pledged himself to his partner, even though Vic knew
nothing about that yet. He knew what he wanted though, and his future most
definitely included the one person he could not imagine living without.
