Chapter 5


Author:   Rose Marsters
Rating:   NC-17  (overall)
Spoilers:   Somnambulist
Summary:   In order for the three to survive a new challenge, Doyle must learn to accept his inner demon.

Disclaimer:   Angel, Doyle, Cordelia and all other characters from the Angel television series belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and/or 20th Century Fox and other entities who aren't us.  We only wish that we owned them and could keep them safe and happy and loved.

Thoughts between Angel, Doyle and Cordelia are marked //like this.//






Doyle sighed loudly.  It was already noon and his lovers were driving him crazy.  Angel was pacing up and down the length of the room, biting his lip so hard that Doyle felt him draw blood.  He shivered as he tasted Angel's blood on his own tongue.  If the vampire hadn't looked so tense, Doyle might have been tempted to stand and kiss Angel, cleansing his mouth of the dark liquid.  Instead he turned his attention to Cordelia.

The other source of the tension in the room was sitting at her desk, tapping her fingers on the wooden surface.  She kept looking up at the clock on the wall, then back towards the door.  Wesley was late.

Finally, it became too much for her.  Launching suddenly out of her chair, she announced, "He's not coming.  That's it.  No confession.  Can I go now?"

Doyle raised one eyebrow at her, slightly amused by the speed of her speech as she babbled on about her escape plan.  She always spoke aloud when she was nervous, even when her speech was directed to Doyle and Angel.

Of course he understood why they were both so nervous.  Cordelia and Angel had known Wesley long before he had ever met the ex-Watcher and the prospect of Wesley's disapproval bothered the two of them more than either Angel or Cordelia cared to admit.

Cordelia had spoken too soon.  The door creaked as Wesley pushed it open, stepping cautiously inside the room.  "Sorry I'm late," he apologised as the three turned to see him.

Upon his entrance, Angel stopped pacing suddenly, Doyle stood up and Cordelia groaned in dismay before collapsing back into her chair.

Wesley frowned, visibly confused by their reaction.  "Did I say something wrong?"

Angel quickly recovered and shook his head hastily.  "No.  Do come in, Wesley."

Doyle wasn't at all surprised by the nervous expression on Wesley's face.  The three of them weren't exactly sending him the most positive signals.  The tension only seemed to mount as Wesley followed Angel in his office, with Doyle and Cordelia trailing reluctantly behind him.

"We have something to tell you," Angel said calmly.

Despite his neutral expression, Wesley couldn't help but notice the fear in his eyes.  The apprehension in all of them was clearly evident.

It suddenly occurred to him what was about to happen.  They were going to tell him their secret.  He nodded and sat down.

"All right."

Angel looked briefly back to Doyle and Cordelia for support – the two were sitting on the couch, far apart, on opposite ends but each with one arm stretched out in order to clutch each others' hands tightly.  Doyle nodded.  Cordelia looked like she was about to cry.

Finally, he returned his attention to Wesley.  Taking a deep breath, he leaned back against the desk and began.

"You remember how we told you about Doyle's death and how we had found a spell to bring him back?"

The former Watcher simply nodded.

"Well, we didn't tell you everything," the vampire confessed guiltily.  Wesley nodded again.

"I thought as much.  What do you need to tell me now?"

"Well, when he died, Cordelia and I were rather... distraught to say the least," Angel explained solemnly, his eyes focused on the floor.  "So, when Cordy found a way to bring him back... we just went for it, despite the fact that it would have some, ah, side effects."

Wesley shook his head disapprovingly.  "Angel, raising the dead is difficult, not to mention extremely dangerous.  I will confess that I have always wondered how on earth you managed to do it."

"Well, it was complicated..." Angel hesitated.

"Angel," Wesley interrupted, sounding annoyed, "You said you were going to tell me the truth – I would appreciate it if you kept your word."

Looking slightly guilty, Angel nodded.  Averting his eyes from Wesley's face, he continued.

"Well, we had to... for the spell to work... what I mean is... well..."

"We had sex."  Cordelia suddenly interrupted, surprising not just Wesley but Angel and Doyle as well in the process.  Wesley's head snapped around to stare at Cordelia in shock.

"You what?!"

"We used sex magic," she spat out as she launched herself from the couch.  "It's that simple!"

Wesley sat in silence, looking stunned, as he watched Cordelia stride across the room to face the window.  Unwilling to meet Wesley's eyes, she stared out the tinted glass, waiting for the dreaded explosion, waiting for Wesley to speak.  However, it was Angel instead who broken the uncomfortable silence.

"You're wrong," he whispered, watching, waiting for her to answer, continuing only when she did not reply.  "You're wrong, Cordelia – we never just 'had sex.'  Never."

Stepping slowly away from his desk, he came to stand behind Cordelia.  He wasn't quite sure why he was saying this aloud – it was between the two of them but maybe Wesley needed to know too, so he could understand.  Maybe Doyle needed to know.

"I've only ever made love to you," he told her simply, resting one strong hand on her shoulder.  "I didn't know it yet but I loved you then as I do now.  How could I not?  You were all I had left."

Wrapping his strong arms around her, he physically turned her to face him.  The tears that he saw in her eyes twisted his heart.  He lifted one hand to her face to run his fingers softly across her cheek in a comforting motion.

In response, Cordelia gradually returned his embrace, resting her head against his chest as she began to cry.

As she sobbed into the material of his black shirt, Angel gently ran a hand through her hair, trying to soothe her.

"I can't bear it again, Angel," she managed to gasp out through the tears.  "I can't do it again."

Knowing exactly what she was referring to, Angel simply nodded.  "Shh.  I know, Cordy.  I know."

From across the room, Doyle simply watched as she cried, helpless to calm to her.  Amidst her tears, however, Cordy could feel his dismay at her distress and carefully extracting herself from the vampire's arms, she crossed the room, back to the couch where Doyle had remained.  Climbing onto his lap so that she was sitting astride him, she wrapped her arms around him, sighing in relief when Doyle did the same and pulled her closer.  Placing a gentle kiss on his lips, she whispered, "I can't do it again, Doyle.  I can't bear to lose you a second time!"

Tightening his embrace, Doyle just laid soft kisses on her neck, only nodding his understanding.  At this point in time, he knew that words were useless.  Still by the window, Angel seemed to be the only one who remembered the presence of an embarrassed Wesley.

"The spell created a bond between us," Angel explained.  "We share everything.  Thoughts, emotions, pain – we share our demons and our humanity.  We're lovers, Wesley, the three of us."

Wesley frowned visibly, wrinkles marring his pale forehead.  "But Angel, what about your soul?"

"The spell anchored my soul.  Nothing can take it from me while the bond exists.  It belongs to Doyle and Cordelia now."

Wesley took a very deep breath, expelling it loudly as he sunk back into his chair.  "I see... that certainly explains a lot.  Is that why I never see you speaking to each other – why it's always like you're sharing some private conversation when I'm around?"

Angel nodded guilty.  "Yes.  I'm sorry we had to keep it from you but we felt the secrecy was necessary."

Cordelia half-turned from where she sat, still holding Doyle tightly.  "What he really means is, I didn't want you to know."

"So, why did you finally decide to bring me into the secret?"

Angel understood why Wesley sounded a little hurt.  He was always being left out of everything.  The Watcher's council, Buffy's relationship with Giles and with Angel himself, the conspiracy with Faith.  Now was the time to include him.

"We're in trouble Wesley and we need help.  Someone has stolen the spell book that we used to resurrect Doyle."

"Oh dear," remarked Wesley as he took off his glasses, rubbing his tie against the lenses.  "You fear this someone may use it for evil?"

"We fear this someone may try to break the spell."

Wesley sighed as he put his glasses back on.  "I assume you fear that this someone is Penn?  Yes?"

Angel nodded as he sat back down on his desk, crossing his arms across his chest.  "It's the most logical assumption.  He figured it out – how I feel about them and if he learned about the bond he'd no doubt try to sever it to spite me."

"Or perhaps to retrieve you?" Wesley suggested.  Angel nodded grimly.  A look of sudden comprehension appeared on Wesley's face and the Watcher sat up suddenly.

"That day he tried to take me hostage... when he said it wasn't me... did he mean it was Doyle and Cordelia he needed to hurt to get you?"

"I guess so," Angel replied with a shrug.  "Penn is many things, Wesley but a blind idiot is not one of them.  That's exactly why I turned him."

"And now he may have found a way to hurt them."

"Yes."

"But if Penn severs the connection, you will lose your soul and Doyle will die again."

Angel was surprised at Wesley's statement.  He seemed to have caught onto the plot faster than even the vampire had been able to, himself.  "That's exactly right."

"Well, there's one flaw in his plan," Wesley announced.  "Cordelia would survive the reversal of the spell."

Angel frowned, clearly disturbed by the thought.  "Well, not necessarily..."

"Why not?" Wesley continued.  "She's the only one who doesn't depend on the bond to survive."

Angel shook his head adamantly.  Wesley hadn't understood what he had meant.

"Wesley, we're always together.  Always.  If I lose my soul..."

"You'd kill her."  Wesley finished for him, finally realising the sudden lack of a flaw in Penn's plan.

Angel nodded sadly.  "Or worse."

Wesley shook his head grimly as her realised what the vampire meant.  "You would turn her."

"I'd probably ask for it.  It would be better than living," Cordelia mumbled suddenly, her head still buried in Doyle's shoulder.

Wesley looked back at her, shocked.  "Cordelia, don't say such things!" he scolded.  "You know I wouldn't let anything happen to you."

"No, you don't understand!" Cordelia wailed as she sat up on Doyle's lap, angrily wiping away her tear.  "I can't lose them.  I don't even want to survive without them."

"But you don't rely on the bond to..."

"NO!" Cordelia protested, not letting Wesley finish.  She was crying almost uncontrollably now, unwilling to let go of Doyle as he gently rocked her in a futile attempt to soothe her.  Looking down into his eyes, she whispered, "I do rely on the bond."  Finally turning her attention away from Doyle, Cordelia crawled off his lap and tumbled onto the floor beside Wesley.  Taking his hands in hers, she knelt before him, begging.  "Please, Wesley, I know you must think we're freaks or something but please – don't let Penn take them away!"

Wesley's heart almost broke at the sight of the fear in her eyes.  As she rested her head on his shoulder, clutching his hands all the while, he finally realised then that she was truly terrified of what Penn might do and that Angel and Doyle would be lost to her forever.

Taking her face in his hands, Wesley forced her to look at him.  "Cordelia, look at me.  First of all, you are not a freak – being in love does not make you a freak..." he paused as he looked up at Doyle and Angel, before continuing, "No matter what the circumstances.  Secondly, I will do all that I can to help you.  All three of you."

Cordelia tried to smile weakly as she collapsed into his arms, sobbing all the while.  "Thank you!"






"Coffee?" Cordelia asked as she fished two cups out from under a pile of books.  Wesley shook his head.  "No thank you."

Cordelia shrugged as she threw the books back in place.  "Probably a wise choice."

"Come and sit down," he said, patting the chair beside him.  She looked unsure but did as he asked anyway.

Curling a piece of hair behind her ear, she said, "I hope they won't be gone long.  I don't like it when they're gone a long time."

"I'm sure Angel and Doyle will be back from the magic store soon, Cordelia," Wesley reassured her, taking one of her shaking hands in his.  She had calmed down since their earlier confrontation but barely enough to not make a fuss about her lovers going out to follow up a lead on Penn.  "Can't you... ah, feel them anyway?" Wesley asked.  Cordelia nodded, looking down at her lap.

"Yeah, usually.  But they're blocking me out now."

Wesley frowned, confused.  "Blocking you out?"

Cordelia nodded sadly.  "They've been doing it more and more lately – since the Penn problem started.  It means they're talking about something they don't want me to hear."

"Oh."

They were both silent for a while, sporadically looking up at each other but quickly staring off at other things in the room – neither was quite sure of what to say.  Finally, it was Wesley who broke the silence.

"Will you tell me about it?"

Biting her lip nervously, Cordelia shrugged.

"You can confide in me, you know," he continued calmly.  "You can trust me, Cordelia.  I know I've done some foolish things since you've known me but I hope that I have never given you cause to doubt the fact that I care for you."

Finally, Cordelia nodded.  Gripping his hand, she smiled up at him.  "I know.  What do you want to know?"

"Help me understand," Wesley implored.  Cordelia shook her head sadly.

"I had to do it, Wesley.  Angel and I... we had to do it!"

"Weren't you afraid?"

Cordelia sighed but nodded slowly.  "I was terrified... but Angel was with me.  He protected me."

Wesley couldn't help but notice the slight glow in Cordelia's eyes as she mentioned the vampire's name.  He knew she really meant it.

"Was it your... your, um..."

"First time?" Cordelia interjected, grinning slightly at the former Watcher.  Wesley went a little red as he nodded.

Cordelia smiled kindly at him, understanding his concern.  "Yes.  And trust me, it wasn't exactly the way I'd pictured it... but Angel was so gentle... and when the spell worked..."

"It was worth it."

Cordelia nodded.  "Yes.  Totally.  Anything was worth it to get Doyle back."

Wesley sighed heavily as he sank back into his chair.  Looking up at her with disbelief in his eyes, he said, "You really love them, don't you?"

Leaning forward, Cordelia took both of his hands in her, looking him straight in the eye.  "They're everything to me.  They make me whole."

Wesley shook his head in absolute wonder.  "I have to say it amazes me Cordelia – how you do it, I mean.  I can't even begin to comprehend sharing every part of my mind and body with two other people."

Cordelia shrugged as she leaned back into her own chair.  "It was scary at first but then you get used to it.  It's nice sometimes, you know.  And then it's kind of cool because I can draw upon Angel's power as a vampire and I get to share Doyle's strength as a half demon.  I like that I can always know where my lovers are and what they're thinking and if they're hurt and stuff.  Ooh, did I mention we can heal each other?  Like cuts and headaches and stuff."

Wesley's eyes widened, impressed with this information.  "How fascinating."

Cordelia nodded, pleased with herself.  "Yeah, it's pretty cool, huh?"

"But, don't you miss... I don't know, being alone, things like that?"

"Well, yeah but I can get that if I want.  Like I said, we can block each other out.  I mean, sometimes I miss being just me, instead of three people at once – who wouldn't?  But when it comes down to it, I think in the long run I'd rather belong to the two of them rather than just to me."

Wesley smiled at her, amazed.  "I have to say, Cordelia, you're not the girl I used to know.  That Cordelia Chase would never have done something so selfless."

Cordelia looked down at her lap as she nodded.  "Yeah.  I'm glad I'm not her anymore... but..."

"But what?"

"Well, it's just that, you know – Angel's a vampire and Doyle's got the demon thing going on and I'm just a plain old little human."

"So?  There's nothing wrong with being human, Cordelia."

Cordelia sighed as she stood up.  She began to pace as she continued to speak.

"Well, it's just that I have no power of my own, you know?  Even the visions were originally given to Doyle so I'm not even important in that kind of way.  And do you know what really annoys me?"

Wesley realised that this was a rhetorical question and so knew better than to answer.  As expected, Cordelia continued on without a response.

"They don't like their powers!  I mean, Angel's immortal and so powerful and I never knew how strong Doyle was until we created the bond but they're both all eeky about their supernatural sides and don't want to use their powers, while I have none at all!"

"Cordelia," Wesley began with an amused sigh.  "As long as I've known Angel he's always been ‘eeky,' as you put it, about his demon and from what you say Doyle is the same – just as many demons are."

"But why?!" Cordelia exclaimed, finally coming to a halt and placing her hands on her hips.  "What's so wrong about being more powerful than a human?"

"Because there is a great deal of prejudice against demons – especially those who are not pure blooded, just like Angel and Doyle.  Humans are afraid of them and the more true demons despise them.  When they're not using their powers, they're not on the borderline anymore.  They're just human or at least they can pretend to be for a little while."

"But Angel and Doyle don't care about what others think... do they?"

Wesley looked up at Cordelia, who was no longer looking so sure of herself.  Reaching a hand to her, he said, "Come and sit down and I'll explain something to you."

When she did so, he continued.  "It may not matter to you now that they aren't human but although you may have moved on, they probably haven't forgotten that once it mattered to you very much who was a demon and who wasn't."

Cordelia frowned guiltily at his words.  He was right and she didn't like it very much.

"I believe you are useful to them, Cordelia," Wesley went on.  "You forget that humans do have power, even if it is not supernatural.  And as far as you're concerned, I believe that you can give Angel and Doyle what they need to face their demon sides – to help them survive an existence that is so unsure."

Cordelia looked up at him, her expression somewhat desperate as she implored, "But what can I give them?"

"Your strong will, your determination and, most of all," and Wesley looked at her with a wistful warmth.  "Your amazing capacity to love them."

"It's not hard to love them, Wesley," she whispered.

"Don't forget, Cordelia, that you're one of the bossiest people I know.  You don't take no for an answer and when you see something, there's no stopping you from telling the world about it.  Perhaps that's what Angel and Doyle need to accept themselves for who they are."

Cordelia tried to look offended but the smile on her face was ruining the effect.  Wesley was right.  Even now, she still did her best to get what she wanted.

"You never give up, Cordelia and I think that's what they both need."

Cordelia sighed and nodded happily.  "I guess so."

//It's a long, long way from Clare to here...//

Cordelia sat up suddenly as a familiar voice resonated in her head.  She smiled brilliantly.

"They're back!" she announced as she leaped out of her chair, running out into the front office at top speed.

//...it's a long, long way, gets further day by day...//

//Doyle!  Can you cut it out?//

//Sorry Angel, man.  Gotta whistle in the dark, y'know.//

//Then don't do it in my head.//

//Got ya.//

//It's about time!// Cordelia interrupted as Angel and Doyle walked through the front door.  Both men embraced her as they entered the room.

//Sorry, love.// Doyle apologized.  //Took a little longer to get to the magic shop than we thought it would.//

"You're back," Wesley observed from the doorway of Angel's office.

"Hi, Wesley," Angel greeted the other man as he extracted himself from Cordelia's strong embrace.  "Sorry we took so long but we really appreciate you staying here with Cordelia."

"Angel thinks I can't look after myself," Cordelia informed Wesley indignantly.  The Watcher tried not to grin as he foresaw the battle that was approaching.

"I do think you can look after yourself," Angel argued, trying to defend himself.  "But Doyle and I had some things to talk about..."

"You were blocking me out again," she pointed out and Angel sighed loudly, rolling his eyes in exasperation, in a way that echoed Cordelia's own.

Observing them, Wesley realized that each of them had picked up many of the mannerisms of the others.  Many little things that he had noticed made sense to him now.

"Yes and you know that you have no access to our powers when we do that, so there was no way I was going to leave you alone," Angel said firmly.

"He's right, Princess," Doyle interjected in an attempt to come to the vampire's aid.  "Now is not the time to go all commando on us."

Pulling her closer to him, Doyle reached up to cup her face in his hand.  Looking into her eyes, he told her, //You know I'd never forgive myself if anything ever happened to you.//

Cordelia turned her head so she could place a soft kiss on the palm of his hand before leaning into his embrace and wrapping her arms around him.  Resting her head on his shoulder, she nodded.  //I know.  I'm sorry.//

"Ah, that brings us to another point," Wesley interrupted.

"What's that, Wesley?" Angel asked.

"I realise that this whole three-way bond thing is very intimate and I understand the connection between you but when I'm around, could you possibly speak aloud?"

Angel smiled apologetically.  "Of course.  I'm sorry Wesley, it's just that we're so used to just speaking amongst ourselves."

"We don't socialise a hell of a lot anymore," Doyle explained.  Wesley nodded in understanding.

"So," he continued.  "How did the stop at the magic shop go?"

"Not so good," Angel explained, shaking his head grimily.  "The shopkeeper said that a man came in and bought out half her supplies, so there was no way for her to know what kind of spell he was planning on casting."

"What's worse," Doyle continued.  "Is that this man matched Penn's description."

"Would she help you?" Wesley asked but Angel only shook his head.

"No.  She was afraid.  I think Penn may have threatened her – she was very reluctant to talk about it."

"Of maybe she was protecting him?" Doyle suggested.

"That's possible," Wesley noted.  "So, who can we turn to?"

"We need to find someone who is familiar with this kind of practice or has the contacts to find out and fast," Angel pointed out.

"What about Giles?  Or maybe Willow?  I'm sure they'd..."

"No!" Cordelia interrupted before Wesley could go on.  "We can't ask them."

Wesley frowned, unsure of her concern.  "Why not?"

Cordelia rolled her eyes as she gestured to herself and Angel.  "I don't think we should be telling either of them about us!"

"Ah."  Wesley nodded as he sat down on the couch beside the door.  "I see what you mean.  You're afraid that they'll tell Buffy?"

"Or of what they'll do," Angel added.  "They may not understand that my soul is safe.  Especially after the last time I lost it."

Wesley suggested, "What if I called Giles and posed it as a hypothetical, without identifying the parties concerned?"

"And when he starts asking questions about the 'parties concerned,' as you put it?"

"Hmmm.  Well."

"Bet he'd see through ya like a pane o' glass," Doyle sniped.

Wesley sighed loudly as he collapsed back onto the couch.  "Well I don't really know that many witches in L.A.  Who could we turn to?"

All four considered it for a moment – at least, Doyle, Angel and Wesley – Cordelia wasn't exactly in the know when it came to magic in L.A, even if she had begun dabbling in it since she'd met Angel.

Suddenly, it came to Angel.  "I know who we can ask."

Both Doyle and Cordelia were confused, Angel's mind was hazy and they figured that this meant he was reluctant to tell them his idea.

"Who?" Doyle began but when he recognised the look in Angel's eyes, his face fell.  He knew exactly what Angel was thinking, even if the vampire was blocking it from his mind.

"No way, man."  Doyle announced as he extracted himself from Cordelia's arms, looking somewhat angry as he approached Angel.  "I'm not bringing her into this!  Besides, she's an ethno-demonologist, not a witch and she spends more time travelin' than she does in L.A.  She wouldn't be of any help."

//Doyle,// Angel sent privately.  //The particular magic that brought you back, may have succeeded for a very special reason, remember?//

//You aren't goin' off again on that Promised One routine, are you?  I won't listen to any more of that.//

Aloud, Angel said:  "Demon culture is involved here, for reasons we've discussed before.  "

"There has to be another way!"

"We don't have time to find a needle in a haystack!"

"Then make time!"

"Stop it!" Cordelia yelled as she quickly ran to get in between them before the two men came to blows.  Looking up at Angel, she put one hand on his chest, trying to get him to focus on her instead of Doyle.  "Angel... you want to call Harry?"

Angel nodded, avoiding looking directly at Doyle.  Taking a deep breath, she then turned to look at Doyle.

"Okay, now, don't get angry but..."

"Cordy!" Doyle whined.  "You're not agreeing with him are you?"

Cordelia sighed as she took his hands in hers.  "We need help, Doyle.  Besides, you made me tell Wesley, remember."

"You can't compare Harry to Wesley, love," Doyle pointed out indignantly and Cordelia nodded reluctantly.

"I realize that but..."

"Just listen to her, Doyle," Angel interrupted.  "Harry could be our only hope."

"She's my wife!" Doyle spat out angrily.

"Ex-wife!" Angel reminded him.

"That doesn't make a difference!"

"Um, excuse me?" Wesley said timidly from his position on the couch, afraid that someone would bite his head off for speaking at this point.  Instead, Cordelia turned to him, calmly.

"Yes, Wesley."

"Why Miss Doyle?  I'm aware of her expertise in ethnodemonology but surely this is outside the scope of that expertise."

"He's right for once.  I don't want Harry involved," Doyle continued to argue.  "It's too dangerous!"

"We don't have any choice, Doyle," Angel protested.  "We may not have much time.  We need someone who understands your... unique situation.  We need her!"

Crossing his arms across his chest, Doyle raised one defiant eyebrow as he stepped towards Angel.  "I don't believe that stupid prophecy and you know it and you can't expect me to let you try to sell that load of bull to my wife, either!  This isn't about her!"

"No!" Angel yelled suddenly, making Cordelia and Wesley jump as he lunged forward and grabbed hold of Doyle's shoulders tightly.  "You're right, it isn't about her, it's about me!  I need her, because there is no way in hell I'm just going to stand by and watch you die again!  Not only did I go to a lot of trouble to resurrect you but the truth of the matter is I love you too much to let you go now!"

As the sound of Angel's voice resonated around the room, an uncomfortable silence surrounded them.  Wesley looked down at his lap, uncertain as to the necessity of his presence at this moment.  He couldn't help but feel like he was intruding.

Cordelia stood still, mouth dropped open in surprise – Angel never yelled.  Especially not at herself or Doyle.  Doyle, in the meantime, looked up at Angel in shock, wondering if the vampire was ever going to release him from the death grip.  Until finally, Angel seemed to relax, his hold on the other man loosening somewhat as he blinked back the threat of tears.  The look in Doyle's eyes seemed to soften at the sight and he opened his arms to embrace Angel.  The vampire fell into Doyle's arms, wrapping his own arms around him tightly as the two men slipped to the floor where the half demon continued to hold Angel lovingly.

Taking a deep breath, Cordelia sat down on the floor next to them, enfolding one arm around either man.  His head buried in the crook of Angel's neck, Doyle mumbled.  "Let me tell her?  My way.  None of that Promised One crap."

Angel and Cordelia silently nodded their consent.  Now was not the time to argue.






When Harry had arrived later that evening, Doyle had insisted on speaking to her alone.  Therefore, after he'd taken her into Angel's office, Cordelia and Angel were banished downstairs into the apartment with Wesley.

Cordelia sighed in frustration as she threw another book into the ‘no good' pile at the centre of the room.

Angel grimaced as he noted the growing size of volumes that were of no use to them in finding a counter spell to protect the bond.

"I think we can safely say that we have neither the spell or the terms for the counter spell," Angel groaned as he sank into his leather chair.

"I don't see why we have to sit down here in the dark," Cordelia grumbled as she picked up another book.  "I mean, we should be up there with him!"

"He needs time alone with her, Cordelia," Angel reassured her but she was clearly not convinced.

"Oh come on, Angel – Doyle is upstairs, alone, with the love of his life.  Am I the only one concerned?"

"Yes!" Angel replied sternly.  "We have no reason to distrust Doyle."

"He's blocking us out!" Cordelia argued but Angel stood firm.

"Cordelia, you just have to accept that this is really hard for him.  It'd almost be like her finding out that he's a demon all over again."

With an inelegant snort, Cordelia threw the book in her hands across the room.  "So, just because Wesley and I were never married it made it easier for me to tell him?"

From his position at the kitchen table, Wesley looked up momentarily to shake his head and sigh, deciding to let Cordelia's comment pass and return to his work without pitching into the argument.

"He's still feeling really insecure at the moment, Cordy," Angel persisted.  Looking momentarily over at Wesley, noticing that the former Watcher was conspicuously ignoring them both, Angel turned back to Cordelia and looked her straight in the eye.

//We need to support him now, Cordelia,// he sent to her.  //Now more than ever, because he's vulnerable and he's afraid.//

Cordelia frowned guiltily as she slumped back into her chair.  //I know that... but I still don't like it.//

"What don't you like, Princess?"

Cordelia practically jumped out of her chair as Doyle appeared behind her.  He was standing at the bottom of the stairs, Harry a few feet behind him.

"Oh, um..." Cordelia fumbled around for words as she picked up a book on the table next to her.  "This whole book thing.  I don't like it."

Doyle grinned crookedly at the brunette.  "Cordy, darlin', you're a terrible liar, you know that?"

Cordelia only nodded as she threw the book back down onto the table.

"So," Angel began.  "Is everything sorted out?"

Doyle nodded as Harry stepped forward.  "Francis told me everything," she told them.  For a moment, she was silent, glancing at first Angel and then Cordelia.  After a short while, she stepped forward again so that she was right in front of the two of them.

"I just want to say that what you did was reckless and dangerous..." she paused for a second, almost smiling as Cordelia and Angel's faces fell like children being reprimanded by their school teacher.  "However, I'm grateful that you went to so much trouble to bring him back.  If I could have found a way to bring him back, I would have taken the risk, too.  I'll do anything I can to help you."

Both Angel and Cordelia released a heavy sigh of relief.

"Thank God!" Cordelia exclaimed as she collapsed into her chair again, "I thought you were going to get all authority figure-like on us and refuse."

"Well, I considered it," Harry admitted reluctantly, glancing back at Doyle as she spoke.  "But I couldn't refuse to help him.  Not when he gives me that look."

Doyle frowned, pretending to be offended.  "What look?!"

Angel grinned mischievously as Doyle before adding, "He did that to you too, huh?"

"Mmm-hmm," Harry confirmed with a soft laugh.  "It's probably the reason I agreed to marry him."

"Okay, that's enough!" Doyle interrupted as he stormed past them, heading straight for the kitchen to join Wesley.  As he passed, Angel and Harry smiled kindly at each other.

"Thank you, Harry."

"Angel, I won't pretend I'm entirely happy about what you did," Harry confessed quietly.  "I mean, sustaining life by magic is a very dangerous thing to do.  God knows how those Power people took it."

"The Powers That Be," Angel corrected her.

"You think it's dangerous?" Doyle interrupted as he came back into the lounge to join them again.  "You should try it some time."

"Francis..." Harry began but he raised one hand to silence her.

"Please, let's not get into pep-talk about the insecurity of having your life sustained by magic.  I know all about it."

"Doyle, you know we'd never let anything happen to you," Angel tried to reassure him but when he stepped towards the other man, Doyle pulled away.

"You can only protect me for so long, Angel, man."

Cordelia stood again, approaching Doyle with her hands extended toward him.

"We understand how you feel, Doyle," she told him as she went to wrap her arms around his waist in a comforting motion but he quickly stepped away from her.

//You couldn't understand,// he snapped back at her.  //You've never died!//

Cordelia's face fell as she too stepped back, her stomach lurching in horror at his words.  Angel stepped forward again, placing one hand on Cordelia's shoulder as he turned to Doyle.

//No, she hasn't.  But I have.  As a vampire I know what it's like to have my life artificially sustained.//

//But I'm not a vampire, Angel!// Doyle lashed out as he began to pace across the room, slowly gaining more and more distance away from his lovers.  From the corner of the room, Harry, who had recently been joined by Wesley, watched helplessly as the three argued in silence.

//I'm just an offence against Mother Nature,// Doyle continued, stopping his pacing as he turned to point one finger at Angel and Cordelia.  //And now maybe she's angry enough to set things right.//

Angel could feel Cordelia's angry response rising before she even responded to Doyle's argument.  //Maybe Mother Nature's not the one you need to worry about!// she spat out furiously as she wrenched herself out of Angel's grasp.

//Can't you just accept that us bringing you back was the right thing to do!  Whether it was what the P.T.B. wanted or not doesn't matter to us!//

As she stepped towards him, Doyle noticed a sudden flicker in her face.  He almost shook his head in disbelief, uncertain of what he had seen, as Cordelia continued to yell at him.

//I know you think it was selfish of us but did you ever think that it was selfish of you to just go ahead and sacrifice yourself like that – like you meant nothing to us!//

By this time, Angel was watching also when her face flickered and changed again, the distinct appearance of a Brachen demon's blue spikes protruding from her flesh, replaced quickly by the ridges of a vampire's game face.  As she vented her anger upon Doyle, both men could feel her drawing upon their demons in her fury.

When she did not stop in her rampage against the half demon, they both realised in horror that she wasn't even aware of what she was doing.

//So just stop it!  Just accept that we love you and you're supposed to be here with us!//

Finally, Cordelia's rage appeared to come to an end – either because she had ran out of things to say, or because she noticed the shocked look on Doyle's face.  Normally, she would consider this as a sign of triumph, a sign that she had screamed some sense into him – but now she could feel his fear.  And Angel's fear.

//What is it?// she asked timidly as Doyle approached her, looking somewhat dumbfounded.

"What is it?!" she exclaimed desperately, aloud this time as Doyle threw his arms around her and grasped her body against his.  As she felt him almost trembling against her, Cordelia began to panic.  She could feel the terror coming from both Doyle and Angel as she cradled Doyle in her arms.

The sense of danger suddenly surrounding the three did not fade as Angel came up behind Cordelia and joined in the embrace, placing a shaky kiss on the top of her head.  Cordelia frowned fearfully as she recognised the emotions coursing through her lovers.

Lifting her head, she whispered, "We're in trouble... aren't we?"






In the darkness of his new apartment, Penn flicked through the spell book he had stolen from Angel.  He smiled maliciously at the thought of how easy it had been to remove the book without confrontation.

He had simply waited outside the building where Angel's office was located, until he had seen the three of them leave.  Once he had broken into the office, it was hardly a difficult task to find the book – just from the brief moments of their only encounter, he could tell that the girl wasn't the most organised person in the world.  Her filing system made its own illogical brand of sense and he knew what he was looking for, so it was hardly a surprise when he found the old volume in a desk drawer within minutes of beginning his search.

The only surprise had been what he learned about his sire's half-demon lover.  He would be serving more than one cause, it seemed, by removing that particular thorn.

With a smile, Penn assembled the elements that he would need to begin the spell.

When Angelus returned, he would be so very pleased.

Penn couldn't wait.