Archive: master_apprentice, SWAL
Archive Date: March 11, 2000
Category: Angst
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me
Feedback: yes, any comments very welcome.
Pairing: O/other
Rating: PG
Series: Part of 'Good Intentions on the Road to Hell' Series which
documents my version of Anakin's fall to the Dark Side. The series
runs from before TPM to after RotJ.
Chronological order: 'Re-affirming the Bond', 'Anniversaries and Beginnings',
'Not so Unobtainable After All',
'Paving Stones', 'Building a Brave New
World'(in planning), 'A Change of Heart', 'A Present from the
Past' (in progress).
Spoilers: TPM
Summary: 10 years after TPM, Obi-Wan remembers the past and Anakin
gets jealous.
Warnings: no happy endings
"Obi-Wan, promise, promise me you'll train the boy."
Obi-Wan Kenobi easily remembered the words, the fleeting brush of fingers upon his face, the feel of his dying Master in his arms, everything; but it was not often that he allowed himself the luxury of doing so. Today, however, was special. It had all happened ten years ago and Obi-Wan was spending the day in memory.
He kept a holo of his Master in his desk drawer, safely out of sight. But today he had taken it out, turned it on, put it on the desk. Then he had sat in the chair in front of it.
Today he could allow himself to remember life before he became so sad. He'd always been serious, but the sadness had been a new development. A present from the past he was unable, or unwilling, to return. Once upon a time the future had seemed so sure and definitely very different from what had actually transpired.
They had had an agreement, as soon as Obi-Wan became a Jedi Knight it would be different between them. Then, no longer in violation of the Jedi Code, they would finally have what they had wanted for so long. At the time Obi-Wan had never doubted that it would happen. Nothing had shaken that faith, not their many disagreements nor the appearance of Anakin; though sometimes Qui-Gon's deliberately annoying acquisition of strays had strained it.
Obi-Wan leant forward and rested his chin on his arms on the desk and looked deeper into the holo. Now he found it strange to think that he had been the one to cause the delay. Qui-Gon, never backwards in coming forwards to disagree with the Jedi Code, would certainly have challenged the Council over the issue. But Obi-Wan had wanted to obey the Code, in this as in most things. So Qui-Gon, not wanting to make Obi-Wan go against his nature, had held back from forcing the issue. So they had waited, sometimes patiently, sometimes not; but fate had intervened and made a mockery of their plans.
"We would have been so happy." Obi-Wan said to himself and smiled at the thought of what should have been as he reached out to touch the base of the holo-projector.
Anakin Skywalker, nineteen, cocky and handsome ran through the corridors of the Jedi temple. His feet barely touched the floor as he flew, elated, to quarters he shared with his Master. Today he had been honoured by Yoda himself for convincingly winning a flying competition.
He'd felt the Force as never before and the ship had responded effortlessly to his will. And to make it even sweeter winning also meant passing a new test of Obi-Wan's.
"Anakin, I won't be coming to watch you fly today," Obi-Wan had said. "Because you must learn to do well without the incentive of me looking over your shoulder. It's a test of independence."
At first Anakin had been disappointed, but he desperately wanted to please his Master and the test had given him extra incentive to do well. Anakin felt that Obi-Wan was the best Master a Padawan could wish for. Guiding gently, only stern when essential, never tiring, never losing patience, never unkind or unfair. After his early years of slavery it was existence beyond his wildest hopes.
The only thing that bothered Anakin was that Obi-Wan smiled so little and rarely seemed happy, however, Anakin had a long term plan to solve that small problem.
Anakin's delight and eagerness to see his Master for once overruled his manners and he barrelled straight into Obi-Wan's room in their shared quarters without knocking, and what he saw there caused Anakin's world to crash down about him.
For that momentary absence of manners allowed him to see his Master sitting at his desk gazing happily at a holo of Qui-Gon. It was the expression that stopped Anakin in his tracks; the look of happiness and the smile, the like of which Anakin had never seen directed at himself.
Suddenly many things became clear. Today had been no test, Obi-Wan had just had better things to do. Anakin's dreams for the future were suddenly crushed and jealously consumed him.
"He's dead you know. Has been for years."
Shocked, Obi-Wan looked up towards his apprentice.
"You did it all for him, didn't you? He told you to train me. So you did." Anakin could feel the bile in his words, but found himself unable to stop.
"All these years and you were never there for me. Everything was just to show how much you cared for him. You don't care for me at all, not compared to how you feel for him."
Obi-Wan straightened in his chair, speechless against the accusation, eyes wide with horror.
"Qui-Gon used to be perfect, but now he's just gone. Not here. Dead. And if you can't have him in your bed then you'd rather have no one. I'm glad he's dead. I hate him."
"Anakin Skywalker," cried Obi-Wan, finally recovering from his shock, his voice cracking with fury. "You shall take back every foul word and spend the next week in meditation over what you have just said about a man who rescued you from slavery."
Instead Anakin backed out into the common area of their quarters shaking his head.
"Skywalker come back here now!" Obi-Wan yelled as he stood and followed his apprentice.
But Anakin had already turned, opened the main door and was racing away from his livid master.
"I won't. I hate him. I hate him. Even dead he's got everything that I want." Anakin yelled over his shoulder as he disappeared down the Temple corridor.
Obi-Wan could only stumble back into his quarters before he stopped, suddenly too tired and heartbroken to continue.
"Oh Master how I've failed you." Obi-Wan cried as he slid down the wall to slump on the floor. He remained there head in hands until Bant found him much later.
The next day Anakin sought out Obi-Wan and humbly begged forgiveness for his behaviour. Through genuine tears he said that he had no idea why he had said such terrible things and sincerely performed all the penance that Obi-Wan insisted upon.
After a while the incident was forgiven and maybe even forgotten, but it was the beginning.