Author's Notes: This story definitely took on a life of its own and includes a salute to Obi-Wan's biggest fans. You'll see!
DISCLAIMER: Star Wars and all publicly recognisable characters, names and references, etc are the sole property of George Lucas, Lucasfilm Ltd, Lucasarts Inc and 20th Century Fox. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. Any other characters, the storyline and the actual story are the property of the author.
Obi-Wan couldn't look. He was gonna get real dead real quick when Master Qui-Gon returned.
CRASH!
Obi-Wan shuddered and kept his eyes shut. "Sorrish about the lampsh," someone slurred. 'Oh, no' the young man thought. 'This is not happening.'
It seemed like an eternity now but in fact had only been a couple of hours since his and Qui-Gon's quarters had been overrun with revelers, both from the Jedi Temple and from without. Many had already been well advanced in the stages of drunkness and the rest needed little encouragement to follow suit.
Obi-Wan braved a peek at the destruction. It would take years to clean the mess. Food was everywhere. Empty bottles and cans lay scattered all over the floor. His Master's plants, well...there would definitely be hell to pay for that. Thank the Force, he had thought to lock his Master's quarters, but his own...Obi-Wan wasn't sure he wanted to go in there.
Music blared so loudly his ears were hurting. His friend, Traz, was lying on the couch surrounded by some of the women that had come with his friend. Traz looked totally smashed and was leering at one of the women, who squealed in delight when the man pinched her rear end.
"Come on, lighten up," Traz had said when Obi-Wan tried to protest the party. "Our Masters will be out probably till dawn knowing those Senate parties. We'll clean everything up. Master Qui-Gon will never know."
And against his better judgment, Obi-Wan had relented. And so, he had spent the past two hours rushing around the apartment in horror trying to pick up after people, keep them out of cabinets and drawers, prevent broken dishes...and it was all to no avail. He was definitely dead.
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM!
Obi-Wan jumped at the loud pounding on the door. He blanched. It couldn't be his Master, no, no, it couldn't be...please, please, please, don't let it be, he prayed to any deity he could think of.
Magically, the music had stopped and the place fell silent as all heads and eyes turned to the door. A collective breath was held as Obi-Wan palmed the door control. The door slid open to reveal...Master Mace Windu. Obi-Wan felt faint. This was even worse! Several people gasped.
Master Windu had his usual stern look on his face, arms crossed, legs braced apart. He glared down at Obi-Wan. "And what is all this?" He gestured to indicate the pandamonium within. "Master Qui-Gon is gone for one night, and you throw a party." Windu's gaze never wavered. Obi-Wan wished he could just disappear, very quickly. He swallowed, then straightened under the Master's intense stare. "Yes, Master Windu. I take full responsibility for this party. It was wrong of me. I'll..." But Windu stopped Obi-Wan's apology with a wave.
"Just remember, Padawan." He smiled broadly at Obi-Wan's puzzled look. "Next time don't forget to invite me. Now, pour me some Corellian whisky and let's get on with this party!"
With that, Master Windu sauntered in and made straight for the women. "Why, hello, ladies." The women all giggled and immediately rushed to his side. "I'm sorry Padawan Traz," said Mace looking down at the dumbfounded youth. "But I am a Master after all." The music had resumed and everyone seemed to pick up where they had left off.
Obi-Wan blinked several times trying to clear his mind. He felt like he'd just drunk the entire bottle of Corellian whisky himself. Master Windu...The Master Windu...was at his party. What the hell was going on here?
"Oh, man," breathed Traz who had come up next to him. "I had heard rumors that he liked to party, but I never really believed them."
"But, I thought he was going to the Senate reception too?" Obi-Wan couldn't help but stare as Windu began kissing each woman in turn.
"No, man, he just sent our Masters to it. I know Master Pons was majorly pissed off that Master Windu got out of going. Do you think he knew what we would do?"
"How could he have? I didn't even know!" Obi-Wan yelled. He had gotten to the point where he wanted everyone gone, now, but how could he tell everyone to leave with Master Windu here!? He was still dead.
The door chimed again. "What now?" Obi-Wan groused. He opened the door and felt all color drain from his face yet again. It was them! He'd seen them lurking around the Temple doors whenever he and Qui-Gon had ventured out into Coruscant proper. They were always staring at him. And now he was trapped! How had they gotten here?
"Well, aren't you going to invite us in, you lovely thang you?"
"Yeah, you aren't going to make us wait any longer?"
"Oh my, I do believe you are the perfect padawan!"
"He's even more gorgeous up close!"
"Hmm...I think what's needed here is some black leather!"
"I brought our supplies. Ladies, grab your glitter!"
Before he knew it, Obi-Wan was surrounded. He was vaguely away of Traz laughing at him and saying something about "it was about time!" but he didn't really have a chance to focus because he suddenly found himself being fondled by a gang of very enthusiastic women all wearing braids. But they weren't apprentices! "Who are you?" he gasped as one ran her hands down his chest.
"Oh, we're your fan club,that's all! We've seen you around the Temple and decided you were the sexiest, handsomest, hottest thing this side of the galactic core!" said one. "By the way, my name is Emmy." She pointed at several others. "That's Judy, there's Monica...don't worry about the whip, she won't hurt you, much...and that's Julia and Sereramie, and Alisa, and Pixie, and...." the names went on and on...
Obi-Wan found himself helpless against the onslaught and suddenly not caring about the state of the apartment, who was there, or anything else but these women. They were here for him and him alone! Kisses were being rained all over his face and hands were tugging on his clothes. He heard a voice, the one with the whip, he realized, ordering people out of his bedroom. "I don't want to have to use this on anyone but him!" she yelled. He felt something cold on his skin and looked down to see one of the girls putting a liquidy substance than sparkled all over his chest. Another was tending his back, others his legs. A ticklish spot was hit and suddenly he collapsed in laughter on the bed...
"Qui-Gon, I wish I had your diplomatic skills. How you managed to get us out of there, I'll never know," said Master Pons as he and Qui-Gon walked down the corridor to their quarters.
"Well, the Supreme Chancellor owes me a favor." That was all the explanation Qui-Gon was willing to give. He could hear a loud thumping noise coming in the direction of his quarters. He reached out with the Force for Obi-Wan, but the connection was very weak. What was his padawan up to? He glanced down at Pons. "Do you know where your padawan is?"
"Traz? He's supposed to be in our quarters meditating. The last time I left him alone, he snuck out and nearly got himself arrested. The Council was not pleased, nor was I. He's always been headstrong, but sometimes...you know, he and Obi-Wan were friends at the academy." A frightening thought took hold of Pons. He looked up at Qui-Gon suddenly. "You don't think...?"
"No, I know." Qui-Gon sighed. His own apprentice was headstrong, but should have known better. They were throwing a party. The closer to his quarters he got, the louder the sound was. It was music, or what Obi-Wan considered music. Qui-Gon considered it loud noise.
Reaching the door, Qui-Gon took a deep breath and prepared himself...
...Well, whatever he had prepared himself for, it wasn't for the sight that greeted him. The place was destroyed. Furniture overturned, food everywhere, and his plants!! By the Force, his plants!! "Where is he?" he growled under his breath as he scoured the room for his padawan.
He heard Pons gasp and tug on his sleeve. "Look!"
Qui-Gon shook his head. He should have known. "Well, Mace, somehow you always manage to find the loudest, wildest party. How do you do it?" Qui-Gon strode up behind Mace. The women took one look at the imposing Jedi, his angry glare, and scurried out. Mace leaned his head back to grin up at Qui-Gon. "Oh, Qui-Gon, I was just helping Obi-Wan learn a very important lesson about throwing parties in one's quarters. They always get out of control and you never know who's going to show up."
"Yeah, and you're full of it." Qui-Gon snorted. "What did you do with my padawan, anyway?"
"I think he's being well-entertained," Mace grinned. "Don't worry about the boy. He was a nervous wreck when I arrived. He was ready to accept full responsibility for everything, but somehow I don't think he was the instigator." With that, Mace nodded towards Traz who was in the process of being chewed out by his Master.
Qui-Gon's arrival had been the proverbial cold water in the face for the rest of revelers and everyone had quickly filed, staggered ,or been dragged out. Now it was just the Jedi Masters and one downcast padawan. But where was Obi-Wan? A chorus of giggles emanated from his bedroom, then a masculine laugh. "No, no, not there!" Another laugh.
Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow. Hmm...time to make his padawan squirm. He marched over and opened the bedroom door. Crossing his arms, he put on his best "you will pay for you've done" look and glared. It was hard to keep from laughing at the sight of his padawan who lay sprawled on the bed nearly naked covered from head to toe in some glittery substance and surrounded by giggling women.
Obi-Wan's look of abject horror upon seeing his master almost sent Qui-Gon over the edge. Struggling to keep his amusement out of his eyes, he turned his sternest look on the women. "If you ladies would excuse us, I think my padawan owes me an explanation for what has happened here."
Instead of fleeing immediately as he thought they would, Qui-Gon was surprised when they all turned to Obi-Wan and began cooing "It'll be all right...If he's mean to you, we'll make it better...He's just a big ol' grouch...You are sooo cute!....Next time, chocolate!"
Obi-Wan smiled up at them. "Thank you all so much for a delightful evening. I'll be in touch, I promise." With that, he blew a kiss to each one. Sighing, the women reluctantly left.
Qui-Gon kept his expression hard. "Obi-Wan!"
"Yes, my Master?" Obi-Wan snapped back to attention which was kind of hard considering the state of undress and disarray he was in.
"Get cleaned up, then we'll talk!"
"Yes, sir."
Only after he could hear water running did Qui-Gon break down in laughter. He was laughing so hard, his stomach began to hurt. Mace came over to see what was wrong. Qui-Gon never laughed like that. "Hey pal, are you okay?"
"Glitter!" Qui-Gon hooted. "He was covered in glitter! Takes you back, doesn't it, my friend?"
"Oh, don't even go there! That stuff took forever to clean off."
"I believe I told you that whipped cream worked just as well but wasn't quite so..umm..uncomfortable afterwards."
Mace rolled his eyes. "Know-it-all." Then he smiled. "Well, somehow I doubt Obi-Wan will be deterred though."
"I have to agree with you on that one. It seems my padawan has a wild streak after all."
"Kinda makes you proud doesn't it?"
"Absolutely, but he doesn't have to know that!" Qui-Gon chuckled.
"Master?" Obi-Wan poked his head around his bedroom door. He still had some glitter shining in his hair and a streak down one cheek.
"I think I'll leave you to deal with your padawan," said Mace stifling a laugh. "Nice party, Obi-Wan!"
"Obi-Wan, come here!" Qui-Gon put on his stern voice again. "We need to have a little talk..."
Obi-Wan steeled himself. He was dead.
"I just want to know one thing. What the hell happened to my plants?"
Part 1 Part 2