June 15th, 2000
Dear J:
Just wanted to get with you and tell you how great this has been. I
feel like I can take a break now and not have to rely on you so much. Jim and I
are doing great. I have no complaints there. He is so wonderful and I love
being a cop. I never dreamt that it would be so fulfilling. I just got done
telling Jim the other night that I want him to start keeping one, and he said he
might think about it. :) You know how he is. I will have to sweet talk him, I
can see it now.
Work is so great, I have earned respect from everyone there. Not that I wasn't
liked before, but it doesn't help when they know you are gay. That makes things
harder. Jim always said we would leave if it got too hard, but it never did.
This is good news for certain. I am sure that someday we might have some
problems, but for now, I don't want to complain and jinx it. Jim doesn't
say anything, but I know he is glad that things are working out. He loves his
job, he loves his friends and his life. I know that it would have been terrible
to have to change it all just for me. :( Although he would have done that in a
heartbeat. He is like that. He is such a good man. I adore him. You think?
I am watching him right now and thinking to myself, one person should not
be as lucky as I have been. On the other hand, why not? I had this urge
to go over to him and just hug him, so I did. He looked up at me and said,
what? And I just kissed him with all of the emotions I was feeling and he
pulled me down on the sofa. We were lying there making out like teenagers and I
remembered that Daryl would be coming over. So I told him we had better hurry
it up, or we would be going without for a week. :) He smiled and said, oh no,
we will be having morners, that is like nooners, only sooner. Cracking me up big
time, big guy.
And then I said, no, I think we should go without for a week to make us want
each other more. He jumped up and started running after me and yelled, NOT. We
tore up the stairs and we had our clothes off in seconds, I kid you not. I laid
down on the bed and started kissing him and he was already hard. This man can
be hard in like two seconds. Wow, what he does for my ego. I took him into
my mouth, I haven't done this in a couple of days and he loves it. He wants to
go really slow, so I let him have his way. I sucked and nibbled till I thought
he would scream. (which I like by the way) He was getting very close and
finally I deep throated him and he was gone. Just like that, he went over that
edge. I wish I could have went at the same time. I feel like I am going to
die here from want. I reached across his relaxed body and grabbed the lube and
condoms and went to town getting him ready. I kid you not, I knew I wasn't
going to last long, this was going to be hard and fast. I think he knew it was
coming too, because he got into position and held on to the railing. When he
does that he knows I am going to fuck him senseless. And Hot Damn, here I go.
I am doing a good job, Jim has no words coming out of his mouth, and only sounds
and they are driving me closer and closer to the edge. I reached around and
started stroking him while I hit that special place we love. Well, that
took about five seconds and he was coming again and I followed suit just as
quickly. God, I love this man. I love making love to him. I love the way he
lets me make love to him and not just have him make love to me. Oh, I love my
Bottom Boy. :) BB for short. I am cracking myself up here. I can tell
you right now, he would not think that was funny at all. And he would die if
anyone knew that he was ever on the bottom. Or maybe he wouldn't. I don't know
for sure. No one has ever asked. I have often wondered if they think about
these things, but I think I am the only one that thinks of these types of
things. Jim sure wouldn't want anyone thinking about it. He would die.
Well, I am going to finish this Journal for now, with a poem about my deepest
feelings of Jim. He is my life, my love, and my reason for being. So, thanks
for being there, J, and I hope to get back to you soon.
I mentioned before that you are my life and my love.
BS
Feelings
You are my reason for going on, my gift from heaven above.
I love you so much, it makes my heart begin to swell.
I wish there was some way my feelings for you, I could tell.
So I will write a silly poem, with not much talent, but has charm.
I mean, at least you will know how great you are, what is the harm?
You love me like no one has ever done before.
I hate to see you even walk by yourself out the door.
You make me want you morning, noon and night.
You even make me want you when we have a good fight.
My love for you, can't be explained by me.
But you can look in my eyes and you shall see.
I love you, Jim Ellison, you take my breath away.
I am glad you asked me to love you, and here I did stay.