Archive: Master_Apprentice, OKEB, QJEB, SWA-L, Jedi Hurtaholics and The Nesting Place (Anyone else just ask :-)
Archive Date: February 12, 2001
Category: AU, angst (no deaths), h/c
Disclaimer: The SW universe, the concept of Jedi, and 'The Boys' still belong to Mr. Lucas.
Feedback: Yes please!.... :o)
Notes: // indicates telepathy.
Hugs and much appreciation goes to - Kat, Ana, Kelly and Sara...and my 'co-conspirators' - Jo, Kathy and Q :o)
This story is dedicated to my much loved cat ~ Smokey-Joe...who sadly died on the 27th of November :o(
Pairing: Q/O
Rating: NC-17
Series: This is the next story in the 'Searching' series - The others are (in order) - The Truth, Change, Need, and Lost. They can be found at the archives mentioned above, or just email me and I'll happily send them to you :-).
Spoilers: Some references to events in TPM
Summary: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan try to recover from the events in 'Lost'.

Chapter I

Twist

Turn

Spin

Twist

Obi-Wan spiralled through the air effortlessly. Each time he landed his feet barely grazed the floor before he launched himself upwards again, somersaulting backwards and forwards in a dizzying display of skill. The folds of his tunic fluttered open, exposing glistening skin slick with sweat. Obi-Wan's hair was dark with it, soft spikes plastered against his head. His braid's slender, whipcord length lashed back and forth like the tail of an angry cat.

At a glance, he was just another Padawan taking advantage of the exercise room's early morning quiet. A handful of others had risen with the dawn to practice in the large echoing chamber. Except Obi-Wan had not arrived at first light, and a closer examination revealed the unhealthy pallor of his skin and the wild glassy look in his eyes. Slender muscles were trembling with effort, pushed far beyond their current limits. Obi-Wan landed badly from one tumble, regained his balance - just - and cursed loudly, drawing startled glances from the room's other occupants.

Obi-Wan was oblivious to their unease. Storming over to a wall cabinet he threw open the doors and stared at the contents. Several of the other Padawans began to whisper nervously amongst themselves. The use of the equipment stored in the cabinet was not 'expressly' forbidden, but certain items were only for the use of senior Knights and Masters. 'Certain items' which included the matching pair of duelling sabers that Obi-Wan now lifted out of the case. Padawans exchanged shocked, unhappy looks.

Ignoring their scrutiny, the young man walked back into the centre of the exercise ring. He felt the balance of each saber in his hand before lighting them and taking a fighting stance. Then he began again....

Twist

Turn

Spin

Twist

This time the twin blades soared with him, graceful arcs of blue fire slicing through the air. Open mouthed, the Padawans shuffled forward until they formed a silent, awestruck circle around him.

The silence was broken by a soft, sizzling hiss; a tiny curl of smoke drifted upward and with it the stench of charred cloth and burnt flesh. One of the Padawans turned away with a grimace, but Obi-Wan seemed totally unaware of the smoldering slash across his arm.

"You'd better fetch Master Jinn," an older Padawan whispered to one of the youngest - a tiny Thracian. She nodded, sparing one last wild-eyed glance at Obi-Wan before turning and running from the room.

Hurtling down the empty corridors, the Thracian was little more than a blur of cream tunic and white fur. She skidded to a halt beside Master Jinn's quarters. After several anxious moments, when no-one answered her repeated calls, she risked using a slight touch of the Force to probe the room. She hit the door with a tiny fist, emitting a sound of frustration when she realised the room was empty. Nibbling her lower lip the Thracian's brow furrowed in concentration. Where else might Master Jinn be this early? With a sudden flash of insight she was off and running again - this time heading towards Master Windu's quarters on the floor above.

Her frantic approach was detected by both Masters, though it was Mace Windu who opened the door and caught the tiny girl as she charged into him. "Master! Master!" she gasped, desperately trying to catch her breath. Her gaze fell beyond the dark folds of Master Windu's robe, towards the centre of the room, where Qui-Gon Jinn had set aside his tea and now stood staring at her. She drew in a deep breath, but was only able to choke out another "Master!"

Mace Windu set his huge hands upon her shoulders, channelling his calming presence into her frantic one. "Sssh, child. Speak softly. Now, what is wrong?" She looked up at him, dark eyes wide with alarm.

However it was Qui-Gon who spoke. "Obi-Wan..."

"What?" Mace barely had time to snap out a question, when Qui-Gon rushed passed him, face white and drawn. Mace watched his friend race down the empty corridor. He hesitated, turning back toward the frightened girl who stood trembling beneath his hands. "Where is Obi- Wan, Padawan?"

"The-the exercise room...Master."

He smiled at her in gentle reassurance, though his eyes were troubled. "Come. We will go together." With a guiding arm around her slight shoulders, Master and Padawan hurried after Qui-Gon.

Chapter II

The pair reached the exercise room just as Qui-Gon disappeared through the doorway. Mace rushed ahead of the Thracian as he felt his friend's sudden spike of alarm. Hastily he pushed through the swinging doors. "Qui-Gon. No!" he hissed. When his desperate whisper failed to draw the Jedi back, Windu grabbed his friend's arm. "Qui-Gon."

Qui-Gon shot him a 'Don't - look', and tried to pull free."Let me go Mace-"

"No" They were starting to attract the attention of the Padawans. Mace cursed softly and dragged his resisting friend aside. "Qui-Gon listen to me." When Qui-Gon turned away Mace shook him hard. "Listen !"

Qui-Gon turned back, eyes narrowing in displeasure. "That is a J'kha exercise."

"Yes, and if you break his concentration now, you could kill him." Mace's gaze burned into Qui-Gon's - dark eyes willing him to understand and accept the truth of what he was saying.

Qui-Gon turned back to stare at Obi-Wan - who spun gracefully through the air above their heads - twin blades blazing fiercely as they twirled and danced around his body. Abruptly Qui-Gon sagged; glancing away from Obi-Wan for a moment he nodded, eyes bright with anguish.

Mace quietly ushered the other Padawans out of the exercise room and closed the doors; then he moved back to stand beside his friend, whose eyes never left Obi-Wan for an instant. The two Masters maintained a silent vigil as Obi-Wan performed a duelling kata far in excess of either his age or his training. They could still sense the buzz of nervous excitement from the Padawans who lingered in the corridor. Three of the braver ones pressed their faces up against the door's glass panels, peering inside. One went so far as to push the door open a little in order to get a better look.

As the young Padawans watched, Obi-Wan completed the complex kata; performing one last breathtaking spinning leap before landing, somewhat unsteadily, and extinguishing the lightsabers. Obi-Wan turned to face Qui-Gon and Mace and bowed formally. However, as the young man straightened up his eyes suddenly rolled back and without a sound Obi- Wan slid to the floor. Beside him the lightsabers struck the mat with twin dull thuds before rolling away.

"Obi-Wan!" Qui-Gon was already at his Bond mate's side as Mace knelt to examine the youth.

"Bring him to the healers Qui-Gon." Mace's deep voice broke through Qui-Gon's shock and he stood, carefully lifting Obi-Wan's limp body into his arms. As they strode past the anxious Padawans Windu spared them a brief glance. "Go back to your rooms, all of you!" They scuttled off to their quarters like startled swamp rats.

Chapter III

Mace Windu finally had to resort to bodily pulling Qui-Gon aside in order that Masters Tenesh and Payan might work upon their patient unimpeded. However, Qui-Gon obstinately refused to allow Obi-Wan out of his sight. The Jedi Master stood in the doorway of the adjoining chamber, his face drawn and anxious, watching as the healers tended to his Padawan.

Mace sighed, "Obi-Wan is in good hands Qui-Gon. Please my friend, sit down and rest yourself." Qui-Gon acted as though he had not even heard, and Mace stood, moving to stand beside his friend, his gaze following Qui-Gon's into the room beyond.

Obi-Wan was still unconscious. Tenesh and Payan had diagnosed simple exhaustion as the cause of the young man's sudden collapse, but they had also pointed out signs which implied a worrying level of self neglect. The most significant being a number of untreated minor wounds - some days old. Qui-Gon had listened to their comments in silence, but Mace watched the effect they had upon his friend - the lines of grief deepening with every word the healers spoke.

Tenesh and Payan were currently engaged in treating the fresh saber burns scarring Obi-Wan's arms and torso. As Payan stepped aside, Mace caught a glimpse of a cruel slash scoring the youth's collar bone, and he heard Qui-Gon's sudden indrawn breath. Mace moved closer to his friend, as Qui-Gon turned his face away from the sight.

"I should have known...I should have....I-" Qui-Gon broke off, shaking his head in despair.

Mace lay a comforting hand upon Qui-Gon's arm. "Talk to me, my friend."

Qui-Gon sighed, a combination of pain and frustration. "Obi-Wan has been shielding himself from me."

"For how long?" Mace's deep voice reflected his concern.

Qui-Gon's face tightened with distress. "Since...since our escape."

Shocked, Mace moved to stand before his friend. "You haven't sensed anything from him? Nothing at all?"

In response Qui-Gon closed his eyes and clenched his fists, momentarily unable to speak. When he reopened them their dark blue depths were bright with unshed tears. Qui-Gon struggled to speak through his grief. "I-I can sense where he is. I know when he leaves our quarters. He...he has moved back into his old room." That got another shocked look. Qui-Gon shrugged. "He said he needed time to think...time alone...."

"Do you think that was wise?"

Qui-Gon answered the unspoken question. "Obi-Wan wouldn't purposely harm himself, Mace. I would know if he intended that. If...if I thought for a moment that he might...." He stopped, unable to go on, but Mace understood and berated himself for his own thoughtlessness Of course Qui-Gon would never have let Obi-Wan out of his sight if he'd believed the boy would try to hurt himself

"Has he spoken at all about what happened?"

"No...I-I hoped...." Qui-Gon's despair was almost palpable. "I didn't want to push him Mace. I hoped in time he would come to me....." The Jedi's voice trailed off.

"Perhaps he might find it easier to speak with another?" Mace suggested.

Qui-Gon shook his head decisively. "No, Obi-Wan wouldn't talk to anyone else."

There was no arrogance in Qui-Gon's tone, simply the knowledge of a Master who knew his Padawan...his Bond mate....better than any other living creature. Mace accepted the truth of the statement without question. Obi-Wan had always been a self-contained individual; companionable, but rarely sharing his innermost thoughts with anyone....except perhaps Qui-Gon. Though this time....

Mace sighed heavily. "He has spoken with another."

"What?!" Qui-Gon's voice reflected both his surprise and his confusion. His dark blue eyes became suffused with hurt.

"Not...not concerning what has happened to him," - Mace looked increasingly unhappy - "though I feel it is directly linked to it." Still utterly bewildered, Qui-Gon looked to his friend for an explanation; increasingly worried by Mace's apparent reluctance to tell him. Mace ran a hand over his face. "I...That's what I wanted to discuss with you this morning. She didn't know how to speak of it directly with you."

"She?"

"Master Linnae"

Qui-Gon frowned. Why would his Padawan choose to talk to a strange Jedi Master? An elderly Thracian who, to the best of his knowledge, had only ever visited Coruscant on three previous occasions, none of which had been during Obi-Wan's lifetime.

Mace continued. "I know Linnae quite well. We...we have met on several occasions - diplomatic functions and the like. She was aware of my friendship with you and sought my advice. Normally she would never have broken a confidence, but she didn't feel that Obi-Wan was..." Mace hesitated as he sought for a 'diplomatic' answer, "quite himself," he eventually offered. "She felt that you had a right to know. I....I agree."

"What, Mace?!" Qui-Gon made no attempt to hide the desperate concern in his voice.

"Obi-Wan wanted..." Mace took a deep breath, and the rest of the words flowed forth in a rush. "He had heard that Linnae had been Bonded. He wanted to know if it was possible to break a Bond between Jedi - Qui-Gon!" Mace cried out in alarm as Qui-Gon suddenly staggered, his face pale - eyes wide in shock. Anxiously Mace caught his friend's arm, falling back on a childhood diminutive."Qui? Qui?" When Qui-Gon didn't answer, Mace guided them both back towards the chairs against the far wall.

Qui-Gon sat down blindly, dark blue eyes almost black with anguish. "W-why....?" The Jedi's voice was hoarse with pain.

Mace sank down into the seat beside his friend, suddenly feeling older than his years. "I have no idea Qui, I'm sorry. He wouldn't tell her. He...he just wanted to know if it was possible."

"What did she tell him?"

"The truth. That it could be done if both parties agreed to it."

Qui-Gon closed his eyes.

Hating himself for asking, but knowing he had to, Mace spoke gently. "Have you....? I mean perhaps you should consider...?" He broke off when Qui-Gon's eyes snapped open.

His voice rough with suppressed emotion, Qui-Gon's eyes glittered, "I won't give him up Mace. Never ask me to."

If Mace was surprised by the anger in Qui-Gon's tone he didn't show it. "And if it's best for the boy...?"

The wildness in Qui-Gon's eyes faded to a confused sadness. "I...I don't believe that...." He looked at Mace despairingly, "Do you?"

Mace shook his head, sighing. "No...No I don't." He leaned toward Qui- Gon, his own eyes troubled, "But this can't go on Qui."

Before Qui-Gon could answer, Tenesh appeared. Both Jedi stood to face the healer. "Well he's awake," Tenesh's long face creased into a frown, "and insisting he be allowed to return to his quarters." The healer's tone said exactly what he thought of that idea.

"May I see him?" Qui-Gon made his request respectfully, but he was already trying to edge around the healer in order to enter the room.

Smiling kindly, a little of the weariness fading from his face, Tenesh nodded. "Just for a moment. The boy needs to rest."

Qui-Gon quickly expressed his gratitude and entered; Payan nodded to him briefly as he swept past, finally leaving Qui-Gon alone with his Padawan.

Chapter IV

Obi-Wan lay on a narrow bed in the far corner of the room with his face turned toward the wall. He didn't look up as Qui-Gon approached.

Trying to control his turbulent emotions, Qui-Gon pulled up a chair alongside the bed and sat down. When a moment's silence threatened to go on indefinitely, Qui-Gon spoke. "Obi-Wan?" The youth ignored him. Qui-Gon made his tone a little more forceful - a Master addressing his Padawan. "Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan suddenly seemed to remember who was speaking to him, and he pushed himself up the bed a little, sitting propped against the pillows. The young man turned his face toward Qui-Gon, but his eyes remained downcast, and his mouth held a sullen, unhappy twist.

Qui-Gon didn't need the Force, or even a Bond link, to sense his Padawan's emotional state - the young man's misery filled the tiny room; the air fairly bristled with it. Qui-Gon's gaze fell to his Padawan's hands. Obi-Wan's pale slender fingers were nervously 'playing' with the hem of his tunic. Once his wounds had been bathed and dressed, Obi-Wan had wasted no time in slipping back into his tunic. For Qui-Gon the sight of the scorched cloth was a painful remainder.

Grief and concern sharpened his voice, bitter confusion also creeping into his tone. "Why Obi-Wan? You know such katas are forbidden to Padawans. " His breath hitched, and his voice became husky with pain. "You...you could have been seriously hurt." He looked at Obi-Wan, his eyes pleading for an explanation. Obi-Wan glanced up briefly - stared dully at him for a moment - then looked away. Qui-Gon's tight control wavered. "Obi-Wan?!"

"I don't know!" Obi-Wan snapped. Gray-green eyes stared hard at Qui-Gon, before they softened a little in the face of the older Jedi's obvious distress. "I'm sorry Master...I...." a little of the hardness slipped back into Obi-Wan's expression, "I don't know why I did it." The youth's voice was tired, flat.

An awkward silence fell once more; Obi-Wan's fingers began to pluck at the blanket beside his leg, his teeth doggedly worrying his lower lip. Qui-Gon quickly realised Obi-Wan wasn't going to volunteer any more information, and he attempted to reach out to his Bond mate through their link; but Obi-Wan's mental shield remained an impenetrable barrier. Qui-Gon simply couldn't detect anything....and the emptiness was an ache in his soul.

Qui-Gon silently withdrew from his Padawan's mind; he took a moment to collect himself and then hesitated, unsure how best to continue. Qui- Gon still didn't believe that Obi-Wan had intended to harm himself. The youth had been spending most of his time alone since their return - much of it simply laid upon his bed in his old Padawan quarters, staring blankly at the ceiling. Unwilling to push too hard, Qui-Gon had allowed it, merely instructing his Padawan not to leave the Temple. If he had believed for a moment that Obi-Wan might....No!...No, he was certain. Obi-Wan would never willfully try to hurt himself.

It was simply as though the young man didn't care. However, this casual disregard was no less frightening. He decided to press a little. "Last night.You left our quarters shortly after I retired for the evening?" He didn't really need to ask, he had felt his Padawan's departure, and had lain awake long after it.

Obi-Wan watched him warily from beneath long golden lashes, Qui-Gon got a hesitant nod in response to his query.

"You went straight to the exercise rooms?" Qui-Gon guessed.

A smaller, even more hesitant nod.

Qui-Gon closed his eyes briefly, trying to calm himself. Obi-Wan had probably been exercising all night. It was a wonder the young man had been capable of performing the most basic of katas, let alone one as complicated and strenuous as the J'kha. His mind's eye was suddenly flooded with images of what might have been.....the bright flickering blue arc as the saber's blade bit into his Padawan's soft flesh....slicing through muscle and bone......He shuddered.

The stroke to Obi-Wan's collar bone had been long and deep ....a little further along and it would have been the young man's throat.

No. This could not be allowed to continue.

"You went to see Master Linnae?"

That got a reaction. Obi-Wan's head shot up, eyes widened in shock. "Who....who told you?!" There was a hint of outrage in the tremulous whisper, and Obi-Wan's eyes glittered with angry green fire.

Qui-Gon frowned. "That is not important Padawan." Qui-Gon used the youth's title purposefully, both to assert his own position, and to encourage Obi-Wan to be mindful of his. It worked. Obi-Wan breathed heavily as he fought to bring his temper back under control. Struggling to keep his own voice calm and steady, Qui-Gon continued. "Why did you go to see her?"

"You don't already know?" Obi-Wan's tone was scornful.

"I am asking you to tell me Padawan." Qui-Gon didn't raise his voice, but his tone was sharp.

For a brief moment Qui-Gon caught a glimpse of the 'real' Obi-Wan in the young man's troubled look. It was gone almost as quickly as it appeared, vanishing behind a cool indifferent mask; though Obi-Wan's voice had more than a hint of uncertainty behind it. "I...I had some questions...."

"About?" Qui-Gon prompted his Padawan gently.

Obi-Wan glanced down. "About Bonded Jedi." The reply was all but unintelligible, whispered against his chest.

Qui-Gon's voice was almost as soft. "You couldn't ask me?" There was no trace of accusation in his tone. The young man shook his head miserably. Qui-Gon tried to get his Padawan's attention. "Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan looked up. Gray-green eyes shimmered with tears.

"Tell me." Qui-Gon's words were a gentle demand.

Obi-Wan's breath hitched on a sob, "I...I asked if...a Bond could be br-broken..."

Though he had already known the answer, the words still tore at Qui- Gon. To hear the truth from his Bond mate was almost too painful to bear. "Why?" He choked out the question.

Obi-Wan shook his head violently, tears now flowing steadily down his pale pinched cheeks.

Qui-Gon's own eyes burned. "Obi-Wan please?!"

His desperate plea seemed to snap something in Obi-Wan, as the youth sat forward, almost hurling the words into Qui-Gon's face. "Because you deserve better!"

Whatever answer Qui-Gon had dreaded hearing, this was not it, and his voice echoed his confusion. "Better.....?"

This time there was no mistaking the self-loathing in Obi-Wan's gaze. His words were thick with bitter disgust. "Better than a Padawan who cannot be trusted to leave the Temple....Better than a Bond mate who cannot bear to be touched...Who..who panics if he's in a room with anyone .... Who cannot be h-held...." Obi-Wan's voice cracked. He took several deep gulping breaths before he continued, spitting out the words amidst harsh rasping sobs -"Better... than a man who can't even face himself in a mirror!" He stared at Qui-Gon, eyes wild with grief. "I can't give you what you want Qui-Gon!"

Shocked, Qui-Gon was unable to keep the edge of hurt anger from his voice "And what do I want?!"

"Me!" Obi-Wan's reply was tinged with hysteria. "You can't say you don't want me."

Pushed beyond his emotional limits, Qui-Gon snarled at his Padawan. "I love you! You are more than just a 'willing body' in my bed. Yes I want you! Yes I desire you!" He stole a deep breath, calming a little. "But I love you Obi-Wan, and I can wait-"

Obi-Wan cut in with a dismissive snort. "How long can you wait Qui-Gon? Forever?"

Qui-Gon had regained a little more control, and he met his Padawan's wild-eyed gaze without wavering. "Yes. If that is what you need." He saw the flicker of uncertainty in Obi-Wan's eyes, and glimpsed the swirling whirlpool of fear beyond it. He took another deep breath before he spoke, letting the emotions Obi-Wan refused to accept through their link colour his voice. "Obi-Wan, my Padawan...My Bond mate. Even if you are only a presence at my side, it is enough. I l o v e y o u. Without you my existence is....empty."

His words finally seemed to break through Obi-Wan's defensive shell. The young man shuddered and began to sob more forcefully. He choked out a sentence, of which Qui-Gon only caught a fragment. "...I-I'm....unclean...."

It was Qui-Gon's turn to snap. He seized Obi-Wan's arms. "Never say that! Never!" Qui-Gon suddenly realised he was shaking the youth, gripping Obi-Wan's upper arms tight enough to bruise. Obi-Wan was staring at him, still weeping - but softly this time. Qui-Gon stopped, "Oh my love...." Hesitantly he drew the young man into a loose embrace. His heart missed a beat as he felt Obi-Wan's arms slowly move up around him. Qui-Gon closed his eyes and let the tears fall, rocking his Bond mate gently in his arms.

Obi-Wan sobbed brokenly - the first real emotion he had shown since their return. It was also the first time Obi-Wan had attempted to touch Qui-Gon, and the young man clung to his Master like a terrified child in a storm.

"Let me in my love...Please let me in...." Qui-Gon kissed the top of Obi-Wan's head tenderly, his voice choked with tears. //Please my love..//

Slowly, like melting ice, Obi-Wan's mental shield began to weaken; dissolving into tiny broken fragments. Qui-Gon reached out tentatively, and felt Obi-Wan's mind touch his. There was an overwhelming sense of completion as Obi-Wan's mental presence returned, filling the torn space in Qui-Gon's soul. However something was not quite...right. The young man's emotions were stilted - dulled. Qui-Gon 'probed' gently, and was distressed to discover another small, but powerful barrier; a defense around those memories Obi-Wan was still unable to share. He 'pushed' a little, and Obi-Wan began to draw back - Qui-Gon retreated at once, sighing in relief as he felt the young man relax in return.

Mace Windu discreetly glanced through the open doorway, then turned to address the healers. "I think they should be left alone for a while." Tenesh and Payan nodded in shared understanding. The three moved away silently - leaving the Master and Padawan in private.

Chapter V

Mace returned alone sometime later. He found Qui-Gon awake, on the narrow bed; Obi-Wan lay asleep in his arms. The young man's face was pressed tightly into Qui-Gon's chest - showing only a glimpse of long golden lashes brushing a pale cheek. Qui-Gon stroked the young man's back soothingly.

Mace crossed the room quietly and took the seat vacated by Qui-Gon. "It's a beginning my friend."

The eyes that turned to him were filled with pained despair. "He...he's suffered so much Mace...."

"You both have." Mace corrected gently.

Qui-Gon shook his head wearily. His voice reflected his bewilderment. "I-I don't know how to help him Mace...."

"Then let us help you both, Qui-Gon." Mace pleaded. It cut him deeply to see his friend so distressed. However he also knew Qui-Gon well enough to realise how hard this was for the other man. Qui-Gon was utterly self reliant, totally contained - a model of Jedi calm - and he had raised his Padawan the same way. As a Bonded pair they were completely committed to one another, existing in what was essentially a private world. To acknowledge that they needed outside assistance would be hard, to let others enter their private domain would be even harder.

Finally, after an agony of waiting, Qui-Gon nodded.

Mace sighed with relief. "Rest here a while." He raised his hand to silence Qui-Gon when the other Jedi would have protested. "Tenesh wants to keep an eye on the boy. Just for a little while, Qui." Reluctantly Qui-Gon acquiesced. Mace continued. "Master Yoda wishes to speak with you later - and no, I don't know what it is about." He stood, resting his hand for a moment on Qui-Gon's shoulder. "Now get some sleep my friend." He let his eyes silently carry the rest of his speech. You are safe here. We will all watch over you.

Qui-Gon gave a small smile of gratitude and closed his eyes.

Mace left silently.

Chapter VI

Just before mid-day, Qui-Gon walked Obi-Wan back to their quarters. The young man had obstinately refused to spend a moment longer in the infirmary, and Tenesh and Payan were content to release the Padawan back into his Master's care. Qui-Gon remained uneasy; Obi-Wan wasn't shielding from him any more, but he felt they had made little real progress. Obi-Wan was an emotional island - projecting nothing of what he was feeling; boyish features set into a cool, bland mask. Without uttering a word, the youth had fallen into step beside Qui-Gon; walking silently through the empty corridors - an icy, green-eyed wraith.

It chilled Qui-Gon to see his Padawan so inanimate. This listless shade was a poor imitation of the vibrant, strong-willed young man he knew.

As they walked through the Temple, Qui-Gon became aware of the attention they were drawing - the wide-eyed curiosity of the Padawans and the pitying glances of his fellow Knights and Masters. He felt a sharp stab of anger, and tried to shield Obi-Wan from the less subtle staring of the younger Padawans - glaring at any who let their gaze linger too long. Qui-Gon was relieved when they finally reached their quarters, though Obi-Wan seemed unaware of the unwanted attention.

Obi-Wan would have disappeared at once into his own room, but Qui- Gon called him back; somewhat sullenly the youth obeyed. Qui-Gon prepared them both some food, though he himself had no appetite. Obi-Wan sat down and accepted the plate Qui-Gon handed to him, eating with obvious effort and no enthusiasm.

Master Yoda had left a message that he wished to see Qui-Gon immediately. Qui-Gon was reluctant to leave Obi-Wan alone, and did so only after extracting the young man's word that he would stay in their quarters until Qui-Gon returned. Obi-Wan had agreed readily enough, but Qui-Gon had caught a glimmer of anger in those quickly downcast eyes.

Unhappily Qui-Gon left, and made his way to Master Yoda's rooms. He stood, struggling to remain calm, while the elderly Jedi pottered around tending to his plants - the ancient muttered softly as he plucked off a dead leaf; crooning as he tenderly stroked a new, bright shoot. Normally Qui-Gon would have waited without concern...or comment....but now - "Master, you wished to see me?" He tried and failed to keep the impatience from his voice; he was anxious to return to Obi-Wan.

Yoda stopped, peering at him from around a large leafy astrellada. "Oh, grow impatient you do, heh?" The diminutive Jedi hobbled forward. "No time have you for your old Master..." The creature shook his head in mock sorrow, his ears drooping pitifully. As he reached Qui-Gon he tipped his head back, peering upwards, eyes twinkling kindly. "Come, sit down you must. Look up all that way I cannot." Yoda tapped Qui-Gon's leg gently with his stick, before shuffling off toward a seat in the centre of the room.

Qui-Gon felt a stab of guilt. He had no right to let his personal grief intrude upon his fondness or respect for his former Master. "Master Yoda, forgive me...I-"

The ancient silenced him with a gentle tutting, waving to the space in front of him. Qui-Gon stepped forward and seated himself cross-legged, hands clasped - a study in troubled despair.

Yoda regarded him sadly. "Hurting you are, see this I do." He tapped his own chest gently. "Feel it here I can."

Qui-Gon didn't know what to say, so he remained silent.

"Hmm, yes. When one Bond mate suffers so do they both. Your pain is feeding his, as his does yours."

Qui-Gon frowned, uncertain what Yoda was implying. "We are feeding each others 'pain'....because of the Bond link?"

Yoda nodded. "Know this you did not, heh?"

Qui-Gon shook his head. "But..but...I can't sense anything from Obi-Wan....?"

"Hmm, no. Shielding himself he is. Strong at it too." The Jedi Master sounded both surprised and impressed. His eyes narrowed. "But sense it you need not. The link exists, Bonded you are, bound to each other. Your emotions are his, and his are yours."

Qui-Gon struggled to catch up. "So even though I can't sense Obi-Wan's emotions, I'm subconsciously absorbing them?"

It seemed he was on the right path. The elderly Jedi's wrinkled face creased even further in concern. "Dangerous this can be. Much fear has he. Share it you do."

Qui-Gon made no reply.

"Take the boy to Aldair you should."

"A-Aldair?!" Qui-Gon made no attempt to hide his surprise.

Yoda did not seem disturbed by his startled exclamation. "Go before you would have. Go now you should."

"I-I don't think...." Qui-Gon stood, suddenly too agitated to remain seated. He searched desperately for an excuse, "I don't think it would be wise for us to leave Coruscant..."

Qui-Gon watched as Yoda's eyes widened, ears lifting as the elderly Jedi lent forward, his voice soft and knowing. "Afraid you are."

Qui-Gon stiffened, mouth open ready to object....but the words wouldn't come. Obi-Wan's near rape on Taogoa, the misunderstandings of Neider, their near fatal crash on the nameless grey planet...Obi-Wan's withdrawl....the scavenger ship.....All the ill that had befallen them so far had occurred while they were away from Coruscant.

Qui-Gon closed his eyes and clenched his hands into bloodless fists. He was afraid to leave Coruscant. He wanted to keep Obi-Wan safe...secure...locked away. He knew it was the truth, even as he acknowledged that it was wrong. He was a Jedi Knight, one of too few in a vast, ever-expanding galaxy. One day Obi-Wan would follow him into Knighthood.

To remain here, cosseted within the walls of the Temple would serve no purpose....

He opened his eyes. Yoda was watching him, waiting patiently. "Face your fears you must. Or grow stronger they will."

Qui-Gon thought of Aldair - a lush, quiet beautiful world, regarded as something of a spiritual retreat by the Jedi. There were very few Aldairans - they lived in small settlements on a flat open continent, far away from the forests and mountains which covered much of their world. They welcomed few outsiders, but due to their past services to the people of Aldair, Jedi were regarded as honoured guests. He nodded finally. "Very well. We will go."

Yoda looked pleased. "Good, good. Leave today you should."

"Today? I-"

Yoda continued as though Qui-Gon hadn't spoken. "Master Windu can take you." The elderly Master stood, and began to nudge Qui-Gon toward the door. "Tell the boy now you must."

"But?-" Qui-Gon allowed himself to be edged forward into the open doorway, before he stopped.

Yoda seemed to sense his hesitancy, and reached out to pat Qui-Gon's leg in an oddly comforting gesture. "Right this is Qui-Gon. Know it you do. Know it also Obi-Wan will. Hiding he is, hmm yes. Hard to hide in the open he will find, heh."

Qui-Gon knew the look he gave his old Master was unconvinced.

Yoda sighed, flattening his ears back. "Search your feelings Qui-Gon, serve you they will. Let the Force guide you and the boy. Brought you this far it has, hmm." The ancient gave his former Padawan a small shove, pushing him through the doorway. "All will be as it should be when Master and Padawan are restored, " were the Jedi's parting words.

Qui-Gon recognised the dismissal and bowed his head; Yoda waved him away impatiently. Qui-Gon turned and briskly headed back towards his own quarters. Aldair?....How was he going to break this news to Obi-Wan?

Chapter VII

Obi-Wan prowled around the room, his hands clenched into tight fists; his whole body bristling with tense, silent fury. He had been badly stung by Qui-Gon's parting words - even though he'd never intended to leave their quarters. His feigned indifference had almost broken during the brief walk here: he had no wish to re-run the gauntlet of stares and whispers.

Obi-Wan bitterly resented being treated like a child, and a small spark of rebelliousness challenged him to disobey. His fear of being returned to the care of Masters Tenesh and Payan was all that held him back. The Temple healers still only had half a picture concerning what had happened to him - and Obi-Wan wanted to keep it that way.

When they had arrived back on Coruscant, Obi-Wan had steadfastly refused to allow anyone but Nezan near him, hardening his heart against Qui-Gon's anguished concern. Obi-Wan had let Nezan examine and treat his injuries, and had then sworn the Cykros doctor to secrecy. Nezan had reluctantly given his word - on one condition - that Obi-Wan agreed to tell Qui-Gon everything.....eventually.

Obi-Wan had promised....but days had stretched into weeks, and still he had told Qui-Gon nothing.

What could he say?!....How could he confess that Rigel had used his body - brutally, cruelly; making him beg and plead and scream. How could he possibly tell his Bond mate that he could still taste the scavenger's seed, that he could still feel those rough calloused hands upon his skin....Still smell Rigel's dark musky scent....and hear that voice.......It called to him, awake or asleep....

....My little one....My Obi-Wan....

He stopped suddenly - clasping his hands over his ears as though he could shut out the hated words - but how could he when they were inside his head?

The scavenger had 'stolen' some part of him, and it seemed Rigel refused to surrender it even in death. Rigel's demise had brought Obi-Wan no release, it had just led him into a new Hell: this one of his own making. Obi-Wan felt as though he was slowly sliding into madness. The gruelling katas he performed day and night helped to relieve the torment, the physical pain silencing his thoughts...at least for a little while. The agony of abused muscles and bruised, broken flesh had become a fragile reminder that somewhere beneath this icy sheath his heart still beat.

Obi-Wan had learnt of Master Linnae's arrival by chance, when Bant paid him a brief, awkward visit. He had finally been forced to escape her company when the quiet, gentle pity in her eyes became too much. Hard to bear as her sorrowful understanding had been - it was only a fraction of the deep sadness that haunted him in Qui-Gon's deep blue gaze.

The news that a previously Bonded Jedi was visiting the Temple had spurred Obi-Wan into action. He had convinced himself that he had to free Qui-Gon from their Bond - that if he was damned he would not let the man he loved fall with him. Linnae had been kind and honest, answering his questions without asking any of her own; though Obi-Wan could see them clearly enough, mingled with the concern in her dark eyes. He made his excuses as soon as he was able to obtain the answer to his question.

It could be done....but only if Qui-Gon agreed to it.

How could he make his Master accept that this was the only way? That for them both to be sucked down into this spiral of despair and darkness would serve no purpose. Obi-Wan had turned the problem over and over in his mind...but had still found no solution.

The sound of the door sliding open broke his reverie. He dropped his hands to his sides and looked across just as Qui-Gon entered. Obi-Wan sensed at once that all was not well. Qui-Gon's whole stance radiated tension, and the Jedi Master's expression was that of a man who came bearing news and was unsure how it would be received.

Obi-Wan felt his anger leave him in a rush, chased away by a flood of fear and uncertainty. What had Master Yoda said? Had a decision been made to end his apprenticeship? Was his Bond with Qui-Gon to be severed ? The very possibility crushed his former resolve, as Obi-Wan suddenly realised that he couldn't face losing Qui-Gon, his Master. He loved this man - it would destroy him completely to give him up.

Unable to move, Obi-Wan stood frozen. His face felt stiff - a brittle mask - but Qui-Gon must have seen the wild panic behind it. The Jedi Master moved forward as if to embrace him. However, at the last moment Qui-Gon seemed to recall Obi-Wan's earlier skittishness and he held back.

Qui-Gon's uncertainty tore at something in Obi-Wan, and the young man forced himself to move closer. //Master?//

Relief lit Qui-Gon's features, softening the lines of distress which had settled there. Obi-Wan felt his Bond mate's hands clasp his arms lightly in a chaste embrace - one which filled the youth with confusion. Somehow it was both too much and too little, making him tremble with fear and ache with need.

//It's alright Obi-Wan// Qui-Gon seemed happy to be using the more intimate communication, denied to them for so long. //Master Yoda just wanted to know how....how things were between us.//

Things? Obi-Wan's eyes must have reflected his confusion.

Qui-Gon's hold tightened slightly. //He suggested perhaps we would benefit from going to Aldair...// Obi-Wan knew Qui-Gon could not have missed the shudder which passed through his frame/the tremor which shuddered through his body at these words.

Qui-Gon seemed unhappy and hesitant. //If you do not wish to go...?//

"No!" Obi-Wan found his voice to object. "That is, if Master Yoda believes we should."

The older man relaxed a little. "He seems to feel we may benefit from being away from the Temple."

Obi-Wan recalled the knowing glances and hushed voices and he shivered again.

"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon looked anxious.

Obi-Wan realised his Master was waiting for his answer. He thought a moment - to leave Coruscant would mean space travel; the very idea of entering a ship left him feeling nauseous. Then there was the fact that he would be alone with Qui-Gon........Obi-Wan sighed. He hated this; he was just so sick of it all - so tired of being afraid, of being watched, of seeing his Master's eyes filled with pain and concern. He just wanted an end to it all.

All his life Obi-Wan had been taught that fear could be a dangerous thing, that if allowed to flourish, it would lead to the Darkside.

Fear had to be overcome.

Jaw set, eyes determined, Obi-Wan looked up at his Master. "When do we leave?"

Chapter VIII

Qui-Gon felt his sense of unease grow as they crossed the hangar toward their waiting ship. His mind unwillingly replayed the events of their previous, ill-fated departure. It didn't take a Jedi Master's insight to realise that Obi-Wan must be feeling the same sense of trepidation, magnified a hundred-fold. Qui-Gon used their Bond link to send his Padawan a wave of love and reassurance. He was faintly relieved when Obi-Wan - looking tired and pale - responded with a small tight smile.

Mace Windu walked ahead, allowing the Bond mates some privacy.

Obi-Wan's steps grew steadily less certain as they drew closer to their craft, and the youth froze altogether at the bottom of the boarding ramp. Mace noticed but disguised his concern. "I'll check the instruments." He shared a brief, understanding look with Qui-Gon and disappeared into the ship.

Qui-Gon was grateful for his friend's discretion. He stepped in front of Obi-Wan - blocking the youth's view of the ship's darkened doorway. "Obi-Wan?" Gray-green eyes met his hesitantly. Qui-Gon quickly schooled his features, hiding the pain it caused him to see the usually confident young man so cowed. He held out his hand. "Come Padawan." Obi-Wan regarded Qui-Gon's outstretched fingers silently. Qui-Gon smiled. "Come, " he coaxed gently.

Slowly, Obi-Wan reached for Qui-Gon's hand. The Jedi Master bit his lip, resisting the urge to grab the young man and pull him into his arms. When his fingers were suddenly snatched in a desperate grip, he answered it with a comforting squeeze. A gentle tug and Obi-Wan followed Qui-Gon up the boarding ramp.

Qui-Gon could feel Obi-Wan's heart racing as he led the young man into the ship. Obi-Wan had grown considerably paler, and was breathing in slow steady gulps - clearly trying to calm himself. Qui-Gon picked up a faint fluttering of panic along their Bond link, as they moved together through the ship; their footsteps echoing emptily off the dull metal walkway. All ship's passageways seemed to share this claustrophobic sense of closeness. Certainly all had the same musty metallic smell, the dry chilled flavour of re-cycled air, and the vibrating hum of the engines - faint now with the ship still at rest.

All Jedi were sensitive to space travel - able to detect subtle changes in speed and the minute adjustments in a craft's course. Obi-Wan was particularily attuned to with this particular manifestation of the Force; it was one of the reasons he was such a skilled pilot; a strength which had once brought the young man great pleasure.

No such joyous emotion now graced his Padawan's pale features. Obi-Wan didn't relax the death-grip he had upon Qui-Gon's hand until they entered their cabin; even then Qui-Gon had to prise his fingers free in order to set down their belongings. The Jedi Master was disturbed by his Padawan's almost catatonic expression. //Obi-Wan?// Qui-Gon was relieved when Obi-Wan looked at him - nodding briefly in acknowledgment before crossing over to the bed. The young man stood beside it, reaching out to brush marble white fingers along its edge.

Qui-Gon suddenly realised - he and Obi-Wan had not shared a bed for many nights - not since Obi-Wan had sought permission to return to his old Padawan Quarters. "Obi-Wan..I...." He stumbled over the words, searching for what to say.

Obi-Wan turned around to face him. "It's all right." The youth walked back to Qui-Gon, laying his hand upon the older Jedi's arm. It felt strange to be the one receiving comfort....strange but undeniably good. "I...I want to be with you..."

The words uncoiled some of the tension which had settled in Qui-Gon's stomach and he smiled, clasping Obi-Wan's cold fingers within his own.

Chapter IX

Caught within the folds of a nightmare, Obi-Wan cried out softly in his sleep. He was alone inside the tiny cabin; Qui-Gon had stepped out to speak with Mace Windu. The Jedi Master had left Obi-Wan sleeping quietly, but now Obi-Wan's dreamscape had shifted into more familiar planes. He was running through a ship, a dark distorted passageway so narrow the walls appeared to be closing in upon him. He was barefoot and naked -a cold metal circlet gripping his throat. His heart hammered frantically as he ran; gasping as he struggled to drag the air past his constricting throat into aching, overworked lungs.

Obi-Wan knew what would happen next. This was an old nightmare, one which had coloured his sleep on too many nights.

No matter where he ran, which passage he followed, which door he tried, it always ended with him running into Qui-Gon's arms. The first night Obi-Wan had collapsed with relief, clutching at the likeness of his lover, but the 'dream Qui-Gon' had gripped his arms, forcing him back. Cold blue eyes had bored into him, and an icy confusion settled in his heart. Then the image spoke - I d o n o t k n o w y o u, and Obi-Wan had found himself flung backwards.....

....to be caught by another, equally powerful embrace. He had struggled, only to be spun around and held fast against Rigel's broad chest.

The nightmare was always the same - the scavenger would lift him up, swinging him effortlessly over one shoulder. As he was carried away, kicking and yelling, Obi-Wan would lift his head and look back. The 'dream Qui-Gon' would stand a moment, staring after him, and then the cruel illusion would turn and walk away.

Sometimes if Obi-Wan was 'fortunate' he would wake up then, with his nightclothes stuck to his body and a cold empty ache in his chest. On other nights he was less so, and the dream would drift on........

This was one such night.

Obi-Wan struggled desperately; a small part of him still aware that this was all just a dream....but his efforts were in vain. Locked inside his mind Obi-Wan was forced to relive the agonies inflicted upon his body. He writhed and sobbed as the tangled sheets twisted around his legs, binding him to the bed....a reality distorted by his nightmare - his cruel imaginings conjuring up cold chains around his limbs.

His head thrashed back and forth against the pillows, his features tight with distress; hands tearing desperately at the knotted sheets. Suddenly Obi-Wan's hips arched up, his torso lifting off the bed. His whole body trembled violently, sweat slicked muscles straining as Obi-Wan again experienced the pain and terror of Rigel's brutal attack.

Obi-Wan's lips parted in a silent scream, small strangled moans escaping from the back of his throat. His nightmare reached its zenith with the scavenger's climax; gray-green eyes shot open and Obi-Wan collapsed back against the bed, gasping for air like a drowning man. After a moment he turned over onto his side, drawing his knees up against his chest. He lay, shivering uncontrollably, his face a mask of misery and despair.

Obi-Wan's mental shield slammed down automatically during these night terrors. As awareness returned he tightened his control, making sure that none of the images and emotions escaped and alerted Qui-Gon to his distress. In the darkness he could see the bed, the sheets tangled in wild disarray; they felt damp against his back and legs, the sweat cooling rapidly upon his skin. Slowly, painfully he sat up, kicking his feet free of the bedding. The metal floor was cold as he stumbled into the wash cubicle. A small sensor light clicked on as he entered, casting a dim glow around the tiny room.

Obi-Wan stood in front of the wash basin. He hesitated briefly before looking up - facing his reflection in the small square mirror fastened to the wall. Lit from above his face was harshly shadowed - the cheeks hollow, the mouth tight and pinched. His hair was dull with sweat, plastered flat against his skull. Oddly colourless eyes, like clear glass, stared blankly back at him. Obi-Wan's expression didn't seem to change at all as he took in his appearance; perhaps only Qui-Gon would have seen the deep sense of shame in his eyes.

Averting his eyes, Obi-Wan jabbed fiercely at the control panel on the wall - and cold water began to trickle into the sink. He splashed a little onto his face, then rubbed his wet fingers through his hair, brushing it up into its normal spiky tufts. Raising his head he caught a glimpse of his reflection, water trickling down his face - this time he was unprepared and his mind instantly flashed back onto another mirror.....one suspended above a bed.....Obi-Wan felt a wave of black terror - an uncontrolled Force burst which shattered the mirror before him; spidery cracks shooting outwards.

Obi-Wan gripped the sides of the sink tightly and bowed his head. The muscles across his back and shoulders tensed beneath his skin. He stood like that for some time, breathing in and out slowly....Then he looked back up........

A grotesquely distorted image greeted him - his own face reflected in a thousand glittering shards. A strange twisted smile lit Obi-Wan's face, and he reached out a tentative hand, brushing his fingers across the broken glass. One piece was jarred loose by the touch. It fell into the metal basin with a tinkling clatter. Obi-Wan gazed at it thoughtfully before lifting it out of the basin. It was cold and wet in his fingers, the flat surface smooth and slippy, the narrow edge razor sharp. He turned it over and over in his hand, letting the light play across it; staring transfixed as the sharp edges sliced into his skin. The blood seemed almost black against his pale flesh, but as it dripped into the basin and mingled with the water it formed crimson clouds, blossoming outwards.

Obi-Wan clenched his hand tighter, his smile growing increasingly manic as the blood flowed faster - rich scarlet rivulets following the creases in his skin. How easy it would be to take this shard and use its cruel edge upon his face - to let the icy sickness beneath his skin ooze out through the jagged cuts. Obi-Wan's hand shook with the effort of holding back; desperately fighting the need to bleed away the darkness inside him, to cleanse himself of the scavenger's foul taint.

His face contorted into a grimace as he forced his hand open, letting the sliver of mirror fall from fingers now slick with blood. Obi-Wan used his uninjured hand to increase the flow of water, washing away the flood of red. Exhausted, he sagged against the wall - without thinking, he wiped his bloody hand across his mouth. The rich coppery tang of blood assaulted him, and with its sticky sweetness came the memories.....

Here little one. Drink........Now you have my life inside you.......We are joined little one. Bound together......Bonded by blood.

With a hoarse cry of horror, Obi-Wan thrust his hand beneath the water, scrubbing at it furiously; ignoring the aching pain as the cold sank into his wounds. Leaning low over the basin, he scooped some of the water up into his mouth, trying to wash away the taste. However his stomach rebelled and he brought up what little food he had consumed that day. Obi-Wan retched until his muscles screamed in protest and his throat burned with the bitter taste of blood and bile. Then he slowly sank down to the floor, resting his head against the cold stem of the basin.

He stayed there for some time, silent tears spilling down his cheeks; breathing in deep shuddering gulps.

Eventually Obi-Wan pulled himself upright; he stood on shaky legs, as unsteady as a newborn. Carefully, Obi-Wan removed the broken mirror from the wall, and washed away the last of the blood from the sink - though the task made his stomach churn and his head pound. He was unable to manipulate the Force delicately enough to completely heal his hand, but he could close the cuts, leaving only thin white lines. The dull ache which remained was oddly comforting. Having straightened the sheets Obi-Wan crawled back into bed, cradling his hand against his chest....

He could still smell blood.

Sometime later Qui-Gon returned. For a moment the older man simply stood - his expression lost in the darkness, silently watching Obi-Wan as the youth lay, apparently sound asleep. Then he turned and wandered through into the wash room.

Obi-Wan stiffened and unconsciously held his breath. He felt his Master's mind brush gently against his own and knew his 'deception' had been discovered.

//Obi-Wan?//

Obi-Wan hesitated, but it was useless to continue to feign sleep. Finally he answered. //Y-yes...Master.//

Concern and worry filtered through their Bond link. //Are you alright ?//

//Yes Master.//

Qui-Gon reappeared, a tall silhouette against the washroom light. "Where is the mirror Obi-Wan?" - a soft, deep whisper....an innocuous question which made Obi-Wan's heart race.

He swallowed harshly several times before he found his voice. "I-I broke it....I-" he paused and sucked in another shaky breath. "It was an accident Master. I am sorry."

"The mirror is of no importance Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon's tone held a hint of reproof. "You are not hurt?" The question was mildly asked, but Obi-Wan thought he glimpsed the almost frantic concern beneath Qui- Gon's calm facade.

"Hurt? No Master." Obi-Wan assumed his mask of 'puzzled innocence', praying Qui-Gon could not detect the panic behind it.

Qui-Gon sighed heavily. When he spoke the older man sounded weary beyond his years, and unspeakably sad. "There is blood on the wall Obi- Wan."

Obi-Wan's heart-rate spiked. Blood?....Oh Gods... He struggled to find his voice. "I...I cut myself. It...it was nothing." Even as he spoke Qui-Gon had moved to sit beside him on the bed. The small side lamp was turned on. Obi-Wan blinked owlishly in the unwelcome brightness and tried to turn away.

Qui-Gon caught his shoulder gently, and turned him back. "Show me, my love. Please."

Obi-Wan was powerless against his Bond mate's soft plea. Reluctantly he exposed his injured hand to his Master's velvet gaze; hating the fresh lines of worry which appeared across Qui-Gon's brow. He opened his mouth, intending to persist in his bluff. See. It is nothing. but he was unable to speak. He felt oddly ashamed.

Qui-Gon stroked a warm, calloused thumb across the faint silvery lines. Obi-Wan felt the skin across his palm tingle and tighten as his Master sent Force healing into his hand. The scars faded into nothing. Qui-Gon still held his hand, staring at it as though it could speak and tell him its secret. Obi-Wan was lost in the moment, unable to speak, unable to move away. He watched silently as Qui-Gon lifted his hand up and placed a gentle kiss upon his open palm. Obi-Wan felt the wet satin of his Master's lips, the soft brush of Qui-Gon's beard and the moist heat of his breath. Obi-Wan shivered, feeling a rush of need and uncertainty.

Qui-Gon released him and Obi-Wan pulled back, staring at his Master - completely unaware of the bewildered pain in his gaze. Qui-Gon smiled sadly and stroked Obi-Wan's cheek once, before carefully drawing back the sheets and climbing into bed. Obi-Wan didn't try to move any further away. After a moment Qui-Gon placed an arm around him; Obi-Wan went very still, Qui-Gon didn't move. Slowly Obi-Wan leaned into the loose embrace, letting the warmth of Qui-Gon's body dissipate some of the bone-deep chill within his own.

Chapter X

Qui-Gon felt Obi-Wan relax a little, and he resisted the urge to tighten his embrace - knowing from experience that Obi-Wan would only panic and try to pull away. It was hard; he ached to hold his young love close, needing the reassurance that Obi-Wan was here - alive and whole within the circle of his arms. The bloody smear upon the washroom wall had scared him, as did the knowledge that Obi-Wan had lied to him. The scars marking Obi-Wan's palm had been pale and faint, but they disguised cuts too numerous and too savage to have been anything but deliberate.

He had battled down the urge to demand answers from his Padawan, taking in the young man's pale, tired features and the barely concealed panic in gray-green eyes. Qui-Gon cursed the time he had taken in returning - If he had come back sooner?...Would he have arrived in time to prevent his Padawan's injury? Or would he have stumbled upon Obi-Wan in the act of self-mutilation? His gut tightened at the image.

Qui-Gon had thought it safe to leave Obi-Wan sleeping, while he took the opportunity to have a few private words with Mace. He did not really doubt Yoda's wisdom, but he had been plagued with self-doubts of his own divising, and he valued his old friend's council. Mace shared his trait of plain speaking - something Qui-Gon valued highly, especially in a friend.

He had slipped away quietly, mindful not to wake Obi-Wan, slightly anxious about leaving his Padawan alone. But the need to drive the insecurities from his mind had compelled him to go.

He had stepped into the silent cockpit with an almost audible sigh of relief, nodding in greeting to his friend before sinking wearily into the co-pilot's seat.

Mace's calming presence filled the cockpit, soothing Qui-Gon's troubled spirit. They sat in a companionable silence. Finally Mace spoke. "You have come to ask if I think this is the right course to follow."

Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow, "You sound like Master Yoda." His tone was dry. Mace didn't bother to reply. Qui-Gon sighed.

Mace turned to face him. "What would you have me say Qui-Gon? Would you have me question Yoda's judgement?"

"No, but I would value your opinion."

Mace shook his head lightly and steepled his fingers - a habit he was prone to when troubled or deep in thought. "I think you both need some time together, with no distractions. A place where you can talk. Aldair may be that place."

Qui-Gon pursed his lips, one hand drumming on his armrest. "Hmph..perhaps," was all he said.

Mace remained silent, waiting patiently. He showed no surprise when Qui-Gon suddenly leapt to his feet and stalked to the back of the cockpit. "I forgot him Mace!" Qui-Gon's voice rose in disbelief; he lifted his gaze to meet Mace's and the pain in those dark blue eyes made the other man flinch. "How could I do that to him?!"

"You did not." Mace reminded him gently. "None of what happened was your fault Qui, you must see that."

"And if I cannot?"

"You cannot heal your Padawan while you are consumed by your own pain, Qui-Gon."

Qui-Gon frowned. "My pain is not important."

"No-one's pain is unimportant." Mace stood and moved to stand in front of his friend, gripping Qui-Gon's arms in a gesture of support and comfort. "You are suffering Qui-Gon. You are hurting, because of what happened to Obi-Wan, and to you." He tightened his grip and shook his friend a little when Qui-Gon would have protested. Mace tried another approach, determined to make Qui-Gon accept what he was saying. "Do you love Obi-Wan?"

Qui-Gon looked shocked. "How can you ask me that?" His voice was rough with emotion.

Mace ignored him. "I ask you again Qui-Gon Jinn. Do you love Obi-Wan Kenobi - Yes or no?"

Qui-Gon's gaze grew fierce. "Yes!"

"Then why do you seek to add to his burdens?"

"W-what?" Qui-Gon's anger fled. Taken aback he stared at his friend.

Mace sought to clear his friend's confusion."Obi-Wan is a Force sensitive. You are a Bonded pair. Your pain is as voluble to him, as his is to you."

Qui-Gon's expression reflected his dawning understanding."I am hurting him...."

Mace rejected the guilt quickly. "You are hurting each other. You must both face your pain and overcome it. Accept what has happened and move past it."

"Accept?!" Qui-Gon's anger flared up again. "How can I accept what happened?...What....what he did to Obi-Wan...I..." The words choked him and he could say no more.

"You don't know what happened Qui." Mace reminded him gently.

Qui-Gon's eyes were bright with unshed tears. He tapped the side of his head with his fingers. "Not here - no," he lay a hand over his heart, "but here...here I know it...and I...I..." Again his voice broke. He swallowed sharply. "I cannot bear it Mace."

Mace's gaze flooded with compassion and he pulled his friend forward into an embrace. When he spoke his voice was low and determined. "You will get past this Qui. You both will. That is what I believe." He continued to speak softly; still holding his friend. "Jealousy and envy are emotions unworthy of Jedi - I know this - but I also know many of us felt the stirrings of such when we beheld you and your Padawan together. Mace drew back a little until he could capture Qui-Gon's gaze. "You and Obi-Wan are one with each other. When you saber practice..." He shook his head, his voice tinged with wonder. "I witnessed your Bonding Qui. I touched the link between you. I....I have never felt such a Bond." Dark brown eyes stared at Qui-Gon intently. "The Force meant this Bond to be. It will guide you though this."

They talked a while longer. Mace's impassioned speech seemed to have 'unlocked' something inside of Qui-Gon, and the Jedi Master found himself able to speak of things he had hitherto been unwilling to discuss. He did not mention the Mindus, or Obi-Wan's addiction to it. Instead he spoke of his decision to conceal their relationship on Neider, Obi-Wan's unhappiness, the many misunderstandings. Mace listened while Qui-Gon described the crash and his sense of spiralling helplessness. "Obi-Wan became...unwell...He....I was unable to do anything."

Finally Qui-Gon spoke of the horrors he and Obi-Wan had suffered aboard the scavenger's ship - something he had previously only described in the sketchiest of detail. Haltingly Qui-Gon described their capture, the loss of all his memories, the knife fight with the Gracian.The feeling of knowing, yet not knowing Obi-Wan. How he'd watched the way Rigel had touched his Padawan, and how the memory of had sickened and revolted him.

Mace attempted to draw Qui-Gon's attention to the fact that the Jedi Master appeared to have missed. "You still listened to Obi-Wan. Your heart knew him. The Bond between you is that strong. You knew him, even when your memories were lost." Qui-Gon just nodded wearily. Mace tapped his friend's arm lightly to get his full attention. "You blame yourself for what happened?"

Qui-Gon's expression was one of total despair."How can I not?"

Mace didn't answer him directly. Instead he asked another question. "Do you blame Obi-Wan for what happened on Naboo?"

"What?!" Qui-Gon made no attempt to hide his incredulity.

Mace's tone remained calm. "He fell. You were left alone to face the Sith." His eyes narrowed. "You were almost killed."

"Obi-Wan defeated the Sith." Qui-Gon's eyes flashed. His voice lowered dangerously as he defended his Bond mate.

Mace paid no heed."Yes! - While you lay dying from a saber thrust, because he had failed to stay by your side."

"Obi-Wan was not to blame! The fall was through no fault of his. He was exhausted!"

"So were you!" Mace rejoined.

"The laser walls separated us! He tried to reach me!"

"But he failed. Yes?"

"NO!" Qui-Gon roared his denial. "He killed the Sith! He saved me."

"But only after you were seriously hurt!"

"He killed the Sith. He saved us all." Qui-Gon repeated, his tone low and insistent..

"So he didn't fail?" Mace's tone was mild.

"No!" Qui-Gon's eyes blazed with the force of his emotions.

Mace frowned as though confused. "But you failed him?"

"What?!" Qui-Gon snapped.

"On the scavenger ship. When you lost your memory and found yourself enslaved - cut off from the Force. You freed him, but he was hurt. So - you failed?"

"I...?" Qui-Gon looked blankly at him.

"Don't you see Qui? You did everything you could, just as Obi-Wan did. He is still trying to forgive himself for Naboo. That is the spectre which has haunted your Padawan for so long. How can he free himself of his guilt - if you wear yours like a brand ?"

Qui-Gon shook his head. "I....I don't know if I can forgive myself Mace."

Mace remained firm. "You must. For both your sakes you must. Only then can you help Obi-Wan lay his own guilt aside." Mace's expression became grave. "Just as you must release your hatred for this man - this Rigel. Do not let your anger poison you Qui."

Qui-Gon nodded wordlessly.

Mace drew in a sharp breath. There was one more unpleasant truth to face. "You blame Obi-Wan for not coming to you, for not speaking to you." Mace hardened his heart against the pain in his friend's gaze. "But you tell me you cannot bear to think of it! Don't you think he knows this?! He can read it in your eyes Qui. How can he talk if you are not yet ready to listen to what he has to say?"

Qui-Gon absorbed all that Mace had said in silence. Eventually he looked up, regarding his friend warmly. "Thank you." The words were heartfelt.

Mace simply smiled, a little sadly. "I am your friend Qui. Never forget that."

Qui-Gon stood, and lay his hand upon Mace's shoulder - squeezing it gently. "I won't." The two men nodded to each other, and Qui-Gon returned to his cabin.

Believing his Padawan to be asleep, Qui-Gon had taken the opportunity to study his lover's unguarded face - noting the lines of stress and fatigue which marred the handsome, boyish features. Pulling himself away, Qui-Gon had wandered silently into the washroom. The mirror's absence had struck him instantly, his eyes automatically searching the tiny cubicle. Just beneath the basin bowl, on the wall, he had seen the bright red smear. Qui-Gon hadn't needed to look any closer to know that it was blood. He had brushed his fingers over the mark - still damp - Blood.....Obi-Wan's blood.

His heart racing, Qui-Gon had reached out to gently touch his Padawan's mind - realising at once the young man's subterfuge - that Obi-Wan was in fact very much awake, and merely feigning sleep. Trying to calm the frantic pounding of his heart, Qui-Gon had forced some semblance of calm into his voice as he addressed his Padawan.

Obi-Wan's words had done nothing to belay his fears.

Qui-Gon stroked his fingers across Obi-Wan's wrist - the young man's skin felt icy cold. Obi-Wan stirred, making a soft sound of distress. Qui- Gon reached out through their link and lulled his Bond mate back into a dreamless sleep. Qui-Gon remained awake, too many troubled thoughts plagued his consciousness for him to rest. Instead he attempted to meditate, hoping to find some way forward through the Force.

Chapter XI

Some time later, Qui-Gon's meditations were interrupted by the soft chirp of the ship's intercom, followed by Mace's deep voice. "We are here Qui-Gon."

Qui-Gon acknowledged the call and carefully slipped out of bed, easing himself past his Padawan's inert form. Cocooned within a Force-spun web, Obi-Wan slept on peacefully while Qui-Gon tended to his morning routine. When the Jedi Master had finished, he withdrew his Force blanket and gently woke his sleeping lover.

Obi-Wan blinked at him blearily, somewhat dazed from his first real sleep in weeks. Gray-green eyes widened as Qui-Gon informed the young man of their imminent arrival, and Obi-Wan rose quickly to wash and dress.

By the time they both joined Mace in the cockpit, the Jedi Master was already manoeuvring their craft down through a small break in the trees. As the landing gear extended in readiness, Obi-Wan darted out of the cockpit and raced to the main door, clearly eager to escape the confines of the ship and struggling hard not to show it.

Qui-Gon left Mace to join his Padawan, noting the youth's obvious edginess with concern. The moment the ship's engines fell silent, Obi- Wan slammed his hand against the door release - he was out and running down the ramp as it had barely begun to lower. The youth leapt nimbly off the end, rushing forward to the tree-line.

Mace appeared in the doorway, but tactfully retreated inside as Qui-Gon approached Obi-Wan.

The Jedi Master stopped a few paces behind his Padawan, taking a moment to absorb Aldair's forgotten beauty. They stood in a clearing, surrounded on all sides by dense, lush forest; above them the sky was a vibrant, cloudless blue. Qui-Gon let his head drop back and closed his eyes, letting the sun's pleasing warm bathe his face. The forest was alive with bird song and the colourful chatter of insects. Qui-Gon inhaled deeply, drawing in the scent of fresh greenery and the rich honeyed fragrance of flowers and tree blossom.

"It's beautiful." Obi-Wan's hushed tones were filled with youthful wonder.

Qui-Gon opened his eyes and looked at his lover. Obi-Wan stood, one hand resting on the broad trunk of a cacia tree, gazing up at the light filtering through the leafy canopy. The sun's beams caught the young man's hair - turning glints of burnished copper-gold into vibrant, fiery red, bringing a warm blush of colour to Obi-Wan's pale cheeks.

"Yes...Yes it is." Something in Qui-Gon's tone must have revealed that he was no longer speaking of Aldair. Obi-Wan glanced back over his shoulder and offered his Master a shy smile.

Qui-Gon's heartbeat quickened, and with difficulty he curbed a foolish grin. "I'll get our things." He turned to head back to his ship.

"Wait, I-I'll help." Obi-Wan gave the forest one last longing look and hurried over to Qui-Gon; who, much to Mace's amusement, was grinning in a most un-Master-like way as they unloaded the supplies. There wasn't much, though Qui-Gon had chosen to lean towards caution this time - bringing food and warm clothing as well as a water purification unit.

When they were done Mace came forward to bid them farewell. Qui-Gon embraced his friend tightly; behind them Obi-Wan glowered silently. Qui-Gon sensed the young man's spark of jealousy, and reached out along their Bond link. Obi-Wan responded with a brief chastened, guilt- tinged touch, before withdrawing.

Mace and Qui-Gon moved apart. "Be well my friend," Mace's dark eyes were still worried; he looked over Qui-Gon's shoulder. "May the Force be with you Obi-Wan." The deep concern in Mace's gaze and the absence of the more usual - 'Padawan' - in his address, seemed to leave the young man speechless, and Obi-Wan simply ducked his head, colouring a little.

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan gathered up their things and left the clearing, moving through the trees as the ship took off behind them. Qui-Gon had a long range communicator to summon a ship for their return journey, but until then they were alone.

Chapter XII

Obi-Wan stalked restlessly around the camp, staying in the shadows - clearly avoiding both the fire's flickering light and Qui-Gon's company. Qui-Gon could sense the young man's escalating distress - as Obi-Wan found himself trapped with no where to run. Yoda was right, Qui-Gon reflected ruefully, there was nowhere to hide in the open.

As he watched his Padawan pace around the clearing, Qui-Gon took the time to gather his thoughts. He realised Obi-Wan was not the only one who had been hiding. He had allowed the young man to retreat, letting Obi-Wan return to his old Padawan quarters unwilling to provoke any kind of confrontation - afraid to have his suspicions turned into painful truths. Qui-Gon had also feared that he would inadvertent push the young man further away. Now, Qui-Gon could see that in his overpowering concern as Obi-Wan's Bond mate, he was neglecting his duty as a Master. He should not be waiting for his Padawan to approach him; as a Master it was his duty to drive this darkness into the open - to expose it and destroy the hold it had over them.

This silence was hurting them both.

"Obi-Wan!" His voice carried across the clearing.

Obi-Wan stopped mid-stride, and slowly turned to face him. Even with the young man's face concealed in shadow, Qui-Gon could detect his Padawan's spiralling panic. He softened his voice, but kept his tone firm. "Sit down, Padawan." Obi-Wan obeyed the order silently, slipping forward to sit hunched up beside the fire.

Qui-Gon beheld the tightly huddled form of his unhappy Padawan and sighed. They were both tired and tense from the trip. Was anything to be gained from pushing too hard, too soon? He made a decision. "My home world was much like this." Qui-Gon seldom spoke of his childhood, and as Obi-wan looked up, the Jedi Master knew he had sparked the young man's interest. "The sky turned just this shade of violet when night drew in. The air-" he breathed deeply, "the air smelt sweet like this." For a moment the memories caught and held him, Obi-Wan's voice broke him free.

"Cantarra."

Qui-Gon glanced across at his Padawan, who seemed startled by the sound of his own voice - as though the name of Qui-Gon's homeworld had sprung forth of its own volition. Qui-Gon nodded. "Of course," he said with a wry smile, "had we sat around like this on Cantarra, a seerut would have picked us off by now."

"A seerut?"

"Picture a small rancor, with fur and longer talons."

"Longer talons?!" Obi-Wan echoed, incredulous. Qui-Gon's grin widened. "How... 'delightful'" the young man added dryly.

"They didn't trouble us during the rainy season, when they fed off the menachaa. A large herbivore, " Qui-Gon supplied, seeing Obi-Wan's puzzled look. "But in the winter the menachaa herds migrated east, and we became the seerut's largest prey." Qui-Gon had Obi-Wan's full attention now. The youth had turned around to face him, and was listening raptly. The earlier tension had all but disappeared.

Qui-Gon continued with his tale. "We were forbidden to use certain tracks and routes during the winter months, which made travelling anywhere an arduous process. Children were forbidden to leave the safety of the villages, unless accompanied by an adult."

"But you left anyway?" Obi-Wan guessed. His eyes glittered in anticipation of his Master's confession.

Qui-Gon nodded. "I had a friend in a neighbouring village, I wanted to see him before I left. No one would take me, so I decided to go by myself." He shrugged, slightly abashed. "I was full of my own courage - wilful and stubborn I believe was the popular description. I snuck out when everyone was busy clearing up after supper. I had to go through the woods." Qui-Gon gazed into the camp fire, reliving the memory. "Everything was silent, and eerily light, the moon was full. I knew the seerut liked to hunt on such nights, but I was determined, and I had my hunting knife. I had been walking for quite some time, I was deep in the trees - then I heard it!....I didn't look back, I just ran!" Qui-Gon shook his head in wonder, aghast at his own foolishness. "I fell into ditches, streams, scrambled up muddy banks, branches tore at my hands and face. I dropped my knife. Then I fell over a tree root. Over my own pounding heart I could hear its breathing. I turned to look behind me and then I saw it..." Qui-Gon paused, enjoying the 'drama' of the moment..

"Yes?!" Obi-Wan demanded impatiently.

Qui-Gon hid a smile, pleased to see his Padawan so caught up in his telling. "A glyff."

"A glyff?" Obi-Wan repeated, clearly puzzled.

"About knee high, soft fur, big brown eyes. They eat gandala berries. They have to mash them between their tongue and their palette - they don't have any teeth."

"No teeth!" Obi-Wan grinned.

Qui-Gon shook his head smiling broadly, both in recollection of the memory, and in response to his Padawan's mirth.

"So," Obi-Wan's eyes were shining, "let me get this right. You ran through a forest, falling into bogs and getting thwacked by branches, because you were being chased by a small, soft, cuddly-" Obi-Wan emphasised the word gleefully.

"Herbivore." Qui-Gon supplied helpfully, "Yes."

Obi-Wan released a soft snort of laughter, clearly delighted picturing his dignified Master in such a state, trembling at the feet of such an animal.

"I was very young." Qui-Gon defended lightly.

"How young?"

Qui-Gon shrugged. "About nine, I was home for a brief family visit - my father was unwell."

"You've never spoken of them much." Obi-Wan said softly.

"There isn't much to tell. I grew up in a small fairly poor village. I had a father, a mother, two brothers-"

"Brothers?" Obi-Wan sounded surprised.

Qui-Gon nodded. "Hmm. Mendjar and Kel. Mendjar was much older, he had a wife and a child of his own by then." Qui-Gon poked the fire with a stick, sending up a shower of sparks. "Kel was closer to my age."

"Do you miss him?" Obi-Wan asked.

Qui-Gon knew the young man was thinking of his own half brother - Owen. "In truth? No, not really. We were never close, I left home before I was five." He thought back, wanting to give Obi-Wan a better answer. "I think he knew that I was...'different', and he found that hard to deal with." Obi-Wan didn't say anything, he was looking into the fire, his expression thoughtful. Qui-Gon knew Obi-Wan wasn't close to Owen, and no longer visited the place of his birth. Qui-Gon considered his words carefully. "Some would believe that we sacrifice a great deal in leaving our families, our homeworlds. To be raised in a Temple on a strange world, by people to whom we have no blood ties." Qui-Gon paused, checking that he had Obi-Wan's full attention; gray-green eyes were fixed upon him intently. He continued. "I have never felt that way. The Force, our beliefs, our way of life binds us in a way deeper than blood. The Temple has always been a home to me, the Jedi are my kin."

Obi-Wan nodded. "I....I feel that too, Master."

Qui-Gon nodded. "And you Obi-Wan," he cleared his throat, his voice rough with emotion, "you are my family." Obi-Wan looked at him, gray-green eyes searching his face; for what Qui-Gon didn't know, but he met his Bond mate's gaze steadily.

Suddenly Obi-Wan looked away - drawing his knees up - wrapping his arms around his legs defensively. Qui-Gon sat patiently. He didn't have long to wait.

"I stole from you." Obi-Wan's voice was so soft, Qui-Gon had to strain to hear it. "I....I needed something to trade." The young man chewed on his lower lip miserably. Qui-Gon kept his face carefully composed, and again waited for Obi-Wan to continue. After a moment the youth did. "I...We...It was for the trip here. I couldn't sleep any more." Obi-Wan's gaze grew haunted. "Not without the Mindus...I needed it."

He stopped. Qui-Gon regarded his Padawan thoughtfully. "So you traded something of mine for it."

Obi-Wan's head shot up, his gaze distraught. "I'm sorry! I..I know I shouldn't have taken it, but I....I didn't have anything left." The young man dragged in a shuddering breath, "So I-I took your focusing crystal. The one you keep locked in the case in the b-bottom of your chest." A solitary tear slipped down Obi-Wan's cheek, the young man wiped at it savagely, but it only seemed to trigger the others release, and the young man dropped his head - clearly ashamed.

Qui-Gon stood and moved closer his weeping Padawan. Crouching down, he gently tipped the young man's head back. "Thank you, Obi-Wan."

The young man blinked at him, red-gold lashes spiky with tears. "W-what ?"

"For having the courage to tell me the truth." Qui-Gon raised his hand and gently wiped at his Padawan's tears.

Obi-Wan's eyes widened in comprehension. "You..you knew!"

Qui-Gon nodded.

"B-but...but how?" The youth looked stunned.

"I am still your Master, Padawan." Qui-Gon smiled and leaning forward slowly, dropped a light kiss upon Obi-Wan forehead.

He drew back. Obi-Wan was still staring at him as though he'd turned into a Hutt. "Y-you aren't angry?"

"You were not yourself when you took it Obi-Wan. Should I punish you for something you did when you were unwell?" Qui-Gon asked.

Obi-Wan looked uneasy. "I-I don't know."

Qui-Gon sighed. "Well, then you must accept your Master's judgment on this matter. It's late. I don't know about you, but these old bones need a rest."

Obi-Wan recovered a little of his composure. "You're not old," he blurted out.

Qui-Gon smiled. "Perhaps not, but I am tired. Come Obi-Wan, enough for tonight." Qui-Gon gathered his robe around him and lay down beside the fire; he looked up at his Padawan. "Obi-Wan?"

The soft invitation was swiftly accepted. Obi-Wan only too eager to end the evening's discussion. The youth lay down with his back against Qui- Gon's chest, his head pillowed on his arm. However, after a moment he turned around and nestled closer, placing his face against Qui-Gon's chest. Qui-Gon was almost afraid to move. He caught his breath when Obi-Wan's arm shyly came up to settle round his waist.

"Night." The word was muffled against Qui-Gon's chest.

"Good night, my love."

Obi-Wan tensed. Qui-Gon froze. Then Obi-Wan squeezed him - once quickly - before relaxing again, and Qui-Gon released the breath he'd been holding.

He remained awake until he felt his Padawan fall asleep; only then did he carefully erect a Force shield around the sleeping youth's mind, protecting Obi-Wan from his dreams. That done, he let his own mind drift into sleep.

Chapter XIII

Waking alone, Qui-Gon sat up hurriedly. However, his alarm faded as he sensed Obi-Wan was somewhere close by. Standing, he absently brushed a few stray leaves and strands of grass from his robe before setting off to find his Padawan.

They had set up camp in a clearing by the edge of a lake. Qui-Gon discovered Obi-Wan a little further down the shore, standing on top of a large flat boulder, performing a simple but fairly strenuous kata. Qui-Gon felt a pang of anxiety, knowing his Padawan was still far from well. He stifled the urge to call the young man down. Instead he clambered up onto the rock - taking up a stance beside his Padawan.

Obi-Wan faltered slightly at his Master's approach, but recovered quickly. His hands cut through the air - slow, precise; every movement was executed with perfect poise and balance. The young man kicked his legs up and forward, landing on the balls of his bare feet. He carried the movement through. Pivoting, still on the balls of his feet, he swept his arms low and arched his body backwards until the tip of his braid grazed the rock. Gray-green eyes burned with concentration, this exercise requiring the total harmony of mind and body.

Curving his body back still further, Obi-Wan placed his hands flat upon the rock and neatly flipped himself over. He stood to face Qui-Gon, soft golden spikes haloed in the sunlight, his skin glistening with sweat. Qui-Gon didn't speak, instead he used gesture - formally requesting permission to join his Padawan. Obi-Wan inclined his head a fraction and moved aside - starting the kata again from the first movement. Slipping off his robe, Qui-Gon joined him.

Master and Apprentice, moving together in perfect synchronisation. Their hands reaching out, combing through the air. Behind them the sun rose slowly, the blush of dawn gradually transforming into the brilliant blue of day.

By the time they'd finished, both men's bodies gleamed with sweat. Turning, they faced one another and bowed, formally completing the kata. As they took a step back and relaxed, Qui-Gon smiled warmly at his Padawan. He felt a rush of pleasure when Obi-Wan's mouth curled up in an answering grin. "Breakfast?" he suggested.

Obi-Wan shook his head. "A swim first."

Qui-Gon raised his eyebrows, but followed his Padawan down from the rock. Obi-Wan led the way across the stony shore toward the water's edge. Qui-Gon called after him."You do realise, Obi-Wan, that the lake will be freezing this early?"

Obi-Wan kept walking. "It will be refreshing."

Qui-Gon decided he must be getting old. Muttering, "Refreshing?" under his breath, he began to remove his boots. Obi-Wan appeared to have heard his disgruntled mumble. The young man looked back and flashed him an impudent grin. Qui-Gon decided that, was worth the discomfort of an icy dip.

The Jedi Master noticed, but made no comment, when his Padawan forwent his usual habit of swimming nude. Instead the young man kept on his under-tunic, gasping as he waded into the water.

Qui-Gon smirked a little as he came to join his Padawan. "Cold?" he inquired innocently.

Obi-Wan glowered. Then the corner of his mouth twitched.

Qui-Gon almost missed it. He raised his arm - just in time to deflect a twisting funnel of icy water from striking him full in the face. He used the Force to turn it back against his protagonist - who yelped - receiving a swift soaking, before the water was again redirected. This time back down into the lake.

Qui-Gon regarded his dripping Padawan with gentle amusement. "You must learn to guard your expression more carefully, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan wiped the water out of his eyes. Murmuring a somewhat sullen, "Yes Master."

Qui-Gon took pity on the youth. He smiled kindly. "Come, my love. Let's swim before we both freeze."

Growing up with a best friend who was as much at home in water as she was out of it, had certainly benefited Obi-Wan. The young man was completely comfortable in the lake's unknown depths. Qui-Gon trod water for a while, content to simply watch his Padawan swimming confidently back and forth, with barely a ripple in his wake. Eventually however, hunger won him over. //Time to eat, Obi-Wan.//

//Hmm?...Oh. Just a while longer.// Obi-Wan pleaded, sounding so much like the boy he had been, that Qui-Gon had to smile.

//Now, Padawan. Before you grow gills, and I need a hook and line to catch you!//

Grumbling softly, the young man obeyed. They paused a moment to gather up their things and then wandered back to the camp.

Chapter XIV

Breakfast was a leisurely affair, even if at times the silences stretched out a little longer than was comfortable. Qui-Gon followed his Padawan's lead, stretching out on the warm earth, letting the sun's generous heat dry their clothes and bodies. He was relieved that his Padawan's appetite appeared to have improved. Overall, Obi-Wan was still pale and drawn, but he at least now had a little colour in his cheeks, and his eyes had lost that eerie, glassy transparency.

However, as they finished Qui-Gon could sense his Padawan's increasing agitation. He stood, holding out a hand to the youth - who regarded it warily. "Come, Obi-Wan. Let me show you some of the places I found during my first stay here." Obi-Wan hesitantly accepted the hand-up, but as soon as he was on his feet he pulled his fingers away as though stung. Qui-Gon concealed the stab of pain the action caused, wordlessly motioning for Obi-Wan to join him as he slowly walked away.

Aldair's lush green landscape seemed to have a calming affect on Obi- Wan. Qui-Gon sensed his Padawan's unease fading as they walked. The Jedi Master worked to dissipate the tension still further, deliberately taking up the role of Teacher to instruct his Padawan in Aldair's background history - its economy, culture and resources. Once that topic was exhausted, he moved on to discussing the planet's rich and varied plant and animal life. Always inquisitive and eager to learn, Obi-Wan relaxed as he listened intently, occasionally interjecting a question or comment of his own. This aspect of their relationship was in no way new to them, and they fell into it with the ease of long-held familiarity.

They lunched by a small waterfall, one of many Qui-Gon had hunted out as a young man. After they had eaten they hiked up a rocky incline, pausing frequently to 'take in the view' and so Qui-Gon could discreetly check his Padawan's progress. Obi-Wan was far more tired than he would normally have been from such simple exertions, but not worryingly so. Still, somewhere near the halfway point Qui-Gon decided against going on any further and insisted - quite firmly - on heading back to camp. Obi- Wan protested, but Qui-Gon was adamant. "We have time Obi-Wan. We can continue this climb another day."

He began to head back down. With obvious reluctance, Obi-Wan trudged after him.

Chapter XV

Obi-Wan's mercurial mood shifted again as they reached the camp site. He had become increasingly withdrawn on the way back, falling completely silent as they re-entered the forest. Qui-Gon found himself picking up stray emotions along their link - one of which troubled him greatly - fear. Obi-Wan was afraid. He was concerned that Obi-Wan didn't seem to be making any effort to contain these drifting emotions - not that he wanted the young man to - but this indifference was as frightening in its way as Obi-Wan's earlier icy control had been.

Qui-Gon was aware that the day's apparent normalcy had been, at least in part, an illusion. Despite his outwardly relaxed demeanour he had been watching his Bond mate like a hawk, and the wrongness of it all had jarred at him painfully. Alone like this they would usually have walked close enough to brush up against one another, laying an arm around a waist or linking hands. Here and now, Obi-Wan held himself aloof. The young man had maintained a discreet physical distance between them all day, consciously careful that no part of their bodies touched. The exception had been that one, brief instant when Qui-Gon had assisted Obi-Wan to his feet, something which seemed to have caused the young man no small amount of stress.

What was it that had caused this? Obi-Wan had slept in his arms all night. Why now was he pulling away? In that random thought Qui-Gon realised he had his answer. Obi-Wan was attempting to re-establish the barrier that had been partially eroded over the past few days - ever since the young man's emotional outburst in the Temple infirmary. Obi-Wan had let a little of his tight control slip, and it was terrifying him.

Control was important to a Jedi, but it had to be tempered with trust.

Obi-Wan had lost the ability to trust - even Qui-Gon....or indeed himself.

Qui-Gon glanced across to where Obi-Wan sat, picking disinterestedly at his supper. It was time. They had to talk, but first he needed a moment to centre his thoughts."Obi-Wan? Why don't you fetch us some more firewood, while I clear away these things." The youth nodded listlessly and put down his plate. Qui-Gon discreetly watched his Padawan moving around the camp gathering up handfuls of dry kindling, before turning his attention back to his own task.

Qui-Gon took the plates down to the lake to swill them. When he returned Obi-Wan was no where in sight. The young man's dark brown robe lay on the ground where he had left it. Trying to quell a flare of panic, Qui-Gon felt out along there Bond link, and discovered two things which made his heart beat faster - first Obi-Wan was some distance away, and second the youth was shielding himself tightly. Dropping the plates, Qui-Gon left at once to find his Bond mate.

Chapter XVI

Qui-Gon found Obi-Wan sitting on the edge of a rocky overhang, one leg hanging down into space, the other pulled up tight against his chest. Below them the forest lay in total darkness, the trees reduced to simple jagged silhouettes. Above, the sky flushed pink and orange as day merged into night, drawing out an expanse of shimmering silver stars.

"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon's low voice cut through the stillness. Obi-Wan slowly dragged himself to his feet and wandered over. The young man stopped a few paces from Qui-Gon - his arms hugging his chest protectively. "We need to talk, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan glanced away, looking out across the shadowed valley. He shrugged. "I don't know what you want me to say, Qui-Gon."

Qui-Gon waited until Obi-Wan's gaze drew back. "We need to talk about what happened."

Obi-Wan shook his head vehemently. "I-I can't." His arms tightened around his body.

"Obi-Wan-" Qui-Gon took a step forward, but stopped sharply when Obi- Wan stumbled back, his expression suddenly fierce.

"What to you want to know Qui-Gon?!" Gray-green eyes glittered dangerously as Obi-Wan snarled out the words. "Do you want to hear how he chained me to his bed and drove needles into my body?!"

Qui-Gon flinched.

"Or how he thrust himself down my throat until I choked?!" Obi-Wan was panting wildly, his eyes fixed and glassy. "No?!" he taunted, seemingly indifferent to Qui-Gon's distraught gaze. "Well. Perhaps you'd rather hear how he shoved my legs up against my chest and slammed into me until I screamed?! Obi-Wan's voice had risen hysterically. "I did!...I screamed! I cried!....I begged!" He drew out the last word, pushing his face up into Qui-Gon's. His voice dropped to a broken whisper. "That's right! I begged!...and I cried...I cried." Suddenly Obi-Wan stopped.

Qui-Gon stood, shaking; his face white, eyes dark with shock. Obi-Wan blinked hard and took a step back, his expression one of dawning horror. Then he turned and ran.

For a fraction of a heartbeat, Qui-Gon stood as though frozen. Then he shook himself free and tore after his fleeing lover.

Chapter XVII

Qui-Gon occasionally caught glimpses of his Padawan's pale form, as he plunged through the forest. The Jedi Master paid no heed to the branches which tore at his face, pushing them aside impatiently as he ploughed through the dense undergrowth. Instinctively he used the Force to guide him over unseen obstacles - gnarled roots and hidden burrows.

However Obi-Wan had several advantages - a head start, youth, and a form far better suited to struggling through thick undergrowth - and Qui- Gon quickly lost sight of his Padawan. Trying to control the savage knot of fear tightening around him, Qui-Gon stopped. Closing his eyes he drew in several deep breaths, focusing on the Bond link, letting it guide him to Obi-Wan.

Opening his eyes, Qui-Gon set off again, cutting past the camp - heading toward the lake.

Obi-Wan stood with his back to the shore, waist deep in the icy black water. Qui-Gon plunged in, his robe swirling out around him dragging him back. Qui-Gon fought against its pull to reach his Padawan's side.

The young man had torn off his tunic top and was scrubbing furiously at his skin - leaving long, bloody scratches down his arms and chest. In between frantic breathy sobs he was murmuring feverishly. "He's inside me....He's inside me..." Qui-Gon wrapped his arms around the weeping youth, staying Obi-Wan's hands. Obi-Wan struggled. "No! I need to get clean....I have to get clean...I have to!"

"Obi-Wan...p-please...." Qui-Gon's voice broke.

But Obi-Wan was beyond reason. Something seemed to have snapped inside the youth, and he kicked and fought in a crazed frenzy, bucking against Qui-Gon, striking out blindly with his fists. His protests reduced to wordless howls of suffering.

Qui-Gon staggered as Obi-Wan's pain tore through him. In desperation he used the Force to contain the young man's thrashing limbs.

Obi-Wan's heart-rending cries finally stopped, and the youth went frighteningly still, collapsing heavily into Qui-Gon's arms.

Qui-Gon lifted him up - half carrying, half dragging the unresisting youth back to the shore.

Without pausing, Qui-Gon flung off his heavy wet robe and carried Obi- Wan back to camp.

Qui-Gon set the unresponsive youth down by the fire, and grabbed some blankets from their supplies. He dried Obi-Wan quickly; using the Force to heal the shallow scratches which scored the icy skin. Then he sat down and drew Obi-Wan against his chest, wrapping the dry blankets around them both. He held the youth tightly, tucking Obi-Wan's head under his chin.

With his arms wrapped around his lover, Qui-Gon rocked Obi-Wan gently.

Slowly, the eery stillness drained away and Obi-Wan began to shiver. Qui-Gon could feel the violent tremors wracking the young man's body.

"He...He hurt me!" A thin angry wail, tinged with disbelief. Behind the words the silent cry - How could this happen to me?!

Qui-Gon didn't try to contain his own tears. They flowed freely down his face even as he tried to comfort his weeping lover. "I know....I know.." His voice shook with pain and anger.

"He raped me" - a horrified whisper.

Qui-Gon went very still. In truth he had already known. Obi-Wan had said as much, but to hear the word - to know the fear which had haunted him day and night was now a cold harsh reality - broke his heart.

He lay his cheek against Obi-Wan's head. "I-I know, " he whispered softly. Obi-Wan suddenly twisted in his grasp, fingers clutching at him desperately. Qui-Gon fought to remain calm in the face of Obi-Wan's wild-eyed panic. //I love you.// He let everything he felt for the young man pour out through their Bond link - a powerful wave of pure emotion.

Obi-Wan stopped struggling. Qui-Gon felt the tentative touch of his lover's mind against his own. Then Obi-Wan lifted his head, his lips seeking Qui-Gon's blindly, kissing him through the stinging salt of tears. Qui-Gon repeated his fervent declaration, returning Obi-Wan's desperate kisses with his own. //I love you...I love you...//

They clung to each other, riding out the storm of bitter grief. Mourning all that they had lost, and all that had been taken from them.

After a time, drained by their emotions, they lay back - limbs entwined, comforted by the closeness. It was exhaustion rather than sleep which finally took them. Qui-Gon's arms locked around his lover, who held him no less fiercely.

Chapter XVIII

Qui-Gon was nudged awake by the morning sun, its vibrant rays bright against his closed lids. Reluctantly he opened them, wincing as the brilliant glare struck his eyes. He struggled back to full awareness, hampered by that lightheaded-weariness which often follows emotional release.

Obi-Wan lay asleep in his arms, face pressed against his chest. Qui-Gon tightened his hold reflexively; reassured by the warm, lax weight of his lover's body. At the slight movement Obi-Wan stirred, sighing softly; his head dropped back a little revealing a face still stained with tears. Qui- Gon sadly brushed a finger down the salty tracks, the evidence of Obi-Wan's spent grief.

Long golden lashes fluttered open and gray-green eyes stared at him, their sleepy depths clouded with uncertainty. Qui-Gon smiled, lowering his head to place a light kiss upon Obi-Wan's slightly parted lips. After a moment's tremulous hesitation, Obi-Wan returned the kiss, deepening it almost shyly. Qui-Gon felt a ripple of pleasure as he tasted the sweetness of his Bond mate. Despite his rising desire he was careful to let Obi-Wan guide the encounter. So it was Obi-Wan who eventually broke the kiss - drawing back - a little breathless, his face flushed. Qui-Gon had not intended the kiss to go so far, and he searched his Bond mate anxiously for any sign of distress. Obi-Wan's eyes reflected only love and trust but Qui-Gon had to be sure. He reached out along their Bond link and felt love, desire, need...a trace of uncertainty, but no fear.

Obi-Wan lay quiescent in his arms, allowing the gentle mental probing.

Finally, reassured, Qui-Gon withdrew.

Obi-Wan's look of tender understanding almost broke him, and Qui-Gon felt the scalding sting of tears behind his eyes. He stroked a finger across Obi-Wan's cheek, letting it drift down to touch the kiss-swollen mouth. Obi-Wan pressed his lips against the calloused tip. //I-I love you.//

Qui-Gon felt his throat constrict. He caught Obi-Wan's hand gently, threading the cold fingers through his own. //I love you too.//

//Always?//

The faint edge of desperation cut Qui-Gon deeply. //Always// He echoed fervently.

Obi-Wan shivered slightly and Qui-Gon drew him closer.

They lay silently in each other's arms, until the needs of the day eventually forced them to rise. By unspoken agreement they remained in camp.

For most of the day, Obi-Wan sat silently beside the unlit fire. Qui-Gon felt the young man's withdrawal was contemplative rather than defensive, and he didn't intrude on the young man's thoughts. Instead he spent the day meditating, following Mace's advice - trying to releasing the anger which still burned inside him.

As darkness fell, Qui-Gon gathered up some fresh wood and rebuilt the fire. Obi-Wan watched him silently. Once the fire was lit, Qui-Gon sat down opposite his Padawan. He gazed into the flickering flames, watching as the sparks drifted up into the night sky. The fire's hypnotic spell was broken when Obi-Wan stood - slipping off his tunic top - walking around the fire to kneel without a word at Qui-Gon's feet.

Startled, Qui-Gon addressed his Padawan. "Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan remained mute, the firelight casting his face in bronze and shadow, masking his expression. His hair gleamed dark red-gold. Qui- Gon swallowed. "Obi-" Fire hot fingers pressed against his lips, silencing him. Obi-Wan shook his head gently. The fingers withdrew slowly. Qui- Gon sat and waited.

Obi-Wan stared, eyes dark - unreadable. Qui-Gon tried to reach his Bond mate through their link and felt a flare of panic as he encountered Obi- Wan's mental shield. He opened his mouth to speak, and again felt the touch of Obi-Wan's fingers upon his lips, stifling the words before they could be spoken. In an agony of silence he waited. Obi-Wan must have sensed his distress - for an instant the bronze mask lifted, and a tender smile curved the young man's lips. Then it was gone, and Qui-Gon was again faced with the strange fiery sprite.

This time the fingers didn't withdraw. Instead they stroked through his beard, following the line of his jaw up to trace the whorls of an ear. Then higher still - whispering across his brow, fluttering over both eyelids. Down the strong, broken line of his nose. Back to touch his lips once. The other hand rose to join the first, and both slipped behind his head. Qui-Gon felt the tie which bound his hair being gently coaxed loose. It fell away and both hands combed through the freed strands. Qui-Gon breathed deeply, closing his eyes, letting his head fall back.

The hands moved away.

Qui-Gon opened his eyes. One finger came back, trailing down his throat, pushing aside the folds of his tunic to touch his collar bone. Tugging the cloth away a little further to expose a nipple. Qui-Gon held his breath. The hand moved away and Qui-Gon exhaled sharply. Gray- green eyes lifted to his - flames dancing in their depths.

The fingers continued their slow exploration. Obi-Wan's face was still expressionless, his mental shield firmly in place. However there was nothing impersonal about this contact - Qui-Gon was burning from its intensity, sweat trickling down his back, his mouth dry.

Both hands traced the muscles of his arms, Obi-Wan seemingly fascinated by the softer skin on the underside of each wrist, rubbing a thumb over it maddeningly, then lifting it to his lips. The tip of a tongue darted out, flickering across the delicate pattern of veins. Qui-Gon tried to breathe slowly, his heart pounding in his chest.

Obi-Wan's hands swept downwards, stroking Qui-Gon's sides and across his stomach, before settling on his thighs. Qui-Gon's muscles twitched involuntarily. At the tiny movement Obi-Wan again looked up - this time he held Qui-Gon's gaze. Short nails grazed Qui-Gon's skin, sliding up the insides of his legs. Then, one hand moved to lay over his erection, the flesh hard and hot beneath the thin layer of tunic. Qui-Gon gasped. "Obi-Wan!" Part exclamation, part warning.

Obi-Wan's gaze dropped between Qui-Gon's legs, but he didn't move his hand. Shaking, Qui-Gon took hold of his Padawan's fingers, wrapping them gently within his own and guiding them away. Obi-Wan didn't resist. "What do you want Obi-Wan?" There was a bewildered desperation to Qui-Gon's tone.

Obi-Wan didn't speak. Instead the young man pulled his hand free and leaned forward - trying to kiss Qui-Gon. With inhuman effort Qui-Gon drew back, his voice hoarse."W-wait."

Qui-Gon was trapped by an agony of longing. He wanted Obi-Wan, but he had to know that Obi-Wan wanted this too. "Tell me Obi-Wan, please. What do you want?"

Obi-Wan looked frustrated, a furrow forming across his brow. Again the young man attempted to push forward to kiss his lover, and again Qui- Gon held him back. Obi-Wan's eyes narrowed, clearly displeased at being thwarted. Qui-Gon felt as though he were being slowly torn apart. "Obi- Wan, please tell me-"

"You." Obi-Wan hissed. "I want you." Green eyes glittered. Then the madness faded and Obi-Wan leaned against Qui-Gon trembling. His voice muffled against the Jedi Master's chest. "Love me Qui-Gon. Please..j-just love me..." Obi-Wan's mental shield collapsed, and Qui- Gon was struck with a wave of almost frantic longing and a cold, aching despair.

Qui-Gon couldn't have refused if the Force itself had demanded it.

He stroked the back of Obi-Wan neck with his thumb, feeling the soft hairs stiffen slightly. Obi-Wan lifted his head, and Qui-Gon brought both hands around to cup the young man's face. The strange madness had faded, gray-green eyes now shimmering with unshed tears. Qui-Gon lowered his head slowly, letting his lips graze over his lover's. Then he drew back - looking askance at Obi-Wan.

Permission sought.....

.......and granted in Obi-Wan's gaze.

This time the kiss was deeper - still tender - but no longer chaste. Obi-Wan trembled, and Qui-Gon made to draw away. Obi-Wan pulled him back, kissing him with an urgent, awakening hunger. Qui-Gon broke away finally, but only to cover Obi-Wan's face in tiny desperate kisses - tasting cheeks, brows, eyelids....nibbling the line of a strong jaw. Biting more firmly on the cleft of a chin, sucking at it. Obi-Wan tipped his head back allowing Qui-Gon access to the arc of his throat. Qui-Gon gripped his Padawan's shoulders, his desire spiralling into uncontrolled heat. He could feel Obi-Wan's pleasure - the young man gasping and moaning, trying to pull him closer.

Qui-Gon lay back, gently tugging his Padawan down with him, his hands stroking the youth's fire-hot skin.

Obi-Wan writhed and whimpered. Beneath Qui-Gon's touch his whole body was liquid flame. Slow, sweet, burning torture. He felt his Master's strong fingers stroke down his sides. One hand stopped over his belly, Obi-Wan arched up into it, gasping, pleading - needing more. He felt his Master's sudden withdrawal and cried out. A strong hand around his jaw stilled his protests, and he looked up into dark blue eyes. He could read the desire there, the need, but behind that lay a deep concern.

Qui-Gon's hand dipped lower, touching the tie at his waist. Obi-Wan stiffened. He saw the unspoken question in his lover's eyes - and he tried to answer it, but the words wouldn't come. Instead he raised his hand, and undid the knotted cord, feeling the material loosen around his waist. Qui-Gon made no move toward him. Impatiently Obi-Wan lifted his hips a little, trying to squirm free of his leggings, but the cord was still drawn too tightly.

He caught his breath as he felt Qui-Gon's trembling fingers tug upon the cord, working it loose. Obi-Wan lifted his hips again invitingly, and roughened fingers grazed his skin as his leggings were drawn down.

Qui-Gon also moved downwards, kneeling over Obi-Wan as he unbuckled boots - first Obi-Wan's and then his own. Qui-Gon removed his swiftly, then turned back to Obi-Wan. Sliding the young man's feet out of the soft leather - letting Obi-Wan kick his feet free of his leggings.

Qui-Gon lay back beside him. One large hand reached out to caress Obi- Wan's cheek, dark blue eyes almost black with desire. Obi-Wan shivered, aching with a need he couldn't express. He was struggling desperately against the memory of his ordeal, a malignant presence threatening to destroy his pleasure. Qui-Gon's gaze was understanding as he slowly brought his face down to Obi-Wan's, and very tenderly kissed him.

The taste of his lover called out to Obi-Wan, crushing the tide of memories before they could rise up and overwhelm him. A hand stroked down his chest - his belly - carefully skirting his erection. The hand moved lower, stroking the insides of his thighs. Obi-Wan murmured with pleasure, his legs lifting and parting instinctively. He heard Qui-Gon's sudden intake of breath. Then long fingers entwined around his braid and Qui-Gon's mouth returned to capture his.

This time the kiss was deeper. Tongues met - hot and slick - sliding against each other. The hand upon his leg moved lower, cupping his buttock, caressing it; warm fingertips tentatively teased the crease. The Bond link pulsed between them - channelling their desire. Fingers brushed upwards, cradling the velvet sac between his legs. Obi-Wan cried out into Qui-Gon's mouth. He pushed himself into Qui-Gon's hand, the cautious touch not enough to satisfy his desperate longing. Qui-Gon responded instantly, fingers gliding up to stroke his hardening shaft.

However, Obi-Wan's //Yesss//, became a frustrated whimper as the hand drew away.

He seized Qui-Gon's face, holding his lover fiercely - kissing him with an almost violent hunger. He could feel Qui-Gon fighting for control, trying to guide them back from this dangerous peak. Qui-Gon pulled his hands away, entwining long, calloused fingers through his own. The older man gentled the kiss, soothing the madness, sweetening the desire.

The molten fervour cooled to a simmering heat. Qui-Gon released Obi- Wan's hands and drew back, dark blue eyes burning. Slowly, he began to kiss his way down Obi-Wan's torso. Suckling gently on each flushed nipple. Obi-Wan gasped sharply.

Emotion surged through the Bond link, driving away the ragged memories - the fear and the pain. Obi-Wan moaned as the hot tongue trailed downwards, flickering across his belly - one scalding lick across the tip of his erection and he cried out.

He could feel Qui-Gon tasting him, lapping at the precum; beckoning more of the bitter-sweet liquid from within his body.

Obi-Wan looked down into Qui-Gon's fathomless gaze, the pupils wide, dilated with desire. The sight of his Master - silvered hair sweeping his thighs, mouth rising and falling on his rigid length - pushed Obi-Wan to the edge. //Master. Please!// He tightened the muscles of his belly, pulling himself up. Obi-Wan clutched at Qui-Gon - trying to guide his lover.

But Qui-Gon had already detected the shift in urgency. One hand gripped the base of Obi-Wan's erection, the other cupped the sac beneath. They worked in tandem, while Qui-Gon's mouth moved up and down Obi-Wan's aching length.

Swift, sure strokes. Blinding, wet heat.

He felt his Master relax his throat to take him even deeper......and Obi-Wan came, screaming his release. Qui-Gon continued to suckle gently.

Obi-Wan fell back, his whole body shaking. The intensity was too much, and he slid into the welcoming shadows.

Qui-Gon felt his Bond mate blackout and immediately released the young man's softening shaft. Anxiously, he reached out along the link; reassured when he felt the answering whisper of Obi-Wan's mind. He knelt beside the youth as Obi-Wan returned to consciousness. Gray-green eyes fluttered open, still smoky with desire. Obi-Wan gazed at him muzzily, delight edged with embarrassment. //I don't think I've ever passed out before.//

Qui-Gon smiled. //Hmm...Should I be flattered, or troubled by that do you think?//

Obi-Wan reached up, stroking his hand over Qui-Gon's sweat dampened chest. //Oh flattered. Definitely.// The younger man practically purred with pleasure, and Qui-Gon felt a dizzying surge of happiness. He swallowed hard when Obi-Wan caress suddenly became more purposeful. Fingers teasing his nipples - sliding down to rub across the muscles of his belly. His breathing quickened. Obi-Wan's fingers slipped lower, tracing the outline of his erection through his leggings. Qui-Gon hissed. He lay his hand over Obi-Wan's, but didn't move the youth's away. He drew in a deep breath. "You don't hav-"

Obi-Wan suddenly arched up against him, stealing his lips in a searing kiss - flipping him onto his back. The youth moved to cover him, fire-hot skin rubbing over his - kissing, nibbling, nuzzling.

Qui-Gon bit his lip to hold back a groan when Obi-Wan stopped.

The youth sat back on his haunches, regarding Qui-Gon almost thoughtfully. Qui-Gon lay still, hardly daring to even draw breath. Finally, Obi-Wan reached for him. Lightly trembling fingers fumbled with the tie at his waist - once undone, Obi-Wan gently eased down his leggings, just enough to free his erection, the tip weeping with precum.

Qui-Gon's breathing quickened. For what felt like an eternity, Obi-Wan just looked at him. Then the youth's fingers slowly curled around his shaft, stroking it with a maddening gentleness. Hesitantly, Obi-Wan leaned forward - an agonizing pause - then the young man's tongue flickered out to lap at the glistening flesh. Even through a mist of pleasure, Qui-Gon felt his Padawan's heartbeat speed up. //Obi-Wan ?//

Obi-Wan looked up. Green eyes glittered. //I won't let him take this from us.//

Qui-Gon recognized the fierce determination in his Padawan's gaze. The desperate need to take back something that had been stolen from them.

Obi-Wan's mouth closed over him, and Qui-Gon fought the urge to thrust up into that warm, wet heat. His hands dug into the earth, clawing at it convulsively. It was a bewildering combination of pain, sorrow and unbelievable pleasure - an intensity which drove away all conscious thought. Reducing everything to this act, this moment. He could feel Obi-Wan's emotions through their link - a little fear...some uncertainty....and above them - spiralling delight.

Reaching out to touch Obi-Wan's mind, Qui-Gon let the young man's desire burst through him. With a guttural cry he came. shadows dancing around the edge of his vision.

Obi-Wan pulled away at the last moment, using his hand to milk Qui- Gon of his seed. The thick fluid shooting over the older man's chest.

Qui-Gon drifted back from his release, he felt Obi-Wan lay down beside him, breathless and sweaty. "I'm sorry. I-I couldn't...I..."

Qui-Gon silenced the young man's stumbling apology with a kiss, pulling his Bond mate hard against him. //I love you!//

Obi-Wan made a soft contented sound. //Hmm...Love you too.//

Qui-Gon closed his eyes, and held his Bond mate tightly.

Chapter XIX

Just before dawn Qui-Gon awoke. The fire had long since gone out, and the camp lay silent in silver-blue shadows. Some way down the shore Obi-Wan stood, staring out across the lake. Feeling a ripple of disquiet, Qui-Gon wrapped a blanket around his body and wandered down the shore to join his Bond mate.

The stones were smooth and cold beneath his bare feet; some shifted slightly as he walked effortlessly across their uneven surface. Obi-Wan turned as he approached, and Qui-Gon relaxed a little at the faint, welcoming smile. When he reached his Padawan's side, the young man sat down. Qui-Gon followed suit, tucking the blanket under his hips.

Moments passed before Obi-Wan finally spoke. "When....When we were there. I-I kept thinking." He sucked in a ragged breath. "All I'd learnt. All my training...My knowledge...My abilities. Even the Force." He shook his head, his voice bitter. "All of it useless." He looked at Qui-Gon, who watched sadly as the young man's anger faded into weary disillusionment. "I-I couldn't stop him. I couldn't do anything.!... I begged...I-" Obi-Wan drew in another sharp breath, clearly battling for control. "I pleaded with him...."

The shame in the young man's voice tore at Qui-Gon. He chose his words carefully. "The Force is only our ally, Obi-Wan, not our protector. It has chosen us as a vessel for its power, yet it is not the sum total of our strength. We have skills and knowledge, yet we are not infallible, or invulnerable. All our lives we are still learning. Sometimes all that we can do is survive. But this is not a weaknesses. Survival, especially at the cost of sacrifice, can be the most difficult challenge of all."

Obi-Wan's emotions warred across his face, a desperate conflict churning within him. The youth clearly wanted to believe Qui-Gon, and yet he was resisting - holding on to the guilt and the shame.

Qui-Gon met Obi-Wan's eyes steadily. "There is no disgrace in what you did Obi-Wan. You are not at fault. You are in no way to blame for anything that happened."

Obi-Wan remained silent, struggling to absorb what Qui-Gon was saying.

Qui-Gon reached out through the Bond link and immediately sensed other, more worrying emotions, stirring within Obi-Wan. "We cannot hold on to our hate, my Padawan." His tone was gentle.

Obi-Wan looked away. "I-I know," he said. His voice tight with emotion. "But...But it's just so hard." The young man plucked at his leggings absently, playing nervously with the rough weave. "When I killed the Sith. I.....I felt pleasure." A guilty whisper. Obi-Wan wouldn't meet Qui- Gon's gaze.

"And this troubles you?" Qui-Gon asked calmly.

It was a statement rather than a question, but Obi-Wan answered it. He looked up, shocked. "Of course!"

"Because you knew it to be wrong." Qui-Gon pointed out evenly.

Obi-Wan's brow wrinkled in confusion. "Then....then because I knew that I shouldn't feel pleasure at his death. Because I felt guilty. That makes it alright?" Clearly Obi-Wan didn't believe it.

Qui-Gon shook his head. "No, Padawan. It is never right to enjoy another's pain or suffering, or to take pleasure in a death. However we still have emotions. We would be poor Jedi without them. But because of the power which lies within us, we must guard against being consumed by them. We may still feel pain, fear, anger, perhaps at times even hate, but we must never let our emotions control us or guide our actions. You killed the Sith in anger and hate - Yes?"

Obi-Wan nodded miserably.

"Do you still hate him?" Qui-Gon asked.

"I am glad that he is dead." Obi-Wan responded without hesitation. The set of his mouth implied he was far more than simply 'glad'.

"But do you hate him?" Qui-Gon persisted.

Obi-Wan fell silent a moment. The question was clearly not one he had expected, and he was evidently giving it careful consideration. At length the young man looked up, his expression cautious. "No...No...I-I pity him. He was strong in the Force, I could feel it."

Qui-Gon nodded encouragingly.

Obi-Wan continued a little more confidently. " I think he would have been a powerful Jedi, but the Darkside had consumed him. I....I pity him for what he could never understand. For what he could never have."

Qui-Gon's eyes shone with approval and he took hold of Obi-Wan's hand, linking their fingers.

Obi-Wan smiled and then shivered lightly, his smile vanishing. "I do not think I can ever pity R-Rigel."

"No." Qui-Gon's tone was flat.

Obi-Wan glanced at the older man sharply, clearly pity for such a monster was beyond even his Master's grasp. Perhaps this was a scar they would both have to carry.

However, understanding was also edging its way through the bitterness. "I need to release my hatred, my anger." Obi-Wan spoke with conviction.

"Yes."

Obi-Wan chewed at his lip nervously. "Will you help me?"

Qui-Gon smiled and squeezed his Padawan's hand gently. "Always."

"Can...can I help you?" Obi-Wan asked hesitantly.

"Always." Qui-Gon smiled at his Bond mate with the reassurance of his love. He held the edges of the blanket open in a clear invitation. Obi- Wan's face broke into a shy smile - one tinged with relief - and he moved to sit between Qui-Gon's parted legs, leaning back against the older man. Qui-Gon drew the edges of the blanket over his lover's bare shoulders and wrapped his arms around him, holding him close.

Epilogue.

Obi-Wan gazed out across the lake, feeling the heat of Qui-Gon's body against his back. The older man's breath hot upon his neck. He sighed, his eyes closing in contentment.

Some anxieties remained; worries still gnawed at him. He knew he would carry the scar of his memories from this life to the next, but held safe, in the warm embrace of his Master's arms, he no longer felt the cold.

The End.

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