-- Dear Journal 15 --
So Long Farewell, It's Been So Good To Know You

by Patt Paulos-Darrow


June 15th, 2000

Dear J:

Just wanted to get with you and tell you how great this has been. I feel like I can take a break now and not have to rely on you so much. Jim and I are doing great. I have no complaints there. He is so wonderful and I love being a cop. I never dreamt that it would be so fulfilling. I just got done telling Jim the other night that I want him to start keeping one, and he said he might think about it. :) You know how he is. I will have to sweet talk him, I can see it now. I also told him that I wanted to start taking some classes in Forensic Sciences for doing the profiling at work. I think it would surely help. They start next month and I will be super busy. Jim on the other hand will need an outlet, so that is why I bought him a Journal to start keeping. This is going to be great. I know he will be missing me, but he can put all those emotions in the book. Instead of taking them out on me or Simon or any other people in M. C. Yup, I can see him doing it with no problems whatsoever. Yeah, right. And the sky is yellow.

Work is so great, I have earned respect from everyone there. Not that I wasn't liked before, but it doesn't help when they know you are gay. That makes things harder. Jim always said we would leave if it got too hard, but it never did. This is good news for certain. I am sure that someday we might have some problems, but for now, I don't want to complain and jinx it. Jim doesn't say anything, but I know he is glad that things are working out. He loves his job, he loves his friends and his life. I know that it would have been terrible to have to change it all just for me. :( Although he would have done that in a heartbeat. He is like that. He is such a good man. I adore him. You think?

I am watching him right now and thinking to myself, one person should not be as lucky as I have been. On the other hand, why not? I had this urge to go over to him and just hug him, so I did. He looked up at me and said, what? And I just kissed him with all of the emotions I was feeling and he pulled me down on the sofa. We were lying there making out like teenagers and I remembered that Daryl would be coming over. So I told him we had better hurry it up, or we would be going without for a week. :) He smiled and said, oh no, we will be having morners, that is like nooners, only sooner. Cracking me up big time, big guy.

And then I said, no, I think we should go without for a week to make us want each other more. He jumped up and started running after me and yelled, NOT. We tore up the stairs and we had our clothes off in seconds, I kid you not. I laid down on the bed and started kissing him and he was already hard. This man can be hard in like two seconds. Wow, what he does for my ego. I took him into my mouth, I haven't done this in a couple of days and he loves it. He wants to go really slow, so I let him have his way. I sucked and nibbled till I thought he would scream. (which I like by the way) He was getting very close and finally I deep throated him and he was gone. Just like that, he went over that edge. I wish I could have went at the same time. I feel like I am going to die here from want. I reached across his relaxed body and grabbed the lube and condoms and went to town getting him ready. I kid you not, I knew I wasn't going to last long, this was going to be hard and fast. I think he knew it was coming too, because he got into position and held on to the railing. When he does that he knows I am going to fuck him senseless. And Hot Damn, here I go.

I am doing a good job, Jim has no words coming out of his mouth, and only sounds and they are driving me closer and closer to the edge. I reached around and started stroking him while I hit that special place we love. Well, that took about five seconds and he was coming again and I followed suit just as quickly. God, I love this man. I love making love to him. I love the way he lets me make love to him and not just have him make love to me. Oh, I love my Bottom Boy. :) BB for short. I am cracking myself up here. I can tell you right now, he would not think that was funny at all. And he would die if anyone knew that he was ever on the bottom. Or maybe he wouldn't. I don't know for sure. No one has ever asked. I have often wondered if they think about these things, but I think I am the only one that thinks of these types of things. Jim sure wouldn't want anyone thinking about it. He would die.

Well, I am going to finish this Journal for now, with a poem about my deepest feelings of Jim. He is my life, my love, and my reason for being. So, thanks for being there, J, and I hope to get back to you soon.


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