Chapter 3
Author: Ellen
Rating: R (overall story)
Spoilers: Somnambulist
Summary: In order for the three to survive a new challenge, Doyle must learn to accept his inner demon.
Thoughts between Angel, Doyle and Cordelia are marked //like this.//
//What was it?// Angel repeated gently, touching Cordelia's face with soothing fingers, while keeping his other arm around Doyle. //What did you two see?//
It was Doyle who answered. //Penn. We saw Penn.//
//Not again.//
Doyle started to nod, then winced. //I never seem to learn not to do that,// he said with a weak attempt at a smile.
Angel touched his lips lightly to Doyle's forehead, then to his temple, where the pulse throbbed angrily. The additional contact seemed to help, and Angel felt Doyle's pain subside a bit. Cordelia, usually quicker to recover, was already starting to sit up, keeping her arms around Doyle, with as much of her body pressed against his as possible.
//Ah. Thank you,// Doyle sent in response to his two lovers' comforting touch.
//Maybe if I could find a way somehow to share these visions with you...// Angel thought guiltily.
//Angel m'love, even you aren't that much of a masochist,// Doyle sent, leaning back into Cordelia's arms. Her hair trailed across his shoulder as she rested her head against his.
//I'd ask why he's back,// Angel thought. //But I know.//
Cordelia was still pale, holding Doyle tightly. //He wants what we have. He told us that he'd come back sooner or later to get it.//
//He wants you, Angel,// Doyle sent.
//I know.//
Once Doyle was feeling better, they found themselves still sitting in silence, no one able to come up with anything encouraging or hopeful.
//Maybe this time, we can get to him before he kills again,// Cordelia thought, but there was no real conviction behind it.
//Maybe. Not likely though,// Doyle responded. //We need a plan.//
//You won't like the plan,// Angel warned.
//Do I have a choice?//
//This time it won't be Wesley he goes after. Now that he has an idea of what you two are to me, it will be one of you.//
//Yeah, tell me something I don't know.//
//We're going to have to use every resource we have, if he gets to either one of you. He won't do me any permanent harm, although I'm sure he'd enjoy inflicting some pain, but he'll want to find out what happens if he kills one of you, maybe both.//
//Can we skip finding that out?//
//That's the plan so far.//
It was Cordelia who finally moved them all forward, by announcing, //I'm going to practice drawing from both of you.//
//Not from me,// Doyle protested.
//Still hurting? I'm not getting any more pain from you.// She touched his face inquiringly.
//It's not that.//
//The other thing, then? Stop worrying about it.//
//'Delia, I...//
Angel put in, //Doyle, she has to learn to use your power as well as mine. If Penn decides that a good old-fashioned round or two of torture might just change my mind, I may not have much of my own available to give.//
//But — // Doyle stopped, forced to concede that Angel could be right. //We'd have to block you.// He thought unhappily, //Just when you need us most.//
//I've survived before, I'll survive again. But it would only make it worse for me if you were feeling my pain, too. And I won't be able to help Cordelia much when Penn decides to get creative.//
//I know, but I don't have to like it. It's just not right.//
Doyle stood up and began to pace restlessly around the room, as though the images of Angel being tortured were physically forcing him out of his chair.
//Nothing about Penn is right, but some things are necessary.//
Cordelia complained, //What is it about that guy that makes you go all wise-soul on us?// But she knew the answer.
//Okay,// she thought decisively. //Practice time. Don't give me any more crap about this, Doyle.//
//Wouldn't dream of it, princess,// he thought back with mock submission, but the levity was forced, and they all knew it.
//Sit back down, then. If you get light-headed or something, I don't want you hurt.//
//She has a point, Doyle.//
Frowning, Doyle grabbed a chair and sat. //Is there any other way?//
//No,// Angel and Cordelia both said, as one.
As Doyle sat restlessly, his discomfort obvious to both of them, Cordelia turned her full attention upon him. Angel helped, guiding her gently.
//Smell the demon, taste it,// he instructed.
Doyle flinched but Cordelia's only response was a half-laugh. //Oh yes, I know what you mean.// She focused her concentration upon the part of Doyle that he constantly suppressed and he shifted uneasily in his chair.
//Uhhh — // he protested as he felt her pulling out the demon part of him.
//Stop fighting me,// she whipped back and Angel lent his silent support. //Just let it happen.//
He grimaced, as the dim reflection of his demon face formed first upon his features, and then, more slowly, began to form on hers. He closed his eyes.
//Doyle,// Angel sent again, with an implacable coldness behind his patience, //Stop fighting her.//
Doyle tipped his head back, with an expression of despair. //To save your life — //
//Yes.// Cordelia's mental voice had shifted its tone. With his eyes closed, he couldn't place exactly how it was different, but still, he knew what he would see when he opened his eyes.
He wasn't sure he could bear it, as he felt more and more of the demon being drawn from him, leaving him feeling weak as a child.
//Stop now, Cordelia,// Angel commanded. //That's enough.//
Doyle felt the flow of the pull diminish, but he could still feel a different quality in his bond with Cordelia. Color? Taste? There weren't any words for what was different. The link had changed its... shape? And his own body felt alien, lighter, younger somehow. He was going to need a new vocabulary for this.
He felt Angel's mind probing his body. //You're almost completely human now, Doyle... there's just a trace anchor of your demon left. Cordelia has the rest.//
//Worst case of zits I've ever had,// Cordelia joked.
Finally he couldn't avoid it any longer. Leaning back in his chair, feeling utterly exhausted and very much afraid, he opened his eyes.
//Oh... my.//
She was a warrior, though he had never been. Somehow she'd taken what was his, and made it her own. Her hair curled softly over the spikes which now extended over her face, down to her throat, and her eyes were bright and terrible. He'd seldom dared to meet his demon face in a mirror but he remembered how the red tinge to his eyes had always looked like a bad hangover, whenever he forced himself to see it. The red in hers looked like...
Anger? Strength? Blood calling to blood?
//I wouldn't want to meet you in a dark alley, darlin',// he thought.
//If I didn't love you so much, I'd be kicking the stuffing out of you,// she responded, with a dark thrill. She stood up and paced the room, as he had done only a few moments before, but hers was the elegant, controlled pacing of a beast. //All this power, all this sensation, and you don't want it?//
//I don't.//
//I still love you, but you're a fool,// she sent back furiously. //You know what you could do, what you could smell, in this form.//
//Yes.//
She whirled in place, with a grace that startled him. //Balance. I know what's under my feet and what's over my head. Everything in the air, on the floor, all around, and where it's been. Every place it's ever been! Clothes, dishes, everything, it's like labels on everything, calling out, 'This is what I am.' How could you not use this?//
//Cordelia darlin', only you could think of demon senses as designer labelin'.//
She extended her hands, inspecting them, and ignoring his weak laugh. He knew what she was remembering, and he swallowed, as she felt the strength that had once saved her life and cost his own.
//Doyle,// she sent. //This is so... beautiful. You, in me...//
//Beautiful?//
//When I look at you,// she thought with wonder. //I can smell the sweat from our last vision and I can tell the difference between that and what's left over from when we last made love. I can even tell what brand of cigarette you last smoked, and by the way, you need a shower.//
//I know.//
She turned to Angel. //And I can smell the last bag of blood you had. Ewww, that one I could do without. But you still smell better than Doyle does now. Why is that?//
Angel knew exactly what she meant. //His demon scent is almost gone. It's in you now. All that he smells like now is a human guy who needs a bath.//
//Hey, I got that the first time, no need to repeat it.//
//Angel, would you fight me? I need to learn how to use this.//
//I knew you'd ask, but be careful.// The vampire stood and faced her. //Neither of us should let the other one be hurt. We'll all feel it, including Doyle, and he's at his weakest right now.//
//At his most human, you mean.//
//And vulnerable. Pretend that I'm Penn, and that I'm trying to hurt him.// Angel moved in Doyle's direction. //Block me. Protect Doyle. Now.//
Spines bristling, Cordelia pivoted, and threw a punch at Angel. He avoided it easily. Even with her new senses and strength, she was not an experienced fighter. She tried again, with the same result, and again.
Ten minutes later, she still hadn't connected, but she was doing much better, and she had kept Angel well away from Doyle. By the last try, Angel only barely escaped her fist.
//Okay, enough,// Angel announced. //Doyle needs his demon back.//
//I do?//
//Yes, you do. Aren't you noticing how weak you are right now?//
//Actually, apart from Cordelia telling me how smelly I am, I'm not minding this half so much as I thought I would.// Doyle shook his head, bemused. //She's frickin' gorgeous even as a demon. I can't believe it.//
//You're in love with her, Doyle.// Angel's thought was amused. //That's all right. I think she's still pretty hot, too, even in that form.//
//Guys, I'm still hearing you. Actually better than before, now that I'm all spiney and everything. What was that about a 'stiffener'?//
//Don't get her ticked off when she's got your demon, Doyle,// Angel warned.
//Hey, you were the one remembering that, not me.//
//But you were the one who'd said it. OK, time's up. Cordelia, sit down and start letting go.//
//Do I have to?// she asked, and at the same time, Doyle thought, //Does she have to? She's... magnificent.//
//Now.//
//Hmmmpph. Okay.// Cordelia sat down reluctantly. //This is so great, Doyle. How can you hate it so much?//
She closed her eyes. Angel's mind reached out to hers, helping and guiding her. //Now relax. Just surrender, open and let it flow. All things naturally go back where they belong.//
//Gettin' Zen on us again, O fearless leader?// Doyle thought.
//Open. Relax. Flow.//
//Yeah, sure,// Doyle grumbled as he felt his demon returning. //Easy to say.//
//Believe me, I know how much you don't want it back, Doyle,// Angel responded. //But I also know you need it. It's part of you.//
//And it makes you smell better,// Cordelia added, as she felt the added strength and sharper senses she had been enjoying fade away. //Besides, it's just... so cool.//
//Cool?//
//Totally.//
She sighed, and opened her eyes, looking down at herself. Her body was her normal one again. //So much weaker. And I'm missing so much.//
//Cordelia, you're amazing,// Doyle thought, straightening in his chair. Although he still looked human, he could feel his demon back in place again, and so could Angel. //You think it's cool. You really do.//
//You know it.//
She looked at him, and for a moment, he could see the reflection of the demon in her predatory gaze. //Now, about that shower.//
//Yeah?//
//May I share it with you? Like, right now?//
Angel put in, //Am I invited?//
They both turned to him, their thoughts in perfect unison: //Totally.//
