by Demi-X
Finally, when he could no longer delay, he ceased his fiddling and turned
around to say, "Ok, so lay it on me."
Mulder sighed heavily. "Sit, Vic," he said while patting the empty space next
to him on the love seat, indicating exactly where he wanted Vic to sit.
Victor's eyes opened wide and held a questioning look in them. "Jesus, it
must be bad if you want me to sit down," he joked weakly. Victor could feel his
stomach dropping like a stone in water. And Chewing on his lower lip, Vic sank
down next to Mulder and waited expectantly while trying to maintain a blank
face.
"Vic," Mulder began as he raised his right hand and ran the backs of his
fingers down Victor's cheek, caressing him softly while searing into his mind,
the face of the only man that had made him feel more than ordinary lust. Victor
blinked his eyes and then left them closed. Eventually, Mulder stopped what he
was doing and dropped his hand saying, "Vic, I don't think we should hold each
other to a commitment. I mean, realistically speaking, it would be impractical
for us to maintain a monogamous relationship. The miles between us would make
it virtually impossible. We can still get together every now and then, maybe
when our paths cross; but to say that we will not see other people, especially
with the distance between us... "
Mulder broke off the rest of his well-rehearsed speech. His voice had
cracked slightly even though he was doing his damnedest to try to hold the
emotions he felt in check. He couldn't go on. The look on Victor's face broke
his heart. Vic's lower lip had dropped slightly and his face held an expression
that was a combination of pain and sorrow. The purple-green bruise on Vic's
face stood out and managed to accentuate his sadness. Mulder had never seen
Victor look like this before; during their passionate albeit short romance.
Victor's face remained fairly placid, but he was wringing his hands
together. The gesture, combined with the look in his eyes, were the only real
indications as to what he was really feeling.
"It's me isn't it?" Victor asked Mulder in a soft husky voice which in the
past Mulder had often thought of as sexy. Now however, it only made Mulder feel
worse than he already did, if that was even possible.
"No. Victor that's not it at all." Mac, you are such a shithead for
making me do this! He thought miserably as he reached for Victor's hand.
Mulder wanted to hold on to Vic's hand to reassure the other man that it really
wasn't him personally.
But Victor pulled his hands away from Mulder before he could touch him and
leapt up to a standing position.
Backing away a few steps he looked at Mulder and insisted, "It is me.
Don't lie, Fox, I can tell. It's because of that whole 'Jack' thing isn't it?
The fact that I couldn't even look after myself, right? You think I'm a coward,
that I'm weak. You don't even have to say it, Mulder. It's written all over
your face."
"I disgust you, I shoulda let Jack kill me. But I was too afraid to die.
Couldn't even be a man when it came to death." Victor finished faintly.
He felt tears starting to form in his eyes, blurring his vision. Shit
Victor turned his back to Mulder and knuckled away the shameful drops that
would betray to Mulder what he was really feeling about himself, deep down
inside.
What's wrong with me? Why can't I ever hang onto a lover? He looks at me
differently now. No matter what he says, on the inside I know he's probably
looking at me and thinking that I'm weak because a man stuck his cock down my
throat and I did nothing to stop it! But who can blame him? I wouldn't want
me either.
Even though his back was turned, Victor's self-doubt was still evident to
the other man. Mulder jumped up and put his hand on Victor's shoulder, "Vic.
don't ever say that ever! You are not better off dead. Look at me. Please,"
he implored.
Coming to a decision, Victor dropped his hands to his sides and turned
around to face the other man. With a determined look in his eyes and a firm set
to his mouth, Victor stated in a voice that was laced with faked calm and
sensibility, in hopes that Mulder would not be able to tell the difference,
"Look, I understand really. Hey, no hard feelings, okay? How long 'til you have
to go? Maybe we can go out and get a bite to eat before your plane takes off?"
Victor smiled with false casualness. "For old times sake, eh?"
Neither the false smile nor Victor's brave words could fool Mulder in the
least. He could see that even though Vic was verbally saying one thing, his
body language was saying something else all together. Mulder had always been a
believer that body language was the silent messenger which never lies. He
hadn't truly believed for one second that Victor could have all of a sudden
become 'okay' with things, when no more than two minutes ago he had been
calling himself down. Blaming himself, instead of the facts for why a steady
relationship would be impossible between them. Mulder wisely chose to go with
his instincts and said,"Look, Vic sit down. I want to talk to you about this."
Victor reluctantly allowed Mulder to lead him back to the love seat and pull
him down next to him.
"Listen to me. I don't think you're a coward or a weakling or anything like
that. Far from it. I know that you think those things about yourself but you
really shouldn't, Vic, because they're not true. Jack drugged you and then
tied you up. How were you supposed to defend yourself when the fight wasn't
fair to begin with?" Victor, remaining silent, only shrugged in a
self-deprecating manner. Mulder grabbed Vic's hand as he had tried to do
earlier and continued on, "Vic, the reason why I don't think we should see only
each other is because of the distance between us. You hear me? Nothing more.
Hell I'm usually so busy chasing my personal agenda that I don't have time for
anyone or anything else. But with you, who knows? Your life is a lot less
complicated than mine. Or at least it used to be. You might end up finding
someone up here who catches your eye..."
Victor grimaced slightly and interrupted with a mumbled, "Yeah right... I
strike out more than a minor league ball player."
Mulder ignored Vic's comment and went on, "As I was saying, you might find
someone and decide you want to be with him or her. So why should a long
distance fling prevent you from being with someone who could potentially be the
person you spend the rest of your life with?"
"We both know that I'm not that guy, considering where I live and what I do
for a living. I'm too obsessed with my work to put in the time it takes to have
a successful relationship, " Mulder added ruefully, secretly wishing that the
circumstances could have been different.
Mulder then spent the next fifteen minutes further persuading Victor that
it wasn't his fault for Mulder's decision that they should not commit to a long
distance romance. That it was simply the hand they were dealt and therefore
they had no choice but to play the cards. When Mulder was finally done talking,
he sat back and waited for Vic to speak, hoping that what he had said had made
some sense to Victor after all so he would see the truth in the words.
Fortunately, Victor did understand everything that Mulder had said to him.
Deep down he knew that Mulder was right. Vic saw that they were essentially
from two different worlds; even if their jobs were similar in nature. He
realized that it was fate that had brought them together in the first place,
and then fate again that had brought Mulder back to Canada seeking to aid in
the search and rescue. Despite the fact that the feelings they had for each
other were very real, and ran deep; not to mention the mind-blowing sex they've
had. Vic knew that to try to hang onto anything more permanent would only be a
pipe dream. No matter what or how they felt about each other, time and distance
would eventually work against them and in the end, the results would still be
the same. They'd only end up going their own separate ways.
No, this is the best solution by far, Victor admitted to himself. Even
though it did not lessen the hurt, he admired Mulder for having the guts to say
so first.
"You're a braver man than me, G-man. I don't know if I could have said the
same to you."
Mulder let out a breath he didn't even realize he had been holding. I
guess Mac was right after all. "Victor, believe me when I say you're braver
than you know. Why won't you give yourself credit for saving your own life? You
fought Jack Douglas with only your wits and your bare hands. It takes a strong
kind of gladiator to do that."
Mulder wanting to lighten the mood, grinned at the image of Victor wearing
gladiator garb.
But Vic only sighed softly and asked, "So when do you leave?"
"I've got to be at the airport in about two hours," Mulder replied, glancing
at his watch. Then he reached up with both of his hands and cupped Victor's
face gently, pulling the melancholic man toward himself.
Their lips met and Mulder kissed Victor more thoroughly than he had ever done
before. Breaking the seal of their passion, Victor leaned back and grinned
devilishly while looking up at Mulder through a dark fringe of lashes. He
teased in a throaty rasp, "Gladiator, eh? Is that some sort of a fantasy of
yours?"
Laughing, Mulder raised his eyebrows and answered honestly, "Ohhh yeah."
"Well then, let's go to the bedroom and I'll show you my Spartacus
impersonation." Victor stood and pulled Mulder up after him. He reached for
the remote control to his CD player and pressed the "on" button. They walked
down the hall to the sounds of 'House of the Rising Sun' playing in the
background behind them, as if it was escorting them to the bedroom. Mulder was
thinking as he followed the other man how he would never be able to hear
another Animals song again without thinking of Victor Mansfield.
The men started their lovemaking with the very seductive act of undressing
each other. Gently caressing and touching each other in all the sensitive
spots, taking in and giving out all the stimuli they could. Both of the men
knowing full well that this was likely the last time they would make love to
each other. Victor pushed Mulder backwards and covered him from head to toe
with wet kisses. And when he had worked his way back up to the top Victor
paused to stare deeply into Mulder's eyes, proclaiming emotionally to the man
beneath him, "I love you, Fox Mulder. You changed my life. You woke me up out
of a deep sleep I didn't even know I was in."
Mulder, returning Victor's gaze just as intently and confessed, "I love you
to Victor and I always will, no matter what happens to us or where we end up. I
want you to know... " Mulder hesitated for just a second. "...that I've
never told another person that I love them before." Mulder flipped Victor over
so that he was now on the bottom. Mulder gave his lips a lecherous lick and
then kissed Victor with an eager fervor, saying into the agent's mouth, "Only
you Victor. You're the only one I've ever said those words to." Then, without
any further words, Mulder went on to show Victor exactly how much he loved him
and how much was going to miss him.
"Oh God Victor!" Mulder cried out as he came inside of his lover, thrusting
his hips a few times more to let his orgasm finish completely. He waited for
himself to go slightly soft before pulling out and laying his sweaty body
partially on top of Victor who was panting harshly.
Mulder let his fingertips play idly over Vic's smooth chest while shutting
his eyes and listening to the song that was coming from Vic's CD player in the
living room. Vic had put the 'Best of the Animals' CD on when he and Mulder had
entered the bedroom and now the last song on it, 'Bring it on home to me' was
playing in the background as an accompaniment to the aftermath of their love
making.
Eric Burdon was singing woefully:
If you ever change your mind
Seems fitting. Mulder thought as he wrapped his lips around Vic's
swollen, tender and apparently sensitive nipple and sucked on it lightly,
running his tongue over the light brown nub. "We should go shower then get a
bite to eat," he suggested. "I'm starved! I haven't eaten all day."
"Yeah," Victor agreed but neither man made a motion to move. Victor closed
his eyes as he sang the last verse of the song inside of his head:
You know I'll always be your slave.
Victor's Apartment
Victor downed another shot of the Jack Daniels that he had bought on his
way home from dropping Mulder off at the airport. He had felt shitty; shitty
as hell and he had wanted to get smashed and fall into the abyss of drunken
oblivion. He had been sitting alone in the dark for hours now, drinking and
thinking.
And still he had no answers to all the questions that he had been asking
himself since the second Mulder waved goodbye and walked through the automatic
glass doors that would take him to his plane-the plane that in turn would take
the F.B.I. agent to his own corner of the world so he could continue on with
living his own conpartmentalized life.
Vic knew they had done the right thing by calling it quits before either one
of them could be hurt too deeply by an ill-fated fling, but knowing that still
did not ease the pain of the parting. All night he had been thinking not only
about Mulder but LiAnne too. However, he was still certain that with or without
Mulder in the picture, he would never be able to make himself return to
LiAnne.
That part of his life was over. Now, once again it was time to close yet
another unsatisfactory chapter in his miserable life and tie up all the loose
threads dangling from the brief affair between Mulder and himself. Only then
could he move on and look ahead.
At some point in his drunken ruminations Victor realized that tying up the
loose threads would definitely involve finding out where the Director had
stashed the sex tapes that she had of him and Mulder. He needed to find them
and needed to destroy them. He had to find a way to get back the secretly
recorded videos, which the Director had made of him and Mulder and the first
time they had gotten together two weeks ago.
Has it only been two weeks since we've met? Seems so much longer than that.
God, it feels like I've known the man forever. Stop it, Mansfield. Concentrate
on the tapes.
It wasn't fair to Fox; he had absolutely no idea that there were tapes of
themó-tapes with the potential to ruin both their careers. Tapes graphic enough
in their contents that they would get Mulder fired should
anyone in the FBI to see them.
After much consideration Victor came to a decision and in slow motion
reached for the phone. Pushing the second button on his speed dial, he waited
and listened to the phone on the other end ring one, two, three times before
being answered.
"Yeah," mumbled a sleep-addled voice.
"Mac?" Victor said hesitantly.
"Victor, is that you? What's wrong?" Mac sat up immediately and flicked on
his bedside light, squinting against the brightness. His concern evident in his
voice.
"Mac, can you come over? I know it's late but I need to talk to you right
away." Victor spoke softly into the phone, suddenly suspicious that she
may have tapped his phone as well.
"I'm on my way." Mac wondered briefly why Victor was speaking so quietly.
But before Mac could ask any more questions, Victor said, "See you in a
few then" and hung up without saying goodbye.
Mac leaped out of bed and began to quickly dress.
Part Twelve: After Midnight
Mac stood outside of Victor's building impatiently pressing the buzzer. He had
driven like a mad man all the way over to his partner's apartment, and he was
more than a little anxious to see what was going on with him. For Victor to
phone in the wee hours of the morning was already unusual in itself, but then
to have him say cryptically that he needed to see Mac, was even more
irregular.
Mac had a hard time concentrating while he was driving over and his
constant reminders to himself to stay calm did not work at all. His thoughts,
full of visions of Victor in peril, kept on getting away from him. Presently,
he was imagining the worst case scenarios possible, like maybe Vic was being
held hostage again or maybe he had hurt himself, perhaps on purpose. And was
now calling out to Mac for help.
Stop it! He isn't suicidal for God's sake! Vic would never
intentionally hurt himself. Or at least I hope he wouldn't
Three weeks ago Mac would have told anyone who asked him, that he knew his
partner Victor Mansfield inside and out. But now, he really couldn't say for
sure what Vic would and would not do. For one thing, he never even had the
slightest idea that Victor was 'into' men. His partner had never given him
any hint of such a preference.
I guess you really can't know a person completely
After frantically pushing the button marked 1602 again and again and getting
no answer, Mac's anxiety level went up another notch.
Damn, why isn't he answering?!
Fortunately his anxiety was relieved when Victor finally answered the
summons a moment later.
Victor's even voice coming through the intercom slightly distorted, asked
simply, "Mac, that you?"
"Who else did you invite over at this time of the night? Let me in, for
Christ sakes, before I get mugged. Your neighborhood is dangerous at this time
of the night."
As soon as he heard the lock slide back, Mac flung open the double-wide glass
doors and headed straight for the stairs, not even bothering to wait for the
elevator. Taking the stairs two at a time, he reached his destination in two
minutes flat. He rapped once on Vic's door before twisting the knob and walking
in without waiting for an invitation to enter.
Closing the door behind himself, Mac, out of breath, picked a small grain
of sleep from the corner of his eye as he called out, "Vic, where are you?"
Victor popped up from between the love seat and coffee table and answered,
"I'm Here" He had been on his hands and knees examining the bottom of his love
seat for any 'bugs' that might have been hidden there. He stood up, wiping the
palms of his hands down the back pockets of his blue jeans.
Confused, Mac asked, "Whatcha'' doin'?"
"Looking for spying devices. Who knows how many the Director may have
planted and where," Victor replied nonchalantly. "Want some coffee? You look
half-asleep. And before you ask: Yes, I have been drinking and it was about a
half a bottle of 'Jack'. So now I need to sober up so we can talk; that's why
I'm brewing coffee at... ," Vic looked at his wristwatch, "... 3:30 in the
morning."
Vic gave Mac a wan smile and then without waiting for a reply, went into the
kitchen and poured Mac and himself each a large mug of the dark brown liquid.
"Well I wasn't going to ask, but since you brought it up, I can tell that
you've had a few. What's going on? Did the Director bug your place too? How
come? Remember when I was going to get married? She bugged my bedroom and then
used a private conversation I had against me. Shit, I thought she only did
those things when she was looking for some good material to tame her out of
control agents, like me." Mac suddenly realized that he was rambling. Unable
to deny his curiosity any longer, Mac asked casually after a beat, "So, where's
Mulder?"
All day he had been dying to know what had happened after he had left Mulder
earlier that afternoon, but there was no way he was going to phone Vic to find
out. He was certain that Vic would eventually tell him what had happened
anyway. Now, judging by the fact that Victor had been getting drunk on Jack
Daniels, Mac figured it was safe to assume that Mulder had had his 'talk' with
Vic.
On the other hand, LiAnne did call him earlier that day to tell him about
her own talk with Victor. She had been all worked up, convinced that Mulder was
"brainwashing" Victor. When Mac finally managed to wheedle the entire
story out of LiAnne, all he could think of to say to her was a rather
unsympathetic sounding, "Well I told you so, didn't I?".
After which LiAnne ended the phone call by calling Mac "a selfish
prick" before hanging up on him. He never had a chance to explain that the
'I told you so' bit didn't come out quite right; though by the time the
inconsiderate and offending words had slipped out, he knew it was too late to
take them back and substitute them with something she wanted to hear.
As he had correctly predicted to LiAnne, there really was no way that Vic
would want to get back together with her. Mac knew that Vic, being the
intelligent guy that he was, always learned his lesson the first time around.
LiAnne had already kicked Vic in the balls onceó-he would never give her
another chance to do it again.
Presently, Victor was handing Mac a mug of coffee and saying, "Listen, I'll
tell you everything... in a few minutes. Just let me shower first so I can
shake out the cobwebs. So far, I've swept every room except the living room.
Could you finish checking it out for me while I shower? After that, I promise
to let you in on what's going on."
Victor smiled up shyly at Mac, who in turn, nodded in assent and mumbled
"yeah sure," more curious now than ever.
Victor turned around and went into the bathroom.
Mac's eyes followed Vic's back as he walked toward the bathroom. He did
not close the door properly, and he ended up leaving it slightly ajar. There
was about a two-inch gap between the door and the doorjamb, and from this angle
Mac was able to see into the mirror over the sink, which reflected back to him
the image of Victor undressing, his back to Mac in the mirror.
Unable to turn away, Mac exhaled lightly and his throat went dry when he
caught a flash of one of Victor's long lean thighs and a perfectly rounded,
snow white buttock. He watched as Victor bent over at the waist and cranked on
the water.
Standing perfectly still, Mac watched as Victor adjusted the water
temperature, pushed aside the shower curtain and stepped into the steamy
cubicle. Unaware, all the while that he was being watched.
Then the curtain swung closed and Mac's view of his partner was gone, but
he continued to stare dreamily into the mirror anyway. Thinking of the
possibilities.
What a great ass.
Only when the room began to fog over, obscuring his view of the whole room,
did he shake out of his daze.
What a great ass? Holy shit! What am I thinking? So I'm a voyeur now?
Snap out of it, Ramsey!
Reluctantly, Mac tore his gaze away from the bathroom and was humiliated to
discover that he was sporting a semi-erection.
Great! This oughta' earn me a punch in the head!
Trying to regain some semblance of control, he set his mug down and began
searching around the living room for listening devices or any other possible
surveillance equipment that the Director would not be above using. Using the
distraction to trying to forget the fact that he had been fantasizing about a
man whom he knew didn't return the same feelings.
Twenty minutes later, Vic emerged from the misty bathroom feeling
rejuvenated. The coffee and hot shower had helped him in alleviating the
effects of the alcohol. Padding quietly from the bathroom wrapped in nothing
but a towel, he stopped by the living room to check on Mac's progress. Victor
saw his partner on his hands and knees, engrossed in examining the spines of
the books at the bottom row of his large black bookcase. Mac was so intent in
his task that he didn't even notice Victor was standing there.
Vic smiled easily at the sight before continuing down the hall to his bedroom
to dress. He towel dried off and then pulled on a large white T-shirt and
light grey sweat pants, not bothering with socks or underwear. He quickly ran a
comb through his hair before shutting off the light and going out to join Mac
in the living room.
Mac's inspection of the book spines complete, he rose from his knees and
dusted off his hands by brushing them against each other. Turning around, he
was startled by Vic's presence. "Oh, done already? Well I've checked the whole
room and I couldn't find anything."
"Great, thanks for doing that. I ran out of hot water actually so I had no
choice, I was driven out. Besides, I needed more coffee." Victor grinned
lightly and then hesitated, letting the silence spread out between them. In the
shower he had known exactly what he had wanted to say to Mac, but now that it
was time actually talk, the right words seemed to have evaporated from his
head; like the steam from the shower had done in the bathroom.
Mac stared at Victor expectantly, waiting for him to make the first move,
since it was his phone call that had gotten Mac up and over to his apartment in
the first place.
Might as well get it over with. Victor finally decided to himself.
He walked over to the love seat, seating himself then suggesting with a
sweep of his arm for Mac to join him. The two men oriented themselves so that
they could face one another while they talked. A small wave of sadness washed
over Vic as he remembered being seated this way not too long ago with another
man, whom he was already missing immensely.
Pushing aside the thoughts of longing, Vic cleared his throat and looking Mac
straight in the eye and began, "Look, Mac, I'm sorry I made you come over here
so late... " Vic stopped and grinned when he realized what time it was
already,"... actually, I should say, so early in the morning... but I couldn't
wait until we saw each other at the agency to talk to you."
Mac grinned at Vic. "It's okay, I was only sleeping anyway." His attempt at
humor suddenly made Vic thankful that some people never change.
"What is it that couldn't wait?" inquired Mac, whose curiosity level was in
high gear now.
Vic held up his hand and shushed him. "If you'd let me finish without
interrupting me, I'll tell you."
Mac nodded in exaggerated acquiescence. "By all means go on... "
"Thanks," said Vic with a hint of humor, "I will. Okay... well I have
something to tell you, and I think you should hear it from me first before the
Director or LiAnne get a hold of you. I'm not too sure how much you know, or
what you've been told, but here's the thing, Fox Mulder and I were... uh...
involved... um...
Spit it out for Christ sakes!
...romantically... during the time when he first arrived here to work on a
profile for a case with me."
There, I got it out Vic was relieved.
To his amazement, he did not see an expression of anything that was
remotely close to shock, horror, or even surprise on Mac's face.
Unsure of what Mac was thinking, Victor asked, "You're not disturbed by
that?"
"No. Actually I'm not." Knowing that he should elaborate further, Mac
explained, "When you were missing, I dropped by here to see if you might be
home and in trouble. I... um... checked out the whole place. My investigative
skills are pretty good, you know. I mean, I knew Mulder was staying here since
no hotels were available. I walked through the apartment and I saw the towels
in the bathroom, the glasses and on the table and... ," Mac had the delicacy
to cough lightly into his hand at this point in the awkwardness,"... the used
Kleenex in the bedroom. And your bedroom... well... to be honest... it really
reeked of... um, sex."
Mac could barely say the word 'sex' to Victor, especially since it applied to
him and Mulder. "Not to mention the fact that after we got you out of Jack's
clutches and into the Agency's infirmary, the first coherent thing you said
when you regained consciousness was to ask for 'him'. There was no need to
elaborate on who 'him' was
"Well by then I managed to put two and two together and figure it out for
myself." He finished lamely.
Victor stared. So much for my big secret!
"I see," was all he could think of in response. He fell silent for a moment
before asking nervously, "We're still friends though, right?"
"Of course we are! Best friends. Who do you think I am? Do you think I'm the
type of guy who would dump his friend just because he's gay? I'm not like that,
Vic. I promise." Mac had started off by sounding offended, but he eventually
softened his tone when he caught the reproachful look on Victor's face.
"I'm sorry, Mac. I shouldn't have doubted you. Not that you've given me any
reason too in the first place. At least you're taking this a lot better than
LiAnne did."
"Yeah well, first of all, I'm not LiAnne. Second of all, it's not like I was
about to ask you to get back together with me or anything like that," Mac
jibed.
"She told you about that, eh?" Vic was genuinely surprised that LiAnne had
told Mac about his rejection of her since it was a rather embarrassing moment
for her.
"Oh yeah, she told me all right. And when I didn't give her the answer she
was looking for she called me a selfish prick and then hung up on me."
Vic laughed. In a way, it was comforting to know LiAnne would never change
either. "Well if the idea of me and Mulder dancing beneath the sheets doesn't
really shock you, maybe this will; the Director videotaped Mulder and I when
we were... you know... together. She even showed me the tapes and told me that
if I didn't start following her rules a little more closely from now on, then
she would show the tapes around." Vic was no longer laughing as his indignation
was beginning to build. "You know what I said to her when she threatened me?"
Mac, who had been listening to Victor's words intently, leaned forward and
answered simply, "No, what?"
"I told her that she could show those tapes to whoever the hell she wanted to
and that I quit. Oh man, Mac, you should have seen me. I was shouting at her
about how I pay my own way, that this was my apartment and she had no right to
do what she did."
Mac had spoken the words, "Wow, that's pretty ballsy," during Vic's tirade,
but the other man was so involved in his own harangue that he didn't even hear
Mac.
Vic went on, "After I was finished yelling I did try to walk out. You won't
believe what happened next. That old bitch pulled a gun on me! Can you believe
it?!"
Mac nodded, he too, had a previous experience where the Director had pulled a
gun on him.
"Well anyway, she wouldn't even allow me the dignity of quitting on my own
terms. Instead, she told me that she wouldn't show the tapes to anyone in the
Agency, but that she would send them to Fox's boss instead so he'd get fired."
"Wow, what a bitch!" Mac exclaimed in support.
"You know what the worst thing about this whole mess is?" Vic asked of Mac,
who subsequently shook his head in response. "The worst thing is that Mulder
doesn't even know he was recorded; I never told him. It was a set-up, Mac. A
set-up from the very beginning and I walked right into it with my stupid eyes
wide open."
Victor hung his head and rubbed his hand over his forehead. After a second of
silence between the two men, Victor sighed heavily and continued. "She knew
ahead of time that Mulder had a former partner who looked just like me and she
also knew that Mulder had a thing for that partner. The Director also figured
out stuff about me that I didn't even know or understand about myself.
She set the stage and got us to perform like puppets on strings for the
cameras... we made it easy for her. The case profile on Jack was the just
catalyst for getting us together in the first place. Mac... " Victor's eyes
remained downcast as he said the next words, "... I need you to help me. I need
you to help me find those tapes so I can steal them. I need to destroy
them. Once I do that, then maybe, just maybe, I can put this whole thing with
Mulder behind me and move on."
Yessss! Mulder left Mac couldn't help thinking in selfishly.
He reached forward and rested his large hand on Vic's shoulder, squeezing
lightly while he asked, "So it's over between you and Mulder then?"
The effect Mac's hand on Victor's shoulder had was electrical. With visions
of Jack and what he had done still fresh in his thoughts, Victor snapped his
head up and glared at Mac, he leapt up from the small couch and backed away.
Mac was stunned. He had no idea what he had done wrong. "What the hell are
you doing?!" Victor was demanding angrily, "Why did you grab me like that?!"
"Vic? What's wrong? What did I do? I'm sorry, I didn't grab... " Mac's voice
trailed off and he was confused. He had thought that he was just laying a
comforting hand on Victor's shoulder. Just like he'd done many times before.
Not once had Victor gotten all worked up over it like he was doing now.
Suddenly realizing the big mistake that he had just made, Victor tried
smiling to cover up the emotions that he was really feeling. "I'm okay. It's
okay, " he lied. "Sorry to go all ballistic on you, partner. You didn't do
anything wrong. It's just that... that whole... "
Damn tears! Not again!
Victor fought the threatening onslaught. In order to finish what he was
saying he had to turn around so that his back was facing Mac. Victor didn't
want Mac to see anything revealing on his face.
"...that whole Jack thing... sorry. I can't really stand being touched when
I'm off guard like that." He gulped in some air by taking a few deep breaths,
and when he had his emotions firmly under control again, only then did Victor
turn back around to face Mac. He smiled again and intoned humorlessly, "Being
chained to a wall and force-fed drugs will do that to ya."
Victor was trying to be careful not to make any mention of the real reasons
why he didn't like to be touched when he was unaware, he certainly didn't want
Mac to draw any of the obvious conclusions.
"Come back and sit down, Vic. I won't touch you again. I promise."
Shit what really happened in that basement?
Mac moved way over to his side of the couch so that Victor would have plenty
of space.
The gallant gesture did not go unnoticed by Vic, but he didn't comment on
it; he couldn't comment on it. Victor felt terrible for jumping all over Mac
just for making touching him innocently. But he couldn't help himself. The
psychological wounds Jack had left on him were still too recent; his mind
hadn't even formed scabs over them yet.
Victor stared resolutely at the rug. "To answer your question, yes, Mulder
and I are through. We decided that it just wouldn't work out. There's too much
going against us. But I don't want to talk about Mulder right now, or Jack
for that matter. What I really want to talk about is how are we going to get
those tapes back."
Victor ran his fingers through his hair. He felt defeated, and whispering
in a dejected voice he said, "My life's floundering in the toilet at this
point, Mac. This last week I wouldn't have wished on even my worst enemy. You
know, there was a time, during when Jack had me that I actually thought that
the director may be behind the whole thing?
It wasn't until he stuck the needle in my arm and pumped me full of heroin
that I fully realized that this guy was for real and working alone." Vic's
eyes remained on the rug beneath his feet. He didn't trust himself to look up
at Mac. He was afraid to betray too much of himself to his partner.
"Mac, I need to get those tapes back." Then he added so softly that Mac
almost didn't hear, "I need to get 'myself' back."
When Victor finally did look up, his eyes were full of sadness and were shiny
with unshed tears. "Will you help me, Mac?" implored Victor. "Will you help me
get my self-respect back?"
Mac knew his answer to the question even before Victor had asked it. He had,
after all, vowed to himself privately that he would always be there for Victor.
"Don't worry Vic, I'll help you. We'll figure out a way to get them back."
I'll do you anything you want, Victor. Anything at all.
Part Thirteen: Hide and Seek
LiAnne entered the large meeting room, which was empty, she had intentionally
arrived early for the conference with the director. The meeting would no
doubt, be about a new assignment for her and the 'boys'. LiAnne did not want
to be stuck sitting in the middle of the guys; the mere thought of her being
trapped between her two partners for an hour repulsed her. She was fed up with
the guys and still pissed off at them from the day before. LiAnne had not
gotten over the fact that she was handed a double whammy by both of her best
friends on the same day.
First by Victor and then by Mac. When Victor had turned down her proposal
to get back together, that had hurt her beyond belief. And then, when she had
phoned Mac in search of some solace and a little understanding, he had given
her the cold shoulder instead of words of comfort. She felt slighted by his
perspective, and his lack of interest in her tale of woe was more than she
could bear. In LiAnne's mind, Mac had basically thrown salt into the wounds
that Vic had flayed open. So this morning, both of them were assholes as far as
she was concerned.
Tomorrow, she thought, I'll think about forgiving both of them.
However, today she planned to make them pay for their previous cruelties,
whether they were intentional or not. LiAnne was seated and reading through
some sort of a case file when Mac arrived for the meeting.
"Good morning," he chirped cheerily as he settled himself into the middle
chair. "So who are you trying to avoid, me or Vic?" he needled. Mac
chuckled softly when LiAnne only responded by telling him to go to hell. Mac
enjoyed teasing LiAnne, even though she didn't seem to want any part of his
good mood. The increase in her annoyance level was really the fun part about
bugging her, Mac could not resist giving her a hard time.
Right about the time when LiAnne was busy telling Mac to fuck off,
Vic pushed open the glass doors. He was the last agent to show for the early
morning meeting, walking through the doors he greeted both of his partners
with a perfunctory "mornin'" only, which was actually grumbled out since in
addition to not having had enough sleep from the night before, he had a low
grade hangover on top of it all.
Mac's eyes followed his partner's entrance, all the way through the room
until Victor sat down next to him, in the only unoccupied chair.
Pulling out his chair, Vic noticed that Mac sat in the middle, not LiAnne
as usual. Victor guessed that she was probably trying to make some sort of
silent statement to him.
Don't care. Or at least not this morning anyway.
He dropped himself carelessly into his chair and plucked the sunglasses
he had been wearing off and tucked them away into his shirt pocket. Victor gave
Mac a long knowing glance before pulling his chair forward, so that it was
close enough to the table for him to lean over and rest his head on crossed
forearms. With his eyes facing down towards the table, Vic shut them, trying
to relieve some of the ache that he was feeling in them, secretly wishing that
he had eaten more than just two Tylenol with his morning coffee for breakfast.
As he rested Victor ran through his head all the possible locations where the
Director might have hid the tapes of Mulder and him. He figured she would want
the incriminating material close to hand, so the most logical place to start
searching would be her personal office. And then if it's not in the agency
then try her apartment. Wherever that was. He had actually never been there
before, but he knew LiAnne has.
Hmm, I wonder which one of us does she hate less today. Mac or me? Or rather,
which one of us would have the balls to ask her the apartment's location?
Victor's body relaxed into the table as he continued to run various
possibilities through his fatigued brain.
LiAnne had only given Victor's entrance a quick sideways glance before
turning back to the file that had her so seemingly engrossed. She had not even
bothered to acknowledge Victor's curt greeting at all as she shook her papers
noisily. LiAnne turned her chair away from the men so that her back was towards
them.
Mac stared at her for a second. But knowing LiAnne as well as he did, he
realized that if he tried to make up with her now, the only result that would
come out of the endeavor, would be him on the receiving a black eye or
worse.
I'll just buy her a Cappuccino later on today. Maybe that'll help
For all his fooling around, Mac knew LiAnne better than anyone else. He
(usually) knew what to say to assuage her feelings and when to say it. And now
was definitely not the right time try and make up with her, so he turned back
toward Vic and pulled his chair up to the table. Leaning in close and without
really thinking of what he was about to do, Mac placed his hand on Victor's
shoulder and whispered, "Are you ok?"
Mac instantly felt the other man's shoulder tighten up, as if he was
cringing. With the memory of Vic's earlier display of startling anger at being
touched racing across his mind, Mac quickly removed his hand. He felt truly
sorry for his partner as he realized that Vic must've been so mentally
traumatized by his experience with Jack; that he was now no longer able to bare
being touched, even when in a gesture of friendship.
"No, I'm all right," replied Vic in hushed tones, feeling guilty for
flinching under Mac's hand. He was not only answering Mac's spoken question but
he also wanted to convey to his friend that it was okay that Mac had touched
him. "It's just that I've got an open welt where your hand was. That's why I
bunched up like that," he explained, even though it was only half of the truth.
Both men were sitting so close that Mac's forehead was touching Victor's
temple. "Mac, after this meeting we should go somewhere and talk about what
we're gonna do..."
"well, well, well, what's the big secret boys?" the director's voice suddenly
interrupted. The two of them were so intent on their own hushed discussion
that they didn't even hear the Director walk up to stand behind them. The
unexpected question startled them; they snapped their heads to attention while
sitting up straight.
Mac immediately blushed red across his cheeks, feeling a sudden, brief pang
of embarrassment for enjoying his closeness in proximity to Victor. He felt
like he had just been caught peeking at his father's playboy magazine or
something. He continued to face forward, his head turned away from the Director
while he calmed the redness out of his cheeks. Victor, on the other hand,
turned to glance at the director with sleep weary eyes before turning back and
fishing his sunglasses from his pocket. He put them back on because he wanted
to cover his bruised face and eyes from her view.
"No secret," Victor lied in a calm voice, "We're just discussing how we are
going to have to wrap-up the Jack Douglas file today. Actually, Mac and I need
more time to take of things. Maybe a few hours more this morning if you can
spare them."
He looked over at LiAnne. Who had turned her chair back towards the front
and was now glaring intensely at Vic, as she realized that he had only
mentioned him and Mac. Thereby, excluding her from the wrap-up phase of the
investigation. Sighing, Victor looked away from her and concentrated his gaze
to the front.
"Wait a minute! There's no way you two are going to unload whatever
assignment we're suppose to get today on me. I am not going to work alone
again!" LiAnne exclaimed angrily at her partners.
"Well, since you weren't there at the scene when Mac and Mulder found me
half-dead, you can't very well write a report with your version of what
happened now, can you?" Vic shot back. He knew his tone was sharp, but he was
tired and impatient with her childish antics.
LiAnne opened her mouth to retort but the Director stopped her by saying,
"Now, now, no fighting in the sandbox boys and girl. He's right LiAnne. The
Agency really does want Vic's report on his account of what took place, backed
up by Mac's version of events. Why don't you start on some of the legwork on
the new assignment today and then, when Mac and Vic are done with their
reports, they'll join you."
LiAnne, in response, only glared daggers at her superior. Unfazed by the
dirty look, the Director shrugged her shoulders and then took out three files
from the top drawer of her cabinet. She handed them to the three agents and
went on to brief them before they left to work on their individual assignments.
Mac pushed away his half-empty plate of fries and sipped his Heineken. He
watched Victor from under veiled lashes; he had actually been watching the
other man all morning. For some reason, Mac could not stop looking at Victor
and the bruises around his eyes. He felt a flash of anger each time he looked.
He was still upset at himself for not being there to protect Victor from Jack's
clutches. He knew that there was nothing he could do about that now, so he was
determined to protect Victor from the Director's underhanded ways at least.
Clearing his throat, Mac questioned, "So where do you want to start?"
Victor, who wasn't really hungry at all, stopped spreading his food around
the plate with his fork and looked up at Mac. He did not quite catch what Mac
said; he had been to engrossed in his thoughts of Mulder. Actually Victor was
wondering where Fox might be just then and what he might be doing before his
reverie was broken by Mac's voice.
"Hmm? What?" he asked before clearing his throat and trying again,
"Wh-what did you say?"
It was obvious to Mac that Vic's mind was on other things, and he had a good
suspicion what those other things might be. He guessed at first that Vic was
probably thinking of Jack again, but then, upon seeing the look on Vic's
face—a far-a-way and mildly sad expressionóhe decided that Vic was most likely
thinking about Mulder. A wave of longing rolled over Mac, but he pushed the
feelings aside and tried again, "I said, where do you want to start? Have you
thought about it?"
"Maybe we should go to the records room to dictate our accounts of what
happened first. Nathan can type them up and log them in for us. That way, we
can get the report over and done with," Vic replied.
"Yeah, he'll type yours up for you, but he won't for me," Mac lamented,
wondering not for the first time, why he even bothered working at a place where
all the people seemed to hate him.
"Nah, I'm sure if I ask nicely, he'll do them both for us. Trust me on this.
He thinks I'm a part of some group he calls the upper illuminati, or
something like that." Vic pushed his plate aside and took a sip of his beer
before continuing on.
"After that we'll ask Nathan about the Director's officeówhether or not she
has a secret hiding place or a safe. While we're at it, we should also talk to
him about the Agency too; find out about security, spying devicesÖthose types
of things. If we end up having to break into the Director's office I want to
be prepared for anything and everything. I think Nathan's the most logical
person to ask; he should be able give us a place to start looking for what
we're after."
Vic drained the last of his beer and put the empty bottle aside. He then
rubbed his eyes which were becoming more tired under the glare of the
flourescent lighting.
Victor not only sounded tired to Mac; but he looked it too. There were dark
circles beneath his slightly puffy eyes that had nothing to do with the
bruising that still marked his face. But Mac knew better than to suggest to Vic
that he go home and take a nap before talking to Nathan. He understood that
Victor needed to tie up all the loose ends as soon as possible so that he could
begin to put everything behind him.
Actually, the thought of breaking into the Director's office held a certain
perverse appeal for Mac; he knew that the consequence of being caught in the
act could very well mean life or death for them. If the Director was not
beneath recording agents in the privacy of their own homes, who knew what she
would be capable of if she caught a couple of her agents violating the privacy
of her own inner sanctum. Mac craved the thrill of living on the edge.
Besides, he missed planning and performing a good break-in.
Toss in a hard safe to crack as well and he was in heaven. Victor's outlook,
on the other hand, was not as optimistic. In fact, he looked positively glum.
"What's the matter, Vic? You look like Eeyore," Mac commented. Forgetting his
earlier caution, Mac grabbed Vic's shoulders and gave them a friendly shake,
hoping that would lighten the guy's morose mood.
"Nothing. I was just thinking," Victor replied absently.
"About what?" asked Mac.
Mulder
Not wanting to get into it again with Mac, Vic evaded answering, he stood
up and tossed his napkin on top of the almost full plate of food he had left
behind. "It's nothing important. Let's go and get started," he said. "The
sooner we find the tape, the better."
Mac left some bills onto the table and walked out ahead of Victor. In an
effort to distract himself from having more thoughts about Fox Mulder, Victor
turned his mind to other things instead.
Do I really look as bad as Eeyore?, he wondered. Maybe Mac's just teasing
me. Wait a minute, he just called me a damn ass! And he got away with it!
Smiling mischievously at Mac's back, Vic extended one lanky leg and lightly
pushed the toe of his Dayton boot into the back of Mac's left knee. The
unexpected gesture caused Mac's knee to buckle, throwing him off balance.
"Hey!" Mac exclaimed indignantly, "What was that for?!" But his tone was
light-hearted and he smiled when he caught sight of the large, almost radiant
grin on Vic's lips.
"That was for calling me a donkey, Piglet!" Vic retorted jokingly.
"Piglet?" Mac was puzzled. At first he didn't get the connection between him
and that cartoon character. Piglet was such a little guy; they shared nothing
in common.
"Yeah Piglet," Vic repeated. "With the amount of food you just put away, you
could feed the children in a small country."
Mac tossed one of his witty comebacks over his shoulder back to the man
walking behind him. Vic laughed, genuinely laughed, glad to have his mind taken
off of Fox Mulder and everything else that was going wrong in his life if just
for one second.
"Naaaathan..." Victor was cooing softly and directly into his ear.
"Would you mind terribly if I asked one teeny, tiny favor of you?" Victor was
holding up his thumb and forefinger and pinching them together to emphasize how
small the favor actually was. Vic blew a hot breath of air into Nathan's ear,
making him shiver in response.
"Wh...what favor would that be Victor?" he stammered.
"I really need you to me find me the floor plans for the Dominion Museum and
help me figure out the security alarm codes. Mac and I are planning to rob it
and we just can't do the job with out you."
"Yeah? So what will you do for me in return if I help you out?" Nathan
braved. He was becoming erect just from having Victor stand so close to him.
"Anything you want Nathan, anything at all." Victor's husky breath exhaled
soft puffs of warm breath back into Nathan's ear, sending delightful shivers
down his back.
"Okay, but you have to give me what I want first, then I'll help you out,"
Nathan dared. Now he was most definitely, with out a doubt, fully erect. He
frowned slightly at the agent when Vic left his side, but the other man was
only moving to stand a couple of feet away in front of him instead.
"It's a deal. What can I do for you?" Nathan felt Victor's large green eyes
rake him over from head to toe.
"First you can come over here and kiss me, then we'll take it from there,"
Nathan replied boldly. He was surprised to find that he was not even a little
bit flustered, but rather in full control of himself and of Victor.
Without hesitation Vic closed the short distance between them and placed his
hands on either side of Nathan's face. Nathan watched passively as Victor held
on to him and searched his eyes. He knew what Victor would see in them-desire
and need for the agent.
With a sharp intake of breath, Victor bent his head and pressed his soft lips
upon Nathan's willing mouth. Nathan's tongue peeked out and prodded Victor's
mouth open; he wrapped it around the other man's tongue in excitement. Nathan
moaned in protest when he felt Victor removing his hands from his face, but
then was delighted to be pulled into a tight embrace so that their mutual
erections could rub against each other.
Victor broke the seal of their kiss first. "Ohhh, Nathan," he moaned.
"Nathan....
"Naaathan." Called Victor softly, and when the young man did not wake he
tried shaking him again, more firmly, "Nathan. Wake up." The other man was
asleep in a black leather chair, sitting behind his desk that was stacked high
with various papers and photos. It seemed like, to Victor, that he was
dreaming, and judging by the large smile on the Nathan's face, Vic guessed
that it was probably a good dream. "Hey, Nathan," Vic tried again.
Startled, Nathan came awake quickly, blinking the sleep from his eyes, and
was suprised to see that it was Victor, of all people who had woken him up.
Oh God, why did it have to be him?, he thought, thoroughly embarrassed.
Vic smiled at the paper pusher and backed away until he was standing on the
other side of the desk, a gesture Nathan was grateful for considering the
sizable erection he was sporting as a result of the intense dream featuring
Victor and himself.
"S-s-sorry, I guess I fell asleep reading these ch-charts. What can I do
for...V-victor?" Nathan stuttered, once again unable to stop himself from
becoming flustered while in Vic's presence.
"Actually, Nathan, I need to ask you for a huge favor, and it's a favor that
I hope you could just keep between us." Vic's voice was so smooth to Nathan's
ears that he believed that Vic could have charmed the silk right out of a silk
worm just then.
"Sh-sh-sure Victor. Anything. Anything you like; anything at all. You name
it," the nervous man replied.
Vic looked directly at Nathan with raised eyebrows in silent question. But
Victor decided to let the comment pass and asked instead, "Actually Nathan, I
have two favors to ask you. The first is that I need your help with typing up
these oral..." Vic didn't notice Nathan's slight quiver at the mention of
oral. "...reports Mac and I dictated. We need them logged in too if you can
handle that..."
Nathan was staring at Victor's mouth, mesmerized by the low tone he spoke in
and by the way speech rolled off of the other man's tongue and glided through
his pink lips. Nathan wished he had the guts to just grab Victor and shove his
tongue down the older man's throat.
"Are you listening to me? Hello? Nathan?" Vic asked, suddenly aware that
Nathan had been open-mouthed, staring at him. His strange behavior had Victor
mildly baffled. He knew that Nathan tended get jumpy when he was around, but
the way he was zoning out on him now made Victor think that maybe something was
really wrong. "What's the matter, Nathan? Are you okay?"
Dragging himself out of yet another fantasy involving Victor Mansfield,
Nathan shook off his indecent vision and pulled himself together before the
agent could get mad at him. "Oh, no I'm okay, really" When he saw the look of
concern on Vic's face, he added, "Yeah, I can do that for you, but Mac's on his
own. Did you know that he put a goldfish in my water cooler last week?"
Victor groaned and suppressed a smile at Mac's antics. Victor couldn't
figure out why Mac didn't realize that by pulling such pranks on the employees
that he was only digging himself a bigger hole. Then again, maybe his partner
just didn't care about the repercussions.
"That bastard!" Victor said in mock semi-anger. "I'll teach him a lesson
for you myself. I promise, he won't do something like that again. Really,"
Vic tried to make himself look sincere to Nathan by opening his eyes wide.
While at the same time, he was really trying to control the grin that was
threatening to break out across his face at the thought of a goldfish swimming
around in Nathan's beloved water cooler. Vic knew full well there was no way
of stopping Mac and his tricks, but he did not feel compelled to tell Nathan
that.
Nathan hesitated as if in thought before answering, "Okay. I'll do both. But
only because YOU asked me to. Ramsey can do his own report next time." Nathan
smiled up at Victor, "What's the second favor?"
Victor leaned forward over the desk so that he was almost nose to nose with
Nathan, totally oblivious of the effect that he was having on the man. "I need
you to tell me everything you know about the Agency and the Director's office,
specifically any and all surveillance camera and other hidden devices there
might be inside.
I need to know where, in the office, the Director hides her personal
belongings for safe keeping. I also need to know where her own apartment is,
and what kind of security measures she follows while there. I'll take anything
and everything you've got Nathan."
Victor leaned in even closer so that Nathan caught a scent of his minty
breath. He whispered knowing how much Nathan liked subterfuge, "I need you to
keep this just between you and me. Can you do that for me Nathan? Can you give
me what I need?"
Nathan, basking in Victor's nearness to him, felt his cock jump at Vic's
innocent 'Can you give me what I need'. Nathan wished that Victor had
meant something else and was actually 'coming on' to him instead. But he was
not that crazy, he knew that Victor would never flirt with him, and if Nathan
tried to do so to Victor, that would only succeed in getting the crap kicked
out of him. He wanted to stay on Victor's good side even though the man more
times than not scared him silly with the aura of danger that he had about him.
While in the same token, it was Victor's 'dangerous' undercurrents that excited
him so. Victor had a starring role in all of Nathan's fantasies. In his mind,
Vic was the ultimate secret agent.
Without hesitation, Nathan replied, "Okay, I'll tell you what you want to
know and I promise to..." He could barely say the next phrase; this
conversation was becoming a one-sided wet dream for Nathan. "...to k-keep it
just between the two of us." And he meant it too; he would never tell another
living soul what he was about to tell Victor. No one realized just how much
Nathan did know about the Agency, and not just the inner-workings of it either.
Had anyone else known, no doubt one Director or another would have eventually
found a way to get rid of him since the Agency liked to keep their secrets all
to them selves. Nathan was genuinely worried that he might get into trouble;
but he believed that the rewards far outweighed the risks in this case. The
thought of him sitting with Victor for a couple of hours alone in a quiet room,
with both of their heads and bodies close together, further solidified his
decision. "Okay, um, well, the Director has a safe hidden..." Nathan began.
Vic listened intently as Nathan told him everything he knew about the
Director's office and the rest of the building.
"Thanks Nate. I owe you one." Victor grasped Nathan's shoulders with his
large hands and squeezed to emphasize his gratitude, not realizing that he was
actually hurting Nathan slightly.
The reed thin, information man didn't mind though; at least he would be able
to see a bruise and remember how close he had been to his idol. Today's
proceedings would be providing Nathan with jack-off material for several nights
to come. He couldn't wait to go home.
Nathan desperately wanted to tell Vic that all he had to do was give him a
kiss to be even, so that Victor wouldn't 'owe him one' anymore, but he didn't
dare broach the subject. Instead he only said, "Don't mention it... Vic. Just
don't tell anyone what I told you or I'm in big trouble."
Victor smiled and thanked Nathan again. On his way out of the records room,
he wondered why Mac didn't have enough common sense to get on Nathan's good
side. The jittery, eccentric man was a fountain of information. Vic thought
that Nathan was an okay kid; perhaps a little too wrapped in the his belief in
the existence of a 'upper illuminati' and conspiracies, but a good kid
nevertheless.
Had Victor looked back before he left the room, he would have seen the look
of longing and desire on Nathan's face as he watched the agent leave.
Part Fourteen: Consequences and Truths
Victor walked down the long hall and turned the corner. His attention was so
focused in on processing the information that Nathan had given him that he
didn't even see Mac, who was lounging casually behind a cement pillar waiting
for him.
Mac had actually picked the position because he was hidden from
view; he didn't want anyone in the Agency spotting him in the building.
Especially not LiAnne or their the Director.
Victor, with his eyes downcast in thought, walked right by his partner.
Mac smiled slightly and thinking that Vic had seen him, pushed himself away
from his place of concealment, walking behind Victor in an attempt to catch up
to him.
Mac approached his partner from behind almost soundlessly, he had been a
thief for long, that walking softly was an unconscious habit. The fine art of
being a thief depended one's stealthiness. He reached out an arm and when he
caught up to Vic, he grabbed the other man's wrist, saying as he did so, "Hey
Vic wait up. What did Nathan..." Mac never had a chance to complete his
question.
Startled out of his thoughts, all Victor's mind registered was that someone
suddenly had a tight grip on his wrist. He panicked and adrenaline took over
his body by reacting swiftly with violence. Striking out in automatic
retaliation he whirled around and landed a solid blow to Mac's left eye,
knocking his surprised partner down. Victor had his gun drawn and aimed for
right between Mac's eyes before the other agent even realized what had
happened.
"You bastard," Victor, wide eyed, hissed malevolently from between clenched
teeth. "I told you if you ever touched me like that again I'd kill you."
Victor was not seeing Mac his partner; but Jack Douglas, tormentor.
"VICTOR! It's me! Mac!" hollered Mac, suddenly very afraid for his own life.
He could tell that Victor wasn't really seeing him at all. His partner seemed
to be almost 'looking' through him.
Victor froze instantly at the sound of Mac's voice, he blinked his eyes clear
and realized immediately that once again, he had made another gigantic mistake
which involved his poor unsuspecting partner.
Victor knuckled away his vision of Jack. Then he quickly holstered his gun
and dropped to his knees directly in front of Mac.
Mac was only just slightly shaken up from being clocked a good one in the
head by Victor, the stars that he initially saw were already gone from his
sight. But he was very surprised by the fact that Vic, his partner, had almost
shot him dead by momentarily mistaking him for Jack.
"Oh, God. Mac, I'm sorry. So sorry," apologized Victor while he held Mac's
head and gave the rapidly swelling left eye a good looking over. He grabbed
Mac's hand and started to pull the partially dazed agent to his feet.
"What just happened Victor?" Mac asked sharply, unimpressed with being once
again, attacked by Victor.
"What's going on with you?" Mac asked more gently, when Vic's answer wasn't
immediately forthcoming.
"I'm... sorry. It was a... an instinctive reaction type of thing. I... you
came up behind me and caught me off-guard, that's all. You know how it is; we
have the same job." Vic felt terrible about hitting Mac, but he was unwilling
to tell Mac the real reason why he had over-reacted the way he did. He hoped
that Mac would buy his lame excuses.
Mac knew Victor well enough to be able to tell whether he was telling the
truth or not, for the most part. And Mac was fairly certain now that his
partner was lying to him. Only the look on Victor's face that made him hold
his tongue. Mac realized that this was neither the time nor the place to go
into it.
"Come on Vic," He said in a friendly tone. ì Let's go to your place and you
can tell me what Nathan said." Mac was willing to drop the unpleasant topic for
now, but he was determined to get the whole story of what happened to Vic
during the time of his captivity. But it could wait until later on, when they
could talk in private.
"Great. I'll stop on the way home and buy some beer. It's going to be a long
night; Nathan had a lot of interesting things to say." As he fell into step
beside Mac, guilty thoughts still coursed around the inside of his head.
Oh god! I almost shot my best friend! What's happening to me?
The trip back to Victor's apartment was a quiet one; the silence only broken
by an occasional comment by one or the other man. Mostly both were deep into
their own thoughts. Once they were inside Vic's apartment, Vic grabbed a brew
for each of them and handed Mac his, then he put away the beer in his
refrigerator. Victor pulled a single wooden chair from the kitchen into the
living room, and placed it across the coffee table from Mac. He sat in it by
straddling it backwards. Body language spoke volumes, and Mac could see right
now Vic's body was screaming to be left alone. He could see the message as
plain as day even though Victor's face remained expressionless. But instead of
mentioning it, Mac settled himself on the love seat.
Victor took a deep swallow of his beer and started right into what he and
Nathan talked about. "My discussion with Nathan proved to be quite
enlightening. In fact, Nathan was more help than I anticipated."
Mac drank from his own lager and then set his bottle down on the small wooden
table before him. "Yeah? What did the records rat have to say?" Mac grinned at
his own alliteration.
"He's really an okay kid, you know. You shouldn't be such a child and play
pranks on people. Actually, I promised him that you wouldn't pull anymore
stunts if he agreed to type and log your report for you." Vic grinned before
saying, "So do me a favor and wait at least two weeks before you put another
piranha in his water tank." Vic laughed lightly and wished he could have the
same light-hearted outlook on life that Mac had.
Mac laughed aloud as well. "Wellll," Mac drawled, "I'll try, but you know
what they say about the leopard not being able to change his spots. Besides, it
was only a goldfish, not a piranha."
"But I think I like the piranha idea better," Mac quipped after a beat. He
drank some more beer before asking, "Seriously what did he say?"
"Well, he says that the Director does have a safe in her office; it's hidden
behind her collection of Stephen King novels." Mac muttered 'Freaky' at his
comments and Victor agreed. ì Oh yeah isn't it?. Actually Nathan says that
they are decoysó-there are no pages in the books at all. Simply pull them away
from the back of the bookcase and there's her safe." Vic ran his hands through
his hair thinking.
"Anyway, knowing where the safe is, is the easy part; the hard part will be
getting past all the security between the front door and the bookcase without
getting caught. Nathan says that there is no video security monitor in the
office, but that the place is wired for motion and sound."
"Motion and sound hmm.. Well it'll be difficult, but not impossible. It'd
be a lot more helpful if we knew where the sensors were hidden," Mac mused
thoughtfully.
Victor put his bottle down and wiped away the small bit of foam that had
dripped down his chin with the back of his hand. Smiling brightly, he stood up
while still straddling the chair and fished around in the front pocket of his
jeans. When he pulled out his hand, he was holding a small piece of white paper
which had been folded several times.
"Here," he said as he flipped the small white square at Mac, "Nathan gave me
this. It's a scaled down photo copy of the plans showing all the sensors..."
"Yesss! Pay dirt." Mac eagerly unfolded the sheet of paper and began to look
over the floor plan.
"See I told you Nathan was okay. He even gave me a map to the Director's
apartment just in case what we're looking for isn't in her office." Vic,
still standing fished around in his back pocket this time and pulled out
several more pieces of papers. As he tossed them over to Mac he said,
"Directions to her apartment and descriptions of her private safe is and where
the security devices are located . He wrote it all down, just for us."
"By the way," Vic added as an afterthought, "he made me promise to burn those
papers once we had them committed to memory." Vic laughed lightly but Nathan
had been serious on the matter, and Victor could see the merits in getting rid
of the evidence. He too, did not want to leave a paper trail. Especially one
that could lead the Director back to helpful man. Victor beamed down at Mac;
hope, which had been absent for so long now, was finally starting to creep back
into his demeanor.
Mac looked up at Victor. He thought about commenting on the fact that the
only agent Nathan ever did stuff for was Victor, but he decided against it.
Mac actually suspected that Nathan probably had a severe
case of hero-worship happening towards Vic; maybe even a bit of a crush. But
Mac knew that Vic was oblivious to Nathan's feelings.
Just as well all things considering.
Mac unfolded the additional pieces of papers and started to read them. He
was actually impressed with the amount of details that Nathan had managed to
put into them.
Victor sat back down and picked up his beer. It was almost empty so he
drained the last dregs away. "Another?" he questioned Mac.
Mac was busy studying the notes Nathan had provided, he merely mumbled a
simple "sure" in response.
When Vic returned from the kitchen with the beers, Mac looked up from what he
was reading. Excitement glinted his eyes. "Breaking into the office will be
hard, but with the information on these...," Mac flapped the papers in the
air, "...the going will be a whole lot easier. I just wish we knew what kind of
safe the Director has." After a moment, he shrugged his shoulders.
"Doesn't really matter. Whatever it is, I can crack it," he boasted and
began to fold up the papers. He planned to look them over again later in his
own apartment.
Victor, grinning at Mac's enthusiasm, proceeded to finish telling Mac
everything else that Nathan had told him. When he was done talking, Vic sat
back and looked at Mac, waiting for an opinion since he was the expert thief.
It went un-spoken between them that Mac would be in charge of getting them in
and out of the Director's office and apartment-if needed-safely.
They were only really doing what they usually did for the Agency, when
they had to break into some place. Mac, along with LiAnne, would always do the
actual breaking in and entering while Victor provided the extra muscle and
back-up. Each man knew their roles; the only difference between this mission
and the ones before was LiAnne's absence, and that was only due to her
ignorance of what they were up to.
"I'll go over these papers and get back to you later about coming up with a
viable plan. Maybe we should we meet for breakfast?" commented Mac as he
tucked away the papers. Vic nodded in agreement.
Mac watched Victor as he took another swallow of his beer and after a few
seconds of awkward silence on Mac's part, he said hesitantly, "Er, Vic...?"
"Yeah?" Vic replied, Unaware of Mac's uneasiness. However, what he was aware
of, was Mac's swollen and purple eye. The bruised spot glared at him like a
neon sign flashing an warning of 'unstable partner ahead', Victor felt guilty
all over again.
"What?" Victor tore his eyes away from the bruise and when he saw the look
on Mac's face, his heart rate sped up. He had a feeling what was coming and he
had been dreading this moment since the incident in the hallway at the Agency,
and maybe even before that. Victor swallowed hard and told himself to remain
calm. After all, Mac might have something else on him mind all together.
Not with my luck.
"I want to know what happened to you today at the agency. I need to know
why you almost blew a hole in my head," Mac stated calmly.
"It was nothing, I told you. I just had a... a... I mistook you for someone
else for just a split second," Victor blurted out. "You know how it is." Victor
smiled weakly.
"No. No, I don't know how it is. Look Vic, you're having problems; that much
I can tell. You jump every time someone touches you and judging by the circles
under your eyes, you're not sleeping well either. Vic, I'm your friend. YOUR
best friend. You can tell me anything and I'll understand. I promise, nothing
you tell me will go beyond this room. But I have a right to know what happened.
We've been good friends and partners for long enough that I think I've earned
that much after all this time, don't you?"
Victor looked down and rested his head in his hands as he sighed heavily. The
last thing he wanted to do was talk to Mac about Jack Douglas. He had truly
planned on trying to bury the painful events that, even though they had spanned
only a couple of days and nights, they would remain with him for a lifetime.
He no intentions of ever telling either one of his partners the gory facts;
to re-tell them Mac was to relive the experience all over again.
Unfortunately, it looked like Mac was determined to drag the whole story out of
him; sordid detail by sordid detail.
Vic sighed again. Mac did have a right to know, and he had given him that
right when he had briefly thought that Mac was Jack and almost blew his head
off in reaction. Besides, Vic knew that Mac would persist until he eventually
pulled the story out of him.
There would never be a right time to tell him anyway, so it might as well
be now.
"Okay," whispered Vic after a moment. "I'll tell you."
And without looking up, Victor relayed his entire story to Mac. He started
with how he was abducted by Jack; by using drug spray. He went on to talk
about the humiliating experience he had to endure of being forced to urinate
while his captor held his cock. Victor told Mac what it felt like to be
betrayed by his own body, how he hadn't wanted to become aroused at Jack's
invading hands but had been anyway. Victor recounted what Jack had tried doing
to him after that-about how all he could think to do to stop Jack from
masturbating him was to provoke the man's anger, using the only way he could
think of; by smashing the back of his head into Jack's face, breaking his
captors nose. He talked of how Jack had then removed his belt and beat him
within an inch of his life, and how Vic had believed that having the shit
kicked out of him was better than having an orgasm brought about by a
psychopath's hand.
Victor paused to collect himself. He was choking on his admission.
Jesus Christ!
Confessing to Mac was turning out to be a whole lot harder than it had been
telling Mulder. Then again, he no longer had to deal with Mulder, while Mac he
had to see day in and day out. Vic knew that from here on in, everything would
change between him and Mac. From this moment on, every time Mac looked at him
he would see Jack Douglas and the crimes that he had committed against Vic's
body. Swallowing hard, Victor finally looked up to look at Mac, and his eyes
were full of misery, his handsome face conveying the pain that he was
experiencing by the retelling of the incident.
Knowing he wouldn't be able to continue talking while looking at Mac, Victor
hung his head again and concentrated on trying not to let his voice break.
"On my first day in the basement, when I came 'to' for the second time, I
found myself laid out spread-eagle and in four point restraints strapped down
to a steel table. Jack shot me full of heroin. He-he p-p-put a condom
between..." Victor faltered, trying to find the courage to continue. After a
few deep breaths he did. "...between my lips and a needle just below my eye."
Victor with looking up, pointed to the exact spot the syringe had been with his
finger. ìHe threatened to poke my eye out if I didn't do a g-good job."
Tears spilled over from his eyes.
Shit!
A few of the drops landed on Vic's jeans and left tiny circles of dampness.
Vic wiped the ones on his face away with the back of his hand.
Distressed, Victor exclaimed, "He-he f-fucked my mouth, Mac. GOD! He-he made
me give him a blow job! "I...he said things to me-...he intentionally said
things to me that were degrading and humiliating. And by Christ it worked, I
have never felt so..." Victor paused before going on, "He made me feel like
human garbage. Then after a little, while the drugs took over and he didn't
even need to use the needle anymore."
Vic had since ceased in wiping away the free-flowing tears and was using the
back of his hand to wipe at his nose instead. "He called me a whore, Mac. He
was the one who forcibly crammed his dick down my throat and he called ME the
whore? Jack acted like I was the one who asked for it!" Vic shouted, his anger
stark through the tears. "I was powerless to stop it!"
Finally he raised his eyes and looked directly at Mac. "He's ruined me, Mac. I
can't sleep, I can't eat and IóI can't make love. I know because I've tried
all three." Vic went on a little ruefully, "Mulder and I had sex before he
left because he wanted to try and help me to forget; he wanted to let me know
that he still loved me in spite of what happened. But I couldn't make love to
him. All I did was fuck him. Do you understand what I mean, Mac? I was
punishing myself and Jack by getting rough on Mulder. Mulder told me not to
worry about it, but I do Mac. How can I not? I'm numb inside and I don't know
if I'll ever be able to feel again." Victor hung his head and covered his face
with his hands again. "So now you know why I can't stand to be touched... why I
pulled my gun on you."
Victor raised his head; his eyes were red-rimmed but the tears had stopped.
"I'm sorry, Mac. I didn't mean to be such a hard ass, but now can you
understand why I didn't want to tell you? ...Couldn't tell you." Vic implored
hoarsely, "Will you... will you forgive me?"
Mac with one hand covering his mouth, had remainded totally silent throughout
Victor's recounting of his ordeal. Now, not only did he feel guilty for making
Victor tell the story to him, but he was furious at himself for causing so much
anguish to his partner in the first place.
No wonder he's been so tight lipped!
The torment that Jack had put Vic through and the suffering he was going
through now was almost more than Mac could bear himself. A knife had been
twisting in Mac's heart the whole time during the telling of the events, and as
he listened to Vic stammer out the details to his sad story that ultimately
would have no happy ending. His arms ached with wanting to hold Victor close
to him and keep him safe. Always. Mac's heart bled for Victor and he truly
believed that his partner needed him now more than ever before.
"God, Vic,..." Declared Mac, ...There's nothing to forgive. Trust me." Mac
stood up and walked toward Victor, stopping a few feet away from him. He
yearned so very badly to protect his partner from everything and everyone. Mac
wanted to tell him that, but instead, he simply held out his arms to his best
friend.
Victor said nothing, but after a beat, he got up and walked into Mac's
waiting arms and allowed himself to be hugged in the name of friendship.
Mac closed his arms around Victor and squeezed him in a tight embrace. He
wanted this hug to mean so much more than just plain comfort, but he knew that
comfort was all Victor was seeking, so for now Mac contented himself with
providing that for him.
Mac promised himself that he would not only help Victor see his way through
this crisis of self confidence, but that he would continue to be there for him.
And when Vic passed through this dark tunnel and into the light on the other
side, he would be there waiting for him. Mac would bide his time until Victor
came to him of his own free will for something other than comfort. There was
absolutely no doubt in Mac's mind now how he felt about Victor. He loved him.
It was as easy as that. Mac was certain that one day, Victor would come to
feel the same way about him too. He squeezed his partner even tighter and
thought of all the things he would do if anyone, should ever dare to try and
hurt Victor again.
After awhile, Vic patted Mac's back with his hands and then pushed himself
out of his friend's arms. It felt good to hug Mac; Victor felt 'safe' with his
friend by his side, he was relieved that Mac had forgiven him for his previous
transgressions.
Exhausted from lack of sleep and the emotional drain of the last couple of
hours, Vic cleared his throat and said, "Umm, Mac do you mind if we call it a
night? I'm beat, I think I'll take a shower and hit the sack. I've got some
reading I should do." Victor shrugged his shoulders casually. "Who knows,
maybe I'll actually get some sleep tonight.
"Yeah, sure." Mac looked Victor over. "You're sure you're okay now?" He
asked doubtfully. ìAnd you and me? We're all right each other?" Mac was
concerned for Victor, he really didn't want to leave his partner alone to face
the nightmares, but if Vic wanted him to go there was nothing he could do about
it.
"I'm okay now. Really." Victor assured him. "Why don't we meet at the corner
coffee shop for breakfast? We'll come up with a plan together then. I can't
think right now." When he saw the dubious expression on Mac's face, Vic added
hastily, "Don't worry. I'll be okay. If I can't sleep, I'll phone you, I
promise. Okay?"
"All right, I'll go home and run through the stuff Nathan gave us, then I'll
destroy it. Meet you at..." Mac looked at his watch. "...7:30 tomorrow morning
then?"
"Seven thirty it is. Good night, Mac." Victor walked Mac to the door.
Before he left, Mac turned around to face Victor. Reaching up with his right
hand, Mac grasped the back of Vic's head and neck as he stated encouragingly,
"Don't worry Vic, we'll get the Director's home movies back. You'll see." He
smiled reassuringly at Victor; Mac honestly believed his own words. He was
determined to get those tapes back for Vic, come hell or high water.
Victor gave Mac a small half-smile in return and answered simply, "I know."
After Mac turned away to leave, Victor closed and locked the door behind him.
He turned off all the lights before walking toward the bathroom, all the while
wondering how he was going to keep the nightmares at bay for another night.
Part Eleven
Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
ow, that sounds serious," Victor quipped when Mulder greeted him grimly
with the words, 'We need to talk' the minute Vic had walked through his
door. The broad smile that Victor had been wearing slowly dissolved when he
realized that Mulder was serious. He stuck his keys in the pocket of his
well-worn leather jacket before slipping it on the coat rack that stood near
the door. Victor was stalling; he had a feeling that whatever it was that
Mulder was planning to say to him, it was probably not going to be good news.
About leav'in, leav'in me behind
Ohh-Ohh bring it to me
bring your sweet Lovin'
bring it on home to me.
Ohh yeahh.
Till I'm dead and buried in my grave.
Ohhh bring it to me..
bring your sweet lovin'..
bring it on home to me,
Yeahh-Yeahh.
3:00 AM
