SEASON 3 QUOTES
[Sound files provided by Jenny]
Episode 301
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Ben:Bitch.
Michael: No Luck?
Ben: No, She said she signed the lease in good faith and she intends to stay. Why did I have to sublet my place to a law professor? Well I guess I better start searching, check out campus housing...
Michael: Why do that?
Ben: I gotta find some place to live.
Michael: Live here.
Ben: Live here for a couple of days, or live here for good?
Michael: For good ... Why not?
Ben: OHHHH, It's just that are we ready for this? I mean we've... we've never discussed it.
Michael: What's to discuss?
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Ben: It's a commitment.
Michael: Aren't we committed?
Ben: Of course we are ...
Michael: So what's the problem? Afraid we're not gonna be compatible?
Ben: AHHH you never know?
Michael: All right ... Professor Bruckner ... Do you throw wild parties? Do you play loud music all night? Do you spend hours in the bathroom? Let's see, what else am I forgetting?
Ben: Just this...
Michael: I say we're gonna get along just fine.
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Michael: Still I can't imagine having sex with your best friend.
Emmett: Really?
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Michael: I want you to have everything in the world including the hottest sex ... I just don't want to hear about it.
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Michael: ugggggg
Debbie: What's the matter?
Michael: There's no meat in this.
Debbie: The girls wanted vegetarian.
Michael: Lesbian lasagna.
Debbie: Christ's sake Michael, it's not like you have to eat pussy.
Michael: Mother!
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Michael: I never realized you had so many clothes.
Ben: And I never realized your closest was so small.
Michael: Well how are we supposed to cram it all in?
Ben: We never had problems before.
Michael: We're supposed to be moving you in...
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Ben: Why don't you go with him?
Michael: Now?
Ben: Come on ... look ...look at him. The guy needs a friend. I would too if I ever lost you.
Michael: But what about us? This is your first night here.
Ben: And the're will be others ... I live here now, member?
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Michael: You ever seen so many couples?
Ben: AHHHHHH It's the new world order.
Michael: It's good for the hetero's good for the homo's.
Ben: You sound suspiciously like your dancing partner. What time did you get in last night?
Michael: Not too late, you were already asleep.
Ben: Did you have fun?
Michael: Same old, same old.
Ben: Same old hot music, same old hot naked men.
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Michael: make up gift?
Brian: Go on, take it.
Michael: Oh my God, it's dripping blood! What's in here?
Brian: It's Your Mothers heart.
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Michael: You must really love him.
Brian: I told him from day one I don't believe in love, I believe in fucking.
Michael: Yeah, I ... I know.
Brian: Except for you of course.
Michael: I'm honored.
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Episode 302
Emmett: Then we go back to his place and Fuck like bunnies.
Ben: Oh, that's cute!
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Emmett: So do guys want to hook up later?
Ben: Nothing short of a disaster could drag us out of the house.
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Ben: Come and get it.
Michael:These are the words I've been drooling to hear.
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Ben: Emmett forget his key?
Michael: Emmett never forgets his key.
Ben: You don't suppose that could be ...?
Michael: If you don't answer he'll go away.
Brian:You said I was welcome anytime.
Ben: Fuck!
Brian: At least give me a little dinner and schmooze me up first.
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Michael: Ben and I want would like to spend an evening at home ... alone
Brian: But it's nine inch night at Babylon. Any guy with more than nine inches gets in for free, so I figured I'd buy your tickets.
Ben: But we prefer to sit this one out.
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Ben: Bout time ... Are you ready to go?
Brian: The night is young.
Ben: Not as young as it once was.
Michael: Why don't you come dance?
Ben: Michael I told you before, I have class first thing in the morning.
Brian:That's perfect, you can leave straight from here.
Michael: Gotta go.
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Debbie: Where the hell are you, you little asshole? I've been calling and leaving messages for you for over an hour and not one fucking boo from you. You better be on your way over here is all I gotta say cause my God damn dinner is turning to shit ... Love, Mother!
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Ben: Who? Brian?
Debbie:You win the veal!
Ben: What makes you think he's with Brian?
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Ben: Well, yeah, Brian needs his best friend right now ... though he would never admit that. He wants everyone to think he doesn't give a shit ... excuse me.
Vic:Cover your ears sis.
Ben: But he is hurting ... inside and the more he's hurting the more he tries to hide it.
Debbie: What an incredible kind compassionate thing to say. You really are a hell of a nice guy.
Ben: Thank you, Debbie.
Debbie: Fuck nice! Unless you knock some sense into that boyfriend of yours Brian's going to keep hauling him off to God knows where, and he should be here with you.
Ben: It's not up to me, I can't control him.
Vic:Why not? She's been doing it for 30 years.
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Ben: I didn't expect you up so early after getting in so late.
Michael: it was 1:30-ish
Ben: Try 2:45-ish.
Michael: He kidnaped me.
Ben: He kidnapped you.
Michael: And then he took my cellphone and shoved it down his pants.
Ben: Well, that is definitely out of your calling area huh?
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Michael: I'm really sorry.
Ben: I'm the one that told you to hang out with him. Although I did think when you asked me to move in with you, you would actually be here from time to time.
Michael: I wanted to be!
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Ben: This just wasn't such a good idea.
Michael: What?
Ben: Us living together.
Michael: Of course it is.
Ben: We didn't plan on it Michael, it just happened out of circumstance.
Michael: So?
Ben: So maybe we're not ready? Maybe there are some things in our lives we need to work out first ...
Michael: What?
Ben: Maybe I should find my own apartment.
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Brian: Come on Mikey, we can be beautiful together, just you and me.
Michael: I can't tonight
Brian: I Got some great shit.
Michael: I said I can't...I gotta go home.. home?
Brian: What?
Michael: Yeah, and if I'm lucky he'll be there.
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Episode 303
Michael: I lost a sock and pair of shorts but I'll be fucked if I'm going back down there with the crypt master.
Michael: Ben?
Ben: ahhhh yeah.
Michael: I said there was this guy down there ... This incredibly hot guy and I was bending over to get my laundry out of the dryer and ... and ... he ripped off my pants and he fucked the shit out of me.
Ben: UH Huh ...
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Ben: Hey ... hey, what ... what are you doing?
Michael: I'm reading the paper and I'm near sighted ... so I ... oh the classifieds
Ben: Yeah I'm looking for an apartment, Michael.
Michael: You already have an apartment ... complete with appliances, and hard wood floors and a built in boyfriend.
Ben: Yeah I told you I think it's best if I had my own place.
Michael: Yeah and I think it's best if you stay.
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Ben: Are you sure you wouldn't rather be out with Brian?
Michael: Well, I have to admit it is tempting ... but then I would miss out on all of the pre soaking, spin drying and not mention having the hottest man in Pittsburgh to help me fluff and fold.
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Brian: Come on Mikey, if we leave now, we can be in New York by midnight.
Michael: No fucking way. Ben nearly moved out because of you.
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Michael: She's not in here is she?
Ben: Who?
Michael: My Mother.
Ben: It's the men's locker room.
Michael: You think that will stop her.
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Ben: Sorry, what was that about Paul?
Gym guy: Oh didn't you hear? He died last night.
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Michael: It's chilly out ... here I didn't want you to get s ...
Ben: Thank you. I am all right.
Michael: I'm sorry.
Ben: For what? Michael: For Paul, for you..
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Ben: I just didn't expect it to be so soon. If I'd known, I would have gone to see him more often.
Michael: You were busy.
Ben: Yeah, right. It's always a good excuse not to visit someone you once shared your life with ... your bed.
Michael: I'm sure he understood. And forgave you the same way you forgave him.
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Ben: Then why am I so God damn angry at him right now? ... For getting it, for giving it to me, and then not even bothering to take care of himself, or watch what he ate ... I would tell him, nutrition is essential ... and exorcise. You gotta exorcise Paul ... build up your muscle mass, but it was as if once he knew he had it ... He figured I'm gonna die anyway so what the hell difference does it make.
Michael: Luckily your not like that.
Ben: Riiiiight
Michael: You do everything your supposed to do. Everything you can possibly do ...
Ben: In spite of everything, I still end up in the hospital. Maybe he's right ... maybe it doesn't matter.
Michael: It does matter... and most important is you have to believe it does!
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Ben: Hey you guys.
Michael: What are you doing here?
Ben: A night of fun and surprises.
Michael: I'll say!
Ben: Come on you!
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Episode 304
Brian: Want a kid?
Ben: Actually, I have given that serious thought. Because studies show that two men are every bit as capable of raising a child ...
Brian: I meant this one.
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Ben: You were great with him, ya know that?
Michael: Kids love me, don't ask me why.
Ben: I don't have to ...
Michael: God you're hard.
Ben: Yeah, you too ...
Customer: Do you have any Superman?
Michael: You're lookin at him. It's ahh ... right over there.
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Michael: Workouts have really been paying off. So I'll see ya later.
Ben: Ahhh ... I thought I would hit the gym tonight, put in some extra time on my chest and stomach.
Michael: I thought we made plans?
Ben: So we'll change them. It's not a problem is it?
Michael: No ... not a problem.
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Lindsay: Because you've got a good heart.
Michael: That's what my Mom always tells me. She says Michael, you have good heart. You know what happens to a good heart? It gets the s-h-i-t kicked out of it.
Lindsay: She's just kidding.
Michael: I think she secretly wishes that I was more like Brian.
Melanie: No heart?
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Michael: What, You want me to babysit? ... it's a little early isn't it?
Melanie: We'd like you to be the father.
Michael: Me?
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Ben: I think it's great.
Michael: You do?
Ben: Look Fathering a child? Helping Melanie and Lindsay create a family?
Michael: But It's a big responsibility I mean bringing a human being into the world. I don't think I'm ready to be the old man ya know?
Ben: You are more ready then you think. Want to shower?
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Michael: So it is exciting though isn't it? I better not fuck it up.
Ben: How could you fuck it up? All you have to do, Michael, is supply the sperm.
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Michael: I wish we could have one.
Ben: Yep that would be a first.
Michael: You could carry it.
Ben: And lose my figure?
Michael: Fine, I'll carry it.
Ben: I think you've been writing too many fantastical adventures young man.
Michael: Still, it's a nice thought though isn't it?
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Debbie: Stuffed tomatoes ... I'm gonna be a grandma Pot pie ... I'm gonna be grandma. Grilled cheese ... I'm gonna be a grandma.
Michael: Will someone please make her stop.
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Vic: Let her gloat a little. She never in her wildest dreams thought she'd be a grandma.
Debbie: And here he is ... big daddy.
Michael: You're being a little premature aren't you? I mean couldn't you wait for at least say ... conception?
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Vic: Ben ya mind if I walk with ya?
Ben: No.
Vic: All that baby talk!
Ben: I'm thrilled for Michael and the girls.
Vic: I never wanted kids myself.
Ben: I did, course that's not gonna happen now.
Vic: One of the ways we're not like them anymore.
Ben: I try not to think about it ... Somedays I even succeed.
Vic: I know what ya mean, but then something always happens to remind me ... a touch of the flu, someone donating sperm, a lover who dies.
Ben: Vic, I'll see ya later.
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Michael: I told my Mom not to get her hopes up and then she has to go and tell everybody. Now she'll probably be all disappointed and mope around for days.
Ben: Good thing you're not like her.
Michael: Yeah.
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Ben: Awwwww if it's any consolation, I'm disappointed too. I was looking forward to being Uncle Ben ...
Michael: Like the rice.
Ben: Probably the closest I'll come to being a dad.
Michael: I didn't know you wanted to be one?
Ben: It was always a thought, but I never knew how much I wanted it until I couldn't ...
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Ben: Are you counting how many shopping days left till Christmas?
Michael: It's Melanie's ovulation cycle.
Ben: And ... what a perfect spot for it right beside our bed.
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Michael: Well, It's to remind me when we can do it, and when we can't.
Ben: Whoever thought our sex life would be ruled by a fertility chart.
Michael: Well, now that I'm gonna be a father with full credit and everything, I gotta be extra special responsible. Tonight looks good though, you up for it?
Ben: Yeah, as soon as I get back from the gym.
Michael: Wait, you're going to the gym again? ... Well, don't be late.
Ben: And miss my window of opportunity? Bye.
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Episode 305
Debbie: Why don't you have Ben pull it for you while you hold the cup?
Michael: Would you please stop!
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Michael: I'm going home to wack off and that's the last anybody needs to hear about it!
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Michael: What time is it?
Ben: AHHHHH 5:30.
Michael: It's so early.
Ben: Yeah class is at eight.
Michael: Come back here just for a minute ... I thought we could ...
Ben: I want to hit the gym before class.
Michael: There's time, I was hoping you could help me make a little cup of love.
Ben: Maybe later.
Michael: Come on, you're so hot, it wont take me very long. It's important that I get it to Mel and Linds as soon as possible ...
Ben: It's important to me that I get to the gym as soon as possible ... I have to go ... now.
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Ben: Hey baby.
Michael: What are doing here? I thought you were at the gym.
Ben: I was missing you. You still love me?
Ben: MMMMMM, So how about we find a dark secluded corner where I can kiss you and suck you ...
Michael: I'd love to but I promised Mel and Linds I'd bring them another load ....
Ben: Jesus Christ who are these fucking lesbians to control our life?
Michael: It's only for a couple more days.
Ben: Forget it!
Michael: What the hell is the mattrer with you? Everything seems to piss you off these days ... especially me.
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Episode 306
Ben: Are you having a Internet affair Michael? You've been on that a long time.
Michael: Doing some research.
Ben: For work?
Michael: For you.
Ben: Me?.... Steroids.
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Michael: I saw you.
Ben: Saw me what?
Michael: Shooting up ... So unless you've suddenly become a heroin addict, I figured that must be what it is.
Ben: Michael, are you spying on me?
Michael: Spying on you? We live together, how could I not notice!
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Ben: Well, a lot of guys are using em OK? To fight body wasting. Michael: You're not wasting.
Ben: Yet!
Michael: Did you're doctor prescribe them?
Ben: Nope.
Michael: Well, then where did you get them?
Ben: What is this ... an interrogation?
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Michael: I'm just concerned that's all. It says there are a lot of side affects. Mood swings, diarrhea, liver damage
. Ben: Yeah I'm aware of the potential side affects Michael, I have done my research too.
Michael: Well, then we should have at least talked it over.
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Ben: Look, I'm just trying this cycle OK? To see if it makes any difference. And so far the advantages are beating the disadvantages. Huh? BWHAAA ... hmm? Yeah? Its not too bad huh?
Michael: It's fine...
Ben: How about that?
Michael: Nice
Michael: Oh, Don't tell me it works on that too.
Ben: MMMMMMMMMM
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Brian: But It's not just you. You're taking him down with you ...
Ben: I do not need to be lectured by the biggest whore in Pittsburgh ... You're fucking lucky you're not positive.
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Michael: How'd you get that? One of sex partners get carried away?
Brian: No, one of yours. Your boyfriend practically stuffed me into a locker.
Michael: What? How come?
Brian: Seems I said something about his steroid use he took objection to.
Michael: Why did you say anything at all?
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Brian: I thought you were going to talk to him?
Michael: I did, he said it's something he needs to do.
Brian: Ben needs more muscles like I need another cock.
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Ben: Must be something I ate.
Michael: Or the steroids.
Ben: We already had that conversation.
Michael: It's fucking you up!
Ben: It is not fucking me up!
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Michael: Yeah it is, and you don't even know it!Christ, you even hit Brian!
Ben: I did not hit him.
Michael: Well, shoved him or made him bleed ... whatever... you can't just go around shoving people and acting all crazy.
Ben: Oh now I'm crazy ... Fuck you!
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Michael: Crazy ... just ... sometimes you act that way ...
Ben: You don't understand anything.
Michael: Understand what?
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Ben: What it's like to wake up every morning and remember, oh yeah I've got this thing ... because you don't have this thing. You never have to take a mouth full of meds, never knowing when they'll stop working ... never knowing when a fucking cough, or a fucking sniffle may land you in the hospital! ... Because to you Michael, it is just a fucking a cough, or a fucking sniffle ... and every time I go to kiss you, or suck you, or fuck you ... even when we're protected, even then, there is still this shitty nagging doubt that maybe, just maybe ... you could get infected. Sometimes I just think ...
Michael: What ... Sometimes you just think what?
Ben: That it might just be easier to be with someone that's positive.
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Episode 307
Ben: Oh shitshitshitshit ... Oh ...
Michael: Did you come?
Ben: Nononono ... Thank God, oh fuck ... the condom broke.
Michael: Wai ... no ... no, don't ... keep going ...
Ben: What?
Michael: I said keep going ... I dont care ...
Ben: Michael......Michael you can't be ...
Michael: I don't care ... Fuck me!
Ben: Oh...God...ah...Michael...ah...Michael...Michael...
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Ben: What are you two up to?
Michael: We're working on the second issue.
Justin: We're trying to come up with this villai.
Michael: He's not a villain, he's a fallen hero.
Justin: His name is juice pig!
Ben: Oh?
Michael: He's sort of a Jekyll and Hyde character. Sometimes he's gentle and kind and other times ...
Justin: He's a monster!
Ben: I wonder where you got that idea?
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Ben: Plus I got to make some calls for Paul's memorial service.
Michael: I can help you?
Ben: No offense, but it's not your world.
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Vic: He's angry. He's cruel.
Michael: He's not the same Ben.
Vic: It's roid rage Michael.
Michael: I know, and I have to put up with it. I'm just tired of feeling like I couldn't possibly understand what he's going through cause I'm not positive!
Vic: Sounds like you're a bit rageful yourself.
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Michael It's ... It's OK. I'm sure there are a lot of things I'll never understand ... but it's not for a lack of trying.
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Ben: What are you sitting in the dark for?
Michael: Waiting for you.
Ben: I told you, I was working out.
Michael: Legs, I know.
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Ben: Oh, so ahhhh What's Vic's new boyfriend like?
Michael: There so a like it's uncanny.
Ben: MMMMM same interests? Same temperament?
Michael: Same disease ... there're both positive.
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Ben: Oh? ... Where'd you get that?
Michael: I found it ... wrapped up in the garbage.
Ben: Michael...Michael I've ... I've used it ...just put ... put it down.
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Michael: You know seeing Vic and his new boyfriend, it really made me think... ya know maybe you're right. Maybe you should be with a pos guy.
Ben: No I ... No I was upset when I said that ... I ... I didn't mean that ...
Michael: Maybe that pos guy should be me.
Ben: Michael! Please!
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Michael: Please what? All it will take is a quick jab in a vein and it will be over in a flash ... I'd hardly feel a thing...and then I'll be just like you.
Ben I don't want you to be like me!
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Michael:You said you want someone who knows what you're going through. Who wakes up every morning and suddenly remembers ... hey that's right ... I've got this thing. Who thinks every time he gets a cold or the flu, this is it ... this is the end ... He's filled with resentment and anger cause he can never have kids... and who has to shoot himself up with steroids because his lover died. And he's scared shitless he's next. And who has to drive away the person he loves, and who loves him, because he doesn't understand! Well, now I will!
Ben: No please ... please don't ... For God sakes ...Stop!
Michael: No, you stop! Stop using this shit. Stop hurting yourself... and stop hurting us.
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Ben: Didn't mean to wake you.
Michael: I was already up. I didn't get much sleep.
Ben: Yeah, Me either.
Michael: So, who told you to sleep on the sofa?
Ben: Well, after what you said I...
Michael: I meant it.
Ben: Look baby, I'm gonna have a hard enough day going to Paul's memorial ... seeing all those guys with their sunken cheeks ...
Michael At least there still alive. So are you.
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Ben: I've decided to stop using the steroids.
Michael: Good for you.
Ben: They are counterproductive to my healing.
Michael: Why don't you just say they turned you into a raving shit?
Ben: All right, they have turned me into a raving shit. I'm sorry.
Michael: Thanks. You're apologizing for the wrong thing.
Ben: What then?
Michael: You're the brainy professor, you figure it out.
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Ben: OK, I'm sorry for saying that I should find someone whose positive. That was the drugs talking.
Michael: No, it was you. Don't make excuses. If that's what you want then do it.
Ben: It's not what I want ... I want you.
Michael: At Nine o'clock on Tuesday morning? What about ten?
Ben: I will feel the same at ten and eleven and twelve ...
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Michael: You're really gonna stop?
Ben: I already have. Now why don't you get dressed and come with me.
Michael: Its not my world I don't belong there.
Ben: You belong with me.
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Episode 308
Ben: Are you asleep?
Michael: Are you kidding? I feel like our beds in the street.
Ben: Or the streets in bed with us!
Michael: That does it!
Ben: Michael, Michael, Michael, hey, hey, save your shoes, that only works on cartoon cats.
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Michael: OHHHH ... AHHH
Ben: Go, baby go, Oh.// Come on... down down down down down ... good, OK come on baby and yeah you got it.
Michael: AHHHHHH
Ben: good ... Nice, nice ... one more ... come baby you got it baby come on
Michael: ohhhhh ... ahhhhh .... ahhhh
Ben: ahhh come on come ... perfect ahhh
Michael: ahhhhh ... ahhhhhh
Ben: Good, good ...
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Michael: Some of them looked 14, too young even for you!
Ben: I cannot stop thinking about this one kid. He said for two hundred bucks I could fuck him without a condom!
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Michael: We have this new villain, Ice Tina. She's this evil drag queen who freezes Rage with this dirty look, and just when it seems like Rage is gonna spend the rest of his days as a frozen TV dinner, JT defrosts him with the worlds hottest blow job. Ben ... Ben?
Ben: Oh, sorry were you saying something?
Michael: Well no wonder you weren't answering me, I thought you were just preoccupied.
Ben: No ... No I forgot to take these plugs out of my ears after we woke up. Really cuts down on the street noise.
Michael: Yeah and pesky boyfriends who won't shut up.
Ben: OHHHH ... OK, You can repeat it to me on the way to the bus stop. I promise to give you my undivided a ... attention.
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Michael: Christ, is he dead?
Ben: No, no, he's sleeping.
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Ben: You're that kid from the other night. The one with the condoms optional policy. Hunter: Offer still stands. I also give two for one discounts.
Michael: What are you the Q Mart? We're not interested.
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Ben: He's still asleep. He must have been exhausted.
Michael: I'm sure with the hours he keeps.
Ben: Yeah, to look at him, here ya go, you would think he was like any other teenager.
Michael: Well, he's not. And he's never gonna be.
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Michael: Look, I love how good hearted you are.
Ben: As long as I don't act on it.
Michael: But one night is enough.
Ben: So we should just toss him back on the street like everybody else.
Michael: He doesn't even want our help. He'll be the first to tell you.
Ben: Well he's wrong, because the way his life is going, it'll be over before he's 20.
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Ben: At least have something to eat before you go.
Michael: Yeah you can't expect to do your best work on an empty stomach.
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Ben: Listen if you need something, or you just need to talk, here's our number. And uh put this someplace safe in case of an emergency.
Michael: We did more for him then most people.
Ben: All we did was buy off our consciences for a hundred bucks. Half the price of fucking him without a condom.
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Michael: Ben? Mashed up some fresh garlic for the potatos.
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Episode 309
Emmett: Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?
Ben: Yes, you are seeing it ... the most historic reunification since Germany.
Emmett: What happened to the fiddler?
Michael: He fell off the roof.
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Emmett: Mind if I borrow your husband?
Michael: Just be sure to keep your hands above his waist at all times!
Emmett: You take the fun out of everything.
Ben: Two songs, then you come rescue me.
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Michael: What is it about gay men that they'll invent any excuse just to show their dicks?
Vic: Because it's fun?
Michael: Or else they feel it's all they have to show.
Ben: Well, Mr. Novotny, when did we become such a prude huh?
Michael: I'm not a prude. I just don't understand why everything has to be about sex. Justin's cover for the next Rage has got JT giving Brian ... Rage a blow job ...
Ben: Interesting slip. And how does Michael, I mean Zephyr, feel about that?
Michael: He doesn't give a shit and neither do I.
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Michael: Come on Ma, leave him alone. Brian didn't cause the raid.
Ben: Whoa, Whoa, I'm sorry Michael, Debbie's right. Brian has played a big part in encouraging Stockwell to target the gay community.
Michael: Stockwell's never once mentioned them.
Debbie: Us!
Ben: But he has implied it in every word he's spoken.
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Episode 310
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Ben: There's nothing you can do OK. She's the one carrying the baby.
Michael: Our baby!
Ben:So did you see it? What did it look like?
Brian: It have your cute little turned up nose, and button eyes, and perfectly shaped penis?
Michael: You really think so?
Ben: Hey, Hey!
Michael: It's the size of a peanut. The baby. I mean it's amazing, it's really fucking amazing.
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Michael: What was that?
Ben: It was the hospital.
Michael: Yeah I know what's the matter are you sick? Why did you tell me.
Ben: It's not me, it's Hunter.
Michael: Hunter as in Hunter the hustler?
Ben: It was an emergency OK?, he had a... he had a kidney infection but he's gonna be OK.
Michael: So what's with the billing info. Ben: I told them I'd pay for it.
Michael: How much is it?
Ben: It's a couple thousand.
Michael: A couple of thousand, are you out of your mind? Why you?
Ben: They think that I'm his Uncle.
Michael: And why do they think that?
Ben: Because I said so Michael, if I hadn't they would have put him in some God awful county facility.
Michael: I don't want to hear about it, this kid is not your responsibility! Ben: He was in trouble he needed help.
Michael: And there you were charging to the rescue. Well, you're gonna go back down there and tell them the truth, and there gonna call family services or whoever the fuck, because we're not getting involved, Not! Do I make myself understood?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ben: Turn it off.
Hunter: What's up?
Ben: Yeah so the hospital stay of yours is costing me a couple a thousand dollars.
Hunter: No shit!
Ben:And For what? So you can go back to living on the street?
Hunter: I'll be all right.
Ben: You call practically freezing to death sleeping in doorways all right?
Hunter: I didn't ask for a fucking lecture.
Ben: Well, You're gonna get one anyway. Instead of pedaling your ass, Maybe you should be thinking of this as a wake up call ... as an opportunity to turn your life around.
Hunter: You know something? You're right. Yeah I should go on one of those lunatic religious shows and praise the lord for giving me this second chance. I'm saved, I'm saved. Ben: I might as well save myself some cash. I'm gonna go tell that social worker the truth, straighten this mess out once and for all. You have yourself a good life and the next time you're looking for some sucker, call someone else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ben: Excuse me, I'd like to talk to a social worker about the patient in 216.
Doctor: Are you Hunters guardian?
Ben: Actually I'm...
Nurse: Excuse me doctor.
Doctor: I'm sorry. We're releasing him tomorrow but before we do, I think there's something you should know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michael: Ben?
Ben:Michael? What are you doing here?
Michael: Melanie had a little emergency. Luckily I was in the neighborhood so I drove her over.
Ben: Is she OK?
Michael: Provided she lays off the Kosher dills. Did You straighten everything out?
Ben: Not exactly.
Michael: Why not? I thought you were gonna come clean get your money back. For Christ's sakes Ben are you not really gonna let this kid hustle you out of two thousand dollar?
Ben: You don't understand.
Michael: Understand what? What don't I get this time? That you feel guilty? That you feel sorry for him and he knows it. That he's gonna play you for everything he can?
Ben: He's Positive.
Michael: I'm sorry.
Ben: That's why I couldn't just...
Michael: I understand. Does he know?
Ben: No, I uh, the doctor was gonna tell him, but I said it would be better if he heard if from me considering I'm the next of kin.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michael: So, what are you gonna to say?
Ben: Damned if I know. I have never had to tell anyone before that they were positive, especially a kid.
Michael: Well, it's not the end of the world, it's not a death sentence, if anybody knows that it's you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ben: And I also know how I've struggled with it. How terrifying it can be. And I'm twice his age. How is he gonna survive on nothing?...Not even a, a roof over his head or knowing where his next meal is coming from...not to mention medical attention?
Michael: all the more reason why he needs to be in foster home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ben: Yeah but no one would take him before. Who's gonna take him now? And it still doesn't answer the question, how do I tell him?
Michael: You'll find the right words, its your gift.
Ben: There are no right words to ... take away the one illusion every kid is entitled to...his invincibility. His immortality.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ben:He's not there.
Michael:Well maybe he's in the lounge? or walking around?
Ben: Hi, nurse? Where is uh Hunter?
Nurse: The night nurse saw him leave his room at about 4:00 in the morning. Seems he never came back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Episode 311
Debbie: So what the hell are you two doing in here so early?
Michael: Ben had us up all night prowling every back street in the city.
Debbie: When did you become a couple of alley cats?
Michael: We didn't.
Ben: Trying to find this kid.
Michael: The one we brought in last week.
Debbie: Oh, I remember.
Ben: I got to tell him some news.
Michael: He's positive.
Debbie: Christ, he's just a kid. So why do you have to tell him?
Michael: It's a long story.
Ben: He was in the hospital and umm he gave them my name and said I was his Uncle.
Michael: And Ben went along with it.
Ben: He didn't want to get put back in the foster care system.
*********************************
Michael: He's probably warmer than we are. I bet some rich sugar daddy has taken him home and wrapped him in a cashmere comforter and is feeding him lobster bisque soup.
Ben: What vivd imagery.
Michael: Well that's what happens with stage one hypothermia you start hallucinating.
Ben: Look...look.
Michael: No lobster bisque soup.
Ben: Not even chicken noodle.
******************************
Ben: Hey...Hey I've been looking for ya.
Hunter: Why is it every time you show up you cost me money? He was even willing to spring for a hotel room.
Ben: It's important.
Hunter: Everything with you is important.
Michael: You should listen to him.
Hunter: Now what?
Ben: When you were in the hospital they tested you for HIV and it turns out you're positive. Look I know it's upsetting, but the good news is you're healthy, your virile load is undetectable...with all the new advances you...
Hunter: Thanks for the info.
************************
Michael: Hey, don't you even care?
Hunter: If I have AIDS?
Ben: I did not say AIDS, I said HIV.
Hunter: So I have it. Most of the guys out here already do, it's no big deal.
Ben: It's a very big deal. You have to learn to take care of yourself.
Hunter:Fuck off! I have work to do.
Michael: Hey if you don't care about yourself what about others. You could be infecting the people you sleep with?
Hunter: He pays you money, he takes his chances.
***************************
Debbie: Did you find him?
Michael: Ben told him he was positive and he didn't even seem to care.
Brian: He's a fucking hustler what did you expect?
**************************
Ben: That coat does not look very warm.
Hunter: It's warm enough.
******************************
Ben: No I did not! I...I got an old down filled here, Its ah still in good shape.
Hunter: No one wants to pay for a guy who looks like an Eskimo.
Ben: No one wants to pay for a guy to give him HIV either so, here, make sure you use these, and make sure that they use them too, OK? Even if they do offer to pay you two hundred dollars.
****************************
Ben: Cause I'm positive too.
***************************
Hunter: What's that?
Ben: OHHH it's Japanese's chicken soup. Come on just eat it...just take it and...
****************************
Ben: AH... OHHHH Why I tested positive three years ago, and so far knock wood, I have been healthy.
Hunter: So, what's the big deal?
Ben: Staying that way. It takes a lot more work then you think. Not to mention dealing with the social and physiological ramifications.
Hunter: I'm a kid, remember? Why are you talking down to me?
Ben: You know what I'm saying.
Hunter: I don't want to talk about it.
Ben: I understand, but at some point you're going to have to.
**************************
Ben: Hey, ahh come on in...
Michael: I didn't realize we had company.
Ben: Yeah I ah... I offered Hunter something hot to eat and a place to crash.
Michael: That was a very loving thing you did sweetheart.
***********************
Ben: We're doing this.
Michael: No, you're doing this What the hell did you tell him anyway?
Ben: That he could stay here.
Michael: For how long?
Ben: I did not give it a time limit.
Michael: We're not China, there's no open door policy...What's so funny?
Ben: OHHHHHOK, That is such a mother thing to say. Your mother must have said that.
Michael: My mothers never heard of the open door policy, and that's not the point.
Ben: The point is he just got out of the hospital. He just found out that he's positive. Am I supposed to let him sleep on the street on one of the coldest nights of the year?
Michael: No of course not. I just want to know what you plan to do?
Ben: Right now I'm offering a helping had to someone who needs it.
Michael: You hardly know him.
Ben: No actually we're related...by blood.
*****************************
Ben: Well, we won't. We'll tell him to come back tonight when we get home.
*************************************
Hunter: Ya, I have to make good grades if I want to get into Harvard.
Michael:I take it that's a no.
Ben: You go to school don't you?
Hunter: Who the fuck are you? My social worker?
Michael: Worse, he's a teacher.
Ben: AHHHHH and you ought to have a real breakfast. Let me fix you a protein shake.
Michael: He's also a health freak.
*******************************
Michael: Listen, Ben and I are going to work so, you...you gotta ... leave.
Ben: Yeah, But we'll ah be back around seven, so if you want to have dinner, spend the night, we'll be here.
Hunter: Hopefully, I'll have a trick who's paying me to sleep there!
Michael: Well, if you don't, make sure you show up before midnight, cause that's when we lock the door.
Hunter: A curfew. You're as bad as some of my foster parents.
Michael: Maybe some of them weren't so bad.
*************************************
Hunter: I told you I'd do you both. Alone, together. Hell, I'll even do you for half price just to show my appreciation.
Michael: That's not what I was gonna to ask you. I want to know if you're coming back. I don't think you are, but Ben thinks otherwise. I guess you could say he has more faith in humanity, or at least in you than I do. Anyway, I would hate to see him get hurt, so if you don't plan on returning, just say so now, and I'll tell him not to expect you.
Hunter: All I asked was for him to say he was my Uncle. I never asked for the free meal, the bed, the coat, and I sure as hell didn't ask to hear I'm positive. So he can keep his fucking help.
Michael: I'll let him know.
*********************
Michael: You really surprised?
Ben: Yeah I guess I am. I felt there were moments...a flicker in his eye, a pause before an answer... when I thought something registered, that I was actually getting through to him. Call me crazy.
Michael: You're not crazy, you're just kind.
Ben: Well, let's ahh hope he's being careful, that he at least heard that much.
Michael: We can always hope.
*************************
******************************
Hunter: You said midnight.
*****************************
Ben: How tidy were you when you were his age?
Michael: Well, at least I didn't leave my smelly socks on the dining room table. Christ, he even found my secret stash of Mrs. Chips.
Ben: Give the kid a break Michael? For him a bag of cookies and a warm bed are a luxury.
Michael: You know what would be a luxury to me?
Ben:A live in maid?
Michael: Loud, uninhibited, screaming, raunchy sex.
Ben: You know I did notice you were holding your breath last night, now that's not health. It's like keeping in a sneeze.
Michael: Yeah well I was afraid he would hear us and yell God bless you.
Ben: Well, I'm sure he's heard worse.
Michael: I'm sure he's done worse.
********************
Hunter: Can't I sleep in? I was up all night.
Michael: Doing what?
Hunter: Listening to you guys try to keep it down...sshhhhhhhh, he'll hear us. Next time just fuck your brains out, get it over with.
Michael: Thanks for the sex tip.
Hunter: Anytime.
******************
Michael: We are not giving him a key!
Ben: Now that he's living here.
Michael: He is not living here. He's staying here temporarily.
Ben: Well, he still needs to get in.
Michael: He gets in when we let him in.
Ben: But, where's he going to go all day?
Michael: School perhaps?
Ben:I thought he could go to the store with you?
Michael: Why can't he go to class with you?
Ben: Michael, my lecture today is on latent homosexuality and the works of Thomas Mann. Somehow, I thought maybe he would appreciate the second issue of Rage more? Not that it's not a post modern masterpiece.
***********************
Michael: What?
Hunter: I said, did you and Brian ever fuck?
Michael: No...we never...
Hunter: I didn't think so. You're not his type.
Michael: Well, neither are you.
Hunter: We'll see about that.
Ben: Hey, what's this all about?
Michael: Someone's got a schoolboy crush.
Hunter: I do not!
Ben: Oh Christ, that's all we need.
Michael: Just stay away from him, he's a bad influence.
**********************
Hunter: What do I look like, a nine year old?
Debbie: No honey you don't. You look like a smart ass little twerp who could use some manners. Now how about a nice big thank you?
Hunter: Thank you.
Debbie:That's better.
******************
Ben: Hey baby, they'll hear you in Scranton.
Michael: So what if they do? ...ohhhhhhhh...God........ohhhhhhhhhhhh.....ahhhhhhhh...ahhhhhhhh...What's the matter?
Ben: Fuck! I just have a lot on my mind that's all. It's... Ahhhhhh... this course I'm teaching, and ahhh, this chapter I'm...I'm stuck on.
Michael: This kid?
Ben: Yeah, yeah he's ahh out there on the street turning tricks right, hopefully being careful, but what if he picks up the wrong guy? He could end up the next kid in a dumpster Michael.
Michael: Christ! He fucks up our sex life when he's here, and now he fucking it up when he's not here!
Ben: OK, that's him.
Michael: At least everyone in Scranton will have a good nights sleep.
***********************
Michael: Thanks....
Hunter: Anything else?
Michael: Be sure to wear your rubbers....
**********************
Hunter: Now what?
Michael: Thought you might need this.
Hunter: I thought you didn't trust me?
Michael: Well, This way we won't have to stop whatever we're doing and let you in.
Ben:Surprised you did that?
Michael: Once he's gone we can always change the lock.
******************
Michael: I'm so hot I could just go down on you right here.
Ben: Hey I don't think Mrs. Janiney would appreciate taking Tyberious for his stroll and seeing you giving me a blow job, all right?
Michael: Hurry up and open the fucking door.
Ben: Be patient, we've got the place all to ourselves all afternoon.
Hunter: Shit!
Michael: What the fuck!
Hunter: I thought you were working?
Michael: We didn't know you'd be!
Ben: Get outta here you sick fuck!
Trick: I want my money back.
Michael: Here you can put it towards your bail when I call the police and have you arrested for soliciting a minor!
Hunter: One more happy satisfied customer thanks to you.
Michael: We did not give you a key so that you could turn tricks in our home!
Hunter: You never said I couldn't.
Michael: Because we never thought you would?
Hunter: Well... I need the money OK?
Ben: For what?
Hunter: For when you get tired of doing your good deed and you kick me out.
Ben:Who said anything about kicking you out?
Michael: Pull one more stunt like this and we will!
Ben: Look, if this is some test to see how far you can go to provoke us so that we'll tell you to leave, it's not gonna work. We want you here.
Hunter:So you can feel good about yourself. Well, fuck that shit! You can keep your damn key.
*******************
Hunter: Why do think I was trying to get away? So what do you want?
Michael: You dropped this.
Hunter: I don't want it. I already told you, I'm not coming back.
Michael: Well, where do plan to go?
Hunter: Maui, south of France. I haven't decided yet.
Michael: Well, until you do, you're staying with us. Which means your gonna make your bed your gonna pick up your shit, and if you ever bring home a trick again, I will kick your fucking ass!
Hunter:That's child abuse.
Michael:Report me!
Hunter: Cause you're not my parents!
Michael: And you're not my son!
Michael: But we're the ones who are giving you three squares and roof over your head, so make sure you're back by midnight, and bolt the door!
*************************
Michael: In a while.
Ben: It's after midnight.
Michael: I know. I just thought I would give him a few more minutes.
Ben: You know, you set a rule, ya gotta ... live by it. So does he.
Michael: And what if he doesn't coming back?
Ben: Come to bed.
**********************
Hunter: What's the big deal? I used a condom.
Brian: Well, your safe sex lecture paid off.
Michael: Shut the fuck up!
Ben: Let's try to stay calm.
Brian: Yeah, the Professors right.
Michael: What do you know about it, you're the one that put him up to this.
Hunter: He didn't put me up to shit. I was trying to help.
Michael: You were trying to impress Brian!
Brian: Yeah well, he wouldn't be the first one.
Michael: Well he already has a boyfriend.
Hunter: You do.
Brian: "In a non-defined, non-conventional way -- yeah.
Ben: Lets not lose focus here, you need to understand that what you did was extremely dangerous!
Michael: This guy could have killed you!
Hunter: They all could have.
Michael: Well if you know that why do you do it?
Hunter: I have low self esteem, I was sexualized at too early an age. It's exciting fun and a great way to make non reportable income.
Michael: I would like an honest answer smart ass!
Brian: He just gave you one.
Ben:Well, we're not gonna let you throw your life away, You are gonna stop hustling You're going to take care of yourself!
Michael: Respect the curfew, not sleep till noon!
Ben: Go back to school!
Michael: Think about your future!
Hunter: Christ! I'd rather get killed and tossed in a dumpster than listen to the two of you. Fuck!
Brian: Nice goin Ma and Pa.
***********************************
**********************************
Ben: I'm frustrated as shit!
Michael: Well only four, Congratulations, now come to bed! It must be hard to concentrate on your writing or anything else for that matter when your mind is on other things.
Ben: HMM?
Michael: Case in point!
Ben: Sorry Michael, it's just that after what he did it's obvious, we're not getting through to him. He's still hustling, he's still coming home whenever he pleases, he wont even discuss the possibility of going back to school.
Michael: Well aren't you the one who said these things take time?
Ben: It can't go on like this indefinitely.
Michael: Well, we're doing the best we can.
Ben: Well maybe our best isn't good enough. Maybe he'd be better off with someone else.
Michael: There isn't anyone else, there's just us.
Ben: And we're in over our heads thanks to me, because I had to save the world.
Michael: Not the world, just one kid.
Ben: Michael, we're not helping him, and what's more he doesn't want our help. So I think we should just admit our failure and let him go.
**********************
Michael: I guess?
Ben: Hey did you want some breakfast?
Hunter: I already ate.
Michael: I didn't see any dirty dishes in the sink.
Hunter:That's because I washed them.
Ben: You also washed your hair.
Hunter: Yep.
Michael: What's the occasion?
Hunter: Got a date, with a high school principle.
Michael: I'm sure the kids parents would love to hear that.
Hunter: I'm thinking about going back to school.
Ben: Really? That is...You're...you're not just saying that?
Hunter: There's no harm in checking it out.
Ben: Right.
************************
Ben: Or citizenship.
Hunter: Hey, watch where you're going, Asshole.
Michael: Making friends already.
Ben: At least now we finally get to know all about you.
Michael: Name?
Hunter: Hunter.
Michael: Hunter what?
Hunter: Just Hunter.
Michael: Think your an aging rock diva?
Hunter: Last names tend to get in the way of my work.
Ben: Hey, from now the only work you're doing is homework, out with it!
Hunter: James Hunter Montgomery.
Michael: Nice to meet you Jimmy.
Hunter: Shut up.
Ben: When were you born?
Hunter: I wasn't born. My mother was too drunk to give birth so I was delivered 16 glorious years ago last Tuesday.
Michael: Last Tuesday? You had a birthday last week and you didn't tell us?
Ben: We could have done something to celebrate.
Hunter: Like blow out a candle? I blew three tricks that day. I made $150.00 bucks. That's what I call celebrating.
************************
Ben:Yeah, running for the door while you distract the sales person is not exactly my style.
Everyone:SURPRISE!
Michael: Well, aren't you gonna say something?
Hunter: What the fucks going on?
Debbie: Sweet kid isn't he?
Michael: It's a surprise party.
Hunter: For who?
Ben:For you...it's your birthday, Come say hello. This is Melanie and Lindsay.
Lindsay: And Gus. Happy birthday!
Michael: And this is Uncle Vic. I hope you like chocolate. I made it myself.
Debbie: It's a Betty Crocker triple golden fudge same kind I used to make for you honey.
Ben: Ready to blow?
Debbie: Bet ya never heard that before.
Lindsay: Better hurry the candles are melting.
Melanie:One ... two ... three...
Michael: WAIT! WAIT...wait... You have to make a wish!
Hunter: For What?
Melanie: For something you want...
Lindsay: more than anything.
**************************
Michael: I am?
Debbie: I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.
******************
Ben: You're a good man? I could have told you that.
******************
Hunter: Maybe later.
***********************
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michael: Yeah. How do you stop this thing?
Ben: You coming home after school?
Hunter: First I have band practice and then Suzy and I are studying for the chem. final.
Michael: Who's Suzy?
Ben: Can't you tell he's bullshitting us?
Michael: Sure. So where are you going?
Hunter: To hang out with my friends if it's all right with you. I told them I'm living with two old queens who pay me five C's a day to walk around naked.
Michael: Always bullshitting us.
Hunter: Actually, that's the truth. They're jealous as hell thinking I got this cushy gig while they're out trying to roll a stockbroker for lunch money.
Michael: Yeah well, try and remember dinners at seven? Ben's making his tofu stir fry.
Hunter: More fucking health food!
Ben: All righty!
**********************
Michael: Are you sure we won't be disturbed?
Ben: I called Hunter's school and he's, in Spanish lab as we speak.
Michael: UHUMMMMMMMMMMM!!!
**************************
**************************
Ben: Is something wrong with Hunter?
Rita: Hunter? You mean Jimmy. Is that what he's calls himself these day? I'm Rita Montgomery, I'm his Mom.
***********************
Ben: For killing his Father.
Rita: Oh My God, I can't imagine why he would say something like that? Although I have to confess that I did think about it on a couple of occasions. Ya know he cheated on me, and left me with a child without a cent. I could barley take care of myself. I mean that's why I had let him go to a foster home.
Ben: I can imagine how difficult that must have been.
Rita: Yeah, I called social services about a year ago to try to find him and they told me that he had run away and I've have been looking for him ever since.
Michael: Well, now you've found him.
Rita: Yeah I don't know how he's survived all this time on his own.
Ben: He was in pretty bad shape.
Michael: Yeah, UMMM so we took him in.
Rita: You two are angles...No, that's what you are.
Michael: So, do you intend to stay in touch?
Rita: I intend to do more than that. Now that I have a job and apartment I want him to come live with me. And of course I know it won't be easy. I'm sure he's very angry ... but I intend to make it up to him.
************************
Ben: Hunter's Mom showed up today when he was at school. She's planning to take him back.
Michael: Even though she knows nothing about him or how's he been supporting himself, or that he's positive.
Debbie: I understand sweetheart, and you've done a lot for that kid, but she's still his mother. As much as you and Ben care about him, nothing can replace a mothers love.
*****************
Ben: Michael?
Michael: What?
Ben: We have to tell him.
Michael: I know.
**********************
Hunter: picking up Sunday brunch. Want one?
Ben: I want all of them but dah refrain. Listen, we've got some news we've been meaning to tell you ... just been waiting for the right time. Right Michael?
Michael: I guess this is it.
Hunter: What?
Ben: You had a visitor the other day.
Hunter: What kind of visitor?
Michael: Someone who wants to see you very much.
Ben: Hunter, your Mom was here.
Hunter: Fuck! How did she find me?
Michael: The school gave her our address, she came to see us and...
Hunter: Shit!
Ben: Hey... whoa...hey...Hunter!
Michael: Hunter!
Ben: Christ!...Jesus Christ you run fast.
Michael: What the fuck are you doing?
Hunter: What's it look like. Getting as far away from here and her as I can.
Ben: Listen to me. She said she feels terrible about giving you away...
Hunter:She's a liar! Don't believe a fucking word!
Michael: What about you? You're the one who said she was in jail for killing your father.
Hunter: Scuse me...she only stabbed him.
Ben: She wants to make it up to you.
Michael: Why don't you just talk to her, give her a chance.
Hunter: I'll never go with her!
Ben: Hey...take it easy.
Hunter: Don't! Get off me! I know why she wants me back ... to supplement her income. Come on Jimmy, you live here too ... got to pull your own weight ... we all need to work.
Ben: Doing what?
Michael: Hunter.
Ben: It's all right ... you can tell us.
Hunter: You like young dick? For fifty you...you can suck it. For a hundred I'll let you fuck me. You think I'm bullshitting? Fuck you too!
Ben: Hunter...Wait...wait...We believe YOU.
Michael: And there's no way we're gonna let you go with her. That's a promise OK? OK?
******************
Ben: Same line when I was there. I could not believe it.
Rita: Jimmy? Oh my God Baby? I barley recognize you. God you've grown your practically a man. Come here and give your Mom a hug.
Hunter: Get away.
Rita: He's at that age. He's embarrassed by his mother.
Michael: That can happen at any age.
Rita:Did these two gentlemen tell you I came looking for you?
Hunter: I heard.
Rita: Did they also tell you that I want you come live with me?
Hunter: No fucking way!
Ben: Mrs. Montgomery, we've talked it over with Hunter and we think he should stay with us.
Rita: Why should he stay with you?
Michael: Because he wants to. And we want him too.
Rita: Well, I'm his mother and I... I don't see where you get a say. Now I say get your stuff together, we're leaving.
Ben: I'm sorry ... but after what he told us, he's not going anywhere.
Rita: What did he say ... more of his stories?
Michael: How you made him work to pull his own weight.
Rita: Ya know, I really don't know what you're referring to Jimmy. but I do have some idea why you want him here, and when I tell the authorities that my son is living with two fags...
Ben: All right Mrs. Montgomery, that is enough! Now if you do not mind...
Rita: You know what? I mind plenty! And I'm gonna come back here with a court order and the police and you better get him ready. Jimmy? ... baby, baby, momma will see you later.
****************
Michael: Holy Christ!
Hunter: I'm not going with her!
Ben: Let's try to stay calm. Look, you may have to, whether we like it or not.
Hunter: No way, you promised!
Ben: Look, tomorrow we will get an attorney and we'll figure out the best way to handle this, right Michael?
Michael: No.
Ben: No?
Michael: Look, you know as well as I do that if we let him go with her that'll be that. Because no matter what she did to him, she's still his mother and we're the two fags.
Ben: So what do you suggest we do?
Michael: Come on.
Ben: What are you doing?
Michael: Leaving.
Ben: Michael You can't!
Michael: Look, he's not going with her, and he's not going back to the street.
Ben: This is not the way to deal with this. Do you realize how much trouble we could get in?
Michael: Yeah. I realize it, but right now, I don't give a shit.
Hunter: You guys stop to fuck, I'm screwed!
Michael: Come on.
Ben: Michael...Michael...Michael!...
Michael: Back stairs.
Hunter: Wait...
Michael: If you forgot something leave it there's no time!
*Hunter runs back and gives Ben a long hug good-bye. *
****************
Hunter: She brought the cops.
Michael: So I took him and I ran.
Brian: My God have you no respect for authority? The Law?
Michael: I had to do something?
Brian: So you risked it all? Mikey, you are so...
Michael: Pathetic, I know. But what am I gonna do now?
Brian: Go for it.
Michael: You sure?
Brian: I've lived with a mother. Its a fate worse than birth. Use high test.
*****************
Hunter: Hey... Why are doing this? Why do you even care?
Ben: OK, have some Miso soup.
Hunter: So, how long have you had it?
Michael: Hey. Sorry I'm late. I was at Woody's with everyone...
Michael: I can't believe you're doing this.
Michael: Well, we just can't stick around here all day keeping an eye on him.
Michael: So, are you off to school?
Hunter: I can tell already, this isn't my day.
Michael: Hey, before you go on your merry way, I need to ask you something. Not for myself, but for Ben.
Ben: I know, I know, he's not coming back.
Ben: Eleven fifty nine and thirty seconds.
Episode 312.
Michael: It's not bad enough he's holed up in the spare room, but does he have to turn our home into a pig sty?
Michael: Hey...hey... We're leaving and so are you.
Ben: Maybe we should just give him a key.
Hunter: So, you and Brian ever fuck?
Debbie: I made you a triple scoop, pistachio sundae extra hot fudge and sprinkles on top.
Michael: ahhhhhh...ahhhhhhhhhh...ahhhhhhhh....ohhhhhhhh...ahhhhhhhhh just do it! Do it!
Ben: Hey better wear some gloves and a ski cap, it's freezing outside. Oh...Christ, did I just say that? I sound like my mother actually, make that your mother.
Michael: Wait up.
Ben: Hey, hey.... hey... hey.. hey hey!
Michael: Hey...Hey! You see me coming?
Ben: Coming to bed?
Episode 313
Michael: You fucked a murderer?
Michael: Hello in there, it's Michael, but you can call me dad.
Michael: Still searching for that exquisite turn phrase that in five words or less expresses the essence of what your characters feeling?
Ben: Well, all I can say is we think this is the best thing for all of us.
Michael: Will you look at all these forms, you'd would think we are applying for a bank loan.
Hunter: It's cool shit dude, but I could have saved you some bucks.
Debbie: You're a good man Michael.
Michael: Did you here what my Mom said?
Ben: You got some pretty neat stuff? Are you going out?
Episode 314 Season 3 Finale.
Ben: Ya got it?
Ben: I've got exactly 43 minutes before I have to get back to class.
Michael:"Don't let her sell you something for erectile dysfuntion. You don't need it."
Rita: The principles office at the high school gave me your address.
Rita: He told you that I was in prison?
Debbie: What the hell did they do, put a sign over the front door, abandon all hope ye who enter here?
Michael: I thought tonight instead of ah having dinner at home, maybe we could go the Shanghai Palace ... gorge ourselves on the nine course feast and then afterwards, maybe we could go see the new Jackie Chan movie. You think Hunter would enjoy that?
Ben: Hey Pal, where ya been?
Michael: But there was a line of guys lined up around the block waiting to vote.
Hunter: Shit, she brought the fucking cops!
Michael: Hunter's in deep shit trouble. His Mom came to take him away.