Sweet Pain

Raven

No.

I don't wanna be awake. Go away!

It hurts... god... make it go away... please... please... oh god...

Stop it. God, next you're going to be crying like a baby. Grow the fuck up.

Jesus! The baby! Is she okay? Buck? Chris?

Anybody?

I remember. I -- I thought I was dead. Vin caught her, right? I remember that. I think I remember that?

What the hell happened?

Oh, it hurts so bad. What's it Buck calls it? Pain so bad you feel alive. Sometimes I think that guy's got some really *weird* ideas.

At least I know I'm alive.

Hey, Buck! Whatcha you mumbling about? Can't quite make it -- no, on second thoughts, don't tell me. I'm just gonna be glad I can't make it out. I'd bet good money you're probably going through all the things I done wrong to end up hurting so bad. Damn. Wish I could hear him proper. Maybe then I could figure out what happened. God knows tryin' to remember ain't working so good. Ain't much that *is* workin'.

Legs ain't moving. Arms ain't moving. *Eyelids* ain't movin'. You'd think a fella could at least open his own damn eyelids, but it's like someone's glued 'em down, sealed 'em up tight and then sat on 'em. Bastards. Bet it was Vin. Ez probably helped him find the elephant.

I can hear my heartbeat thumping in my ears. It damn near drowns out Buck, and I was kinda wishing it would stop till I figured out what the hell it was. Now I'm just glad it's still workin'. I can listen to Buck through it, even if I can't quite figure out all the words yet. An' I'm breathing. I think. I'm not so sure about that one. I mean, I can feel my chest moving, but there's something in my throat, and I can't feel any air moving through my mouth or nose. I think my mouth is closed.

Hm. Yeah. Closed all right. There's a tube in the corner though-- oh, quit hollerin' at me, Buck, I'll get up when I'm good an' ready. Just cos I stuck my tongue out to find out whether I was breathing or if something was breathing for me don't mean you have to get all het up.

Think something's breathing for me. Now, that pretty much is the motherlode of 'ain't working too good'. Feels weird. Here I am, not moving, and there it is, moving for me. When I try to breath it's like choking to death, dammit Buck, shut *up* will you? Sick person trying to figure out breathing here, okay? Let me concentrate.

Oh now that hurts. Dammit it, god, that -- I'm going to puke. I swear, if you keep doing that I'm gonna-- shit. Sorry guys. Toldya. It's like some damn sci-fi thing sliding out of my throat, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, or one of those things they stuffed in Chekov's ear. Way less cool when it's *your* neck, I'm telling you. But I think --yeah. Buck's making sense. Well. As much as he ever does. That's gotta be a good sign.

Talking of which. I'm breathing. I mean really breathing. Oh, that feels good. Okay, it still hurts, but damn, sweet cool air through my mouth, sliding over the back of my tongue and filling my chest. I'm just going to concentrate on that for a while here. Oh man. Uh, would someone like to clean up some round here? Because I'm not feeling so sweet and lemon fresh right now.

In... Ahhhh... Guess it really *is* the simple things. Kinda tired.

God, am I going to remember to breathe while I'm sleeping. God. What if I don't? What if I just stop, while I'm sleeping, and I forget and I stop. I mean, I haven't been doing this party trick for long, guys. Maybe you should let me--

Hey, Buck. Still here? Cluck, cluck, cluck. If it didn't hurt to move I'd yawn. Hey, I woke up! Look at me, still breathing and everything. Well, less of the everything. But definitely breathing. In out, in out, there it goes. Whoosh, whoosh.

Buck? Uh, Buck, you might wanna stop talking. That's a pretty awful cold you've got going on there. I'm amazed they let you in. I mean, I *am* in a hospital, right? You haven't, I dunno, stashed me away under the stairs to make sure I don't leave. Cos you know, look at me, nothing working. (Except the breathing thing. I did mention how grateful I was about the breathing thing, right God? Right.) Not going anywhere. Pretty much the epitome of not going nowhere.

Yeah, you listen to Chris. *I'm* listening to Chris, and I'm not the one with the cold. Hey, the Vinster. Way cool. You're here too. And Ez. All of ya. 'cept Josiah. Where's Josiah? Guys? Someone wanna... He's okay, right?

Thank god.

Damn. I guess I nearly bought it. Musta. The gang's all here. Nice to know you care, boys. Kinda warming. Which is good because I'm starting to think that someone forgot the blankets in here, if you know what I mean.

Hey, whoa, where're you going? Buck? I mean, you gotta sleep an' eat, and if I'm not mistaken, you know, *wash*, there's definite downsides to reintroducing the breathing thing, but couldn't you hang on a little while. Just till I'm sleeping? Please? Buck? Buck? Buck!

"Buck!"


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