1982 - 2002

On August 8th, 2002, Rainy Mondays was put down due to a very bad bout of colic.  On August 8th, 2002, my whole life came crumbling down yet again for the second time as on August 8th, 1987, my grandmother, my best friend, had also died on that day.  That day is forever etched in my mind as one of the saddest days of my life.  Was it a concidence?  I don't know.

Just the weekend before, Monday and I were at a show.  I wasn't even going to take her.  I was doing something I have never done before, riding a horse I have only ridden two hours in my life in the show arena.  Monday saw that I was getting ready for a show but she didn't understand why she wasn't going.  She spent the better part of the two days before the show kicking the stalls and being vocal about not going.  I can't help but think maybe she knew that this was the last chance she was going to be in the show ring, how badly she wanted to go, not to take the break that she needed from the ring.  Reluctantly, I gave up and got her stuff ready to go.  She had never been more pleased.

The show was great, it was all about bonding and having fun and I had a great time.  Monday seemed to be enjoying herself as well.  She has always enjoyed herself in the show life.  There was something about being in the centre of attention that she absolutely adored and that particular day, she was just in the height of her enjoyment.  She lived the life fully that day.

Two days later, I got a call while I was at work -- Monday was down.  It was colic, they said.  It was definitely colic.  They had called the vet after they called me.  I left work and sped to the barn as fast as my car could go.  Monday had colic before, I was sure this was just another episode.  I didn't get worried until I got there and seeing her in pain.  After a night of trying everything, the vet concluded that if they could perform surgery but she was completely stressed and likely wouldn't survive.  She was in extreme pain.

The decision, once again, fell on my shoulders.  I suddenly had a flashback of Argyll, making the decision for him.  I had to make the decision once again.  A decision that I never thought I would have to make for a very long time.   A decision to let Monday go.  To save her from the pain she was in.  Everyone had left me alone.  It was just Monday and me left.  I laid down beside her, feeling her nuzzling me and spoke about the good times.  I told her how much I loved her...how glad I was that she had finally learned how to open her heart and let me in, giving me a love I never thought I would feel after Argyll was put down.  She looked at me, I was certain she knew everything I was saying.....ever since I met her, I thought she understood everything I said, now I know she did.  I talked about how we first met, I talked about the shows we did, I talked about the silly things she had done, the silly things we have done and I talked about the last show we went to.  I thanked her too.  I thanked her for helping me heal, I thanked her for loving me and I thanked her for the great times we had.  I told her that I loved her.  I loved her more than she could possibly imagine.  That she was my "mom" as I was hers.

When it was time to let her go, she didn't want to go....in all the talking, I had forgotten to mention one thing.  The one thing she wanted to hear before she could allow herself to go.  I leaned down, stroked her face for the last time and said, "I love you, I'll be okay."  With that, she finally slipped away.  As I watched her for the last time, I broke down and quietly whispered, "Please Argyll, take care of her."

For days I suffered.  I was angry, I was hurt, I was confused.  My manic depression took over, I stopped taking my medication, I went crazy, wild and drove everyone up the wall,  making everyone worry about me.  I spoke to people but I never truly revealed how badly I was doing....I called people, but I never revealed the hurt I still carry and still carry to this day.  I've become extremely good at hiding my feelings.  I am still hiding my feelings.  However, there is one thing I did not hide -- and that is, my love for Monday.  That....I would
never hide.

Other tributes to Monday can be read here.

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