Hi, boys and (mostly) girls. I'm going to start a series of rants here at CABS which I shall now call 'Boy Wonder's Rants and Musings.' This will be Part One. My topic (as suggested by Jane Doe) is "What drives men (me!) crazy about slash fanfics written by females?"

I think I'll start this out with my number one gripe of all time. The thing about nudity. This might not seem like a really serious subject for ranting, but it just makes me nuts!

I just read yet another fic where a group of guys were all teasing one member because he was walking around naked. Well, guess what? Guys see each other naked all the time. It's no big deal (don't go there, nasty minded people!) to most of us. And even if you're on the shy side, you're still going to see and be seen (usually).

Apparently this is different for you women -- or why would so many of you turn it into a big deal for us men? (Don't you all shower together at school? How about after taking part in sporting events or when you work out? I mean, is it really that different for you?)

Well, we guys shower and dress together all the time. We see each other 'hanging out' there constantly. We're used to it, for crying out loud! And I believe that guys who've been together in any boy band for even a short time (which I'd call maybe a period of a month or less together) would be so used to this it would usually not make any impact at all.

This isn't to say that we don't ever tease one another in the showers or when we're naked. Guys can be especially bad about saying things or making obscene gestures if we find each other hard and/or masturbating. (Yes, most all guys will yank on it if given half a chance -- even when there might be other guys around to see it.) But not based solely on the fact that we're naked in a situation which warrants being that way!

Every single time I read a fic that has, say, Joey Fatone wondering what one of his fellow NSYNCers looks like in the buff, I'm thinking, "right." So, Joey what, closes his eyes when the guys shower together at a venue? And he's never seen the guys getting into their complicated costumes right in front of him?

As a guy, this is such a basic fact of life that I don't even think about -- right up until some fic hits me between the eyes with a shy Lance Bass or Howie Dorough who can't stand to have someone see their peepees. What's that about? Come on, folks. Shy or no, these guys have seen each other 'full frontal' and bare-assed. That's a guy thing, for sure. And we do more than just look at naked peepees. We size 'em up, too. LOL. That's just the way we are.

Maybe this doesn't seem like much of a rant, but it really bugs big time. Men just aren't (as a rule, anyway) that self-conscious about being naked. Think about it. We run around half the time with no shirts on! Yeah, I know some guys are different. (There are some of you this minute rushing to answer this and say something like, "Well my brother never took a shower at school, ever." Save yourself the effort. Your brother is not the norm, is all I'm saying. Nine guys out of ten wouldn't think a thing about it. I'm with those nine guys all the time -- in a manner of speaking -- so I know what I'm talking about.)

No, we don't want to be pushed into the Girl's Locker Room dressed in only a towel or our birthday suits. Ashley Angel would undoubtedly hate ending up naked in the hallway of some hotel. But what I'm really speaking of here is how guys act when they're naked with each other -- and not with females around. And as slash is about guys with each other, well... (And we're not normally shy when we're around girls naked, if it's all about sex...)

Okay, so rant part one was pretty tame. Still, people would be writing lots better fic if they'd try and get this little fact straight in the future... (And it feels so good to get that off my chest I may just run around the house naked for the next hour or two.)

- Boy Wonder